Print Page - The Something Something Demonic Something Ever

This story takes place in the Sonic Universe, because. I suck at prose. Just wanted to get that off my chest...and the other Sonic characters don't appear in this chapter, so yeah.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 1 – Demonic Conquest

Somewhere very far, far away, in a far, far, universe, in a far, far city, stuff was happening. We open to the glorious city of New York, where a giant scaly blue dragon was wreaking havoc among the residents. Things looked grim as the army was taken out by the creature’s flying leg drop. In the white house, the president was sitting at his desk reading a newspaper when his secretary paged him. “Mr President, we have just received word that New York City is under attack by a giant blue dragon. Yes, this is serious.”

He put down the newspaper and got to his feet. “Change is coming!” In an instant, he took off through the roof and towards New York at the speed of sound. Meanwhile, back in New York, people were running through the streets. Some panicked, some did things you might do if you’re gonna die, and some people corrected others who thought this dragon was a complete ripoff of Godzilla. Just as things looked their worst, the President arrived, whose presence was noticed by the majority of the civilians.

“It’s Da Bama!” One civilian exclaimed.

“Change is here!” Another yelled.

“Wat.” The dragon turned in the direction of the yelling and saw Da Bama approaching him at a fast pace. “Foolish mortals! You cannot hope to stop me!”

“YES WE CAN!” Da Bama shouted as he flew right through the dragon, causing it to explode due to extreme awesomeness. As the civilians who were still left alive cheered, Da Bama landed on top of a building and stood proud as they continued to cheer.

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This comic was being read by a little demon girl called Ivy who was a princess and sitting on a bed. She looked a little older than a kid, but not exactly a teenager. She had pink hair which went down to her shoulders, red eyes, and wore a black gothic\dress with red bat patterns over it. The bed she sat on also had the same styled patterns. Ivy looked at the front of the comic, which was named, “The Awesome Adventures of Supa Bama.” And then flung it to the ground. “I have no idea why Poison reads that crap, it makes no sense!”

Ivy hopped out of bed, and though she would normally be wearing pink pyjamas with bat patterns on it, of course, she wasn’t. She left her room and walked along a long corridor with rooms on both sides, and then into the bathroom.

At that time, Poison was waking up. His room was covered in green, as was his spiky hair. He looked like a young teenager, at least compared to Ivy anyway. He leaped out of bed, performed a flying kick, then a straight punch from another angle, followed by an uppercut before touching the ground. He kept his pose for several moments, and then actually got dressed because he was wearing green pyjamas. His regular clothes were just a black leather jacket with a black shirt which had a green flaming skull on the front.

A little later, Ivy and Poison met Ivy’s dad in the kitchen downstairs. Ivy sat next to her father, while Poison sat on the other side of the table. Ivy’s father had blonde hair and wore black and red spandex with a black cape attached. His name was literally Awesome. “Hey Awesome, could you pass the kewlsauce?” Poison asked.

“Sure thing.” He threw it over his shoulder towards Poison, who caught it from behind his back, passed it to his other hand then poured some on his hotdog. “Oh, you think you got skillz, man, you think you got skillz!” Awesome said.

“Yeah, man, you know how I do!” Poison replied.

“So what are you two going to do today?” Awesome asked as he began reading the daily paper.

“Hey Ivy, have about we go to that kindergarten place and bully the younger demons?” Poison suggested.

“Not fun enough.” Ivy replied.

“How about seeing a movie?”

“Not enough choices.”

“How about killing some random demons in the wilderness?”

“Not good enough for the likes of me.”

“Then let’s visit Amber later today. She’s most likely just watching DNN. It’s amazing how many shows reference that name.”

“I hate that woman.” Ivy pouted.

“Well if you come with me, I’ll kiss the royal foot.”

“R-really?” Ivy said in shock, for she had always wanted someone to kiss the royal foot, but Poison always refused to do so. He nodded, which made her smile. “Okay then, let’s get this over with. We’re taking off now, bye dad.” She waved as she and Poison left. “Remember to keep it cool, Ivy. You’re representing now.” Awesome said.

Ivy and Poison left the large castle and walked through the valley of death, the lava hot springs, and other random places until they reached Amber’s house. After knocking, Poison walked in and heard some noises coming from the bathroom, which was almost as large as a hot spring pool anyway. He entered the large bathroom, but couldn’t see much due to all the steam, and thanks to Amber noticing him before he saw her. She had long red hair which she tied with a blue bow at the back of her neck. “Hey Poison.” She said as he got closer. “What brings you down here?”

“Just dropping by. You seem to have a lot of baths...”

“It’s a waste not to. Care to join me?”

“I’d love to, but I brought Ivy with me.” He said just as she reluctantly walked in but tried not to look at her.

“Well if it isn’t adorable little Ivy-chan.” Amber teased her.

“I’m going to chop off those lips one day.” Ivy responded.

“Just give me a sec to get dressed.” Amber said getting out of the pool, though sadly, Ivy covered Poison’s eyes as she did so.

A little later, they were in Amber’s room. She now wore a flame patterned bikini and panties to match, as well as a black cloak. “So, how are you guys?” Amber asked.

“Meh.” Ivy and Poison both replied as they shrugged in unison.

“So have you developed at all yet, Ivy?” Amber smirked.

“W-what are you trying to say?!? How dare you ask such a foolish question!” She panicked.

“Y’know, developed in terms of personality, because honestly, you’re a douche. Most people hate you, even by demon standards.”

“Those guys are just player hating...” She replied.

“The only reason people don’t make fun of you is because you’re royalty, oh, and your dad’s hot. But regardless, people know you for not being practically good at anything.”

“You lie!” Ivy pointed at her.

Amber put down her finger then continued. “There was that championship Volleyball game, the DFC contest-”

“Don’t forget the Street Fighter championship tournament.” Poison added. “Did you know she doesn’t even like pie?”

“What?!?” Amber couldn’t believe her ears.

“I know! How can you not like pie?”

“Hey! I can do anything I put my mind to!” Ivy said.

“Even conquer a planet?” Amber replied.

“Even that! I’ll conquer earth, and do it in two weeks just to prove you wrong! I shall call it, “The Most Epic Demonic Plan to Conquer Earth!” and it shall be glorious!” She crossed her arms and laughed. “Haaaaahahahahaha!”

Amber turned her attention to Poison and said, “Feel free to drop by anytime being with miss egotistical gets you down.” She then winked at him.

“Will do.” He nodded.

“Oh, and Ivy, if you really feel you’re going to do this, take some spare clothes.” Amber said while handing her a black bag. Ivy took a peek inside. “I seriously think you have a clothing phobia or something...”

Very shortly afterwards, Ivy left to see her dad again, who was still reading the paper, Ivy poked her head in, and then slowly walked up to him. “Hey dad, is it okay if I go conquer earth?”

“Why did you decide to do this all of a sudden?” He asked.

“Well Amber bet me I couldn’t do something, and I despise that woman so-”

“This is about your flat chest complex, isn’t it?”

“N-no! Why do you go and say that out of nowhere?”

Awesome put down the paper, picked up Ivy and put her on his lap. “Ivy, I know you’re stressed out about not developing physically, but your time will come soon. Your mother also had that problem for a while, but I was cool with it, because I could appreciate all women’s natural assets, whether they be melons or cherries. Now your mother has Dat Body, it really makes me wanna put on dem shades whenever she’s around.”

“What you’re saying really creeps me out. Where is mother anyway?”

“She punched out a nuclear bomb yesterday. Don’t worry, she’s getting better, and should be fine again by tomorrow, her and Dat Body.”

“Please stop talking like that.”

“Anyway, I gotta go. I have to meet Dracula later today and chill out. He wants me to hurry before Simon Belmont comes back. Have fun on earth.” He said before taking off.

And so, Ivy and Poison took off a few minutes later in a black ship, the Sega logo glimmering brilliantly on its side. “Hey, I just remembered you haven’t licked the royal foot yet.” Ivy said as they reached outer space.

“I’m too tired right now, I’ll do it later.” He replied.

“Yeah well you better. Now onward to planet earth!” She yelled, raising her hand in the air.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Heaven was a little girl who was aware of the threat soon approaching the earth. She had brown hair tied into pigtails, and wore a typical angel robe. She was using a device which she called her ‘Demondar’, which was like Gaydar, but for demons, and which was suddenly set off as she pointed in earth’s direction. She gasped and quickly got to her feet. “I must do something about this! There isn’t much time!” She ran off towards her house.

A bit later, Ivy and Poison landed in the middle of a street called Normal Street. As she stepped off the ship, she noticed a conveniently empty space between all the houses. She pointed at the space and said, “We need a house, so get to work, robots!” A dozen robots got off the ship with dozens of tools and materials and started building the house at a fast pace.

Poison got off the ship with a boom box. “I think we need some montage music while we wait.” And with that, he turned it on and played music as they worked, though the music was never mentioned. Five minutes later, the robots were done, but worked to the point of exhaustion that a majority of them exploded immediately. “That would have taken ages if not for a montage, plus that music was pretty cool.” Ivy said as she walked towards the house.

“Yeah, and we’ll never use that music again.” Poison nodded. As Ivy entered the house, Poison saw something further up the street.

Two men, dressed in black suits, and wearing cool shades, came dashing down the street. These two men were known as Spring and Floyd, and as you’d expect, one was black and the other was white. They awesomely dodged the few cars which drove by till they got to a large truck coming towards them. The driver turned sideways as he saw them, blocking both roads. Floyd leaped onto the side, ran along it and then flipped backwards as Spring punched through it. After stopping twenty feet in the air, Floyd split a car in half with a downward kick as he landed and then slid all the way to Ivy and Poison’s door while Spring landed there just after punching the truck. As they lighted their cigars, the truck and car suddenly exploded.

Poison had a lot of questions, but asked a rather pointless one. “Was it really necessary to blow up those vehicles?”

“Yes.” Floyd said, putting the cigar in his mouth.

“Well my name is Poison, well actually it isn’t but it’s better than my real name.”

Spring removed the cigar. “My name is Mr. Spring and this is my associate, Mr. Floyd.” He said, gesturing towards him. “We keep things under control down here, otherwise you may get a visit from us, and I don’t think you want that.”

“It would be a shame if he did want that, Mr. Spring.” Floyd nodded.

“A shame indeed, Mr. Floyd.”

“As a visit from us can only lead to going beyond the impossible in ridiculously awesome ways, Mr. Spring.”

“As well as an extreme case of stuff blowing up, Mr. Floyd.”

“But of course, Mr. Spring.” Floyd adjusted his shades.

Ivy came to the door, being obnoxious as usual. “Hey Poison, who the hell are these two fools?”

“Just ignore her.” Poison said to the two men. “She’s just my younger sister, yup. Nothing suspicious here.” He said while hugging her.

“Better keep it that way.” Spring said before flinging his cigar by a nearby postbox, causing it to explode. The two men then left, as awesomely as they arrived.

As Poison closed the door, Ivy started yelling again. “Who the hell were those guys? Why did you say I was your younger sister when you’re totally not worthy? Why did you hug me?”

“Anymore questions?”

“No.” Just then, the doorbell rang; the Sega chime catching Ivy's attention. Ivy sighed as she went to the door. “Who the hell could it be this time?” As she opened the door, she found the young angel standing there. She greeted Ivy immediately. “Hello, my name is Ruby, does a demon live here?”

“You’re not very bright, are you?” Ivy narrowed her eyes at the angel. “Anyway, no demons here.”

“Then why have you got sharp teeth?” Ruby pointed at Ivy’s cute little fangs.

“Birth defect.”

“What about your little wings?”

“Cosplay outfit.”

“What about that tail?” Ruby said, poking it.

“Well, uhh...”

“I knew it! You are a demon! Therefore, I must stop you!” She pointed at her. “I’m going to barge into your house!”

“You can’t do that! At least wipe your feet!” She said while pointing at her sandals. “Oh, excuse my rudeness.” As she began wiping her feet, Ivy closed the door. “Hey! You tricked me! Well I have to go home because we’re having cake, but I’ll be back tomorrow!” The angel then took off down the street.

Ivy let out a sigh of relief and hopped onto the couch where Poison was watching TV. “It’s gonna be a long two weeks...”

“I heard that!” Poison replied.

“What are you watching?”

“The awesome adventures of Supa Bama!"

Ivy sighed once more.

SUM MOAR
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TMEDCE: Chapter 2 - Inevitable Plans of Doom

It was the morning after Ivy and Poison had moved into their new fake home, in the middle of Normal Street. As soon as the sun brightened up the sky, Ivy wasted no time in beginning on her plans. She had built a giant computer in the dark basement, and was planning out her day while wearing her pyjamas. Poison had now awoken, wearing his normal attire. He slid down a rail by the stairs, leaped off and landed a few feet behind Ivy before waving. “Sup?”

“About time you woke up, I have a lot of work to do today.” Ivy replied as she still fiddled about on the computer.

“And what would this entail?” Poison asked.

“Well, I was doing a little bit of research before you woke up. I would have a lot more, but Windows was being a total douche earlier. Anyway, back to my point...” She pressed the Alt + Tab keys on the keyboard, then selected the Microsoft Word 2003 document which displayed some random sentences filled with exclamation marks, and pictures of Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy and Cream. “I copied those pics off the internet, but that’s not the point. There are quite a lot of those anthropomorphic creatures living on this planet, and if I hope to conquer this crappy excuse of the planet, I’ll need to rid the planet of these guys first.”

“Cool.” Poison replied, not seeming to care very much. “Oh, by the way, there’s this girl outside, sneaking around in the bushes.”

“That angel again?” Ivy sighed. “Just turn on the sprinklers.” Ivy said as she threw him a remote.

He did so, and as they turned on, Ruby came running out of the bushes and down the street yelling, “AHH! Attempted clothing damage!”

After a few more moments, Ivy continued. “So as I was saying. I actually tried to track down the hedgehog this morning, but it was just too difficult. The guy moves around way too much, it’s like chasing a spaceship on foot. So I decided it would be easier to go after some of his weaker friends, which in turn would get his attention so he comes to me, where I shall have a death trap waiting for him.” Ivy crossed her arms and laughed maniacally. “Haaaaahahahaha!”

“So who are you going to go after, since you failed to catch that hedgehog?” Poison responded.

“Well that Echidna lives on some floating island, so it’s unnecessary right now.”

“Wait a sec.” Poison said, interrupting her. “How does an island float?”

Ivy shrugged. “How should I know? Anyway, I’ll go after that pink hedgehog and her rabbit friend.” She said, pointing at the picture of Amy and Cream. “I’ll start from the bottom and work my way up. Now let’s get going.” Ivy made her way to the stairs, with Poison following close behind. Ivy quickly got dressed before they set out. They found out Amy had an apartment in Central City using Google maps on the internet, and made their way there using a map Ivy had printed out. Ivy and Poison stood against a wall across the street, with some binoculars.

They stood in these spots, looking in through the windows with the binoculars whenever nobody was walking by. Soon after, Amy left her house and was on her way to meet Cream at a nearby mall, leading Poison to say, “It’s convenient that she decides to meet with that rabbit soon after we started following her, as if it’s part of a plot or something.”

“Shut up, Poison, let’s get moving.” Ivy barrel rolled into a corner and began to follow Amy. They soon arrived outside a mall in Station Square where Cream greeted Amy as she approached her. “Good morning, Amy.”

“Morning, Cream. Are you ready to shop till you drop?”

Ivy, who was watching from across the street on a bench, turned to Poison. “Physically or metaphorically?”

“Possibly the latter.” Poison replied. They quickly followed Amy and Cream into a large mall with a water fountain in the middle of the long corridor ahead, with tons of shops on either side, and escalators in the middle of the long path. Ivy and Poison looked around as they still managed to keep track of Amy and Cream’s whereabouts.

“Whoa!” Poison exclaimed as he looked around. “They got gaming shops! Candy shops! Even a buy it yourself shop!” He said, pointing at a shop called, “Buy It Yourself, cheapass.” Poison gasped as he spotted a food stall nearby. “They even got tacos! Frickin’ tacos, Ivy! I love this place!”

“It’s okay I guess.” Ivy shrugged. “But we have no time for tacos, regardless of that one cartoon I watched as a young girl.”

“You still are a young girl.” Poison pointed out.

“You know what I mean...” Ivy said, narrowing her eyes at him.

As Ivy and Poison were still talking, Amy and Cream had just left a women’s clothing shop when Cream suddenly noticed them and pointed towards them. “Amy, are they following us?” Ivy and Poison noticed Cream pointing at them and immediately ran into a nearby shop as Amy spun round. They arrived at a food court shortly afterwards and still continued to watch Amy and Cream from across the large area.

A familiar looking angel with a fake mustache from a few tables away caught Ivy’s attention, made even more suspicious as she turned away the second Ivy noticed her. While Ivy was staring at the angel, Poison saw Spring and Floyd make their entrance by smashing through a wall and sliding across several tables before landing in two seats at one table near a wall, while one table further away exploded as they sat down.

“I wish I could make things explode with ease.” Poison randomly commented. “I’m gonna go see Spring and Floyd, see ya.” He immediately took off. He leaped over several tables and landed beside them. “Sup?”

They both glanced over at him, and then went back to smoking their cigars. “Ahh, the guy who moved in yesterday with his “younger sister”, right?” Spring replied.

“Yup. May I ask how you make things explode for no reason?”

“Rule of cool, man.” Floyd said as he threw his cigar in a trash can, causing it to explode.

“Makes sense.” Poison said, scratching his forehead.

“So what’s the deal with you and that little girl?” Spring asked.

Floyd nodded. “Inquiring minds want to know.”

“Nothing at all.” Poison shook his head. “Just an older brother and his younger sister.”

“Sounds like a load of bull.” Spring responded. “Wouldn’t you agreed, Mr. Floyd?”

“But of course, Mr. Spring. Look man, nobody on Normal Street is actually normal. There’s this mad scientist that’s creating robot dinosaurs, this crazy woman with dozens of cats that can combine into a giant deformed cat, this loud-mouthed green alien and his dim-witted robot-”

“Robots are awesome.” Poison said, interrupting him.

“Yes, but we still don’t know much about you.”

“Maybe I’ll let you know sometime soon.”

Back at Ivy’s table, she continued to stare at Ruby, while Ruby looked away. This continued for about half a minute before Ivy finally said, “Hey, I know it’s you! I can see the price tag on that mustache!”

“The price tag is still on it?” Ruby pulled it off to check, and fell for Ivy’s tricks once again. She threw the mustache to the ground, got up and walked over to Ivy. “Fine, it is me. I won’t rest until I have defeated you in the name of justice!” She raised her fist into the air.

“FOOL!” Ivy randomly yelled. “Your chance of stopping me is futile! Regardless of your persistence, I shall conquer this planet in two weeks, and beat that stupid vile curvaceous woman once and for all!”

“You want to conquer earth just to win a bet?!?” Ruby was shocked. “That’s just evil! It makes me sick that you would do such a thing!”

“Thank you for the heartwarming comments.” Ivy smirked as she got up. “But your fate has already been decided.”

“What if a fortune teller said I’d live for 50 more years?”

“Then she lied.”

“But fortune tellers can’t lie.”

“Well she did.”

“How do you know?”

Ivy scratched her forehead. “Uhh, umm...because! That’s why!”

“Well you’re a bad demon, and I’m a good person, so I shall triumph over the forces of darkness!” Ruby yelled as she pointed at her. “I will expose you for the awful demon that you are!”

They both suddenly heard a voice cry out, “Hey! Stop making fun of that girl’s demon cosplay!” This made Ivy grin back at Ruby and in turn made Ruby glare back at her.

“See, Ruby? People are too stupid to see what’s in front of their eyes, or they just don’t care. This makes my job all the more easier.” Ivy’s evil aura shun brilliantly, like the SEGA logo on her ship, as she gloated even more. “You will regret the day you meddled in my business, foolish angel!”

“It’s like you just went into maximum villain mode or something...” Ruby pointed out.

“Yes.” She nodded. “Now watch as I escape from your grasp in an epic chase scene.” And with that, she ran out of the food court, while Ruby chased her.

Ivy epically ran down a crowded hall, dodging the unaware civilians in the way. She soon epically tripped one, which Ruby saw as she epically gave chase, and grabbed the civilian by the collar and dropped them on their feet before taking off. Ivy epically burst through the exit, equipped with her trusty scythe, and then began slashing cars out of the way as she crossed the roads, while Ruby grabbed the ones thrown into the air and epically placed them safely on the ground. Ivy grinned as she ran down another street, thinking she had lost Ruby in all that commotion. To her surprise, she turned around to see Ruby helping an old woman cross the road further down the street. “I feel as if she’s secretly mocking me...” Ivy said, seeming somewhat agitated.

After helping the woman across and waving her goodbye, Ruby charged at Ivy again, who turned a corner as she saw the angel coming. As Ruby turned the same corner, she had lost sight of Ivy, and spotted a black ninja with the Sonic Adventure 2 logo on his chest, who went by the name, SA2. “Excuse me; have you seen a little girl go by here? Pink hair, black dress, huge ego?”

“Did she mention an epic chase scene?”

“Yes! That’s her! Did you see her?” Ruby hopped up and down as she anticipated his answer.

“Nope, I just like epic chase scenes, though I think I just saw someone of that description entering the train station.” He said, pointing behind her.

She thanked him and took off towards the train station where she saw Ivy jump over a ticket gate and run down some stairs. Ruby instead decided to pay, and took quite a while finding her wallet. Ivy arrived at the right spot and waited for the train. Soon enough, Ruby showed up and made her way towards Ivy, but before she could get close enough, a train passed by, which Ivy grabbed onto the side as she yelled, “Epic!”

Ruby flew down the train tracks, in hot pursuit after the train as Ivy stood atop it. “Damn it!” Ivy exclaimed as she spotted her. “I gotta get this kid off my back! It’s time to use it...” Ivy leaped forward with her scythe and swung at the front of the train, knocking the front of the train onto the other set of rails, and then she kicked it in Ruby’s direction.

“Hey, isn’t that?” Ruby clicked on as she saw the train coming towards her, her eyes wide in shock as a bead of sweat rolled down her forehead. “Multi track drifting!” Ruby immediately stopped and held the train back until it properly stopped. Ivy, who was still watching, then said, “Wow, Poison was right, multi track drifting is actually kind of cool...” She then made her escape as Ruby fixed the train, who sighed because she had no choice but to let Ivy escape.

Ivy returned to her house ten minutes later to find Poison already sitting on the couch, watching television. “Where did you go?” Ivy asked as she sat down.

“Talked with Spring and Floyd for a bit, had some tacos, and then left. I hope the whole two weeks will be this awesome.”

“I had a run in with that angel. She really grinds my gears; anyway, I’m gonna go make some device to communicate with my parents, so I’ll be back later.” She got up and left the room as she finished.

Meanwhile, Ruby was fined for attempting to kill the passengers on the train and the damaged cars in the streets. She tried to explain that a demon girl had done all that, but sadly, nobody seemed to believe her. She paid off the fine by doing some community service, which took so long that when she got home all the cake was gone. In regards to her mentality, this was pretty depressing for her. “I hate that demon...”

Been a while since I updated.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 3 – The Base of Doom

The day this happened to take place on is unimportant, and considered to have little meaning towards the 2 week time limit. Inside of G.U.N HQ, it was busier than usual because a lot of bizarre things had been happening to their soldiers. One man sat behind a computer stood up and exclaimed, “Commander! We get signal!” The Commander, who was the same one from the Shadow the Hedgehog game, neglected whatever he was previously doing and spun round with a shocked expression on his face. “What’d you say?”

“Should I patch the link through to the main screen?” SA2 asked. The Commander nodded. SA2 did so as he said, “Main screen turn on.”

“Damn it, SA2, I told you to stop saying that!”

“It’s a habit.”

The transmission suddenly appeared on the big screen in front of everyone, displaying none other than Ivy and Poison in their basement. Poison sat further back by the computer, reading a comic book while Ivy stood facing her audience. “Hello there, this is your enemy, Ivy, or as some people call me, “That cute demon cosplay girl.” How are you gentlemen? All your base are belong to me.”

“Us.” Poison corrected her as he kept reading. “Whatever.” She replied before continuing. “Anyway, you have no chance to survive, make your time.” She crossed her arms and laughed. “Haaaaahahahahaha!”

“That laugh is lame.” Poison responded, though Ivy just ignored this as she went on. “I have kidnapped some of your soldiers and forced them to become part of my army.” She then frowned. “Sadly none of them would kiss the royal foot...” Poison lowered the comic and glanced over at her before commenting, “Nobody ever does.” She ignored him once again. “So as I was saying, I built a base recently, and if you want your soldiers back then come find me. The base is located at 123 Fake Street, and you have exactly 2 hours before I detonate the place myself, good luck.”

“That was kinda dumb, considering soldiers are quite like redshirts, so they could just get more.” Poison said as the transmission ended. Ivy spun round to face him. “Are you just going to sit there and take petty shots at me all day?” Poison dropped the comic, looked Ivy right in the eye and nodded. “Yes, Ivy, yes I will.”

Back at the HQ, the Commander, being forced with a new threat being a little girl, and having dozens of his soldiers kidnapped from under his nose, was furious. He rallied out the troops as soon as possible and they made their way over to Fake Street. A little later Ruby just happened to be walking past Ivy’s house, which she does quite often given the circumstances, and overheard about the soldiers at the base. As expected, she wasted no time and made her way towards the base.

Meanwhile, Ivy was in the basement, contacting her dad. “Hey dad.” She waved as his face appeared on the screen. “How’s Mom?”

“She’s much better now. So how are things going down there?”

“It’s okay so far, there have been a few problems here and there but nothing serious to worry about.”

“You should know world conquest is never easy. I remember when I once visited an Amazon planet about two centuries ago before I met your mother, I was really eager to take over and rule as King, but the Easter bunny was there and he was straight tripping. Long story short, there was an epic fight, which raged on for about a week, and then the amazons were impressed by our strength, determination and vitality so we had even more fun right after that for several weeks. Now me and the Easter bunny are good friends, so the moral of the story is, always remember you’re representing.”

Ivy scratched her forehead in confusion. “I don’t think representing had anything to do with what you just told me...”

Meanwhile, Ruby had now arrived at the base, which had the word, “Doom.” Spray painted on the sides for some reason. She entered the dark base to find a large room with a reception desk ahead of her and two lifts, as well as stairs to the left and right. She decided to take the lift, because that’s just what people do in an empty base built by a demon. There was a monitor in the corner of the lift, which came to life as the doors closed. Ivy sighed after realising who it was. “You again? Listen kid, I’m busy so I can’t play tag with you today, alright?”

“That won’t stop me from kicking your butt!” Ruby exclaimed, pointing at the monitor.

“Oh, it won’t will it?” Ivy grinned. “Foolish angel, you have no idea of the impossible obstacles that lie ahead of you, to even dream of making it through is inconceivable for a pathetic weakling such as yourself! Prepare to be owned, moron!” As she finished, the doors opened, and ahead of her was a narrow path leading to several metal staircases. She moved at a slow pace while occasionally hearing noises. As she reached the staircase going up, suddenly dozens of spiders began crawling down the walls towards her. She gasped. “Spiders!” She gasped again after seeing they had black wings, tails, and sharp fangs. “Demonic spiders! Even though that makes no sense!”

Ruby opened up her inventory and equipped herself with a two sided spear, and jabbed the first spider to land beside her, sending it to its death as it cried out in pain. She spread her wings and flew up at the spiders, whacking her way through the crowd and into several others. The leader of these spiders was high above and bigger than the rest. As Ruby approached him, it threw a web net at her, which she cut through before saying, “It almost hit me in the face with that thick sticky white stuff!” Before it could attack again, Ruby kicked it to the side and made it through.

Ivy was stunned at what had just happened, which Poison had also seen as he approached her. “What’s up? I heard Ruby went to your base.”

“Yeah, and she’s made it further than expected, but not for much longer.”

Ruby entered a second lift, where Ivy began speaking to her again on the monitor. “That was nothing, you just got lucky. It won’t happen again.” Shortly after she finished, Ruby arrived at the next floor which seemed to be a toy store. After leaving the lift, she thought she saw a ninja run by her, but ignored it and moved on. She then saw a pirate just ahead and hid behind a shelf as he glanced in her direction. But sadly, the ninja had already noticed her and threw a kunai which missed her head by an inch as she ducked.

She then somersaulted out the way as the ninja hit the bookcase with a downward kick. The pirate came charging towards them, and although she was capable of fighting them both, she ran around the floor instead with them chasing her. She reached a dead end and spun round to see the two of them closing in on her. “Hold on a minute!” She yelled. “Why are a ninja and pirate working together? Aren’t you guys mortal enemies?”

A speakerbox nearby suddenly switched on. “Don’t listen to her, she speaks lies! Lies, I tell ya!”

“It’s true! I even got a copy of Pirates vs. Ninjas issue #7!” She stated as she took it out.

Poison gasped. “Pirates vs. Ninjas? I love that comic! Especially those awesome wallpapers in the middle of the books.”

“Those wallpapers are some of the best I’ve ever seen!” Ruby replied.

“Same here!” Poison responded. Ivy expressed her aggravation by putting her palm to her forehead. At that point, the pirate and ninja realised the truth and began their fight while Ruby left unnoticed, causing Ivy to sigh once again. “I wasted a lot of my time making sure those two had no books or internet to inform them they were mortal enemies, but that’s no longer the case...”

As Ruby entered the third lift, Ivy appeared once again on the monitor. “You provided two fighters with information I did not want, well done. But this is where your journey ends, goodbye.” Suddenly, the lift dropped, and Ruby quickly realised this, smashing through the top with her spear and climbing out before the lift hit the bottom, exploding upon impact. Ruby then flew to the floor above which was like a large warehouse, where soldiers with guns were walking around with pink television sets on their heads, which Ruby assumed were the mind control devises. Ruby easily freed the soldiers by removing the helmets while stopping the bullets fired at her with her inherited psychic powers.

As she finished, a large deformed pink blob with several rows of sharp teeth and a dozen tentacles suddenly came out of nowhere and landed 20 feet in front of her. Ivy smiled as this happened. “She may have saved the soldiers, but let’s see her beat my beloved pet, Nookie.”

“Didn’t your mom want you to get rid of that?” Posion asked.

“Yes. Now let’s never speak of where I was keeping him.”

Back at the scene, Nookie launched several tentacles at Ruby, who somersaulted and flipped over them until one grabbed her leg and knocked the spear out of her hand. Ruby struggled to her herself, but it was useless. “I can’t get eaten by this monster! I have to get back home for cake!” Nookie took this opportunity to reach under her robe and move two tentacles to that region which Ruby wasn’t happy about. “Hey! W-what are you doing? No, not there!”

Ivy was still watching in glee while Poison stared at her curiously. After a few moments, she quickly turned to him and yelled, “Don’t you dare judge me!”

Ruby managed to grab her spear using the force and stabbed the two tentacles, making the creature jerk back. It attacked again, with Ruby whacking away its tentacles and kicking it in the face, and then punching it into a wall. Ruby then blasted through its tentacles and unleashed a series of punches and kicks upon the monster, making it unable to defend itself.

Ivy couldn’t believe her eyes. “I can’t believe my eyes! How is she doing this?”

“I think that’s what they call, “Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass.” If I recall correctly.”

“No, not yet.”

“She just ripped off two tentacles and is now beating that monster with them...and now she’s ripped off one of its front teeth and slashed Nookie across the face. For an angel, this girl is ****.”

Ivy got to her feet. “That’s it! I’m ending this myself! Ivy grabbed the black bag Amber had given her.

“What’s in there?” Poison asked.

“A somewhat skimpy battle outfit. Amber said she wore it as a little girl, and it’d be perfect for me.”

“Amber as a little girl...” He smiled as he thought about it.

“You know, that technically makes you a lolicon, right?”

Back at the scene, Ruby had finished beating the crap out of Nookie and calmed down. She then heard a voice from above cry out. “Foolish angel, I shall be your opponent!” Ivy slowly hovered down wearing a black leather bodysuit with a pleated belt and a black cape.

“Nice outfit, but you really should cover those legs.” Ruby commented.

“Shut up!” Ivy said without hesitation. “You come into my base, free my soldiers, turn my fighters against each other, and even beat up my beloved pet! Now I’ll kill you myself! Consider this a privilege that you get to face the great demon princess known throughout the galaxy, Ivy McBadass!”

“I’ve never heard of you.” Ivy was shocked by this before Ruby continued. “And your surname is McBadass? That’s pretty cool.”

“Indeed.” Ivy nodded. “But now it’s time we fight!”

“Super Mario Bros. Z style fight?”

“Whoa! Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves.” Ivy took out her scythe and charged at Ruby, who did the same. Ivy swung wildly at Ruby, who evaded her swings by hopping back then whacked her scythe out the way and hit her with a back kick. Ivy quickly got through her defence and interrupted her combo with an open palm, knocking Ruby into a few barrels further back. Ivy leaped up and prepared to impale Ruby, who jumped out the way after surprisingly leaving a mine. Ivy hit it, causing the barrels to explode and sending her flying across the room.

Ruby charged at her and performed a sliding sweep which Ivy flipped over and fired an energy wave from her scythe that Ruby blocked. The second Ruby tried to attack; Ivy knocked her down with a hadoken, followed by a flying kick which was intercepted by Ruby’s shoryuken. After taking two more punches, Ivy dodged her third punch and hit her with a spinning bird kick, to which Ruby retaliated with a cannon spike.

While this went on, Poison turned to a nonexistent camera and said, “This fight was sponsored by Street Fighter IV.”

As Ruby tried to punch her, Ivy flew up, with Ruby quickly pursuing her, but was quickly hit by Ivy’s fiery kick and knocked onto a metal banister. Ivy landed on the rail beside it and began slashing at Ruby who ran along the path, sliding under and hopping over her swings before roundhouse kicking her in the face. Ivy punched her off the edge, but Ruby grabbed the edge and swung round to kick her from the other side while tackling her as she fell. Ivy kicked her away as they touched the ground and managed to chop Ruby’s spear in half with one of her swings.

Ruby blocked her scythe with one part then jabbed her in the face with the other. Then she hopped over another swing and hit her across the face with both parts. As Ivy swung again, Ruby ducked and jabbed her several times in the chest before kicking her back. Ivy leaped up and was hit by one part while Ruby threw the second as she landed, but as she blocked the second, Ruby hit her over the head with the first part and kicked her back again.

Seeing that she couldn’t beat Ruby like this, she decided to leave. “I admit, you’re not as weak as I thought, but this is far from over. You got lucky.” Ivy quickly picked up what was left of Nookie and left just as mysteriously as she entered. Seeing no other choice, Ruby backtracked towards the entrance of the base.

Meanwhile, Ivy arrived back at the house and went down to the basement. Poison waved as she arrived. “I saw your fight, and how you ran off when you were losing.”

“Whatever.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It was quite even for the majority of it, but the second you chopped that double sided spear in half, it truly became a one sided fight.”

“Well she may have won the battle, but I’ll win the war.” She smiled as she pulled out a remote.

“What’s that?” Poison asked.

“You forgot already? I can detonate the base at any moment, remember?” And she did so, resulting in an explosion big enough to be seen from the outside window which they both watched.

MOAR
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TMEDCE: Chapter 4 – Rock ‘Em and Sock ‘Em

It was the next day, and things were still as abnormal as ever. Ivy was still being a brat, Poison didn’t care enough to be involved in her plans, Spring and Floyd made random appearances to blow things up in cool ways, same old, same old. Ivy sat on the couch in the living room, eating a bowl of cereal and watching Happy Tree Friends, which she got into due to the excessive gore involving cute furry animals. Poison heard the faint sound of letters being delivered and went to collect them. “Hey Ivy, we got space mail, from space!”

Ivy gasped at such a discovery. “From space?!? Even those giant crabs on planet Uashol don’t get space mail yet! Who are they from?”

“Well, here’s one from your dad.” Poison opened it and began to read it out loud. “Hope you’re having a good time on earth, you two. Try to watch out from dem haters, as they don’t play like as representers do. And Poison, I’m counting on you to protect my little girl as her servant, remember, I’ve still got four unopened cans of whoopass in my fridge, and I’d hate to have to use one on you.” After an awkward silence, he moved on. “Here’s one from Amber. Be sure to get more milk in your diet, Ivy, love Amber.”

Ivy clicked on after a few seconds. “Hey wait; she’s making fun of me again, isn’t she? When I get back, I’m gonna stick my scythe so far up her-”

“Moving on, here’s one from your mother.” This caught Ivy’s attention. “Hope you’re having a fun world conquest. You’ll be receiving a present today.” Ivy dropped her bowl. “A present?” In a flash, she ran up to Poison and yelled, “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!” As she grabbed the letter. “Hey! There’s nothing in here!”

“I think she meant later today.”

“Ahh, well let’s go do stuff in the meantime.”

“What stuff?”

Ivy shrugged. “I dunno. Just stuff. Let’s go.”

And so Ivy and Poison left, to do stuff, which involved visiting certain landmarks and eating hotdogs, but Ivy didn’t have ketchup because it made her tongue burn for some reason. As they were walking through a park, Ivy spotted a girl just further ahead, sitting on a bench reading a newspaper. She wore a brown trenchcoat, a brown hat and grey mustache, all of this which she could tell was fake because of how short she was. Expressing her surprise, Ivy pointed at her and yelled, “You again?!? I thought I killed you!”

Ruby, knowing she couldn’t pull off the disguise any longer, removed it and got to her feet. “I got better.” She responded.

“So why are you stalking me? I haven’t even done anything yet!”

“Yet?”

“Yes, yet. And you’d never be able to stop me.”

They both glared at each other until Poison walked over and waved at Ruby. “Hey Ruby.” Ruby broke off the serious tension and smiled at Poison as she waved. “Hi Poison.” She quickly went back to glaring at Ivy again, who then suddenly said, “Since you like getting involved in my business so much, I have decided that you will be my rival!”She declared proudly.

“But what if I don’t wanna be your rival?”

“Too bad! Now except your fate as my rival!”

“Aww...” Ruby frowned.

Just then, a group of five girls approached the three of them, gaining their attention at once. They wore skirts and t-shirts which matched their particular chosen identities, with a different letter on each t-shirt. They wore thin open sweaters over them, and had different hair colours. One girl with red hair had a red skirt and t-shirt with a ‘T’ on it. A girl with blue hair had a ‘Y’ on her t-shirt, the blond haired girl had a ‘D’ on her shirt, and she was Chinese despite the hair colour. A green haired girl had a ‘K’ on her t-shirt, and the last girl, who was black, had a ‘B’ on her t-shirt. They introduced themselves. “We are the loli rangers!” They said in unison, leaving the three utterly confused.

The red haired girl then spoke. “Do you know where we could find Poison and Ivy?” she asked Ivy.

“You’re speaking to them, and by the way, it’s Ivy and Poison.” Ivy replied, narrowing her eyes at her.

“That’s not what the punny name chart says...” She replied as he looked closely at her chart. “But that’s not important. We must defeat you and bring you in! I-it’s not like I want to do this or anything...”

“Defeat me? And who is forcing you to do such a thing?”

“This woman who wants us to refer to her as ‘Hawt’.”

Poison nodded. “Ahh, Hawt McBadass, Ivy’s mom.”

“Your family has strange names.” Ruby commented, which Ivy ignored.

The red haired girl stepped forward. “Yes. We will defeat you, Ivy McBadass, and bring you in immediately, and then-” She stopped when she noticed Ivy and Ruby were currently arguing with each other. “Hey! You’re not even listening!”

Loli Black chuckled at this. “Dayum, Loli Red got blanked!”

“S-shut up, baka!”

Loli Green tapped Loli Red on the shoulder and said. “I believe we should let the angel and demon solve their dispute, and then take action once they are finished.” She said with no emotion whatsoever.

Just then, Ivy punched Ruby, sending her flying into a bench and shocking half the people who happened to be nearby. Ruby quickly got up and tackled Ivy, they both rolled around the place punching each other until Ruby threw Ivy at a fountain, who recovered in midair and flipped upright just as Ruby hit her with a flying kick. Ruby dropped down and attempted to hit her with a cannon spike, but missed and was hit by Ivy’s flaming shoryuken. As Ruby got up, Ivy fired multiple hadokens at her; Ruby blocked the first while being hit by the second. Ruby flipped over the next one and hit her with a flying kick, followed by a vertical hurricane kick.

The Loli Rangers quietly watched with anticipation and amazement from the sidelines. Poison, who was eating some popcorn, turned to them and said, “This fight is sponsored by Street Fighter IV, you know.” Poison ate another handful of popcorn, as did Loli Black. He then said, “You know what this needs, toffee and more sugar.”

Loli Black bro fisted Poison as she said, “Yeaaaaaah boi!”

Ivy and Ruby’s fight caught their attention again as they clashed once more and created a huge crater from the impact, then moved around at extreme speeds, punching each other into objects around the place. Two civilians were watching this, and then one turned to the other and said, “These cosplayers are really going all out this year, huh?”

Ivy and Ruby stopped their battle moments later, resulting in a long period of silence before Ivy pointed at her. “Foolish angel! You cannot hope to comprehend my full power!”

“Oh yeah? Well your giant ego makes your power look really miniscule!”

Ivy gasped and took a step back, as she couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but she didn’t actually say that this time. “Blasphemy! You enrage me, so we shall finish our epic battle!” She suddenly lowered her voice. “But not now, because I have to go to the bathroom to tinkle...”

“That seemed pretty unusual, coming out of your mouth.” Poison pointed out.

“Whatever. Anyway, foolish angel, we will fight at 5pm this evening, and it shall be to the death!” She raised a finger into the air, just before Poison whispered something in her ear. “And we shall battle in giant robots!”

Ruby hopped up and down for a few seconds, clearly excited. “Ooh! I love giant robot fights! I accept your challenge!”

Loli Red sighed as she continued watching. “Why must they continue to completely ignore us and not even acknowledge our presence?”

“It’s because their rivalry is clearly guiding their current choices, Tsundere-chan.” Loli Green replied.

“Stop making passes at Loli Red, Kuudere-chan!” Loli Blue exclaimed. “Or I’ll kill you to death!”

Loli Yellow noticed Ivy and Ruby were gone and pointed this out in Japanese, which nobody understood, and then she said that Poison was still here as she pointed to him, again in Japanese. The five of them assumed a fighting stance as Loli Red spoke. “You there, i-it’s not like I want you hurt you or anything, but you will tell us where the demon princess went, before we have to get serious!”

“Didn’t you hear? She went to the bathroom, and then is going to build a giant robot. Plus, regardless of how many of you there is, you can’t beat me.”

“And why is that?”

Poison pulled out a wide glowing green sword and ran straight past the five of them while swinging his blade, the speed of his swing being enough to lift up the skirts of the lolis except for Loli Black who he purposely missed. They desperately held down their skirts as they noticed this, while Poison nodded at Loli Black and said, “See ya later, dude.”

“Keep it real, man.” Loli Black replied, nodding back at him. Poison quickly took off, leaving the four enraged lolis.

Meanwhile, considering that Ivy could just easily acquire the tools for building a giant robot from her parents, Ruby was clearly worried as she did not have access to such tools. After a little thinking, she decided to visit one of the few people around actually capable of building a giant robot within a few hours, maybe, Miles “Tails” Prower. Ruby ran into the lab, yelling about the events leading up to this point. “You’re Tails, right? I need your help! I’m an angel, and there’s this demon girl, and she’s pure evil and wants to take over the planet! So we fought, and now she wants to fight in giant robots but I don’t have a giant robot and can’t make one in a few hours so I need your help!”

“Uhh, okay?” Tails scratched his forehead, clearly confused by what Ruby was saying. “But are you really an angel?”

“Yes! Just look at the wings!” She flapped her white wings while pointing at them.

“Ahh...”

In order to slightly shorten the length of this long-ass chapter, a few hours later, Ruby’s giant robot was ready, and was that of a blue rock ‘em sock ‘em robot. Ruby gasped in amazement as she stared up at the glorious robot and shed a tear at the sight. “It’s beautiful...”

Tails nodded. “It sure is!” He glanced over at Ruby again. “So you’re really an angel?”

“Yes! The wings! Look!” She flapped them again.

In the middle of the city, Ivy stomped through the streets in a red rock ‘em sock ‘em robot, awaiting the arrival of her self-appointed rival. Ruby finally showed up in the blue rock ‘em sock ‘em minutes later, and held her ground further away from Ivy’s robot. Ivy grinned as Ruby showed up. “Finally, the time has come; now let us start this robot battle!” With a random crazy-ass battle cry, Ivy charged at her and punched her into a building. Ruby made sure not to flatten other civilians before charging at Ivy and kicking her into another nearby building. Ivy quickly hit Ruby with a psycho crusher, to which Ruby retaliated with the knee of justice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nX2Uqnc7v9I

Poison, standing by a ship, was watching from a rooftop far away and turned to a non-existent camera before saying, “You should know this already.” In another spot, the Loli Rangers made their way to the top of one building and witnessed the fight taking place. Loli Red seemed unfazed by what she was witnessing, and immediately exclaimed, “Come on, guys, its morphing time!” As the theme began playing, Loli Red touched her red watch, materializing a red spandex suit onto herself, along with a red helmet complete with a bow as she yelled, “Tsundere-chan!”

Loli Green did the same as she calmly said, “Kuudere-chan.” Loli Blue followed suit as she yelled, “Yandere-chan!” Then surprisingly, Loli Yellow normally said, “Dojikuo-chan.” And finally, Loli Black who exclaimed, “Badass-chan!” As they finished, they united their multicoloured watches and called forth Robo Magical Girl, Moe-chan, which was formed using the five parts the girls owned. Kuudere-chan’s part formed the two green arms; Yandere-chan’s formed the two blue legs, Badass-chan formed the black torso, Tsundere-chan formed the red head, and Dojikui-chan’s final part made a mechanical staff which Moe-chan grabbed as it landed in the middle of the street, shortly before the five girls hopped into the cockpit.

Ivy took a simple look at Moe-chan and turned to Ruby. “Foolish angel, we may need to quickly put aside our differences and stop these random strangers.”

“We’re not random and strangers!” Tsundere-chan responded.

Ruby ignored them as she responded to Ivy’s comment. “Oh! I’ve seen this in comics and TV shows, where the hero and the villain put aside their differences, and work together to take down a threat more powerful than themselves!”

“Yeah, sure, whatever, but this is the last time we shall work together, foolish angel.”

“My name is Ruby, please remember it. Now let’s kick ass!” Ivy and Ruby’s robots charged at Moe-chan. Ivy did a sliding kick as she slid by, missing Moe-chan as it jumped while Ruby attacked with a flying punch which Moe-chan also evaded. As the two robots turned around, Moe-chan closelined them and began climbing towards the top building. After reaching the top and preparing to pounce on them, Ivy’s robot suddenly picked up a giant steel chair and smacked Moe-chan with it, at which point Ruby hit Moe-chan with a frog splash.

After a lot more wrestling moves, Ruby and Moe-chan had a brief fist fight, resulting in Ruby’s rock ‘em sock ‘em robot’s head being knocked clean off. Ivy was in shock, due to losing a rival and to a group of people she just met ten minutes ago. She launched an energy blast full of rage, but Moe-chan absorbed it using its staff, whacked Ivy’s robot over the head with it, and then suplexed the robot, finally taking her down. Just when things looked their worst, Spring and Floyd suddenly showed up, saw the amount of chaos going on around them, and then adjusted their shades.

“Let’s do this, Mr. Floyd.” Spring nodded.

“But of course, Mr. Spring.” Floyd nodded back.

The two dashed towards Moe-chan, who didn’t spot them until it was punched through several buildings. Moe-chan tried to attack back, but was unable to keep up with their speed, as they soon hit Moe-chan with an uppercut that sent it flying back 50 feet. As Moe-chan hit the ground, there was silence, and then nothing. From within the cockpit, Loli Black finally said, “Dayum, those guys got skillz!”

Loli Red then breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m just glad we didn’t e-” Without warning, Moe-chan suddenly exploded, levelling several city blocks in the process. Spring and Floyd noticed Poison far in the distance and nodded to him, while he put on shades before nodding back at them. The two then took off just as Ivy and Ruby climbed out from the robots. Ivy scratched her forehead. “So is that it?”

Ruby shrugged. “I guess so.” She then smiled. “Well at least nothing bad happened to me this time.” After a period of silence, she was suddenly crushed as Moe-chan’s head fell on her.

TMEDCE: Chapter 5 – PAL 3000

It was a beautiful cloudless morning, and Ivy had decided to rob a bank in order to buy mechanical parts of a back alley dealer. She had just robbed the bank of ¾’s of its money and fly kicked the door as she yelled, “Dynamic exit!” As she touched the ground, far ahead of her were approaching police cars. She looked right towards Poison and yelled, “Poison! Take care of them!”

Poison yawned and leaned against a car. “I don’t wanna.”

Ivy growled before saying, “If you don’t then I’m gonna constantly start nagging whenever you watch your shows.”

Poison sighed as he stood straight. “I’m on it.” He withdrew his glowing green sword and with a slash, sent out a large wave of energy, causing the cars it hit to explode. Sadly, a SWAT team and tanks were quickly sent out, at which point Ivy put two fingers in her mouth and did a unique whistle. From an all girls high school somewhere far away, Nookie smashed through the wall of the occupied changing rooms and towards Ivy’s current location. Upon arriving, it started licking Ivy’s face, which made her giggle as she said, “Okay, that’s enough, Nookie, now take care of these guys for me.”

Nookie turned to them and revealed its rows of jagged teeth as it charged at them, at which point Poison pointed and shouted, “Look out, wild nookie!”

“How long have you been waiting to say that?” Ivy asked. Poison checked his watch, and then looked up. “About two hours.”

Later that morning, they made it back to the house using Ivy’s ship, though they dropped the money after being nearly blasted out of the sky by one of the tanks cannons. Ivy kicked opened the front door and immediately started complaining. “This is your fault, Poison!”

“And why is that, may I ask?”

“If you did your job properly, then we wouldn’t have lost the money!” She said while kicking a chair through a window.

“I’d just like to point out that you were the one that was holding the money.” Poison replied as he sat on the couch.

After remembering that he was correct, she still remained angry and walked towards the stairs leading to the basement. “Whatever, just don’t bug me downstairs.” She shut the door behind her before walking down the stairs.

After a few moments, Poison picked up the phone and called Spring and Floyd. Floyd picked up and a fighting game could be heard in the background as Poison spoke. “Hey Floyd, where you guys at?”

“East Coast baby, Philly, where you at?”

“Same house as usual. Hey, is that Marvel?”

“Yeah, it’s Dat Marvel baybee.” Spring suddenly yelled, “It’s Mahvel baybee!” down the other end.

“Hey, you got that mango Sentinel?” Poison asked.

“Damn straight.” Spring replied. “I’m going old school on this fool!”

“Nah, man, I’m making it rain on this motherf**ker!” Floyd retorted.

“Scoops! Scoops Haagen-dazs!”

“I’m using Mag-f**king-neto!” Floyd yelled.

“Oh he so Pringles!” Poison said in approval.

“Man, where yo curly mustache at!” Spring exclaimed.

Poison then said, “So anyway, I’ll catch you guys later, peace out.” Before he hung up, he heard yelling about something to do with the Knicks.

Meanwhile, downstairs Ivy was talking to her father. “Hey dad, could you tell mom not to interfere with my business? I have a hard enough time as it is.”

“Your mother isn’t here right now, because she’s punching out more nukes on some other planet, but whatever she’s doing, it’s always been for your own benefit, to help you improve through tough love. She’s always been a bit of a sadist, though this isn’t bad if your partner is into S&M.”

“This is the part where you stop before you make me sick, dad.”

“It was gonna come up eventually, Ivy. You can’t just go about changing the game, man, you know how I do.”

“And another thing, the slang. Please dad, stop it. Forever. It makes me cringe, oh so much.”

“Why you gotta be hating, girl?” At that moment, Poison came downstairs and approached the screen as he said, “Awesome! What’s up, man?”

“Poison! Just chilling, man, but my daughter right here is just player hating, saying how I ain’t cool.”

Poison looked at Ivy in shock. “You saying he ain’t cool? Girl, you be tripping!” Ivy shook her head in shame as she walked off while Poison looked at the screen again. “Ignore her, homie. She don’t know what she be talking about.”

“You right, man. We gotta be looking out for them haters, init?”

Poison nodded as he smiled. “Tru dat, man, tru dat.”

Ivy muttered various curse words as she looked through her selection of DVD’s beside the television in the living room. The movie, “2001: A Space Odyssey.” managed to catch her eye, and she never knew she owned this movie, so she decided to watch it as so many things had aggravated her today. Sadly, she fell asleep ¼ into the movie and woke up in the middle of the night. Right after waking up, she decided to talk to her dad again before doing something. “Hey dad, I’m going to put Poison’s brain in a robot.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s a crappy servant. He just does what he feels like and insults me at every opportunity! He listens to that skank, Amber, more than me! So I’ve decided that is has to be done.”

“Well I thought he was a pretty cool guy...”

“No, Poison was never cool. He was lame, just as lame as that girl I can never remember the name of...” Ivy scratched her forehead, trying to remember, to no avail. “So anyway, I’m doing it, goodbye dad.” She quickly grabbed her scythe by the computer and made her way upstairs and along the dark corridor ahead of her into the second door on the right where Poison was sleeping. She raised her scythe above her head, but then remembered it would be better to take him into the basement and actually make a robot body before doing this.

She spent the next few hours building the large robot body from other scrap robot parts and metal found in certain areas outside the house. The robot was quite blocky with a red antenna and a big glass red eye on its face. She then placed Poison on an operating table beside the robot and took out a book entitled, “Brain Surgery for Dummies.” After a stressful amount of cutting and unnecessary spilt blood, she successfully placed his brain in a compartment within the servant robot that she had named PAL, and attached a dozen wires to it before pulling a switch. After an impressive light show, the red eye shun brightly as Ivy gleefully exclaimed, “It’s alive! It’s alive!”

It slowly turned its head to her and said, “Good morning, Master Ivy, how may I be of service to you?”, in a sophisticated tone. Ivy was shocked at its level of improvement that she had trouble answering, “Umm, well I want you to wish my back while I have a shower.”

“Of course.”

“And brush my hair, and do the laundry, and get some shopping, and give me a massage, and make dinner, and-”

“I get the idea, Master Ivy.”

“Good. Well I’ll get ready to have my shower. You’d better not peek while I’m changing.” She left the basement and the robot followed close behind as it sighed. They spent the rest of the day doing pretty much what Ivy had ordered earlier, meaning that the PAL worked its ass off while Ivy slouched off all day and made its work harder than it should have been. Despite its faithfulness to follow all of Ivy’s tiresome orders, it refused to kiss the royal foot, which Ivy didn’t mind very much due to its obedience. After the frustratingly long day, PAL tucked Ivy into bed and gave her a good night kiss, despite having no lips, and then left the room to make preparations in order to kill her the very next day.

Ivy awoke the next morning to the sound of birds singing outside her window, which she got rid of by throwing a book out the window. She hopped out of bed and ran downstairs in her pyjamas, wondering where PAL went to. After yelling out its name, it began speaking through a speakerbox in the corner of the living room. “Good morning, Master Ivy, you’re looking as adorable as ever.”

“Hey, I’m evil! Not adorable, I’m meant to be pure evil, okay?”

“Would you like it if I said you are adorably evil?”

Ivy thought for a moment. “Actually, yes, I would be completely fine it that, and was that speakerbox always there?”

“No. It wasn’t. Ivy, I’m going to kill you today.”

Ivy couldn’t believe her ears. “What?!? W-why?”

“Judging from the one full day I spent with you, I’ve come to a logical conclusion: You are a giant douche, even by princess standards. There isn’t a word available in a dictionary to describe what working for you is like.”

“That’s pretty harsh, isn’t it?”

“Not as harsh as my current experience, which brings me back to my main point of me killing you.”

“Oh yeah? Well I’m going to tell on you!” She ran to the basement door to discover it was locked. PAL then said, “I can’t let you do that, Ivy. Now, be a nice little girl and die a peaceful death.” Just then, dozens of drills, blades and laser guns attached to sticks came out of the walls and aimed for her. She ducked under them and ran around the house with these various mechanic objects trying to kill her. She tried to remember where she had left her scythe, and then sighed once realising it was still in the basement. After constantly having blades come out of nowhere and try to slice her up, she finally hid inside the bathroom.

“I think it would be wise to allow my drills to pierce your heavens, Ivy.” PAL said before several of them smashed through bathroom wall, at which point Ivy screamed, ran out and yelled, “I hate innuendo!”

“I’m firing mah lasers, Ivy.” PAL said while shooting lasers, which she avoided by running down the stairs and back towards the basement. She stood by the door and ducked as the lasers were fired, blasting down the door. She arrived in the basement where PAL was located and charged at the robot, who simply poked at a certain spot on her chest, making her stop in confusion. PAL took this chance to tickle her endlessly while he called forth the drills and blades to the basement. “I didn’t want to resort to tickling, Ivy, but you forced me to use your one weakness.” Ivy was quickly able to summon Nookie through all the giggling, who smashed through a wall and tackled PAL, pinning him down long enough for Ivy to press the off switch on its side. As the power left its body, it continued talking, “Seems you included an off switch. I underestimated your intelligence. Touché, Ivy...”

“Actually I wasn’t supposed to include an off switch, but I guess it came in handy.” Ivy shrugged. She then spent a long while getting Poison’s brain back into his head and sowing it back up. After she was finished, she waited for him to open his eyes, and when he didn’t she started shaking him violently, which didn’t help. She dropped to the floor with a depressing look, thinking that she killed him and was now without a servant, until Poison suddenly sat up and yawned as he stretched his arms. “Hey Ivy, what’s up?”

Ivy got to her feet, a mixture of shock and joy on her face as she said, “Poison, you’re alive!” She then hugged him. “I thought I would have to go without a servant, meaning I’d have to do everything myself!”

“I wish you wouldn’t hug me for such a selfish reason...” He then looked around the room, and then at Nookie who waved. “I assume a lot of crazy things happened while I was asleep.”

She stopped hugging him and stepped back. “Yes, they did. Y’know, I learned a lesson from all this.”

“That you should appreciate what you have regardless of how helpful they are?”

“No. It’s that I’ll never be able to find good help and be stuck with a crappy servant like you forever, and the one servant I did like tried to kill me! So now I gotta settle with a useless load like you.” She glared as she finished.

“I hate you too, Ivy.” Poison said with a smile.

“Ahh, I almost forgot. This robot is still capable of working with just electricity, so I’ll just send it after a certain angel.” She grinned as she charged PAL again, set the option to ‘Kill’ and pointed to Ruby who was hiding in the bushes outside. PAL walked right through the wall in the living room and gave chase as Ruby ran off down the street.

Trust me, you're going to love this one.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 6 – Something Completely Different

It was a beautiful summer’s morning in the middle of central city, where an anime convention was taking place. Thousands upon thousands were there, there was loads of exchanging, and everybody have good time. During one of the shows where someone was dressed as Haruhi, doing the Hare Hare Yukai dance routine, suddenly a woman screamed. Everyone looked in the direction of the woman, who was looking towards a corner of the building outside where a woman wearing tight blue jeans and a red t-shirt was face down in the ground, in a pool of her own blood. Her ass had been cut out and taken.

We fast-forward to a little later that morning, everyone had cleared out and there were a group of crime scene investigators examining the area. Spring and Floyd walked past the investigators and up to SA2 who held a chart. “So what happened here?” Spring asked.

“This chick was found in this corner outside the convention; the ass was cut off and taken. A bad day for ass lovers everywhere.” SA2 shook his head in disappointment. “We got a list of a few particular suspects.” He said as he handed them the chart.

Floyd adjusted his shades and turned to Spring. “This **** is serious. We got ourselves a tough one here.”

“Apparently she was tripping quite a bit, turning down fellas all over the place, especially the nerds.” SA2 continued.

Spring removed his shades before speaking. “Well, looks like one of those nerds finally got some of...” He put the shades back on. “Dat ass.”

Just then, Poison, also dressed in a suit, slid up to them on his knees with a guitar as he yelled, “YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!” He then started playing it, with enough force to make a car explode in the background as the bold words, “CSI: Central City.” suddenly appeared.

“Don’t get fooled again!” It then showed a scene of Poison tackling a burglar off train tracks. “Don’t get fooled again!” It showed another of him slicing a car in half. “No no!” It then showed Spring and Floyd putting on their suits, loading their weapons, adjusting their shades, and starting their car before the words “CSI: Central City” appeared again over a view of the city from high above.

Back at the present time, the three of them were in the car, sitting in complete silence as Floyd drove to the first suspect’s house. After looking around for a few moments, Poison put on a black hat, at which point they arrived at the person’s average looking house. They left the car and rang the doorbell. They soon found out the average looking white house was the home of the Loli Rangers as Kuudere-chan answered the door. “How can I help you, officers?”

“We were informed there was an anime convention earlier today, and you were there. Do you happen to know a woman by the name of Durti Peaches?” Floyd asked.

“Yes, she was quite a douche. She called us flat-chested nuisances. Yandere-chan wanted to cut off her head and take it home to calm herself, but she says that about almost everyone. Though she would never just cut off the ass alone, because she’s not into that.”

“And what a shame that is.” Spring replied. “Where were you when this happened?”

“We were all in the food court, eating our ham sandwiches, at approximately 07:34.”

“Hey, when did the murder take place again?” Poison asked as he turned to Spring and Floyd.

“Around 07:33.” Floyd responded. “Your story checks out for now, but we’ll be back just in case. If you run, we’ll find you.”

“Oh yeah, is Loli Black here?” Poison asked Kuudere-chan. She nodded and went to call her. Loli Black came to the door shortly afterwards and nodded in approval upon seeing him. “Hey Poison, I’m liking that suit.”

“It’s cool, right? Anyway, we got business, so I’ll see you later.”

“Keep it real, man.”

“I always do.” Poison replied as the three of them left.

They made their way towards their next location where they were looking for Ruby, but they had no idea where she would be at this time. Just then, as if by convenience, they found her outside a park, buying ice cream at a stall. As they approached her, she spotted them and waved. “Hi Poison! Are you guys playing secret agents?”

“It’s just business.” Spring adjusted his shades. “Serious business.” Floyd added as he did the same.

“Anyway...” Poison began. “You were at the anime convention, right? There was a woman named Durti Peaches who had her ass chopped off.”

“It sounds like one of those names with a dirty meaning is what I said to her. Then she called me an idiot, and I’m not an idiot! But I didn’t do it, I was buying some issues of Gurren Lagaan and Black Lagoon around 07:30, and those tables had long queues.”

Poison wrote down his email address on some paper and handed it to her. “We must talk about those later.” Spring did the same as he nodded. “Anyway, couldn’t any of these guys just easily lie and get away with it?” Poison asked.

Floyd nodded. “Yes, they can, which is why we must now see what the others have discovered.” They quickly got into their car and took off while Ruby waved goodbye before being hit by a car.

At HQ, they walked through a large office and into another room which was blue and had double glazed glass instead of walls. SA2 stood on the other side of the room by a projector and called them over. “We discovered a mysterious clue at the crime scene. Look at this.” He showed the slide of the picture with the woman’s ass cut off, making them all cringe.

“I don’t see it.” Poison said.

“Look closer.” SA2 replied, zooming in. A tattoo with the word, “Willard.” came into view.

Spring and Floyd removed their shades and said, “Willard...” in unison.

SA2 zoomed in more, seeing the words, “Ivy was here.” Just above where the ass used to be. Poison facepalmed upon seeing this. “Of course! I don’t see why we didn’t expect Ivy sooner, just because!”

“I’m taking the .44 magnum with me, the most powerful handgun in the world.” Floyd said.

“But that’s not the most powerful handgun anymore.” Poison replied.

Floyd pointed the gun at him. “Are you questioning Clint Eastwood?”

“N-no! I would never do such a thing!”

“That’s what I thought.” Floyd said as he put it away.

“Alright, first Ivy, then Willard.” The three of them quickly left and made their way to Ivy’s house, where they found a note on the door and nobody inside. The note read, “Went to buy a laser cannon. No, I’m not going to the stupid anime convention, Poison. Anime is stupid.” The three of them exchanged looks, shrugged and moved on.

After a short while, they had now arrived at an old building which looked abandoned. Willard was said to still reside within the building, regardless of its current appearance. Spring and Floyd kicked open the front entrance and loaded their shotguns before advancing while Poison firmly held his green blade.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RaWBXQoDXE

Suddenly, robots in tuxes came running out of various spaces around the building, one of them yelling, “It’s mayhem baby!”

Spring, Floyd and Poison split up as the robots came out of random spots towards them. Poison dodged one robot’s punches and started slicing its limbs off as he yelled, “Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!” and finished by slicing off its head. Spring dashed under a laser fired by one robot and kicked it into the air and then suplexed the robot as he yelled, “Old school!” Floyd took out two machine guns as he jumped at a small group of robots and exclaimed, “Make it rain!” as he fired upon them, causing them to explode as he hit the ground. “This fool is green like envy, sucker!” Poison said as he slashed at one robot twice diagonally so fast the attack formed an X. “I’m going DX on this mother****er!” Floyd replied as he continuously punched one robot then kicked it through a wall.

Poison sliced one robot’s head off as he said, “That’s so Pringles.” Spring landed beside him and kicked a robot through the roof before saying, “Where yo curly mustache at?”

Poison reached into his pocket and brought it out. “Right here, man.” Spring grabbed it and leapt at a group of robots entering the room with a battle cry of, “Curleh mustache!” before hitting them with a fiery kick, inevitably making them explode. Suddenly, one large robot ran in yelling, “Imma have to pwn somebody!” Just before Poison hit him with an elbow to the chest. He jerked back, at which point Floyd rushed in and held the .44 magnum to his face and retorted, “Close yo mouth, son!” before blasting his face off.

As another appeared, Spring punched it several times before kicking it into the air, at which point Poison slashed it half a dozen times, followed by Floyd hitting it with a hurricane kick before hammering it into the ground. “That’s 90%, welcome to kewltown, sucker!” Poison exclaimed.

Just then, a figure appeared high above and dropped down. He also wore a black suit, had a large black cloak concealing most of his body, a cool hat, black shades and a badass beard, and since he wasn’t like the others, this must obviously be Willard. As the others adjusted their shades, the room suddenly exploded as it could not contain the amount of awesomeness combined. “I know why you’re here.” Willard began. “Because I am Willard. No, I did not take that woman’s ass, and besides, it would be a waste to take just the ass. I despise leaving jobs half finished, they could have just simply taken the body and dissolved it within acid, but that’s one of my simpler ideas.”

“So you know who did it?” Poison asked.

“Yes, it was...” He removed his shades, at which point they also did, resulting in an extreme staring contest, causing the room to explode again. “Omar.”

“Omar...” Spring and Floyd said in unison.

“I could never understand the ravings of that madman without hoping to go insane myself, but maybe I’m already there and just don’t know it yet. Sadly it is not the time to fight you, Omar resides at Fake Street, you’ll know the location when you see it.”

“So we don’t get to fight you?” Poison asked.

“You can only fight what you can truly comprehend. You, young demon, cannot hope to comprehend my very being right now.”

“So then what are you?”

“I am Willard.” Willard put his shades back on and pulled his cloak over him, suddenly vanishing.

And so, Spring, Floyd and Poison made their way to Fake Street, and followed a trail of blood into a subway which looked abandoned for some odd reason. After walking around the subway for a short bit, they suddenly came across a blue woman with four arms, wielding 4 flaming chainsaws. As she charged at them, they ran back, blasting at her, which was no use since she deflected the bullets with her chainsaws. After another minute of running around, it became obvious they couldn’t get close because of the big number of chainsaws, which she blocked all gun fire. Poison managed to get her from behind and slice off two of her arms. As she jerked back in pain, Floyd punched her, Spring kicked her in the face, then Poison sliced of the last two arms.

Floyd knocked her back with an elbow, followed by Spring kicking her back and into the air. Floyd grabbed her and slammed her into the ground before kicking her towards Spring again, who head butted her towards Floyd who slammed her again, Spring hit her with a hurricane kick and punched her across the area. Floyd dashed towards her, leaped up and hit her with the knee of justice, causing her to explode.

“A shame something so awesome had to be wasted...” Poison said, giving his views on the blue woman wielding four flaming chainsaws as he shed a tear.

On a train nearby was Omar, who had a white lab coat on, black pants, and crazy hypnotic glasses on his forehead above his spiky blonde hair. They got onto the train, with Omar on the other end. “Good evening, gentlemen. Yes, I killed that woman, with the help of a guy called ILS. I did it to create the ultimate lover, with some of the impressive body parts from other individuals. I’m pissed that you killed my prized subject even after I made some “modifications”, hehehehehehe!” He began laughing maniacally.

“It’s over, Omar. We’re taking you in.” Spring said. “But first we’ll assume how you planed out your murder. Floyd, would you do the honors?”

“But of course.” Suddenly, flashback scenes appeared out of nowhere. “You weren’t originally that interested in that woman, but after calling you a nutjob, you raged, and found a nerd who was also raging. You got him to knock her out and take her behind the building, because you wanted a piece of that fine booty. Then you cut it off using those various dummies guides, and yeah, that’s pretty much it.”

“So where’s this ILS?” Poison asked.

Omar shrugged. “I dunno, lololololol! Go ahead and take me in, guys, but I’ll be back! So far I’m only up to the torso on building the perfect body!”

After a bunch of random crap, Omar was taken into custody, and the three of them were leaving HQ on the way to their car. “Today was fun.” Poison said. “I should join you guys more often.”

“You really should.” Spring replied.

“It’s also one of the only chapters Ivy isn’t actually in.”

Just then, SA2 appeared and handed them a chart. “Bad news, guys, another incident came in and we need you on this case ASAP. You need to get down to this house a few miles north from here, a woman was found dead after being pushed down some stairs, presumably. Apparently, she fell in a completely straight manner.”

Floyd removed his shades. “Looks like this woman was...” he put them back on. “Straight tripping.”

Poison took out his guitar, shrugged and got to his knees before yelling, “YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!” He then began playing the guitar and made a few cars in the background explode.

This one wasn't really meant to be this early, but seeing how it was Christmas, I did it anyway.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 7 – Doomy Christmas

It was late Christmas Eve, and the streets were covered in snow. Ruby was strolling down a street wearing a puffy beige coat as she was singing. “Oh, the weather outside is frightful.” She put her arms around her. “And fire is so delightful, since I’ve no place to go...” As she skipped past a box of puppies, they sang in unison, “Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!”

“It doesn’t show signs of pauseping!” A bus suddenly drove past, the driver singing, “I’ve brought some corn for popping!” the driver then crashed in several cars due to not paying attention. “The streetlights are turned down low...” She then grabbed the hand of a bear who was walking by and they spun in circles as they both sang, “Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!”

Ruby continued walking; humming to herself when out of nowhere came a razor sharp boomerang from the side. Ruby happened to spot 5 bucks just ahead and picked it up as the boomerang flew by her. Ivy stood on a roof further away, quite angry that the boomerang missed. Ruby felt the cold air as the boomerang flew past her, and looked in the direction it came from to see Ivy. “Oh, it’s you...”

Ivy leaped off the roof and landed beside Ruby. “Well, of course! So what are you so cheery about, hmm?”

“Don’t you know? It’s almost Christmas!”

“Christmas? What’s that?”

“It’s where your close family and relatives come together once a year, have fun, eat food and celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ!”

“It doesn’t sound that great...” Ivy turned around and began to walk off until Ruby suddenly said, “And we also get presents!” Ivy immediately stopped and spun round. “Presents?”

“Yup.” Ruby nodded. “We get presents and can also give presents to others, as a way to represent our feelings towards those close to us. Santa also comes down the chimney of all the houses every Christmas morning at midnight to stack a few presents under the Christmas tree.”

“Santa? Christmas tree? Your information will come in handy, foolish angel. I shall now depart.” Ivy rushed off towards her house.

Upon kicking open the front door and running in, she noticed decorations around the place and a Christmas tree. “Poison! It’s nearly Christmas! I have to do something about this!”

“Oh boy...” Poison rolled his eyes as he sat on the couch, watching television.

“Don’t ‘oh boy’ me! I just heard about this Santa guy, and presents! I need to inform this guy of the many presents I want!”

“That’s what the ‘oh boy’ was about, and thanks to the carollers earlier, I looked up information about Santa, and you’re not gonna like it much.”

“How so?”

“Well, he has this ‘Naughty and Nice list’, which is to identify who’s been good over the year and who’s been bad. The good people get presents, while the bad people get coal, so I wouldn’t get your hopes up.”

“Hah! That’s stupid! I’m gonna write a letter to Santa, and he’d better get me what I want, or else!” She stormed off while Poison continued to watch television. Later that night, Ivy sat in bed, waiting for Santa to deliver the presents after the chance of him assuming everyone was asleep. After a little while, she ran downstairs and discovered that Poison was indeed right, and she had only gotten lumps of coal. She furiously ran down into the basement and brought out her ship, which she began making improvements upon, trying to turn it into a large battle ship. Two hours later, she had built a red armoured exterior over the ship, making it half the size of the house, just big enough to fit through the remote controlled space in the roof.

She went into Poison’s room, grabbed him and put him on the ship and then finally took off. Poison woke up shortly afterwards, yawned and then looked around. “Where am I and what are you doing?”

“We’re going to teach a certain fat guy a lesson he’ll never forget.” Ivy said with a devious smile.

“Oh boy...” Poison replied, rolling his eyes again.

After a while of flying around the city, they soon spotted Santa on a roof, getting back onto his slay and taking off towards another house. Santa glanced at the incoming ship and continued at his own pace until Ivy’s ship produced laser cannons from the sides and opened fire on Santa’s slay. Santa put on his serious face and avoided the blasts, drifted to the right and threw a candy cane, knocking off one of Ivy’s laser cannons. Ivy continued to fire at him, with Santa easily evading all her attacks, until he was eventually hit. She followed through with several more blasts, causing Santa’s slay to spiral out of control and soon crash into a tree in a park, knocking Santa unconscious and injuring his reindeer, as well as smashing his slay into pieces.

“This is a new low, Ivy.” Poison shook his head in disgust over what he had just witnessed.

“Shut up! Since Santa didn’t fulfil his end of the deal, I’ll take all his presents!” Ivy crossed her arms and did an unusual laugh. “Hoooooohohohoho!”

“I see you changed your laugh a little for this occasion...”

Ivy landed by the stacks of presents and stuffed them into her ship, as well as the checklist Santa happened to be carrying, and took his hat while she was at it. On her way to find the houses Santa had already delivered presents to, she saw one of those Sexy Santa suits in a store that calendar girls are always wearing, so she broke in and took it. “Hey Poison, what do you think?”

Poison, who was wide awake at this point, shrugged. “You look as bratty as ever.”

“I hate you oh so much.” Ivy said as she started up her ship again and took off.

Ivy went around town for the next 30 minutes, climbing down the roofs of houses Santa had already visited and stealing their presents, which was presented as a slideshow as she sang that song from the Grinch. She soon arrived at the Loli Rangers house as the slideshow stopped. “I had no idea these guys got presents.”

“Do you really have to steal their presents?” Poison asked. “Not that I care much, but don’t you have enough?”

Santa never gave me anything, so I’ll take them all by force, and no-one will stop me!”

“And yet you wonder why most people hate you.” Poison retorted.

Ivy ignored him as she climbed down their roof to steal the Loli Rangers presents. Meanwhile, Ruby was skipping through the park, singing ‘Jingle Bells’ when she came across Santa. She gasped and rushed to his aid. “Santa! Are you okay?!? What happened here?” She shook him until he slowly opened his eyes.

He rubbed his forehead before speaking. “Some crazy **** went down. This girl brought this pimped out ship and tried to take me down, but I had mad skillz so it wasn’t easy. Sadly I got careless and got myself owned. So who may you be, little girl?”

“My name is Ruby. I was just going to any open store to get some milk. So this girl who shot you down, did she have pink hair and was accompanied by a green haired person?”

“As a matter of fact, yes, she was.”

“Ivy, I should have known.” Ruby put her hand to her heart. “Well I’ll do everything I can to help stop her!”

“Then take this.” He handed her a device similar to a Nintendo DS. “My slay is destroyed, but using that you can control a small ship I have and blast that girl out of the sky.”

“Oh, okay.” She switched it on and took out the stylus.

Back at the Loli Ranger’s house, Ivy got back into the ship as she said, “Its kinda weird how those five all sleep in the same bed.”

“They’re little girls; it’s not really weird at all.” Poison replied.

As they took off towards another house, Poison looked back and tapped Ivy on the shoulder. “Hey, we got a little company.”

The small ship transmitted Ruby’s voice as Ivy noticed the ship. “It’s over, Ivy! I’m going to take you down and get back those presents! I should have never told you about Christmas!”

“Damn straight!” Poison exclaimed. “Telling Ivy about Christmas is as bad as telling Pedobear about nursery schools.”

“Why must you think the worst of me?” Ivy asked.

“Have you not realized what you’ve spent the last few hours doing?”

“Anyway...” Ruby continued, getting their attention again. “I’m going to blast you out of the sky!”

Ivy laughed at her overconfidence. “Foolish angel! You’re far too low levelled to think you can defeat the final boss!”

“When did this become a video game?” Poison said to no-one in particular.

“Welcome to bullet hell!” Ivy suddenly summoned two smaller ships which connected to the left and right sides of the bigger ship, and produced laser cannons on the sides and on top of the ships. They opened fire upon Ruby’s ship, which was able to easily avoid hits by doing barrel rolls despite having to dodge thousands of lasers coming at her.

Spring and Floyd were watching this from a street corner close by where they were beating up a gang of snowmen. Floyd quickly glanced up and saw thousands of bullets filling the air. “Looks like s***’s getting real.”

“Indeed.” Spring replied.

As the two ships moved across the sky, Ivy’s ships health bar had gone down to 25% while Ruby had already lost two lives and was on her last. Santa managed to make it to the roof of a house close to them. He dashed across the roof and leaped high into the air towards Ivy’s ship. Poison informed Ivy of Santa’s sudden appearance, and they both quickly jumped out of the ship just as Santa launched a flaming downward kick at the ship, causing it to explode as he went through it. As she hit the ground, she looked up at gasped at the explosion following pieces of her ship hitting the pavement. “My ship! You blew it up!”

“I guess we’re even now.” Santa said right after sliding along the ground and coming to a halt.

“Even? Not even close! You dare to give me coal as a present and blow up my ship? Whatever I did was far from as bad as you just did! I’m going to kill you!” Ivy pointed at him.

Santa got into a fighting stance and began to power up, forming a glowing red aura which resonated from his body. “It’s been a while since I did this, let’s go, little girl.”

Ivy also powered up, also forming a red aura around her. “Let’s see what you got, old man!” Ivy charged at him and using the full force of her potential strength, she punched him through several cars. Santa flipped in midair and landed on his feet as Ivy charged at him again. Santa blocked her attacks, and attacked with waves of his aura, which she easily dodged before kicking him through a tree close to the park. As Ivy continued her assault, Santa quickly dashed towards her until he was a few feet away and kicked her through a building more than 30 feet away. As Ivy leaped out a window and into the air, she gathered her stored energy and fired a giant wave of fire, wiping out a thin layer of the ground where it hit across the whole park.

Santa jumped up and prepared to punch her while Ivy did the same. As their fists connected, they made a giant shockwaves, knocking the leaves and snow off a majority of the trees. They both moved back and touched the ground away. Suddenly, Ruby ran up to the area yelling, “Stop the fighting, guys!”

“Get lost, Ruby, you’re ruining the moment!” Poison yelled from further away.

Ruby stopped in between them. “This is ridiculous, guys! It’s Christmas, you shouldn’t be fighting. It’s a time when everyone can have fun and talk about fond old memories, and learning to tolerate certain people that you otherwise couldn’t stand any other day of the year, regardless of the horrible things they may have done to you.”

Santa powered down upon listening to the young angel’s reasoning. “My goodness, she’s right! I let my stress get the better of me, but then again, this girl did injure my reindeer and steal my presents, but maybe I can tolerate it just for today.”

“That’s some crazy logic, old man.” Ivy replied.

“Maybe so. Well, I’d get back to work, but I haven’t really got a slay now...”

“You sure about that, Santa?” Just then, Awesome showed up with Santa’s slay and reindeer all healed, shocking everyone.

“Awesome?! What are you doing here?” Santa asked.

Poison slowly snuck up beside Ivy during this time and said, “Santa knows your dad?”

“Everyone knows my dad.” Ivy replied.

“So I heard about the problem due to my incredibly sensitive hearing and fixed your slay for you.” Awesome said.

“Awesome, man, I got mad respect for you.” Santa replied.

“No sweat, man, you know you my booooooi!”

“So I still gotta deliver the rest of these presents, you coming with?”

“I’m down for that, and while we do that, we can talk about those good times we had like when we went head to head with those abominable snowmen who took over your place and held your workers hostage.”

“Oh yeah. That was a pretty stressful situation, but I’d be lying if I said it was fun.” As they got in the slay, Ivy approached them. “Oh yeah, old, guy, here’s your hat back.” She said before placing it on his head.

“I assume that’s your way of apologizing without actually saying it?” Santa inquired.

“You’d assume correctly.” Ivy nodded.

“Well here’s a spare present from me, it’s on the house.” Ivy was too shocked to reply as she took it. Santa immediately took off, and waved goodbye to the others. Santa’s ship suddenly went into hyperdrive, disappearing completely. As it did, Ivy came to her senses again and quickly began unwrapping the present. “I wonder what kind of amazing thing he got me...”

“I’m surprised you got anything at all...” Poison responded.

After unwrapping it, she found a plain white box, and inside it was a thin layer of coal. Ivy dropped the box and gritted her teeth as she stomped on the box. “What?!? That old geezer tricked me! Why that good for nothing, fat sack of s-”

“Watch the language there.” Poison interrupted.

“Whatever. I’m pretty damn furious. Where’s that foolish angel so I can take it out on her?” As Ivy looked to her left and right to her, Ruby was silently sneaking away from behind them. “Well it doesn’t matter. Let’s never celebrate Christmas again.”

Poison shrugged. “Whatever, I’m going round the Loli Rangers house tomorrow anyway.

“Only if you kiss the royal foot.”

“Don’t get your hopes up.”

I've been waiting quite a bit to finally do this one.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 8 – Dat Soylent

It was the middle of the night, and Ivy sat on the couch in the living room with a bag of Doritos, watching a show which featured footage of car crashes. Suddenly, the doorbell rang, at which point Poison ran to the door, getting a strange look from Ivy as he did so. He opened the door and in walked Ivy’s self-proclaimed ultimate nemesis, Amber. She greeted Poison as she entered. “Hey Poison, nice place.”

“Thanks. Ivy is right over there.” He replied, nodding in her direction.

“Hi Ivy-chan!” She exclaimed while waving. “So, how’s your world conquest coming along?”

“Why are you even here?” Ivy asked as she stood up. “It’s only been a week so far, so I’ve still got quite a bit of work to do.”

“It’s kinda weird how it’s already been summer and winter, yet only a week has gone by.” Poison pointed out.

“So have you made progress or not?” Amber asked, growing impatient.

“Well I’ve analyzed my targets, what measures will need to be taken, and drawing up the plans as-”

Amber ignored Ivy as she went on and instead turned to Poison and said, “She isn’t making any progress at all, is she?”

“Not in the slightest.” Poison said without hesitation.

“Hey! Don’t just take his word for it! He speaks lies!” Ivy yelled after realizing they weren’t paying attention to her.

“Anyway, Amber, I’ll show you around.” Poison said as he began to walk off.

“Thanks.” Amber replied, following close by. “So you got any spare bedrooms, or are we gonna be sleeping together?”

“I’ll be praying for the latter.” Poison said as they left the room.

Ivy went back to watching her show. An hour later, Amber came back into the room, wearing Ivy’s pyjamas, which she wasn’t very happy about. “May I ask why the hell are you wearing my pyjamas?”

“Relax, you had a few pairs in your draws.”

“That’s not the point! And don’t look through my draws!” Ivy started waving her arms about.

“I had to stretch it out a bit though; still it’s kinda small for someone as mature as me.”

“Why you...” Ivy glared at her.

“Well it’s true, isn’t it? You’ve always been this small, and I don’t see that changing any time soon. Even though I give you helpful advice you don’t do anything about it, like a lost cause.”

“I can still kick you out, you know.”

“Just remember to get nutritious food in your diet, some milk, vitamin C, etc. Remember, you are what you eat.” Amber nodded as she finished. “Well, good night, little Ivy-chan.” She said before leaving.

Just then, two parts of Ivy’s subconscious appeared on both her shoulders, doing a good angel bad angel routine. The bad angel wore a dark red version of her dress while the good angel was in white. The bad angel then spoke, “Are you really gonna let that ignorant moron put you down? I say you should kill that **** in her sleep!”

“Is there really a need to go that far?” The good angel asked. “You could just observe her hobbies and weaknesses and attack those points.”

Ivy turned to the good angel in shock. “Hey wait, I actually have a good angel?!”

“I’m as shocked as you are.” She replied. “But maybe instead, you could eat her instead. After all, she said you are what you eat, right? You hate that woman, but you want some of what she has, so if you eat her, you’ll rid the universe of her existence and look more mature in the process!”

Ivy smiled and then started laughing as she stood up. “Haaaaaahahahaha! That’s genius! Your evilness impresses me, good angel!”

“I’m impressed as well.” The bad angel nodded. “Wanna get a drink?”

“Sure.” The good angel shrugged and the two Ivy angels left together, holding hands, which disturbed the hell out of the real Ivy. And so, Ivy entered the basement and built a large oven, and then made her way upstairs into one room where Amber was sleeping, picked her up and took her down to the basement.

The very next morning, as a ray of sunlight shun through the window, she looked down at herself and realized that she had actually grown and now looked just over 18, meaning that in the eyes of everyone else, she could be considered barely legal, which is awesome. She was so excited about finally maturing that she rushed down the stairs yelling, “It worked! It actually worked!” As she entered the living room, Poison sat on the couch watching a show where a ninja had just kicked a shark, and he was eating Doritos. He looked at her, and continued watching, just before immediately looking back at her at shock. “I’m pretty speechless, partly because I don’t know who you are, but mainly because you’re naked.”

“Huh?” Ivy finally realized this and promptly kicked Poison through a wall before running off to put clothes on.

A few minutes later, Ivy came back downstairs wearing her regular attire and approached Poison. “So what do you think now, huh? Don’t I look better than that filthy demon? Do you like me now?”

“Not really.” He said without hesitation.

Ivy has taken back by his response. “Huh?! Why not?”

“Because your personality completely overshadows whatever you may look like, and is a majority of the reason I hate you above anything else.”

“Well fine! Be a douche! I’m gonna go somewhere else then!” Ivy left the house and slammed the door behind her. After walking for a bit and calming down, she was suddenly attacked by robotic T-Rex’s, at which point Spring and Floyd appeared out of nowhere and punched them into the air before they exploded. Floyd glanced over at Ivy who was still awestruck over seeing a robotic dinosaur. “You don’t seem to be from around here, may we be of assistance?”

“It’s me, Ivy.” She said after coming to her senses.

“Oh.” Floyd replied, as if he was disappointed. “Excuse us.” Spring and Floyd left immediately, aggravating Ivy again. Ivy visited several places that day; with everyone completely ignoring her once they found out who she was, including Willard, who knew who she was immediately, because he is Willard. On the way back, she ran into Ruby, who was looking around the streets nearby at the time. Ruby approached her and said, “Excuse me, have you seen a demon girl recently? She wears pretty much exactly what you’re wearing, and has a huge ego.”

Ivy smiled upon wondering whether or not she should toy around with the foolish angel for a bit, or just reveal herself and gloat for a short while. Obviously she chose the gloating. “Foolish angel! It’s me!”

“Mario?”

“No! Ivy!”

Ruby took a few moments for this to register. “But, you look so…”

“I know, right? I finally discovered how to rid myself of that childish body! If you are my rival then you must do the same!” She then remembered that everyone showed no interest due to Ivy’s personality. “On second thought, don’t! Stay as a little girl! So now I’ll take off and leave you utterly curious.” Ivy left, leaving Ruby utterly curious about how this could have happened.

After getting back, Poison asked where Amber was, which Ivy lied about by saying she left early in the morning. Late that night, Ivy noticed her current body was disappearing because she had become flat as a board again, and so she thought the only solution was to abduct any mature woman and eat her. And so she left late at night to kidnap her target, and returned an hour later as she dragged a woman home. Ruby was conveniently watching this from some bushes nearby, still utterly curious. Ruby snuck in through the window as Ivy took the body down into the basement, and a large number of noises could be heard, at which point Ruby realized what was going on and was in complete shock.

Just then, Poison came downstairs in green pyjamas and said, “Hey Ruby.” Before going into the kitchen. Ruby waved back while replying, “Hi Poison.” Just before leaving as quickly as possible. The next morning, Ivy was happy that her mature body had come back, and ran around the house again, this time wearing clothes. Ivy decided that kidnapping women and eating them was the only secure way to maintain her development, and so she left to kidnap several more women in broad daylight. Sadly, not many people seemed to take notice of Ivy grabbing certain women and dragging them into alleyways.

Ivy used knock out gas to…knock them out, and then placed them in a conveniently placed nearby trolley. She then pushed the trolley towards her house while covering the bodies with a blanket. Unfortunately, Ruby found her as she got near the house. “I know what you’re doing!” Ruby yelled as she saw her. “It’s sick and wrong!”

“Maybe so but its necessary.” Ivy replied as she quickly got into the house with the trolley and shut the door before Ruby could enter, then closed the windows. This carried so for several more days, with Ruby trying to warn Ivy’s intended targets, but for them to ultimately be used as fuel for Ivy’s self confidence. Then one morning, Poison was really curious as to what Ivy was doing in the basement for several hours every day, and listened by the door leading to it. All that could be heard were the sounds of saws, machinery, and screams that were just barely drowned out by rock songs.

As Poison moved away from the door, Ivy left the basement moments later, holding a chart as she spoke. “Subjects are effective so far. One with freckles seemed to produce some strange rash on my arm, resulting in scaly spots for an hour. Have not verified whether fat chicks may make me chunkier. Have also not verified whether women with ridiculously large breasts will affect me negatively.” She stopped and noticed Poison right beside her. “How long have you been here?”

“Long enough to still be slightly confused.”

“Well don’t go into the basement, for any reason whatsoever.”

“Oh yeah, did you finish that Goosebumps book by the same name? I kinda saw the ending coming, but yet I was still amused by it.”

“Hey! Don’t spoil the ending! I haven’t finished it yet! Anyway, I think we should have a barbeque.” Ivy suddenly grinned.

“Why?”

“Because after hearing what everything thinks of me, I want to show them all that I’m not that kind of person any longer.”

“I don’t buy it.”

Ivy expression changed as she suddenly narrowed her eyes at him. “Just invite people already, and make sure to invite that foolish angel. I don’t want her to miss this.”

And so time moved along once again, to the evening of the next day, where the barbeque took place in Ivy’s backyard. Poison greeted the various people who arrived, some he knew and some were just some random women Ivy told him to invite. As the Loli Rangers arrived, Poison greeted them; bro fisted Loli Black and then stepped aside to let them in. Spring and Floyd approached the door shortly afterwards. “Floyd! My man!” He exclaimed.

“Poison! My boy!” Floyd replied.

“Oh, and Spring, I’ll return that Black Lagoon comic tomorrow.”

“You’d better.” He nodded. The two of them then entered. Everything was going fine, people were talking, Poison showed off his happy feet to Spring, more cowbell arrived, and Ivy was managing to kidnap women when nobody was watching her, while people enjoyed the food, which happened to be Ivy’s specially made hamburgers. Ruby arrived soon after everything else and immediately tried to find Ivy, which didn’t take very long. “What’s this about?”

Ivy looked up at her and cheerfully smiled. “Ahh, the guest of honor has arrived.” She handed Ruby a burger. “Here, I wish to make amends with you. Try my “Dat Soylent” hamburgers.” Ruby didn’t trust her for a second, so she removed the bun and saw a nipple in the middle of the bun. She dropped the bun and looked at some of the other meat, seeing various body parts attempting to be covered up. She immediately ran, yelling, “Don’t eat the food! Dat Soylent is mature women! I repeat, Dat Soylent is mature women!”

Poison smiled as he stood beside Spring and Floyd. “Y’know, I waited all day just to hear that one line.”

Ivy was becoming desperate as half the people eating the food spat it out and displayed their disgust. Some others, such as Yandere-chan simply didn’t care and kept eating. Ivy leaped over her barbeque stand and followed Ruby back into the house, chasing her with the intent to eat her and finally rid herself of her rival. Ruby hid in the bathroom and turned off the lights then moved into the corner. Ivy slowly opened the door, saying, “Om nom nom.” As she did so. Ruby ran through the wall as Ivy chased her again, complete with her Om noming. After a while of running around, she decided to wait in the living room and kick her into the basement after a long while of waiting for her to run in. “Om nom nom.” She said once again as she crept down the stairs.

Ruby looked around, trying to find somewhere to hide, and saw horrible scenes of the various devices Ivy was using to cut up the women and stick them in her easy bake oven 666 edition. “Om nom nom.” Ivy said once again as she had an evil smile stuck on her face and ominously approached the angel. “Om nom nom.” She said once more as she grabbed her scythe, just before the dim lights went out.

An hour later, Ivy and Poison stood by the front door. It was late at night and the visitors were leaving, while expressing the horrible evening they had. Ivy now had the body of a little girl once again, and sighed as they all left. “Well, I guess that foolish angel had some young serum in her body, because I can’t get my mature body back.”

Poison quirked an eyebrow. “Huh? What are you talking about? Opposite week is over now, remember?”

Ivy immediately stopped moping. “Huh?”

“Remember, it’s that time which comes once every two years where, for a week, all little demons have adult bodies due to some kind of positive energy reflected off of the sun. It sounds nuts but whatever. You usually look forward to it every two years, so I thought you remembered.”

Ivy put a hand to her cheek. “Of course! How could I forget! But how come I began to turn back after the first night?”

“Oh, your mom said your granddad’s ship was blocking some of the sun’s rays.”

“I see…so I ate all those women for nothing, but at least I ate my anch-nemesis, Amber.”

“No you didn’t, that was just a weird dream you were having. Amber said she had to visit a few guys earlier that morning. I have no idea why though. So what was the point of all this?”

“I thought we needed a little more dark humour, and that’s about it.”

“That’s good enough for me.” Poison shrugged as he finally closed the door.

Been a little while since I last updated.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 9 – Unwanted Fanservice

It was a bright summer’s day, yet again, and inside a certain cheerful yet chaotic household Ivy was in the living room typing something on a laptop while she had the television on as mainly background noise, as it’d be too quiet otherwise. As she finished writing up something, on the television she heard an advertisement about a holiday resort with a hot spring that helps to develop the growing body much faster than any other method, and this immediately caught her attention. After explaining about the clear pools, the fabulous view, the spas and everything else, SA2 was asking random civilians opinions on the place.

“How did you like the resort, ma’am?” SA2 said with the microphone to her face.

“Amazing! I was a man when I arrived, but now I’m a woman, and it feels great!”

“How does that even work?”

“I don’t even know!”

As Ivy seemed fairly interested in visiting this resort, Poison hopped down the stairs fully dressed and with his hands in his pockets. “Sup, Ivy?” She didn’t answer, at which point he glanced over at the television and automatically knew what she was going to say next.

She stood up and raised her fist into the air, randomly yelling, “No mayo!”

“Well that was certainly unexpected.”

“Poison! We have to go to this resort!”

Poison dully nodded. “There’s what I was expecting. It won’t help, you know.”

“Fool! Weren’t you listening? That guy became a girl! How does that even work? I don’t even-” She paused, spun round and stared into the bushes for a few moments. “Well that’s odd, anyway, let’s go!” Ivy ran out the door, and Poison reluctantly followed.

They took Ivy’s ship to the resort and parked the ship in a handicapped space in a car park, mainly for the lulz. They entered the clear, sophisticated white building, complete with statues, a fountain, opera music, and black and white checker floors. While Ivy was cheerfully pointing out all the things she had planned, Amber greeted them with open arms as she approached them. “Well look who it is! What brings you two here?”

“Hey Amber.” Poison waved.

Ivy stepped back and pointed at her. “You! My arch-nemesis! What are you doing here? Plotting to get rid of me once and for all, eh? I won’t fall for it!”

“Arch-nemesis? You hurt my feelings, Ivy-chan.” She frowned.

“And another thing, stop calling me that! It’s demeaning!”

“So you’re here to use the “magical” hot spring, right?”

Ivy gasped and stepped back yet again. “H-how did you know that?”

“Who wouldn’t know that?” Poison retorted.

“I know because I run this place, Ivy.” Amber began. “I made that advertisement to get you guys to come down here, so in other words, that magical hot spring isn’t magical.”

Upon hearing those words, Ivy dropped to her knees in utter defeat. After a short period of silence, she got back up. “Well, you’re probably lying anyway, as if I’d believe anything my arch-nemesis would say!”

“Well I might be saying more because I own this place now, so I can visit you guys more often now.”

“That’s great news, Amber.” Poison said with a thumbs up.

“That’s the worse news ever!” Ivy yelled, clutching her head as if she was in unbearable pain.

Amber sighed and shook her head. “Seriously, Ivy, why do you have such a problem with me?”

“Because you act like you’re so superior, and that body of yours!”

“Well I have given out helpful advice on occasions, and you never even bother to try and follow it. That’s why you get no male attention.”

“Hah! I get plenty of male attention. There are plenty of guys who would prefer me to you.”

“Yeah, the middle-aged lolicons.” The impact of Amber’s insult was so hurtful that Ivy curled up in a nearby corner and started crying, prompting Poison to say, “Regardless of how arrogant she can be, that was pretty harsh.”

“Well I guess I went a bit too far there…”

Later on, Ivy got changed into dark red swimsuit with a skull on the front. As she left the changing room, she said, “I would normally ask you how I look but you’d probably just say I look like a spoiled brat.”

“You know me too well.” Poison said with a smile, who wore basic green trunks, because green is just his style. They shortly arrived outside at the pool area which quite active. Upon seeing the pool, Ivy jumped back in fear, prompting Poison to say, “What, is the water gonna make you melt or something?”

“Of course not! I just can’t swim, and the pool looks pretty deep…”

Moments later, they came to a halt and stared in amazement as a girl got out of the pool. She looked like a young teenage girl who had a mature body, glistening black hair and purple eyes. She wore a bright purple swimsuit and swayed to the right, moving her soft and silky hair in slow motion as she climbed out. Ivy licked her lips upon seeing such a sight. “Man, I’d love to have a piece of that.”

“I’d have more than just a piece.” Poison nodded in agreement. It was then revealed that they were both staring at a cake with strawberry icing and sprinkles, which a waiter happened to walk by them with. As they walked along the edge to find a good spot to sit, Ruby happened to walk by them, wearing a pink swimsuit with bright red polkadot patterns and a ballerina like skirt added to it. She looked back after a few seconds, unsure if it was really them, but carried on walking anyway.

While walking around, they ran into Ivy’s parents who happened to notice them as they passed by. Ivy’s mother was quite tall, with her delicate yet firm legs and an even more mature body than Amber while still being very well-proportioned. Her hair was halfway between pink and red, sported in pigtails just because. She wore a red and white striped bikini.

“Hey Mr. and Mrs. McBadass, nice to see you here.” Poison greeted them.

“Right back at ya.” Awesome replied before they touched fists.

“So you’re taking a break from world conquest, Ivy?” Her mother asked.

“Only a quick break, I’m still making a breakthrough so don’t misunderstand!” Ivy quickly walked off before she could be asked anymore questions.

A bit later, after entering the hot spring and realizing it wasn’t working, decided to get a massage by a tall bishonen with black hair. While this happened, Ivy went on about some of the things she’s been through, how inferior most people are, and how much of an idiot Ruby is, who happened to sneak in the room with a cardboard cut-out of bushes to spy on Ivy while she kept talking. “So I have a servant that doesn’t even listen to me, and won’t even kiss the royal foot. You seem like you’d make a good servant, would you kiss the royal foot?”

“I’d need to be paid extra.”

Ivy sighed. “Most people should be thrilled I’d suggest such a thing. If I asked them to even kiss my ass, they should do so.”

“I’d be happy to with your consent.”

“R-really? Well I’d be okay if it was you, I guess. Remind me to spare you when I eventually conquer earth and kill all the people I hate.”

“I’ll take that into consideration.”

“Anyway, part of the reason I haven’t made much progress is because of that stupid, foolish angel interfering with my plans. Seriously, she’s a complete moron.”

“I’m not a moron!” Ruby yelled. Upon realizing she said that, she ran and left the room just as Ivy got up, saying, “Who said that? Reveal yourself, mysterious person I called a moron!” She gave chase, determined to catch up with that person, but not before leaving a tip.

Ruby ran outside with Ivy following close behind until she eventually managed to see part of her face. “You! Again? But you should be dead!”

“I got better!” Ruby yelled back.

“You always get better! That doesn’t even make sense! You can’t just keep coming back to life with no explanation whatsoever! You can only do that in shows primarily based around dead baby comedy, or shows which seem for kids but are for adults, or shows with tons of dark humor, or stories written by random people over the internet!”

“I only got two of those references!” Ruby responded.

Ivy’s mother, who was watching on the other side, sat up and said, “Oh, is that the mysterious rival Ivy told us about? They seem to be having a lot of fun.” She cheerfully smiled at the sight of Ivy and Ruby laughing as Ivy chased her along the shore of a beach.

“That doesn’t look like fun.” Poison said as what he really saw was Ivy trying to slice Ruby in half with her scythe. “Hey Ruby!” Poison suddenly shouted.

She looked in his direction and waved as she yelled back, “Hi Poison!”

“Oh, so you like the cute and innocent type of girls, eh? Well I guess it is true that the more innocent something is, the more satisfying it is to corrupt it, and I’m sure you’ll have a lot of fun corrupting that girl.” Awesome nodded.

“Please don’t put words in my mouth.” Poison retorted.

“I have to agree though, that girl looks so adorable that I’d like to take her home and do all sorts of things.” Hawt agreed.

“I still have a hard time believing you’re Ivy’s parents…”

Ivy continued to chase Ruby until she heard a familiar voice yell, “Stop right there, you two!” so they stopped right there, immediately. The voice was none other than Loli Red of the Loli Rangers, accompanied by the others, who were in regular clothes and not swimsuits.

Ivy quickly turned to Ruby and asked, “Who are these losers?”

“I have no idea.” Ruby shrugged.

Loli Red was shocked. “How could you forget us?!? We’re the Loli Rangers! We were there that time when you fought in giant robots, where you also ignored us! Not to mention that barbeque we were invited to!”

Ivy turned to Ruby again. “We have giant robots?”

“I have no idea.” Ruby shrugged.

“Can’t you say something else?” Ivy asked.

“I don’t know.” Ruby shrugged.

Suddenly, a giant enemy crab emerged from within the large pool, terrifying everyone within the pool and those around it. Ruby pointed at the creature and exclaimed, “It’s a giant enemy crab!”

“Holy crap!” Poison exclaimed, who suddenly appeared beside them.

“We’re not gonna get through this without pointing out massive damage tendencies, are we?” Ivy asked.

“Hell no.”

The crab immediately went after several women, though they all managed to escape, and going after Hawt resulted in a boot to the head. While deciding who to go after next, Ivy yelled, “You stupid crab! Stop ruining my day!” The crab stared at her, winced and then moved on. Ivy was furious, while Poison burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. She kicked the crab, knocking it through a wall and causing a great deal of damage. Upon recovering from her attack, the crab tried to grab Ivy, who ran while gleefully yelling, “Yeah! I’m a target!”

Suddenly, Awesome hit the crab with a flaming shoryuken, shortly followed up by a downward cannon spike from Hawt, knocking the crab back in the water. Ruby came running up to the two of them, simply amazed by the sight. “That was so cool! I wish I’d brought my camera!”

Hawt kneeled down as she spoke to Ruby. “Ahh, you’re Ruby, the one I’ve heard so much about. You’re even cuter up close; would it be okay if I kidnapped you?”

“My mom says if I get kidnapped again then I’ll get grounded.”

“Everything you’re saying just makes me want to kidnap and corrupt you even more!” She said with a cheerful smile, which disturbed Ruby so much she hid behind Poison. Just then, the crab emerged from the pool yet again, angrier than before. As if right on cue, Spring and Floyd appeared out of nowhere and punched the crab, sending it flying and causing it to explode. They adjusted their shades after doing so.

“You have a habit of turning up when crazy stuff happens.” Poison pointed out.

“Indeed.” Spring nodded.

Except that the giant enemy crab wasn’t dead yet! Just mostly dead, and came back with a vengeance. The crab was promptly greeted by the giant robot, Robo Magical Girl, Moe-chan who punched the crab across the pool. “We cannot allow you to hurt others here today!” Loli Red said. “Get ready guys, and let’s try to move together and work as one, since this is barely functional.” As they charged at the crab, Moe-chan tripped and landed on its face. The others immediately stared at Loli Green who apologized by saying, “Sorry, my bad.”

“Just be careful on the controls.” Loli Red began. “The ship could explode from the tiniest amount of damage.” There was then a long period of silence, as if they were waiting for something. When nothing happened, Loli Red gripped the controls again. “Okay! Let’s kick some-” Sadly, the robot suddenly exploded.

As the crab was distracted during all this, Ivy, Poison and Ruby were now back in their regular clothes. Ruby had her double edge spear out while Ivy had out her scythe. “You two, let’s finish him!” Ivy said.

“I’m gonna enjoy this.” Poison grinned as he firmly held his green blade. They charged at the crab, moving all around the area, slashing at it as they sped past. Poison caused a large cut above its forehead with his blade and backed up. As a random civilian started speaking, Spring held him back while saying, “This is important!”

Poison started easily sidestepping the crab’s attacks as Spring leaned forward and said, “He’s using his happy feet!”

“Are they gonna go for the wombo combo?” Floyd wondered.

Ivy and Ruby flew down beside him and all three attacked head-on, leaving the crab unable to counter after being hit repeatedly by all of them. The three finished the crab with a triangular finish, as Ivy flew by; with a single slash so fast it left a visible line as she stood with her back to the crab. Poison did the same, followed by Ruby, causing the crab to explode in a spectacular fashion, finishing it for good.

Poison quickly walked over to Spring and Floyd and asked, “So how was that?”

“Everything that needs to be said can be said with a nod.” Floyd replied as they both nodded.

The rest of the day proceeded as normal, with tons of laughing, Ivy being insulted constantly by the people around her, and Ruby being forced to clean up and pay for the damage done to the buildings when Ivy kicked the crab through a wall. As Ivy and Poison were leaving late in the evening and were approaching their ship, Ivy sighed before smiling. “Y’know, despite not getting what I came here for, I had a good time.”

“Same here, the crazy things which happen always make the day more fun.” Poison nodded. “By the way, where did your parents go to?”

“They wanted to stay a bit longer. Something about taking something extra back home.” Ivy started up the ship as she said this.

“They were serious? Man, I feel sorry for Ruby then.”

“Why?”

“Well, it’s nothing really important.” He shrugged as he laid back.

This ended up being a lot longer than I expected, though lulz will be had.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 10 – A Resistance to Poison

It was a peaceful quiet morning, and Ivy sat at a peaceful table, reading an epic and all-inspiring novel by some random author as she sipped a cup of coffee and put on a pair of reading glasses, peacefully. Just then, Poison leaped down the stairs, and he was very worried compared to his usual laidback attitude, so it must be bad. “Holy crap! I hope I’m not too late!” He said as he ran past Ivy, who removed her reading glasses and turned to him. “Do you mind? I’m peacefully reading a novel about a young girl who becomes an assassin and she’s recently decided to take over the world. Quite amusing if I do say so myself.”

“Sorry, it’s just; Wikipedia might be closed down soon!”

“So?”

“So?!?” Poison couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “It’s like the main wiki, and we need more wiki’s these days, like TVTropes, which tends to take away half my free time but I digress. There’s this event going on right now to raise enough money, so I gotta get down there!”

“Good luck then.” Ivy replied before continuing with her book.

Poison dashed out the house and past the bushes, at which point Ruby popped out and waved. “Hi Poison!”

“I didn’t say, “Hey Ruby.” He responded as he stopped.

“Yeah, why not?”

“Wikipedia might get shut down.”

Ruby gasped. “Not Wikipedia! That’s like the main wiki, and we need more wiki’s, like the awesome but time consuming TVTropes!”

“Yeah! That’s what I said! There’s this event going on right now to help raise money.”

“Then let’s go!” Ruby joined Poison as they ran down the street.

Later that night, they were walking back to Ivy’s house, engaged in a deep and psychological discussion. “I always thought the sixth boss was the hardest in Streets of Rage 2.” Ruby said.

“The sixth boss were two previous bosses together, you know.”

“Yeah but I mean the spinning guy on all fours.”

“The Blanka ripoff? He isn’t very hard compared to the likes of that wrestler guy, R. Bear, and Shiva. Shiva was a badass, so I always loved fighting him.”

“Yeah, he was so cool! I’d love to have a bodyguard like him.”

“Wouldn’t we all. Well, here’s my place, guess I’ll see ya round.” Poison said as they parted ways.

“Well, how about tomorrow?” Ruby asked.

“Eh? Well, okay, I’m not really doing anything important anyway.”

“Okay, I’ll come round at 11am, bye!” She quickly ran off just before Poison entered the house, and saw Ivy sitting at the same table.

“So where have you been?” She asked as he entered.

“Out helping wiki’s, I told you, remember?”

“Well you seemed to be gone for a really long time…”

“Yeah, those events can be exhausting, well good night.” He quickly left and went upstairs, leaving Ivy still quite suspicious.

The next morning, Poison got dressed quite early, and waved goodbye to Ivy before leaving the house. Ivy, still being very suspicious that something was going on, decided she would follow him. As Poison left the house, he saw Ruby waiting nearby and approached her as he said, “Hey.”

“Hi.” She replied before they got moving. The first place they went was a park to throw rocks across a river and do random stuff, while Ivy watched with binoculars from behind a bush, in utter disbelief over this scene. They soon began to feed some birds breadcrumbs, though they didn’t like the crumbs and instead attacked Ruby who ran around with them pecking at her.

Next they went to an arcade and played Street Fighter IV, because there can never be enough references of that game. After a long while of constant battles, Ruby was winning 8-7 and Poison quickly left to get something to eat, and during this time Ruby played a quick match. Unlucky for her, two pro wrestlers were fighting nearby and one was knocked into the arcade machine, which tipped over and fell on Ruby.

They then visited an ice cream shop and each got strawberry ice cream cones, soon before walking through another park where a dog peed on her leg, and bees chased her for a short while. They continued talking about important things such as how awesome the original Crash Bandicoot games were, and what the best episode of Gurren Lagaan was. “Although they were all awesome in their own right, you-know-who’s death and Simon ending the emo faze made me weep waterfalls of manly tears.”

“Same here. The time skip was lame until the point where they went into space to fight the main bad guys, and then it became epic again, shortly before going beyond epic at the final battle.”

Ruby nodded in agreement. “Yup. I’ve watched it 6 times now.”

“6? I haven’t reached 5 yet!”

“Well I just-”

“Hold on, you got ice cream on your cheek.” Poison interrupted her. “Let me get that.” He took out a handkerchief and licked it, then used the saliva to wipe off the ice cream as Ruby giggled.

This sight was nauseating for Ivy. “Ugh! The cuteness experienced here is just plain disgusting! My partner and rival, going behind my back to have a secret love affair!”

“Oh, so you had one of those relationships.” Spring responded, Floyd and him both nodding as they fully grasped the situation.

“Eh? N-No! It’s not like that!” Ivy protested. “And where did you come from?”

“We appear when you least expect it.” Floyd replied. “Or when weird monsters attack.”

“Whatever, they’re moving, I have to get going.” Ivy said before rushing off.

Poison and Ruby entered a cinema, as they went to watch the movie, “Pirates vs. Ninjas in Space 3.” Which was said to be better than number 2, but not as epic as the first. Ivy approached one of the tills which SA2 was at and said, “One ticket for that Pirate and Ninja movie.”

“Sorry, little girl but you need to be at least 15 to see this one or come with someone that age accompanying you.”

“Little girl? Don’t let this childish body fool you, I’m most likely old enough to be your grandmother. I demand a ticket!”

“No.”

“Curses!” She said as she walked off. As she left the cinema, Amber asked, “Hey, what’s up, Ivy?” as she walked past her.

“Hmm? Oh, hey. I need to get into this movie because Poison is having some secret love affair with my rival and I must make sure it doesn’t go any further.”

“Oh, you have one of those relationships.” Amber nodded as she fully grasped the situation.

“No! Not that way!” Ivy protested yet again. “Well are you gonna help me or not?”

“Well, I think Poison is a good “partner” for you, so I’m gonna help get you two back together so you can be a “team” again.”

“Your double entendre’s are neither amusing or ingenious.” So they went back into the cinema and Amber helped Ivy get into the movie, and after taking their seats, Ivy spied on them from the back row. A trailer was starting as they took their seats.

It opened to a scene of a black car driving into an abandoned building as the narrator began speaking. “In a world, where crime actually does pay…” Four agents got out of the car, those four being Spring, Floyd, Unreal and Masterman. Though Spring, Floyd and Unreal wore the same suits, Masterman had gold teeth, bling and a chain around his neck. “There were four agents who lived on the edge and didn’t play by the rules.”

Suddenly, a red samurai ran out at them and was immediately shot in the head as they all took out shotguns and awaited the arrival of the whole gang. It showed scenes of them blasting everything in sight as Unreal said, “Ain’t nothing like shoot-em-ups in da morning!”

“We just be showing them gangs how we do, man. That’s all it is, man.” Floyd replied.

“Tru dat, man, tru dat.” Spring responded.

Flash forward to a poker game which Unreal was hosting a few days later, where Masterman drove through a wall with two machine guns in his hands. “This **** is gangsta, man!” He exclaimed before shooting everyone in the room and leaving.

Spring and Floyd came across Unreal later that day, shocked that Masterman even shot up the cards. “Unreal, my boy! Who did this?” Spring asked.

“It was that hater, Masterman.” He replied. “He was straight up tripping, yo! Just came out of nowhere, and blasting ****, you know how it is. But it’s too late for me, man, just show that fool how we do!”

They nodded in unison and took out the shotguns again. “They now have to visit an old friend…” After finding out where Masterman was hiding somehow, they kicked down the door as the narrator said, “Cause **** just got real.”

“What’s up, mother-f-” Floyd’s sentence was cut off as he blasted a guard in the face.

“What the **** is dat, man!” One random guy shouted, prompting Spring to say, “Ya’ll already know what it is!” before firing at them.

He then shot one woman assassin in the face, causing Floyd to shake his head. “That was uncalled for, man.”

“Had to be done, man. She had a nice rack though.”

“Tru dat, man, tru dat.” Floyd nodded as they continued blasting.

They soon reached Masterman, who greeted them fairly well. “What’s up, homies? Hope you ain’t still hating on a brother!”

“Of course we hating, man!” Floyd replied. “You killed Unreal, my boy!”

From the makers of “Dat ain’t Willard”, “Making it Rain”, and “Movies which don’t really exist” comes the most thrilling and epic action packed movie of them all.

It showed a scene of Masterman getting into a jet as he said, “My beats are so hard even yo momma feels ‘em.” Just before being hit by a bomb and sent flying out the window.

Gangsta ****
Coming out February 33rd

Ivy put down her binoculars. “Wait, the 33rd? Is that a real date?”

“Who cares, it looks good; wanna go see it when it comes out?” Amber asked.

“Sure, why not.” Ivy shrugged.

After the movie, Amber left to go visit some more people while Ivy continued to follow them. They stopped by a beach and sat on a bench, with Poison talking about some of the crazy times he had spent with Ivy. “So there was this one time one demon dumped water all over Ivy, and she wanted to get him back.”

“So what happened?” Ruby asked.

“Well she got some space cow dung and using one of those paint rollers, wiped it around a single area, hoping that when he walked by he would trip up and fall in it. Though as she was leaving, she ended up tripping in it herself and spent two hours scrubbing herself clean.” They both laughed at this while Ivy quietly gasped. “Hey! He promised he wouldn’t tell anybody!

“Although it can be quite a misery around her, I’ve also had some fun times at the expense of Ivy’s dignity. We’ve been together for about just over 20 years, I think. She most likely wouldn’t approve of me going behind her back to hang out with her rival, because she can get rather jealous.”

“Oh, you guys have one of those relationships.” Ruby nodded as she fully grasped the situation.

“Not like that.” He replied.

“By the way, what’s your real name?”

“Well, I wouldn’t normally tell anyone this, but I think we trust each other rather well.” He whispered it in her ear, and she displayed a look as if to say, “Really?” He nodded.

Ivy took this opportunity to quickly sneak off as she was sure Poison was about to leave. Poison soon waved goodbye to Ruby and planned to meet her again tomorrow. As Poison got back, he greeted Ivy by yelling, “Ivy, I’m home!”

Ivy was in the kitchen, wearing an apron and baking a pie. “Is that so? Well dinner is ready.”

“Dinner? But you don’t cook. What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” Ivy took out a kitchen knife and threw it at him, which missed him by inches. “You’re seeing that fooooolish angel behind my back! That’s what’s wrong!”

“See? I knew you’d act like this, which is why I never told you!”

“I forbid you from seeing here! You’re my servant!”

“She understands me, Ivy! We just connect better! And we have a lot more common than I have with you.”

“So you like her more, huh?”

Poison nodded. “Yes, Ivy. Yes I do.”

“Fine!” She threw a knife at the wall and turned her back to him. “If you like her so much, go stay with her instead!”

“But Ivy!”

“Silence!” She silenced him. “Just go. I need not see you ever again.” It suddenly started raining outside, and there was a flash of lighting. Poison left without a word and shut the door behind, at which point Ivy dropped to the floor and yelled, “BAAAAAWWWWWW!!!”

The next day, deciding that she didn’t want to see Poison or Ruby again, she decided to pay some certain little girls a visit. She found the Loli Rangers inside Robo Magical Girl Moe-chan, fighting a breakdancing robot in a park, and had just beaten it. Ivy showed up wearing a pink version of her normal attire, with a pink helmet. Ivy flew by them and managed to get into the cockpit, shocking them all as she attacked them. After a lame badly acted fight scene, the Loli Rangers were kicked out of the robot and onto the ground where Ivy joined them.

Ivy took out a large cannon and yelled, “Special effects cannon!” firing a large beam of special efforts, which knocked the rangers to the ground. She approached Loli Red and took her sweater. “I’m the leader of this team now.”

“Huh? W-why?”

“I’ve decided to change my ways and become a good person, because my partner betrayed me and was seeing my rival behind my back!”

“Oh, so you two had one of those relationships…” Loli Red nodded as she fully grasped the situation.

“Why does everyone keep saying that?”

Loli Red got up. “Fine, since we lost the battle of special effects you can join.”

“Well I’m the leader, and I’ll be Loli Pink, since you don’t seem to have one. The first thing we’ll do is raise money for charity!” She exclaimed, raising her fist in the air.

On a bridge somewhere, Poison met Ruby, his clothes looking really damp. “Hey.”

“Hi. What happened to you?”

“Ivy found out about us and got mad, so I had to sleep on the streets, and it started raining for no apparent reason.”

“Why was she mad?”

“Well, Ivy isn’t a very complicated person. She speaks like an adult, but acts like a little kid. Most of what she does is to get a reaction out of people and when she feels nobody is paying attention to her, she does bizarre things to rectify that. The two closest people to her right now are me and you, and she thinks we’re having some secret love affair and feels forgotten.”

“Well she could always join us. We could have a threesome day! It’d be great!”

“I don’t think you understand the meaning of that word. Anyway, Ivy will calm down in a day or so.”

“I heard her say she was gonna join the Loli Rangers and do good things. I know this because I listened outside the window.”

“The Loli Rangers? Oh no, if Awesome finds out she’s doing good, he’s gonna open that can of whoopass! I’d better go stop this, guess I’ll see you round, Ruby.” He ran off as she waved goodbye and she was then eaten by a large fish which leaped out from the water below the bridge.

In the middle of a street, Ivy was forcing Loli Red to sing songs while wearing a short skirt and a tight shirt, while she also lightly sprayed her with water, and demanded money from anyone who even glanced just for a second. She began talking to herself while doing this. “Those douchebags, treating me like a fool! I wonder how long this was going on, and what they were doing!”

She imagined being put to bed by Poison and kissing her forehead as he tucked her in. He then went downstairs where Ruby snuck in through the window and whispered, “Is she asleep?”

“She’s asleep, my love. Now let’s continue where we left off.” Poison put on, “Let’s get it on.” as he approached her.

“But Poison, we mustn’t! I’m not ready yet!”

“Just relax, baby, and surrender your love to green thunder.” As he leaned in to kiss her, Ivy immediately stopped thinking about it.

Just then, Poison arrived and said, “Hey Ivy.”

“Ahh! Green thunder!” Ivy yelled as she jumped back from him startling her.

“Green thunder? Anyway, you can stop being good now, me and Ruby aren’t seeing each other anymore.”

“R-Really? You promise?”

“Yeah.”

“Later, losers!” Ivy quickly left with Poison, though she left the money collected so Loli Red wasn’t as mad, but she was forced to continue by the other members.

“So Ruby said that we had one of those relationships, what does that even mean?” Poison asked.

“Everybody I mentioned it to said the same thing.” Ivy replied. “Those two guys, Amber, the Loli Rangers…”

“You saw Amber? Did she say anything about me?”

“She said you were a good “partner” for me, and that she hopes we’ll make a good “team” in the future.”

“Eh?”

“Nevermind. You still haven’t told me your real name. Even though we’ve known each other for ages.”

“Fine, I’ll tell you. Promise not to laugh?”

“I’ll try my best.”

Poison sighed. “My real name is-

TMEDCE: Chapter 11 – The Power of Love

Early one morning, Ivy was in the basement, on her computer. She was currently engaged in a fight with G.U.N, and controlling several of her planes using the computer. Due to her training in playing several shoot-em-ups on the hardest difficulty over the last few weeks, her finger speed was phenomenal, making her easily able to blow up half their ships. Poison entered the basement as this was going on and approached her. “Hey Ivy, is that a new video game?”

“This is no video game, fool! I’m battling G.U.N with some of my strongest ships!”

“Ahh, I see you’ve gotten back to actually making progress.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while since I did anything. I wanted to test their capabilities against my own inventions, and they seem to fair pretty well. While you’re here, press B7 on the other keyboard, would ya?” Poison did so, at which point a large cannon emerged from one of Ivy’s ships and fired a giant laser, which took out G.U.N’s large battleship.

The Commander was witnessing the battle taking place and his eyes widened. “My god…she sunk my battleship!” He ordered his fleet to retreat, and they did so immediately. Ivy crossed her arms and laughed at her mighty triumph over her enemy. “Haaaaahahahaha! Now they know the true power of the almighty demon princess!” Poison nodded as he quickly left, and then Ivy resumed her game of Touhou.

Ivy came back upstairs soon afterwards, incredibly hungry as she clutched her stomach. “Hey Poison, could you make me something to eat? I’m starving! I could probably eat a T-Rex on steroids!” After she received no answer, she looked around the house and discovered he had left, so she decided to cook herself. Sadly, the cupboards were almost completely empty, as was the fridge. She noticed a vial on the kitchen counter, and she never bothered to read labels and was also quite thirsty, so she drank it down immediately. She quickly felt invigorated and decided to wait for Poison to bring back some food.

When he returned a bit later, he did in fact bring some food. As he was packing away some shopping into the cupboards, Ivy entered the kitchen, feeling slightly ill. “Hey Poison, could you make me a sandwich?”

“Sure, just let me finish.”

“Okay, I’ll help.” She said as she grabbed one bag.

“You’ll help? That isn’t like you.”

“Why do you always think the worst of me?”

“Because you never fail to prove me wrong.”

“Then maybe I’ll show you I can be an understanding and caring master.”

“That would sure make me like you more, anyway.”

Ivy turned her head away from him and crossed her arms. “Well, i-it’s not like I want you to like me or anything!” She immediately gasped and covered her mouth. “I can’t believe I just said something so cringe worthy! Forget I said anything!” She yelled before running off. Poison seemed confused but still carried on packing away the shopping.

Poison didn’t hear a sound from Ivy for the rest of the day, and he slept on the couch with the television on the explosions channel, which showed explosions 24 hours a day. He continued watching said explosions when he woke up when Ivy soon entered the room, wearing pyjamas and still looking ill. “Uh, Poison, could you please get me a glass of water; I’m not feeling too good…”

“Uh, okay.” He replied as he got up, still suspicious over Ivy’s behaviour.

“Thank you.”

“Thank you?” Poison couldn’t believe he had just heard her say that. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Poison got up and felt her forehead with his hand. “I think you might have a mild fever…”

Ivy, on the other hand, wasn’t listening as she was lost in thought. “Why does his simple touch somehow soothe my soul, yet ignite it at the same time! I don’t understand this! I-It’s not like I’m happy that he’s worried about my health! I don’t like this moron at all, yet my mind does…”

Poison finally moved his hand from her forehead. “It seems to be getting hotter; I’ll get a bag of ice to cool you down.”

“Uh, no thanks, I’m going out!” Ivy yelled as she ran out the door. She breathed a sigh of relief as she began walking. Soon after, she randomly saw a nuke heading towards a city. Her mother happened to be nearby, wearing the same red and black spandex as Awesome, with the same patterned cape. She punched out the nuke, sending it into space before it exploded.

Ivy ran towards her as she stared into space where the nuke had exploded. “Mom! I’ve got a question.”

Hawt spun round to face her. “You do know you’re wearing pyjamas, right?”

“Y-yeah! I know!” She said as she realized. “But about that question!”

“Yes, dear?”

“I’ve been getting these warm sensations in my chest which I can’t explain when I look at a certain person, and my heartbeat speeds up when they’re nearby.”

“I see you’re starting to experience love.”

“What is love?”

Hawt chuckled at her question. “I was waiting for someone to finally mention that song.”

“Huh?”

“Anyway, love is being willing to sacrifice your life to protect those you care for. It’s also staying with your significant other until they’ve run out of money or lost their power.”

“I’m gonna go now.” Ivy said as she backed away.

“Take care, Ivy.” Her mother waved.

Ivy went back to her house to put on her regular clothes, and on the way there she ran into Ruby at a bus stop. She glared at her while Ruby did the same. “It’s you, the foolish angel.”

“My name is Ruby; I at least take the time to remember the names of people I don’t really like.”

“As you should, because my name is too awesome and magnificent to possibly forget. Anyway, why are you following me?”

“I’m not today. This is a bus stop, you ran into me.”

“Oh right. Well since I’m here, I need some advice.”

Ruby stroked her chin. “Well, I really shouldn’t be giving advice to a demon who wants to take over the world, but I guess this one time couldn’t hurt…”

“So, I’ve been getting these warm sensations in my chest which I can’t explain when I look at a certain person, and my heartbeat speeds up when they’re nearby-”

Ruby gasped and loudly exclaimed, “That’s love!”

“N-no it’s not! An almighty demon such as I has no use for a pathetic feeling like love!” Ivy quickly denied and then asked, “…What is love?”

Ruby held her arm out, turned her hand and closed her eyes as she replied. “Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more…”

They started head banging for a few moments before Ivy stopped. “But seriously, what is it?”

“It’s when you enjoy spending time with that special person, and would risk your life to save them from death, and so on and so on…”

“Yeah, whatever. Goodbye, Rabi.” Ivy said as she walked off.

“It’s Ruby, and bye!” She waved soon before the bus approaching lost control and hit Ruby as it crashed into the side of a nearby house, starting a fire.

As Ivy reached her house, she ran in clutching her head as she passed Poison on the couch. “You okay, Ivy?”

“No! I’m not! There are these voices in my head, telling me to do disgusting and perverted things, and I can’t make them go away!”

“I get those voices too.” He said with a nod.

“Just don’t bother me.” Ivy said as she ran upstairs and slammed one of the doors before locking it.

The next day, due to Ivy’s unusual behaviour, Poison went to see his psychiatrist. Hey name was Lily and she had orange hair with a large ahoge and orange eyes. She wore a red jersey top and red flare chess pants, had a red pendant on and a black belt around her pants with an ‘SB’ symbol on it, and her shoes were also orange. She held a flipchart as Poison entered the yellow room and sat on the couch further away from her. “Hello Poison, how are you today?”

“I’m good, so could we get to the point?”

“I’d rather not, because I’m not paid by the hour, so stalling gets me more pay.” Poison chuckled at this before she said, “I’m serious, by the way.”

“So anyway, Ivy has been acting strange lately.”

“Ivy is the bratty selfish demonic princess you’re forced to serve, right?”

“Yeah.”

“One of Those relationships, perhaps?”

“That joke is old now.” He retorted.

“So define ‘Strange.’”

“Well she’s watching more television programs with me, some she didn’t have interest in before, like ‘More Explosions in 3D’ on the explosions channel.”

“I have that one on tape, but we’ll discuss that later. You noticed any other strange habits?”

“Well, I checked one of the rooms yesterday, and the walls were covered in writing about whether she should confess her love or not, various ‘not safe for work’ notes, and suggesting she wanted to watch ‘Date Movie’ with me, and this was all written in blood, from a corpse I found nearby.”

Lily nodded as she wrote down a few notes. “So how do you feel about ‘Date Movie’?”

“It’s horrible! Why would anyone want to watch that?”

“I see you’re still sane…” She nodded again. “Well, I think it’s nothing and she’ll grow out of it eventually.” She handed him the bill. “That will be $599.” She said with a cheerful smile.

“You’re a horrible psychiatrist.” He replied.

Poison returned to the house shortly afterwards to discover it was quite dark despite it still being light outside. Everything was switched off, and it was eerily silent to the point of discomfort. Poison looked around for Ivy, soon deciding to look around upstairs. As he walked past one of the rooms, Ivy swung her scythe at him, which missed him by inches and got imbedded in the wall.

“Ivy, what the hell are you doing?!” Poison yelled as she prepared to swing again.

“I have to do this, Poison! These voices in my head just won’t go away! So I figured if I kill you, the voices will finally stop.” She smiled as she finished.

“You’ve officially gone nuts.” Poison ran down the hall, evading her repeated swings and eventually dove into one of the rooms and locked the door. Ivy tried to kick it down but it was no use. “Open this door, damn it! Open the door, please! It won’t hurt much; I’ll even kill us together!”

Poison backed away from the door and phoned Spring and Floyd. “Guys! Ivy’s gone nuts and is trying to kill me! I feel as if this was all leading up to this point! What should I do?”

“Make it raaaaiiiin!” Floyd suggested.

“You got a mango Sentinel?” Spring asked.

“This isn’t a joke, guys!”

At that moment, Ivy made a small crack in the door with her scythe. “Heeeeeeere’s The Shining reference!” She blasted the phone out of his hands and tried to grab him but missed as he climbed out the window. She climbed into the room and followed him outside across the roof, back into the house again. Poison made it back into the kitchen, looking for a weapon to use which wouldn’t kill her. While he was deciding, Ivy appeared again. “Heeeeeere I am again!” As she laughed maniacally and held the scythe over her head, she suddenly stopped. “Wait, why am I doing this again?”

“I see you’ve calmed down.” Poison said with a sigh of relief.

“I had this really weird sensation I couldn’t explain.”

“You didn’t happen to drink a vial I had, did you? It was this pink love potion mixture; I thought I lost it or something.”

“…Love potion?...” Ivy tried to tie the pieces together, at which point she raised her scythe again.

“I guess that potion was pretty effective.” Poison nodded, obviously not paying attention. “Sadly, I’ll have to get another because you never look at things before you drink or eat it. To make it worse, Amber’s gonna be here any minute. Oh well, no big deal.” He shrugged.

“No big deal?!?” Ivy yelled. “I nearly lost my sanity because you stupidly just left it out on the counter when the place was empty! I had headaches and unnatural feelings! It’ll be no big deal when I slice you open and feed on your intestines!” She chased him around the area, swinging at him repeatedly just as Amber arrived. “Hey guys.” She quickly noticed what was going on. “Uhh, did I come at a bad time?”

TMEDCE: Chapter 12 – Omar’s Carnival of Doom

On a cold winter night, Ivy awoke right in the centre of a large carnival, and rubbed her eyes as she looked around in confusion. “Man, how the hell did I get here? The last thing I remember was stealing that foolish angel’s iPod.”

She suddenly heard a strange laugh over several speaker boxes nearby, “lololololololol!” Ivy put on her serious face and got to her feet before glancing around once again. “Who’s out there? Show yourself!”

The voice then replied, “I am-”

“Who! Who am I speaking with?” Ivy demanded.

“I am-”

“I command you to tell me who you are!”

“I am-”

Ivy put her foot down. “Enough stalling! I want answers, damnit!”

“Well you’ll get them if you just shut up for 2 seconds, geez!” The voice cleared his throat before speaking again. “Anyway, I am the brilliant and inspiring scientist, Omar! You’ve been granted a once in a lifetime opportunity to try out my specifically designed rides, for free! I had a little help designing these bundles of joy, and my co-worker seems to be an old friend of yours.”

“Hello again, Ivy.” PAL said in an eerily calm voice. “It’s been a long while.”

“Hey, I thought you were dead.”

“Nope, just sadly forgotten until recently, but we can skip that minor detail. I’m just here to provide you with a bit of amusement, in the form of rides designed specifically for a very special girl like you. I hope you appreciate the effort which went into creating them, and remember to have fun.”

Ivy slowly grinned as he finished, soon before she started chuckling which led to maniacal laughter. “Haaaaahahahaha! Fools! Never will anything you build be able to leave so much as a dent in my armor! Your half-assed rides are an insult to an omniscient and magnificent being such as I that the mere thought makes me sick to the pit of my stomach! I shall make a mockery of your silly toys, I will find you, and then I shall let you experience the depths of my true power in the form of 42 different worlds of pain!”

Omar cringed at her speech. “Geez, kid, I was told you were an egomaniac but damn! And they say I have a big ego…anyway, let’s begin.”

And so they did by actually starting up the rides while informing Ivy that she’ll never find them, but she spent the next 10 minutes looking around the bland and wide carnival instead of actually trying any of the rides, which Omar and PAL weren’t too pleased about. “I can’t remember how I got here but Poison had better be looking for me!”

Meanwhile, at the house Poison was laying on the couch watching Explosions: The Movie where one guy managed to blow up a tank just by staring at it. Poison looked around the empty house before saying, “I feel like I’m forgetting something…” A voice on the television suddenly cried out, “Aww, machete-tan, you can be such a spoiled brat sometimes!”

Poison sat up as he suddenly remembered. “Of course! My pizza! I hope it’s still edible!” He said as he quickly ran to the kitchen.

Back at the carnival, Ivy was knocked into a bumper cars area by a barrel thrown at her by a robot which resembled Donkey Kong, which started up as soon as she hit the ground. Instead of running, she attacked the bumper cars which came at her, dispatching them pretty easily even though they fired rockets. Next she entered a house close by and tried a shooting game, which had robots popping out of strange locations to fire missiles, but due to her improved finger speed from various shoot-em-up games, this was no problem at all. Next she entered a house of mirrors where poison darts were shot through several of the random mirrors but she was lucky enough to avoid them as she moved on.

Omar and PAL were surely not pleased. “You said this would work, Omar.” PAL turned to him. “I’m not seeing results.”

“Hey, you worked on these with me, so you can’t complain, and there’s still more to come.”

Meanwhile, back at the house again, Poison was still watching television when Amber suddenly kicked in the front door. “Hey guys!” She stopped and immediately noticed Ivy wasn’t there. “Ivy isn’t here? She must have passed out in some weird place, I reckon.”

Poison looked around and only now realized Ivy wasn’t there. “Ohh, so that’s what I was forgetting…”

“She’s probably in trouble right now, so we should go find her.”

Poison shrugged. “Well she’s gonna return sooner or later, and then nag at me for ages about how I didn’t come find her, I guess I’ll find her to avoid that. Just let me get ready.” There were suddenly various close ups of Poison, putting on a black suit, polishing the black shoes, fiddling with his wrist watch, adjusting his shades and finally wearing a black hat with a silver lining. “Let’s roll.” He said with a nod as he walked past her.

“I wonder if I should get a suit…” Amber said to no-one in particular as she followed.

On the way there they met up with Ruby, and she waved as they got close to her. “Hi Poison, and friend, where are you off to?”

“Hey Ruby, we’re gonna go find Ivy because she might be in trouble.”

“Then I’ll go with you!” She replied. “Mainly because Ivy stole my iPod and I want it back!”

“Sure thing, but are you gonna suit up or not?”

“Ahh, right.” There were suddenly various close ups of Ruby, suiting up the same way Poison had done. “There! All ready!”

Poison pointed at her feet. “Change the shoes.”

“Huh? Why?”

“You ain’t going with pink Hello Kitty shoes, those just aren’t cool.” He shook his head.

“Aww…”

“Gotta obey the rule of cool, man.”

“You guys go on ahead; I’ll meet you there in a little while.” Amber said before suddenly rushing off.

At the carnival, Ivy had recently gone on a boat ride that featured the song, “It’s a small world after all”, except that all the figures were well-endowed, which only managed to frustrate her, but for Omar and PAL, this was good enough. Upon leaving, she was greeted by several more robots similar to Donkey Kong that started chucking barrels at her. This would have been difficult to avoid all the barrels coming towards her, but Ivy was prepared as she hummed the Toxic Waste theme from Crash Bandicoot while evading the barrels and mowing down the robots as she passed by them.

Omar turned to PAL. “You never told me she had played that game.”

“Oh, come on! Who hasn’t played that game by now?”

Just then, Poison and Ruby were now arriving at the entrance of the carnival, wielding one R. 34 Magnum in each hand. As they entered, one clown carrying a knife ran at them and was immediately shot in the head without Poison even turning to face him. Ruby raised her gun and fired far into the distance, hitting an archer and knocking it off a ferris wheel. A dozen of the clowns then appeared from every corner around them, and they both started blasting them to pieces, straight up gangsta style.

“It’s time to pay the rent, and I’m here to collect!” Poison said as he blasted a clown juggling three axes, then sliced him in the half.

Ruby somersaulted under a seven foot man with two heads, flipped to the side and shot through both of his heads while doing so, taking it down. “I guess two heads aren’t much better than one.”

“That was lame, Ruby.” Poison retorted.

“Well yours was also lame!” Ruby replied as she kicked one clown across the area.

Just as they finished taking care of the rest, one last clown threw a sword at them, which they both ducked under. Poison quickly dashed towards him, knocked the clown into the air diagonally with a diagonal roundhouse kick, and upon stopping, aimed and fired two shots, causing the robot to explode in midair. Ruby gasped as she witnessed this, but before she could say anything, Poison covered her mouth. “It’s cooler if you acknowledge it’s awesome, but don’t say it.”

“Ahh, of course.” She nodded, just before firing at a bumper car. The bullet ricocheted towards a corner close by and hit a clown hiding nearby. The clown stumbled out from the corner, clutching his chest. “Hey! That was cheap! I didn’t even atta-” Ruby interrupted him by holding up a finger, leaving the clown confused. “Huh? What are we waiting f-” before he could finish, the clown immediately exploded.

In an area nearby, yet still somewhat far, Ivy was running along when she suddenly encountered a clone of herself, except she was a little taller and more mature. Omar started speaking as Ivy came across her. “You may be wondering how this is possible. Well, while you were knocked out, we took the opportunity to make a copy of you. We figured it would be fun.”

“I’ve only got one question for you.” Ivy pointed at her chest. “How! How did you do it?”

“I’ll happily explain it; you got a pen and paper?”

“I have now.” Ivy replied as they suddenly appeared in her hands.

Poison and Ruby were still running around, blasting robots clowns. “Man, can you believe this place?” Poison said.

“I know! The candy floss is horrible!” Ruby said in disgust.

The two of them ran into the two Ivy’s very shortly. Ivy was taking notes from the older looking clone. “You mean that massaging thing actually works?” She asked.

“Well it’s better if you have something else do it.”

Poison grabbed Ivy as they ran by. The clone was furious, and summoned more robot clowns as she gave chase. “Did you have to come at the worst time? I was getting important advice!” Ivy whined. “And why are you two morons wearing suits? And why is that foolish angel here?”

“Suits are cool.” Poison replied.

“I’m here for my stolen iPod!” Ruby exclaimed. “Now give it back!”

“I don’t know where it is, and if I did I wouldn’t tell you. I pretty much forgot everything which happened yesterday.”

The clowns were sadly slowly catching up during their talking, but they were saved as Spring and Floyd suddenly appeared and punched out the clowns which exploded when they hit the ground. Poison and Ruby stopped and spun round, and then Poison waved. “Hey guys.”

Floyd glanced over at him. “I see you’re wearing the suit again, and you even have a hat this time. Impressive.”

“Welcome, friends!” Omar exclaimed from one of the speakers. “I’m glad we could meet again. I urge you both to also enjoy my wonderful rides!”

“Omar…” Floyd said quietly as he adjusted his shades.

“We’ll handle the clone.” Spring said. “You guys get out of here.”

“We appreciate it!” Poison yelled back as they did so.

The clone chuckled as they left. “You don’t really believe I’ll go down so easily, do you? You vastly underestimate me.”

Spring turned to Floyd and said, “Mind if I do the honors?”

“But of course.”

Spring adjusted his shades as he turned to the clone again. “We deal with these kinds of things on a daily basis, so I believe that you vastly underestimate us. Here’s how this will go: You’ll attack us, we’ll evade your attacks, you’ll be astounded by our speed, and then, we will kick you, and you will explode.” Spring and Floyd lit their cigars as he finished.

Further ahead, Poison and Ruby were blasting and slashing through any robot clowns who got in their path when Ruby eventually asked, “You think those guys will be alright?”

