Ultimate Paradise

Creative Work => User Based Stories => Topic started by: Jawooooooooooo on 20 June, 2007, 09:32:19 pm



Title: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 20 June, 2007, 09:32:19 pm
yea, pretty much anything you wish to say about my story so far.
Post away.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Killer_Spatula on 20 June, 2007, 09:35:27 pm
It's good, I like it, especially since I was in it :3

Speaking of which, go check out mine :3


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 20 June, 2007, 09:41:34 pm
It's good, I like it, especially since I was in it :3

Speaking of which, go check out mine :3
I have...
I can't tell if im a good guy or a bad guy......


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Killer_Spatula on 20 June, 2007, 09:42:23 pm
Neither.

Everyone is fighting :3


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: sasori1122 on 20 June, 2007, 09:57:59 pm
VERY NICE
Go and check out my story soon too...it is gonna get an update pretty soon...maybe...maybe tonight...but more likely tomorrow


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 20 June, 2007, 11:53:50 pm
Thanks, all.
I might get another chapter in tomorrow, I'll see what happens.
If i do, I will be planning on shedding some light on the origins of the trolls, and I have to wrap up the battle inside the lounge....


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Marie Rose on 21 June, 2007, 08:51:52 am
This is the same story you did on GFaqs, right?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 21 June, 2007, 10:24:41 am
This is the same story you did on GFaqs, right?

Yes, and I will be continuing it here....


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Cube^3 on 21 June, 2007, 10:28:42 am
I like it.

The absence of me is okay, as nobody can truly capture my essence.  ;)


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 21 June, 2007, 10:29:24 am
I like it.

The absence of me is okay, as nobody can truly capture my essence.  ;)

You never asked to be in before.....


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Mad Irish Kid on 21 June, 2007, 12:42:08 pm
Just read it, its really good.  ;D


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 21 June, 2007, 01:06:01 pm
^_^


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: FrozenIndustry on 21 June, 2007, 05:03:50 pm
Yay, it's back! I thought that I'd never see it again after you got banned. It's good to see you again.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 21 June, 2007, 05:32:19 pm
^_^


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: FrozenIndustry on 21 June, 2007, 07:36:24 pm
MOAR STORY NAOW!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Obsidius on 21 June, 2007, 11:48:50 pm
What Lord said.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 22 June, 2007, 02:09:47 am
sorry, i didnt get to it.
I wasn't planning of trying so hard to achieve high scores in the arcade..... ;D

but, it paid off, for I hold to most #1 spots!!!!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: FrozenIndustry on 22 June, 2007, 07:19:51 am
Alright, just start as soon as possible.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: BlueAnnihilator on 22 June, 2007, 11:46:24 am
Like I said before, I love any story with me in a main role. Plus you portrayed me so very well. Absolutely fantastic.  ;D


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: TBizzle on 22 June, 2007, 11:51:22 pm
I will read your story after one of these questions has been answered: Am I in it? If not, can I be in it?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 22 June, 2007, 11:53:52 pm
I will read your story after one of these questions has been answered: Am I in it? If not, can I be in it?


I don't think you are in it......yet.
I suggest you read it, and then come back and ask me how you would like to be added...


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 23 June, 2007, 01:29:00 am
Just added part 1 of chp 6.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 23 June, 2007, 01:40:25 am
and I will probably get some flames for my 2nd part......


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: FrozenIndustry on 23 June, 2007, 06:13:26 am
That's much better. It feels like we're getting close to my possible entry.  ;D


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 23 June, 2007, 11:43:17 am
That's much better. It feels like we're getting close to my possible entry.  ;D
I didn't forget your entry. Ithis event will tie into your intro, but there will be some buildup first....


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Marie Rose on 23 June, 2007, 08:25:36 pm
Just read ch.6 a minute ago (had to do something earlier) Good job d(^_^)b


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: TBizzle on 23 June, 2007, 08:26:53 pm
I wanna be in it!!!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 23 June, 2007, 09:51:45 pm
the chapter isnt done yet.....
you all will find out the reason for the trolls!!!
...and some of you might hate me for it.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 23 June, 2007, 10:45:59 pm
Me in the story = INSTA-WIN!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 23 June, 2007, 10:59:15 pm
Me in the story = INSTA-WIN!

^_^

just to let you know, you'll have more appearances later in the story, and not just as the local doctor.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 23 June, 2007, 11:14:42 pm
More appearance by me = INSTA-GOD!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Dusty Starr on 24 June, 2007, 01:47:58 am
I have yet to read your story jawo, but am I in it?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 24 June, 2007, 11:59:21 am
I have yet to read your story jawo, but am I in it?