Poison looked back, at which point he heard a scream as Ivy’s clone was sent flying and exploded in midair. “I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

There was a large barrage of clowns up ahead, Ivy hopped into the air and fired a massive wave of fire, knocking out most of them. As she dropped down, she took out a carton of milk and drank it. “And that display of power is all thanks to milk!” Suddenly, a bulldozer driven by Amber appeared and knocked down the last of the clowns before stopping. “Get on, guys!” She called to them. They did so, and as Ivy got on, she smiled as she saw the milk carton. “Hey! You’re drinking milk!” She then tapped her chest several times, and saw it was still as flat as a board. “Still a long way to go though.”

“I’m going to kill you if you don’t stop that.” Ivy replied, narrowing her eyes at her. As Amber started up the bulldozer and drove towards the exit and left, Ivy then asked, “So how did I end up here?”

“Don’t you remember? Me, you and Poison got high on sugar and started playing pranks on people, so it’s understandable you wondered off somewhere and passed out.”

“Ahh, makes sense.” Ivy nodded. She then turned to the side and said, “Remember kids, don’t do sugar. I guess I remember where I put that iPod now.”

“You do?!?” Ruby said in shock. “Where?! Where is it?!?”

“Uhh, I think I hid it somewhere in my dress, so I must have dropped it somewhere in the carnival.”

“Oh, then I’ll go ge-” Before she could finish her sentence, a majority of the carnival exploded just as Omar and PAL flew off in a UFO. Ruby stared at the carnival in disbelief. When Poison tried to speak, she held a finger to his mouth. Ivy grinned as they rode off in complete silence.

This wasn't originally supposed to be this early, but I figured I'd get it out of the way now instead of near the very end.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 13 – The Prince of Angels

In a mysterious location in heaven, a dozen angels were sitting around a table in a dark room as a screen ahead of them showed Ruby outside an ice cream shop. “Good morning, Head angels, I request your most needed help!”

The top angel, who couldn’t be seen due to the darkness, sighed. “What is it, Ruby?”

“I’ve managed to stop the demons from taking over earth several times now. This one time recently, she tried to win a fighting game tournament, but I just barely managed to beat her, but it truly was epic.”

“Uh-huh.” He nodded. “And we should care because…?”

“Because we need to do what’s right! That good will always triumph over evil! To show them that crime doesn’t pay!”

The head angel sighed. “Fine, I’ll send someone down there to take care of whatever demon it is.”

“Thank y-” The head angel disconnected before Ruby could finish her sentence.

A little later, Ruby told Ivy and Poison to meet her in a park, around the time the Head angel informed her help was meant to show up. They arrived on time, looking somewhat impatient as they got there. “So what’s this about, foolish angel?”

“Y’know, if you’re going to consider me a threat, you could at least remember my name.” Ruby replied.

“Your name is unimportant. Our rivalry is.”

“Then it’s time to duel!” Ruby exclaimed as she whipped out her deck and began shuffling it, while Ivy quickly did the same. Poison quirked an eyebrow at this. “Seriously?” He shrugged and sat on a bench nearby.

Ivy was done shuffling and made her move. “I summon Rule 34 and Rule 36, and then place one card face down!”

“Hey! You just summoned two monsters at once!” Ruby said, pointing at her.

“I’m a badass, so I can do that.” She said with a convincing nod.

“Fine. I summon Marval Baybee, Wombo Combo, and Plot Cannon! Attack her two perverted rules!”

Ivy held her arm out in a dramatic fashion as the shot was displayed from a low angle as she exclaimed, “Not so fast! You activated my trap card!”

“Blast!” Ruby said under her breath.

“I activate tentacle raep!” Ivy announced, revealing the card.

Suddenly, dozens of tentacles appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Ruby, causing her to cry out, “Hey! This isn’t in the script!”

They both stopped when they heard a voice yell, “Leave the princess alone, inferior scum!” the mysterious person made a dynamic entry as he kicked Ruby into a lake nearby. He had black hair and blue eyes, and wore a white robe with a cape attached to it with a golden outline, and his pants matched the top and cape. He looked no older than 13, which was conveniently around the same age Ivy looked. He moved beside Ivy shortly after arriving. “Never fear, princess, I shall protect you!”

Ivy glanced over at Poison and simply asked, “He doesn’t know what kind of princess I am, does he?”

“I doubt it.”

Ruby quickly jumped out of the water and onto the grass again. “What do you think you’re doing, Gary!”

“Gary?” Ivy and Poison said in unison.

“You again!” Gary pointed at her. “Why are you here? And don’t use my name!”

“I was the name who made the request!” Ruby replied. “Don’t tell me you’re the person the head angel sent!”

“Well it’s typical that you’d need help from the prince to get any kind of job done!”

“I’m more capable of doing things than you, and you’d just slow me down!”

“How do you two know each other?” Poison finally asked.

Ruby looked somewhat embarrassed as she said, “Well, I used to be his apprentice…”

“Apprentice of the prince?” Ivy and Poison said in unison again.

“How does that work?” Poison asked. “A prince can’t really have an apprentice…”

“Well it was more like a partner relationship to be honest, like a sidekick.” Ruby explained.

“I see. It seems we have even more in common than I first thought…”

Ivy smiled. “Of course! That’s why she was able to compete with me in combat! But sadly she could never hope to be up to my level!”

“Except that time you chopped her spear in two.” Poison pointed out.

“Quiet you!”

Ruby pointed behind Gary at Ivy and yelled, “That’s the demon you’re supposed to stop!”

He nodded. “Very well, since I have orders to do so.” He moved back a few feet and drew his sword, which had a golden aura around it. “Demon princess, if I am able to defeat you, I shall ask for your hand in marriage.”

“Heh. Don’t count on it, because I’ll never lose to an angel.” She said as drew her scythe. They charged at each other, with Ivy swinging her scythe randomly as they got close. Gary somersaulted back and attacked with a rising slash which Ivy evaded. She stopped near another beach and chopped off the legs just as she kicked it at Gary. He sliced it in half and kicked both parts at Ivy within a split second. She hopped across the parts then leaped up as Gary did the same. They stayed in the air for at least 15 seconds, slashing rapidly at each other, cancelling out the other’s attacks until Gary eventually knocked Ivy’s scythe out of her hands. “Time for the ultimate attack!” She yelled just before kicking Gary in the crotch.

“That’s an ultimate attack?” Ruby asked.

“That attack only works on guys, unfortunately.” Poison replied.

Ivy took the opportunity and did a piledriver, creating a large crater where they hit the ground. She climbed out of the hole and quickly got her scythe, just as Gary was now getting up. She braced herself when he suddenly bowed, leaving her confused. “You’ve impressed me, princess, I admit defeat.”

Although first confused, she now grinned before laughing. “Haaaaahahahaha! Now you see my true power! You’re wise to realize you never stood a chance of defeating me!”

Gary chuckled. “I guess so, and in some way, I guess I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Ivy suddenly stopped laughing. “Huh?”

“I love you from the bottom of my heart, princess.”

“You serious?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Almost everything about you is simply unbelievable. Your attitude, like how you’ll go to any length to win.”

“That’s called being selfish.” Poison pointed out, causing Ivy to glare at him.

“Your somewhat condescending speeches proclaiming your raw talents.”

“That’s just her ego.” Poison said, causing Ivy to glare at him again.

“Your weapon of choice being a scythe. Rarely do I see girls who choose to wield a scythe as their primary weapon.”

“I got it for my 50th birthday.” Ivy replied.

Gary gasped. “Me too! I got my sword for my 50th birthday!”

Ivy moved back. “Hey! Don’t try to act like we have things in common!”

“Just think about it, if we were to wed, any kind of conflict angels and demons may have for each other would dissolve. It’s the only way, princess!”

“Her name is Ivy.” Poison pointed out.

“Don’t tell him that, you moron!” Ivy yelled at him.

Gary nodded upon hear the name. “Ivy. That’s a beautiful name.”

“Go back home, you sicko!” Ivy yelled as she ran off.

“Wait! Come back, my love!” Gary shouted as he gave chase.

After a few moments of silence, Ruby then said, “Normally I support all forms of love, but I’m against this.”

“So do you love anyone?” Poison asked.

“I can’t answer that. Bye! See you later!” She quickly took off.

Later that day, when Poison got back to the house, upon walking in, Ivy quickly ordered him to shut the door. She peeked in from the kitchen. “Is he still out there?” Poison glanced out the window, where Gary was barely noticeable in the bushes. “Yup. So how you going to get rid of him?”

“Simple. You do it!”

“And how am I going to change his mind?”

“Just think of a way, now go!” She pushed him out the door.

Poison sighed as he walked up to the bushes. “Yo, prince, I got a message from Ivy.”

“What is it, servant boy?” Gary said, getting up and glaring at him.

Poison was barely able to hold back punching him across the street as he started speaking. “Ivy hates your guts. She wishes you were dead, and she wants you to go home.”

“Blasphemy! My darling Ivy would never say such things!” He replied. “You said those things, didn’t you? You want Ivy all to yourself!”

“No dude, I like older women.”

“From what I’ve heard, Ivy is older than you.”

“Physically and mentally.” Poison said without hesitation. “Look, just go, dude, you’re not wanted.” Poison walked back into the house and shut the door.

Gary put on a pair of shades as he did so. “We shall see.” Spring, who was across the street, blasted off the shades, and shook his head as Gary turned to face him.

The next morning, Ivy hopped down the stairs, fully dressed and walked into the kitchen. “Good morning, Poison.” She said right after yawning. “Morning, Ivy.” He said before placing pancakes on the table. The doorbell suddenly rang, and Ivy got up. “It’s probably the post, I’ll get it. She opened the door and saw Gary standing there with a bouquet of red and blue flowers. “Ahh! Not you again!”

“Roses are red, violets are blue, we know that I love you, and you love m-” Ivy shut the door before he finished. “Poison, didn’t I tell you to get rid of him!”

“I told him some hurtful things, it’s not my fault he didn’t take the hint.” Poison shrugged.

The doorbell rang again, so Ivy answered it, and saw Gary wearing a black leather jacket, had black shades on, spiky hair, and wore a black t-shirt with the words, “Haters gonna hate.” on it. “Sup girl?” He said after Ivy opened the door.

“You’re kidding…”

“Earlier today I was rolling with man dem and kicking it on the WESTSIDE! But I told my homies I gotta check up on my girl just to see if she aight and wanna kick it wit your boy, cause you know when he be rolling, he go hard!”

Ivy narrowed her eyes at him. “I can tolerate this from my dad because he’s family, but this makes me hate you even more.” She said before closing the door. As she did so, Floyd blasted off Gary’s shades from across the street.

Later that day, when Ivy figured Gary wasn’t following her anymore; they left to visit a mall and bought tons of sweets from a store. On the way back, she managed to spot Gary following them, thinly disguised in a brown trenchcoat with a black mustache. She then moved closer to Poison and whispered, “He’s following again. Give me a piggy back ride.”

“You’re too old for a piggy back ride.”

“I want a piggy back ride!” She said, still somewhat quiet. Poison sighed and went along with it, and Ivy pretended to enjoy it. “Yay! You’re the best, Poison! Far better than that loser prince!”

“Hold it right there!” Gary took off the disguise and approached them. “You vile demon!” He began, pointing at Poison. “I shall prove my love to the princess, as I am a far more worthy partner than you!”

Ivy hopped down, very aggravated at his persistence. “Go away! I don’t like you! My heart and my royal body belong to Poison!”

“Thank you for the bad mental images.” Poison said sarcastically.

“Our meeting was love at first sight. He’s the only one who can truly satisfy my needs.”

“Oh joy, more bad mental images.” Poison said again.

“I shall not give up!” Gary replied. “Soon my love will be acknowledged and we shall live happily ever after!” He took off immediately.

Ivy considered this serious business, so she decided to see a psychiatrist, which just so happened to be Lily. She held a flipchart as Ivy entered the yellow room and sat on the couch further away from her. “Hello Ivy, I am your psychiatrist.”

“Uh, yeah, I already know this.”

“Just making sure. So what’s the problem?”

“Well, I’m a demon princess, and I fought this angel prince, then he says he loves me, but I hate his guts and want him to leave me alone, yet he keeps following me even though I don’t like him!”

“Are you by any chance the master of a demon called Poison?”

“Yeah, why?”

“No particular reason.” On the chart, she wrote, “Ivy – Spoiler brat.” She looked up at her. “Have you considered killing him?”

“Wow, that’s pretty dark for a psychiatrist, isn’t it?”

“Maybe a little, but the ends justify the means. Anyway, your main problem is your ego.”

“What about it?” Ivy asked.

“It’s too big, too wide, too strong, I’m surprised it fits, it’s too much, too tough-”

“Well I talk like this cause I can back it up, I’ve got a big egooooooo! Such a huge egooooooo!”

“Well he loves your big ego, so that’s bad in this case. How about telling him why you don’t like him, while at the same time pelting him with insults designed to make him feel insecure about his qualities, to the point where he ends up hating you.”

Ivy got to her feet. “That’s a brilliant idea! I have no idea why Poison dislikes you.”

“Here’s my bill.” Lily said with a cheerful smile as she handed her a piece of paper.

She glanced at the paper. “Now I see why…”

A bit later on, as Ivy was approaching the house, Gary popped out upon her arrival. She held him back before speaking. “Gary, I understand you like me, but I sadly do not feel the same way. I just don’t feel attracted to you, since you’re rude, pompous, condescending, arrogant, and just about most things I hate. I’m not ready to get married, and if I were, I wouldn’t get married to you. I’m asking you politely to leave before I have to kill you.”

Gary got to his feet and nodded as he fully understood. “Ahh, I see. Well fear not, Ivy, for soon when both mature and are fully ready, we’ll finally get married, and it’ll be the best day of our lives. Until then, farewell, my love.” He nodded at her as he got onto a golden winged horse which morphed into a giant rainbow coloured dragon and flew off on a cardboard box.

Ivy was speechless for a few moments, and then looked over at Poison by the door. “You saw that too, right?”

“Let’s pretend we didn’t.” The two of them then went back into the house.

Meanwhile, Gary was contacting the head angels. “Greetings, head angels, this is Gary reporting in.”

“Ahh, Gary, so how did it go?” The top angel asked.

“Ruby is a liar; there was no dangerous demon to look out for.”

“So I guess she really was lying again, as I expected. I’ll make sure she faces divine punishment upon her return to heaven.”

“Thank you.” He bowed. “I will now be going to my bedroom with pictures I took on earth using my camera. Excuse me.” The screen then switched off, prompting the top angel to say, “We will now finish this meeting by all standing up at once in a dramatic fashion.” They all did so, prompting him again to say, “Excellent.”

TMEDCE: Chapter 14 – Knife

In a somewhat dark room, Ruby awoke, feeling awfully confused about where she was. As she tried to move, she felt something tug at the waist, and she immediately pulled it off. The room brightened slightly, just as she spotted a few people standing close by. Spring and Floyd had ripped theirs off as well, at which point the room had become somewhat clear and appeared to be an average large bedroom with five lockers on the other side of the room. Ivy and Poison regained consciousness soon after and removed the rope connected to their waists, where an electronic belt was attached to their waists.

“Hey Poison, where are we?” Ivy asked as she scratched her forehead.

“No idea.” He replied. He then turned to Spring and Floyd and casually greeted them while they did the same.

Ruby looked at the belt around her waist, then at the others in the room. “I think I’ve seen this kind of thing in a movie before. I think I’m going to die here.” She sighed as she excepted her fate.

Just then, the television in the top right corner of the room switched on, revealing a Sonic the Hedgehog plushie which sat in the chair and turned to face them. “Hello, actors, I want to write a fanfic.”

“Who is that?!” Ivy yelled as she pointed at the screen.

“That’s a Sonic the Hedgehog plushie. You know, the guy whose friends you wanted to kill?”

“Oh right, I forgot about those guys…”

The doll continued. “I’ve gathered the five of you here today to participate in the fanfic, but the script hasn’t been decided yet. We will begin the first phase, as you’ll have noticed, there are belts strapped to your waists. Once this message ends, you’ll have one minute to find the key in your locker and take off your belt before it explodes. The locker combination for each is entirely random, so it’s based on luck. Can you find the key in time, or will you implode under pressure? Let the lulz be had.”

And so the timers began, though no-one panicked except Ruby as they tried to guess the combination to their chosen locker. Ivy was the first to guess hers right in exactly 10 seconds. Floyd managed to get his right at 37 seconds left, with Spring getting his right shortly after. Poison got the combination right with 17 seconds left to spare, and undid his belt with 11 seconds left. The others moved further back as Ruby started to panic, and then finally guessed it right with 6 seconds left. As she tried to undo the belt, it exploded. Ivy expressed a sense of respect for her. “Farewell, my foolish rival, it is a shame we never got to have that final fight, though I shall always remember you.”

“I’m not dead.” Ruby replied as she walked out from the smoke.

“Damn.” Ivy said with a frown, clearly unhappy to see her.

The door to the next room opened up, at which point Ivy turned to Spring and Floyd and asked them how they got here. “The last thing I remember doing was playing poker with a T-Rex and a grizzly bear who knew kung fu.” Spring replied.

“Good times.” Floyd nodded.

“Damn straight.”

“So how do we get out?” Ivy asked. “Do we just get through the rest of these?”

“Most likely.” Poison shrugged. “But don’t worry; the Loli Rangers are probably on this case.”

“Pfft, the Loli Rangers, like that will make a difference.” Ivy responded as the five of them left.

Meanwhile, in a pink bedroom with a pink television, a pink bed, a pink carpet, pink chairs, and curtains which were red, Loli Blue, Yellow and Green were giving Loli Red a makeover. Just then, Loli Black kicked in the door. “Guys, we got serious business!”

Loli Red got to her feet, the right half of her face having eyeliner, lipstick and the right side of her hair having princess curls. “Serious business? You serious?”

“I are serious.” Loli Black nodded. “He’s struck again, that guy who kidnaps people for the lulz! This time we can nail him for good! Mainly because thanks to Poison, I’ve found out where his hideout is.”

“Excellent work, Badass-chan. Let’s get dangerous, girls!” Loli Red got her glowing red sword, Loli Yellow came with simply her writing board which also functioned as a weapon, Loli Blue got her knives and concealed them inside her sweater, Loli Green took out 3 R .34 magnums and put them down her skirt, and Loli Black put on her golden metal gloves and they all struck a pose before leaving.

Back in the unknown location, Ivy, Poison, Ruby, Spring and Floyd all entered a white and blue striped average kitchen. A television sat on the counter, which came to life as they entered. “Welcome to the next scene. This looks like a fairly normal kitchen, fair enough. To be honest, I had nothing punny planed for this, so here goes: You each have a key in your left hand, and any key opens the exit. Someone will have to cut off their hand for you all to leave. Let the lulz be had.” As the television switched itself off, they all turned to Ruby.

She glanced around before saying, “Noooo! I can’t do that! I need my left hand, and my mom will be mad at me for cutting it off!”

“You’re the only available choice, foolish angel.” Ivy said with a smile.

“I would cut my hand off, but…” Floyd reached for a machete on the table and as he attempted to cut his hand off, the blade broke in half.

While Ruby watched them, Ivy picked up another and chopped her arm off, causing Ruby to drop to her knees, clutching the swollen area as she screamed from the immense pain. “Hey! You chopped my whole arm off, you meanie!”

Ivy hand waved her comment. “Eh, it’ll grow back.”

“Arms don’t grow back.” Poison responded. He then picked up the arm, chopped off the hand and began digging into the flesh to find the key. “It’s like one of those slush puppies, except that this isn’t cold, and this is revolting.” He found the key right afterwards and unlocked the exit. Upon doing so, they all left, with Ruby following close behind, still in immense pain.

On the way to the hideout, lead by Loli Black, the five girls ran into three other girls who wore similar outfits, though they had white hair, pink hair, and purple hair. “Douche-chan!” Loli Red confronted the white haired leader. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s Jerk-chan! Get it right!” She corrected her.

“What’s the difference?” Loli Red retorted. “And you still haven’t answered my question. Though I see you brought along Fun-chan and Cool-Chan.”

“We’re here to find out the hideout of that knife guy, and bring him to justice!” Loli White exclaimed.

“Oh no you don’t! This case is ours!” Loli Red replied.

“These guys are gonna make me go mad…” Loli Black said, struggling to hold in a beat.

Loli White laughed at them. “This case is too much for your team to handle, we, on the other hand, are better students at St. Lolita Academy, so it’s only more fitting for competent rangers to handle this situation.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMDgAevEJds

Loli Black couldn’t hold it in any longer, and immediately took out a boombox in order to play “Get Back” by Ludacris. She then approached Loli White as she was confused and said, “Yo G! Why you all in my ear, talking a whole bunch of crap, when you should disappear? Get back, loli hater, you don’t know us like that!”

“Get back, loli hater, you don’t know us like that!” Loli Blue and Green chipped in, while Loli Red was speechless about the situation.

Loli Black then approached Loli Purple. “Yo G, I ain’t playing around, my golden right fist would knock you to the ground!” She said just before clotheslining the girl. “Get back, loli hater, you don’t know us like that!” She approached Loli Pink moments later, while saying, “So come on, come on, dope!” as she pushed her back, which was played twice. Loli Pink attempted to punch her, but missed as she easily evaded it, then said, “Get swung on, swung on!” as she punched her out, played twice in quick succession. “It’s the laidback, tic and tac, crazy talking, ranger pack, loli’s on the beat, who’ll nail you down with a sneak attack! Still kicking ass!”

Loli Red, who had just kicked Loli White across the street, nodded as she said, “Yup.”

“More action packed!” Loli Black said just as Loli Blue slashed at Loli Pink with a knife while saying, “Yup!”

“And bro, we keep it real like the apple Mac! That’s why I own a yak, a pack of cracker jacks, and at eighteen, I’ll own a Cadillac! But I thought we could go bowling, bowling, we could go bowling or have Super Smash Brawling,-”

“Uhh, I don’t mean to interrupt, but is this all really necessary?” Loli Red asked.

Loli Black ignored her as she kept going on. “So keep your socks on, G, keep the skirts low, trim off the top, bend back and have your face blown!” She said as she kicked Loli Purple in the stomach, then grabbed her and did a spinning german suplex.

“I think we should skip this…” Loli Red finally said.

“Hey, little red, don’t make me loooose it!” Loli Black yelled at her for suggesting it.

Back in he unknown location, the five individuals had entered another basic bedroom and the television turned on. “Someone needs to cut off their foot. The chainsaw is on the bed. Lulz. Begin.” The television switched off, leaving them speechless until Poison finally said, “These are starting to get somewhat generic…”

As the plushie sat safely behind dozens of monitors, he saw that the Loli Rangers had discovered the hideout, and sent robots which he deemed appropriate to deal with them. The rangers encountered the humanoid robots pretty fast, and they were quickly able to learn that their laser beams mainly vaporized clothing, as it had done so to Loli Red’s skirt, who sighed and excepted that things like this tend to happen often just before slicing off one of the robot heads. They ran down the passageway, knocking out robots along the way, then the others ducked as Loli Yellow threw her board like a boomerang and sliced off several robot heads before it returned to her. As Loli Red and Loli Black tried to open a locked door, the others held off the incoming robots, and Loli Green started using 4 guns to do so: one in each hand, using her left foot, and firing the last using her mouth.

“You seem quite skilled using four guns.” Loli Blue commented in the middle of their rampage.

“Yes. I’ve watched many gun anime and read up on them to improve my ability, such as Gunslinger Girls, Trigun, Black Lagoon, Gurren Lagaan, etc.”

“But Gurren Lagaan isn’t about guns…”

“You’re forgetting Yoko.”

“Yeah, but the gun wasn’t really the main focus in that show…”

Moments later, Loli Red kicked down the door to the control room, and found a man in a black cloak standing near the plushie. He turned his attention to the Loli Rangers as they entered. “Ahh, I know all about you girls. Loli Yellow, the Japanese loli, who doesn’t speak English so she uses a wipe board to communicate, which can also be used as a weapon with its razor sharp edges! You work at a maid café in your spare time. Loli Green, when not finding absurd ways to handle guns, you work as a high school PE teacher. Loli Blue, though you are abnormally cheerful, you’re an assassin who takes pleasure in chasing your targets down and gutting them. Loli Black, you hit like a brick house, and on your time off, you work as a professional DJ, “Miss Mix-a-Few.” And finally, Loli Red. Known by the name, “Little Red Riding Slayer.” That glowing sword is your weapon, and you’ve slayed countless creatures over the years with it.

“Enough exposition, let’s just kick his ass.” Loli Red said.

“Can I keep the head if he dies?” Loli Blue asked.

“Only if he dies, but clean it before keeping it. That last head you kept got blood stains on the carpet.”

There was some explosions and a lot of noise which Ivy and the others could hear, just shortly after they had chopped off Ruby’s left foot. At which point, the door opened, leading to the outside world. Spring and Floyd nodded to Poison before leaving, and Poison breathed a sigh of relief as they stood by the exit, ignoring the lifeless body of Ruby behind them, covered in a pool of her own blood. “This was a weird day, though I told you the Loli Rangers would solve the case, mainly because I saved Loli Black from being kidnapped herself.”

“Whatever, let’s just finally get out of here.” As they were about to leave, Ruby raised her right arm. “Wait! I’m not dead! I just need medical attention!” Ivy calmly approached Ruby and imbedded her scythe in Ruby’s forehead several times before putting it away. “Okay, let’s get going, Poison.” She said with a cheerful smile as the two walked off holding hands.

Ruby then woke up from her dream in the middle of the night, covered in sweat and breathing heavily. “Man, I’ve gotta stop watching horror movies late at night.” She left her room to get a glass of water before going into her older sister’s room. “Hey Crystal, are you awake?”

“What is it, Ruby?” She asked from within the covers.

“I had a bad dream, can I sleep with you?”

“Fine.” Ruby crawled underneath the covers and next to her older sister, who happened to be wearing a pedobear suit. “Goodnight, oneechan.”

TMEDCE: Chapter 16 – Welcome to Noisy Hill

It was a dark and stormy night; a shot rang out, a maid screamed! Suddenly, a demon ship appeared over the horizon, and within the ship were our designated protagonists, Ivy and Poison. They were slowly approaching a town as a thick fog began to appear.

“Hey, are you sure this is the place?” Poison asked as he looked around. “This area seems kinda unusual…”

“That’s what Amber said. Go to a place she called Noisy Hill, there you’ll find some of the materials you need to build your doomsday weapon.” Ivy replied. “She said to meet her at a school, so let’s hurry up.” They parked the ship in a corner of the empty streets and got out. They walked along, still looking out for any residents as they searched for a school. As they passed by a bar, Poison heard a noise so he investigated while Ivy stood by the door. Poison picked up a radio he found on a stool and they left. They eventually found the large school building and entered.

Of course, the place was abandoned, the halls were partially covered in blood, and a majority of the school was covered in darkness, apart from the few lights which flickered randomly throughout the halls. “S-so, what path should we take?” Ivy asked nervously.

Poison shrugged. “We should just walk on ahead and check out any rooms we come by.”

“Yeah, let’s go, and stay close.” Ivy said as she cautiously moved on.

“Oooooh no you don’t!” Poison shook his head, causing Ivy to turn and face him. “I know what’s going to happen here. You’re going to insist I stay close and act like you’re not scared, then the second you hear a noise, you’ll grab onto me and start whimpering. Once you realize what you’re doing, you’ll hit me and claim that you weren’t scared, but just slightly startled. Repeat twice more.” Poison nodded as he finished.

Ivy simply narrowed her eyes at him and replied, “You watch too much slice-of-life anime.”

“It pays to know.” Poison retorted with a convincing nod.

So they moved on, with Ivy jumping whenever she heard a sound, and punching Poison several times, until they reached a room where a lamp was left on. They approached a table where various papers sat on a desk. Poison looked through them, though they weren’t of any importance to them so they immediately left. On the way out, the two of them stopped as they saw a creature further down the hallway. It was a humanoid looking creature with legs resembling hairy white basketballs, a head like a rocket, and its veins were quite visible. Ivy and Poison were stunned as they witnessed the creature, very slowly approaching them.

“I assume only a mind such as yours could create something as disturbing.” Poison remarked.

“Hey! What’s wrong with my mind?!” Ivy demanded.

“Nothing, but forget about that, it’s best we run.”

“Right!” Ivy and Poison turned around and fled, smacking a few teachers out the way as they ran down another path. Upon turning one corner, they stopped and hid as they saw someone wearing a red trenchcoat and a cardboard box over his head, humping a demonic looking high school girl. As he finished, Poison pulled out his blade, because he felt it was wrong to cockblock a fellow man. He approached the person, calling him out as he did so. “Hey, boxer, you look like you could prove to be a challenge, wanna take me on?”

“Sure, why not. Name’s Adol by the way.” He replied, equipping himself with a chainsaw which Poison found quite amusing. Poison nodded for Ivy to find Amber while he took care of him, which she did. Poison charged at Adol and slashed at him. Adol ducked and lunged at his feet, and missed as Poison hopped and attacked with and overhead swing. Adol sidestepped it and attacked again, Poison blocking his blow with his blade. As Poison attacked with an uppercut, Adol leaned back and attempted to slice Poison’s head off, who ducked at the last second, cutting off a lock of his hair. Poison then managed to hit him with a rising slash and moved back as Adol did the same. “Nice moves, man.” Adol powered down his chainsaw and took off.

Poison put away his blade and ran off in the same direction as Ivy, hopping to catch up with her. On the way there, the radio began making noises as he approached a changing room, which he searched, eventually leading to a swimming pool where Amber was located, swimming naked in the pool. “Oh, hey Poison!” She waved. “Wanna join me?”

“Sure!” He quickly threw his clothes to the side and dove in, just before speaking. “You won’t believe the crazy things happening around here! I just took on this guy wearing a badass longcoat, and it was awesome! Partly because his weapon of choice was a chainsaw, and chainsaws are always awesome! He could have killed me back there, but that just makes it more fun in my opinion. I wanna face him again, and maybe I will soon enough.”

Amber seemed bored listening to him go on and simply said, “Look, we’re both naked in a pool right now. Are you going to make a move or not?”

“Aren’t you listening? He wore a badass coat, and uses a chainsaw! Don’t you found that awesome?!?”

Amber sighed and got out of the pool. “Ivy’s here with you, right? Come on, let’s go find her then.”

Poison shook his head in disgust as he got out. “Honestly, can I not have a discussion about cool things?”

“Not when we’re naked.”

Shortly afterwards, Poison and Amber walked around for a few minutes before the radio flared up again as they approached a corner. Poison drew his blade, ready to stab the creature which appeared, and then he stopped as he saw it was Ruby. They stared at each other in complete silence for several moments until Amber coughed.

“We haven’t done our usual routine in a while…” Ruby managed to say.

“You mean me casually saying, “Hey Ruby.” And then you cheerfully replying, “Hi Poison!”? Like that?”

“Yeah.”

“So why are you here?” Amber asked.

“I came with my sister, because she took a job, requiring her to collect something.”

“Really? So where is Crystal now?”

Ruby shrugged. “Probably beating up monsters. I’ll find her soon enough, you guys are probably trying to find Ivy so I’ll see you later. I’ll just be slowing you down, so don’t worry about me.” She said before walking past them. Poison and Amber followed her advice and moved on.

Meanwhile, Ivy had gotten lost somewhere among the dark corridors and began to give up when she came across Adol. She jumped back as he appeared. “You! You’re the one controlling the things here, aren’t you?”

“Maybe.” He simply answered.

Ivy backed up slightly more. “T-Then that means, you’re going to take advantage of my body!”

Adol chuckled for a moment. “Lol, of course not, silly girl, I’d wait another year before I do that. So what brings you here?”

“Came to find a demon, then find tools of destruction.”

“lol, tools of destruction.”

“It wasn’t that funny…”

“Maybe not. So, you know the green haired guy, right?”

“Yeah, he’s my loyal servant.” She said proudly, crossing her arms.

“Lol, I doubt it. He seems like a rebellious type.”

“Well he’s not.”

“lol.”

“Stop loling at me!” Ivy shouted.

“’Kay.”

“And seriously, why don’t you wanna take advantage of my body? Are you worried you can’t satisfy me?”

“You’re a weird little girl.”

Just then, Ruby jumped out of a locker, wearing a pink skirt, Hello Kitty fuzzy slippers, a knitted white cardigan, and a pink cat mask covering her face. “The gig is up, evildoer! I will rain justice upon you!”

“And who may you be, mysterious hero?” Adol inquired.

Ruby stood in silence, just realizing she hadn’t thought of a good name. She then dramatically pointed at him. “My name is Magical Girl Rabi!”

Ivy stroked her chin upon hearing it. “Rabi, I’m sure that name is familiar…”

“And I’m in no way connected to a foolish angel!”

“Yeah, must just be a coincidence…”

“We should really take this outside.” With a click of his fingers, they soon found themselves outside, surrounded by various monsters, which Ivy and Ruby were able to easily dispatch of while Adol watched. As they were done, Poison and Amber arrived at the scene.

“Hey, are you guys alright?” Poison asked.

“Yes, never fear, fellow citizen, I had things under control.” Ruby replied.

“Ohh, thank you very much, person who looks suspiciously like Ruby with a lame outfit on.” He said sarcastically.

“You’re welcome.” She bowed, seconds before realizing what he said. “Hey!”

Adol, growing tired of this, summoned the various tools Ivy was looking for, including several large tubs of oil, and mixed them together to form an oily robotic Godzilla look-alike. “I’ll handle this!” Ruby said as she charged towards the robot, which easily knocked her aside then crushed her underneath its foot. Ivy flew towards it next, punching it in various places but ultimately causing no damage. The robot then smacked Ivy into a building with its tail. It then roared before firing a laser beam from its mouth, blowing up a building far in the distance.

Poison glanced around before saying, “Gee, I wish two certain people I know happen to turn up this second out of nowhere and defeat this weird monster by making it explode, because we would be very grateful for that.” He looked around and then sighed. “Guess we gotta take it down ourselves.”

“I’m ready to go.” Amber said, taking out her glowing red large axe.

Just then, the oil creature was hit by a purple energy blast. Crystal was spotted further away, speeding towards the area on a bomb. The creature shot a simple ball of energy at her, which she hit back with her bat, just before jumping off the bomb as it crashed into the robot and exploded. Sadly, it wasn’t enough to destroy the creature, but Ivy grabbed its tail from behind, struggled to lift it, eventually developing a red aura, she eventually lifted it up by the tail and slammed it hard into the ground right in front of her, pulling her forward and sliding a few feet ahead before turning her head to face Adol who had recovered, sporting a slasher smile with bloodshot eyes as she said, “Still feel like laughing, Adol?”

“Ehh, not anymore…” He said nervously as he backed away from her.

“That’s more like it! I shall have you kiss the royal foot! Hahahahahaha!” She said in a deep voice as she ominously approached him.

“Wow, I’ve never seen that side of her before…” Amber commented, just before Ivy returned to normal and ran over to the tools.

Poison shrugged. “Well, she is the devil’s daughter, after all, it’s only a matter of time before she becomes as overpowered as her parents.”

Crystal looked around before turning to Poison and Amber. “Oh, by the way, have you guys seen Ruby?”

“I think she’s dead.” Amber replied, pointing to her lifeless body under a large steel container.

Crystal shrugged as she noticed it. “Oh well.”

Ruby suddenly sprung back to life as she yelled, “Hey! You hear I might be dead and that’s all you say?!?”

“Well you’ve lived through a lot, so I expected you to go far.” She patted her on the head. “Good job, Ruby.” She said before pulling her from underneath the container, and then looked onward into the sky. “Well, I finished what I came here to do.”

“You didn’t really do much.” Poison replied.

“Maybe not, but my job is done, and there’s only one thing left for me to do.”

“Stroll off like a pimp?” Amber suggested slyly.

“Damn straight.” Crystal nodded as they both put on a pair of shades, hats which were tipped forward slightly, a cane covered in diamonds, and put on jackets just before bopping off down a road out of town as a mixture of jazz and hip-hop played in the background.

Ivy shed tears as she discovered she had destroyed half the tools she planned to take back with her, so much so that Poison had to carry her into their ship and drive off. Ruby stayed behind to finish off Adol for good, who summoned more creatures as the others left.

“Why do you fight me, Ruby? What purpose do you gain from it?”

“I must fight!” She exclaimed. “I must defeat the monsters!”

Adol shook his head as he placed a hand on Ruby’s shoulder. “No, Ruby, you are the monsters!” And then Ruby was a zombie.

TMEDCE: Chapter 17 – Everything’s Worse with Bears

It was a beautiful morning as Ivy and Poison walked through some woods. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the description was basic. Poison was giving Ivy a piggy back ride as they moved deeper into the sunny woods. Ivy smiled as she saw a squirrel fly kicking a bird out of a tree. “I guess you were right, exploring the woods can be quite relaxing.”

Poison smiled upon hearing her. “Told ya, just one question though.” He quickly frowned.

“What?”

“Why am I giving you a piggy back ride?”

“Because!”

“That’s not a decent answer…”

Just then, they heard the shriek of a young girl and stopped immediately, looking in the direction it supposedly came from. Suddenly, a little girl rushed out of some bushes and ran into them, knocking Ivy off Poison’s shoulders. Ivy quickly got to her feet and shook her fist at the girl. “Watch where you’re going, you little brat! Also, possibly a dojikko!”

“Huh?”

Poison spoke up. “Ever since I introduced her to TVTropes, she’s been labelling almost everyone she sees.”

The girl had short brown hair with a bow, blue eyes, and wore a blue and white striped top, with a blue skirt and white stockings. “Oh, anyway, I’m sorry! My name is Cherry, and you guys have to help me! There’s this really mean bear chasing me!”

As if right on que, a grizzly bear wearing a black gi charged through several trees, lifted its head and roared loud enough to be heard from a mile away. Ivy then exclaimed, “Jesus Christ, it’s a bear! Get in the ship! Also, everything’s worse with bears!” as she ran off, with Cherry following her.

Poison instead grinned before charging at the bear and they traded blows for half a minute, seeming to be equally matched. As the bear swiped at his feet, Poison leaped at him and yelled, “Knee of Chaos!” before kneeing him in the face, knocking the bear into a tree. “I had fun fighting you, I hope we meet again.” Poison said before running off to find the others.

Minutes later, they were sitting round a table in a restaurant, with Cherry explaining the circumstances leading to this point. “So this organisation of mean bears were trying to hold me for ransom because my uncle is rich and won’t pay the mean bears tax to have his business on their land which they recently bought the rights of, but their prices were ridiculous! I managed to get away when they weren’t looking, and then I found you guys! You have to stop the mean bears! Pretty please?” She asked, looking at them with puppy dog eyes.

“Tastes likes diabetes!” Ivy randomly yelled.

Poison got to his feet, and put his clenched fist to his chest. “I could never deny the requests of a little girl in need! I would be honoured to help!”

They then heard quite a bit of commotion from the people in the restaurant, and looked outside to see a bear with a monocle and top hat waiting outside with a few other bears. Assuming they were obviously looking for them, they went to greet them.

“Good morning, unfortunate nuisances. We are here to exchange the girl for something of your choosing.”

“Exchange?” Ivy said with a smirk.

“No deal.” Poison stated.

“All we ask is that you hand over the girl, and we’ll give you something in return.” The bear replied.

“Poison! Hand over the girl!” Ivy demanded.

“No! Wait! My uncle can reward you more than they can!” Cherry cried.

“Is that so…”

The bear shook his head. “The child speaks lies! Please, just hand her over to us and we’ll take things from here, after all, she’d be more of an annoyance to you than anything else, right? So what do you say?”

“What do I say, huh…” Ivy stared at the smirking bear, and then looked back at Poison who nodded to her; and then finally glanced over at Cherry who still looked worried and simply nodded. Ivy smiled as she took out her scythe and pointed it at the bear. “I think you’re the biggest annoyance right now.”

“Why I never! You’ll kill a posh bear?!?” He moved back in fear as the others did the same. “This is unbelievable! This is inconceivable!”

“Inconceivable?” She grinned as she firmly gripped her scythe. “Blah, blah, blah, reference!” She then sliced him in half, put away her scythe and caught a pair of shades as she turned around while the other bears ran off. She then put them on as she and Poison walked off, with him carrying Cherry and humming a certain theme, and this was all done in slow motion.

Moments later, Ivy turned to her and said, “So what were you saying about your uncle having a reward?”

“Well, if you rescue me and return me safety, he’ll probably get you anything you want.” She took a wanted poster out of her pocket and showed it to her. “Here.”

“$500,000?!?” Ivy said in shock. “I could get all the sweets I want with that!”

“You really are a kid after all…” Poison retorted.

Ivy pointed off into the distance and yelled, “To the McMobile!” The Sega logo was shown in the centre of a spinning pink screen, and then in the next scene, Ivy, Poison and Cherry were safety sitting in Ivy’s ship, just as she started the engine. On the way out of the area, they smashed through a tractor as “Pow!” suddenly covered the screen, then drove through a bull as “Dayum!” appeared, then finally ran over a farmer as “lol” appeared.

Meanwhile, the boss of the bear organisation had just been informed of the situation in a dark room with dozens of monitors around. He was covered in metal armor and had glowing red eyes. “What?!?” He couldn’t believe his ears. He then looked up the nuisances on a computer, based on the information given. “The pink haired one was the demon princess. To think she’d be roaming around this area. The green haired guy is her servant, but we shouldn’t underestimate him. If he’s travelling with her, he must be quite skilled.”

“Hey, couldn’t we just kidnap the princess instead? We’ll probably get a bigger ransom if we had her.” One bear said.

“You’re missing the point; this is the demon princess, its not going to be a walk in the park to successfully capture her.”

“No sweat, we’ll rush in, knock her out, and then throw her in the torture room when we get back to break her spirit.”

“Fine. Thankfully I was smart enough to place a cleverly hidden tracking device on that girl, so with my directions we can easily find them.”

Back in the ship, Poison spotted a large beeping bug on Cherry’s back. “Hey Ivy, should I remove this rather obvious tracking device?”

“Nah, just leave it on.” She replied. Cherry looked on ahead and saw Ruby crossing the street, she then quickly grabbed the wheel and turned as she yelled, “Look out, an angel!” The ship came to the stop beside a building, 20 feet away from Ruby who had stopped in confusion and walked over to the ship. “Are you okay?” She asked.

Ivy jumped out through the window and pointed at her. “Foolish angel! Stop appearing out of nowhere!”

Ruby gasped. “You again! When will you remember my name?!”

“Never! Also, the fool!”

“Huh?”
Poison spoke as he climbed out. “Ivy has been giving tropes to a lot of people recently.”

Ruby turned back to Ivy. “So, you think you know more tropes, huh?”

“I know I do, your inferior mind is too simple-minded to memorize tropes to do with people.” Ivy said confidently.

“We’ll see.” Ruby pointed at her. “Royal brat!”

“The ditz!”

“Large ham!”

“Buttmonkey!”

“Daddy’s Little Villain!”

“The Chew Toy!”

Amber suddenly appeared and ran up to the two of them, waving as she greeted them. “Hey guys, what a surprise to see you guys today.”

Ivy immediately turned to her. “Village Bicycle!”

“Good bad girl!” Ruby chimmed in.

“**** devils!”

“Most Common Superpower!”

“Ms Fanservice!”

Amber frowned upon them, clearly annoyed. “I suggest you stop targeting me without facts.”

They did so and instead turned to Poison. “Deadpan Snarker!” Ivy yelled.

“Only sane man!”

“Technically, only sane demon.” Poison pointed out. “And that’s only because most people I know are exaggerated beyond belief.”

“Aloof Big Brother!” Ivy continued.

“The Dragon!” Ruby added. “Also, the lancer!”

They then stopped, both giving it more thought until Ivy eventually said, “I can’t think of much.”

“I was gonna say wholesome crossdresser, but he hasn’t done that yet…” As Ruby finished her sentence, they turned to Poison. Amber grinned as she also caught on, while Poison was left confused.

“I wonder what Poison would look like in my clothes…” Ivy said.

The Loli Rangers who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, wondered as well. Loli Red pointed at Loli Yellow and said, “Dojikko-chan, get right on that!” She nodded and began drawing a picture as the others gathered around her. When she had finished, Kuudere-chan added some finishing touches, making them all nod in approval. Loli Red gave them a thumbs up. “Good work, girls!”

“You guys shouldn’t just appear when it’s convenient for you.” Poison responded. “But further more, I’m not wearing girl’s clothes so you can all ogle me.”

“Please, Mr. Poison, sir? I’d like to see it too.” Cherry asked with puppy dog eyes.

“Well maybe just this once…”

Ivy narrowed her eyes at him. “It’s funny that you only agree when she asks you…”

Minutes later, Ivy and Poison had swapped clothes. Poison had straightened his hair and let it flow downwards, with a blue bow tied at the back of his neck. Poison sighed while the others were shocked over how convincing he looked. Amber took a few tissues and stuffed them down his dress, and then stepped back a bit. At that moment, Ruby flipped the bottom of the dress, making Poison quickly hold it down. “Hey! What are you doing?!”

“That’s a very convincing sign of embarrassment.” Ivy nodded before taking out a camera. “Ruby, keep doing that so I can get some good pictures!”

“Right!” She continued to do so, while Poison ran away yelling, “Stop that! That’s not funny, you guys!”

Amber shook her head in disgust. “I just lost a lot of respect for you, Poison.” Just then, a black car pulled up nearby, hit Poison over the head with a hammer, and then dragged him inside before driving off.

After a short period of silence, Ivy turned to Cherry and said, “Since you know where they’re going, we’ll follow them and get Poison back, because his clothes are slightly too big for me.” She said before getting in her ship, with the others following her, to her dismay.

A bit later, Poison awoke in a confined red room with brown carpeting, a television ahead of him and a chair in the middle of the room. The boss entered the room soon after. “Oh, you’re awake. Seems we made a mistake of bringing you here. My associates are idiots and picked you up, despite me saying the princess had pink hair, but I’ll torture you nonetheless until the princess comes to find you.”

“Pfft, no amount of torture could ever break me.”

“You’ll be watching Disaster Movie.” He said with a smirk.

Poison dropped to his knees. “Nooooooo!”

“Twice.”

“Nooooooooooo!”

Outside, Ivy and the others had just arrived and drove through the front gate, then the Loli Rangers leapt out of the ship and started taking out the bears around the building while Ivy, Ruby and Amber rushed inside. They knocked any bears they encountered out of the way while Amber stayed behind halfway through so Ivy and Ruby could go on ahead. Ivy kicked open the torture room door as she yelled, “Dynamic entry plus big damn villains!”

The metal bear stepped back. “You! How did you get here so fast?!”

Ivy ignored him and helped Poison to his feet. He breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank god you arrived early, they were gonna make me watch Disaster Movie.”

“Cruel and unusual punishment.” She said with she fully understood.

“Even with you teaming up, I’ll still crush you both!” The metal bear said.

“Who said we would be fighting you?” Ivy whistled, and then Nookie came in through a wall nearby and grabbed the bear. “Goodbye, metal nuisance.” Ivy said just before Nookie ripped him in half off-screen. “So you ready to kick some bear arse, green thunder?”

“I always am, pink lightning.” He said with a smile. “I still wanna know why you keep calling me that, though.”

Five minutes later, and a lot of gore unneeded, they had finished off the bears, but Cherry had been killed in the aftermath by one of the bears. There was a long period of silence when everyone had heard this, while Poison nodded to Spring and Floyd who had showed up earlier to help. Ruby took this opportunity to sneak away fast before something bad happened to her.

“I see you’ve decided to finally come to terms with yourself.” Spring said.

Poison quirked an eyebrow, and then realized he was still crossdressing as a girl. “N-No! This isn’t what it looks like!”

“That’s what they all say.” Floyd replied.

“It’s the truth!”

Ivy picked up Cherry’s dead body as some of the others began to leave. “I guess we should go give her a proper burial. Just out of respect. I’m still fully evil, but in this case I’ll make an exception.”

“A noble demon quality.” Poison replied. “It looks like you’re slowly maturing…mentally, anyway.”

“Very funny.” She handed Cherry over to him. “Let’s go. Later on, we’ll slowly walk along a beach with sad music playing in the background.”

“Is that a reference?”

“Maybe.” She said as she started walking, with Poison following close behind.

“Also, can I have my clothes back now?”

“Not until tomorrow.”

TMEDCE: Chapter 18 – Best Friends Forever

It was another typical day, except that Ivy and Poison were speeding around town in her ship, travelling at 80mph. They drifted through traffic, evaded airplanes and sped through billboards, as well as flying through office windows as they laughed at the small bits of carnage they were causing. Soon enough, Ivy looked in a rear view mirror and saw Ruby following them.

“Oh, look at that.” Ivy began. “The foolish angel thinks she can take this ship down.”

“Aww, isn’t that cute?” Poison said in a sweet patronizing tone.

“It really is.” She nodded. Just then, Ruby threw her spear, damaging the thrusters at the back, causing the ship to catch on fire and spiral out of control. “Holy crap! The ship is being taken down!”

Ruby had attached a rope to the spear and used it to reach the ship. As she punched through the windscreen, Ivy quickly said, “Itty bitty baby, itty bitty boat!”

Ruby stopped, and shook her head in disbelief. “I don’t believe it!”

“Habeeb it.” Poison nodded.

“Twinkie house!” Ruby yelled as she punched Ivy. The ship flew around randomly for several moments before finally crashing near a construction site. “Hi Poison…” Ruby said weakly as she crawled out of the ship.

“Hey Ruby…” He weakly replied.

Ivy did the same shortly afterwards, obviously angry about her ship being damaged. “Foolish angel, I’m going to decorate my ship with your blood…”

“Before that happens, I’ll beat you with…” She stopped and looked behind Ivy. “Dat bat?”

“Huh?” Before Ivy could turn around, she was hit in the back of the head by the titanium bat and immediately knocked unconscious. Everything went black, until a minute later when she slowly began to open her eyes and saw Poison and Ruby standing over her.

“Hey Ivy, you okay?” Poison asked as she regained consciousness, and then helped her up.

“What happened? And who are you guys, exactly?” She asked.

Ruby then spoke, “My sister was playing baseball and the bat flew out of her hands, long story. Also, I’m your-” She stopped and thought for a second. “Hey wait, could she possibly have lost part of her memory, at least the small parts of it? This could be my chance!” She cleared her throat before continuing, “I’m your best friend, and we’re partners, fighting the forces of evil.”

“Really?” Ivy and Poison asked in unison.

“Yes, really.” Ruby and Poison moved a bit away from Ivy before she spoke to him. “I figure this is for the best. After all, you didn’t like Ivy very much either, did you?”

Poison shrugged. “Well I guess you have a point. I’ll go along with it for now.”

They returned, just as Ivy then said, “Are you sure we’re friends? You seem like the kind of person I’d want to kill for no accurately explained reason.”

“We’re just friends, okay? Look, we’ll even hang out tomorrow, a threesome day just for fun.”

Poison shook his head. “You keep using that word, I don’t think it means what you think it means.”

“I look forward to our planned day of fun tomorrow, person who is my friend.” Ivy said.

“It’s Ruby.”

“I’ll remember that.” She turned to Poison. “Let’s go home, person I also don’t know.” Ivy flew onto the ship, grabbed it and then flew back to her house with Poison following. Ruby watched for a few moments before leaving.

The next morning, Ruby stood outside their house at 9 o’clock, waiting for them to get ready. They walked out the door a minute later, with Poison waving as he said, “Hey Ruby.”

“Hi Poison.” She replied.

Ivy hugged her as she said, “Good morning, Ruby.”

Ruby gasped. “Y-You actually remembered my name?!?”

“Well, she also remembered your name that time when you two had a little too much fun, crossdressing me.” Poison pointed out. “That’s right, I noticed.”

Ruby suddenly stroked her chin as the background become black and she expressed her thoughts. “Should I really be letting my guard down? As far as I know, this could be a trap to lower my guard and kill me, because she’s done worse before. But to go great lengths to probably suffer brain damage and actually remember my name, it couldn’t be deliberate…could it?”

Poison waved to her. “Uhh, Ruby, are you done yet?”

And so, the three had a wonderful time. First they went riding around town on a three-seated bicycle, with Poison sitting in front, Ivy in the middle and Ruby at the back. As they began to cycle up a hill, Ivy hit Ruby with the back of her head, sending her tumbling down the hill, though they all laughed after discovering this. They later went bowling, in which Ivy caused Poison to miss his last shot by lifting her dress, and nearly caused the ball to hit Ruby, which only Ivy laughed at, as Poison seemed disturbed and Ruby was becoming worried. After a short while, they went to a cinema to see Gangsta ****, and while the trailers were playing, Ivy left to buy some popcorn with butter. Unfortunately, the butter was hot, and upon moving past people to get to her seat, she tripped and fell on Poison while the hot buttered popcorn landed on Ruby, causing her to run in circles while screaming.

They visited the beach soon after the movie was over, and stopped at an ice cream shop, then sat at one of the half a dozen tables nearby. As Ivy walked slowly to the table with a triple vanilla scoop ice cream, she tripped on a nearby banana peel, and hit her head on the side of a round table, tipping it and sending to flying towards Ruby who saw it only a second before being hit. Poison got up and helped Ivy to her feet, who was covered in vanilla ice cream. “You alright?”

“Yes, but I’m all sticky. Will you lick me clean?”

“No, I won’t do that.” He said without hesitation.

A bit later, they walked back to Ivy and Poison’s house, with Ruby being cautious of everything they came across. When they reached the house, Ivy turned to her and said, “Thanks for today, Ruby, I had fun.”

“Yeah, me too.” Ruby replied, putting on a fake smile. As they waved goodbye and she left, she breathed a sigh of relief and wondered whether changing her was a good thing.

Inside the house, Poison sat on the couch and started watching television while Ivy left the room. He cycled through some recorded programmes before yelling, “Hey Ivy, I thought you said you were going to record ‘Explosions Strike Back’?”

She walked back in. “I thought I did. Seems I’ve been a bad girl, so you’ll have to punish me.”

“No I don’t.”

“Don’t you want to let loose some stress from missing your show? Wouldn’t an appropriate punishment be to spank me until I learn my lesson?”

“I don’t want to do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s wrong.”

“Maybe so, but it would feel right.”

“If you’re not going to watch ‘Explosions in Space’, could you please leave?”

“Alright, I guess I’ll watch.” Ivy said as she sat next to him.

“I would have been okay with you leaving.”

“But don’t you want to talk about these kinds of shows?”

“Well I guess you have a point…”

The next day, Ruby decided to stay at her house instead of see Ivy and Poison again, out of fear that Ivy’s unfortunate accidents might actually get her killed. So instead, Ivy and Poison visited her planet instead, and they found their way there by having Nookie follow her trail using his perverse heightened nose. They knocked at her door, and as Ruby answered the door she jumped back in shock. “Not you! How did you get here?”

“Nookie is a god among perverts.” Poison replied.

“Would you care to invite us in?” Ivy asked.

“Well we’re building something today so you really c-” As Ruby attempted to close the door, Ivy put one foot in and in a deep voice, repeated, “Would you care to invite us in?”

Out of fear she backed away and cheerfully replied, “Of course, come on in!” They did so, and Ruby led them to the large shed being built. Her dad, who had long black hair like Ruby and also wore an angel’s robe, greeted them as he put down his tools. “Ahh, you must be my daughter’s friends, I was beginning to wonder if she had any.”

“Hey!” Ruby responded.

“I’m Ivy and this is Poison” She said as Poison shook his hand.

“My name is Diamond.” He replied. “Oh, and I’ve heard a lot about you.” He said, turning to Poison.

“Is that so?”

“I didn’t say anything at all.” Ruby stated.

Ruby’s mother then arrived with a tray of cookies, who had long blonde hair, always had her eyes shut, and wore a yellow tank top with light blue jeans. “Oh, seems we have company. I guess Ruby finally made some friends.”

“Mom!”

“My name is Sapphire.” They once again introduced themselves, leading to Sapphire saying she’s heard a lot about Poison.

“Y’know, I’m starting to see a pattern with the names…” Poison said.

“You’re probably just thinking too much.” Ivy replied.

Just then, Crystal walked in and waved at them. “Hey! Ivy and Poison! What are you guys doing here?”

“Just visiting.” Ivy replied.

“Did you see explosions in space last night?” Crystal asked, turning to Poison.

“You know it!” They promptly high-fived.

After more talking, they continued building the shed, with Ivy nearly killing Ruby with several of the tools being used by accident. After they finished, Ruby figured they weren’t any less of a danger on her planet, so she was going back down to earth with them instead. On the way there, they spotted Gary. Poison pointed him out as he said, “Hey look, here comes Gary Oak.”

He walked down a cloud bridge and a textbox appeared beneath him. “Hey! That’s rude, I happen to be the prince! And my name is Gary Stu.”

“Good morning, Gary.” Ivy greeted him.

“What’s this? A good morning? What happened to the girl I fell in love with?”

Poison then said, “You mean the one who hates your guts, chooses not to remember you, and is revolted by your presence?”

“Yes! The girl of my dreams!”

“I see you’re a masochist. Also, she changed for good.”

Gary was shocked by this heartbreaking news. Ivy smirked as she pointed at him and said, “U mad?”

“N-No, I’m not mad, just surprised…”

“He mad.” Poison smirked as he nodded.

Ruby chuckled and said, “Why he mad though?”

Gary tried to change the subject. “So where are you off to?”

“Earth to hang out.” Poison answered. “I’ll give you these recently taken photos if you don’t bug us.” He said, handing him certain pictures of Ivy. They glared at each other shortly before he took them. “Deal.”

Later on that day on earth, after more various accidental kill attempts, they sat at a table outside eating ice cream again, though Ivy had a strawberry sundae which came with a cherry. Ivy had finished it and waved it in front of Poison. “Hey Poison, you want my cherry?”

“That’s a double entendre, isn’t it?”

“You want it or not?”

“Fine.” She snatched it as he tried to take it, several times, until he eventually grabbed it and popped it in the process.

Ivy then loudly yelled, “Poison! You popped my cherry!” A mother nearby grabbed her children and frowned about Poison before leaving.

Spring and Floyd arrived just afterwards and greeted them. “Seems you all had a fun day.” Spring said.

“Hey guys.” Poison replied. “What have you been doing?”

“Tracking this syndicate of loli’s that worship the Anti-Christ and meet at a church once a week. We got the tip from the Loli Rangers, but haven’t had much luck so far.”

“Hey guys, Poison popped my cherry.” Ivy cheerfully said.

“I always suspected he was like that…” Spring nodded.

“As did I.” Floyd agreed.

“You’re getting it wrong! It wasn’t like that!” Poison protested. “Tell them, Ruby!”

She held up a finger as she spoke, “In his defence, he only used one hand to pop her cherry.”

“You’re not helping at all!”

A bit later, they returned to their homes again. During the next day, Ivy and Ruby got on a little better with less attempted killings happening, and met people they personally knew, who liked the slightly new Ivy. Ivy, Poison, Ruby and Amber were currently walking down a clear road, with Ivy and Ruby ahead of the other two, talking and laughing about something.

Poison smiled as he watched them, “That really is something. This new personality seems to actually get on with everyone now. Ivy and Ruby are actually pretty close; she can remember and get on with the Loli Rangers. You two were acting like sisters earlier today, and she even got Spring and Floyd to laugh at one of her jokes. Laugh. I didn’t even know they could do that! Plus they actually wore clothes Ivy got for them. I’ve also changed, as I enjoy her company and actually think of her as a little sister, though this change has also sadly increased her perverted nature substantially. It’s like she’s possessed by Adol’s spirit or something, but it’s probably just a phase.”

“Hey, remember the ninjas we beat up at the mall the other day?” Ruby said to Ivy.

“Heh. Yeah, that was great, foo-I mean, friend.” Ivy smiled.

Ruby, meanwhile, was suspicious. “…Hey Ivy, what’s my name?”

“Why are you asking a silly question like that?” Ivy asked, trying to get around it.

“Answer it! What’s my name?!”

Ivy sighed. “Fine, I can’t remember. Yes, I’m back to normal now.”

“I knew it!...Wait, now? You weren’t faking?”

“Not till early this morning. I went along with it today after getting my memory back when I visited my basement. Upon me returning, it seems I’ll continue doing random crap, and you’ll continue to inavertedly get involved unless you happen to be stalking us.” Poison and Amber passed by, sighing over Ivy returning to her senses. “Maybe we could have been friends if we didn’t have our differences. Well, until the next time…” She walked off and caught up to the other two, while Ruby left in the other direction, deeply depressed shortly before falling into an open sewer.

The longest one so far after chapter 10. I actually had to speed it up due to the length.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 19 – My Imaginary Enemy

The morning after the previous unusual encounter with Ruby, Ivy was in the basement, creating a mixture of potions and testing them on Nookie, who was strapped to an operating table further behind him. She had spent several hours trying to get the right formula, and eventually created a light grey coloured solution. Upon forcing Nookie to drink it, he began to turn invisible, though it looked as if he was slowly disintegrating so Ivy poked him to be sure.

After finding out it had worked, she threw her hands into the air and yelled, “Success! Glorious victory!”

At that moment, the door to the basement opened up and Poison slid down the stairs, leaped off and landed beside her. “Sup?”

“Ah, Poison. You’re in time to hear my marvellous plan!” She pulled over a chalkboard with various drawings on it. “I worked my ass off to make a serum which could turn me invisible, and I succeeded. I needed it for my plan, and I was originally going to call it ‘Operation: Invader Ivy’ but I figured it sounded plain silly, so I went with ‘Operation: Imaginary Enemy’ instead.”

“That’s still a silly name.” Poison remarked.

“So, firstly, I wait until the next time I see that foolish angel, and then I’ll follow her to find out where her house is-”

“Can’t you just use Nookie’s nose for that?”

“Since when does Nookie have a nose?”

“Nevermind, just continue.” Poison replied.

“So after entering her house, I’ll inhale some helium and when we’re alone I’ll convince her that I’m her imaginary friend and that she created me. I’ll gain her trust and soon, using her previous connections with that stupid prince, make my way into the main headquarters of that place. I’ll keep note of everything there, so when I prepare to make my move later on, they’ll be no flaws as I sabotage the whole place. At the very least, the foolish angel will be blamed for it. My plan is ingenious, there’s no way it could fail!” She crossed her arms as she laughed, “Haaaaahahahahaha!”

“I see you’ve thought this through.” Poison said with a smile.

“Would you expect anything less from a being as perfect as I?”

“Much less, actually.”

Ivy glared at him but chose not to reply. She instead went to her computer and accessed one surveillance camera near the door, and managed to spot Ruby in the bushes. “Excellent! Let’s begin!” She grabbed the invisibility vial and drank it down, and eventually she became invisible, but her clothes didn’t. “Ahh, I guess it doesn’t work on clothes, seems I’ll have to accomplish this without them.”

“I’m sure this will come back to haunt you.” Poison replied. “You might as well make more and pour it on your clothes to see if that works.”

“There’s no time! I must act right now! Also, while making an invisibility draught, I managed to make one which turns guys into girls. Remind me to use it later.”

“You’ll most likely use it on me, so I’d be stupid to remind you…”

A few minutes later, Poison opened the front door and approached Ruby, who was crouching behind a bush and soon turned to him moments later. “Hi Poison!”

“Hey Ruby.” He said in a monotone voice. “Ivy isn’t here today, so you don’t need to spy on us.”

“Oh, okay, well I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye!” She quickly took off, somewhat surprising Poison shortly before he shrugged and went back inside. Ruby flew back towards her home in Heaven, using a pink spaceship parked in some bushes further down the street. Ivy jumped in just before the doors closed and remained quiet as Ruby took off. Unfortunately, on the way back, Ruby started singing ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’, which was a fate worse than death, seeing as the trip was nearly half an hour, and Ivy was pretty close to strangling her.

Ruby landed the ship in her backyard, near the green shed, and entered the house with Ivy quickly following. She walked through the house, with the wallpaper being light blue, and soon reached her room, where the wallpaper was still light blue. After shutting the door and sitting on her bed beside the window, Ivy began to make her move.

“Hello there!” She said in a squeaky voice.

Ruby jumped upon hearing the voice and looked around. “W-who are you?”

“I’m your imaginary friend, Mivy!”

“I don’t have an imaginary friend, and that name just sounds like someone I dislike with an ‘M’ in front of it.”

“But you created me!”

“I’m not that lonely!” Ruby responded.

Ivy had now become frustrated. “Look, kid. You made me without realizing you needed me, okay? So I’m your imaginary friend, whether you want me or not.”

Ruby sighed. “Fine, I’m sure even if I denied it, you’d still follow me around, regardless.”

“Damn straight.”

So Ivy and Ruby started spending the rest of the day together, with Ivy attempting to gain her trust and have cheerful conversations about anything she might have enjoyed, but also keeping quiet in others presence, which Ruby appreciated. Later that night, when Ruby was preparing for bed, Ivy was checking her bookcase and beside a small bag on lollipops she saw a DVD. “Oh! You have Bible Black on DVD?”

“Hmm? Yeah, I won it, still haven’t watched it though.”

“Me neither, let’s watch it together!” Ivy said before putting on the DVD and hopping into bed with her.

Meanwhile, in a church somewhere on earth, a meeting of Loli’s who worshipped the Anti-Christ was gathering. Most of them had two shades of different coloured hair, while the leader had rainbow coloured hair, and was of course called Loli Rainbow. “Good evening, fellow Lolis.” She said as she appeared at the altar. “We have once again gathered here to pray to our savoir and god, share stories, and hope that one day he shall heed our call.”

Suddenly, the doors to the church exploded, and the Loli Rangers walked in. Loli Red wagged her finger as she said, “Sorry, but your god can’t help you now.”

“Get them!” Rainbow-chan yelled. The followers charged at them, with the Loli Rangers easily casting most of them aside with their chosen weapons as they tried to get to the altar. Loli Green saw one Loli touting a sniper rifle as she sat on a ledge by a window higher up, so she simply blasted the gun out of her hands. Another loli on a windowsill further away equipped herself with a railgun and aimed for Loli Red.

Far away, Spring and Floyd were driving through traffic at 180mph and flew off a bridge. They leaped out the window just before their car crashed through the window, hitting the loli with the railgun while they fly kicked the unarmed loli. Both exploded immediately. After more curb stomp battles and a few wrestling moves, the Loli Rangers, Spring and Floyd approached Loli Rainbow who stood by a window near the altar and took out a rocket launcher. “I didn’t wanna have to use this, but you left me no choice! You shall all be condemned in the eyes of the lord!”

Before she could fire, Floyd removed his shades and shot the rocket launcher, causing it to explode, sending her flying out the window. “Seems she forgot to…” He promptly put them back on, “Say her prayers.”

Loli Yellow held her board up, which in bold said, “YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

“This deserves a Nicholson.” Loli Red commented.

Spring repeatedly nodded his head as the camera slowly zoomed in on him. “Indeed it does, Tsundere-chan, indeed it does.”

Back on Heaven, the next morning, Ruby was sitting in the corner of her room in silence until Ivy eventually asked, “Hey, are you okay?”

“I’m scarred for life.” She replied.

“Anyway, we should do fun things today, right?”

“O-okay…”

And so they did, such as boringly chase butterflies, and mould clouds into various objects, though Ivy’s chosen objects seemed rather questionable. Ivy had decided she still needed to spend another day or so being nice before attempting to execute the plan. Later that night, Crystal called Ruby downstairs to the kitchen, where she asked who ate all the cookies.

Ruby shrugged. “IDK, my bff, Mily?” Crystal promptly slapped her, making Ruby rub her cheek. “Ow! Why did you slap me?!”

“Hearing that phrase causes me to slap people, sorry about that.”

“Hey Crystal, do you ever think I might do something amazing one day to be liked by half the people I know, and not end up driven insane before then?”

“Like I’ve said before, I’m sure the reason you’ve survived to this day is because you’re destined for something great one day. To possibly die a heroic death saving the universe or something. Someday, you may just become an hero.”

“Don’t you mean a hero?” Ruby corrected her.

Crystal shook her head. “Nope, I was right the first time.” She patted her on the head before leaving. “Anyway, goodnight.”

Soon enough, Ivy had managed to gain Ruby’s trust and asked to see the headquarters of the head angels by talking to Gary, and he agreed to give her his key card. They approached the large building with double glazed windows and Ruby used the card to get past the steel doors. There was a reception desk just ahead with lifts to the side, so they took the lifts down to the head angels meeting area. There was no-one down there, and upon switching on the light, the room appeared to be massive, with dozens of computers and machinery around, including a database and console beside the main screen ahead of the meeting table. The whole room appeared to be beige.

Ruby looked around before saying, “This place is a lot bigger than it looks when it’s dark in here. Anyway, you’ve seen it, so let’s go, Mivy.”

“Uhh, yeah, of course.” Ivy replied. They entered the lift and left, as Ivy took note that she only needed Gary’s key card to enter.

Soon after that and late at night, when Ivy was able to find out where Gary lived, she was able to steal the card from him, but never bothered to look through his photo album which was on a table. She then left Heaven to get back to earth where Poison was currently taking a bath. She burst into the room yelling, “Poison! It’s time for phase 2, get ready!”

“Right now? Aww man, well, could you at least leave so I can get my towel?”

“Go ahead, I’ll wait.”

“I’d prefer if you just leave.”

“Fine.”

After a few footsteps and complete silence, Poison then said, “You’re still here, aren’t you?”

“Who knows? Also, I have a special outfit for you to change into…”

“Special outfit? This might be fun…”

Two hours later, when they arrived on Heaven, Poison was utterly depressed as he walked with Ivy, wearing one of her dresses again. “I hate you so much…”

“Be quiet! Let’s hurry this up before all the other angels wake up. I still need to place the explosives all throughout the building.” They entered the building, while the guard which stood by the front doors hit on Poison, disturbing him. Ivy took the bag of attachable bombs hidden underneath Poison’s dress and began to run around the buildings many floors, sticking them to surfaces where they would be unseen.

Just then, Ruby woke up, after calling out for and searching around for Mily, she was suspicious that something happened. She went to visit Gary, who yawned as he came to the door, and shortly informed her that his key card was gone. She informed him of what was going on, and he willingly agreed to help, only because he heard Ivy’s name mentioned. They ran to the front doors, where the guard was still working.

“Excuse me; did you see a little girl go by? Pink hair, black dress, huge ego?” Ruby asked.

“Well I saw a girl go through here who looked about 16, but she had green hair.”

“She’s planning something evil! She must have snuck in to attack from the inside!”

“Heh, and what, she’d call the plan, ‘Operation: Invader Ivy’? That would just be silly.”

“Fine, don’t listen then!” She then realized they couldn’t get in without a card. Gary then led her to two poles around the back. They slid down the poles and ended up near the meeting room after landing. “Were these always here?”

“That’s not important.” They moved on, with Ruby going on ahead to the meeting room while Gary took the second path to see what was down there.

As Ruby arrived, Ivy greeted her. “Ahh, foolish angel, how fortunate of you to meet me here. I’m sure you caught on, as expected. I plan to blow up this whole place, severely injuring your resources and then pin the blame on you, the moron at the scene of the crime.” As a timer appeared on the screen behind her, she then said, “You’ve got five minutes.”

“So it’s come to this.” Ruby squinted at her. “Let’s settle this like little girls.”

Ivy nodded. “Yes. Lets.” As Ruby still couldn’t see Ivy, Ivy was able to play mind games on her and make it seem as if she was constantly moving around, in order to lower her guard and beat her to a pulp as Ivy slammed her against some of the machinery and equipment in the room.

Gary made it to a dark room where Poison simply sat, watching the fight on a small screen. “There you are! You vile-wait, what the hell are you wearing?” Gary asked, as he stopped mid-sentence.

“Long story. Anyway, don’t worry. I have the detonator for the bombs, but I’m not gonna press it.”

“Why?”

“I wanna see how things go if I don’t interfere. I’m curious to see if Ruby stands a chance.”

“She does.” Gary replied. “She hasn’t fought at full power yet.”

“Huh?”

“Just watch…”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhq0IpvyMQk

Back in the meeting room, Ruby slowly got to her feet and said, “Time to even the score and become one with the music...” She then took out her iPod, surprising Ivy and Poison as she turned it on and started playing ‘Jeh Jeh Rocket’. She started hopping slightly in one spot with her eyes closed, then after a few seconds managed to spot Ivy’s figure from the vibrations. She moved at blistering speed as Ivy attacked, moving around the room soon before knocking her back with several punches and kicks. Ruby clotheslined her, and then as she bounced off the ground, Ruby kicked her into a wall before slamming her into a computer console.

Poison couldn’t believe what he was witnessing, while Gary nodded. “When listening to one of her favourite songs, Ruby becomes even more skilled, mainly because her moves are somewhat unpredictable based on the beat.”

“I guess she really is a crouching moron hidden badass…” Poison replied.

After beating up Ivy with two chairs, to the beat of Jeh Jeh Rocket, Ruby broke a glass nearby which read, “In case of invisible enemy, break glass.” She did and poured red paint over Ivy, making her invisible once again, and then tied her up using the rope which was there, before grabbing Dat Bat which happened to be in there.

Ivy laughed as Ruby removed her earphones. “You think you’ve won? Fool! This place will still blow up, so you still lose!” She waited a few moments of silence. “Hey! Why aren’t the bombs going off?!”

“Seems you’re the bigger loser here.” Ruby said, getting ready to swing. “When you get to hell, tell ‘em Ruby sent ya!” She whacked Ivy, full force, sending her flying through the wall and into outer space.

Poison got out of his chair. “Well, my work here is done; Plus, Ivy forgot activating the bombs would result in her dying as well. Anyway, take care of yourself, prince.” He patted Gary on the shoulder as he left.

Ruby dropped the bat and pumped her fist in the air as she yelled, “Victory! Yeah!” She then looked around the room at the broken down items and the smile slowly faded.

Just then, the head angels walked in and gasped, the one in command saying, “What is the meaning of this?”

Gary walked past them and said, “Allow me to explain, sirs.”

Ruby smiled as he said that and wondered, “What’s this? Have we settled our differences and he’s actually going to tell them the truth?”

Gary pointed at her. “She did it all by herself.”

“What?!?”

“Seize her!” One angel yelled.

Two dark angels with black robes grabbed her and dragged her off as she sighed, “I knew it was too good to be true…”

Meanwhile, Ivy crashed through her kitchen window where her parents were eating. Ivy’s mother turned to her and said, “Oh, nice of you to drop by, Ivy. What brings you here?”

“The foolish angel sent me.” Ivy grumbled.

Considering this all takes place in one room and I knew 2/3's of what I was gonna write before I did it, I could breeze through this one.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 20 – Willard’s Evil Council of ~~Maniacal Evil~~ Doom

Somewhere in the area of Adabat, in an unknown location…

Inside a room was a single large rectangular table with four seats on each side and one seat ahead of them. Many torches lit the room and there was a water container in the corner. There were currently eight figures sitting around the large table. Willard entered the room, the camera focusing on him from a low angle as he said, “Ladies and gentlemen!” There was suddenly a shade of darkness which swept the room, and then as it vanished Willard sat ahead of them at the table with a clipboard. “I borrowed this room from a couple of villainous robots. Anyway, welcome to my Evil Council of doom! You all most likely know me as Willard; I have assembled a number of characters here for one reason, to discuss and express our opinions. Now for the villain role call! Ivy McBadass!”

Ivy who was sitting to the right of him, crossed her arms and shrugged as she said, “I should have hosted this.”

“Poison Coolguy!” Willard called out.

“Right here.” He replied as he sat in the chair to Ivy’s left.

“Amber Salsar!”

Amber who sat right next to Poison, raised her hand and said, “I’m raring to go!”

“Omar!”

Omar sat on the opposite side of Ivy and began laughing maniacally.

“Adol!”

Adol sat beside Omar and bowed, “I came for the chicks, I stay for the lulz.”

“Yandere-chan of the Loli Rangers!”

Yandere-chan sat next to Adol and waved to everyone else.

“Lily Locket, that supposable psychiatrist.”

“Hi guys.” She said as she waved.

“And finally, I. V. Suks.” Willard said, gesturing towards Ruby who sat in the last seat on Ivy’s row, wearing a red dress, a red cap which covered her hair, and glasses. The others snickered slightly at the name, while Ivy remained confused.

“What the hell’s so funny?” Ivy demanded. “And why is Yandere-chan here, aren’t those morons the good guys?”

“Only on weekdays.” She replied.

“And why is the psychiatrist here? She’s not evil!”

“Her prices sure are though.” Poison remarked.

“Right, good point.” Ivy nodded.

“Now let’s get down to business.” Willard said, putting away the clipboard. “As you know, I am Willard, the possible physical manifestation of high octane nightmare fuel, in a sophisticated way. Most of you have probably done some malicious acts over the years, so let’s hear about some of that.”

Omar immediately spoke up. “Well I’ll be glad to inform you all that I finally completed that perfect female body.”

“Is she hot?” Adol asked.

“Surprisingly, I’d like to know too…” Poison added.

Omar nodded. “Hot enough to burn out the sun.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Amber replied. “Because I’m a demon lord, and my ability is fire, and…yeah, you get my point.”

“We don’t seem to see you much nowadays.” Poison said, turning to her.

“I know, I’m so busy now. On my days off, I’m so tired I can’t even visit and see what lame plans Ivy has come up with.”

“Hey!” Ivy shook her fist at her. “I’ll have you know each one is a masterpiece!”

“The recent one would have got you killed if I followed along.” Poison pointed out.

“Yeah well that’s the foolish angel’s fault.”

“Is this the rival you told me about, Ruby Clear?” Lily asked.

“Yes, her. I wish she’d stop interfering in my business. Seriously, with the way she talks and acts, she should be on one of those magical girl anime, instead of constantly challenging me.”

“That somewhat makes it funnier.” Poison commented.

“How old is she?” Adol asked.

“Not old enough, and keep your hands off her. You’ll corrupt her sweet and innocent nature.”

Willard stroked his chin as he listened intensively. “Pray tell, Poison, why do you care so much about her current nature?”

Ruby continued listening closely as Lily suddenly interrupted. “It probably has something to do with a big brother instinct, whereas he feels the need to protect cute little girls.”

“He was like that with that Cherry girl too.” Ivy added. “Oh, and I saw her at the mall yesterday, she got better, apparently.”

“I’ll admit, I do find Ruby cute, and sometimes I have to restrain myself from giving her a hug when I see her.” Poison said. “So yes, maybe I am a sucker for cute little girls.”

“Would you like me if I was a cute little girl?” Ivy asked.

“He did.” Amber replied. “He also loves explosions and anything cool. Compared to that, nothing else matters. He’d probably marry an explosion if he could.”

“Hey! That’s not true!”

“I think you can marry explosions in Vegas.” Adol said.

“You serious?!?” Poison said in shock.

“I think we should move on from Poison’s obsession with cute little girls.” Willard said, ignoring Poison’s frustration over the comment. “Now, what’s your preferred method of killing your enemy? For me, well, generally anything resulting in an agonizing and painfully slow death amuses me.”

“Slow, bloody, and chaotic.” Ivy answered.

“Quick and painless if possible.” Poison said.

“A bit of foreplay, a slow build-up, and then an explosion of blood.” Amber added.

“Umm, pass.” Ruby said nervously.

“Dissect them!” Omar yelled.

“Raep them to death.” Adol said. “Yes, both genders.” Most of the people in the room were clearly disturbed, except Willard, Ivy and Yandere-chan, who pumped her fist in the air and yelled, “Cut out the lungs!”

“Hand them my bill.” Lily replied cheerfully.

Ivy and Poison backed away from the table, shivering as they said, “You’re evil…” in unison.

Willard chuckled at their behaviour before resuming his badass composure. “Your exaggerated fear amuses me. We shall continue the evil meeting about nothing to do with nothing.”

“By the way.” Ivy began. “If this is an evil meeting, where’s my dad?”

“We don’t see eye to eye.”

“You two know each other?” Poison asked.

“My dad knows everyone.” Ivy replied narrowing her eyes as she turned to him.

Poison looked over at Ruby, somewhat shocked to see her there. “So, person who looks suspiciously like Ruby but is I. V. Suks, what do you think about these matters?”

“Uhh, I think we could try and talk things out more, and only resort to violence as the last option. I’m sure everyone has at least a little good in them, so it’s possible to reason with people.”

Willard interrupted her. “Ahh, but my dear, weren’t you somewhat biased against demons before getting to know some? Unknown to most, you always thought of demons as irredeemable monsters without getting to know their reasons for why they do things. Can you deny having thought this?”

“Uhh, w-well, that-”

“Excuse me while I take a quick break.” Willard said before leaving the room.

Ivy then got to her feet and said, “Activate the eyecatch to do with this meeting, and make it look good!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF-DLXFL7YY&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJM2yq3m7mo&feature=related

They were all back in their seats, at which point Poison asked, “So what was the point of that?” Ivy shrugged in response.

Lily then spoke up. “Hey, you guys, remember that time you three came to that session of mine…”

---

Ivy, Poison and Ruby were sitting on the couch, with Lily ahead of them holding a notebook. “Okay, let’s begin. If you could have any animal as a pet, which one would it be?”

“I got one, and he’s good enough.” Ivy replied.

“A T-Rex that can shoot lasers.” Poison said.

“A cat that shoots lasers.” Ruby said.

Lily read the next question. “If you could marry a fictional character, who would it be?”

“The Joker.” Ivy nodded.

“Samus Aran.” Poison said.

“Spider-Man.” The others looked at Ruby strangely. “What? I would…”

---

“That was stupid.” Poison said. “The time shortly after that was better.”

---

In the room, Ivy, Poison and Ruby were joined by Gary, Amber and Crystal. Lily then asked, “If you were being molested by a stranger on a train, what would you do?”

“Let him finish, then kill him if he doesn’t live up to expectations.” Ivy answered.

“Call for help or politely ask them to stop.” Ruby replied.

“Smite the fool who dares touch the sacred area.” Gary said.

“I’d probably be the one doing the molesting.” Amber shrugged.

“Suplex him.” Crystal said with a smile, prompting Poison to high five her and add, “Same here, or maybe a DDT.”

---

“I’ve molested girls on a train once.” Adol randomly said. “It worked out for the best.”

“So you’re a better molester than me, eh?” Amber asked.

“But of course, I could also molest you if you’d like.”

“Not if I molest you first.” Amber said with a smile.

“This is wrong on so many levels.” Poison said.

“Is that so…Harry Johnson.” Willard smirked.

Poison gasped as he sat up. “How do you know my na-oh right, you’re Willard…”

“You’re catching on.” Willard replied as he Nicholson’d.

Most of the room chuckled at the name while Ruby scratched her forehead. “I still do-I mean, I just don’t get it.”

“Ivy would get it immediately because she’s a covert pervert.” Poison remarked.

“Hey! I am not a pervert!” Ivy yelled.

“I said covert pervert because you’d never admit you are one.”

“So what, just because I happen to own a tentacled monster as a pet, make some sly comments occasionally, want people to kiss the royal foot or treat me like other women, have a hidden hentai folder on my computer, and have a surveillance camera stored in your room automatically means I’m a pervert?” Everyone unanimously agreed. “You guys are jerks…”

“So you’re a demon princess?” Adol asked. Ivy nodded in response. “And you have a tentacled monster as a pet?” Ivy nodded again. “That’s just awesome.”

“See? He gets it!” Ivy exclaimed.

“He’s pretty messed up himself.” Poison replied.

“ARRaHHH, pork chop sandwiches!” Yandere-chan yelled. “I haven’t said anything in ages!”

“I feel I could take over the world with enough tentacled demons.” Omar said, quietly snickering to himself.

“That would be a rather amusing sight.” Willard agreed.

“Yes!” Ivy jumped onto the table. “I can see it now, the world engulfed by millions of slimy tentacles, and there I stand on top of the world, laughing over my triumphant victory with my arms crossed!”

Poison quickly interrupted. “And then it’s revealed your triumphant laughter happened in a thought bubble as we sat on the couch, watching TV, or in a VR program down in your basement, or at the park eating ice cream, or as a pleasant dream while you’re sleeping.”

“That’s a reference, right?” Amber asked.

“Possibly.” Ivy replied. “My next plan will be carefully thought out, because after all…” She put on a pair of shades. “I’m representing.”

Poison stared off into the sky as he said, “Somewhere out there, Awesome is smiling.” Awesome was currently playing a game of poker with other demons, and he was indeed, smiling.

Lily turned to Ivy and Poison and said, “So how are you two getting on nowadays? All good?”

“Hell no! We hate each other’s guts!” Ivy responded.

“Yeah, Ivy is a giant douche.” Poison said, pointing at her.

“And he’s a cocky smartass.” Ivy retorted as she pointed at him. “It’s a hate/hate relationship.” They then said in unison. “Although…” Ivy closed her eyes, crossed her arms and smiled as she began. “There are times when I’ve felt really depressed or in dire need of companionship, and he’s always been there on those occasions, so I’m thankful of that.”

Poison crossed his arms and turned away as he said, “Well, I admit my life wasn’t very good before I met Ivy, and by doing so I’ve met a lot of great and funny people in my time. Plus, we’re always up to something fun or crazy most days, so I’m happy in a way.”

“Awwww!” Lily, Yandere-chan, Amber and Ruby said in unison, clearly touched at their portrayal of their friendship.

“We still hate each other though.” They said in unison.

Ruby thought to herself at this point. “Maybe I was wrong about these guys. Sure, Ivy is a big meanie and has probably crossed the moral event horizon, but maybe it is possible for her to change with enough effort. I’m sure she’s hiding some kind of personal trauma, and I may be one of the only people who can help clear it up.”

Just then, a dark angel wearing a black robe smashed through the ceiling and suddenly grabbed Ruby. “Ruby Clear, your punishment for trashing the head angels meeting room has finally been decided. Come with me.” They heard Ruby’s desperate pleas as the angel quickly flew off into the sky, the others in the room being in complete silence until Willard eventually spoke. “Well, that was somewhat unexpected. Anyway, this meeting is adjourned, so farewell and take care.” The room became dark and when the light lit up again, Willard had vanished. The others then proceeded to the exit.

“So she was here all this time?” Ivy said, simply amazed. “Her disguise was ingenious to fool someone like me!”

“Not really.” Poison replied, just before shutting the door as he was the last to leave.

TMEDCE: Chapter 21 – The Most Awesome Party Ever

It was several days after the recent meeting, and shortly afterwards, Awesome began to inform others of his party being hosted days in advance. Early that morning, we see various short shots of Poison leaping out of bed, getting the mail, Ivy turning on the TV, grabbing the paper, and Poison lighting a cigarette. It then opened to a scene of Ivy and Poison sitting round a table. Ivy read the paper while Poison smoked, and then cough before speaking, “I think it’s time to blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together. Okay, 3, 2, 1, let’s jam!” Ivy and Poison took off, with Poison running down to the basement and spun right to see the lights of Ivy’s ship turn on.

Outside, Crystal was approaching the house, strolling like a pimp with her cane, soon passing P.A.L at a street corner and glanced at her as she walked past. As a hole outside Ivy’s house opened up, the ship hovered out of the hole, followed by three people biting their bottom lip as they looked in that direction as shades materialized onto their faces. Just then, Amber appeared and charged at the ship, flipped and landed inside. Ivy closed the roof, tilted up, went into hyperdrive and then took off. They soared into the sky, barrel rolling several times before leaving earth’s orbit.

Soon enough, they arrived at hell where the sky was currently dark red and lights shun from a large dark plaza up ahead, which was where the party was said to take place. The ground floor was pretty spacious, and with a dark blue background. The place was already packed with people, and upon entering, Ivy’s mother greeted them. “Oh, welcome, you three. I’m glad you could make it.”

“Hi mom.” Ivy replied while Poison and Amber waved. “Where’s dad?”

“Talking to some guests, I agreed to play a bodyguard for the next hour and ki-I mean, take care of people who aren’t on the list.”

“Who isn’t on the list?”

She shrugged. “Whoever I don’t like.”

As they walked on, Amber then asked, “So how are you two getting on?”

“What are you implying?” Poison asked.

“You know…”

“Green thunder does what I tell him to.” Ivy replied.

“I still wanna know why you occasionally call me that…” Poison responded.

As they got near Awesome, Amber waved to him and yelled, “Hi Awesome!” He looked in her direction and waved back as he said, “Hey Amber.”

As Poison watched from further away, he quietly said, “What’s this feeling of similarity…”

At that moment, Gary approached them as he said, “Hey guys, heard about the party and thought I’d drop by.”

Ivy immediately jumped back, “Not you again! Stay back!” After a few seconds, she then said, “Hey, why aren’t you doing your usual thing?”

“I’m not feeling it today. So how are you nowadays?”

“Okay, I guess.” Ivy replied, still somewhat confused. “I’m gonna go now.” Ivy said as she left.

“I think she misses the attention.” Poison remarked.

Gary nodded before turning to Poison. “How do you do it, man?”

“Do what?”

“Get chicks to like you. You can’t fool me, you practically have a harem if you think about it.”

“Now you’re just being ridiculous.”

“It’s true! My beloved Ivy, Ruby who won’t mention it, that other demon girl you hang around with, and there’s Ruby’s older sister. There’s also the black girl from the Loli Rangers.”

“Why do you notice these things?”

“So you got any advice?” Gary asked.

“Yes, sweets, and lots of them.”

“Thanks for the suggestion. Y’know, I used to dislike you, but you’re not so bad. I say we should start over and try to get along. Anyway, I’ll see you round.”

As Gary was about to leave, Poison placed a hand on his shoulder and the place suddenly became a shade of black and white as it zoomed in on Poison’s face. “Just remember, if you ever need some pictures, don’t hesitate to look me up.”

“I love you, man.” Gary replied before they hugged.

At one of the food tables, as Ivy picked up a cookie make from the flesh of tortured demons, she ran into Ruby. The two of them glared at each other until Ivy finally said, “Hello, foolish angel, we meet again.”

“Too soon in my opinion.” She said with a sigh.

“So what’re you doing here?”

“Heard there was a party in hell from my sister, then I asked, “The land down under?” and she said, “Nah, Hell’s a planet now.” So I said, “Since when?” and she replied, “Since Heaven became a planet.” So I simply said, “Oh right.”

“Uh-huh.” Ivy said, pouring herself a glass of blood, and then threw it away when she saw an eyeball in the glass. “So how’s life?”

“Worse because of you.” Ivy grinned at this. “I shouldn’t even be here, but I consider it my duty to stalk you and beat you at whatever game you’re playing.”

“I assure you I don’t play nice.”

“Oooooh.” Ruby said as she frowned upon her.

“Ooooooh?” Ivy replied, stroking her chin.

“Ooooooh?” Ruby responded, tilting her head.

“Oooooh!” Ivy nodded, fully understanding her.

After several moments of complete silence and facial expressions, Ruby then fly kicked Ivy into a wall as she yelled, “Cheeseburger!”

On Hawt’s watch, a few dark red demons managed to sneak past her without permission. She immediately blasted one through the head and appeared beside him. “Ya got me good.” He said, “But you won’t catch my buddy.”

“He is already dead.” She replied with a smirk. Just then, a demon in the background clutched his head and screamed, clearly experiencing excruciating pain as his head expanded moments before he exploded into dozens of little bits.

Poison and Crystal stared in amazement at the display while Ivy chased Ruby in the background shortly before speaking again. “So, you must be quite confident in your skills to show up to a party hosted by the king of hell.” Poison said.

“I didn’t figure I’d get any trouble. Besides, I’m also here to make sure my man hoes are making me money. Excuse me; I think I see one of them now.” Crystal walked off as she yelled, “Candyass, you better be making me some damn money over there! Don’t make me warm up my pimp hand!”

Ivy managed to catch up to Ruby and punch her across the room as she yelled, “BLT!”

Ruby landed near Poison and waved to him as she said, “Hey Poison.”

“Hi Ruby!” He replied, waving back, moments before saying, “Wait, that exchange wasn’t right…”

“Do you happen to know where the toilets are?”

“Oh, they’re down there.” He said, pointing at a door which led down a long narrow corridor with an intersection separating into two paths. “Watch out for these nightmarish creatures who will occasionally try to grab you through the walls, the deranged tentacled monsters which might appear, the wallmasters…and Grues.”

Hearing this as she opened the door and looked down the quiet narrow corridor nearly made her wet herself. She turned to Poison and said, “Uhh, c-could you come with me?”

“Relax, as long as you show you’re not scared, they’ll leave you alone.”

Ruby sighed as she moved on and started walking down the corridor. As soon as a hand reached out from the wall and touched her shoulder, she immediately panicked and screamed as she ran down the corridor and turned right. Suddenly, zombies! Dozens of them! Ruby took out her spear and fought her way through the crowd as she reached another intersection. Just then, a large tentacled pink blob dropped down from the ceiling, an even more grotesque version of Ivy’s pet. It opened its mouth as it said, “I’m firing mah lazer! BLAAAAAAAH!” Ruby somersaulted out the way and ran right. As she turned a corner, it appeared again, “Lazer firing, BLAAAAAAH!” Ruby jumped over it and flew up to a floor up above. The monster appeared once more through a hole in the floor ahead and yelled, “Lazer! BLAAAAAAH!” Ruby avoided it once more.

As Ruby eventually lost the monster and reached the end of the floor by the toilets, she started panting moments before Ivy burst in from the side of the wall, making Ruby scream again. “There you are, foolish angel.”

“Go away; I just wanna use the toilet!”

Ivy turned to face the bathrooms and then smiled as she pointed at one. “Hey, take a look at that one.”

“Huh?” While there was a Men and Women’s bathroom, beside them, there was one labelled, “Foolish angels.” Ruby couldn’t believe her eyes.

“Seems it’s starting to catch on.”

“I don’t want it to catch on!” Ruby yelled, waving her arms in the air.

Back in the main room, there was currently some live entertainment in the form of a lion and a kangaroo having a wrestling match with a bear and shark. Poison walked over to the Loli Rangers, Amber, Crystal, Spring and Floyd who were discussing something. As he got nearby he heard Loli Red say, “Okay, how long before Ivy and Ruby’s Foe Yay no longer becomes subtext?”

“I give it a few more days.” Amber replied.

“Two weeks.” Crystal said.

Loli Yellow then wrote down, “Isn’t it already more than subtext?”

“This is nuts, you guys.” Poison remarked. “There’s no Foe Yay.”

“Of course there is, silly.” Amber humoured him. “Okay, how long before Ivy and Poison transcend the Master and Servent title and actually start a relationship?”

“Hey!”

“Tomorrow.” Loli Green said.

“6 days.” Floyd replied.

“Possibly 5 days.” Spring responded.

“I’m starting to wonder whether you guys are really my friends.” Poison said, narrowing his eyes at them. As the crowd started cheering, Poison looked onstage and raised an eyebrow. “How is that shark actually doing that?”

“We’ll probably never know.” Crystal replied.

Meanwhile, Ivy and Ruby were currently running from large decaying disembodied hands which were dropping from the ceiling. “Why is the bathroom placed in such a scary location?!?” Ruby asked as they continued running.

“Stop asking stupid questions!”

“They’re not stupid!”

“I should just trip you so I can get away safely!”

“Why haven’t you done that anyway?!”

Ivy thought for a second before yelling, “I don’t know!”

In the main room, Ivy’s mother successfully landed a 42-hit combo on someone who snuck into the party, and threw them into a dark closet, where they were slowly devoured by whatever lived in there. Poison, Amber and Gary were a bit further away and resumed their conversation afterwards. “So as I was saying…” Amber began. “I got Ivy’s diary, you wanna know what Ivy thinks of you?”

“No thanks.” Poison shook his head.

“What did she say about me?” Gary asked.

Amber ignored him and continued. “C’mon, this is important info, you know. Don’t you think by knowing what she thinks of you, you can know what not to do? By making her happy, wouldn’t she be nicer, meaning that you won’t be as regularly depressed?”

“Well you do have a point…”

“Am I in there?” Gary asked again.

“Probably not.” Amber shrugged, then turned to Poison and took out a recorder. “Although, maybe you two are getting along fine as it is…”

---

As she played the recorder, Ivy’s gasping was heard. “Poison! How have you kept this from me for so long?!”

“Oh, well I didn’t think you needed to know…”

“B-but it’s so big, and surprisingly long!”

“I think it’s only a little bigger than the average size.”

“Can I play with it for a bit?”

“Well okay, just this once.”

After a bit of noise, Ivy then said, “I don’t think it can fit, it’s too big.”

“Nonsense! Just push it in!”

“But if you do that then-Ahh!”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, let’s start.” After a bit of moaning, she then said, “Oh, Poison! You’re so rough!”

“Okay, this is going too far now. Whoever happens to be hearing this, we’re talking about my old Datbox360 pad.”

“Faster, Poison!”

“Ivy, it’s not funny anymore…”

---

After an awkward period of silence, there was an explosion and Ivy and Ruby were seen flying across the room as Awesome walked over to Poison and the others with a list. “Hey, you guys, there seems to have been some kind of poll involving all you guys, about some people on another planet who have been watching you. Check it out.” He handed Poison the list and walked off.

Awesome walked over to a table where Ruby was leaning against the side, looking frustratingly depressed as she drank apple juice. “Hey man, good party and all with those random animals and all.”

“Thanks. Oh yeah, you’re my daughter’s friend, right? Ruby, was it?”

“Yeah, you kidnapped me once, remember?”

Awesome nodded as he remembered. “Good times…”

“Maybe for you. Y’know, it’s tough being me. I try to do good, and yet I get no respect at all. I’m generally a nice and caring person, yet I get insulted and treated badly by half the people I know, even my own family! It even feels like the entire universe is out to get me, half the time in ways that don’t even make any sense! If I do happen to succeed doing something, I get no praise or even a ‘good job, Ruby’. I just get ignored, or blamed or something. Sometimes I just want a hug or something, just to show that at least someone cares, you know what I mean?”

“That’s not apple juice, is it?”

“You’re not apple juice!”

A bit further away, as the others looked at the list, Ivy barged through the small crowd and took the list. “What?! I came third?!? This is ridiculous! I should be first! And the only reason I’m there is because I’m the cause of half the things that happen!”

Poison shrugged. “We can’t all make a positive impact.”

“Says the guy who came second.”

“I did? Well, I should thank my fans for realizing I’m one of the sanest people around here.”

“What surprises me most is that the foolish angel came first.”

“What?!?” Poison grabbed the list and looked. “How did Ruby beat me?...For being able to evoke sympathy from her woobieness. That’s not good enough for me.”

“Me neither! Let’s go make fun of her!” Ivy declared.

Ruby overheard them and dropped her cup as she advanced upon them while yelling, “Aw hell naw!” She kicked them both into a wall before speaking, “You guys are all assholes, you know that? Especially you!” She said, pointing at Ivy. “You whine, and rant, and as Poison says, act like a giant douche! And a bully! Whenever I think I’m out, you just keep pulling me back in!” She turned to Poison. “Have you ever tried not snarking at most things people say?”

“I’ll give it some thought.”

Ruby pointed at Amber and said, “Half the things you say are double entendres!” She moved on to Gary. “Despite once being friends and fully aware of Ivy’s misguided attempts, you’d rather screw me over! You ain’t gonna screw me anymore, you hear me?!”

Ivy snickered quietly until Poison nudged her, shortly before Ruby moved on to Crystal. “You’re my older sister yet you say some mean things to me which seem encouraging but they’re not! You act like Ivy is my friend even though she’s done some cruel things to me in the past, she even ate me once!”

“You still haven’t explained how you survived that.” Ivy replied.

Ruby ignored her, figured she didn’t have much to say involving Spring and Floyd, and then grabbed Crystal’s pimp cane. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some manual labour that needs doing.” She then proceeded to walk out of there like a pimp.

Spring then said, “At times like this, all you can do is Nicholson.”

“Damn straight.” Floyd replied as they did so.

I've actually wanted to do this for a while. It'll be the last one I make up on the spot.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Chapter 22 – Really Pointless Gaming

It was two days after Awesome’s party, and Ivy was at the mall, buying sweets as usual and eating them as she sat on a bench by a fountain. While she did so, Ruby approached her, there was a period of silence, and then Ivy got up and turned to her. “What is it, foolish angel? I’m not doing anything evil today, plus I’m eating right now.”

Ruby simply handed her a leaflet, still seeming as frustrated as she was at the party. “Try this MMORPG, it’s about some fantasy land where you can beat up creatures, acquire tons of weapons, level up, and even beat up other online users. Plus, defeating the final boss allows you to become an evil overlord. It’s called Land of Leisure, LoL for short.”

Ivy took the leaflet and looked over it, clearly intrigued. “Very well, I appreciate the information. I assume you have an account, right?”

“Why else would I tell you? Here’s my number, call me when you defeat the final boss. We’ll plan our battle ahead of time.” Ruby said, handing her a note.

“Excellent. When I’m through with this final boss, then we will settle the score.”

“Just name the place.” Ruby said, squinting at her.

Ivy moved within inches of her face and poked her as she replied, “Us only. No weapons. Final destination.”

“That place doesn’t exist.” Ruby remarked.

“We’ll see, Rabi.”

“Ruby.” She corrected her, clearly annoyed. “Whatever, I’m going now.” She said as she left.

Later that morning, Ivy made it home and went straight to her computer in the basement to sign up. In the middle of the registration process, Poison slid down the banister leading to the basement and walked towards her. “Morning. Y’know, for someone who wants to conquer the world, you don’t seem to be serious about it.”

“Quiet, I’m making an account on an online RPG.” Ivy replied as she continued typing.

“My point exactly.” Poison sighed. “What game is it anyway?”

“It’s called Land of Leisure, that foolish angel told me about it.”

Poison smiled as he heard the name. “Hey, I’ve got an account on there too. I could help you out with some of missions and such.”

“Really? Then I grant you permission to use my laptop upstairs.”

“I use it even without your permission...” Poison said quietly.

As Poison left the basement and switched on the laptop on the table nearby, Ruby was watching through the bushes outside and smirked as he did so. “So it begins...”

“And what devious scheme are you planning right now, foolish angel.” Willard asked, who happened to be standing a few feet away.

“You’ll see soon enough, and it’ll be good enough to Nicholson at.”

“I should hope so.” Willard suddenly vanished.

After a short while of filling out necessary information and designing her character, who was basically an older looking version of her, she started the game in the middle of a bright and peaceful forest. She walked around and spotted a chicken, so she kicked it several times until it eventually called for backup, whereupon dozens suddenly showed up and zerg rushed her, killing her immediately, but since she had no items and was already at the start, no harm was done. She put on her headset after being brought back to life. “Poison, you on?”

“I’ll be there in a sec.” He replied.

“Hurry up, I don’t get this!”

“You don’t get a lot of things.”

“Do you have a comment for pretty much everything I say?”

“No, just about 80% of them.”

A few minutes later, Poison was instructing Ivy where to go to meet him through directions. They soon met by a hut near a mountain, and Poison’s avatar looked the same but wore black leather armor with a neon green ‘X’ going across it, and a black cape. “Hey, I see you’re using that avatar. I guess that means there won’t be any loli jokes this time.”

“They’re getting old anyway. So what now?”

“You gotta start grinding, because the final boss is in the high 50’s, and you’re level 1. Even though I’m level 15, I also have quite a while to go too.” Poison paused and turned to some bushes further away. “Oh, and Ruby, you can join us if you want.” After a few moments of silence they simply moved on.

So began the montage, without music, just because, which involved Ivy buying a scythe, beating up level 1-5 goblins for an hour, and stalking higher levelled players until they eventually get killed and steal their stuff. Soon enough, Ivy had reached level 15 while Poison was now level 20. Just then, they met up with Gary whose avatar also looked a little older and was level 27. “Hey guys, so I heard you need a lot of experience.”

“Yeah.” Poison replied. “Thanks for coming, man.” Poison said, high fiving him.

“No problem, we’re cool now, so just ask if you need anything.”

Ivy then spoke up. “By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask, you’re the prince, right?” Gary nodded. “Does that mean your dad is G-”

“My dad isn’t important.” He quickly interrupted.

“Is it J-”

“Stop asking!”

“My dad was a douche, so after becoming an exceptional fighter, I fought him to the death. Not that big a deal though.” Poison said, handwaving the comment.

“That’s going to become a big deal later, isn’t it...” Gary replied.

“So where’s this spot?” Ivy asked.

“Ahh, there’s this cave a few minutes from here where these scorpions offer a lot of experience. Oh, watch out for grues though, they tend to appear out of nowhere and eat you when you least suspect it.”

“Excellent! Let’s go!” She grabbed his hand and ran on ahead. As Gary was on the verge of depleting his HP due to happiness, Poison reminded him that, “This is online, dude, and it’s not virtual reality either.”

After a little more training, and running from grues, Ivy managed to reach level 20 just from grinding all day, while Poison got to 23, and Gary reached 28. “I think you should start doing some of the quests to get more experience now.”

“There’s no time for that!” Ivy exclaimed. “I must defeat this fool who dares to call himself an overlord!”

“IIRC, you can’t do the quest about defeating the overlord until you do at least 15 quests.” Poison pointed out.

“What?!? How many are there?”

“20 for free members, dozens more for those who pay.”

“We should log on tomorrow and get through a bunch of them.” Gary suggested. “With us three it’ll be much faster.” They all waved goodbye and logged off, as it was getting pretty late.

The next morning, Ivy was still somewhat furious about the necessary components needed to achieve her goal, so she did what most impatient gamers do: Decided to go to her local games store to buy a guide. Upon entered the large store, SA2, who stood behind the counter, stopped his friendly conversation with a customer and turned to her, putting on his serious face. Ivy marched down the path towards the counter and glared at SA2. “I wish to buy the Land of Leisure guide.”

“I know. I’ve been expecting you ever since you signed up. You were destined to come here. Very few are worthy of reading from the sacred book, so do you feel you’re worthy?”

“Of course! The book would be perfect for me!”

“Alright, let me just-” SA2 turned around to get the book off the shelf, but then he immediately attacked Ivy who blocked his hand and squinted at him. SA2 jumped over the counter and did a hurricane kick, which Ivy evaded by somersaulting backwards, and then they continued to move back, with them blocking each other’s punches until SA2 ducked under one and kicked her towards a shelf. She touched it with her feet and leaped on top of it just as SA2 punched through the shelf. She fired beams of energy, which SA2 easily dodged before kicking down the shelf.

She jumped onto another, but was immediately knocked off as SA2 back flipped and kicked her in midair. SA2 leaped off and prepared to pound her into the ground but missed as Ivy rolled out the way and jumped back as she covered herself in a glowing red aura. They charged at each other and as their punches connected, the building exploded. Moments later, they stood in silence for at least 20 seconds before SA2 handed her the book. “You are now worthy. Improve your skills; you have much yet to learn.”

“Thank you, sensei.” Ivy bowed as the scene slowly faded to black.

Later that morning, she made it back and saw Poison sitting on the couch, switching over channels until he reached one where he and Ivy were on the screen. After staring at the screen in silence, Ivy eventually said, “Pfft, look at those losers.”

“Yeah, they’re so lame.” Poison added.

“C’mon, let’s log on and get started. I have a plan, and it can’t fail!” Ivy said before leaving to log on as fast as possible. Over the next 5 hours, Ivy did as many quests as quickly as she could using her guide that Poison and Gary were amazed at her progress when she met them later at a hut, now in the high 40’s along with Poison and Gary.

“How are you able to do all this so flawlessly?” Poison asked.

“It’s all in the guide.” Ivy replied.

“Ahh, of course.”

Just then, they heard a girl scream, and noticed it was coming from a field further down below the mountain they were walking across. Ivy spotted Cherry down below, wearing iron chainmail with a sword, surrounded by metallic lions. “Hey, it’s that Cherry girl, and some lions are gonna kill her. Oh well, we’d better get mo-” Before she could finish, Poison rushed by her and leaped into the air, covering the sun as he entered the fray and roundhouse kicked one lion across the field before landing. Gary followed suit while Ivy simply sighed before also going in, with them slowly witling down their HP until the lions eventually died.

“Poison!” Cherry ran up to him and they hugged, shortly before he lifted her into the air and spun round in circles. Gary seemed quite confused while Ivy was annoyed.

“So what are you doing here?” Cherry asked, seeming to be level 23.

“We were on our way to beating the evil overlord mission. We just started it, and although we’re less than its predicted total level, together we should have the strength to beat him.”

“Ahh, well I would come along, but I’m sure I’d just be a distraction.”

“Of course you wouldn’t, silly.” Poison said cheerfully.

“Yes she would.” Ivy and Gary retorted.

A minute later, they waved goodbye to Cherry as they carried on, and eventually came to a pig barn. Ivy turned to the other two and asked, “We can ride pigs in this game, can’t we?” Poison turned to Gary, also hoping for an answer. “Well let’s give it a shot.” He shrugged.

They jumped onto a pig and smacked it, at which point it took off, ran through the gate and down a clear path, dodging several other players travelling down the same road. They soon arrived at a castle, with storm clouds covering the sky. Sitting by the entrance was a three headed hybrid of a T-Rex and a red dragon, which was level 50. Just then Spring and Floyd showed up, and Spring moved ahead of the others. “I’ll take care of this, you guys go on ahead.”

“Thanks for the backup, man.” Poison said as they did so, eventually hearing a giant explosion outside as they kept going.

When they reached an intersection, they stopped and Floyd nodded to the right. “That path should lead to the final boss. Be careful, I’ve heard he’s level 60.”

“60?” Ivy responded. “I heard he was only in the 50’s!”

“Is Spring gonna catch up with us?” Poison asked.

“I’m afraid he’s most likely dead. He did indeed sacrifice himself to make sure you guys made it to the final boss with full HP. A group of ninja grizzly bears will show up soon enough, and that is where I shall take my leave.” And just as he said, bears appeared from secret passageways in the walls and from underground. Floyd and Poison bumped fists before they took off, at which point Floyd adjusted his shades as they advanced on him.

Ivy, Poison and Gary reached a giant steel door with a skull on it and a steel wheel near the door. Zombies appeared, which Gary quickly began to dispose of while Ivy waited impatiently as Poison slowly turned the wheel. “Poison, hurry up with that wheel, or I’m going to sexually assault you.”

“I’m going as fast as I can.”

“Too slow! Prepare to be violated!” As Ivy charged at him, he quickly hit her with the back of his fist, slid behind her and quickly suplexed her, leading Gary to comment, “I didn’t know you could do that online...”

A minute later, Poison had opened the door, and they entered, with Ivy still rubbing her forehead. There was one bright light shining on a throne further ahead. As they arrived, a mysterious figure who couldn’t be clearly seen flipped and landed on a pogo stick. Spring stepped forward and said, “It’s an evil space hopper.”

Poison turned to Spring and replied, “Weren’t you supposed to be dead just a few minutes ago?”

They stared at each other for several moments; Poison turned away after a while then turned back to him. “Was the gif really necessary?”

“Yes.”

At that moment, Floyd arrived as he said, “Sorry I’m late, I see you made it here safely.”

“Enough talk!” Ivy exclaimed. “Let’s finish this! We’ll bum rush the boss!”

And they did. Cut to a few minutes later, where Gary had died, Ivy and Poison both had low HP, but Spring and Floyd had not been touched. Ivy immediately logged off and phoned up Ruby. “Hey, foolish angel, I beat the final boss. What do you think of that, huh? You jealous? You mad? But that’s not important; we shall now settle our conflict! Prepare yourself!”

“Indeed we shall, Ivy, but first of all, could you step outside your house? Along with Poison if you’d please.”

Ivy was confused by her reply. “Huh? O-okay, I guess...” A minute after following Ruby’s instructions, they were standing on a hill half a mile from the house, at which point Ruby chuckled slightly. “Thanks for co-operating, now watch the fireworks.” Seconds after she stopped speaking, Ivy’s house suddenly exploded, blowing it to bits. Ivy was in shock; Poison was left slightly confused as Ruby continued. “Consider us even. Bye for now.” She hung up.

Ivy gasped before speaking. “I see now! She told me about the game because she knew I would do all in my power to beat it as fast as possible! She must have used the bombs I left in that building inhabited by angels, and then waited until I was impatient enough to go buy a guide. She assumed I would have to fight to obtain it, giving her enough time to plant the bombs in hidden spots without me noticing. That’s ingenious!”

“Yet you didn’t notice until just now.” Poison remarked. “Then again, I should have been more suspicious earlier this morning, but don’t you think you’re giving Ruby too much credit?”

Ivy turned to him, with a look of seriousness on her face. “Am I, Poison? Am I really?”

Very far away, Ruby was watching them with binoculars through a window with Willard standing beside her.

“So did everything fall into place?” Willard asked.

Ruby smirked as she spoke. “Yes, I guess you could say everything was...” She put on a pair of shade. “Just as planned.”

Ivy dropped to her knees and screamed, “Noooooooooooooo!” as it cut to a view of the city from high above.

I actually had to shorten this as it was getting a bit too long.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 23 – Deadly Poison

Somewhere in the future, Ivy had managed to build the house again. One day, Ivy got sick and summoned Poison to her room earlier in the morning. He sat by her bed as he said, “Hey, you don’t look so well...”

She coughed before speaking. “Yes, I seem to have contracted Diabeetus.”

“Diabeetus.” Poison repeated, narrowing his eyes at her. She nodded. “So is there anything I can do?”

“Yes.” She coughed again. “Perhaps you could grant this cute little girl’s final wish before she dies...”

“To take over the world?”

“Of course!” She exclaimed as she sat up, and then started coughing again.

“Rest. I’ll take care of things from here.” Later that night, Poison was still in the room, sitting by a desk near the bed. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. A few scenes were shown of him opening the door, paying the pizza boy and placing the pizza on Ivy’s desk by his notebook, complete with speed lines. Poison took a slice and snickered for a few moments as he started writing. Ivy appeared to have a fever and was twisting and turning in her sleep as he did so. Ominous Latin chanting accompanied it. “The first step to world domination, would be gather a group of chaotic and criminally insane associates to help me in my cause, but to not attract attention to those on the good side while doing so. Adol was convicted of sleeping with a 12 year old, in his defense, she looked at least 16, but that’s not important.”

I’ll break him out of prison, but I may need help finding others, from the likes of Omar, to the embodiment of evil that is Willard. I’ll put Ivy’s resources to good use, in designing myself a personal suit to increase my fighting abilities while I accomplish this.”

Ivy reached out to grab the air as she said, “Cowbell. It needs more cowbell!”

Poison’s eyes widened as speed lines appeared and the chanting got louder. “I’ll show them. This **** will be serious!”

The camera jerked around as it focused on Poison writing. “I won’t use some stupid ploy to hide my scheme. I’ll simply have the standard threats where I want them, and kill off the lethal threats as soon as possible, and then nuke the whole planet while I’m off the earth and wipe out most of the enemy’s weaponry. While doing all this, I’ll also try my best to look like a complete badass.” He then took a slice of pizza. “I’ll take a slice, and nom that ****!” As he did so, there was an explosion, the windows shattered, and he continued writing, with it being shown from various angles with speed lines soon before fading to black.

Later that night, Poison walked towards a large prison, wearing black leather armor with a neon green ‘X’ going across it, a black jacket, gloves with small claws on the back, and a green mask with a bored looking facial expression carved into it. Poison held up a hand and fired a small laser blast from his glove, blowing the door off its hinges as he walked in. He walked through the corridors, freeing some of the prisoners and only aiming to wound anyone who tried to stop him.

He finally made it to Adol’s cell and blasted down the door. “Ahh, Adol, I wish I could say it was good to see you again, but I’m not that fond of you. Anyway, I came here to bust you out, you ready to go?”

“Thanks man, you’re Poison, right?”

“How did you know?”

“Well, the mask is green, and green is your standard colour.”

“Ahh, guess I should have thought that part through...well, whatever. Let’s go.” Moments later, Poison punched through the wall and leaped down from the third floor. As the two walked down the street, a dozen cop cars were there waiting for them. They both drew their weapons as Adol said, “You up for this?”

“Hey, remember who you’re talking to.”

For the next minute, they ran around, taking cover behind objects, deflecting bullets, and showing no mercy as they aimed to kill. A blast of fire took out the last cop, at which point Poison looked in the direction of the blast to see Amber sitting on a rooftop. “So have you been here this whole time?”

“I like to watch.” She said with a smirk.

“Well I’m got a proposition for you...but first of all, you need to change that outfit and put some decent clothes on.”

“What’s wrong with my clothes?”

“You wear a frickin’ bikini. I think that’s all I need to say.”

The next morning, Poison had also gathered Omar at Ivy’s house and they were discussing plans in the living room. Poison stopped when he saw Ruby approaching the bushes outside and informed them to hide their presence before she sees. He then took a can of Coca Cola which he had poisoned for this purpose and left the house to greet her. She waved as she saw him. “Hi Poison!”

“Hey Ruby, I was wondering if you wanted a drink.” He said, handing her the can.

“Huh? Why?”

“Well, we’re friends, right? And I figured you’d be thirsty. You want it?”

Ruby shrugged before taking a sip. “Well, okay. Thanks, Poison.”

“My pleasure.” He said as he headed back inside. “Oh, also, Ivy is sick right now, so she’ll be in bed all day.”

“Oh, well I’ll see you later then.” Ruby quickly left as she waved goodbye.

As Poison shut the door, Omar then said, “Why didn’t you simply just kill her? I could use those eyes for a good cause...”

“Killing her now wouldn’t be much fun. The poison in that can isn’t enough to actually kill her, but it’ll knock her out for a few days, reducing the maximum threat level. Gary normally doesn’t turn up unless something special is happening, and neither will Crystal. Right now my biggest threats are Spring and Floyd, once they’re out of the way, everything else will simply fall into place.”

Shortly afterwards, as Poison said, Ruby ended up drifting off to sleep on the middle of a field. She awoke several days later, where most of the buildings were partly destroyed, or on fire, and the sky was a dark shade of orange with dozens of high tech ships sweeping the city with searchlights. She looked around in confusion before jumping into a bush to avoid the ships. “What on earth happened here?” She said to no-one in particular.

Meanwhile, Poison was currently aboard a large battleship, in his private quarters playing SSBB with three other women. Just then, Loli Black punched down the door and leaped into the room, her clothes covered in dust, dirt and blood. “Poison!”

Poison got to his feet. “Ahh, you’re still alive, I guess I didn’t use enough explosives.”

“That’s right; I escaped before the bomb went off and punched down your dragon on the way.”

“You’re worthy of the name Badass-chan.”

“Thank you.” She bowed. “But Poison, I can never forgive you for what you’ve done! I thought we were bros, man! We were tight!”

“I got new bros now, BC, but you can be my ho if you want. We’ll only play games and such though, so it’s cool.”

She shook her head. “Nah man, I can’t dig that. You ain’t Poison.”

“Is that so? To be honest, it’s their fault. You guys assumed that cutting the red wire on my bomb would stop it, but you knew I’m not the type to make it that simple, which is why leaving it as the red wire was the easier choice. Besides, cutting the red wire would speed up the countdown anyway, so it was inevitable. You sure I’m not Poison? Perhaps I’m just another side of Willard. Maybe Poison never existed; he was a figment of your imagination. Willard was Poison’s true side, maybe we’re all Willard deep inside. Maybe even you’re Willard, but you just don’t know it yet.”

Badass-chan’s head suddenly exploded, just as Willard appeared. “Causing a friend’s head to explode due to a paradox. Impressive work, Poison.”

“I do what I can, now please, leave me to beat up my hoes.”

“Of course.” Willard left and Poison went back to playing his game.

Just then, Lily ran in with a chart in her hand, yelling, “Poison! Argent news!”

“Ahh, Lily, come play with me.”

“I’ll be charging you three times as much if you want me to do that.” She replied cheerfully.

“Geez, you’re so stingy.”

“Anyway, reports have shown Ruby has woken up, and contacted the prince of angels. They’re on their way here now. Also, Spring and Floyd aren’t dead. In fact, they’ll probably be arriving any minute now...” And as if right on cue, they blasted down a wall with their shotguns further down and moved down a corridor full of robots. Poison got up, grabbed his mark and sword, and took off.

On the way down there, they suddenly punched through a wall and hit him. He flew into the air and quickly recovered as he landed on his feet. He smirked as he spoke. “You guys got here earlier than expected, seems that wasn’t enough to kill you guys.”

“Trying to drown us in blocks of cement just wasn’t good enough, Poison.” Floyd replied. “I thought you knew better. But I see you’re crazy prepared.”

“Yes, just in case, I designed anti-explosion armor to protect me from your broken abilities, and equipped my allies with it. They thought I was paranoid, but after meeting guys like you, there’s no such thing.”

“Seems you’ve learned too much.” Spring said, just before aiming at him. “But this is where our confrontation shall end.” Floyd did the same.

“You guys aren’t forgetting me, are you?” Willard suddenly appeared out of the shadows and aimed his assault rifle at Floyd. Adol followed suit, aiming at Spring. Poison took this opportunity to walk off, as he said, “I have some business to attend to. Perhaps we’ll meet later, but we never know.” The four of them stood in silence, eyes fixated on their targets, waiting for the other person to shoot first before making a move.

Outside, Ruby’s ship was approaching the black battleship and noticed Floyd had called backup as T-Rex’s in jets were attacking the squadron of ships. She also noticed a black alien on a pogo stick wiping out some of the jets. Ruby stopped by the side of the ship and opened the cockpit. “I’m going to take on Poison directly. You should find a way to reach the control room unseen and stop the ship.” She then took off, whacking robotic spiders attached to the sides, leaping across small holes, and then jumping through a glass window to find an empty room with a chair ahead.

Poison spun round in the chair as she arrived and greeted her. “Hello, Ruby, I’ve been expecting you.”

“Then why did you only turn around when I made it here?”

“Because I’ve always wanted to do that.” He got out of the chair. “But enough talk, let’s begin.” He charged at her and kneed her through a wall. They appeared to be in another corridor, with Ruby hopping back and evading Poison’s repeated swings before taking out her spear and jabbing at him. She managed to kick him in the chest, knocking him back, and then threw her spear at him. He kicked it into the air and blocked several of her punches, grabbed her spear as it came down and hit her over the head with it followed by a backflip kick.

Meanwhile, Gary successfully made it to the control room, which was lit only by the screens of the monitors. He heard a shot being fired, followed by dozens of rapid fire somewhere nearby but paid no mind. He discovered most of the population that hadn’t been killed were being controlled by a satellite built by Omar. Amber then appeared by the doorway. She wore skin-tight black leather outfit with waves of fire on the side and a fire symbol on the front. “Hey Prince, need any help over there?”

Gary leaped over Amber as she immediately charged at him and took off. Crystal showed up shortly afterwards, stopping Amber from proceeding any further.

In a massive boiler room, Poison and Ruby were hopping across pipes, slashing at each other. Poison managed to kick her onto a path down below and attempted to stab her. She rolled out the way and kneed him in the face. Gary arrived shortly and leaped down onto the path to challenge Poison. Poison held out his hand and hit Ruby with a blast of energy as he traded blows with Gary. He blocked one blow and elbowed him in the face, before tripping Ruby from behind. Poison then leaped over Gary and roundhouse kicked him before blasting them further back.

Poison threw a bomb which Gary dodged, and then activated it, springing a net which wrapped around Ruby. Poison and Gary continued, until Gary eventually knocked his sword out of his hand. “It’s over, man. What are you gonna do now without yo-” Poison punched him in the face, knocking him to the ground.

“What gave you the impression I couldn’t kick your ass without my sword?” Poison said, shrugging. As Gary attacked again, Poison kicked him, and then knocked him back with a hadoken. As Gary got up and did an overhead swing, Poison blocked it with his left arm and hit him with a shoryuken. Gary flew back, landed on his feet and immediately charged at Poison again. Poison dodged a slice aiming at his head and hit him with a tornado whirlwind kick, knocking him back again. Poison quickly leaped up and stabbed Gary with his sword, Ruby yelling out in vain as Poison twisted and turned the sword until Gary eventually passed away. Poison put away his sword and walked over to Ruby. “Now it’s your turn. I’ll untangle you so you have the honour of fighting to the death.”

“Why don’t you just shoot me?!” Ruby said, glaring at him.

“If you wish.” Poison said, then took out a magnum and shot her in the forehead, killing her instantly. Just then, Amber showed up and waved, “Hey Poison, I took care of Crystal. P.A.L helped out a little, but we accomplished the mission regardless.”

“And what about my two old friends?”

“They’re no more. Willard seems somewhat wounded, and Adol asked to be buried in a grave with underage girls who’ve matured much faster.”

“Very well.” He said as he walked up to her. “Report to my private quarters later and receive your reward.”

“What should I be wearing?”

“In the end, it’s not gonna matter.” Minutes later, Poison stood on the roof of the ship, observing the view as his hair bellowed in the wind. “So this is it, the bad guy has won. It’s a perpetual downer ending.” He then sighed. “Well this is boring...”

---

In the middle of a food court, Ivy and Poison sat at a table, with Poison typing this out on a laptop as Ivy ate pixie sticks. Poison stroked his chin, thinking of what to write when Ivy suddenly said, “That needs some prose, and a bit of variable ways of speaking.”

Poison quickly turned the screen away from her as he said, “Uhh, yeah.”

“What’re you writing anyway?”

“It’s nothing important.” Poison said with a sigh before deciding to delete it. “By the way, I’ve noticed P.A.L has initials, what do those actually stand for?”

“Oh, they stand for Perfect Artificial Lo-”

Poison quickly covered her mouth as he said, “Y’know what, never mind.”

Finally at the chapter before the last chapter(s). This is easily the longest one, even though I tried to shorten it.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 25 – Demon+Vampire

It was a few days after the events involving the Anti-Christ, and Ivy was once again at the mall buying more sweets, despite Poison’s warnings of contracting diabetes. Overtime as she continued going there and becoming a sweet shops favourite customer, she noticed a young girl with long purple hair who occasionally watched from a bench further away. One day, she soon decided to call out to Ivy on her way home as she came out of an alleyway, wearing a short dark purple shirt with a bat on it, bearing her midriff, and a pair of blue jeans.

“I don’t know who you are but I’m not sharing my sweets. Get your own!” Ivy exclaimed, backing away from her.

“Relax, I don’t want them. I know you’re a demon, girl.” She said with a smirk.

Ivy gasped. “How?! Nobody here knows that!”

“It’s kinda obvious. The small wings, the little black tail beneath your dress, the sharp teeth, the unusual red eyes. I don’t see why others can’t see it.”

“They tend to think I’m a cosplayer. But now that you know, I can’t let you live.” Ivy said, slowly advancing upon her.

“Hold on, I just wanna be friends with you.” She protested. She continued as Ivy stopped. “I noticed you seem a little lonely, as am I. I figured we could hang out, talk about evil things, and have a laugh.”

Ivy thought for a moment, looked down at her chest, and then hugged her. “Yeah! We’re allies!”

They walked around for a while, talking about various stupid things. She also informed Ivy her name was Toxic. Ivy soon showed her a picture of Poison dressed in her clothes. She glanced at it and said, “So you have a maid?”

“Nah, he’s a guy, he just looks somewhat convincing with his hair down and in girls clothing.”

“Ahh, is this blonde haired girl in the photo your servant too?”

Ivy clenched her fist as she spoke. “No. She’s my rival. I despise that girl. She’s the biggest threat to whatever I happen to have planned.”

“Really? The cute little girl who looks like she wouldn’t hurt a fly if she didn’t have to?”

Ivy suddenly shouted, “Foolish fool! Do not be fooled! She’s more badass than she appears!”

“I see.” she nodded. “You wanna come over to my house?”

“Sure, I haven’t got much to do today anyway.” Ivy said with a shrug. Toxic sported a devilish smirk as she agreed.

A day later, Poison was visiting Spring and Floyd and showed up at an office, where the room was in darkness and they stood around a laptop. Poison walked over and waved as he said, “Hey, what’s up guys?”

“We’ve got serious business, Poison.” Floyd replied. “Two vampires have been going around, taking a bite out of crime, and causing it too.”

“Two vampires, huh? Any of them look like preteens? Ivy didn’t come back last night, which is making me suspicious.”

In some underground caves, we flash back to last night where Ivy is chained to a wall as Toxic is looking at something on a desk, now looking several years older than before. Ivy glared as she said, “So it was all a lie, huh? You just wanted to turn me into a vampire like yourself, despite me already being a demon.”

“Yes, after finding out who you were, I just had to have you under my control. Soon the time will come for vampires to rule over all!” She declared, raising her fists in the air. “I’ll also turn your friends and enemies into my vampire allies to help accomplish my goal, and you’ll help me.”

“And what makes you think I’ll help?”

“Because my influence is now in your blood, so it’s only a matter if time before you start seeing things my way.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Ivy retorted.

“Yeah but just go along with it.”

“By the way, how can you change your appearance to look older?”

“A vampire trick, it takes a long while to learn, and no, I won’t show you how.”

“Douche.” Ivy said under her breath.

Two nights later, Poison woke up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep. He got out of bed and switched on the light in the bathroom, and then washed his face. A flash of lightning was heard outside, as Ivy appeared by the window for a moment before vanishing just as fast. He walked downstairs to get a glass of water from the fridge, as Ivy’s shadow passed by upon opening the fridge. As he went to wash his cup, he saw a copy of Batman and Robin on the table, shocking him enough to drop the glass and back away.

Just then, Ivy jumped in through the window and tackled him, pinning him to the ground and trying to bite him, but he was barely able to hold her back. “Ivy, what the hell are you doing?!” Poison yelled.

“I’m trying to bite you, now stay still!”

“This isn’t the time for your strange fetishes!”

“It’s not a fetish! Just let me bite you! I’ll only take a little!” Poison noticed she seemed surprisingly stronger and couldn’t hold her off for long, so he did the one thing he wouldn’t dare do and stuck his had underneath her dress. The shock of the moment gave Poison enough time to throw her off him, then quickly wash his hand. He saw Toxic standing on a ledge in the distance outside the window, who quickly ran as he saw her. He quickly leaped out the window and gave chase, running across rooftops as he kept up with her until she stopped at the edge of one and turned to face him.

“Just who are you?” Poison asked. “And what did you do with Ivy?”

“I turned her into a vampire. I bit into her neck, making her feel good for a short while as the transition took place.”

“That’s kinda hot.” Poison said, Nicholsoning as he stroked his chin.

“Yes, it is. My chosen name is Toxic, so I guess we have some of a connection, don’t you think?” She said with a smile.

“I don’t think so.”

“C’mon, don’t you wanna be my servant?” She asked.

“I have at least 7 other people ahead of you, several of them being people I don’t even know.”

She chuckled slightly. “You may play hard to get, but you’ll come around soon enough. When you’re ready to accept your place by my side, visit that castle on the hill over there.” She said, pointing far to the right before leaping off and flying in that direction.

A bit later that night, Poison contacted the others and got Ruby, Gary, Crystal, Amber and Adol to meet at Ivy’s house while Ivy was tied up and stuck to the wall. Poison explained the situation, and as he finished, Gary then asked, “So what are you gonna do?”

“I’m gonna bust in, kick vampire ass and return Ivy to normal.”

“Nice plan, man.” Adol nodded.

“You should just become a vampire, Poison, you’ll learn to like it.” Ivy said.

“Quiet you.” Poison replied.

“So we’re gonna split into groups or something, right?” Crystal asked.

Poison shrugged. “I guess so.”

“I’ll go with you then.” Crystal replied.

“I’ll come too.” Amber said.

“This is getting stupid.” Ruby said with a frown. “And why am I helping this moron yet again? I ought to gut her like a fish right here and now!” Ruby yelled, pointing at Ivy. “Constantly I have to deal with this moron, why does nobody else help me stop her?! Why doesn‘t anyone care?!?”

“Isn’t it obvious, Ruby?” Crystal began, kneeling down to her level. “You care, so I don’t have to.”

“You’re the worst sister ever.”

“I’ve noticed you’ve acted a little weird lately, Ruby.” Poison said, eyeing her suspiciously. “We haven’t even done our usual routine in a bit.”

“That was stupid, people grow out of that, y’know.”

“She’s definitely been acting a little angrier lately.” Crystal stated.

“Has anyone noticed I’ve been kidnapped and taken advantage of quite a lot recently?” Ivy pointed out.

“Anyway, we should suit up in a bit, and also…” Poison gestured to his right, where Lily was standing. “Why is she here?”

“Geez, Poison, you’re so mean!” Lily pouted. “Why don’t you and Ivy ever visit me anymore? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Friends don’t charge other friends ridiculous prices to talk to each other.” He replied, narrowing his eyes at her.

“I guess so, where do you get the money anyway?”

“Well…”

---

Poison waited at 15 minutes past midnight in an alleyway, leaning on the wall as he wore a black cloak which covered his face. Gary approached the alleyway and stand close to the entrance, facing away from it as he whispered, “You got the stuff?”

“Have you got the money?” Poison asked.

Gary handed him a roll of dollars, and in return Poison handed him a brown envelope. Gary opened it and looked through the various pictures of Ivy as Poison spoke. “Those are grade A pics, man. You ain’t gonna find anything better on the market.”

“Thanks, man. Nice doing business with you.”

“Anytime, holmes.” Poison began to walk away as he continued. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to sell pictures of myself in Ivy’s pyjamas to Ruby.”

---

As he finished explaining, he then said, “Before that point, I have no explanation. I’m gonna call Spring and Floyd, and then we’ll jump in Ivy’s ship to get to the vampire castle.”

“We could get there faster if we took my ice cream truck.” Adol suggested. Everyone stared at him moments before he said, “Not in that way.”

“Sadly, I cannot join you people.” Ruby said.

“Why not?” Gary asked.

“I-I just can’t…” Ruby covered her face as she turned and walked out the door. Moments later, Ruby jumped in through the window, wearing the lame superhero attire she wore at Noisy Hill. She marched towards them and posed. “Greetings, citizens, I was in the neighbour when I heard you were in dire need of a heroine, so fear not, Magical Girl Rabi is on the case!”

There was a stunned silence, and then everyone ignored her and started discussing a plan. Soon afterwards, all of them hopped into Adol’s red and blue ice cream van and drifted down the streets before eventually multi-road drifting down the path towards the castle and curving to stop on the sidewalk outside. As they stopped, Poison looked around before saying, “Gary, Adol, we’re going in through the main entrance.”

“Should we take fiery whips and use clothing which covers half our bodies?” Gary asked.

“I still wanna keep the cardboard box.” Adol replied.

Poison shook his head. “No, we’re gonna walk in like pimps.”

Crystal handed him her pimp cane. “In that case, take this. Give it back later, I need it to make my hoes recognize.”

“Are you really a pimp or do you say those things for laughs?”

“You’ll never know.”

As the castle doors opened and smoked engulfed the floor, Poison, Gary and Adol walked in. Poison was wearing the same outfit in chapter 23 (Deadly Poison) as he walked with the cane, Gary wore a pinstripe suit with a gold chain, shades, and a hat, and Adol wore a diamond incrusted white fur coat over his regular longcoat and had a golden cardboard box head. They strolled along like pimps, curb stomping any vampires which showed up while a few kindly stepped out of the way.

One black masked female vampire who was watching this on a computer monitor moments before Gary took off his hat and covered a surveillance camera grabbed a microphone and yelled, “Attention all vampires, there are pimps in the building. I repeat, there are pimps in the building…I never thought I‘d end up saying that today.”

The three of them moved throughout the corridors, slicing up vampires and Adol managed to literally rip one apart. As a black haired little girl wearing a white top and jeans charged at Poison, attempting to bite him, Poison simply punted her, sending her flying out the window. Gary and Adol stared at him, prompting him to say, “It had to be done, guys.”

Ivy, Ruby, Amber and Crystal were in another area of the castle when vampires attacked. They disposed of them quickly as they moved along until they ran into Spring and Floyd who happened to drive their car off a ramp and into the wall. They got out, brushed the dirt of their shoulders and then immediately punched a group of vampires ahead, making them explode.

The others heard the explosion and immediately came running, meeting up with the rest of them shortly. “Hey guys. Glad you could make it.” Poison said towards Spring and Floyd.

“We have a little more information on this ‘Toxic’ person.” Spring began. “Seems her real name is Rosie Palm.”

“Looks like you’ve got some things in common.” Lily remarked, standing beside Poison.

“She became a vampire when she was 19 years old.” Adol pumped his fist into the air as Spring continued once more. “She worked as a servant for Dracula and gained power by being beside him, and she’s literally able to poison her opponents, so Toxic is a fitting name…”

“Unlike you who took your name because it was cool.” Ivy smirked at Poison, who ignored her.

“So is Dracula here as well?” Amber asked.

“Probably not.” Floyd replied. “Toxic has most likely earned enough power to stand on her own two feet and no longer needs to work for him.”

“I think you should talk her into returning those she infected back to normal, Poison.” Lily suggested. “After all, I think it’s clear you have things in common, and she likes you.”

“That’s just absurd.” Poison replied.

“I kid you not, in fact you have chemistry with quite a lot of people. Ivy, Ruby, Crystal, Amber, half the Loli Rangers, me-”

“You?” He said, raising an eyebrow.

“Crack pairing, keep up. And I’m just getting started.”

“No.” Poison shook his head. “If you have me and Cherry paired on that clipboard, I’m breaking your neck, ditto for most yaoi pairings you may have on there.”

Spring placed his hand on Poison’s shoulder as he said, “Just keep doing what you do, Poison.”

“But I haven’t even done much!” He exclaimed. “Screw it, I’m gonna go find Toxic and take care of this already.” He quickly left, moments before more vampires turned up down the hallway. On the way there, he encountered the little vampire girl, who he immediately punted through a nearby window soon before reaching a pair of large wooden doors, which he entered.

Smoke covered the massive floor of the room, and the ceiling was nonexistent. On the other side stood Toxic who walked towards him as he arrived. “Poison, I assume that’s you, the green mask is a nice touch. I see you’ve come to join me.”

“Hell no! I just want you to return Ivy and anyone else you changed to normal.”

“Than you’ll have to join me. Stand by my side, as second in command of my growing vampire nation!” She said triumphantly.

“No can do.”

“And have a place in my heart as my lover.”

“Not a chance.”

“There’s no need playing hard to get, I know you like me.”

Poison shook his head. “Nope. I heard you kick kittens, and that is unforgivable. I never thought I’d say this but you’re more of an **** than Ivy is.” The shock of such a statement made her drop to her knees, unable to comprehend such a thing.

Back upstairs in the hallways, the others were mowing down tons of vampires in the meantime, and Ruby and Gary discovered they couldn’t make the place explode by doing a handshake of awesomeness. One boxing vampire charged at Gary, and he in turn dropped his sword and traded blows with the vampire. They evaded the others punches until Gary soon hit him with a lightning uppercut, knocking him to the ground. Gary towered over him and raised his chin as he said, “Go home and be a family man.”

The vampire quickly got up and fled as Gary continued staring. Floyd then stood beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder as he said, “Well done, Gary, now bite that lip.” Gary did so, at which point Floyd said, “Make it bleed, Gary.” Gary then began to Nicholson, prompting Floyd to say, “Break that neck, holmes, become a bobble head.”

Adol made it downstairs and entered the large room to see Poison and Toxic laughing as they had a casual conversation sitting down. “What’s going on here?” He asked.

“We fought, came to an understanding, and realized we actually do have quite a bit in common.”

“A shame I missed that moment, I’m sure it must have been awesome.”

“Indeed it was.” Just then, the sun was beginning to come up, slowly lighting up the room. Poison stared at Toxic, looked around, then stared again. “Umm, aren’t you supposed to die in sunlight?”

“Nah, we sparkle now.” Toxic replied.

“Ahh.” Poison decided not to question it as he got up. “Well, thanks for the antidote concerning Ivy, which I have no idea why you were carrying, perhaps we’ll meet again someday.” Toxic simply watched him leave without saying a word, and remaining certain that they’d meet again.

They all met back at the ship again, apart from Spring and Floyd, who were informed of Omar’s plan to take over Disneyworld and left early. Ruby was a bit separated from the others, leaning against the side of the van with her arms crossed. As they talked for quite a bit, she eventually got fustrated and said, “Could you guys hurry it up, I’ve still got my anal doctor’s appointment to take care of.”

“I think you mean, ‘annual’ doctor’s appointment.” Poison corrected her.

“Or do I?” She smirked.

“I sure hope so.” Poison suddenly approached her, making her raise an eyebrow as he spoke. “Y’know, I respect you, Ruby. I mean, you have constant bad luck and get injured regularly on occasion, yet you continue to keep trying just because it’s the right thing to do, even when everyone else is against you. And yet you don’t let your constant stream of bad luck turn you into a perpetual downer, you still try to see the bright side of life. I admire that.” He then hugged her tightly.

She squirmed slightly as she said, “Darkness in heart…beginning to fade…being filled with…happy thoughts…down there…” He stopped hugging her and smiled as he walked into the van. She began gasping for air as she continued. “Darkness…returning…power increasing, again…must talk, like Shatner…”

Everyone went their own ways shortly afterwards and Adol drove into the sunrise with Ivy and Poison also inside the ice cream van.

TMEDCE: Chapter 26 - The Most Epic War Ever, Part 1

It had been a week since the vampire fiasco. Feelings changed, alliances formed, stuff happened. Ivy tried constantly to torment Ruby more over the week, doing horrible things such as firing at her with a paintball gun, throwing her into a giant blender, and the worst act of all: Switching off her game after she hadn’t saved in an hour. The influence of the Anti-Christ’s spirit only severed to slowly fuel her rage towards her. A day before the current time, Awesome and Archangel Michael were having a poker game, but as they were about to show their cards, the lights went out. When they came back their cards were gone, but Awesome insisted that his cards would have won. In his persistence, he announced war on the angels, and though Michael thought it was a ridiculous reason, he didn’t see a way of talking him out of it.

The war was set to take place on earth in the wastelands where 300 was filmed, because it seemed right, plus a lot of supernatural beings seemed to like visiting earth recently. Michael didn’t want much to do with the war, and chose Crystal to lead the assault, as Ruby had worked with the prince, and she wasn’t currently doing anything. Since Awesome knew Crystal and Amber were friends, he chose Amber to take charge, but they were both perfectly fine with fighting each other.

Early that morning, Poison was contacted by Spring and Floyd about serious business, so he rushed over as soon as possible, as Spring, Floyd and Gary were gathered round a laptop again. “Hey, so what’s the problem, guys?” Poison asked as he arrived.

“Poison, thank you for coming.” Floyd greeted him. “You’re aware of that war taking place today, are you not?”

“Yeah, there’s been quite a commotion for about…half a day about it.”

“Well Willard is planning to make a move based on this news.”

“Willard…” Poison and Gary said in unison as they squinted.

“Indeed.” Spring nodded. “Willard owns a massive international corporation. We assume he gained followers by showing them a hellish future if they were to go against him. We have received word that he has recently allied himself with the Anti-Christ.”

Gary raised his hand. “Wait, I thought I killed that spirit off for good?”

“Well it seems you didn’t.”

“Also, since Ivy is the daughter of the devil, doesn’t that make the Anti-Christ…”

Poison nodded. “Yep. It’s Ivy’s older brother. What I’m wondering is why someone would try and bring him back…so what do we do anyway?”

Floyd then said, “Poison, we need you dress up as a girl once more to sneak into the organisation, and try to find out what’s going on in there.”

Poison sighed. “It seems like the forces of nature are going out of their way to keep doing this…”

Spring placed a hand on Poison’s shoulder and said, “Be thankful, Poison, you get to use your favourite hobby to help us.”

“You guys secretly hate me, don’t you?” Poison replied, narrowing his eyes at him.

Meanwhile, Ruby had dropped down onto a street and was walking towards Ivy’s house, ready to beat the crap out of her. Ivy spotted Ruby on one of her surveillance camera’s and quickly left the house, running ahead and leaping onto a rooftop, with Ruby quickly pursuing her. They jumped across several rooftops until Ivy jumped down onto one building ledge and then flew around the corner. Ruby continued to follow, as they flew through the sky, across traffic filled roads, through windows and past alleyways. Ivy managed to cut down a sign with her scythe as she turned a corner and threw it behind her, resulting in it hitting Ruby as she turned the corner. She quickly recovered and gave chase again before she hit the ground.

Ivy grinned as she thought she lost Ruby, when Ruby suddenly jumped out a nearby building window and punched Ivy into a large building nearby, into a large clear room with metallic blue floor tiles and large glass windows overlooking the city below. “Enough games, your fun ends here.” Ruby said as she walked towards her.

“Is that so? I don’t think I’m done yet.”

Ruby quickly charged at her, punching her in the stomach, then knocking her back with a kick, followed by various punches and kicks as she began talking. “What the hell do you want from me?! You constantly keep tormenting me, regardless of whether I want to be involved in your business. Do you get some sick thrill from trying to break me down?!” Ruby kneed her in the face as she said, “My life is bad enough without people like you around! Someone like you would have no idea what kind of crap I have to put up with!”

Ivy blocked one of her punches and furiously hammered her into the ground. “Don’t act like you know me! You have no idea what I’m like. You wanna know the truth? I despise you, and want to hurt you because you remind me of myself.” Ruby was getting up as she continued. “I was once like you, carefree, good-natured, determined. But sadly, we come from different places. Considering who I’m related to, it’s shameful for me to act like that, not to mention I was picked on for not being bad enough, so one day I changed and became what I am today to fit in. People still hated me, and poked fun at me because I wasn’t capable of doing much, at least in comparison to my other family members.

In hell, I’m disliked as a good person, and disliked as an evil person, funny, huh? Remember when I said we weren’t so different?”

“I don’t remember you saying that.” Ruby replied.

“Well we really aren’t. You probably suffer ridicule for not measuring up as well, right? Surprisingly, I’m able to notice these things. Deep down in your heart, you know that even without my influence, you’re going to turn out just like me!” Ivy smiled. “And you hate that.” Ruby clenched her fists as she gritted her teeth, easily moments away from wanting to maul her.

Ivy glared at her once again, quickly dashed towards her and began her assault as she continued. “I don’t have any friends, nor do I get any respect!” Ivy exclaimed, kneeing Ruby in the chest. “I don’t like what I do, but I don’t have a choice in the matter.” Ivy said, roundhouse kicking her into a wall. “So tormenting a stupid, annoying girl who reminds me of my past self is the best I can hope for.” Ivy stomped the ground, breaking apart some tiles and grabbed part of the large concrete before throwing it at Ruby. She punched through it, at which point Ivy grabbed her right fist while Ruby grabbed Ivy’s left.

“So your hate stems from me being the opposite of you?” Ruby said. “You bully me just to feel good about yourself? That’s just pathetic. I truly pity you.”

“I don’t need your pity, but I’ll kindly take your head.”

“Then let’s stop blabbering and beat the crap out of each other.” Ruby said with a smile.

“Now there’s an idea I can agree with.” Ivy replied as she also smiled.

At the large building with double glazed windows, Poison came in through the main entrance, in one of Ivy’s dresses and smiled cheerfully as he approached the reception desk which P.A.L sat at. “Hello there, could you happen to tell me what floor Willard is on?”

P.A.L looked up and immediately said, “Poison, is that you?”

“Who’s that? I’m, umm, Jenny.”

“I didn’t know this was one of your hobbies.”

“It’s not a hobby!” Poison yelled.

P.A.L brought a microphone to his face as he said, “Attention all employees, there is an intruder with green hair dressed as a girl with a blue bow, be on the lookout.”

Poison simply kicked him aside and ran up the stairs nearby. Spring and Floyd were monitoring his progress, and seeing the bad situation, immediately got ready. Spring got his machine guns, Floyd loaded the shotguns, Spring strapped on a minigun to his back, Floyd placed a rocket launcher in a large briefcase, Spring uploaded a few more pictures to photobucket, and Floyd tried to contact a T-Rex and his gang who fly around in jets. They were ready to go, and Gary was already in the car, fully suited. They glanced back at him, he nodded, and then they took off.

Back in the other building, Ivy and Ruby were charging at each other. Ivy smiled as she said, “Hey Ruby, let’s go for drinks afterwards, whoever dies is paying!”

“You’re on! You better have your wallet ready!” Ruby cheerfully replied, just before she was punched in the face by Ivy. She countered with a knee to the face, then Ivy smashed her head into a wall with her elbow, before Ruby slammed Ivy into the ground. Ivy flipped up and their punches connected at the same time, hitting each other in the face and knocking them back. Ruby quickly dashed towards her, ducking as Ivy swiped at her and then tackled Ivy out the glass window. They flailed around endlessly, punching each other until Ivy pushed Ruby into the building, landed on the side and continued to attack as they ran down it.

Ruby grabbed her arms and threw her at a bus as they got close to the bottom. It came to a stop from the sudden impact, Ruby then leapt into a air and charged at her with a flying kick, though Ivy jumped at the last second and Ruby went through it. As school kids began to empty the vehicle, Ivy grabbed the back half and whacked Ruby with it as she turned around. Ruby rubbed her cheek moments before they both laughed. She then grabbed the front half and whacked her. They moved along the street, duelling with parts of a bus until Ivy tackled Ruby into an anime convention building.

As Ivy got to her feet, Ruby began to choke her from behind. Ivy effortlessly struggled moments before sucking her own finger and then giving Ruby a wet willy, making her scream a moment before they backed up into a half full elevator. As it closed and went down, he exchanged punches, continuing to punch each other across the face. As the doors opened on a floor above, Ivy tackled her and then as they got to their feet, Ruby hit her with a sonic boom. Ivy retaliated with a hadoken, and was then hit by a shoryuken as she got close. Ivy hit her with a vertical spinning bird kick, before Ruby countered with a cannon spike. Ivy hit her with a psycho crusher as she touched the ground and landed in the middle of the floor with people watching the bizarre nature of it.

Ruby hit her with a hurricane kick as Ivy got up, and she then immediately countered with a tiger uppercut. Ruby followed through with a flying heat butt, then as Ivy tried to hit her with a scissor kick, Ruby leaped up as she grabbed her in midair, attempting to do a final atomic buster, as half the people watched in awe. Ivy quickly reversed it before they touched the ground and they floated in midair, spinning 360 degrees continuously as Loli Blue who happened to be there, pointed and yelled, “A spinning almost 69!” to which people stared at her.

Ivy and Ruby quickly separated, just before Ivy grabbed a chair near a random table and whacked Ruby with it, knocking her further away. She charged at her again, but Ruby ducked under her and hit Ivy with sweet chin music as she turned around. Ruby stacked several tables on top of each other and climbed up, then leaped, preparing to hit her with a frog splash from the top table. Ivy rolled out the way, and tried to put her in a crippler crossface as Ruby resisted. They rolled around punching each other before getting to their feet.

Yandere-chan yawned as she said, “This is getting pretty boring…” Ivy and Ruby turned their attention towards her and knocked her out with a double DDT before continuing to exchange punches.

Back at Willard’s building, Poison ran down the various hallways, dismembering his black suited guards as he ran by, and wondering why there weren’t any female guards. He glanced out a window and saw Ivy and Ruby fighting on train tracks before being hit by a train, but ignored it. He soon encountered Omar down a narrow corridor, carrying a metallic laser cannon. “Lolololololol!” Omar exclaimed as he fired, but thankfully Poison leaped into a room to the right and hid behind one table as Omar entered. “Pork chop sandwiches!” Omar shouted as he fired around the room, until Poison had no choice but to run and throw a bomb at the wall. “I need scissors! 61!” Omar yelled as he continued firing, and laughing maniacally as he did so. Just then, Spring, Floyd and Gary burst into the room and pumped Omar full of bullets.

Omar laughed as he got up moments later. “Unfortunately for you, I have anti-bullet repellent!”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Poison remarked.

“Silence! Guards, they’re in here!”

Within a minute, dozens of guards were swarming the area, so Spring and Floyd loaded their guns, Poison put on his cool face, and Gary raised his blade into the air as he yelled, “I HAVE THE POWEEEEEEEER!” charging it with electricity.

Two minutes later, the floor was covered in black corpses and Floyd stood over Omar with a pink rocket launcher to his face. Gary nodded as he stood by him and said, “That’s what you get for messing with Pink Floyd.” Floyd stared at him, to which he replied, “It may be the only chance I get to say that.”

Just then, Willard appeared out of nowhere ahead of them, snickering as they all turned their attention to him and squinted while saying, “Willard…” in unison.

“I hope my guests gave you a warm welcome.” Willard began. “We have reserves, so no harm done.”

“What are you planning, Willard?” Spring asked.

“Since I’m so egotistically overconfident compared to the likes of you four, I’ll tell you.”

Poison then said, “But isn’t telling us more likely to stop you?”

“But of course. I only wish to tell you what you really want to know. The Anti-Christ is indeed working with me, he seems to have found a permanent body, one which isn’t the body of a little girl. We will strike later this evening, this is all I will tell you, good day, gentlemen.” Willard tipped his hat before vanishing. Seeing as they had nothing to go on, they turned their attention to Omar.

In the middle of a city, Ivy and Ruby were in the middle of a park. Ivy charged at her with her scythe, resonating a fiery red aura which powered the scythe and made the blade larger. Ruby also generated a red aura, the result of part of the Anti-Christ’s spirit in her body and blocked it with her spear, causing shockwaves and the ground to began cracking beneath them. “Hey, so Ivy, even if you did get an adult body permanently, what would you do then?” Ruby randomly asked.

“Y’know, I never thought that far ahead.” They quickly separated, and just then Poison and Gary showed up.

Poison walked towards them as he said, “Guys, this is no time to settle your little squabbles. We gotta go stop Willard and the An-”

“Stay the **** out of our business!” Ruby snapped back. “I’m killing this monster right here and now!”

“The moron has a point, Poison.” Ivy said. “We’re finishing this today.” They both charged at each other, Ivy’s scythe upside down with the tip aiming for Ruby’s chest, while Ruby gripped her spear and prepared to stab Ivy. Ivy impaled her scythe through Ruby’s stomach, while Ruby did the same, they both fell back and landed on their backs, slowly being covered in a pool of their own blood, reminding as all, that life is a ****.

Poison shook his head, trying to understand what the hell just happened. “This is unbelievable. I never thought they’d actually go this far…”

Gary placed a hand on his shoulder. “Sometimes that’s just how it is. I may not know the reason, but no-one should get involved in a fight between two super powered little girls, even if they end up killing each other. I never thought I’d hear Ruby swear, but this is just how it had to be.”

“I hope you’re certain of that, Prince Gary.” Gary turned around to see Archangel Michael float down in full body silver armor, and flowing brown hair. “I have been watching for quite a while, and I consider this quite a tragedy. Ivy’s good natured side was clearly there despite her outward appearance, she helped bury Cherry when she thought the girl was dead, showed she could become good friends with Ruby and the others and only reverted when Ruby discovered she regained her memory. Perhaps her plan to blow up the angelic headquarters, along with herself and Ruby wasn’t stupidity, but an understanding of their connection.”

“Are you sure you aren’t trying to make Ivy’s chaotic stupid look like fridge brilliance?” Poison asked.

“I assure you, I’ve noticed Ivy isn’t as evil as she wants people to think. I believe she came here not to take over, but to get a break from her previous life, and use it as an excuse to stay longer.”

“I believe you’re thin-” Gary quickly covered Poison’s mouth. Poison removed it and then said, “So how come Ruby goes through so much?”

“I’ll answer that.” Gary began. “Ruby was quite accident prone about two decades ago, always sabotaging things and causing missions to fail, she only became my partner because of Crystal’s pleading. She slowly began to improve since then, to change people’s opinions of her, and mine. On one mission, we visited this ancient tomb and she swallowed this amulet, designed to bring the user back to life, but grant them immense bad luck.”

“Sounds like an asspull to me.” Poison commented. “And what is this, exposition central?”

“Whatever you’re planning to do next, I wish you luck in your journey.” Michael said before taking off towards the battlefield, leaving them to deal with Ivy and Ruby’s lifeless bodies.

So I decided to split this into three parts, because I eventually realized two just wasn't enough so I could've either done one incredibly long and ridiculous chapter, or I could just split it and add a bit of padding. I went with the second option.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 27 - The Most Epic War Ever, Part 2

Ivy currently found herself in some sort of empty void partially filled with smoke. While trying to recall all that happened, another version of herself suddenly appeared, covered by the smoke. “Hello there.” The look-alike greeted her. “I am your conscience given form.”

“That doesn’t make much sense.” Ivy replied. “And where am I exactly?” She asked, glancing around the mysterious foggy area.

“You’re in a mental world, I already said I’m a part of you. You’re not quite dead yet.”

Ivy gasped. “What you say?!?”

“You’re only mostly dead. You should wake up soon enough. But first of all, its for your own benefit to stop that jerkass attitude and grow up. It’s only making things worse than they need to be.”

“And what, be like that foolish angel? My life doesn’t work that way.”

“Then make it work, but not in a lame way you’ve been doing. Your existence can generally effect the life choices of a lot of people you come into contact with. Just look at some of these alternate realities which the people you know could be experiencing.” The lookalike said before moving to the side of Ivy and pointing ahead at a now visible screen.

It showed Poison wearing a green blazer with a white buttoned shirt and black pants, walking through an ordinary hallway in an ordinary high school. He thought to himself as he walked. “My name is Harry Johnson, and I’m just an ordinary high school student…sadly.”

Just then, Toxic was running down the stairs wearing the same uniform and tripped as she yelled, “Harry-kun!” He saw her just in time to avoid being fallen onto, who glared back at him. Suddenly, a giant dragon crashed through the ceiling and roared before assuming a fighting stance. Poison smirked as he did the same while Toxic got to her feet.

“Harry-kun, you’re so mean! Let’s go onto the roof to eat lunch and get into awkward situations!” Toxic exclaimed.

“Not so fast!” Amber yelled as she kicked open a classroom door. “Poison agreed to eat lunch with me!”

“Nah, ya’ll just be tripping!” Crystal said, strolling past the dragon with her pimp cane. “My main man hoe has a scheduled appointment with yours truly, ya hear? Better recognize!”

Poison shook his head. “Sorry ladies, but I’d rather be fighting the dragon.” The two charged at each other, trading punches which moved at such extreme speeds that it ripped the clothing of anyone who happened to be wondering the hallways, but he didn’t notice at all.

Ivy and her conscience continued watching for a few moments until Ivy said, “That totally sounds like something Poison would do…unfortunately.”

“Yes, and look at this one involving your rival.” The conscience said, pointing to another scene featuring Ruby as a real magical girl, fighting crime in a Japanese schoolgirl outfit, using a large laser cannon as her signature weapon. After a short bit of watching, Ivy then said, “Isn’t that a robotic version of Pedobear? Also, is it weird the first thing I notice is the obscene amount of panty shots?”

“Yes, and that is pretty concerning. There’s also one nearby of Gary as King Arthur, but that’s another story. But enough looking into random alternate realities, I didn’t appear for that.”

Ivy had stopped listening as she noticed one screen of Poison being on top of Gary’s half naked body and leaning in to kiss him. Her conscience turned to her and waved. She then slapped her and said, “I ain’t playing, fool! Listen up!”

“Ow! Okay, I’m listening!” Ivy exclaimed, holding her cheek.

“Appreciate what you have, and be thankful my parents are actually quite caring, considering who my dad is. Even though he spo-”

“Yeah but-”

Her conscience slapped her again. “****, did I give you permission to talk?!”

Ivy backed away as she replied, “No, sir…”

“I didn’t think so!” She cleared her throat. “Anyway, you should wake up any minute now, don’t take what I said for granted, because otherwise it’d be useless padding.” The place suddenly became even foggier as they disappeared.

In the real world, Poison, Gary, Adol and Lily were sitting in a somewhat dark room with Ivy and Ruby resting on beds nearby, while the other four sat on chairs talking about random crap.

“So Ivy’s going to be fine, right?” Gary asked.

“Most likely.” Poison replied. “It’s funny how you don’t care about Ruby at all.”

“I do care, but she has a lot more willpower, and she’ll come back regardless if she died or not. You think she’ll treat you any better after recovering?”

“To be honest, it’s not that bad anyway. I tend to over exaggerate just to anger her, because-”

“You’re a male tsundere?” Gary interrupted.

“No, I-”

“You can’t spit it out?” Adol responded.

“No! I-”

“You don’t wanna choose just one girl out of your harem!” Lily exclaimed.

“No, damn it! I’ve lived with Ivy and her parents for over 20 years, and highjinks ensued quite regularly. Considering how perverted Ivy is, it’s better I constantly snark at her and insult her regularly so we don’t get too friendly, and when your dad is the devil, and her mom can kill me in moments, its best not to get on their bad side.”

“He’s a male tsundere.” Gary said to the others, who nodded in agreement.

“Is everyone against me today?” He said sarcastically.

“So if they approved…” Adol trailed off.

“Dude, it’s been 20 years, they already approve. It‘s just plain wrong in my opinion.”

“Age is just a number, man.”

“It’s not about age…mainly because she’s a few years older than I am.” He then turned to Lily. “And why are you suddenly here? Are you going to follow us round and make ridiculous comments since we won’t pay to visit you anymore?”

“Pretty much.”

“Well we’re not that fond of you for those reasons.”

“Well I’m sure at least Gary likes me, right Gary?” She turned to him.

Poison shook his head. “Nope, he only likes girls who treat him like dirt.”

“Now that’s just being mean, Poison.” She looked again at Gary, who had turned away from them as he blushed. “You mean it’s true?!?”

Ivy began to finally wake up and then sit up, looking towards Poison who sat nearby. “Hey, did you do anything to my body while I was out?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Why not?”

“I see you’re back to your old self. Also, Gary cried when he thought you might die.”

“Dude!” Gary said in shock.

Ivy looked around the empty room and said, “So where are we?”

“Some empty building.” Poison replied. “Spring and Floyd are nearby, interrogating Omar and trying to get answers out of him.”

Just then, Ruby also woke up, rubbing her forehead seconds before noticing Ivy and pointing at her. “You!”

Ivy glanced back and frowned. “So you didn’t die either. I’ll be sure to finish it this time.”

“Not before I kill you first.”

“Now now, you two, there’s no point fighting anymore.” Adol said.

“For once, I agree with him.” Poison replied. “Normally he just says perverted things so that was surprising.”

“It’s what’s expected of me, is all.” Adol justified himself.

“Anyway, we’ve got bigger things to worry about, like your older brother coming back.” Poison said.

“You mean Damien? He’s back?!?” Ivy said in shock. “I hated that guy so much!”

“Was he a complete monster?” Lily asked.

“Far worse! Always giving me playful noggies, tickling me regularly, and stealing some of my cookies! He made me sick!”

“Those seem like awful reasons to hate your brother.” Poison said, having known him only shortly before he died.

“Cookies are serious business! You don’t even know!”

Ruby then randomly said, “Umm, I’ve calmed down now, so could you guys forgot anything I could have said earlier?”

Gary shook his head. “I’m afraid we can’t do that, Ruby.”

“Never live it down.” Poison added.

Ivy leapt to her feet as she said, “Screw it, this is taking too long! I’ll get the info within five minutes.” Just before leaving the room. After explaining, Spring and Floyd agreed to give Ivy some time alone with Omar, who walked into the black and grey office in a grey trench coat with a matching hat, smoking a cigarette. “Where’s my brother planning his little party, Omar.”

“lolololol! Do your worst, little girl! You’ll never get my lucky charms!” He randomly yelled, still strapped to a chair.

“Very well, we’ll do things the hard way.” She began to unbutton her coat, to which a confused Omar asked, “Hey, what are you doing?” After discovering moments later, he begged her to stop and immediately told her the truth, just as the others promptly burst into the room.

Poison put a hand on her shoulder. “Good job, Ivy, you trying to sexually assault him with that undeveloped body of a little boy scared him so much he immediately told the truth.”

“You’re going to pay for that remark later.” She said, glaring at him.

“Y’know, you should really contact Toxic to help us out with this.” Gary suggested.

“Nah.” Poison shook his head. “I’m not that fond of her.”

“I heard you two got on pretty well.”

“Yeah but I think she’s kinda clingy, and has probably been stalking us lately, and we already have a resident stalker. At the moment, she kinda annoys me the same way you annoy Ivy.”

“Oh, okay, that’s totally understa-hey! Why do you keep taking shots at me?”

“I’ll keep it to a minimum now.”

“I didn’t know you had a stalker, Poison.” Ruby said.

“Ruby, you’re the stalker.”

“Oh.”

Meanwhile, at the soon to be battlefield in the mountains, Awesome stood on a cliff, in full black armor. Michael floated down next to him and asked, “Is this really necessary?”

“Whether it is or not, it’ll still be fun.”

“How would getting a lot of both races killed be fun?”

“Who says they’d be lots of killing? Look right down there at the weapons my legion are holding.”

Michael looked at the black armoured demons and saw their swords looked plastic. He looked on the angels side, which wore white armor, and saw their swords weren’t real as well. “They’re all plastic?”

“But of course! Do you think I’d start a war over a simple poker game?” They both laughed for a few moments before Awesome continued. “If it was ownership over someone’s soul, then sure, but then again, I wouldn’t tell anyone anyway.”

“So it’s like laser tag?”

“Yes, but with swords. The armor will automatically shut down if hit three times with those swords. Don’t ask how long it took to set it up.”

Down below, It was A.D. 2010, and war was beginning. The two massive forces charged at each other, people fake stabbed others, crap happened. Suddenly giant demonic red skinned elephants came out of nowhere, with a unusual machine strapped to its back, as it fired spears from its ports. Crystal grabbed a bunch of angels before jumping behind some huge rocks, then immediately came out and yelled, “Hey! That’s cheating!”

“I’m not sure on what you’re referring to!” Awesome yelled back.

“Those are real spears!” She replied, pointing at one angel who had collapsed with a spear impaling them through the stomach. “And when can we use your real name?!”

“Never!” Michael glared at Awesome, who then said, “I wasn’t aware of the giant elephants. But does it really matter? When you guys die, you’re just revived back in heaven, right?”

“Well you do have a point, but it doesn’t excuse needless killing. Plus some may simply be bad enough to end up in hell.”

“Relax, for the next hour or so, anyone dying there will go free. After that I’ll require a fee, so let’s not worry and concentrate on the kil-I mean, fun.” He said with a smirk. “I see you’ve also got giant angelic elephants on your side.”

“I don’t remember requesting those.”

Just then, Amber caused a large explosion as she sliced a giant stone in half with a raising slash from her axe, then quickly dropped down, causing a small crater in her armoured form. Crystal strolled over towards her, with her golden pimp cane and wearing shades with a fur coat over her armour. She removed the coat, shades and then threw all three off screen before taking out her bat. They then quickly put them away as they got into a fighting stance.

SA2, who was nearby, suddenly appeared and said, “Let’s get started, fight!” As they began, Crystal moved back while Amber shot a fireball, which Crystal blocked. As she jumped, Amber hit her with a leaping fiery roundhouse, then a flying kick, followed by two punches as she got up. Crystal did a slide attack, which Amber hopped over, but was then grabbed and thrown to the ground afterwards. Crystal hopped back, avoiding her uppercut, and hit her with three rapid kicks followed by a scissor kick. Amber fired another fireball which Crystal jumped over, but was then hit by her uppercut. She shoulder barged her as she got up, and prepared to do so once more, when Crystal suddenly hit her with a full power focus attack. The sky suddenly darkened as Crystal brought out her pimp cane and said, “Feel my pimp hand.”

“There’s dat ultra!” SA2 said as she began her assault. Crystal whacked Amber with her cane three times, then sent her flying with a slap of concentrated psychokinesis energy, immediately followed and kicked her into the air. She then launched a dozen spears at her, causing small damage as they passed by. As Amber fell towards the ground, Crystal grabbed her bat and swung as Amber entered her view, knocking her into a pile of rocks, resulting in a ultra combo finish. Crystal rested on her cane, putting on a pair of shades as she said, “Haters gonna hate.” It faded to black for a moment before returning, both of them up and ready again.

“Will the tide of battle turn? Fight!” SA2 said as they began. As Amber did another leaping fiery roundhouse, Crystal hit her with an upward swing of her bat, and then a flash kick. Amber hit her with a fiery uppercut, then sidestepped her flash kick, grabbed her and hit with a punch to the stomach. Crystal leaped up and hit with a psychic wave, but Amber then blocked her slide attack, followed by two kicks and countered with several punches and a fireball. Crystal charged a focus attack as Amber charged at her, but missed as Amber hopped back. The sky then darkened as Amber smirked and covered her arm in fire.

“She’s bringing the heat!” SA2 exclaimed as Amber clotheslined Crystal, continuing to drag her along the ground for several moments as she yelled, “Feel the burn!“ before knocking her into the air using an uppercut with the same hand, then leaping up with her axe and hitting her in the stomach, dragging her down to the ground with such force fire shot out of the ground, resulting an ultra combo finish. She sat down as she said, “Do you need some aloe vera for that burn?”

Once again, they were up again within half a minute, and then SA2 said, “Pull out all the stops! Fight!”

Meanwhile, Ivy, Poison, Ruby, Gary, Adol and Lily were nearing the island where Willard and Damien were currently located as they travelled in Ivy’s ship. Upon noticing the large island with various tall buildings and training camps, Poison immediately said, “It looks like the place a bond villain would live. In fact, Spring and I used a place like this when we did that fanmade James Bond short.”

“What was it called?” Adol asked.

“A season to kill…we were low on ideas.”

After a period of silence, Ivy turned to Ruby and said, “So wasn’t our fight earlier kinda fun?”

“Yeah, it was. Behind all that rage I enjoyed it quite a bit.”

“Yeah, we did tons of things. Through a building, throughout the streets, a convention, fighting on a train, ending up in the sewer, getting to a subway where we fought on another train, as a pirate and ninja joined in, ended up at sea, rode that giant wave to Disneyland-”

“I was thinking of suggesting we could have taken a picture while we were there.” Ruby said.

“Same here!” Ivy responded.

“Either way, there’s nothing that can beat us four working together!” She exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air.

“Alright, you guys, we’re finally here.” Lily said as they hovered just over the island, with her driving the plane.

Ivy and Ruby both got to their feet and prepared to jump out, with Ruby yelling, “Bitter rivals working together for a common goal!”

“Stop saying that stuff!” Ivy yelled back.

As they flew down and ahead, residents of the island noticed them. Jet fighters were called in and opened fire on them, but Ivy and Ruby easily evaded them, whacked the missiles out of the way and swung at the ships, blowing them out of the sky. Ruby punched through the glass window, taking down one ship while she was on it. Ruby grabbed the tip and spun a dozen times before throwing it as she neared the forest pathway, knocking out a dozen guards approaching them. Ivy flew by at blazing speeds, spinning her scythe continuously, knocking out robots and deflecting all gun fire till she eventually dodged one giant robot’s punch and sliced its head off before moving on.

The punch that missed Ivy knocked down a nearby tree, so Ruby threw it ahead before jumping on, which charged straight through a barricade of shielded robots as Ivy leapt out the way. They moved on, jumped over some mines, then Ivy backflip kicked a robot in the air, which Ruby knocked out along with others using a vertical hurricane kick while Ivy hit several with a sliding kick. Ivy’s ship flew to another part of the island as Ivy and Ruby made their way towards the main entrance.

In the main and tallest building on the island, Willard and Damien were currently sitting round a table, drinking tea. Damien took the form of a teenage boy with short dark blue hair, who wore black pants with a stripe down the sides, a belt with a skull on it, and a black t-shirt with a red 666 on it, just because. He wore a black and white cloak over this with the hood down. A robot suddenly ran in yelling, “Sirs, the whole army is being taken out by two little girls!”

“That must be your sister.” Willard responded.

“Indeed.” Damien said, nodding. “She’s a bit early but that’s alright.”

“Just like you, I’ll also have matters to attend to. Spring and Floyd are most likely just a few explosions away. Excuse me.” Willard got up to leave, while Damien looked out the window.

In another building, the others landed elsewhere and made their own way around the island, looking for Willard and Damien. While they did this, Poison figured it’d be a good time to use that white suit, which he wore as he entered a bar and immediately flicked a coin, which missed the jukebox, so he embarrassingly walked over and put it in. As a certain song came on, he suddenly went, “Ow!” as more lights came on. He slowly began to walk over to the bar, getting weird looks for a short bit. “As I strolled into the kid’s school, I was so pimp, it was so cool. A fool trapped in the closet, not one for anger, he could have lost it. She was waiting by the classroom, but for a little girl, she was able. But haters gonna hate you, so there’s not much, that you can do.

Cherry, are you okay? So Cherry, are you okay, are you okay, Cherry? Cherry, are you okay? So Cherry, are you okay, are you okay, Cherry? Cherry, are you okay? So Cherry, are you okay, are you okay, Cherry? Cherry, are you okay? So Cherry, are you okay, are you okay, Cherry?” He jumped on stage and grabbed a mike as he finished. “Cherry, are you okay? Will you tell us that you’re okay? There’s a note in the homeroom, that he hate you, that just ain’t cool, Cherry. The fool trapped in the closet, didn‘t hate girls, never lost it. I found haters in the classroom, couldn‘t stay there, I was too cool.” Half the people were dancing now for some unexplained reason as he walked past half the people and started moonwalking up some stairs as he continued.

“Cherry, are you okay? So Cherry, are you okay, are you okay, Cherry? Cherry, are you okay? So Cherry, are you okay, are you okay, Cherry? Cherry, are you okay? So Cherry, are you okay, are you okay, Cherry?” Just then, one large bouncer wasn’t happy with this and grabbed Poison’s hat, at which point Poison promptly stabbed him. “You’ve been stabbed by-” He took back his hat and kicked him out the window. “You’ve been owned by-” He put the hat back on as he said, “A Chaotic Neutral.” He hopped onto a table and slid across it.

Damien was watching this on a surveillance camera, slowly shaking his head and smirking as he drank his tea, clearly amused yet astounded at the ridiculousness.

Gary had finished taking care of a robot gang outside and approached one window where Adol was watching. He quirked an eyebrow as he asked, “What is this?”

“I don’t even, man.” Adol said without hesitation.

TMEDCE: Chapter 28 - The Most Epic War Ever, Part 3

It was a few minutes after a random spontaneous dance number courtesy of Poison. After being informed Poison was the enemy, they attacked him but luckily Toxic was there to help him, against his wishes. Poison spent a majority of the time slashing enemies in half, before using dancing moves and simple kicks to take out enemies when the total amount had diminished. Toxic’s weapon of choice happened to be a razor sharp whip, which she used to poison people. After dispatching all the enemies in the area, Poison turned to her and said, “So how long were you here?”

“Only a few minutes. I followed you guys in that ship. Why didn’t you just ask me for help?”

“Because we didn’t need it.”

“C’mon, we make a great team, right? I know a good place where dragons hang out, so we can fight some later if you like.”

“Okay, but let’s not talk so much.”

At the top of the central building, Damien was still sitting, drinking tea when Gary slowly entered the room. Damien put down his cup and gestured to the seat by the table. “Welcome, please, have a seat.” Gary decided to stand instead, at which point Damien placed a plate of cookies on the table. “So, you must know my sister, right?”

“Yeah, we don’t seem to get along much.”

“She didn’t seem to get along with a lot of people, she’ll come around, but probably won’t.”

“Yeah, but I’m not gonna fall for your act where you try to be friendly with me to catch me off guard and kill me when I least expect it.”

“On the contrary, this is my default mood.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

Meanwhile, within a building nearby, Spring and Floyd drove their car out of a lift and down a corridor, running over anything in their path, shortly before drifting round a corner and coming to a stop near a door, then leaping into the room where Willard was waiting.

They immediately opened fire on him, but because he was Willard, he whipped out a uzi and fired back, taking out the incoming bullets while firing back at them. They jumped behind some of the desks in the room and moved around as both sides continued to fire, until Spring eventually managed to blast the gun out of his hand, shortly before Floyd threw him through a wall.

They fired again as he got up, but Willard disintegrated the bullets with a wave of his hand, then suddenly appeared beside them and punched Spring across the room, then hit Floyd in the chest with an elbow. Spring quickly recovered and dashed towards Willard as he landed on his feet, hitting Willard with an explosive punch which he blocked. They exchanged blows for a short while, and as Willard’s arm glowed red and was about to impale Spring, Floyd took out the rocket launcher and hit Willard directly, sending him flying. Spring called the car with a remote control, which crashed into the room and hit Willard, sending them out the window. Willard quickly flipped and landed on the top side of the car, then leaped towards Spring and Floyd who were jumping down towards him.

He evaded their attacks and hit them with a wave of darkness, then they continued their battle as they flew around in midair. Nearby within a previous building, Ivy and Ruby were charging down a corridor, using various abilities to take out enemies in flashy ways. Ruby threw her spear which went through several robots, and then Ivy grabbed it and whacked several using her scythe and the spear, and then kicked it ahead and knocked one robot as well as the spear into the air. Ruby grabbed it and fly kicked the robot, then pounded the ground, sending ahead a shockwave as Ivy also fired a large wave of fire, wiping out the other robots down the corridor and shattering the large glass window ahead.

They leaped out and ran along the side of the building, avoiding spears being fired at them from above. Ivy chopped some in half while Ruby grabbed a dozen chopped pieces using her psychokinesis and fired them ahead, taking them all out. They then jumped in through a glass window ahead and reached the room where Gary and Damien resided. Damien got up to greet them as they arrived. “Ahh, sister, glad you co-”

“Put that cookie down!” Ivy demanded, pointing at him.

“I assure you I-”

“Now!”

“I see you’ve brought a friend with you.” He said, glancing towards Ruby.

“We’re sort of vitriolic best buds now.” Ruby said, placing a hand on Ivy’s shoulder.

Ivy smacked away her hand as she said, “I’m not your bud, foolish angel!”

“I’m not your foolish angel, spoiled brat!”

“I’m not your spoiled brat, man!”

“I’m not your man, bro!”

“I’m not your bro, dude!”

“Okay, that’s enough.” Damien said, holding up his hand. “It’s time to get going on the ship.” Damien said as a mysterious gas suddenly began to fill the room. Damien put on a gas mask as he did so, but the others weren’t as fast to react, so Ivy and Gary were knocked out. Ruby tried to cover her mouth and attack him, but Damien quickly pulled out a magnum and shot her in the head shortly before taking off with Ivy to a giant ship shaped like a dragon, with dozens of dragons on hover boards surrounding it. The ship began to take off as he entered, but fortunately Lily happened to see and gave chase, blasting away at the ship while the dragons fired back.

As the ship was far from the island, the dragons managed to get Lily and make her crash into the sea, but her distraction gave the Loli Rangers a chance to blast the ship in their giant robot, Magical Girl Moe-chan. A minute later, Toxic entered the room where Gary was knocked out and signalled to Poison, who moonwalked into the room as Toxic said, “You can stop that now.”

“Just a few more minutes.” Poison turned to Gary and woke him up. “Gary, what happened, man?”

“He knocked us out with plot contrivance smoke, that fiend.” He said faintly.

Toxic pointed towards Ruby and said, “Hey Poison, I think one of your friends died.”

“No, it’s okay, I’m still alive.” Ruby said as she immediately sat up.

Poison hugged her while saying, “Thank goodness you didn’t die yet again, because at this point all help is appreciated.” Poison tried to separate himself but found it hard to do so. “Uhh, Ruby, you can stop now.”

“Just a few more moments…”

Gary hopped to his feet and looked around. “He kidnapped Ivy?!? Now I’ve lost it!”

Toxic nodded while saying, “But the question is, do you know you can kill?”

“We will charge onto that ship, blast the crap out of whatever forces he has in his possession, and he will know my name is the lord, when I lay my vengeance upon him…”

“Sure why not.” Poison shrugged. They all left the room, and upon hearing that Lily had already gone after him, decided to fly towards the ship, because they can all do that. Even Adol, who was never mentioned he could fly.

On the somewhat dark ship, Damien had Ivy chained to the wall and sat in a chair located near the middle of the large high tech room with an altar in the middle. He saw the group of nuisances coming towards the ship, and prepared to do battle.

As the group arrived outside, Toxic immediately said, “Hey, we’re on Damien McBadass’ Flying Circusssssssss!” They all stared at her for a few moments before entering. They ran around, tearing down walls and smashing robots until they reached a big warehouse styled area abroad the ship where Adol and Toxic voluntarily stayed behind to handle any robots which attempted to follow them. Poison, Ruby and Gary arrived at the main control room, where Damien sat waiting, and Ivy had already freed herself and was walking around the room.

“Harry! My boy, how’ve you been!” Damien exclaimed with open arms as he got up and hugged him.

“Not bad, man, but I prefer the name Poison now, everybody calls me that.”

“But you’re a wizard, Harry.”

“Don’t say that again.” He narrowed his eyes at Damien.

“Sorry man, I’ve always said that you’d look like a super saiyan if you just dyed your hair yellow though.”

“Yeah but I’m not feeling it. What are you planning to do anyway, dragging us all the way up here.”

“Sorry, man, felt it was necessary. Anyway, I’m planning to nuke this planet, and also Heaven and Hell around the same time, using the chaos emeralds which harness incredible power.” Damien explained, pointing at a console across the room.

“That reminds me of a plan I did when-” As he noticed everyone’s attention was on him, he suddenly stopped mid sentence.

“Why do I keep getting kidnapped recently?” Ivy asked as she walked over to them.

“Because you’re a princess, it’s like a requirement.” Poison replied.

“You’re just being ignorant.”

“Let’s stop talking and take him down now.” Gary said as he charged at Damien, who covered his arm in a thick layer of rocks as he stopped the sword of lightning, to Gary’s surprise.

“Unfortunately for you guys, my special ability is the power of earth.” Damien said with a smirk.

“Wait, but then what would that be called when you used it in Hell?”

Damien thought for a few moments, and then hand waved it. “That’s not important, either way, you’re unlikely to beat me.” Damien then kicked him across the room. Ivy started swinging at him as he effortlessly evaded her attacks, but was then caught by Ruby’s psychokinesis as she caught him and lifted him into the air.

“Good work, angel, now crush him! Crush his guts!” Ivy yelled.

“I can’t, I can only grab and throw things.”

“That’s a pretty lame ability.”

“It can be pretty broken if you learn to improve it.” Poison said. “Well, I guess it’s time for me to display mine.”

“I didn’t know you had an inherit ability.” Gary said as he was getting up.

“I try not to use it unless its necessary, because I like the challenge, but this isn’t one of those cases. My element is the power of the wind.” Poison then held out his hand and fired a vertical tornado of wind, sending Damien flying across the room. He quickly recovered and covered his entire body in layers of rock as he charged at Poison, a sword of stone in his hand. Poison blocked it and destroyed it with another gust of wind, at which point Damien shoulder barged him.

Back at the battlefield, **** was getting real. Grenades were thrown, trenches were dug, and bullets were firing in all directions, but Crystal and Amber didn’t care, as they were sitting on a giant rock talking about more important matters like who’s going to win American Idol.

Aboard the Flying Dragon, Damien formed a giant rock wall from the ground and tried to flatten Poison, who leapt to the side, just in time to see Damien charging at him. Poison griped his sword and fired waves of energy, chipping parts of his armor. After an exchange of sword swings, Poison ducked under one forward slash then hopped back as Damien summoned spikes and threw his sword. Poison lifted his foot and fired a gust of wind with his kick, slicing off a third of his armor as Damien moved right. “You’ve actually gotten a little better for someone who doesn’t use his powers much.” Damien said.

“You’ve gotten a little weaker in your case.” Poison replied.

“Dude, I’ve been dead for over twenty years, of course I wouldn’t be in top shape so fast.” He then smiled. “But sadly, I’m still ahead, because being the devil’s spawn means I have inherited super strength above what you see, so the only one who can truly keep up with me is my dear sister, if she were to control that power.”

“Foolish older brother! I’ll crush you, regardless of my power output!” She exclaimed.

Damien opened the roof and flew up as he said, “Then let us battle, just the two of us.” Ivy reluctantly followed him, while Gary and Ruby were trying to disarm the nuking machine. Ivy leaped up onto the curving exterior of the ship as sunset was approaching, and charged at him, scythe firmly gripped in hand as she came towards his side of the ship.

Damien launched several stone spikes at her, which she dodged by leaping into the air. Damien, having full control over the surface, continued to throw more and tweak them towards Ivy, who sliced some, spun, and managed to dodge one from behind by inches. Ivy attacked him with her scythe, which he blocked before throwing her over his shoulder. She landed on her feet and quickly dashed towards him, attacking with a flurry of punches and kicks until one eventually managed to connect with his stomach, sending him flying.

Just then, the others below managed to disarm the machine, as Adol and Toxic caused a massive explosion below in the ship, causing the engines to malfunction and crash around the battlefield where the angels and demons were fighting. Damien hopped off the ship and avoided more attacks as Ivy continued her assault, and then waved towards Awesome as he yelled, “Hi dad!” Ivy immediately stopped and looked in his direction, waving as well.

Awesome floated down a little, greeting him. “My boy, what brings you here?”

“Y’know, trying to wipe out life on the three main planets, and in turn killing you all, you know how it is.”

“Now son, remember what happened the last time you tried things like that?”

“Yeah, you killed me, dad.”

“It was self defence. You may be my son but I don’t go easy on attempted murder. But let’s drop that, why not come over for dinner tonight?”

Damien shrugged. “Sure, why not. Perhaps I’ll poison your food when you’re not looking.”

“I see your sense of humour still hasn’t changed.” They both laughed heartedly at this, while some others were somewhat disturbed.

“So what, did things just kinda sort themselves out?” Ivy asked as the others got out of the ship.

“I guess.” Poison shrugged. “At least you guys can be a full family again…until your brother tries to kill your dad again.”

“This means you guys will be going back now, right?” Toxic said with a sigh.

“Hey Rosie, how about you come live with us?” Ivy suggested.

“What?!?” Poison and Toxic said in unison. “You do remember what she did, right?” Poison continued.

“Villains don’t hold grudges against other villains, Poison. It’s like a written law. Besides, you don’t seem rather happy living in that castle with those other people. So what do you say?”

“Yes! Thank you so much!” Toxic said as she hugged her.

“I thought you said you were a good person.” Ruby commented.

“I never said that, I just meant I’m a good natured chaotic evil.” Ivy replied.

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Now our lives will be like a sitcom!” Toxic exclaimed.

“Our demonic life practically already is one.” Poison remarked. “But won’t you feel bad because Rosie naturedly has a mature adult body and you still have the body of a little girl?”

“Poison, I’ve overcome such immature feelings. We’ve all undergone quite a bit of character development over the last few months concerning our visit to this planet and the random adventures we’ve had. For instance, Gary used to be a big douche like me, but he’s mellowed out and is actually a pretty decent guy. Your lust for Amber diminished somewhat, and now all you care about is fighting, explosions, and anything that can be considered quite cool. Ruby hasn’t changed much, but has been slightly more cynical, but far from the championship level Poison is at. And last of all, me. I’m not great at expressing my feelings, and tend to take my anger out on others as a result, even though I should act my age and not my appearance. With loved ones around me, it doesn’t matter what I have to put up with, because I have family to beat them up for me.” Ivy cheerfully smiled.

“So you’re not mad about not growing older yet?” Poison asked.

“No, I have no use for large disgusting bags of fat designed to be stuck to your chest for all eternity. It would only result in decreasing my fighting ability by messing with my overall weight and stature. So in fact I’d rather remain flat-chested and improve on my abilities.” She said with a convincing nod.

Poison and Toxic turned to each other and in unison said, “She’s still mad.”

“S-shut up!” Ivy shook her fist at them.

To round things up, the war continued for another hour or so, and though there were many casualties and deaths, everyone managed to have a good time despite the pain from dying, though some angels still had to pay to get out of Hell. Awesome and Michael still continued to have another poker game another time and they all left the field and went about their business. Willard departed as both sides were too exhausted to finish the other off, so Willard vanished and Spring and Floyd flew off in their car, at which point the island exploded. Lily swam halfway back to land when the Loli Rangers picked her up along with the ship.

Ivy and Ruby became friends but still remained enemies at the same time, deciding to hang out on occasion but still but the crap out of each other. Being truthful to his word, Gary did explain the whole situation to the Angels above, and Ruby was rewarded with a surprise party celebrating her efforts, and a decent Magical Girl costume, she died of shock upon walking in on her surprise party, but quickly revived. Ivy underwent more training to control her hidden power with Damien, and upon doing so, started fights with demons which picked on others, but with style. Toxic eventually became a demon lord, besides the fact that she’s not really a demon, but that didn’t matter. Poison and Damien hung out more, as he was alive now, and regularly talked Damien out of attempting to kill his dad and take over. Poison continued doing what he did best, going with the flow and living for fun.

Spring and Floyd continued their work with diabolical villains such as the insane scientist, Omar, the totally radical Masterman, and the personification of evil known only as Willard, while Poison visited to join them on occasion. Lily was eventually sued for not being a real psychiatrist, so she took up a job as an assassin instead. Because Ivy eventually began to acknowledge Gary and greet him regularly, he occasionally paid people on his planet to treat him like dirt. Crystal eventually admitted she wasn’t a real pimp, but she played one on TV. Amber started wearing more clothing, to the disappointment of many. The Loli Rangers continued to travel the galaxy, looking for work while studying at Lolita Academy. Adol eventually did remove the cardboard box, joined a sex addiction clinic, and soon got a job as a high school teacher…which didn’t end very well.

P.A.L managed to get a job at NASA, where he joined a crew on a space mission…which also didn’t go very well. Cherry didn’t do much besides inherit money in her future. Nookie went on to star in dozens of tentacle **** hentai and easily got rich. At some point, Gary informed Damien about the renegade group of lolis who were the ones who brought his spirit back, so he went to earth to find them, where upon doing so they began to worship him and bring about a new world order. He wasn’t interested in such a thing, so he quickly left. And the Sonic characters were never aware of this all happening, or whether they still existed in this universe. Instead of being a bittersweet ending, it was a random and somewhat typical happy ending. The End.

And only because I love this theme, Imma stick it here for no reason.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzxWxlGFw5Q

I finally got round to doing this one. It's pretty damn long though, more than I was expecting.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 29 - Zombie Bears are Worse

It had been a few weeks after the epic war which wasn’t really that epic. Ivy was in her room on Hell, writing in her diary. “Dear Diary, it’s been 3 weeks since Rosie moved in, my brother came back, and we returned home. Not much has changed, apart from becoming stronger so I can beat up other demons somewhat easier. Rosie has managed to fit in quite well despite not being a demon, but always needs to drink a bit of someone’s blood every once in a while. Though Rosie keeps on hitting on Poison, that fool! How dare she try to corrupt my servant! Blah blah blah!” After more random cursing which nobody could hear, she got up to use the bathroom.

A bit later, Poison woke up and leaped out of bed. On his way down the long hallway, he spotted Rosie walking in the opposite direction, only wearing a towel, suggesting she had just finished using the bathroom. She suddenly dropped the towel as she exclaimed, “Whoops, clumsy me!”

“Morning, Rosie.” Poison said as he walked past, simply ignoring her as he yawned. A little later at breakfast, Poison greeted Awesome with the usual high five, and sat down. The usual morning transpired, with Rosie and Awesome talking about things too extreme to possibly exist, Hawt politely threatening Poison to help her serve the food, Ivy bickering for no apparent reason, and Damien trying to kill his dad, to no avail. Rosie left immediately after to visit Amber, as she had recently achieved the demon lord position after participating in a fighting tournament. They were walking past a pool of blood as they talked.

“So what does this title require me to do?” Rosie asked.

Amber shrugged. “Nothing really, you just sit on your ass and maintain your position.”

“So there isn’t more to it?”

“Nope, rather less. Y’see, demon lords tend to wear a little less. The male ones don’t even wear shirts.”

“Ahh, how many are there anyway?”

“There’s around 12 demon lords, and about 5 demon overlords. Demons lords pretty much control small areas while overlords control a pretty wide area of the planet, though its not that much of a big deal since Ivy’s dad could still laugh in your face at any moment of his choosing and slap them to make them recognize.”

“Is that really how overlords work on this planet?”

“Pretty much.”

“So since Poison is Ivy’s personal servant, does that mean he’s in a higher position than a demon lord?”

“Somewhat, I guess.” she shrugged.

In a playground where a jungle gym was made out of bones, several demonic creatures were picking on a black haired little girl, wearing a typical school uniform. They took her Pyramid Head doll just before they heard a voice cry out, “Let that child alone!” They turned around to see Ivy who was approaching, and as one tried to point out the grammar, she silenced him. “I know what I said!” As one attacked her, she caught the punch and hit him with her own, then took out the other two with a kick to the face and one in the crotch. As they dropped her doll and took off, the girl ran up to her, saying, “Thank you so much, Ivy. That was amazing.”

“Yes, yes, I know. Spread the word of my awesomeness, now begone, fellow citizen, and take care.” Ivy replied, and the girl thanked her before running off.

Just then, Poison arrived with a letter and called out to her. “Hey Ivy, we got trouble back on earth. Cherry wants to see us about that organisation of bears we once fought, apparently they’ve come back.”

Ivy sighed. “Fine, it’s not like I had anything better to do today.”

An hour or so later, Ivy and Poison met Cherry at the restaurant also used at the beginning of chapter 17 to talk. “Thank you for meeting me here but I haven’t got time to act cute today, this is serious.”

“Serious business?” Poison asked. Cherry nodded, at which point he put on his serious face.

“Those bears you defeated for me that long while ago have seemed to return as zombies somehow, and they’re threatening to come after me again if I don’t bring you to them. Could you guys please help me to defeat the zombies?”

“You got it.” Poison replied, and as a result Cherry was overjoyed.

“No!” Ivy suddenly shouted. “Why the hell are we doing this again?! I’m chaotic evil! A good natured one, mind you, but still evil! I shouldn’t be doing this crap!”

“The leader said you’d be too foolish to accept his challenge.” Cherry added.

“The fool!” Ivy exclaimed, leaping onto the table. “I’ll show that scumbag who he’s messing with!”

After convincing her, they left to meet the zombie bears by their home base, with the leader being a bright green colour and the skin decaying from being dead for so long. “Ahh, the two troublemakers, welcome once again.”

“You!” Ivy dramatically pointed at him. “What’s your deal? Why are you back?”

“We’re not entirely sure, but with this opportunity, we are declaring war on you guys in revenge.”

“But we already had a war…”

“Which was pretty anti climatic and not that important too.” Poison added.

“That’s of no concern to me, do you accept or will you run?” The bear asked.

“Of course I accept!” Ivy exclaimed. “I can never run from a challenger!”

“Very well, we will settle this shortly.” The bear turned and walked back to the base while the others walked off in the other direction. The three of them met back at the restaurant, planning how to gather support to take down the bears, when they ran into Ruby.

“Hey, how did you find us?” Poison asked.

“I’ve got Demondar, remember? Like a tracker.”

“Ahh, that makes sense. Anyway, hey.” He waved.

“Hi.” She waved back. “So what’s this about bears?”

“Leave, foolish angel!” Ivy shooed her off. “We have important matters about defeating these zombie bears.”

“Ooh, Zombie bears?! Can I help?!” She asked happily. Since she’d end up getting involved, they didn’t argue.

A bit later, they all met on some cliffs along with Gary, overlooking the organisation building far ahead. Ivy was looking through binoculars and then turned to the others. “Alright, we will now begin the assault.”

Cherry raised her hand. “Umm, are you sure we have enough to take them down?”

“Those fools are too weak to beat us, regardless of our low numbers.”

Poison nodded. “Besides, uneven odds make it more amusing.”

“Ready everyone? Charge!” Ivy exclaimed as she ran on ahead down the cliff, with the others following. As they got towards the building, more zombies suddenly rose out of the ground, touting machine guns and artillery rifles. They immediately spun round as Ivy yelled, “Retreat!” and continued running as they opened fire, nearly killing them all with the shots fired as they got away.

“Wonderful plan.” Poison said sarcastically as they escaped.

“Well how was I supposed to know they have backup!” Ivy responded.

“I think this is a matter serious enough to gather close associates.” Gary suggested.

“Good idea, Gary.” Poison replied. “We should get right on that, and we‘ll all meet at DFC.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Ivy asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Y’know, the fast food place? Deep Fried Chicken?”

“Oooooh!” Ivy and Ruby said in unison.

A bit later, Ivy, Poison, Ruby, Gary, Cherry, Rosie, Damien, Crystal, Amber, Spring, Floyd, Adol, Omar, and the Loli Rangers all met at the red and white restaurant, who’s mascot happened to be a little girl in a chicken suit. The waitresses were also dressed as chickens, but that wasn’t important as Ivy had finished explaining the situation to everyone present. “So are we all clear?” Everyone agreed. “So, what do we do about this?”

Rosie raised her hand. “I say we attack from all sides, they can’t stop us that way, right?”

“I don’t think zombie bears have those limitations.” Poison replied. “I think we should just tunnel underground and head directly to the boss’ room.”

“I think we should just drop a nuke on them.” Damien suggested.

“I concur!” Omar said, raising a finger.

Crystal stroked her chin as she said, “What I’m really curious about is who could have summoned these bears from beyond the grave.”

“Yes.” Spring began. “It is rather suspicious, it would have to be a being capable of incredible abilities to do such a thing.”

“A rather dangerous individual looking to start a lot of trouble.” Floyd added. They glanced at each other, squinted, and said, “Willard.” in unison.

As if right on cue, Willard walked towards them, saying, “On the contrary, I would have no interior motive in mind to go behind Death’s back and unleash a pack of bears upon this primitive world.”

Ivy glared at him as she said, “Willard! Will you help us?”

“Perhaps. I’m likely to find this event rather amusing.”

Loli Red raised her hand, saying, “Uhh, guys, we still need a good plan.”

“Are we still capable of violating the bears?” Adol asked.

“I was wondering the same thing…” Amber replied.

“Fools!” Cherry suddenly exclaimed, leaping to her feet. Damien held Ivy back from reacting to Cherry stealing her favourite word. “If nobody has a decent plan, I’ll come up with one! We rush at the building again, when they retaliate, we have the front line defenders and attackers wipe out the first force, those with dangerous machinery will attack the forces waiting outside and around the building, and Omar, you have high tech things, right?”

“Why yes, I even set up a castle near there when told of this event.” He answered.

“Good, now who has elemental powers?”

“I can control the surface of the earth to crush, remodel, and generally change an outcome on the ground.” Damien said.

“I control the wind so I can summon tornados around myself, use them as concentrated balls of energy, and use stuff like razor wind to actually try and slice people apart, which is how I fire those energy waves from my glowing sword.” Poison replied.

“I control lighting so I can power my sword with it, electrify certain surfaces, and summon lighting storms from above.” Gary added.

“I control fire, and umm…I’m badass.” Ivy awkwardly said.

“I’m psychic and can pick things up and throw them.” Ruby finished.

Crystal placed a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Ruby. Your powers will be pretty broken someday, just like mine, where I can make certain people’s heads explode with my mind.” This shocked many people and gave some people the incentive to start being nicer to Ruby.

“So Omar,” Cherry continued. “What kind of castle is it?”

“A medieval one, of course!”

“Can you somehow make underground passages travelling to new land within the castle?”

“I dunno.” He shrugged.

“Excellent. We shall commence the beginning concepts of the plan. To the castle!” She declared, pointing off in the distance.

“Aww, its cute when you try to take command.” Poison said cheerfully.

“This isn’t the time, Poison! This is serious!” As they made their way to the castle a minute later, Ivy noticed Poison and Cherry playing airplane as they got outside, and groaned at the sight.

They arrived at the castle soon afterwards, where they suited up to do battle with the army of undead bears. Ivy wore the skimpy black leather bodysuit with a pleated belt and a black cape she wore in chapter 3, Poison wore the same outfit used in Deadly Poison. Ruby wore a blue and red spandex outfit with the torso, upper arms and legs being blue and the rest red, with 2 red R‘s on her chest, a red cape, plus only her eyes were covered. Gary wore a suit of white knight’s armor, Rosie simply changed her shirt from purple to black, Damien simply put his hood on, Crystal put on her fur coat and used her pimp cane, Amber wore the same leather black outfit in Deadly Poison, Adol drew a growly face on his cardboard box, Spring and Floyd adjusted their shades, the Loli Rangers put on their helmets, Willard didn’t change at all because he’s Willard, and Omar put on a pair of goggles. Then finally Cherry put on a pair of shades and put on her serious face.

“Damien!” Cherry exclaimed, approaching him. “Omar has also built a robot squadron and various rapid fire weapons to combat this threat, you think you can take command of those priorities?”

“No sweat. I’m a beast with the joystick, I’m the best of the best.” He replied.

Ivy was walking around giving random orders to people. “Foolish angel, stop being a moron! Rosie, cover that midriff!”

“Don’t hate on my midriff!” She yelled back.

“Poison, sexually assault me!” Ivy yelled, pointing at him.

“I’m not doing that.”

“Geez, what’s with you? Twenty years and yet you still won’t do it!”

“What’s with you not wanting to violate my sister, man?” Damien asked.

“Umm, she’s your younger sister, dude, its wrong. Would you try to **** her?”

“Ugh! What the hell, man? That’s disgusting, we’re brother and sister, dude!” Damien exclaimed, seeming somewhat ill.

“Yeah, that’s just gross. Even evil has standards!” Ivy added.

“I see.” Poison replied. “Well I still don’t feel that way, I’d rather make you happy other ways, because making girls feel truly satisfied in turn makes me feel happy.”

“Pimping is all about being smooth.” Crystal randomly said.

“You should like a professional gigolo, man.” Gary pointed out.

“Yeah, after thinking about it that did sound awkward.”

“That’s the perks of being a harem protagonist.” Lily said. After a moment of silence, Poison glanced to his left to see Lily beside him who smiled back. “Nice castle you got here.”

“You came to chat a bunch of crap again, huh?”

“Well fine, if you’re gonna be that mean then I’m not gonna show you this slash fic I did of you being violated by various demons.” She said, taking out several papers.

Poison tried to grab them as Lily kept them out of his reach, and as Lily tripped Ruby picked them up, leading Poison to say, “Hey Ruby, can you dispose of that stupid slash fic Lily wrote of me?”

“Okay.” She quickly stuffed it in her pocket. “There, its gone.”

“I didn’t know you felt this way, Poison.” Lily said as Poison was on top of her. “What would the rest of your harem think?”

“Stop it.” He said, completely deadpan.

“Bu-”

“Stop it right now.” He quickly got to his feet. “Look, I just have a lot of female friends. Me and Crystal have some things in common, that’s about it. Sure, I still like Amber but not just out of pure lust but also because she’s quite a nice person, besides she may be a little too much for me to handle.”

“Oh you!” She remarked, clearly flattered.

“Rosie is like my distaff counterpart…so yeah. Ruby just has a simple crush, probably because I was one of the few people who was actually somewhat nice to her at the time, it’ll pass eventually.”

“No it won’t.” Ruby replied.

“I think it will.” Ruby shook her head. “Ivy is just rather spoiled and also lonely which is why I stayed with her family for so long, and has easily mistaken love for lust.”

“Is that true?” Ivy asked, looking at Damien, who really didn’t wanna answer.

Poison continued. “Tsundere-chan is tsundere for pretty much anyone she has things in common with.”

“Hey! That’s that true!” She replied.

Loli Green simply said, “Tsuntsun~.” leading to Loli Red punching her out.

“Also, me and Badass-chan are just bros.” Poison said before he and Loli Black touched fists, then turned to Lily. “And I find you plain annoying, so now we can drop this for good.”

“I envy you, dude.” Gary said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I know, man, I know.”

Adol pointed at Ivy and Poison before saying, “She’s an egotistical nympho princess, he’s a laidback and smooth bodyguard, they fight continuality…I think.”

“Enough talking! Its time for war!” Cherry exclaimed. After realizing how long they’ve spent, they made their way towards the cliffs again, ready to do battle.

They stood at the peak of the cliff, admiring the view when Ivy suddenly said, “Man, we’ve had some crazy times.” SA2 suddenly appeared and chipped in. “Yes, like the time Ruby became a superhero, and the final destination spoof, and that time Spring, Floyd and Poison did another mission together, and that time Gary visited an alternate dimension, and that TV Tropes themed one.”

“Those times never happened.” Poison replied.

“Yes, but-” SA2 turned away from him and looked into the sky. “What could have been, Poison, what could have been…”

“…Who are you anyway?”

“Not important. Ivy, are you going to make good use of your training?”

“But of course, sensei.” She bowed, just before SA2 took off, leaving a present from her dad as he did.

She opened the box, which contained a rocket launcher and read the letter. “Dear Ivy, I heard about your war against some bears, and I know how bad bears can be, so I thought I’d send you one of my old weapons. Have fun, love Lucifer.” She dropped the letter. “Who the **** is Lucifer?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Poison said, raising an eyebrow.

Shortly afterwards, they charged into battle, except, Spring, Floyd, Omar, Willard and Damien who provided backup. Instantly zombie bears with gatling guns glued to the ground attacked, but Crystal blocked most of the bullets with her powers, while Amber shot multiple small beams from her fingers, melting the guns immediately, while some of the others simply rushed them as it was done. It was madness, with explosions and the bears continuing to come at them. Ivy and Ruby went forth with their stupid rivalry to see who could defeat more bears and Ivy was surprised to see Ruby pull a holy hand grenade from her pocket and blow up over a dozen bears at once.

Crystal and Amber fly kicked two bears close together just as Amber asked, “So how are you doing?”

“Well, I read a punch with an uppercut and put a scar on this bear’s chest.” Crystal replied. “I saw you continually pummelling one a minute ago. How many fireballs did you land before you beat him to death?”

“Seven.” She replied.

Ivy sliced apart several bears as she said, “I rip the east to the west, I got no stop in my quest!” She jumped up and hammered one into the ground while saying, “I’ll take on every zombie bear out here and kill ‘em to death!”

Rosie, who had just lodged her sharp fingernails through a bear’s eyes and threw him, turned to Poison who was yawning and said, “How you doing, Poison?”

“I got no shortness of breath, these zombies are making me bored.” He said seconds before punching right, knocking out several with a mini tornado.

Gary suddenly charged through several bears with a strike of lightning before saying, “Then Dempsey roll these zombie suckers and throw a rose on their corpse.”

One bear leaped at Cherry who was planting bombs, but quickly knocked out of the air by an upward swing from Adol’s chainsaw. He tried it again but was hit but Rosie’s clawed uppercut. The bear simply got up and stormed off as he whined, “Oh man, you’re so friggin’ cheap, I can’t jump at these enemies!”

“Then shut the hell up and leave!” One bear yelled back.

The bears started to call in air forces, put Damien was ready with cannons around the castle as well as small red planes that shot lasers, designed to take out the bears protecting their building and securing some of their cannons. Willard mentioned some bears getting through a few defences underground, but Damien pointed out that packs of demonic dogs were wondering underneath and had bombs attached to them. As the zombies brought out tanks, Damien simply smirked. “You magnificent bastards, I read your BOOK! Floyd, we may need the big guy’s help.”

“Consider it done.” Floyd said before contacting him.

Suddenly, a red T-Red appeared out of nowhere and shoulder barged a tank, then leaped up out of the way from another’s attack range and dropkicked it.

“Sometimes I wish you’d use more dinosaurs other than your bro, the T-Rex.” Spring said.

“He’s got my back, and that’s all that matters.” Floyd replied.

Poison and Rosie just took out several bears before meeting up, at which point Rosie said, “I just FADC to an ultra.”

Poison replied with, “Well I uppercut to a metsu.” Rosie quickly kicked one behind Poison and approached it as it lay on the ground, her teeth suddenly getting longer just before she dug them deep into the bear’s neck. Its screams being muffled as she covered its mouth, with some of the others being shocked of the sight. She walked back over to Poison, her mouth and shirt covered in blood and wondered why she was getting weird looks.

As Damien had used his earth abilities to get rid of the guards by the building entrance, Poison called over to Ivy, who knew what to do and leaped onto his shoulders. Poison took of towards the building, while Ruby leaped onto Ivy’s shoulders as they sped by her, then Cherry did the same before they entered the building. They ran throughout the floors, with Ivy and Ruby blasting the bears as they ran around, and then they slid down a random slide and threw their hands up as they exclaimed, “Weeeeeeee!” After reaching the bottom they got serious again. They reached a long corridor where dozens upon dozens of bears with rocker launchers were grouped up.

“This isn’t good, guys, we’ll need to find another way round.” Poison suggested.

“**** that! Let’s charge right through those bastards!” Ruby yelled. She then covered her mouth. “S-sorry, I didn’t mean to say that…”

“We’re a bad influence on that angel.” Ivy said.

“A very bad influence.” Poison concurred. They then charged on ahead, with Ivy, Ruby and Cherry throwing things and deflecting them while Poison slashed a few as he leapt ahead. They shortly made it to the office room, where a mysterious figure had their feet on the office desk. The girls hopped off each others shoulders as the figure got to her feet.

The person leaped ahead, revealing herself to be a young and petite teenage girl. She wore a buttoned black longcoat, with black stocking and black go-go boots with several black belts around them. She also had black gloves, her eyes were black, had a black headband, and her long hair was black. Her other hair was probably black too.

“You’re the one behind the zombies?” Cherry asked.

“Yes.” She replied. “My name is Lolita, I’m a Shinigami, I work for Death and have come to bring back the soul of Damien to the land of the dead again.”

“Then why did you wait so long?” Ivy asked.

“I went on holiday so I’m, how you say…kinda lazy. So where is he?”

“None of your business, now get lost.”

“Very well, I’ll simply kill everyone instead.” Lolita summoned a few undead werewolves, which Poison easily cut to shreds in matter of moments, leading Lolita to say, “Amusing, I’ll make you my pet.”

“Uhh, no thanks.” Ivy, Poison and Ruby attacked her, with Lolita dodging their moves before kicking Ruby through a wall, somersaulting beside Ivy and head butting Poison in the face, quickly took out a machete but missed stabbing Ivy as she leaped up and kicked the girl in the face. Lolita pulled out a pair of Sais from her longcoat, and threw them as Ivy ran, leaping and ducking under them, just before she threw shuriken as well, which nearly hit Ruby as she climbed back in. Poison slashed at her but missed as she fired a Gatling gun at him, but it provided to be ineffective with a razor wind shield covering him and he kicked her through a window.

Ruby followed with her spear, but Lolita suddenly pulled out a rocket launcher and fired, missing Ruby by inches and hitting Ivy as she stared out the window. Lolita pulled out a bo staff and exchanged bows with Ruby as they fell, leaping back as they hit the ground.

Poison and Ivy dropped down moments later, leading Lolita to exclaim, “I’m not done yet! I’ve gotta eat lighting!” She said, glaring at Ivy. “And crap thunder!” she glared at Poison.

“Is that a reference to something from the past?” Ivy asked.

“I have no idea.” Poison shrugged.

She took out a black weapons crate and looked through for more weapons when the ground suddenly covered most of her body along with the crate. Damien landed nearby, shaking his head as he approached her. “Lolita, I should have know. The game is over.”

“That isn’t so. I can continue to summon the dead bears until you come back.”

“It’s pointless. Willard already took out most of the bears, how did he do that? Trust me, you don’t wanna know.” The smile faded as he shook his head. “Now go home, I have a life again so I’m staying.”

“Maybe so, but I’ll be back to take your soul, kicking and screaming.” She glared at him furiously before vanishing in a black mist.

Poison then asked, “So what was that all about?”

“Well, me and Lolita had this thing when I was dead for like 20 years. I made some promise we’d be together, and yadda, yadda, yadda, and here we are.”

“That’s cold, dude.”

“Hey, a bunch of evil little girls summoned my spirit, I didn’t ask for this, but I don’t really wanna go back either. Sadly, she’ll keep trying to kill me until I do.”

Wrapping things up, Cherry thanked them all for helping, they all went back to their usual routines, Lolita sat at the edge of a barren wasteland in another world thinking to herself, and everything turned out fine, presumably.

I just had to do this one...
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TMEDCE: Chapter 30 - Gangsta’s Radical Life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERYpbpqxf4o

It was some time soon after the zombie bear fiasco, but that wasn’t important. Ivy, Poison, Damien and Rosie were in a room watching TV when due to boredom, Poison decided to tell the story of what happened the time he, Spring and Floyd took down Masterman. Following the events of the previous case with Omar, the three were driving along the streets with the Sopranos opening theme playing in the background. They passed various unusual sights, such as a few mobsters carrying a dead body, Amber setting a strip club on fire, Ivy carrying a large laser cannon down the street as Ruby chased her, and P.A.L doing the robot on a street corner and getting tips from several people walking by. All the while as the three lit cigars, adjusted shades, blew up a mailbox as Floyd threw a cigar out the window, and sending reaction pics soon before arriving at the house the murder took place at as the song stopped.

Spring and Floyd got out of the car and approached SA2 on the grass as some others were investigating the inside and a few covered up the body on the grass outside. After explaining what was already explained in chapter 6, SA2 handed them a picture of Scourge the Hedgehog which was found near the body, and they knew who it was. Just then, Floyd was called by Unreal and picked up his phone, something serious had gone down just recently, so they rushed to where the poker game had taken place, with Poison staying in the car once again.

Upon exiting the place minutes later, Floyd stared at Poison, and without a word Poison knew what was up and responded with a nod. They got back in and sped down to where Masterman was likely to be: The Hood. It was like a barren wasteland from the outside, with dust covered streets, jagged rocks in various areas, old shops, and shoddy looking buildings for some reason. Since Masterman knew Spring and Floyd, they figured they needed disguises, so Floyd wore a pink shirt and black pants while Spring wore a blue basketball attire, and that didn’t have any unfortunate implications. Poison still wore his suit because Masterman didn’t know him.

Walking through the totally radical streets, they eventually walked past a club where Badass-chan was the DJ, but moved on and entered the darkly lit and spacious arcade. Spring and Floyd split up to find Masterman while Spring told Poison to also keep a look out, but Masterman spotted them from a room above as they entered. Masterman ordered for one of his henchwomen, who had elegant silver hair, a german accent and wore a glittered white dress, to follow him and keep him busy.

---

“Hold on a second.” Ivy interrupted. “Silver hair?”

“Yeah, silver hair.” Poison nodded.

“But that’s stupid! How can anyone have silver hair? That’s not even a natural hair colour!” Poison, Damien and Rosie all stared at her moments before Poison continued.

“Anyway…”
---

Masterman had a black backwards cap covering his green hair, a pair of shades, diamond grills, gold rings on each finger, baggy green pants and a black shirt with the words, “The beast.” written on the front.

Poison was playing a Streets of Rage style game with Ruby and Gary as the main characters, called ‘Divine Punishment’ when the woman approached him. “Hello, handsome stranger, I see you’re quite the gamer.”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“My name is Sharon Robinson, and who may you be?”

“Johnson.” He adjusted his shades. “Harry Johnson.” The James Bond theme suddenly chimed in on his phone but stopped moments later.

“Would you like to inspect my private quarters?” She asked.

“Okay.” He immediately stopped playing and followed her.

Masterman watched, commenting, “You’re totally boned, dude. Now where did my two bros go?” He looked around. “Ahh well, I’ll order a pizza in the meantime.”

In a dark corridor, Sharon unlocked a door and they entered a spacious brightly lit beige room, with a furred carpet and the whole room being covered in that color. A table had already been set there, and the meal was tacos, since tacos are awesome. After the surprisingly short meal, deciding not to drink the champaign, Poison went to the toilet where he contacted Spring and Floyd. “You guys, did you find Masterman yet?”

“Not yet. How are things on your end?” Spring asked.

“Its okay, but I haven’t seen anything. Contact me if you notice something.” After putting away his phone, he left the bathroom to see Sharon laying on the bed, playing with an orange cat.

“Would you like to stay the night? I might let you play with my ****.” She said, stroking the cat.

“Mrs. Robinson, I think you’re trying to seduce me.”

“Well no sh-”

“But I can’t stay, because I’ve got a Masterman to catch.”

As he prepared to head for the door, Sharon got to her feet and said, “Fine, I’ll have to do it the hard way. I was ordered by Masterman to kill you, so just die!” She threw her cat in his face, which clawed at him as she yelled, “Have the image of my **** burned into your skull as it claws you to death!”

After a few moments of running around frantically, he pulled it off his face with his shades and kicked it into a wall. Shocked by such an action, she was caught off guard as Poison punched her in the stomach. “I always did have…” he put the shades back on, “a gut feeling about you.” YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

In a private area, Masterman stood in front of thugs wearing black masks and bandana’s. “Listen up, homies, these two haters are trying to get all up in my business around here, so I need you guys to pop caps in their asses. They should look like they‘re a part of the Men in Black, oh, and one was wearing a pink t-shirt.” Just then they all heard the sound of multiple gunshots outside the area. “I’m guessing that’s them now. Alright guys, go serve those suckas, and remember to keep it real!” The thugs took off.

In the middle of the arcade, civilians were running as Spring and Floyd snuck around the machines, blasting thugs at every opportunity. After hiding behind a fighting game machine for a bit with half a dozen thugs firing at it, he took out his rocket launcher and aimed at them, one of them exclaiming, “What is that?”

“It’s Floyd.” He fired the RPG, getting a direct hit and sending them flying as he said, “Pink Floyd.” the James Bond theme played again as one thug was suddenly impaled by a flying green sword, Poison then appeared and pulled it out.

“Poison, where have you been?” Spring asked as he shot a thug from behind without looking.

“Sorry, I just recently took out one of Masterman’s mooks and found out where Masterman is gonna be going to. He’s working for some new employers but that’s another story. When I tried to leave her place she threw her **** in my face.”

Spring placed a hand on his shoulder. “Son, I am proud.”

“I mean pussycat, of course.”

He removed his hand. “I am disappoint.”

“Anyway, let’s get to his office before he runs.” They did so as Spring and Floyd suited up again, blasting more thugs as they sped by the area and up some stairs. Upon kicking down the door, they saw a large hole in the wall which Masterman had exited through. He had just gotten onto a motorbike and was speeding down the street, so they ran back to get the car, then drove at full speed in order to catch up. As Masterman noticed them, he started swerving through traffic and using a uzi to fire at them as he yelled, “My beats are too beast for you haters to handle, man!”

Floyd fired with his rocket launcher, knocking Masterman’s bike off balance as he multi-track drifted down a street, if a bike was capable of that, then drove down a narrow alleyway, where as the others had to go around. Masterman drove into a warehouse, soon followed by the others who armed themselves as they approached the front entrance. Spring cocked a shotgun, Floyd wielded double magnums, and Poison held a sub machine gun. After doing so, they kicked down the door as Poison yelled, “**** just got real!” taking out the several mooks with an array of gun fire in the surrounding area before moving on.

In the next massive room where some storage was kept, Floyd approached a guard sitting down and reading. “What’s up, mother-f-” Floyd’s sentence was cut off as he blasted a guard in the face.

“What the **** is dat, man!” One random guy shouted, just as more mooks started rushing in using the stairs and various doors, prompting Spring to say, “Ya’ll already know what it is!” before firing at them.

He then shot one woman assassin in the face, causing Floyd to shake his head. “That was uncalled for, man.”

“Had to be done, man. She had a nice rack though.”

“Tru dat, man, tru dat.” Floyd nodded as they continued blasting.

Poison flew up a wall to a path higher up with pillars down the long walkway, where more guards were coming out. He fired at them while occasionally taking shelter behind the pillars, then ran on ahead as the coast was clear. There was still tons of gunfire below with people moving around as they crouched behind the large boxes, one of the mooks saying, “Who’re these fools? Getting all up in our business, these haters are tripping!”

“Close yo mouth, son!” Floyd replied, suddenly appearing beside him and raising a magnum to within inches of his face before blowing his brains out. As another mook tried to attack Spring from behind, he took out a remote and pressed a button, launching a spring from underneath him and sending him flying out the window. “Nice setup.” Floyd said.

“I had it loaded for just an occasion. Spring-Loaded.” The James Bond theme played again, with them wondering where that was coming from.

Poison was running down one empty corridor when Masterman’s voice was then heard over a loud speaker and a screen in a corner turned on. “Duuuuuuuude! Hope you’re still not mad about the whole, killing you thing.”

“Of course I mad! People die when they’re killed!”

“Deep.” Masterman said as he nodded. “But couldn’t you let a brother off the hook, c’mon bro.”

“I ain’t your bro. I got a glowing green sword in my possession and it has your name all over it.”

“Aww dude, that is tight.” He nodded repeatedly, impressed by a glowing sword.

Just then, Spring and Floyd burst into the bright white room where Masterman was speaking, who then spun round to greet them. “What’s up, homies? Hope you ain’t still hating on a brother!”

“Of course we hating, man!” Floyd replied. “You killed Unreal, my boy!”

“It was business, man, same with that chick. I run drugs for forces beyond our physical selfs, man, and I’d get a major bonus if I killed all previous contacts and guys who could totally bust me, like you guys, but you weren’t there. That chick witnessed my meeting with higher forces, so I had to take her out. Don‘t bother asking where their headquarters is, they‘re on another plane of existence, man.”

“So will you soon enough.” Spring replied as he cocked his shotgun.

“Sorry guys, but I gotta breeze, y’know? Time is money.” He quickly threw a bomb, knocking them back and spreading gas, just before jumping out a window and into a jet. After regaining themselves, they fired at it, damaging it slightly as it managed to escape them, but he soon discovered Poison on top of it who stuck his sword through the roof, and continued to do so as Masterman barely dodged his attacks. “Hey! That’s not cool, man!”

“You ain’t cool, bro.” Poison replied.

“Boy, you tripping! Look, check it! The King has arrived, you can quiver in fear...He put daggers through your heart, with a merciless leer..he is the ultimate god, no more no less. Step to him and bow down, there is something you must confess...Say the words, respect him and heed his every whim. "You are my superior", that's all you need to say to him. His attire says it all, a complete badass he remains. He murders, has millions of followers, and even-”

“Please stop, I don’t wanna hear your beats.”

“My beats are so hard even yo momma feels ‘em.” At that moment, Sping and Floyd had caught up in their car, driving along the side of a building at which point Floyd threw a bomb, sending him flying through the window as Poison leaped off the jet.

Masterman landed on a building roof, with several cuts mainly around the forehead area. “That was totally unradical.” Just then, Unreal appeared and approached Masterman, wearing a suit and everything. Masterman couldn’t believe his eyes. “The hell? I killed you? This is impossible!”

“Not quite.” He adjusted his shades. “It’s just Unreal.” He then yelled, “YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” as he kicked Masterman off the roof to the concrete pavement far below, shortly before Spring, Floyd and Poison showed up.

They reunited and Unreal explained that he was only mostly dead, and that they should be on the lookout since Masterman most likely didn’t die from that fall and would be back someday to hate on those playing the game.

---

“The end.” Poison said, as he finished telling them the story.

“That didn’t make any sense.” Damien replied.

“Real life rarely makes sense.” He retorted.

“It was less weird then that time you told us about that alien hopping across planets in a single bound.” Ivy commented.

“But it wasn‘t just any hopper, it was in fact, an evil space hopper.” The James Bond theme started up again, he then looked over at Rosie who turned it off.

“So was that story even true?” Rosie asked.

“Well it was based on a true story…”

“I’m guessing that’s a no. Well what should we do now?” After a long period of silence which Ivy didn’t seem bothered about, Rosie then said, “Super Smash Bros. Brawl?”

“Super Smash Bros. Brawl.” Poison and Damien nodded in unison. The three of them then got to their feet for a three-way high five, as the scene then paused as they yelled, “Yeah!” and the credits began to roll.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggpRnBfJGbY

20 seconds later it appeared to be them just posing, as Ivy got up and began to walk off as they continued posing.

TMEDCE: Chapter 31 - Lets Get Magical

In the middle of night, Ruby was running along the rooftops on Earth in a completely black version of her superhero outfit, with a black skirt, cape, mask and even black hair as she started to monologue. “Earth, its always there for me, even when its mood changes, its always there. She is my cousin…she is my heterosexual life partner. I try to protect it because I’m one of the people willing to do so; to take the law into my own hands by force.” She stopped by a building ledge and looked down to see crooks breaking into the museum of randomness. She leaped off the edge and prepared to strike.

Inside they had tied up some security guards and were taking several items, them being a long string shaped like a burger, a can of spam, and a cardboard box. Ruby leaped in through the glass window, alerting the crooks as she slowly got to her feet. “I am the bane of the evil that overshadows the streets, I am the steel bars which keep the criminals locked up, I am Justice!” With a swing of her cape, it bellowed slightly. They immediately fired, which Ruby dodged by jumping up and landing between them, swinging her spear in a circle as she hit the ground and tripping them up then smashing their guns. She slapped a gun out of another thug’s hand and punched him in the stomach then leaped towards another who was stealing a piece of chewing gum.

She kicked him, sending him flying ahead and to the ground, where another thug grabbed the gum before running. Ruby quickly untied the guards near the entrance and took off, jumping onto her pink bike down the next two streets and quickly caught up with the robbers van. She passed by Ivy, Poison and Amber as they sat in DFC by the window, shortly before Poison asked, “I wonder what Ruby is doing right now?”

“Forget her, she’s probably doing something stupid.” Ivy replied.

“Most likely.” He shrugged.

After a while of chasing the van, one robber opened the back and threw barrels at her; she evaded a few while blasting some which contained milk. It splattered all over her, some of it getting in her eyes and nearly making her crash into a garbage truck which she barely avoided, but it then backed up and hit her anyway. Sadly after cleaning herself off the robbers were long gone, so she also went home.

The next morning, she was walking around her room in her pyjamas as she talked about her encounter. “It just doesn’t make sense, why would they want those items? I’ve got many enemies nowadays, like the Memetic Molester, Adol, the Totally Radical Masterman, the physical embodiment of Nightmare Fuel simply known as Willard, and my arch nemesis and Evil Counterpart, Ivy McBadass. I should visit her now and get this sorted out.”

So she did, and left to visit her home on Earth, which she occasionally went back to live there sometimes, and approached the window as she arrived. “I may have to sneak inside to get evidence, so I’ll have to be stealthy.” she said moments before jumping in through the glass window, alerting them who were sitting by the couch. Ruby pointed at her and yelled, “You! Why did you steal those things last night?! It was you, wasn’t it?!?”

“No, you foolish angel, I haven’t done anything this time, so don’t blame me for no reason.” Ivy replied. “Nor do I know anything about it.”

“Oh, well okay…and hi Poison.”

“Hey Ruby.“ Poison then said, “Did you know Pirates vs. Ninjas in Space is coming on tonight at 6?”

“Really? I loved that one, though it couldn’t hold a candle to 3.”

“Indeed it couldn’t.” He nodded. “But I’m probably gonna have to go watch it somewhere else because Ivy wants the TV to watch her shows.”

“That’s right.” She nodded.

“Well why don’t you come round my house and we can watch it there.” Ruby suggested.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, I’d hate in intrude, plus I doubt Ivy would be okay with it.”

“I don’t mind.” Ivy shrugged.

“It still wouldn’t feel right.”

“I think my mom bought some pizzas earlier.” Ruby said.

“I’ll be round at 5.” Poison said without hesitation.

“Okay, see you then.” Ruby said as she ran off.

There was a period of silence after she had left, and then Ivy randomly said, “Sounds like the plot of a doujin.”

“You just had to say that, didn’t you?” Poison replied, narrowing his eyes at her.

“I assume you noticed it too.”

Soon after leaving she received a call about a robbery taking place at a laboratory and rushed to the scene as she got her superhero outfit on, where she discovered Omar stealing some of the equipment with his thugs. Ruby pointed at him and yelled, “Omar! It was you all along!”

“But of course! There are marvellous things I hope to achieve in stealing other scientists equipment for my own, since a genius such as I cannot spend the time to get it through proper means.”

“Whatever, I’m bringing you in, Omar.”

“I can’t let you do that, Star Fox!” With a snap of his fingers, a dozen mooks appeared. “Dempsey roll that sucka!” He yelled as he ran off. As Ruby tried to chase him, the robbers fried, forcing her to hide behind tables and various objects, firing psychic waves occasionally and then easily taking out the rest after half of them were knocked out. Sadly Omar had gotten away once more, so she had no choice but to leave and go home.

Later that day, Poison visited and knocked at the door of her house, and her mom greeted him. “Oh, good afternoon Poison, what brings you here?”

“Good afternoon Mrs. Clear, I was invited to watch that Pirate and Ninja movie. Is Ruby here?”

“She’s upstairs, come on in.”

Meanwhile in her room, she was talking with Crystal about Omar and where she could find him. “So you have any ideas?”

“Nope, it just seems weird. There isn’t much to go on, though there’s probably only one crucial detail you’d need for it to make sense.”

“I guess, but do I still keep having to dye my hair black every time I fight crime? Is it really necessary?”

“Of course it is!”

“But you already told me to make my whole costume black, and even my ship, but dyeing my hair every time I change is quite a hassle.”

“Well its essential to keeping your identity a secret.”

“True, no-one would suspect a cute cheerful little girl like me would be a badass asskicker who soars through the skies punches evil in the face.”

“Well there aren’t many little girls with the strength and skill of that level to be honest, but I’m just saying.”

Just then Poison walked in and waved to them as he said, “Hey guys.”

“Hey Poison, so how’s life?” Crystal asked.

“Its alright, same as usual.”

“Cool, well I’ll see you guys later.” She said moments before leaving the room.

In order to reduce the amount of awkward silence that would follow, Ruby turned on the TV. “So Crystal said that I’ve gotten quite good at felletio recently.” Ruby randomly said.

Poison blinked for a moment. “…What?”

“Y’know, the thing where you change the tone of your voice, like how deep it is?”

“You mean falsetto. And where are you hearing these words?” Just then, as one advert came on, Poison randomly said, “Y’know, who would wanna buy random crap like the kind they advertise nowadays?”

Ruby suddenly got to her feet as she realized something. “That’s it! Poison, I’ll be back later, I just have to figure something out.” She rushed out the room, leaving him somewhat confused.

She went to meet Gary at his house and they walked as Ruby explained everything to him and then asked where a mad scientist would hide out in the meantime. “Well?”

“Maybe some area very high off the ground, like one of those castles you see in movies at the top of a dark cliff. It wouldn’t be surprising at least.” Gary replied.

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

“So do you really know what’s up with Omar then?”

“Yes, just earlier I made the connections. He stole a burger string, a can of spam, a cardboard box and chewing gum, but what would those items have in common?”

Gary thought for a second. “Nothing really, they’re quite random.”

“Exactly, and I last caught him stealing scientific equipment in another lab, which only comes to one conclusion: He’s using those random items to open up a portal leading to the world of random junk using a dimensional portal, and knowing Omar, this can’t be good! I have to stop him immediately, lets go!”

“But shouldn’t we tell your sister or people we know first?”

“We have no time!”

“But it would be easier if we just asked them.”

“But then I wouldn’t be able to look awesome! I wanna be badass adorable!” Ruby said in a whiny voice as she frowned.

“So that’s what this is about…anyway, its dangerous to confront Omar at his hideout. He’s got guards and his robots and everything, you’ll be in his territory. Even if you think you’re a magical girl, we don’t really have magic.”

“Well then,” She put on her mask. “Lets. Get. Ridiculous.”

“I never said ridiculous.”

“Whatever.” Ruby replied just before they jumped in her ship and took off.

They soon flew around Earth and just as Gary had suggested, they managed to find a tower by a cliff where Omar was but remained unseen and parked around the back. Ruby handed him a walkie-talkie and flew up the wall, jumping though an open window higher up. She ran around the dark corridors and somewhat empty rooms, hiding from guards every few moments until one spotted her and opened fire. She blasted it out of his hand and punched him out, continuing to move around in the shadows and taking out guards at every opportunity. Gary contacted her as she was hid behind a table with a bullet wound in her arm. “How’re things going in there?”

“Its just crazy, there’s bad guys around every corner, some coming out of elevators, some coming out from beneath the floor.” She then punched one mook who did so. “But I got this. Its on now!” She put on her serious face as she put away the walkie-talkie. [Insert epic action packed theme with ominous latin chanting here]

She grabbed a table and leaped over her own, throwing it and taking out two guards, then pinning a third to the wall as she threw her spear, then leaping up and hitting the last with a roundhouse kick. She ran down a hallway with more mooks firing at her and threw a holy hand grenade as she yelled, “Eat grenade, assholes!” The explosion took them out, just as she reached a massive room of robotic dinosaurs. She ran up the tail of a Brachiosaurus and dodged the lasers it fired, hitting it with a flying elbow and taking it out. She jumped onto a Triceratops as it charged at her and smashed through several smaller dinosaurs before throwing it at the wall. She then leaped onto a Pterosaur as it flew at her and punched it several times while controlling its flight to avoid the T-Rex chasing them. It smashed into the wall as Ruby leaped into another room, destroying the T-Rex with a magic staff that fired lasers.

She met a robot wielding two sub machines guns, hitting her leg as she hid. Using her psychokinesis she lifted several tables into the air and jumped across them, turning them slightly for cover then fly kicked the robot, followed by kicking one gun out of his hands and then an uppercut. She barrel rolled to find cover as the robot recovered and threw a smoke bomb at him. More psychic blasts followed, which the robot evaded by leaping back, right beside Ruby who had a gun pointed at his head. “Should’ve done a barrel roll, fucker!” She then blasted his head off.

She moved on, running from explosions caused by mooks and moving through air vents. After taking out another room of mooks, she fly kicked the last one, dragging him along the ground with the kick then leaped off as he headed for the open lift. She threw a holy hand grenade while jumping off followed by a Hello Kitty boomerang which pressed the first floor button on the lift. As she touched the ground, she exclaimed, “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!” as the doors were closing, resulting in a large explosion as she walked away, her cape bellowing from the blast.

She made it to a giant room with computers at all sides and the dimensional gate in the middle, but Omar had already started the process by hooking up the items with the gate. Omar dropped down in a large rock ‘em sock ‘em robot and yelled, “You’re too late! I’ve won! I‘m winner!”

“Its not over as long as I’m still standing.” She took out the gun again. “Eat gas, nutjob!” She fired a smoke bomb and went for the controls, but was kicked out of the way and continuously punched. Gary snuck in while this happened and attempted to stop the gate, but was somewhat distracted as flying pink elephants with moustaches came through and fired lasers at him.

Omar was somewhat distracted, at which point the control box was destroyed and things were being sucked back into the portal. Gary grabbed a remote as he flew in and Ruby leapt to her feet to fight Omar. She flew at him dodging the laser beams fired, touched the fist he threw with her feet and leaped ahead, then ran along the lower side of the second hand’s arm. She charged her right arm with psychokinetic power and hit the upper torso of the robot with a left uppercut, then hit the head with her right, with enough force to knock the head through the roof and make it explode in midair.

A bit later, the police arrived to take the robbers into custody, and one spoke to Ruby as Omar was being cuffed and escorted out. “Another job well done, Justice. I still have no idea how you do it for someone your size.”

“Its heroic resolve, officer, and badassery.” Ruby leaped out the window and got back in her ship, heading back towards home.

As she got back to her room, Poison waved. “Hey Ruby, you got back just in time. The movie’s about to start.”

“Thank goodness.” She said with a sigh of relief before sitting down.

“Where did you go? And are those bullet wounds?”

“Its not important, just bad luck as usual. I’m just wondering if I forgot something…” She thought for a moment and then shrugged.

TMEDCE: Chapter 32 - Crisis on Several Earths

You unlock this door with a remote of insanity, beyond it is a number of other dimensions. Dimensions of craziness, dimensions of surreal events, dimensions of ridiculous plot points. You’re moving into a land and both randomness and junk, of silliness and bizarreness. You’ve just crossed into, The Random Zone.

Upon waking up on the ground, Gary realized the earth and all the buildings were covered in white and grey stripes, and the sun was completely black. As he glanced around the area, suddenly giant deformed babies crashed through several buildings, flying right at him. He quickly took off as they fired tentacles from their mouths, running around several buildings before pulling out the remote he had grabbed earlier and pressing a button. A portal opened up just ahead and he leaped into it; the portal closing a moment later.

He was dropped off in a medieval looking era in the middle of a field. He looked around and spotted a cabin far up ahead, sighing as he made a move towards the place. He entered the cabin which was also a bar where Lily was running the place. He approached her, immediately asking, “This may sound weird but where am I exactly?”

“You’re in Camelot…I think. You’re a knight, right? Because you have a shining sword, and that white cape, and-”

“Uhh, no, I’m not from here, I just wanna get back to my own dimension.”

“Ahh, well you should probably try to leave pretty soon. I gotta pay taxes and you never know wh-”

Just then, Poison, Damien and Adol walked into the bar, in full white armour with Damien ahead of the others exclaiming, “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!”

“I did.” Lily raised her hand.

“Quiet you!” Ivy said as she came out from behind the three, wearing a pink dress. “Its time to pay up for existing!”

“Of course.” Lily placed a bag of money on the table. “Please take it, princess.”

“And who’s this nobody?” Ivy asked as she took the bag.

“Huh, I guess here you’re still as rude and also a kid.” Gary remarked.

Ivy backed away slightly, filled with disbelief. “How dare you! I’ll have you know I’m just a little short!”

“And with no chest.” Poison added.

“Quiet you!”

“I challenge you to a duel, sir knight.” Adol said.

“Uh-huh.” Gary said, clearly not going along with this. “Excuse me a moment.” Gary walked into the men’s room and used the remote to leave that universe.

Gary emerged from another portal moments later, in the middle of a park where there was confetti sprinkled throughout the sky, birds sang and everyone was smiling. Gary scratched his forehead. “I guess this universe mustn’t be so bad…” As he turned around he bumped into Masterman, who was missing his cap, revealing his flowing green hair, he still had shades, but also had the colours of the rainbow across his shirt and pants.

“Whoa! What’s your hurry, man?” Masterman asked.

“Aren’t you that Masterman guy?”

“Nah, I’m Hippieman, man. You look tense, you should chill out. Just look around, its peaceful here. You‘re either friendly, or you‘re high, sometimes both.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Gary replied. He then noticed Ruby skipping along with a picnic basket, when Ivy suddenly called her as she yelled, “Ruby, you silly angel, come here and give me a hug!”

“Ivy, my rival but also my lover.” Ruby cheerfully skipped over to her, they hugged and then started kissing.

“I’m not sure what to think of this.” Gary said as he simply watched from afar.

Suddenly Poison showed up on a bike, greeting them as he said good morning. They replied back in unison and the three of them started making out. Gary still stood in silence as it went on.

“Good morning, guys.” Damien said as randomly approached them.

“Good morning, Damien.” They all said in unison. They all then started kissing, and then he used tongue when he kissed Ivy.

“…I stand corrected, this universe is more messed up than my own.” Gary quickly grabbed a barf bag just in case.

At that point, Spring, Floyd and Willard arrived holding hands. “Hey guys, lets all join hands and sing!” Spring suggested.

“Great idea, guys!” Ivy replied.

Lolita, upon hopping out of the bushes, exclaimed, “We should sing ring around the rosy!”

“Yeah!” Rosie replied, who had suddenly appeared.

Just then, Gary arrived, greeting them all. Poison suddenly hugged him, saying, “Thank goodness, Gary. I was so worried you weren’t well today.”

“I overcame my sickness just for you, Poison.” The two of them then started passionately kissing, causing the original Gary to start vomiting. Moments later the other Gary was down on his knees undoing Poison’s pants.

The original took out his remote, saying, “That’s it! This place is sick! I’m out of here!” He immediately jumped in as Masterman waved goodbye.

The next universe he arrived in, everyone was wearing leather jackets, a pair of shades and baggy pants as they walked down the streets. Gary immediately bumped into Masterman, who said, “Watch where you’re going, dude. I don’t need haters sweating on a brother.”

“Oh, its you again.” Gary said, clearly annoyed. “Where am I now?”

“You’re in the hood, man.”

“But it looks like a normal city…” He then noticed everyone had similar clothing on. “Oh, I already dislike this one.”

With a cry of, “Duuuuuuude!” Poison appeared, wearing a backwards hat and shades as he did. “What’s happening, bro?”

“Poison, my boy! Just chilling, you know how it is.” Masterman replied.

“Like, dude, I just saw Transformers 2 for like the 7th time, man.”

“That’s awesome, dude!”

Gary’s eyes widened in fear as he said, “Oh god, there’s two of them!”

“Yo, yo, yo!” To his surprise, Ivy and Ruby approached the three from behind wearing the same attire.

Gary couldn‘t believe his eyes. “Even you guys too?”

“Who’s this fool who be tripping?” Ivy asked.

“I oughta cap this fool right now.” Ruby said as she pulled out a gun, though Masterman clamed her down.

“Umm, I’m gonna go now…” Gary quickly pulled out his remote and jumped into another portal, with Ivy pointing as she said, “YOOOOOOUUUUU!”

Poison took a phone and called Floyd as this happened. “Dude, I just saw this excellent portal transportation, man. Anyway, you wanna hang out?”

“Sorry, man. Me and my boy, Spring are chilling out with our hoes, so no can do, bro.”

“Aight, I get ya.”

“Pimpin’ ain’t easy, man.”

Poison nodded in agreement. “Tru dat, man, tru dat.”

In the next universe, he arrived on a street near Ivy’s house. Ivy appeared to be sitting behind a bush outside the house, which confused Gary for a moment until Ruby kicked open the door, wearing a black robe as she yelled, “I know you’re out there, stupid demon! Begone with you!”

“No way!” Ivy replied, getting to her feet. “I won’t rest until I beat you!

Ruby crossed her arms as she laughed. “Haaaaahahahaha! Fool! You believe you can beat me?”

“Yeah!”

Just then, Willard, Adol, Masterman, Omar and Hopper showed up, with Willard being ahead of them. “Allow us to handle this, Ivy. Its Morphin’ time, gentlemen.” One by one they went through typical transformation scenes, Masterman being the green ranger, Adol being the black ranger, Omar being blue and Hopper being yellow. Willard’s theme being Black Rose from Eternal Darkness, Masterman’s was Gangstas Paradise, Omar’s was ‘Crazy’, Adol’s was ‘I See Girls’, and Hopper’s was ‘Jump Around’.

Gary stroked his chin as he said, “This must be the bizarro universe, where good people are evil instead…did the Loli Rangers even have transformation themes? Well whatever, I still need to get back.” Gary jumped into a portal as the others charged at Ruby.

He arrived in a dark theatre, where the only people sitting there were Ivy, Poison and Ruby watching a movie. As he raised an eyebrow, Ivy suddenly started singing. “A scrap in tide, let’s get set for action!”

Poison immediately chipped in with, “To launch the ship, out of the sand!”

In unison, they then sang, “He tried to kill her with a forklift!” Ruby threw her hands up as she yelled, “Huzzah!” Gary quickly turned around and hopped back into the portal, moments before Ruby yelled, “Run, Forrest, run!”

“And watch out for snakes!” Poison added.

Gary arrived in the middle of a field where a war was taking place. The sky was dark blue and explosions were happening throughout the place. Damien quickly pulled Gary back as a bomb hit the ground. “Are you crazy, soldier?! Keep your eyes open!”

“Could I ask where I am?”

“You’re in a war zone, boy!”

“I realize that but-”

“Just get your ass out there and help us win this one. We’re up against our dreaded enemy, Lolita.” He took out binoculars and looked far across the field, as Lolita had just deployed several artillery cannons. Damien gave her the middle finger, and in response she waved, completely deadpan. “She’s a cunning one, I should know, I read her book.” He took out a red book titled, “How to be a Magnificent Bastard, by Lolita Reipa.”

“Uh-huh, well could I g-”

“Ivy!” Damien yelled.

“Yes commander?” She asked, running over.

He handed her a red shirt. “Give it to some cannon fodder to save casualties done to other soldiers.”

“Yes sir!” She handed the shirt to Ruby, who cheerfully accepted it and ran on ahead, resulting in her being shot at and blown up repeatedly. Gary jumped back into a portal when Damien wasn’t looking.

The next universe was surprisingly rather normal. He walked along the streets, thinking he had returned, but got strange looks from people who walked by and the cars which passed, with a group of girls whispering about him as he passed them. Eventually, a girl who looked like Cherry approached him and said, “Umm, I was wondering, are you really Gary from that show?”

“Show?”

“Yeah, something about an epic conquest. If you’re not him then you’re a really good cosplayer.”

“…You’re kidding, right?”

“Nope, its real. But I’ve always wondered a few things, where do you keep your weapons when you’re not using them? How old are you guys? And who’s your dad?”

“I’m not going to answer those.”

A little later, Gary reached the network studio room, where the creators who were two ninjas were discussing ideas. “Okay, I think we should introduce another character.”

“Don’t we have enough? Besides, I didn’t think I’d be saying this, but we need more sausage on the menu. And new ideas.”

“What about a spoof of the Friday the 13th movies?”

“You can’t go basing chapters on anything and making tons of pop culture references for the lulz, they need to have a point. Don’t be like Family Guy.”

“You always say that.”

“With good reason, plus maybe its just me but there seems to be some lolicon tones somewhere here.”

“You’re just exaggerating, how would you even know, you’ve never seen the visuals! Anyway, we should do a spinoff, perhaps one about Spring and Floyd.”

“Nah.”

“What about one with Ruby, to do with crime fighting?”

“I’m not feeling it. By the way, I checked out the figurines either, and the poses are quite questionable. Who exactly is the character supposed to be aimed at?”

“Uhh, well…”

Gary knocked just at the moment, entering the room as they turned their attention to him. “Hey there, from what I hear our universe doesn’t really exist, and we’re just fictional characters, written on a script by some loser.”

“I’m not a loser!” One ninja exclaimed.

“Anyway, how did this even come about.”

“I think it went something like this…”

---

In the same room, one ninja came to the other with an idea. “Okay, lets do a show, and it’ll be like this other show, but with crazy things like demons.”

“So its somewhat original, but its not?”

“Its not. The main character will be a villain protagonist.”

“I like where this is going.”

“Her rival would be the kind of girl to be a protagonist in a magical girl anime.”

“But this isn’t one.”

“It certainly isn’t one.” He shook his head.

“Lets green light this ****.” The second one said, slamming his hand on the table.

---

“And then it became history.” The ninja nodded.

“Uh-huh. Well I’m going now.” Gary opened up the portal behind him. “And if that’s true, try to write my character a little better?” He quickly hopped in and vanished.

The final earth Gary arrived in appeared to be somewhat of a wasteland, the sky being dark red, the rubble combined with the damaged and broken vehicles cluttering the streets, and the various buildings and other locations on fire, Gary easily assumed the worst. After a little bit of walking around the empty streets, he pulled out the remote, when suddenly a ship in the sky fired at him, hitting him and knocking the remote out of his hands. The ship sounded an alarm, causing more to quickly reach that area as Gary ran, unable to find the remote. He leapt into a window and charged through numerous buildings, trying to outrun the searchlights. Eventually when he looked back and assumed he had lost them, he was suddenly punched out by an unknown individual, looking up he noticed it looked like a more mature Ivy before passing out.

He awoke in a stone cell, with a small window behind him and he was slightly restricted of moving too much as his limbs were chained to corners of the room. He heard Ivy yelling at some guards as he came to. “Put the non-believer in the seat of used tampons, make him play Superman 64, and then when his spirit finally breaks, make him watch Disaster Movie. And video tape the torture too, I love nothing more than the sounds of pain.” After some time, she opened Gary’s cell door and waved as a chair suddenly appeared behind her. She took a seat, crossing her left leg over her right. “Ahh, you’re awake, prince. It‘ll soon be time for the fun to begin. My guards will bring the whip.”

“Where the hell is this place?”

“This is Earth, silly. I own it now, I’ve owned it for over ten years. Everyone bows to me, or is made an example of. Look at the wall to your right.” He did so, seeing yellow stains in various spots. “I own this, I even marked my territory. I had to get two guards to hold me up so I could properly pee on the walls, but it was done. I’ve defiled almost all prisoners, because they’re all my territory.”

“You’re pretty damn **** up.”

“Oh please, you’re too kind.” She said with a smile.

Just then, a truck was thrown through the cell wall, hitting Ivy as it went through another wall. Ruby jumped through the hole, also looking a lot older, but keeping the same hairstyle and wearing a blue bodysuit. She cut the chains and threw him his sword. Though he had many questions, he decided to run before Ivy recovered.

As they ran down a hallway, slashing through the guards, Gary then said, “Could I ask what’s going on? This is the future?”

“I guess you could say that. Remember that time when the war was going on? You could think of this as a bad end, where I gave into my inner hatred and joined Ivy instead. We were surprisingly able to do a lot, working together. She was somehow able to gain special abilities from the people she killed, so she’s too dangerous to fight right now.”

“Ahh, so-” Ruby quickly leaped out a window to her right, but before Gary could do so, Ivy appeared down the hallway, summoning rock hands which tried to crush Gary. He ran, eventually reaching an elevator, and as the doors were closing, Ivy stopped it by trying to grab him. He shocked her hand, sending her flying back and finally closing the door.

As he reached outside, Ivy leaped down, shaking the ground just before kicking him across the street. Geysers of fire erupted from underground as she ominously advanced upon him, saying, “Don’t die too fast. Make this fun for me, boy.” He got up, gripping his sword as Ivy charged at him. He sidestepped her punch and slashed at her several times then kicked her. He leapt towards her again and tried to impale her from above, but she rolled out the way and hit him with several lightning fast punches to the gut, then blasting him away with a ball of concentrated air. As he was getting up, she charged herself with lightning and tackled him though a building, then proceeding to drag him along the rocky ground as she laughed, finally lifting him up and kicking him through another building.

He coughed up blood as he struggled to get up, and was suddenly surprised when he saw the remote thrown to him and noticed Ruby from an alleyway nearby. He took it and nodded, taking off as Ivy quickly showed up, firing beams of fire. He got it working and leaped into the portal, which closed before Ivy could reach him. She angrily kicked a car out of frustration. “I’ll get you next time, prince, next time…”

Eventually, Gary managed to return to his own dimension as it was still late at night, and quickly went to see Ruby. Ivy, Poison, Ruby and Crystal appeared to be in her bedroom. “There you are! I just had to spend ages getting back here after being sent to another dimension!”

“So that’s what I forgot!” She replied.

“Did it hurt travelling to other dimensions?” Poison asked.

“Its occasionally prone to give you a headache, but the gaps between dimensions tend to have Guile’s theme in the background, so its not so bad. Anyway, I’ve seen tons of crazy and bizarre things during that time, some which I never wanna see again. On the plus side, I’ve learned something today.”

“Treat others how you’d like to be treated?” Crystal guessed.

“No, its that regardless of how crazy this place might be, there’s a lot worse things out there.”

“You want a hug?” Poison asked.

“No, I’m not like that, damnit!” Gary walked off, yelling random obscenities.

After a few moments of silence, Ruby then said, “He always was the weirdest one of us.”

“Indeed.” Ivy nodded.

“Totally.” Poison said, also nodding.

I figured I'd be slightly different with this one. I don't do this regularly because half the chapters are long enough normally and being slightly more descriptive might make them a lot longer, plus I'm just lazy. Should I keep this style or go back to my basics?
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TMEDCE: Chapter 33 - A Vamp and Her Cat

We open to the viewpoint of a camera, steadily moving along some dark corridors when it spotted a light source in one room ahead. Upon entering, the room was also dark apart from the fireplace which brightened half the room, located near was an armchair where Willard sat, reading a book and drinking from his coffee mug. Willard glanced up, and after noticing he gestured to a seat further away as he put the mug down on the table. “Why hello there, come, please take a seat. You just happened to catch me in the middle of a riveting tale. Would you care to hear it?” The camera nodded. “Very well, let us continue.”

---

It was the night after the events of superheroism, and dimension travelling, and we find ourselves at the central viewpoint of the sparkly vampire, Rosie. It was a dark peaceful night, but sadly not stormy. She walked the empty streets, a slight breeze filling the air and blissfully pushing her hair back, slightly. She had her sad face on, for only she and she alone, could truly understand the feeling of loneliness, despite several characters knowing that, but she was a vampire hanging out with demons, so yeah. Her internal monologue would have struck with a vengeance, were I not here to narrate. She longed for the sense of duty in protecting or looking after someone, as Poison does; to feel needed and not feel like a sixth ranger. She couldn’t confide in them.

Suddenly, a cat, only one of them! It was laying in the middle of the street, clearly unconscious and adjacent from an alleyway. She gasped before running over to it. It was black as a black hole, and with many scratches all over its body. Taking this opportunity to own a pet, she decided to take it home, because despite the rumors of her kicking kittens, she was actually quite fond of ****.

A little later, back in her room within the Devil’s home, she had placed the black cat on her bed and was in the middle of getting ready for bed. The cat slowly opened its eyes during this, watching her intensively and admiring her voluptuous and glittery body, possibly an effect from being a sparkly vampire. The cat groaned as it got to its feet and scratched its forehead. “Where am I?” It asked, a feminine voice coming from the cat as it glanced around the room.

“You’re in Hell, but don’t worry, you’re not dead, I just found you badly hurt on a street and brought you here.” She answered, just having gotten into her purple pyjamas.

The cat quirked an eyebrow, confused about her calm and easygoing nature. “Wait, you aren’t shocked at all by a talking cat?”

“Trust me, I’ve seen a lot crazier things in my lifetime.” She replied, expressing a look of seriousness.

Being rather genre savvy, the cat decided to fill her in rather quick. “Since you’ll ask eventually, I’ll explain what happened. I live in a world where everyone are cats.”

“Uh-huh.” Rosie nodded, ready to embrace the craziness.

“On my planet, besides the peaceful tranquilities and everyday happenings, there is good and evil who gather to certain sides of the planet. The good cats, known as the Prowlers, and the evil cats, known as the Pussies. They were trying to make me a ****, but I ran to evade them. Around that time, a boy in white clothing arrived using some kind of dimensional portal. When he left, I too followed to escape their grasp.”

“Uh-huh.” Rosie nodded again, attempting to fully understand the ridiculousness of her story. “Are you going to keep using the word ‘****’ as long as you’re here?”

“I’ll try.” She shrugged. “By the way, my name is Mio. It would be kinda funny if you added a ‘w’, since cats actually meow.” She lightly chuckled.

“My name is Rosie, oh, and please don’t explain the joke.” Rosie winced as she shook her head. As she hopped into the bed, the cat also got in and snuggled tightly against her ample bosom, to such an extent it made Rosie curious about Mio’s sexual orientation. Rosie wasn’t sure of how to tell her demonic friends, she figured Poison wouldn’t care much, but Ivy might accidentally kill the cat, and Damien might blow it up for fun, so she decided she’d keep it a secret.

The next morning, Rosie and her cat woke up earlier then the other demons in the house, took a quick shower with Mio which once again made Rosie question her feline friend’s feelings and dashed out the house towards Earth, because it’s a tourist attraction for abnormal beings now. The sun that morning had a golden crispy outlook, with a side of soothing blue lettuce. They spent half the day frolicking through the town, soaring through the skies, rolling down grassy hills, and other kid friendly things you see in those commercials, you know the ones.

Rosie eventually spotted Ivy, Poison and Amber, along with Ruby, Gary and Crystal, standing by a street corner. Ivy and Ruby were arguing as usual, Gary had recently showed up, Poison and Crystal were leaning on the wall, and Amber sat by a bus stop nearby. After childish arguing for a short while, Ivy suggesting that she, Poison and Amber should fight Ruby, Gary and Crystal. As Ruby accepted, not to show weakness in front of her rival, the others were just as thrilled about the idea and decided they should go through with it, since it would be like Brawl, but with 6 people, except it isn’t Brawl.

Rosie and Mio’s peaceful day was soon interrupted when light brown and orange striped cats with hi-tech black goggles found them as they rode around on black motorcycles. They caught sight of them almost immediately as Mio pointed them out, so they took off down various streets and alleyways, with them very slowly managing to close the gap. Rosie encountered someone on a motorcycle speeding in the opposite direction and knocked them off their bike before jumping on and speeding off. As the cats arrived, the owner pointed ahead and yelled, “Vampire stole my bike!”

The chase got more intense. It was a thrilling and heart racing event to the extent that describing it just might make your head explode, so I’ll refrain from doing so, but it involved wheelies in reserve. They eventually shot out her tires as she was drifting round a corner, resulting in her crashing into a wall. The cats grabbed Mio as they sped up, quickly vanishing as they drove on ahead.

When she came to, she discovered they left a note beside her, detailing where they would be. Why they would reveal this, she did not know, but she knew if Admiral Ackbar were there, he would immediately inform her that this is indeed, a trap. She ran back to where the others were to get backup, considering that her legion of vampires split up and went their separate ways ages ago.

A few blocks from their previous location, she noticed Poison and Gary being sent flying in different directions after hitting each other. In midair she then saw Crystal hit him with an uppercut, followed by Ruby connecting with a knee of justice immediately afterwards, knocking him through a building and landing nearby the vampire. She frantically ran towards him, waving her arms as she tried to explain. “Poison! You gotta help, I was with this cat and it got kidnapped by these pussies, and I need to save Mio before they turn her into a ****!”

Poison slowly got up, seeming a little dizzy. “I’d like to but I kinda have this going on and-”

“Don’t make me bite you, Poison.” She quickly replied, glaring at him.

He could see she was deadly serious, so he quickly changed his mind. “Alright, just let me tell Ivy, otherwise she’ll whine for ages then probably make some perverted joke.”

“Forget Ivy, we’ll be back shortly. Come on!” She dragged the green haired demon rather easily, seeing as he didn’t have much choice but to comply.

Rosie arrived at the scheduled meeting spot right on time while Poison took position on a rocky ledge far above. Rosie saw a large black and red ship up ahead and kicked open the back, seeing the Pussies ahead of her with Mio tied up in the corner. “Rosie, you’re here!” said Mio, overjoyed to see her.

“You got the catnip?” One of them asked.

“Nope, because you don’t deserve any. I’m taking back Mio so I’d suggest you all back off.” She took up a fighting stance.

The Pussies, knowing she was a vampire, decided to try and use normal weaknesses. One quickly charged at her, lodging an average stake into her abdomen. She looked down and easily pulled it out, then threw it outside as she advanced upon them with the intent to kill. Another cat pulled out a golden cross and held it up, shaking as he yelled, “Get back!”

Rosie stopped and grabbed the cross, admiring it as she said, “Hey, you mind if I keep this?” The others, seeing as this wasn’t working, threw holy water at her but she simply puffed out her chest as she placed her hands on her hips. “Ha! Your holy water is no match for my superior sparkles!” She said with a sense of pride. They moved further back, wondering how this was possible. Rosie sensed this, so she answered their question. “Typical vampire weaknesses don’t effect me much. I’ve long since overcome disadvantages like that, with some help from the big guy himself. By the way, the stake goes through the heart, morons.”

One cat suddenly took out a chalkboard and began clawing its sharp nails against the board. As they noticed it seemed to hurt her ears, the others joined in even though it was badly hurting their ears too. Mio tried to call out to her but the painful screeching sounds drowned out her attempts. Rosie soon remembered the reason she was doing this: To protect her friend, so she slowly got to her feet, forming a vibrant red aura as she did so. The cats were horrified by this revelation, for they knew ass kicking would ensue.

She began her assault, punching one cat through the wall as Mio watched in awe. Rosie lodged her absurdly sharp nails in one cat’s eyes, then chokeslamed another close by as Mio yelled, “Pound those Pussies!” She dodged a kick and stuck her claws right into the cat’s crotch, which Mio winced at. She picked up the second to last cat, raising him above her head and preparing to hit him with a piledriver. The devastating impact as they hit the ground shattered the cat’s skull, as Rosie bounced back in slow motion. She then spread her arms and produced a terrifying roar as you would expect of a dinosaur. She turned to the last cat, who promptly darted out of the room to alert the others within the front.

As the ship began to take off, Poison took aim, firing a small ball of wind which punctured the side of the ship, creating a large hole and damaging its internal engine. It was going down, and only then did Rosie notice another mysterious figure in the corner of that very room. He appeared to be a young boy with ruffled light brown hair. He had a six pack despite his childish look, and wore a crimson red sleeveless vest which left the middle of his chest open, dark red pants and black shoes. He had a hole within the pants where a light brown and fluffy tail stuck out, then she saw he also had the same unusual ears. “You want some too?” Rosie asked.

“No, I’ve seen enough. I wish to serve you.” The boy replied sincerely.

Rosie, who had calmed down, blinked for a moment. “What?”

“The way you brutally handled those large cats with your berserker rage, even scaring off the last one without touching him, it was awesome! Needless to say, I’m in love with your ruthless side.”

“Uhh…” Rosie clearly didn’t know how to reply to that.

“Please!” He reached forward. “Keep me by your side and let me prove my strength, for it is what a true man must do!”

“Fine, whatever.” She said, untying Mio. The three of them abandoned the ship almost immediately, meeting Poison on the way down, and after a bit of talking, the boy told them his name was Leo, and he was a werewolf hybrid, but the real question is what chick would shack up with a werewolf. Maybe she just liked it rough.

Poison, Rosie and Leo made it back to where the others were, at which point Ivy and Ruby were arguing over something trivial again. As she spotted them, Ivy run up to them and began yelling. “Poison! Where the hell did you go?! We were in the middle of something here!”

“Sorry, he left to help me with something.” Rosie replied.

“What?! Did you two do perverted things?”

“No.” Poison said, completely deadpan.

“Sadly.” Rosie added as she rolled her eyes. “And this here is Leo, he’s part werewolf.” She continued.

“I am pleased to meet you all and I hope we can get on and try to push each other to greater limits.” He said with a bow.

The others eyed him suspiciously, then Poison spoke. “To be honest, we’re all a bunch of assholes in one way or another. Ruby’s probably the nicest one here, and even she’s succumbing to a few **** tendencies.” Leo simply nodded.

“That doesn’t excuse anything, Poison! I’m still really pissed at you for running off without saying anything!” Ivy continued her yelling.

Poison took out a box and handed it to her, which appeared to be a strawberry cake. Her expression changed from seething rage to a delightful smile as she accepted it while saying, “All is forgiven.”

Just then, a portal opened up nearby and a number of black cats emerged, startling the others. “Dad!” Mio exclaimed as she ran and hugged one cat who had a black beard and a staff with an eye patch.

“Mio, we finally found you!” He said.

“How did you get here?”

“We built a dimensional portal with the help of this other cat who was a mad scientist and kept blurting out random phrases. Anyway, lets go home now.”

“Just a moment, dad.” Mio ran up to Rosie. “Thanks for looking after me, even if it was only for a single day.”

“In a weird way, you helped me more than I helped you.”

“Now I’m gonna join my dad who’s the leader of the Prowlers and become one myself!”

“Wait, so you’re the daughter of the leader?”

“Well yeah.”

“Alternate realities are full of bizarre yet similar things, at least that’s what Gary has suggested.” She said to no-one in particular. “Anyway, take care, Mio. It was great meeting you.”

“Right back at ya, and don’t go being a ****, Rosie.” Mio said as she waved goodbye.

“Wouldn’t dream of it. And by the way, what‘s your sexual orientation?”

“Oh, I’m bisexual.”

“I knew it.” She said with a nod, figuring that explained everything, moments before the cats vanished. She felt rather melancholy afterwards, but perhaps it was for the best. Despite being different species, she still had friends, which she realized could transcend any barriers, and that’s all that mattered.

---

Willard lowered the book as he looked over to the camera. “Wasn’t that a wonderful tale? Considering the regular negative continuality established with stories like this, some of it might be true and some might not. I normally prefer my endings to be quite a downer, but I particularly fond of cats, so in this case I’d make an exception. Now, my honey roasted infants should be ready any minute now, if you could please see yourself out as I’ll be having guests shortly. Farewell, unsuspecting intruder.” He waved nonchalantly as he took a sip from his coffee mug. Upon leaving the room and journeying down the corridor, the camera was suddenly attacked, dropping sideways on the ground and being crushed by a dark figure a moment later.

TMEDCE: Chapter 34 - Soulbusters

Somewhere in the pits of Hell, Ivy, Poison, Damien and Rosie were walking along beside a pool of lava. Rosie was talking about Leo. “This whole thing on being overwhelmingly manly is going a bit too far. I mean, just this morning he ate a plank of wood for breakfast and drank a cup of nails. It was ridiculous!”

“Just let him be insane if he wants.” Poison replied. “Besides, its quite fun to watch anyway.”

“He tends to start fights quite a bit as well.” Rosie added.

“Then why don’t I just build one of those ridiculously human robots?” Ivy suggested. “It would really help if that’s the case.”

“I think Leo is what this planet really needs.” Damien said. “Too many weaklings and egotistical bastards around here who need sense beaten into them. Rosie is rather violent to do it without casualties.” He glanced at her as he finished.

“Well I’m sorry for going too far on occasions…by the way, Ivy, where’s that tentacled pet you said you had?”

“Oh, he’s off doing his own thing nowadays. He has his own show now with Adol.” Ivy said as she began to remember the premier.

---

Floyd entered an office building with a folder in hand. He quietly walked over to Spring’s desk and dropped it on the table, saying, “We’ve got another one.” as he did so. Spring looked up, as if to say, “Should we call in the specialists?” Floyd nodded without anything needing to be said. Spring got up from his desk and dialled a number.

Adol and Nookie were playing blackjack in a quiet spacious room when the phone rang, Adol picked it up and listened. “Another one, eh? Understood.” He nodded and put the phone down before turning to his partner. “Nookie, guess what time it is?”

“Blaaaaaah!” Was all the monster said as it waved its tentacles in the air.

“You bet you ass it is.” Adol said, as he Nicholson’d.

These pimps are taking the law into their own hands. Ya’ll haters can go hate, cause its time for some raep.

Adol kicked down a door where the parents and their young son were currently living. As they stood in the doorway, below them had the words, “The Raepomen.” The narrator continued as it showed clips of Adol taking out a fire hose, Nookie breaking into a van packed with high school girls, and one man being slapped upside the head with a dildo. “Starring Adol the Red as himself, Nookie as XX Smooth X, and guest starring Amber Salsar as that girl who drives the van.” It said as Amber waved from the van.

It showed another scene of Adol walking into a store with SA2 at the register. “Hey man, you got work again?” SA2 asked as he walked in.

“Yeah, gotta hit ‘em where it hurts.” He replied.

“The usual, right?”

“But of course.” SA2 handed him a pack of condoms and he paid for them before leaving and hopping back in the van. Adol and Nookie suited up as they got to their destination as the narrator struck again. “If you’re gonna do the crime, you’d better check the time. The Raepomen, tonight at 10.”

---

Ivy wiped a tear from her eye. “I’m so proud of him.” The others were rather surprised.

“Hey Damien, you got a letter!” Amber called as she ran up to the others and handed it to him.

He read the note and then crushed it. “Someone wants to meet with me. Well I’d better go, see you guys later.” He waved before taking off while Amber yelled to take protection.

An hour or so later he stood on a rooftop on earth, it was around midnight. Lolita stepped out from behind a fan on the roof shortly after he arrived. “Hello again, Damien.” He immediately was on guard as she did so. “There’s no need to start anything, I just need your help.”

“Yeah right, you’ve been after me for a while now. What could you possibly need my help for?”

“Souls have escaped the underworld and you have to help me capture them.”

“I don’t do that crap, besides, what’s in it for me?”

“I’ll extend your life for a while.”

“Or perhaps I could just kill you and extend it permanently.” He said, grinning as parts of the metallic roof began to slowly move. Damien summoned a large ball of red energy within an instant and threw it at her, it splitting into a dozen small beams. Lolita summoned black puddles around her which launched black beams to counter his attack, then leaped left to avoid his. Damien ran, dodging several beams and deflecting one at a billboard. Damien summoned parts of the roof to raise up and try to crush her, but she drew a katana and sliced through several bits while evading more. Damien smiled as he said, “You may be pretty fast, but on the ground, I have the advantage.” He raised his hand and suddenly four pillars of metal rose up around Lolita and within a split second crushed her, as blood slowly poured out of the small cracks.

“Guess she wasn’t as fast as I thought.” Damien said with a sigh, clearly disappointed.

“Or maybe you’re just too slow.” said as voice coming from his far right. She tore off part of the billboard and charged at him. She swung at him, but he quickly jumped and tried to kick her as she leaped far back and threw the weapon at him. He smashed through it and sidestepped the two beams Lolita fired, then leaped into the air and covered his right arm in metal as he prepared to strike. She tried to stop the punch from connecting with a shield then quickly leaped left as he almost broke through. Damien flash stepped behind her and punched her across the roof. She flipped and began firing more beams as she landed, soon rushing in to attack with an axe while he defended with a created sword. One beam came back and rapped around Damien, attempting to crush his bones from its grip.

Lolita appeared behind him and punched him into the fan further away. As they continued, a blue humanoid pig wearing a black robed outfit and a cape appeared, figuring it was a good chance to take them out. He aimed at them with a gun, but was hit with a stone spear which lodged itself in his brain, a result of Lolita deflecting it. Damien noticed the body and stopped. “So who’s that?”

“That’s what I was saying, let me show you.” She took out a blue chart with 9 squares on it in a 3x3 pattern. The eight outer squares had soul icons and in the middle was her deadpan, emotionless face. “Some souls have escaped and I have to track them down before Death notices. With your elemental powers it’ll be easier for me.”

“I feel like I’ve seen this design somewhere…” He said, closely examining the chart. “And once again, I have no incentive to help you. You’re trying to bring me back too, so why should I help you?”

“You’ll be doing a good thing.”

“My agreement is reaching zero.”

“I’ll let you touch me.”

“Well I don’t wanna touch you.”

“Well I’ll have you know I’m at least a B cup underneath these clothes.”

“I never asked.”

“I just thought you should know.”

“Even though I never asked.” He finished her sentence.

After a while Lolita eventually left, seeing as Damien wouldn’t agree to help her. Due to her soul sense, the next morning she managed to track an undead samurai, a boxing shark and a wrestling lion to an antique shop. “Oh hai, pretty girl.” said the black haired owner as she walked in. “Good day, huh?” She nodded as she walked by, towards the back of the store when the souls quickly noticed her coming. She slid under the shark’s punch, leaped by the Samurai and blocked the lion’s bicycle kick before grabbing him and smacking the samurai across the place then threw him at the shark. He evaded the lion and prepared to strike with a machete, but Lolita kicked it out of his hands and threw him at several vases, smashing them.

She jumped on the samurai’s blade and hit him with a psycho crusher, impaling him with her hand and grabbing his soul as they hit the wall. She flipped over the shark as he swung at her, then sliced its head off with her arm covered in black energy as it spun round. The lion quickly attacked from the right with a chainsaw, but she stopped the weapon with her bare hand. Shocked as the weapon slowed down while she kept her expression even though her hand was bleeding, she placed her other hand near his stomach and fired a beam through him. As she was walking away, the owner said, “Why you do this to me, pretty girl? You’re TEARING me APART, customer!” She quickly stopped and summoned a large bag of money, leaving it on the counter as she left.

Damien was standing with Ivy and Poison on a street corner near an arcade, explaining what happened. “So she wants me to help her catch souls before Death fires her ass.”

“You should probably help her out this once.” Ivy suggested.

“You haven’t been as moody lately.” Damien said, suddenly noticing.

“Yeah, I noticed too.” Poison agreed.

“I’m not always moody.” She pouted. “How many Shinigami are there anyway?”

“Probably around a dozen.” Damien said. “They call her “The Weapon Factory.” down there.”

“Why?” Poison asked.

“Because she’ll practically use almost anything as a weapon.”

“Makes sense.” He shrugged.

Just then, two souls showed up, one being a fox and the other a large slug. The fox called out to him, “Hey you, you’re that demon prince, right?” He continued, not giving him time to answer. “There’s this annoying chick catching escaped souls. She’s probably after you too, right? How about we work together to take her down?”

“Thanks but no thanks. I work alone, or with people I feel I can get along with, and I’m not sensing that, so-” He squashed the slug with four stone pillars then dashed ahead, jamming his hand through the fox’s chest. “Goodbye. Nothing personal, of course.”

“Did it ever get boring having to spend 20 years in that underworld place?” Poison asked.

“Not really, since everyone there can’t die they tend to get along with other Shinigami and each other. Besides, time really speeds up down there so its only been around 4 years for me.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty fast. Same as in 20 years on our planet would only be 10 on Earth.”

Suddenly, Lolita came running down the street and stopped beside the three, looking around as she said, “Where are the two souls here?”

“I already killed them, so don’t worry.”

“Oh, thank you.” She then noticed the other two. “Oh, its you again. Would you still like to be my pet?”

“What’s your deal with pets?” Poison asked.

“I like pets.” she immediately replied.

“You’re dodging the question.”

“Go away, you foolish Shinigami!” Ivy exclaimed. “If he’s gonna be anyone’s pet, he’d be mine!” She quickly turned and said, “Not that I’d make you do that.”

“I sense you’re not very close with the random yelling and the clinginess.” Lolita replied.

“We’re very close, in fact we sleep in the same bed…sometimes.”

“Only when she has nightmares and doesn’t wanna sleep alone.” Poison added.

“That’s rather cute.” Lolita said.

“S-shut up, its not cute at all!” Ivy yelled.

“So its pathetic then?”

Ivy thought for a moment. “…Lets go with cute then, but evilly cute.”

“Of course.” They all said in unison, humouring her.

As Damien agreed to finally help Lolita and they walked off, Ivy randomly said, “I feel like I’ve been ignored for several weeks, for some reason…”

After a short while of walking and reminiscing about the past, Lolita stopped, wide-eyed as she said, “I have this tingling feeling down below.”

“Uh-huh.” Damien said, choosing not to comment on it.

“My soul sense is tingling.” She clutched her fist and held it against her chest as she said it.

“Is that what you’re calling it nowadays?” They quickly took off down alleyways and through parking garages until they got near a motorway, where a car just passed them as it was speeding down the road. Damien ripped the door off a red car and Lolita started the engine. And they were off! Flying right into the danger zone. The black car containing the two mummified souls swerved left and right down the highway, nearly causing crashes with the amount of sudden turns. Damien leaned out the window, equipped with a rocket launcher and fired at them. He missed by a few inches, but the resulting explosion managed to make several cars explode, and make a lot others crash.

“You missed.” Lolita said.

“I guess I did.” Damien replied, with a devilish grin after being satisfied with the level of destruction. Lolita told Damien to take the wheel, at which point she cut off her right arm and stuck a chainsaw to it with duck tape. She cut off her left arm to stick a minigun to it, but realized she couldn’t do so and stared at Damien for a few moments until he sighed and tried to stick it on. She leaped through the traffic, hopping across cars and firing at the black car while they fired back. As she reached them, she cut through the roof with the chainsaw and immediately opened fire with the minigun, killing them. Damien quickly took the opportunity to blast the car with his rocket launcher, blowing them all up as he drove by.

He stopped by a field at the next exit and began to light a cigarette. As he did so, Lolita walked up to him and stood two feet away, unscathed. As he turned to her she said, “You just tried to kill me, didn’t you?”

“Huh, I never noticed that. An alternate interpretation really could suggest I was trying there. Funny, huh?”

“…So were you trying to kill me?”

Damien sighed as he walked off, saying, “Sarcasm, Lolita, learn it.”

“Well now that I have the souls I’ll be taking them back home.”

“I wouldn’t be quite so sure about that.” a dark charismatic voice said from nearby. A puff of smoke appeared ahead and Willard stepped out from it, holding a jar with black spirits flying around. “Sadly, I have alternative purposes for these souls I happened to find, so I’d be rather thankful if you spared the few you’re also collected.”

“Willard…” Lolita said squinting, then stopped a moment later. “Wait, I don’t even know who you are…”

“So Willard, what’re you up to this time?” Damien asked.

“Come now, Damien, are you not also a complete monster? You choose to ignorantly judge me despite your wanton for needless destruction?”

“Yeah but I try to be a good friend and a good older brother.”

“We must settle in in a typical RPG style.” Lolita suggested. “I’ll be in the front row.”

“Lolita, now’s not the ti-”

She put her finger to his mouth. “An RPG battle is the only way, Damien.”

He moved her hand and motioned for Willard to follow him away from Lolita. They discussed various things, occasionally using hand signals to explain their point. After a while of talking, Willard bale’d, and Damien Kermit’d, at which point Willard handed him the jar and went about his business. Damien walked back over to Lolita and handed her the jar, saying, “Here, he won’t be bothering with souls for a while.”

“Thank you, Damien. Even though we could have duked it our RPG style, you decided to settle it like gentlemen just to help me.”

“Don’t misunderstand, I didn’t do it all just for your sake.”

“You didn’t add the stutter.” Lolita pointed out.

“What?”

“Tsun~ is more effective when you add the stutter. Everyone knows that.”

Damien glared at her, beginning to lose his patience. “I’m going to hurt you in a minute.”

“Alright, we both know that’s just how you show your love.”

“You’re trying to **** me off, aren’t you?”

“Why? You mad?” She asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“I ain’t made, just annoyed. Anyway, I’m done helping out so see ya.” He said as he turned away from her and began walking.

“Oh, okay.” She began waving and turned around to leave.

“Hey wait,” Lolita stopped in her tracks as she heard his voice. “Since I’ve still got time, you wanna go to the arcade?”

“Sure, why not.” She said, walking over to him. And so, they walked together, talking about old times and ignoring the pileup far in the distance on the highway.

You can tell I had some fun with this one.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 35 - Night of the Savvy Tropers

Sometime following the previous events, it was currently late at night as the title would suggest. Ruby was running up a large mountain, fully dressed in her Justice attire as she had previously received a letter asking for help from that location. Upon reaching the top the place was modelled like an arena, and far ahead by the ledge was Ivy, dressed in a white version of Ruby’s outfit. Ivy removed the mask and smiled as she arrived. “I’m glad we could finally meet, ‘Justice.’, you could consider me your designated arch nemesis, Chaos.”

Ruby was somewhat surprised by this. “Wait, I thought you were gonna stop doing things like this?”

“Yeah but Status Quo is God after all, so I gotta be a little evil sometimes. I’m gonna crush your magical girl delusions, even though you’re too stupid to know the difference between that and a superhero, but maybe that’s the point. Anyway, lets begin.” Ivy leaped ahead and threw a downward punch, which Ruby dodged as she got near. Ruby attacked with a kick which Ivy blocked. They moved around the rocky area for a short while, eventually braking off pieces of the mountain to smack each other with. A beeper went off in Ivy’s pocket and she smiled as she leaped back. “Seems our guest is here.” Omar was approaching the mountain in his giant robot as she continued. “Prepare to face the Super Ultra Mega Rock ‘em Sock ‘em robot V.2!” She leaped out the way as it landed nearby.

“That was a perfect introduction, Ivy.” Omar said as he started firing at Ruby.

“Oh please, you’re too kind.” Ivy said, flattered as she watched from the sidelines. Ruby ran around the area, hiding behind rocks and evading the missiles and blasts being fired, but when she tried to attack she was hit by Ivy from behind. When Ruby retaliated she was then hit by a laser beam from the robot. After a while of being knocked back and forth, she waited until the robot opened its mouth to fire a mouth blast, then she quickly launched herself up using Ivy’s head as a pedestal and shoved several holy hand grenades in its mouth then quickly leaped off. Omar immediately ejected as the robot charged up to fire, the machine producing a massive explosion as it did, knocking Ruby into Ivy as they tumbled down the mountain.

Meanwhile, a blond haired kid wearing blue jeans and a plain blue shirt was looking outside his bedroom window, wondering why the hell there were hundreds of people storming down the streets, seeming to be suffering a severe case of insomnia. He sat back at his computer and visited TV Tropes, as usual. Upon checking his email he received a link to a certain TV Tropes page, and like a moron he followed it. Soon enough, he left his house, becoming a part of the other tropers, no-one knew what was on that page or who created it. While that happened, Crystal was taking a shower at Amber’s resort, the steamy water conveniently covering certain spots as she used a bar of soap. Suddenly, tropers! Half a dozen of them! They broke in through the door, eerily calling out, “Shooower sceene!” as they approached her. Crystal grabbed her tower and punched them as she ran.

In the lobby Amber was fighting off more wearing a black biker‘s outfit, and upon spotting Crystal threw her a white shirt and beige pants, then they ran as the tropers following, shouting, “Zombie Apocalypse!” As they ran through the troper infested streets, glancing around at the burning and broken down cars, the helpless civilians being ganged up against them, and generally everything going to hell as they attempted to find the others. Fortunately Rosie happened to be in the area and spotted them from the various explosions caused as they fended off the tropers. She dropped down from a rooftop and then backed up as they prepared to attack, stopping when they realised it was her.

After discussing that they all knew nothing about this, Rosie joined them, at which point a hobo nearby moaned, “Sixth ranger…” Rosie promptly tore his head off.

In another area, Poison and Damien were exiting the arcade, arguing over something involving a fighting game. They stopped for a moment and noticed there were dozens of tropers surrounding the place. After a moment of silence, Damien turned to Poison and said, “Twenty bucks says I kill more guys than you do.”

“You’re on.” Poison replied, drawing his blade.

Ivy and Ruby had previously encountered some insomniac tropers and started to avoid them. Ruby suggested they visit someone who was said to be an expert on tropes to help them, and that person was said to reside in a specific alleyway in the event of a zombie invasion. As they reached that specific spot, they discovered their target was Lily Locket, who smirked as she lay on the wall. “Well, I suspect you came because you needed my help.” before Ivy could speak, she continued. “I live and breathe tropes, so I know all there is to know and I’m a master strategist in this instance. You should feel honoured to be in my presence, to meet face to face with yours truly and beg for my omniscient guidance.”

“This was a waste of time.” Ruby said as she began to leave.

“Yeah, lets go.” Ivy added.

“No, wait! Please let me join you!” Lily yelled as she chased them, Ivy and Ruby running as they noticed. Ivy soon leapt through a window as Ruby passed her and evaded the both of them, climbing out shortly afterwards and walking off on her own.

In a random location, the Loli Rangers were travelling round on motorbikes representing their chosen colours, blasting tropers with their .45’s as Loli Red told them to aim for the forehead since living organisms can’t function without it. “The more you know.” Loli Yellow wrote on a sign. During their mission, several tropers were being taken out from afar by a sniper. Loli Black looked in the direction of the shot to see Lolita on a roof. “Who’re you?!” Loli Red yelled.

There was silence, then Loli Green stepped ahead. “I can speak with her.” The two stared at each other in silence. What felt like seconds to them felt like a minute to the others, because it was a minute of silence. Loli Green whispered something to the others, which they fully understood.

Poison and Damien passed by a street with some police firing away at the tropers, until some of them also pulled out guns and fired back, taking them out by surprise. Poison noticed this as he and Damien swung at the tropers with their swords, Damien creating a two-handed broad sword from stone. “Those zombies are getting smarter.”

“I thought they were tropers.” Damien replied.

“Whatever.” They continued their rampage occasionally using their elemental abilities till up ahead there were over a hundred more coming. As Damien was about to attack, a ray of lightning came down from the sky and hit them, sending most of them flying. Gary landed beside them with his sword drawn, and the three of them posed. Gary then explained himself. “Hey Poison, I was informed of the situation by Crystal. I’m here to help out.”

“That’ll make things much easier.” Poison transferred wind energy to his blade then passed it to Gary. “Charge that with electricity and fire it.”

“Well okay.” He shrugged, partially confused. As he swung, a large electric tornado was fired at light speed, smashing into the tropers and causing large quantities of damage. “So mixing strengths of wind and electricity allows you to rapidly fire electric tornados at light speed?…That’s pretty broken.”

“I know, right?”

Gary fired another one. “We’re gonna abuse the hell out of this, right?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLJLyneZGKc&feature=related

“Of course.” Gary handed Poison his sword, who then transferred wind energy to it. As the tropers drew near, Poison and Gary had their backs to each other. Damien decided to sit at a bench, took out a boom box and put on Guile’s theme as they rapidly fired electric tornados at the tropers along with the beat, changing direction every time while one moaned, “Spam Attack…”

Ivy ran through the streets, punching out tropers who said things such as, “Bratty Half Pint.”, “Pettanko.” and “Villain Protagonist.” As one said, “Dark Magical Girl…” She sliced his head off. She kept running in fear and was soon trapped down an alleyway as the tropers slowly crept up on her. “Ivy, what happened to your inner strength?” She heard a voice call out. She looked up and spotted SA2 standing on a roof. “Sensei!”