...and you are?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 24 June, 2007, 04:04:47 pm
So, everyone ready for part 2 of chp 6?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 24 June, 2007, 04:45:15 pm
Can I say, Awesome?

that's about all I can think of to say.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 24 June, 2007, 04:45:34 pm
So, you like the plot twist?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 24 June, 2007, 04:47:05 pm
Yup.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: TBizzle on 24 June, 2007, 06:35:19 pm
Nice ending to a chapter.  ;D

So when am I in it?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 24 June, 2007, 06:35:38 pm
^.^


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Dusty Starr on 24 June, 2007, 09:00:25 pm
You don't know me, well that makes sense, we nevr really talked and a little while after I came you got banned, or left, I'm not sure witch.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 24 June, 2007, 09:01:59 pm
.....you seem to fit the profile of a certain troll that i detest......
what is your username on GF?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Dusty Starr on 24 June, 2007, 11:48:06 pm
My name is El_Dustino, and I am no troll.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 24 June, 2007, 11:53:36 pm
My name is El_Dustino, and I am no troll.

Ok, now that name sounds a little familliar....
well, enjoy the story then. ^_^


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Dusty Starr on 25 June, 2007, 12:53:58 am
I have read your story and I have to say that it is really good.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: FrozenIndustry on 25 June, 2007, 06:58:22 pm
Amazing plot twist. I would have never thought of it.

Keep up the amazing work!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 26 June, 2007, 08:24:49 pm
*is waiting for more thoughts of the chapter before I continue...*


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: FrozenIndustry on 26 June, 2007, 08:52:02 pm
*is waiting for more thoughts of the chapter before I continue...*

No! Start now!  :P


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 26 June, 2007, 09:04:37 pm
*is waiting for more thoughts of the chapter before I continue...*

No! Start now!  :P
I have a question for you, Agaranok.....
Are there any boards you go to or used to go to at GameFAQs?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: FrozenIndustry on 26 June, 2007, 09:45:21 pm
*is waiting for more thoughts of the chapter before I continue...*

No! Start now!  :P
I have a question for you, Agaranok.....
Are there any boards you go to or used to go to at GameFAQs?

The TP General board, but only for a bit. Why?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 26 June, 2007, 09:57:29 pm
ok, good enough....
we will speak no more of the matter, trust me with this knowledge. ^_^


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: FrozenIndustry on 26 June, 2007, 10:14:59 pm
ok, good enough....
we will speak no more of the matter, trust me with this knowledge. ^_^

Ah, I see what you mean. Don't worry, I will remain silent on the matter.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: LuigiKong on 28 June, 2007, 10:29:03 am
JoshCube: You’ll never catch me, Fooby. Not as long as I’m wearing THESE!!! *puts on red sneakers*
Fooby_Kamikaze: tisk, tisk….. *runs after JoshCube* ….you’re not blue or have spines, moron!!
JoshCube: AAHH!! *runs away*


That made me seriously lol. I hope I make a cameo, but if I don't oh well.

Awesome story though! 10/10.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 28 June, 2007, 07:20:47 pm
RAWR, ME WANT MOAR STOREE NAO!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Killer_Spatula on 29 June, 2007, 08:25:45 am
*gets average of 3 to 4 comments per scene/chapter in my story*

And you are waiting why? >_____>


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 29 June, 2007, 05:07:09 pm
BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!

I'll write some more of my story tonight...


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Killer_Spatula on 29 June, 2007, 09:03:20 pm
I'll go to your story if you go to mine...>_>


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: FrozenIndustry on 29 June, 2007, 09:04:41 pm
*blows open topic door, with COG Lancer Chainsaw Rifle roaring*

MOAR STORY NAOW!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 04 July, 2007, 12:20:42 pm
Sorry for the lack of updates, people.
The good news, however, is that I have finally develloped a semi-plot for my story.

Agaranok, you will be mentioned in next chapter, along with a more clear revelation to the plot.
I will also be writing in a "special" place of GF that most cannot even enter, which ties into you, Agaranok.
I am debating wether or not to include TheMissingLink so soon, as he could be written in as soon as 2 more chapters.