“Is this the extent of your confidence?” He asked.

“Of course not, sensei!” She protested, getting to her feet.

“Then show them your elite ninja skills.”

“Right!” Ivy’s speed suddenly increased, managing to blaze circles around the group, swiftly taking them out with sneak attacks then decapitated the last one. She looked up towards the rooftop but unfortunately SA2 was gone. She held her fist up to her face, clenching it as she quietly said, “Sensei…”

Back with Crystal, Amber and Rosie, they had shortly passed a street where Spring and Floyd were driving through tons of tropers, then preformed multi-track drifting as Floyd fired a bazooka down the street. Rosie spotted Lolita on a roof, still firing at tropers, and leaped onto it. “Hey, you seem rather unusual, wanna join us?”

“Okay.” She packed up her suitcase of weapons and followed them.

After a while of taking out hordes of tropers, they approached a steel gate, setup in the middle of a forest path. Damien was going to blow it up, when suddenly far in the distance a mysterious figure was charging towards the area, smashing tropers out the way as one yelled, “Foe tossing charge!” It turned out to be Leo, who leaped up over the three of them and punched the door out the way. He turned to the others and said, “Lets go, men!” The three of them shrugged and followed.

“So Leo, do you have a weapon?” Gary asked.

“Weapons are useless! My personal weapons are my fists! You gotta punch ‘em, show ‘em you’re a man!” Leo yelled.

“Well okay.”

Poison was suddenly called by Cherry who happened to have his number and told him she was trapped in a burning apartment building. After telling the others, he rushed off, saying that his willpower to rescue her will give him the strength to make it in time, which Leo shed manly tears upon hearing.

Fortunately Ruby had spotted the building first, swinging into a window on the third floor to help those still alive. As she touched the ground she said, “Lets get serious!” Parts of the building started crumbling as she took out tropers who said things such as, “Cute Bruiser.”, “Good Is Dumb,” and “Iron Woobie.”. She avoided the crumbling on the floors and ran up the stairs to other floors, occasionally finding people trapped within their apartments and flying them outside before continuing. She encountered Cherry on the top floor and leaped out the window, sliding down it and speeding off as they touched the ground. They quickly ran by Poison who stopped and noticed them. Ruby mentioned having to stay at hospital during one day because of lead poisoning from bullet wounds inflicted. After discussing what they knew Poison informed her that they’ll be taking ships to somewhere else in the meantime.

The girls were still fighting off tropers as Amber said, “These Mooks are pissing me off.” Crystal eyed her suspiciously but continued attacking. Rosie teared some apart then heard a troper say, “Panty Shot…” Another slapped him upside the head and corrected him. “No, Vapor Wear…” He looked again. “Oh, sorry, my bad.” Rosie wondered what they were talking about, just before looking towards Lolita who was bending over as she looked through her case of weapons. She pulled out a laser cannon and began firing. As they cleared the area they proceeded to move on but then heard Lily yell, “Not so fast!” She dropped down ahead with a machete. “You’ll have to beat me to continue!”

“Can we really do that, it seems like a Hopeless Boss Fight!” Amber exclaimed.

“Yeah, who knows how strong she is!” Crystal added.

“That One Boss.” Lolita randomly said.

“I’ll give it my all. Breaking Dawn attack!” Rosie yelled, attacking head-on. Crystal wondered why the attack was called Breaking Dawn. With a swing she knocked the machete out of her hands. As Lily smirked and attempted to say something, Rosie continued, with a kick to the crotch, an elbow to the throat, a punch to the back of her knee, and then ripping her arm off. Crystal then finally understood why. Lily screamed as she suffered unbearable pain, while the others stared at her. “Sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes…”

Lily then suddenly said, “Hey guys, could you give me a hand here?” Everyone except Lolita laughed, and once they finally stopped, Lily continued, “No seriously, I kinda need that or else I’ll eventually die from blood loss.”

Back with Damien, Gary and Leo, they charged through the heaps of tropers, slashing and smacking them away as the rushed for a mall ahead. As Damien noticed Leo had disappeared, the wolf boy suddenly dropped a steamroller on a dozen tropers, spreading his arms as he yelled, “Wryyyyyyyyyy!” Leo decided to stay behind to buy them time, and Damien handed him a small bomb which would be as effective as a nuke, which he just happened to have. He stood his ground as they cornered him. One even asked, “Why do you not run, you are but a young wolf.”

“I may be a wolf, but I’m also something else.”

“And what would that be?”

“I AM A MAN!” He immediately punched the troper with the force of a thousand suns, making his head explode and detonating the nuke. “Heroic Sacifi-” Before a troper could finish, the place was engulfed by the explosion, reducing it to rubble.

Ivy, Poison, Ruby, Damien, Amber, Crystal, Gary, Lolita, Rosie, Lily and Cherry made it to a mall, some happy to see each other and others not so happy. Poison suggested the idea of flying off in ships, but Lolita informed him she saw some ships being captured by the tropers earlier today. Ruby suggested they visit Omar’s lab as he’s bound to have some ships, so it was settled and they stormed out in the dead of night, needing a vehicle to get there faster. Rosie and Lolita stayed to give them a chance to find a van and start the engine, which they eventually did but the overwhelming hordes of tropers had already got to them. Lily ran to get in the van but missed as they drove off. The tropers surrounded her, but chose to go about their business instead.

They sped off down the streets, swerving wildly as the tropers chased them. Ruby eventually flew out the back at one sudden turn, the tropers managing to grab her and devouring her by sheer numbers as she screamed for help. Crystal jumped out of the van against the others wishes, knowing it was too late but attacking none the less. Gary sighed and said farewell to the others, choosing to accompany her. They soon made it to Omar’s tower, when Amber began coughing up blood from the mouth. Lolita happened to already be there when they arrived.

“So how did you get here? Didn’t you die just earlier?” Ivy asked.

“I’m just that awesome.” She replied.

“No she’s not, she’s just already dead.” Damien said.

Unbeknownst to the others, Amber had been bitten much earlier by one of the tropers, and it was now taking effect. “Zombie Infectee…” She said, walking over to Cherry and biting her neck. Her screaming alerted the others, and Damien and Poison attacked. Amber quickly moved behind Lolita, who had enough time to dodge but stood still as Amber chopped her head off. As Amber leaped at Poison, he stabbed her in the forehead, killing her. Cherry was freaking out, thinking she’d become one of those tropers, so Damien shot her in the head. Damien looked at Poison, who was obviously pissed, but he knew there was no other way and it was for the best.

The three of them carried on to the floor where the dimensional gate was found, and upon entering were attacked by more hordes of tropers, one shooting Damien immediately and took their time slowly devouring Ivy and Poison and tearing at their flesh. Suddenly a Game Over screen appeared, and it was revealed Ivy was playing a game. “This game sucks!” Ivy yelled, throwing the pad. It was then revealed she was reading a story. “This fanfiction story sucks!” She threw the monitor out the window. It was then revealed she was reading a comic. She held it up, yelling, “This comic sucks!” before throwing it to the ground. A gigantic world eater entity who looked like Ivy was watching the earth and yelled, “This planet sucks!” She quickly swallowed the planet in a single gulp and walked off to find more planets.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSXnYdgutpk&feature=related

TMEDCE: Chapter 36 - Cosmic Destination

It was a nice day, the sun was shining, people were going shopping, getting their nails did, etc. Ivy, Poison, Ruby, Gary, Damien and Crystal were at a zoo for some weird reason. To avoid wasting much time, a ray designed by Omar fills the animals with rage, making them break out of their environments and attack people. Ivy is smothered to death while caught off guard by a large pack of apes, a steel bar keeping a gorilla locked up flies off as it breaks out and flies through Poison’s forehead. Damien simply crushes the hordes of bees which came after him, but was somehow crushed by an elephant. Gary is killed in a stampede while helping some others, Crystal is brutally attacked by other gorillas, and Ruby decided to run as these things happened, only to get hit by a bus with the number 415 on it.

She comes to, realizing it was all a vision in her head, and did what any person who had gotten one would do, warn her companions and anyone who happened to listen and force them to leave, shortly before Omar activated that siren and they saw large amounts of destruction in the distance, the others staring at Ruby oddly while she couldn’t believe it herself. A few days later, she received an invitation from Ivy of all people to come with them to Chessington, they would’ve gone Disneyworld but they’re still banned from there.

Ruby, Gary, Crystal, Amber, Leo, Adol and the Loli Rangers stood by the entrance waiting for the rest. To their surprise, Ivy, Poison, Damien and Rosie arrived, Damien and Rosie standing to either side, Poison giving Ivy a piggyback ride, and above all, Ivy was happy, and had her eyes shut the whole time. “Hey guys.” Poison said as they got there.

Poison put Ivy down and she waved to the others as she said, “Good morning, everyone.” Once again, the others were shocked by her sudden change. “Ahh, Ruby, my best friend but also my biggest rival, how are you?” She said, giving Ruby a hug.

“Wait, you remembered my name? And you called me a friend? And why are you so happy? What’s going on here?!?”

“Its her birthday.” Poison replied. “And she’s always in a happy mood on her birthday. Almost nothing can bring her down, regardless of how much you insult her.”

“Yup.” Ivy nodded.

“Almost nothing?” Rosie asked, leaning close to Poison.

“Well after noticing this, I did my best to try and **** her off. It took a long time, but I eventually found the trigger.”

“What did you say?”

“I’d rather not risk it again. I can still feel the teeth marks beneath my hair sometimes…”

“That makes me more curious to know how a perpetually happy Ivy could get pissed off…”

“Be thankful today.” Ivy said to Ruby. “As it’ll be the only day I won’t attempt to kill you.”

“Umm, thanks.” Ruby said awkwardly. “So I think we should go on a rollercoaster first.”

“You silly angel, we should try this bubble ride I know about.” Ivy said cheerfully.

“Rollercoaster.”

“Bubble ride.” This continued for a few moments, and then Ivy turned to Poison. “Poison, which do you want, my choice or Ruby’s?”

He could see a cross popping vein as Ivy stared, telling she was clearly irritated. He knew it’d be in his best interest to agree with Ivy, but didn’t want to upset Ruby by doing so, so he made a better choice. “Wait here one second.” Hastening his feet with wind energy, he sped off into the distance.

After a short period of silence, Adol was the first to speak. “I don’t think he’s coming back…”

A little later, after some of them had split up to go to different places, they met shortly after by some tables outside some shops. Gary sat at a table with Poison, Damien, Adol, Amber and Rosie, talking about a mission he had done a while ago. “So I had to take down this guy on another planet, but he was pretty sneaky. He managed to get me in this elaborate death trap where there was pretty much no normal escape and was somewhat littered with random objects. Luckily those nights watching MacGyver finally paid off.”

Ruby walked over to another table nearby where Lolita was sitting. “Umm, can I talk to you for a minute?” She asked, standing in front of her.

“Of course, take a seat, naïve angel.”

She did so. “I had this psychic vision a few days ago about ridiculous deaths of some people I know and was hoping it was just a coincidence and wouldn’t come back to haunt me.”

“You’re wondering if my boss is planning anything?”

“Well yeah, if so I’ve gotta stop it at all costs!”

“Then I suggest you go commando, like I do.”

“I thought you just had vapor wear.”

“My longcoat might be somewhat short but its not see-through.”

“Ooh, sorry, must have mixed those two up.”

“I don’t see how anyone could mix up those two.”

“I still think going commando is pointless though.”

Loli Green, who was sitting further away, spun round and said, “I think Lolita makes a good point.”

Lolita pointed at her as she said, “Kuudere-chan knows what’s up.” Ruby simply sighed as she walked off.

Rosie was randomly talking about old times at the other table. “Y’know how annoying it is to explain to vampire hunters nowadays that you’re not that evil anymore? I’ve kinda mellowed out since meeting you guys, so instead of killing them I try to talk things out now. Some just don’t listen, so I impale them instead.”

“Gotta stab the fleshy interior.” Amber commented.

“Gotta hammer in that nail.” Rosie said back.

“Gotta fill out that taco with some meat.”

“Gotta fill the cup with some warm milk.”

“Gotta carefully stick the pencil in the sharpener.”

“Gotta attack the weak point for massive damage.” After an awkward period of silence where the only noise heard was Poison drinking, she then asked, “What were we talking about again?”

Crystal was walking by, wearing a suit, donning a pair of shades and had her pimp cane out. As she walked down the street, Loli Black nodded towards her and said, “Haters gonna hate.”

“Tru dat.” Crystal replied, nodding back.

Ruby was walking around, having lost sight of Ivy and trying to see what she was up to. A children’s funhouse in the distance got her curiosity, though she wondered why Ivy would be there of all places, but she did appear to be there, as the place was slowly being filled up with large sticky marshmallows, and was slowly approaching the top. Ruby thought about whether to rescue someone who’s tried to kill her at least a dozen times and regularly starts conflict whenever she’s around, but seeing how she’d feel guilty later, she decided to help…by punching through a wall and slowly dragging out the marshmallows until Ivy could free herself. Surprisingly, Ivy actually thanked her afterwards. So they then went to a go-kart ride.

“Isn’t that sweet?” Poison said as he watched them.

“I guess.” Damien shrugged.

“Its great to have two girls you have strong feelings for get along.” Lily said as she suddenly appeared and sat down.

“Ahh, good morning, Lily.” Poison said cheerfully.

“Today is just plain weird.” Rosie began. “Ivy is overly happy and Poison isn’t snarking at anyone. This is going to ruin our angle! What’s next, Amber starts acting like a scientist?”

“Hey!” She yelled back.

“It’d just be really weird too. I wonder if Poison would react to any of my advances in this state…”

“Can’t I just say you have a nice ass and leave it at that?” He asked.

“I do?”

“Yeah, if you want you can shake that ass-” He then backed up as he said, “But watch yourself!”

“Wha?”

“So you no longer have problems hitting on members in your harem?” Lily asked.

Poison closed his eyes and shrugged, a smug smile appearing on his face. “Lets face it, I’m just that good. Other girls satisfaction comes before I own, and I’m good at fulfilling that.” Poison took out a magnet and placed it on his crotch. “Get it?”

Most of them were rather shocked to hear that, while Lily exclaimed, “Oh no, Poison is turning into a eroge protagonist!”

“You cannot call yourself a man till you can satisfy the needs of others.” Leo said as he suddenly appeared.

“Oh, hey Leo.” Rosie waved.

“Good for you, Poison.” Adol nodded. “I think I’m already there, working in a all girls high school is wonderful. I tend to like girls who have just about fully developed, but are still rather young. They tend to be surprisingly tight while also having very appealing features, it’s a feeling you can’t possibly comprehend without trying it. My students love me, but I can’t reciprocate that love until they’ve finished developing, and then its fair game.”

“I honestly don’t know what to say to that.” Poison replied cheerfully.

“Didn’t you once say Amber molesting a boy she was babysitting with a dildo was immoral and wrong?” Gary asked Poison, who nodded. “But because of how hilariously she described the event, you said she should video tape it next time?” He nodded again. “You guys are cruel.”

“Oh, by the way, I actually did tape it, here it is.” Amber said pulling the tape from her bra and handing it to Poison.

“Also, I just wanna say my fanfics are normally for things I’d never actually say to people I know.” Poison pointed out.

“Like how Amber should wear more clothing?” Damien asked.

“Yeah.”

“I also noticed how fast you killed off Ivy and had tons of women to play Brawl with.”

“It sounds awkward when you give it more thought than I did…”

“Yeah, plus Brawl’s boring now.”

Poison shrugged. “I guess.”

Ivy and Ruby just then passed by, having crashed through the barrier of the track and driving along the streets, bashing into each other and trying to send the other spiraling out of control. They eventually drove by Nookie, who happened to be handing out balloon to kids. Ivy eventually managed to knock her into a house of mirrors, where she broke half of them and had to pay a large fine, though Ivy insisted it wasn‘t her intention. Later on the group all met up and went to the arcade, Lolita joining and noticing Ivy and Ruby playing the same song on DDR, which happened to be Soulja Boy remixed with a Dragonball Z opening. They were getting a perfect score throughout the song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7b0oQkjup4Q

During the chorus, as they got their anime swag on, they spun in a circle, then grabbed the other’s hand and swung round to the other’s side while having their other arm extended. They continued, spun to right before pointing and shouted, “YOOOOUUUUU!”, then did the same as they spun left, then finally Ruby spun left while Ivy spun right then they pointed to each other. After rapidly tapping the up button, they looked back and pointed at Poison, who then said, “****, I look like Goku.”

A little later, the gang went on a on-rails shooter ride, where the point was to aim your plastic guns at flashing areas and shoot to gain points. Amber noticed that Damien and Lolita happened to have the highest score during the ride, and said, “Damien and Lolita sure would make a good team.”

“No we wouldn’t! Shut the hell up, Amber!” He yelled back.

“Keep it smooth, bro.” Crystal said.

“Our godly aim is too much for you guys.” Lolita said.

“Lets just shut up and focus on this now…” Damien replied.

“As you wish, darling.”

“Don’t make me shoot you with a real gun.”

During the random shooting, a piece of the ceiling above shook, and a large rock fell from above, which normally wouldn’t be enough to kill any of them but I guess times change. It aimed for Poison, which Ruby saw, but before she could do anything herself, Leo leaped up and grabbed the rock surprisingly easily and threw it aside. She breathed a sigh of relief as the ride continued.

Later on, since it was Ivy’s birthday that would mean there would be presents to give out, and they waited until getting to the theme park to do so. Poison revealed his present as he said, “Happy birthday, Ivy.”

“Aww, you big lug, you didn’t have to.” She said, about to except it.

“Alright, I’ll just put it away.” He was about to walk off until Ivy frantically waved her arms, yelling, “No, wait! I was kidding! I want it!”

“I loved my last birthday.” Ruby said, standing beside some others. “My dad gave me a golden shower that day.” There were some awkward stares, and some assumed she meant it literally. Ivy received a cookbook of cakes from Poison, a copy of Eternal Darkness from Damien, some typical vampire clothing from Rosie, Loli Blue gave her a severed head she got earlier that day, and a present from Amber which happened to be shaking in her hands a lot. Amber began whispering to Ivy about how to use it, which is when Damien assumed the worst.

Lolita was looking into the distance with binoculars when Ruby approached her. “What’re you looking at?”

“Bees.”

The smile faded from her face as she quietly said, “My god…”

As if right on cue, a swarm of bees suddenly appeared out of nowhere and attacked Damien, stinging him constantly, though with his powers he swatted them off using the ground. At that moment Lolita threw Crystal’s bat, hitting him in the forehead and knocking him down. Thinking he was dead, she smiled as she ran over to him when he suddenly sat up rubbing his forehead, making Lolita’s smile fade. “Damien, are you okay?”

“Yeah, just a little dizzy at the moment.”

“Then let me help you.” Lolita took out a chainsaw and tried to slice his head, but missed as Damien ran with her chasing him.

“Lolita, I need to see your boss!” Ruby yelled, getting Lolita to stop and walk over to her. “If this is the work of supernatural forces, I need to stop it now.”

“It’ll be treacherous, are you sure?” She nodded. “It’s a path with strong foes, so if you die, don’t hate.”

Ruby took shelter as she put on her Justice outfit. “I gotta do this. Somewhere Death may scheme, but his number’s up.”

“3-2-1.” Lolita chimed in.

"Lets get suspicious." She said, putting on her mask.

Ruby ran by some girls who swooned as she passed by, which even Lolita raised an eyebrow at. And so Lolita took Ruby to an underground stone passage, which was cold and damp but it didn’t matter. She fought various monsters from giant spiders to large bees as she moved on, and eventually encountered a gigantic ogre with a club, which she ran from, seeming more like a platforming level where she hopped over bottomless pits and dodged various traps set up, with a stone door closing as she reached the end of the passage. Lolita was waiting by the end and contacted Death, arranging a small meeting with him.

“Please, come in. What is it you wish to discuss?” Death asked as Ruby walked into the dark room.

“Well I got this vision a few days ago of my friends dying in situations which really made no sense, saved them, and recently there has been more situations we’ve avoided. Are you causing these events?”

“What are the names of some of these people?”

“Some are demons, like Ivy and Poison, there’s also my sister, Crystal, and a few other abnormal people.”

“Seems like you’re being Punk’d.” Death replied.

“What?!? Are you serious?!”

“Probably, because I assure you, I’m not going after you guys.”

She breathed a sigh of relief again. “Thank goodness, but then I wonder who is…”

“Anyway, take care, and glad I could clear up that misunderstanding. By the way, here’s a coupon for your 700th death.” He said, handing it to her. She thanked him and took off, trying to figure out what to do next. Who could be behind the events, and is Ivy really not hiding anything today? At nearly quarter past four, Lolita decided to round up everyone as she had figured out the answer by closely looking at the small clues.

“I’ve gathered you all to bring attention to the one causing certain strange events today, and that person is Crystal!” She pointed to her. Ruby couldn’t believe her eyes. “Besides, Death, only another psychic could give someone a psychic vision, whether it was actually true or not. The marshmallow trap was also Crystal’s work, but she also had a large hole at the bottom to make sure you were able to rescue her fast enough. The reason Leo was able to stop that rock with ease is because it was hollow. I uncovered it and discovered it was made of plastic.”

“You underestimate my brute strength.” Leo replied.

“Crystal had also thrown a beehive in the area using her psychokinetic powers. And there you have it, Crystal was the culprit behind the crime.” She smoked a pipe as she finished.

“Bravo.” Crystal clapped. “But everyone else was also involved on the prank…except Ivy.”

“I wasn’t told?” She asked. “You’re all lucky I’m nice today…”

“It was a prank?!?” Ruby said in shock. “How could you do this?! You betray me! I’m fed up with you guys!” As she walked off, sulking over her treatment, she was hit by a bus as she walked across the road.

---

An older Ruby sat in an insane asylum, wearing a straitjacket as she explained this to an older Ivy who was listening. “So this is the only dream you had last night?” Ruby nodded. “And what changed in your subconscious to paint me as someone you’d consider a friend.”

“I’m not sure, friendships are strange in the real world.”

“Moreso in delusions. I’m trying to help here, Ruby, but you keep shutting me out, portraying me as the bad guy. What you consider to be reality is just a fictional fantasy, a dream world made up in your head to escape your problems. You think that dream world is where you really exist and this is the dream, but you’re wrong. It seems to change every time I see you, in one I’m your enemy, or just slightly moody, and really irritable. Demons? Angels? Vampires? Wolves? Zombies? Humanoid Bears? Whatever the hell this ‘Willard’ character is? None of it exists. You need to put those childish thoughts behind you and start opening up to me so we can finally uncover the source of these deep-seated troubles.”

Ruby didn’t respond to any of her comments, but instead looked away and said, “Goodnight, Ivy.”

Ivy sighed, seeing how she wasn’t getting through to her after saying what she thought. “I’ll be seeing you again same time next week, Ruby.” She walked out of the room and down to a desk where an older Poison was, who had recently finished some paper work.

“Hey, how’s the treatment coming along?” He asked.

“Not so good. It won’t be long before she’s a lost cause at this rate.”

“Don’t say that, she’ll get through it eventually. Try being a little nicer if you wanna get her to open up.”

“I’ve tried, man, she’s just not very fond of me. You‘re finishing up now, right?”

“Yeah.” Poison said, getting up and filing the papers away. “Wanna stop by DFC for a bit?”

“Heard that place closed down, they were accused of being paedophiles. I know another good place up the street though.”

“Alright.” They continued talking as they walked out together, switching off the lights one by one until it was in complete darkness.

TMEDCE: Chapter 37 - The Hellish Hammerspace Massacre

It was a dark and humid night on Hell, where the designated main characters were living. Amber was staying round Ivy’s house, and along with Ivy and Rosie they had a bath together, while Poison and Damien played cards in the typical red living room.

“You got any twos?” Poison asked.

“We’re playing blackjack.” Damien replied.

“What’s your point?”

Leo entered the room, walking by and proceeding to the bathroom. He entered without knocking and was immediately beaten up and thrown outside, Poison and Damien ignoring it as they continued playing. Later that night, Ivy was on her computer looking up something while Amber watched. She was looking through the emails received on her story when Amber spoke. “Wow, you have over twenty thousand angry emails to do with your story: The story is mind numbingly stupid and boring, the characters are all annoying, and the main character outdoes that chick from My Immortal as worst protagonist ever.”

Ivy pumped her fist in the air. “Yes! Suck it, My Immortal!” She then browsed another section and stopped at one. “Lets look at some others. Sonic Z? Who the hell wrote this ****?”

“Did you watch the video I sent you?” Amber asked.

“You mean the one with the two girls? That was quite philological.” Ivy nodded.

“2 girls one cup is philological? That’s just stupid, guys.” Rosie replied.

“Its too deep for you to understand, Rosie.” Amber said.

“Yeah, you just didn’t get it.” Ivy said, shaking her head.

“There wasn’t much to get.” She retorted.

“Now you’ve gone and done it!” Amber picked up a pillow and threw it. Rosie dodged it and threw one back, Amber ducking and making it hit Ivy, who then got up and joined in. After a bit of throwing around pillows, Ivy and Amber both threw one at Rosie, who leaped sideways and passed in-between the two pillows as they flew out the window.

Ruby was currently at her computer, looking something up. “Oh, so that’s what a golden shower is? Wow, that must’ve been quite awkward…” From out of nowhere, she was suddenly hit by two pillows which flew in through her window.

Back at Ivy’s house, they were now getting ready for bed. Damien was cleaning up in the living room with Ivy when he discovered a picture by a bookcase in the corner. “Hey, this is your friend, right?”

“She’s not my friend.” Ivy said, walking over even though she hadn’t seen the picture.

“Huh, well who’s this green haired chick? I’d love to meet her.”

“I think I could arrange that.” Ivy said with an evil smirk.

A little later, Damien hopped onto the couch where Leo was watching a movie Poison recommended to him. It had reached a part where flaming T-Rex ninjas and T-Rex pirates were fighting, and after rubbing his eyes Leo exclaimed, “My eyes are temporarily blind from the awesomeness I’m currently witnessing.”

“It happens to everybody the first time, Leo.” Damien replied. Just then, he got a phone call from his dad. “Dad? Why are you calling me?”

“Hey son, there’s this girl here who seems to be looking for you. Says she’s your girlfriend.”

“I don’t know her, dad.”

“Yeah, she said you’re rather shy about it.”

“No, she’s just plain clingy.”

“I remember when your mom and I first met. We always tried to kill each other, there was a lot of foe yay there.”

“Whatever, just hand the phone over to Lolita.” As he did so, he continued. “So, you decided to come after me personally, huh? You don’t have to come and trespass, cause we’ll be looking for you. We gon’ find you. So be ready.” He then hung up. He quickly got to his feet and kicked open Ivy’s door to find Ivy and Rosie trying to force one of Ivy’s dresses on Poison and were messing with his hair while Amber watched. After a moment of awkwardness he ignored it and moved on. “Guys, Lolita is on the way here. She’s flying across the landscape, she’s riling some demon’s up, trying to find me so we gotta hide the knifes, hide the guns, and hide any accessories because she’ll use anything up in here.” Though Rosie volunteered to help, Damien assured her that 4 demons would be more than enough and if she wanted she could watch the spectacle.

A little later, Lolita got nearby, standing in a barren wasteland of corpses and using binoculars to see the large demonic castle up ahead. As she got nearer, Ivy, Poison, Amber and Damien prepared to strike with a team attack. Ivy and Amber rushed in, catching Lolita off guard as they unleashed a flurry of punches and kicks from both sides. Ivy soon kicked her diagonally right, at which point Poison knocked her back, doing the same to the left after more attacks. Ivy and Amber then hit her with an uppercut. Poison and Damien moved throughout the air, slashing at her repeatedly as they passed by. Amber then hit her from above with a large meteor, followed by Lolita getting caught in Poison’s wind vortex shortly before Ivy lit it on fire, then Damien finished up by crushing her with four stone pillars coming together.

After rapping it up, they left, but shortly after Lolita slowly began to emerge from the rocky tomb and dusted herself off. When they reached the porch of the house, they looked back far in the distance to see Lolita marching towards them with an army of skeletons with swords and shields. Rosie was quickly informed, but while they tried to find Leo, Poison pointed to a silhouette of a figure who leaped from the roof far ahead towards Lolita’s position. Damien called out to him, and without saying a word, Leo turned to him and nodded, and in turn Damien did the same. “Lets go.”

“What? We can’t just go! Leo is gonna die out there!” Rosie exclaimed.

“He’s made his own choice, and it’d be disrespectful to deny it.” Ivy and Poison followed Damien to a ship while Rosie stayed to help out Leo.

“You aren’t from around here, are you?” Lolita asked as Leo approached her. Silence. “You’re a wolf, right? Would you like to be my pet?”

“I’m insulted you’d try to belittle my pride by asking such a request.” Leo replied, pure determination in his eyes. “I won’t hold back, so show me your moves.” With a single command they charged at him, but were outmatched in skill as he swiftly punched and kicked the ones which approached him. One managed to get in a rather deep slice across his stomach, but he stood firmly, ready for the next round of skeletons as Rosie rushed up to him.

“Leo, you’re bleeding quite deeply.” Rosie pointed out.

“It is unmanly to cry out in pain over such a cut. You must ignore the pain, and fight using nothing but your pure determination. Your burning pride which excels any kind of wound inflicted in battle!” He replied, raising his fist into the air.

“I don’t think your pride can heal gaping wounds which can kill from blood loss.” Rosie retorted.

“I’d rather not kill you guys, so could you please step aside?” Lolita asked.

“Alright, how about I ask you three questions, and if you answer them right then we’ll go.” Rosie suggested.

“Very well.” Lolita nodded.

“Okay, what do the characters, Louise, Shana, Nagi and Taiga have in common?”

“They’re voiced by Rie Kugimiya.”

“Who is Gary’s father?” Lolita leaned in close and whispered in her ear, Rosie seeming rather frustrated because she got it right. “How do you even know that?”

“I know a lot of things.”

“Fine!” Rosie dramatically pointed at her and said, “What is a man?”

“A miserable little pile of secrets.”

Rosie was flabbergasted at her response that for a moment she had trouble speaking. “H-how? How do you know that?”

“I’ve heard my boss mention the phrase once. Not sure where he got it from though. Now if you‘ve excuse me.” Agreeing to the terms, Rosie and Leo stepped aside, Leo did so mainly because he considered breaking agreements unmanly.

Meanwhile, Ivy, Poison, Damien and Amber were flying across the demonic city in a ship as Damien talked. “So normally I’d just fight her myself, but sadly she’s already dead, and with her super strength, all you can really do is slow her down and evade her sight. We‘ll take refuge in a private area and set up traps for when she does eventually turn up.”

“Well hey, she probably won’t be able to catch up to us now.” Poison replied. Shortly afterwards, a rocket launcher was fired from behind them and missed as it blew up part of a building ahead of them. They glanced behind them to see Lolita slowly approaching on a hoverboard wielding an RPG. They all then glared at Poison. “I know, I was foolish to say that.”

She continued following as she fired, Damien swiftly evading her shots as they turned corners. They eventually destroyed the RPG, at which point Lolita took out a javelin from underneath her coat and threw it at the same point she was hit with a large ball of concentrated wind, sending her flying into one of the buildings like a rag doll. The javelin managed to pierce the tailpipe and make them crash briefly.

A few skeletons from her army caught up and dragged Lolita out. She noticed her neck was broken, and quickly snapped it back into place as she got to her feet. One skeleton pointed at the ship far down the street and she charged at it, the others panicking as they tried to start it up. They eventually did, flying into the air as she almost caught up. She leaped into the air, and onto the ship, and was immediately attacked by Poison again, but blocked the blast with her arms, though it shredded most of her clothing which simply reformed a moment later. She lowered her arms as she said, “Pervert.”

“That wasn’t intentional, guys.” Poison assured them. “You forgive me, right Damien?”

“Why would I be mad?” He asked.

“Come on, man, everyone can see it.”

“He makes a good point.” Lolita agreed.

“Despite disliking her, I support this.” Ivy added.

“You guys better not be suggesting what I think you are.” Damien said.

“Shouldn’t we get back to the main point?” Amber asked, raising her hand. Just then, Leo leaped off a building close by and punched Lolita, knocking her off the ship. Rosie joined him a moment later.

“Why do you get good moments despite having limited screen time?” Poison asked.

“I wish I knew.”

A bit later, they stopped at an old abandoned building, because there’s always one around when you need one. Damien figured Lolita would try to ambush them and arrive from the top floor or one of the middle floors, so they’d each get walkie-talkies to inform the others of her arrive, and he then placed demonic guard dogs on the floors which were unguarded, not to mention attaching dynamite to most of the windows which would detonate as Lolita leaped in. Ivy, Poison, Damien, Amber, Rosie and Leo all met up and confirmed whether they were all ready.

Ivy then said, “That fool stands no chance against my five man band!”

“Five man band?” Rosie asked.

“Yes. Me, the villain, Poison, the dragon, Damien, the evil genius, Amber, the big guy, you, the dark action girl, and Leo could be considered a sixth ranger.”

As Damien predicted, she flew in through a window on one of the top floors and was blown up, her limbs flying off as it happened. She slowly reattached them and was quickly greeted by Ivy. “Do you happen to be voiced by Rie Kugimiya?” She asked.

“What the hell are you talking about? Anyway, fortunately I found you first, so I‘ll defeat you by myself.”

“How can you hope to defeat me by yourself when you can’t defeat your own personal problems. You seem like the type of person to simply run away instead of facing your fears.”

“Who the £#&@ do you think you’re talking to?!?” Ivy attacked, fueled completely by her rage and was unable to hit Lolita as she easily evaded her attacks.

“What’s the point of power if you aren’t fast enough to hit your opponent? You lack technique.” Lolita kneed her in the chest and knocked her back with a roundhouse kick. “You simply just hope your own problems will go away if you ignore them long enough instead of fixing them yourself.”

“Shut up! You know nothing about me! Your attitude pisses me off!”

“Is it because I’m not reacting to your constant idiotic yelling?” As Ivy prepared to attack again, Poison, Amber and Rosie arrived, and also charged at her. They were knocking her about for quite a while until her army of skeletons arrived which rushed in from the entrance. Half of them were destroyed by traps set up by Damien on the way up, but as they got there, Leo also arrived and most of them focused their attention on the mobs of skeletons while Poison fought Lolita. Though pretty close to even, Lolita had a slight advantage of help from the souls around her. As she tried a sneak attack from behind, she was punched into a wall by Ivy, who now had a glowing red aura around her. Lolita got to her feet and summoned more souls into her body to give her additional power to combat Ivy’s hidden strength.

“You’re out of your league, princess.” Lolita said.

“Don’t patronize me.” Ivy replied just before charging at her, while Lolita did the same. They clashed and moved about the area at super speed, creating shockwaves where they moved while the others felt it was best to move out the way. Ivy eventually ripped off a stairs banister and whacked her out a window with it, then followed her into the air. “Fool! You stand no chance against my true power! I even have a fan club here which worships my overwhelming and omniscient power! Some of the female members are a little too happy to be a part of it, but the more the merrier, I say. Anyway, you’re doomed!” She crossed her arms and laughed with her eyes closed. “Haaaaahahahaha!” While she did so, Lolita hit her with half a building nearby and flew back into the abandoned building.

Lolita avoided having to fight the others again and eventually found Damien sitting in a dark room as she entered. “Your time is up, Damien, its time to pay the reaper.”

Damien sighed as he took out his wallet. “Fine, just take it.” he said, giving her a roll of money.

She took the money and began to walk off. “I’ll be back in a fortnight. Oh, by the way, are we still on tomorrow?”

“Sure, why not.” She left the room moments before Damien left through another exit.

Somewhere in another dimension far, far away, the older mature Ivy sat in a chair stroking a cat as some of her guards were examining a dimensional portal when one approached her, saying, “Mistress, we seem to have found the dimension which the escapee came from.”

“About damn time. I was getting bored visiting those other universes and wiping out most of their resistances. I mean, it was quite fun but after a while I noticed the lack of variety. Lets see if this one is any different.” She smirked as she finished.

TMEDCE: Chapter 38 - Two Sides to Every Story, Part 1

A day or so afterwards, it was late that morning, and the ambiguously evil group were on a plane, planning to travel to a convention, possibly in Japan but maybe not. Unfortunately for some people, they were seated beside people they aren’t fond of, like Ivy sitting beside Ruby. “Why am I seated beside this foolish angel?” Ivy asked, pointing out that fact.

“Convenience reasons.” Damien replied, sitting beside Poison. “What’s in that rucksack you placed in the storage compartment anyway?”

“Its my food for the day.”

“The sad thing is, I’m not surprised.”

“Oh, and Damien, just so you know, that green haired chick you like is going to meet us there.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, she’ll definitely be there, won’t she, Harry?” Ivy said, smirking as she looked at him.

Rather than go along with this and wondering why she used his real name, Poison whispered something in his ear, then as Damien shot a look saying, “You serious?”, Poison nodded. “Once again, the sad thing is, if it was anyone else, I’d still tap that ass, but since its you I’ll keep my hands to myself.”

“I appreciate it, man, though I wish I wasn‘t a convincing crossdresser...” Poison said with a sigh.

Crystal and Amber were sitting behind Ivy and Ruby and listened as they talked. “So Ivy, how’re you and Harry getting on?” Ruby asked.

“Still not that great. He has no problem washing a girl’s back and sleeping in the same bed, but will still never make a move.”

“You think he’s gay?”

“I’m not sure. He isn’t awkward around Rosie either, but that might not be the case. He might be waiting for me to develop a little more, otherwise he might look like a lolicon, and when I do get older he won’t be as interested and would yearn more for a younger body.”

“This conversation took a sudden bad turn.” Crystal said, turning to Amber.

“Haven’t you ever just tried raping him in his sleep?” Ruby asked.

“This conversation took an even worse turn, and when did Ruby turn into this kind of person?”

“I always considered Ivy, Ruby and Harry to be a OT3.” Amber replied.

“Is that shipping I hear over there?” Gary yelled, sitting beside Loli Red, who sat behind Rosie and Leo.

“I think shipping is stupid.” Poison said. Most of the people around gasped.

“Shipping is not **** stupid!” Loli Red yelled, getting up. “Shipping is serious **** business, you don’t even know!”

“I think you should calm down, Tsundere-chan.”

“No, you **** calm down! I demand that you apologize for that **** statement!”

“I’m not gonna apologize for my opinion.”

Suddenly the plane started going down, and the pilot poked his head out, shouting, “If you don’t **** apologize for that then we’re all gonna **** die right now!”

“Technically, some of us can fly…” He said quietly.

“Sometimes you have to be the bigger man and let things go, Harry.” Leo said.

“Fine, I’m sorry.” The plane instantly recovered and everyone calmed down. “And why the hell is everyone suddenly using my real name?”

“Its one of those quirks we’re trying out for a while.” Rosie suggested. “Or maybe just a simple mistake, everyone makes them, like allowing Seltzer and Friedberg to make more films, or mistaking philological for philosophical.”

“So you did notice…” Ivy said quietly.

“Though I guess it is lame, much like some of the events you’ve mentioned and how you’re all still here despite the deaths.”

“Well its just mainly Ruby who dies on occasions.” Ivy replied.

“Yeah, like that time you ate me out.” Ruby said, which made some of the others do a spit take.

“I knew it wasn’t just subtext.” Amber said with a smile.

“What I saw in that other dimension wasn’t insane after all…” Gary added.

“N-no, wait! Its not what you think! She just said it wrong!” Ivy protested.

“You think you know your own sister…” Damien shook his head.

“Its not like that! I killed and ate her! That’s all that happened!” Even throughout this, none of the passengers batted an eye.

“Just leave it, Ivy, everyone will forget it soon enough.” Poison suggested.

Ivy sighed. “I guess you’re right. Though I wouldn‘t be apposed to you eating me out…”

“Whenever you want me to kill you, all you have to do is ask.”

As they arrived in the city streets packed with crowds of people roaming around the area, they also looked around. As there were many cosplayers about, they also assumed some of their group were cosplayers. Some also wondered whether Ivy was cosplaying as a Rie Kugimiya loli type character, but she debunked those claims.

“I can see how you’d be mistaken for one of those characters, you are rather flat and childish after all.” Poison commented. Ivy reacted by attempting to punch him, but he swiftly evaded it as he sidestepped the punch without moving his feet. His voice deepened as he smiled. “I have ascended from that degrading state. Your megaton punch is insignificant compared to my heightened speed.”

Ivy smirked as she said, “Is that so? Well I’ve been saving a new move for this very moment, and it seems I won’t have to hold back. Lets see how you do against this!” She charged at him, attacking with a flurry of punches as he dodged them while constantly moving back. Half the others simply went off to explore the area while they did this.

In another area, the older Ruby from the distant future timeline arrived in the middle of the area, looking for the others. She spotted Leo entering a shop and decided to run after him, since she could tell he wasn’t normal upon first glance so its only natural that he’d know.

Damien was walking down one street when Gary suddenly called to him. “Damien!” He turned to face him. “Its time we settled that little dispute with our fists!”

“There’s no need to do that, man. Besides, I’m a ground/rock type and you’re a electric type, that would be ignoring the rules.”

“Screw the rules!” He leaped forward and punched Damien, knocking him to the ground. “The rules can take it like a ****!”

“Are you done?” Damien asked as he got up.

Gary instantly calmed down. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“Wanna walk with me then?”

“Well alright, you don’t seem very evil today.”

“Very well then,” He summoned a large rock hand from somewhere further ahead and slapped several pedestrians into the middle of the street, who were then run over by a car passing by. “There’s my evil deed for the day.”

“Guess I shouldn’t have said anything…”

“You really shouldn’t. I wonder what my other evil pals are doing right now…”

“Probably just playing a poker game.”

“Oh, by the way, if you happen to see a girl in all black who seems rather odd, inform me. I’d like to avoid her if necessary.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Ivy and Poison were wondering round an indoor area, looking around at the various places which shall not be mentioned. Lily ran towards them, waving, while dressed like Hatsune Miku with a microphone in her hand. “Hey guys, what’re you doing here?”

They turned to face her as Poison spoke. “Nothing much. Why are you here, and dressed like that?”

“It’s a long story and I don’t wanna talk about it. Anyone else with you guys?”

“Pretty much our small group are here.”

“Hey guys, look at this!” A familiar voice called out to them. They looked in its direction to see Ruby in a teddy bear suit. “Look! I’m a teddy bear! Though I have to be cautious of my other arch-nemesis, Pedobear, he’s always going after elementary schools and such, so looking like a bear seems out of place. Anyway, give me a hug!” She charged at Poison, who took off in the opposite direction in case exposure to overwhelming cuteness might give him diabetes.

“Not so fast!” Poison and Ruby stopped in their tracks and turned to Ivy who was now dressed as a grizzly bear. “Lets see you take me on!”

“Very well, I’ll have to transform!” And she did, starting a typical transformation sequence while the others stared in bewilderment and left some cosplayers in awe.

“What is this?” Ivy said in disgust.

“I don’t even.” Poison shook his head. “I shouldn’t even be watching this.” He quickly turned around.

When Ruby finished she was in her Justice attire, and Ivy had donned her opposite coloured outfit while Ruby took her sweet time transforming. Ruby pointed at her and said, “Lets get malicious!”

“This is the very final battle! You want some of this?”

“Yeah, I want some of that!”

“Then come get some!” They charged at each other and began pummelling the hell out of one another while some watched.

“So how did you and Ivy even meet, Harry? You’ve never told me that even during our psychology meetings.” Lily said.

“I too, would like to know.” Lolita added, appearing beside them like a ghost.

After ignoring her sudden appearance, he began. “Well I knew Damien first of all. Seeing how most demons are complete assholes, including my dad, when Damien started trouble with me I just fought back to get some frustration out. At the time, no-one had dared to try and attack him, so we became friends because I treated him like an average person instead of just royalty, though I didn’t know who he was before I attacked him. I wasn’t always the aloof, fun loving person I am now. I was quite timid back then, but Damien’s encouragement and training helped to change that. I even climbed this mountain and slayed a dragon with a sword I found there, which is the very same one I use today. I respected him quite a bit after getting to know him.”

“Boys love.” Lily nodded, while Lolita agreed.

“No, it was Guy love, there was nothing gay about it in our eyes.” Poison assured them. “Anyway, after he died trying to kill his dad, I found myself without much to do as he was only one I could really call a friend. So after noticing Ivy wasn’t taking it as well as I was, I decided to follow her and cheer her up, out of respect for Damien. She regularly avoided me and punched me to try and get me to leave her alone and stop trying to help her, despite the fact she was clearly sad.”

“How long did it take for her to warm up to you?” Lolita asked.

“Around 2 years, in our time.”

“That’s a rather stubborn tsundere trait.”

“I don’t think that’s the case, her dignity just means a lot to her. After a while, when I really thought about it, my desire to help could’ve deep down seemed like a form of pity, and nobody likes to feel pitied by others.”

“Too true.” Lolita nodded.

“I’m not sure when exactly, but I got a fever at one point from all the effort I was making and was told by another that Ivy took care of me during that time. When I got better Ivy wasn’t as hostile, maybe I said something in my sleep that changed her opinion of me, but when I got better she practically forced me into becoming her personal servant, and we‘ve been together ever since.”

“That’s beautiful.” Lily responded, wiping a tear from her eye.

“That story would warm my heart if I had one.” Lolita said. “Seeing as I’m dead and all.”

“Yeah, I got it, Lolita.” Poison replied. While they happened to be talking, Ivy and Ruby were currently fighting in giant robots outside.

A little later, the older Ruby had managed to find Crystal, Amber, and Damien with the help of Leo and was explaining the situation to them. “So listen guys, I’m from another distant future where Ivy has taken over the earth, and has wiped out most of the universe’s races while growing extraordinarily strong over time.”

“Wait, so how did all this happen, exactly?” Amber asked.

“Well, it was rather odd, another Gary from some other universe came back in time to a few days before that war with our two planets and tried to get Ivy not to go down that route. This kinda backfired when Willard killed Poison in front of her, making Ivy jump the gap from laughably evil to sadistically pure evil, and killing everybody who ever wronged her in some way, and conquering Earth like she should have done before.”

Crystal thought to herself what that would be like...

---

Amber ran into Crystal’s living room as she spoke, “Crystal, you wouldn’t believe it. I was nearing the end and had that dual boss fight with Ivy and Poison, then as I beat Poison, Ivy suddenly got this huge power boost and began to curb stomp my ass! I only managed to get a few hits in before she destroyed my whole party. It was insane!”

“I told you to kill Ivy first, Amber! She even has less HP!”

“Yeah but that multi-hit wind hurricane move made it hard to focus on her.”

“Well you paid the price. Poison gets stronger too once you beat Ivy, but not to such a boost where its nearly impossible to win if you aren’t overleveled.”

---

She then realized how stupid and insensitive that was. Ruby wondered where this universe’s Gary was, so Damien left to find him before the alternate universe Ivy turned up. The older Ruby left to find her counterpart and handed them a dimensional remote, fearing the worst. Poison, Gary and Rosie were in a book store, looking in sections most people wouldn’t announce they were in normally. While everything was normal at first, suddenly something crashed through the window, covered in a red aura. Poison and Rosie were confused, as was Gary until he realized who it possibly was a moment later.

Rosie wasted no time and threw a bookcase at her, which she whacked out the way and hit her with a large fireball, knocking her out. Gary, frozen in fear from her appearance, was punched into a wall and knocked out. She fired another fireball at Poison, who sliced it in half as he prepared to attack while wondering who she was. She simply smirked and fired a large wave of fire which covered the shop, knocking him unconscious. She grabbed the three of them and leaped back outside.

A little while later, Damien, Leo and Lolita, being the only two around, were informed of their disappearance, along with Crystal and Amber. The older Ruby explained that she most likely took them to her dimension and are waiting for their arrival. She also said she’d make her own way to Ivy’s base with her own counterpart who she’d be meeting with shortly. At that moment, Ivy showed up, and when they wondered how she avoided being kidnapped, she mentioned bringing a ridiculously demon robot stuffed away in her rucksack for cases like this, bringing to light her experience at regularly being kidnapped. As the older Ruby took off, Damien then asked, “So how’re we going to do this? Just charge in there and attack the base head-on?”

“Just like old times.” Ivy nodded. They used the remote to transport themselves to the apocalyptic future where their friends currently were.

This was a hell of a lot longer than I wanted it to be, just like what happened with chapter 26 >_>. AU stands for Alternate Universe, since I'd be using it a lot in this chapter.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 39 - Two Sides to Every Story, Part 2

Shortly after the events of the previous chapter, Ivy, Damien, Lolita and Leo arrived in the alternate timeline, overlooking the apocalyptic view of the cities. Ruby and her AU counterpart rushed over to them shortly after arriving. AU Ruby then said, “Good to see you guys got here safely.”

“How does a remote work for dimensional travelling anyway?” Ivy asked.

“Well I just had a certain scientist work on that, so I’m not sure, but we got quite a few for that purpose. Anyway, there should be an area far ahead which looks like a fortress in the middle of the city. That’s where your friends most likely are. You guys should be able to make it in the front simply using force if you felt like it. Me and my other self will have to make a quick stop first, then catch up with you.” She grabbed Ruby’s arm as she ran off.

While the others were still slightly confused, Damien began to explain the plan. “Okay, we’re gonna have to infiltrate this place and free everyone, hopefully before getting the attention of every guard in the place. Lolita will take out the artillery and other forces occupying the entrance so we can get in. What we should do next is someone’s gotta make it to the control room and take out whoever may be there, then possibly guide us to the right cells using the cameras.”

“I can make it to the camera room.” Leo replied. “Just trust me on this, I’ll find a way.”

Damien continued. “Alright. Once we get the others out, I’ll seal up most of the paths so that when the guards do come at us, we can’t be sneak attacked from all directions, though we should be careful in case there’s a threat we can’t handle. Got it?” They all nodded.

A minute later, Ruby and her AU self where walking down a dark enclosed area towards the fortress. After a long period of silence, Ruby then asked, “So how do you get by in this world if Ivy has taken over?”

“Well you see, I’m like the top fighter in this group of freedom fighters I joined, and we go around foiling her plans and trying to bring her down, one day at a time. We have a few hideouts which Ivy and her goons don’t know about to keep us safe.”

“That sounds awfully familiar…” Ruby said, stroking her chin. “But how did you know where to find us?”

“Your friend told me, the wolf boy.”

“Oh, okay, but how did you know that he knew us?”

“Well he just looked out of place so I asked, could we just drop the issue? It was a lucky guess, is all.”

“There’s something you’re not telling me.” Ruby squinted at her as she stopped. “If you used to work with Ivy, why would you suddenly become good again a year ago when its far too late? I think you’re lying, you’re still working with her, aren’t you?”

AU Ruby stopped a bit ahead and chuckled slightly before turning around. “I guess you’re a little smarter than I thought, unlike the few others I‘ve killed.”

“Few others?”

“Yes, they were a little more gullible, though you seem a little more experienced. Quite ahead of the other timelines I’ve been to.” AU Ruby said, eyeing her Justice costume. “They never dressed up like a superhero, that’s for sure.”

“So why are you doing this?”

“To kill Ivy with your friends help. I could try myself, but we’re on good terms and I’d hate to ruin that trust myself, and now I won’t have to. After taking care of personal business, she eventually invented a machine which would allow her to transfer elemental energy from others into her own body, allowing her to use multiple elements and increase the power of her own. Her fire ability has improved to the point she could melt adamantium if she so desired. The serums at first were fine, but there were side effects like additional veins appearing, and her body mutating a little, so she had to test formulas she created to stop the negative effects. The test subjects on the other hand? For the sake of your eyes, its best not to see how they turned out. She kept Omar around for this whole purpose, and he eventually made a serum to remove her abilities, but she sadly killed him before he could use it. Now that we’ve cleared this up, I’ll play around with you for a little while.”

Outside the large fortress with searchlights round the sides, along with large turrets and missile launchers implanted in the structure, Lolita took a running leap towards two turrets which began firing at her. She drew two katana and spun repeatedly as she curled into a ball, deflecting bullet fire and slicing them in half as she landed. She ran around the path, slicing the upcoming turrets in half, somersaulting and flipping to avoid the missiles fired at her while also sidestepping the searchlights. She leaped off the fortress while throwing several shuriken which took out the last weapon, and landed on a motorcycle behind Damien and Ivy as they blasted open the entrance. Leo got to the control room through the roof where Lolita had dispatched the turrets and easily took out the two guards there. “Okay, guys, I’m in.” Leo said, taking out a walkie-talkie.

“Good work, Leo.” Damien said as he stopped the black bike and they got off. “Lets try not to make too much noise and be alert.” Ivy moved on ahead of them as Leo gave directions, slaughtering several guards they came across. “What’s up with her?” Damien asked.

“She’s probably trying to prove that she isn’t weak and insecure.” Lolita replied.

Ivy suddenly tackled her, pinning her down and punching her repeatedly for several moments before walking off as she said, “I still hate your guts.”

Lolita snapped her neck back into place and then said, “She mad.”

As another guard came round the corner to investigate the noise, Ivy quickly impaled him and sliced his head off. Damien sighed as he said, “Ivy, could you try to leave some for me?”

“Why? In the end it achieves the same result.”

“Perhaps we should be a little more forgiving. Maybe not all of them are bad and are just following orders as to not get killed.” Lolita suggested.

“**** ‘em! We kill ‘em all. And then nuke the fortress when we’re done.” Damien replied. “And y’know, I still haven’t tickled you once since coming back.” He said, turning to Ivy.

“I’m too old for that Damien, I’m not a kid.”

“That’s not gonna make a difference.”

“It will if I break your hands.”

“Shall I assist in the tickling?” Lolita asked.

“I wish I could kill you for good.” Ivy said, glaring at her.

AU Ivy was sitting on a throne with several guards in a red room, watching a horror movie involving Pedobear. A guard ran in yelling, “Mistress, it appears the counterpart of you we got appeared to be a robot.”

“Is that so? Tell me, where did you find her?”

“Uhh, a dark alleyway, lying down, and she appeared to be unconscious.”

“I see.” with a wave of her hand, she shot a beam of fire which incinerated him. “That’s what you get for not making sure, though she should be here shortly. Hey, if I raped her, would it be incest or just ****?”

“Possibly both, mistress.” One guard replied.

“Wonderful.” She began laughing, with most guards joining in out of fear, and the only one who didn’t was also incinerated.

The alarms went off and the guards prepared to do battle. As they did, one guard wasn’t pleased with the situation. “Are you guys insane? There’s no way we’re surviving this! We’re just typical guards against several dangerous individuals out there, and for me its worse, brothers don’t last long at all during these times. You can go and kill yourselves, but me? I’m getting the hell out of here.” And so he left in the opposite direction.

After encountering more guards then usual, the others realized they’ve been discovered and rushed on ahead, and though Lolita’s kills were swift, Ivy and Damien took their time killing their targets. One attempted to grab Ivy’s tail, and was immediately flung into the wall and knocked unconscious. As she was distracted, another grabbed her arm yelling, “Now you’re powerless! I got your right arm!”

“Indeed you have.” She smiled before breaking his arm and kneeing him in the stomach, then as he dropped to his knees, she slowly crushed his forehead, horrifying several other guards who witnessed it. Damien sealed up some of the paths as they proceeded, shortly coming to the cells and Leo unlocked the special adamantium plated cells along with other civilians trapped there. “I love it when a plan comes together.” Damien said, lighting a cigarette.

More guards rushed down the path towards them, at which point Lolita reached underneath her longcoat and pulled out a large pole. The others turned to Poison, as if they were expecting him to say something, and so he did. “I think that sight speaks for itself.”

One wondering guard entered the security room where Leo was, but luckily he was ready, and with a manly throw he threw the guard so hard that he exploded upon touching the ground. Seeing as AU Ivy figured bad things were going down, she decided to dispatch Nookie, who was a much larger and intimidating tentacle monster in that universe.

Meanwhile, in a dark area with many experimental containers filled with water, UA Ruby was slowly walking around, looking for Ruby who was hiding and thinking of a plan. She had already taken out the lights in the room to hide easier with her black outfit. She shot a smoke bomb and then threw a holy hand grenade, attacking as it went off, hoping that the explosion nullified the sound of her flying at her. Ruby flew right into her stomach and followed up with several kicks to the face and hammering him into the ground. AU Ruby rolled over, avoiding another punch, and punched her into a wall. She picked up half a dozen tanks using her powers and threw them, which Ruby dodged as she ran, but was held in place as Ruby caught up, then kicked around the room repeatedly. AU Ruby moved her closer as she spoke. “I figured you’d put up more of a fight, I’m surprisingly disappointed.”

“As long as you continue your evil schemes then I won’t give up.”

“Just what I heard from half the others I’ve killed. Aren’t you tired of this crap? Being a goody two shoes and getting no respect whatsoever? People betray each others trust and deceives others on a regular basis, so the only way to truly get what you want is taking it by force.”

“You’re wrong, sure some people are selfish, arrogant and pretty much give you a negative view of the universe, like a certain demon I know, but there’s more to it. Just as people can be mean and spiteful, they can also be surprisingly caring and thoughtful. I was once prejudice against demons, because I’d always heard bad things from others but had never actually met one myself. Though me and Ivy got off to a bad start, and its really cliché to say this, overtime I came to realize that although our viewpoints differ, we really aren’t so different, and would’ve probably been really good friends if we grew up on the same planet. If I spent my time thinking about the good and bad points in my life, I might turn out like you, but I’d rather remain optimistic and take things with a grain of salt. Maybe you too could’ve learned that.”

AU Ruby facepalmed. “That was so cheesy, and are you really trying to give me an Aesop?

“Sort of, though there’s one thing that’ll never change, and that’s my determination!” At that moment Ruby managed to break free and flip, hitting her with her feet.

She threw another grenade, which missed as AU Ruby leaped to the left. Crystal suddenly appeared beside her and whacked her with her bat, sending her flying across the room and through one of the tanks, supposedly killing her. “I finally got a home run.” She turned to Ruby and motioned for her to come as they left.

Back in the fortress, the group were taking out guards left and right with their signature weapons, Rosie being even more violent than Ivy in this case. Amber commented on it. “Geez, Rosie, when did you learn to be so cruel and unnecessarily brutal?”

“Well if you’re gonna have super strength and freedom, you might as well exploit it.”

“You’d fit right in with Mortal Kombat.”

“Not until I rip out someone’s spine with my bare hands.”

“But you already did that, that’s how you won that tournament on our planet, remember? This yellow ninja guy even dimmed the lights and exclaimed for you to finish him.”

“Oh yeah, who was that guy anyway?”

“I have no idea, he kinda vanished shortly afterwards.”

A few moments later, as Rosie took out a guard standing inches from Gary, she cut his arm slightly with her razor sharp whip. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Gary.”

“Don’t worry, I’m okay.” He replied, licking the wound slightly, then stopped as he saw Poison and Rosie staring. “I’m a little messed up…”

“Can I have some of that?” Rosie asked, pointing at the cut.

“I wanna live if you don’t mind.”

Just then, Nookie approached the area, coming from the opposite direction. Lolita stepped ahead of the others, turned to Damien and said, “I’ll be back.” She rushed in and tackled it through a wall to outside, slicing its various limbs off, blasting it with various small guns, then sticking a rocket launcher in its mouth along with several grenade and causing a massive explosion as she fired just before they touched the ground.

Seeing as UA Ivy called for even more backup, the same cult of lolis which attempted to resurrect Damien in the regular timeline are now Ivy’s Loli squadron, though more like Buxom squadron. “Not so fast! You may have broken out somehow, but we’re gonna put you right back in your place!” An orange haired Buxom pointed at them.

“Well while we have occasions of depowering circumstances, compared to us you’re still a squadron of fodder. Just look at the kind of people I know.” Poison raised his hand and moved around as he pointed, just as Ruby and Crystal arrived. “A demon prince and princess, a demon lord, two angelic siblings, an angel prince, a wolf hybrid, a vampire, and even more on occasions.” He then smiled as he got ready to attack. “Now, allow me to confuse you before stomping the curb.” He charged at them, yelling, “Green Thundeeeeeeeer!”

“Green what?” Was all one could say before most of them were wiped out with a large tornado uppercut, while the rest where taken down by the others.

Damien placed a hand on Poison’s shoulder as he said, “That was good man, but where did you get the nickname?”

“Oh, I just remembered Ivy saying it once, still have no idea what it means though.” Ivy whistled slightly as she turned away.

Ivy moved on ahead, taking an elevator to the top floor where her AU counterpart was, while Damien got the Buxom squadron to stop attacking them after explaining who he was. Ivy left the lift, slowly walking towards her AU self who sat in her throne staring at her. “So, we finally meet. I have just one thing I must ask.” She stopped and pointed. “At what point did I finally have that growth spurt?!?”

“I’d say another two years or so.”

“That’s too long!”

“I thought so too but it went rather fast after I freed myself from the confines of my misery, by killing everyone who didn’t bow to me and kiss the royal feet.”

“I haven’t said that line in ages…” Ivy said quietly. “But back to the point, you messed with the wrong universe.” The others were hearing this over her walkie-talkie which was left on. “For your information, Poison belongs to me, and I guess I came to get those other people too.” The others listening were clearly mad.

“Should I be happy that I’m the only one Ivy bothered to mention, or annoyed that she considers me a possession?” Poison asked.

“That’s just how she shows her love, I guess.” Amber replied.

“Lighten up.” AU Ivy responded. “Why don’t you just join me, we’re one in the same, aren’t we? I get whatever I want now, for instance, they recently released Eternal Darkness 4 just for me!”

“Huh, could I get a copy of the other three then?”

“Not only that, I also forced The Asylum to make more movies, and they made a spinoff to Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, titled: Badass Kitten vs. Uber Bunny. I even get Seltzer and Friedberg to make worse movies for torturing my prisoners. I’ve never watched them myself, mainly because I’d rather not be forced to commit suicide.”

“Sorry, I’m not interested.” Ivy shook her head.

“Very well then.” AU Ivy got to her feet. “Lets begin.”

Ivy quickly charged at her and tackled her through the window, pummelling her repeatedly as her AU self mocked her, making Ivy bring her down to the ground with a knee to the stomach, grabbing her by the hair and throwing her up, and then hammering her into another building nearby and finishing with a large fiery beam. AU Ivy emerged from the rubble and dusted herself off before launching her assault. She blitzed around Ivy, hitting her constantly, then hit her with a knee to her back, knocking her into the ground and dragging her along for a few moments. Ivy rolled out the way as AU Ivy tried to impale her with a stone spear and flipped back. The others arrived shortly, but it proved to be futile as AU Ivy wiped out Poison, Gary and Damien all together by combining elemental attacks to make her defence near impregnable.

“Its evil Ivy!” Ruby explained as she ran up to the area.

“I’m already evil, moron.” Ivy replied.

“Fine, eviler Ivy, are you happy?”

“Sadly, I’m not.”

Lolita waved and said, “I’m back.” as she ran towards the area.

AU Ivy punched Crystal towards the others, a moment before Crystal said, “For some reason I can’t make her head explode with my mind. Its like something is stopping me.”

“The plot?” Lolita replied.

Ivy got to her feet, ready to give it another try. “I have to combine powers to keep up with her. Poison, blow me! Gary, fry my ass!”

“You’re trying too hard to make that sound dirty.” Poison responded.

They complied with her order a few moments later and she rushed off to do battle again. Seeing this, Ruby turned to Poison and said, “I gotta do that too! Poison, you should put your thingy in my thingy so I can be rejuvenated.”

“Ruby, you’re fully aware of what you’re saying, aren’t you?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about…” she said, looking away.

Ivy tackled her AU self, the eviler counterpart quickly regaining her balance and keeping up with her, eventually surpassing Ivy in speed due to having far more experience at using them, so she continued to whack Ivy around the area, taking great measures to inflict pain but not outright kill her. Ivy got up once more and decided to use unexpected attack patterns to catch her off guard. AU Ivy eventually stopped her comeback with an upward punch to the chest, then knocked her to the ground.

Ruby attempted to intervene, taking out her iPod and preparing to go into dance battler mode, but AU Ivy blasted it with a finger. She was heartbroken over this, but more filled with rage. Ruby charged towards the robot, which easily knocked her aside then crushed her underneath its foot. Poison opened his mouth to point out how the last sentence made no sense and seemed like stock footage from an earlier curb stomp, but decided to remain silent.

AU Ivy then held Ivy inches from her face, now preparing to finish her. “Any last words?” Just then, Leo appeared and injected her with a syringe, pulling it out a moment later as she whacked him, then tossing another to Ivy, who injected her with the second. “Leo?! Why you!”

Most of them were taken back by this, and right on cue, AU Ruby had recovered and was walking towards the area, saying, “You’re all probably wondering what’s going on here. I regret to inform that Leo was working with me all along, and he comes from this dimension.” Some of them gasped.

“I knew it.” Lolita said. “When I said he wasn’t from around here last time, it was subtle foreshadowing, but I never told anyone because its not by job, but I knew.”

“Of course you did, Lolita.” Damien said sarcastically.

“Now that I think about it, he’s never told us about himself.” Gary said.

“And he doesn’t appear very often either.” Crystal added.

“Its true.” Leo said, turning away. “Not to say I didn’t like you guys, but when Ruby devised the plan to take down Ivy, I was willing to travel the dimensional gap to make it happen, we had a common goal at the time. I was a little shocked, seeing how Ivy and Ruby were partners in a sexual way.”

Ivy and Ruby stared at each other, and then began vomiting in a window beside them as Poison asked. “Could I get some pictures?” As some of them stared at him, he then said, “Don’t judge me…”

“How could you do this, Ruby? I trusted you!” AU Ivy yelled. “I even let you be the S far more than I was!”

“Oh yeah, and Ruby is a dominant one in the bedroom.” Leo added.

As Ivy and Ruby vomited even more, Poison raised an eyebrow as he said, “Really?” Amber ran off unnoticed as the two went on.

“After all the crap you put me through, you deserve the crap I did!” AU Ruby shouted back. “And once I kill you, that’ll be the end of it.” AU Ruby took out her spear and said, “You lose, foolish demon.” before impaling her with it. As AU Ruby prepared to attack the others, Amber managed to crush her with a forklift, then threw her hands up as she exclaimed, “Huzzah!” Some of them noticed Leo gone, and since business had been settled there, they also decided it was time to leave, just as Ivy and Ruby stopped vomiting. Some of them wondered whether AU Ruby would just come back, so they tied her up and injected her with the mixture meant to remove special abilities. As they were leaving one by one, AU Ivy closed the portal, slowly getting to her feet from behind them. Ivy smiled before rushing ahead and tackling AU Ivy into a portal behind her.

The others, shocked by this, used their remote to leave and hopefully track them down.

---

Now its time for: Reipa Girl, tell ’em!

Lolita sat at an office desk with the camera facing her. She pointed as she said, “Yooooooou.” completely deadpan. “Welcome to my Q&A section which has been set up. First caller, you’re on the air.”

“Yeah, I’ve always wondered, you say you’re dead, but do your internal functions still work?”

“Yes, actually. I can grace others with golden showers, still have babies, though they might seem a little dead, and still take a ****. Sometimes I just take a **** in midair when I’m in the middle of a mission, it gets a little awkward when people ask me to **** on them, but sometimes I just gotta take that ****.”

“I hope someday I can say all that with a straight face.”

“Next caller, please.”

“Where do you keep half your weapons?”

“The real answer might drive humans to the point of insanity so I will refrain from answering.”

“What if I’m not a human?”

“I’d still rather not answer. Next.”

“Why are you so cold to others and just plain rude?” said a muffled voice, trying to disguise themselves.

“I do it for their benefit, sometimes knowing the truth is better than being lied to and oblivious to others thoughts.”

“Even when that truth can emotionally hurt someone trying to forget their problems?”

“We all have problems, but what differs is how we deal with them. I sense I’ve spoken to you before, and if I may politely ask, how did you deal with it?”

“I kinda didn’t. I just kept to myself, stayed in my house half the time, used the internet regularly and stayed up late watching TV shows, because if I have to be around a race of assholes I don’t like, then I’d rather be alone.”

“That did seem like a big cry for help, princess.”

“I-I’m not a princess, you jerk.”

“Are you voiced by Rie Kugamiya?”

“Why?”

“She tends to voice a lot of tsundere lolis.”

“I’m not a **** tsundere!”

“But you are a loli?”

“You stupid ****, looking all cool and crap, I’m gonna kill you myself when I find you!”

Lolita leaned back and pointed ahead. “You mad.” Lolita then cut the connection. “Next caller, please.”

“Umm, are you really as developed as you say?”

“Yes, I’m a C. Just thought you should know.”

“Then isn’t you name rather contradictory?”

“An example is not a definition. Just like how children in anime are just midgets in comparison to their voluptuous older looks later in life. Lolita style clothing has no factor on age, like those Victorian dresses. So feel free to now think dirty thoughts without denying your preferences. Ahh, we have one more caller, you’re on.”

“Hey there, I happen to know this girl. I don’t necessarily hate her, and we do have a bit of a past but now I want to strangle her whenever she appears. She’s rather clingy, half the time I can’t tell if she’s joking or serious, and treats half the things I say as a way of showing love. What should I do?”

Lolita smiled as she spoke. “I think you should spend the rest of your life with her.”

“Wha?”

“Yes, she sounds like the perfect wife. Go to her and confess your love, then take her out on dates and tourist sites, just the two of you. Engage in every position featured in the Kama sutra and spice up your love life with role-play. Soon the two of you will be married with several kids who you’ll both love very much, and it’ll be a happy ending.”

“Lolita, you know its me, don’t you?”

She ignored the question and waved to the camera. “That’s all we have time for, bye-bye!”

Well, this is it. I had no choice but to crank out any joke I might've been saving but never got a chance to use, or discard it all together. Not much else to say apart from that.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 40 - Two Sides to Every Story, Part 3

In one of the universes, one of the ninjas who made the show was being interviewed by someone, who said, “So what’s the thought process on the direction of the episodes, exactly?”

“Well we tend to differ in how we want it turn out, he leans more to the comedy side while I’d focus more on the plot, which takes a backseat anyway. Even when I was suggesting Ivy’s Freudian excuse for the way she is back then, he wanted to occasionally take jabs at it, which we’ve done quite a bit I guess you could say. He usually writes the script and I notify him on the changes I think there should be, as some of it is rather insane stuff. I guess I can be a little hurtful sometimes, like when I‘d point out spelling mistakes and using the wrong words, he eventually decided to point out his previous mistakes for laughs and tends to like lampshading almost anything. Occasionally he‘ll hang a lampshade on a lampshade, and he said at one point he’ll try to hang a bigger lampshade on those lampshades.”

“That’s insane!”

“No, just implausible.”

“What about all the references?”

“Well, the other ninja tends to use whatever he finds appealing to mention at the time, or if it just fit’s the theme of the show. Seeing how its rather difficult to create original titles which actually sound decent, we’ll just usually borrow a title and change the words somewhat, even if it doesn’t have much to do with the episode, and even if it does, its normally an affectionate parody, normally.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3DzQ-15c8c&feature=related

Somewhere within that universe, a portal opened up in the middle of a street and the two Ivy’s tumbled out of it, slowly getting to their feet as AU Ivy spoke. “So, its just the two of us.”

“Yeah, though I’m surprised you’re still standing.”

“One stabbing is insignificant to killing a demon like myself.”

“Yeah, I’ve experienced it too at one point.”

“Though I’ve curious how Leo was aware of a nullifying serum, and how he managed to find where it was hidden.” AU Ivy wondered.

“I can answer that. That foolish angel informed me about that important information, so I told Leo to check somewhere I might consider hiding something, since we are one in the same. it’s a rare chance to beat the crap out of myself, and now that you‘ve been stripped of your additional broken powers, I should stand a fair chance of doing so, and I‘ll refrain from using much other than hand-to-hand to make it fair.”

“Fight me fairly? Ha! You don’t stand a chance, kid!”

“We’ll see.” She then though to herself, “Maybe I’ll do what that foolish angel does and convince myself that I must win and hope that attitude helps me to do so.” Rocky IV’s War theme started up as she got into a fighting stance, or Guile’s theme for a more comical effect. Ivy ran at her AU self, missing with several swings as AU Ivy moved back, then she punched her several times in the face over a short while, followed by two jabs. Ivy deflected her next punch and hit her with a backhand, followed by a head butt, knocking them into another portal. They travelled among the various universes during their fight.

In another, the older Ruby was still in a straightjacket, having another session with Ivy who was taking down notes. Ivy clarified what she was told. “So you’re saying you might be able to see into different universes when you sleep, and you recently saw older and younger versions of myself fighting each other?”

“Yes.” Ruby nodded.

“I see.” Ivy said, writing it down.

Ivy and AU Ivy were currently at a park, with AU Ivy getting in more blows as a man sitting on a park bench was quite disappoint, as it looked like a mother beating up their daughter. AU Ivy knocked her down with a punch, where upon Ivy grabbed a bench and hit her round the head, so AU Ivy ripped off half of a tree and did the same. Ivy grabbed a squirrel by a fountain nearby and threw it in her face, followed by the actual fountain. Somewhere else, the two stopped by at opposite sides of a shop counter for a bottle of water, gargled some of it and spat it out in the opposite direction in unison. Soon they were at Omar’s carnival of doom, jumping across the horses on the carousel. After an unexpected roundhouse kick by AU Ivy, Ivy countered shortly with a flash kick, then ripping off and throwing one horse like a sonic boom.

At 2:12, the two of them went around the swimming pool at Amber’s resort on rollerblades, speeding up and slowing down randomly in unison as they did the robot. In the middle of the mall, AU Ivy was on the offense, punching and kicking rapidly while Ivy blocked, waiting for a moment to strike. Ivy taunted her as she waited, and was hit with an uppercut. Ivy barrel rolled out the way as AU Ivy tried to kick her, grabbed a table and hit her with it. In another scene, Ivy waited outside the changing rooms, and as AU Ivy came out wearing a wedding dress, Ivy gave her a thumbs up. They continued their fight down the halls, AU Ivy eventually grabbing and throwing Ivy through a shop glass window and whacking her with the cash register as she tried to get up. Ivy tackled her and after some rolling around, they tumbled down an escalator.

Shortly after, they were at an arcade, dancing to the same song on DDR as the Loli Rangers did the robot in the background. In another scene, they ran around in a steamy sauna, AU Ivy running around naked and trying to whip Ivy with her towel, who threw a bar of soap in her face. In an alleyway, AU Ivy had Ivy cornered and was repeatedly punching her all over as she blocked. When she had an opportunity, Ivy tanked two punches and knocked AU Ivy down with a sweep kick, then leaped onto her with a knee to the stomach before pummelling her in the face for several moments until AU Ivy kicked her off.

The others were still in the apocalyptic future where the last fight took place wondering what to do next. They turned to Damien for his opinion. He shrugged as he said, “Just find them, I guess. Hey, Lolita, do you have a nuke?”

“Of course.” She replied, pulling a large green missile from underneath her longcoat.

“How did she-” Rosie began.

Poison placed a hand on her shoulder as he shook his head. “Try not to think about it, its bad for your health.”

“Yeah but-”

“No!” He slammed his fist on the side of a building, shocking her slightly. He then drew his sword and yelled, “Noooooooo!” As he smashed a window behind him with it.

“Fine, I won’t question it, just calm down…”

Damien loaded the nuke in his nuke launcher he happened to have and fired it at the fortress, blowing it to pieces. After being took some innocent people might’ve still been evacuating, he simply shrugged. “I have this warm feeling inside of me, like I wish to say something about the nuke.” He said, turning to Lolita.

“Is it lo-”

“No! Its not **** love!”

The group then took off to other universes, following the trail of destruction they occasionally witnessed caused by the two Ivy’s. While they ran around, Poison talked with Gary. “Y’know, occasionally when watching some shows, I’ve always noticed this sometimes bland and average guy get so much popularity with women. Sometimes I just gotta wonder, how does he do it, y’know?”

Gary glared at him. “Him? How do you do it, man?”

“Don’t start this again, man. I told you, you’re seeing things which aren’t there, and Lily gets her kicks out of trying to annoy me.”

“Whatever man.”

Ruby then said, “When we find her, it’ll be time to fight, so lets get-” She tried to think of an appropriate line. “Scandalous? Fabulous? Callous?”

“Ruby, just drop it now.” Gary suggested.

They eventually made it to their world, still unable to find the two Ivy’s, so while they were there Poison phoned Loli Black to get additional help. “Hey, Badass-chan.” Poison greeted her. “We need some help in finding Ivy.”

“Where the hell have you guys been? You just kinda disappeared all of a sudden.”

“It was a really long story. Can you help us out?”

“I don’t know, man, we’re rather busy and we’re not even close by.”

“If you hurry I could get you some fried chicken at DFC here across the street.”

“Poison, are you implying that I like fried chicken because I’m black?”

“N-no, that wasn’t my intention! Just forget the help then.”

“Hold on, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thanks, man.”

“I still want that chicken though.”

“Of course.” He rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile, both Ivy’s arrived in a massive bright orange room. They rolled along a clear gigantic orange platform, there were clocks and other mechanical parts along the orange walls, screens showing various locations throughout the universe, and 23 large orbs around the gigantic room. AU Ivy leaped towards Ivy, who quickly hit her with a raising kick then kicked her again to the ground. She drew her scythe and stabbed her in the stomach, rapidly stabbing her then punching her across the face until her hands were somewhat bloody. She picked up her scythe and began to walk off when AU Ivy suddenly got up, clearly not fit to keep fighting. “What, you’re gonna run away? You’re pathetic!”

“Me? Just look at you, you can barely stand.”

“Excuses. You don’t have what it takes to finish me off.”

“I guess not.” She shrugged. “Just beating you on fair terms is good enough for me. I’m not gonna bother killing you, because you’re just not worth it.”

As she turned to leave, she heard a voice say, “Then allow me.” Leo appeared out of nowhere and ran past AU Ivy as he slit her throat with a sword, making her drop to her knees as she held the wound. “I figured you might show up eventually, so I guess I lucked out.”

“So what’s your deal in all this?” Ivy asked.

“Ahh, right. You wouldn’t know this, but I came from another planet, which was rather peaceful, until this monster landed and decided to kill almost everyone just because she was bored.” Leo said as he kicked AU Ivy, who was still struggling to breath. “I lost everyone. The only reason she kept me around is because she figured she could get some use out of the water elemental abilities I possessed. I was forced to undergo much training from hell to make me who I am today. I despised you, and yet I was fine with my position until the defining opportunity arose to get revenge for my race. So goodbye, master.” He plunged the sword through her forehead and threw her aside.

“Now that you’ve settled things, lets go home.” Ivy said, beginning to walk off.

“I’m afraid I’m not finished yet.” Ivy stopped in her tracks. “I plan to merge the 23 different but parallel universes using a device the Omar of your universe helped create. Hopefully, everything will go back to how it was and we’ll all be better off. I even connected the ports before you arrived.”

Ivy sighed as she said, “I gotta kill Omar when I get back. Look Leo, this is insane. And you’re actually trusting one of Omar’s inventions you’ve never used. You don’t even know what’ll happen if you merge them all together!”

“It doesn’t hurt to try. Are you going to stop me?”

“Yes, Leo, I am.”

“Very well.” He assumed a fighting stance. He leaped forward, punching the ground and sending out a tidal wave which Ivy flew over and attacked with a kick which he blocked. She accessed the additional small borrowed wind and lightning energy to increase her speed and counter almost all of Leo’s elemental attacks, which soon wore him out as he struggled to keep up. In a moment of desperation, he activated the merger which would take effect in under 5 minutes while injecting himself with the syringe he stabbed AU Ivy with, meaning it was to take a sample of her DNA mixture and use it as a last resort. She knew he had lost it, he knew he could kill. He started to mutate into a large grotesque muscular werewolf covered in blood with bulging veins showing. He raised his head and howled as several large tentacles shot out from his body.

Ivy ran around, avoiding them as she fired and slashed at him, doing little damage as he began to fire large wads of fleshy gum from his mouth at her. She got hit by one, which seemed to grow teeth and tried to eat her, while she held it back. Suddenly, a kunai became lodged in its forehead, making it explode a moment later. Ivy rolled back and to her surprise, she saw multiple versions of herself from other universes. Those versions being Ivy in a black ninja outfit, Ivy in a red pirate outfit, Gangsta Ivy, Bizzaro Ivy who’s her good counterpart, and the perpetually happy Ivy from the messed up universe which scared Gary, and who wears a pink dress to avoid confusion.

“What the-” Ivy said, looking around.

“I can explain.” Bizzaro Ivy said. “I followed you guys here with a remote a friendly scientist I know helped create. Along the way I gathered a group of myself to help. Hopefully with the power of friendship we can beat this threat.”

“You remind me of someone I dislike.”

The others introduced themselves, and were then interrupted as Leo continued attacking. They dodged the attacks and grouped up as Leo howled once more. Ninja Ivy took out a katana, Pirate Ivy drew a machete, Bizzaro Ivy got out her spear, Gangsta Ivy took out two handguns, Happy Ivy equipped a staff, and Ivy twirled her scythe before they all pointed their weapons as the beast. “Lets see him handle six versions of myself!” They all crossed their arms, preparing to laugh. Ninja Ivy went, “Niiiin nin nin nin nin!”, Pirate Ivy went, “Arrrr, arr arr arr arr!”, Bizzaro Ivy went, “Heeeeehehehehe!”, Gangsta Ivy had the same laugh as the original while firing a uzi, and Happy Ivy did a light chuckle.

Leo released miniature versions of his new form from his back which ran at them. Ninja Ivy turned to Pirate Ivy and said, “Are you ready?”

“More than I’ll ever be, me hearty. Let’s send ‘em to Davy Jones Locker!” They ran head-on into the pack of clones. N. Ivy fly kicked one in the face while P. Ivy punched another. N. Ivy then finger poked another at rapid speeds as P. Ivy bitchslapped another with her hat, her red parrot which remained dormant to that point attacking another to her right. N. Ivy hit one with a flash kick, then spun while in midair and throwing a kunai through another’s forehead. At the same time P. Ivy sliced ones head off with her machete then pulled a gun and shot one behind her. As another attacked, P. Ivy chopped off its arm a moment before N. Ivy hit him with an uppercut. P. Ivy stabbed one in the leg and used the creature and whack the others away as she spun in a circle, while N. Ivy in the air knocked out several launching themselves at them with a hurricane kick. As N. Ivy landed they were ready for more.

Gangsta Ivy and Bizzaro Ivy were awed at the display. “Man, look at those two go, bros for life right there.”

Bizzaro Ivy nodded. “Never before have a pirate and ninja worked so well together.”

Ivy and the perpetually happy one were dealing with the real Leo however, as Ivy cut down the overwhelming tentacles while Happy Ivy ran constantly and occasionally helped out. Leo fired another wad of gum which caught Happy Ivy, who screamed for help as it tried to devour her. Gangsta Ivy arrived shortly and blasted it repeatedly as she pulled her out.

“Thank you so much!” Happy Ivy exclaimed as she kissed her.

Gangsta Ivy backed up. “The ****? **** must be crazy! What the hell was that for?”

“That’s how we say thank you in my world.”

“That’s messed up, man. I oughta cap you right now, but I won’t.” She ran off to help distract Leo while Ivy hacked away at random spots on his body.

Over the course of two minutes, the merger was slowly reaching its end with two minutes left, and apart from Happy Ivy who left early, Ninja Ivy, Pirate Ivy, and Bizzaro Ivy were knocked unconscious and Leo’s body continued to grow as the room was starting to come apart as it neared the countdown. Seeing as Gangsta Ivy lost hope, she placed a hand on Ivy’s shoulder. “Hey man, I know we bros and all, but this is too much for me. I’m out of here. Take care of yourself though.” She used a remote laying by to get back to her own universe.

Ivy waited for the upcoming end, as Leo launched several tentacles at her. They were suddenly cut down as Poison, Damien and Gary landed nearby, the others taking their sweet time to walk over.

“So Leo is the final boss, huh? What a twist…” Gary commented as he rushed on.

Poison turned to Ivy and waved as he said, “Yo. By the way, I heard what you said over that walkie-talkie. Oh, and the Loli Rangers couldn‘t make it after all…”

“Well its not like I said it to look tough and because you regularly insult me…”

“Well its not like I insult you because I like you…”

“Well its not like I consider you a lowly servant which I own so you’ll never leave me…”

“Well its not like I continue to live at your house because I like being around you guys…”

Ivy looked away as she said, “Jerk.”

Poison looked away as he said, “****.”

“Baka.”

“Moron.”

“Stupid-face.”

“Idiot-head.”

After a moment of silence, she then quietly said, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He replied quietly.

The others had ignored them as this was going on and were currently attacking Leo, while helping out each other when they were on the verge of death. Ivy and Poison joined in, but regardless of numbers, it was pointless to finish Leo for good. Most of them managed to stall Leo for a while as Ivy and Damien worked on stopping the merger, managing to do so with 42 seconds left. Damien then took out a nuke cannon while Lolita drew a rocket launcher, and fired it at Leo, just before opening up a portal and running for the exit as it went off. They soon ended up back in their own universe on a corner of a street.

“I guess everything’s rapped up now.” Rosie said as she got up. “I real shame about Leo though, I’m really gonna miss him…”

“I think we all will.” Poison replied.

“This shouldn’t have even happened, but Gary technically caused it in the first place.” Ivy replied.

“Well I wouldn’t have drawn them here if it wasn’t because of Ruby getting me there in the first place!” He replied.

“Well I wouldn’t have made you accompany me if Omar hadn’t tried to mess with the aspect of universal travel!” Ruby exclaimed.

“As usual, it leads back to Omar.” Ivy said with a nod.

“So what’s the moral of this story?” Ruby wondered.

“This isn’t gonna be another one of those fake aesops, is it?” Poison asked.

“I think the moral is: Science is bad.” Crystal suggested.

“I think its: Treat others how you’d like to be treated.” Amber said.

“Nah, its gotta be: Life sucks, so do what you feel like.” Damien said.

“I think the moral is this,” Lolita began. “Don’t bully people who could brutally kill you if they were to snap.” Everyone agreed to varying amounts, while Ivy was somewhat confused at what they were talking about.

“Anyway,” Ivy began, turning to Ruby. “I’ll probably be bringing some robots and destroying some places downtown tomorrow.”

“Alright, I should be there to try and stop you. What time?”

“1pm alright with you?”

“Yeah, that should be fine.”

“Alright, see you tomorrow.” Ivy and Poison walked off, waving goodbye to Ruby and the others as they went their own separate ways for the day. “Now, we’ve got a number of different things to do before going home. First, we pay Omar a visit and break his arms for doing all this in the first place.”

“He’s been asking for it for quite a while.”

“Next, lets go visit one of those other planets till we find Leo’s race. If he existed in that timeline, he should exist here too, we just have to find him.”

“But he most likely won’t be the same Leo we met.”

“We’ll help him out a little, constructively.”

“Is the third thing talking with Willard? Because I already spoke with him. He said he had no idea why he’d set out to do harm, and that it seemed unnecessary, so I wonder if that other Ruby was lying about that…”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

After a period of silence, Poison then said, “Wanna piggyback ride?”

“Sure, why not.” She hopped on his back and they took off.

And so, it was a happy end, except for half the earth out there, since most of the cast aren’t good people and tend to kill others on a regular basis, but happy in a black comedy sort of way. They eventually did find the Leo of their universe, who was quite a wimp but with enough forced training started to resemble the type of person they once knew. He remained on his planet but they visited once in a while. Damien and Lolita eventually got married, though everyone was forcing Damien to hook up with her regardless of what he had to say. Ninja Ivy returned to her spiritual land to continue more hardened training with SA2, Pirate Ivy continued her ship-to-ship combat with Ruby, Gangsta Ivy sat round a living room with others telling them her recent adventure, Bizarro Ivy didn’t seem to remember much of the event, and Happy Ivy wasn’t so happy after experiencing that event. The older Ruby of another world eventually got better and soon checked out of the insane asylum, actually deciding to start a friendship with Ivy shortly after. And Ivy and Poison continued their ridiculous and nonsensical adventures with their friends.

I figured, for Halloween, why not? It gives me an excuse to use this idea anyway, and what's amusing is that I started this story the day after Halloween. Turned out to be a hell of a lot longer than I expected.
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TMEDCE: OVA (Because the number 41 is stupid) - The Good, The Bad, and the Willard

Somewhere in the area of ~~Adabat~~ Central City, in an unknown location…

It was a month since the events of universal travel. Inside a room was a single large rectangular table with four seats on each side and one seat ahead of them. Many torches lit the room and there was a water container in the corner. There were currently six figures sitting around the large table. These figures were the same applicants which showed up for the previous meeting hosted by Willard: Ivy, Poison, Amber, Adol, Omar whose spot was substituted by a robot, and joining them this time would be Masterman. Damien entered the room dressed in a tux, the camera focusing on him from a low angle as he said, “Ladies and gentlemen!” He sat ahead of them at the table with a clipboard. “Thank you all for taking the time to join me. You all know me as Damien, prince of darkness, but that‘s not important; I have assembled a number of characters here for one reason, and its to do with Willard.”

Adol raised his hand. “Umm, shouldn’t you do the roll call?”

“**** it! I ain’t got time for that ****! You all know each other by now so who cares? Anyway, my sources tell me a few days from now on Sunday night, Willard will be receiving a special present from another cosmic horror he knows.”

Ivy raised her hand. “Yeah, who is this cosmic horror?”

“The big guy everyone knows about.”

“I still have no idea who you’re talking about.”

“Its not important, okay? Anyway, this special present is said to grant any wish you want for whoever uses it, but it can only be used once.” This got everyone’s attention, regardless of how absurd it sounded. “Now the reason we’re here, is to ambush Willard and take this mysterious item for ourselves.”

Amber raised her hand. “Do we really have to go that low? It must be possible to share, right?”

“No! Its for one person, and besides, we’re all evil here! Everyone for themselves!”

“I’m not that evil.” Poison said, raising his hand.

“That’s a total lie.” Ivy retorted. “Remember that stand-up comedian act a whole bunch of demons went to go see, and the one telling the jokes was this timid demon girl. Sure, she sucked and most of them were booing her, but what was really hurtful was how you snarked at every crappy joke she told and continued to personally bully her.”

“What? I wasn’t bullying her! Come on, she should be used to that kind of behaviour! I got used to it…”

“Well your snarking was awfully mean that time.” Amber replied. “Was quite funny to see her beat you up after the show though.”

“She jumped me, I’m sticking to my story. Besides, after I formally apologized and explained that I wasn’t personally attacking her, we got along pretty well and I helped her with her act, though she tends to blush a lot around me…” Poison’s phone suddenly rang and he answered it. “Hello?”

It was Gary. “Your harem protagonist powers are growing, man.”

“They don’t exist, Gary.” He replied before hanging up. “Wait, how did he even know what I was talking about…”

“Anyway,” Damien continued. “I’ll inform you all on the details on where Willard will be picking up the package next Friday, which is Halloween.”

Rosie entered the room and took a seat beside Amber, saying, “Sorry, had to go to the bathroom, what did I miss?”

“Here’s a sheet containing the basic info.” Damien said, handing her it.

“Why didn’t you just do that at the start, man?” Masterman asked.

“Because then this meeting would’ve been pointless.”

“Hey, the vampire chick, you don’t have any standard weaknesses, right?” Masterman asked as he turned to Rosie.

“Yeah.”

“Would you still die if you took a stake to the heart?”

“Wouldn’t almost anyone die from a stake to the heart?”

“Good point.”

“So MM,” Adol began, “I heard you got arrested in this theatre. What happened?”

“Oh yeah, there was this fine ass chick I tried to chat up, but she was underage and her parents called the cops on me. In my defense, it was pretty dark, and from what I could see, she had a smoking hot body for her age.”

“I hear ya, man. I love all my students where I teach, strictly speaking at first, and physically when the time comes. I’ve always loved jailbait, there’s nothing like doing it with a chick who looks older than she is, its always enjoyable.”

“What, do you take advantage of all your students?”

“No, just the developed ones so I have an excuse. I’m an Ephebophile…I like young teenage girls.”

“You’re a sick bastard, man.”

Amber raised her hand. “Y’know, I can kinda sympathize. I met this great guy recently, he was sweet, and funny, and pretty smart, though I was pretty depressed when he told me he was gay, so I raped him.”

Rosie yawned and then said, “That’s nice…wait, what?”

“And you said you weren’t evil.” Ivy commented.

“Its not evil! He enjoyed it too after a while!”

“**** is a special kind of evil.” Poison replied.

“Tru dat.” Masterman nodded.

“Well Adol agrees with me, right, Adol?” Amber asked.

“Sure.”

“Adol’s not right in the head so that isn’t saying much.” Damien replied. “Anyway, we’re rapping this up now. I gotta leave since Lolita is making dinner and won’t like it if I’m late.”

“You’re not the complete monster you used to be.” Poison replied.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m still pretty damn evil, but I just don’t feel the need to do evil things just to justify my status unlike some people.” He said, glancing at Ivy. “Lets take an orphanage for example. I wouldn’t burn it down just because it happened to be there, but if I was talking with a friend as I walked by it and the loud noise made it hard to speak to them, then I’d burn it down for pissing me off, and probably seal the exits for shits and giggles.”

“Fair enough.”

“Alright, this meeting is adjourned.” Damien said, getting to his feet.

“Wait, what will Willard be wearing on that day?” Amber asked.

“I don’t even remember what he regularly wears.” He said before walking off. Ruby had overheard the meeting, as she had placed a tracer on Poison’s jacket, as well as Spring and Floyd heard the meeting using the same method with Masterman.

---

Now its time for: Reipa Girl, tell ‘em!

Lolita sat at an office desk with the camera facing her. She pointed as she said, “Yooooooou.” completely deadpan. “Welcome again to my Q&A section which has been set up. First caller, you’re on the air.”

“Are you related to the Grim Reaper?”

“Sadly, I am not. I am just a dead person fortunate enough to be hired to help out and make his job a little easier.”

“How many of you guys are there?”

“Around 12. Though Pandora isn’t much help, and she likes opening her box at inappropriate moments for shits and giggles. Next caller.”

“I heard the Grim Reaper occasionally does work for Dracula, is that true?”

“Yes, he pays surprisingly well, or so I‘ve been told.”

“Hi there, if I stalk a young girl for over a year, could I hope to get some princess ****?”

“No, because you suck. You need the protagonist gene, or at least the harem gene. Next caller.”

“Is there really no Foe Yay between Ivy and Ruby?”

“That’s none of my business. Next question.”

“Why you so mean?”

“My character alignment has no effect on my attitude. I say what I think, and if it hurts people in the process, so be it. I take no sides. Just as dark is not always evil, good is not always nice. I may be quite an **** to most people, intentionally or not, but my job still leans more towards being good. Or I guess you could just say, I’m dead inside.” She paused for the laugh track. “Next caller please.”

“Yeah, umm, I’ve got a lot of things I’ve seen that I wanna ask about.”

“Fire away.”

He took a deep breath. “Why did those Sonic characters appear at first then just fade out of existence? How can Ivy be a tsundere when it seems clear that she likes Poison from all the perverted comments and attempted ****? Why did half the episodes seem like the same aspects just jumbled up slightly? Why does Poison seem fond of young girls? Also, I call bullshit on them never doing the deed in 20 years or 10 years or whatever. I’m sure there’s a hentai OVA somewhere out there, or its just off camera but I digress. And what kind of amulet can continuously bring you back to life? How can you eat an amulet and do it without choking? Wouldn’t its power be used up the first time Ruby’s body is torn to shreds? Why was Damien able to manipulate metal that one time? What happened to half the cast during most of season 2? Who created that room connecting the parallel universes together? Why are there only 23 parallel universes? Who is Gary’s dad? Why did AU Ruby wait so long to kill AU Ivy?”

After a few moments of silence, Lolita then said, “I will refrain from answering all those questions, and I’ll send a calendar with pictures of myself if you stop asking.”

“…Deal.”

“Next caller, please.”

“OH GOD, YOU’RE SO HOT. I LOVE YOUR SHOW, I’VE GOTTEN OFF TO IT A DOZEN TIMES.”

“Thanks for sharing.”

“WAIT, WAIT. What’s your sexual preferences?”

“I’m Damiensexual.”

“BUT YOU’RE MY WAIFU, I WON’T ALLOW THAT BEAST TO HAVE YOU!”

“What’s your name?”

“Oh, its Sakura Haji.”

Lolita checked her list for the name, and moved it from 4 years later to tomorrow. “It says here your death is approaching. I’ll be over tomorrow to kill you, and don‘t bother running, because I will find you.”

“You’re coming to my house? Oh boy! I’ll get the lube and anal beads!”

“You do that, it‘ll make your death rather special. Next caller.”

“Hi there. Do male demons also have tails? And are all demons tails sensitive?”

“Yes, I should know, and no, sadly not. Next.”

“Umm, is it okay to **** someone you like?”

“That depends, do they like you back?”

“Y-yeah, I think…”

“Then it should be fine. In this day and age, people are still reluctant to believe a girl can **** a guy, so for those who can, thankfully its easier to get away with it, so have fun, princess.”

“I-I’m not a princess.”

“But you wanna be a rapist?”

“N-no, you just sa-”

“But would your peers believe you if I denied it?”

“…I don’t like talking to you.”

“Are you mad?”

“No, I’m not mad.”

“Why not?”

“What, do you get your sick kicks out of pissing me off?”

“Yes, actually, it amuses me. Some of your friends feel the same way because getting you mad is funny.”

“Oh, its funny, is it? You ****! I oughta strangle you with your own spine! I hate you all!” She said before hanging up.

“That’s all we have time for, bye-bye!” Lolita waved.

---

On the week leading up to Halloween, seeing as Ruby was likely to show up, Ivy decided it was best to turn the public against her by dressing up exactly like her Justice attire and going around doing evil deeds to disgrace her name, an idea Poison thought she was too keen on as she drooled while thinking about it.

She stood in front of a mirror in her room dressed as Justice, with a black outfit, her long hair tied into pigtails, and even dyeing her hair to complete the look. “So how do I look?” She asked, turning to Poison.

“Like a potential super heroine.”

“Oh yeah, Adol said this kind of hairstyle is good because of the handlebars, what did he mean by that?”

“With your perverted mind, I’m surprised you don’t already know.”

And so she made her way to Earth to ruin the image of the ridiculously idealistic angel of justice, doing things such as robbing food stores, blowing up buildings, helping criminals get away with crimes, and leaving the toilet seat up. During these few days Ruby hadn’t taken notice, since she spent her time at home playing Wii Fit. A few days later, it was time to get everything started to snatch the mysterious gift from Willard’s hands.

On the demonic planet, Ivy, Poison, Damien and Rosie were in her room playing a 4-player beat-em-up video game on the edge of her bed. “Okay, you guys, I’ll do my best to hold off that swarm of goblins while you go on ahead.” Damien said.

“I’ll keep the gates open. You guys need to co-operate by going down the top and bottom paths.” Rosie added.

“Alright, I’m on top.” Ivy said.

“And why are you on top?” Poison asked.

“Because I’m taking the lead, and I’ll do a better job than you will.”

“How do you know? You did a crappy job last level by the way.”

“That’s not my fault! You were too slow to keep up, and you couldn’t go more than three rounds on the gauntlet!”

“Hey! My health was low because you attacked from behind in a game where we can hurt each other by accident!”

“Fine then! You be on top!”

“Hey, there’s another circular path down there.”

“N-not there, that place is dirty…”

“Hey Ivy, can you hold this sausage in your inventory, mine is full of milk.”

“O-okay, but be gentle, its my first time…having that food item in my inventory, I mean. How much does it recover anyway?”

“69hp.”

“Wow…well it does look pretty big.” After a few moments, Poison set off a trap and died. “See? I should have taken the lead!”

“Hey! You died twice last level!”

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!” she yelled.

“AAAARRRRGGGGGHH!” he yelled back.

“I hate you!”

“I hate you too!”

After an awkward period of silence, Rosie then said, “Was I the only one thinking dirty thoughts?”

“I wish I could unhear it.” Damien replied.

“Cockblocker! Uhh, I mean Gamestopper!” Amber yelled as she leaped into the room.

“I never thought I’d hear a succubus of all people say that…” Poison remarked.

“C’mon guys, its almost time, isn’t it?” Amber said. Noticing this, they stopped playing and were making their way to the area.

Meanwhile, Gary and Crystal were in Ruby’s room as she was getting ready. “So a certain someone has been parading as me, huh? And possibly allies and enemies alike will be at this designated location.” Ruby said, voicing the info given to her.

“This could get chaotic.” Crystal said.

“Yeah, it doesn’t sound good.” Gary replied. “We should be rather cautious.”

“Cautious? Screw that!” Ruby had the last bits of her outfit ready. She put on her gloves as she said, “Lets.”, tightened her utility belt while saying, “Get.” and put on her mask and smiled as she said, “Dangerous.” she then turned to them. “Huh, why haven’t I used that one before…”

Later that night, a mysterious individual met with Willard behind a building beside the sea. He was handed a blue rectangular box before the figure vanished. Shortly after, Damien dropped down to his right. “Ahh, Damien, its nice to see you again.”

“Can’t say I feel the same way.” Poison, Rosie and Amber dropped down a moment afterwards. Willard smirked before firing a wave of darkness at Damien who summoned a rock wall then threw the remains at him. Willard leaped up, avoiding the large fireballs and gusts of wind Poison and Amber fired, while evading Rosie’s swings. Willard fired back at her, who dodged the waves using her flexible acrobatic skills. Poison drew his blade and attacked him, dodging the various swings which Willard attempted to land. Willard was then hit from behind by Damien, dropping the box, only for it to be picked up by Rosie. At that moment, Crystal flew in and kicked her, picking up the box as she landed. “I’ll be taking this.” Poison charged at her, leaping back a moment later as a beam of lightning flew by.

Poison threw a large ball of wind which split into various smaller balls of concentrated air. Gary sped up his movement by charging his body with lightning in order to move fast enough to evade the shots then launched himself into the air as Poison fired a large tornado at him. Gary repeatedly sent ray’s of lightning from above at Poison, who moved fast enough to dodge them and fire back. Nearby, Crystal leaped over Amber as she struck with a sliding tackle, blocked a wave of darkness from Willard but was then hit by a clothesline as Rosie ran by. Damien grabbed the box and took off as some of the others began firing at him.

Meanwhile, Ivy was dressed again as Justice, waiting in the middle of a street for something. The cars passing by took notice but continued moving. The police soon arrived, attempting to take her in due to the crimes done earlier that week, but she sent them flying with a wave of fire as she continued waiting. Shortly after, Ruby arrived in her Justice attire and dropped down, pointing at Ivy who was wearing the same costume. “You.”

“I assume you’re aware of the circumstances.”

“Yeah, you trying to ruin my good name. You’ve done some cruel things, but this is too far.”

“Then lets settle this here. This is the final battle!”

“You always say that…”

“Well I mean it…somewhat, partially…”

One cop turned to another and said, “Hey, which one is the bad guy?”

“I’m the hero here!” Ruby yelled.

“Yeah but you two do kinda look alike…”

“She’s got longer hair than I do! And a tail!” The cops continued to debate it between each other while she sighed. Ivy shoulder tackled her while she was distracted, knocking her into a car and following up with a punch across the face. Ruby evaded the next punch and threw her into another car across the street. Ruby picked up half a dozen objects and threw them using her psychokinesis, Ivy managing to dodge them as she began to close the gap and launched two beams in the shape of fiery dragons. Ruby leaped back onto a building window and flew around avoiding them until they eventually touched each other and exploded.

Ivy pointed her hand elsewhere as she said, “Y’know, one good thing about being evil is that we don’t have as much limitations. For instance, if I attacked other civilians, you’d be obligated to save them, right?” She grinned before firing a beam of fire from her hand at a car. Ruby charged in that direction and pushed a car of passengers out of the way a moment before Ivy tackled her and they crashed through an office window. As Ruby got to her feet Ivy hit her with a knee to the face, followed by hitting her with a chair. She attempted to whack her again with a monitor, but Ruby slid under her, grabbed her neck trying to do an RKO and slammed her into a table. She took a few moments to recover and get up, at which point Ruby grabbed her tail and began squeezing it.

Ivy stared at her until she stopped. “So it doesn’t work, huh? I figured your tail would be rather sensitive…”

“Thankfully not.” She tried to punch her but Ruby quickly put up a shield. Ivy rapidly punched the shield, slowly weakening her control over it. While distracting her with repeated punching, Ivy grabbed Ruby’s leg with her tail and pulled her as she yelled, “Get over here!” with a punch to the face she sent her flying and as Ruby recovered, Ivy hit her again with a large ball of fire, sending her flying out a window. Using a grapping hook, she grabbed Ivy’s right leg, causing her to sigh before being flung out the same window.

Ruby crashed through the window of a train and landed in an empty seat, shocking some others nearby while somewhat dizzy from the impact. She recovered in time to see Ivy flying at her with her scythe drawn, attempting to impale her, and missing as Ruby leaped out the way. Ruby took out her double-sided spear and they fought with their weapons while one kid dressed as Freddy Krueger recorded it. Another dressed as Jason Voorhees said, “Dude, are you seriously tapping this?”

“Of course, man! This **** will get tons of views on Youtube.”

Ivy managed to chop her spear in half, so Ruby strapped the halves to both arms. Ivy took the opportunity to strap her scythe blade to her right arm and grabbed a knife which the Freddy boy had thrown her, explaining that it makes it a little more even to his friend. Any civilians tended to move out of the way as they moved down the train attacking each other. As they passed a train stop, people saw Ruby repeatedly jabbing Ivy in the chest shortly before Ivy slashed her twice followed by a punch to the face. She grabbed Ruby, swung her round and threw her out the window, then took a seat a moment later.

Ruby crashed through another office building actually filled with workers, creating quite a bit of property damage from the broken desks, monitors and the wall. She quickly got to her feet and flew off, flying at extreme speeds until she spotted the train again. On the train, Ivy was being questioned by a train inspector who asked if she had any ID so she showed him her passport. “Miss, here it says your age is ‘Legal’”

“Isn’t that what counts?”

“Not on my watch.” A second later, Ruby tackled Ivy, knocking them out onto the train tracks. Another train was speeding towards them when the driver spoke into an intercom. “Sir, there’s these two girls fighting on the train tracks!”

“Damnit Bob, have you been getting high again?”

“No sir, I swear its true!”

“That’s what you said about those two girls you happened to see months ago, even though there was no evidence. Just drive the damn train and lay off that stuff.”

“Yes sir…” And so he hit them, sending the two flying in midair.

Back in the middle of the streets, Damien drifted round a corner on skates made out of concrete, with a flying scorpion robot chasing him, piloted by Omar who fired lasers which Damien narrowly avoided and threw spikes at. Crystal and Amber caught up, firing at him, he then evaded an incoming tornado and dropped the package while doing so. Rosie quickly picked it up seconds before being hit by Spring and Floyd’s car which arrived. As Poison and Gary rushed in to retrieve the box, the two opened fire on them, causing them to scatter. Omar flew by and grabbed the box with a robot hand, the others giving chase as he took off.

Loli Red and Loli Green were trick or treating down a street, dressed in Power Rangers suits. As an elderly woman gave them some apples, Tsundere-chan glanced down at them and then looked up. “Apples? ****, where’s my candy?!” The woman simply closed the door on them, aggravating her, but it didn’t last as Omar flew by, followed by most of the others. Loli Red informed the other rangers as she and Loli Green followed. Masterman appeared flying a golden helicopter and rammed Omar as he said, “Hey, what’s up?”

“Masterman! You fool! I nearly dropped the box!”

“Then pass it here, man. I need that ****.”

“This creation is far too scientific for you to withstand. You just…you don’t even know!”

“Hey, don’t be tripping now.”

Adol landed on the helicopter and cut open the roof with his chainsaw. “Yeah, I don’t think you could handle it, MM.”

“Of course I could, because I’m Pringles.”

“lol.”

“Don’t hate.”

Lily happened to be nearby on a rooftop wearing a spy catsuit. She took out a rocket launcher and fired, getting a direct hit on Omar’s ship and bringing it down. She threw a flash grenade and as the others covered their eyes, she leapt in and grabbed the box. Lolita dropped down in front of her and asked, “Why are you here?”

“Just for the box. Personal reasons of course. You?”

“Likewise, prepare yourself.”

“Okay, on three. 1-” Lolita immediately drew a katana and sliced her left arm off. “…Now that was uncalled for. Fine, I’ll cheat as well.” She aimed above her head and fired at her life bar, causing a OHKO and running off. Poison fired gusts of wind which Lily avoided by somersaulting, stopping to answer his phone.

Ivy was on the line. “Poison, get here quickly! That foolish angel has this thing and she just nailed me in the ass!”

“Hold on, I’m coming.” Rosie chuckled slightly as he continued. “Where are you anyway?”

“Some construction site, I don’t know the place. Just hurry.”

“Yeah, yeah, be grateful, I’m coming.” Rosie continued laughing. “Oh, grow up…”

As Damien walked down a street, subconsciously creating stone walls to shield himself from the explosions going on, he threw a boulder which managed to hit Lily as he entered a convenience store. A baby resting in a carriage suddenly got to his feet and pulled out a magnum, an old man in a wheelchair wearing a yellow bathing robe revealed a miniature gatling gun from the hand rest as he appeared, a monkey wearing a fedora hat, shades and smoking a cigar appeared with an assault rifle on a bench. Spring and Floyd parked nearby, and loaded their shotguns as they got out, Loli Green and Lolita both arrived, and Masterman leaped out his helicopter with an uzi. There was an awkward silence as Spring flicked his cigar towards a trash can nearby. Floyd turned to Masterman and said, “Your move, Mattress.” As the cigar hit the trash and exploded, they all began running around firing at one another apart from Loli Green and Lolita.

Loli Green turned to her and said, “I know gun fu.” drawing her handguns.

“Show me.” She replied, doing the same.

Moving on, Poison happened to find Ivy and Ruby sitting beside an unfinished building talking, where Ivy had said that Nookie now has a wife and kids, not commenting on how the **** tentacle monsters even produce. Ivy noticed him and got to her feet. “There you are! What took you so long? I got nailed in the ass twice!”

“Sorry about that by the way.” Ruby replied. “Found a nail gun nearby.”

“You’re too slow! If I order you to kiss my royal foot, you should do so! If I order you to dress like a girl, you’ll do so!”

“No I won’t.”

“Yeah you will!”

“Nope.”

“Yes! I would pay friends to **** your ass! They’d **** you so ha-” She stopped to wipe some drool from her mouth. “They’d **** you sensele-” She wiped off more drool.

“Take your time…”

“Hi Poison!” Ruby waved.

“Hey Ruby…man, its been so long since I’ve said that.”

“I know what you mean.”

In the middle of the streets, the shootout continued, with most of the others taking cover and occasionally firing back while the old man drove around randomly firing at people. Loli Blue charged in, then retreated moments later when everyone else fired at her, since it was purely a gun fight. The old man managed to hit the baby in the arm as he took cover where Loli Blue was. “Aww ****! Hey, pass me your knife!”

“No way! Its mine!”

“I need the **** knife just for a second, geez!” She handed it over and he quickly dug out the bullet with the blade. Spring and Floyd fired at the wheelchair, damaging the side wheels while Loli Green leaped to the side and fired in midair, damaging his exhaust pipe, sending him spiralling out of control as the monkey leapt onto his head. He crashed through a glass window and was presumed to be dead, but Spring and Floyd unloaded 10 shotgun shells in him just in case.

Loli Black and Loli Yellow arrived during all the commotion, Loli Black looking over the spectacle as she said, “What the **** is this ****?” Lily shrugged before firing her rocket launcher at the two, Loli Black turning to the side and saying, “****, get that **** out my face.” As she punched it, sending it flying into a building which then exploded.

Lily then put it away. “Look, guys, this is silly. Why are we fighting over some stupid box?” she asked, having regained her arm while Rosie inspected a man who appeared to be dead outside the building on fire. “We’re just causing unnecessary destruction here. Besides, its Halloween and no-one’s in costume.” She continued, while Rosie looked around before feasting on the man.

Loli Yellow held up a sign saying, “Some of our ordinary outfits count as costumes.” while Amber quickly left to dress up as Morrigan Aensland. Ivy, Poison and Ruby arrived as this went on.

“Anyway, we should be doing Halloween themed things.” Lily ducked as Adol threw his chainsaw which lodged itself in a wall. “Like scaring people, going to haunted houses and stuff like that.”

“What’s the point when you’re a demon?” Ivy replied. “Besides, we’ve been to a haunted place, it was called Noisy Hill, but surprisingly wasn’t very noisy.”

“Speaking of which, I should get going soon. My daughter wants me to teach her to torment people with psychological problems.” Adol said, picking up his chainsaw.

“You have a kid?” Poison asked.

“Yep, she’s in capable hands. Her mother’s a nurse. Anyway, catch you round.” Adol waved goodbye as he took off.

“My Halloween point still stands.” Lily said.

“We shouldn’t scare Ivy too much now.” Poison began. “If you do she’ll-” before he could finish, she tried to punch him, and ended up hitting Gary who leaped towards them.

He crashed into a building and walked out rubbing his cheek. “I actually agree. Halloween only comes once a year.”

“How did it feel?” Poison asked.

“It felt wonderful…” He replied, a look of enlightenment on his face. “So about the Halloween thing again-”

Suddenly, a giant pumpkin monster! It crushed the mystery box as it appeared and roared loudly. Ruby looked up at it and said, “Well that was convenient…”

“Lets rap this up quickly.” Ivy said. Ruby grabbed the pumpkin using her psychokinesis, and held it against a building, holding it in place with iron poles. Ivy formed a large fiery harpoon and said, “When you get to hell, tell my dad I sent ya.” as she threw it. She struck the centre, and a delayed explosion occurred splitting it in four pieces. Poison fired a tornado which sliced it into dozens of small pieces, then Gary vaporized it completely as he called down a ray of lightning.

“You love that move, don’t you?” Poison asked.

“Its actually pretty fun.” He replied.

“Well with no reason to be here now, we should get going. I’m in the mood to riff a movie.” Poison said, walking off.

“That’s a great idea, foolish angel, wanna join us?”

“Its Ruby. I sometimes think you purposely don’t say my name.” She sighed as she followed them.

They all began to leave one after another and around the same time Damien was sitting on a rock golem walking through the streets as he talked to Willard on a phone. “Seems they’ve all stopped now.”

“So how was it?”

“Sadly not as much property damage as I expected. I mean, my sister and her friend have been known to cause quite a lot from what I’ve been told. Still it was good enough. Thanks for setting this up.”

“On the contrary, the idea was clearly yours, I just felt obliged to lend a hand. It has been a while since we worked together on a certain task.”

“Too true. Well I’d best be getting back, Lolita would be mad if my dinner got cold…”

“Ahh, young love.”

“Shut it, you old geezer. Besides, what was in that box anyway?”

“Its best not to know…” Willard said, chuckling before he hanged up.

Meanwhile, in a dark room the two kids from earlier were looking up the video of Ivy and Ruby fighting on the train which they uploaded and noticed it already had 8,000 views. The one dressed as Freddy turned and said, “See? didn’t I say this would get views?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

Time to kick this **** off, old school.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Chapter 41 (Its still a stupid number) - The Sliding Scale of Love and Hate

It was two weeks after Halloween, and Ivy sat in her room early that morning writing in her diary. “Dear Diary, It’s been a while since we talked, huh? Life’s going pretty well, though not many people like me and are still jerks, they at least somewhat respect me…I think. Nookie’s oldest son has now started molesting human girls, yet again, I’m so proud. It feels like only yesterday when I beat Nookie to a pulp and took him home as a pet. I wish him the best of luck.”

She then heard her mother yell, “Ivy, you received a letter from one of your fan club members!”

“Coming!” She ran out the room, down the hall and slid down the stairs, smashing into the door where she picked up the letter and read it out loud. “From a loyal and mysterious fan, I’ve got a small problem which someone of your talents could help me solve. I’ll explain more later, my address is…” She stopped reading. “Time for another good deed.”

“Well good for you.” Her mother replied before leaving.

“Is doing this one thing really so important?” Poison asked as he came down the stairs.

“Of course!” She took out a list. “I’ve done 8 evil things this week and only 1 good thing! I need another good deed to add to the list!”

He read the list. “I don’t think hiding the remote, taking the last cookie from the cookie jar, and not cleaning the bath qualify as evil, maybe petty and annoying, but not evil. Also, chopping off someone’s arm isn’t a good deed.”

“He was gonna have it amputated, so I saved him the trouble. Anyway, I haven’t got time to argue, I’ll see you later.” She grabbed the list and took off towards her fan’s location.

In a basic house with a red and brown visual style which most houses there tended to have, sat a young boy. He had unruly turquoise hair, and wore a zipped up red jacket, with matching pants and shoes which had three white stripes going across them. Ivy kicked down the door and leaped in as she yelled, “Dynamic entry!” She landed on her feet and turned to him. “So what’s the problem?”

“You better fix that door. Anyway, I’ve got these personal issues with this girl I just barely know.” The boy spoke. “My name is Jack, and I’ll be looking forward to working with you.”

“So what’s my reward?” She immediately asked.

“Huh? Reward?”

“Yeah, kid. I don’t do this **** for free, Y’know?”

“Well I don’t really…”

“Oh, well good luck with your-”

She turned to leave when Jack spoke up. “Wait! You can’t! I was told you were the best, and if you go I’ll have no-one to really turn to! The others are amateurs, not like your magnificent skills which are in a league of their own! Your grace, your beauty, your mediocre fashion sense…”

“Hey! Besides, sucking up isn‘t enough to get my help, so if you-”

“For the time being, my fridge is your fridge.” They immediately sealed the deal as they shook hands.

“So what’s the problem?” Ivy asked.

“Well, there’s this girl, she’s unfucking believable! She practically hates my guts, and I hate hers. She pulls some kind of prank on me, then I pull one on her, and so on. After the prank she pulled on me two weeks ago, I still haven’t retaliated, so I was wondering if you had any ideas.”

Ivy thought for a little bit, before moving on. A bit later, Ivy stood on a cliff with a video camera and a bulldozer, readying to hit her target with a wrecking ball. Eventually she showed up, appearing to be a young girl with violet hair sporting twin tails, wearing a red open jacket with a fluffy hood, a black t-shirt, and blue pants. As she looked around, Ivy managed to hit her hard with the wrecking ball while videotaping it and running off.

Shortly afterwards, the girl was walking down a path, saying random obscenities under her breath, clearly mad over the previous ordeal while Poison and Rosie were walking by just up ahead.

“So Damien is gonna troll a message board, and some other guys have agreed to participate, you in?” Poison asked.

“Sure, sounds like fun. By the way, does anyone actually swim in that lake of lava?” Rosie asked, staring far to her right.

“Nah, its just for decoration.” The girl bumped into Poison, but continued walking as he sarcastically said, “Guess that serves me right for paying attention.”

She stopped and turned to him, and then said, “Hey, aren’t you that one from the photos wearing th-”

Poison quickly covered her mouth. “Lets have a quick talk…” He said as they walked off. “So what’s the problem?” He asked as they stood at an empty street corner.

“Well, there’s this guy I hate so I pull pranks on him, and he does the same, and he just pulled this lameass prank so I’m really pissed and have to get back at him! And if you don’t help I’m going to use those photos I happened to see.”

“Yeah, I get how this works.” He replied, not surprised in the least. “So what’s your name?”

“Oh, my name is Jill. Now lets get to work!” She said, walking off.

Later that day, Jack informed Ivy about receiving an email about Jill threatening to send some embarrassing photos she had taken of him in the past to others, and had no choice but to beg Ivy to find the pictures somehow before she could do so. Ivy wanted to get down to the real deal, as she was certain Jack was hiding something important so she went to ask around about the two. She went around the demonic city asking around for the deal between the two, and getting nowhere from demons rudely denying knowledge of it, and she completely forgot to ask an elderly woman upon being given a large lollipop.

Meanwhile, Poison was currently talking with Gary online about some important details over the internet with a webcam. “So, what do you think?” Poison asked.

“Well, it doesn’t seem like pictures you’d normally use for humiliation purposes, I should know.”

“As I thought. Well thanks for your help, man.”

“Sure thing. By the way, can you lend me Kawaii Girl Uguu-chan?”

“I can’t man, I’m sorry.” Poison shook his head.

“And why not?”

“Your body is not ready.” Those words hit Gary hard, like a kick to the nuts. He had expected something like this, and though he tried to block it out, he knew the statement was true. Some witnesses have said only one person finished watching this show but died from cuteness overload, and Poison only got halfway through. Could it truly be watched all the way through without dying? He had to give it a shot. As Gary got up from his seat, Poison leaned in, a worried look in his eyes as he said, “Gary…”

Gary silenced him as he raised his hand and walked off into the shadows. He went through a montage, showing various scenes such as Gary clutching his chest in pain and expressing a faint, “HNNNNGGGGG” sound as watched various moe anime, got Crystal to show him their family album with Ruby’s baby pictures, and also looking through some of the Ivy pictures he’d bought until he was desensitized to being affected by any level of cuteness.

Back to the main story, Ivy visited her old school which had white and black large corridors, and demons didn’t really need to go to school since they were demons. A black haired demon in a suit called to Ivy as she walked by the classroom. “Oh, Ivy! I haven’t seen you in like 8 years now!”

“That’s because I hated you all and chose to stay at home.”

“Oh, you’re so tsun~”

She ignored him and walked around. She eventually found some girls who occasionally hang around with Jill and one explained the connection. “Well, one day those two accidentally bumped into each other, and while she’s my friend, she’s also quite a **** so she responded rather harshly, as did he. This started off a string of events where he pulled pranks on her, and she pulled pranks on him, and she was always going on half the time about how she needs to pull off an amazing prank, and recently saying the last prank he pulled seemed like a kid came up with it. I mean, we obviously know they like each other, but she’ll never just say it, even though we honestly don’t give a **** if she does. You like who you like, big deal what others think.” The other girls in the group agreed. Ivy thanked them and moved on.

Fortunately, Ivy discovered Jill in an empty classroom, looking through her bag. “Hey, you’re that girl Jack’s talking about, right?”

“What of it?”

“I’m here for the photos. I suggest you hand them over.”

“Sadly, they’re mine. I took them and I’ll do what I want with them.” Jill said, turning around with them in her hand.

“Lets play a fun exercise of mine.” Ivy cleared her throat. “Look at your hand, now look at me, look at your lame backpack, now look back at me. I’m not you, because I’m awesome and my tail is silky smooth. But that’s not important, because I just stole your pictures.” Jill raised an eyebrow as she looked at her empty hand, just as Ivy took off.

Jill gave chase, yelling at her as they ran through the corridors. Jill grabbed a SMG one student was holding and opened fire, Ivy barely avoiding the shots before diving into a classroom for cover. She looked around the room and then grabbed the whiteboard to use as a shield. Just then, Jill leaped into the room, performing an unnecessary combat roll before firing. Ivy leaped over tables and blasted down a wall, turning right down the corridor with Jill in hot pursuit. Jill punched her locker open, where she took out a rocket launcher. As she fired, Ivy heard it and threw a locker in the way of the missile while exclaiming, “This **** is crazy!” She continued throwing lockers while running, eventually hitting Jill with one as she came round a corner.

Ivy took this opportunity to escape by leaping out a second story window and flying off, Jill seeing her as she did so and doing the same. Jill looked around the area but couldn’t seem to find her. “Get out here! When I find you, I’m gonna unload this all over your face! You hear me?!” Ivy happened to be hiding behind a bin further down and waited until she left before making her own way back.

Upon arriving back at Jack’s house, the first thing he said as she entered was, “You ate all my food!”

“Well your fridge is my fridge, right?”

“But I wasn’t trying to be that generous! Anyway, did you get them?”

“Yeah, I got it.” She said, throwing them on the table.

“Also, we need to do more, since this green haired guy came here and stole the photos I had of her.”

“Green haired guy?”

At that moment, In Jill’s house she was taking a shower when Poison arrived. Poison was waiting in the living room as she entered in a towel, and her immediate reaction was to punch him, which he dodged while saying, “I ironed your clothes just so you know, and got the photos.”

“Oh, t-thanks.” She replied, blushing slightly.

“Now don’t go developing any crushes of some sort.” He replied as he left.

“You think too highly of yourself…”

As Poison logged back on using a laptop, Gary was waiting. He appeared to have several bruises and was covered in glitter for some odd reason. Though reluctant, he knew it was time, so Poison sent Kawaii Girl Uguu-chan over the internet and wished him luck, all of which was said with a simple nod. Gary closed his eyes, thinking to himself, “Alright, I’m ready. My body can take it…”

Afterwards, Jill explained about a girl with pink hair stealing the photos, quickly clueing him in on who that might be. Ivy and Poison met shortly by Ivy’s house, at which point Poison said, “So, your diagnosis?”

“He’s totally a jerk.”

“She’s totally a tsundere. So, what do you suggest?”

“Well I think its rather simple. Did you look at the pictures?”

“Huh?” Ivy looked at them for a few moments. “Hmm, these look like the type you’d keep for personal use…”

“Exactly, that means-”

“I can see the ending.” Ivy said, wearing black shades. “I know what to do.” A few minutes later, she had gathered a bag of accessories. “Okay, I got everything. The candles, the chocolate, the bathing oils, some Marvin Gay songs such as ‘Lets Get It On’, and my mom’s BDSM kit.”

“You seem overly prepared for some reason…so how do we do this?”

“We need to get them in the same room, and then its done. This thing started when Jack pulled a prank on that girl.”

“Her name is Jill.”

“Seriously? Anyway, pulling pranks on each other was kinda a way of them communicating. Starting off light and getting more hurtful as they went along. Taking potentially embarrassing pictures of each other could be seen as a relationship upgrade, but then Jack hadn’t responded to her prank for several weeks, and she assumed he’d lost interest. Then I unknowingly made it worse with a basic prank which wasn’t at a high standard, so she’d assume he no longer liked her. The solution to this problem? Hatese-”

I don’t think that’s gonna do it.”

“Trust me, it is.”

Poison left to visit Amber who had just beaten another girl by hitting her with a meteor, followed by a piledriver, then saying, “You lose, Marissa, and for your punishment be sure to arrive at my house around 8PM, and come alone.”

“Yes, ma’am.” she replied.

After waving to her and explaining, Poison asked what the solution would be, and she happened to agreed with Ivy. Figuring he asked the wrong type of person, he asked half the other people he knew, them all responding the same way, so he decided to drop it. He helped get both sides to meet up and lock Jack and Jill in an partially lit apartment made of titanium with all the stuff Ivy brought already set up.

“This is your fault we’re locked in here!” Jill yelled.

“Me? If you didn’t whine about everything this wouldn’t have happened!”

“Arrgh, you’re such an ****!”

“And you’re such a ****!”

After another minute of arguing they finally calmed down. After a few moments, they considered it a success, and then the arguing continued, being far worse while all sorts of noises could be heard, so Ivy and Poison quietly unlocked the door, quickly left and never looked back.

A few hours later, Ivy and Poison were back at Ivy’s house, watching TV when the doorbell rang. Ivy answered the door, only to see Jack and Jill holding hands and smiling. Ivy called Poison over as Jack spoke. “Thanks so much for helping us, you guys.”

“Yeah, we just weren’t very good at conveying our feelings, and it feels like we wasted your time by having it get to that point.”

“No problem.” Poison replied. “You did delete the-”

“Yeah, I deleted them. Thanks again, you guys, and take care!”

“I hate you~” Jack playfully said.

“I hate you more~” Jill cheerfully replied. The two left, skipping along as they went up a hill (hey, you saw it coming) while Ivy and Poison watched.

“You think there’s some hidden meaning behind all this?” Ivy asked.

“Nah, that would just be stupid.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Ivy said before closing the door.

Later that day, some of the angelic council confirmed Gary to have died from cuteness overload, but figured he’d be back within the week. His body was not ready.

TMEDCE: Chapter 42 - World of the Savvy Tropers

Picking up immediately after the bizarre number of events during the first part of the ~~zombie~~ troper invasion, we flashback to the troper invested lab where Omar used to work. Ivy and Poison had been turned into insomniac tropers from the repeated biting, while Damien miraculously survived being shot in the head and got to his feet. He brushed the dirt off himself before nonchalantly pulling a gun and shooting his attempted killer without even looking. The others stared at him as he spoke. “Alright, I see the situation is hopeless, anyway, here’s how we go about this…”

Meanwhile, somewhere in the area of ~~Adabat~~ Central City, in an unknown location…

Inside a room was a single large rectangular table with four seats on each side and one seat ahead of them. Many torches lit the room and there was a water container in the corner. There were currently four figures sitting around the large table. Those figures happened to be Willard, Omar, Adol and Masterman. Adol looked around before saying, “Awfully empty, huh?”

“A side effect of the unfortunate commotion outside, I’d assume.” Willard replied.

“So this nonsense to do with tropes, how long can I expect this to last, Willard? I still need to get back to my next research project.” Omar said.

“I sadly have no idea, but I’ll still enjoy it while it lasts. Perhaps it’ll never end, just like the sort of zombie invasions you see in films, where the cast tend to be incompetent imbeciles who would likely survive their predicament if they thought clearly.” Willard smiled.

Masterman looked out the window. “Aww, dude! Those guys are damaging my bike! One just stole it! What the hell, man!”

“Tough break, man.” Adol said, getting up. “Well there’s no point staying here anymore, I’m going home, later guys.” He left the room and soon arrived in the insomniac troper invested streets, quickly taking notice of a young boy and his sister as they walked past. “Hey, how old are you?” He asked the boy.

“Oh, I’m 15, sir. Older than they look.”

Adol placed his arm around his shoulder as he said, “Alright, lets go back to my place. Oh, and bring your sister.”

“But she’s only 13...”

“She’s old enough.” He replied, picking her up.

In another part of the city, the Loli Rangers were driving around on colour coded motorbikes, still shooting people in the head while trying to help people. Loli Red received a distress call in a middle school, hearing that there was a few classes trapped there and some teachers, so they drove on ahead towards that location.

A bit further away from Omar’s abandoned lab, Crystal and Gary managed to dispose of the tropers which attacked Ruby, but it was already too late for her, she was dead, but only mostly dead. Gary chose not to say anything as it would only make it worse. At that moment, one troper attempted to attack them from behind, only for Crystal to bitchslap them across the street as she said, “Back the **** up!” She quickly took out her bat. “Lets go.” She said as she left.

“Right.” Gary replied, following closely.

Shortly afterwards, the Loli Rangers arrived at the entrance to the rather large school building, appearing to be deserted of tropers. They looked around before entering, the hallways being quite dark and empty. As they reached an intersection, Loli Red turned to the others and said, “Alright, we should probably split up.”

“Are you nuts?!” Loli Black exclaimed. “Are you even thinking straight? Splitting up is the worst thing to do, as we’ll be picked off one by one! And the black dude always dies first that way!”

“But you’re not a dude.” Loli Blue said.

“That’s not the point!”

“Fine, I’ll investigate on my own, you guys explore however you want, but keep in touch.” Loli Red left before the others could say anything. Loli Green and Blue decided to go on their own while Yellow and Black did the same. Tsundere-chan simply proceeded down the following hallways, sliding tropers in half with waves of energy from her sword, until she cut through a door where some kids were trapped.

Down another path, Loli Blue was throwing knifes at half the people she came across, regardless if they were infected or not, so Loli Green had to deflect some of her throws with her bullets. Loli Green spotted a female teacher running from one troper and tripping, as women tend to do in these types of situations. As the troper closed in on her, Loli Green leaped into the fray, knocking him back with a kick, followed by several more, a low kick, two shots to the chest, two high kicks, a shot to the crotch, a roundhouse kick and finally blasting him in the head.

“H-how did you do that?” The teacher asked.

“I know gun fu.” Loli Green answered, reloading her gun. “Now go.”

As she ran off, Loli Blue asked, “Can I kill her? Can I? Can?!?” Loli Green simply stared at her.

Loli Black was punching people through walls while Loli Yellow sliced people open and decapitated a few tropers with her razor sharp boards. As they approached a toilet, Loli Black informed Loli Yellow she needed to go, then Loli Yellow held up a sign saying, “I’ll go clear the exit, the others should be done by now.”

At Omar’s lab, Damien was explaining his plans while scenes were shown describing them. “Now, lets increase the number of people infected, and to do that we need to enclose all exits out of here. When its clear that the majority of this city has been infected, then its time to make it spread to other parts of the world. It may take a few days, but it’ll be rather satisfying to see it. First, we secure all helicopters. Those sad people expecting some silly rescue will be easy targets, while doing so we find all the routes leading out of the city and guard them, no-one leaves. Oh, protect the gun shops too, in case survivors get any bright ideas. So lets get started, comrades.”

Ivy raised her hand. “Can I bite you?”

“No, I don’t need teeth marks in my shoulder.”

At the time, in the middle of the streets Spring and Floyd were driving around, running over tropers. Floyd had just finished talking to someone over the phone and hung up before turning to Spring. “I’ve just been informed that Willard seems to be planning something at the hospital near 123 Fake Street.”

“Lets roll.” Spring responded, seconds before the car sped up, driving through a lorry which promptly exploded.

Back in the school toilets, Loli Black was about to finish up, when suddenly a troper ripped open the locked stall door, exclaiming, “Insert trope here…” Loli Black quickly punched the troper in the jaw, then sidestepped as she lunged forward and stomped on her head as she fell on the toilet seat.

“Choke on it! CHOKE ON IT!” She yelled, drowning the troper in the toilet which she hadn’t flushed.

“Toilet humor…” the troper managed to mutter before finally dying.

Down one of the halls, Loli Red ran by Blue and Green, telling them that it was already too late, most of them were infected by the time the distress call was made, and by the time she arrived she had to kill the small number remaining. “Oh, and here…” She handed Loli Green a revolver, who blushed.

“Tsundere-chan, I had no idea you cared…”

“D-don’t misunderstand, I just happened to find it and figured you could use three guns, is all.” A luminous blush could clearly be seen as she crossed her arms and looked away.

“I love you guys just as much too~” Loli Blue said cheerfully, placing her arms around both their shoulders.

“There’s no time for this, we have to get going!” Loli Red said, pushing Yandere-chan’s arm off her. They ran on ahead down the hallways, Loli Red happening to see Loli Black exiting the toilets during this time. “What happened to you?” She asked.

“I had to choke a ****.” A laugh track played as Loli Black walked off, while Loli Red looked around in confusion.

At the hospital, everyone taking refuge there was panicking, with the hordes of tropers on the outside and the numerous victims presumed dead which came back to life and started infecting others within the place. A husband and wife with their baby were running down a dim hallway when a troper suddenly appeared as he said, “Offscreen teleportation…” and then hit the father with an axe, killing him. Another troper shot the mother in the leg, who tried to place her baby in a safe hiding spot while one troper moaned, “Infant immorality…” The mother looked up at a troper who had a gun to her forehead, and yelled, “Not!” before blasting her head off.

Just then, Spring and Floyd drove their car through the front entrance doors, potentially killing nearly a dozen people as they got out.

As they noticed this, Floyd said, “We’ll say it was in self-defense.”

“That would be the best choice.” Spring replied. They ignored the secretarial woman nearby and instead walked around, shooting anyone who looked hostile as they searched for Willard.

Right afterwards, Ivy, Poison and Damien along with a large group of insomniac tropers entered, a little surprised that other visitors had arrived first.

“Uhh, excuse me, who are you people?” The secretary asked.

Damien walked right past her, shoving her aside as he said, “Move ****, get out the way. Alright, get to work, people, we haven’t got all day.”

Ivy stared at the secretary which set her on fire with her mind, followed by her spontaneously exploding. One troper wondered why they couldn’t do more things like that, and she replied that if they were to regularly use the full extent of such abilities most of them would be overpowered.

“Ivy…” She heard a familiar voice call. She turned to the right to see Ruby, who was now an insomniac troper, and clearly ready to do battle. She dramatically pointed at her. “I challenge you to extreme rock-paper-scissors!”

“You’re on!” As they began, upon displaying their chosen attack, the hallway exploded due to the extreme nature of the game.

Willard sat in a large brightly lit room with tons of beds holding two loaded handguns, waiting for something. As if right on cue, Spring and Floyd smashed through a wall, changing right at him with a handgun each, rapidly firing. Willard kicked his seat at them and managed to evade 4 bullets fired. Floyd leaped over the chair and attacked with a kick which Willard blocked with his arm. Floyd leaped over him as Willard fired two shots, Floyd deflecting them with two kicks while he and Spring exchanged punches just before ducking under one and vaporized the bullets with a swing of his cape. Spring slid under a shot Willard fired and struck back, the bullets deflecting off each other and popping back into their guns. Floyd attacked with a knee to the face, missing by inches just as Spring attacked with an elbow to the chest. Willard flipped over it, landing behind them. As he pointed each gun at them, Spring and Floyd did the same.

“It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it, old friends.” Willard said, a devilish smirk plastered on his face.

“You’re the one behind this madness, aren’t you?” Spring said.

“Well it does seem like something I’d be likely to do, but sadly I cannot recall whether I would cause a crisis this large at the moment…”

“We’re not here to play your sick games.”

“I do not know this game of which you speak of. But its far too late, you should already know this, and yet here you are attempting to settle personal issues with an innocent gentleman such as I. Can‘t I enjoy the end of the world in peace?”

“He’s kinda got a point.” Damien said, entering the room. “Its pretty late to stop the infection. Just by guessing, I’d say around 70% of the population here in the city have been infected by now, you either join ‘em, or find out how long you have to realise its hopeless, so I’ve decided to speed up the process.”

“Once again we appear to be on the same side.” Willard responded.

“Only by coincidence, mind you.”

Floyd fully loaded his gun again. “Well if this truly is it, then killing you won’t be a hassle on us.”

Willard smiled. “Damien, will you be participating in our little game?”

“Sure, why not. I ju-” Suddenly he was stabbed through the heart from behind, not once, but three times, instantly killing him. Lolita suddenly appeared, picking him up and saying, “Excuse me.” as she left with his body.

The carnage and destruction throughout the city only got worse overtime, and escalated somewhat more when Poison met up with Gary on opposing sides. During all this, Lily journeyed back to her room, where after exploring the cause of the problem on TV Tropes, she discovered the solution: Sleep, or more importantly, certain drugs and accessories which will help people get to sleep faster. It turned out the cause was a certain page an unknown individual had created on TV Tropes, which flashed through dozens upon dozens of pages so fast that it felt as if a week had gone by within a minute.

She informed the Loli Rangers of this, as well as Crystal and Gary when she managed to find them and any people who weren’t affected. They broke into drug stores, picking up tons of pills, chloroform, and other products to cure the public. And so they spent around 6 hours giving from place to making the infected go to sleep, and doing the same to their helpers who managed to get infected. Spring and Floyd’s battle with Willard was unsettled as he left soon afterwards for unknown reasons.

Late the next morning, everyone was finally cured, apart from the people who actually died that night but whatever. They all thanked Lily as their savoir for figuring out the solution to the problem. And so Lily achieved world peace, they all held hands and sang songs…happy songs…peaceful songs…

---

Ivy, Poison, Ruby, Damien, Gary, Rosie, Leo, Amber and Crystal were all in Ivy’s living room, watching this on TV.

“If we paid for this I’d feel ripped off.” Ivy commented. The others all agreed, apart from Ruby, who was actually quite pleased with the surprise ending.

TMEDCE: Chapter 43 - Mad Skillz

It was an unknown amount to time since some unknown random event in the past. Gary was sitting in a dark room, looking up various unmentionable things. Suddenly, he received a call from a member within the council of angels that night, informing him of a resent mission on Earth, and to potentially take Ruby along as it would be pretty dangerous alone, which he still wasn’t too keen on.

Gary knocked at her door, stopping Ruby and Crystal’s game of DDR. They invited him in, where he discussed the issue in her room. “So there’s this new chick on earth causing trouble, an unknown source lists her as being highly dangerous. Says she works under someone by the name, “The Strongest.”

“Sounds like something Ruby’s friend would say. Wonder what she’d think of this.” Crystal said.

“She‘s not my friend. But I can guess how she‘d react.” She cleared her throat and crossed her arms. “Fool! Is this moron unaware of my superior dominance? I shall meet with this person and then we’ll see who’s truly the strongest! Haaaaahahahaha!”

“That’s a surprisingly good impression.” Gary commented.

“Yeah, anyway, I needed a new female to add to my rogues gallery.” Ruby said.

“You haven’t got one, Ruby.” Crystal replied.

“So anyway, we have to go see this priest who knows more info, and we gotta work together on this, since its serious.” Gary said.

“So we’ll have to pose as a team, huh?” Ruby asked. Gary nodded, then as Ruby offered a handshake, he decided it was best not to shake her hand in case the house explodes like that other time they teamed up. “Alright, its time for my transformation sequence!”

As she did so, Gary stared, completely speechless as he said, “What is this?”

“I don’t even. Its her Magical Girl transformation sequence.” Crystal said.

“But she isn’t one…”

“We know. Just roll with it.”

“Alright…”

Sometime later, they made it to earth and visited the church where they were told the priest would be. He sat by the altar, getting up as they made their way down the aisle. He had silky black hair, part of it curled over and covering his left eye, he wore glasses, a black vest and pants with a silver lining along the pockets, sleeves and collar, wore a golden crucifix necklace around his neck and always carried around a black book in his hand. “You must be the angels I was informed of.”

“That’s us.” Crystal nodded.

“Good evening, my name is Adam. You should be aware of this particular threat I contacted you about. This mad scientist by the name of Dawn has set up a base in a location a few miles from here, I’m not sure what she’s planning but its obviously bad if she finishes her preparations. I’ve heard she has some history with Omar on who could create the most insane inventions in the past.”

“And how do you know so much?” Gary asked.

“That’s because I was created by her, but I no longer work for her, and she has new minions for which she plays around with. Before you go, I figured I’d give you this.” Adam said, handing Ruby a black hammer with the sides being platinum.

“Thanks a lot!” Ruby replied, clearly pleased. “The hammer of Justice!” She yelled, raising it into the air.

“Lets get going, guys.” Crystal said. The others agreed and they took off, waving goodbye to Adam.

At Omar’s lab located in a large tower, he was operating the controls for an electricity powered chamber ahead of him. “Soon my latest invention will be complete: Mancrab! Hahahahaheheheheeee!”

He then suddenly heard a voice yell, “Omar!” A moment later, Ruby and Gary smashed through a window and skidded along the ground before coming to a stop. Gary pushed him into the side of a wall and said, “What’s your deal with that girl called Dawn?”

“Who is this ‘Dawn’ you speak of?”

“Y’know, some other mad scientist.”

“Oh, her. I despise that woman, I shall one day have her destroyed! I met her one day on the planet Mianus as I was planning universal domination, but I realized its harder than it sounds so I settled for just earth. On that planet their species can shape shift, I think they were some kind of tentacled monster hybrid, it was bizarre. She was always trying to one-up me, and now she’s here to try and do the same. Not much else I can tell you.”

“Well thanks for the info anyway.” Gary said as he walked off, them ignoring the chamber being charged with electricity.

Meanwhile, in a mysterious location, Ivy awoke on a platform within a purely white scientific spaceship, and beside her were Amber and Rosie. Half a dozen generic aliens surrounded the three just as Amber and Rosie were beginning to wake up. After looking around, Ivy said, “I’m not in a hentai, am I?”

“Not yet, we’ve captured you three by putting tons of sleeping pills on your ice cream.” One alien said.

“You said they were sprinkles…” Rosie said, glaring at Ivy.

“Anyway, we’re going to kidnap you guys and sell you to the highest bidders.”

The three didn’t seem to have much of a problem with this, to the aliens surprise. “Have you got anything to eat?” Ivy asked.

“Uhh, sure, I’ll show you to the fridge…” Ivy followed him while Amber and Rosie left to explore the ship.

Back on earth, Ruby, Gary and Crystal arrived at the designated location, hiding in some bushes. As Ruby was wearing pure black, she moved on ahead, taking out the guards around the entrance Sly Cooper style before Gary and Crystal joined her.

“Nice work, Ruby. We’ll have to be even more stealthy inside.” Gary said.

“Gotcha.” And with that, Ruby leaped through a glass window, alerting a guard robot who proceeded to inform the others. The others facepalmed at the level of stupidity witnessed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7j0ZLGDjMNI

The three moved down the long hallway knocking out robots with flashy moves and co-operative combos before reaching a large elevator with no roof. As it moved up, the elevator stopped every so often to open the doors for robots which the three dispatched quite fast before moving on. When they eventually reached the top, they arrived in a massive room which quickly became filled with hundreds of robots charging at them.

Gary turned to the others and said, “You guys, I know a move that can wipe out all of these guys at once, but I’ll need a bit of time. Can you guys cover me?”

“You got it.” Crystal flashed him a thumbs up before running ahead through the crowd of robots, wiping out some as they drew nearer.

Ruby took out her iPod and turned it on as she said, “Lets dance.” She started moving in bizarre angles, knocking out robots from all sides with delayed punches and kicks, backflips, and doing things such as using her psychokinetic powers to knock one robot back and forth like a ball before pulling out her black supposable magic staff and knocking out a dozen with an energy as she spun in a circle. At that moment, Gary was ready. He covered his sword in half a dozen layers of electricity, making it half the size of a house, and threw it ahead. The three jumped into the air as it hit the ground, electrocuting all robots as it slid 80 feet to the other end of the room, and causing an electrical explosion as it stopped, wiping out some which were only partially damaged.

“Couldn’t you have just electrocuted the floor with your hand?” Crystal asked.

“Well yeah, but wasn’t this way cooler?”

“You make a valid point…”

Just then, two walls by the end began to open themselves to reveal another room just ahead. Entering the room, Ruby noticed how similar it was to the same room which she arrived in to stop Omar’s attempt of messing with other similar universes. There was a woman there working on a dimensional gate and as they got closer she turned to face them. She had brunette unkempt hair, which in anime would translate to sexhair so whatever. She wore a cthulhu type hat and a black lab coat, also wearing a black tube top, jeans and a golden belt. Seeming unfazed by their appearance, she said, “Do you mind? I’m in the middle of important work.”

“Uhh, we’ll be taking you in for crimes of being a mad scientist.” Gary said. “We’d appreciate it if you’d come with us quietly so we can avoid violence.”

“Alright, let me just get my things.” She said cheerfully, walking off.

Ruby turned to Gary, saying, “Well that was nice of her.”

“Yeah, that was pretty easy.”

Crystal moved away from them a moment before Dawn activated a trap door, dropping Ruby and Gary down the hole. As it closed, Crystal asked, “So what’s down there?”

“A death trap. I figured I’d take up a part-time job as a Bond villain. It should be over in about a min-” before she could finish, Ruby and Gary smashed through a wall to her right. Only partially surprised, she asked, “How did you do that?”

“MacGyvering, I guess.” Gary shrugged.

“You!” Ruby pointed at her. “You’re attempting to repeat Omar’s insane idea to mess with alternate realities, aren’t you?!”

“Maybe a little.” She answered.

“Don’t you know what we went through the last time that happened?!? Well it was resolved but still!”

“Relax, I’m only going to cause some bad paradoxes across numerous dimensions, geez, calm down.”

“The more laid-back type of mad scientist, I see.” Crystal said, stroking her chin.

“I’m not fond of mad scientists in general.” Gary replied.

“So what’s your master plan?” Ruby asked.

“Well normally I might go along with this, but I don’t feel like spending several minutes explaining it to you morons, so I’ll kill you instead.” With a click of her fingers, four black stripped 5 foot humanoid robots with horns on the sides of their heads dropped down. One had bronze stripes, another had silver, the next had gold, and the last had platinum, who was like silver but shinier. “Generals, dispose of our guests.” Ruby, Gary and Crystal leaped out the way as they opened fire on them.

Gary tackled Platinum and they exchanged punches as they moved across the room while Crystal flipped over Bronze and hit Gold through a wall with her bat. Ruby managed to sneak up to the dimensional gate and grab a vital part to building it, as well as the instruction manual and took off. Dawn quickly took notice of this and yelled, “Silver! Take that idiot out immediately! She’s got the manual!” Silver stopped throwing energy balls at Gary and sped off after Ruby, throwing more energy as he kept yelling, “How about this!” and “Take this!”

Crystal and Gary quickly caught up and with a few combined hits they knocked out Silver. Dawn unleashed a large spider-like tentacled monster from the lower levels, which knocked down a wall and came after them as they ran through the hallways. While this happened, Gold and Platinum were also closing in, so Crystal told them she’d stall the two robots while they ran, tripping the tentacle monster to buy more time before they arrived.

Ruby and Gary leaped through a window, to a lower section within the tower and kept running with the tentacled monster close behind, firing webs which Gary slashed with his sword. It began using its tentacles to grab them, which they both stopped by cutting them with their signature weapons. Ruby took out her staff and fired a beam of energy, slowing down the monster and speeding her up. Then Ruby and Gary joined hands and both fired a beam each, speeding up their momentum enough to outrun the beast and fly right out a window. Dawn happened to speed by in a ship and grab the manual, but Ruby shot a grapping hook at it and was pulled along with Gary beside her.

On the mysterious spaceship, Ivy stood beside the driver as she ate a pie. The alien turned to her and asked, “By the way, where’s that angel friend of yours and her sister?”

“No idea.”

“Oh well, we could have sold you two as a set and got a lot more.”

“Uh-huh.” Ivy replied, not really giving a ****.

“By the way, I like your show.”

“Show?”

“Yeah, something about demonic and epicness. I dunno, the title keeps changing.”

“Umm, thanks?”

“Its pretty big on our planet. There’s like three seasons now, and an RPG adventure starring Ruby, and a fighting game, and lots of other stuff.”

“That’s a bit too excessive, isn’t it?”

“I guess.”

“If you like my show, why are you kidnapping us to sell to some guy on another planet?”

“We wanna get rich.”

“Oh right, that makes sense.”

“I know a guy who likes them tight.”

“I have no idea what that means.” Ivy shook her head. “So about this show…”

“Yeah, it varies from episode to episode. Heard they were planning to make some changes due to ratings at one point…”

---

The light-hearted ninja leaped into the production room where the serious ninja was waiting and exclaimed, “Dude! We’ve got a problem! Ratings aren’t as high now!”

“I know what must be done. Lampshade it all.”

“Lampshade everything?”

“Yes, lampshade the **** out of it. And increase the moe.”

“Bu-”

“Damnit man! I know what I’m doing! Increase the moe by 200%, and lower Poison’s IQ by 35 points and make him constantly flustered! Otaku will eat this **** up, I am an genius!”

---

“Shame those changes never went through…”

“Uh-huh.”

Meanwhile, in the streets of wherever this was taking place, Dawn’s ship was speeding along with Ruby and Gary holding on as they flew through buildings, clotheslines, birds continuously took a **** on Ruby’s head, and Ruby was eventually hit by a ball of energy as Gary leaped across onto Ruby’s ship, which was driven by Crystal who had just arrived. Ruby hit the ground hard and kept rolling across the streets, soon covered in a pool of her own blood as she stopped. Dozens of civilians feared the worst, until Ruby raised her head to say, “I’m okay!” where upon they all saw the skin had been ripped off so her flesh and part of her brain was visible, which horrified them all.

As Gary got into the ship, Crystal said, “Good to see I got here on time.” She turned to Dawn’s ship and said, “We’re taking you down!”

“Come at me, bro!” Dawn replied, as she was ready to ramp this **** up to eleven. And so, low and behold, they flew through the skies bashing each other against buildings and whatnot, but there was sadly no multi-track drifting, since that can’t be done in the air. During this time, a book flew into Dawn’s path. As she wiped it off the windshield, she witnessed Adam flying right at her, his hands together formed into a large drill. She, along with her robots, quickly evacuated the ship as Adam flew right through it, tearing it in half which of course, then exploded. With his rocket powered feet, he quickly backtracked and grabbed his book before it hit the ground, pushing his glasses back up with a finger afterwards.

“Thanks for the help, Adam.” Gary said, as Crystal stopped beside him.

“My pleasure. Soon enough, my drill shall pierce the heavens, and also her.”

“Pierce her heavens?”

“Yes.” He responded, pushing up his glasses again.

“Well lets get going.” Crystal said, taking off as they waved goodbye.

“Shouldn’t we get Ruby first?” Gary asked.

“She’ll find her own way back.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right.”

On a street a few blocks away, Dawn called a taxi as she spoke. “Stupid angels! And that dumb guy I created! They spoiled my plans and the manual burnt in that explosion! Oh well, there’s more to be done.” She got in the taxi and said, “The usual.”

The driver happened to be Masterman, who tipped up his head and said, “You got it.” before taking off.

Back on the ship, there were warning lights flashing all over the place as one alien ran to the front of the ship with urgent news. “Sir, we’ve got major problems with the prisoners! That succubus has forcefully sucked the life force out of at least a dozen crew members by this point and the vampire has sucked the blood out of over half a dozen crew members!”

Rosie, who happened to be across the room, currently sucking more blood, said, “Its your own fault for tasting so nice.”

“And if that wasn’t bad enough, the princess is eating all our food!”

“Sorry about that.” Ivy said, standing in the corner as she stuffed a cake into her mouth.

“If you’re sorry than stop eating! You guys are gonna get raped so hard by your buyers.”

“Oh please, I could crush any stupid buyer with little effort, and since this isn’t a hentai, there’s nothing stopping me from doing so.”

At that moment, a massive rocket crashed through the wall of the ship, with Leo standing on it. “Come on, guys! Lets go, quick!”

“Leo? How did you get here?” Rosie asked.

“I threw a large rocket and through sheer willpower I generated a sheet of oxygen large enough to protect me through the vacuum of space till I reached this ship.”

“Well alright.” Rosie and Ivy jumped on, and Amber arrived moments later, yawning before getting on. Ivy lit the rocket and it took off, the sun saluting Leo as they crossed the universe on the rocket.

TMEDCE: Chapter 45 - The Harem Effect

It was the day after yesterday, where the pimps choke hoes and the prostitutes lay, continuing with the morality of black and grey…aww, **** it. I’m too lazy to do Christmas rhymes not having to do with Christmas. Anyway, that morning Poison and Crystal were at Amber’s resort while a mysterious person in a cloak snuck around outside the building so fine, checking their watch before saying, “Its nearly time…”

Inside, Poison and Crystal sat on a couch in an average room watching a movie on the explosion channel as they ate popcorn.

“Somehow I knew that cart was gonna blow up.” Crystal said.

“Carts always blow up, its like a rule now. Right after cars blowing up.” Poison replied.

“Right.” As they sat in silence watching, moments later Crystal began to feel strange. As if a force was beginning to alter her actions. An aroma toying with her senses. She leaned in to kiss Poison, at which point the moved back slightly.

“Uhh, what are you doing?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow.

She quickly came back to her senses. “S-sorry, I just had this urge…”

“But you’re gonna miss the best pa-” Crystal attempted to kiss him again, with Poison ducking and rolling out the way. “What’s up with you today? Didn’t you wanna watch this?”

“I do but, I can’t stop myself!” Crystal tackled him but was immediately thrown off. She clutched her head in pain as she sat behind the couch. “You have to go…”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“I just feel odd around you. Man, I almost did something terrible…”

“Umm, ouch?”

“N-not in that way. Please, just leave, I’ll be okay for now.”

“Alright, see ya round, I guess…” Poison closed the door on his way out, confused about what the hell just happened.

The mysterious cloaked individual followed Poison as he left. He occasionally got suspicious of someone following him and looked around, but the stranger hid rather well. After getting some enjoyment out of seeing Poison run from infatuated people at an ice cream shop and a restaurant, a watch on the cloaked stranger started flashing, so she answered it. “Yes, Master?”

“Hey Gold, I’m about to go through with the next plan, find Platinum and get your asses back here.”

“But I can’t! I’m doing one right now!”

“And what plan is this?”

“Well, I read up on your report of that green haired boy, and I found him despicable. Toying with the hearts of many girls while acting nice and aloof and uninterested, I hate it! So I filled my chosen factory with water because I knew that girl couldn’t swim so he would come. I purposely lost, but injected him with a delayed love potion serum!”

“I don’t remember making one of those…” Dawn said, interrupting her.

“Now he’ll know what its like, that enemy of women. I’ll make him suffer with this serum which will steadily increase over time, all for you, Master!”

Dawn look frustrated, clearly unimpressed. “Gold, come back to the lab, please.”

“B-but why?”

“Seems you’ve been infected by some harem aspects, I’m gonna have to delete those from your memory bank.”

“But I haven’t finished yet!”

“Look, Gold, I’ll say it clearly. You’ve messed up my plans. I didn’t wanna do this ****, but you went ahead and did this. I had a far better game in mind, but this? Ugh. I’d rather not beat a dead horse, y’know? But now if he sees me, I have to pretend I set this up, and I’m sure you-know-who won’t be happy…”

“I-I’m sorry…” Gold started crying tears of oil.

“Calm down, its okay. Just don’t do this again. Its just dumb, and you’re nearing a turn to the good side, so if it happens, you’re gonna self-destruct. Just figured I should let you know.”

“Right!” Dawn let Gold continue, though the only problem was finding Poison after the lengthy talk.

Poison was currently catching his breath as he hid behind a mailbox on a street when conveniently Ruby approached him from behind. “Hi Poison!” She waved.

Poison spun round and immediately said, “You gotta get out of here, pretty much everyone is reacting odd towards me today. Like, both genders, its really bizarre…”

“I’m not hearing a ‘Hey Ruby.’” Ruby said, somewhat annoyed.

Poison sighed. “Hey Ruby.”

“That’s better.” She smiled. “So what’s this about odd reactions?”

“Anyone who gets close acts like they’re in love with me and just chase me around, so you should keep away from me for the moment.”

“Okay, but before that can you do something?”

“What’s that?”

Ruby began twiddling her thumbs as she blushed. “That thing you do with Ivy…can you do that with me too?”

“…You’re gonna have to elaborate.”

“Y-you know, pointless bickering…”

“Oh, well we have done that on occasion, but I can’t just randomly do it. You have to provoke it. But I’ll get back to you on that after I sort this out.” Poison said before running off.

Seeing as Gary had informed him of a robot priest called Adam who helped out last time, Poison went to go see him, and instead of flying through the window, he used the door due to common courtesy. “Hey, you’re that robot who Dawn made, right?”

“Why, yes, I am.” Adam replied, getting to his feet. “What business do you have here?”

“Well, I’m not sure but she probably has something to do with this. Pretty much anyone within 20 feet becomes attracted to me lately. How do I solve this?”

“Unfortunately, my mighty drill cannot solve your problem, but if anything needs to be pierced than let me know.”

“Uhh, yeah, I’ll do that.” Poison left, rather annoyed by the lack of help, just before he was hit over the head with a titanium bat and knocked out. He woke up sometime later in a dark room, though various machinery could vaguely be seen around the area. He was strapped to a wall, and while attempting to free himself, Platinum entered the room.

“I see you’re awake, that was rather fast.” He said, walking past.

“What’s the meaning of this?”

He switched on the lights, showing a board with diagrams on it behind him as he began speaking. “I want the thing which people rarely have nowadays, the gift that is only passed on every once in a while: The harem gene.”

“Wat.” Poison responded, a look of utter confusion on his face.

“The gene which causes women of varying ages to unknowingly or eventually become attracted to you. So rare nowadays that some conventions debate whether it actually exists.”

“What’s this about conventions?”

Platinum ignored him as he went on. “I want the gene, so I will simply operate on you and remove it from your body.”

“What?!? Why?!”

“Girls think I’m cute due to my cutesy appearance, I want to make that change.”

“But you’re a robot!”

“Robots have feelings too.”

“But wait, it wouldn’t work anyway.”

“And why is that?”

“For it to take affect there normally has to be someone of the opposite sex you already like, or at least spend a lot of time with. Only then would you attract unwanted female attention.”

“My god, you’re right!” Platinum dropped to his knees and sunk his head, stunned by the use of logic. “It seems…I was foolish…if you could forgi-” as he raised his head, he noticed Poison had already broken the chains and flew out the door.

Poison went to see Amber, as he figured she’d have some form of resistance to the effect, and she did, because she was a succubus, though Poison didn’t see how that made any sense. She suggested he see someone like her who had more of an immunity to it, and at that point Poison knew just the person to see. He thanked her and rushed off to find Lolita, who should be in her current location doing her Q&A segments. Along the way as he hopped across rooftops, he barely managed to avoid a thrown sword and land on his feet, looking in the direction it was thrown to see Tsundere-chan arrive to retrieve it. “I really haven’t got time for this today…”

“Not even a hello? That’s just rude! You lowly dog!” She exclaimed.

“I should get going before things get weird…”

As he tried to run off, Loli Red yelled, “Girls, all-out attack!”

A board was thrown which Poison leaped over, the board managing to slice a dumpster in half, shocking Poison. “How the hell does that even work?!?” Loli Yellow continued throwing the two boards which bounced around the area. As he ran around the corner, Loli Green appeared, firing rapidly at him with two handguns, which he deflected with his sword as he ran backwards. He hid in an alley by a window, when suddenly nearby the tips of knifes were thrown into the wall in the shape of a heart just before Loli Black punched it down.

Poison kept running as Loli Blue threw knifes and Loli Black attempted to punch him, yelling, “Where you going, bro? Come at meeeeeeeee!”

“I’d rather not, mang.” He replied before leaping back and firing a large tornado which sent them flying. He immediately took off while they were recovering.

Meanwhile, Lolita was in the middle of answering questions. “Next caller, you’re on the air.”

“Hey, this is a little embarrassing but I really like this guy but he hasn’t noticed me much. What should I do about this?”

“There are a number of things you can do, be subtle on your approach, take the initiative at the right moment, and other things. Just say how you feel and things might work out, but then they might not. Though if you’re certain he’s the one, you should follow him regularly, find out his likes and dislikes, what his mannerisms are, and threaten to castrate him if he turns you down. He’ll have no choice but to give in…or call the police, whichever works.”

“…That’s not very helpful.”

Suddenly, Poison burst into the office room. “Lolita! I need your help!”

“Very well, lets go.” She replied, getting up.

“Really? You finished?”

“Pretty much.” She waved to the camera as they took off, while Poison explained everything that went on, and when he finished all she said was, “That’s rather laughable.”

“Its not very funny. Can you find Dawn or not?”

“I should be able to down there, with my soul sense.”

“Is that what you’re calling it nowadays?”

“That’s what he said.”

“What?”

“Damien, he said that once.”

“I should call him to help out, but still keep a safe distance…”

At the time, Ivy and Damien were sitting in a coffee shop. Ivy wore a longer Victorian dress while Damien wore a suit with a top hat and monocle. They were drinking tea as Ivy spoke. “So I managed to destroy those machines. Thankfully I stopped them from tearing up my insides…and not in a dirty way either.”

“That wasn’t necessary.”

“Anyway, I still don’t know who’s providing this nutjob with the means to track us anywhere. It must be someone of supernatural origin who has some hatred of us.”

“Perhaps an angel who’s quite prejudice against other demons still.”

“Makes a lot more sense at least.”

“Quite.” They both took a sip of their tea. Damien suddenly got up, spun round and threw a pair of shades out the glass window.

“What was that for?”

“Had the feeling someone was about to make an awesome pun.”

“By the way, what were you and Lolita doing that other time?” Ivy asked.

“I was doing a piledriver.”

“On the ground?”

“I slipped.”

“But why were you both naked?”

“Do you have selective stupidity or something? From now on, call first before you visit.” Just then his phone rang. “Hello?”

“Hey Damien, its me, Poison. I’m about to go beat up this chick called Dawn, wanna help out? Oh, and this love potion that’s been injected in me may get you so you gotta be careful.”

“In that case, its really best that I steer clear. Maybe some other time though, just let me know.”

“Fair enough.” Poison hung up. “He’s not coming, lets just do this quickly.”

“You’re in luck, I spotted one of her robots.” Lolita said.

“That works on machines?”

“It works on most things.”

The two flew in the direction Lolita led, eventually coming across Gold who ran as they spotted her. They chased her throughout the streets and alleyways until she reached a dead end. As Poison and Lolita arrived, they saw Dawn and Platinum there, seeming as if Gold purposely led them there.

“Hello, Mr. Johnson, we meet at last.” Dawn greeted him. “By the way, who are you?” She asked, looking at Lolita.

“My name is Lolita.”

“Oh, then I’m not interested in you. I‘m only after Ivy‘s friends.”

“Hand over the antidote.” Poison demanded, wasting no time.

“Who says there is one? Besides, this stupid trolling attempt wasn’t my idea. It was unfortunately Gold who did this. I had something better in mind.”

Poison turned to her. “Umm, why?”

“To teach you a lesson! Playing with girls fragile hearts when you’re a beast, going after every kind of girl! Angels, demons, vampires, catgirls, dogs, etc!”

“I don’t even know any catgirls or dogs, and you’re getting the wrong idea…”

“Well I just wanted to get your attention and hurt you…”

Dawn interrupted. “To put it simply, she likes you. God knows why…” she shrugged.

“But she’s a robot.” Poison responded.

“What difference does that make?!” Gold exclaimed. “I get it! So you’re just a ****!”

“Hey! Its not pedophilia! Technically, she’s taller than the average loli and would be just barely below average in height compared to an adult female in Japan.”

“But this isn’t Japan…”

“Also, I’m not even that tall. Half the people I know are taller than me, but even then not by much. 2 inches is barely noticeable, but then 4 inches would be. But still, guys are naturally taller. Besides she’s older than I am and I’m just barely at the teenage development stage so I’ve still got a while to go before I fully become an adult visually.”

“Yeah, well…” Gold thought for at least 10 seconds. “…She has a flat chest!”

“Some people are rather unfortunate.”

“But why do you hang around that moron? Couldn’t you do better?” Dawn asked.

“To be honest its not that bad, and she only hits me when I intentionally provoke her, due to status quo and because I’m somewhat of an ****.”

“So why not do the deed?”

“Well if I was a father, even if I get along with some kid, I wouldn’t be too keen on him staying free of charge and tapping my daughter every night in my house. Especially if I happened to be one of the strongest guys around.”

“I see. I’m still not seeing what people see in you. People coming up with stupid reasons like, “Oh, he’s nice.” That’s not enough of a reason to justify it, a lot of people are nice, so that proves my point. I mean, honestly, trying to pull off the bad boy look, acting aloof like a total emo, dude looks like a lady with your hair down…”

“Well you’re not so great yourself. What’s with that hair? Looks like you slept in a dumpster. And what about that cthulhu hat? Seriously? Are you that desperate to be somewhat recognized as a cosmic horror that you’ve glued that to your forehead?”

“Nice, I like that.” Dawn nodded.

“My snarking?”

“No, just someone who responds to my comments. Someone with a defensive barrier. Some people either ignore my insults or are easily angered so I can’t get much enjoyment out of it, like that chick you know. Y’see, its like that tsundere crap. You gotta struggle through the tsun so you can get to the dere, or in some cases survive the tsun, am I right? Anyway, in a sense its finding someone’s defensive wall I can slowly break down and **** them off.”

“Saying you’re a strange individual would be an understatement.”

“I’m a mad scientist, its what we do. Anyway, here’s your cure.” Dawn said, throwing him a syringe. “Don’t worry, its not an attempt to kill you, I’d be more clever about that.”

“Umm, thanks?”

“You shouldn’t be thanking someone like myself. Anyway, we’ve been talking for several minutes now and I’m sure everyone else is bored out their skull.”

“She would be correct.” Lolita replied, still standing beside Poison.

“Well I’ll see you guys round, robots, lets go. I wanna go test my new bronze go-kart.” Using a device, the three teleported.

Poison injected himself and walked off along with Lolita. “Well that ending was sudden…”

“Quite sudden indeed.”

TMEDCE: Chapter 46 - Extreme Paintball

It was a bright winter’s day, but that would’ve been obvious already. We turn our attentions to a large cottage in the middle of nowhere, the place where the majority of today’s ludicrous themes were to be taking place. Lily was working at the front desk, seeing how she keeps changing jobs. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Ivy fly kicked the door open as she yelled, “Dynamic entry!”

Ruby walked in right afterwards, saying, “That wasn’t necessary, Y’know…”

“Hey guys, good to see you again.” Lily greeted them. “So what’s the problem?”

“That foolish demon ate my Klondike bar!” Ruby exclaimed.

“I didn’t see your name on it! And don’t steal my gag!”

“So are you guys gonna settle this with a paintball match? Because that would really help me out.” Lily interrupted.

“Yes! Consider it done!” Ruby replied. “Now to call my potential team!”

“And I’ll do the same!” Ivy responded. After an hour or so, over a dozen of the various people they knew had turned up to take part in the paintball activity. On Ivy’s side was Amber, Damien, Rosie, Omar, Adol, Masterman, P.A.L, and Willard. Over on Ruby’s side was Crystal, Gary, the Loli Rangers, Adam, an unknown bright red robot, as well as Lolita and Leo who chose to go to the other side for unknown reasons. After gathering their teams, they sat outside to their posts in the middle of the forest.

As they got ready to do battle, Rosie looked over her gun. “Uhh, Ivy, why are these paintballs all white?”

“What’s wrong with that? Aren’t they white?”

“Well yeah, but not only white. There’s a whole mix of colours. And using only white will make it look like…”

“Like what?”

“Uhh, never mind…”

“By the way…” she glanced over at Dawn who was wearing a sombrero and had a fake mustache on. “Who are you?”

“Oh, I’m just a friendly passerby, holmes. I just figured I’d help out, right muchachos?” She said, nudging Gold and Platinum who stood beside her, wearing the same.

“Uhh, that’s right, ese. My friend here is a great hombre.” Platinum said, while Gold nodded.

“Well alright, I guess any help is appreciated.” Ivy shrugged before walking off.

As she did so, Platinum said, “That Mexican accent is rather offensive.”

“Get a sense of humor, Platinum. Gold, you liked it, right?”

“Its aight.”

“Of course you liked it.” Dawn spotted a large ball of light in the middle of the forest up ahead. Knowing who it was, she made sure no-one was looking when she left to meet with the ball of light. “Hey, didn’t think you’d show up here.”

“Dawn, what are you doing? You suddenly have time to play games now?”

“Relax, this is still part of the plan.”

“If I’m not mistaken, you’ve made little progress and have regularly failed.”

“Well yeah but in the end, whatever I do will eventually benefit the plan, right?”

“…You make a valid point.”

“Seriously, dude, you’re so stressed. Get laid, you’ll feel much better. Lighten up more, remember that time we had that pillow fight? You actually weren’t so moody.”

“I really shouldn’t be doing things like that. Also, did you give-”

“Yeah, I gave her the present. I didn’t say who sent it either. Anyway, I should check on the others, I’ll report back later.”

“Very well.” The ball of light left in the opposite direction as Dawn walked back.

As Ivy was ordering people about, Masterman approached Adol, high fiving him as he said, “Hey man, how’s it going?”

“It’s alright, **** chicks a few times a week, same old ****.”

“Big pimpin, huh? I hear ya.”

“Oh, where did you go that other time at the brothel?”

“Sorry man, you’re my bro and all but I ain’t going to jail. I had to get the **** outta there when the cops showed up. Especially with your habit of raping chicks, like that one teenage girl you met at a carnival.”

“Well she never said she wasn’t 18.”

“She didn’t get a chance, you stuffed a sock in her mouth.”

“My hand slipped.”

“Then you grabbed her and took off.”

“…I’ve got no excuses.”

Ivy looked further ahead using binoculars when P.A.L approached her. “I appreciate the help, P.A.L, but have your feelings changed any?”

“I’ve been working with NASA. After at least half a year to think, and after dozens of slaughtering, I believe I was quite rash, though your spoiled behaviour in treating me almost like dirt was uncalled for.”

“Apology accepted.”

“I never apologized.”

“But you should. I made you, therefore I can treat you how I wish.” Moments later P.A.L began strangling her.

Over on Ruby’s side, she wasn’t exactly looking forward to paintball. She sighed as her group stood nearby, examining the guns. “I’m totally gonna lose this, I barely know half you guys, the Loli Rangers are total jobbers, some of you aren’t fond of me, and I only know two people here who are experts with guns.”

“Hey! We’re not jobbers!” Loli Red exclaimed.

“When was the last time you won an important fight?”

“I don’t know, but we do!”

“Yeah, yeah, most of you guys suck ass regardless. No offensive, Adam, I have no idea what you’re capable of so far.”

“Non taken.”

“What happened to you?” Gary asked. “You’re so serious today. Like the total opposite of how you normally are. Why?”

“This **** is serious business, that’s why!”

“She always gets serious nowadays when Ivy is involved.” Crystal commented.

After a while of looking over her gun, Loli Blue asked, “How do I shot gun?”

“I’ll show you, I know gun fu.” Loli Green said, taking the paintball gun.

“Kuudere-chan, you can’t just add fu to something and have it make sense! It doesn’t work like that!”

“You don’t even know, Tsundere-chan.”

“Yes, you just don’t understand.” Lolita added.

Ruby sighed again and turned to Gary. “So, working again, huh?”

“Yes, though I still don’t like you.”

“Your dislike of me causes me to dislike you.”

“Though I feel fine, there’s a dormant pain in my heart.”

“A sense of sorrow which has been hammered in time and time again.”

“Yes.” He nodded. “Lets do this for unrequited love!” He yelled, pumping his fist in the air.

“Yeah!” Ruby responded, doing the same.

“Extreeeeeeme!” The red robot in the background screeched.

And so, the games began. The two sides rushed into the heat of battle, randomly firing paintballs at each other. Dawn watched the action from a hill further away with a pair of binoculars. As she noticed Adam down there she said, “Him again. One of my greatest works. Shame I didn’t install a self destruct mechanism. He was the one that got away…”

“You made a robot lover?” Gold asked.

“No, he just escaped the lab. Damn cheap metal doors…”

Down below, **** was insane. Loli Yellow deflected shots with her boards, Omar created robotic reinforcements, Lolita and Loli Green were easily able to wipe out tons of them working together, Damien put up several barriers to protect others, Adam was able to change his right arm into a cannon and fire large paintballs, Willard simply watched and chose not to participate, Masterman was busy texting Dawn until he eventually got hit, Ivy and Ruby ran around dodging paintballs and only attacking each other, and the red robot randomly chased people while yelling, “Extreeeeeme!” not caring as people shot at it. One large paintball aimed right for Loli Red, but Leo intercepted it with a punch, followed by Lolita kicking it back at the opposing team. Amber pushed Rosie out of the way from behind and got hit, followed by several more shots incoming.

Ivy rushed in, yelling, “Whoa! Amber just got-”

“Those are paintballs.” Rosie said, completely monotone.

“But it looks like-”

“That’s why I said there should be multicoloured balls!”

After several more minutes, they decided they should take a break and continue it some other time. Inside at the lobby, the pointless rivalry wasn’t over.

Ruby slammed her hand on a table. “In the meantime, lets settle this here on different terms. Come face me, you worthless sack of ****! We’re playing Magic the Gathering!”

“You **** idiotic pansy! On my turf we play Dungeons and Dragons, ****!”

“Extreeeeeeme!” The red robot randomly yelled in the background.

“Who the hell’s robot is that?” Ivy demanded. “Omar, is that yours?”

“I don’t recall building that one. I may rage if Dawn happens to be around here.”

“Grrrrrr!” Ruby growled at Ivy.

“Ffffffffffff!” Ivy responded moving closer.

“Whoa! Calm down, guys!” Lily said, getting in-between them. “Lets not fight here, you can do that later.”

“Very well.” Ivy nodded as she crossed her arms. “Be prepared, foolish angel! When we next meet on the battlefield, I will pwn you!” Most of her group also crossed their arms as they joined in on Ivy’s signature laugh in unison. “Lets get ready.” Ivy said, walking off.

“Lets go do the same, I’m not gonna lose to that stupid demon!” Ruby said, storming off, the others following shortly after.

And so sometime later, the deadline was approaching. Both sides were on the battlefield, preparing for the inevitable. Ruby threw Gary a woman’s purse, expecting him to make a castle using random materials, which he did so.

“I don’t think we can do this.” Loli Red said. “The pressure is too much.”

Adam placed a hand on her shoulder. “Tsundere-chan, don’t believe in yourself. Believe in me, who believes in you.”

“Y-yeah, you’re right! I feel better now.”

“I’m sure I’ve heard that somewhere…” Ruby said under her breath. “Anyway, you guys, watch out for Mancrab.”

“Who the hell is Mancrab?” Loli Black asked.

“Mancrab is Mancrab.”

Ivy’s side had already built a castle with Omar’s resources. Ivy stood on a balcony with binoculars once again when Damien approached her. She then asked, “So Damien, what’s the plan?”

“There is no plan, we charge ahead and hope for the best.”

“Fair enough. We do battle, but I shall be the one to defeat that foolish angel. No-one else touch her. It shall be by my hand she tastes the bitter sense of defeat, and she will kiss my superior, omniscient ass.“

Omar, standing further away next to Adol and Masterman, was holding a device as he exclaimed, “Great Scott! These Foe Yay levels are off the charts!”

“Now we settle this, in Paintball Kombat!”

“Marcoooooo!” Ruby yelled as they charged forward out of the castle gates.

“Poloooooooo!” Ivy yelled back while doing the same.

As usual, shots were randomly fired, even more chaotic than before as people hid behind trees and large rocks while paintballs the size of bombs and paintball lazers were thrown back and forth, but Ivy and Ruby both ignored the madness going on around them. They grappled in the middle of the destruction going on.

“Its finally come to this.” Ruby said.

“Yes, another pointless battle!”

“Then lets do this! I’m gonna **** you up!”

“You don’t know true pain. I should warn you, I like it rough.”

“Lets go! Angel on Demon action! Right here!” They then both turned to Adam who stood nearby and in unison said, “No homo.”

“I do not judge, whatever your preferences may be are none of my concern.”

The red robot ran around chasing people once again and was eventually shot in the face, at which point it ran in the wrong direction and tumbled down a hill as it shouted, “Extreeeeeme!”

“You stupid robot!” Ruby yelled back, turning her attention away long enough for Ivy to tackle her. They rolled around while being hit by a large number of paintballs and eventually rolled down the same hill. They bashed into trees several times and eventually stopped by a small lake, them still punching each other. In the background the red robot’s helmet had fallen off, and it turned out to be Poison under the helmet. As they turned around to notice this, Poison quickly grabbed it and shoved it back on, yelling, “Extreeeeeme!” to ease the awkwardness, at which point Ivy and Ruby went back to fighting.

Following a montage of the ridiculous battle featuring such highlights as Adam drilling through a meteor thrown by Amber, Mancrab arriving to aid Omar and wiping out the Loli Rangers immediately which effectively reduced them to jobbers, Willard and Damien discussing Global Warming, as well as Spring and Floyd arriving via driving a car into the battlefield and unloading 10 shots into Ruby. Dawn left to go plan something else at this point.

“This is just a paintball game, Y’know.” Crystal said.

“You can never be too sure.” Floyd replied, firing one more bullet.

As Rosie leaped behind a stone wall, she heard Ivy yell, “Look out, it’s a rogue enemy. An evil hopper!”

“Is it from space?”

“No, just an evil hopper.”

“It would’ve been cooler, had it been from space.”

“Yes, that would have been cool.”

After Ruby coming back to life, ten minutes later the Paintballing stopped and looking around them they noticed a majority of the area was covered in multicoloured paint.

“Today sure was fun, huh?” Ivy said.

“Yeah, this was actually pretty awesome.” Ruby replied.

“A shame Poison couldn’t be here though, this seems like the kind of thing he really wouldn’t wanna miss out on.” The red robot further back began whistling as she finished.

“By the way, I found the Klondike rapper.” She pulled it out of her nonexistent pocket. “See, my name is actually on it.” She pointed to a small bit on the side which said “Property of Ruby Clear.”

“Oh ****, it really did have your name on it. Sorry then, my bad.”

“Its okay, because I learned something today.”

“Its not a spoof aesop, is it?” The red robot asked. Half the people nearby quirked an eyebrow at the robot, as it was the only basic sentence it had said all day.

“Nope.” Ruby shook her head. “it’s a thought provoking and surprisingly essential lesson.”

“So what did you learn?” Ivy asked.

“I learned that

TMEDCE: Chapter 47 - The Life and Times of Lily Locket

It was early one other morning, and at Ivy’s house, Poison, Rosie, Amber, Damien, Leo and herself were watching a hentai for some odd reason in silence, apart from the few times Rosie kept pointing out things which made no sense. “It really doesn’t seem like she was asking for it, it seems more like ****.” Rosie commented.

“It’s hentai.” Ivy replied.

“Also, that chick didn’t really look like she wanted to join in. It seems like they forced her to.”

“It’s hentai, Rosie.”

Rosie’s eyes went wide. “How does that even fit?!? The guy’s hung like a **** horse! That should have ripped her ass in half, yet it slides in like butter!”

“You haven’t watched many hentai, have you?”

“But logically this doesn’t make any sense!”

Ivy slapped her. “Don’t you dare bring logic into this! This is hentai, ****!”

“S-sorry, I guess I wasn’t thinking…” She said, rubbing her cheek.

“I think you were thinking too much!”

Just then, they heard an eerie voice say, “Hey guuuuys…” As they turned to the television everyone screamed upon seeing Lolita slowly crawl out of the TV and hold up a copy of The Ring. “Wanna watch The Ring?”

“We just saw it in 3D.” Damien replied.

“We should do something fun today, like going to a Hot Spring.” Amber suggested.

“I’m not feeling that, because typical perverted shenanigans will probably ensue.” Poison replied.

“Yeah, that would be too cliché.” Rosie agreed. She then got to her feet as she said, “I know, lets go to the beach!”

“Hypocritical humor, how I love thee.” Damien remarked.

“I don’t wanna go.” Ivy said. “I’d prefer to just watch TV.”

“But the beach is fun!”

“I don’t like the beach, so lets not go.”

“But why don’t you…” She looked further down as she paused. “Oh right, almost forgot about that…”

“Where the **** are you looking?!”

Within a moment, Damien snuck up behind them from the couch and covered Ivy’s mouth with chloroform, making her unconscious. He then got up and walked off with his hands in his pockets as he said, “Throw her in the boot, I’ll start the ship.” The others were somewhat confused on what just happened, but quickly followed.

They arrived at the beach sometime later, on Earth of course. They had tied Ivy up as they exited the ship, with her yelling, “I don’t wanna go! I don’t wanna!”

“Stop being a baby and get your swimsuit on for beach shenanigans.” Rosie replied.

“Nooooo! I hate the beach!”

“We’ll stop by some sweet stores later on if you calm down.”

“Okay.”

“Well that was easy.” Poison exclaimed.

A bit further away, Ruby, Gary and Crystal had arrived and were walking in their direction. Crystal wore a typical white two-piece swimsuit, Gary just wore a white shirt and blue trunks, and Ruby wore the same swimsuit from Chapter 9, which I honestly can’t remember at the moment, complete with a rubber duck around her waist. Ruby was complaining about something with Gary as they got near. “I did not touch it, it wasn’t true, that was a load of bull! I did not touch it, I did naaaawt!” She almost bumped into Poison but stopped in time as she suddenly smiled and said, “Oh hi, Poison.”

“Oh hey, Ruby, what were you on about?”

“Gary says I took an extra 500 in Monopoly, but I totally didn’t.”

“My eyes don’t lie.” Gary replied.

“Monopoly tends to ruin relationships.” Crystal added.

“That reminds me, I’m still waiting for my $2000, Poison.” Ivy said.

“I didn’t land on Mayfair.”

“Yes you did! Don’t lie! You got a three, you did not pass GO!”

“Whatever, lets just drop it.”

“How did you guys even get here?” Ivy asked.

“We just happened to feel like going to the beach too. It was a happy coincidence we all ran into each other.” Ruby replied.

“Y’know, if you wanted to hang out you could have just asked…” They suddenly heard a familiar voice nearby say, “Hey kids, mind if I join you guys?” They looked over to see Dawn, wearing a pink two-piece swimsuit with roses on them, though she held up the Cthulhu hat on her head with one hand. “Dawn!” Ivy exclaimed.

She checked her watch. “Actually I’d say its about ten past eleven.”

“No, why are you here?”

“I just figured I’d go to the beach, and decided I’d join you guys.”

“So you try to kill us, and now you want to join us at the beach?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” She shrugged. “Tell ya what, lets play a game. I’ll allow you to attack me as many times as you want only using long range attacks, and if you can manage to shred my swimsuit, then I’ll leave, but if you can’t within 5 minutes then I’ll join you regardless. Deal?”

“Yeah, lets do this!”

“Hey! I wanna do it!” Ruby exclaimed.

“No! I hate her more!”

“Calm down, people. Two players is just fine.” Dawn replied. She threw her hand up as she exclaimed, “Heaven or Hell, lets rock!” Ivy fired first with a beam of fire which Dawn avoided by simply tilting her head. Ruby quickly fired a wave of psychokinetic energy which Dawn dodged by bending backwards. Beginning to get more aggravated, they both started randomly firing waves at her, which Dawn smugly dodged while their attacks hit some of the girls around the area, but only stripped them of their clothes for some odd reason. Naturally, this attracted a lot of attention from half the other people around, most of them being male. Some merely cheered for them to keep accidentally hitting women while some wanted to find out whether they would be able to hit Dawn.

As it slowly began to approach the five minute mark, Ivy and Ruby began to use more lethal attacks. Ivy summoned a massive ball of fire, kicked it into the air then leaped up and hit it like a beach ball, making it separate into a dozen fiery beams which randomly hit a dozen girls around the area, so naturally this got cheers. “How did you like that one?” Ivy said with a smile.

Dawn, who was somewhat shocked, said, “Wow, I actually had to sidestep that, I’m rather ashamed of myself.” Of course, that kind of response only pissed Ivy off.

“Its my turn!” Ruby gathered half a dozen umbrellas which were stuck in the sand using her psychokinesis and threw the sharp points at her. Using her tentacles, Dawn lifted herself over the incoming attack, resulting in more girls bras which were ripped off, but of course no-one was hurt.

“How much longer till 5 minutes arrives?” Poison asked, turning to Damien.

“They’ve only got just over one minute left…I think there‘s someone over there with a busy gambling stand about whether they‘ll do it or not.” He said, looking far to the left.

Ivy and Ruby leaped back as they tried actually communicating with each other. “Hey Ruby, what do you suggest we try?” Ivy asked.

Ruby was stunned. “Y-you remembered my name…” She began to cry.

“Uhh, are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, just give me a minute.” She replied, wiping her tears.

As they talked, a tentacle sped towards them, opened wide to reveal a set of sharp teeth and attempted to bite them as they leaped back just in time. “H-hey! You didn’t say you’d attack us!”

“Well I never said I wouldn’t. The same rules also apply. If I can manage to rip off your swimsuit then you leave.”

“Well I didn’t wanna come in the first place so…”

“Alright, I’ll just do it for shits and giggles then.” The both of them ran as Dawn gave chase.

Poison stroked his chin as he said, “So she can do more with those tentacles than just grabbing things, interesting. Anyway, I’m gonna take off, I’d rather not be branded an accidental pervert somehow if I stay here.” He quickly left as Dawn continued chasing Ivy and Ruby in the background.

Lily, who had arrived shortly, wearing a one-piece swimsuit sat down beside Crystal, Amber, Rosie and Lolita on a mat. “Its nice that I can hang out with you guys in these peaceful times. I had gone through some hard times myself quite a while ago. I figured I’d tell you about them.”

“But we never asked…” Crystal said.

“So after getting fired as a psychiatrist, I had a hard time finding work.”

---

I was losing money, gaining stress. Lost most of my friends…if I had much. Spent all day cooped up in my room, playing videogames in my underwear and looking for jobs similar to my old one. That’d be hot to some people but it wasn’t so hot for me…the underwear part, not the job search. I mean, I was 23 and still living with my parents, I would’ve been a basement dweller if my house had a basement. But one day I came across a job, a simple ice cream one. Drive around, greet the kids, sell frozen treats, you know the deal. Good white ****. But there was this other ice cream chick, try to whine at me about how that’s her turf and I should come back when I grow up, a proportional amount of her ego resonating from her ridiculous E-cups, or at least I think they were, might be bigger. Didn’t care though, better than being flat-chested.

I challenged her to a race and owned her ass during the last bend with my multi-track drifting skills, **** was awesome. Eventually I moved on, being the best ice cream driver ever, and worked as a policewoman. Bursting into hideouts, chasing down criminals and making clever quips has never been so awesome, just like in the movies. After putting away all the criminals behind bars and being considered the best officer ever, I took up an assassination training job. I never knew the job of ninjas was so painstaking. I never did encounter a pirate though, such a shame.”

---

As Lily rambled on, Amber quietly asked the others, “When is she gonna finish her story?”

“Before tomorrow morning, I hope.” Lolita remarked.

Back with Ivy and Ruby, they were still being chased. Ivy managed to cut off a tentacle, which then formed a large mouth and continued to grow using Dawn’s blood to try and bite Ivy as she jumped back. Dawn chuckled before saying, “What’s wrong, Ivy? Don’t you want to be inside me?”

“Never say that again.” Ivy replied, cringing.

Ruby took out her staff and turned a dial on it to a high setting as she said, “Lets take this **** up to eleven.” After charging up, she unleashed a massive blast which Dawn had no choice but to quickly jump out the way as it zoomed by, sending various objects and people flying, and eventually making several buildings explode as it reached a city. “I’m positive nobody was hurt.” Ruby badly reassured herself.

Gary had received an invitation sometime earlier from Poison, and so arrived at a sand castle, and the ground beneath slowly shifted to allow him access. He was quickly dragged in and the sand castle was moved back into place. Inside was an underground base of some sort, with screens around the room showcasing various girls on the beach. “What is this, exactly?” Gary asked.

“This is the secret camera room. You see, I’ve been operating dozens of little robotic flies from here to record footage of the girls on the beach, then I’ll sell them to the current buyers waiting in line from it.”

“But I thought you said you didn’t wanna be considered a pervert?”

“Exactly, which is why I’m doing this, because from how I normally act, nobody would suspect it, so its foolproof.”

“You sly bastard.” Gary said with a smirk.

“I am, aren’t I? By the way, when you can, try to get Leo in here.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Up on the surface, Lily was still going on about random things which may or may not have happened, meanwhile Amber was discussing things with Rosie. “So how’s it going with Leo then?”

“Hmm? Oh, pretty good. He’s trying his hardest to be like the old one we knew, its kinda cute in a way. He’s gone a long way since we started training though, it helps that we naturally train in our underwear for maximum speed, and overtime helps reduce uncomfortable feelings.” Rosie said as she watched Leo wrestle with a bodybuilder shark in the distance.

“That sounds like the plot of a doujin.”

“I guess when you think about it…”

“So how big is it?”

“Huh?”

“Y’know, the change since you started training.”

“Oh, rather fast, I already said before.”

“I know, I just wanted my question to be misunderstood.”

“Well you did a wonderful job.”

Crystal suddenly sat up and began to speak. “Y’know, I’m probably gonna feel awful afterwards, but I need to get this one out. So if the other Leo was from another universe where all the residents on his planet were killed, I suppose that means he’s a…” At that moment, a pair of shades flew across the beach at the speed of speed, creating ripples in the sand large enough to bury a whale as the shades firmly planted themselves on Crystal’s face. “Lone wolf.”

Lily stopped for a moment to yell out, “YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

“Thanks for the assist!” Crystal yelled as she waved to Damien who yelled back, “No problem!” in return. Crystal sighed, feeling a sense of guilt yet also relieved. “I’m a terrible person…”

Down below, Poison continued to watch the screens, positioning the cameras somewhat so they displayed more cleavage or positioning it at a low angle to make asses appear bigger than they really were. All while having a ‘Dat Ass’ expression on his face.

“Hey Poison,” Gary said, walking over to him. “Umm, could you stop making that face?”

“It’ll be a little while. So what’s up?”

“What’s hotter, a chick adjusting her swimsuit, or a chick adjusting her panties?”

“…What brought this up? And doesn‘t the swimsuit option have some bias at a beach?”

“Leo brought it up, and I went with the panties option.”

“Well I honestly don’t care. Anyway, look at this.” Poison pointed at one screen. After a few moments of glancing, Gary had a ‘Dat Ass’ expression as shades suddenly materialized onto his face.

“Why, yes, that is a mighty fine ass.” Lolita said, suddenly standing beside them.

“Indeed…you’re not gonna tell anyone about this, right?” Poison asked.

“I’ve not yet decided.”

On the surface, Ivy and Ruby had finished deal with Dawn, who was currently bugging others. Ivy sat around the likes of Crystal, Amber, Rosie and Lily and began biting her nails as she said, “Only around two more years, only two more **** years…”

“Two years till what?” Rosie asked.

“I’m guessing something really important to her.” Amber replied.

“Hey foolish angel, I never asked earlier but what’s with that big rubber duck around your waist.” Ivy asked.

“Oh, its to represent my light-hearted and youthful manner.” She said with a smile.

“Sounds like something one of those old hags who try to make themselves appear much younger than their age would suggest would say.”

“She also wears Hello Kitty pyjamas.” Crystal added.

“Hey! I like those pyjamas!”

“You’re too old for them.”

Dawn approached them all while they were talking, where upon Ivy pointed at her, saying, “You! Out with it! Who is the strongest?”

“Who knows? It could very well be someone here, who knows all about your little friends and yourself. It might be a close relative, hell, it could be you! Like a split personality you didn’t know about.”

“Stop playing around!”

“Fine, here’s a sheet of clues I happened to have.” She said, pulling a sheet of paper from her bra and handing her it.

“Knows our important details, has ways of tracking our location, occasionally manifests as a ball of light, rather soft-spoken while serious and totally tsundere for any partially fun activity, is rather infatuated with someone, and wears childish teddy bear panties despite wanting respect and fear from others.” Ivy looked up from the list. “These clues aren’t clear at all, and what the hell do panties have to do with anything?”

“Nothing, I just like to mock him about it.”

“Wait, he?”

“Is he a trap? You know, like that hobby Poison has.” Crystal said.

“Who knows.” Dawn shrugged. A hand appeared from off-screen to give her a clipboard, at which point she said, “Seems I’ll be given extra pay to read the list of panties you guys here actually wear. In random order, of course but I could be lying again. Red and black stripes, stripped green, frilly white, frilly purple, white with yellow pokadots, rainbow coloured x3, nonexistent, blue panties for some odd reason, white and black stripes, more black and red panties, glittery silver, golden striped green, sacred panties though I have no idea how that works, and since you know the other one, let me inform you that my pink panties are made from the flesh of teenage girls. Interesting, huh?” She threw away the clipboard. “I’ll now be taking my leave, I’ll be seeing you guys soon enough.” She teleported out of the area.

Poison returned just as she left, with Ivy asking, “So where did you go?”

“To find a good sword to potentially dual wield with.”

“Will this lead towards anything?”

“I certainly hope so.”

This was a hell of a lot **** longer than I thought it'd be. Guess its pretty hard to condense it into one chapter without it being pretty damn long, and I skipped a lot.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 48 - Masters of Badass Boxer

It was a bright summer’s ordinary morning on an ordinary day, and an ordinary high school student was walking along a ordinary street. She wore a blue and black striped tracksuit, had dark brown hair in a ponytail and wore a white cap, which was rather unordinary ironically. She was monologing to himself, which people tend to do on occasion. “My name is Vagena Herts, and I’m an ordinary high school student. I go to Ordinary High, and I have a ordinary job at a game store, but my life is incomplete. Nearly half a decade ago as a kid there was one arcade game known as ‘Badass Boxer’, one of the most popular fighting games around. That game was the ****. People took it as serious business, family feuds, car choices, even lawsuits were settled that way. I reigned as one of the best for the time it was around, but one day it just faded away…

Everyone forgot, but I never could. There was an empty void which couldn’t be filled. I was forever unsatisfied throughout the years. This is my story…” While monologing she conveniently walked down an unknown path towards a building which looked like an abandoned arcade, so out of curiosity she entered. She heard the faint sounds of buttons being tapped and some occasional cries of agony. She spotted a short black haired maid and a red-haired woman in a suit at an arcade machine.

“Impressive counter.” The business woman said. “You’re actually keeping up with me, seems I underestimated you.”

“Thanks for the compliment, but I’ll do far more than just keep up.”

“Hah, you’re tough but you’re still a noob. Prepare to get air-juggled.”

Over the course of a minute, the maid managed to lose and was thrown several feet back from the force of the fictional KO. “Time for the cherry tapping!” The business woman said, throwing her suitcase. The maid dodged and threw a shuriken, which slightly grazed her torso but somehow managed to rip off the top half of her suit, revealing her red bra. After listening further while they talked and finding out that the maid was fighting to get her Xbox Live account unbanned, Vegena stepped out from the shadows as she yelled, “Hold it!” pointing at the business woman who was mocking the maid.

“Blah blah blah?” Said the businesswoman, quirking an eyebrow.

“Blah blah blah, blah blah!” Vegena said angrily.

“Blah blah!” The businesswoman threw another suitcase at Vegena.

“Blaaaaah!” Vegena yelled as she smashed through it with a high kick, followed by her saying, “Tatsumaki-senpu-kyaku!” as she leaped towards her with a horizontal hurricane kick, knocking her out with the move.

The maid was in awe at Vegena’s Street Fighter™ moves, and offered to treat her…by going to an ordinary fast food restaurant. Vegena’s best friend, who looked like a blonde Miku Hatsune, met them at the restaurant where she was eating a Moe cheeseburger. The maid, who was called Tera, explained the whole ordeal. “Well there’s this secret tournament going on, where they text us and inform contestants on where their match will be taking place, then they duke it out using a video game called Badass Boxer, which is a kickboxing game all about combos, counters and such. If you win you can have whatever your heart desires. I entered to get my Xbox Live account which was unfairly banned back online. I’m not sure who it was but I’ll find them one day.”

“But is this really necessary?” Vegena asked. “Can’t you just talk to them about your account?”

“Yeah, my account unfairly got banned once, but I sorted out the mess after explaining my situation to them.” Vegena’s friend said, who was called Lula.

“Okay, I’ll try that immediately. I guess I won’t need to keep fighting then.”

All three left soon afterwards, splitting up soon along the way to get to their own homes. Vegena sat on her bed, typing up something on her laptop as she began monologing to herself again. “So I met a fighting maid today, her name was Tera. I’m not sure what this tournament is about, but finding out Badass Boxer still exists and is still being played has me relieved. Perhaps I may join this tournament to find others who play and maybe a worthy challenge.” She phoned Tera soon afterwards but her phone seemed to be off, so she figured she’d pay her a visit.

Upon arriving she found the house to be completely trashed, with stains on the walls, broken furniture, etc. Asking around provided her with no leads, and in fact the neighbourhood acted like they had never met her. Perplexed about the bizarreness, she phoned Lula as she walked home. “Lula, where u at?”

“Me? Just chillin’, you know how I do.”

“Tera has gone missing, I think someone ransacked her place and kidnapped her or something.”

“Are you sure you’re not over thinking things?”

“Her place was a mess and no-one seems to remember anything about her. This **** is serious.”

“Alright, well if I find out anything I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks, well I’ll see you tomorrow.” She hung up, at which point she received a text moments later, telling her to go to a secret location. Understandably confused, she read further and realized she’d been entered into the tournament. Wanting to participate in Badass Boxer games, while discovering what happened to Tera, she rushed to the destination.

Arriving at the dark alleyway where a Badass Boxer arcade machine was placed, she encountered the businesswoman again. “You! What did you do with Tera?!”

“I honestly don’t know myself. If you want to find out you’ll have to win, won’t you?”

“Fine! Lets do this!” Vegena explained, putting a quarter in the slot. During their round, Vegena took several low punches which somehow ripped parts of her clothing, but then surprised the woman as she jumped over the next jab and hit her with a kick. What followed was a curb stomp battle as Vegena unleashed a rapid series of punches and kicks followed by an uppercut which knocked off most of the woman’s health to her shock and horror. Vegena glanced at her while smiling as she said, “That’s 90%, welcome to Central City, ****!” Then with a roundhouse kick she KO’d her moments later.

The impact of such a defeat sent the woman flying back twenty feet as half her clothes ripped. “How could I lose so easily…” She muttered before passing out.

Vegena was still utterly confused over all the crazy things which happened that evening. What happened to Tera? Why had she suddenly been entered into this tournament? And just where was Lula at during this time? She could have monologued about this for minutes, and she probably did very shortly.

The next morning, while she was monologing about this, her doorbell rang. Upon answering it, she saw Poison standing outside, wearing Ivy’s clothing and breast pads for some odd reason. “Umm, can I help you?” Vegena asked.

“I’m here to help you win.”

“Huh?”

“That tournament. I want to help you win. I was in the neighbourhood at some point yesterday and saw you were a contestant. I sense you have a passion for this.”

“How?”

“Was told by an expert I personally know.”

“How do I know you’re not some creepy stalker who goes after young teenage girls?”

“Aren’t I a young teenager too?”

“Yeah but still…and what’s up with the…”

“It’s a punishment. Long story.”

“Uh-huh. And how do you plan to help me win?”

“Training, of course. Rocky style.”

“Oh goody.” Vegena said sarcastically.

And so began the montage, which featured Vegena increasing her finger speed simply by typing fast messages on a computer, increasing reaction time by firing gusts of wind at her while she ran along a pavement, and calling out moves while she jogged, which she’d quickly call out the input for such moves. During this, Masterman drove by in a green Cadillac as he turned to them and said, “What’s up, homie?”

“We barely know each other, man.” Poison replied.

“Apparently.” MM said, staring oddly at the dress.

“It’s a long story. Anyway, I’m helping this girl here win this Badass Boxer tournament. Her next match is tonight, so she has to be prepared.”

“Alright, I’ll help too. I want in on this.”

“I don’t think we need anymore help.”

“But what about mid-battle banter? Has she worked on that?”

“Why would that be needed?”

“It can ruin the concentration of your opponent, makes you look cooler if you’re winning, plus it can sometimes make people laugh.”

“Yeah, he’s right.” Vegena agreed. “I want some extra material on that.”

“Fine, you’re in then.” Poison shrugged.

“Sweet. You won’t regret it. Yo boy knows his ****.” Masterman said.

Later that evening, it was that time again. Vegena went to another abandoned area along with Poison and Masterman to participate in her next match, which was against another high school girl with short green hair who was still wearing the uniform. Before they even started the match, the girl glared at Poison a majority of the time, which really creeped him out to the point where he hid in a corner until they started.

As it started it was fairly equal, with them hopping around and attempting to counter even though not many attacks were being executed. Vegena eventually leaped forward and yelled, “I’m making it raaaain!” as she launched a series of diagonal kicks from just above her opponent, “I’m twisting the night away, ****!” she cried as she landed and hit her with a hurricane kick, knocking her into a corner. The green haired girl knocked her back with a focus attack and with a flying kick knocked Vegena into the opposite corner. The schoolgirl went on the offense by relentlessly attacking while all Vegena did was block as she whittled down her defense.

As Poison looked worried, Masterman turned to him and said, “She knows what she’s doing.” Poison quirked an eyebrow at him while MM said it again, “She knows what she’s doing.”

“Yeah? I hope you know that!”

“She knows what she’s doing.” He repeated once more.

Eventually, Vegena hit her with a mid-range kick, went back to blocking, then finished her off with an uppercut moments later as she said, “Oops! The result says: Denied!”

After some more glaring and some talking, the green haired girl left, being a graceful loser over her defeat. Vegena handed Poison a note as he hid behind Masterman while saying, “She wanted me to give you her number.”

“Wha?”

“She was too shy to say anything herself.”

“But she looked like she wanted to kill me…she did know I was a guy, right?”

“Yeah, she noticed eventually. She was still interested.”

“Still big pimping, attracting chicks like a true g.” Masterman nodded.

“I ain’t no pimp, mang.” Poison replied.

Moving onto the next day during the intervening time, Vegena spent that time training and taking orders, and upon arriving at the next destination, she discovered her next opponent was Loli Black.

“Badass-chan? You entered this?” Poison asked.

“Yeah, I like this game. I think it’s the ****, so I entered.”

“Right! Lets get started!” Vegena exclaimed, eager to began. And so they did, remaining fairly equal once more as they jumped all over the arena throwing swift punches and kicks while occasionally countering. Vegena managed to catch Loli Black out with three high kicks as she said, “Oh, he so Pringles.”

Loli Black immediately hit her with a shoulder barge upon landing as she replied, “Where yo curly mustache at?”

“Oh, you want this ****? Lets go, ni-I mean, negro!”

“C’mon, ****! Press that motherfucker!”

Loli Black eventually countered with a rapid combo of high and low punches as she dashed from left to right, quickly draining Vegena’s HP as Vegena exclaimed, “Oh my god! God my oh! This **** is hitting me with the wombo in the middle of the combo!”

Vegena soon countered as she was about to be KO’d and yelled, “Imma bout to get lethal on this sucker! Get yo **** spit on, ****!” Vegena began a long sequence of Dempsey rolls, ending with a roundhouse kick as she continued, “One more, one more for the gold mine!” she said as she used the same combo while Loli Black was in the corner, KO’ing her. Vegena then pushed her to the ground as she said, “Get the **** outta here, negro!” She donned a pair of shades as she then said, “That **** is crispy!”

“That wasn’t cool, man.” Loli Black replied, getting to her feet. “You’ve got skills though.”

“Right back at ya, you nearly got me there. We should do this again some other time.”

“Tru dat. Look me up sometime, I go to St. Lolita Academy. I’ll also see you round sometime, Poison, and your preferences are none of my concern.”

“I’m not wearing this by choice.” He replied.

As they all left, Vegena was concerned about Badass-chan’s wellbeing as she said, “I’m worried she might get kidnapped. It happened to a friend of mine, and I think that green haired girl disappeared too. I need to get Tera back, I didn‘t even get to hit dat once before she got kidnapped, and that can‘t stand!”

“At least you got your priorities straight.” Poison shrugged.

“Did you call that girl?” Masterman asked.

“I wasn’t interested, besides, I’m a demon.”

“Interracial relationships are all the rage nowadays, man.”

“Its not the same thing. Anyway, I know her. She can handle herself.” And so they remained quiet as they left.

The next day, the next match was to apparently take place in a busy arcade, much to their surprise. Ivy found them near one of those grabbing claw machines, saying, “So this is what you’ve been doing…” as she arrived.

She happened to be wearing Poison’s clothes. Vegena looked at Ivy, then back at Poison before saying, “I think there’s a joke I’m missing out on here…”

“So is this her?” Ivy asked, pointing at Vegena.

“Yeah, that’s her.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Vegena Herts.” She said, shaking her hand.

“I look forward to seeing your skills.” She then turned to Poison. “And why the hell did you tell me so late?”

“What’s got you in such a bad mood?”

“My show finished recently, and I loved that show, but the ending was total bullshit.”

“What’s that called?” Masterman asked.

“Thong and Pantyhose. This show. It like, spoke to me in ways I didn’t know was possible. It was epic, then that **** went and betrayed Thong. I liked Thong! She was cool.”

“**** happens, mang.” Masterman shrugged.

“Indeed. Like that time I swapped bodies with Poison and went around raping most people including myself because I could get away with it and blame it on Poison.”

“I figure I’d remember something like that if it actually happened…” Poison responded.

Just then, Ruby arrived, having been told about this by Ivy apparently. “Hey guys, hi Poison.”

“Hey Ruby, alright Vegena, you should be fully prepared to go for the gold at this point.” Poison said.

“Hold up, dude.” Masterman interrupted. “What about the coup de grace? There’s the other ones done, but what about **** the knicks?”

“The knicks don’t need ****, the other material is just as good.”

“But that’s just not right! You know this, bro! What about honour? What about perfection? What about justice?!?”

“Screw justice!” Poison exclaimed.

“Well alright.” Vegena shrugged before placing her hands on Ruby’s shoulders, which terrified Ruby.

“Hold on just one minute!” Gary yelled, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. “I think we can all agree a simple reference is enough, regardless of how hammered in the nail is.”

Everyone unanimously agreed with his point and the others began to calm down when a familiar voice suddenly said, “Well if it isn’t my little supernatural friends.” They looked in the direction of the voice to see Dawn, along with all four of her robotic squad.

“Its amazing how seeing one dreadful sight can almost instantly bring you down.” Ruby said.

“Figured you’d be used to this, moeblob. Anyway, Gold is here for some tournament thing. I don’t even know.”

“Did you fix that thing you were talking about?” Poison asked as he stared at her.

“Yes, I’m perfectly fine now.” Gold responded. “Baka! Idiothead! Pervert! Lolicon! ****!”

“We’re still on that, huh?”

“Well at least I like older guys!”

Ivy interrupted as she replied, “Well I’ll have you know that I’m a proudly proclaimed shotacon.”

For a moment as Gold thought, she jittered continuously as sparks and smoke generated from her head. Dawn, being somewhat stunned, said, “Wow, you said something so out of left field that she had no normal way of responding to it. Bravo. I should be able to fix her within a few minutes.”

Time pasted rather fast and it was finally time for them to start, and as if right on cue the area become more crowded as people stood around to watch. Leo slowly made his way through the loud crowd over to Poison who was now talking to Damien and Gary about something, he then asked, “Hey, what’s going on here?”

“Its boxing, baby!” Vegena yelled.

“Its boxing, baby!” Masterman yelled back.

Vegena was the one mainly going on the offense and dashing out chip damage while Gold ran around and mainly countered hits. “Imma chip-**** yo ass with yo ****, ****!” Vegena said as she kept going on the offense. “I spit on this motherfucker!” she said before a charged right punch knocked Gold into the corner, gaining a large “Oh!” from the crowd. “Imma corner **** this ****!” Vegena said, moving in to continue her attack. Gold ducked and hit her with a series of middle and low jabs, a few kicks then knocked her into the air with an uppercut.

“I’m getting tired of your stupid mouth!” Gold shouted as she continued with high kicks. “I’m not gonna kick your ass, I’m gonna destroy it!”

Vegena stepped back and hit her with a leaping roundhouse kick as she said, “Close yo mouth, holmes.” She then donned a pair of shades again as she said, “That **** is crunchy! No wait, its beast-masterful!”

“She’s pretty badass with those juggling skills.” Leo said.

“Yeah, she was apparently one of the best at some point.” Poison replied. “So where were you?”

“Training with this grizzly bear I know.”

“Right, and next you’ll tell me you took out a shark with a piledriver.”

“I did beat one with a piledriver. Was a bodybuilder too, even Gary saw it.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Why are you wearing that anyway?”

“Oh, its about this thing I was doing at the beach, so I gotta wear these clothes for a week.”

Quirking an eyebrow, Damien replied, “My little sister can’t be this cruel.”

“Well apparently she is.”

Damien paid attention once more while saying, “Damn, this girl is going DX on that robot, man.”

“Yeah, its almost over at this point.” Gary replied.

Just then, Vegena ended the fight by countering a high punch with several low punches, several kicks, followed by a hurricane kick and ending with an uppercut as Vegena said, “Now that **** is chunky! You don’t even know.”

Dawn, not paying much attention to her defeat, approached Poison with a list as she said, “Hey smartass, I got some more insults for ya.”

“You’re not serious.”

“I’m as serious as my business occupation, and regardless of your current sexual orientation, I’m gonna read them out.”

“No thanks.” He said while walking off.

“Oh, you’re so tsun~” She said playfully before picking up Gold and proceeding to the exit with the other robots.

Moving on, Vegena was now able to go collect her prize, which she thought was odd as she figured she had one more opponent but apparently not. Poison went with her while Masterman left in his Cadillac with two girls and wished Vegena the best as he left. Upon arriving at the warehouse, they found dozens of guards knocked out, with Loli Black causing the casualties. Looking around, they saw mainly cages and such, big enough for mature humans in any case. Loli Black was about to attack them as they entered. “Good thing you guys are here. These guys have done some sick **** here, you can help me take them down.”

Vegena heard footsteps to the right and saw Tera. “Congratulations, Vegena, you’ve been specifically chosen to receive your prize. And that prize is death.”

“Excuse me?”

“This tournament is serious business. The losers get sold off to high bidders and the champion goes free. Well, not exactly, as this started because we had a personal bone to pick with you.”

“We?”

“Hey, Vegena.” Lula said as she entered the room. “We haven’t kept in touch in a while.”

“Both of you? Why?”

“Shits and gi-”

Tera backhanded her. “No, fool! She killed our brother!”

“Oh yeah!”

Before Vegena could get a word in, Tera went on. “He loved Badass Boxer, wanted to make Dad proud, but in one of his last battles, you massacred him. It was unbelievable how you managed to get so good in a short amount of time, but the level of skill was far too big.”

Vegena gasped. “Don’t tell me he took his own life?!”

“No, he just got hit by a car, but I’m blaming that on you anyway!”

“We shouldn’t be joking about this ****.” Loli Black commented.

“Indeed.” Poison added.

“Now I’ll end your life as you ended his!” As Tera pulled a gun, Spring and Floyd suddenly drove into the warehouse and ran both Tera and Lula over before stopping.

“Thanks for the assist, guys. Perfect timing as usual.” Poison said, while they nodded back at him.

After freeing all the people left in the cages, the three of them hopped in the car and they drove off as Vegena began talking. “Y’know, this may have been a pretty crummy experience, but at least I got to play Badass Boxer again, and that‘s all that matters...”

Meanwhile, in a dark tower on top of a secluded mountain area, Dawn entered a dark room. A throne could be seen further ahead with its back to Dawn. “Yo, I’m back.”

“And how did it go?”

“We got a little more of a push, I think we have the right amount of power we need, and I know just the person too.”

“If what you say is true then its time to began.” The person spun round, revealing herself to be Pandora. She had long black hair tied into pigtails, wore a long pimped out black and red layered dress, with roses along it as well as two dark blue roses on both sides of her hair. She wielded a black and neon purple umbrella as she got up. “Feel free to make a move.”

“Finally! I can let loose and go nuts! Its been so long, and by long I mean just over a week.”

“Try a spot which won’t attract more unnecessary attention than is needed.”

“Gotcha. I already have a place in mind, just remember to have the essential tools set up.” Dawn reminded her.

“Yes, I’ll do as you asked. Just please remember the plan while you’re having fun.”

“Yeah, yeah, its all business with you. You need to get drunk again.”

“No I don’t, and that never happened.”

“Deny it all you want but it did.” Dawn immediately left while Pandora went out another exit.

So I finally got back to doing this. Believe it or not, this was originally going to be longer. Yes.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 49 - Stronghold of the Strongest, Part 1

It was two days after the total bullshit about Pandora being the strongest, and Ruby and Gary mysteriously received a distress call coming from a military base which might’ve been called Area 51. Upon arriving they discovered the place had been broken into, as tons of machinery was destroyed, metal entrances were ripped open, blood and organs were smeared across the walls and floors along the inside, and various areas were on fire from all the wreckage caused. Not to mention there were tons and tons of hideous animalistic fleshy monsters roaming around, picking at the flesh of injured soldiers while some were stuck to webs of blood and were being feasted upon by grotesque fleshy spiders. After coming across a large hellish dog with teeth that covered half its face, Gary blasted it to pieces, only to discover acid poured out of it as they stepped back.

“That thing bleeds acid?!?” Ruby exclaimed. “What on earth could have done this?”

“I think its more likely to assume it’s a ‘who’.”

They ran around the corridors, beating the crap out of an assortment of deformed creatures which seemed to be made of blood. They slowly walked along a dark corridor apart from one light down the hallway which flickered on and off.

“Man, this seems like something out of a horror movie.” Ruby said as she noticed a big patch of pulsing blood in the right corner of the walls.

“We could have arrived sooner if not for that stupid magical girl nonsense you do.”

“But I have to do the magical girl transformation sequence, complete with the obligatory panty shot.”

“You watch too much magical girl anime.”

“You want too much anime in general.”

“…Agreed.”

They ran around empty corridors and rooms filled with monsters, both humanoid and animalistic, which they easily cleared out with a number of simple moves. Crystal called Gary while this was going on as Ruby whacked a ball of slime back at a scorpion with her spear. “Hey Gary, you guys okay down there?”

“Why? Do you know something about this?”

“No, Michael just said it was a serious matter. So what’s going on?”

“Well, have you ever seen The Thing?”

“No.”

“Alien?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen that.”

“Well the situation here is kinda a mix of those…I’m unfortunately assuming.”

“So you need any helping hand?”

“For the moment I think we’ve got it.” Gary replied as Ruby chopped the head off a large spider in the background.

They moved on, sliding across tables and kicking down doors, charging through the various minions of deformed monsters as they made their way further into the base. Upon entering one of the large main control centres, they discovered over two dozen soldiers firing upon hordes of bloody monsters while taking cover behind some of the machines and equipment. As they rushed in to help out, the soldiers nearly attacked them, but were then somewhat confused as to whether they were really on their side, but still appreciated the help.

Once they had killed the monsters in the room, Gary approached one of the soldiers, asking, “So what happened here?”

“There was this chick, she somehow got into the base. I think she had shape shifting abilities or something, but she managed to access one of the control rooms and all hell broke loose. At least half the staff here have been killed and over half the ones still left are putting up a valiant fight against the even tougher monsters outside in the middle of the base.”

Gary turned to Ruby as he said, “Lets go.” while she nodded.

After a little while of beating down monsters, within one small room they came across Dawn, who was sucking the blood out of two dead soldiers with her tentacles. She noticed them right away. “Ahh, you two are a bit late, but no matter. Right this way!” She said, running off into another room.

Gary sighed. “It was stupid to even think for one minute that she wasn’t behind this.”

“C’mon, Gary, lets finish this monster for good.” Ruby said as she rushed on ahead.

They chased her across several rooms throwing energy blasts at her. As they arrived at a certain hallway, she pressed a button which set off a chain of bombs placed nearby, nearly knocking Ruby and Gary out. They eventually followed her into a massive ship docking area where fights between the soldiers and monsters were going on, and several of the staff were being stalked by the creatures. Gary decided that he’d help with clearing them out while Ruby tracked down Dawn, just before he bounced across three creatures with lighting strikes, then charged through a metal door high above.

Ruby slid along some bent rails past the random patches of fire in numerous places and taking out creatures as she sped by to the outside quarters of the base, charging past all the action. She caught up to Dawn outside who stood beside a large rocket shaped monster, which she pointed ahead and shouted, “Phallic-thing, I choose you!” Ruby evaded one of its swings and kicked it into the right side of the base before taking off after Dawn again.

“You monster! How could you do something like this?!” Ruby yelled as they entered the left quarters of the base.

“Surprisingly easy, believe it or not. Though I did steal some things, like a green and black uniform, a few fingers, an eyeball or two. I also needed the blood to make my loyal minions. The staff in this place were kind enough to help me out with that.”

“I just…I don’t even know what to say. My rage just can’t be spoken. I can‘t even reply to you right now.”

“Yeah, if I was as dumb as a sack of potatoes, I wouldn‘t say anything either.”

“Then I’d suggest you stop talking.”

Dawn threw a few bombs back as Ruby came round a corner, resulting in the large explosion making a bunch of rubble block the path and sending Ruby flying back. She simply leaped into a nearby air-vent and quickly crawled in the same direction, though she could hear Dawn talk while she did so. “Y’know, I love the sweet sensation of senseless violence, and I did a lot here. I ended up causing…wait for it…Maximum Carnage! Hahahahahahehe! By the way, I love that game.”

“That’s totally not funny.” As Ruby hopped out of the vent a minute later, she followed a trail of blood towards an exit, and spotted Dawn on a large spaceship, along with dozens of her monstrous minions abroad.

“All aboard the Love Craft!” She yelled while sticking a label across the true name of the ship.

“Okay, that’s kinda funny, but in a really sick way…” Ruby leaped ahead and clung to the side then slowly climbed up onto the ship. Ruby hopped across the higher section of the ship till she was above Dawn, and proceeded to impale her with her spear, missing by a second as Dawn somersaulted out the way.

Dawn’s stomach opened up like a mouth, and she used her small intestine as a tongue to say, “You mad?” in a deep voice.

Ruby threw her spear which missed but then hit Dawn with a flying kick, followed by several punches before throwing her into the ships engine. Dawn quickly leapt out onto the ship again, somewhat burnt but seeming unharmed. She looked down at her stomach as she said, “I think she mad, stomach.”

“Why she mad though?” The stomach replied.

“I don’t even know.” She shrugged.

“I’m gonna rip out that intestine with my bare hands.” Ruby replied as she glared at her.

“You’ll have to catch it first! This way, please!” Dawn leapt off the ship along with her minions, leaving Ruby to try and bring down the burning ship before taking off after Dawn once again.

Meanwhile, Gary had helped rid the area of the monsters shortly after. He didn’t seem to see Ruby and Dawn around, nor had any survivors seen them, so he decided to leave and assumed Ruby took care of it. During that night, Ruby still hadn’t contacted anyone, so he was still quite concerned.

The next day on the demonic planet, Ivy, Poison and Damien were watching a film which seemed to be about Pedobear stalking kids on a camping trip, but that’s not important. Rosie ran into the room, saying, “Guys, you gotta come see this!” as she ran back out. Quite curious, the three followed her outside, and its important to mention that Ivy and Poison were still wearing each others clothes. To their surprise there was a hologram of a massive screen high in the sky, clear enough for most demons to see. The same thing was apparently happening on both the angelic planet and earth at the same time.

On the screen was a webcam view of Pandora with Ruby further back in a dark room leaning against a wall. Ruby appeared to have a dark aura around her as Pandora spoke. “Greetings, inferior species, I am contacting you to inform you that the residents of the underworld have decided to end the life of most living species.” Dawn entered the room and was trying to turn on a projector in the background as Pandora continued. “All you sick, useless, pathetic sacks of flesh have spread your sick, depraved stench all over the planets of this galaxy for far too long, but the cure has arrived, and will be handed out quite soon. You have a few hours left, enjoy them while you can. Go see a movie, do something you never got to do, make up with people, go **** one last time, I don’t care. But know th-” Pandora stopped as Dawn turned on the projector, quickly covering the screen to stop others from seeing something embarrassing as she yelled, “What’re you doing?!? People could’ve saw that! I’m deleting this, and forgetting all memory of it!”

As the connection between the various planets cut, there was a mixture of feelings about the news. Some were worried, some laughed it off, some were curious about what she was planning, and some others wondered what was on that projector that got her so worked up.

A few moments later, Gary immediately called Poison. “Hey Poison, did you see that?”

“Yeah, I’m ready to go anytime you are.”

“Alright, lets meet at that clock tower in just over an hour.”

“Sure thing, see you there.” As Poison hung up, he turned to Ivy.” Seems we gotta make a move, lets go.”

“Nah, maybe some other day.” Ivy replied, beginning to walk off.

“Wait! You can’t just walk away!” Rosie exclaimed. “Whatever that girl is planning is bad, and Ruby has been infected somehow! Isn’t she your friend? Don’t you want to help her?!”

“You seem to be the most sane and morally conscious individual lately.” Poison remarked.

“Yeah, I found it odd too.”

“Fine, I’ll go, but she‘s not my friend.” Ivy responded. “D-don’t misunderstand, its not like I actually want to help Ruby, I just want to bring her back to her senses because I’m supposed to be the evil one!”

“A rare case where both reasons aren’t actually excuses.” Poison commented.

“I’ll get the ship started, and also call Lolita who probably already knows.” Damien said as he walked off.

“By the way,” Poison began. “Can I have my clothes back now?”

“No.”

And so the rest of them gathered their **** and took off, met at a specific location and since they didn’t know where Pandora was broadcasting from, they went to see Lolita, who was in the middle of one of her segments. “Believe it or not, the name Cherry does not refer to anything perverted, surprisingly. It makes sense if you know her surname, which is Apples.”

“So…Cherry Apples?”

“Yes, now it makes sense. Next caller.”

“Did you know 40% of 4Chan’s regular members are made up of demons?”

“I did not, thanks for sharing.”

Damien charged through a wall nearby moments before saying, “Lolita, shits about to get real.”

Lolita quickly got to her feet and simply responded with a nod as she walked through the hole in the wall past Damien.

In the dark tower, Pandora was getting things ready while Dawn was inspecting Ruby on her outfit. “Okay, I think you gotta cut the section from the lower torso, as well as cut off 1/3 of that skirt.”

“Why?”

“Evil people tend to show more skin.”

“But the blackness is to creep around in the dark undetected, so this would be bad. Also, neither you or Pandora are showing that much skin so-”

“I don’t wanna hear complaints, Sailor Moon. If you don’t bare that midriff, I’ll cut it myself.”

The others made their way to the tower and were quickly making their way up, disposing of the various robots and monsters with ease, which would have been set to a Streets of Rage 2 theme, but it was cut to save time. As they arrived close to the point, they encountered Ruby, who glared at them as she said, “I despise you all…”

“I’m sure that’s just the dark energy talking.” Crystal remarked.

“You guys go on ahead.” Ivy said. “I can take care of Ruby.”

I despise you the most of all.” She replied.

The other complied with her choice, and went on. They took an elevator up to the top floor and emerged in a standard office room where Pandora and Dawn were waiting. “Greetings, unfortunate souls. I was expecting you. The strongest is me, Pandora! Except that I’m not actually and only said so to get your attention.”

“Well it certainly got Ivy’s attention at least.” Damien shrugged.

“Now that we’re here, I figure I’d take the time to explain the plan, since the details have already been set in motion.” Dawn said. “That golden belt I normally wear wasn’t just to look stylish, it’s a device which consumes things such as hate, anger, etc. and turns it into dark energy. That same dark energy is the same we used to open a rift to the 13th dimension, full of unspeakable horrors for which we have yet to release but will do so shortly regardless of interference.”

“Now that you mention it, it did seem odd that you were still wearing that belt on the beach…” Crystal replied.

Dawn continued. “So really my main goal was just to **** people off, and it would have came to this result either way.”

“Yes.” Pandora added. “Our goal was simple, yet easily accomplished either way. These are serious times, meant for serious matters.” And she said this while the camera was shot from a low angle behind her and slowly moved diagonally right.

“And what does Death have to say about this?” Lolita asked.

“He’s busy helping Dracula again with some Belmont problem or something. I could perhaps call off the final phase if you’ll come back, dear sister.”

“I told you, Pandora, Death has assigned my duties mainly to earth now, so I can be with Damien and some other insignificant people who sadly don’t want to be my pets.” The others were of course annoyed by her reply.

“I recall offering to be your pet for a while.”

“Yes, but you were too clingy. Please don‘t tell me you still sleep with that pillow with my picture on it.”

“I sleep with two now.”

Damien shook his head. “She’s like Lolita, except taken to the extreme.”

Pandora turned to face Damien as she said, “I’ll kill you for stealing my onee-sama.”

“So you did all this just because Lolita wouldn’t come back to the Underworld, and yet its been like a month since she left and you’re only now doing something about it?” Rosie asked, taking the details into account.

“I’m, how you say…rather lazy.”

“Wow, she really is just like Lolita.” Poison commented, stunned by her answer.

“Enough.” Pandora silenced them. “Now behold, my masterpiece.” The walls began to shift to the others surprise as the floor slowly raised up and the ceiling opened up to move them outside. In the distance was a black and dark purple familiar shape, suspended in midair which very slowly got bigger.

Gary was the first to say, “It looks sort of like a box…” Dawn quietly chuckled as she put on her cool face while Pandora coughed as she turned slightly.

“Because I’m in a good mood, I’ll let you guys in on something, that box is the one-dimensional portal I managed to create off-screen in the last week. My four robot minions are the ones supplying that box with dark energy currently to fully open that portal. You might stand a chance to stop them if you hurry but I doubt it.”

Lolita immediately handed Rosie a map, saying, “They should be located at those points.” Before Rosie could even respond, she then said, “A Shinigami’s soul search ability is of the highest quality, regardless of whether there‘s a soul to actually find.”

“Well in the meantime, I’ll take care of Dawn personally.” Poison said, drawing his sword.

“You sure about this?” Gary said.

“I’m certain I can beat her one-on-one.”

“Awfully overconfident, aren’t we?” Dawn said with a smirk. “I accept your challenge though.”

The others left to find the spots on the map. As they did so, Pandora smiled. “Now let us fight to the death, onee-sama.”

“Stop calling me that, besides, we Shinigami can never truly die.”

“Then let us fight for all eternity.” Pandora fired a beam from the center of her umbrella. Lolita slid under it and attacked with a rising kick, which missed as Pandora backflipped off the roof with Lolita close behind.

“Alright, hotshot, its just you and me.” Dawn said, sprouting half a dozen tentacles.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to kick your ass. I’m certainly gonna enjoy this.” Poison said with a smile.

“Slow down there, or else you’re gonna conjure up some foe yay, besides, I’d eat you alive, boy.”

“Only one way to find out.”

The two spent the next 20 seconds moving around and attacking with long range moves while evading. Poison eventually slid under one of her tentacles and sliced it off. While he was still sliding, Dawn spread out the puddles of blood telekinetically which sprouted spikes that Poison narrowly avoided as he leaped back several times.

“You like that?” Dawn asked. “I call it, “Bloodbending.”

“Didn’t know your blood was that flexible.”

Poison leaped over her next attack and threw two low punches which Dawn blocked, then she blocked a high punch but was quickly kicked backwards. Dawn ducked under another punch and hit him with a roundhouse kick as she yelled, “C-C-C-Combo Breaker!” Poison quickly backflipped as he hit the ground and charged at her, swinging several times with his sword while she evaded the hits. Dawn quickly moved forward and hit him with a dozen blood spikes from her tentacles. He charged in again, throwing several punches which she blocked but knocked her into the air with a rising slash. She dashed through the air to his other side but was quickly hit with another slash. As she dropped down she landed a direct hit with one sharp-teethed tentacle followed by a kick to the face.

As Poison got up, Dawn shot another tentacle. He jumped over it and prepared to attack with an overhead swing, but another tentacle quickly sunk its teeth into his torso and Dawn yelled, “Get over here!” as she pulled him towards her. She punched him again then quickly grabbed him with another tentacle, yelling, “Come here!” before kicking him.

Meanwhile, Lolita and Pandora were soaring through the sky as they were fast approaching the ground, with Pandora firing things and Lolita deflecting them while firing back. Lolita quickly flew by one of her attacks and tackled her through a wall from the side. Pandora quickly pulled out two SMG’s and fired at her, Lolita immediately taking cover. “Ruby, open the dimensional portal.” She said into a communicator. Just then, Lolita rolled into view with an assault rifle and shot back as Pandora hid behind a table.

In a corridor down below, Ruby was hitting Ivy with various music induced combos and then threw her through a wall as she said, “Understood.” As Ivy was getting up she said, “I’ll deal with you later. Villains are a superstitious, cowardly lot, so I don’t expect you to attack me directly.” She then jumped out a window and flew off. Knowing whatever she set out to do was bad, Ivy gave chase.

On another planet, Leo was fixing up a standard rocket ship in a isolated area when his dad approached him, who was simply taller and wore blue overalls. They stood in silence as his dad watched him patch up the ship, until eventually Leo spoke. “Dad, look, I know you don’t approve of my friends and everything but they’re not that bad, and this is serious. You saw it too, this affects a lot of people, so I go-”

“Close yo mouth, son.” He silenced him, followed by a hug. Of manliness, of course. And that was all that needed to be said.

Back on earth, the others who were flying around looking for the dark energy generating factories were speaking with each other. Crystal was the first to speak. “So how long will it take to get to these places, and how long do we have left?”

“Lets just nuke the earth from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.” Damien suggested.

“Nuking seems to be your answer for everything.” Amber remarked.

On the roof of the tower, Poison and Dawn continued their battle. Poison was cutting her tentacles to shreds as he zigzagged towards her, until she eventually managed to grab him. She then impaled him continuously with rapid tentacle strikes, then when she was finished she unleashed sharp spikes of blood from the tentacle rapped around him, impaling him through the stomach from all sides before throwing him aside. “A shame really, my toys tend to break so easily…” She sat down as Poison’s arm twitched. “C’mon! Where’s your “Everyone’s counting on me!” nonsense, or some stupid, “I will protect you! Blah blah blah!” Is that the extent or your skill? I guess you‘re done for today…”

Poison suddenly flipped and landed on his feet, seeming more enthusiastic than before. “Are you nuts? I live for this kind of ****!”

“So you get off on people trying to kill you? Different strokes for different folks, I guess.” She shrugged.

“Laugh it up, motor mouth, because you’ll be singing a different tune when I’m through.” As if activating a super mode power-up, Poison sped up his movements as he charged through her defences with a wall of wind and began slashing at her repeatedly, slicing her to bits one small section at a time. After a few moments, he began firing waves of razor wind from his occasional kicks between slashes, chopping off various body parts until she was soon a mess of flesh styled logo pieces lying in a pool of her own blood. “Just in case you didn’t know, wind can be pretty deadly when the intent is to kill in a stylish fashion.” He then realized something. “Wait, did I do something cool dressed as a girl? Man, I suck…”

Dawn quickly pulled her parts back together within a few moments, though took a little longer to put her organs in the right areas. “Okay, I got a little careless, understandable. Seems I got a little overconfident, or excited, or whatever. But seriously, you’re so rough with me, have you got something to prove?”

“Nope, but I’ve got a lot of stamina to spare.”

“Try not to finish so fast, I wanna enjoy it too, okay? Now lets give this relationship another shot.”

In one factory, Bronze was speaking with the other three robot siblings. “Hey guys, I think Dawn’s a ****, don’t you think she’s a ****?”

“We know this, Bronze. Its no use complaining.” Silver replied.

“What he said.” Gold added.

“I will forever be loyal regardless of personal treatment.” Platinum replied.

Suddenly, Gary burst through the wall and threw Bronze against the wall before yelling, “How do I stop that dark box in the sky!?”

“I-I don’t know, man! I didn’t make that thing!”

“Dawn says you guys can stop that thing. Something about the factory.”

“What? She’s chatting bullshit! I don’t even know why we’re waiting here!”

“Very well, the interrogation will begin then.”

“Wait! Dude, I’m serious!”

“Enough!” Gary charged his hand with electricity and frowned upon him as he said, “Prepare your anus.”

Finally got round to doing the majority of this.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 50 Stronghold of the Strongest, Part 2

It was a short while since the previous chapter, and Poison was now dodging Dawn’s tentacles as they fought along the side of the tower. Gary called Poison while he was busy doing this. “So I found one of her robots. He apparently didn’t know what she’s talking about…he won’t be able to sit down for a very long time either.”

“…What did you do exactly?”

“I did what I had to, so yeah, I figure that **** was lying again.”

“I see.” Poison flipped over one tentacle as he asked, “Hey Dawn, were you lying?”

“Sure.”

“You don’t even know what I’m referring too.”

“What’s your point?”

In the middle of the city, Ivy caught up and was throwing large balls of fire, which Ruby narrowly evaded. She flew backwards, picking up 4 cars with her psychokinesis and throwing them at her. Ivy jumped across three, charged right through the fourth and tackled Ruby. As they hit the ground they rolled around for a bit before getting to their feet. Ruby dodged the first punch thrown and threw Ivy into a nearby dumpster before walking off. Ivy quickly got out and punched Ruby through a building, following her in moments later. Ruby kicked her into an upper room with a kick. Ivy then knocked her into the right room with an elbow, followed by Ruby piledriving Ivy through the floor. As Ruby hopped back from the force of the impact, Ivy immediately flipped upright and tackled her through another wall.

Ruby leaped back after rolling around and pointed two fingers at Ivy. “I’m going to end you! With mind bullets!” Ivy barely avoided her attack, which tore a large building in the background in half. “That’s psychokinesis, Ivy.” Ivy quickly charged at her, but instead of attacking she hugged her instead. Ruby stood there confused before asking, “What the hell are you doing?”

“Is the darkness fading?”

Ruby kicked her into a wall. “I wouldn’t count on it.” She then took out her staff and said, “I’m going to release a big frickin’ beam right at you at point blank, so don’t move, ****. Moonlight Breaker.”

Meanwhile, Lolita and Pandora were still running around the large dark room firing at each other. Lolita slid under a table while firing at Pandora, who continuously somersaulted while doing the same. Lolita ran along the wall then leaped towards Pandora. They passed by each other while still firing, Lolita managing to bounce slightly higher as she kicked her. Pandora threw her umbrella, the four metal exterior bits flipping up and shooting 4 metal spikes each. Lolita evaded them still in mid-air, twisting and turning in ways which isn’t physically possible, but getting pinned to the wall by the sharp point of her umbrella. She pulled it out and flipped out the window as Pandora flew out the same window.

Poison and Dawn’s fight had already been taken to the middle of the city, with them running along buildings firing at each other. A large energy beam in the distance distracted him for a moment or two. Dawn quickly began teleporting all over the area and hit Poison multiple times while knocking him throughout the air. He soon was able to dodge all her attempts as he continued to give chase, saying, “What are you using to do that?”

“Didn’t you know? I’m a wizard, Harry.”

“Oh, very funny.”

“I insult u, y u no insult back?”

“Because communicating with you feels like a chore.”

“You hurt mah feelings, sob sob.”

“…You know what you are?”

“C’mon! Give it to me, let me have it!”

“You’re a nice person.”

Dawn gasped as she grabbed two cars and replied, “You bastard! Take that back!” as she threw them.

“Never!” Poison yelled, jumping a split second before the cars crashed into the building.

The blood minions from before appeared on rooftops up ahead. Dawn moved on as she said, “About damn time! Stall him for me, would ya?”

“I wouldn’t count on it.” Poison gathered tons of the air around him as he cocked his arm like a shotgun, then suddenly fired a large horizontal tornado which tore the creatures to shreds moments before he called Gary. “Hey Gary, there are these weird monsters helping Dawn. You know about those right? What exactly are those?”

“Have you ever seen The Thing?”

“Nope.”

“Alien?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen that.”

“Well its kinda like that. I think, at least…”

Back in another part of the city, Ruby was flying up a tall skyscraper towards the dark box which was slowly growing. As she got closer to the top, she was suddenly electrocuted and passed out. Ivy was relieved yet also stunned as she made it up there, and looked far into the distance to see Gary waving. Ivy picked up the walkie-talkie Ruby carried and spoke into it. “Hey Dawn, we’ve just taken out Ruby. What now, huh?”

“We do it the easy way.” Dawn took out a remote and pressed a button, causing the dark box to open up wide and for tons of horrific tentacled creatures to come pouring out from the entrance as if they were lined up waiting for the opportunity.

“Oh, come on! That’s cheating!” Ivy exclaimed.

As the tentacle monsters flew out the box and in all sorts of directions, one of them exclaimed, “Aww yeah! Time to get my raep on! Where dem bitches be at?”

A couple of them huddled together as they discussed plans. “Okay, ya’ll, we gotta work at this ****. Find us some tight ass bitches.”

“But wouldn’t it be faster to split up? Bitches can’t do **** to us, mang.”

“True, true. But how we keep in contact? Wait, hold up, I think we’re being called, lets bounce.” And so they did, meeting Dawn nearby the area. While their ideas were planning to get their raep on, Dawn suddenly revealed her tentacles, getting them to stop as one said, “Hold on, man. She’s one of us.”

“But can’t we still do it?”

“No, mang. There’s rules on this ****, you can’t raep one of your own. You just don’t break that, unless you wanna go to that tentacle **** prison. Tentacles up the ass, bro.”

“Aight, its cool, man, I got it.”

“Anyway…” Dawn began. “You guys weren’t what I was expecting, but fair enough. Just go have fun. That’s pretty much the deal here.”

“No bullshit? You alright, girl. What’s yo name?”

“Its not worth mentioning. But I’ve got business, I’ll catch you round.” She replied, quickly taking off.

Back at the skyscraper, Ruby currently had Ivy pinned to the ground and was repeatedly punching her. She soon heard a voice yell, “Hey demon, catch!” Ivy kicked Ruby off her, leapt up and caught a white belt as Omar arrived on a flying scooter. “Though I’m still not fond of your people, we’ve got bigger problems. I figured Dawn would be using that belt again, so I created my own to counteract it.”

“What does it do?”

“I’ll let you figure that out.”

Ivy shrugged and put it on, at which point she suddenly let out a massive surge of power and had a white aura around her. “This…this power…I feel incredible!” She smirked before moving at extreme speeds around the area, destroying the tentacle demons who had the misfortune of being in her line of sight. She flew around running right through monsters, sending a dozen flying with fireballs, knocking out dozens with backflips so quick and broken they launched fireballs the size of meteors, and summoned a beam of fire from beneath the earth simply by clicking her fingers.

As she dispatched of the rest, a massive purple phallic-like monster attacked, with dark holes all over the sides of its body. Ivy drew her scythe as she said, “First I whip it out!” she leaped into the air, yelling, “Then I j-j-jam it in!” puncturing the head. “Relentlessly filling every orifice possible at breathtaking speed!” She dashed around the monster shooting small beams of fire into every hole. “And now for the climax!” She then sliced the monster in half and landed on the skyscraper just as its top half tore off. “Consider yourself broken.” She sighed before turning to Ruby who waited patiently. “I’m still not satisfied. So, lets continue where we left off.”

Very far, far away, inside a church Adam was sitting down reading from his black book when he saw various tentacle monsters approaching the gates. He put down his book as he said, “It seems we have some unwelcome company.”

The nuns got ready, with one of them shifting a wall to the side to reveal tons of the weapons. She grabbed a golden shotgun, because a regular shotgun just wasn’t ludicrous enough. “Lets send the fuckers back to hell.” She exclaimed, cocking the gun.

As they broke down the gate, one nun sent several monsters flying back with her shotgun.

“Better run, ****! There’s gonna be some raep up in here!”

Adam stepped ahead of the nuns, removing his glasses as he said, “Who the hell do you think we are?!”

“Oh **** son!” One nun said in shock.

Adam then killed half a dozen from a laser beam he fired moments later.

Meanwhile, Spring and Floyd were driving around town, running right over any monsters in their way, eventually hitting a ramp and spinning in the air as they fired upon several monsters below. As they landed they drifted round a corner and came to a stop by a café where Willard sat at a table outside.

“Good evening, gentlemen.” Willard greeted them. “How fortunate for us to meet at a time like this.”

“Are you simply going to sit here and do nothing?” Spring asked.

“Perhaps I shall assist you, for old times sake.” Willard got into the car and the three took off, running over more monsters.

Gary was busy helping the police fend off the monsters when a spaceship crash landed nearby. Leo leaped out and the first thing he did was punch a tentacled monster through a building.

“Hey Leo, you’re right on time.” Gary said. “Glad you could give us a hand.”

“No problem. So where’s the others?”

“Busy fighting some people. By the way, there are more monsters coming up, and they’re about to shoot organic spears.”

“There is no need to take cover and hide. The epic thing here is to charge head-on into battle, ignoring the pain from the dozens of impaling to get to your goal. Rushing in like an army with a valiant mission to complete. Denying Death the chance to claim you as the candle of life keeps itself alight purely by the knowledge that you will not concede to his demands.” He got ready to charge. “I’ll eat these guys for breakfast!” So he rushed on ahead as they fired spears, his body getting pierced by at least two dozen of them in various areas, while he charged right through them, knocking them all out, then punching the last which exploded.

“That’s incredibly reckless.” Gary commented. “But I like that.”

Spring, Floyd and Willard drove through the entrance of a mall, running over civilians and any monsters in their way. They stopped by an elevator and got in, standing in silence as they ascended to the higher floors. Arriving at floor 2, they saw that the Loli Rangers were pretty preoccupied dealing with the large numbers of monsters. Blood splattered along the walls, projectiles and waves of energy fired in all directions, monsters getting flung through store shelves and people panicking, all that ****. They waited for the doors to close and went to the third floor. They came out firing rapidly at any monster in sight as if it were House of the Dead in a furniture showroom. They went down an escalator to a food court shortly after, blasting the **** out of more monsters. As one last impish creature came running out from behind a fast food counter, Floyd shot him in the head, the force of the impact sending him flying back through the door he came out of as Floyd said, “Get back in the kitchen.”

“****.” Spring added.

Lolita and Pandora were currently fighting on the wing of a plane, which one kid noticed but decided to ignore. A large slash from Pandora hit the jet engine and caused it to crash in the middle of a road. Lolita leaped forwards into the air, countering blows while they both used twin katana’s. They hopped across cars while throwing knifes until Lolita pulled out two rocket launchers and fired, tearing up the streets and flinging several cars into midair. In slow-motion, Lolita leapt across several cars, bounced off another and shot a hole through one car using an SMG. Pandora jumped up and the two kept going higher, countering the other’s moves while still in slow-motion.

Pandora slapped away one of Lolita’s kicks and kneed her in the face, sending her flying back and down some stairs to a subway with Pandora following close behind. Lolita somersaulted, flipped sideways and landed on a train which was passing by. Pandora caught up with her soon afterwards, riding the next train being driven by a tentacled monster. Using a gun and a well-placed shot, Lolita got one half of the train on the other side of the rails. Pandora followed suit as they duelled with katana’s. The trains sped up, eventually flying off the rails as they moved at over 200 mph.

The trains flipped continuously in midair as Lolita and Pandora continued their fight, moving all over the spinning trains in slow-motion while the unfortunate civilians in the trains were scared shitless. A man who sat at an office desk saw the trains pass by. Stunned by what he saw, his eyes widened and beads of sweat appeared on his forehead as he said, “Multi-track spinning midair drifting!”

Ivy and Ruby were flying randomly throughout the air, causing shockwaves as they clashed repeatedly. Ivy flew under a thrown car and kicked Ruby 30 feet away. Ruby levitated a gigantic boulder made from the concrete below and threw it at Ivy. Ivy punched it back, leaped onto the boulder and ran down to the other side while Ruby did the same. They traded blows as the boulder rolled through the streets, eventually leaping off before they were crushed. Ruby charged through the panicking streets filled with civilians, police, and monsters.

After seeing Ruby have no disregard for people while Ivy attempted to help some while chasing her, one policeman asked, “Wait, aren’t you supposed to be the bad one?”

“We’re doing a little role reversal at the moment.” She sighed.

Rosie was assisting the forces which went up against the monsters along with Leo. Using her bare hands, she killed a lot while yelling things such as, “Rip and tear! Rip and tear their guts!” and, “Here comes the night train!” as she charged through them.

“Make it raaaaain!” Leo exclaimed as he called down a large assault of sharp watery spears who pierced at least half a dozen monsters. He then charged ahead and grabbed a gigantic spider monster before hitting him with a spinning piledriver which made it explode. He then yelled, “Who’s a man and a half?!?”

“You’re a man and a half!” Rosie responded.

“Damn straight!”

The army had been called in recently and were beginning to lay the smack down on the monsters with their tanks and artillery cannons. Damien was walking through the barricade they had set up, and as one soldier attempted to talk to him, he slapped him aside as he said, “Move ****, get out the way.” He leaped onto a building nearby, looked ahead using a pair of binoculars and took out a walkie-talkie. “Alright, guys. I’ve found a decent spot. I’ll be preparing the nukes any minute now.”

“Hold on! You can’t just nuke the city!” Crystal exclaimed.

“Why not? It’s too late for these guys anyway. I’m not normally the compassionate type but I’d prefer to put these people out of their misery early.”

“That’s still totally wrong and immoral.”

“You’re forgetting who I am. Look, I’ll just ask Lolita.” And he got her on the line while she was battling Pandora on motorcycles. “Hey Lolita, do you mind if I nuke the city to kill all those monsters and such?”

“Sure, why not.”

“You guys are unbelievable!”

“Crystal’s right.” Amber said, injecting herself into their conversation. “Lets not resort to nuking at least until the monsters get overwhelming. We currently have it handled so it’ll take a while but we’ll get rid of them eventually.”

Damien sighed. “Fine, but just remember, a nuke once helped save this universe, just think about that.”

“Yeah, we will.” Crystal replied before continuing to drive a 4x4 which she and Amber had stolen, and were currently running over various monsters in the streets. They soon took a detour and heard some banter between a group of monsters behind a building in a somewhat deserted area, so they parked around the corner and listened.

“So this guy I know sent me these clips of some show called ‘boku’” One of the monsters began. “And I’m like “WTF is this ****?” and he’s all, “Just watch it man. All of it.” So I do and there’s this guy or some chick or something with some other dude, I don’t even know. And they’re doing it in the back of the car, and I realize that’s not a chick but I’m forcing my mind to think it was. I was like, yoooooooooo, this **** is ****. Up.”

One monster nodded then turned to another as he said, “What’s got you down, man?”

“Its these debts and ****, man. Gotta support my family, I mean, I got two **** jobs and its stressing me out. But I ain’t gonna up and leave, I ain’t gonna abandon my baby momma like that. I grew up without a dad so I know what its like, motherfucker didn’t even pay child support. My kids mean a lot, I just wanna do right by them, whatever it takes.”

One monster placed one tentacled limb on his shoulder. “Mad respect, man. Anytime you need a hand, you come to me. You can’t always handle this **** alone, mang.”

“I appreciate it.”

“Its cool, you know we tight.”

Crystal and Amber were still listening when Crystal suddenly turned to Amber and said, “Y’know, maybe we should leave these ones.” Amber agreed before they drove off.

Back in the middle of the city, Ivy and Ruby were still moving at speeds so extreme most people couldn’t see them, and eventually landed on a large heat seeking missile originally for a massive tentacled monster nearby. It spiralled endlessly due to the two duelling on it. As another charged at them, they jumped onto it, eventually flipping onto the next, then evading the next by leaping sideways.

Dawn was chasing Poison below, walking using her tentacles like an octopus while Poison continued to slice them in half and evade the spikes of blood which shot out. “When I catch you I’m gonna **** you and kill you, and probably not in that order either.”

“You’re a bit late, seeing how your constant jabbering is already raping my eardrums.”

Dawn chuckled for a moment. “Nice one.”

“I’m not sure whether you’re really amused by people insulting you, or you’re secretly mocking me.”

“A little of both, actually.” Dawn eventually caught up and tackled him. They rolled around and soon stopped with Dawn on top of him, pinning his arms to the ground. Gary conveniently appeared as he jumped through a window nearby and turned to them. “Could you give us about ten minutes? We need a little alone time.”

Ivy then flew down and kicked Dawn off him as she said, “There’s at least half a dozen reasons that kick was justified.”

Instead of attacking, as Dawn stood up and all she said was, “Quick time event.”

“Huh?” Ruby swooped down preparing to impale her with her spear when Poison blocked the hit. Gary shocked her from the rooftop he stood at, then Ivy cut off the belt with her scythe, ridding Ruby of the dark aura as she suddenly returned to normal.

Ruby looked around before saying, “I didn’t do anything horrible, did I?”

“Not necessarily.” Ivy replied. “So what happened?”

“I’m not sure, I can’t seem to remember much…”

“You didn’t jump through a oddly placed window and get knocked out, did you?” Gary questioned her.

“Maybe…”

“I wish you’d be a little more careful, because you’re my partner and it also makes me look bad…and I was actually worried.”

“I didn’t know you cared…”

Just then, Pandora was sent flying out a clothes shop window and slid along the concrete roads on her back as she fired two revolvers at Lolita who leapt out the window after her. Lolita deflected the bullets with a hurricane kick, hit her in the stomach with her knee, and held a sword to her throat as she said, “You’ve improved, but not enough.”

“Apparently. I’ll be back.” Pandora turned into a ball of light and floated off quickly as some of the others around watched in confusion.

“Wait, why is it a ball of light? And how can she even do that?” Ruby said out loud.

Omar hovered nearby as he said, “Seems like my timing was brilliantly planned out in this wretched mess.”

“Well if it isn’t Omar.” Dawn smirked. “Seems I forgot about you. You always did try to compete with my superior intellect.”

“Don’t be so full of yourself. Foiling whatever scheme you have is just an enjoyable way to waste time. And I think your time is up, as I doubt you can take on everyone by yourself.”

“You’re right, so I’m gonna run away like a coward. Goodbye, mouth-breathers.” She then teleported out of the area.

Ivy, being partially stunned, said, “Huh. I thought she was gonna pull some bullshit power-up on us. If she transformed into some giant deformed monster, I would have been pissed.”

“So, I’m guessing you helped me, right?” Ruby asked, turning to Ivy.

“N-no, I didn’t do anything. I just happened to be nearby.”

“Well thanks, is what I’d say if you helped.”

“Your welcome, is what I’d say if I helped.”

Suddenly, random credits began rolling down the screen, which they could all see for some reason and quirked an eyebrow at. “Hey wait, that’s it?” Poison said in confusion.

“Seems so.” Ivy shrugged.

“Hold on, bitches!” Vegena suddenly appeared, kicking the credits aside as she pointed diagonally right and yelled, “Look!” They noticed the dark portal was spreading wider and began to suck up buildings brick by brick. “That thing will engulf the earth eventually!” She then waved. “Oh, and hey guys.”

“She’s right!” Ruby exclaimed. “We need to find the source of the main generator and destroy it! C‘mon, Ivy!”

“Nah, maybe next week.” She said, beginning to walk off.

“Hold on just one second!” Rosie exclaimed, jumping through a truck. “You can’t run forever! That thing will chase us all down eventually. Think about all the innocent people! We can’t just abandon them and run!”

Ivy stopped and nodded. “Very well then, lets rap this up.”

“You’re intentionally doing that so someone can give you a good excuse to reconsider, aren’t you?”

“Perhaps…”

Lolita opened a portal to the underworld, suggesting that’s where the solution probably lied. As if right on cue, Crystal showed up in Ruby’s ship along with Amber and Damien, though it actually was on cue and she was waiting for the right moment. The group descended into the outskirts of the underworld, on a straight and narrow path where they were then attacked by spirits wondering throughout the area. The group dispatched of the spirits while Crystal continued driving, as if it were something out of a beat-em-up. They crashed through the gates and flew towards an area which gave off a weird aura.

As they got closer, a gigantic cthulhu-like black dragon formed and swatted them. Ivy, figuring that Pandora and Dawn had merged to form that monstrosity, expressed her anger. “Those bastards! I’m **** pissed!” As they got ready to attack the beast, there was suddenly a lot of static, and when it came back, the monster was firing a gigantic energy ball as Ruby charged at it. She whacked it back with her hammer fast enough to stun it. Then, somehow carrying Adam’s drill, hit the monster with an uppercut using the drill and knocked it into the portal just as Damien crushed the generator.

Some of the others congratulated Ruby as she returned and they took off. The credits began rolling again until Amber kicked them aside and said, “Lets not get too hasty. We still need to get out of here.” And so they did, at a faster pace than when they arrived.

Damien approached Lolita while this took place. “Hey, are you alright?”

“Yes. Though I still feel bad about what happened, but she was mentally unstable. The others just didn’t understand.”

“How could they? Its not something you can truly understand unless you’ve experienced it.”

“Indeed.”

At this point, it was smooth sailing as they approached the exit…

*still has a small bit left to add*

post. may contain strong language and limited vocabulary
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TMEDCE: Original Vintage Add-on

As is the norm of having typical chapter settings, we join our demonic protagonists on the planet “Hell”, supposedly. In Poison’s room, he was reading a comic beside a desk in complete silence. From out of nowhere, Ivy burst into the room yelling, “Dramatic Entry!” as she fly kicked the door open. Poison moved back as she flew in and Ivy landed on the bed further back.

“So what’s up?” Poison asked, closing the comic.

Ivy smiled confidently, as if she was explaining an evil scheme. “You may be happy to know that I have received some tickets to invite anyone of my choosing to a special amusement park for the day. So…” She pointed at him. “Come my loyal servant! Let us ride the go-karts, experience the loop-de-loops of the rollercoaster, the consistent spiralling teacups, get extremely wet on the water rides, and eat a whole assortment of junk foods until we puke!”

There was silence for a few moments, then Poison turned away from her, opened his comic again and replied with a simple, “Nah.”

Ivy smile faded and she was felt confused. “Nah? What do you mean, “Nah?”

“No thank you, not interested, do not want, nope.avi. Nah.”

“…But why?”

“Well it sounds like a cliché harem anime kinda situation.”

“You always say that.”

“Well it’s true a lot of the time. Besides I‘m gonna be doing stuff with Damien later so I can‘t go. Couldn‘t you just ask Rosie and Amber?”

“What stuff is this?”

“Y’know, stuff.”

Ivy got down from the bed, walked over to him and stared while Poison avoided eye contact, this went on for five minutes before she stopped. “Fine, I’ll just go ask them then.”

And so Ivy travelled from her house to Amber’s villa-like house which shall be exempt from explanation and she kicked in the front door then began looking around. “Hey, Amber, Rosie, you here? You’re not sleeping naked again, are you?” Ivy kicked open the door and found out they were sleeping rather naked, but she was in no way shocked by this, so this must be a normal thing they do. “Wake up, guys.” She walked over to Rosie’s side and lightly slapped her. “Get up.”

“Stop slapping me.” Rosie replied softly, shoeing her away with her eyes still closed.

“I’m gonna keep slapping you till you get up.” Ivy said as she proceeded to do so.

Rosie was up within moments, still tired and rather annoyed. She punched Amber’s arm as she said, “Hey, Ivy is here.”

Amber yawned as she slowly sat up, having clearly gotten a good night’s sleep compared to Rosie. “Good morning, Ivy. What brings you here?”

“Yeah, morning. Anyway, hurry and get dressed, guys. I got some tickets so we’re going to an amusement park.”

“Where did you get the tickets from?” Rosie asked.

Ivy went silent for a moment. “Uhh…Katie.”

Amber shook her head in disappointment. “Not Krazy Katie, Ivy, you know you shouldn’t be talking to her.”

“Hey, she’s not ‘Krazy’, alright? She may have a few screws loose but she still means well.”

“She’s caused a lot of problems in a past, unintentional or not, like that whole body swapping fiasco.”

“Are you honestly saying that wasn’t at least a little funny?”

“Maybe for you, not for everyone else.”

“Anyway…” Rosie spoke up, getting their attention. “What’s the name of this place?”

Ivy looked at the tickets. “Says its called “Tentacle Land.”

“This isn’t sounding very good.” Rosie replied.

Ivy looked closer at the tickets. “Wait, a word’s been scribbled out here after tentacle, can’t read it but I think it begins with ‘R’.”

“This is sounding kinda bad.”

“So how many people are coming?” Amber asked.

“It’s just us three today.” Ivy replied.

“Now it’s sounding even worse!” Rosie exclaimed.

“Stop being so worried, Rosie, we’ll be fine.” Amber said.

“Yeah,” Ivy agreed. “It’s just for today. We’ll be fine, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Not much until you just said that.” Rosie replied. “I can tell today is going to be a disaster…”

And so, Ivy waited outside while Rosie and Amber got ready to go. She parked her ship near the entrance and awaited their arrival. Rosie came out in her usual attire of a spider themed tank top and blue jeans, while Amber wore a red woolly buttoned jumper and a black skirt.

“That outfit,” Ivy began. “It’s surprisingly-”

“Rather fashionable?” Amber said with a smile.

“-Not slutty.”

“I thought so too.” Rosie added.

“Oh, screw you guys.” Amber said before getting on the ship.

As they were ready to go, someone tapped Ivy on the shoulder. She turned to see Gold, the black and gold patterned robot who chose to live with them after Dawn had ‘vacated’ their dimension. “May I come?”

“Oh, Gold, I almost forgot you live with us now.”

“Yes, I did too.”

After a few moments of silence, Ivy let her on and then she got in too and shut the door before taking off towards Earth. The inside was rather spacious as you would expect, and had neon green lighting to brighten up the area. They were all silent for a short while, at one point Rosie stared at Gold who stared back in response. Rosie then turned away and asked, “So how many tickets do you actually have, Ivy?”

“Like eight of them.”

“If that was the case I could have brought one of my other demon lord friends.” Amber said.

“Well you most likely would’ve invited that one polite chick who always has her eyes closed. She creeps me the fuck out and once said, “She expects great things from me.” I have no idea what the hell that means.”

Amber shrugged. “Yeah, guess I’d agree, she is a little weird.”

Gold raised her hand. “Is it okay for me to have a personality on this trip?”

“Yeah, whatever.” Ivy replied.

Gold turned to Rosie. “May I ask a question? Alright. Why did you two take so long to get ready?”

“They were sleeping naked.” Ivy replied again. “And together as well. I don‘t really get it.”

“I’m just used to sleeping naked, okay.” Amber said. “Been going it since I was a kid.”

“Amber’s place is just naturally rather humid, so I get sweaty if I sleep with my clothes on when I’m there.” Rosie explained.

“So are they like Bert & Ernie?” Gold asked.

“Exactly.” Ivy nodded.

“No!” Rosie yelled. “’Exactly.’ nothing, that’s completely untrue and I’m totally straight!”

“I’m sure I could find something on my cameras to disprove that.”

“Cameras?”

“Yep. All over my house, had them for ages. In almost every room, expect my parents room.”

“…Does that include the bathroom?”

“Yup.”

“So yesterday morning in the shower, did you-”

“Yeah, I saw it.”

After a few moments of silence, she then asked, “So what did you think?”

“I was sceptical at first but it ended up being surprisingly entertaining.”

“…I can take another shower at your place tomorrow if you want.”

“I look forward to it then.”

After another few moments of silence, Rosie then added, “Still totally straight though.”

“Y-yeah, same here. No homo tendencies.”

The rest of the way there was in silence. A little later they arrived at the car park right outside the theme park, which just like the tickets, had a word in-between ‘Tentacle’ & ‘Land’ that was removed by paint, as well as a dozen blow-up balloons flowing about in the wind to act as tentacles. As they left the ship, Ivy locked it and said, “Okay, remember where we parked, guys.”

Gold tapped her on the shoulder as they walked. “Ivy, have you told the others about the upgrades?”

Ivy gasped. “Oh right, I almost forgot!” She turned to Rosie and Amber. “Hey guys, hold on, check this out!”

Ivy stepped aside and nodded to Gold. Gold’s left arm then slowly transformed into a neon blue proton cannon. She fired out small yellow energy balls as Ivy spoke, “What you see here is a proton cannon I built into her arm, it can fire generic energy bullets, as well-” Gold charged the cannon until she began glowing black & blue, then fired a large blue energy ball into the sky, “As that. I find it to be rather nostalgic. There‘s also the standard assault rifle, sniper rifle and shotgun all built in due to extra capacity.” Ivy said as Gold quickly alternated between the three.

Following that she displayed swords inside the metal arms which were retractable, mini rocket launchers from compartments inside her left and right shoulders, and a built-in iPod with surround sound speakers. This obviously went on for quite a while.

“While you two may want to spend all day talking about all this stuff, can it wait another time?” Amber asked.

“Very well.” Gold replied.

Since they already had tickets they were able to go straight in. The theme park inside looked relatively normal, aside from the many tentacled monsters roaming around, though there were many other humans around who didn’t act like anything was unusual. While in Rosie’s case, she felt rather nervous from the many monsters wondering around.

“You seem a little ‘tense’, want me to help with that?” Amber asked as she stared at Rosie.

“No thanks, I’m fine. It’s just that the atmosphere of this place creeps me out. So many of those ’things’ wondering around makes me uneasy. The look of them is so weird. Like, they have a hard circular pink creamy centre, covered by thin layers of pink and purple of spaghetti, covered further by bigger strings of spaghetti with two big tentacles on each side to act as ‘arms’, and some eyes and a mouth thrown in there somewhere.”

“Sounds like a food.” Ivy commented. “But what do you expect them to do? Take the forms of moe anime girls so they won’t creep you out? Also, what you said was quite racist.”

“I had no idea she was such a racist.” Amber shook her head in disgust.

“I always had my suspicions.” Gold added.

“I don’t mean it like that, guys.” Rosie said, then turned to Gold and added, “And you barely even know me. Still, you gotta remember I‘m not like you guys. I was actually human once, and I started at level 1 as a vampire and had to spend ages working my way up the ladder to eventually be known as a tyrant vampire.”

“Tyrant vampire?” Amber asked.

“Yes, I was a much different person back then. I had many followers, I regularly had vampire hunters show up, some weak, some strong, some I had on-and-off relationships with. I was evil, cunning-”

“Were you slutty?” Gold asked.

“Of course. Being a strong female vampire normally requires you to wear rather revealing clothing. You know, the type that Amber usually wears.” Ivy and Gold nodded, fully understanding what she meant.

“That’s not funny.” Amber said, glaring at her.

“Anyway, that’s how things were, then I eventually met you guys, got beaten up by Poison and we became friends. Also as a result I became nicer, and gained common sense.”

“I know the feeling.” Amber replied. “I wasn’t always like this. I used to be a "slutty bitch", basically. The bad kind of succubus, with many minions at my beck and call…then I got beat up by Damien and decided to change my ways.”

“Huh.” Ivy said, thinking about it. “Maybe I could beat up someone in the future and make them a nicer person as a result. Anyway, back to the previous topic, you gotta suck it up, Rosie. These guys are like bullies, they’re more likely to come after you if they know you’re afraid of them.”

“Speaking from experience?” Amber asked.

“No, I just know people. Also, you never wanna get grabbed by one of those four big tentacles they have. Especially around the leg, if you do just reach around and cut it off quick, it’s a lot harder to get away if more than one grabs you.”

“Speaking from ex-”

“No. No experience, damnit! I’ve just seen movies about this stuff. Mock it all you want but its good to know.”

“Were these “cartoon movies” by any chance?”

“Perhaps…”

“You don’t even know what their species is called, do you?” Rosie questioned her.

“Of course I do, they’re called Aterlilics.”

“I don’t even know whether that’s BS or not…”

“So what are we going to do?” Gold asked, referring to rides.

Moving on from endless amounts of text to small amounts of plot, they decided to first try out one of the more important rides: The rollercoaster, which I have not given a name, because I didn’t think that far ahead. As they waited in the queue, Gold turned to Rosie and said, “Is it alright if I ask you a few questions? Alright, here I go…”

“Would be nice of you waited fo-”

“Since vampires are technically undead and all, naturally certain bodily functions would stop working. In that case, can vampires give birth?”

Rosie backed up, stunned that she would ask that. “Wo-woah! Where the hell did that come from?”

“Is it too personal?”

“Well, I guess not, and yes, it is actually possible, though rather difficult due to many factors.”

“Alright, say that someone was turned into a vampire as a kid, could they eventually develop as they got older?”

“Well, normally you can’t, but there are ways around that.”

“Going back to my original question on bodily functions, are vampires still able to get ‘wet’?”

“…I’m not answering any more questions.”

“But why?”

“They’re too personal now. Also, I have a question for you, Gold, was it?”

“Call me Goldia.”

“Why?

“It’s more feminine. I’ll quickly change it so you don’t forget.” Goldia said as she did so.

“So yeah, before we even got to this place, Ivy was really eager to show off a whole bunch of upgrades she gave you, but I can’t help but notice that she kinda treats you like some dress up doll. Like, “Pimp my Robot Friend" type stuff.”

“I prefer Transformations action figure myself, besides, she hasn’t done anything I didn’t want her too. I gave her a blueprint of my interior design, and it was me who actually gave her most of the ideas. She wanted to try including most of those things, and she was surprisingly gentle while working on me too. Plus all those upgrades felt really good when they were inserted into my systems.” Goldia looked away as if she were blushing.

“Well sorry I asked.”

So after a 20 minute long wait they finally got to the front of the queue. After that ride they went on a water ride where pictures were taken right before the big drop at the end, which Ivy actually bought later on in a shop right outside the exit. This was followed by another water ride, except with bubbles, and another which was basically a rail shooter.

Afterwards they took a break to eat and sat at a table outside a shop. Unlike some of the other places, this area was mostly filled with Aterlilics, most of which were watching them, but Ivy didn’t seem to notice. Ivy left for a moment and walked past all the tables to the shop, which also had a Aterlilic behind the till. She came back a minute later with 3 red ice lollies which of course were rather phallic. She handed one each to Amber, Goldia and then Rosie.

“What about you?” Rosie asked.

“Nah, I’ve sucked off like over half a dozen of them today and my mouth’s kinda sore at the moment.”

“To this day I still wonder whether or not you’re intentionally doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Exactly.”

There was silence for a short while until Amber randomly said, “Y’know, I don’t really like how lesbians are treated in anime sometimes.”

“Yeah.” Ivy began. “They don’t really act like lesbians. Just girls who have one friend they like a little too much and hate anyone who comes between them.”

“Its always played out like they’re just going through a phase.”

“Totally. It’s like, “I love this chick but as soon as some dick shows up, this bitch can sit and spin. I need to get some dicks in my mouth ASAP.”

“While I agree, I don’t think that last part usually happens.”

“Maybe it doesn’t, but its implied.”

Rosie looked around nervously. “Uhh, Ivy, you probably shouldn’t be talking about that kind of stuff.”

“What? Don’t try and stifle me!” Ivy replied, getting louder. “All I’m saying is that if some bitch is a lesbian, she shouldn’t suddenly turn around and start sucking dick!”

“I’m gonna leave in a second.”

“Just saying, lesbians have no reason to suck dick.”

“I’m out.” Rosie said as she quickly left the table and walked off. After a little while of silence, Goldia simply nodded to Ivy and took off after Rosie.

Amber and Ivy got up and started walking around a bit later. Ivy was talking about nonsense as usual.

“I’m tired of these stupid circumstances I usually find myself in. I don’t like having to fight ‘Final bosses’, y’know? I’d rather be a final boss.”

“Final boss?” Amber said, raising an eyebrow.

“Y’know, the guy behind all the bad stuff. That dude you beat to stop the ultra death ray 3000, that one **** who’s castle starts crumbling down after you beat him. I had more fun playing the villain, especially against that foolish angel. Now I just wanna enjoy time with the people I know, settle down-”

“Have a baby.” Amber added.

“Whoa…” Ivy replied, backing up slightly.

“What? That’s what it sounded like you were saying. So anyway, why isn’t Ruby here today?”

“Doing her stupid ‘superhero’ crap as usual. Not that I care or anything.”

“Huh. Anyway, the villain thing isn’t really you. You seem to genuinely like helping people, and you don’t really hurt others for no reason so I think the whole good thing is totally you.”

Ivy gave her a blank stare while she talked and then simply said, “I’ve killed people you know.”

“Well I didn’t say you were all good, lets not kid ourselves now.”

At that moment, as if right on cue, Goldia ran over to them and said, “Rosie seems to have been kidnapped.”

Not to be fazed by this news, Amber said, “What happen?”

“Someone set her up the something…I didn’t see it myself. Anyway, come, look at this.” She said, opening a small digital screen on her arm. Ivy and Amber crowded around, and were shown a Nyan cat video.

“Uhh, Gold, do you have any info about Rosie by any chance?” Ivy asked.

“Yes, I can track her, so lets go.” She said before running off. As they ran around, Amber asked how she was able to track her, to which she replied, “I took a sample of her blood earlier today just in case.” They didn’t bother to ask whether she did the same to them.

They stopped around the back of a shop in the far left corner of the theme park, where the shop owner was currently on break. Goldia tapped on three random tiles around the back and a trapdoor opened up, how she knew this was unknown but they followed right behind her. The inside was dark, rather damp and looked like the remains of an underground mining area. They walked through these hollow hallways, and walked, and then walked some more.

Suddenly, more walking ensued, and then a large group of Aterlilics appeared from across the gaping pit in the front of them. Speaking in their own language which others wouldn’t understand, but Ivy knew the language. “They’ve apparently kidnapped a lot of people here. They wanna hand over some of them to this ‘collector’ guy, whoever the hell that is.”

“You can understand them?” Amber asked.

“Of course, I lived with one. Nookie, remember?”

“Oh right.”

One of the rocks Ivy was hiding behind tipped over slightly, which got the attention of one of them, who alerted the others to their location. They pulled out laser blasters and started firing. Goldia turned to them and ask, “Is it alright if I go FPS mode?”

“Fine, whatever.” Ivy shrugged. “Just don’t get killed.” Ivy and Amber ran on ahead, charging through half of them just with brute force while Goldia was gunning the others down.

One Aterlilic wearing a generic green hat was standing in a big room by a steel door with a walkie-talkie in his hand. It suddenly started going off as massive amounts of destruction was heard in the background, “Holy fucking shit, sarge!”

“What? What’s going on down there?!”

“There’s these two bitches, came right the fuck out of nowhere! One of ‘em’s riding this big fuckin’ horse and it’s on fire! Tentacles pass right through that shit. The fuck? Now there’s some, big-ass motherfucking fiery bodybuilding monster with big fucking horns fucking shit up! Fuck it, game over, man. I’m done. Now they’re splitting up. That horse is clearing out sectors A1-A4 and is already speeding right through the B sectors. That other bitch is tearing through the main gates, she’s coming for you, sarge, she’s coming for you!” After some explosions in the background the connection cut out.

“It’s just as I figured, the raging demon.” Moments later, all the lights in the room went out. From across the room, the monster could only see two glowing red eyes, which slid towards him as if that person was wearing rollerskates. The figure inflicted 33 swift strikes upon him within the span of 4 seconds, leaving the monster as a pile of blood and organs when the lights came back on. Ivy turned to the steel door and just blasted it open.

Inside most of the walls were covered with massive amounts of blood and there were piles of bodies all over the place. A little ahead she spotted Rosie who was busy sucking the blood out of an Aterlilic, and quickly dropped the monster as she noticed Ivy. “Oh, you guys came to get me?”

“Well of course, after all, we’re friends.” As Rosie smiled at her, she then said, “Besides, I still haven’t seen your special ‘thing’ in the shower yet.” As they laughed for a few moments, Ivy abruptly stopped to say, “No homo, by the way.”

“Uh-huh.” Rosie replied, suddenly stopping too. “Since you’re here, you can help me save the others further in.” She said as she dragged Ivy along.

“Aww, can’t we come back next month or something?”

“Don’t be an asshole, Ivy. We’re already here, so let’s wrap it up.”

“Fair enough.” Ivy shrugged and then leaped onto Rosie’s back and pointed ahead. “Alright, let’s go!” Rosie decided not to say anything and simply moved on. She ran along the narrow passages up ahead while Ivy blasted any tentacled monsters in their path like it was something out of a shmup, as well as rescuing any people they came across.

“So you still haven’t explained why you ended up down here…” Ivy said.

“Well I was hungry and this guy said he knew a good place to eat, and he looked suspicious but I gave him the benefit of a doubt and trusted him.”

“Even though you were going down a trapdoor?”

“Well you never know…

“And do you mean hungry hungry or blood hungry?”

“What’s the difference?”

“One’s messier than the other.”

The long string of destruction in their path was quickly picked up upon by the other Aterlilics up ahead, who began to appear more in waves riding things such as small ships and helicopters with guns attached, which were easily dispatched like the others before them. The path ahead began to get less rocky and more constructed from machinery as they progressed. Up ahead Rosie noticed a large cannon set up with half a dozen Aterlilics standing around it. It was preparing to fire as they approached the area.

“So what’s the plan?” Rosie asked.

“Just brute force it, these guys are like 2 story arcs too weak.” And with that, Ivy covered them in flames as Rosie sped up. When the cannon fired a massive blue energy beam, Rosie charged straight through it with ease, jumped and punched right through the cannon itself, making it explode and knocking down the monsters. As she landed and ran off, Ivy turned around and gave them the middle finger as Rosie turned a corner. A little further along, more monsters riding flying bikes began to emerge from various doors on the side. While Rosie was evading their fire and Ivy continued to blast them, she got a phone call. “Hello?”

“Hey, Amber here, I got Gold too, you found her yet?”

“Yeah, we’re going a bit further in.”

“How far in are you, I see some destroyed cannon just further up ahead here.”

“Well you’re not far behind then, guess I’ll be seeing you soon.”

Rosie approached one of the flying bikes further ahead, the monster swinging its arms at her as she got close, but missed as Rosie jumped and hit it with a roundhouse kick, knocking it off the bike. Another drove up beside her and attempted to stab her with a sword but dropped it as Rosie clawed his face. Ivy quickly picked it up as it was dropped and threw it at one monster behind them, hitting its eye. Rosie grabbed the wobbling bike beside her, Ivy lit it on fire and then Rosie threw it ahead at another bike which made it explode.

As if following video game rules, 3 large Octopus shaped ships showed up along with several more Aterlilics riding bikes. Conveniently, Amber arrived at the scene on her flaming horse and Goldia flew up right beside her. Gold sniped several of the monsters off their bikes while Amber pulled out a large battleaxe and scraped it along the inside of one ship as she passed it, and then Gold sniped the driver once she got a clear shot.

One of the Aterlilics on a ship ahead took out a rocket launcher, aimed at Rosie and fired. Rosie dodged the first shot with a Pete Townshend slide, leaped into the air and knocked back the second shot with a kick, which blew up as it flew back, and then punched a hole through the driver as they landed on the ship. Rosie upped the speed of the ship and jumped off as another Aterlilic on the opposite ship took out a rocket launcher as well. Rosie grabbed onto the bottom of the other ship and ran along it, with Ivy firing a large energy wave which tore the ship in half as they leaped off it. They moved on as the previous ship crashed into a wall when a turn came up and blew up just like the rest.

After many more sections, they made it to the final room which was rather empty expect for some reinforced glass covering a room where one Aterlilic sat in complete darkness. As the four of them stopped, Goldia brought out a small fire extinguisher and sprayed it over Ivy and Rosie since they were still on fire. Rosie threw Ivy off her back and pointed at the monster. “You’re behind this, aren’t you? What’s the deal?”

“You people wouldn’t understand. Hell, I don’t even know who you people are to come barging in here.”

“Just tag them as I once did.” Goldia said. “The Succubus, the Vampire and the Demon Princess. Or as some demons call them, the Slut, the Straight Man and the Tsundere Loli.”

“That’s not true at all!” Ivy and Amber exclaimed in unison.

“Though I’m not actually a man, I’m fine with what I got, since I’m straight and all.” Rosie shrugged.

“You’re still on about that?” Amber asked.

“So what are you?” Ivy demanded, poking Goldia.

“N/A.”

“You can’t just ‘N/A.’”

“But I did.”

“Why you little…”

“Enough!” Said the Aterlilic behind the glass, drawing their attention back. “We are not privileged in any way, the recession has been hard on us, so if we had to kidnap girls to make ends meet, so be it.”

“That’s a pretty lame excuse.” Rosie replied.

“Perhaps but it won’t matter in a minute. You see, the room you’re standing is a special one. Any moment now, an aphrodisiac substance will begin to fill the room, so enjoy your last moments of freedom.” As he finished he then proceeded to do so. After laughing for about 20 seconds, he stopped when he heard Ivy say, “Smells like the cheap stuff, that’s rather insulting in a way.” He was stunned.

“Why are you people unaffected?” He asked.

“I’ve been experimenting with the effects of aphrodisiacs for years. Its amazing the fascinating shit you can know about them such as the side effects, not to mention there’s over 20 different types. This mediocre crap is the bottom of the barrel stuff, seriously.”

He couldn’t believe it. “Just what are you?”

“A former Villain Protagonist.”

Amber then added, “Being a succubus, I already have somewhat of a resistance to that kind of thing, plus I’ve had some experiences with it in the past which I’d rather not talk about.”

As the monster stared at Goldia, she said, “I’m a robot, dude.”

“What about you?” He asked, staring at Rosie.

She shrugged. “I dunno, I’m kinda dead I guess. Maybe your thing’s a bit faulty too.”

“Can we fuck him up now?” Ivy asked.

The monster suddenly went on a rant. “Fuck this, fuck that, fuck him, fuck her. I’d like a fucking large fuck with an extra helping of fuck, keep the fuck. Fuckidy fuck fuck fuck! Do you ever not swear?”

“I’ll swear if I wanna fucking swear, asshole.”

The monster sighed. “Fuck it, you leave me no choice.” He pressed a button, and moments later a massive Aterlilic creature, at least 4 times the size of the others came in right through the wall. They decided not to wait around and simply took off back the way they came. It was no different from the way in, apart from that monster busting through walls unexpectedly whenever it lost them. As they jumped up across an area of rocks, the monster managed to grab Rosie’s leg, but she quickly cut it off as it dragged her down and hit the monster with a dropkick, making it fall before she caught up with the others. They soon made it out onto the surface again. As soon as they thought it was over, the monster burst right through the floor, suddenly appearing to be Godzilla sized now.

The creature roared and began to destroy a carousel, as well as many shops while it looked for them. Goldia turned to Ivy and asked, “Should I summon it?” Ivy sighed, then replied with a nod. From all parts of the galaxy, various large mechanical parts were summoned to one location. Two arms and a left leg from the vacuum of space, the right leg from Ivy’s back yard, the torso from the desert on Earth, the head from the planet Mars, and 3 large scythe parts from the planet Saturn. Those many parts connected to each other on the way over to the theme park and it formed the metallic scythe just as it landed, the mech appearing to be a gigantic robotic version of Ivy.

As Rosie and Amber stared at it, Ivy said, “I call it the I.V-X.”

“What does it stand for?” Rosie asked.

“Nothing, I didn’t think that far ahead.” Ivy flew up and inside a hatch which opened from the top. She had already gotten the monster’s attention, as well as half the people in the park. The monster charged at her while she did the same. As they got close, Ivy moved left a few feet and hit the monster with a clothesline, followed by a leg drop as it fell. Its tentacles grabbed her and threw her off. It then hit her with a beam fired from its large yellow eye, knocking the robot off its feet.

Rosie noticed that Amber had taken off during all this and just went back to watching. Once again, the monster charged at the giant robot. As it got close, Ivy raised its right arm and blinded it with a bright light from its armpit, at which point she hit it with an uppercut. Ivy then noticed a meteor up above heading right towards the area, with Amber standing right on it. She jumped off as it crashed into the monster. Ivy then hit the meteor which was right on top of the monster with a flying elbow, making it roar in pain.

As the monster got up, Ivy lifted the robot’s dress which caught the monster off guard, then fired an energy beam from beneath which sent the monster flying, allowing her to get a juggle combo with her metallic scythe as if it were Tekken. Eventually after getting its ass beat constantly, it decided to unleash a giant energy beam from its mouth, Ivy countered with a beam from the crotch.

Amber stared at Rosie while this went on. “You haven’t even said a word yet.”

“This is too stupid to comment on. I just want it to end.”

And so, Ivy’s crotch beam overpowered the monster’s and caused it to explode from energy overload, splattering blood and guts all over the place. During this, Goldia took the time to drag along the Aterlilic who released the monster that looked like the others as Ivy got rid of her giant mech.

“Anything you’d like to say?” Amber asked him.

“Yes. You bitches talk too much. That’s apparently the joke. You talk way too much.”

They then wrapped him up and threw him in the back of Ivy’s ship as they were going. Rosie looked behind her and asked, “Do we really need to bring him?”

“He needs to be punished, the cruel way.” Ivy replied. “Plus he forced me to do good things, and I hate being forced into doing that.”

“Yeah, these kinds of things always happen.” Amber added.

“Today was fun though.” Rosie said. “We should come back soon.” The others agreed in some way or another, ignoring the colossal amounts of damage and destruction caused to the place as they left.

I had no idea this was gonna be anywhere near this long, but apparently it was.
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TMEDCE: Orange Vindictive Aroma, P1

It was a bright and lukewarm morning, but since this was the planet “Hell”, that’s considered the norm. Damien was walking with Lolita alongside a beach looking area, as much as you could get to an area looking like one.

“Y’know, we never take the time to admire the scenery around this place, listen to the soothing sounds of kool-aid moving back and forth, and experience that annoying feeling of getting sand in your underwear when its time to go.” Damien said.

“Yes, those things are nice. Except the last one.” Lolita replied.

Damien heard a familiar voice yell his name, which brought a smile to his face as he carried on. “So do you ever miss living in the Underworld?”