So, this is my heads up, i guess.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Ahriman on 05 July, 2007, 11:49:24 pm
Oh Em Gee I'm gonna be in the next part. >_>


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 05 July, 2007, 11:52:06 pm
Oh Em Gee I'm gonna be in the next part. >_>

yea.
you are in mainly as an "ice-breaker" to Agaranok though, as you two have a slight commonality that I plan to write into the story.
But don't worry, you won't just disappear after this.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Ahriman on 06 July, 2007, 12:35:40 am
Alright then.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: FrozenIndustry on 06 July, 2007, 07:41:14 am
Yay! An update!

As soon as I enter, I'm going to shut up about you not updating, Jawo.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 06 July, 2007, 04:48:51 pm
YAY! MOAR STOREE PLOX!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: TBizzle on 06 July, 2007, 05:05:59 pm
Am I ever gonna be in this?  ???


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: MuteCity421 on 07 July, 2007, 11:08:59 pm
Very nice, and I appreciate me being MMR at that time. Keep up the good work.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 10 July, 2007, 11:24:54 pm
ATTN: ALL MY FANS!!!

Chp. 7, part 2 has been added. Enjoy!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: FrozenIndustry on 11 July, 2007, 02:41:28 pm
MY NAME WAS MENTIONED!

I'll stop bugging you now...


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 11 July, 2007, 10:38:40 pm
JAWOOOOOOOOOOOO when do i get to beat people senseless?


J/K. Take your time. lol, deleted at jawo's request.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 11 July, 2007, 10:42:05 pm
JAWOOOOOOOOOOOO when do i get to beat people senseless?


J/K. Take your time. lol at Tbizzle being a random guy.

SHHH, DONT SPOIL IT FOR HIM!!!!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Ahriman on 11 July, 2007, 11:06:58 pm
<_< @ my position.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 11 July, 2007, 11:07:53 pm
<_< @ my position.

You'll see action, though. trust me.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 12 July, 2007, 02:46:05 pm
Grr, I hate JOO JAWO'! JOOR STOREE ROX!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 12 July, 2007, 02:55:14 pm
Grr, I hate JOO JAWO'! JOOR STOREE ROX!
why do you hate me?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 12 July, 2007, 04:01:17 pm
Because your story rocks?

I'm guessing he thinks yours is better than his.
I'm not saying anything though.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 12 July, 2007, 04:51:32 pm
He has a story?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 12 July, 2007, 10:32:14 pm
Yep.

http://newssbb.smfforfree3.com/index.php/board,35.0.html


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 12 July, 2007, 11:00:08 pm
umm, that's bizzle's story.
I quoted HousecallDoc.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 12 July, 2007, 11:23:40 pm
sorry, I got confused.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: TBizzle on 13 July, 2007, 06:29:27 pm
...

Eh, good enough...


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 17 July, 2007, 01:35:53 pm
added a little more to chp. 8...


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 17 July, 2007, 09:31:24 pm
YAY! MORE STORY! MAKE MORE NAO!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 21 July, 2007, 12:52:01 pm
*has finished chp 8*


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 21 July, 2007, 12:57:52 pm
Woo! Exciting!

I love lounge fights.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 21 July, 2007, 01:10:06 pm
*reads new addition*
YAY!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 21 July, 2007, 02:35:03 pm
Woo! Exciting!

I love lounge fights.

there really wasn't much of one there....


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 22 July, 2007, 07:37:37 pm
Close enough.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 23 July, 2007, 05:54:04 pm
I still can't wait for the next installment!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 23 July, 2007, 05:58:08 pm
I'll get to it soon.
I will be busy establishing my name again in GF as well...


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 23 July, 2007, 06:02:25 pm
'kay.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Ahriman on 24 July, 2007, 01:54:53 am
You could've asked me for TPSBian knowledge, Jawo. >_>


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 24 July, 2007, 09:06:06 am
...lol, so you saw that topic, did you?
meh, I wanted it to be a surprise....


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Izzy fo shizzy on 01 August, 2007, 02:20:22 pm
nice story jawo
I'm in it lol thanx


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Link_Cable on 02 August, 2007, 08:43:46 pm
Nice story Jawo'!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 02 August, 2007, 08:45:30 pm
yay, comments!!!

actually i was thinking of writing more tonight...........im just a little nervous. I have so many ideas i want to get on paper and I dont wanna forget them all....



Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 03 August, 2007, 11:15:43 pm
Just do what I do, write them down in notepad and save them somewhere.
(I'm half-writing a story, it's just ideas at the moment)


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 07 August, 2007, 06:37:03 pm
*has added chp. 9*


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 08 August, 2007, 10:55:41 pm
*goes to read*

Darkblaze expects big fights coming up soon, with a rescue mission in order.
Whoops, I'm making predictions on stories. >_>


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 08 August, 2007, 11:43:28 pm
^_^

I'm not confirming anything....