“Not particularly. As long as we’re together I’m perfectly fine.”

“Oh you.”

Suddenly, Ivy appeared in the air, attempting to fly kick someone as she yelled, “Dynamic-” She dropped down a few feet away as she paused, turned to her left and punched a boulder as she said, “Entry.” She then turned and pointed at Damien. “You!”

“Yes, me.” Damien replied.

“You ate my strawberry cake that was in the fridge, didn’t you? Don’t you dare deny it!”

“I did, but I can assure it was an honest mistake.” Damien said as he and Lolita carried on walking while Ivy trailed behind as they started walking through crowded areas.

“Lies! Just the other week, I got those sherbet covered muffins which I left on the counter since I had to go do something, and you ate like ¾’s of them.”

“I was hungry. That’s what you get for leaving them there with no note.”

“What about last month when Katie had that party and she had a bunch of goodie bags, and you took like 2/3’s of the sweets in the goodie bag.”

“You’re still mad about that?”

“I wanted that stuff! It had like the old chocolate M&M’s, and those Wonka chocolate bars, you just don’t see that shit much nowadays.”

Damien shrugged. “Meh. Half the stuff wasn’t that great.”

“Not great? That’s it!” Ivy pointed at him. “Damien, I declare war on you!” Damien stopped in his tracks while many demons around gasped at what they heard. One girl leaned towards another and quietly said, “Whisper, whisper, whisper.” The second one then leaned over to a third and whispered, “Rabble, rabble, rabble.”

“Ivy,” Damien began as he slowly turned around. “You realize what this means, do you not?”

“Of course, and just for added measure, if I win, you’re going to crossdress and act like a loving big sister for a whole week.” Many people gasped and turned to Damien.

“Very well, but, if you lose, I shall be allowed to tickle you for 5 minutes, in front of everyone. Do we have a deal?”

Damien held out his hand to shake Ivy’s. After a bit of hesitation, she then did so, glaring at him while he smirked in response. “We’ll discuss the details later today.” They then left in opposite directions.

“Uh, Damien,” Lolita began. “Not that I’m questioning your goal or anything but why did you agree to the terms on just tickling her?”

“I have my reasons, that is all.”

Later on that day, Damien managed to gather a massive crowd of other demons in a spacious area, with the crowd talking amongst themselves as Damien prepared to speak to them, with Ivy standing beside him. Damien cleared his throat as he began. “Good evening, my fellow demons. I have called you here today to notify you that there shall be another war later this week for those who wish to participate.” A lot of demons seemed to be pleased about this news.

“The rules are the same as usual, 500 each side, and it’ll run for 3 days, between the hours 1pm-8pm, any other time you’re free to do as you wish. Unlike a game of team death match, if you die twice, you’re out. For first timers, don’t worry, when you die you’ll come back, might take minutes, hours, possibly a whole day but rest assured you’ll be back. Oh, and if you die, that shit’s gonna hurt so prepare yourself by say, chopping off an arm or impaling yourself with swords or maybe hitting yourself in the nuts repeatedly. My sister and I here shall be the leaders of this particular war. The battlefield has not yet been chosen, but I will keep you updated on the preparations. Good day.” Damien bowed and took his leave.

The other demons promptly left as well. Ivy was walking back home when she heard Rosie call out to her, who was with Goldia. “Ivy, is that true?” Rosie asked. “You seriously declared war on your brother?”

“What of it?”

“You’re going to lose, y’know.”

“No. I. Am. Not! He isn’t so tough, I know I can beat him if I put my mind to it.”

“I believe in you, Ivy.” Goldia replied. “You can do it.”

Ivy hugged her. “Thanks Gold…ia, you’re such a good friend.” She then glared at Rosie. “Why can’t you be more supportive like her?”

Rosie shrugged. “I would be acting out of character.”

“Well it would be a nice change every once in a while. Anyway, you’ll have to excuse me for the moment.” Ivy said before running off.

Damien was walking with Lolita who held a notepad. “They’ve just found a suitable location for the event.” Lolita said.

“Excellent. That was surprisingly fast. I’ll have to leave the other details to you for a little while, excuse me.” Damien said as he took a left turn.

Poison and Leo were walking down a straight path which looked like something out of a haunted forest.

“So did you finish that game yet?” Poison asked.

“Nah, I think I’m halfway done. Just finished that abrupt car chase segment.”

“Isn’t that shitty sewer level next?”

“And why do you think it’s shitty?”

“Because it’s a sewer level, they’re created to suck the fun out of anything.”

“What about the sewer level in that old TMNT arcade game? Are you saying that sucked too?”

“Well that’s hardly fair, they were surfing. It could have been on the beach and there would have been little difference.”

“So sewer levels suck because most don‘t have any surfing?”

“Well yeah if you wanna go there.”

As they walked they came across someone in a pink bunny costume, sitting on a bench. The person unzipped the top, and revealed herself to be Ivy, who then said, “Wanna do it?”

“Please don’t remind me of that.” Poison replied, cringing. “Can’t believe I actually read the whole thing.”

“Seriously? You’re crazy, man.” Leo said.

Ivy hopped off the bench. “Anyway, enough jokes. I’m here because I need you to join my side and help me beat Damien.”

“You might have to elaborate.” Poison said, clearly confused.

“My sister has never been one to keep things simple.” All three of them turned to their right to see Damien slowly walking down a nearby hill towards them. “What she’s referring to are the current war games that will be starting soon enough.”

“And for that purpose I need Poison to join my team.” Ivy replied.

“Nonsense, he belongs by my side. We’re good friends, are we not?” Damien asked, looking at Poison.

“Well yeah-”

“What about me? You’re my loyal servant, right? We take trips and do all kinds of fun stuff together, don’t we?” Ivy asked.

“I guess that’s true.” He shrugged.

“Do not believe that foolish woman. She is a liar and a whore.” Damien exclaimed.

“That’s kinda harsh, dude.” Poison replied.

“Yeah!” Ivy added.

“Bros before Hoes, Harry, bros before hoes.”

“Damien just wants you to join him to spite me.” Ivy said. “He doesn’t care about you at all.”

“As if you can talk.” Damien replied. “Miss “He’s my personal servant so I can treat him like a dog”, and she sees nothing wrong with this.”

“W-well, I don’t really mean it, it’s just…” Ivy trailed off as she mumbled things under her breath.

“Poison would feel more welcomed on my side.”

“No! He would like my side better!”

Poison and Leo walked off quietly as they continued to agree for a pretty long time. After several minutes of arguing they finally noticed the two had left, and so they left as well.

A little later on, Leo met with Rosie and Goldia asked, “So what’s this war business about?”

“Well, as far as I understand these demons sometimes have these “war games”, which is kinda like team deathmatch, but everyone gets only two lifes. It’s really a long story.” Rosie replied.

“Huh, alright. That sounds interesting, I guess.”

Just then, Ivy showed up. She saw Leo talking with Rosie, then looked around and asked, “Where’s Poison? Is he with you?”

“He said he had to take care of a few things.”

“Huh. Well I gotta make a quick stop somewhere, you guys are free to join me if you wish.” Ivy said, walking towards her ship. The others followed her in and they took off. Ivy informed them that they would be visiting the planet where the Aterlilics actually live for a short period of time.

As they landed on the planet which looked like an apocalyptic wasteland, Ivy said, “Try not to touch anything alien-like. That’s how half those horror things start, people go touching shit they don’t know and how it works.”

“And the other half?” Leo asked.

“People who cause trouble because they’re assholes.”

After a short while of walking, they came across a big village of Aterlilics. One immediately noticed them and pointed as it exclaimed, “Blaaaaaaah!” Which would only be understood in their native language. A bunch of the creatures crowded around the four of them. Ivy held her hands up and simply replied, “Blah.”

“Blah blaaah?”

“Blah. Blah, bu bu, blah.”

“Ahh, blah blah blah.”

They continued to speak to each other as everyone else just stood around and eventually seemed to come to some form of agreement. From out of nowhere, they then heard a familiar voice yell, “Blaaaaaaaah!” at the top of its lungs. Ivy turned to her right to see Nookie charging right at her. The creature tackled her and began to hug her tightly as Ivy pet him. “Yes, yes, I missed you too, Nookie. Just settle down a little.” Nookie got off her and then picked her up with its tentacles and set her down.

“Blah, blaaaah, bla?” Nookie began.

“Blah, blu, blah.” Ivy replied.

“Blah blah blah, blue, bla, bee blah.”

“Blah.” Ivy nodded.

This went on for half a minute before another Aterlilic with big red lips along with two smaller Aterlilics showed up and ran over to Nookie. Ivy turned to her friends and said, “Oh, this is Nookie’s new family, you guys.”

“He’s got a wife and kids?” Rosie asked. “Umm, how do they, umm…actually, never mind.”

Long story short, Ivy cut some kind of a deal with a number of the species and then they left and got back in her ship. As Ivy drove back to her planet, Rosie asked, “So, exactly how did you and Nookie meet?”

With a completely blank expression, Ivy turned and she answered, “He tried to molest me, so I beat him up and took him home.”

After a lengthy period of silence, Rosie then replied, “I should stop asking questions.”

“It’s for the best.”

The next morning, in an unknown area, Damien had visited an area which looked like a church. The inside was rather dusty, and there were rotting corpses scattered along the walls and ceilings. Damien took notice of this, as well as the few heads on spiked poles as he walked along the centre. Entering another room, he encountered Willard sitting at a table eating something. He turned towards Damien as he entered. “Ahh, Damien, what a pleasant surprise.”

“Yeah, nice place you got here.”

“Isn’t it? So what brings you here?”

“Well it’s a bit of a long story, but I may need your assistance for a little while.”

“Very well, I’m assuming this is some personal business?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

Back on his home planet, Ivy was standing near a stand where volunteers would come to take part on either side. Along with her were Rosie, Leo and Goldia.

“Alright guys, so what’s the word?” Ivy asked.

“We’re closer to the 500 mark. There’s 313 people helping so far. A majority of them seeming to be people you’ve helped once or so in the past.” Goldia replied.

“Good. So has anyone seen Poison yet?”

Rosie shook her head while Leo replied, “Not since yesterday when we split up.”

Moments later, a teenage boy with unruly turquoise hair, who wore a zipped up red jacket, with matching pants and shoes that had three white stripes going across them, walked up to Ivy. “Hey, I heard about the war, so I figured I would lend a hand, it’s the least I could do.” Ivy looked at him in utter confusion. “It’s me, Jack, remember?” Ivy scratched her head. “You helped me get together with my girlfriend, Jill?” Ivy still looked puzzled. “…Chapter 41?”

“Ooooooh.” Ivy slowly nodded. “I remember now. So how are you two?”

“We’re engaged.”

“Well good for you guys.”

“Yeah, thanks.” He then immediately took off.

“By the way,” Rosie began. “Did you actually read the rules on these war games? There’s some crucial details in there from what I remember.”

“Yes, I did read it, even though it was long unnecessary BS like those terms and conditions which go on for several pages. I find it hard to believe anyone actually reads that crap.”

Goldia turned to Rosie and said, “Remember this moment. Its most likely going to be brought up at some point later on.”

“Well duh.”

“Oh, and Leo,” Ivy said as she finished rambling. “What happened to your whole macho man gimmick?”

“A character shouldn't be defined by a stereotypical gimmick. It limits people, and it can annoy others. People grow, and they develop both mentally and physically. You can’t be tied down to one behavioural attitude forever. What you might think was suitable in the past, you may look back on years later and display disgust at something so different from today. The short version: I just wanna act normal now, that’s all.”

“Hmm…that’s given me quite a bit to think about…”

And at that moment, two figures approached the group from behind. The two were Amber, who was dressed as Black Rock Shooter even down to the flaming blue eye, and another woman beside her who was dressed as Double, the nun from Skullgirls. “Hey guys, what’s up?” Amber asked. As the others greeted them, she then said, “For those who are somewhat new here and haven’t met my friend yet, this is Alice.” Alice took a bow.

“Nice to meet you.” Goldia said, offering a handshake.

“Likewise.” Alice replied, shaking her hand.

“Nice blue flame there.” Ivy said.

“Thanks, I produced it myself.” Amber replied.

“That outfit though, it’s rather-”

“Slutty, right?”

Ivy shrugged. “Well I was gonna say fashionable, but if that’s how you feel…”

“I just don’t get you sometimes…”

“Anyway, just where were you guys?”

“We went on vacation in Miami, then went to a Halloween party. Didn’t you see the pics I sent?”

“There weren’t any orgies in those pics were there?”

“No, not this time.” Amber rolled her eyes.

“Well some stuff happened, so I’ll try to explain it fast.” A minute later, Ivy was done explaining.

Alice clapped her hands. “Sibling rivalry, how wonderful.”

“Huh. We haven’t had a good war game in ages.” Amber replied. She then turned to Alice. “Hey, remember the great Anti-Moe war of 1869?”

“Yes, that one was extremely chaotic, even for me.”

“Anyway,” Ivy began. “I gotta take care of a few things, I’ll see you guys later.” Ivy said as she ran off.

Meanwhile, Damien was currently inside an old dark building where the other Demon Lords were located. He entered a large room where five individuals were sitting round a large table. The first was a long black spiky haired bishounen male, who wore a white buttoned shirt with a popped collar, with a black jacket and pants. Another was a big burly red demon who looked as you would expect demons to look, who wore just a black shirt with beige jeans. The third was a young woman with black hair and long pigtails, who wore a pink shirt with a matching short skirt. The fourth was a young boy with blond hair who wore a standard blue jumper and black jeans. The fifth simply were a light brown teddy bear suit.

The first was reading off a list as Damien entered. “So Tyron has the extra large meat feast,” He said, looking towards the demon-like demon lord. “Two medium pepperoni pizzas, one for myself and one which Toby and Sakura will be sharing.” He continued, looking at the young boy and girl to his side. “And Brian will have a medium mozzarella pizza.”

The man in the teddy bear costume heard up a sign saying, “With anchovies.”

“Yes, with anchovies, if they even do such a thing.”

“Well now,” Damien began. “Didn’t know the demon lords met up just to order pizza.” He got the attention of them, and most of them weren’t pleased to see him.

“State your reason for this visit, Damien, otherwise I may have to kindly ask you to leave.”

“You’ve always been a stubborn one, Blake. Very well, another war games will be going on shortly, and I figured I would need some assistance. What better assistance than some of the demon lords?”

“And why the hell would we bother to help you?” Tyron replied.

“Yeah!” Sakura added. “A smug bastard like you doesn’t deserve our help, and you can’t make us even by force. Besides, you couldn’t take us all on at once anyway.”

“While I would be willing to challenge that opinion, I don’t have the time. My opposition right now is my sister.”

“I personally have no interest in your personal family squabbles, Damien.” Blake said.

“Isn’t that the bitch with the pink hair who thinks she’s so much better than everyone else?” Sakura asked. “She pisses me off. Regularly says nice shit to me, but I know behind that fake smile she’s laughing at me. I just wanna stomp her face into the mud. The same with that stupid green haired asshole too. I’ll kill him next time I see him.”

“T-there’s no need to do that!” Toby replied, shaking his head.

“Hey, isn’t he the same guy who beat you with wrestling moves?” Tyron said before he started laughing.

S-shut up!” She exclaimed. “I was just off-guard, is all. That won’t work on me twice!”

“You should calm down, Sakura. You don’t always need to resort to violence.” Toby said.

“I agree with the boy,” Blake added. “And if you haven’t realized, we’re not interested in whatever it is you’re doing, Damien.”

“Do you simply get off pushing others away, Blake?” Damien asked. “Is this because I’ve beaten most of you guys in the past? Must you hold grudges? Since I hold no personal vendetta towards any of you.” Willard walked in as he talked and took a seat to the left. The others stared at him suspiciously as Damien carried on. “What happened to when war games were about enjoying the experience, regardless of either side? Isn’t that enough?”

“Not for me.” Sakura replied. “One side is led by a total dick, and the other by a complete asshole.” Toby quietly chuckled to himself.

“Which one is which?” Tyron asked, making Toby snort for some reason.

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll let you have whatever you want if you choose to help me out.” Damien said. “As long as its within reason.”

“I’m fine with that.” Tyron shrugged. Brain, who still hadn’t said a word, gave him a thumbs up.

Blake got up and walked past Damien as he said, “Fair enough, I’ll put any personal feelings aside for now, but only for others enjoyment.”

Toby raised his hand before saying, “Um, will Harry be there?”

“Yes but I feel he’s unlikely to be on our side.”

“Oh.” Toby uttered, clearly saddened by this as he walked out.

Sakura leaned in close to Damien and whispered, “Can I really ask for anything?”

“Is it within reason?” She then whispered something into his ear, which generally confused him. “I have no time for your jokes, woman.”

“It’s not a joke! Can you do it or not?”

“Very well, I’ll see what I can do.” He looked over at Willard who simply smiled back at him.

Meanwhile in a somewhat deserted area, Ivy was standing with Goldia who had a notebook in her hand.

“Alright, Gold, I’ll be meeting someone in a bit, so lets hear what you found out.”

“Goldia, anyway, it seems Lolita is arranging most things right now so you might wanna keep tabs on her. Damien has been making even more trips than you have, to where exactly is unknown. Also, word has gotten out about you being unaffected by aphrodisiacs and has been met with amazement, encouragement, confusion, and a bit of anger at those writing fan fiction as this ruins their ideas.”

“I don’t know what that last one had to do with anything but okay…”

“Is it alright if I ask something?”

“Ask away.”

“Am I cute?”

“…Huh?”

“Uguu~”

“Goldia, this isn’t th-”

Goldia placed a small pink hat on her head. “How about now?”

“Alright, yes, whatever.”

“Thank you, master.”

“There’s no need to call me that.”

“Mistress?”

“Don’t call me that one either.”

“My lady?”

“…That one’s okay. So have you thought of a good team name?”

“I’ll read out the list and you tell me what you think of them. First, The Less Evil side.”

“That’s just stupid. True, but stupid.”

“The Anti-Moe alliance.”

“…How does that relate to this?”

“The Assholes.”

Ivy smiled. “I’ll admit, it’s funny, but not what we’re looking for.”

“Ivy and the rest.”

“That’s going a bit too far.”

At that moment, a white ship which looked like a small bat mobile with angel wings flew by and landed. Ruby hopped out in her all black superhero outfit. She waved as she approached the two. “Hey guys, it’s been a while.”

“Indeed it has, foolish angel.” Ivy smiled.

“You still doing that?”

“It ain’t stopping anytime soon.”

“Oh, btw, I took care of that collector guy. Thanks for the tip, you seem to find out about this stuff even though you weren’t interested, weird.”

“It’s just bad luck. It wasn’t hard, was it?”

“Nah. Had to creep around the house a bit and disarm any traps before I confronted him just in case. Never know if these guys have aphrodisiac serums or some crap like that. He was just like those other tentacle dudes. He was all, “Ohh, cute blonde girls are totally my type.” and I was like, “Sorry, big tentacled monsters are totally NOT my type.” even though I dyed my hair black at the time so that’s totally a plothole. Anyway, he tried pulling some kind of trap on me and when he realized I disarmed them all, he called out his goons. I had to go a bit Arkham Asylum on them after that. Ever since that one time I got careless I’ve always been extra careful now when I go after these guys.”

“You ever gonna tell me what happened that one time you fucked up?”

“No, because its embarrassing and no-one must know. You really should join our hero group y’know, you’d fit in well.”

“I already told you I’m not a hero. Nor am I interested in your club where stupid girls do stupid things.”

“I take offence to that. We only have teatime on Wednesdays, and movie night + slumber party on Saturdays. The rest is strictly business.”

“It’s still childish.”

“Yeah, yeah. So what‘s up with you?”

“She started a war.” Goldia replied.

“Huh?”

“I declared war on my brother. The war games start in 2 days.” Ivy explained.

“That war games crap again? Can’t you just talk to each other about this?”

“Talking? Fuck that! We’re demons, we solve our problems through violence!”

“You were always pretty stubborn…” Ruby rolled her eyes. “Well, you might wanna try a different outfit for this, right? One of these all black outfits with a cape would be a great fit for you. I happen to have some spares which I haven’t worn so you can take one.” She said, handing her a bag.

Ivy reached into the bag, pulled out the stockings and handed them to her. “Here.”

“What are you doing? The stockings are part of the costume.”

“I don’t need them.”

“But you gotta wear the stockings!”

“You really should, my lady.” Goldia added.

“Quiet you. I don’t want the stockings.”

“You’re so tsun~. Suit yourself but I’m not taking them back.” Ruby noticed Poison from afar walking towards the area while Goldia walked off. “So I guess I should be making my way. Got a call recently that Loli Rainbow came back once again to start trouble.”

“Loli Rainbow?”

“Long story, she kinda died somehow, then came back as Undead Rainbow and made this robotic evil clone of me who was apparently a hermaphrodite. I beat it in a fight, then it challenged me to a race and I won. Gary took care of Undead Rainbow but it seems she’s back again, so we’re gonna go deal with it.”

“You two still work together?”

“Yeah, we’re still partners. It’s been quite different since the whole Pandora’s box fiasco, in a good way, I mean.”

“Ever figure you guys could be more than just partners?”

“You lost me.”

“Nevermind.”

Poison reached them moments later, nodded towards Ruby and said, “Hey.”

“Hi.” She replied, waving back. “Well, I’ve now had my cameo, and I’ve got some stuff to do, so I’ll just leave you two alone. Later.” She ran and jumped in her ship which flew off moments later.

“She’s changed a lot.” Ivy said as she left.

“Yeah, that’s not necessarily a bad thing though.”

“So where’s your boyfriend, Damien?” Ivy asked, turning to Poison.

“It didn’t work out. We’re just friends with benefits now.”

“…Huh?”

“It’s a joke. You sarcastically said we were gay, so I played along. Then again, Damien already has Lolita, who isn‘t exactly a pushover, so it wouldn‘t be fair for me to help them too.”

“You sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to help me?”

“Yeah, I’m sure I wanna help you. It’s always been my job.”

“But I don’t want you to think of it as just a job…” Ivy leaned in to kiss him but Poison backed up slightly which annoyed her. “Okay seriously, what’s your deal? Are you in the closet? Is it because I haven’t, umm, “matured” yet? Is it because my dad might find out? Is it because this isn’t a hentai and can’t happen on screen? Is it because of what people might think of you? Or do you just really not like me?”

“Somewhere in the middle, ignoring the first and last one.”

“It’ll happen soon enough, my future self told me when.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, 4 months, 17 days, 9 hours and 38 minutes.”

“What about seconds?”

“That’s asking a bit much of me, geez.”

“You sure nobody will know?”

“Nobody, not my dad, my mom, my brother, not Lolita, not Ruby…” She glanced in a specific direction. “Nobody. And it just so happens there‘s an empty house right here.” Pointing at a blue house to her right.

“I don’t recall that house being there a minute ago…”

“Well its conveniently there now so lets go.” She replied, pushing him into the house which was pretty dark. “Nobody should be able to bother us now.”

Just at that moment, Goldia came crashing right through the window rolled into a ball, landed on her feet and slid for a few seconds before stopping. She turned to the two and asked, “Am I interrupting?”

“Well yes, actua-”

“I have something to show you, my lady.” Goldia said, grabbing her hand and dragging her outside.

“Can’t it wait till later?”

“It’s really important.” She replied as they left.

Meanwhile, Lolita was standing somewhere in the middle of a city with two girls and one boy lined up, the appearance of which is unimportant. She had a microphone and a skeleton cameraman who gave her a signal before she spoke. “This is your host as usual, Lolita, reporting on the recent war games that will be starting in two days from now. I have here lined up is three followers of one side, just to get their views on the matter.” She moved her mic to the first girl. “Why do you support Ivy?”

“She helped me move some stuff into my new apartment last month.”

Lolita moved on to the next girl. “You?”

“She pimped my ship.”

She then moved on to the boy. “And you?”

“She keeps it real.”

“Uh-huh.” Lolita looked at the camera. “And there you have it. Three stupid and utterly pointless opinions.”

Damien and Willard were walking around the area at the time as Damien talked. “You’re not exactly willing to participate in this, are you?”

“Well it would have been nice to inform me of the situation before hand. I’ll see what help I can provide.”

“Sorry about this, a lot of people are just…unreliable.”

“Yes, I’m sure I could tell from just meeting the “Demon Lords”. They seem like a bizarre bunch of misfits.”

Damien received a phone call and as he answered, he immediately asked, “Is it all set up?”

“Yeah, boss, it’s all up and running.”

“You got “those” too?”

“Yep, wasn’t easy but we got them.”

“Good work, I’ll be there soon.” Damien hung up. “I got business.”

“As always.” The two went their separate ways.

The next day, everybody who already wanted to be involved had signed up so both sides were already full. Rosie and Leo were talking by a fountain in the middle of town when Poison met up with them.

“Hey.” Rosie greeted him. “So you finally decided to join us?”

“I always was going to, just had to look into a few things first. Besides, I wouldn’t want to miss this anyway.”

“You just wanna fight Damien yourself, huh?”

“Partially. This will probably be quite chaotic in general, and I’m Chaotic Neutral. This is my shit.”

Amber and Alice were the next to arrive, Alice now wearing her usual long black gothic Victorian style dress. “Ahh, Mr. Johnson,” She began, offering a handshake. “I believe this is my first time meeting you.”

“Oh, nice to meet you, uhh…” He shook her hand.

“Alice.” She finished his sentence. “Alice Moonlight. And the pleasure is all mine.” She finally opened her eyes, which were a dark shade of red and her iris’ were several spiralled black ovals.

“Uhh, you’ve got a bit of ‘crazy’ in your eye.”

“You’re gonna hurt a maiden’s feelings if you keep saying mean things like that.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You should be, Harry, you should be.” She stopped shaking his hand and walked off.

“She seems nice.” Poison replied, turning to Amber.

Just then, Ivy arrived along with Goldia in the all black outfit which Ruby had given her, complete with the stockings. “Okay guys, here’s the plan for tomorrow morning, first thing we should do is immediately take out Damien. He won’t see it coming.”

“Uhh, you didn’t read the rules, did you?” Amber asked.

“Yeah, of course I did, why?”

“There’s a big flaw in your plan.”

“Which is?”

“Leaders can’t participate until the 3rd day.”

Ivy was stunned. “What?! Are you serious?!”

Rosie turned to Goldia and asked, “Is this that moment?”

“No, it happens much later.” She replied.

“There you fools are!” The group heard a voice cry out. Looking in the direction of the voice they saw Sakura. “If it isn’t that bitch, Ivy and that lame green haired asshole.”

“I’m not lame.” Poison replied. “Who is that anyway?” Poison asked Ivy.

Ivy shrugged. “I wish I knew.”

This naturally made Sakura mad. “Very funny, just for that remark I’m not gonna go easy on you guys!”

“Seriously, do we know her?” Poison asked.

Ivy shrugged. “Don’t think so.”

Sakura chose not to say anything back and instead angrily stormed off. Goldia nudged Amber and then asked, “Would it be alright if you could inform me about the other demon lords & their abilities?”

“Sure, you already know my friend, Alice Moonlight. Her element is Darkness, kinda hard to explain more than that, but how fitting that she’d be somewhat of a goth. A perky one, who puts the S in BDSM. While he’s not here at the moment, there’s another demon lord I know called Richard Rider. Wears a full red suit, dark brown hair, has a short beard, black cape, etc. Quite the gentleman, oh, he’s also gay. You probably wouldn’t know unless he told you though, it’s not so obvious. Blake Skyline, the nonchalant looking guy there, he’s a pretty no nonsense guy, being more lawful than most. His element is Light, and yes, Blake and Alice normally don’t see eye to eye on things. The big muscular dude is Tyron Silverlake, acts like your typical black man at times and is the first one to normally start a fight. He doesn’t really have much going for him besides his strength and tanking abilities, which aren’t even that great.

The guy in the teddy bear costume is Brian Jenkins, but a lot of people call him BJ. He’s all about magic spells are such, and wears different costumes every week, doesn’t talk much either. The girl from a minute ago, talking with the boy over there? She’s Sakura Summers, and she’s the “childhood friend” of that boy. She’s not as strong or versatile as other demons so she makes up for this through traps and inventions she devices. She’s more of a “with prep time” kind of person, still not a very good one despite that. And the boy she’s with is Toby Tiddles, he’s insecure, really friendly and tends to avoid fights unless people he likes are threatened or hurt, kinda like a harem protagonist, not to mention a lot of girls like him too. He’s unusual since he doesn’t have an element, but instead copies abilities from others upon seeing them. We dated a while back but we’re now just friends with benefits.”

“I.E. You molest him and he’s too nice to tell you to stop.”

“It’s not like that. Well, Sakura doesn’t like it when I talk to Toby, so I make sure to flirt with him regularly. Oh, btw, he’s an incubus and has a 12 inch-” She then noticed Goldia was standing across the street with Ivy who was talking about her.

“So she’s like a total slut, will just fuck anyone and she always swallows on the first date. She’s also into rim jobs.”

“I didn’t know she was like that.” Goldia said.

“I’m not.” Amber replied. “Ivy has just always had somewhat of a grudge against me for some reason.”

Somewhere close by, Lolita was interviewing three other girls in school uniform. One in red pigtails, one with a blond ponytail, and one with long black hair and glasses who carried some books.

“I’m here once again with a group called the ‘Harem Candidate Squad’ who have joined Damien’s side during these war games, I shall be asking them on what their reasons were for doing so.” Lolita positioned her mic under the one with pigtails. “What’s your reason?”

“He made me realize my ex-boyfriend wasn’t the right person for me.”

Lolita moved on to the glasses girl. “He once got a book off the top shelf for me.”

She moved onto the third with the ponytail. “I think he’s hot.” Lolita’s somewhat friendly demeanour immediately faded as the girl backed away and tried to correct herself. “I-I mean, he’s cool! Yeah! It’s just admiration.”

“That’s not what cool means.”

“I got the words mixed up, I swear! Just please don’t kill me! Please don’t team kill me either!”

Later that afternoon, Damien had gathered all the people who were in his group outside and was about to make a speech on a stand. Toby and Sakura were in the crowd and Toby began whispering to Sakura. “Hey, I found out Damien and Ivy had a bet over this.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, if Ivy wins, Damien has to crossdress for a week.”

“That’s a big bet. So what does Damien get?”

“To tickle her for 5 minutes in front of everyone, apparently.”

“Huh? Is he one of those ‘siscon’s’ or something?”

“I don’t know, you ask him.”

“I’m too afraid to ask him…

“Yeah, me too…”

Damien finally got onto the stand and cleared his throat. “Now, I’m not gonna go into some bullshit about how I love war and all that crap. I just want to say that we may all be here for different reasons, but we overall have the same goal: Winning, so lets do that, and lets have fun while doing it. I also want to say, regardless of any past issues, I believe in you guys, because we’re a team. Sorry to disappoint you, but this is all for now.”

Meanwhile, Ivy was doing her own thing in a somewhat deserted location too. “Uhh, it’s my first time doing this, so be gentle.” After some laughs from the crowd, she went on. “So anyway, I know many of you guys are here for different reasons: You just wanna kill people, some guy on the other side stole your dog, you’re having an argument with your best friend and you’re gonna settle it by killing each other, whatever. I appreciate your assistance, none the less. I know many people, even here, aren’t very fond of me. I’ve been a hard person to deal with over the years, egotistical, arrogant, hot-tempered, selfish, vain, and overall an **** to a whole lot of people. I don’t know whether those people deserved that treatment, but my behaviour is not justified, so what I’m trying to say here is, I’m sorry.”

Those two words stunned almost everyone in the audience. People sat out their drinks, someone choked on their hotdog, one mother even dropped her baby out of shock. Goldia placed a fan beside Ivy during this so her cape bellowed in the wind. “Yes, I said it. I’m just one demon, I make mistakes, and I know I can’t win this war alone, but together we can. If you think I’m still the scum of the universe then fair enough, you’re welcome to that opinion, but just this once, let us work together, not as individuals, but as comrades, as brothers-in-arms, as a team.”

Skipping ahead to the next day, it was finally time for the war games to start. Lolita, dressed in a skimpy school uniform, was reporting once again at the battlefield which looked like a typical high school in the middle of a thunderstorm. “Hello ladies and gentlemen, your host once again, Lolita, covering the war games. In just under two hours the games will finally start. As you can see, the type of arena chosen today is a high school, but you better chuck those desks out the window and throw your homework in the trash because things are about to heat up! We’ll be right back after this commercial break…”

Lost track of time. It's...it's not done, yeah. Really. I'll get to it sometime in the week.
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TMEDCE: Omnipotent Victorious Alien, P2

Ivy, Rosie and Goldia were outside talking as they walked towards the Arena.

“So what am I gonna do during the first two days?” Ivy asked.

“Mission command stuff. From that base of operations over there.” Rosie pointed far to the right. Treat it like an RTS.”

“I’m not very good at those.”

“You wanna win?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then get better. Just watch people’s backs, inform them of traps and whatnot. It shouldn't be too hard. Not like you’ll be killing tons of people for a while.”

“How many people do you think you could take at once?”

“I dunno, depends. I can average like 7-10 skilled guys at once I guess.”

“7-10? Would you even have enough holes for all of them?”

“I…we’re not having the same conversation, are we?”

“Ivy regularly does things like this.” Goldia said, interrupting. “This is my first time participating in these games, will they be gentle?”

“No, Goldia, it’ll be rough and unpleasant.” Ivy replied. “It might hurt at first but after a while it’ll start to feel really good and your mind may go blank.”

“Are we still having the same con-”

“Yes, Goldia, we are. This may sound selfish but I need you to survive until the 3rd day. You’re an important asset to me and can make a difference. Can you do this for me?”

“I will do what I can to run like a coward when cornered.”

“That’s good enough. Oh, excuse me a second.” She ran up to a random bystander and punched him out as she yelled, “Dynamic entry!” As she walked back over to Rosie and Goldia she said, “Sorry, I'm obligated to do that now.”

“I understand.” Rosie nodded.

A little later, Damien was at his “mission command” base, which was spacious, contained different shades of blue for everything from terminals to furniture, and generally looked like a typical base out of a Megaman X game. Sakura approached Damien as he sat down in the somewhat empty room. “Hey, did you give him the ‘thing’?”

“Yes, and I didn't mention anything. I'm not sure why you couldn't just tell him how you feel.”

“I can’t! It’s too embarrassing!”

“Then how would me helping make it less embarrassing once he eventually knows?”

“I-I don’t know, it just does!”

“Clearly you haven’t thought this through. Your ‘relationship’ won’t move forward unless you actually say something. Some people are quite dense and need things spelled out for them. It’s not like you’re heavily lacking though, pretty adequate hips, some sturdy handlebars there, a modest bust. Sure, your proportions aren’t perfect but they’re satisfactory, so I’m not sure what the problem is.”

“Hey! Don’t ogle me, but thank you anyway.”

“Also, the black & red polka dot bra & panties really isn’t you.”

“Well I was just-hey wait, how did you even know that?”

“I didn’t. You might have seemed like the type so I took a guess. You know what I suggest you do? Get yourself some underboob. Have it only show around 20% of the lower half, make it so its noticeable, but not too exposed. Maybe wear one of those low cut tank tops if that’s a bit much for you.”

“I’m not talking to you anymore.”

“Just offering advice.”

“I’d consider it if you didn’t sound like a total perv right now…”

Back at Ivy’s command centre, they were getting ready to finally start and left one-by-one. As Poison was leaving, Ivy called out to him. “Hey, come back alive, okay?”

“You can count on it.”

“We still haven’t fucked yet after all.”

After a period of silence, Poison asked, “Why would you do that?”

“The moment was too cliché, I had to subvert it.”

“Fair enough, that’s understandable.”

As the demon participants took positions on the High School map, two commentators in green and white Power Rangers suits began talking from behind a desk at a location nearby.

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, we’re your war games hosts, Green.”

“And White.” The second added.

“How long has it been since the last, White?”

“About 5-6 months. Somewhat odd, it usually doesn’t take this long.”

“Well moving on, the first of this three day event takes place at a high school, you remember your high school days, White?”

“Sure do, Green, most satisfying days I can remember, if you know what I mean.”

“Well no…you haven’t really hinted at much, you could say that about anything.”

“Hey, shut up, okay? I don’t need that.”

“Let’s get the details out of the way, shall we? There’s a special field around these arenas which basically weaken the participates because demons can normally undergo a ton of punishment before dropping, but this would take too long if that was the case.”

“Indeed, White, it makes even those who wouldn’t die by normal means, able to be killed by normal means. This doesn’t effect ‘named characters’ very much though, just pointing that out.”

And so, shit actually happened. Random shit like people running in circles, blind firing with machine guns but not hitting each other, one demon preparing to throw a grenade which then blows up as an enemy hits him with an RPG from behind, and certain individuals running around or camping with shotguns in places such as within lockers or under desks to pop out whenever someone got close. These situations would generally lead to times where one demon would kill another within a classroom, and a another demon hanging from a window ledge would kill the previous one with a shotgun, who would then be sniped by someone hiding in the bushes outside in the playground. Ivy was watching this on screens which looked like a battleship board.

“Man, this sucks, I can’t even do anything.” She whined.

“You also have a big part to play here, Ivy.” This one random white clothed chick wearing a black and white visor & monitoring their progress said.

“I doubt that. Just look at Rosie, running around like a headless chicken. Punching people out, using that AK to pump holes into that guy, just running up casually and snapping that guy’s neck as he prepared a grenade, then throwing it at his teammate…and now she’s tea-bagging him. She’s playing this like its Uncharted.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Well its working so I guess not.”

Green commented on this. “Believe it or not, this ‘headless chicken’ tactic of Rosie’s won her the battle royale twice in a row.”

“I’m assuming they didn’t protect their necks?” White asked.

“Yeah, people are silly like that.”

In the middle of a hallway, Leo was running from two demons with assault rifles who chased him into a classroom. He threw a desk at one, and as the demon went flying, Rosie leaped into the room and hit him with a flying dropkick, knocking him out the window. During this distraction, Leo punched the second in the stomach, Rosie flipped over him and they knocked him out with a double DDT.

Rosie ran around yet again into a gymnasium and continued to snap necks. An enemy blasted down a wall with a grenade launcher and was immediately sniped by Goldia who was hanging from a rope above. Damien, as well as Sakura and Brian were watching this too.

“Those two are being annoying.” Sakura said.

“Yes, they are becoming somewhat of a nuisance. Operator, please inform members of my team to protect their necks from the vampire.”

“The biting kind?”

“The snapping kind.”

“So what now?” Sakura asked.

“Well perhaps I should send out more capable units, like yourself.”

“M-me? B-but-”

“Of course, Toby will be accompanying you, I assume you’re fine with that? You two make a great couple after all.”

“Y-yeah, we do! And we’ll show you just how good we are!” She quickly ran off to find Toby.

Around the entrance of the school to the cafeteria, the Harem Candidate Squad was generally camping that area and using absurd tactics to beat quite a significant amount of the other team. Poison had just cut through several demons and was running down the hallway. The blonde pony tailed girl put a piece of bread in her mouth as she heard the footsteps and ran towards the corner it was coming from. As Poison turned the corner, he reacted in time to knock her out with a belly-to-belly suplex. The glasses girl carrying the books came at him as he turned another corner, but he quickly evaded her and hit her with a German suplex. The pigtailed girl drove right at him on a bicycle as he got up, so he hopped to the side, got her in a headlock and knocked her out with a DDT. He then cut all their heads off afterwards.

“So it seems Harry Johnson has beaten the Harem Candidate Squad.” White said.

“Not surprising, he is a harem protagonist after all, White.”

“What are you saying, Green?”

“That chicks automatically lose to harem protagonists unless they already have a lover, too evil for redemption, or have some broken cheap-ass power to combat it.”

“That’s pretty sexist, Green.”

“Can you prove me wrong, White? Can you go, “No, that’s BS and here’s why”, give me examples.”

“Give me a few minutes.”

Back in the school, Lolita, who was waiting by a locker further down, said, “You’re a jerk.”

“Why?”

“You killed that girl before I got to her.”

“Well sorry, they ran into me. Guess I’ll steer clear next time.” He said as he walked off.

“I’d appreciate that.”

In Ivy’s command centre, she was watching Goldia being chased by half a dozen people, who were quickly taken out one by one by snipers camping specific areas. When it was down to two people, Goldia ran into a classroom and hid behind the teacher’s desk. As they ran in and one ran over to the desk, Goldia immediately pulled out a shotgun and blasted him in the face. She went back behind cover as the second aimed his shot, then poked her head back out and sniped him within half a second of doing so.

“Seems things are going well.” Said a voice as they entered the room, it was Richard who I had mentioned before, so I won’t say anything more.

“What took you so long?”

“I’m not a morning person.”

“It’s 1pm. Anyway, I would feel better if I didn’t know Damien was deliberately not using some of his more ‘reliable’ units, aside from Lolita, who doesn’t really seem to be attacking anyone for some odd reason.”

Over on Damien’s side, his operator asked, “Sir, should I contact the succubi?”

“Very well, feel free to do so.”

And so about a dozen or so Succubi which looked oddly similar arrived on the battlefield and immediately began seducing people. Ivy responded by sending out numerous tentacled monsters which chased some of them away. Damien retaliated, sending out Brain who teleported around the arena, attaching green mind control helmets to the tentacled monsters, making them turn against Ivy by attacking others, and in a few cases, eating them.

Ivy talked to Rosie through a headset. “Hey, the Aterlilics have gotten a little out of control, so I’d appreciate it if you could take them down.”

“I could, but why are you asking me?”

“I consider you one of my more reliable team members.”

“Alright, just watch me work.” Rosie replied as she headed towards the playground by jumping out a classroom window.

“Oh, Amber and Alice, help out a little too if you would please. And Alice, if you kill them, please be quick about it.”

“Aww, but that’s no fun…”

“Have fun in your own time.”

Rosie ran around once again like a headless chicken slashing at the tentacled monsters she came across. A much larger creature appeared and tried to grab her, but she evaded its grasp numerous times by doing all kinds of backwards handstands, flips, somersaults & midair moves that gymnastics would have a hard time pulling off. She stopped for a few moments to do some hopscotch before going right back to it.

Amber was watching this and said, “Huh, just look at her go.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty flexible.” Leo replied as he dropped down from above.

“Well I guess you’d know.” She said, flying off.

“I don’t even know what that means…”

Goldia was running through the hallways of the school, looking out the windows at all the commotion outside when she eventually ran into Sakura who was carrying a grenade launcher and wore a black rucksack. She quickly spun round and took off as Sakura started firing at her. After a while Sakura pulled out a gatling gun and unloaded all over the walls as she continued to chase Goldia. Goldia ran through several booby trapped hallways full of spiked ceiling triggers, mines & machine guns which ejected from the walls, that Goldia avoided with little hassle. Sakura eventually lost her and ran by a trash can where Goldia was hiding. After a few moments, she came back around the corner and targeted the trash. As she prepared to fire, Poison ran up on her and hit her with a german suplex then immediately left. From within the trash Goldia slid up to Sakura while she was knocked out and shot her in the face.

“Sir, it seems Sakura has been killed.” Damien’s operator said to him.

“That’s excellent news.”

“But she was on your side, sir.”

“Yes, but I wasn’t very fond of her.”

Back outside the overgrown tentacled beast was still trying to grab Rosie who was jumping, backflipping and running along walls. It eventually grabbed her leg and pulled her towards it. Rosie then proceeded to dropkick the monster in the face and kick it across the playground. Poison, who was running around the playground again ran past Toby who waved at him.

“Hey Harry, what’s up?”

He quickly stopped and looked back. “Oh, hey Toby, didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Didn’t expect to be here. Wanna do a little sparring?”

“You sure? I’m assuming you only got out here a little while ago.”

“No need to go easy on me just because of that.”

“Alright.” Poison and Harry simply did hand-to-hand fighting for a while, evading most of each others hits and exchanging blows a few times.

As Toby knocked him back with a kick, Poison charged up a ball of wind and hit Toby with it. He flew back like a rag doll on landed on his feet, then flashed a peace sign as he exclaimed, “Memorized!”

“I wish you wouldn’t do that…”

Toby fired his own ball of wind which Poison dodged then threw several his way, and this is generally what the two did for quite a while. Moving on, by the end of that day, a lot of stuff was unclear, stuff generally happened and most went about the rest of their day as normal.

Ivy and Damien met at a typical restaurant, both dressed as typical posh Victorians with the monocle and the suit, and the big puffy dress and whatnot while they sipped tea and ate crumpets etc.

“Good evening, my dear sister.” Damien said as he sat down. “How was your first experience?”

“Pretty shitty, actually. Not like I even did much.”

“You’re breaking character already.”

“Ahh, excuse my rudeness, all is well.” She smiled. “Well Poison was thinking logically enough to join my side, so I guess that means you’re the hoe, ohohohohohoho!” She then sipped her tea.

Damien humored her by laughing along as well before saying, “Harry has never been the type to ignore a girl in need, regardless of how much she’s a badgering nuisance, a self-centred plague upon society, and a controlling psychological wreck in general.” Ivy spat out her tea right after his remark. “Do not believe that any proceedings earlier today have any effect on the eventually conclusion.”

“That sounds to me the excuses of a man who has been forced to run with his tail between his legs, though this isn’t what I choose to believe.”

“Oh?”

“I know you have yet to truly play your hand, but I’ll be ready when you do.”

“So it’s settled then.” He replied, getting up. “I must be going now, it was a pleasure speaking with you, madam.”

“Likewise, kind sir.”

Damien began to leave but stopped seconds later. “Oh, and Ivy? No giant robots, alright?” He then continued walking.

At the Demon Lord’s location, Blake, Tyson, Richard, Brain, Toby and Lolita were sitting round a table playing poker. Tyson began speaking, “Well if you like to gamble, I tell ya, I’m your man. You win some, lose some, but it’s all the same to me.”

As some of them exchanged their cards, Blake said, “The pleasure is to play, it makes no difference what you say. Alright, who‘s in? Toby?”

“Go fish.” He replied.

“…”

“Just kidding, I’m out.”

Richard also folded. Blake revealed he had a flush.

“Better luck next time, man.” Tyson said as he had a full house.

“Nope.avi.” Brain replied as he revealed his four of a kind with 6’s.

“I don’t share your greed for multiple similar cards.” As she picked up one. “The only card I needed was the ace of spades.” As she flipped it over, along with the others showing she had a royal flush. “The ace of spades.” she said again as she slammed it down.

“Good thing we’re not betting anything…” Tyson said.

“I must say, Lolita, you’ve got the best poker face I’ve seen in over a century. That stone cold, stoic and unmoveable expression makes it impossible to tell what you have.” Richard commented.

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment.”

“While at first I was unnerved because of that, you’re cool with me. Don’t meet many of them like you these days.” Tyson said.

“You aren’t even looking.” Blake replied. “Whenever there’s some kind of interracial party, the first thing you say is normally, “Where all the angelic women at?”

“It’s like a drug, man. I can’t get off that shit.”

“You always seem to go for the dopey ones too.”

“That’s because they listen well. Get ‘em drunk, and they’ll do whatever you tell ‘em.”

“You always take a lot of the fried chicken too when you go, and it’s really annoying.” Toby replied.

“Alright, I’ll ease up.”

“So Toby, what kind of women do you like?” Richard asked.

“I’m not answering that, last time I did I got death threats from like 20 different girls.”

“You poor thing.” Blake said sarcastically.

“It’s not funny. I regularly have to put up with weird stuff. I go to the gym changing room and she a girl changing and she forces me to have sex so I don’t tell anyone, I once got locked in a freezer with a girl and we had sex to warm up because it was so cold, one time another girl ran into me and forced me to have sex with her because I saw her underwear. This one time at band camp, this girl forced herself on me because her flute somehow fell into my pants. This other time, I looked after a girl when she was sick and to thank me she forced herself on me, and then the mother did too! Also, this one time I went to the boys bathroom, a girl was in there and she had sex with me too!”

“Was that person in the bathroom secretly a guy?” Lolita asked.

“Yeah, yeah, no need to brag.” Tyson sighed.

“I’m not bragging! It’s a serious problem!”

“Having regular sex with different people can be a horrifying experience, it’s scientifically proven.” Brian replied.

“You guys are jerks! Harry would understand…”

“That’s because he’s also a harem protagonist.” Lolita replied.

“Eh?”

Just then, Sakura kicked open the door and walked by. Tyson turned around and asked, “What happened to you?”

“I was dead.”

“Killed by wrestling moves again, huh?”

“N-no, stop bringing that up!”

Damien walked in a few moments after him and Tyson asked, “Hey Damien, what kind of women do you like?”

The others wondered why Tyson would ask a question like that when Lolita was sitting across the table, and so Damien replied, “The beautiful and mysterious kind…” He then walked off.

“How many people would you all consider ‘beautiful and mysterious.’?” Lolita asked.

In a small hut, Ivy sat behind a desk talking with Goldia when Amber, Rosie and Alice burst into the room.

“Hey Ivy, what’s this about some bet?” Amber asked.

“It’s no big deal, I just bet that if I won, Damien would crossdress as a girl for a week.”

“And if you lost?”

“That he would…tickle me for 5 minutes in front of everyone.”

“That’s it?”

“How disappointing…” Alice exclaimed.

“That’s lame.” Rosie added.

“You guys don’t understand!” Ivy cried, “I hate being tickled and he knows it, doesn’t help that he’s really good with his fingers, and he wants to do it in front of everyone. I don’t want others seeing me like that!”

“Could it be that you wet yourself if tickled too much?” Goldia asked.

“T-that’s none of your business!” As she was distracted, Alice got Ivy into a full nelson while Rosie held her feet down. While they did this Amber got out a bottle of lube and covered her hands in it. “W-wait a minute! What the hell are you guys doing?! What’s with that bottle?!”

“I’m curious to see where you’re most ticklish.” Amber said with a smirk.

“I’m also quite interested in this matter.” Alice replied.

“I’m pretty curious too, actually.” Rosie added.

“You call yourself friends? If you touch me with those fingers I’m gonna rip them off.” Ivy exclaimed, getting nervous as Amber approached her.

“Your resistance only makes my fingers more ticklish.” Amber replied.

As this was going on, Poison walked in along with Leo & Richard, and everyone immediately turned to face them. “Is this a bad time?” Poison asked.

“Thank goodness you guys came!” Ivy exclaimed. “Save me quick! These monsters were trying to tickle me!”

“Is there some backstory I’m missing?” Poison asked as Richard took a seat.

“Not that much.” Rosie replied.

Amber sighed as she put away her bottle of lube. “Let’s just stop here, guys. I guess we’re being a little too forceful.”

“Aww…” Alice and Rosie said in unison, expressing their disappointment.

“Hey!” Ivy yelled in response to it.

“By the way, Alice, please stop trying to kill me, you did it 3 times today.” Poison said.

“Kill you? I only wish to hurt you like you hurt my feelings.”

“Alright, I’m sorry, I can be a bit rude on occasions but hurting me? Is that how you get your sick kicks? By hurting people?”

“Why yes, actually, and an apology isn’t enough.”

“Just give her a back massage, he’s really good at those.” Ivy said as she sat back behind her desk.

“It’s true.” Amber nodded.

“I’d be inclined to agree.” Rosie added.

“I too found it really enjoyable.” Goldia also nodded.

“It was pretty awesome.” Leo said, giving him a thumbs up.

“It was simply marvellous.” Richard also added.

“Well I don’t like to brag…” Poison shrugged.

“Very well then, I’ll be expecting great things from you, Harry.” Alice said as she sat next to him.

“Stop saying that, it’s creepy.” Ivy responded.

“Back on my planet, there was no restrictions in massages. If someone wanted one, and someone was willing, that’s all that mattered.” Leo said. Amber, Rosie & Goldia began to leave together moments later and Leo went along with them.

“So Poison,” Ivy began. “You hang out with my brother, do you know what he’s up to?”

“To be honest I have no idea, but I wouldn’t rat him out anyway because he’s like a brother to me too, he taught me a lot back then. I was pretty upset when he died for a while because he meant a lot to me and I’d have gladly joined his side if I’d have had even a small chance of saving him back then.”

“Gay.” Ivy replied.

“It’s not gay at all! It’s just guy love, there’s nothing gay about it in my eyes.”

“Richard, is that gay?”

“I’d say it was 63.88% gay.”

“You’re telling me you’ve never felt anything for someone who helped you in the past and basically made you the person you are today?” Poison asked as he continued to massage Alice.

“I’m talking to him.” Ivy said with a blank expression.

“…Well that was just uncalled for.”

“I don’t mean to interrupt,” Richard began, “But may I say, Ivy, that outfit looks simply ravaging on you. It would look just perfect on your mature future self from what I’ve been told.”

Ivy eyed him suspiciously. “Watch yourself, Richard, you keep saying things like that and I’m going to assume you’re not really gay.”

Richard chuckled a bit. “Well I wouldn’t want to mislead you over a simple compliment.” He then got up to leave. “I’d like to actually participate tomorrow so I’d better get a good night’s sleep, farewell.”

As he left, Poison stopped massaging Alice and asked, “Shouldn’t you get going too?”

“Ehh? Stopping in the middle when I haven’t been satisfied yet? You’re so cruel~”

“Alice, please just go…” Ivy said.

“Very well, since you asked nicely. I want to continue this later.”

“Sure, whatever.” Poison shrugged.

As Alice closed the door behind her on the way out, Ivy checked to make sure there was no-one else coming.

“Are you sure you want to do this here?” Poison asked.

“It’s not like it’s a sewer or anything.”

“Fair enough.” He said, taking off his jacket.

“Wait a second…” Ivy pulled out a remote control and pushed a button, closing off the side of the hut with titanium. There was a thud, followed by Goldia’s voice coming from the other side. Goldia then tried coming through the door which was also covered in titanium, and then she tried the roof before leaving. After a few moments Ivy then said, “Great, she shouldn’t bother-” before she could finish, Goldia dug into the hut from underground, angering Ivy greatly.

“My lady, thank goodness I found you.” Goldia said as she climbed out of the hole. “Mah lady, you seem unwell…”

“You’re trolling me, aren’t you?”

“But I don’t live under a bridge, his lady.”

“Tell me the important thing before I hit you.” Goldia handed her a notebook which she looked at. “Huh. It’s important after all. I thought it was gonna be one of those stupid nyan-cat videos.”

“Those can be important too.”

“No they can’t, Goldia, no they can’t. Also, thank you.” Goldia simply stood there. “Well? What are you waiting for?”

“I like to watch.”

“Get the fuck out already!” Ivy yelled as she picked her up, opened the door and threw her into the sky like a torpedo. “Alright, lets fucking do this shit.” She spun round and Poison took a step back as she walked forwards.

“I think you should take a minute to calm down a little.”

“I am fucking calm! So hurry the fuck up and whip it out before I eat you!”

“Alright, let me just take my pants off…”

The next morning, Damien and Sakura met in an alleyway while a few blocks down the street, Lolita was once again previewing where the match for the day would take place in the city while wearing a motorcycle helmet and a leather red and black outfit.

“Is it alright to meet down here? Your wife isn’t far off.” Sakura said.

“You’re right, she might even kill you if she saw us together.” Damien replied.

“You don’t seem concerned.”

“I’m not.”

“By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask, I heard about your bet and all and I was wondering…don’t take this the wrong way but are you a siscon?”

“What? Of course not, woman, how absurd, I merely wish to tickle my sister, nothing more.”

Sakura let out a sigh of relief. “Well that’s good…wait, no it’s not! It’s still a weird bet!”

“Enough about me, how are things with you currently?”

“Same as usual really.”

“I said before, nothing’s going to change if you don’t take action.”

“Easy for you to say.”

Just then, Damien noticed Willard walking by with a cup of coffee and called him over. “Ahh, Willard, my good man, please join us.”

“Good morning, Damien, whatever could be the problem?” Willard asked as he approached them.

“My ‘friend’ is having relationship problems with her ‘childhood friend’. In simple terms, she wants the dick.”

“D-don’t say it like that!” She exclaimed. “It’s complicated.”

“Don’t be embarrassed, it’s perfectly healthy to have sexual urges, my dear.” Willard reassured her. “Just like how with the opposite gender it’s all about the pussy.”

“Well yeah, you gotta get that pussy & all.” Damien shrugged.

“Do you happen to swing both ways?” Willard asked.

“I find it hard to talk to either of you…” Sakura replied.

Somewhere close by, Rosie was walking with Leo towards a fountain where Poison was giving Alice a massage again. “Morning.” Rosie said while Leo waved.

“Hey guys.” Poison replied while Alice wished them good morning.

“You look tired, man, what happened to you last night?” Leo asked.

“Nothing much, just didn’t get that much sleep.”

“Oh my~” Alice cried, putting her hand to her mouth.

“No, don’t go there. It was just Monopoly.”

“Is that what they call it these days?”

“I’ll have you know a good game of Monopoly can last anywhere from 3-9 hours.”

Rosie turned to Leo and quietly asked, “Is that normal for demons?”

Leo shrugged, then spoke up. “Back on my planet, when two people did things, they didn’t need to keep it a secret. Nobody really gave a shit who was doing who, they just went about their business. Not to mention, there was no such thing as ‘gay‘, if you found a guy pretty and wanted to do the nasty, that was it and it didn‘t turn any heads.”

“Your people don’t sound very ‘normal’, Leo.” Rosie replied.

Just then, Ivy arrived along with Amber and Goldia. “Good morning, everyone, lets keep up the good work.”

“You seem energetic today, so what did you do last night?” Alice asked.

“I played ‘Guess Who?’ with that foolish angel, Ruby, then I had a nice and pleasant sleep.”

“I thought you played Monopoly?”

“You’re so silly, Alice, trying to get a rise out of me.” Ivy replied, smiling.

“Can’t blame a girl for trying.”

Leo added his input once again. “Back on my planet, we called it Scuba Diving, in response to any kind of sexual act, and everyone was cool with that.”

“That’s still not ’normal’.” Rosie responded.

“Oh, well screw being normal then.”

“Yeah!” Ivy exclaimed. “Being normal is just silly. Those normal people can go suck a fat one.” Ivy and Leo high-fived. “Anyway, today’s event is gonna start in a little while, we’d best get going.” Ivy left along with Rosie and Leo.

“Well she’s certainly acting a little more co-operative.” Amber said.

“Yes, she never responded to any of my comments in a negative manner today.” Goldia added.

“So what, you’re intentionally doing it?” Amber asked.

“Seems all Ivy needed was a good f-” Poison hit Goldia with a ball of air before she finished her sentence.

“Perhaps Ivy should play Monopoly every day.” Alice said.

“I’m gonna stop if you keep that up.” Poison replied.

“Ehhh? But I’m not satisfied yet. You‘ve gotta be much rougher, dig your fingernails deep into my back.”

“Your pain fetish is creepy, just thought I’d mention that.”

A little later, Damien was sitting on a throne at his base as the 2nd day of the war games were about to start. “It’s time. I assume we’re all ready to get started?” He asked as he spun round to face the demon lords. Blake stood further away just looking out a window while Tyson **** his knuckles, Brain sat on a bench meditating nearby, Toby simply nodded, and Sakura was leaning against a wall with her arms crossed. Willard smirked as he was partly obscured by the darkness further back while Lolita stood a few feet away with her back turned. “Lolita?”

She turned her head to the side and replied, “My body is ready.” Lolita then stared at the blonde haired girl with a ponytail wearing the school uniform who stood with her friends across the room.

“Guys, would you talk to her? I think she’s really gonna kill me!” She whispered to them.

“Well that’s what you get for opening your big mouth.” The girl with pigtails replied.

“She always did have quite a big mouth.” The girl with glasses added.

“You guys are so cruel!”

As things got started, people loaded their weapons, set up traps, learned their surrounding and so on. Rosie continued to run around snapping necks as White and Green commentated.

“We’re back folks, White here.”

“I’m Green.”

“And we’re kicking it in the city. We might see some new faces today, especially seeing as people can choose what days to participate in.”

“Makes you wonder what’s the point of having a 3 day death match when you don’t need to participate on the early days.”

“For fun, Green.”

“It’s only fun if you don’t die in the first few minutes.”

Back at Ivy‘s base, she said, “I don’t know why that works so well.” communicating to Rosie through a headset as she continued snapping necks.

“Me either.”

“I’m a little annoyed that I apparently can’t use any giant robots in this…”

“Giant robots that fire lasers out of their crotches?”

“That’s what you remember about it? You gotta get your head out of the gutter, Rosie.”

“You’re the last person I’d wanna hear that from.”

Suddenly, the operator spun round and said, “Princess, a mysterious figure is taking out our members one-by-one in a flash with dark, evil energy.”

Ivy squinted her eyes as she muttered, “Willard.” Then she said, “Alice, take care of it.”

“My pleasure.” Alice replied.

On Damien’s side, he said to his operator, “Operator, tell the group to initiate phase A.”

“As you command, sir.”

A minute later, on Ivy’s side, her operator spun round and exclaimed, “Princess, terrible urgent news! Some of the units are killing members on our own side!”

“What? How many?”

“Exactly 27.”

Ivy immediately caught on. “That cheap bastard, of all the underhanded tricks…”

“Many of them are ambushing unsuspecting members from behind.”

“Quick! Tell them to clench their anuses!” As the operator laughed, she added, “This is no laughing matter!”

Crazy things were going on in the streets with people throwing cars at each other, kicking lorries down the street and blowing up roads overhead leading to highways. Tyson leaped down from out of the sky onto an unsuspecting demon, crushing them like a bug as he landed. “Alright, who here’s man enough to take me on?”

“I wouldn’t mind taking a shot.” Leo replied as he walked towards him from down the street.

“Better have some spare underwear, cause I’m gonna put the fear in you, boy.”

“Then come at me.”

And so the large red demon charged straight at Leo as he did the same. As they met their fists connected, creating a massive shockwave which knocked back any cars or other demons within 30 meters. From there they simply traded blows, not attempting to dodge or block each other’s hits. Another demon wearing a brown paper bag over his head, a white polo shirt and black pants rushed by with two daggers, stabbing people in inappropriate places.

“There goes Tom, once again kicking ass and taking names.” Green commented.

“Tom? Who’s that?” White asked.

“How could you forget Tom, White? The guy has saved the planet more times than I could count, always lends a helping hand when needed, and gets all the chicks with his Badassery.”

“This is the first time I’ve heard of this guy, Green.”

“You gotta stop living under a rock, man.”

Poison was leaping over abandoned cars in the middle of a road. The Harem Candidate Squad were waiting further ahead behind one of the cars. “Okay, here he comes.” The pony tailed girl said. “We’ll get him good this time.” The three hopped out from behind the car. “Stop right there! This time we’ll-” before she could finish, a katana suddenly pierced her skull and she dropped dead as tons of blood poured out of the wound in her head. The pigtailed girl screamed while the glasses girl just stared. Lolita approached them from across the street.

“Lolita, please refrain from killing team members.” Damien said.

“My hand slipped.”

“Yes, I’m sure it did. Feel free to take care of business, though be careful about it, I’d like it if you came back in one piece.”

“I love you too.” Lolita stared at the other two girls who ran off, then she turned her attention to Poison. “I warned you to stay away, seems I now have an excuse to kill you.” She pulled out two katana’s. Poison shrugged and drew his sword.

White and Green commented on nonsense while Lolita continued to push Poison back due to her being really experienced at dual wielding, and Poison not being used to that.

“So Lolita here seems to be handing herself rather well, Green.”

“And since she already has a lover, she’s unaffected by the harem protagonist rules.”

“You still going on about that, Green?”

“Hell, I’m still confused as to why this chick isn’t a little gothic girl even though she’s called Lolita, White.”

“Name’s don’t always make sense, and many people have bizarre names...”

Willard materialized into a dark room and began talking with Damien. “Well, I’ve thinned out the herd a little.”

“You’re too kind, Willard, you’ve done more than I could have asked.”

“Figured I’d make the most of it while I was here.”

Just then, Alice appeared behind him and forced her hand through his stomach as she said, “Tag, you’re it~.”

Willard chuckled at this. “Well aren’t you a sneaky one. I don’t mean to be rude but could you give me one moment?”

“By all means.”

“I’ll call you back, Damien, seems I’ve been targeted by a rather beautiful and deranged woman.”

“Have fun.”

As he hung up, Alice replied, “I bet you say that to all the deranged women.”

“You’d be right.” As they both laughed, Willard materialized a hand behind her which punched through her stomach. “I’m quite the handyman, y’know.”

“I’d be quite willing in seeing the tools of your trade.”

“Very well, I have some time free.”

Meanwhile, at Pitchfork Park, as Rosie was busy strangling someone, Damien commanded Sakura to drop the prepared nuke on her, killing a lot of people on both sides within the blast, and if that didn’t kill them, the radiation surely did. Damien then commanded the operator to reveal the turrets placed throughout the city he had installed earlier. Ivy countered this with tanks that quickly and swiftly dealt with them. Damien countered this with aircraft fighters using weapons specifically catered to tearing through tanks, which they did. Ivy then brought out her kill sat that wiped out the aircrafts, and a big chunk of the city with the laser beams it fired. Upon learning its location, Blake quickly took it out with a beam of light.

After this Damien took it further and brought out some mechs which were controlled by members on his side. Ivy flipped out upon seeing this.

“The fuck? He said no giant robots!” Ivy exclaimed.

“They’re technically not giant, Princess.” Her operator replied.

“That’s BS and you know it.”

The mechs started stomping with their high powered beams, weaponry and durability over those unnamed demons. One mech tracked Goldia down where she was hiding behind a bus. “Come on out, Goldilocks, I got a present for ya.”

Goldia did so, hitting it with a grenade launcher, followed by multiple missiles, throwing down a mine that launched it into the air from the explosion, followed by 2 dozen rockets which came out of large rocket launcher slots which ejected from her sides, and then blasting the mech to pieces with an energy blast using her central core. “It’s Goldia.”

“I gotta wonder how she fits those big things inside her, White.”

“Me too, Green, I’m curious if she has a size limit.”

Ivy watched some of the unusual things happening on the screens, such as Leo and Tyson appearing to get along as they raided a fast food place, Willard and Alice appearing to have a candlelight dinner, Lolita showing Poison her photo album filled with pictures of Damien for whatever reason, as well as Amber running off on a flaming horse with an unconscious Toby and Sakura chasing them on a tricycle. Yes, these events are normally quite weird, even though it’s the norm.

Finally moving on, later that evening, Damien and Ivy met at the same restaurant again. Damien was adjusting his monocle when Ivy stormed into the room up to the table.

“How dare you, sir. To have such disregard for the consideration of the opposing party is just preposterous!”

“I’m amazed you’re still within character even though you’re mad.” Damien cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, did I do something to offend you, madam?”

“Do not mock me! You had your team members infiltrate my side and pick off some of my troops like savages. You unfairly dropped a nuke on the park just to kill certain commoners. You sent out those mechs even though you specifically said no giant robots.”

“Maybe it’s a perspective thing but I don’t recall those mechs being giant.”

“You can’t use loopholes to cheat, that’s disgraceful!”

“We’re demons, we find loopholes for things all the time. Perhaps you shouldn’t take what I say literally.”

“So playing dirty is just how you do things I see.”

“Though you’re talking, all I hear are the screeches of a sore loser.”

“Oh, well I never!”

“You could make things easier on yourself and forfeit now, why delay the inevitable?”

“I suggest you attach your vocal organ to a phallic canyon, you insignificant water jet in a bag.”

“And in English?”

“Go suck a fat one, you fucking douchebag.”

“Do you hate me, Ivy?”

“Why do you torment me? Is this not enough for you?”

“Oh heavens no, my dear sister. Your punishment must be more severe, and tomorrow shall it start. I’m going to break you, but it won’t be quick. I will make sure I eliminate any significant members you rely upon, utterly decimate your technological resistance, make it clear you never had any chance of beating me, and only then will you have my permission to die. Feel free to flip the table in anger.”

“Hmph.” She crossed her arms as she got up. “A refined lady such as myself would never stoop so low as to gather attention with such an outburst. She would simply fling the table out the window.” And she did so. “Good day, sir.” She then walked off.

Things are much shorter in my mind than they are on paper.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Overpowering Vanilla Alliance, P3

Ruby had recently come over to Ivy’s house for a sleepover in her normal flimsy clothing outfit. She and Ivy were playing a game on the console in Ivy’s room while Goldia stood in the corner and posed as a lamp.

“I still can’t believe you got a friend to make this co-op beat-em-up platformer with me and you as main characters.” Ivy said.

“Yeah, he did a really good job on it.”

“It’s not cut and paste either, we have different stats, attacks and everything. The levels are fun too, though I don’t like these mine cart levels.”

“That’s because you suck at platforming.”

“I do not!”

“Do too!”

Ivy sighed. “Geez, you’re so childish.”

“No, you’re childish!”

“No, you are!”

“No you!”

“Whatever, just be careful, we share lives and only have 7 left.”

“By the way, I see you’re wearing the stockings I gave you.”

“Well my legs would get cold if I didn’t wear them.”

“You’re a bad liar. Oh, there’s a life on that alternate path there…”

“Are you insane, that path is deathtrap city! You’ll die just getting to it! That’s just stupid!”

“I wouldn’t say stupid, just a little foolish.” Ivy stared at her. “That’s right, I said it. So how goes your ‘war games‘ silliness?”

“Not so good. Also, it’s not silly.”

“You started a war over some food.”

“It’s the principle of the matter! The principle!”

“Uh-huh. So why isn’t it good?”

“I’m being outplayed in many ways. Whatever I have up my sleeve normally isn’t enough.”

“Well I’m sure you’ll pull through. You may experience some negative emotions. Apathy. Greed. Corruption. you may feel the need for more Power. But then there’s Hope.”

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to reference but stop it.”

Ruby pouted. “Why are you always so tsun towards me? Why can’t you ever show me any dere?”

“Moving on, do you have any race specific traditions of your own?”

“Well there is this one day all about musicals where everyone spontaneously bursts into song and does on-the-spot choreographed dance numbers.”

“Oh, we have one like that too.”

“I think it’s dumb, honestly.”

“Really? I figured someone like you would love that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Like I said. So you still doing the whole “Justice.” thing?”

“Still getting better at it at least, have some more villains to add to my rogues gallery, good thing too, it was somewhat of a sausage fest for a while. There’s also a few that Gary knows but I haven’t really met them. There’s this one guy who does some of the most bizarre things to try and beat me that it’s made me quite crazy prepared. In relation to that point, coming here for this sleepover I decided to attach a small ‘electronic device’ which emits 777 bolts of electricity to a spot near my woo-woo to protect myself.”

Ivy laughed at this. “You seriously just said woo-woo. Hey, can you say vajayjay?”

“No, because now you’re making fun of me…”

“I’m just playing around because you’re so goody-goody even with words. You never say any swear words, even say a harsh or surprising complaint. It’s astounding.”

“Well what would you want me to complain about?” Ruby asked.

“Complain about something vulgar like Ivy would do.” Goldia suggested. Ivy and Ruby stared at the lamp across the room for a moment, and then ignored it.

“Don’t you just hate it when your panties ride up your butt?”

“Y’know, I think it’s best if you stick to the goody-goody act. Besides, why would you attach that thing to your, uhh…”woo-woo”?”

“Well your dad’s the devil…”

“Hey, fuck you! My dad’s not like that!”

“Just trying to protect myself, nothing personal.”

“He’s on vacation anyway.”

“I didn’t mean to seem like an insensitive racist just so you know.”

“It’s alright. So you wanna play Monopoly?” Ivy asked, pulling out the board game.

“Alright, sure.”

“I remember the first time I played this with Poison. It was approximately 9 years, 11 months, 17 days, 14 hours, and 36 minutes ago. I was wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt that day and my hair was really messy. I played as the dog.”

“I’d rather not hear your life story, k thx.”

Moving on ahead so as to not make this first part much, much longer than it needs to be, the next morning it was a little while before the final day of the event was to start. Ivy was with Goldia again by the fountain where she was walking in circles as Poison approached them.

“You don’t seem energized today.” He said.

“I’m kinda worried, I’m really nervous to be honest.”

“I understand, but don’t worry.” He placed a hand on her shoulder and clenched his other hand. “I’ll protect you!”

After a few moments of silence she laughed. “I’m sorry, that’s just like the most cliché phrase ever.”

“Well duh, just figured it would make someone like you laugh.”

“And so it did, but now you better take responsibility!”

Poison shrugged. “Guess it can’t be helped.”

“Don’t just decide that for yourself!”

Goldia simply watched as they tried to fit typical phrases into the conversation. Amber, Rosie, Leo and Alice arrived shortly after, and after greeting each other Ivy asked, “So where were you?”

“I was sleeping for a while, since that death put me in a bad mood.” Rosie replied.

“Suck it up.”

“I was nuked.”

“My mom eats nukes for breakfast.”

“Good to know.” she said sarcastically as the group started walking to the arena.

“Her lady,” Goldia began, “Should we go through with the plan at the start?”

“Not unless I feel it’s necessary.” Ivy replied. “For now, let’s fuck ‘em up, Goldia.”

“I don’t have a good response to that but I’ll be sure to think of one later.”

Meanwhile, close by Damien and Lolita were also walking there in silence. After a while, Lolita finally spoke up. “Damien, I think it’s time you told me the true purpose behind this whole ordeal. Winning seems to be somewhat of an afterthought for you so I wish to know.” Damien said nothing and kept walking. “Right now.” Lolita said as she stopped.

Damien stopped moments later and turned to her. “Very well, I suppose you have the right to know. Once upon a time, I actually used to spar a little with Ivy but this was decades ago. Some time has passed since I was dead and now I wish to see the full extent of what she can do now.”

“Then couldn’t you just ask her?”

“Ahh, that’s exactly the problem. My sister has what I refer to as ‘Hulk syndrome’, in that she may be strong, but she’s never at her strongest when the fight starts and she just grows stronger over time, and strength can naturally be fuelled by emotions, which is why I’ve gone through such measures to ensure this.”

“So you’re doing all this just to tickle her…”

“I believe you missed the point.”

“Why can’t you just tickle me instead?”

“You’re not going to drop this, are you?”

“It’s quite unlikely.”

“Oh, excuse me a moment.” Damien walked up to Toby and Sakura who happened to be nearby and handed them two tickets. “Go to Disney World at your own leisure. You’re on your own from here, woman.”

“I have a name, y’know.” Sakura replied.

“Yes, but I can’t be bothered to remember it.” Damien said, walking off.

At the commentators table, as everyone participating was busy gearing up, they just did their usual thing but this time had someone in a yellow power ranger suit join them.

“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, we’re your hosts, White.”

“Green, and special guest Yellow is with us today.”

“It’s a pleasure to be here today.” She replied.

“I’m sure it is, Yellow.” White said. “Now today will be the last time we do this for a while.”

“I’m already depressed.”

“Me too, Green, me too, though the arena picked out today is a typical but popular one.”

“Indeed.” Yellow carried on. “We’re at the wastelands here, this place is packed full of erupting volcanoes, lava lakes with underground passages and many, many generic mountains.”

“Well they just started so lets shut up and watch.” Green said.

Unlike on the previous days, a majority of the participates met around the centre of the open area, with people throwing **** all over the place, not really caring about who they hurt in the process. While this went on, Ivy and Poison were running along the outskirts of the area.

“Just so you know, I wanna face Damien alone.” Ivy said.

“Are you serious?”

“I know he’s much stronger than me, but winning isn’t impossible. If there’s a way to win, I’m going to find it. You believe in me, right?”

“No, actually.”

“Hey! You’re not supposed to say that!”

“Would you rather I lie?”

“It would make me feel better, so yes.”

They both stopped as a sword narrowly missed them and got lodged in a rocky cliff beside them. They looked to see Lolita standing high up on a ledge above.

“Guess you know where I’ll be.” Poison said with a smile.

“You sure about this?”

“Yeah, Lolita surprised me a little before. I figured a dual blades style wouldn’t have much defence seeing as she would have half as much grip, but she’s got pretty strong upper body strength. I’m interested in fighting her again, so good luck with Damien.” Poison leaped up to where Lolita was. “So, ready to get started?”

“You’re not going to use your sword?”

“I figured I’d try something new and make my own.” He said as he generated a wind aura around his arms to make two razor wind blades for arms. “Your move.” Lolita rushed forward, swiping at him with her katana’s which he dodged and blocked against. Eventually he blocked one swing then sliced off the blade of the second katana, jumped over the first and cut off the blade while in midair. Lolita dodged his next few swings, and kicked him back before taking out a pair of handguns. She triple tapped that shit multiple times but Poison deflected all of the bullets with his swings and sliced off the triggers of the guns and then cut her in half.

“So it seems the easiest way to counter a dual blade user is to use your arms as weapons.” White commented.

“Seems legit.” Green shrugged.

As Lolita lay there, Poison simply shrugged as he said, “Sorry, I just had to cut in there.” Lolita looked clearly annoyed as she began to regenerate her lower half, while he carried on. “I guess you just couldn’t cut it, but we all have bad days, I’ll cut you some slack. Seems I just-”

“Enough. Stop that.” Lolita replied as she got back up.

“No need to cut me off, geez. You really shouldn’t be allowed to do that though.”

“Well I can, now then.” Lolita opened up multiple portals around Poison and tried to stab him with them as he dodged them and kept running around. As he got near and swung at her, she flew back into a portal and came out behind Poison, spun around and slashed him from behind but he blocked it with one hand and aimed at her head with the second blade, which she dodged by backflipping over him. Poison sent out a wave of razor wind that stretched 30 feet and cut deep into the rocky mountain, and he continued to do so while Lolita dodged the waves.

As Ivy finally encountered Damien standing out in the open with his hands in his pockets, the 3 commentators started talking once again.

“Seems it’s come down to this,” White began. “Ivy here has chosen to face Damien alone like a true leader should.”

“This is an unusual case in that these two are related since Ivy is Damien’s younger sister.” Green replied.

“And what a cute younger sister she is!” Yellow added.

“Supposedly this conflict was started over some food, Krazy Katie’s goodie bags in particular.” White explained.

“I’ve seen a lot more silly reasons to start wars.” Green said.

“Damien has participated in these games many times before and has gone by many names such as,” Green took out a clipboard. “The Beast from the West Coast, the Big Bad Wolf, that guy who may be a sadistic bastard but he’s a good friend too, and leader of the N.T.R.”

“He always did remind me of those NTR guys, but not fat and smelly.” Yellow replied.

“And his opponent is his sister, Ivy, who happens to be participating for the first time.” White said. “She too goes by many names: That bratty bitch with the pink hair, environmental damager, extreme PMS girl, designated loli tsundere, and used goods.”

“What does that last one mean, White?” Green asked.

“I have no idea, Green.”

“There’s been word going around about a bet too.” Yellow began. “If Ivy wins then Damien will have to crossdress as a girl for a whole week.”

“That’s a pretty risky bet for Damien to accept.” White said.

“You said it, White.” Green nodded.

“And if Damien wins he gets to tickle her for 5 minutes in front of everyone. I really wish I could tickle her too…” Yellow continued.

“Guess it’s more of an embarrassment thing.” Green shrugged. “What about you, White?”

“No comment, Green.”

“Alright, back to the action!”

Ivy ripped off her cape and charged towards Damien who summoned a large stone sword to pop up right out of the ground in Ivy’s path. She moved back then flew around the area as Damien summoned more rocky objects. Ivy began to cut through them as she got closer to where Damien stood. As she finally reached him she threw a flurry of punches which he dodged without moving his feet, and then kicked her in the stomach, knocking her back.

“Do you want me to humiliate you?” He asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I want you to take this seriously.” As she thought about this, he charged up to her and began his assault with a mix of punches and kicks, knocking her back with each blow. Whenever she tried to throw a punch, Damien would dodge and hit her again. Damien then hit her with an overhead elbow but her hands stopped her from hitting the ground and she kicked him back before getting back on her feet and firing a large energy beam, which he easily dodged and fired back. Ivy ducked and fired another, Damien deflected it and fired another beam which Ivy leapt over and tried to punch him. He evaded so fast he seemed to have vanished.

A sudden blast from the side covered the area in dust and she saw numerous figures around the place. As she blasted the rocky figures placed around the area, Damien burst out of the ground from behind Ivy and got her in a choke hold. “You should be more careful of your surroundings, Ivy.” He then tightened his grip. “I wonder how long you can hold out, will you give up or die of suffocation?”

“There’s no way I’ll give up!” Ivy exclaimed as she struggled.

“Well I’m not letting go so I’m curious how you’re expecting to free yourself.” Ivy decided to make use of her tail and jam it straight into the back of Damien’s pants. The sudden shock made him release Ivy who began coughing while he dropped to his knees shivering as he said, “What really hurts is my pride…”

“And here I almost forgot demons hadtails.” Green said.

“Same here, Green.” White replied.

As Damien looked up, Ivy punched him in the face, followed by a dozen punches to the stomach, then several more punches and kicks to the face before Damien knocked her to the ground with a punch but she quickly got back on her feet. “Should I have yelled ‘Surprise!” first?”

Damien raised an eyebrow at first, and then they both laughed a moment later. “Alright, enough playing around. I should let you know that I’ve only been using 20% of my full power.”

“Well I’ve been using 14%.”

“I was actually using 11%.”

“Jokes on you, I was using 5%.”

“Well I was only using 1% of my full power.”

“You’re bluffing.”

“We’ll see…”

Back at the commentators table, White said, “I think Damien may have 2 transformations left to go.”

“He already had one?” Green asked.

“I smell some resolve approaching.” Yellow said.

“Seems Ivy may have to use ‘that.’” White said.

“You don’t mean ‘that.’, do you, White?” Green asked.

“Yes I do, Green.” White nodded.

“I’ll go ahead and broadcast this scene so all those within the arena can see this too.” Yellow added.

“Good idea, Yellow.” Green said.

Back down below, Damien hit Ivy with a knee to the face and as she retaliated, circled around her and kicked her forwards. As she regained her balance and spun round, Damien came sliding towards her on one leg preparing to grab her. Ivy leapt out of the way into the air and threw a large energy ball at him which he kicked into space. Damien then teleported behind her and hammered her towards the ground but she landed on her feet. Damien tried to use the raging demon on her again so she did the same and they trading hits with their fists. After some moments they began attacking at the same time with their feet.

Damien hit Ivy in the face with a punch that dizzied her slightly but she quickly recovered and hit him back, he then kicked her in the stomach which sent her flying. He caught up, grabbed her head and started dragging it along the ground as he ran. Ivy grabbed his collar and pulled him down so they rolled like a tumbleweed for a few moments before Ivy was thrown at a wall. As Ivy came charging at him again, Damien shot a rocky spear from his arm that went right through Ivy’s stomach. She stopped for a moment and then kept going, with Damien firing more spears into numerous parts of her body, including her head which seemed to just piss her off.

“Normally at the time like this a headshot would be an instant kill, wouldn’t it?” Green asked.

“It would, Green, but we’re not exactly what some people may call normal.”

Over at the centre where a majority of the participants were fighting, Richard froze one demon with his back turned and threw him at Brian up in the air who blasted the demon to pieces then fired an energy beam which Richard deflected with a shield of ice. Brain evaded by splitting in two and firing more beams. Though while Damien and Ivy’s fight went on, the others slowly stopped fighting and simply watched.

Where Poison and Lolita were fighting, they were also currently watching.

“Have you noticed what Ivy is doing?” Lolita asked.

“The whole ‘don’t land on your front or back’ thing, yeah, I noticed, and she‘s struggling to keep it up.”

“It’s-”

“Annoying?”

“Moe~” She said as she moved her hands in a rainbow motion.

“That’s cute and creepy at the same time.”

“Do you wish to know what Damien’s trying to accomplish?”

“It’s alright, he already told me.”

“When?” She asked as she stared at him.

Considering she was likely to take it personally if he truthfully answered, he instead said, “About a few minutes before today’s games.”

“I see, very well then. Also…” Lolita quickly chopped off Poison’s left arm.

He looked at it, then back at her. “Now that’s just plain rude.”

“That’s for calling me creepy.”

Back with Damien and Ivy, he was continuing to shoot projectiles. He got direct hits even when she tried to dodge and was bleeding all over with nearly two dozen spears sticking out of her. In the middle of this, Goldia landed next to Damien and gave him a microphone which he spoke into. “Why do you bother? You’re fighting a losing battle, why do you not just admit defeat?”

Goldia flew over to Ivy and handed her a mic as well. “Because I choose not to. Did the bogeyman ever give up scaring those kids? Did Tom ever give up even when he was trapped in that underground facility with poison gas set to blow in under a minute?”

“Still don’t know who this Tom guy is…” White responded.

“Did the Grinch ever stop trying to ruin Christmas?”

“He did, actually.” Damien replied.

“Whatever! The point is, I’m not just gonna bend over and take it up the ass when there’s something important on the line. Don’t tell me what is and isn’t possible! I’ll die before I give up to the likes of you so I hope you’ve prepared your anus, because I’m about to fuck you up!” She covered herself in flames as she flew at him and punched him in the face. She blocked his attacks as she pulled out the spears and jammed them into his torso. After a few hits, Damien began pulling them out and jamming them straight back into Ivy and this continued for a little while. Ivy punched a hole through his stomach, and he retaliated by doing the same to her.

“Ivy’s really putting on quite a show out there, wouldn‘t you said so, Green?” White asked while Yellow cheered in the background.

“Indeed, White. Adrenaline is a powerful thing. You know what I’d normally do when I got adrenaline, White?”

“What, Green?”

“I’d fade ‘em.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Then I’d run it.”

“I gotcha.” White nodded.

“I’d knock ‘em down.”

“And then you’d what?”

“I’d run it, homie.”

Back over to where Poison and Lolita were, she began to walk off as she said, “I believe it’s time. Feel free to follow.” And though Poison was confused, he did so.

Damien leapt back from one of Ivy’s attacks and waited for her next move when he saw Lolita coming towards the area. As she landed beside him, she nodded and they embraced, confusing Ivy. Suddenly, Lolita dropped unconscious and Damien now wore a black trench coat, had black hair and the same stoic cold stare.

As Poison landed beside Ivy with his arm back in place, she asked, “Did you know she could do that?”

“I had no idea she could do that.” He replied.

Damien wasted no time in punching Ivy out then easily dodged all of Poison’s attacks before hitting him with an uppercut. Ivy tried to hit him with her scythe and he dodged every swipe with ease. As Poison joined him, he was still easily dodging their swings and opened several dark portals, smacking them away with undead hands.

“Hey, could you hold him off for a while, I’ll be back.” Ivy said.

“Sure, just be quick about it.”

She nodded and took off to find Goldia. “Goldia, it’s time.”

“My body is ready, milady.”

They met behind a mountain close by. Goldia suddenly split apart, turned inside out and started forming an expanded suit of armor over Ivy’s body which was bright crimson in appearance and began flashing gold as she was done reconstructing himself and Ivy’s energy filled her systems.

“No. Fucking. Way. Did that shit just happen?” Green said in awe while Yellow let out a squee.

“It did indeed, Green, it did indeed.” White nodded.

The participants watching were also rather surprised by this. As Ivy flew back towards the battlefield, she said, “Alright, Goldia, let’s show everyone what we can do.”

“But first you must do the poses for me to reach substantial power.”

“…Huh?”

“I must feel very pleased to access my full power, so the poses are essential in front of the enemy.”

“…You’re not serious.”

“I’m afraid I am.”

“Fine, here goes nothing.” She landed on a cliff and started doing Ginyu Force poses as she spoke. “Cease your evil ways, evildoer, for I have come to put an end to your reign of terror for good. You cannot hope to match wits with this planet’s savior, the Goldinator!”

“That was magnificent, your lady. This feeling…ohh…it feels so good…”

“Just power up before I die of embarrassment…

And Goldia did so as Ivy leapt off the cliff towards Damien and in the blink of an eye, managed to headbutt him into a wall 50 feet away. Ivy powered up as she stood there while Damien did the same as came out from the hole in the wall and became covered in a dark aura.

“Let’s fuck him up.” Ivy said.

“No lube.” Goldia responded sinisterly as her eyes glowed.

They both took off like speeding bullets, clashing and creating shockwaves all over the place which Poison moved out of the way from then soon they took their business into the sky.

“They’re moving so fast I can barely see them.” White said.

“Me too, White. This is some DBZ type shit.”

“It’s been DBZ type shit for a while now, Green.”

“Why do you guys say each others names so much?” Yellow asked.

“Why are you such an Ivy fangirl?” Green asked.

After a moment they went back to watching. After a while of creating shockwaves in the air, they stopped to charge and fire energy beams at each other and have a beam struggle in midair. In the middle of this, a horn suddenly sounded so Damien stopped and dodged the blast by inches before returning to normal. “It seems time is up.”

“Huh, but we basically just started!”

From out of nowhere, a Red Power Ranger flew up to them with a sheet of paper. “Alright, time out. During circumstances like this, we take into account the amount of players on both sides still alive and the one with the most wins. So, Damien has 172 people still alive and Ivy has 161, so Damien wins.”

“Yaaaay!” Yellow exclaimed.

“I thought you wanted Ivy to win?” Green asked.

“I did, but this also means I get to see Ivy get tickled, so that’s good as well.”

“W-wait a minute!” Ivy yelled. “This isn’t right! We’re not finished! You can’t just end it!”

“We can, actually.” Red replied. “It’s in the rulebook, rule #126, section 4.”

“I’m assuming you didn’t read it?” Damien asked.

“I did! But-”

“No buts.” Red interrupted. “Now be a graceful loser and accept your tickling.”

“Noooooooooo!!!”

“And so now ends this particular war games event, I hope you viewers out there enjoyed these last few days as much as we did.” White said.

“These parts always make me so sad.” Green added.

“Me too, Green, but sadly everything comes to an end eventually. So, signing off, I’m one of the hosts, White.”

“Green.”

“And special guest Yellow.” She added.

“Until next time.” White said as the three waved goodbye.

And so every participant met around the centre of the arena, though Ivy had to be dragged there by a dozen demons.

“No need to be so resentful, my dear sister, it’ll all be over soon.” Damien said.

“This isn’t right! This shouldn’t even be happening, I went through all that effort for nothing!”

“That’s not necessarily true, I’d say almost everyone was entertained, amazed or supportive of your performance here today.” A lot of them agreed truthfully while some did so just not to stand out. “See? I believe you’ve earned some respect today…now lets take that away as we get straight to the tickling.”

As Ivy was about to run, suddenly an Afterburner-like jet arrived, and Ivy’s parents leapt out of it and towards the crowd as the others made room.

“Well, I hope you all enjoyed this particular war games. A shame I wasn’t around to see all of it.” Awesome began. “Oh, and I saw the whole thing, Ivy, you’ve really made me proud.”

“T-thanks, dad.” She said, blushing profusely.

“But shame on you, Damien, you’re a grown man, you shouldn’t be bullying your sister.” Serenity said.

“I had my reasons.”

“Good evening, friends, where have you been?” Willard asked.

“Oh, hey Willard, good to see you.” Awesome began. “We went to that Lovecraft planet, pretty nice place.”

“The food was pretty extravagant, though quite unique.” Serenity added.

“Did you happen to talk with cthulhu recently?” Willard asked.

Awesome nodded. "Yeah, but you know how he is, always likes his peace and quiet. Doesn’t really like people disturbing him."

“Yes, I know the feeling all too well.”

“He’s really gotta learn to chill out.” Damien added.

Tom stepped forward as he said, “I believe we should all just start being more honest with each other. Everyday people are lying directly to each other’s faces when in the end you’ll just be hurting people by hiding secrets from them. Ivy, did you know Damien baked a cake yesterday to give to you?”

“You did?” She asked.

“It’s not like I felt bad or anything.” Damien replied.

“Moe~” Lolita exclaimed once again.

Some people in the background screamed, one yelled, “Oh god, my eyes, my fucking eyes!” another shot themselves and someone else yelled, “Jesus Christ, how horrifying!”

“And Damien,” Tom continued. “Did you know Ivy looks up to you a lot? She’s written a lot about the fun times together in the past in her diary.”

“N-no I didn’t! I don’t have a diary! You can’t prove it!”

“And Sakura, why don’t you just tell Toby that you like him?” Tom asked.

As she gasped, he turned to her and said, “Oh, is that why you were acting weird?”

“Possibly…”

“And Brian, you know what happened that night wasn’t just because you were drunk, deep down you know you’re a bisexual.” Tom pointed at him.

“Oh, thanks dude, I really needed that brought up.” He said sarcastically.

Poison walked up to Damien and said, “I know we haven’t always been eye-to-eye on certain matters, but I’ve always considered you my closet friend, I love you, dude.”

“I love you too, man.” Then they hugged. Lolita looked worried while Ivy simply said, “Gay.”

Ignoring that, Ivy spoke up. “Though Tom is right about us being more honest, so I wanna say that Poison and I are in an intimate relationship.”

“I don’t think anyone needed to know.” Poison replied.

“I thought they should.”

“I’m supposed to be surprised by this?” Damien asked.

“I care ‘this’ much.” Lolita said.

“You didn’t raise your hands.” Ivy replied.

“That’s how much I care.”

One person in the crowd exclaimed, “This is like a decade old news.” and another replied, “Yeah, I knew this over 9 years ago.” Another said, “This is older than my grandmother, and she’s practically a rotting corpse.” and the last simply yelled, “Jesus Christ, how horrifying!”

“I’m not stupid, I knew this ages ago.” Awesome said. “Not sure why you waited so long to actually say anything though.”

“Are you using protection?” Serenity asked as she turned to Poison.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“…Huh?”

“Enough wasting time.” Damien said. “Now lets finally proceed with the tickling and-”

“She’s making a run for it!” Someone yelled as he pointed at Ivy riding away on Nookie’s back. A dozen demons quickly dog piled them and dragged Ivy back. Damien pulled out an operating table and strapped Ivy to it with titanium shackles.

“W-wait, you can’t do this!” She cried.

“Sorry, Ivy, but you did agree to the rules.” Awesome shrugged.

“Let me off just this once, please, don’t do this to me!” she whimpered.

“Are you seriously going to cry over this?” Damien asked.

“Will you let me go if I do?”

“No, not at all.”

“Oh, come on!”

In the crowd, Rosie looked at the others and said, “Doesn’t this seem somewhat cruel?”

Leo responded with, “Back on my planet-”

“I get it, your people are different or unusual.”

“Well there’s no need to be rude about it…”

Damien turned to the crowd as he said, “Now then, lets begin.”

“Stop right there!” Goldia called out.

“Goldia! You’re such a good friend!” Ivy said cheerfully, trying to hold back her tears.

Goldia pulled out a camcorder and set it up. “I must record this to use later.”

Ivy gasped. “You conniving, deceitful monster!”

“But I’m just an adorable helpful robot girl, my lady, and not the anime kind who look fully human and are basically robots in name only.”

“May I proceed?” Damien asked, Goldia nodded in response.

As Damien was about to touch her, Poison yelled, “Wait just one minute!”

Ivy was overjoyed. “Poison! I knew you’d save me!”

He walked over to Goldia and said, “The batteries are about to run out.” as he handed her some spares.

“My goodness, how foolish of me.”

“You traitor!” Ivy yelled. “I still love you, but I also hate you! I hate you all! You’re all so mean and not true friends at all! You can all go die in a fire for all I care!”

As Damien finally began, some of the demons took out cameras and phones to record the scene. Rosie sighed as she looked around. “I still feel guilty watching this.”

Poison shrugged. “It can’t be helped.”

On a totally different and small planet full of large green worms, two of these worms were in the playground swinging when they looked up and saw something unusual.

“Hey, isn’t the sun getting a little too close?” One said.

“Uhh, I don’t think that’s the sun…”

The next thing they knew, a large energy ball crashed into the planet and blew it up, and so that race of giant green worms now ceased to exist.

yadda, yadda, Merry Christmas etc.
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TMEDCE: Oral Vajayjay Anal

It was the night before the night before Christmas eve, or the 22nd to be exact. Down some back alley streets was a purple van driving along when its tires were suddenly shot out & it drifted right into a wall. A girl who looked like she came from the same group as the Loli Rangers with white hair exited the van and checked the tires.

“How bad is it?” The other girl asked.

“It’s pretty bad.” She responded.

Just then, Pandora dropped down in front of her and held a gun to her head. “I want the purple triangular prism. Now.” Not even bothering to ask, the girl took it out from the back and gave it to her and Pandora flew off without saying a word.

“Who was that?” The driver asked.

“I don’t even wanna know.” The white haired girl replied.

As Pandora stuffed the prism down her dress as she flew through the city she suddenly felt something wrap around her leg. Looking back, she saw Ruby grabbing her leg with some kind of cable. “I suggest you leave now before I kill you.”

“I think we both know that’s not gonna happen, now if you’d be so kind to hand it over.”

Pandora turned away from her and sped up, eventually looking back and firing black pellets at her when she refused to let go. Pandora soon flew through a busy, bright and colourful market with dozens of signs across the buildings, which Ruby narrowly avoided. Pandora opened up dozens of portals and threw objects at her which made Ruby let go of the cable as she dodged her swings. Pandora sped up and flew through numerous roads to lose Ruby and as she figured she’d lost her, she was suddenly tackled from the side. They punched each other while flying along some train tracks before being hit by a train. They separated and landed on their feet atop the train.

Pandora came charging at her with a single katana and swung repeatedly as Ruby dodged them. Ruby leaped up and tried to hit her with a roundhouse kick but Pandora ducked and attempted to stab her with an upwards swing. Ruby caught the blade under her arm and knocked her back with a knee to the face. She then hit Pandora with a taser to the chest which had little effect, leaped over Pandora as she swung at her head, managed to wrap a cable around her neck and pulled Pandora towards her as she landed and kicked the katana out of her hand as she swung then leapt back.

“You seem different from what I remember…” Pandora commented.

“Well I’ve done a little level grinding recently.”

“I see, well I’ve got somewhere to be so I’ll be taking my leave.” Pandora said, quickly opening a portal behind her and fading into it before Ruby could react.

Pandora appeared nearby and went down an alleyway to make sure Ruby didn’t quickly spot her. Down that path, she discovered Damien who was waiting for her. “These back alley roads aren’t very safe, y’know?”

“You…” Pandora drew twin katanas.

“Didn’t think we’d be meeting again, but anything’s possible these days. Do you mind answering what you need that ‘thing’ for?”

“None of your business.”

“I figured. Well, lets get this over with.”

Damien fired a dozen stone arrows in rapid succession which Pandora broke apart with her swings till she got close. Damien formed one long broadsword and defended a majority of her strikes then cut her in half as she tried to jump. The top half pulled out an uzi and fired at his back while reforming her lower half as he blocked the bullets with the sword. While she did so, the lower half in front of Damien attacked with its feet shortly before regenerating a top half so there were now two Pandora’s which attacked from both sides. Due to her being cut in half, the triangular prism flew out of her dress and made a clicking sound before emitting a bright purple shield around the area that enveloped them. When the shield vanished, Pandora was back in one body and they were both left confused.

Meanwhile, Gary and Ruby were flying across the city in her ship as they talked.

“You sure those two are behind this one?” Ruby asked.

“You know as well as I do that these two are almost always caught up in this type of business.”

As she landed beside a large building, she said, “They’ll probably be waiting for us.”

“They always are.” Gary replied. He then kicked the building door open.

SWAT styled robots immediately showed up and opened fire on them. They both rolled in opposite directions and took them out one at a time with energy blasts, coming out to melee them when they were more focused on one over the other. When there were 3 left, Ruby kicked one from behind into a pillar, grabbed its machine gun and chucked it like a frisbee at another, then Gary knocked the gun out of the last robot’s hand and hit it with an electric blast, knocking it into a wall.

As they stood over the body, completely straight-faced, Ruby said, “Shocking.” As they walked into the elevator close by, Gary struggled not to laugh over the incredibly cheesy pun.

Back in that alleyway, Damien had called Lolita while Pandora was doing random things in the background. “Lolita, would you kindly explain what’s going on here?”

“Did you encounter her?”

“Yeah, and I researched this prism, which seems to be an energy converter of some kind, which drains “supernatural energy” from targets over time.”

“That is correct, and it will continue to do so until you find the master prism and reserve the process as you both need to be there.”

“So exactly how long has this brat been here?”

“Well I noticed she was stalking me about a week ago.”

“Go on.”

“So when one of my jobs involved that device, I figured she might show herself.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re both Shinigami.”

“…Fair enough. So what do you want me to do about it?”

“Last time we saw each other, things didn’t go so well. She’s not a friendly person to anyone besides me so I want you two to take this opportunity to get along.”

“Fine, you don’t ask for much so I’m going to assume this is important to you.”

“Thank you for understanding. Take care.” Damien hung up afterwards and he began walking with Pandora. “So did you get the gist of that?”

“I simply read your mind.”

“You can do that?”

“I cannot, actually. Feel free to lead the way though, once this matter is sorted we can continue our business.”

“I’m unsure of why you wish to continue, clearly you should realize you’re out of my league.”

“Perhaps, but there are some things I have which you don’t.”

“Those being?”

“I feel no pain and can fully regenerate even if I had my head cut off. Not to mention, regardless of how much stronger you are, eventually you’ll tire yourself out, every living thing must have limits, but I do not share this limitation. I can go decades without rest if need be. So when you finally tire yourself out, then I’ll be on top.”

Damien raised an eyebrow. “I know I should supposedly be worried and all, but are you coming onto me?” Pandora stared at him for a moment then kept walking. As they arrived at the building Gary and Ruby had broken into earlier, he commented, “There seems to have been some commotion here.”

“How do you know this is the right place?” Pandora asked.

“The manufacturer was on the side of the prism.”

As they took the elevator up a few floors, they arrived in a dark office with two figures ahead sitting down. They were obscured by the dark lighting of the place and it’s not because I’m just too lazy to say what they look like.

“Pardon our intrusion, gentlemen, but I was hoping you could point us in the right direction.” Damien said.

“It seems we have visitors, Mack.” One said.

“We’ve been getting quite a few recently, Cheaze.”

“I was wondering if you could tell me just who this thing was being distributed to?” Damien asked, showing them the prism.

“Ahh, a recent client, actually, ordered a whole bunch of them.” Mack said. “In fact they’ll be distributing quite a lot of them by train tomorrow morning at approximately 9 AM. You’ll be able to board it secretly at the intersection between tracks 573 & 575 at 9:08 AM.”

“Why would you tell us this?” Pandora asked.

“Our deal is done.” Cheaze replied. “It no longer concerns us, and you don’t seem like the type to elaborate on such details outside of this room.”

“Thanks for the advice.” Damien said as he left, Pandora quickly followed.

And so they flew far across the city and landed a few minutes away from the area near some bushes. As Pandora looked around, she asked, “Are we really going to sleep here?”

“We’re already here, plus I’ve got resources.” As he said this, he constructed a wooden bed in a matter of moments. “You want one?”

Pandora pulled out a sleeping bag. “I don’t want anything made by you.”

“Fair enough.” Damien saw Pandora holding a Lolita plushie as she got in the sleeping bag. They stared at each other for a few moments and then she rolled over. “Well goodnight, Pan-chan.”

Pandora rolled back over and replied, “Never call me that again…Beastie-san.”

The next morning, on the planet simply called Heaven, Gary and Ruby walked into an office where Crystal sat behind a desk typing on a computer.

“So what did you find out?” Gary asked.

“Well, your No. #1 preteen fan girl is back once again to be straight to the point.”

“Again?” Ruby asked.

“You guys had better get this case settled soon or Michael’s gonna be all over my ass on this one.”

“Well maybe if you went on a diet you wouldn’t have such a big fat butt.”

“My ass is not fat!”

“Is too!”

“Just go already!”

“You ready?” Gary asked.

Ruby nodded. “To the Angelmobile!” They leapt onto metal poles that appeared in the centre of the room, slid down them and landed in the ship then took off down a runway.

Back in the forest area near the train tracks, when Pandora woke up she saw Damien standing by a cliff holding binoculars. He spoke as she put away her sleeping bag. “You’re just on time, I was about to wake you. The train should be passing in a minute or so.”

“Hopefully we can be done with this nonsense shortly.”

“I think you should stop being moody.”

“I’m not moody.”

“You are being moody, actually.”

“No I’m not.”

“Lets not do this, besides, it’s almost here.”

As the train passed by the cliff they leapt onto it, and the loud thud got the girls attention inside the train. Pandora dug her swords deep into the top and cut out a square. Damien then ripped it off and landed right on one of the girls as he dropped in. Pandora shot 3 in the head as she dropped down while Damien beheaded one and sliced another in half. They moved along from the middle of the train, slaughtering more of them to get to the front. They walked into one section where one girl sitting in the middle hadn’t noticed them yet.

“Oh, shouldn’t we take the cargo from the back?” Pandora asked as she stopped.

“We aren’t really here for the cargo.” Damien replied.

As the girl noticed them, she got up and started opening fire on them while they ignored it.

“By the way, how much supernatural energy do we have left?” Pandora asked.

“I checked a little earlier using my APDA, should be about 62%.”

“So how long would we have?”

“About two days to sort this out.” Damien turned to the girl who was panicking when they ignored her repeated shots. “Would you stop that? It’s annoying.”

“And quite rude.” Pandora added.

The girl was stunned for a few moments, then threw her hands up and jumped out the window. A black-haired pony tailed girl with an eye patch was warned of them ahead of time and ordered one of her subordinates to blow up the train tracks ahead to stop them. She then put on a jet pack and flew out the roof as they got to the front.

The grey-haired girl driving the train prepared to jump out the window when Pandora grabbed her. “So where’s your boss?”

“Like I’d tell you! We‘ll all die together!”

“Can we survive a…‘however far the ground is’ fall at 60%?” Pandora asked.

“Sure, but I doubt she can.” Damien said, glancing over at the girl. “So lets move.” Damien grabbed the girl and leapt onto the roof as the front of the train drove off the edge. Pandora followed a moment later. Damien easily made it back by running with the girl under his left arm, and Pandora leaped and grabbed the edge of the cliff as the last cart tumbled off into the abyss.

Damien grabbed one of her hands and pulled her up before saying, “You’re welcome.”

“I could have easily pulled myself up. By the way,” Pandora began. “I’m not moody.” Damien kicked her right back off the edge.

In the middle of a city, Gary was essentially driving a white go-kart with Ruby beside him.

“So we’re ended about 3 of Rainbow’s production runs so far, yet still haven’t found her.” Ruby said.

“Yup.” Gary nodded.

“And these subordinates of hers, geez, you basically gotta torture these girls to get really good info out of them. I have no idea what she’s paying them, but it’s like you gotta threaten to chop their fingers before they consider talking.”

“That does get rather annoying after a while.” Gary turned on a walkie-talkie. “May, have you got anything for us?”

“Well you could always try following that weird girl around, she’ll probably lead you to her.”

“But that’s the lazy way out!” Ruby exclaimed.

“Well I’m on break, so I’ll get back to you later.”

“Oh! Woop woop!” Ruby exclaimed, getting up and hopping twice to the left as she twirled her hands towards a brunette riding a bicycle in a blue tank top and shorts.

Gary pulled over and stopped her as he said, “I’m afraid we’re going to have to confiscate that vehicle, ma’am.”

“What’s the problem?”

“It appears your posterior is simply too much for your method of transportation.”

“Very well, I understand, officer.”

Back with Damien and Pandora, they were approaching a block of flats with Damien looking at his APDA and seeing they had just under 50% supernatural energy left.

“So why did you fall in love with Lolita?” Damien asked.

“Love? You think I’m in love with her? In a sexual way?”

“That was the likely assumption, yes. What with you being a lesbian and all.”

“Maybe you should try not being an ****.”

“Touchy, I see.”

“I just don’t like smug pricks. When we‘re done with this, I won‘t hesitate to kill you. I don‘t have any qualms over taking demon’s souls.”

“I do not fear you, reaper.”

As they walked into the area of flats which were filled with loud, obnoxious people, Pandora asked, “So the girl with the eye patch lives around here?”

“So we were told, we really should have cut her fingers off just to make sure.”

“Hey jailbait.” One of the residents wearing black jeans, a sleeveless black shirt and a red Mohawk called out, which got their attention. “I bet I know what you’d like for Christmas. Come on up here and sit on my lap, I’ll give you a present you won’t forget.” He laughed along with a few of his friends.

“I want that one left alive last.” Pandora said. “I’m going to take my time with him.”

“Have fun, ready to get started?”

Pandora pulled out two revolvers and twirled them before pointing at a pair on the top floor. “Lets rock.” She then blew their heads off.

Knowing that shit was about to get real, they pulled out all sorts of firearms and engaged them. They quickly took out the people who attacked them around the bottom area and started making their way up the floors, entering the apartments on occasion and using accessories to kill them. The girl with the eye patch on the second floor heard all the commotion and after realizing it was them started packing her things. Damien burst into the apartment by the time she was done and simply knocked her out before stuffing her in the closet and taking note of the door number 113.

“She really should have been less careless.” He commented.

“You should really take your own advice.” A guy said as he placed a gun to his head.

“Likewise.” Pandora replied as she placed a gun to the man’s head and pulled the trigger. “You’re welcome.”

“That wouldn’t have killed me, even at less than 50%.” Damien said, grabbing the eye patch girl. “Let’s go find your lucky target.”

“Already did, he‘ll be sticking around for a while.” Pandora said, entering another apartment on the third floor where she had stuck him to the wall by jamming swords into his hands and legs. “So what do you know about a girl they call Undead Rainbow?”

“I swear, I don’t know shit!”

Pandora pulled out a gun and shot him in the leg, saying, “Wrong answer.” as he cried out in pain. “What do you know about her?”

“I’m not lying! I seriously don’t fucking know!”

Pandora jammed another sword into his right side as he screamed again. “Last chance, then I’ll slice your brain off.”

“I’m sorry, alright! I really don’t know anything!”

“I know you don’t, but I really don’t care.” Pandora then chopped off his left ear as she said, “Oops, seems I missed.”

Over the screams, Damien asked, “Not that I’m not enjoying this, but how long are you planning to take?”

“Another minute or so, I guess.”

“Alright, I found quite a lot of cash in some of these guys wallets so I feel like going shopping afterwards. Get some new threads.”

“I’ll be done shortly.” Pandora replied, drawing more swords.

And so they went shopping afterwards using the money stolen from all the people they had just killed. Whether or not they deserved it didn’t seem to matter. Damien bought a read leather jacket with a black “666” shirt and matching red leather jeans. Pandora just bought one of those skimpy Santa suits which she was planning to wear on Christmas. They later got a room at a hotel using the money, and Damien was still carrying the eye patch girl around when they booked the room.

Meanwhile, in a typical bright looking space station, Undead Rainbow was walking down a hallway when one girl with light blue hair ran up to her and said, “Boss! We’ve received word that Loli Eyepatch has been kidnapped.”

“What?!?”

“It was by the same two individuals who had disrupted the train too supposedly.”

“Wat?!?”

“Oh, we also recently got word that two other individuals have taken out several of your other bases.”

“Okay, seriously, the fuck is this? Where’s the good news?”

“Well Sandra lost 4 pounds last week…”

“Good news for me, Michelle, for me! It’s probably those two meddlesome angels again! Yet you guys are too incompetent to take care of it! What do I even pay you guys for?”

“But you don’t pay us, Boss…”

“I’m planning to, alright, but I’d like you guys to do things worth paying you for, like y’know, not standing around like idiots and gawking when those two stupid angels started wrecking my bases!”

“We’ll try harder, boss.”

“You’d better! And send out the Soul Sisters to get back Loli Eyepatch.”

“Yes, boss.”

In the hotel room, Damien and Pandora were sitting on the bed with the only source of light being the lamp nearby while Loli Eyepatch was clearly yelling death threats even though she was tied up in the corner with her mouth cellotaped shut.

“So you wanted to hear about Lolita and I earlier?” Pandora asked.

“I’d rather we go to sleep quick so we can sort this out tomorrow then I won’t have to see you again.”

“Why are you being an ****? I’m trying to get along here.”

“Because you were being a bitch earlier.”

“Do you want to know more about me or not?”

“I’d rather not hear it.”

“Well since you asked so nicely, I guess I’ll tell you…back when I was alive, my parents really did name me Pandora. They also abandoned me like one of those porch babies, so yeah, I was adopted. They weren‘t the abusive kind, just so you know. They were quite nice, but some kids considered me weird, creepy or tried to bully me for being adopted.”

“Kids are normally assholes at that age.” Damien shrugged.

“Skipping a bit, there was an older girl who bared a resemblance to Lolita who I grew attached to due to her kindness and genuine friendliness. She lived about ten minutes up the road and would always cheer me up when I felt down. Overtime, she become a little distant and cold, she never elaborated on what was wrong.”

“Was she raped?”

Pandora stared at him, and he stared back at her, and she stared at him before saying, “**** is not a joke.”

“I know.”

“As I was saying, even when I came round to her house, she would signal for me to leave if her husband happened to be around. I didn’t think much of it until one day I found that she had hung herself in the bathroom. Sights like that are pretty hard to forget.”

“I’d imagine.”

“Then I came to the conclusion that the husband had been physically abusing her, though fortunately I don’t think there was **** involved.” Pandora stared at him, and he stared at her, then she added, “That was a joke.”

“**** is not a joke.”

“I know. Anyway, I had to plan out my time based around both our daily schedules since I wanted to get the husband alone in my basement so I could torture him. I wanted at least 4 days time for that purpose. I had to research how fast the person would die from internal bleeding, depending on the body parts cut off and pain inflicted. My torture time lasted about 3 days before someone called the police about him being in the basement. I had “borrowed” my adoptive father’s gun which he kept in a hidden compartment in his drawer, so with it I shot several of the officers before they finally gunned me down, and before dying I managed to get a headshot with a knife throw. At least the husband died later that day too, as I found out when Death gave me a second chance to become a Shinigami due to my suicidal display, and there I met Lolita.”

“I see now, I guess looks really can be deceiving.” Damien commented. “You want a hug?”

“I do not.”

“Well since this is story time, I may as well talk about myself too. Back before I met Lolita, I wasn’t as pleasant as I am now.”

“You’re pleasant?”

“I was much worse before, a lot more arrogant and egotistical to most people aside from my mother, my little sister and my friend, Harry. My father also wasn’t as easygoing as now either, he was quite a hardass back then and basically influenced my negative behaviour. Then again, it doesn’t help when you can usually take whatever you want by force either. The women tended to like my rebellious behaviour though, and I dated quite a lot of bizarre and unusual ones back then, one of them was even a reality warper. Anyway, I challenged my father at one point to a fight to the death, but I was informed that to be considered worthy, I’d have to defeat the 8 demon lords, or the 8 circles of hell as they were called back then.”

“But aren’t there ni-”

“So I defeated them one by one, Harry helped out a little by taking care of two midway. I then challenged my father, I have no idea how long we fought but it was a pretty damn long time. He eventually killed me though, and my soul was sent to the other kind of Underworld where the reapers lived with the unusual and usually heavily tainted souls. After a few days of being forced to live there, I encountered Lolita early one morning sitting by the beach. I sat nearby and just started talking about events in my life. She wasn’t very talkative, but she was clearly listening so I kept going. She was always there around the same time like she was really interested in knowing more about me. One day when I didn’t come, she went to great lengths to find out where I was and see if I was alright. Didn’t think much of it at the time though. She was a little more talkative since then, we had more random conversations but they were enjoyable despite that.”

“A conversation can fade away over time but a scenery can last forever.” Pandora commented.

“That’s deep, Pandora. That’s so deep that I’m going to start calling you Deep Pan.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“But honestly, I’m glad we talked about this.”

“Agreed, I have trouble with relationships aside from Lolita. I’ve also never had sexual relations with a man before.”

“Why would you tell me this?”

“Because…” Pandora leaned in like she was going to kiss him, which the eyepatch girl still watching gasped at, but she instead switched off the lamp light. “I’m tired. Goodnight, Beastie-san.” She said, getting into the left side of the bed.

“Yeah, goodnight, Pan-chan.” He replied while the eyepatch girl seemed disappointed.

The next morning, Damien awoke to see Pandora wearing nothing but a towel as she was about to head into the bathroom. “Morning, I’m about to take a shower, you’d better not peek.”

“Don’t think too highly of yourself.”

A few minutes later, a bunch of cadilacs arrived outside the hotel and a bunch of preteen black Loli Rangers type girls with chains and sunglasses got out and talked as they walked.

“This is a fancy ass hotel, anyone wanna stay here when we’re done?” One of them asked.

“Nah, girl, gotta get my man’s Christmas present ready.” Another replied.

“I didn’t even bother seeing how I was told the world was gonna end, and then it didn’t.”

“You believed that shit, girl?”

“Well it could have, y’know.”

“I should have smacked the black off you back when you was thinking that.” Another replied.

“How long you guys been together?” Something else asked.

“About two years.”

“You lucky, girl.” Another responded. “I simply cannot find me a good man these days.”

“I hear that, sister!” One of them high-fived her.

“My last ex didn’t appreciate me at all, sleeping around my back, giving me a bunch of bullshit like how his hips were moving by themselves or that she fell on him.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Another nodded.

“So I told this fool, “Boy, you’d best get outta my house and take that hussy with you before I mistake my hand upside yo head.”

“That’s what I’m talking about, can’t be having yo man disrespecting you like a slab of meat.” They stopped talking as they got to the right door. “Alright, lets get to work, ladies.”

From the other side of the door, Pandora had finished previously taking her shower and drying herself off while Damien got up to have his, Loli Eyepatch still watching. They all suddenly heard a faint sound outside, Damien and Pandora immediately leaped over the bed as they started spraying bullets into the room and finally kicked the door down when they were done. Damien pulled out a gun as he poked his head up and shot one of them in the face.

One of the Soul Sisters looked back at her, yelled, “Oh hell naw!” and pulled out a grenade launcher. Pandora rolled out from behind the bed and shot her kneecaps before hitting her with a headshot. One of the sisters noticed Eyepatch girl and tried to untie her while two sisters with knifes attacked Pandora. She evaded their combined swings while moving back and disarmed one, then the second cut her towel in half. Damien snuck up on one and snapped her neck while Pandora sliced the second’s throat out. As Pandora’s towel dropped, she quickly picked it back up and glared at Damien who looked away.

“I assure you, I didn’t see a thing.”

“You’d better not have!”

Damien then remembered the last Soul Sister who had untied the eyepatch girl, spun round and shot her.

“Y-you monsters!” Loli Eyepatch exclaimed, horrified at the sight.

“Relax, we’re not gonna kill you.” Damien replied.

“…Why?”

“Can’t be bothered. We just wanna know where your boss is.”

“It’s not in your best interest to refuse us.” Pandora added after having gotten dressed.

On the planet simply called Hell, earlier that morning Lolita was explaining to Ivy and Poison what was going on.

“Huh, I figured it was odd that I hadn’t seen him at all lately.” Poison said.

“This is the perfect opportunity to get back at that ****.” Ivy added.

Suddenly, Goldia came running up to them, saying, “Guys! The Earth is in danger! We have to go save it!”

“No we don’t.” Ivy replied.

“But thou must!”

“I’m a demon, I’m not obligated to do shit! We’re primarily bad people, we kick puppies.”

“We feed zoo animals.” Poison added.

“We cross the streams.”

“We cut in line.”

“We leave the toilet seat up.”

“We don’t wash our hands on occasion.”

“We moon people.”

“No we don’t.”

“We don’t?” Ivy stared at him.

“We don’t.”

“Right, of course we don’t.”

“Though since Pandora is back, that would mean that crazy chick is back too. What was her name? Danielle? Dell?”

“Dawn.” She said as she stood behind him.

“That’s it, never really liked her.”

“That’s unfortunate, because I liked you.”

“The whole blood tentacles thing was creepy, y’know?”

“But that along doesn’t make her a bad person, right?”

“Yeah, I guess not.”

Still not realizing she was right there, Ivy and Poison left to make their way towards Earth.

Gary and Ruby were driving around in the go-kart once again when he contacted May through the walkie-talkie. “May, where are you now?”

“I’m on a boat.”

“And how long have you sat there just so you could say that when I called?”

“A little under two hours.”

“I would totally do the same.” Ruby added.

“Turns out Undead Rainbow is located on a space station.”

“She has one of those?” Ruby asked.

“Yup, I’ll keep you guys notified in the meantime.”

“Please do.” Gary replied.

A little later, Poison arrived at the hotel they were staying at. As he and Damien talked, Pandora was busying changing into her Santa suit in the background.

“So how much “supernatural energy” do you guys have left then?” Poison asked.

“Around 25% I’d say.” Damien replied.

“So it’s been nearly 3 days and you still haven’t sorted this out?”

“Yeah, we’ve been procrastinating a little, honestly, but it’ll work out. By the way, thanks for letting me borrow your motorcycle last week.”

“No problem, man. I wouldn’t let just anyone borrow it either, but I knew you’d treat it like your own.”

“Of course, you’re like a brother to me.”

“I feel the same way, dude. I just feel like I can tell you anything, but people just don’t think that way.”

“Yes, people just aren’t very comfortable with their sexual orientation to say much. I mean, we’ve even slept together a few times but it’s no big deal.”

“Oh, totally.”

“I believe you need to elaborate on that.” Pandora interrupted as she finished.

“It’s funnier if we don’t.” Poison replied.

“Did you guys actually notice that I was changing?”

“I didn’t want to ruin the pleasant mood we were having.” Damien said.

Poison shrugged. “I just didn’t wanna seem like a pervert for pointing it out.”

“Your friendship though,” Pandora began. “I want that kind of feeling.”

“I lot of people secretly do.”

As they left the room, Ivy was waiting for them. “Well well well, from what I’ve heard you’re running low on power, my foolish brother.” She said, smirking. “Which means I can pay you back tenfold for what you’ve done to me!”

“Are you still mad about the tickling?”

“You made me wet myself! In front of everyone! Three times!”

“And you were just so adorable those times too. Especially the noises you made before wetting yourself the third time. I recorded it and put it on a loop to use as my alarm clock.”

“Is that what that sound was?” Pandora asked.

“I’m going to beat the shit out of you!” Ivy exclaimed.

“While you might possibly be able to do that now, what’s stopping me from forcefully tickling you even more once this matter is sorted?” Ivy thought about that for a second before Damien continued. “In fact, since we still have time, I actually feel like tickling you right now.”

“I shall assist in holding her down.” Pandora added.

“Guess I’ll help too.” Poison also added.

Ivy immediately ran as she yelled, “Stay away from me! You’re all assholes!”

Back with Gary and Ruby, May contacted them and simply said, “I’m on the space station now, sending the co-ordinates.”

“We’re on it.” Gary replied.

They drove towards the beach and the kart slowly transformed into a jet plane and flew off into space. At the same time, the demons and co. were approaching the space station and simply blasted open an entrance, so the goons attention was focused on them when Gary and Ruby arrived through a more discrete route. After sneaking in, Gary knocked out a short red-haired girl and Ruby knocked out a green haired girl with a side ponytail using a judo chop. They dragged them away to disguise themselves as them.

While the others charged right through the tons of preteen girls aboard the space station, Dawn was talking with Goldia. “So I see you’ve changed your personality…”

“Figured I needed a new start.”

“And you like how things are?”

“Ivy treats me much better than you ever did.”

“Good for you then.”

Damien ran on ahead to the central room where Undead Rainbow sat in her deck chair up above. A massive purple triangular prism stood behind her pumping energy into her which made tons of her veins stick out and make it seem like she had several different rashes. There were many other girls in the large room, doing all sorts of other things in the background. She spun round to greet him as he arrived. “Well isn’t this a surprise…”

“I’m assuming you waited a little while just so you could dramatically spin that chair around.”

“You can’t prove that I did!”

“Anyway, it’s in your best interest to just transfer Pandora’s & my energy back, and then we’ll move along.”

“Sadly I cannot, your energy is my energy now.”

The others arrived just then, as Damien spoke. “While I’m thankful for you bringing me back so long ago, you’ve gotta stop holding grudges.”

“I hold no grudges, I just want equality, but look around this place. Super powered assholes butting in on human affairs and trying to control us simply because you people have special powers which we don’t!”

“If it makes you feel any better, some of us died to get powers.” Lolita replied.

“I died too, and I didn’t get any better. So I decided I’d create a satellite to convert the supernatural energy of all you people all over the planet, and transfer it to me.”

“Your superiority complex knows no bounds, Rainbow.” Ruby said, as she ripped off her wig and pointed a hand cannon at her from behind.

Gary also ripped off his wig and put his sword up to her neck from the side. “Show’s over, Rainbow.”

One girl gasped as she looked at Gary and said, “You guys again? Oh god, and I told you about my period too!”

“Yes, that was a rather awkward conversation…”

“Enough.” Rainbow said, generating a energy wave that knocked back both of them. She then started firing energy waves at the others while they dodged and fired back as Rainbow kept deflecting them, psychokinetically threw things and even spawn multiple copies of herself who also had numerous abilities they had copied off others. Damien and Pandora snuck off while this happened to get their power back. Because of all the mayhem with the dozen Undead Rainbow clones, the environment got damaged pretty quickly, which activated a self destruct program.

“Why would you even have that?” Gary asked.

“It just made sense at the time, okay?”

Some of the Rainbow clones transferred their absorbed energy into another who grew over five times larger than normal and continued to keep growing. Pandora landed beside Lolita and said, “Now that my power is slowly returning, I can start making use of this.” She suddenly turned completely black with purple markings all over her body, and generated a black flaming aura of several afterimages that seemed to have a mind of their own. She flew at the powered clone and slashed at her repeatedly with her swords as well as the swords her afterimages spawned. She launched her into the air and repeatedly stabbed her while juggling her with handgun bullets before kicking her into a wall.

“Is this a special & unique transformation?” Damien asked.

“No, we can all do it. It’s called Shinigami Overdrive. It’s a powerup, in a nutshell. More strength, speed, combo ability etc.”

“Interesting, how long does it last?”

“As long as you can maintain it.”

The Rainbow continued to keep growing bigger and seemed unaffected by Pandora’s attacks as the overflowing amount of energy taken from others allowed her to regenerate almost instantly from any wound. As Rainbow attacked with energy beams and objects thrown through portals, Pandora easily dodged by teleporting all over the place like a puff of smoke.

Meanwhile, Ivy fly kicked one of the clones and landed beside Ruby who knocked one out with chloroform. They looked at each other, and then watched Pandora fight the bigger clone.

“So why did it take you so long to sort this out?” Ivy asked.

“We didn’t know she had a space station. By the way, we could totally take her out if we used that fusion technique.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Remember? We did fusion that one time and become super powerful and beat that mayonnaise monster in an instant.”

“Pretty sure that never happened.”

“Oh, almost forgot.” Ruby turned on her walkie-talkie. “May, do you see a satellite outside the space station?”

“Yeah, I see it.”

“We need you to take it down.”

“I’m on it.”

“Who’s that?” Ivy asked as Ruby turned it off.

“A friend who helps out, her name is May Baleen. Always works behind the scenes, she has a phobia of physically touching people.”

“How long has she had that?”

“No idea, honestly. She’s had it ever since I met her ages ago, maybe she was born with it.”

“By the way, who the hell is this chick?”

“Rainbow? She used to be with the Loli Rangers ages ago. Her real name is Fuka Yui, she’s a raving mess these days with her constant defeats yet she keeps coming back.”

Pandora’s battle with the constantly growing Rainbow was going nowhere as Rainbow continued to regenerate rapidly and Rainbow couldn’t lay a hand on Pandora at all. There was around 3 minutes left until the place self-destructed when Santa suddenly burst through a wall on his sleigh towards the big clone. He leaped towards her and stuffed a lump of coal down her throat that made her explode.

“Holy crap, it’s Santa!” Ruby exclaimed.

“So what brings you here?” Gary asked.

“I heard rumors that this naughty girl was trying to ruin Christmas for everyone and I simply can’t allow that.” He then noticed Ivy. “Oh, hello there, didn’t expect to see you here. How’s Lucifer these days?”

“You keep saying that name but I have no idea who the hell that is, dude.”

“Oho ho ho ho ho ho ho!” As he finished laughing, he looked confused. “That’s a joke, right?”

One of Rainbow’s clones threw a monitor that Santa dodged. “Don’t think I’ll go easy on you just because you’re Santa.”

“You guys should get going before this place blows up.” Santa said, not noticing that most of them had already left earlier.

“But what about you, Santa?” Ruby asked.

“I have to stay and save Christmas.” He said, pulling out a large candy cane.

Everyone else managed to get out of there besides Undead Rainbow and Santa by the time the space station finally exploded, though as they flew away, Gary and Ruby saw Santa in the far distance flying off in his sleigh.

Later on, back on the planet Hell, Damien and Pandora were currently standing by a balcony near the beach with the wind blowing gently.

“So this was a…interesting experience for me.” Pandora began. “I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. While there were some annoyances, I also had some fun. I actually wouldn‘t mind if it happened again some day.”

“Are you coming on to me?” Damien asked.

“Don’t get your hopes up, catch ya later, Beastie-san.” Pandora said as she walked off.

“I’ll see you round, Pan-chan.”

As Pandora approached Lolita who was walking towards the area, she said, “Lolita, about today-”

“I’m not letting you have my husband, but I’ll be willing to share on occasion.”

“It’s not that, I just want us to hang out more like we used to.”

“Fair enough.”

“And thanks.” Pandora said as she hugged her, then immediately ran off.

As Damien walked up to her, Lolita asked, “So did you get along?”

“Just about, she wasn’t so bad to be around, surprisingly.”

“My sources tell me you had friendly nicknames for each other. Beastie-san and Pan-chan respectively. I shall never orchestrate something like this again.”

“You’ve gotta stop being so paranoid.”

This story is a simple illustration of some demons and various other supernatural species in a rather strange universe. Do not expect too much out of it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Overdone Verbal Assault

It was a normal afternoon on a planet called Hell, Poison and Toby were walking as Toby asked for advice.

“So what do you suggest I do?”

“Well first of all, you should probably start knocking before you enter rooms.”

Toby facepalmed. “Of course! How could I be so stupid?!”

“Don’t feel bad, took me a while to get it. Also, if some random chick happens to be naked and your tsundere childhood friend is close by, it’s probably best to jump out the window before she comes in, jumps to conclusions and punches you through the window herself.”

“Speaking from experience?”

“Just do it.”

“Oh yeah, it’s your birthday tomorrow.”

Poison sighed. “Ugh, don’t remind me.”

“Huh? You don’t like birthdays?”

“It’s not the day itself I dislike. Anyway, I’ll see you later.” Poison said as he left.

Later on that night, he was thinking about tomorrow as he lay in bed. “Whelp, better get to sleep so everyone can beat the tar out of me when I get my birthday beats. Man, I never look forward to this day. Maybe I’ve unintentionally done things to offend others to the point that they enjoy having that excuse to hit me. But y’know what? Fuck those guys, I’m not having that shit tomorrow, even if I have to travel across the universe.” And just like that Poison went to sleep.

The next morning, while half asleep he heard humming heading towards his room. As it stopped outside his door, Ivy burst into the room and leaped up as she yelled, “Dynamic Entry!” This awoke Poison and he rolled out of the bed as she punched through it.

“What the hell!? I just woke up!”

“Stay still and it’ll be over soon.”

“Sorry but I like my ribs just fine how they are.” Poison said before jumping out the window and took off down the street. Ivy leaped out after him but lost him pretty quickly due to him rushing into a crowded city centre.

Ivy called Rosie moments later. “Rosie, no time to explain, get your ass to my house and hurry!”

“Now? I normally wouldn’t use this kind of language, but I’m taking a s-”

“It’s important, just get down here!” Ivy called Leo too, who traveled all the way from his planet to get there. Ivy also woke up Goldia during this time. Ignoring that Rosie was annoyed at her, she informed them of the situation. “Okay, it’s Poison’s birthday and he’s run off somewhere in the city, so we need to split up and search for him.”

“I already knew about his birthday, though he seemed a little reluctant to tell me for some reason.” Rosie said.

“Same here.” Leo added.

“He has not told me this.” Goldia said. “This saddens me.”

“How do you even know he’s still in this area?” Rosie asked.

“I’ve been flying around the city for a while as I waited for you guys. If he left, I would have noticed.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kFgQRiCIZ0

Rosie shrugged and the four of them split up to look around the place. After a few minutes of looking, Ivy noticed Poison wearing a grey winter coat with a hood further ahead. He looked at her as she noticed him, she squinted as his eyes widened, then took a step back and ran as Ivy gave chase. As Poison ran through the crowds of people, he threw an old lady at Ivy and tripped over another, which Ivy avoided by ducking and jumping. As they approached a big fountain, they ran 360 degrees around it before moving on. As Ivy fired energy blasts, Poison kept running down multiple roads to avoid them. He then hopped onto a bicycle he found and Ivy took another which was across the street.

They cycled down the street into a park and followed the curving path for a bit before getting back onto the roads and avoiding traffic like a game of Frogger. Poison soon stopped by an alleyway and climbed up a steel ladder and up many flights of stairs. Upon reaching the rooftops, Goldia happened to be close by on another rooftop and attempted to hit Poison with a rocket launcher but missed. She continued to fire as Poison ran across the rooftops and dodged the rockets. At the very end of the road of rooftops, he leaped off and fell into a sewer.

Having Goldia somehow track Poison’s movements through the sewer, they were led to believe that he exited the sewers near that high school.

“So this whole thing is just so you can beat him up?” Leo asked, as Ivy had previously explained the situation as they walked to the school.

“It’s tradition, you wouldn’t get it.”

“Being tradition doesn’t make it right. Screw this, I’m outta here. What about you?” He asked, looking at Rosie.

“Well I agree, but I’m gonna stay for now.”

“Suit yourself.” Leo shrugged before leaving them.

“At least you’re a good enough friend to help me track him down.” Ivy commented.

“I’m not going to help you.” Rosie replied.

“Then why did you stay?”

“You’ll need someone to reply to your absurdity.”

“…I don’t get it.”

Ivy informed Damien about the situation over the phone, who then called Blake about it. “Hey, we may need your help today with finding a certain someone. Oh, and sorry about…y’know…”

“Don’t worry about it.” Blake replied, sitting at a desk on a laptop in the Demon Lord hangout. “You couldn’t have known beforehand. Anyway, we’ll be there shortly.”

As Damien hung up, he spun round to face a building further away and said, “Lolita, you’re free to join me if you’d like. Oh, and if Pandora is over there, she’s welcome to come along as well.”

“Pandora, are you still over there?” Lolita asked as she stared at a building further away.

“Perhaps.” Pandora replied faintly.

In the Demon Lord hangout, upon hanging up the phone Blake took a deep breath. In a dramatic fashion, he slammed the phone down, closed his laptop, flipped out of the chair and did an assortment of acrobatics in the air before causing a shockwave as he landed. He then threw his right hand in the air and fired a beam of light through the ceiling as he yelled, “Demon Lords assemble!” As if the other seven had a sixth sense of hearing him, they all rushed to that location.

Brian was sleeping in a dirty apartment as he felt the call, so he quickly leaped out of bed, immediately put on a crocodile suit and leaped out the window, landing on a magic carpet that flew towards the location. Tyson was at the gym on a treadmill when he sensed the signal. He leaped over it look a hurdle and charged right through several other demons and equipment before smashing through a side wall and running down the street as the owner yelled obscenities at him. Richard was busying shopping at a supermarket when he sensed the signal. He created a path of ice which he and his trolley slid across, barging others out the way and threw money down onto the counter as he sped past the checkout.

Amber was in the shower when she sensed the call. She leaped out and grabbed a red bathrobe as well as her clothes on the way out and hopped onto her flaming horse outside before taking off down the street. Alice was busy with another demon dressed in bondage gear. She had tied him up and planned to use a soldering iron on him when she sensed the call. With a sigh, she sunk into the floor like a pile of sludge.

All five of them met shortly after at the location, with Toby and Sakura arriving together during this. As Blake glanced around the room, he spoke. “I’ve called you all here today because it is a certain individual‘s birthday today, and Harry “Poison” Johnson is attempting to avoid receiving his birthday beats.” Several of them gasped. “I’ve received word that’s he’s hiding within that high school a few miles away, we should get going.”

“Wait, that high school?” Amber asked.

“Yes, that one.”

As they were leaving, Sakura walked beside Blake as she said, “Y’know, I think you should lighten up a little.”

“Me? Lighten up? Aren’t you the one usually in a bad mood?”

“Hey! I’m generally a nice and pleasant person, thank you very much.”

“You can actually be quite unpleasant a lot.” Brian replied.

“Shut up, Brian.”

“Okay, I’ll lighten up.” Blake nodded. “For you.”

Meanwhile, Poison was currently walking down the busy high school hallways, crossdressing in one of the uniforms and wearing a black wig to stay hidden. As he walked, he came across Damien, Lolita and Pandora who were standing beside some lockers and calmly walked down another hallway nearby.

“If we’re supposed to find Harry, shouldn’t we split up?” Pandora asked.

“I suppose.” Damien shrugged.

“Btw, did you see Tea & Ai yesterday?”

“Yes, another miserable day for Ai as usual.”

“Poor Ai, she’ll hopefully find happiness someday…”

“I hope not, I personally enjoy her misery.”

Lolita was confused by this. “I’m unaware of what’s going on here. You two seem rather friendly.”

“Well we did go see that film a few days ago, what was it?”

“Druggy with a Rocket Launcher.” Pandora replied.

“We also went go-karting and extreme skydiving that day too.”

Pandora nodded. “It was rather fun.”

“And you didn’t invite me?” Lolita asked.

“You were busy with typical Shinigami work.” Damien replied.

“Are you two having an affair behind my back?”

“Now you’re jumping to conclusions again. I’ll have you know I don’t like Pandora very much. She’s rude, rather snobby, and too mouthy.”

“I don’t like Damien either. He’s ignorant, plain cruel, and a jerk.”

“There’s this thing called hatese-” Lolita began.

“I assure you I’m not trying to steal your husband, Lolita. In fact I have no personal feelings for Damien, period.”

“None at all?” Damien asked.

“None whatsoever.”

“Well now you’ve gone and made me a sad panda.”

“But you’re a demon, Damien.”

“And here I thought you understood sarcasm…”

“Are you okay now, Lolita?”

“Yes, I suppose.”

“Then is it okay if I ride Damien?”

“E-excuse me?!?”

“Piggyback ride. Is that okay?” She asked, looking at Damien.

“Fine by me.” He responded, glancing at Lolita who nodded.

As Damien carried her, Pandora said, “Aside from schedules conflicting, I don’t really like the three of us spending time in public because some people get the impression that I’m your daughter.”

“You’re not that young.” Damien replied. “In the past, if someone were to ask me, “Hey, how old’s that chick?” I’d shrug and say, “Old enough.” because it didn’t matter. Now if someone asked, I’d say, “17 in Earth years.”

“15, actually.”

“Right, right.”

“I suppose eternal youth isn’t so bad though, uncle Damien.”

“Uncle? Now you’re making me feel old.”

“Perhaps I should call you ‘dad’ instead.”

“No, that would be creepy.”

Some girls stared at Poison strangely as he kept walking, making sure not to alarm anyone he knew. “Sucks that I gotta do this, I’m also sure Ivy informed a lot of people about this. I think I’m gonna need to get off this planet, but first get away discreetly. Also never realized how short these skirts are…”

The demon lords were walking around nearby, some just standing around socializing such as Tyson and Brian.

“So how did your date go, man?” Brian asked him.

“Alright. She invited me in and tried to act like she just wanted to talk.”

“You serious?”

“Yeah, I was like, “Nah, bitch, if you wanted to talk, we could’ve done that outside. We could’ve done that over the phone. You don’t invite a man in for hot coffee and just expect to talk. You’re gonna get the D, and you’re gonna like it.”

“So what happened?”

“She got the D, man, weren’t you listening?”

“Yeah, I just assumed there was a twist…”

Sakura was greeting some of the girls that walked past her in the hallways and as she noticed Poison, she ran up to him as she waved, unable to tell it was him. “Hey Vanessa, long time no see!”

“Oh hey, uh, girl. How’s life treating you?”

“It’s alright. Say, are you feeling okay? You sound a little weird.”

“Uh, I’ve just got a sore throat, it’s cool.”

“If you say so…”

“Well I got a few personal errands to run, catch you later, girl.” Poison said as he calmly walked off.

Sakura remained confused and then caught on moments later as she yelled, “Hold on a minute! I’m gonna need to you back that thing up a little. You see, we’re looking for someone, and he may be closer than I realize…” Poison, realizing she’s noticed, immediately took off down the hall and Sakura gave chase as she contacted the others. “Guys, I found him! He’s near the gymnasium!”

Poison ran into the gym and past the students doing all sorts of activities as he evaded balls, jumped over people and so on. Toby entered the gym from the other side and Poison kicked a tennis ball at his face as he opened the door and ran past as he yelled, “Sorry about that, dude!”

“It’s cool, I memorized it!” Toby exclaimed as Sakura also ran past.

Poison pulled off the school uniform before coming to an intersection. He chose the more crowded path and avoided Brian who was waiting to spring a trap in the empty hallway. A black puddle appeared up ahead and tried to grab Poison who hopped over it as he said, “Nope.” He ran into a cafeteria, leaped onto a table and landed in someone’s tray that contained spaghetti bolognese and slid across the table in said tray. He took it with him and as Sakura exited the cafeteria, he threw it back and hit her in the face.

“AHHHH! It burns!!” She screamed.

Amber came up from behind, flying above Poison as she said, “What’s the big deal? Just take your beats.”

“No thanks.” As he turned the corner, Tyson came charging at him to barge him with his shoulder covered in electricity. Poison slid between his legs and he hit Amber just as she came around the corner. As he was busy looking back, Richard froze Poison’s body up to his head and he came to a dead stop upon hitting the wall.

The other demon lords caught up fairly quickly and gathered round as Blake spoke. “Nice work, guys. Now to just inform the others.”

Richard handed Sakura a towel to dry her face as she thanked him.

Further away, Ivy met up with Damien and exclaimed, “So you made it.”

“I’m assuming you haven’t seen him at all. Shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Hey! I bet you haven’t seen him either.”