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Random on 09 August, 2007, 10:55:02 pm
I can't help but notice that the only appearance I've made in this story is a cameo saying something that I never say.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 11 August, 2007, 02:04:28 am
Can't wait for my re-entry into this story.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: sasori1122 on 11 August, 2007, 10:41:17 am
^_^

Good stuff!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 23 August, 2007, 09:46:56 pm
UPDATE. NAO.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 24 August, 2007, 02:13:44 pm
I actually have a very small snip of the next chapter.....


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 24 August, 2007, 02:48:29 pm
Yes!
*reads*

Not good. T_T
The lounge is in trouble.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: FrozenIndustry on 01 September, 2007, 03:04:58 pm
Hey, Jawo. Just to let you know, I've changed into a human-like dark knight instead of a kirby-like form. If it interferes at all with the story, then just keep it in the old way. I'll post a picture of what I look like now soon.

Anyways, it just keeps getting better. I can't wait for the next update.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Random on 03 September, 2007, 09:42:06 pm
"I like pie."


>_>

Am I really that hard to write about?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 04 September, 2007, 12:17:44 am
"I like pie."


>_>

Am I really that hard to write about?
oh, come on. You know very well that the segment was purely for comical reasons.

if i want you to fight, I'll be sure to include your knife-wrenches, ok?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 04 September, 2007, 03:13:49 pm
It's about time my favorite story gets updated!
*reads addition*
Uh-oh. I wonder what's going to happen next.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Killer_Spatula on 05 September, 2007, 06:48:03 pm
I highly appreciate being included in your story, Jawo'. =D

~JudgmentAngel and Adol_the_Red look at each other.
Adol: Uhh, rock-paper-scissors for it?


XD


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Spring-Loaded on 05 September, 2007, 07:02:43 pm
I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....



"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*

'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.

Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'

**Whoever* lifts his foot*

Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'


*Whoever*:".........I just did."

If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 12 September, 2007, 10:10:46 am
Hey, Jawo. Just to let you know, I've changed into a human-like dark knight instead of a kirby-like form. If it interferes at all with the story, then just keep it in the old way. I'll post a picture of what I look like now soon.

Anyways, it just keeps getting better. I can't wait for the next update.
It won't make a difference...
I portray everyone in a human-like fashion, anyway.

I highly appreciate being included in your story, Jawo'. =D

~JudgmentAngel and Adol_the_Red look at each other.
Adol: Uhh, rock-paper-scissors for it?


XD

Yea, I thought that one was worth chuckling over. ^_^

I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....



"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*

'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.

Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'

**Whoever* lifts his foot*

Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'


*Whoever*:".........I just did."

If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.



I.....don't think that will work.... >_>


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Zigzagoon on 14 September, 2007, 06:04:18 pm
>=O!

I look lame... and helpless =(

Oh well.

I lol'd after I said something then it was like

Snaketheserpet: <Is knocked out>

XD


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Spring-Loaded on 14 September, 2007, 10:34:43 pm
Hey, Jawo. Just to let you know, I've changed into a human-like dark knight instead of a kirby-like form. If it interferes at all with the story, then just keep it in the old way. I'll post a picture of what I look like now soon.

Anyways, it just keeps getting better. I can't wait for the next update.
It won't make a difference...
I portray everyone in a human-like fashion, anyway.

I highly appreciate being included in your story, Jawo'. =D

~JudgmentAngel and Adol_the_Red look at each other.
Adol: Uhh, rock-paper-scissors for it?


XD

Yea, I thought that one was worth chuckling over. ^_^

I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....



"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*

'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.

Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'

**Whoever* lifts his foot*

Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'


*Whoever*:".........I just did."

If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.



I.....don't think that will work.... >_>

You're right, it would  :)


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 15 September, 2007, 08:59:35 pm
Finish your work! I wanna find out the plan!


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 25 September, 2007, 01:06:32 pm
sorry, it's just so damn hard to get my idea on paper...
I added another segment to the chapter at least.... :-\


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 25 September, 2007, 07:15:14 pm
Yeah, It can be difficult...

Anyway, someone's gonna end up with a lotta bullets.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 29 September, 2007, 02:21:27 pm
I still love this story! MOAR NAO! (just don't hurt yourself).