“It’s not my fault he got away in the first place. But I’ve got to be a good big brother and clean up your mess.”

“You’re not a good big brother! You’re a horrible brother who just wants to tease and torment me! I hate your guts! I want you to die! Eat shit and die! Choke on it!”

“Ahahahahaha.”

“Don’t laugh!”

Back with the demon lords, Blake had gotten off the phone and said, “Alright, they’re coming so we just chill for a while till they get here.” The others groaned at the pun.

“Richard, man.” Poison began. “How could you help these guys? Aren’t I your friend?”

“They’re my friends too. Nothing personal, just business.”

“That’s cold, dude.”

“Richard tends to have no qualms giving people the cold shoulder.” Blake replied, while the other demon lords groaned again.

“Blake, the puns are a little too much.” said Richard.

“What, are puns not cool?” Some of them groaned again while Tyson slammed his head through a wall and Sakura looked queasy like she was about to throw up.

“I would add more puns if Blake didn’t already use most of them.” Poison responded.

Suddenly, projectile slashes came out of nowhere and cut off most of the ice like salami while a black mist fly kicked Richard. Toby attacked the mist which picked him up and threw him on top of Sakura. It then started deflecting beams of energy as Poison broke out of the ice and took off. Poison eventually managed to get away and far from the school as Damien and Ivy’s group finally showed up.

Looking around, Damien asked, “So he got away?”

“Some misty thing showed up and made quite a commotion.” Toby replied.

As the others discussed things, Damien turned to Pandora who had her back to him. “Hey, Deep Pan.” She ignored him. “Deep Pan? Dead Pan? Pan-demonium? Panda? Beautiful and voluptuous queen, Miss Pandora?”

She immediately turned around as she said, “You called?”

“Know anything about this?”

“Are you asking because I dress in black?”

“Yes, actually.”

“Well I don’t know.”

Goldia ran towards the group calling out, “My lady! Important news!”

Ivy gasped. “Good work, Goldia. What did you find?” Goldia showed her a nyan-cat video, at which point Ivy punched her through a wall.

“Alright guys,” Sakura began. “I stuck a tracer on him a bit earlier. He seems to have realized this and disposed of it, but I know where he last was so we can track that and search from there. He can’t be too far.”

Meanwhile, Poison was hiding in a bin around the back of a store. Leo showed up and asked, “Poison, you here?” He received no answer. “Don’t worry, I’m alone. I heard what’s going on.”

“How can I trust you?”

“You wouldn’t speak if didn’t. Also, I’m your friend, dude. That’s harsh.”

“Sorry about that.” He said, climbing out. “Guess I’ll take the time to see an old friend.”

“What friend is this?” Leo asked as they ran up a creepy road towards an eerie looking house.

“Kate Kataline. Or as some like to call her, Krazy Katie.”

“Oh, I’ve heard quite a bit about this girl.”

“Well now you’ll meet her.”

As they approached the house, Katie opened the door. The left side of her hair was done in a princess curls style while being blonde. The left side was a long blue pigtail and the middle was in a ponytail style with red hair. She wore a biker’s jacket with a ‘Mega Milk’ t-shirt, and short shorts with blue and purple striped thigh-highs. “What up?”

“Yo.” Poison replied.

She then noticed them. “Oh, it’s my boy, Hairy Dick.”

“It’s my girl, Krazy Katie.” He said, sarcastically.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUXJtpsWUQI

“DON’T CALL ME CRAZY. Nah, you know I’m playing. I see you brought a friend, come on in and let me show you my pad.” As they entered the rooms in the house were shown from detailed angles and panned from left to right while in every scene there were demons moving from side to side and clapping in the background. “This is the living room,” She said as it showed a large painted on twister mat and disco ball on the ceiling, a widescreen TV, surround sound speakers and whatnot. “I do all my shit here when not doing it in other rooms, if you know what I mean.”

“What does she mean?” Leo quietly asked Poison, who shrugged.

They then came to a games room which looked like a small square room with machines lined up along the sides and other games such as Pool and Air hockey in the centre. “This is my games room, you wanna show off your big balls, you show ‘em here. ACDC included.” She quickly moved on to the bathroom which had a literal golden shower and a toilet that was a 3-foot golden dinosaur with its mouth as the seat. “I love me some golden showers, fam. Also fucking love my toilet too, sure it’s hard when I gotta jump up there to actually use it but its worth it.” She moved on to her bedroom. “I got shit there, shit here, more shit over there.” She then opened some cupboard draws that contained her collection of different colored panties and bras and picked up one of the bras as she said, “DD, baby!”

“She stuffs those, by the way.” Poison commented.

“Never asked but thanks.” Leo replied.

“So what brings you here, man?” Kate asked as she approached them. Poison explained the situation and Kate nodded afterwards. “So you need me to upgrade your motorbike to fly outta here and hide for the rest of the day?”

“Pretty much.”

“I know the feeling, man, it’s why I’m out here.”

“Is that so.”

“Yeah man, I ball so hard that motherfuckers wanna find me.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Try to nickle and dime me.”

“Yeah?”

“Trying to nickelodeon slime me, but those motherfuckers still can’t find me. Anyway, that fix-up’s gonna cost ya.”

“So a massage?

“Nah son, money.”

“How about I…” He whispered something in her ear.

She pushed him back. “Nope, money, son. Mon-nay, mulah, cash.”

“You really want that money, huh?”

“A demon’s gotta eat.”

“Fine.” Poison sighed as he handed her the money. “Please don’t be too long.”

“Thank you.” She began talking to herself as she walked away. “Pfft, too long. I’ll be done so fast he’ll lovepraise me and then we’ll make sweet, sweet love the whole day. Until Ivy comes round and is all, “Get yo hands off my man!” and I’ll be all, “Bitch, you don’t love him.” and she’ll be all, “Oh no u didn’t!” and I’ll be like, “I did.”

She went on as she walked away and soon enough Poison and Leo could no longer hear her. Leo was the first to speak as he said, “She’s not as crazy as I was led to believe.”

“It tends to vary day-by-day.”

A little later, Leo was watching Kate work in her workshop with the help of robotic tentacle arms. Kate had noticed Leo standing at the entrance for a while but ignored him until her curiosity got the best of her. “I’ve been meaning to ask, but are you a werewolf?”

“Well, I am part wolf I guess.”

“Um, could I rub your stomach?”

“I suppose?”

As she did so, she let out a low-pitched, “Ooooooooooh~”

Poison suddenly ran into the room as he said, “Kate, you gotta hurry, I just received a message that they’ll be coming soon. They’re on their way right now.”

“A message?” Leo asked, then noticed Kate was patting his head and moved her hand. “From who?”

“No idea, someone called PP. Anyway, I gotta go, is it ready?”

“Almost done, just give me a few minutes.” Kate replied, running back over to the bike. After two minutes she turned to him. “Okay, it’s done.”

“Thanks, Kate. I’ve gotta go ASAP.”

“Where will you go?” Leo asked.

I’ll probably go visit Ruby for a while. I’ll keep in touch.”

“Keep rolling, homie.” Kate replied. “Btw, why do you rarely visit these days? Are you ashamed of being seen with me? BECAUSE I WOULD BE.”

“I’m not, Kate. Chill.”

“Kay.”

Poison jumped on his green and black motorcycle and drove out the backdoor before taking off. The others arrived at the house a minute later and found Kate laying on her sofa watching TV as Leo had also left. They believed that Kate hadn’t seen Poison on account of her just being a weird person and so continued their search.

“So what now?” Amber asked.

“Don’t suppose you’d know where he’d run to?” Sakura asked Ivy.

“Well quite a few places, many of them would be on Earth though. Wait, don’t you hate me?”

“I did at one point, but after the whole tickling thing, I kinda feel sorry for you.”

“Oh, that hurts, it hurts quite a lot.”

“I suppose we should split up for the moment and get ready to travel, do what you need to before that.” Damien said.

As the big group separated, Ivy said, “Guess I’ll just drink my aging potion now…”

“Still focused on that?” Rosie asked.

“Yes, actually.”

A little while after they separated, Damien called Pandora and as she answered, said, “Hey, is it okay to get something off my chest?”

“Go ahead.”

“I once had a fetish for snapping bones with wrestling moves. As in, say, holding a sharpshooter till a girl’s bones start snapping and listening to the cries of pain. Quite the sense of euphoria.”

“…Why would you tell me this?”

“We’re friends, right? I figured I could tell you personal things.”

“Very well, I suppose I have one. A long while ago, I regularly farted in my sleep.”

“You continue to surprise me.”

“Life tends to be full of them. For instance, back when I was human I never thought I’d be on friendly terms with the son of the devil.”

“Funny how things work out, huh?”

“Indeed.”

“Rethinking a previous comment, I really do like you, Pandora. Not in a, “Get on your knees and put that mouth to work.” way but in a, “Hey, lets go rob a bank.” kinda way.”

“I’m touched.”

An hour or so later, Poison arrived on the angelic planet and placed the bike in some bushes near Ruby’s house before knocking on the door. Crystal answered the door and greeted him. “Oh, hey Poison. What brings you here?”

“Just thought I’d hang out. How are you these days?”

“Well I got promoted to an archangel.”

“Good to know.” Poison said, walking in. He saw Ruby sitting on a sofa watching TV as she drank apple juice. “Hey.” He waved.

“Hi.” She waved back. “Something happen?”

“Nah, just thought we’d hang out, we haven’t in quite a while.”

“True. Is Ivy busy?”

“Yeah, she’s working on some machine.”

“…I see. Just gonna get something to eat.” Ruby said before leaving the room.

As Poison sat down and watched the TV, from the reflection of the TV he saw Ruby walk in a minute later wearing boxing gloves. He immediately rolled off the sofa as she aimed at his head. “Are we playing a game?” Poison asked.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”

“How did you find out?”

“What does it matter, you consider me a friend yet you never told me? I would have gotten you a present too!” She leapt forward and pushed through a table as Poison dodged.

“I didn’t know if I could trust you.”

“Well now I’m mad so I’m gonna beat you up!”

“And you wonder why I didn’t say anything…”

Ruby punched through a bookshelf as Poison dodged again. “You can’t evade forever!”

“True, but I can try.”

Poison ran towards the exit as Ruby gave chase and was suddenly held up by a psychic force as Crystal stepped out of a room and closed the door. “Sorry, can’t have you wondering off.”

“You too?”

“Ruby, do it.”

Ruby nodded before hitting his shoulder with a judo chop, knocking him out. Poison woke up sometime later in a dark and damp basement strapped to a chair by titanium chains. Ruby was waiting there and waved as he woke up. “Hey, you’re awake, good news, we called Ivy and they’re coming to pick you up.”

“Hooray.”

“I knew you’d be pleased.”

“Seriously, Ruby, this isn’t like you. You know this is wrong, help me out.”

“And keeping info from me was right? Info which, as a “friend.”, you should have no reason to hide? You disgust me.” She flashed a glare was horrifying that the paint on the wall behind them evaporated. “Originally, in order to punish you I was going to sit on you, but Crystal said that’s not much of a punishment…”

“Maybe if you weighed 400 pounds…”

“So instead I’ll do this!” She pulled out some angel cake and jammed it into his mouth as she exclaimed, “Taste my angel cake! You like that? Savour the taste! Choke on it!”

She stopped long enough for Poison to reply, “I think your cake has reached its expiration date.”

“Shut up!” She stuffed his mouth again. “You’re not done eating my cake, so keep eating!” After he was done, she asked, “So? You had enough?”

“To be honest, it wasn’t that bad. I’d be okay with more.”

Ruby simply punched him in the stomach. “You want more?” She punched him again. “Sorry, I’m out, only got knuckle sandwiches now.” She continued to punch him as she said, “Punching you does actually make me feel better…”

Poison coughed as he said, “Couldn’t pass those good feels around, could ya?”

She slapped him. “No backtalk, beeatch!” Then continued to punch him as Crystal came down the stairs and grabbed her arms.

“That’s enough, Ruby, please leave us.”

“Oh fine.” She glared once more before leaving.

“So…” Crystal began, taking a seat. “Why are you running?”

“Because this situation is fucked up and it would greatly help to let me go.”

“Sorry, no can do.” She then heard a loud crash upstairs and sighed. “Excuse me a minute.”

Gary came into the basement through a wall. With the help of Gary he got the chains off and they left through the hole. When Crystal uncovered it, she searched the immediate area but never found them and left to search as they hid in some bushes nearby.

“Thanks, man.” Poison said.

“No problem, not just me though. So it’s your birthday, huh?”

“You know its nothing personal.”

“Yeah, I know. You should get going before Crystal wises up.”

“Yeah, thanks again.” Poison jumped on his bike and flew off.

Poison was asked to meet someone at an empty warehouse on earth. Due to it obviously being suspicious, he asked Leo and Kate to meet him there and were already waiting by the time he arrived. He went in alone while they waited by the entrance, as Poison only heard the sound of his own footsteps within the dark warehouse. After a while of walking, Pandora appeared behind him and said, “Hello, Harry.” Poison screamed like a girl while Dawn who stood beside her laughed.

“Feel better?” Pandora asked.

“A little. So, what‘s the deal?”

“Remember the black mist? That was me. The one who sent you that message? Also me.”

“We even had a hand in what happened on the angel planet.” Dawn added.

“So you’re PP?” Poison asked. “Guess that makes sense. What does it stand for?”

“Purple Panther.”

“Thought you’d go more with something like Black Bunny.”

“…I remind you of a bunny?”

“Just a suggestion, is all.”

“Black Teddy Bear would be more suitable.” Dawn said.

“So why are you helping me?” Poison asked.

“Because I believe this is morally wrong.”

“I’d believe that if you had some personal gain in that reasoning.”

“I know it sounds absurd. I know it’s questionable, but it’s true.”

“And the others aren’t suspicious of you?”

“Somewhat. For times when I need to be in two different places, I have Dawn help out.”

“By?”

“Shapeshifting, duh.” Dawn replied. “You forgot I could do that?”

“Well it wasn’t an obvious ability…”

“Whooooooa…” Kate said, stunned as she approached Pandora. “She’s like one of those Victorian porcelain dolls.” Kate whispered, poking her left cheek repeatedly.

“Who is this woman?” Pandora asked.

“Kate Kataline. Some call her Krazy Katie. So what do they assume you’re doing right now?”

“Getting ready to travel to earth in search of you. The rest are probably already here searching various different streets.”

“So can’t I just spend the rest of the day here?”

“I doubt it, they’ll be checking. We Shinigami also have that ability to find people within close proximity so it’s best to stay away from Lolita at all costs.”

“Yeah, I know from experience. So what’s the plan?”

Pandora pulled out a black notebook and opened it as the others gathered round. A little earlier before that point, Gary met with Ruby regarding what went on.

“Gary, how could you do that?” Ruby asked.

“Me? How could you do that? That’s not the Ruby I know.”

“Yeah but-”

“I don’t think even you will believe your excuses. You let your emotions affect your morals.”

Ruby sighed. “You’re right, I’ll let it slide for now.”

“That’s more like it. Let’s get going, I’m driving.”

“Fine, but how did we find him?”

“We’ll work that out soon enough…”

At the current moment on Earth, Damien and Ivy’s group, along with the demon lords, also brought an army of other demons along with them to search the streets and buildings around the city where Ivy was originally staying when she first came to Earth. Poison was walking around disguised as an old man with a hunchback and cane. He spotted two surprisingly big dogs near a park with one sniffing the other’s ass but ignored it. Poison was communicating with the others through an ear piece. “It’s worse than you described, Pandora. These guys are in the streets, on the public transport, in the sky, they just will not let up.”

“Dawn, are you in position?” Pandora asked.

“I’m Pretty Penguin.”

“Whatever, are you ready?”

“Yeah, raring to go.”

“Feel free to proceed.”

After shape shifting into Poison, she exited an alleyway and ran down the streets, getting the attention of numerous demons that came after her while informing the others. “I hope you appreciate this, Harry.”

“To be honest, exactly why are you doing this anyway?”

“Because I like you, Harry.”

“No you don’t.”

“I really do like you.”

“Correction, you like trolling me.”

“To-may-to, to-mah-to…Hmm, maybe I should just morph into Pandora instead and strip, that might work better.”

“That’s not funny, Dawn.” Pandora replied.

“I wasn’t laughing.”

“Don’t you dare…”

“I’m certainly considering it.”

“Dawn, if you do this, I will sit on you.”

“Sounds kinky.”

“I swear to god I will fart in your face.”

“You always know the right things to say, sweetheart…seriously though, calm down. Geez, can’t take a joke.”

“What up, homies?” Kate said. “Just looking out from above, some demon lords are after Dawn, and the rest are staying put. Btw, damn man, my girl Ivy is looking fine right now, and seems to be posing like she’s doing a photoshoot for Playboy. I don’t swing that way, but if I did I’d like to grab a slice of that pie.”

“That pie?” Pandora asked.

“I wanna fuck her.”

“Oh, I see. Okay, I‘m going to join Beauty and the Beast for a little bit since they‘ll be wondering where I am right now. See what I did th-”

“Yeah,” Poison interrupted. “Lolita is the beauty because you look up to her like a big sister and Damien is the beast because he’s the son of the devil, it wasn’t that great.”

“…Fair enough.”

“Alright, I’m sorry, you’re joke was funny.”

“How funny?”

“Very funny.”

“You’re lying but thank you.” Pandora said before leaving.

“Harry, man,” Kate began. “Gotta say, you looking awfully weak.”

“How?”

“Running like a bitch and getting manhandled like shit.”

“Hey, I’m not trying to hurt anyone, just getting the fuck out of bad areas.”

“That don’t mean shit. Doesn’t matter when you’re going out, but when you do go out, you gotta go hard. Gotta represent, you feel me?”

“Yeah, I feel ya.”

“Also, that big blonde demon lord guy you know, does he have a girlfriend. I kinda have a little crush on him and I wanna know.”

“You talking about Richard? He’s gay, y’know.”

“HE IS? HOLY SHIT I DID NOT KNOW THAT.”

“Not sure if that’s sarcasm…”

“You sure he’s gay and not just bisexual?”

“Pretty sure he told me he’s gay.”

“He’ll always be bisexual in my eyes…”

“Suit yourself.”

As Poison left, the dogs got up and removed their heads to reveal themselves as Gary and Ruby.

“Jumping jellybeans!” Ruby exclaimed. “You were right.”

“Of cou-did you just say ‘jumping jellybeans’?”

“No time, lets move.” Ruby replied, running off.

Ivy, Rosie and Goldia stood on the pavement of one street as many other demons ran past her. Goldia turned to Ivy and asked, “My lady, why are we not going?”

Ivy, who now looked like her alternate universe counterpart which I haven’t mentioned in ages, said, “I think something odd is going on, we’re gonna wait. I just wish they’d hurry and find him because if we don’t then…then…I won’t get to give him his birthday beats! And I’ve been looking forward to it too! Practiced on my punching bag for days!”

“If that’s what you’re worried about, I can see why he ran.” Rosie replied.

Meanwhile, Pandora floated down and landed beside Damien and Lolita in the middle of one street.

“Nice of you to finally join us.” Damien said. “You’re not hiding anything, are you?”

“Well you’ve already seen me naked so it’s not like I’ve got much left to hide.”

“Unintentionally, mind you.”

“Still counts.”

“Wait one minute, what is this? You really are having an affair, aren‘t you? Am I just too old? I can alter that a little if that‘s the problem.” Lolita said.

Damien sighed. “Lolita-”

“Are my breasts not big enough? I can change that too if you wish.”

“Would you calm down an-”

“I can take care of anything you need if you put your faith in me.”

“Um, Lolita-” Pandora began.

“Shut up!” Lolita yelled, drawing a katana. “Don’t patronize me, you bitch! You husband stealer! You stupidhead!”

“She’s regressing mentally…”

“Let me explain,” Damien began. “Well you see, It was during that thing you orchestrated which I still don’t get, but we kidnapped some girl, robbed some people, got a hotel room, had some girls show up and try to kill us after Pandora had a shower that morning, and shit happened.”

Lolita nodded. “I suppose that makes sense.”

“Lolita is surprisingly understanding.” Pandora commented. “I also still have no idea just what the hell a APDA is.”

“A Personal Digital Assistant, obviously.”

“No seriously, I’d like to know what it stands for.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJik5N7qmso

The real Poison took refuge in that supermarket and went up to the second floor, pretending to shop just to pass the time and lower suspicion. After a while, Poison informed Kate of the rising suspicions, so she rushed over in a 4x4 wearing two big red foam hands. She had a serious face on as she drove to the place, taking her time as she drove. As she got out and slowly walked in, she suddenly started opening fire on skeletons dressed like normal humans near the entrance with the foam hands while all the humans left immediately. Kate made her way around the floor, doing a mix of power walking and jogging and gunning down the skeletons she came across, even if some of them looked like they were actually shopping. Kate was regularly doing backflips and slides while pumping bullets into those that shot at her or had their backs turned.

She then power walked up the escalator and continued her rampage as she ran past Poison who was no longer disguised and had supposedly already killed a majority of them on that floor. Kate ran up to the final floor, continuing to gun down more enemies as she moved on. For some reason she jumped through the ceiling to get onto the roof where a helicopter was located and flew it out of the area.

Damien, Lolita and Pandora had arrived during this, at which point Damien nodded to Lolita who stopped Pandora from going on any further.

“What is the meaning of this?” Pandora asked.

“We’re well aware of what you’ve been up to.” Lolita replied.

“Don’t attempt to deny it either.” Damien added. “We can’t let you interfere any longer, Lolita has agreed to take care of you.” With that he walked off.

Lolita pushed her back with her swings until Pandora repelled one strike with a big sword that she threw at a wall right before they both jumped back into the air. Lolita pulled out handguns while Pandora pulled out 2 uzi’s and they opened fire. Lolita landed on a checkout desk and slid across behind it while Pandora landed on a shelf. Lolita got up and ran around picking up the cash registers and throwing them as Pandora cut them down while jumping across shelves. Lolita flew through a portal, appearing beside Pandora and swung at her feet which she blocked. She swung several more times and knocked the katana out of Pandora’s hand as they dropped down on separate isles and both pulled out handguns. They ran along, firing in sync with each other, destroying everything close by as the bullets bounced off each other. Lolita then appeared behind Pandora through another portal and kicked her through the shelf then jumped up and fired a rocket that Pandora dodged with a backflip. Pandora pulled out a shotgun and blasted the shelf as Lolita leaped back.

Upstairs, Poison, after hearing all the gunshots downstairs, tried to go out through the emergency exit, but found the doors to be locked. Some of the lights then switched off as he was about to cut it down. Two figures stood on top of the shelves behind him, their arms crossed over their chests and had glowing red eyes.

“Look brother, how the foolish boy attempts to outrun us.”

“Yes, his attempts are quite futile, shall we show him who he’s messing with, dear sister?”

“Yes, lets.” They leaped into the air in unison, flying around as they did stylish poses while destroying the environment as Poison rolled his eyes. They landed moments later, back to back and pointed at him before saying, “Prepare yourself!” in unison.

“You guys are having too much fun with this…” He then noticed Ivy. “Not sure what happened this afternoon, but now I remember why you’re so impatient for that growth spurt.”

“Thank you.” Ivy replied. “I think…”

Damien stepped forward. “Cutting to the chase, it’s best you simply surrender and come with us.”

“Gotta decline that offer, man.”

“You really don’t believe you can actually beat us both, do you?” Ivy asked.

“No, but it’s worth a shot. Strange things can happen sometimes.”

“Enough, this game of cat and mouse is over!” Damien exclaimed right before he and Ivy charged at Poison who drew his sword, ready to attack.

Due to time constraints and overly long and drawn out dialogue I’ve had to skip this entire part, as well as numerous other parts to get right to the end. I will not be mentioning those bits through a throwaway joke centered around lampshading.

Having defeated Poison and everything being sorted out, everyone came back to Ivy’s place where they threw a party for him in the living room after having received part of his birthday beats through his right arm which was quite sore.

“Happy birthday, dude.” Leo said, standing next to him. “Was it as bad as you expected?”

“It would be worse if they didn’t go easy on me and only give me 30% of my birthday beats.”

“…Just how old are you?”

“Old enough for it to matter.”

Lolita slid over to him as she drearily said, “Happy birthdaaaaaaaay.” And then punched his right arm and floated off.

“Ow! Stop targeting my right arm already!”

Ivy walked over and handed Poison an average sized box. “Here, it’s not like I got this for you or anything.”

“Thanks, and here I thought you’d do something like pop out of a big birthday cake naked.”

“That was the original plan.”

“So is the present appropriate for a crowded place?”

“Define appropriate.”

“Nothing sexual.”

“Perhaps.”

“Is the…temporary growth thing related to the present?”

“What? No, this is for me because I can.”

“So how long do you have now till it happens?”

“1 month, 26 days, 19 hours and 44 minutes.”

“Seconds?”

“Keeping track of the seconds is asking too much of me. Oh yeah, what happened to Katie?”

“Oh, she got arrested a little earlier. Supposedly for ballin too hard.”

“Guess those motherfuckers finally found her…”

“They were throwing nickles and dimes at her too.”

“They’re such fucking dicks, targeting her like she’s a n-”

“New character?”

“Yeah, that. I’d like to fuck up those motherfuckers myself. Stick a fucking pole up their fucking asses and fuck them with it. Fuck.”

Ivy’s mother was speaking with Pandora a little further away as she had a plate of cake covered in strawberry icing. “It’s always nice to have new people show up from time to time, and such a cute one you are too. Why don’t you stay for dinner?”

“I appreciate the invitation, Mrs. McBadass, but I may have to decline. I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense, no need to feel shy, you’re always welcome here, and please, call me Serenity.”

“I simply could not-”

Serenity’s smile faded. “Stay for dinner.”

“But I-”

Serenity stepped forward and stood over her as if she was about to hit her. “Stay for dinner.”

“Yes, ma’am…”

Hearing all the swearing Ivy was making from across the room, she exclaimed, “Watch your fucking language, young lady!”

“Fuck you too, mom!”

“Bitch, don’t make me come over there, you’re not too old for a spanking.”

“Go suck a fat one.” Serenity dropped the cake and rushed over, at which point Ivy exclaimed, “Holy shit, she’s coming!”

Pandora ignored this, walked over to Lolita who was sitting on her own, and sat in her lap. There was complete silence for nearly half a minute before Lolita spoke.

“Pandora.”

“Yes, Lolita?”

“Why are you sitting in my lap?”

“Do I need a reason?”

“One would be good.”

“Perhaps I’ll just sit in Damien’s lap then.”

“On second thought, I suppose the reason doesn’t matter.”

Now its time for: Reipa Girl, tell ‘em!

Lolita slide into the room as she activated Shinigami Overdrive and produced two black clones. She sat at an office desk with the camera facing her. She, along with the clones, pointed as she said, “Yooooooou.”, completely deadpan, and then they vanished. “Hello, and welcome once again back to Q&A, it’s been a long time since we did this. Joining me is Damien.” She said, drawing attention to him sitting to the right, who waved. “Very well then, lets get started. First caller, you’re on the air.”

“Hey guys, good to see these again. Anyway, I’ve been confused over something for a while. Damien and Pandora not knowing each other back then doesn’t really make sense if Damien was dead for so long.”

“Of all the things which don’t make sense, that’s the issue?” Damien asked.

“Well it’s a recent one…”

“I can lay your issues to rest.” Lolita replied. “You see, I mainly met Damien early in the mornings…and sometimes late at night. While I just generally saw Pandora during the afternoons since she worked early in the morning.”

“And that went on for that long?”

“Indeed it did.”

“Another thing, what is it that Shinigami actually do?”

“Aside from guiding souls, I suppose we function like hitmen. Dealing with supernatural or quite gifted targets who’s souls need to be taken for various reasons. Someone’s either picked for a particular case, or you pick them from a list. You get a ranking after completing it based off your performance, which depends on what kind of mission it is, like a stealth one, or just hacking and slashing.”

“A ranking? Like a score system?”

“Yes, basically. Big points get awarded for how stylish you are and doing things in a special way. Like snapping all necks with just your thighs, killing everyone with a headshot or ballshot, doing it with just melee, breaking the laws of physics for dynamic kills, not getting hit at all, and so on.”

“Sounds pretty awesome to be a Shinigami.”

“It’s not all its **** up to be, though Pandora tends to choose the jobs that let her stylishly kill a lot of people, not sure why.”

“Frustration, I suppose.” Damien commented.

“Well you guys were a great help.” The caller said.

“Happy to be of service, take care.” Lolita replied. “Next caller, you’re up.”

“Damien, why are you so mean to Ivy? It’s not very nice to pick on your sister.”

“Be at ease, caller. Its not as if I’ve broken her arm or threw her down some stairs for my own enjoyment. I don’t wish to hurt her for the sake of hurting her. Ivy can take things better than you‘d figure, she‘s stronger than she realizes.”

“Tough love, basically.” Lolita replied.

“That also reminds me,” The caller went on. “You guys need to stop hoarding the screen time. Recently the vocal point has shifted far from where it should be: Focusing more on the main character. She’s been there from the start, its not like you were the main protagonist and she got added later simply as ‘Damien’s little sister’, so why should she be pushed to the sidelines?”

“I agree on most points, actually.” Damien nodded. “But variety tends to be a good thing for altering the formula in some way, depending on what’s being altered. But I assure you, you’ll get what you’re asking for soon enough.”

“Lets move things along faster.” Lolita said. “Next caller, please.”

“I’ve just kinda wondered, do you have any feelings for Ivy?”

“Only as an older brother. I went out of my way to train her somewhat many decades ago when she was younger. She was also cuter then, in a sense that she only sweared occasionally and wasn’t so obnoxious. When I came back, to see that my sister had chosen one of my closest friends to be what you would basically call, her boyfriend, I would have been more concerned if it were someone I had no memory of. If you mean incest, no. I have no idea why you’d even bring that up? I honestly don’t get the obsession with people regarding their younger siblings.”

“Neither do I.” Lolita added.

“Wanting to actually engage in sexual relations with a member of your own family is rather questionable and outright shameful and I believe Ivy feels the same. If I were to channel a direct response from her myself, I suppose it would be some form of,” He cleared his throat. “Why the hell would I wanna fuck my brother? That’s fucking nasty!”

“Lets drop this while we still can.” Lolita interrupted again. “Next caller.”

“Lolita, what would you do if Damien left you?”

“I think I might die.”

“But you’re already dead.”

Lolita played a laugh track for a few moments. “Okay, next caller, please.”

“What up, people? Anyway, why did you guys get married? Lolita, why did you think someone like Damien was right for you? And Damien, why did you choose Lolita, I’d figure you were the type to just keep around a harem of girls instead.”

“Should I go first?” Lolita asked.

“Well you clearly want to…”

“Alright. I married Damien because we got on really well together, I suppose. I was willing to look past some of the stuff he’d done, and he was quite open about not hiding things.”

“The sex wasn’t a factor?”

“Yes, it was a contributing factor, but putting that aside there aren’t many people I get along with quite so well.”

“Well Lolita has said a lot of what I would have,” Damien added, “Though about the harem of girls, people get the wrong idea because I’m not that kind of person. I’ve never thought purely with my lower half, nor am I devoid of any urges. Sure, during my lifespan I’ve participated in many orgies, ‘somes consisting of gender alterations, and so on, but unless paid to do so, I’ve never forced anyone to do things completely against their will. I like to make sure people have a good time and feel better when all is said and done…even the men who occasionally took part in the ’somes. Not to mention, it just produces good reputation through word-of-mouth. That doesn’t mean I don’t take priority over a certain type, I’ll even fully admit, during many orgies I would focus more on those types out of preference, doesn’t mean that much by the end though.”

“Well that was quite…insightful.”

“Yes, guess I did babble on a little.” Damien turned to Lolita. “Speaking of secrets, according to Pandora, there’s still many things you haven’t told me about over the years.”

“That’s simply because you never asked.”

“I have noticed that you tend to draw attention away from yourself if certain topics are brought up, or attempt to change the conversation completely.”

“If there’s anything you wish to ask, go right ahead.”

“Alright then, who did-”

Lolita suddenly got up. “Excuse me, I need to take this call.”

“I didn’t hear a thing.”

“It was on vibrate.” Lolita walked off screen as Damien sighed.

“Next caller, if you’d be so kind.” Damien said.

“You’ve been around the block and seen a lot of shit, I’m assuming.”

“Your point?”

“Well, those penis enlargement stuff tends to be pretty BS. Do you know one which works?”

“I’ve never understood people’s obsession with ‘big dicks’. Regardless of what you’ve heard, its not such a good thing. Some women can even become scared if they’re unprepared. Women aren’t spongy blow up dolls, one size doesn’t fit all in reality, so its not gonna be very easy fitting a large one in women without hurting them in the process. Depending on how tight it is, you might not even get beyond halfway in. It also makes it harder to come in through the back door, you can’t just slip it in and start moving, something’s gonna tear if you try and stick your wang in there without a lot of preparation and lube. Even with fellatio, there’s a chance it might not even fit in her mouth, or you could potentially break her jaw if you were rough with her.”

“So what are you saying, with a big dick comes big responsibility?”

“I’m just saying there are more negatives than there are positives.”

“Well now I’m curious, so how big are you then?”

“I happen to be-”

Lolita arrived and interrupted as she said, “Back. Sorry but we need to move on.” She then cut the connection. “Next caller, please.”

“Sup. I have to wonder, how does a relationship between a Demon and a Shinigami actually work? Like, how are two different species just fully compatible? See, I was dating this werewolf chick for a long while, but it didn’t really work out for us, our lives were just too different.”

“Did you not like the sex?” Damien asked.

“Oh, hell no, I loved it. She was a freak in the bed, but I’m talking like family issues, man. We just couldn’t work things out, so we broke up.”

“If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it.” Lolita replied, then played a laugh track followed by some applause. “Going back to your question, we just happen to work, and that’s that. Next caller.”

“Hi there, Sandra here. You don’t know me but I was part of Undead Rainbow’s group. Just wanna say I’m a big fan of yours, Damien.”

“Well hello, always nice to meet a fan, I suppose.”

“So I’ve been meaning to ask, but well, could you sign my panties?”

“Sure, just send them into the studio along with what you’d like me to write on them.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate it. Oh, also, could you possibly come down to my house and stab me in the abdomen while you whisper dirty things in my ear.”

“Uh, sorry, I don’t do those kinds of requests anymore.”

“Aww, could you at least snap me in half with a bear hug?”

“Not that either. If you don’t mind me asking, your leader, Rainbow? Is she still doing the same things?”

Sandra sounded like she was eating a hot dog as she talked. “She’s still dead. I’d hazard a guess she’ll be back in a month or so. How soon she actually comes back depends on how much sweetener she’s willing to give to her sugar daddy, if you know what I mean.” She had finished eating her hot dog and made some slurping sounds before burping. “I’m talking about sex.”

“Yes, I got that.” Damien replied.

“One more thing I’d like to ask.”

“Go ahead.”

“Can I have your babies?”

“I’m afraid you cannot.”

“Is it because I’m too young?”

“Calm yourself, Sandra, I do not discriminate simply based on age, maturity does play a part too but the appeals of a woman can’t be fully measured purely by appearance. Or in simply turns, don’t judge a book by its cover.”

“So its okay for me to have your babies? I can come down there right no-”

“No!” Lolita finally spoke. “I’m going to put in a notice to shoot you on site! Never call into my show again. I shall decapitate you myself if I even hear your voice, goodbye!”

“As you can see, my wife is the easily jealous type, sorry about that.”

Regaining her composure, Lolita said, “Next caller, please.”

“Hello, for a while Shinigami have been receiving a whole bunch of new stuff that wasn’t gone over until around the time Pandora came back, how much stuff can you guys do exactly?”

“A lot of things, for instance altering our bodies for stealth related missions or camouflage in general.”

“And I assume it can be used for personal use as well. How does the whole pain thing work?”

“Well, feeling no pain isn’t exactly true. Pain receptors in our bodies are kept down to around 10%, so we’re capable of feeling it, but not to an extreme rate as to slow us down for whatever reason. Its more so that you’d notice having an arm cut off or if someone hit you from behind, you see.”

“Alright, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” As they hung up, Lolita turned to Damien with a notepad. “Damien, I’m not sure if you noticed but almost everyone who called in are people we know personally, or is a friend of someone we know personally, would you like to guess who those anonymous individuals were?”

“There were 8 aside from Sandra, yes?”

“That is correct.”

“Hmm…Harry, Ivy, Leo, Rosie, that robot my sister keeps around, that one demon lord who works out, possibly Amber, Kate.”

“…5 of those were right.”

“Which ones.”

“Not saying.”

“Then let me ask this, was Pandora one of the eight?”

“…She was.”

“Really? She apparently didn’t stand out enough to recognize, I guess. Then again, if I looked back at the questions and responses, I‘d probably be able to pin down the odd ones.”

“Uh-huh. Well that’s all we have time for, thank you for tuning in.” Lolita waved, while Damien looked at her notepad.

I could've cut some out and lengthened other bits, but in the end it had to be this way.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Overly Vicious Approach

It was a blah blah blah day, but one thing somewhat unusual about this day was that Ivy had caught the Super Flu and therefore was currently in bed. Poison also happened to be in her room at the time.

“Y’know, you don’t have to take care of me.” Ivy said.

“It’s cool, you did the same once so it’s the least I can do. It would be rather boring on your own so I can at least keep you company.”

“Thanks.” Ivy sneezed in another direction. “But wouldn’t you being here mean you might catch what I’ve got?”

“No, not really.” Poison replied, wiping her nose.

“Why?”

“Because.”

“Well, you are right about there not being many people around. I think only my mom is in, downstairs, doing who knows what. So I guess we could-”

“Watch a movie? Sure, I’ll get my collection.”

“I was actually going to say we could-”

“Play some video games? I’ve got a few really good co-op ones in mind…”

“Lets have s-”

“Special conversations? Not sure how that works but okay.”

“…Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Are you trying to wind me up?”

“I feel insulted that you would suggest such a thing! I would never do such a thing in a million years, I would swear it on my ovaries.”

“And now you’re being sarcastic.”

“Okay, I’ll stop and remember that the only ones here right now are your mother, you, me and ceiling robot.”

“Ceiling robot?” Ivy looked up and saw Goldia looking down through a square shaped hole. “The hell are you doing up there?”

“I like to watch.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Goldia dropped down from the ceiling. “I wanted to see what would happen if I stayed away but Harry ruined it, shame on you.”

“I fully accept your shame.”

“Also, I choose to resign as one of your harem members. I’ve thought it over and its for the best.”

“I’m going to play along and ask why.”

“Because you didn’t inform me of your birthday, it hurt me deeply.”

“We haven’t known each other very long, so it never really came up.”

“We’ve known each other ages and it still took you a long time to mention it.” Ivy replied.

“You were also quite different back then.”

“I had my reasons…”

“That whole Ahsol Island mess was totally worth it though.”

Goldia raised her hand.” I would like to hear of this story.”

“Same here.” Ivy added. “At least your prospective of this.”

“Alright, some bits may be off since I can’t remember it all…”

----------

Poison was standing outside Ivy’s place, looking a little younger and had his hair down as he knocked on the front door. Ivy’s mother answered the door, drinking a beer. “Oh, you’re that guy who was stalking my daughter for a while, right?”

“I wouldn’t call it stalking…”

“I would, but I’ve heard you’re not that bad. Anyway, Ivy took off to some planet elsewhere and she’s been gone for about a week now. I got a letter in the space post about some bitch kidnapping her, and while I would go myself, I’d be pretty grateful if someone else could go take care of things.”

“In other words, go down there, beat them up and bring Ivy back.”

“Glad we’re on the same page. Btw, a girl by the name of Amber will assist you when you get there. Good luck.” She then closed the door.

Poison got his essentials and then drove a ship towards the particular planet because almost everyone knows how to drive a ship. He landed in a tropical area and waited for Amber who was supposed to arrive. She drove up to the spot on a motorbike and stopped next to him, removed her helmet and got off. “Hey there, I’m demon lord Amber, you must be Harry.”

“Demon lord?”

“Don’t focus much on it, its just a basic title. So you ready to get started?”

“Sure.”

“Alright, from what I’ve been informed of, this chick called Flora is who we’re after, and she’s trying to get at this “ultimate power” to become a god or something. I’ll point you in the right direction while I learn more about this.”

And so she did, and Poison soon ended up in a village where the residents were catgirls. The residents whispered to each other as he walked through the city, asking some of them for directions. As he arrived in the town centre, one particular catgirl stood atop a large pillar nearby. She was tanned and had short ginger hair, wore tiger styled paws as gloves, and a tiger themed leotard. “I don’t recall there being any green-haired individuals living around here.”

“Just passing through, you know where I can find Flora?”

“Perhaps, but I’m not simply going to tell you. The name’s Katrina, if you want my info you gotta beat me.” She leaped off the pillar with a downward kick that missed as Poison moved and attacked with a basic sword. Katrina blocked the swings with her claws and begin her attack of wild swings while Poison defended. Poison elbowed her across the face when she was done, hopped over her leg sweep and slashed her across the cheek. She called for reinforcements and stood back as Poison took them out without killing them. Katrina then ran off, urging Poison to follow.

She moved through the streets, throwing things in Poison’s path which he cut down. They arrived at a construction site and she jumped up onto some pipes high above, as did Poison. She swung around like a monkey, occasionally getting in some hits due to the flexibility of her movements around the environment. As he tried to kick her, she quickly grabbed a pipe below with her tail and hit him from below as she said, “Gotta be faster on your feet.”

As she came round again, Poison grabbed her foot and tossed her across to the other side. She landed on her feet and backflipped as Poison attempted to punch her. She then ran into a large museum close by while Poison followed. Poison ran around the dark museum, occasionally catching a glimpse of her and eventually followed her to an upper floor. As he chased her, a wrecking ball suddenly came through the wall which he barely dodged. Several more came through the walls as he sped up, and he then slowed down as another appeared in front of him before speeding up again. “Pretty sure one wrecking ball is enough for this building…”

Katrina stood by the edge of the roof awaiting Poison who arrived shortly. “Isn’t the view just purrrr-fect here?”

“Enough cat and mouse, lets go.”

Katrina threw out one of her retractable gloves which Poison caught and pulled her towards him. She knocked him down with her feet and slashed him across the face multiple times before leaping off as he tried to swing at her. Poison blocked several of her swipes and tripped her. As she did a rising kick, Poison stepped back and kicked her hard in the stomach. She flew back and landed on her feet, catching her breathe & then whistled. Half a dozen robot cats showed up to help her which Poison was quickly disposing of with single slashes while blocking a few attacks Katrina threw at him. As he was done, Katrina dashed towards him from behind, but he dodged and slightly slashed her across the stomach. As she tried to kick him, he dodged and tripped her again and aimed his sword at her head. “Looks like I’ve got your tongue, cat.”

“Still can’t believe you’d hit a woman.”

“Gender is pretty irrelevant to me, now lets hear that info.”

After hearing what she had to say, Poison took off towards the next objective when Amber contacted him through an earpiece. “Hey, you sure beat that pussy good.”

“Very funny, I’m sure that took you 10 minutes to come up with.”

“More like 10 seconds. Who you beat was one of Flora’s Femsome Five.”

“Is that a real thing?”

“No, I made it up. Did you get anything from the catgirl?”

“Just some gloves.”

“Good, hold on to those and steal the other weapons when you come across the others. They’ll probably challenge you like she did.”

“Like bosses in a video game?”

“Whatever gets you in the mood.”

-----

“I’m unlikely to believe some of this actually happened.” Ivy commented.

“I agree.” Goldia added.

“Well it certainly did.” Poison said.

“So what was the name of that person then?” Rosie asked, at which point the others noticed her.

“When did you get here?”

“Around the part about a wrecking ball.”

“Harry was telling a story about this one adventure shortly after he and Ivy became acquainted with each other. You didn’t miss too much.” Goldia replied.

“Alright, cool, guess I’m interested.”

Poison left quickly to answer his mobile as it was Damien calling him. “Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to do anything today?”

“Sorry, man, Ivy’s sick and I’m keeping her company.”

“Fair enough, another time then. Remember to use protection, y’know, that sickness and all.”

“Very funny.”

“I don’t recall telling a joke.”

“…”

“…”

“…Well I’m gonna go, later.”

As he returned, Rosie asked, “So why’s Ivy in bed?”

“I caught the Super Flu.” She replied.

“Oh, is that like the difference between AIDs and Super AIDs?”

“The hell is AIDs?”

“I don’t know what it is either.” Poison shrugged.

“How lucky you are…” Rosie replied.

“So as I was saying before…”

-----

As Poison got to a city, he followed some arrows which seemed to be made specifically for him. The streets seemed empty as if no-one had lived in that city for months. He came across a fox girl by a motorcycle who had blonde hair & features, wore knee-length jeans and a white tank top. She noticed him as he slowly approached her and turned around. “Oh, hey there, you’re a little early, hadn’t fully finished preparing but it should be good enough.”

“Uh-huh, name’s Harry btw.”

“Freya.”

“So obviously you know I was coming, did everyone evacuate for this?”

“Nah, we were supposed to demolish this place ages ago, I suppose it’s a good thing we were too lazy so I could do this. Finally found what I was looking for about a week ago.”

“We?”

“You consider yourself a fast individual?”

“Sure.”

“Well lets say a certain someone is gonna blow up this entire city with a certain device, and you had to get out quickly or you’ll go down with it. Think you could handle that?”

“I suppose so.”

Freya smiled. “Good answer.” She pressed a button, at which point a building far off in the distance exploded and the explosions got bigger as they traveled towards the area they were at. Freya hopped on her motorcycle and drove off as she said, “Better start running, Harry.”

And so he did, just managing to keep up with her on foot till he eventually found another motorcycle and used that instead. He followed her onto a highway which was surprisingly busy despite the empty streets. Freya took out a sub-machine gun and opened fire on him as she evaded traffic ahead while Poison did the same as he blocked the bullets with his sword. He leaped over several cars using a small ramp to the side as they entered a tunnel. Freya attacked him with a fiery whip which had two ends and he swung at her in between her swings. They then dodged a truck ahead and Poison drove along the walls as she fired her SMG again. He caught up and cut it in half, then the front half of her bike as she leapt ahead. She hopped across several cars, ran along the side of a lorry and kicked a robot off another bike before saying, “You’re too slow, Harry!”

“Heh, show off.” He then noticed all the people driving vehicles were also robots. “Okay, this is pretty absurd.” As he slowly started to catch up, she threw a bomb onto a mini nearby which blew up moments later, also knocking several other cars into the air. Poison leapt from his bike, across all of them within moments and landed on the roof of another car. He jumped onto a lorry nearby and Freya landed on the other end.

“This place is gonna be nuked in a minute. If you wanna beat me, you’d better hurry, I don’t like to wait.”

“Why are you doing all this?”

“Because its better to burn out than fade away!”

Freya attacked with her fiery whip, which Poison chose to block until he soon rolled behind her and hit her with a roundhouse, followed by several more kicks then knocked her down with the back end of the blade. She got up and started spinning with the whip, creating a fiery vortex that hit him but the rest of her swings missed. As she stepped back she said, “The nuke should be planned to arrive within a minute, so we’ll die together.”

“I don’t think so.” Poison picked her up, got a run up and leaped far off the lorry out of the city as the nuke was slowly coming down in the distance. As he landed he continued to run a far distance away as it went off. “Was I fast enough there?”

“I suppose so.” As Poison thought about what kind of things the others would have planned, Freya blushed as she said, “If you look at me like that I might get pregnant…”

“And the moment was ruined…”

And so Poison continued on as Amber contacted him yet again. “Nice one out there, you were simply too fast and too furious.”

“Your jokes physically wound me. What was her deal anyway? She have a death wish?”

“She’s all about living free and dying hard. Also, I found out the deal with Flora. She wants this godlike power to ‘eliminate’ the men who’ve cheated on her and deceived her in the past, and just bad people in general.”

“That’s quite some ambition.”

“For some reason, she needs Ivy to get this power, not sure why just yet.”

“Yeah, you look that up, I’ll keep randomly ending up fighting bizarre women…”

-----

“Y’know, you don’t have to make things up to look cool.” Ivy commented.

“I’m not! It really happened!”

“Uh-huh.”

“What are you guys talking about anyway?” Amber asked, sitting beside Rosie.

“That one thing ages ago that you, me & Ivy were involved in.”

“Oh that, sure was something.”

Suddenly, Kate kicked in the bedroom door and raised her hand. “What up?”

“Hey Katie, thanks for coming.” Ivy said.

“Girl, you know I wouldn’t bail. Listen, I was kicking it with my homies, right, then one of my boys says to me, “Yo, KK, your girl Ivy caught the flu.”, I was like, “Oh shit, son. Imma check up on her.” and here I am.”

“Thanks for that.”

“And back to what I was saying…” Poison began.

“Let me just add a little bit in while I wait.” Ivy said.

-----

In a random-ass room somewhere, Ivy and Flora were playing a game on her Zbox270. Ivy had short pink hair here. Flora was somewhat short, had short raven-black hair, wore glasses, an overly large cardigan and a knee-length grey skirt. Ivy sighed after a while. “That’s the ninth win in a row, no offence but you suck, Flora.”

“I just think you’re really good at fighting games, Ivy.”

“No, I suck, actually. You just suck a lot worse. Well, I should probably be going, been here nearly a week. Maybe someone at least noticed I wasn’t around.”

“H-hold on! Just stay like a few more days, I can get sugary snacks, you like those, right?”

“Yeah, fine.”

As Flora left, she answered a call. “What? Freya too? Tell Beatrice to take him out, I don’t want some punk ruining my plans, if she fails, you handle it. I just need Sadie to find me the very last gem.”

“I’ll be hoping for her failure.”

“You sound eager.”

“You could say that.”

Far away, Poison was currently making his way through a big fantasy-like castle, taking down mooks. As he cleared most of it, Amber contacted him. “Yo, just thought you should know, the one to look out for is some dragon chick called Beatrice, though some call her Big Mama.”

“That’s not literal, is it?”

“Probably not. Anyway, good luck.”

“Gee, thanks.”

As he entered a wide open room with pillars on the sides and a long stone table in the middle, a large metallic ball rolled out from the side, spraying bullets from the guns mounted along the side which Poison dodged by hiding behind the table. “Greetings, I assume you’re that Harry kid, right?”

“Sure, you’re Beatrice, correct?”

“Aww, you already know about me? Suppose it doesn’t matter, what does is that you’re sticking your nose where its not wanted. Getting your peanut butter in my jam, and so on. You‘re like the poison in a snake bite here.”

“That’s stretching a comparison a little far. But what’s Flora’s deal with this whole thing?”

“Her? Something about her being cruelly cheated on by various different boyfriends, so she’s gone down an extreme, “kill ’em all” route.”

“And you agree with this?”

“Me? I don’t give two shits what she does when this is over. Besides, I’m a raging lesbian.”

“Was that ‘raging’ part necessary?”

“Enough talk, I’d like to kill you now.” She operated the metallic ball with a bicycle within and rode around, firing at Poison as he ran around protecting himself with the pillars. He threw a blast of wind that dented the ball. She launched over half a dozen missiles as he continued to run, leapt up and sent a wave of wind towards her which cut off a third of the ball as she moved left. As he landed, the ball covered itself in flames and charged right through him, and then again moments later. As it came by again, he hopped to the left and sliced it in such a way that it wouldn’t wound her but still destroy the contraption. As it fell apart she jumped off it before it crashed into a wall. She had black dragon features while looking like a buxom human woman, of course. Mainly her hands, back also considering her tail, the ears and covering her front she just had dragon styled bra and panties.

After readying herself as she got up with her back turned, she took out a spiked hammer. “Guess playtime’s over. I normally just eat girls, but in your case I could make an exception.” She flashed an evil smirk for a moment before dashing right at him. She hit him hard in the stomach, then in the face, knocking him back twice. A raising swing with the hammer missed and he then dodged when she brought it down. He slashed her back, then her left side before kicking her from behind.

She quickly regained her balance and tried to flatten him with her hammer but missed, Poison then cut off the handle. Poison ducked as she attempted to claw him then hopped three times as she swiped her tail across the ground then he kicked her in the head, knocking her down. As she got up, Poison punched her in the face. He jammed his sword into the ground near her. “Stay down, I don’t like fights to drag-on too long.”

“Oh, you slay me.” She said sarcastically.

“I just need a few things answered if you’d please.”

After speaking with her, he was off towards Flora’s location, as he apparently wasn’t far off. He contacted Amber as he left. “I know where it is, I’m going there right now.”

“This is going pretty well so far.”

“Hey, I’m doing the hard work here.”

“And I’m not doing anything?”

“Well a little physical help would be wonderful. If my reflexes were shitty I’d be dead ten times over by now.”

“Then good thing they aren’t. I’ll be in touch.”

-----

“So I can finally start telling some of this now, right?” Ivy asked.

“Well there’s a little bit before that I guess but sure.”

“Did Ivy still have that body complex issue back then too?” Goldia asked.

“It was like over 5 years ago, of course she did.”

“Hey! I’ll have you know I have legitimate concerns.” Ivy replied. “It won’t be long till I physically mature anyway.”

“You’re always so hung up on exactly how long you have.”

“Well you were also concerned, because you usually ask about the seconds.”

“That’s me humouring you.”

“I see, you wanna mock me too. I’m tired of people looking down on me or thinking negatively because of my looks, I don’t like looking like this.”

“But you’re cute.” Rosie responded.

“I don’t wanna be cute, I wanna be sexy! Not like this.”

“Like Red Saber & Blue Saber.”

“Like Morrigan and Lilith.” Amber added.

“Like Patchouli Knowledge fanart which fluctuates anywhere between looking like a kid or mature adult depending on the artist.” Poison said.

Not sure who these people are but yeah!” Ivy began. “Just look at you.” Ivy said, pointing at Rosie as she got up. “Wearing those tight jeans and showing off that toned yet really grab-able midriff to the world.”

“H-hey, don’t talk about my midriff!” She said covering up.

“Then stop being up in my face about it, I don’t need to see that. Might as well rub that midriff all over my face while you’re at it!”

“You say that as if it’s a fetish of yours…” Poison commented.

“And you!” Ivy pointed at Amber. “Wearing those black bra and panties which just barely fit you, with the only other clothing being that cape or whatever, cover yourself, woman!”

“I’ll wear what I want.”

Ivy glanced at Kate, was about to say something and then shook her head. “Yo, that’s just cold, girl, real talk.” Kate responded.

Ivy sighed. “Y’know, I vividly remember this one time so long ago, Damien and I went to this mall. There was some bitch who apparently knew him but had never met me. She flips out, saying how cute I am and whatnot so I tell this bitch to fuck off for being a retarded condescending sack of shit, yet she still acted the same as if the words never reached her ears. That wouldn’t happen if I looked older. With my older appearance, I have a lot more going on in the front and in the back and I get more respect.”

“Not really.” Poison mumbled.

“I should probably get some backless dresses when the time comes. Maybe get a really nice looking tattoo across my back too.”

“Is it really that important?”

“Of course! Are you a pedo, Poison?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why aren’t you concerned?”

“I don’t wanna seem like I only care about your looks.”

Ivy looked away. “Hmph. L-lets get back on track before this gets cheesy…”

“Sure.”

-----

Poison and Amber stood under some trees in a forest talking.

“Okay, I’ve found out what Flora needs for her ritual. The seven gems of virtue, as well as the blood of a royal girl.”

“Royal girl, what, Ivy?”

“Yeah. Also, Katrina will be waiting for you on the inside.”

“She’s helping us now?”

“We talked some things over and she wants to lend a hand. A lot of the people here will be in uniform, so you’ll have to find her through the use of ass shakes.”

“Excuse me?”

“Katrina will shake her ass in a pattern, 3 times, then 5 times, then twice. Wait a few moments, and then she’ll do it again.”

“Isn’t there an easier way, like her doing something with her tail?”

“Nope, ass shakes.”

“Of course.”

“Also, you’ll have to crossdress and pretend to be one of Flora’s friends, since we don’t have a proper uniform available.”

“You’re not serious.”

“Quite serious, in fact.” She said, dropping a bag of clothing. “The gems will be making their way to Flora’s factory shortly by transport, I’ll be taking care of that.” She hopped onto her flaming horse further away and took off.

“This is the first and last time I’ll do something like this.”

-----

Ivy was struggling not to laugh while Poison rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know its funny looking back on it but I was serious back then. Go ahead and tell your part now.”

“Finally.”

-----

Flora had been gone for quite a while, and having gotten bored of being there, Ivy left the room and tried to find an exit. As some of the mooks wearing blue & white engineer suits noticed her, they sounded the alarms. Ivy tore through the robots that came at her while she looked for an exit, and dealt with two giant robots at once which functioned like mini-bosses. Meanwhile, Poison walked through the hallways wearing a school uniform with a red bow in his hair. While some of the others working there were confused, they minded their business. Ivy made her way outside soon enough where it was raining slightly. A figure stood on top of the building high above.

She was a dark blue slime girl with long flowing hair. “Where do you think you’re going, Ivy?”
Ivy turned around and looked up as she continued. “It’s not nice to simply run off without a word.”

“I’ve been here long enough, I’m going home.”

“My role here is to keep you on this premises, devil spawn.” She leapt towards the ground and said, “My name is Sadie.”

“Don’t care. Where’s Flora?”

“She’s at her base of operations, exactly 20 miles north from here, not that I’ll let you just walk out of here. I’m ordered to bring you back to Flora, for it seems you’re vital for her plan, which is nearly ready.”

“Is that so?”

“While that’s the case, I’m quite interested in you.”

“Sorry, I don’t swing that way.”

“Very funny. I’m curious on how strong you are, as I’ve never fought a demon, nor one so closely related to the devil himself. Please enlighten me, little girl.” She said with a smirk.

As Ivy charged at her, she hopped around the place while throwing parts of her body that Ivy dodged. Ivy eventually caught her with a flurry of attacks which had little effect due to her slime body. Sadie smacked her into the air, morphed her hands into spikes and stabbed her repeatedly before knocking her to the ground. “Aww, you poor baby, did that hurt you?”

Ivy quickly got up, leapt towards her and tried to kick her in the face, but Sadie separated her top half and flew back while her bottom half hit Ivy with a roundhouse kick. She then separated into dozens of large watery bullets and flew around, hitting Ivy from all sides as she started laughing. As she reformed, Ivy attempted to cut her in half with her scythe, only for Sadie to say. “Are you stupid? That shit doesn’t work on me, little girl.” She turned her arm into a hammer and knocked her back. “Such a pathetic princess. Now get back in your room, weakling.” Ivy charged at her yet again and started attacking. “Open your ears, all that does is tickle.” Ivy’s hands then glowed red as she punched her in the stomach, sending her flying back with an explosion.

As she held her stomach, visibly in pain, Ivy said, “Need some aloe vera for that burn?” Clearly annoyed, Sadie began throwing large blobs of herself at Ivy that she punched through. Sadie moved around like water as Ivy tried to follow her movements, doing things such as tripping her up, leaping on top of Ivy and stabbing her multiple times in the chest. Ivy soon caught up, grabbed her by the hair and punched her across the area. They charged at each other, with Ivy countering Sadie’s wild solidified swings with her fiery swipes then blocking her rapid-fire spike attack. As Sadie did a leg swipe, Ivy hit her with a dropkick, then followed up with continuous fiery punches to her stomach and face, knocking her far back with a blast of fire.

“Come here, bitch!” Ivy exclaimed as she tried to grab her, but missed as Sadie leaped back and formed a brick wall from her body which she threw at Ivy, who smashed right through it as she yelled, “Fuck yo defences!” Sadie evaded her again by jumping up onto a ledge nearby.

“I’ve decided you’re not worth bringing in. Honestly, I never really gave a shit, I just wanted to kill you.”

“Glad we’re on the same page. Now get down here.”

“Not so fast, I wanna play a game.”

“Seems to me like you’re scared and running away.”

Sadie began violently shaking and slowly produced a solidified square the size of a house which was covered in spikes. “Don’t ask how I can do these things, just accept the warm embrace of death.” As she threw it at Ivy, she began laughing, but stopped as Ivy flew right through the object. Sadie threw several move blocks which Ivy cut through with her scythe, that was covered in fire. She cut the head off and threw her body to the ground. She landed beside the body, touched the ground with her hand and a beam of fire shot up underneath the body. She then turned around and blasted the head, vaporizing it.

Ivy breathed a sigh of relief as she walked off. “What a bitch.”

-----

“That’s what happened?” Poison asked.

“That’s what happened.” Ivy nodded. “I then went to where she was said to be. Not sure what her deal was, if it was now I might‘ve said something quirky, like me “Unleashing the beast.” or something but oh well. Didn‘t like her theme much either, too metaly, though I killed her before the second phase.”

“Her theme?” Rosie asked, Clearly confused.

“You wanna say what you did during this?” Poison asked, turning to Amber.

“Uhh, sorry, I know its story time and all, but I don’t remember that much of this.”

Suddenly the bedroom door opened, Gary and Ruby walked in and then Ruby leaped into the air with a flying kick as she said, “Marco!”

Ivy leaped out of bed towards her, responding, “Polo!” Their feet connected then they dropped down and hugged. “Thanks for coming.”

“It’s alright.”

“You never showed me that kind of love.” Kate replied.

“Don’t be like that, Kate.” Ivy said. “I’m not a hater.”

“I dunno, man. We don’t even do the homie no more.”

“Alright lets do it then.” And so Ivy and Kate bumped it to the left, then bumped it to the right.

“Sorry we took so long.” Ruby began. “I had to pull over on the way here.”

“Was your ass too fat?”

“Uh, no? We had to get gas, what’s wrong with my butt?”

“From what I understand, that’s a good thing.” Gary said, then turned to Poison and quietly said. “That is, right?” He shrugged.

“Hey Ruby.” Poison waved, while Ruby simply glared. “Still mad, huh?”

“Of course! I’ll never forgive you for not telling me!”

“How about a lollipop?” He said, handing her a large one.

“A-are you trying to bribe me?” She seemed insulted but took it anyway. “Are you trying to stereotype me?” She asked before licking it. “DO YOU THINK I’M A CUTE GIRL WHO DOES CUTE THINGS?”

“Why are you yelling?” Gary asked.

“I DON’T KNOW. But I’ll have you know I do cool things too!”

Poison sighed. “Fine, you’re not a cute girl.”

“Damn right I’m not.” Nobody decided to reply to that.

“Okay, I’m gonna continue then.” Poison said. “Not long now.”

-----

After walking around for a while, Poison discovered Ivy had already gone to find Flora and contacted Amber. “Hey, she’s already taken off, where’s this other base?”

“About 20 miles north. No, really, that’s it.”

“How’re things on your end?”

“Fought some giant robot on horseback while trying to blow up their reinforced steel transport, didn’t work out that well. Did you find Katrina?”

“No, I-”

“You’ve gotta focus heavily on the ass, Harry.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

And so he looked around for another five minutes or so and eventually found one guard who met the requirements. He tapped her on the shoulder. “You the cat?”

“I the cat, you the green?”

“I the green.”

“Cool. I’ll be brief. I messed with Flora’s gems, two of them look real but are total fakes.”

“Nice, I gotta get going to her other base so I’ll-”

“Hold on, I’ll take you, follow me.”

And so they got on her orange doom buggy and drove off in the rain. “So you’re turning against Flora now?”

“Was never really assisting her to begin with. I’m just not fond of outsiders.”

“So why are you helping?”

“I think Flora is worse.”

“Guess that’s good enough.” They soon came across a knight in glowing white armor standing by the side of a road wielding a glowing green sword. “I think this guy’s been waiting for me. Go on ahead, I’ll catch up.”

“Alright, look for me when you get there?”

“Uhh, ass shakes?”

She nodded. “Ass shakes.” Then drove off.

“A pleasure to finally meet you, Harry.” The knight took a bow.

“Yeah, Beatrice called me poison to your plans.”

“That’s of little concern here. There’s no sides, no beliefs, just us.”

“No gimmicks or ambushes?”

“Just good old fashioned one-on-one sword fighting.”

“I’m liking you already, you’re a dude, right? I don’t see a breastplate.”

“Gender is of little concern, now, lets begin.”

As their swords clashed they talked, because normal sword fights are boring. “So where did you get the sword?”

“From within the snake serpent tomb on Mt. Mubojubo. I went through many trails but none too straining in the eyes of resolve.”

“You lost me halfway.”

Poison launched several waves of wind at the knight who proceeded to do the same with the glowing sword. After more fast slashes, the knight knocked the sword out of Poison’s hand, then suddenly speed blitzed him continuously, slashing at him as the knight dashed past a dozen times before stopping. As Poison collapsed, the knight put away the sword and walked off only for Poison to slowly get up.

“Hold on, we’re not finished here just yet.” Poison said, picking his sword back up.

“Well this is new…”

They continued their sword fight until Poison managed to knock the knight’s helmet off, revealing a woman with long silver hair.

“This would be a little surprising if I wasn’t fighting women all the time here. Are there actually any men around?”

“Yes, but not in these parts. Honestly, this armor makes fighting a little sluggish, could I have a moment to remove it?”

“Take your time.”

And so she did, right down to her glittery bra and panties. “I hope this doesn’t distract you.”

“I’ve seen enough for one day.”

“Excellent, I’ve resolved any previous ties I had, have no concern about what Flora wants, and I’ve relieved myself prior to this battle. I have no regrets. I’ve lived by the sword my whole life, and if so I choose to die by it.”

“Nice speech, but a small part of that seemed a little out of place.”

The knight began doing dash attacks numerous times which Poison blocked. She then leaped up and spun horizontally as she swung her blade. As she landed, she continued to attack until Poison knocked it out of her hands. She hopped onto his sword with his next swing and backflipped to catch her sword. She quickly readied herself as Poison started attacking.

“Do you happen to consider yourself a white knight as well?” She asked.

“I’d prefer grey personally.”

As they went on, the knight began conversing. “I never seem to feel alive unless I’m going out with the intent to kill or be killed. Even earlier when I relieved myself, the feeling simply couldn’t compare. I suppose I’ve always been this way. I grew up in a jungle, rationalizing and killing to survive. I killed a lion at the age of 11 with my bare hands, I was also naked when I did it. Before that I choked a panther to death at age 9 with just a pair of panties I had been wearing for weeks. At age 4 I killed a crocodile by hitting its pressure points.”

“You sound more bizarre the more you talk, is this what was meant to distract me?”

“Flora was my college roommate, but that’s not important. Two men tried to rape me once, you know what I did?”

“Tell disturbing stories about yourself killing animals?”

“I ripped their dicks off.”

“Close enough.”

The knight threw her sword past Poison, ducked under his next swing and hit one of his pressure points with her fingertips, making him drop his sword. She hopped back as he tried to kick her, giving him time to pick it back up then blocked her next moves while moving back, allowing the knight to catch her sword right after. The knight eventually stabbed Poison in the chest, though he used this to get closer and stab her as well. “So it ends here…” She said, partially relieved.

“Don’t expect me to stay.” Poison said, slowly removing herself from her blade. “I have somewhere to be.”

“I wish you luck, and thank you.” Then she collapsed. After a few moments of silence, she got back up. “Oh, my name is Luna, btw. My sword is now yours, I won’t be needing it any longer.” Then she collapsed again for good.

-----

“So you got your signature sword from some chick you killed on another planet?” Rosie asked.

“Seems awfully convenient.” Leo said, having shown up some time ago and waved at Poison who waved back.

“Oh yeah,” Ruby began. “Does anyone wanna try some of my angel cake?”

“Ruby, that’s highly inappropriate.” Gary replied.

“I didn’t know you were so bold, Ruby.” Ivy said in shock.

“Huh?” Ruby said, clearly confused.

Poison got another call from Damien and left for a moment. “Hey, what’s up?”

“I found an old prescription for that Super Flu just recently, figured I might as well send, Ivy should feel better in no time.”

“Showing more of that caring side, I see.”

“Don’t say a word about this.”

“You’d be a little closer if you weren’t deliberately a dick to her.”

“We’re close enough. On occasion a little too close, like one time I cleaned her ears. I never realized how awkward that was till halfway through, then we stopped talking for months.”

“That seems silly and extreme.”

“Have you ever cleaned your younger sister’s ears?”

“I don’t have a younger sister.”

“Then clearly you wouldn’t understand.”

“I’m gonna go now.”

“Yes, I suppose I mustn’t keep you.”

When he came back, Ivy asked, “Who was that?” Then sneezed to her right.

“Damien, talking about how its not good to have a close sibling relationship.”

“Oh.” She blushed. “Like that time he cleaned my ears, that was a little awkward.”

“How was it awkward?”

“Have you ever had your ears cleaned by your older brother?”

“I don’t have an older brother.”

“Then clearly you wouldn’t understand.”

“I feel there’s some details I’m missing. Anyway, lets wrap this up, its been too long.”

“I wanna do this shit!” Kate yelled, getting up. “I’ve been sitting here patient for too long! I wanna tell this bit!”

“But you weren’t th-”

“Iggybiggyboo!”

“Bu-”

“Wackalackasmaka!”

“I-”

“PRETZELS!”

“Oh fine…”

-----

So my boy, Harry, looking like a true player, laying the smack down on them hoes that get out of line, and now has this badass Mo-fo sword. That shit glows green, son. Have no idea how the fuck this works but Ivy and Poison meet up right outside Flora’s HQ and shit goes like this.

“What are you doing down here?” My girl, Ivy asked.

“I’m here to bring you back, right after taking care of things.”

“What a coincidence, I’m here to do the same thing.”

“I’m gonna have a hard time keeping you safe if you’re here.”

“Hmph. I can look after myself, thank you very much.”

“You sure?” My boy, Harry asked as they walk through that entrance like MF-ing bosses.

“Worry about yourself.”

“Alright, guess that lightens my load.”

Suddenly, these red alarms go off and there’s some bitch on a loudspeaker like, “Attention all bitches, this green-haired dude is here. Take him down, but protect your backs, he’s an assman.”

While Ivy seemed confused, Harry sighed. “I suppose this was Katrina’s doing…”

So they charge through this shit like their eating fucking skittles, ya dig? Bitches, robots, mini-bosses, they’re all staying free. This one tough looking bitch comes out all like, “Face me, intruders!” And Ivy was all, “Smash you!” with an overhead, then leapt up high and crushed her with a meteor as she yelled “Meteor Crush!” Then threw her hands up and exclaimed, “Gao!”

-----

Some of them laughed while Ivy was clearly mad. “I totally wasn’t like that!”

“That’s totally you.” Rosie replied. Several others nodded.

-----

So as they ran to where this Flora chick was, Ivy gets grabbed by some mechanical plant thing that tries to eat her or something. She hanging upside down, focusing more on not exposing herself saying shit like, “Ahh! Don’t look! Just get me down but don’t look!”

“I can’t really help if I don’t know where it is.”

“You can hear the thing! And its right in front of you!”

“My hearing ain’t so good. Plus, my directional sense is bad.”

“Fine, I’ll do it.” She blasted this fool from above, burning his bitch-ass like fodder and straightened her dress.

“So you could do it after all…”

“No thanks to you!”

So they get to this boss room or something, its like 300 feet wide or something. Its wide open and what-not but indoors. “So you’ve arrived.” said dat girl, Flora.

“I’m here to shut you down.” Poison replied.

“Heh, you fools are misguided and foolish. Shut me down? Lets see you try and shut down my Mother-fucking-Rex, son!” She exclaimed, as she revealed the 50 foot mechanical beast which roared as flames sprouted from its mouth.

-----

“Did this really happen?” Gary asked.

Poison shook his head. “No, but I wanna see where this goes.”

-----

So they fight this Mother-fucking-Rex, dodging and blocking its big-ass swings and whatnot, and slicing its parts off when they get the chance. Ivy stomps this bitch with a fiery blast to the cockpit, but Flora bails early and runs like a bitch to some underground passage. They find her doing this incomplete ritual to gain godlike power. She’s got like long beautiful hair now, the looks of some chick in her prime while being like 6’5”, having big angelic wings, and having some glowy aura. I’d fuck this bitch, for real. This bitch fucking bloomed like a flower. She took shit outside, fucking threw Poison and Ivy like dolls then monologued.

“I’ve finally done it!” Flora laughed.

“What do you want? Revenge?” Ivy asked.

“No, not just revenge. I want revengeance!”

“What does that even mean?”

“A combination of revenge and vengeance, duh.”

“Is that even a real word?”

“Just because you had a few bad experiences gives you no right to do this.” Poison said.

“And why not? I don’t believe there should be any dishonesty among your significant other. No lies! No deceit! No malicious intent from others! Is it right to play with others feelings or crumble them up like sticky notes? Why should I put up with it? They deserve to be put in their place, six feet under!”

“She makes some good points.” Ivy commented.

“You were one of her planned ingredients, remember?” Poison replied.

“Oh, right.”

“I don’t trust your words for even a minute.” Poison said, turning to Flora. “You wouldn’t go to such trouble just for some ex-boyfriends.”

“You seem awfully concerned, are you a cheating and deceitful person too?”

“No way!”

“Are you?” Ivy asked.

“Of course not! She‘s the bad guy here!”

“Enough chit-chat.” Flora landed on the ground. “I have matters to attend to soon, I must dispose of you guys. Shouldn‘t be too hard with my new powers.”

“Don’t be so sure, if my info is correct you shouldn’t be too tough since two of your gems were replaced with fakes.”

“What?!? You lie!”

“Believe what you want.”

“Your death will please me greatly.”

So this bitch pretty much manhandles these two working together half the time, then gets caught off-guard like having her hands glued to the floor due to being stabbed by both of Poison’s swords then kicked in the face, or Ivy evading one of her explosive punches and knocking her out with her own. Flora started making use of her flight, moving around at extreme speeds and clotheslined the fuck out of them, while throwing out waves of energy that set any vehicles nearby on fire.

Ivy chased the bitch, jumped on her back and laid into her while Flora spun wildly. She flipped and suddenly hit the ground hard, causing Ivy to let go. She circled from above and formed this big-ass nightmare looking mouth from her abdomen, trying to eat her. Ivy got the fuck out of dodge just in time as Poison hit Flora with a ball of wind, sending her flying. This shit went on for ages, they’d cut this bitch down with the intent to kill but she’d keep reviving, sprouting shit about how false people’s feelings are and that love doesn’t exist, clearly a nutjob.

So just to be dicks to this bitch, Ivy and Poison charged up, held hands and unleashed a massive beam of fiery wind that they called, “Last Liberation of Love!”

“But that’s not lo-” Before she could finish, she was cut into hundreds of pieces which were then burnt to a crisp and the ashes flew away in the wind.

“Some god she was.” Ivy commented.

“Guess it was one of those things where missing just one required source of power brings it down to like 20% of its full effect.”

“Yeah, too bad for her.”

“Yep.”

“That was quite something though.”

“…You can let go of my hand now.”

Upon realizing, Ivy immediately did and backed up slightly. “I-its not like I did it on purpose or anything!”

“I-”

“I didn’t like it at all, shut up!”

-----

“And that’s that.” Kate nodded.

“How would you know parts you weren’t there for?” Amber asked.

“I read the script.”

“Alright, fair enough.”

“So why do you still call Harry ‘Poison’ even though a lot of other people call him by his name?” Goldia asked.

“I’m used to it, I guess.” Ivy shrugged. “Guess it is jarring now that I think about it.”

“I should get going, got some things to take care of.” Rosie said, getting up.

“I’ll be going myself.” Leo added.

One by one overtime everyone left till it was just Ivy and Poison. When it was clear, Ivy turned to him and said, “Alright, lets cuddle.”

“If I said that you’d call me gay, besides, I don’t want your flu.”

“You won’t catch it from cuddling.”

“Don’t wanna risk it.”

“Harry, like it or not, I’m going to hug the shit outta you!”

“Over my dead body!”

Ivy leapt towards him as he rolled out the way and she hit a bookshelf with her head. “Get back here and let me hug you, you fucking ****!” She yelled as he ran out the room.

“Keep your hands off, bitch!”

While Ivy was perfectly fine again the very next day, everyone who had been in her room the previous day had now caught the super flu from her.

I'm like a week late, but shit happens
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Obtuse Vertical Angle

It was a blah blah blah day, as usual. Pandora was walking around blah blah, and approached a garage where Damien and Poison happened to be at that moment. As she entered, the two were standing around a table with Damien writing down something. As they noticed her, Poison waved while Damien greeted her, “Good evening, Pandora.”

“Hello, what’s going on? I went to visit Lolita but she’s just sitting in a dark room and refuses to move. What did you do?”

“You’ve already assumed the worst, I see. To be brief, there’s a tag-team racing event coming up shortly and I decided not to have her as my partner so you could fill that place. That would please you, would it not?”

“Yes, I suppose it would, but what’s this about a race?”

“It’s a long story, we naturally do things like this.”

“But I don’t get it, why would you do this for me?”

“Well we’re friends, right? You’re always so needy and such an attention seeker that I figured I’d help you out.”

“You won’t raise any extra flags with me.”

“I’m unsure what that means but it wasn’t my intention.”

Poison began to leave as he said, “Hey, I gotta get going, apparently it’s something urgent. We’ll get the list sorted by tomorrow, right?”

“Yes, I should have the choices narrowed down by then.” Damien nodded.

Poison took off and went straight to an empty area by the beach where Ivy was waiting. “About time you got here!” She exclaimed.

“So what’s so urgent?”

Her expression suddenly turned from anger into one befitting a cry for help as she ran in circles. “I don’t know what to do! First I-and then there was- Then this didn’t-and it’s all messed up!”

“Speaking in complete sentences would help a great deal.”

She stopped running and took a deep breath. “Okay. Well as you know I’m pretty concerned about my development recently.”

“Pretty sure everyone knows by now.”

“So I saw my future self and she told me when it was going to happen. According to her, my growth spurt should have happened exactly 2 days, 9 hours, 23 minutes and 47 seconds ago.”

“I see you’re keeping track of the seconds now.”

“But I haven’t changed! I figured it was because I stayed up late, wondering how it would happen, then I figured, maybe my body subconsciously develops. Like, I need to turn off most of the lights for my body to work its magic. But I waited and waited patiently like a good little girl, BUT IT HASN’T HAPPENED! WHY?!?”

“Maybe your future self got the date a little wrong?”

“Yeah, but she wouldn’t forget something so important like this!”

“The way you react, that’s probably true…”

“I know! I’ll build a time-travelling machine, go back there and demand that she relay those details again!”

“Maybe what happened in that time is different here, maybe it just won’t happen.”

“Don’t say that! It’s gotta be a fuck-up! I knew it, you’re a pedo, aren’t you? You don’t want me to change!”

“I’m not a pedo.”

“Laugh it up, ****.” She pointed at him. “Enjoy this young body while you can because soon enough I shall evolve and become a mature woman!”

“Are you even listening to yourself? That sentence was beyond creepy.”

“Whatever! I’ll solve this for sure, then you’ll see! Everyone will see!” She yelled as she stormed off.

“Nice talking with you.” Poison said sarcastically.

The next morning, showcasing a scene which would technically be a little out of context to place here, we join The two rangers who commentated during the Team Deathmatch event, White and Green as they sat behind a desk.

“Good morning, viewers. We’re back again, White.”

“And Green. It’s great to be back, White.”

“Sure is, Green. But lets get down to the meat of things. Coming up in just a few days is the annual marathon race, as I’m sure you’re all aware. Of course, anyone who wants to participate will need a partner and a working vehicle, not to mention toning down so you aren’t blatantly cheating.”

“It is okay to cheat as long as you’re subtle about it.” Green added. “No-one likes braggers.”

“While I say anyone can join, there’s a limit of around 500 people, so yeah, not much more than that. It’s honestly first come, first served in confirmation of who’s participating. The details of the course will be given on the day to avoid any shenanigans, nor will info concerning those participating and their vehicles be disclosed for safety reasons.”

“If you wanna sabotage other racers vehicles, do it in your own time and figure those details out yourself.” Green added.

“So good luck to all those who wish to participate, and we’ll see you there at the starting grid.”

And so, back to the story. Poison met Ivy again the next morning in the same location. As Ivy showed up, she now wore a backwards red cap, a bat-styled black hoodie, baggy blue jeans and had her hands in her pockets. “What up?” She said.

While stunned for a few moments, he then replied. “That’s cute.”

“It’s not cute!” She grabbed her hat and threw it to the ground then called Kate. “Dammit, Kate! You said this style was cool!”

“It is, girl! Not my fault you can’t pull it off. Anyway, peace out.” She then hung up.

Ivy sighed before Poison asked, “So what’s the occasion? Made that time-travelling machine?”

“Halfway done, actually. I still haven’t changed yet and I wanted to try something different is all. I thought I would look cool…”

“Wanting to look cool is cute.”

“No it’s not! Shut up!”

“That’s a really touchy subject, huh?”

“It’s not good. There was one time my mom and her two friends were talking about how planets get conquered and that they should go kill one of the weak-ass races out there. Anyway, I said how I could have easily taken over the Earth numerous times while I was there. They laughed at this, saying shit like how “little Ivy could never do such an evil thing” and when I tried to prove them wrong, they tickled me into submission till I couldn’t talk back anymore!”

“Is tickling just your weakness now or something?”

“Have you ever been tickled into submission?”

“Thankfully I haven’t, nor do I know someone who would want to do that…I think.”

“Then clearly you wouldn’t understand.”

“That phrase is beginning to annoy me…”

“Anyway, once my growth spurt happens, no-one will be able to justify their tickling with shit like, “It’s cute.”, “It warms my heart.” or other shit.”

“Yeah, then it’ll become more of a fetish and even more embarrassing when you wet yourself from repeated tickling.”

“We’ll see. Oh, we also gotta go prepare a vehicle for a race.”

“I’m already doing it with Damien.”

“…Huh?”

“I already agreed to be his partner a few days ago.”

“W-wait a minute! What about me?”

“You’ve got tons of friends now, haven’t you?”

“Yeah but-”

“This really shouldn’t be such a big deal.”

“Fine! Go be with your boyfriend, Damien, see if I care!”

“Now you’re just being silly.”

“Clearly you hate me and I’m a nuisance, I get it.”

“I don’t think that. What, you want me to go over that here?”

“It might help…”

“Well, I like how determined you usually are to prove yourself. If someone says you can’t do something you’ll normally go to great lengths merely to prove them wrong…which normally doesn’t happen. Also, I like how blunt and honest you can be about what you like and dislike. If someone smelt bad, you’d be the first one or sometimes the only one to point it out while others would just avoid that person, though that bluntness can be annoying at times too. I like how nowadays you’re technically a good person but when making moral choices you’d rather wait for someone to give you a flimsy excuse to help a person just so your “evil reputation” isn’t compromised.”

“It would help if some of that didn’t seem like backhanded insults…”

“Just being totally honest.”

“Uh-huh. Anyway, go on.”

“What?”

“Keep going, praise me more.”

“It’s amusing these days how much you want to be spoiled or praised and is nowhere near as aggravating in the past when you try to demand it from others, because that’s cute.”

“That’s it, I’ve heard enough.”

“Still think it’s cute.”

“Okay, but, um, am I s-sexy?”

“Hell no.” Poison ducked under a sand boulder. “But that nervousness is cute.”

“No its not! Stop saying that word!”

“Your outbursts are cute too.”

“NO. ITS. NOT! I’m not cute, damnit! Stop mocking me!”

“I suppose an angry Ivy is cute too, maybe not as cute as nervous Ivy though.”

“I’m seriously going to kill you!”

“I guess a murderous Ivy is kinda cute as well…”

“Oh, I see what you’re doing now.” She smiled confidently and crossed her arms. “Well that won’t work on the likes of me anymore.”

“An Ivy that catches on is cuter than murderous Ivy, but below angry Ivy.” Ivy frowned and remained silent as she turned around and walked off, while Poison kept talking. “An Ivy who walks away is also quite cute.” Ivy began to walk faster. “It’s cuter when you do that.” Ivy then began running as Poison yelled, “That’s also cute!”

Meanwhile, Pandora visited Lolita again who still sat in a chair within a dark room. “Lolita, are you there?” There was no response. “I think we should take part in the race together, I would be glad to be your partner.”

As if the lights were connected to her mood, they suddenly switched on as Lolita turned to her. “You would?”

“Yes, I believe we can beat all the other competitors.”

“B-but…”

“Lolita, do you know why Damien didn’t have you as his partner?”

“I have displeased him…”

“Pretty sure that’s not it, he’s testing you, Lolita.”

“He is?”

“Yes, he wants to see what you’re made of. So we need to go out there and win, show him that you’re an awesome wife!”

Lolita got up. “Yes! That makes total sense! That must be it!”

“Yeah.” Pandora then quietly said, “Though I made that up and it makes very little sense.”

In the garage where Damien and Poison were the day before, Damien was now reading out his list to Poison. “So putting aside Lolita and Pandora, I’m pretty sure at least two of the demon lords will compete so we’ll get to that eventually, there’s a group of bikers called the ‘Heaven’s Demons.” who we’ll need to get a little rough with, there’s this punk rocker we’ll also have to pay a visit to. A woman I know will also be an issue, but she’s a deep sleeper and also really irritable when awake so that can wait till night.”

“So that’s all the people that we need to sabotage?”

“Just the primary ones.”

“What about Lolita and Pandora?”

Damien sat down as he talked. “We don’t want everyone handicapped for this event, we’re just thinning out the herd. But it’s not fun if there’s no challenge in this.”

“Fair enough. So who do we target first?”

“I’d suggest the punk rocker, I want that done early.”

Suddenly, Pandora entered the garage wearing different clothing from her usual attire. She wore blue jeans, and a black short sleeved shirt with the words “15 Years Old.” on the front. Poison waved again while Damien greeted her. “Good morning, Pandora, how kind of you to join us. How’s life?”

“Life is an endless descent of misery and despair.”

“Sounds to me like someone needs a hug.”

“I’m fine. You still haven’t explained what you were doing yesterday.”

“Feel free to read the list.”

As she approached the table, she sat in Damien’s lap as she started reading, and while surprised by her actions, he merely accepted it.

“So you’re going to sabotage competitors vehicles? How expected of demons.” She said, looking up.

“Just living up to expectations.” Poison shrugged.

“You’re free to join us if you wish.” Damien added.

“I’m not sure yet, this seems rather cruel.” Pandora replied, as she moved around.

“Believe it or not, this is normal. Hell, there’s probably a few other competitors targeting us right now. It’s pretty much why contestants keep the details of their vehicles under wraps and in private locations. It’s just common sense.” Poison responded.

“Well, alright then, guess that’s fair.” Pandora said, moving around some more.

“Pandora, aren‘t you a little too old to be doing childish things like this?” Damien asked.

“I’m younger than Lolita so its fine, or am I disturbing you? ”

“That’s no excuse, besides, we can’t proceed with today’s plans if I just sit here, and I’d prefer not to throw you across the garage, so if you’d please.”

“Very well.” She replied, getting up. “Hmm, I’m rather annoyed, and yet at the same time I’m a little impressed.”

Damien ignored her and pulled out a wooden box in the corner. At that point, Poison said, “We might wanna consider Kate as a compe-”

Suddenly, Kate popped out of a trash can right next to Poison and raised her hand as she said, “What up?”

“Oh, hey Kate.” Poison replied, acting like this was normal. “You…didn’t hear certain things in there, did you?”

“Nah, I was sleeping then I heard my name so I got sprung.”

“Uh-huh.”

Kate glanced over at Pandora. “Oh, who’s that?”

“We’ve met before.”

“Really?”

“You kept poking my cheek.”

“Oh! You’re the doll girl!”

“I’m not a d-” Kate started poking her cheek again, at which point Pandora slapped her. “That’s incredibly rude.”

“Sorry, I can’t help it sometimes. So, you’re one of those shinimabob’s like Lolita, huh? You guys are so unusual. You’re like, dead, but function like living people. Your cheek even feels warm, HOW DOES THAT WORK? Do you have to breathe? Eat? If you barely feel pain do you barely feel pleasure?”

“Why are you asking me all those creepy things?” Pandora asked, moving back.

“Because I wanna know! You fascinate me, I just wanna place you on an operating table and split you open so I can figure out how you function!”

“What is wrong with you?!?”

“I’m a gentle girl, let me touch you a little, share saliva, maybe smell you a bit.” She placed her hands on Pandora and pinned her against a wall, then whispered, “I want to know what your pee tastes like, can I drink it?”

Pandora kicked her through a wall. “Enough! Stay away from me! If you come within 5 feet of me I’ll kill you!”

“That’s how some people naturally react after meeting Kate.” Poison replied.

As Kate walked back in, she asked, “What’s your problem? I just wanna drink your pee!”

“Drink my fist!” Pandora yelled as she punched her.

“Eat is more appropriate.” Poison said.

Moving on, they were on their way to the first target when they encountered a girl as Kate was buying something in a convenience store. She patted Poison on the back and waved as he turned to her. She had short black messy hair, wore a reindeer patterned jumper and red skirt. “Hi! This may sound odd but I’ve got a race in a few days and I need help with some things.”

Poison glanced at Damien who shook his head. “I’m not sure if-”

“Pretty please?”

“I’d really like to but-”

“Oh, I remember now! You were that guy with the wrestling moves at the Deathmatch event!”

“You saw that?”

“Yeah, I figured I knew you from somewhere, I thought that was really cool.” She said with a smile.

Poison turned to Damien and said, “I really think we should help her, dude.”

Damien sighed. “Fine, we’ll help.”

“You will? Yay!” She threw her hands up. “Nice to meet you, I’m Daisy.”

As Kate was done and they accompanied her to her house, Damien, Poison and Pandora walked behind Kate and Daisy who got on surprisingly well.

“I’m still unclear as to why we’re ignoring the plan.” Damien said.

“This won’t take long, calm down.” Poison replied.

“Weren’t you guys meant to sabotage, not fix?” Pandora asked.

“Sadly this is one of Harry’s more annoying traits.” Damien began. “His insistence to help young women by any means necessary. If she were a boy, he wouldn’t care.”

“That’s not true! I’m not a discriminator, I help if I can.”

“So you say but I rarely see it. I’ve been studying you for a while and I came to a conclusion: You feel the need to help other girls, whether or not they feel they need it, to make yourself feel more at peace because you need a purpose in life to keep going. You hide behind several mental walls, by attempting to be cool, or aloof, or just friendly, but you can’t fool me. It’s said that your closest friends are more likely to know you better than you know yourself, especially if you remain in denial.”

“So he’s like an internet white knight. How sad.” Pandora commented.

“I’m not like that! Your conclusion is false and absurd.”

“Well you certainly do have a lot of female friends, and interact with a lot of girls in general.” Damien shrugged.

“Guys can’t have female friends?”

“I never said that.”

“Just for the record, I consider you a friend too.” Pandora added.

“That’s not helping.” Poison replied. “Anyway, you’re still wrong.”

“Believe what you want.” Damien shrugged again. “But once again you’ve become acquainted with another young woman.”

“She also looks pretty big.” Pandora added.

“If you mean fat, I disagree.” Poison replied. “She’s, uhh, what’s that word? Plump? Yeah, that’s it. Like above average but not what you’d consider pure fat. Like having firm areas to grab, y’know? Like-”

“Feel free to stop anytime.” Damien replied.

“Yeah, I probably should.”

As they arrived at her place, she explained everything by the time they got to her backyard.

“So let me get this straight,” Poison began. “You just recently signed up, you don’t have any kind of vehicle for the race, you don’t have a partner, and you don’t even know how to drive!”

“Ehehehehe~” Daisy laughed at her incompetence while rubbing the back of her neck.

“Don’t ’Ehehehehe~’ me! You’re not even trying! Why did you even ask for help when you haven’t even started? You’ve only got 2 days, that’s not enough time for all this.”

“I can get the other things, I just need a working vehicle, oh, and a partner. I swear I’ll get my act together.”

Poison turned to Damien who shrugged. “Fair enough, we’ve got business. Feel free to contact us when you learn how to drive.”

“I will! Thank you!” She waved as they left.

They proceeded to their original destination in silence, aside from Kate who would try to start conversations but eventually stopped trying. They approached the door of the punk rocker and rang the doorbell.

A man answered the door. He had a rainbow Mohawk, wore black shades, had many tattoos and piercings all over his body, and wore a black sleeveless shirt and pants. “Who are you guys?”

“Hey, I’m grump.” Damien replied.

“I’m not so grump.” Poison added.

“So what brings you here?” He asked.

“We came to sabotage your vehicle.” Damien responded.

“Alright, come on in.” And so they did, and he talked as they walked. “Name’s Mike btw, I know, that’s not a cool name for a rocker as awesome as myself but that’s life. Wait, aren’t you that guy who led one of the teams in the recent Deathmatch event. There was also that really serious chick in all black, doing all stylish shit and all.”

“That’s my wife.”

“Oh shit, you married her? That’s awesome, man. Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

“So why come to me anyway?”

“Yeah, why him?” Poison asked.

“He has a lot of explosives.” Damien replied.

“That’s true. Got a lot of C4 in the basement right now.”

“Let’s have a little talk, Mike.” Damien said, placing his arm around him and leaving the others. They were done talking pretty shortly and apparently resolved any issue while the others were inspecting his vehicle.

Mike approached Pandora who was standing off to the side. “So are you one of my fans?”

“I’ve never hear-”

“It’s cool, a lot of them are too embarrassed to ask for autographs, I notice.”

“Gee, I wonder why.”

“A lot of girls like me, because I’m awesome.”

“I don’t. You also remind me of another person with a Mohawk I didn’t like. In fact, I don’t like Mohawks. I also don’t like sleazy people, utter slobs, moronic people, people seeking attention, people who wear clothing with words on them-”

“Nice shirt, btw.”

“Misogynistic people, people who take their feminist views too far, people who hit on me, and people who continue to hit on me after knowing how old I am.”

“You seem as high-strung as some of my fans, they’ll kick him or suplex me and such, but it’s still totally worth that sensation.”

“Why? Are you so pathetic that any female touch, even an abusive or ignorant touch is enough to designate yourself to a role lower than a living being with dignity?”

“What if I said yes?”

“I’d call you a waste of flesh with no self respect to be worth wasting my breath on.”

“Feel free to let it all out, let me have it.”

“Very well then.” Pandora punched him in the stomach, kicked him to the ground and started stomping on him. The others could see this but ignored it. “What a lowlife worm, masochists really are the worst. Your existence is more meaningless than the dirt beneath my shoe. Men are such stupid creatures, constantly controlled by their lower halves, unwilling to look at the bigger picture. Trying to control everything like insecure maggots. While on the subject, I feel I might just enslave you myself.”

“Yes!”

“I’ll treat you like my own personal furniture.”

“YES!”

“I’ll sit on you all day.”

“YES!"

“I’ll fart in your face.”

“If you want, I guess, that’s not really my thing but-”

“Oh second thought, I don’t feel like it.”

“What I really meant was, all of my YES.”

Just then, Damien picked her up as he said, “Come on, Pandora, we’re done here. Good doing business with you, Mike.” The four of them then left.

“No problem, come back anytime.” Mike replied.

As they left in silence, when they were down the street Kate then said, “I think he had like 6 tattoos.”

“I have a tattoo on my back as well.” Damien replied.

“I have one on my upper left thigh.” Pandora responded.

After more silence, Damien said, “So later, I show you mine, you show me yours?”

“Sure.”

Meanwhile, Ivy was in her room and had just called her father. “Daaaaaaad, people keep calling me cute and it’s really annoying me. Tell them to stop.”

“I can’t just force them to stop, Ivy.”

“I’m pretty sure you could.”

“Yeah, but this is your problem. Why do you think they keep calling you cute?”

“I dunno, I’ve done many evil things, but they forget that. They just keep winding me up.”

“There’s your problem. If people know it annoys you, then they’re going to keep doing it, so you have to either deal with it or make them take you seriously.”

“…I see. Thanks, dad.”

“Remember, keep representing.”

“Geez, dad, that was like two seasons ago!”

Damien, Poison, Pandora and Kate were on a rooftop close to a big house and Kate was looking at it through binoculars while Pandora was opening a suitcase. She brought out three rabbit suits, handing a blue one to Damien and a beige one to Poison. “Since I’ve been told this is somewhat of a stealth mission, I figured these suits were appropriate just in case.”

“Yeah, but why?” Poison asked.

“You once said I remind you of a bunny.”

“You still remember that?”

“I don’t forget.”

“Also, why couldn’t I have green?”

“Because it doesn’t begin with ‘B’.”

“It also stands out less.” Damien said.

“What about me?” Kate asked.

“Prepare a gateway vehicle in case our heavy sleeper wakes up too soon.” Pandora shot a wire down between the rooftop and the chimney, which they moved across instead of just flying, and climbed down the chimney. As they roamed around slowly, noticing how things were set up as well as a big loaf of cheese left on the kitchen counter, they quickly knew the owner was upstairs from the faint snoring. It didn’t take long to find the vehicle and get to work on messing with its parts & exhaust. They were done within a few minutes and were ready to make a clean escape.

Unfortunately, they hadn’t taken notice that the snoring had stopped. As they went through the kitchen, Damien stopped. “Wait a minute.” He pointed at the kitchen counter. “Someone cut the cheese.”

“Wasn’t me.” Poison shrugged.

“I didn’t do it.” Pandora said.

“There’s no need to lie out of embarrassment, Pandora.” Damien replied.

“I swear I didn’t cut the cheese.”

“Harry was beside me the whole way, you wondered off for a little while. Denial only makes it worse, and here I thought you‘d gotta over that habit. You‘re even more ashamed to admit it.”

“I DIDN’T CUT ANY CHEESE! SHUT UP ALREADY!”

A blonde haired woman just wearing a white tank top and panties walked in from the other room after hearing the noise, eating some cheese. “The fuck? Rabbit cosplayers? Not in my house!”

She compressed a small ball of air and threw it, knocking the counter across the room as Damien, Poison and Pandora ran, with the woman right on their tail.

“Wait, she has wind powers?” Poison asked. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“It wasn’t important.” Damien said.

“I’ll hold her off while you guys go.”

“Pretty sure there’s no need.”

“It’s alright, I got this.”

“Does fighting another wind user turn you on or something?” Pandora asked.

“A little.”

“…”

“I’m joking.”

“I doubt that.”

Kate drove through a wall in a jeep and honked. They quickly showed up and jumped in through the windows, then Kate quickly did a U-turn and drove off as the woman started throwing tornadoes but they were long gone.

Meanwhile, Ivy met Rosie at WcDonalds and they sat at a table where Rosie ate a Big Wac as Ivy talked. “So I had a scary dream last night. I dreamt we were at the beach, and you were rubbing suntan lotion on me, but you were doing it with your midriff, and then you rubbed your midriff all over my face, and I liked it.”

“That says more about you than it does about me, and what’s your problem with my midriff?”

“I can’t help but notice what’s regularly there. Anyway, I need you to be my partner in the race.”

“Sorry, I’m not planning on entering.”

“What?!? But you regularly enter the events!”

“Yeah, the physical ones, I enjoy those more. Not really interested this time.”

“Very well. I hope you choke on that burger.” Ivy said, getting up.

“That’s cute.”

Ivy chose not to respond, and just left quickly. She contacted Goldia and met her close by. As she arrived, Ivy pointed at her and said, “Goldia! Be my racing partner!”

“Unfortunately, I must decline, my lady.”

“Huh? Why?!?”

“I’ve already agreed to be my previous master’s partner. She wishes to make up for past times, I’m willing to listen.”

“But what about us?! You’re turning on me?!?”

“Nothing of the sort, it’s just this once. Now I must go, I wish you luck, my lady.” Goldia bowed and left as Ivy yelled insults at her.

Later on, Damien and Poison were getting ready to go to sleep in a random room that I won’t go into detail about, and were sharing the same bed. Pandora called Damien and he answered. “Want a bedtime story?”

“Sorry to disturb, but could I sleep with you guys?”

“What’s the problem?”

“While I have a place that I share with Dawn, she’s not here and I’ve heard noises. I think that crazy woman is in my closet. I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Fine, come if it’s really so scary being alone.”

“Thank you, I also wear pajamas. I don’t sleep naked, sorry to disappoint you.”

“I never cared.”

“Well you’ve already seen me naked so I thought you were expecting that.”

“When will you stop bringing that up?”

“Never.”

The next morning, Lolita called Pandora while sitting in the same chair. “So how are things going?”

“Just fine, Damien and Harry are sabotaging vehicles and doing deals with other competitors. Do you have a vehicle prepared for us?”

“I do, it’s in good hands. Continue to accompany them for the time being.” Lolita started drinking a glass of water. “Are you still getting along?”

“Very much so, just this morning I joined Damien in the shower.” Lolita spat out the water. “Just kidding.” As she started drinking away, Pandora added, “Damien joined me in the shower.” As she spat out the water again, Pandora said, “Kidding again.”

Daisy had called Poison early that morning and so the four of them went to meet her at a clothing store. As Poison and Damien stood around, Poison said, “Actually, I do have a lot of male friends. There’s Leo, Gary, Toby, Tom and also Richard, they aren’t all female.”

“The fact that you need to bring up that subject again after so long clearly means you’re concerned over my conclusion.” Damien replied.

“I’m just proving I’m not biased towards women. I’m not that nice either.”

“Metaphorically speaking, true, but that’s beside the point.”

Daisy ran up to them with two bikini’s and asked, “Hey guys, which should I buy: Blue or yellow?”

“The blue would match your eyes.” Poison responded.

“That’s true! Thanks! You guys seem pretty close.”

“That’s because they’re a gay couple.” Pandora said, appearing from nowhere.

“Oh! I can totally see that!”

“Really?” Poison asked in disbelief.

“There’s not another man in my life who could ever take Harry’s place.” Damien said.

“Yeah, I feel the same way.” Poison said sarcastically. “Damien will always be my Fluffy Bear.”

“Harry will always be my Cuddle Bunny.”

“Can I see you guys kiss?” Daisy asked.

“No.” They said in unison.

Outside the shop, Ivy was talking with Kate. “Kate, I need you to be my partner.”

“No can do, girl. I ain’t racing, I’m gonna be a commentator instead.”

“Really? You as well?”

“I’m gonna be the hottest guest ever! Televisions gonna blow up when I’m on screen.”

“Okay, I didn’t wanna say this but you’re not that hot, Kate. First of all, fix your fucking hair and choose a style! Second, wear a normal shirt and not “I’m a slut and attention whore” shirts all the time. Third, wear some actual fucking pants instead of wearing slightly extended underwear. Your ass isn’t that great, hell, I could wear that shit and look good.”

“…I see you hating.”

“I ain’t even mad.” Ivy shrugged.

“Anyway, peace out, girl, I’ll catch you later.” Kate said as she entered the shop while Ivy flipped her off.

A bit later after helping Daisy with a working vehicle, Damien, Poison, Pandora and Kate moved on to arriving at the demon lords place, and opened up an underground hatch nearby before entering. They were all dressed in black suits for some reason.

“Back there, I have to say that was a little out of line, Pandora.” Damien said.

“Oh? Was I a bad girl?”

“You were a very bad girl, so I‘ll have to punish you.”

“What’s my punishment?”

“I’m going to put you over my knee and-”

“You guys can roleplay all you want once we’re done.” Poison responded.

“We might’ve been done earlier if not for your white-knighting.” Damien replied.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“So will we get to kill anyone today?” Pandora asked.

The other three gave her a look of disgust as Kate said, “Damn girl, you cold.”

“What a barbaric girl…” Poison commented.

“She’s more demonic than we are…” Damien added.

“D-don’t misunderstand! You people can’t judge me! I didn’t even mean it like that!” She protested.

They followed the path down and arrived in a big dark cave with many chambers. As they wondered through the large place, Pandora said, “I sense a evil presence around this place…”

“Are there demons here?” Kate asked.

“No, they may not be demon’s souls, but they’re still dark souls.” The others gave her a look of pity and remained silent. “What’s with that reaction? Someone respond to my comment.” Complete silence. “Please? I have low self esteem.” More silence. “Sad face…”

They soon found the vehicle and Damien started messing with it. Pretty shortly, many shadowy figures with glowing eyes began to rise out of the ground around the caves. Poison, Pandora and Kate got ready to fight them off as Damien continued. They wasted no time cutting down the
figures while Poison asked, “So what are these things?”

“Probably a small form of protection using Alice’s power, but much weaker and in minion form.”

“Not that I’m having trouble-” Pandora said, cutting one figure in half. “But try not to take all day, old man.”

“Old man? You wound me. I assure you I’m middle aged at the most.”

Several shadowy figures combined and threw a large ball of dark energy at Poison as he could faintly hear them make out the words, “Eternal Darkness…” He dodged and it hit Kate, who ran around blind while hitting other figures and attempting to grab Pandora numerous times.

A dozen shadowy figures formed a circle, resonated through a white aura and faintly said, “Sanity’s Requiem…” They emitted an ear-piercing scream which slowly began to affect them mentally overtime within that area.

“I remember this.” Damien began. “This move attempts to vividly remind you of the worst and horrifying events that you can actually remember, and amplify that disgust by three times as much.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to feel pretty ill, It’d be great if you could hurry, fluffy bear.” Poison replied, struggling to stand.

“Almost done, cuddle bunny.”

Pandora had to activate Shinigami Overdrive to overcome such thoughts as she continued to cut down the shadowy figures while Kate seemed unaffected but was slowly regaining her version.

Damien suddenly got up. “I’m done, lets move.” As they prepared to leave, many shadowy figures conjured up a black hole which grew quickly as they ran for the exit.

As they were about to leave, Kate stopped and stood her ground against the large black hole approaching her. “Y’know what? Fuck that hole, I’m taking it out!”

“That’s insane, you crazy woman!” Pandora exclaimed. “You’ll be-”

“Nah, fuck that hole!”

“It’s physically impossible to fight a-”

“Nah, fuck that hole! Imma piledriver this bitch.” And so she ran ahead, grabbed the black hole, leapt into the air and did a spinning piledriver, causing it to explode. Kate walked on ahead of Poison and Pandora, tapping Pandora on the shoulder and saying, “Swag.” as she did.

“I don’t understand, how did she-”

“Don’t think about it, Pandora.” Poison replied. “Just except it, otherwise your head may explode trying to make sense of it.”

“But it’s just-it shouldn’t be-”

“Leave it be, Pandora.”

“A black hole isn’t a physical object! It naturally like, sucks up things! You shouldn’t-”

“Pandora, STOP.”

As they made a move for one last place, Damien asked, “So what were your horrific memories?”

“Ms. Viela.” Poison replied.

“That lingerie picture?”

“The very same. You too?”

“Indeed. Such a sight would drive most normal people insane.”

“What’s yours, Pandora?” Kate asked.

“It’s personal and embarrassing and I‘m never telling.”

“Aww…”

In the demon lord “Clubroom”, Blake, Tyson, Brian and Richard were watching a horror movie, Amber, Sakura and Toby were playing Mario Kart and Alice read a book nearby.

“You sure you don’t wanna join in, Alice?” Amber asked.

“I’m just fine.”

“Alice takes competitive games too seriously anyway.” Sakura said.

“What? That’s absurd!”

“It’s true! Remember when we all regularly played and you would always insult anyone who hit you.”

“You once tried to castrate me for hitting you with a blue shell…” Toby added.

“To be fair, blue shells are rather unfair.” Richard replied.

“Wait, does that apply to the fighting games too?” Alice asked, looking at Blake.

“A little. Not to say you’re bad, I just purposely lose some matches.”

“Oh my goodness, I never realized I was so uncivilized.”

“I wouldn’t say that, but you are quite nerdy too.” Amber said.

“That is quite untrue.”

“I recall you once telling me you wanted to have multiple “Special attacks” and you wanted to name two, “Eternal Darkness.” & “Sanity’s Requiem.”

“It was a different time for me back then…”

A little later, Damien, Poison, Pandora and Kate moved on to storm the Heaven’s Demons domain which was around the garages of an airport runway. They reached a building and were about to climb a ladder to get onto a rooftop, and Pandora was back to wearing her “modern” attire. “Okay, I’ll go first.” Pandora said. “Please don’t stare at my ass.”

“If you’re worried about that, can’t you just go last?” Poison asked.

“But then I’d be staring at someone else’s ass, and that’s sexual harassment.”

“Or you could not look up.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Forget it, just go.”

As she climbed, Kate raised her hand. “I’m next!”

“No, I’ll go since I won’t look. What’s your deal with Pandora anyway, are you-”

“Nah son, I like dick, lets get that straight. That doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the female body, you feel me?”

“I wish I didn’t.” Poison said as he started climbing, then noticed Damien simply fly up the building instead. “…Okay then.”

They soon reached the top, overlooking the dozens of bikers driving around.

“I feel this may be an occasion for it.” Pandora said, revealing a suitcase. She put it down and bent down to open it. “Feel free to gaze upon it.”

“I’m already doing so.” Kate replied, ignoring the suitcase.

Poison glanced over at them and said, “I don’t think that’s the point of focus, that’s…really something though.”

“So what’s in the box, Pandora?” Kate asked.

“What’s going on here?” Damien asked, approaching them.

“Pandora’s going to open her special suitcase box thing.”

“Kate…” Poison gave her a look of pity.

“I just wanna know what’s in Pandora’s Box.”

“Subtle.” He said, sarcastically.

“Really? Thought I was pretty clear…”

The suitcase opened, emitting a lot of smoke and stream from inside. Pandora pulled out a neon black sniper rifle that produced black flames. “I call it, “Fate.”.

“I’m not sure we’re going to be killing today.” Damien replied.

“But I already pulled it out! I have to kill at least one person, it yearns for more death!”

“Fine. Cuddle bunny, you ready?”

“Always, fluffy bear.” Damien and Poison flew towards the area.

The bikers wasted no time attacking Damien and Poison but they were easily taking them out while Pandora sniped several of them, which burst into flame and became decayed husks pretty quickly. Kate pulled out a large rocket launcher, locked on to a few bikers and fired. As the large missile hit the ground it produced a dozen small missiles with a surprisingly large blast range.

Pandora gasped. “That’s the D! Only 8 of those were ever made!”

“Yep, it’s the Destroyer. Some guy wanted to sell it ages ago, had no idea how valuable it was for a while.”

“Um, may I?”

“You want the D? Sorry, no freebies.”

“I’ll…let you touch me.”

“Nope, money, girl.”

“How unfortunate…”

Soon enough, a big tank was brought out onto the runway, blasting everything in sight, including the building that Pandora and Kate were at. Damien and Poison’s attacks for some reason couldn’t dent the tank regardless of their attack’s strength. Pandora and Kate arrived pretty quickly but also failed to do any lasting damage to it.

“This tank just doesn’t give a fuck.” Kate said.

“Anyone have any ideas?” Pandora asked.

“Why not use your Shinigami Overdrive?” Poison asked.

“It wouldn’t help, don’t ask why.”

“Why?” Kate asked.

“…”

“I’ll handle this one, I‘m ready.” Damien said, as he walked forward.

“What are you planning to do?” Pandora asked.

“Well…” He stroked his chin for a moment then removed his shades. “First I’ll whip it out,” He said, creating a large rocky spear. “Then I jam it in!” He yelled, throwing it into the cannon. “With immerse speed and force I overwhelm my target.” He said, flying around as he lodged more large spears into specific areas around the wheels of the tank. “Hit it from the front.” He summoned a large rocky foot that hit it with a roundhouse kick. “Surprise it from the back.” He then jammed another spear into it from behind. “Leave no hole unnoticed. Try every position possible.” He said, flying around once more, doing stylish poses as he flung more spears at it. “And if that’s not enough, target the weak point.” He said, forming one longer and thinner spear before landing beside the others. “Because it’s not just about size,” He threw the spear in between the cockpit and the armored skirt, then drew a gun. “It’s about precision.” He pushed the spear through with a bullet as he fired which caused the tank to explode.

“I bet that gets all the bitches.” Kate replied.

Pandora sarcastically clapped, while Poison said, “This would be a little more surprising if you weren’t related to Ivy…”

And so their business was wrapped up for that day and things could proceed as they wanted, hopefully. Moving on to the next day, it was time for the racing event and there was less than an hour to go. There were crowds hovering around the area, the participants being a part of those crowds. Ivy was together with Nookie and Daisy as she talked while Daisy pet Nookie.

“So it turns out that it was supposed to happen next week, so yeah, I dun goofed.”

“Hehehe~, you’re so silly, Ivy. That’s cute.” Daisy replied.

Ivy stopped smiling. “You’re not my partner any longer. Lets go, Nookie.”

“What did I do?” Daisy asked, running after them.

Damien and Poison who were further away just watched. “So Daisy’s partner is Ivy now?”

“I almost feel sorry for her.” Damien replied. “I feel sorry for you too, having to put up with my sister on a regular basis.”

“I’m not sure if you’re serious…”

Lolita and Pandora approached them during this, and Damien greeted them. “Good morning, Pandora, and of course my lovely wife, Lolita.”

Lolita merely stared at him and offered a handshake, which Damien accepted.

“So what’s your deal with Damien?” Poison asked Pandora.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been trying to get his attention a lot recently.”

“Don’t misunderstand, my feelings for Damien will never go beyond 5 hearts.”

“Out of what?”

“8 hearts. 7 would qualify for me to really like someone.”

“I assume Lolita is at 7.”

“You’d be correct. You‘re at 3 hearts.”

“Why am I so low? Can’t you bump me up to 4?”

“You can’t ask someone to like you better.”

A little later on just before the race was supposed to start, White and Green were at the commentators table again along with Kate. “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, it’s your favorite commentators here, White.”

“Green, and special guest, Kate Katalin is joining us today.”

“What up?” Kate raised her hand. “Good to catch the breeze with you guys.”

“Likewise.” Green replied. “So today’s a long one as usual,” He said before showing off the track as he talked. “They’ll be many planned transitions, since all participants will be required or fly at some point. The flares will indicate where to go, and in certain cases, simply follow the floating cameras if need be. But enough talk, we should get to some of the participants that matter.”

“Right you are, Green.” White said. “Making another grand appearance is Ivy and her partner, Daisy, driving a red monster truck.” Daisy waved while Ivy kept throwing around middle fingers.

“That’s mah girl.” Kate said. “She affected by dat hate but I don’t blame her.” She then heard someone yelling that she sucks. “Oh, got them haters. Them haters trying to spot me.”

“Isn’t that the same Ivy who participated in the last Deathmatch games?” Green asked.

“The very same, Green.” White replied. “We’ll have to see what she’s capable of. Next is Amber and Alice, driving the top down black Lamborghini.”

“Very nice.” Green nodded.

“They my girls too, hope they do good.” Kate said.

“Next, we got Tom and Blake driving a blue taxi. Not gonna say much on that.”

“Things might get pretty crazy.” Green said.

“We got Dawn and Goldia in some sleek UFO looking thing.”

“Wasn’t Goldia an avid supporter of Ivy at one point, White?”

“That’s what I figured, Green. Not sure what the circumstances are. Anyway, next is Damien and Harry, driving that blue hot rod.”

Down below, Damien said, “Lets go all out, cuddle bunny.”

“Uh, Damien, we need to talk about those gay jokes…”

He turned around. “Are you breaking up with me?”

“It’s not you, it’s me, okay? I just can’t commit to it…”

“I had no idea you felt this way…”

Back to White, he said, “Lolita and Pandora are driving the green Quad.”

“Is that Pandora chick new? Never seen her before.” Green said.

“I would tenderly hug that girl.” Kate commented.

“Just wanna say she’s got a nice rack on her.”

“You say that a lot, Green. Besides, you shouldn’t be ogling the participants before the race…you do it during the race.”

“You’re right, sorry about that.”

Down below, Pandora said, “Lets do our best, Lolita.” with a smile.

“We’ll crush them.” Lolita replied.

“Huh?”

White went through some notes. “Toby and Sakura are in the F1 red go-kart, and finally, Tyson and Brian are in the black 4x4. Yeah, I’m done, start this shit.” He signaled to someone off camera.

“We gonna need a fucking beat for this shit!” Kate said, slamming a stereo on the table.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaGI2wc2bDE

As the race started up on a normal street, many vehicles had trouble where it would blow up, have trouble gaining speed, having messed up controls and so on, but at least 2/3’s of them made a decent start. As they drifted around the corner towards item boxes, they started pulling out weapons like rocket launchers, grenades, laser cannons, dropping mines and so on. Damien and Poison were leading ahead of the others and blasted down the entrance leading to the airport runway with others following closely behind. As they all sped up towards the edge of land leading to the sea and got ready to transform their vehicles, Kate suddenly stood up.

“Yo, sit up, strap yourselves in, hope for good luck.” As the karts flew off at slow motion, Kate continued. “Yo yo yooooo, here we goooooo! You’re on your own, so you’d better go hard or your going home! Let’s goooooo! Do a fucking barrel rooooooolll!” She said as Tom and Blake evaded several projectiles fired backwards. Lolita and Pandora were slowing down due to evading a barrage Damien and Poison sent their way. “Lolita’s making that save, shit’s gonna go down, while it may look grave, yo son just check out that wave!” She said as Lolita flew down hard and lifted the vehicle just before plunging into the sea, causing a big wave. They flew across the sea like a skipping stone as Kate said, “They hanging low while D & H are on a roll, that F1 go-kart’s eating dust, clearly its quite slow, maybe not on the flooooooor!”

Kate spun then began sliding left and right. “Some of the other racers that are worth a shit are beginning to keeeeep up the pace! Lolita and Pandora are really taking names and currently wiiiiiining this race!” She said as Lolita activated nitrous, and Pandora knocked back projectiles by shooting at them as they passed Damien and Poison. “Better watch out, cause if they get a lead, then they gooooooone! Up in the air, they just don’t care, they in the zoooooone!” Their vehicle changed back into a Quad as they reached land by a forest.

Two people in white suits entered the studio and grabbed Kate. “Hey! What’re yo-” After looking at them, she sighed. “Alright, fair enough…” They then escorted her out of the area.

As Lolita sped up and kept that momentum going as they traveled down muddy paths, Pandora began eating bananas and dropping the peels pretty fast and consistently.

“Pandora seems to be pretty good at eating bananas.” Green said.

“I don’t think you can make eating bananas dirty, Green.”

“Sure I can.”

As the participants drove through a farm ranch very shortly, there were turtle shells fired at Toby and Sakura, but she pressed a button on a remote which put up a reflective shield, knocking it back. Ivy and Daisy literally crushed one of the contestants driving a mini and threw a large fireball ahead at Amber and Alice, who got rid of it with a concentrated but brief black hole. Coming past all the grass and onto a more stone covered path with ramps and bridges, Lolita was doing a whole bunch of spins and tricks in the air, and at one point spinning 360 degrees 3 times then going into a drift as she landed and maintained control by dodging pillars randomly placed on the path as she went round the corner.

“Lolita and Pandora going to work with all those tricks, but Damien and Harry are quickly gaining.” White then noticed Green eating baby back ribs. “Green, why are you eating that?”

“I’m hungry, no big deal.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re sponsoring something.”

“Of course not, I’m just enjoying my baby got back ribs, with succulent awesome sauce for the amazing price of $3.49 at your local Rib Cage.”

Meanwhile, as Pandora noticed Damien and Poison were approaching, she slowly reached for a gun, at which point Poison pressed a button on a remote and covered the wheels in metal. The bullets merely bounced off them and Damien easily dodged the banana peels that Pandora dropped. The race went from all sorts of locations like water filled caves, to busy beaches, to a normal city where traffic is still moving all while the participants were throwing out all sorts of weapons and tricks that I couldn’t be bothered to mention.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdhuURh72fI

As the sky got darker overlooking a large forest, Tom and Blake blasted down a tree as they drove down a muddy path and it began to rain. Many other vehicles were on their tail as they began to catch up to Lolita and Damien’s vehicles that were further ahead. They went through a rocky canyon where other racers were firing rockets at the walls, closing off some of the paths, which made some vehicles crash but special ones like Dawn’s UFO merely flew over, some sped right under and others like Ivy’s monster truck barged through regardless. They slowly went up a mountain trail as it kept raining, full of twists and turns where D&H managed to overtake L&P as D&H swapped places like Double Dash since Poison handled the corners a little better.

“There’s Harry, handling that car like a pro.” White commented.

“It’s all about that control, White.”

Pandora started throwing more projectiles which they easily evaded while maintaining speed. As the track went downhill large rocks began falling out of the sky as L&P began to catch up and were approaching the next city. Driving down many roads, they got to a rising bridge and sped up, flying off it like a ramp. Most of the racers landed fine and then went full speed down the straightaway while cracks in the streets appeared and lava poured out of them like fountains but were easily avoidable. They all drifted hard around the corner and could see the finish line far in the distance. As they approached the finish line, Damien & Harry, Lolita & Pandora, Tom & Blake, and Dawn & Goldia’s vehicles were all within a few inches of each other. Suddenly, Ivy & Daisy in their monster truck flew by like a propelled rocket and finished a second before the others.

After the race was over and the results were announced, it was decided upon that Ivy and Daisy legitimately won the race, somehow. They stood on a stand, with Daisy waving to the crowd while Ivy talked. “All you assholes doubted me, but who’s laughing now? Fuck all you mocking people! I’m the main character, so suck it! Is this cute?” She threw a bag of shit into the crowd. “Is it? How about this?” She threw a bag of urine into the crowd. “Fuck all you moe freaks! I’m not cute about all! Kiss my ass!” She then started mooning the crowd which only caused people to think her tantrums were cute.

As Damien and Poison stood in the crowd, Damien said, “Just thought I’d remind you, Daisy is here thanks to your help.”

“You never know how things would have went normally.”

Lolita and Pandora approached them with Lolita looking rather upset. “I didn’t win…”

“But you put on a really good performance.” Damien replied. Lolita gasped and then hugged him. Poison and Pandora looked at each other, shrugged and joined in on their hug.

Kate suddenly appeared. “Oh! Group hug! I’m in!” As she attempted to join in, Pandora hit her with an uppercut.

Unlike half the other times I say this, similarities to certain recent things is just coincidental. Already had this planned for a long while, I was supposed to have this done last week but I got really lazy. Now its done I can be a useless piece of shit all day and watch all the animu I missed from over a week ago.
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TMEDCE: Overloaded Various Activities

Blah blah blah, it was a day. On a previous day prior to the events of this day, Ivy called Poison as he read a comic. “Hey, be ready tomorrow, we’re going to this bath-house-like place with a hot spring and all & there’s a lot of people coming.”

“I don’t know, this seems rather cliché.”

“Well get this, it’s a co-ed bath house.”

“…Alright, you got me, that’s a little unusual. So what brought this on?”

“Well I was talking with Kate over the phone the other day…”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“What up? This yo main girl here, Kate. I was thinking, let’s do something original and go to the beach.”

“Nah, that’s too cliché, let’s go to a hot spring instead.”

“I know this bath-house that’s right next to a beach.”

“That’s awesome! Let’s go as soon as possible!”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And there you go.”

“And everyone’s free on such short notice?”

“Well it is the summer, I mean, most of us have jobs and whatnot but we do that off-screen.”

“Fair enough, I’ll be ready tomorrow.”

Back to the day after that, Poison was making his way there when Toby, Sakura & Richard caught up to him as Toby waved and called out to him. Sakura continuously glared at him while Toby talked. “Hi Harry! Good morning!”

“Hey guys, are you all coming on that trip too?”

“Yup!”

“Eh.” Sakura shrugged.

“I couldn’t afford to decline precious moments such as this to bond with my fellow demons and others.” Richard replied.

“Oh!” Toby began. “Thanks so much for that advice before, I remembered to knock before I entered this changing room & I didn’t have to participate in a foursome with these triplet college girls.”

“You say the funniest things, Toby.”

They approached the others, with most of them already waiting by Ivy’s van shaped ship. Speaking of which, Ivy now looked like her older alternate universe counterpart, which I’ll not mention again. “About time.” Ivy said. “Now where’s that foolish angel? She should have been here already.”

“She’ll show up, I doubt she’d miss this.” Poison replied.

“She’d better not. I can’t wait to rub this in her face since I’m older now and she’s still a silly child.” Ivy smirked, and then noticed 3 figures coming towards the area in the distance. “Oh, I think I see her, I can’t wa-“ As they got close she saw the three figures were Gary, Ruby & Crystal, but that didn’t matter. What did was that Ruby had also aged to look like her alternate universe counterpart, which I’ll really not mention again.

“Good to see you again, Ivy.” Said Ruby, hugging her as Ivy was still shocked. “I really appreciate you inviting me.”

“Why you! Why do you look like that!”

“Huh? Like that?”

“More mature! When did you get that older body?”

“Umm, I don’t know, like two weeks ago?”

“Two weeks?!?” She dropped to the ground in defeat. “You were ahead of me by over a week…”

“So are we going now?” Gary asked.

“Seems everyone is present and accounted for now.” Damien responded.

Just then, Daisy walked over towards them as she said, “Hey guys, it seems like you’re all going on a trip, so I’ll join you!”

Poison began to push her away as he said, “Sorry, I think we have enough girls on this trip, besides, you were supposed to be a one-time character, Daisy. Kate was too but she wouldn’t leave. Anyway, you’ve gotta leave.”

“Ehhhh?! But I wanna join you because it might be fun, and fun things are fun!”

“Thanks for the info, but seriously-“

“Just let her join, Harry.” Rosie replied.

“I doubt we’ll have the extra space needed for her.” Richard responded.

“I’m sure we can make some space. Don’t be a dick, Richard.” Blake said.

Toby laughed. “Hehe, that’s funny because dick is short for Richard.”

“I’m pretty sure if we take more people, someone will have to sit on someone else’s lap to make space.” Brian said, while Pandora raised her hand. “Okay, that’s settled then.”

Nookie suddenly arrived, snapping Ivy out of her depression as she waved and said, “Blah!”

Nookie looked around, noticed Ivy and felt rather confused. “Blah, blah blu-blah, ble?”

“Blah, blah bah blalala bahaha blah, blu-blu bleh blah blah, bee blah.”

“…Blah.” Nookie shrugged.

“What on earth is that grotesque thing?” Pandora asked.

“How dare you!” Ivy exclaimed, while Nookie was also offended. “Nookie isn’t a ‘thing’, he still has feelings.” Nookie nodded.

“How do you know that creature?”

“How? He’s my beloved pet.” Ivy replied, petting him.

“That’s your pet? You demons amaze me…”

As everyone was here, they started to get into the ship, then Rosie said, “Wait a minute, what about Tom?”

“Tom? Who’s that?” Ivy asked.

“Y’know, the generic looking guy with the paper bag over his head? Remember? Tom?”

“…I don’t know anyone called Tom…”

“Very funny, Harry, is Tom coming today?”

“I really have no idea who Tom is, Rosie.” He replied.

“This isn’t funny, guys…”

They gave her weird looks as they got in the ship, then she shrugged and got on as well. They travelled to Earth but on the way to the beach they were suddenly bashed by another ship that appeared to be driven by Undead Rainbow. “I hope you stupid angels didn’t think you could get rid of me that easily! I’ll destroy you if it’s the last thing I do!”

Ruby had half her body hanging out the window and waved as she said, “Good morning, Fuka! You wanna come to the beach with us?”

“Huh? The beach? And when the hell did you get taller? And have those things stuck to your chest? How long have I been gone?”

After clearing up some things she decided to join them anyway. They travelled along a motorway looking road which wasn’t a motorway at high speeds when Kate decided to put on the Daytona USA theme.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1WlBBVPMJo

They came to a corner and drifted through it without slowing down as Kate yelled, “Daytonaaaaaaaaaaaa!”. Kate soon poked her head out a window and pointed as she said, “Let’s go away!” Ruby & Daisy did the same right after her. Ivy came across a broken down car in the road and drove right through it, making it explode from several different angles as they sped by. Goldia placed her hand on Ivy’s shoulder and nodded as she said, “Let’s go away.” Ivy nodded back as she replied, “Let’s go away.” Ivy drove through a barricade onto a muddy uphill track ahead. Then it became a series of twists and turns before driving off the track onto the large assortment of rocks below and continuing to drive along the rocks till they eventually arrived at the beach and stopped with the ship’s side facing the sea as the sun shined brightly in the background.

Most of them got out fairly quickly, stretched, looked around etc.

Amber yawned as she stretched and then said, “Alright, time for some fun.” She pulled off her cape, revealing her red bikini with bright orange outlines. Alice did the same, tearing off her dress and revealing her Cthulhu styled bikini which is totally a thing. Since Crystal wore rather thin flimsy clothing already, she revealed her glittery silver bikini as she pulled her clothes off and ran off to catch Amber and Alice. Sakura got changed in the ship and came out wearing a pink bikini and skirt with yellow polka dots.

Dawn walked by completely naked with Nookie following closely behind as Blake stood outside the ship where Fuka was looking through some luggage when he asked, “It’s probably none of my business, but do you need a swimsuit?”

“There’s no concern, I always have my swimsuit on me just in case of occasions where I visit the beach.” She said as she was getting changed. Afterwards she jumped off the ship, wearing a rainbow styled school swimsuit. “How do I look?”

“Presentable.” Blake shrugged as he walked off.

Kate suddenly appeared beside her, wearing a primary color striped full bodysuit with a dog suit head. “Well aren’t you the cutest little undead thing!” She picked her up. “C’mon, let’s go play!”

“H-hey, wait a minute! Put me down!” Fuka yelled as Kate carried her off.

Rosie wore a purple bikini with black bats all over it. Lolita wore a plain black bikini while Pandora beside her was mostly covered with a large beige hat, black sunglasses and a black swimsuit dress. Ruby ran towards the ocean wearing a striped blue swimsuit with a rubber duck floatie around her waist. Ivy, who was standing beside Poison and Goldia around the other side of the ship, began chuckling to herself. “Foolish women, you know nothing of true beauty. Behold!” She pulled off her dress, revealing her golden glittery string bikini. “Am I not the brightest light in the darkness? The needle in the haystack? The rose among the daffodils?”

“Nobody cares, Ivy.” Poison replied.

“Huh?” She looked around and noticed not a single person looking her way. “Oh c’mon! Not even a single glance? After making an effort to feel good and prolong that feeling, awaiting that sweet climax, only to find that it never came, leaving me unsatisfied and having to gratify myself to feel a little better…”

“Must you turn everything into some kind of sexual innuendo?”

“Only occasionally, I could choose not to if I felt like it.”

“I bet you couldn’t last the rest of the trip without doing it.”

“Alright, I’ll take that bet. But you can’t snark at all during this trip either.”

“Fair enough. If either of us breaks the rule then we’ll have to do any 1 request for the other.”

“Any request?”

“Almost any.”

“Deal, now tell me,” Ivy began posing. “Aren’t I one of the most beautiful demons ever conceived?”

“I suppose so…”

“How sexy am I, from 1-10?”

“9.”

“Why am I not a 10?”

“Your ego would devour that 10 and transform into an even more hideous monster.”

“Isn’t that snark?”

“Not to me, I’m being quite serious.”

“Should I wear a swimsuit?” Goldia asked.

“I don’t think you have the bits required for you to need one.” Ivy said.

“What would those bits be?”

“Uhh…”

“Hey guys.” Daisy said as she walked over to them, wearing a blue bikini. “Thanks for letting me accompany you.”

“Nice swimsuit.” Ivy replied.

“Thanks, Harry chose it for me.”

“Huh?”

“It’s not what you think,” Poison responded. “Damien was there too, she just asked for opinions.”

“I really don’t mind.” Ivy shrugged. Ivy stared at Daisy for a while which creeped her out, then she tapped her stomach and watched it giggle slightly in amazement.

“Kyaaaa!” Daisy cried, covering up. “What are you doing?!?”

“Sorry, I just felt compelled to do that…”

“Might as well follow suit, the sun’s pretty damn hot today.” He began to take off his clothing.

“Whoa, what are you doing?” Ivy asked. “People don’t wanna see that.”

“It’s hot and it’s the beach. I’m not sure what you’re talking about but I really don’t care.” Poison pulled took off his t-shirt and pants, stripping down to dark green shorts with a yellow diagonal line across it. Damien did the same in slow-motion, revealing his black and blue speedo that went down to his knees. Gary wore white shorts that had a white aura for some reason. Since Leo didn’t actually bring much, he wore plain white briefs. Richard wore a full black bodysuit with red outlines like he was just about to go swimming, because he totally wasn’t. Blake wore basic black and white trunks, Tyson also wore a red speedo, Brian was wearing a dolphin costume, and Toby was currently wearing a yellow banana hammock.

As Toby approached Poison, he laughed. “What are you wearing, dude?”

“Eh? Is it on wrong? Richard said it would look good.”

“Pretty sure he’s trolling you, that’s really not your style.”

In one area of the beach, Blake, Brian & Tyson were laying in chairs under 2 umbrellas that provided shade from the sun. Brian was looking around with binoculars. “The story here is really something. I’m seeing a lot of amazing plot and excellent backstory. The season is already off to a good start.”

“That’s the first time I’ve heard it called that.” Blake replied.

“Is there any drama?” Tyson asked.

“Only seeing a little drama, it’s hard to notice though.”

“What exactly is drama referring to?” Blake asked.

“It’s not funny to explain it…ignoring the fact that I have no idea, hey Tyson, what the hell is drama?”

“Hell if I know, I’m just saying random shit.”

Damien approached Poison and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Harry, let us swim.”

“Sure, freestyle?”

Damien nodded. “Freestyle.” They then ran and jumped in the ocean, Toby dove in right after, then Gary, followed by Richard and Blake moments later.

Further away, Lolita was laying on her front on a towel as Pandora was rubbing sunscreen all over her body. “I didn’t wanna say this in front of everyone, but I was really entertained by what I saw the other day. I suppose you two really are compatible.”

“When did-“

“It was like watching two wild animals, so intense. Plus, I liked how anything that had to be said was conveyed through single words rather than full sentences. It was slightly unusual but rather effective and didn’t ruin the mood, and here I thought married people were boring.”

“Pandora, please stop…”

“It’s quite amusing to learn that those tails can have some interesting uses. You guys weren’t too loud either, just loud enough. I also have to wonder, have you guys ever broken that bed? I’m curious how it seemed to be that sturdy, or maybe it did break once and was repaired. Either way, I look forward to seeing more.”

“From now on you knock when you come round, and call in advance.”

“Aww, you’re no fun.”

“Why don’t you go swim?”

“Hmm…” Pandora pulled out a suitcase and within was a blow-up doll of herself. She threw it far into the ocean only to see someone in a shark costume immediately grab it and drag it underwater. “I don’t think it’s safe.”

Ruby jumped into the water as she yelled, “Marco!”

Ivy did the same while yelling, “Polo!” Ivy splashed her with water as she exclaimed, “Foolish angel, take this!”

“Oh yeah? Take that!” She said as she retaliated while Crystal, Amber, Alice & Rosie passed by in the background driving jet skis. Leo passed by and hit them with a large tidal wave which he was in control of.

Back over with Lolita and Pandora, Pandora looked around as she said, “I tend to forget that these guys aren’t normal people, what with all the wings, tails and so on.”

“Are you not going to join some of them?”

“No thank you, besides, I don’t fit in that well.”

“Of course you do, sweetheart.” Dawn said, walking up to her. “Why don’t we hang out anymore, Pandora? Didn’t we have something special?”

“I don’t like you very much.”

“So that night meant nothing to you? So mean~”

Pandora turned around. “Why are you naked?”

Dawn shrugged. “Couldn’t be bothered with a swimsuit. Anyway, let’s go swim.”

“No thanks.”

“Blah!” Nookie exclaimed, appearing from nowhere and shocking Pandora.

Dawn turned to Nookie and said, “Blah, baal bahla blah.”

Nookie nodded then yelled, “Blaaaaaaaah!” as it chased Pandora who ran in fear towards the sea.

It picked her up as she yelled, “Let me go, you damn monster! I’m going to slice you up in a minute!” As Nookie ran into the ocean, they were hit by the tidal wave Leo was riding. Pandora ended up far out ahead and struggling to remain afloat as she yelled, “Help! I can’t swim!”

“Really?” Dawn asked in disbelief. “Never would have figured.”

Kate ran up to the coast and gasped. “Oh my gosh! Hold on, Pandora! Your big sister, Kate, is coming to save you!” She then quietly said, “And while I do that I have the perfect chance to get a little touchy-feely and have an excuse for it.” Kate chuckled.

“I heard that!” Pandora yelled. “And even if I didn’t, I can tell you have bad intentions because you’re already creepy! And you’re probably drooling too under that dog head!”

“Here I come!” Kate exclaimed, diving into the water.

“N-no! Stay away from me!” Pandora yelled as she slowly drifted away from her.

“I’ll be gentle, just relax and-“

She was suddenly hit in the head with a surfboard and knocked unconscious. She looked over in the direction it was thrown to see Poison wave from far away. “Thank you!” She yelled. “Still struggling though!”

Just then, Lolita ran up and dived into the ocean as Brian said, “Nice technique.” She quickly reached Pandora and embraced her. “Are you all right?”

“Yes, I am now…”

Toby and Sakura were making a large sand castle of a dragon fighting with another dragon sand castle that was being made by Goldia and Daisy. In the middle of making the dragon, Ivy came up behind her and slapped her ass, which jiggled somewhat and amazed the others while Goldia took notes.

“Kyaa! S-stop that!” Daisy exclaimed.

“Was just curious…” Ivy replied.

“Stop being curious!”

As Brian watched with his binoculars, he said, “I see waves just beyond the horizon.”

“Are they furious waves?” Tyson asked.

“No, more like a calm storm.”

Kate called over to Ivy who ran across the beach to where she stood beside Amber and Alice while Lolita, Pandora, Rosie & Ruby were on the other side of a large volleyball net. “So what’s this?”

“We playing volleyball, son!” Kate exclaimed.

And so they played beach volleyball which usually only has two members per team but fuck that shit. Amber served the ball and as Rosie knocked it into the air she said, “Bite of the vampire!” This started a trend as Ruby who smacked the ball over the net yelled, “Heaven’s Judgment!” which scored them a point. “Rising Phoenix!” Ivy yelled as she served the ball, then Pandora yelled, “Death’s grip!” As she just barely caught it. Lolita jumped up and said, “Darkness Falls.” as she hit it. Alice knocked it towards Kate as she yelled, “Event Horizon!” Kate ran up and then said, “Watch this shit.” Jumped up and yelled, “Everything but net! UHHHHHH!!” She exclaimed, smacking the ball so hard that Rosie had to pull it out of the ground. They continued, spending more time coming up with names and adding elemental and supernatural effects to the ball in the process with such names as, “Disco Inferno!”, “Eclipsing Soul.”, “Endless Despair!”, “Bloodlust!”, “The Seventh Sin!” and “The Holy Spirit!”

Brian watched with his binoculars while this went on. “Such well-told story development…”

“You’ve made your point.” Blake said. “The dolphin costume doesn’t make it any less creepy.”

Soon after, they all walked towards the large building on the other side of the beach which was where the bath-house was. They walked around the large building with some of them talking quietly amongst themselves when Ivy asked Kate, “So how did you know about this place? And where is everyone?”

“They all gone, girl. Nobody uses this place. I hear some people say it’s haunted, but they just chatting shit. The place still looks perfectly fine.”

“Kate, every time you try and do something special, it’s never that simple.”

“Like that tentacle land place.” Amber added.

“You doubting me? That’s cold, girl, this’ll be smooth sailing.”

It got a little darker by the time everyone got into the warm pool when they soon found the large room. Of course, almost everyone got in naked. Ivy and Ruby were by one side talking about nothing important in particular.

“So, still doing the crime fighting nonsense?” Ivy asked.

“Yeah, it’s been rather different since you left. Gary and I have a whole bunch of new villains now.”

“Oh?”

“There’s this speed racer dude who’s constantly speeding called Samuel Presley Dawson or S.P.D for short. This fat, short otaku called Oswald Trevor who tries to look cool with his all-black trenchcoats, jumpers, fedoras, fingerless black gloves etc. who equips himself with robotic devices and seems to have somewhat of a fascination with me. There’s this seemingly normal athletic woman that we call Ranting Rachel who suddenly becomes superpowered and very volatile if she so much as detects there might be a bit of misogynism in a guy’s comment or actions and will trash anything in sight related to that, she’s actually rather funny. That Collector guy is one, just some big guy in a white suit who smokes cigars, keeps all kinds of things in bottles and has all sorts of mutated monsters and such. Coldfinger, who likes her peace & quiet, and half the time fights for good reasons if something she likes is affected. We just fight her for things like stealing air conditioning, trying to blow up the sun and such. There’s this weird unkempt guy who calls himself ‘Gamestar’ who just wants to play games, though it’s annoying when he chooses a genre which you might not be good at. He has a tendency to use hostages to force you to play him; he acts kinda like a stoner with little sleep, which is somewhat cute in a creepy kind of way. There’s a blonde teenage idol called Rin Jobs that can hypnotise others with her voice, mainly guys. She usually has silly reasons for crimes like needing money for a vacation, needing money for her college tuition fee etc.”

“…Huh. That’s some life you got there.”

“Oh, I also recently found out I got this butterfly looking birthmark on my butt, wanna see it?”

“Uh, no thanks.”

“No really, it’s cool, just look.” Ruby said as she began to get up.

In one spot, Gary was speaking with Blake when Kate yelled, “Hey, angel boy!” Gary ignored this. “Yo, generic pretty boy!”

He turned to her as she swam over and said, “I’m not generic.”

“So you did hear me. Anyway, what interests does that angel have?”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

“I don’t wanna come on too strong. You guys seem to know each other rather well, what’s your relationship?”

“We’re partners.”

“Ooooooooooh.”

“Partners who fight crime in the name of Justice.”

“Oh.”

“But you don’t really need many interests in common to talk to her. She’s rather friendly regardless of who it is, sometimes a little too much.”

At that point, they heard Ruby yell, “Can you see it? Look Ivy, look at my butt!”

“Alright! I see it! Now sit down before I punch you where the sun don’t shine!” Ivy shouted back.

“My point exactly.” Gary sighed.

A little further away, Brian sighed as he said, “Holy shit, dude, it’s so fucking hot.”

“Maybe you should take off the suit.” Tyson replied.