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 04 October, 2007, 06:57:40 pm
...Awesome, yet again.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 06 October, 2007, 09:03:44 pm
Lawl, Sasori's a gangster.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Dusty Starr on 26 October, 2007, 12:31:45 pm
I forgot about this, I need to start reading it again.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Marie Rose on 27 October, 2007, 11:19:52 am
Excellent  :P b Man, I haven't commented in a long time


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 08 November, 2007, 04:47:18 pm
Small update?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 08 November, 2007, 04:48:17 pm
Small update?

Very. Basically I just cleaned up some stuff in the chapter and the previous.
I an working on the next one finally though. I figure it's high damn time, huh?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 08 November, 2007, 10:02:50 pm
Sure is.  :P
Lol, Dizi.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 07 January, 2008, 10:25:56 am
Added 6 lines to the story. :P


Sorry for teasing >_<


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Fuuka Yamagishi on 07 January, 2008, 10:28:05 am
Ah, It's ok. You don't get paid for this, and you probably don't have a lot of time to work on it.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 07 January, 2008, 10:29:45 am
True.
I'm finally off work for a couple days, and I've been wanting to update a bunch of stuff.
After I finally added info to my Lounge Bio *hint hint* I did a quick type here.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 08 January, 2008, 09:41:33 am
A few more lines added.

Some deep sh** up in here now...


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Marie Rose on 08 January, 2008, 12:34:41 pm
Hmm? You updated?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 08 January, 2008, 12:39:22 pm
Hmm? You updated?

days off of work make me do crazy stuff....


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Marie Rose on 08 January, 2008, 12:40:57 pm
Ahh, still working huh? Where do you work anyway?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 08 January, 2008, 12:41:46 pm
Ahh, still working huh? Where do you work anyway?

a local Wal-Mart on overnights.
and I intend to STILL work for quite a while, thank you... >_>


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Marie Rose on 08 January, 2008, 12:45:37 pm
I C...


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: sasori1122 on 08 January, 2008, 03:54:52 pm
hopefully you aren't seeking long term employment at Wal-Mart


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 09 January, 2008, 12:24:31 am
hopefully you aren't seeking long term employment at Wal-Mart

....and why not?


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: sasori1122 on 09 January, 2008, 02:05:39 pm
it doesn't pay well enough

and why would you want to work at a Wal Mart your entire life

wouldn't it get very dull

although

should you become a manager, it wouldn't be as bad


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 10 January, 2008, 08:10:02 am
it doesn't pay well enough

and why would you want to work at a Wal Mart your entire life

wouldn't it get very dull

although

should you become a manager, it wouldn't be as bad

I never said I'd like a career out of it, but it's a job that pays money so I'm happy.
I'll worry about 'getting a better job' when I'm ready to buy a house or something....


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc) on 18 January, 2008, 04:55:58 pm
*reads new addition*
 I can't wait for the next.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Spring-Loaded on 22 January, 2008, 09:41:45 pm

I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....



"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*

'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.

Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'

**Whoever* lifts his foot*

Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'


*Whoever*:".........I just did."

If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.



I.....don't think that will work.... >_>


>:U


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Youef on 23 May, 2008, 11:13:41 pm
You used an underscore instead of a dash in my name! >8U

Not that it matters. >_>


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 29 May, 2008, 08:05:25 am
.....sorry.....>_>


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Youef on 29 May, 2008, 03:10:19 pm
It's not really a big deal, so don't bother with apologizing. >_>


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Spring-Loaded on 01 June, 2008, 09:43:46 pm

I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....



"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*

'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.

Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'

**Whoever* lifts his foot*

Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'


*Whoever*:".........I just did."

If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.



I.....don't think that will work.... >_>


>:U


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 02 June, 2008, 09:41:48 am
 ::)


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: 5BASS on 30 April, 2010, 05:16:26 pm
I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....



"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*

'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.

Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'

**Whoever* lifts his foot*

Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'


*Whoever*:".........I just did."

If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.


THIS IS SPRING'S FIRST POST HE EVER MADE ON THIS SITE


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 30 April, 2010, 09:00:15 pm
<_<


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Spring-Loaded on 01 May, 2010, 01:34:47 pm
Not really, sis.


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: sasori1122 on 23 June, 2010, 03:53:59 pm
...hmm...


Title: Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
Post by: Jawooooooooooo on 24 June, 2010, 07:00:06 am
Don't tempt me. I'd be lying if I didn't have some thoughts about trying to squeeze out a little abstract creativity lately.