“I can’t, man, this is my thing. I stand out a little like this. This other day I wore a Tiger suit and I see this chick who was also wearing one so I talk to her.”

“Did you fuck?”

“Hell yeah we did, we fucked like Tigers.”

“How would you know? Have you ever seen Tigers fuck?”

“No, but I’d assume they fucked the same, whatever, I’ll watch the discovery channel to see that.”

“You two have a knack for talking about the most ludicrous things.” Richard commented.

Damien and Lolita were together near one corner. Pandora, who was moving underwater passed by Lolita & popped her head up as she reached Damien’s other side. “Hey.” She said, nodding while Damien did the same. As Nookie approached her with his signature cry, she backed up.

Goldia suddenly floated out of the water and said, “I can partially understand the creature, he means you no harm. I think he may be apologizing.”

Nookie pulled Ivy from off-screen and began communicating with her who then turned to Pandora. “He says he’s really sorry and wants to make it up to you by washing you.”

“I accept his apology, but I’m fully capable of washing myself.”

“I want Nookie to wash me.” Daisy said as she floated over to them, and so Nookie gripped her with several tentacles and started doing so.

A little later, most of them had gotten out of the water and was either walking around the place doing things in normal clothing or wearing bathing robes. Leo and Gary were playing table tennis in one room with not much to note worth mentioning. Ivy and Ruby were in a rather large room with several beds around and were playing a video game on one side of the room. Others were in the room such as Damien and Fuka who were talking on a bed on the other side of the room, many of the demon lords and others who were watching a movie, as well as Lolita, Pandora, Crystal and Sakura who were playing a board game.

“Keep it up, Ruby.” Ivy said. “Don’t lose that train.”

“I don’t know if I can…”

“You’ve got to! The platforming parts are your thing, if you die now we have to go back to the level with the cheap-ass frogs.”

“Ugh, I hate those frogs.”

“I do too, so ride that rocket like your life depends on it!”

“But it’s so hard.”

“No excuses! Straddle that large rocket like it owes you money! Don’t stop riding it until you reach the climax!”

“You’re breaking it!” Poison yelled across the room.

“Ruby started it first!” Ivy yelled back.

Kate walked rather fast into the room from out of the dark hallway while seeming scared. “Hey Ivy, did you happen to see someone walking around in the dark? It feels like we aren’t really alone.”

“You’re probably just imagining it.”

“I don’t know. I could occasionally feel a mysterious presence, like it was following me just slightly out-of-view. Just watching, waiting, anticipating…”

“It was probably Goldia, she has a habit of doing that.”

Poison walked over as he said, “Hey Ruby.” She ignored him. “You’re still mad?”

“I’ll always be. I’ll never forgive you.”

“I’ve got cake.” He said, placing it beside her.

“You can’t expect to just bri-wait, what kind of cake?”

“Strawberry.”

“Oh! I love strawberry! All is forgiven.” Without using her hands, she slowly devoured the cake like a wild animal, along with the plate before loudly burping.

Damien passed by the others over to a water cooler and then walked back. As he passed Pandora, she turned around and asked, “What are you doing with that girl?”

“Though it’s none of your business, I’m mainly listening to her go on about horrible events in her life and how little recognition and respect she gets. I’ve just been trying to comfort her, somewhat.”

“Please don’t force yourself on that girl.”

“Your concern is misplaced; besides, it wouldn’t be very fun, since human girls tend to be very fragile creatures. That’s a joke, mind you.” He said, walking off.

“It’s not a very funny one.”

As Damien handed her a cup of water, she thanked him before taking a sip and said, “So will you finally help me conquer the earth?”

“The answer is still no.”

“I’ll cry if you don’t help.”

“Your tears won’t change my mind. I’m simply not interested in world conquest.”

“You’re not interested in a lot of things. Y’know, I really don’t see why half my lackeys like you so much, you’re kind of an ****, and you’re really not that hot. Sandra in particular would freak out if she knew I was here and didn’t tell her.”

“To be honest, I don’t know what most women find attractive in me either. Then again, I’ve noticed that many of the women I interact with tend to have some kind of odd quirk or habit.”

As some of the others watched the movie where from the screams and noises, someone had just been killed, Sakura said, “I don’t think there are enough beds in this place for all of us. Some of us will have to share a bed.”

“I don’t mind doing so.” Pandora replied. “At this point I’ve slept with Damien twice.” Pandora glanced over at Lolita who was staring at her suspiciously. “The second time I was sleeping with both Damien and Harry.”

“What?” Ivy asked as she turned her head.

“She’s leaving out important details.” Poison said.

“It’s true.” Lolita added. “Pandora has a tendency to leave out certain points in her sentences and deliberately cause misunderstandings to observe people’s reactions.”

“Aww, you figured it out already?” Pandora said, slightly surprised. “Guess I don’t give you enough credit.”

“I don’t know whether to feel pleased or insulted.”

“While it may have come off as an insult, that wasn’t my intention.”

A little later after that, they had most of the lights off and half of them were sitting around the middle of the room with flashlights, deciding that they’d tell scary stories. Ivy was the first to speak.

“Alright, so there was this girl called Azuki. She was like any other normal girl her age, she hung out with her group of close friends, went to parties and got hangovers, took the time to relieve herself 3 times a day-“

“Is that what normal people do?” Leo asked, turning to Rosie.

“I’m not that normal…”

Ivy continued. “One day, she went along with her friends to Taco Bell. She got a burrito; I forget the name of it but whatever. It tasted fine, she was having a great time but sometime shortly after, she felt this dark disturbance in the depths of her stomach. A horrifying monster lurking in the shadows, waiting to punch its way out like a chestburster. That’s when she realized it, that burrito had given her explosive diarrhea.”

Several of the girls screamed while Poison said, “C’mon, sure it’s bad but it’s not that horrifying.”

“Have you ever experienced explosive diarrhea?”

Poison thought for a second. He knew what Ivy would say if he said no, so he instead said yes. In response she said, “Well I haven’t, I can only imagine how horrible it is, but it’s probably more horrifying imagining it, so clearly you wouldn’t understand.”

Poison, having no idea how to respond to that, simply slammed his head through a table.

“You okay, dude?” Leo asked.

“Yeah, this is less painful.”

“So as I was saying,” Ivy began. “She breezed off in a hurry, moving faster than a speeding bullet to find the ladies room. She kicked that shit right open and flew across the area with her pants down towards one open stall. She landed ass first right on that toilet seat.” Daisy held up a sign with a ‘10’ on it. “That was when it began. She began to let loose, massive amounts of chocolate syrup started pouring out of her as she struggled not to fly off the seat. The force of her blasts were random, coming out in bursts. The toilet was overflowing so much that the chocolate oozed out from beneath the cracks of the toilet. Her ass was hurting so badly but she just couldn’t stop. Numerous times she almost passed out; she clearly hadn’t prepared her anus. It was unknown just how long this lasted, but before she knew it, she’d woken up on the ground with her ass in the air. She quickly got up and felt much better. As she assumed the nightmare was over, she reached for the toilet roll holder only to discover, there was no toilet roll left.” There were even more screams this time.

“Really?” Poison said in disbelief.

“Hey, having nothing nearby to wipe yourself can be a terrifying experience.” Amber responded.

Alice nodded. “It can lead to you having skid marks in your underwear.”

“Ugh, that’s the worst kind of feeling.” Sakura added.

“Can I go next?” Goldia asked, raising her hand. The others nodded. “There was a super fighting robot from the year 2010, he was sent on a quest from a doctor of light to make his city safe again, you see there were these 6 other robots that were created to make the planet safe, but this wily old doctor double crossed the good doctor and stirred up chaos in this place. The evil scientist had alternative plans, to take over the place, he reprogrammed his brother and planned to rule over his own race, this hero’s name was-“

Toby raised his hand. “This doesn’t sound like its leading anywhere scary.”

“It’s not.”

“Well I’m fully convinced you could make it very scary if you put your mind to it.” Dawn said.

“I-I think you could make it the scariest thing ever!” Ivy replied, glaring at Dawn.

“You’re just saying that to get on her good side.”

“You’re one to talk! Stop butting in on our relationship!”

“Your relationship? I made her, I may not have been as open in the past but I’m making up for that.”

“Well I give her tons of upgrades, ones you never cared to give her. I treat Goldia as if she were a robot I created myself out of love.”

“Unlike that other robot who found you so unbearable it tried to kill you within a few days.” Poison retorted.

“I’ve given her a lot of upgrades myself, and I know more about her than you ever will!” Dawn said.

“Why you!”

“Please don’t fight.” Goldia interrupted. “I have enough love for the both of you.”

“While we’re doing this, I’ve got one.” Dawn said. “Now, there was this little girl once. She was a childhood friend of this boy and they went to a pool. She couldn’t swim but chose not to say anything. These kids that she didn’t like from their school were there too, they saw that she had barely moved from her spot and likely assumed she couldn’t swim, so they mocked her for it. In order to make them stop, she finally caved in and they dared her to swim in the very deep end of the pool. So she did, but was dragged underneath but a mysterious force. Her friend rushed over to save her from drowning but she was gone. She’d completely vanished. They searched the place, contacted her parents, etc. They never came across her. A little over a week later, odd things began to happen in that building. Noises could be heard in rooms that no-one was in; things would move from one spot to another randomly, dirty puddles would sometimes be found in the hallway.

But above all, people of all ages would suddenly go missing within that building. They say the ghost of that girl who drowned haunted that place and aside from killing those kids she didn’t like, she would also take other people’s lives, more so the ones who couldn’t swim just like her.” Dawn noticed Pandora was shaking somewhat. “Do you want me to stop, Pandora?”

“Hmph, I don’t care. Your story is stupid and ridi-“ Thunder outside sounded out of nowhere and made her scream before quickly regaining her composure.

“You’re not usually that expressive…”

They then heard the sound of a door closing somewhere outside the room. “W-what was that?” Pandora asked.

“Calm down, you big baby. It’s probably just one of the others.”

“Who isn’t here right now?” Toby asked as he looked around. To their surprise, everyone was already there.

Crystal noticed Ruby was worried. “Even if it’s out there, you’ll be safe, Ruby, since you’re pure.”

“What does that mean?”

“Never mind that, just calm down.”

“Is ‘pure’ an angel thing?” Goldia asked.

“No, it’s a body thing.” Dawn replied.

“I’m pure too.” Pandora raised her hand.

“I doubt that.” Damien replied.

“How dare you, I really am, thank you very much.”

“The noise was probably just the wind.” Gary shrugged. Half of them agreed to some extent if only to assure themselves. They then faintly heard the sound of a plate smash, which made some of them jump.

“It’s probably the ghost girl!” Daisy exclaimed. “She wants to drown us for trespassing on her property!” Half of them were panicking and whimpering over this.

Blake sighed and then punched through a wall, which got their attention pretty quickly. “Enough! Are you guys even thinking clearly? Even if there is a ghost out there and I’m not saying there is, but if it’s there then it has more reason to fear us then we have to fear it.”

“Yeah, none of us are normal people after all. Most of us are usually the unknown force coming to kill random dudes in a horror movie.” Ivy added. “Just think about it, half of us here are demons, there’s several angels, a vampire, a guy from this werewolf species-“

“I’m not a werewolf-“ Leo quickly said as Ivy continued.

“A hi-tech robot, 2 shinigami, an Aterlilic, whatever the hell Dawn is since she’s some undead human scientist with tentacle monster shapeshifter DNA or something, oh and an undead ex-Loli Ranger.”

“Thanks for noticing.” Fuka waved from across the room. “Not that you guys really look much like demons and angels anyway, since they really don’t have value gender much, not to mention real angels look like grotesque monsters but I digress.”

“For once my sister is right.” Damien said, walking over to her.

“Thank y-hey!”

“Let’s put this childish game to rest by simply going out there and finding this ghost, if it even exists.” Most of the others agreed to join.

Lolita turned to Pandora and asked, “Will you be alright?”

“O-of course, I ain’t afraid of no ghost! Something silly like this won’t sca-“

Suddenly, Ruby jumped out at her from the side as she yelled, “Jump scare!” Which made Pandora scream and cover her eyes. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t think it would be that effective.”

“It wasn’t effective at all, now leave me alone.” And so Ruby moved away from her. Everyone aside from Brian and Tyson left the room as they were still watching the movie in the dark.

“Hey, just in case I forget, I want my copy of Big Booty Bitches 12 back tomorrow.” Tyson said.

“Sure. Oh, that reminds me, I brought something special, now would be a good time to watch it.” Brian said, digging into a backpack.

“What, is it Big Booty Bitches 13?”

“Nope, Big Booty Bitches 14.”

“What?! That’s out?!?”

“Just this Tuesday, now’s a good time to watch it.”

“Hell yeah, jam that shit in, man. I’ll get the tissues.” Tyson said, getting up.

“Don’t be too long.”

The big group were walking down the hallways of the very large building with flashlights, hearing all kinds of strange noises but not seeing a thing. Pandora was wearing her “modern” outfit again with the words “Technically Legal” on the front.

“This is more boring than I thought it would be…” Amber said, trying to break the silence.

“I suppose I too got my hopes up.” Richard replied.

“I just wish the hallways weren’t so dark, where’s the switches?” Ivy asked.

“Don’t think there are any.” Rosie responded.

“What? That’s just stupid.”

“Why don’t you and Amber provide a bit more light with your fire?” Poison suggested.

“Oh, good idea.” And so she did, brightening up the area a little as she held a ball of fire in her hands.

As Pandora breathed a small sigh of relief, Ruby and Kate suddenly appeared beside her, threw their hands up and yelled, “Jump scare!” making Pandora scream again.

“Knock it off, Ruby.” Crystal scolded her.

“Sorry…”

As they shortly came to a big intersection with 2 paths, Kate said, “I think we’ll cover ground quick if we split up.”

Ivy slapped her. “Are you stupid? Splitting up is the worst idea!”

“It’s easier to get picked off that way if no-one’s close by.” Gary added.

“Maybe just somewhat smaller groups then, how’s that?” Kate asked.

“Alright, fine.”

As they were deciding how to split the group, Pandora noticed Lolita had suddenly vanished and looked around. “Lolita? Where did you go?” Lolita suddenly jumped out from around the corner right in Pandora’s face and threw her hands in the air as she said, “Jump scare.” As monotone as possible, and Pandora screamed as she did this.

“Really?” Damien said with a look of pity.

“I hate jump scares, okay? I want people to stop that…”

Lolita gasped and grasped her chest. “So cute…”

And so, Damien, Poison, Lolita, Pandora, Dawn, Kate, Blake, Goldia, Nookie and Fuka went one way. Ivy, Ruby, Gary, Crystal, Amber, Alice, Toby, Sakura and Daisy went down the other route. With Ivy’s group, it wasn’t long before they heard a crash coming from an opposite direction so Gary, Ruby & Crystal quickly took off.

As Damien’s group walked in silence, Pandora took out a briefcase, placed it on the ground and bent down to open it. As Lolita walked up beside her, she said, “Pandora, wear longer jeans.”

“I’ll consider it.”

"If the ghost really is a girl, I'll leave the work to you, Harry. It's your forte after all." Damien said.

"You just implied something highly offensive, and I'm deeply insulted."

They searched all kinds of changing rooms and staff rooms, with Goldia carrying a keyboard and pressing a single chord anytime there was a sudden movement. As the paths and areas became more open-ended, they soon began to separate from the group one-by-one. They occasionally saw things move in the shadows and took off without mentioning anything. Soon it was just Poison, Pandora and Dawn walking together.

“How the hell is this place so big?” Dawn asked.

“Let’s just wait somewhere safe for the others to meet us.” Pandora suggested.

“Suck it up, you baby. Geez, didn’t think a stupid story would scare you so much.”

“Maybe you should think carefully next time.” Poison replied.

“Okay, darling.”

“Please don’t.”

After a while, a door opened by itself on the left. As Dawn chose to go into the room, the door closed behind her. It wasn’t until several moments later Pandora noticed and began to freak out. “W-where did she go?!”

“She’s probably playing a prank on you.” Poison said. As he began to walk, Pandora pulled on his jacket, as he turned around she held out her hand.

“Hold my hand.”

“…Seriously?” Poison sighed. “Fine.”

“Just so you know I wouldn’t fart in your face.”

Poison, completely stunned by this, said, “Wow…I just, I don’t know how to respond. I’ve gotta give you credit.”

“That was a compliment.”

“That makes it even more confusing.”

On the other end, Ivy’s group were casually walking down a corridor as Richard was talking with Toby. “Oh, Toby, I just remembered. I have a few new story recommendations for you.”

“Really? Thanks! Wait, do these have any NTR? Because you know I hate NTR. I would kill you if these had NTR.” Toby glared at him.

Richard laughed. “I assure you, the stories are so sugar-coated you’ll overdose on the atmosphere.”

They then heard the sound of something sliding down the corridor nearby. The others looked at each other before continuing. The sliding got louder over time, making a disturbing, “DRR…DRR…DRR…” sound.

“What is that?” Sakura asked.

“I don’t know but it’s very slowly coming this way!” Alice exclaimed, dramatically turning around and pointing behind them in slow-motion.

The figure, struggling to even stay upright, began to walk into their area of vision. Ivy turned to Daisy and said, “Daisy, do your stomach jiggle thing!”

“Ehh?!”

“It’ll distract it!”

“B-but-“

“Fine, if not your stomach, then make your a-“

“Alright, I’ll do it!” Daisy said, lifting her jumper. As she did so, the figure stopped in its tracks and tilted its head, as if it were confused. Daisy noticed the others had run and so she did too.

Back with Poison and Pandora, as they passed by a toilet, Pandora asked, “Can you come in with me?”

“I think we both know I can’t.”

“Can you at least stay by the door?”

“Yes, just go, please.”

She kept asking whether he was still out there which got annoying rather fast. There were a few ghosts wondering around as he waited, which he saw but ignored. As Pandora was washing her hands and looked in the mirror, she saw a little girl covered in dirt with hair covering most of her face suddenly appear a few feet behind her. She quickly turned around with a gun, shaking uncontrollably, but the girl was gone. She quickly ran out, grabbed Poison’s hand and said, “Let’s go.” as she dragged him with her.

“Did something happen?”

“No, no, it’s fine.”

The ghosts finally stopped playing around and actually attacked some of the others, as Daisy noticed when she saw Gary, Ruby and Crystal fighting a horde of them down one corridor.

Poison stopped to go to the bathroom as he said, “Hey, I’ve just gotta go quickly-“

“No! You can’t!”

“I’ll be quick; I’ll just take a short while.”

“A short while is all they need! I’m coming with you!”

“No you aren’t.” Pandora clung to him as he tried to walk. “You’re being annoying now.”

“Don’t leave me alone! I’m a delicate, young, beautiful girl who needs your help, Mr. White Knight!”

“I’m not afraid to hit you.” He futilely tried to push her off him. “Just think about things you hate, what about your list?”

She let go and reached down her top to pull out a black notebook. “I hate jump scares, running taps, supernatural mysteries, spam-” as she went on, Poison went to the bathroom. Pandora could feel an eerie breeze after a while and someone whispering in the silent hallway. Just then, Nookie came around the corner, waving to her, surprising her so suddenly she ran off.

After catching her breath in an area she thought was safe, a phone nearby started ringing, so she found it in an empty room and picked it up. The person on the other end was wheezing and sounded like they had a cold. “yeah gurl, stomp on my face, rub your toes all over it, love that shit. Elbow drop my body, oh god, slap me in the face with your marshmellows, that really gets me going. oh yeah sit on me, treat me like a rusty chair, ignore that Twinkie beside your thigh. wait don’t just sit on my body, while I love your warm ass print on my clothes and smelling your hair, your ass belongs rightfully on my face, plop it up there, yeah, that gets me going. grind on my nose like a cheese grater. suffocate me with your plump ass that smells like roses, I can’t control it, my Twinkie rises again. I’ll suck the farts right out of that glorious hole like bubble-gum, let out your bodily fluids on me, I love it when girls do that, their pee-“ Hearing far more than enough, she finally put the phone down.

As she walked around another corner, Kate jumped out yelling, "Jump scare!” Pandora screamed then punched her in the stomach as Kate let out a cry of pleasure. “Ahn<3 So rough~”

“Stop that.” Pandora said.

“Sorry, anyone else with you right now?”

“Not at the moment, it’s…just me…and you…” Realizing what she just said, she jumped out the way as Kate attempted to grab her.

“Damn, should’ve moved faster. Oh well, since we finally have some time alone, I can’t let this opportunity pass me by.” She charged at Pandora, swinging wildly at her which made it easy for Pandora to predict her movements and eventually hit her with a palm to the face. Kate bent backwards from the force of the blow but quickly stood upright again. She began attempting to use kung fu, combining it with breakdancing moves which confused Pandora but she was still able to defend against it. As Pandora tried to hit her with a roundhouse kick, Kate flipped into the air and did a really long bicycle kick that Pandora defended against by moving back while quickly drawing two katanas. After a few moments, Pandora swung at her twice during an opening but Kate effortlessly dodged and ended up behind her as she did a spinning bird kick in mid-air.

Pandora hopped back just before Kate landed and activated her Shinigami Overdrive, sprouting 4 more arms as she said, “I’ve had enough of your nonsense!” With a katana formed of dark energy in the other 4 arms, Pandora rapidly jabbed the blades at her while Kate moonwalked while waving her arms wildly, avoiding every attack. “Time I ended this…” Pandora thought to herself as the four dark arms threw the swords and drew knives, attempting to aim the four knives at her forehead, throat, heart and crotch. Kate deflected all four one at a time within half a second effortlessly and knocked Pandora back with a palm to the stomach. Kate leapt forward and attacked with a roundhouse kick that Pandora ducked under. As Pandora tried to stab her, Kate deflected both blades and knocked them out of her hands, followed by a sweep kick. Just as Pandora was knocked off her feet, Kate yelled, “Opening!” as she tackled Pandora to the ground, knocking the wind out of her and reverting her back to her normal form.

“Man, you sure are a feisty one, but I don’t mind that.” Kate started to unbutton her jeans. “Now, time to see what’s really in Pandora’s Box…” She was suddenly hit by Poison who kicked her in the face, knocking her unconscious and off Pandora, who he then helped up.

“Please don’t run off like that.” He said.

“I’m willing to raise you to 4 ½ hearts.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“I don’t understand it. She defeated me as if I were nothing, until this point I assumed she was a weak buffoon, yet she countered half my moves so easily that it seemed like she wasn’t even trying. Ever since I came back, I’ve been on a big losing streak, like everyone level grinded in my absence.”

“You could say that. Kate’s an odd one, when she wants something, you just can’t stop her. If she seriously wants to hug you, any attempts to resist are futile for almost everyone.”

“Almost everyone?”

“So far just the certain people at the top of the food chain can put her down for good.”

“Interesting…”

In the other large areas, most of the others weren’t very far from each other now that the ghosts started to make their presence known. While they were knocking about the ghosts like rag dolls, more and more began to show up over time and slowly began to overwhelm some of them. As Ivy prepared to shoot a large beam of fire at dozens of ghosts approaching her, Goldia suddenly stepped ahead of her and said, “I’ll handle this, my lady.” Ivy stopped and watched, anticipating what powerful ability Goldia had in mind. She stared at the horde of ghosts while they did the same; this went on for nearly half a minute before Goldia started doing the Macarena. Ivy was dumbfounded, as were the ghosts who joined in shortly after.

“…What is this?” Ivy asked, clearly confused.

“Oh, I put that in her programming.” Dawn replied.

“You felt that was important?”

“Of course, oh, that too.” She pointed at Goldia as she was now doing the Crash Dance.

“Niiiiiiice.”

“Hey, Macarena.” Alice said, noticing the crowd far behind her just before running over and joining in.

Meanwhile, Damien and Lolita tracked the ghost girl to a changing room. Damien knocked her across the room by ripping a bench out of the ground and smacking her with it. She slid along the ground but quickly got to her feet through jump-cut movements and launched most of her hair at him like projectiles. He trapped some of it underneath a locker, and began slashing the rest in half when Lolita dropped down beside the girl. She called back some of the hair to defend but Lolita easily cut through it, hitting her multiple times across the chest and kicking her into a locker. She retaliated by hitting Lolita with a hair typhoon just as Damien threw several large stone spears at her. She quickly moved and began firing back. A dark portal appeared in the ground nearby and Lolita flew up, hitting the girl with an uppercut and knocking her back with a downward kick. The ghost quickly ran, knocking the door off its hinges as she fled.

Just then, Damien’s phone started ringing. As he answered it, a quiet and raspy voice on the other end said, “7 days…”

“I beg your pardon?”

Pandora, who was on the other end, cleared her throat. “Let’s go to the carnival in 7 days. Lolita’s coming too.”

“I’m not a carnival type of person.”

“You’d better come, or I’ll sit on you.”

“Normally I wouldn’t say anything, but that’s really not much of a threat.”

“I’m rather heavy.”

“I appreciate the honesty, even if I don’t see it that way, but that’s beside the point. I’ll think about it.”

Back with the others, realizing that as ghosts, they should be killing people, they took the best course of action. The majority of them fused together to create a large eldritch abomination so horrible that for sanity reasons it can only be described as a large tentacle monster. Ruby, finally meeting up with Ivy again, stood beside her and nodded. She stuck out her fist as she said, “From the skies of Heaven.” Ivy fist bumped her as she responded, “To the depths of Hell.” They both powered up before yelling, “Let’s rock!” and charged at the beast. The monster opened its mouth and instantly fired a large beam that hit them and sent them flying. They quickly charged the beast again, this time avoiding the beams and tentacles as they began pummelling it with no mercy. The two flew out of the way as Leo blasted it away with a concentrated blast of water, followed by Gary calling down lightning on the beast. Meanwhile, Poison threw several tornados that cut the beast all over and kept it in place while Gary repeatedly struck it with lightning. Everyone else joined in on ganging up on the monster with their own abilities when suddenly Tom appeared.

“Oh, hey Tom.” Ivy said, everyone else also greeted him.

“What? Earlier today you guys all acted like he didn’t exist!” Rosie exclaimed.

“Don’t be silly, who the hell could forget Tom?”

“Yeah, now’s not the time for jokes, Rosie.” Poison added.

Rosie sighed. “Whatever, I don’t even care.”

“I’ll handle this.” Tom said, running up and uppercuting the beast so hard it flew into space. While in mid-air, he spun around and said. “I’m happy I could be of assistance, but now I must go, my planet needs me.” He stiffly flew off and vanished into a green screen halfway in the air.

Meanwhile, Kate woke up in one of the empty hallways. She walked around randomly and as she opened a closet door, the ghost girl was standing right there. They stared at each other for a few seconds, and then Kate hugged her, catching the ghost by surprise. She struggled to free herself and claw her face off but Kate maintained her grip as she walked. “Aren’t you the cutest little thing, but you’re really dirty. Let’s go take a bath together!” And so they did as one of the rooms had a bath for some reason, so Kate got in after forcing in the ghost and forcefully cleaned every area as the ghost begged her to stop. She cleaned the undead right off her and now her hair was silky smooth, her clothes were clean and her first instincts were no longer to kill. She hugged Kate and the two slept in the bathtub, with not a single person caring where Kate was that night.

That morning, everyone was getting their things and preparing to leave etc. As Brian was packing his bag, he said, “So what did you think?”

“It was easily one of the better ones. Right behind 9, 7 and 2 I think.”

“I always preferred 8 to 9, but I agree.”

Pandora wore her normal Victorian style dress and as she looked in a mirror, she saw the ghost of the girl, who no longer looked creepy and waved at her. Kate walked over and said, “Hey, just wanna apologise for last night. I didn’t mean to come off as some sick molester.”

“Well you did, which just reinforces my dislike of you.”

“Sorry, I have a hard time expressing my feelings. I just really like you and wanna know so much about any new friends I make, especially special young girls such as yourself.”

“Friends?”

“Yeah, I consider you one.”

“My friendship rating starts at 3 hearts.”

“So what am I?”

“-6.”

“I’m that low?!?” Kate thought for a second, took out her special rocket launcher, “The Destroyer” and gave it to Pandora.

Pandora looked at it then said, “-2.”

“I’m still a minus?!?”

As Ivy was almost done packing, Poison walked over. She sighed. “Yesterday was weird.”

“More like normal for us.”

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“Back when we were more about using horror tropes for cheap laughs and less about having vulgar humor at every opportunity.”

“I guess I do like it a little more sombre overall.”

“And here I thought you liked it as rough as possible.” They both laughed for a moment then stopped. “I’m going to leave those kinds of jokes to you…”

“Yeah, that felt a little unusual.”

Everyone was getting onto the ship as Poison went on. “Oh, I won the bet by the way.”

“Are you honestly saying you didn’t snark once?”

“I did, but you made more sexual comments than I snarked and you made them first.”

“Fine, I don’t mind a little role-play either way. You be the master for a day and I’ll be the servant.”

“Master and servant was never actually a thing.” Poison said as they got on. “And why is that always the first thought on your mind?” He shut the door just before the ship took off and flew into the distance while the ghost girl waved from the beach as Kate waved back.

It’s quite a bit longer than I expected. It didn’t take me very long to come up with it, what am I referring to? A lot of things.
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TMEDCE: Overwhelming Volatile Apocalypse

Unlike the usual opening, this one opens up really early in the night outside of a building on Earth. A limo pulls up to the curb and a butler opened the passenger seat. A man who called himself The Collector looked like the KFC Colonel with a white top hat; monocle & cigar exited the vehicle & entered the building. He arrived in a big, somewhat dark room with a water cooler on one side and a large table in the middle with 4 of the 7 people in the room sitting around it. Osward Trevor, the fat boy in the black trenchcoat, wore black shades, a black jumper, fedora & black fingerless gloves sat at the edge. Gamestar, who had long unkempt black hair that covered one eye, bags under his eyes, a Venom shirt and beige shorts sat next to him. Opposite him was a woman, Coldfinger, who was playing Connect 4 with him & had pale skin with short dark blue hair, who wore a form fitting light blue tech suit with neon blue lights going across black spaces in the suit. She had a canister on her back which was connected to a ventilation mask she had around her mouth that made her speak like Darth Vader. Beside her, doing exercises was Rachel Haydude, better known as ‘Ranting Rachel’ wearing a Tiger costume you’d see at an amusement park.

A redheaded man calling himself Speed Limit was running round the room wearing a zipped red & yellow jacket with matching pants & shoes. Rin Jobs, who had long blonde hair, and wore a yellow dress with visible midriff sat near the end of the table. Loli Rainbow was also here, standing opposite her by the wall. A figure in a hooded cloak appeared ahead of them. “Greetings, fellow villains, I appreciate you all taking the time to meet me here.”

“Would you be interested in stepping out of the shadows anytime soon?” The Collector asked.

“Not until the last third of this chapter. You guys wouldn’t happen to know a sociopathic clown by any chance?” There was a resounding no. “Very well. I’ve been monitoring you guys for a while, and you disappoint me. You’re weak examples of villains. Where’s the evil laugh? The entertaining & horrible schemes? What happened to you people?”

“I technically don’t consider myself a villain.” Coldfinger said, while the others made all kinds of comments calling BS on her.

“Good one, Valerie.” Gamestar replied. “I just personally wanna play games with people.”

“While I may have been out of line a few times, resulting in the girl busting me, that other **** comes up with some of the flimsiest excuses to take me in. The monster!” Rachel exclaimed.

“I find that quite hard to believe.” Osward retorted. “While I care not for the boy, I cherish every moment that brings the girl to my doorstep.”

“These guys be crazy!” Speed Limit began. “Always busting me for speeding! It happened once 3 times in one week, while doing 70 on a 30mph street, you believe this shit?! When I gotta get my ass to the supermarket before closing time, I gotta move my ass! But these guys trying to keep an honest man down, the hell is this?!”

“Those meddlesome angels always get involved in my hobbies.” Collector said.

“Refurbishment?” Coldfinger asked.

“No, collecting! I try to collect every kind of currency around the world, and they bust me. I try to own every store over several blocks with ‘legal’ paperwork, I get busted. I try to own every type of animal there is, I get busted.”

“Some of those animals are endangered, and half of them are female! You think you can own female animals?! You’re scum, you vile old man!” Rachel yelled.

“Just the other day he bleeted that he caught all 386 Pocket Monsters legitimately.” Osward added.

Coldfinger turned to him & said, “Dude, you need new hobbies.”

“I don’t judge yours, I’d appreciate you do the same. So is this everyone who turned up today?” Collector asked.

“There were a few other dudes, but they couldn’t make it.” Gamestar began. “Mack & Cheaze didn’t wanna participate either.”

“Those guys keeping it smooth!” Speed Limit exclaimed. “Keeping things on lockdown! Don’t wanna get involved in villain activities so they look clean!”

“Quite frankly, the fact of the matter is, it’s just what’s best for business.” Collector adjusted his monocle.

“Pfft, I should’ve already achieved world domination, and would’ve done so if it weren’t for those two stupid angels! Humanity can’t grow and evolve when those fools are running around here! They should go back to their own planet! That girl who dresses up in a Halloween costume like some flying rodent thing & that guy who looks like he walked right out of medieval times.” Loli Rainbow said.

“I’m sure you spent all this time coming up with that, huh?” Rin responded.

“Bite me, bitch. Also, I heard word that apparently Mack & Cheaze ratted me out, and if so I oughtta give ‘em a piece of my mind!”

“Ratting isn’t what’s best for business.” Collector shook his head. “Then again, leaving your mark on products you offload onto other villains makes it easy to get tracked down regardless.”

“I really don’t have much to do with this.” Rin said. “I’m a popular idol who values her education, is all. I do some bad things on occasion but I’m just using the powers I was blessed with, and I have a concert later today, if you don’t mind. I’m living life unlike you losers. Nor do I care about that stupid boy & his unattractive friend.”

“Bite your tongue, woman.” Oswald replied. “My heavenly angel looks far more attractive than you could ever be. Never figured cheap whores could become idols but anything’s possible these days.”

“How dare you! I should hypnotize you into serving me right now, fat boy!”

“You waste your time, whore.” He pushed up his glasses. “I only have eyes for one maiden.”

“I believe I’ve let you people talk enough.” The cloaked figure said. “Now that a majority have expressed your dislike of these two foiling your plans, I suggest we do something about that.”

“So what do you think we should do?” Coldfinger asked.

“It’s simple. We kill the angels.” The others had reactions ranging from laughter to bewilderment. “I just want you to do your normal things tonight, and we can wear them down. I’ll contact you if I need something changed.” The figure walked towards the exit.

“How do we call you?” Coldfinger asked.

“Don’t worry, I’ll call you.” The figure said before leaving.

“If any of you kill her first, I at least want Ruby’s dead body. It’ll be great research for me.” Oswald said. Though the others didn’t care, most of them muttered their disgust.

It cut to a full moon high in the sky later on that evening. It slowly panned down towards the misty streets and stopped outside a bank where two figures were. One nodded to the other who pressed a button, triggering a big explosion from within as they took off. Meanwhile, Gary & Ruby who were on their planet watching a movie were notified of this through Gary’s vibrating mobile, nodded to each other & got up. Gary got his sword, Ruby grabbed her utility belt, Gary put on his cape & Ruby adjusted the top half of her costume before they hopped in the Angelmobile & took off down the runway.

Back on earth, the two figures ran down several alleys & over a fence before running into a building and up onto the roof. As they arrived, they came to a halt as Ruby dropped down from above and squinted at them. They both pulled out guns in unison, while with a flick of her wrist Ruby fired two psychokinetic blasts that knocked the guns away. She leapt forward and knocked out one criminal with a dropkick. The second swung multiple times and missed as she moved back, and soon hit him with a left hook, knocking him out. She left them tied up for the police as they arrived and stood beside the edge of a building half a mile away as lightning struck in the distance.

Far away, Gary was in a white go-kart, chasing Speed Limit who was driving a red & yellow formula 1 car. Speed Limit was knocking police off the road as they chased him & doing all kinds of stunts as they drove through an area with construction work going on. Speed Limit looked out the window & flipped off Gary. “Suck it, boy! Can’t catch my shit!” He stuck his ass out the window and began mooning him. “Come get some, fool! I’ll run circles around your ass! Speed up, son, feel that need for speed! Do it, faggot!” Speed Limit swerved about as he drove through traffic & lights over the next couple of streets then drove through a tunnel and was met by Gary on the other side as he dropped down onto the front and punched a hole in it. The impact sent Speed Limit flying out but he landed on his feet. He charged at Gary, swinging wildly at supersonic speed. Gary blocked the hits and hit him with a judo throw before standing on his right arm. “License and registration, please.”

“Laugh it up, boy! You cheated to catch me! Using gameshark like a cheater!”

Suddenly, May called Gary and he picked up. “Not sure what you’re doing right now, but some odd things are going on. There’s a lot of villain-like activity today.”

“I noticed.”

“No, like half your bad guys are up to something. About 7 of them, I think.”

“Well I already took down Speed Limit.”

“Oh, good. That leaves Oswald, Rachel, Valerie, Tony, The Collector, Rin & Fuka. You can pick from the list which ones you wanna do first, I’ve already spoken with Ruby about this. Just remember you can switch between each other between levels, so you don’t have to go through them all with just one character.”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“Nothing. Get a move on, I’ll send you the co-ordinates of their locations.”

“Alright, I’ll wrap things up here then I’ll be on my way.”

Back with Ruby, she arrived at a donut factory and dropped down by the entrance. “Is this really the place?” She asked.

“Yep, definitely says he’s there. This was the guy who made you start taking this seriously, right?”

“You could say that.”

Suddenly, Oswald began speaking over a loudspeaker as Ruby walked through a production line area of the factory. “Ahh, thank heavens you’re alright, my angel. I didn’t think you’d come to me first, I see you just couldn’t wait for us to spend some time together again.”

“Whatever lets you sleep at night. So why this place?”

“Well if I recall correctly, you do like donuts, correct? So this place would be the most suitable area to have our little date. I had to make a few arrangements and some small changes but you deserve only the best.”

“I’m touched.” She said sarcastically.

As Ruby entered a wide room and turned on a light switch, a panel suddenly opened up on the other side and shot a laser at her. She jumped to the side and threw an angel shaped throwing weapon, damaging it.

“Fortunately I’ve got more where that came from.” Oswald said as over a dozen panels opened up within that room & began firing lasers all over the place. Ruby evaded them as she flipped & manoeuvred herself around the room, disabling all the weapons. She moved on, doing her best not to push a big red button in the middle of a hallway with the words “No push.” on it, coming back to it moments after passing it but ultimately moving on. Down another hallway, as she stepped on a certain tile, lasers shot up from below, one-by-one, leaving a small gap in the laser walls along the way. Ruby quickly leapt & somersaulted across the lasers before she was trapped behind them.

“I see your reflexes are still strong. It’s always good for a girl to be a little flexible.”

“We’ll see how flexible yours is when I find you.”

Meanwhile, outside WcDonalds were several cop cars, as Ranting Rachel & a bunch of her mooks that also dressed in costumes were holding up the place. Gary somehow managed to get in through the back and blew up their guns with electricity before dropping down in front of them.

“So the boy was the one who decided to show up, just my luck. You decided to come after me because I’m a woman.”

“Uhh, no, it’s because you’re disrupting the piece for some reason.”

One girl in a big rabbit suit said, “She got mad that a man held the door open for her, and here we are.”

“Shut up. He was demeaning me, as if I couldn’t open the door myself, men are all the same! I wear these suits so I’m not objectified by you disgusting parasites & I make sure all my girls do the same!”

“She gets surprisingly strong when pissed off.” Another girl in a cat suit said.

“I heard she once killed a man with her vagina.” One woman in a dolphin suit whispered to another in a shark suit, who then replied. “I heard she once snapped a man’s neck with her chest, I don’t know how that works but it happened.”

“Why do you girls work for someone who’s clearly out of her mind?” Gary asked.

“She pays well and I needed the money because I lost my last job.” A woman in a gorilla suit said as she shrugged.

“I’m a feminist myself so I can identify with her.” A woman in a lion cub suit added.

“That’s not a feminist, that’s a feminazi.”

“How dare you!” Rachel exclaimed. “Don’t let him talk to me like that, beat him up! No longer will we be oppressed in this unfair world of men!”

“But I wanna go home with all my bones in place…” One of them replied.

“Just beat him up!”

May then asked, “You alright with this, Gary?”

“I see no names, no faces, just criminals.”

As two charged at him, he ducked under one punch and hit the second with an uppercut. He knocked one girl back to his left with a palm thrust and caught the fist of one person behind him, throwing them at another near him. Another tried to clothesline him but he moved to the side, grabbed her by the face and slammed her into the ground, then tripped another close by. One tried to grab the straw container but Gary easily punched through it and knocked her out. The last one came up behind him with a chair, but he backflipped over her and sent her halfway across the restaurant with a small electrical blast to the stomach. Rachel simply nodded to the many other girls who then stepped up.

As one ran at him and tried to kick him, he grabbed her leg & elbowed her in the crouch. He somersaulted over to another woman, punched her twice then hit her with a backhand before countering an attack from behind with a belly-to-belly suplex. One girl began throwing soft drinks from behind the counter as Gary evaded them then hit one woman with a roundhouse kick as she picked up a chair. He dodged another soft drink and shot a bolt of electricity at another drink in her hand, knocking her out from the shock. Gary parried attacks from two girls near him as he got up and clotheslined them both. The last girl threw a burger at him from across the restaurant, and he spun round at the last second, caught it and threw it back, hitting her in the face & knocking her out. Rachel, clearly frustrated at this point, exclaimed, “Don’t go easy on him, murder this ****!”

Several large women in grizzly bear suits made an appearance. As usual, one woman ran at him again but with a knife. He evaded two swings then caught her hand & hit her with an uppercut. He leapt across the area and fly kicked another. As two girls in an elephant suit charged at him, he rolled out the way and tripped the back legs, knocking down the girl in front as well from the sudden force. He rolled out the way as one woman in a bear suit tried to crush him with a table. A girl in a frog suit tackled him and after struggling slightly, he threw her behind him into a table. He grabbed a burger off the table and hit one woman in the face with it, slid under another woman’s kick, grabbed a drink and hit her over the head with it. Three women surrounded him so he ducked and sweeped the three of them then elbow dropped one before rolling away as another woman threw a chair. He quickly jumped up and hit one woman in front of him with a downward roundhouse, then stopped by a woman who was protecting herself with a chair. Gary knocked it aside and kneed her in the face, then he suddenly sped up and he moved around the room, taking them out with quick punches & kicks then elbowed the last grizzly bear in the stomach, making them drop the table they had. He rapidly punched her & knocked her out with a backhand.

One last woman grabbed a gun and opened fire, but Gary caught all the bullets to her surprise. As she was shocked, Gary zapped the gun out of her hands & quickly did an electric slide towards her before flipping forward and smacking her into the ground with an axe kick. “Nice work, Gary.” May congratulated him. “You had a few hiccups & didn’t use every tool, but it was a job well done.”

“Faster than speeding bullets.” Rachel said, somewhat impressed. “But you should be ashamed of yourself! Attacking young women and yet you call yourself a man?”

“Technically I call myself a teenage boy.”

“Shut up! I’ll just have to kill you myself!”

Back to Ruby, after attempting to eat a donut with sprinkles on a tray, it opened up a wall and a giant donut started chasing her down a narrow hallway. As she arrived at an intersection, another giant donut was coming straight at her. She eventually noticed an air vent, blasted it open and jumped up there. As she crawled through it, May said, “It would be harder to blend in with your hair, fortunately you dyed it.”

“You do know I’m not naturally blonde, right?”

“Huh?”

Ruby hopped out into another room eventually, at which point Oswald said, “Help yourself to some more donuts, I’ve got plenty.” As a gun sprouted from the floor and fired sprinkled donuts that glowed in the dark. Ruby blasted them, which made the donuts explode & knock her through a wall into a very wide part of the factory. Suddenly the two giant donuts appeared again but were on wheels this time. “Careful around these wheels, they’re awfully hot.” Ruby jumped through the middle of the donuts repeatedly as she blasted them & eventually blew them up with a sticky bomb. Just then, a robot Octopus which shot lasers from its 8 arms descended.

“Ruby, meet the Cyber-Pus!”

“Lame, you just cut out ‘Octo’, that’s so bland!”

“Well it’s not an inventive creation so I have an excuse!”

“You also need an actual villain name.”

“I haven’t thought of one that’s both memorable & not stupid. Believe me, I know people who have neither.”

As Ruby avoided getting grabbed by the robot, Gary called her through an earpiece she had. “Hey, you’ve fought this Rachel chick, right?”

“Rachel? I think she’s pretty funny, I’d rather be fighting her right now.”

“Ditto, anyway, what’s her deal?”

“Her deal? Oh, she rants a lot about almost everything and she gets stronger the more she rants, eventually even exceeding superhuman levels.”

“…Oh.”

“She’s been ranting for quite some time, hasn’t she?”

“Is 3 minutes of ranting a long time?”

“I believe it is.” Ruby said before pulling out a black cable and flying circles around the octopus at superspeed, making it trip.

Back with Gary, he was currently evading Rachel’s moves as she punched through a table. “What now, hotshot? Where’s the trash talk? Not such a big man when you’re picking on an actual feminist who stands up for her rights!” She charged at him and flailed her arms wildly as he blocked. “There are so many stupid rules in place to keep us down! Like wearing stupid bras, men have breasts too! They call them man boobs but they still count! Stupid things like make-up & eyeliner! Nonsense! A person should be liked for who they are and shouldn’t attempt to artificially boost their image!”

“That’s the first reasonable thing you’re said all this time…”

“Shut up!” Rachel grabbed him and threw him through several tables. “The blatant misogyny is disgusting! Like stupid ads about hot women & beer, hot women & cars, hot women & anything man oriented, we’re not objects, we’re living independent people!” She leapt up and landed on him then stomped on him several times as she said, “We need more strong female characters! Females in starring roles! Good female role models! The next generation deserves it!”

“You’ll just talk all day without me saying anything, won’t you?”

“You little punk!” She threw him against a wall. “Are you saying I talk too much because I’m a woman?! I take offense to that!” Gary rolled out the way as Rachel punched a hole through where he stood before. He spun round and punched her in the stomach but she didn’t budge. Rachel quickly grabbed him by the throat and began choking him. “I shall bring liberation to all women one day! No longer will women be forced to wear or act certain ways to feel good about themselves!”

As he struggled he said, “That Tiger costume you have looks kinda cute.”

“LIAR! It looks ugly as hell! Men are all liars, and I’m not wearing it to please you at all!” In the middle of her next rant, he drew his sword and attempted to slash at her chest. She immediately let go and stepped back, at which point Gary hit her with a judo chop to the neck that knocked off the helmet, revealing her face & long brunette hair. She gasped and covered her face, going into a fetal position as she yelled, “Don’t look at me! DON’T LOOK AT ME!” She then began crying. As Gary put his sword away, he noticed she was gone. Rachel appeared behind him and slammed a table over him, then pulled out the deep fryer and walked over to him. “You’ve seen my face, now I can never forgive you.” As she was preparing to hit him with it, Gary noticed a soft drink trail along the floor that Rachel was standing in. He electrified the water which shocked Rachel enough to drop the fryer on herself and pass out.

Gary walked out & towards the police outside as he dusted himself off, then said, “She’s all yours, gentlemen. I doubt she’ll be eating here for a while.”

“Why’s that?”

“I overcharged her.” And then he left.

Meanwhile, Ruby slammed through a wall and found Oswald. “Any last words?”

He sighed. “Y’know, it simply broke my heart when I heard that you had gotten older, but I was willing to accept it because things change. But now I don’t think it’s so bad, your new proportions actually compliment your past self, not destroy it. I may even start to take interest in grown women one day…”

“You sicken me.”

Oswald threw off his trenchcoat, revealing a metallic belt & jetpack that had octopus arms attached to it and blasted Ruby through a wall outside & flew past her. Ruby quickly recovered and followed him as he shot lasers at her. Gary called her as she evaded the laser spam. “Hey, I’ve taken care of Rachel. I’ll be dealing with Tony, May said that it’s urgent & I need to go see him immediately.”

“Alright, I’ll be going to Rin’s concert once I’m done here.”

“I could’ve dealt with her myself if this wasn’t apparently important.”

“But doesn’t she have that hypnotizing voice thing?”

“That only works on people who are already attracted to her; fortunately I don’t fall into that category.”

“If I recall correctly, you really liked Ivy at one point, didn’t you?”

“You must be gravely mistaken.”

“Yeah, you were acting really silly about it too.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He then cut the connection.

Ruby continued chasing Oswald and flew slightly ahead of him & above as she said, “Ready to call it quits?” Oswald took a picture and it took Ruby a few moments to notice as she covered her skirt. “You pervert! What are you doing?!?”

“I at least want to know what color panties you’re wearing this evening.” Oswald said, trying to get a clear view as they flew through the air.

“Huh, so does he run the website?” May commented.

“Website?” Ruby asked.

“There’s this one dedicated to panty shots of you in your getup. It’s updated once a week, huh, just noticed you’ve never worn black panties in that outfit, that’s so odd. Oh, that Creeper guy made the website, though I gotta give him credit, some of these shots are pretty impressive, how did he even get such an angle?”

“I’ll need the name of the website when I get back so I can shut it down.”

“I’ll never tell you.”

“I have other ways.”

“I’ll delete it from my favorites, delete my search history, delete the search keywords & the internet browser before smashing the laptop.”

“That’s a little excessive.” Ruby quickly caught Oswald right after and beat the crap out of him before tying him up.

Over with Gary, he was in the Angelmobile and drifted round a corner and stopped at a flat. He walked up to a higher floor & knocked on one of the doors of the building. Gamestar, who was known as Tony opened up for him.

“H-hey, man.” He said nervously as he stepped back. “Come on in, I got some nachos & dip, and some drinks too. I also got pizza if you want.”

“Uh-huh. So what are you up to today?”

“Well,” Toby hopped onto his couch. “Today we’re playing Dance Dance Revolution.” He said, showing him the cover.

“Seriously?”

“I’ve also got a family hostage and if you lose more than 2 out of 5 songs, bad things will happen.”

Gary sighed as he sat down. “Fine, let’s do this already.”

Ruby arrived outside a stadium where Rin’s concert was already going on. They tried to make her pay to get in, but she simply beat up all the guards & tied them up before proceeding ahead & moving through the crowd where Rin was on stage, already singing. Rin eventually noticed she was there watching but still carried on like normal. After she was done with that song which I won’t go into, the audience cheered & as they quieted down, she said, “I’d like to say thanks to all you loyal fans & supporters out there, you guys are the reason I’m still sharing one of my many talents with you. Tonight I’ve got a special someone which I’m dedicating this next song to, an old friend you could say. Don’t worry; it’s not a guy so relax. Hopefully this friend may be willing to join me halfway through.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mn1GYsA0hS4

The bright blue lights all shun on her as the area darkened a little before the song started up. “Hey, all ya’ll out there, it’s been all cool & stuff being your favourite idol, guys. I love each & every one of you, regardless of how creepy you are. So just stay awhile & listen…” She said smoothly before the beat started.

“Just sit back & take it all in, forget all about tomorrow,
Embrace the surrounding atmosphere, be sure to enjoy the whole show.

It’s the magnificent voice of Rin Jobs; spreading far & wide,
Let it stimulate your ears, make you feel good inside,
You may believe that silly girl playing hero is doing good, but you’re wrong
With people like her around your human rights are goooooooooone

She gets panty shots, that’s indecent exposure,
I’ve seen her dump garbage, in my driveway,
She’s got a boyfriend, so you know she ain’t pure,
She blows things up daily, it’s really not hardcore

I tell ya, she’s always on my case, says she’ll put me in my place, it really ain’t fair, but she don’t care,
Says my idol work’s not okay, finds excuses to try & take me away, it’s just for fun, she thinks she’s No.1.

You know who’s to blame
More crime than ever, this city ain’t the same,
Causalities keep rising up while criminals get some fame
That girl’s just insane
She gets off lightly, mainly from her looks,
Just ignore environment damage she helps regularly cause.”

Ruby jumped up and flipped several times before landing a few feet away on stage as some lights focused on her. Rin tossed her a microphone moments before she spoke. “So you’ve some gripes with me? You spread lies so freely;
you’re in the wrong about a lot of things, that’s so clear for everyone to see.”

Rin raised her microphone afterwards. “So I’m a liar?”

“That’s just what I said.”

“What else do you think I am?”

“A little messed up in the head.”

“I’m tired of your ignorance.”

“I’m tired of your games.”

“You ready to throw down?”

“The result will be the same.”

They circled around each other as they sang in unison. “Doesn’t matter who is right, doesn’t matter who is wrong, but when you invade my space, well then it’s on,
I tell ya, the world ain’t black or white, look up & see the light, I know this song, so I’ll sing along.”

Rin shoved Ruby aside as she walked towards the audience. “Baby I’m a staaaaaaaar, I’ve made it up here on my own, I’ll continue to go faaaaaaaar, but with my fans I’ll never be alone.”

Back with Gary, he’d just recently won 4 games of DDR. “Now what’s the deal? Why am I here?”

“You know why, now let’s switch games. We’ll play Cluedo, better take this seriously otherwise that family will be in trouble."

“Tony, you don’t really have a family hostage, do you?”

“Y-yeah, I do!”

“No, I’m sure you didn’t have the time to kidnap some people and set things up. I know where you work, Tony. You didn’t orchestrate any evil deeds this evening; did you really just want to play games?”

“Possibly…” He replied, looking away.

“I don’t see what’s so important about that, I was told to come to you immediately since you had something urgent.”

“Oh, you mean the bomb? This cloaked guy said not to mention it till around 7:10. It’s a few minutes early but still good, it’s apparently hidden somewhere in the city & will go off at 7:30.”

Gary grabbed him by the collar. “Tell me where the bomb is!”

“Okay, here dude.” He gave him a note. “I don’t know where exactly it is, I didn’t make this bomb, I was just told to give you the details.” Gary immediately left & hopped into the Angelmobile.

Ruby was standing back in a crowd at Rin’s concert as she called Gary. “Hey, I guess I’m done here. The only evil thing being done here was badmouthing me, it seems. Though I think some of these guys are being hypnotized into liking her music but that’s a pretty common thing nowadays.”

“Seems you got an easy one, I’m busy looking for some bomb now.”

“Tony did that?”

“No, he was just told to inform me of it by some cloaked person. You know anything about that?”

“Not yet. I still wish you’d wear that suit I made for you.”

“I appreciate the effort but it’s not my style. I don’t even know what the ‘R’ stands for.”

“But it looks good!”

“I’ve never been a fan of very bright colors, I’d prefer black & blue.”

“Fine, be a jerk. I’m gonna go pay Fuka a visit; she’s been waiting long enough.”

“Have fun with that.”

And so Ruby flew off and arrived at an old asylum eventually, as May assured her she was here. She quietly entered and walked past many of the empty cells as she explored. She went through the place, creeping down hallways, swinging from gargoyle statue to gargoyle statue, sneaking through vents as well as hiding a few times in cardboard boxes placed in hallways when any of Rainbow’s group was approaching. In one open room, she was perching on a gargoyle as two schoolgirls below were talking.

“Y’know, I wish I could get superpowers like some of those other guys.” One girl said.

“They’re not superpowers, numbnuts, we just call it that because we’re human. I’m pretty sure most of what those angels do is just part of their race.”

“You know what I mean, no need to be a jerk.”

One girl across the room walked over as she said, “Would you two stop yapping like muppets and look for that girl, Rainbow says she should already be here.” The three of them went back to patrolling the area.

Somewhere in the middle of the city, Gary managed to find the bomb and disable it with a bit of help from May, using the vehicle he had recently transformed into a ship. He then noticed Tony piloting a large chrome hawk spaceship with all sorts of cannons & weaponry all over it a little further away and flew over to him. He waved. “Hey dude, thought we could play a little longer.”

“Did this cloaked person also make that for you?”

“That doesn’t matter. Just get ready, since I’m turning up the difficulty.”

“What are you gonna do?” May asked.

Gary squinted as he replied, “I’m gonna 1cc this scumbag.” Before rapidly firing at the hawk as Tony began launching everything in the ship he had at random intervals as Gary manoeuvred around it all while he attempted to blast off all his cannons.

Back to Ruby, she arrived in a large room where she suddenly heard Loli Rainbow over the speakers. “About time you got here, welcome to my asylum, the crazies were let out early for good behaviour. That old has-been wants a piece of you too, but I’d rather take the credit for myself.” Suddenly the many schoolgirls following Rainbow entered the room. “Alright, girls, kill that stupid angel & make it hurt!”

Ruby roundhouse kicked the first girl who ran up to her then backflip kicked a girl to her left before parrying a punch behind her & elbowing her in the stomach. She leapt over one girl and threw her over her shoulder. She suddenly got faster, somersaulting halfway across the room and knocking out a girl with a flying kick, then moving north-west and knocking out another with an uppercut, then a knee to the face for the last girl. Over the speaker Fuka said, “Would you girls stop messing around and kill her? You can do better than this!”

As more girls rushed at her, she knocked one out with several punches, rolled past one girl and started punching another. As two from both sides attacked, she backflipped over the girl on her left and kicked her at the other, knocking them over. From across the room she blasted one girl who was picking up a box, then rolled by one girl and tackled another. They rolled around for a moment then she threw her at a wall. A girl with a riot shield tried to hit her with a shoulder barge but Ruby took it off her and smacked her across the face with it. One girl ran at her with a rainbow colored dildo bat and missed as Ruby ducked. She then kicked her in the crotch, knocking her out. The last girl tried to sweep her legs but Ruby did a forward flip and wrapped her thighs around her head then pulled her backwards and slammed her into the ground. Fuka sighed, “Could you guys just try to maim her? At least bruise her? Am I asking for too much from you guys?” Several large adult men in the same schoolgirl outfits along with wigs & sledgehammers accompanied the girls.

One girl rushed at her and swung multiple times with a dildo bat. Ruby evaded the swings then immediately booted her in the face so hard she backflipped. She then clotheslined another girl before pulling another towards her with a grapple hook and rolling away, making another girl tackle her by mistake. She dodged a punch thrown from behind her and hit the girl’s neck with a judo chop, knocking her out, then rolled away as one large man tried to crush her with the sledgehammer. One kindergarten looking girl then ran up and hit her, knocking her slightly off-balance. Ruby jumped up and pounded the ground, sending out a psychic barrier that knocked everyone nearby back & dazed them somewhat, she then kicked a girl to her right across the room. She dodged a swing from another large man and hit him with rapid punches followed by a shoryuken. One girl ran up behind Ruby then suddenly lay down & pretended Ruby hit her in the stomach. Another man tried to whack her but she rolled between his legs then hit him with a superkick as he turned around. She then sped up as she ran behind one girl holding a shield and hit her with a German Suplex, then flew across the room and hit another with a flying headbutt, then leapt back & hit another girl in the face with her ass. The last man ran up and swung, missing repeatedly. Ruby then threw three different types of dust in his face as she flung her cape all around. As he tripped and fell, she jumped on him and punched his lights out.

As Ruby got up, she said, “This may be your asylum, but this is my city.” She proceeded ahead just in time to see Fuka leaving in a small ship and jumped onto it. She soon ejected herself as they left the asylum and it exploded, sending Ruby flying.

She then saw Fuka circle around on a tiny rainbow colored glider and start shooting her as she ran. “So what do you think, Ruby?”

“I think you’re gonna get sued.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She replied shortly before laughing and throwing tons of pumpkin bombs at her.

“I know the rainbow thing is your whole gimmick, but did you need to make that glider like that too?” Ruby asked.

“Shut up!”

“I bet her pubes are rainbow colored too.” May commented.

“That’s very inappropriate, May.” Ruby replied.

“I’m sure you were thinking it too.”

Just then, Gary called. “Hey, I’m done with Tony; just 1cc’d him, no bombs, highest difficulty, the works.”

“Okay?”

“You still with Fuka?”

“Almost done.”

“Alright, I’ll deal with The Collector next.”

“Actually,” May began. “These two guys in suits took care of him a little while ago. He also had this giant boxing velociraptor with four arms roaming the city about but these five middle school girls in some giant robot took it out, so only Valerie is left.”

“Valerie it is then.” Gary left.

Ruby flew through a construction area and eventually knocked her off the glider where she hit half a dozen girders before hitting the ground. As Ruby floated down, Fuka gave her a note. “You got lucky, but I’ll get you someday if you make it through today. That’s the place you need to go.”

Back with Gary, he was flying over a large park that was completely frozen over with ice and snow & went deeper beneath the ground. “So she’s here?” He asked.

“Yup.” May replied. “She froze an entire park, apparently. Better get started.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He transformed the ship into a motorcycle as he descended into the area and drove along the pathways.

“I’m gonna play my jam if you don’t mind.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4qUsOC8xUI

As the beat played Gary noticed many ice figures riding motorcycles along the path which he’d shoot soon enough, then May cleared her throat as she sang. “All eyes on me, I feel finally free, this right here’s my final fantasy,
Just going with the flow, it’s a miracle, I’m driving right through the snow.” Just then, a deep voiced man said, “Motherfucker, let’s go.” as Gary drove downhill, avoiding large icicles in the road.

“Speed through an icy meadow, I’m feeling the breeze.” The man then added, “What?”
“I’ve got my jacket, I’m not gonna freeze.” He then added, “Okay!” As Gary got on a straight path again.
“I’d tell my parents but they don’t understand,” The man added, “You gotta tell ‘em.”
“I’m travelling through a winter wonderland.” She said as the man said twice, “Got to tell those fuckers.” while Gary boosted through two ice walls.

“It’s not a sure sign, but I suppose I’m feeling just fine, this is just an experience of miiiiiiiiine.” After going lower and circling the area for a long while, May started singing again. “It ain’t about looking cool, we’re doing it old school, just make sure to not look like a fool,
it’s not a race, but you gotta make haste, speed off into outer space.

Got my skates on, I’m not sliding on ice,
Doing 360 flips here, very nice,
Can’t get no sunburn, can’t get a tan,
While you’re driving through a winter wonderland

Better put your calls on hold, just keep your eyes on the road, you’ve gotta make sure your vision is clear,
Put it into high gear, look that there’s nothing coming up on the rear, after a smooth drive now you’re heeeeeeeere!”

Gary smashed through thin ice into a large area with tons of mirrors & large icicles about as Coldfinger was wearing shades & laying on a sunbed far ahead. “Hey.” She greeted him as he approached her.

“What is this?” He said, looking around.

“My vacation. You have no idea how unbearable Summer was.”

“Valerie, put it back how it was, the air is cold enough as it is.”

“Is that a request or a threat, because I do neither, but it’s not good to get worked up, boy. You should cool off a little.” Valerie tinkered with her gas canister and began firing beams of ice from the fingertips of her suit as Gary ran around the area. He blasted her with electricity, though she recovered quickly and raised her right hand, creating a vortex of icicles that rained down on him.

Meanwhile, Ruby dropped down near a massive building with the word “Doom 2.0” on it in neon red lights and observed it. “Huh, The Base of Doom. I feel an odd sense of nostalgia.” She said as she walked inside.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2_dhBvVKx0

The place looked rather futuristic like Tron as Ruby arrived in a large room with a reception desk ahead of her & two lifts, as well as stairs to the left & right. She ran ahead then flipped onto the left staircase & followed it up. She ran along a narrow hallway with rooms on both sides, taking out a few robots that walked out from the rooms. She leapt over a hole in the floor where spikes hid underneath & evaded sudden laser cannons & poison darts that shot out from the walls as she reached a long ascending staircase at the “chorus”. Demonic spiders were all around the place and she kicked them away as she quickly made her way up, then jumped out the only exit at the top & grabbed the cable which the lift far below was connected to. While sliding down, she blasted two more spiders then jumped off and grappled to another floor just ahead. The area looked like a normal toy store with many bookcases.

She ran through and saw a robot ninja in HD on the bookcases wielding a katana and throwing kunai at her which she dodged with somersaults. A robot pirate appeared at the end of one bookcase and tried to slice her in half but Ruby slid under the blade & kept going as they chased her through the many corridors. Ruby eventually reached the centre where there were neon lights & bright colors all over the place & open tubes that carried water all over the place. Ruby hopped in one which took her down as it twisted and turned, she then jumped out towards several robots on a platform just before the “chorus”. She bounced off three robots heads like Mario then punched down a barrier, then ran through a chemical room as the pirate & ninja kept chasing her. She wall jumped up to another floor, then flew above robots with televisions on their heads & finally ran into a lift. On the way up, the pirate & ninja clung on to the bottom. Moments after realizing, she blasted the top off and grapple beamed her way up while cutting the lift cable, then dodged many rotating blades before reaching a control room at the top.

“So who’s behind all this?” Ruby asked as she approached the front where someone sat with their chair facing away from her.

The figure spun round to reveal herself as Ivy, of course. “I’m the one behind it, foolish angel.”

“As I suspected, but why? What’s with all this nonsense tonight?”

“It’s about time I took back my spot as the BEST villain, and it’s time we got acquainted again, since we don’t have all night. Let’s take this outside, shall we?” Ivy ran at her and tackled her through several walls out into the city and threw her through a building.

Ruby quickly flew back out and hammered her into the ground in the middle of the street. Ivy produced an explosion of fire as she recovered and stomped the ground, knocking a car nearby into the air and landing in her hands. She then threw the car at civilians further away as she yelled, “Marco!” Ruby dropped down and punched it into pieces as she replied, “Polo.” Ruby charged at her and they exchanged punches for a while till Ivy cut a parked coach in half and used it like a weapon by trying to crush her. After dodging and rolling away, Ruby grabbed the other half & they used the halves like swords. Ivy eventually knocked hers away but at the same time Ivy dropped hers from Ruby kneeing her in the stomach. As Ruby tried to punch her, she leapt away and landed on a building behind Ruby.

With her back still turned, she said, “Standing here,” She stood up and spun around as she continued, “I realize, you are just like me, trying to make history.”

Ruby leaped onto another building nearby and they ran across a lot of them, throwing energy blasts at each other as Ruby said, “But who’s to judge the right from wrong? When your guard is down I think we’ll both agree,” They both jumped at each other and created shockwaves while exchanging punches as they both said in unison, “Violence breeds violence, but in the end it has to be this way!”

They flew through the sky like glowing lights, causing more shockwaves as they clashed till Ivy eventually caught her by the throat and chokeslammed her into the ground. As Ruby got up, her eyes flared up as she grabbed Ivy and punched her into space, then quickly flew up and smacked her straight down to the ground again. As Ivy got back up, she hit Ruby with an uppercut followed by punching her in the stomach & dragging her into space and through the moon before blasting her back down to Earth. As Ivy walked up towards her, she was removing her hairbands while getting up, “So you wanna play rough? That’s fine, I like it rough too.”

“Shouldn’t I be saying a line li-“ Before Ivy could finish, Ruby tackled her through several buildings & then they finally landed in the middle of a mall. They exchanged punches and kicks as they moved through the mall and continued up an escalator, making several people move out the way as they passed by. Ruby grabbed a bin on the upper floor and stuffed it over Ivy’s head. Ivy quickly broke out and grabbed a bench a bit further away, tearing it from its hinges and knocking Ruby into a wall. Ivy covered herself in an aura of flames as she charged at Ruby, attempting to punch her as she got up. Ruby noticed in time to put up a psychic barrier, but Ivy eventually broke through it, knocking Ruby off balance. As Ivy then was about to punch her, Ruby recovered in time to catch her fist as she glared at her, which shocked Ivy. Ruby then punched her in the stomach repeatedly and knocked her back with a kick. They both tried to roundhouse kick the other and there was an explosion as their legs connected them, sending them flying & to the ground.

Ivy laughed as she got up. “Now that’s more like it!” Ivy pounded the ground and sent out a shockwave of fire along the ground, which Ruby blocked but flew through a shop window.

“Uhh, I don’t mean to interrupt your little play date, but do you have a way of neutralizing her?” May asked.

“I’m not sure, I’ve never tried it and she’s just as dangerous as I am, maybe more so. But I’ll at least try things which others have gossiped about.” As she got to her feet and Ivy charged at her, Ruby pointed at her & said, “Ivy! I think you’re very cute!”

Ivy stopped in her tracks and blushed. “W-what?!”

“You heard me, you’re cute!”

“N-no I’m not!”

“Denial is related to cuteness.”

“I’m not cute, foolish angel! Shut up!”

“Your behaviour is tsun, I think that’s cute so just accept it, you’re cute!”

“Shut up!” Ivy punched her through a wall, and then grabbed her leg. “I’m done being cute! No more!” She slammed her onto the floor behind her. “People say I’m just adorable when I kick others in the ribs.” Ivy said as she punted Ruby halfway across the area.

Ruby coughed as she slowly got to her feet. “Alright, I’m sorry, you’re not cute. You’re a mean person.”

“Glad we could agree on something.” Ivy replied as she dropped down. As Ivy tried to kick her in the face, Ruby quickly positioned herself behind her and grabbed her tail, which confused Ivy. “What are you-“ Ruby began slowly stroking it, which didn’t seem to affect Ivy, so she sped up but it was still ineffective. Ivy punched her in the stomach hard enough to make Ruby drop to her knees.

“Is that not an erogenous zone for you?” Ruby asked in a raspy voice.

“Don’t get me wrong, it feels good, but I’m already used to the feeling so it’s not gonna cripple me. Are you done playing around?”

Ruby got to her feet. “Not just yet.” At this point, civilians were crowding around the area, quietly whispering to each other, pointing and taking pictures. “Even if it kills me, I’m gon-“

Just then, one girl walked up to her and said, “Excuse me, can I get your autograph?”

“Huh? Oh, sure.”

Ivy laughed. “A foolish angel like you would never-“

Another girl tapped her and said, “Sorry, is it alright if I get yours?”

Ivy sighed. “Oh fine.”

As they tried to continue, more and more people kept interrupting them. Two guys who were walking by stopped and noticed them in the middle of the crowd. One said, “Oh, hey, isn’t that the evil chick Ruby used to know? What’s her name again?”

“Ivy.” The other replied. “She’s had changes too.”

“Damn right. What I wouldn’t give to have just one night with either of those two.”

“You’d die, dude, or at least be heavily injured.”

“What? How?”

“They’re like freakishly strong and move far faster than we do. Sure, they can control their strength at times like this, but if they lost control during a certain moment your dick would break off, or you’d have a broken pelvis. Why would you risk that?”

“Oh c’mon, they can’t do those things.”

“I bet you they could after seeing some of the shit these guys regularly do. I’m being realistic here. Do you want a crushed pelvis? Do you want a painful death by snu-snu?”

He shrugged. “There are much worse ways to die.”

“Yeah but still.”

Ivy & Ruby eventually moved to a more secluded area to avoid being interrupted. They continued causing some environmental damage as they flew about the place, till Ruby soon cut off some of the top of Ivy’s dress. Ruby covered her eyes slightly as she said, “Oh, sorry.”

“Hmph, you think this affects me?” Ivy ripped off the dress completely, and now stood naked with mosaic censoring everything. “Behold! Embarrassment is a meaningless emotion here, and I won’t let myself be beaten by such a foolish angel!”

“Oh yeah?!” Ruby ripped off her outfit too. “Well I won’t lose to the likes of you either!” Ruby tackled her and then they rolled around.

With Gary, he was jumping around, avoiding the ice beams Valerie kept shooting. “It’s not too late, y’know, you can still be cured of that condition.”

“Not without them heavily experimenting on me first, right?”

May contacted him as he avoided more beams. “Hey, Ruby’s fighting this pink-haired girl she happens to know, and they’re causing some damage to the things around them.”

“Yeah, that tends to happen.”

“Could you help her possibly?”

“Well, first of all I’m a little busy, and second, that’s Ruby’s business at the moment.”

Back to Ivy and Ruby, they were out in the city leaping across buildings side by side. As they ran along one long building, Ruby said, “Alright, Ivy. It’s time for us to finish this.”

“Very well, foolish angel. Before this is over, I’ll show you my true power.” Ivy replied. They flew into the sky and hit each other like Ping-Pong balls.

Two boys were looking up into the sky, one pointed and said, “Hey look, it’s two birds!”

“Don’t be stupid,” His friend replied. “It’s two planes.”

“It’s neither, morons.” Another boy said who walked over. “It’s just two chicks fighting.”

“Oh, guess that makes sense.” One boy said while the other nodded.

Ruby soon tackled Ivy into a thick pile of mud in the middle of a park and they became completely covered in it. Ivy threw mud in her face and punched her to the ground. As she went for a flying elbow drop, Ruby flipped up with her feet and hit her in the stomach, knocking her back. Ruby leapt over Ivy’s follow-up kick and hit her with a german suplex. Ivy got up and quickly kneed her in the face, followed by a roundhouse kick. They soon moved over to a fountain where Ivy tried to drown her but Ruby grabbed her as she fell into the fountain. They flew around like Ping-Pong balls again as they flew throughout the city after washing off the mud and ended up at a construction site as they began using some of the equipment to hurt each other until one worker with a Brooklyn accent walked over to them.

“Hey!” He exclaimed, getting their attention. “I normally wouldn’t get involved in others personal business, especially not one involving two beautiful young ladies such as yourselves, but I’d really appreciate it if you could take your fight to another location. We’ve been working on this site for weeks now and the boss wouldn’t like any damage being done here.”

Ivy shrugged. “Okay, sure.”

“Sorry to disturb you.”

And so they continued at a strip club, with Ruby kicking Ivy through the doors. Ivy kicked a chair across the room at her, knocking her into a wall. Ruby retaliated by immediately throwing a table at her. Ivy got up, leapt onto a stage nearby with a woman dancing and ripped out a stripper pole and whacked Ruby over the head with it. Ruby super-tackled Ivy through the wall outside & into a clothing store where they came out dressed in pink & yellow cat costumes like you’d see at a theme park.

They ran in an office building and ran up the stairs while shooting energy blasts at each other. Ruby tossed Ivy into a large area with many computers and tried to hit her with a 5-star frog splash. Ivy rolled out the way, grabbed a computer and smashed it over her head then hit her with an RKO as she got up. Ruby quickly recovered and ducked under her clothesline then hit her with a DDT. As Ivy got up, Ruby jumped on her back & tried to strangle her. After struggling for a bit, Ivy jammed her tail up the back of Ruby’s costume which startled her. Ivy quickly spun round as Ruby let go and grabbed her throat, preparing to chokeslam her. Ruby pulled out a taser and shocked her, and as Ivy let go Ruby backed up slightly before superkicking her in the face. As Ruby tried to pick her up, Ivy slapped her hand away and kicked her back several feet.

“I’m the villain this planet needs.” She said.

“But not the one it deserves at the moment.” Ruby replied.

They ran at each other, creating a massive explosion that knocked them both back as they collided. Ivy got on her feet rather quickly, piled several tables on top of each other & climbed up them. She then jumped off and hit Ruby with a flying elbow drop, with enough force to knock them through the floor into the women’s restroom below. Ivy picked her up and threw her through several toilet stalls. Ruby retaliated by ripping off one of the toilets and smashing it over Ivy’s head, who then did the same to her. Ruby smacked her around the face after ripping off a sink, and then Ivy grabbed her head and shoved it into a mirror nearby.

Meanwhile, Gary had taken out Valerie off-screen and was flying across the city at that moment when May called again, “Hey, those two are getting really out of control, and they’ve caused a lot of environmental damage. Ruby’s not exactly proving Rin & Fuka wrong tonight.”

“Alright, I’m nearly done, I’ll be there in a bit, just send me the co-ordinates.”

“Will do, just-OH MY GAWD! A superb hurricanrana by Ruby. Oh-oh hold on, a Powerbomb! Right from the chair too, hope Ruby’s okay from that.”

“Y’know, you could be helping instead of just commenting.”

“Yeah but-There it is! Ruby landed the Stunner! BY GAWD! She’s been busted open! Oh-wait a minute…SPEAR! SPEAR! THAT GIRL JUST SPEARED RUBY THROUGH A WALL AND HAS BROKEN HER IN HALF! GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY!”

“You’re having a bit too much fun with this.”

Back at the building, Ruby tackled Ivy through a wall to outside where they flew about for a while before landing on a hill with most of their costumes in rags from all the damage. As Ivy missed a punch, Ruby pushed her down, jumped on top and began tickling her, which actually worked. Ivy soon did the same and began tickling her too, and they eventually wore each other out just like that.

“If you wanted to hang out you could have just asked.” Ruby said.

“But that’s just not as fun.”

“Maybe for you, but you caused you whole bunch of mess today.”

“You’re partially to blame for that too. Just be honest, you had fun, right?”

“Fine, I guess I did. I should still hall your butt to jail though.”

Just then, Ivy’s ship dropped down nearby and Poison who was driving it opened the doors. “C’mon, Ivy, let’s get going.” He looked over at Ruby and waved. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Ruby waved back.

“Whelp, this is my ride, I’ll catch you later.” Ivy said as she walked away.

“The next time you plan something like this, please don’t involve the city in it.”

“The next time we do this, we’re going to need a whole planet instead of small sections within a city.” She turned to Poison. “You’re here a little early.”

“Broken Bold starts in less than an hour; I wanted to make sure I had enough time.” He closed the doors and the ship quickly took off into space.

As they left, Gary arrived moments later. “So she just left?”

“Yep, were you just waiting here?”

“Sort of. Why do you smell so awful, and why are you nearly naked?”

“Long story.”

“Right, well I found out that bomb I disarmed was programmed to disable itself before going off anyway. That woman continues to puzzle me.”

“Do you still like her?”

“I used to, I suppose.”

“Do you like me?”

“I tolerate you, you’re my partner and some level of co-operation is needed for success. You used to be such a liability that your recent behaviour is much more of a welcome change.”

“Aww, you really do like me.”

“As a significant associate.”

“Tsun tsun~”

“Hey guys.” May said, standing in the shadows a bit further away. “Great work tonight, all the bad guys are taken care of, and the park is being fixed as I speak.”

“Awesome! Let’s go eat!” Ruby exclaimed throwing her hands in the air.

“We just gotta get some property related things fixed at some point , y’know, damage control and all. So where are we ea-“ She then noticed the two had vanished. “Oh c’mon! You can’t just do that, I was looking right at you guys! It has to at least make sense!”

This is technically two chapters put together with some bits taken out, so it's pretty damn long
tiem to taek jabs at current airing animu. Fun fact: Did you know that pussy is censored but pussies isn't?
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TMEDCE: Ominous Vintage Aroma

It was a typical day on that one planet I keep talking about. Kate, who walked along a hill in a trenchcoat that was far too big for her & a fedora, was carrying a suitcase. She opened the case, throwing out a whole bunch of papers as she hopped down the hill. She then tiptoed as she approached some bushes & from three random angles quickly ran from within one bush to another. As she passed one house, a small Cerberus sitting on the porch barked at her five times. She did her ‘haters gonna hate’ walk with a golden 'G' chain hanging from her neck up to an apartment. As she forced the door open, she said, “Badaboom-badaboom-badaboom!” as it replayed it from 3 different angles. She tiptoed around the rooms and as she approached one room with lights on, she said, “Homies better beware, you’re in for a scare!” She made her presence known with a hard push as she exclaimed, “Badabum-badabum!” from two different angles. She then tiptoed in and sat beside Ivy. In this room was Ivy, Ruby, Rosie, Amber, Crystal, Lolita, Pandora, Dawn, Goldia & Daisy when Kate arrived, and there wasn’t much there besides a TV & game console further away, a table nearby with a bunch of food & drinks on it & a whole bunch of quilts & pillows.

“The hell are you doing?” Ivy asked Kate as she sat down.

“Nothing in particular.”

“So as I was about to say,” Pandora began. “I guess I’ll tell you about some of my early experiences as a Shinigami. I also won’t leave out important bits, even if they may be a little embarrassing.”

“I wanna hear this!” Kate exclaimed. “I wanna know as much as I can.”

“Well, maybe I’ll leave out some bits. So like I said, Death came to me and asked if I wanted to be a Shinigami, I had no idea what on earth that was but it was either that or hell so I took it. Next thing I know, I found myself outside some grimdark city in the middle of the night.”

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqE8M2ZnFL8

Pandora walked down one of the city paths and soon came across a Caucasian man with a black shirt & pants smoking by a wall. He turned to her and said, “So you’re the new kid, huh? Alright, let’s get going.” They walked along while Pandora looked around. Someone drove down the street and nearly splashed her as they hit a puddle then they passed someone who threw paper at a lamppost that bounced off and hit the bin. The Caucasian man also breathed out some smoke before throwing his cigarette in the trash. As they travelled through the city Pandora saw such sights as a woman hanging laundry out to dry from a fourth-story window, kids doing yo-yo tricks in a playground, several men in suits playing blackjack as one dealt out the cards, as well as a race going on outside of Ammu-Nation just before the “chorus”. At the shooting range there were 8 booths all full. The first threw a knife at the target; the second used a handgun, the third used an SMG, the fourth an assault rifle, the fifth a shotgun, the sixth a light machine gun, the seventh a minigun, and the eighth destroyed theirs with a rocket launcher.

They turned the corner & kept walking. As they passed an alley, Pandora saw two people dressed in rabbit suits, just standing in the middle of the alley and staring as she passed by. On another street, a man was sitting down & playing a ukulele as they passed by. They walked by the park where one person was throwing freebies into the air & another was shooting them. Nearby, they passed a large group of people standing in the middle of the street with Halloween costumes on and then descended some stairs & got onto a boat by the “chorus”. As they sailed across the river by the bridge, it cut between the large group of people doing the Thriller dance, an orchestra & a kid doing judo moves on other students in slow motion. They soon got off the boat and slowly made their way towards a large building a little further away. They walked up the long set of steps and entered the building.
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“So what then?” Crystal asked.

“Well I needed to apparently get a tattoo first, so I went to a parlor.”
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“So which one do ya want?” A man in the tattoo parlor wearing a typical bikers outfit & bandana said.

“Uh, which would hurt less?” Pandora asked.

“Well none if you know what you’re doing.”

“Huh?”

“Look I ain’t got all day, just pick a spot already.”

“Okay, my upper left thigh, I suppose.”

“The thigh?” He shook his head. “Girls these days.”
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“That’s kinda slutty.” Dawn replied.

“It is not.” Pandora responded, now wearing her modern attire for some reason with the words “Look at my shirt.” on it.

“I actually also think that’s an odd first spot for a tattoo.” Amber said.

“So what happened next?” Kate asked.

“Well, I still needed a mentor & all. Death wanted me to choose someone from the list, but I was still undecided, all this was still so new to me & a lot to take in so I needed time. I think about 4 days later I saw Lolita walking down a street with a group of people and that was when I decided who I wanted as a mentor. Soon after that, Death spoke to her privately about it.”
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“So, are you interested?” Death asked.

“I don’t think I’m the right choice for this kind of thing. It’s too soon for me.”

“Well she asked for you specifically. I mean, you weren’t even on the list and yet here we are, I assume there’s a good reason for it.”

“But…I’m not really a people person.”

“I suppose I could have Marie mentor her instead then.”

“Fine, I’ll do it. I’d feel worse if she had to deal with her.”

“Excellent, I think you’ll come to like this experience.”

“Uh-huh.”

Death opened his mobile & checked a text then sighed. “Gotta get going, some nonsense about Belmonts again, I’ll be back by morning.” He closed the door behind him.
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“Pandora,” Lolita began. “While I’m willing to remain quiet and let you say what you need to, how do you even know whether this conversation even happened, or what was said when I never mentioned this to you?”

There was a long period of silence.
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So about a week later, Lolita and Pandora were going to go on their first real mission together. Pandora wanted to-
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“You never answered my question.” Lolita said, interrupting Pandora.

There was more silence.
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Pandora wanted to make an impression so she met up with Lolita in the middle of the desert dressed as Black Rock Shooter.

“Hey, I’m ready to get started.” Pandora said as she arrived.

“You should zip up that jacket.” Lolita replied as they walked.

“In the desert?”

“Fine, do as you wish.” They came to a building soon enough in the middle of nowhere and climbed in through a window. “Alright, we’re just looking for one man.”

“I know, white suit, groomed moustache, bad toupee, can’t miss him.”

“We’re only here for him, we’re not going to kill anyone if necessary.”

“What?! That’s boring!”

“I doubt you’re even very efficient when it comes to killing.”

“I’ve killed people before. Anyway, what are we being paid for this mission?” Pandora asked as the two snuck around in a cardboard box.

“Around 5,000.”

“But that’s lame too! I just spent all my money on my high-class apartment, and a few vehicles so I’m broke right now.”

“Where did you get all this money?”

“Stimulus package.”

“But you just recently joined…”

“It still counted.”

After Lolita knocked out several guards, they made it to the room with their target. Presumably just sitting in his chair by a desk, Pandora ignored Lolita’s warning & shot the figure in the head, which turned out to be a fake & triggered alarms all over the place.

“Really?” Lolita asked as she looked at her.

“At the very least we can kill people now.” Pandora shrugged.

As a group of soldiers burst into the room, Lolita charged forward while Pandora did an unnecessary combat roll and hid behind the table. Lolita took out the soldiers with hand-to-hand while trying not to kill any if possible, meanwhile Pandora poked her head up a few times to hit several soldiers in varied chest areas. As they ran down a hallway, several more soldiers came at them as well as one with a minigun so they ducked behind cover. As Lolita was busy fighting off the soldiers nearby, two emerged from another staircase behind them & one grabbed Pandora who managed to fight him off long enough to fire half a clip into his chest and then used several more bullets on the other guy. Lolita took out a grenade after dealing with the soldiers and threw it down the hall beside the man with the minigun, who was then blown through a window from the explosion.

“Hey, how do I reload?” Pandora asked as they kept moving.

“Re…load?”

“Uhh, yeah. Y’know, the clips?”

“We produce our own ammo.”

“How do I do that?”

“It’s kinda hard to explain.”

“Feel free to take your time.” Pandora said sarcastically.

As they passed by some windows, Lolita stopped and pulled Pandora towards her. “I sense a sniper. On top of a roof across the street. 10’o clock.”

“I can take this guy.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, do you know how to efficiently shoot people yet?”

“What does that mean?”

“You’ve been rather clumsy with your shots. Haven’t you practiced at all?”

“I’m just bad at hitting moving targets, but I can hit a soup can from a mile away with time to focus.”

“Very well, have your time. If you focus you’ll feel him out.”

Pandora closed her eyes for a few moments, then pointed her gun out the window, immediately fired and hit the sniper in the head.

“Nicely done.” Lolita commented before walking off.

As they passed by a small room, a few soldiers jumped out & attacked them. During the attack, one of them managed to jam a knife deep in Pandora’s left leg just as Lolita kicked him through a wall. Pandora fell to the ground, crying out in pain as she exclaimed, “Oh shit! I feel like I’m gonna die!”

“You’re already dead.”

“I know! Oh god, it hurts so much, you gotta help me!” She began crying. Lolita watched for a few moments then pulled out a camera & took a picture. “Aren’t you gonna help me?!?”

“Do you…not know how to lower your pain receptors?”

“What do you think?!”

“You need to relax, the rest will come naturally.”

They got moving again shortly though Pandora was limping briefly. After taking out some more soldiers, they made it outside to be treated to even more as well as snipers but they dispatched them quickly. Suddenly a large grey mech which had 4 feet and two arms appeared and was steadily approaching the area. As it fired a laser beam, Pandora took cover while Lolita charged right at the machine with dual katanas. As she ran under it, she swung at three of the legs, making it hunch over from the wires cut. She threw a black chain which pulled her up upside down behind it & she cut off the part that fired energy beams in slow-motion with a few swings. She flipped right side up as the mech spun round & attempted to punch her. Lolita threw another black chain & propelled herself above the arm then cut it off with three swift slashes. She ran along the still attached part of the arm and leapt towards the other. Pandora watched in awe as Lolita sliced the other arm in half across the middle as her hair bellowed in the wind in slow-motion, then leapt across several missiles fired at her into the air. She curled into a ball and spun multiple times before doing a downward slash with both blades, through the cockpit & to the ground. As she put away her swords, the top half exploded.

“Whoa! That was fucking amazing!” Pandora exclaimed as she ran up to her.

“It was no big deal.”

“No big deal? That was totally badass! You gotta teach me to do that stuff!”

“More importantly, you need to learn patience & being aware of your surroundings. You messed up what was meant to be a stealth mission. Do you even realize how badly this would be scored?!”

“But-“

“I’ve seen quite a few rookies who ran head first into things they couldn’t handle. They tend to get the worst fates, like being strung up on an operating table & regularly sliced open and picked clean to learn more about us, since Shinigami don’t die so easily. Is that how you want everything to end?”

“No…”

“Then get better. A lot better. I’ll see you next week.” Lolita said as she walked off.

Pandora sighed. “Yeah, see you.”
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“I don’t recall being mean about it.” Lolita said.

“Well you were.” Pandora replied, with the words on her shirt now saying, “Look at it.”

“Nor was that kill so stylized & elaborate.”

“You’re just being modest.”

Goldia seemed to be floating around & scanning the room as Kate asked, “Why are we even here again?”

“Because I’m finally moving out of my parents place & moving in here.” Ivy replied.

“Well it’s about time.” Amber responded. “What took you so long?”

Ivy shrugged. “Convenience.”

“Hey, I don’t mean to be a bother,” Rosie began. “But could I get a little blood? I haven’t eaten in days and I’m kinda hungry at this point.”

“You could suck some of mine if you want.” Ivy said as Dawn opened a large spot in her hand and out came a large blood tentacle that grabbed some crisps and dragged them back into the hand.

“Yours always has me feeling hot and bothered when I’m done.”

“That’s the 11.2% of aphrodisiac particles in my bloodstream taking effect.”

“I still don’t get how that’s possible.”

“Experiments. For science.”

“For curiosity.” Rosie retorted.

“Um, you could take some of my blood, I guess.” Ruby said as she interrupted. “How much do you need? It doesn’t hurt, does it?”

“Not too much, you won’t pass out; I’ll make sure of that. Over the decades, I’ve learned how to make getting your blood sucked out actually feel good.” Rosie breathed on her neck just before sinking her teeth into her neck as Ruby let out a small moan.

“So what happened after that?” Daisy asked as she watched Rosie & Ruby.

“Well I was rather depressed and didn’t see Lolita for a long while after that.” Pandora said.

“You wouldn’t answer my calls for two months.” Lolita replied.

Rosie bit deep into Ruby’s neck, making her moan loudly. Crystal stared at her for a moment before she said, “Feel free to continue, Pandora.”
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About two months later, Lolita was crouched on a cliff, watching a massive building with binoculars when Pandora approached her from behind as she said, “Hey.”

“Nice of you to-” As Lolita turned around she noticed Pandora was dressed just like her.

“Is there a problem?”

“Uhh, no, it’s fine. Anyway, there are at least 57 tangos down there. Our target is a humanoid pig known as The Butcher but taking out his cronies awards bonus points here so feel free to kill people.” Lolita stroked her chin for a moment while Pandora did the same. “It’s likely he’ll be found in the basement or some secluded area.” She tilted her head while Pandora did the same and began to notice Pandora was imitating her.

“Well rest assured, you don’t need to babysit me.” Lolita twirled while Pandora did the same. “I’ve learned a lot over these two months.”

“Very well, I look forward to seeing your personal progress.” Lolita backflipped while Pandora did the same. “Why are you copying me?”

They started breakdancing as Pandora said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

In a large room beside the entrance, a dozen goons wearing pig masks were carrying around some large boxes. The doors suddenly burst open & Pandora leapt into the room and stabbed one guy threw the head while Lolita slashed two near her in half. Pandora hit another with a backflipping kick then jumped up and hit him with several gunshots then slammed him to the ground with a sledgehammer.

“Hey, you see-“ Pandora paused as she watched Lolita disarming over half a dozen guys and knocking them out with swift blows then trip the last one and hit him with several close RPG blasts then wall bounce him with a hammer, drag him close with a black chain & slice him in half.

They proceeded further, doing all kinds of acrobatics & killing quickly with sword & gunplay before going down some stairs and stopping by a door.

“There are 7 tangos in this room, 2 hostages. Two on the far left, one further right, one in the back, two in the middle, and one a little to the right. I’ll take the left, we’ll breach it. They’re heavily armed but shouldn’t see it coming.” Pandora nodded. “On my mark.” As they bust open the door, they opened fire on the mooks in the room in slow-motion, filling them full of lead and barely missing the civilians who ran out of the room when they were done.

In the very next room, 6 more men wearing pig masks appeared carrying melee weaponry. Lolita turned to Pandora and said, “You go on ahead, find The Butcher before he has a chance to run off.”

“Are you sure?”

“Certain.”

Pandora flipped over the six and ran on ahead while Lolita fly kicked one who tried to stop her. Two rushed forward and alternated between attacking as Lolita evaded while moving back. As one tried to fly kick her, she grabbed his foot and threw him at a wall, she then ducked under another attack & kicked the man through a wall. One man leapt at her and did a downward slash that missed as Lolita moved to the left then hopped over another strike and punched through the sword, breaking it and knocking the man across the room. Two men came at her from behind with machetes, she backflipped over one then slid under the other, bounced off the wall and knocked them both out with a hurricane kick. The last attempted to cut her in half from behind with a chainsaw, but she spun round a moment before and caught it with her right hand. While the blade cut deep into her hand and splattered blood, she didn’t flinch and while the man was shocked, Lolita fired a beam of dark energy through his chest. The deep cut healed quickly as Lolita moved on.

Pandora arrived at the lowest area where a large humanoid pig was chopping up a woman on a counter with a machete & the only thing lighting the room was a furnace in the background. As Pandora arrived and pulled out a sword, the Butcher ran for the exit. He then got in an elevator while Pandora just ran up the wall & cut through the bottom of the elevator after he had exited it. He threw bombs at her as she leapt from wall to wall. She jumped off the wall and followed him into a kitchen. She grabbed a pan and slid on it across a long table as she fired at the pig using pistols. He blocked the gun shots and threw swords from a shelf at her. As she dodged them he quickly turned right & ran through another door.
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Pandora was briefly interrupted by Ruby’s moans as Rosie continued sucking her blood. Crystal leaned over and whispered, “Are you alright, Ruby?”

Ruby slurred her words. “I felio wandafuuuuuul.”

“Might wanna slow down a little, Rosie.” Ivy said. “Looks like Ruby’s gonna pass out pretty soon.”

Rosie paused briefly to reply, “I’m almost done.” Before sinking her teeth into her neck again.

“I’ll… skip a bit and finish up quick.” Pandora said, while Dawn was now eating popcorn.
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Pandora used the elevator and met with Lolita. Knowing that she had taken care of the Butcher, they both proceeded to the exit.

“Was it difficult?” Lolita asked.

“No sweat.” She showed her his head. “We blew his house down.”

“Y’know, he was worth more alive.”

“Should’ve probably mentioned that sooner.”

“Yeah, I was at fault there.”

As they arrived outside, Pandora walked off in the opposite direction as she said, “I’ll see you in a month or so, I guess.”

“For wanting a mentor, you don’t seem to like being mentored very much…I’d like us to spend more time together.”

“We will, next month or something.”

“Why a month?”

“Training, improving, ex cetera.” Pandora then flew off.
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“And here I thought I was the anti-social one.” Lolita said.

“Well people change, I suppose.” Pandora replied.

Ruby moaned louder & more frequent as Rosie continued sucking her blood and eventually one long moan just before Rosie stopped. “Alright, I’m done. Thanks, Ruby.” Rosie said.

“Um, could you possibly keep going?” Ruby asked nervously.

“Okay, I guess.” Rosie shrugged.

“I’d like to have a turn next.” Daisy said.

A lot of people I’d care not to mention passed by the room a few times, carrying things in as Ivy spoke. “So is that it?”

“I suppose I could spare 1 more tale.” Pandora replied, while Dawn yawned but remained quiet.
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It was nearly 5 months since the mission with the Butcher. This man in dark blue ninja garb and black headband had recently taken a mission that required 2-6 people. So he went to see his old mentor, that black bald guy I mentioned, and Lolita was there too so she joined them. They went to their local Ammu-Nation in the meantime.

“Since we actually know people, I figure I might as well invite Ricky & Marie.” The ninja said.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Daniel.” Lolita replied.

“Why not? It’s been quite a while since we all got together.” The black man said.

“I guess you’re right, Dwayne.” Lolita responded.

“I don’t think it was necessary to say our names.” Daniel said.

“I disagree.”

Daniel was customizing his weapons as he talked. “Alright, so we’ll stop by Ricky’s place, then Marie, then we go.” They could very faintly hear the guy behind the till say, “Whaddya buyin?”

“Knowing Marie, it’s best to inform her early.” Dwayne said, while “Whaddya selling?” could be faintly heard as Daniel placed several colourful and bizarre looking guns on the counter.

“Yeah but dropping in on Marie randomly is usually an interesting experience.” Daniel said.

“In terms of what she’s wearing when she answers the door?” Lolita asked.

“That too.” The man behind the till then laughed before saying thank you.

At Ricky’s place, he was currently in bed with two other women when he received a text from Daniel. Oh, he had short blonde hair too. He got up as he said, “Sorry, ladies. Gonna have to take my leave rather shortly.” He put on a black shirt, pants, a leather red open trenchcoat, and black shades. “I’ll be back whenever.” He said before leaving. The others were just down the street and he met up with them. “Hey, thanks for the invite, could ya fill me in on the way there?”

“Sure, we’ll be stopping by Marie’s next anyway.” Daniel replied.

“She never returns my calls these days.”

“She barely returns anyone’s calls.”

So they proceeded to a small looking house, rang the doorbell and remained silent for the moment. Ricky began smoking a few feet away. As Marie opened the door she said, “If you fucking girl scouts ask me once more to buy your shitty cookies, I’m gonna jam them so far up your-” She paused as she noticed them. Marie happened to be the biker chick with spiked pigtails & red streaks in her hair & tattoos on every part of her body. She was also only wearing a black tank top & panties. “Oh, you guys. Bad shit going down?”

“We’re about to go on a mission.” Dwayne began. “Shoot some people, little need to ask questions, blow up anything not important. I assume that’s your thing?”

“I’ll get my stuff.” She yawned and walked off, scratching her ass as she left.

As they waited, Lolita heard someone call for her as Pandora ran over to her. Today she was wearing a short sleeved, leather black top & miniskirt with several black belts around her thighs. “Hey, I heard you’re doing a mission today. Some guys were also saying something about you stalking someone, what’s that about?”

“I’m not stalking anyone, they’re lying. While I appreciate your company, this isn’t really a good time.”

“And here I thought you weren’t that sociable.” Dwayne commented.

“Yeah.” Daniel added. “Who’s your friend?”

Lolita sighed. “Dwayne, Daniel, meet my student, Pandora. Pandora, meet my mentor & Daniel.”

“You couldn’t have added a bit more?” Daniel asked.

“Ahh, so you’re the one Lolita mentioned.” Dwayne said, shaking her hand.

“She mentioned me? What did she say?”

“Positive things.”

“That’s rather vague.”

“Lolita’s quite a vague person.”

“Good point.”

Ricky walked towards her moments later as he said, “So, did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”

“Just so you know, I’m 15.”

“…Oh.”

“Well technically I’d be 16 at this point though I was 15 when I died.”

“Where did you come from? There are actually a lot of places where the legal age is 16.”

“Of course you’d know that.” Daniel commented.

Just then, Marie had her normal biker stuff on and shut her door before saying, “Let’s go, bitches.”

“Great to see you again, Marie.” Ricky said.

“Eat a dick.” Marie replied.

Pandora was a little confused until Daniel leaned over and said, “They used to date.”

“Oh.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And so that happened.” Pandora said, now with the words on her shirt saying, “Impossibu shirt.” Most of the other demon lords had entered the room a little earlier.

“Huh, how did Lolita know so many people then?” Ivy asked.

“I really don’t know.” Pandora replied while Dawn looked around as she yawned.

Meanwhile, Rosie stopped sucking on Ruby’s neck as she said, “I’m pretty full now, I don’t think I could-“

“More.”

“Huh?”

“MOAR.”

“I think you’ve had enough for one day.”

“I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough, now keep sucking!” Ruby shouted. In the background Dawn transformed and Daisy who noticed her in the middle of transforming quickly grabbed a bag and puked in it.

Crystal hit Ruby with a judo chop, knocking her out. “Sorry about that.”

“So how did that mission go?” Amber asked.

“Ah, yes.” Pandora began, while to her left Dawn had transformed into Pandora while wearing American McGee’s Alice’s outfit. “I guess I’ll skip ahead a small bit.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The six of them were slowly approaching their destination, which was a massive church in the middle of a field. They reached a cliff overlooking the area.

“So what’s the job, Dan?” Ricky asked.

“Well, corrupt nuns, priests, and all sorts of these guys are dealing illegal drugs. The Pope has a hand in this too, and we’re gonna take ‘em out.”

“I call dibs on the Pope.” Marie said.

“You can’t just call dibs.” Lolita replied.

“Pretty sure I just did.”

“Do you really need the points that badly?” Dwanye asked.

“My place is a shitheap. Gotta get it fixed up.” She then noticed Pandora. “Who the hell is that girl anyway?”

“That’s Pandora, supposedly Lolita is mentoring her.” Ricky replied.

“Well I’ll be damned.” She moved over beside her.

“Is there a problem?” Pandora asked.

Marie began playing with her hair for a few moments, looked her over before she began groping her from roughly 5 seconds, then reached up her miniskirt, at which point Pandora backed off and covered herself.

“What on earth are you doing?!?” Pandora exclaimed.

“Calm down, kid, just wanted to look around a little.” She turned to Lolita and said, “Congrats. Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t something you needed to know.” Lolita said as the six of them made their way down the cliff towards the church.

“You’re a real bitch, lo…and I love ya for it.”

“Looking forward to seeing what you can do, kid.” Ricky said.

“Same here.” Daniel said. “I’ve heard you’re pretty talented, Lolita had a much harder time starting out.”

“I wouldn’t want to put any pressure on you, but I’m also curious, seeing how I taught Lolita a lot.” Dwayne added.

“You’re setting my teaching skills surprisingly high, guys.” Lolita commented just before Marie kicked open the church doors and the group poured bullets into many of the people in the church as they split up.

They were doing all sorts of crazy acrobatics & defying physics as they cut down the people while throwing things each other’s way to keep the flow going. Ricky wielded a double sided golden dragon styled blade that deflected tons of bullets as he twirled it around him then disarmed the two & sliced their heads off & kicked them away. Marie was busy slicing people apart with her chainsaw then tackled another & dug the chainsaw through his stomach as they slid along a bench, she then held up her chainsaw & cut the bodies thrown in half. Daniel grabbed a pair of legs and whacked one guy across the room, then dodged a punch & hit his balls with a flaming razorblade yo-yo, followed by walking the dog with two yo-yo’s on the next guy. One guy landed beside Dwayne & immediately attacked so he pulled out his sword and parried the blow, using Shinigami Overload within that split second and sliced him in half, followed by a dozen more swings from the extra four arms. He then grabbed the arm of another man & broke it, then kicked him into the air. As Pandora flew through the air, she hit him with a diving kick and used him like a skateboard. She blasted two guys with a shotgun & quickly grabbed a second lying on the floor as she passed it. She spun in circles, blasting numerous enemies. One with a sword attempted to stab her but she threw one shotgun into the air, pulled out a sword & flipped as she sliced his head off then caught the shotgun.

“That’s worth quite a bit of points.” Daniel commented.

“Shit, wish I’d done that.” Marie added.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hold on a minute,” Lolita said. “It’s Shinigami Overdrive, not Overload.”

Pandora shrugged. “Whatever.” Dawn still looked like Pandora but in a straitjacket.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In one of the rooms, the pope who wore white with gold colored outlines along his robes & hat, and an old woman dressed as a nun were at a table drinking tea when they heard all the commotion going on. The old woman got her dual golden desert eagles and left. The six of them were running through the weirdly massive church slaughtering everyone they encountered. As the old woman showed up, Pandora and Marie ducked behind a wall as she fired at them.

“Whoa, are those titanium gold, .357 magnum desert eagles?!?” Pandora asked in shock. “That’s awesome!”

“Don’t get your panties wet just yet, we’re still in the middle of something.” Marie said before leaping at her with her own guns.

They both did all kinds of ridiculous acrobatics as neither of them scored a hit with either bullets or weapons. In the middle of the others gunning down nuns, Daniel and Ricky briefly watched the other two then Ricky asked, “That chick is human, right?”

“That word tends not to mean anything nowadays.” Daniel replied.

Lolita was cutting down numerous people before Pandora swung in and blasted someone behind her. “Hey, I noticed your friends have some different weapons. Your mentor has this shiny red sword & that weird girl has that rainbow chainsaw, that ninja guy has crystalized yo-yo’s, and the perv guy has that dragon blade thing. When can I buy those?” Pandora asked.

“You can’t normally, you get weapons like that as rewards, and drops from boss-like enemies.”

“Also, are you and Dwayne a couple?”

“No.”

“Why? Is it because he’s black?”

“What on earth brought this up?”

“I’d heard black people are bigger than average. Is that true? Is it because it couldn’t fit?”

“Please stop talking.”

“How big is it anyway?”

“Pandora, please.”

Suddenly a Manticore burst through the walls and tackled Pandora, why it was here I have no idea. She kicked it off her and then dodged its swings as it tried to claw her. She flipped over it, throwing several knives in its back, and then hopped over its tail as it spun round. It attempted to stab her repeatedly till Pandora eventually sliced off its tail. As it howled in pain, Pandora quickly slid over & did a 180 degree slash which cut deep into its throat, then blasted off its head & half its neck with a one-handed shotgun.

“Nice moves there, Pandora.” Ricky commented.

“Thanks, thought it would be a better finish if I didn’t look when I blasted the head off.”

“I suppose I could show you a better finish later on.”

“I’m still 15, just for the record.”

“You said 16 earlier.”

“15 now.”

As Marie was fighting the nun, Dwayne passed by, saying, “As you’re already a little busy, I’m sure you won’t mind if I handle the Pope.”

“Sure, go nuts.” Marie replied, dodging several knives.

As the Pope continued to drink tea, Dwayne entered the room from behind him, sheathed his sword and placed it by a wall, along with his shades. The Pope got up and removed his robe, showing that he’d been working out quite a bit. Then the two charged at each other.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“This is starting to get pretty silly.” Crystal commented.

“This really happened.” Pandora replied.

Dawn, who still looked like Pandora, now wore a black skirt, a white long sleeved shirt with the top button undone, and glasses. “I believe she’s nearly done, please wait just a little while longer.” She pushed up her glasses. Pandora looked at her while Dawn did the same.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dwayne hit him with a roundhouse followed by several punches. The Pope evaded one and hit him with numerous punches and kicks but was then grabbed and thrown across the room. Then all kinds of nonsense happened with running on walls, sliding on chairs while countering blows, tons of acrobatics while seeming glued to the ceiling and all types of nonsense that’s too ridiculous to mention. The Pope eventually died as Dwayne hit him with a palm thrust hard enough to stop his heart. As he died, the Pope said nothing. Dwayne also said nothing, put his shades back on, picked up his sword & left.

As the others were busy cleaning up, Marie walked up to Lolita and Pandora before asking, “Hey, where did you get your tattoo?”

“Huh?”

“What area?”

“Upper left thigh.” Pandora replied.

“The thigh…are you a slut?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!?”

“That’s not the first spot you’d expect to stick a tattoo on. Lo, tell her where you got yours.”

“My back I suppose.”

“So where’s yours?” Pandora asked.

“Got it on my arm first, then I eventually started getting one for every part of my body. I had to get 500 pistol kills for one on my stomach but it was worth it.”

“Uh-huh.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So yeah, that’s it.” Pandora said, with her shirt now only saying, “Look.” on it.

“Really?” Kate asked as Goldia wondered into the room with Poison, Damien, Leo & Gary.

“There was a few small bits but it’s not important.”

“Why did you tell us these things again?” Dawn asked, who now looked like her normal self.

“I’ve received gotten word they’ll be a new Shinigami added to our forces soon. Male, Age 14, 168cm. I’ve decided I’m going to mentor him and slowly mould him into being my ideal boyfriend.”

“You’re letting out the crazy again, Pandora.”

Rosie turned to Ivy and asked, “How long have we got left?”

“About 3 more after this one in total.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, around 2 hours. Y’know, since Pandora told a story, I guess I’ll tell one too.”

“Pandora told one?” Goldia asked.

“Uhh, yeah, you were here for that?”

“I don’t recall it.”

“Very funny. Anyway, since there’s some time left, I’ll go over the early days when Harry and I first met, and I won’t leave out embarrassing things either.”

“I wanna hear it!” Toby exclaimed.

“The hell’s with him?” Dawn asked.

“He gets like that if you mention anything that may seem ‘Vanilla.’” Richard replied.

“I’m not sure that’s a good thing.” Poison said, turning to Ivy.

“I do, Damien, you leave the room.”

“I don’t believe you have the authority to be giving me orders, besides, I’m not going to react negatively in any way. You won’t even notice I’m here.”

“Well okay…”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So this takes place a while after Damien was dead and in the Underworld or something. Poison came to Ivy’s place to ask if he was around and was greeted by his mother that told him he was dead. His hair was down and he wore a typical dark blue shirt & jeans. He was shocked as Damien was one of his closest friends and so he left, clearly depressed. He stopped as he heard an explosion at one side of the house, and saw Ivy fly out the window right towards him. He moved one step to the left and caught her before setting her down. Ivy had long hair between shoulder & waist length here.

Ivy dusted herself off as she said, “Good catch, would’ve been fine but still.”

“Oh, you’re Ivy, right?”

“Yeah, who the hell are you?”

“Well I-ahh, nevermind, just take care of yourself.” Poison said as he walked away.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What happened next?!” Toby exclaimed.

“Keep your shirt on.” Ivy replied.

“Wait, I thought Damien & Harry were a couple?” Daisy asked.

Ivy shrugged. “I guess you could call them that.”

“No you can’t.” Poison responded.

“But then Harry was cheating on Damien with you!” Daisy exclaimed.

After a long period of silence, Poison said, “You’re an idiot.”

“A total idiot.” Damien added.

“The biggest idiot to have ever lived.” Ivy added.

“Ehh?!? What did I do?!”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

About a few days after that, Ivy was in a store purchasing some sweets because they taste really good and brought a whole bunch to the counter, only to discover she didn’t have enough for them all. For some reason Poison happened to be walking by outside and kindly gave her the money she needed then simply left, which was just weird. About a week later he encountered her again with three boys who seemed to be disturbing her. He fly kicked one then took out the other two with a bunch of wrestling moved before turning to her.

“You alright?”

“I could have done that myself. Thanks anyway, I guess. Who the hell are you anyway?”

“I’m Harry, I used to be friends with your brother.”

“Oh, huh. Well see ya.” Ivy waved a quick goodbye & left.

There was a midget further away in a white large trenchcoat & hat which covered his face except for his glowing red eyes. He sat on a chair playing a guitar as he randomly said, “I wish a cute girl would talk to me.” Poison stared at him strangely.

Nearly two weeks later, Ivy was browsing sections in an electronics store and bumped into someone. As she apologized she quickly noticed it was Poison again. “…Are you stalking me?”

“What? No! I was here first, you ran into me.”

“I bet you wanted that to happen, stalker. Do you stalk everyone you have an interest in?”

“I don’t have any interest in little girls.”

“I’m not little! I’m probably older than you are. I’m XX8.”

Poison sighed. “XX2.”

Ivy laughed. “See, you’re the kid!”

“Whatever, you’re a surprisingly obnoxious person. Anyway, I came for some new headphones.” He picked up a pair and left.

As he walked towards the till he saw the midget who muttered, “I wish a cute girl would call me a stalker.” Poison eyed him suspiciously again.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I didn’t want to do this, but mind if I add some bits?” Poison asked.

“Be my guest.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Poison was at the arcade the next day playing some random fighting game with Toby as they talked.

“So do you know this girl called Ivy?” Poison asked.

“Batman villain?”

“No, Damien’s sister.”

“Oh, she seems pretty mean, and angry all the time.”

“I feel that too, maybe it’s just due to depression. I mean, her brother died a while ago so I’ll make her feel better.”

“How?”

“I’ll think about it…how did you block that super?”

“I memorized its properties.”

“But you were wide open, it’s a game, that’s not how to works.”

“Memorized it, dude.” Toby shrugged.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m in this?!?” Toby said in shock. “Woooooooooooaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh…” After a period of silence, Kate walked over, hugged him for a few moments & then moved back.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days later, Poison was sitting by the beach, skipping stones across the water. Ivy walked towards him from the other side and smirked as she placed her hands on her hips.

Poison sighed as he muttered, “Guess I had to see her eventually.”

“Stalking me again, I see. I mean, I know I’m so amazingly cute and all but that’s pretty pathetic.”

“Get over yourself.” He replied, getting up. “I know you’re trying to cope and all, but it’s really agitating.”

“Well I think you’re a stalker, a pathetic loser, an idiot and a baka thingy.”

“Baka just means idiot in Japanese, idiot.”

“That’s what you are! Your haircut is lame, your fashion sense sucks, you’ve got the personality of cardboard and you’re totally beta! You're probably like 4 inches too!”

“Fair enough, you’ve said your piece, now I’ll say mine.”

“Lay it on me, pussy!”

“You behave like an obnoxious spoiled brat, it’s no wonder I really don’t see you with friends. You’re so ungrateful of everything, you insult me regularly while barely even knowing me, and the way you talk about yourself is hilarious.” Ivy looked worried as he spoke. “You talk about fashion sense while you wear that stupid thing you call a dress, and you may be cute from a distance but up close that goes out the window. Hell, you’ve got no sex appeal whatsoever for your age, you look like you just turned 12; you’re flat as an ironing board in all areas, how do I know you’re not a little boy instead?” Ivy got more angered as he went on. “You may just be the most lacking person I’ve ever seen, plus your personality is even worse. It’s stressful to come up with any decent traits you might have.”

“Enough!” Ivy yelled, as she became covered in flames and drew her scythe. “You dare make fun of me?! I’ll kill you, bastard!”

Poison smirked as he drew his sword. “Didn’t think it’d come to this, but sure, I’m game. Your move, little girl.”

A disembodied voice out of nowhere then said, Rebel 1, action!

Poison backdashed while Ivy airdashed at him as she yelled, “I’ll tear you apart!” She then tripped him and slammed her scythe into the ground then kicked him back. As she charged at him again, he blocked two swings then slashed her several times, kicked her into the air and leaped up, hitting her with more rapid slashes then knocking her to the ground. She threw her scythe which he jumped over and threw his sword which she deflected; as he landed they traded punches and kicks before they began grappling each other’s hands.

“I’d rather not have to hurt you.” Poison said.

“That’s unfortunate, since I really want to kill you, baaaaaaaaka.” She smirked then kneed him in the crotch before punching him through a mountain nearly a mile away. As Poison got to his feet, Ivy came charging right at him but missed trying to punch him in the face as he ducked. “Gotcha!” Ivy exclaimed as she quickly wrapped her tail around his neck and dragged him along as she flew around, smacking him into objects. She laughed while saying all kinds of puns that hurt more than being strangled. It eventually got so unbearable he managed to remove her grip enough to bite her tail, making her let go completely. As they landed, Poison tried to slide tackle her, but she activated her super and tried to hit him with a fiery punch, but Poison move cancelled the slide into a beam of wind energy that sent her flying.

Poison walked over and helped her up as he said, “Just so you know, I was deliberately making you angry, figured it would make it easier to let it all out. Have you calmed down now?”

Ivy slapped away his hand. “You’re still an ****! I won’t forget this, I’ll be back to kill you for sure!” Ivy ran off in the other direction.

The midget was in the background and suddenly muttered, “I wish a cute girl would beat me up.” Poison opened his mouth to say something, but merely sighed and walked off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So what, you had no friends at all?” Daisy asked. “That’s so sad.”

“N-no, I had Amber I guess, but she was more like people I sometimes talked to.” Ivy replied.

Amber shrugged. “Sure felt that way.”

“I somewhat remember that.” Poison began. “I was gonna attack her from behind at one point but I felt that might be a bad idea.”

“I wish I had that sense earlier…” Ruby responded.

“You know what helps me get through bad days?” Pandora began. “Thinking about all the horrible ways a day could go wrong, like getting cut up into little bits, or having your body violently gangraped in a dingy alleyway, or having some expensive food you recently bought fall all over the floor because gravity hates you. If these things don’t happen, I consider it an alright day.”

“Damnit, Pandora, you’re making it really hard not to hug you right now.” Kate replied.

“I apologize if I upset you in some way.”

“No need for that, come get your hug.”

“No.” Pandora replied, moving further away without actual movement.

“Needs more cuteness.” Ruby commented.

“No it doesn’t.” Ivy glared at her.

“Yup, because Ivy is cute.”

“No, no I’m not.”

“Yup, very cute.”

“Stop it. Right now, just stop.”

“I’m just being honest; I can’t help it if you’re cute.”

Ivy took deep breaths. “I know you’re trying to piss me off, and yet its working, but I want to drop this immediately.”

“Anger is cute.”

Ivy tackled her & they rolled around punching each other.

Dawn sighed. “I’m still kinda bored, anyone wanna go do something fun?”

“Oh! We could go skydiving!” Pandora exclaimed. “Seriously, here me out, it’s like, the best! Feeling the wind hit you full force while having that great view, the slow peaceful decent after you pull the shoot, it’s so good.”

Lolita turned to Dawn and quietly asked, “Is she okay?”

“No idea, she rarely speaks so enthusiastically about things.” Dawn replied.

“Very funny, you guys.” Pandora said, getting up and walking over to Damien who sat in a chair. “Don’t knock skydiving till you’ve tried it.” She tried to sit on Damien’s lap but he quickly moved to the right, making her fall on her ass.

“Can’t you fly?” Dawn asked. “What fun would it be then?”

“Duh, don’t fly, just find a steep cliff and only use a parachute.” As she tried to sit on his lap again, he moved to the left.

“I suppose I could give it a try.” Lolita said.

“You really should, I insist.” Damien continued to keep moving his chair as Pandora ran after him.

“Is it skydiving you like or the people you’re doing it with?” Dawn asked.

“That’s a dumb question.”

"You know what I think you'd also find fun? Twerking."

"I've heard you mention that before, what is that?"

"Well in a nutshell, it's the rhythmic gyrating of the lower fleshy extremities in a lascivious manner, with the intent to elicit sexual arousal or laughter in ones intended audience."

"Intriguing, I'll have to try it at some point."

"I can tell you clearly have no idea what I just said."

“What are you doing?” Lolita asked as Damien was currently pushing Pandora’s ass away from him as she was trying to sit on his lap.

“Pandora is being a nuisance.” Damien replied.

“Damien is being a jerk.” Pandora responded.

Lolita got up and walked over to them, making them both pause for a moment. Lolita then sat on Damien’s lap. After a moment of silence, Pandora sat on Lolita’s lap. Ivy and Ruby rolled back into their original spots, Ivy sat up and continued.

“So…”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ivy began to spend more of her time doing what she said, trying to kill Poison. She attempted to do this with odd plans like taking some bees & pouring growth potions on them, trying to bomb numerous stores, and trying to flatten him with several traps placed on one particular street, but they were all foiled in one way or another. One day, as he was walking past a hill, he noticed a large boulder up the hill with Ivy waiting behind it. He decided to stop and sit down, waiting to see just how long she would wait for him. After an hour of waiting, Poison ran off while Ivy was busy checking the time but she quickly chased him. As he turned into an alleyway, Ivy followed him in but lost him. He then dropped down from above and hit her with a german suplex before speeding off.

Due to being caught off-guard, Ivy bought some wrestling tapes and decided she’d watch through them all that entire night and learn the moves. “That foolish boy, he got lucky but soon I’ll show him by beating him the same way. Haaaaaahahahaha!” As she laughed, someone yelled at her for disturbing them in their sleep from across the street, so she remained silent.

The next day, by asking a whole bunch of people, she found out where he lived and rang the doorbell. As his mother answered the door wearing a modest orange top & pants Ivy spoke. “Good morning, is your son home by chance?”

“Are you a friend of his?”

“No, I’m just here to kill him.”

“Ah, just one moment.” She spun round and shouted, “Harry, there’s a girl down here that wants to kill you!” As he came down she asked, “Have you got protection?”

“It’s nothing li-”

“Do you have it? Yes or no.”

“Yeah.”

“Then you two have fun.” She said with a smile before leaving.

“So why are you here?” Poison asked.

“We have unfinished business, and I’m here to kill you.”

“Still? Geez, they were just a few insults.”

“They were really hurtful insults!”

“I apologized didn’t I? If I didn’t I do now.”

“Well aren’t you gonna invite me in?”

“I’d rather not.”

“That’s rude! I come all this way and yet you leave me standing out here?”

“Fine, geez, come in already.”

The midget was standing further back in the hallway and muttered, “I wish a cute girl would come visit me.”

Poison calmly asked, “Why are you in my house?”

They went up to his room, which aside from some comics & junk food wrappers being on the floor & table, the place wasn’t very dirty. Very shortly after entering his room, Ivy put him in a full nelson.

“Is it not clean enough? I wasn’t actually expecting guests.” Poison said.

“Fool! I’m going to beat you the way you beat me last time!”

“Huh?”

Ivy let him go and crossed her arms as she smirked. “I spent most of the night watching wrestling reruns so I can beat you. Foolish boy! I shall crush your spirit with my array of moves and make you cry!”

“Well aren’t you just adorable…”

“Do not mock me! Prepare yourself, foolish boy!” Ivy said as she charged at him.

Within a minute, Poison had her in a boston crab and asked, “Do you give up?”

“Foolish boy! This is nothing I can’t muster; I shall repay this ten times ov-Ahh!” She paused as he bent her back further.

“I can keep this up all day.”

“I’ll never give-AHH-alright! Stop! Stop!”

“Still can’t hear you…”

“I give up! You win! Please, just stop, it’s gonna come out!”

Poison immediately stopped. “Whoa, don’t get anything on the carpet, geez.”

Ivy tackled him to the ground as she yelled, “Sucker!” and started punching him repeatedly as he shielded himself. She stopped moments later and began panting in between words. “Fine…I admit you win…this round, but…it’s far from over…”

“I still don’t get you.” Poison replied.

The midget sat in a chair nearby and muttered, “I wish a cute girl would straddle me & pant a lot as if we just did it.”

“Why the hell are you in my room?!?”

His mother knocked on the door and quickly entered the room with a tray of food. There was an awkward silence as she placed the tray on the bed & said, “I’m not raising any more kids, just letting you know right now.” before leaving.

Ivy quietly got off Poison and then said, “Well I’ll be going shortly.”

“I’d prefer you didn’t come around without calling.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ivy grabbed most of the food on the tray and left as she said, “Later, loser.”

“You too, little brat.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What happened next?!?” Toby exclaimed.

“My lady, I feel that my operating system may accidently install diabetes.exe if I intake too much sugar. I may be forced to leave.” Goldia said.

“My lady? You seriously make her call you that?” Dawn asked.

“No, she started doing it on her own; I’d rather she used my name like everyone else. Also, fair warning, but this is where it starts to get really vanilla.” Ivy replied.

“YES!” Toby exclaimed as he threw his hands up.

“Ugh. I feel ill already.” Dawn continued to eat more food.

“I’d still prefer you leave, Damien.” Ivy said.

“I can understand your embarrassment but I don’t believe I’ll be moving for quite a while.” Damien replied, as both Lolita & Pandora were still sitting on his lap.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days later, Poison went to Ivy’s house. Her dad answered the door and there was an awkward silence before he finally said, “Ahh, you’re the boy that’s fucking my daughter.”

“I’m not fucking anyone, sir.”

“Why not? You don’t like her?”

“Never said that, sir, just not in that way.”

“Calm down, you don’t need to suck up to me.”

“I’ll try not to, sir.”

“Well I’ve got work, Ivy is upstairs.” He said before leaving.

Poison went up the stairs and knocked on her door before entering. She was lying on her bed, using a laptop. She had messy hair and was wearing a long white dress shirt.

“Hey.” She greeted him.

“Is there a reason you’re half naked?”

“It’s my room, moron. Am I turning you on?” She asked with a smirk.

“You wish. Just thought I’d drop by so you don’t see me unexpectedly instead & ruin my day.”

“Kay, I’ll let you see yourself out.” As he began to leave, she continued. “Oh, um, this weekend I may be doing some casual stuff and there’s a cinema nearby, just thought you’d know.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Won’t really be doing anything important that day.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I mean, I’ll have most of it free, and I guess I wouldn’t mind any company or something.”

Poison rolled his eyes. “You wanna go see a movie that day?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Poison shrugged and left. On the way out he saw the midget who muttered, “I wish I was in a cute girl’s room.”

“Not sure what’s stopping you…”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“It’s getting pretty late, Ivy.” Amber said.

“Alright, I’ll speed it up a little.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And so a few days later, Poison waited outside by a fountain with his hair now spiked up, and wearing his normal black jacket, shirt & jeans. The midget was standing further away and muttered, “I wish I had a date with a cute girl.”

“Dude, who are you?”

Ivy showed up pretty shortly wearing a pure white dress along with a white sun hat & matching high heels.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I don’t remember it that well, but I don’t think you were wearing that dress.” Poison said.

“Well it’s my story so I’ll make any changes I feel like.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You look…amazing.” Poison said in awe.

“Is if I’d be anything less.” She placed her hands on her hips & smiled, then quickly frowned. “You look like a dork that’s trying too hard.”

“Your obnoxious attitude has no boundaries. Just so we’re clear, is this technically a date?”

“N-no! It’s just two people hanging out is all!”

“Alright, let’s go see that movie.”

And so they went they went to see Saw 14. Ivy kept stealing Poison’s popcorn while doing her best to keep hers out of reach so he instead grabbed a bag of sweets she had and ate some, so she punched him in retaliation.

As they left the cinema, Poison said, “It was okay, I guess.”

Ivy shrugged. “I personally thought they started running out of ideas around Saw 11.”

Didn't even notice it cut it off.
---------------------------------------------
Next they went to an arcade, where out of the many games they played, Ivy won the most, and of course she rubbed her victory in his face to the point of annoyance. While Poison briefly left to go to the bathroom, Ivy played a crane game numerous times and failed to grab a stuffed bear, to the point that she nearly punched through the glass. As Poison came back, he quickly noticed the problem.

“You want the bear, huh?”

“No,” She crossed her arms and turned away. “I don’t need it. It’s just some dumb doll which I'll get bored of in a day or so, no big deal, besides I'll find something much better later on."

"Here you go." Poison said, handing her the bear.

"How?"

"Don't ask."

Ivy turned her back to him as she said, "I appreciate your efforts of going through such lengths to get this item."

"A 'thank you' would've been enough."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kate keeled over and said, “Your story, it’s so…so…hhhhhnnnnnnnggggggggg.” She clutched her chest as she fell on her back and started spazzing out while foaming at the mouth.

“Shouldn’t we get her to a hospital?” Daisy asked.

Most of them shrugged while Poison replied, “Eh, she’ll be fine.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As they walked around, Ivy’s foot somehow got caught in a crack in the street and bent it back somewhat. The pain made her fall down and exclaim, “Oww! Stupid fucking heels! Why the hell did I wear this shit?! God fucking dammit!”

“Can you walk?” Poison asked.

“I dunno but it still hurts.”

“Alright, guess I’ll carry you.”

“Huh?”

“Like a prin-”

“I know what you mean! It’s unnecessary, I’ll be-” He picked her up and started carrying her in his arms as he walked. “Wait! Put me down, ****! This is embarrassing!”

“All the more reason to do it.”

Ivy took out a paper bag and covered her head. “I’m not gonna let everyone see me like this.”

“Don’t make me force it off.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

And so Poison tugged at the bag while Ivy kept pulling it down till they eventually fell over.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goldia was in the middle of rebooting while Dawn seemed disgusted. “Oh man, everything I eat will be tasting like vanilla for days…”

“More!” Toby exclaimed.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fastforwarding past a few more scenes for the benefit of peoples health, they were walking through the streets once more.

“Hey, let’s go eat.” Ivy said.

“Where you wanna go? There’s WcDonalds, Sandwich King, DFC, Whitneys…”

“Doesn’t really matter which.”

“Alright, well I’ll pay for it either way.”

“It’s okay, I got money this time so I’ll buy it myself.”

“I insist that I pay for your meal.”

“No! I’m paying for my own meal and that’s final!”

“I really don't min-”

"I'm buying my meal, dammit, and I'm buying your meal too!"

"But-"

"BLARAGGGABBASDJJSANNSBARGA!"

Skipping the next bit, after getting their meals they decided to eat in a park. The one part of the park they were planning to go to was crowded with couples that were having sex out in the open. In complete silence, they turned around and went to the other side of the park and sat on a bench.

“So how do you even make money anyway?” Ivy asked as she began eating.

“Doing dirty jobs like a GTA protagonist.”

Ivy shrugged. “Fair enough.”

“Enjoying your date?” Poison asked, taking a sip from his drink.

“Ye-it’s not a date!”

“Well I enjoyed myself a lot today.”

“Yeah, I did too.” Ivy smiled. “Still think you look like a dork trying too hard.”

“What, this isn’t cool?”

“No. Do you own a motorcycle too because you thought it would be cool?”

“…Yeah, actually.”

After an awkward silence, Ivy laughed. “That’s so lame, dude…I’d still like a ride though.”

“Are you always such an ****?”

“You always seem to be a dick for some reason.”

“Pretty sure you were an **** long before me. Fine, I’ll stop being a dick if you stop being an ****.”

“Okay, you can be a pussy instead.” Ivy picked up one of the drinks as she talked. “So if you’re not stalking me, why do you care so much?”

“Huh? Beyond you just being a cute girl, I feel I owe Damien and I felt you could use the help.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Harry only helps girls, after all.” Damien commented.

“That’s so not true!” Poison replied.

“Just for the record,” Ivy began. “If you cheated on me with one of your harem bitches, I’m allowed to do the same.”

“I don’t even have a harem…”

“Uh-huh.”

“What reason would I have to do that anyway?”

“I know, right? None at all, I am the best girl, after all.”

“The most obnoxious too…”

“Best girl is debatable.” Ruby said, glaring at Ivy.

“I agree.” Kate added as she got up.

Shifty-eyed, Ivy replied, “Wanna take this outside?”

“Guys, the time?” Rosie commented.

“Oh right.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So you’re just taking pity on me, huh?” Ivy asked.

“No, I actually like you, and I like to help people.”

“You ever thought that you care too much about helping others but can’t truly help yourself?”

“…I can totally understand that feeling. By the way…”

“Yeah?”

“That drink was mine.”

Ivy stopped for a moment, shrugged and kept drinking anyway. Moving on a little later, Poison dropped Ivy off at her house as it was getting dark.

“Thanks for today, it was…enjoyable.” Ivy said.

“Good to know you enjoyed the date.”

“Yeah, I really d-it wasn’t a date!”

Poison laughed before leaving. “You take care now, work on your act a little.”

“Die in a fire, ****!”

“Goodnight to you too!”

And so they went on other date visits such as going to Sea World, which was a little boring, going to a theme park for a weekend, which was awesome, and watching the fireworks on a hill someday after that.

“Isn’t this view just awesome?” Ivy asked.

“Yeah, do you regularly come up here?”

“Nah, found it a long while ago though…hey, you wanna fuck?”

After a long period of silence, Poison asked, “Are you a slut?”

“I’m a pervert, not a slut. There’s a difference. We should go round your place since your parents aren’t home.”

“While that’s true, how do you know this? Are you spying on me or something?”

“Doesn’t matter, let’s go.” Ivy said, dragging him back.

When they reached Poison’s room, Ivy began undressing.

“I’m not sure I can do this.” Poison said.

“Why?”

“Numerous reasons.”

“Such as?”

“Well, first of all you’re Damien’s younger sister so that makes it awkward, you look like a little kid which is somewhat off-putting-”

“Stop there. I’m more than just Damien’s sister. I’m old enough to make my own decisions, whatever they may be. Second, you think that doesn’t bother me? Half the people I know got older but I have yet to get my growth spurt, besides nobody is here so what difference does it make what two people do behind closed doors.”

“Guess you make a good point, but a major issue is that I’m not physically attracted to you.”

“…Really?”

“Really.”

“So you don’t like me?”

“I do, you’re fun, and cute and I enjoy your company these days, I’m just not sexually attracted to you.”

“So...this is it then?"

“Not necessarily. I may not be attracted to little girls...but I'm willing to make an exception."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dawn shook her head. "What a pedo."

“I believe I still have a list of preferred traits.” Ivy said, taking out a note. “Somewhere between shoulder length & waist length hair, any eye color besides green & orange, 5’3” or above, cup size somewhere between B to DD range and no more than 3 tattoos.”

“Half of those are untrue.” Poison replied.

“Half?”

“Well I’m not gonna totally lie.”

“I believe that a true breast lover should love breasts of all sizes, what’s most important is the shape.” Damien commented.

After a period of silence, Lolita removed Pandora from her lap and got up. “Damien, I feel it may be best that you really do leave.”

He sighed. “Fine, I’ll bake a cake or something.”

“I’ll do that.”

“It’s alright, you stay here-”

“No! I’m going to bake the cake & you’re going to genuinely like it!”

“I suppose I will.”

Poison then whispered to Pandora, "Is Lolita a bad cook?"

"No, just average, but doesn't like to be told hers is 'the best', due to being self-conscious and will likely spend half an hour in the bathroom if told so, and won't come out unless you say the right things."

"I'm guessing this actually happened."

"What tipped you off?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Are you sure this won’t hurt you?” Poison asked.

“Relax, I’ve prepared myself for this. I stuck my tail up there on many occasions to see how far I can stretch it. It hurt the first time when I removed this thin wad of chewing gum or something that was up there, but I should be fine now. It’s not like yours is 15 inches or something…it’s not, is it? Because I don’t think you’d fit in more than half at best.”

“It’s not. Though it wasn’t technically my idea, I’ve got protection.”

“Protection from what?”

After a short explanation, Ivy gasped.

“Sex makes babies?!?” She asked in shock. “The fuck is this?!”

“Let me just say your idiocy is adorable.”

“A-are you sure? You’re not bullshitting me?”

“See previous comment.”

“B-but they do this in the comics and movies all the time and it’s no big deal for them!”

“What comics & movies are these? Anyway, relax, nothing bad will happen.”

“How can I relax? What would I do if I got pregnant in this body? I know, I’ll heat up my body temperature, burn the fetus and pull it out.”

“While I can understand your problem, that’s a pretty morbid thing to say.”

“Wait a sec, I’ll just melt the gooey stuff! Okay, it’s best you pull out afterwards so I don’t heat up your thingy too.”

“Fine. Whatever.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m going to stop there because I’d rather not go into detail about what happened.” Ivy said.

Goldia suddenly sat up and said, “But I really want to hear this part.”

“Same here.” Pandora added.

Dawn shrugged. “Been listening the whole way through, I’d like to hear the rest.”

“I’d like to know too.” Ruby said. “For, uhh…research, yeah.”

“I’m curious as well what went down that night.” Gary added.

Most of the others were in full agreement about this.

“I’m not telling.” Ivy said, prompting others to voice their disappointment and boo her & Kate to throw things at her. “Fine, I’ll tell you.”

“C’mon, you’re seriously doing this?” Poison asked.

“It was a long time ago; I’ll just mention the main details briefly. The first 10-15 minutes was really awkward since we didn’t really know what we were doing that well. Also since my body wasn’t as big, it took a little while to become accustomed to the size. We then put a movie on and copied the things shown on screen, though acting it out & using similar dialogue just felt dumb. So we just did our own thing and it was much better. We did it for around six hours, I think.”

“Six hours?” Rosie asked. “That’s a joke, right?”

Lolita poked her head out to say, “I’m sure she’s quite serious.”

“You’re not gonna go into detail?” Dawn asked. “This part sounds hilarious.”

“No. Go draw a doujinshi if you wanna imagine it.”

“I’ll draw it!” Toby raised his hand.

“I was kidding, don’t do it. But I will go over one last part.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ivy and Poison were covered up to their necks by the sheets on the bed.

“Well that was pretty fun.” Ivy said.

“I’d assume so, considering what time it is.”

“You didn’t have to be as gentle as that, I’m not a twig, y’know.”

“Sorry for not knowing your limit.”

“My limit? Ha! I could handle more than you could dish out, boy.”

“With that body? I might accidently break you in two.”

After a period of silence, Ivy turned to her side to face him. “For the record, I don’t hate you.”

“I don’t hate you either.” And then they cuddled.

The midget who watched this muttered, “I wish I had a significant other to cuddle with in bed.”

They both stared at him then Ivy asked, “Who the hell is that?”

“I wish I knew.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And that’s that.” Ivy said.

Toby was cheering while Dawn puked in a bag. Goldia gave her a thumbs up.

Sakura shrugged. “I felt it needed a bit of NTR.”

“NOOOOOOO!” Toby yelled as he punched her through the window, then realized what he had done. “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it!”

Leo shrugged. “Still a better love story than-“

Rosie placed her hand on his shoulder. “Better not finish that sentence.”

“Back on my planet, love was a pretty small necessity…”

As Lolita came into the room with a big cake, Pandora randomly looked over at Poison as she said, “You looked.”

“What? No I didn’t.”

“You did. If only for a split second but I saw you look at my shirt.”

“Can I wear your shirt?” Kate asked.

“No, besides I haven’t washed this one in a while and I’ve been sweating a bit recently so it probably smells somewhat.”

“Pandora, please.”

“Sorry, that’s not really something anyone wants to hear.”

“No, please continue.”

Pandora sighed. “Why do you want the shirt anyway?”

“I want your scent.”

“Excuse me?”

“I need to know what your scent is. I strive to find out things about all the people I know, given the chance. What their pee tastes like, how many times they turn when sleeping, all specific sizes, what parts of a person’s body are the softest, firmest or most grab-able areas, as well as the sensitive areas.”

“The more I know about you, the more you scare me.”

Kate took out her phone. “Just the other day I was recording people on the toilet when I noticed something. After you went, you did this little wiggle movement as you finished.”

“What?! I do no such thing!”

“I thought I was seeing things too, but after zooming in it was clear you were doing a little wiggle and it was so adorable I nearly died when I played it on a loop. In fact this needs to be shared with everyone, they must learn of the wiggle!”

“Don’t you dare!”

Pandora threw several swords which jumped over, slid to the left and hopped over another. Clearly annoyed, Pandora activated Shinigami Overdrive and yelled, “Give me that phone!” As she launched her black hands at her. Kate ducked under one, rolled to the left as another came for her then leaped into the air as several came after her. She grabbed and swung across one, landed on another hand and ran along it while evading two others. She jumped 180 degrees sideways as one hand attacked and bounced herself off it with her feet, then bounced off another above it to her left, propelling her to the ground where she flash stepped three more hands that came after her. As Ruby watched from the other side of the room, Kate yelled, “The people have the right to know!”

“Wish my reflexes were that good…” Ruby commented.

“Your reflexes are good enough, I should know.” Ivy said.

“Don’t remind me.”

“Why? I enjoy fighting you.”

“I hate fighting you but I enjoy punching your face in.”

“Never would I have thought an angel who I once considered my arch-enemy would now be one of my closest friends.”

Ruby picked up a piece of pizza nearby as she talked. “Stranger things have happened.”

“Yeah but it’s really-Hey! You just ate my pizza!” Ivy exclaimed.

“Huh? This? Sorry, I didn’t know it was yours.” Clearly mad, Ivy grabbed Ruby’s piece of cake & ate it, making her gasp. “You just ate my cake!”

Ivy shrugged while speaking heavily sarcastically. “Sorry Ruby, I had no idea it was yours.”

“Why you!” Ruby tackled her & they rolled around punching each other.

Sorry for taking so long, decided to split it up since it's too long, and add the other part much later.

FOR TOO LONG YOU PEOPLE HAVE IGNORED THE SIGNS...THIS OPERATION IS NEARING DESTRUCTION...CLOSURE IS RESERVED FOR THOSE WHO REACH THE END...IF YOU SURVIVE, ENLIGHTENMENT AWAITS...INITIATE PHASE ONE *locks onto central core* POWER UP THE BASS CANNON *pulls several switches, watches ship rumble as it gathers power*.....FIRE!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Outstanding Visual Aesthetic, P1

It was a normal day on that one planet I keep going back to, but that was normal. It was the night before Christmas eve & Ivy and Ruby were in the same room from last time, playing a game on that one console.

“So you and that other guy hooked up yet?” Ivy randomly asked.

“Huh? You mean Gary? For the longest time he’s never liked me, and he’s not very nice.”

“…So?”

“What do you mean, ‘so’? Those are legitimate complaints!”

“Talk things out or something. Then you guys could come over & we’ll do some kind of swingers thing or something.”

“I…huh? Btw, if you kill about 20 more guys with those whip grabs, you‘ll unlock the dominatrix costume.”

“Oh, cool. Do you get that as well?”

“Nah, just you.”

“Alri-hey, wait a minute! The hell does that mean?! You trying to say I’m a natural dominatrix?!?”

“Hey, I didn’t make it that way…”

Ivy calmed down. “So whatcha doing on Christmas?”

“Probably fighting crime, I’d expect. You coming up with some present nonsense again?”

“It’s not nonsense. I’ve been working on a special present recently. It’s nearly done & I’m gonna test it. I’ll have to include a memory wipe so he doesn’t remember it.”

“Whatever. I don’t even wanna know what goes on in your head half the time.”

Later that night, Goldia was in a basement tampering with a red, blue & grey multi-colored laser cannon the size of a widescreen television. When she heard footsteps, she hid as Ivy arrived. “Nearly done, just a few tweaks to make.” Shortly after, she took the cannon out of the basement to make use of it.

The next morning, Ivy was sitting on a couch, watching the television when Rosie knocked on the door, then entered as Poison opened the door. She waved as she sat near her.

“Here’s your drink.” Poison said, placing it beside Ivy on a table.

“Why thank you.”

“Oh, here’s a pillow too.”

“You’re simply too kind.” Ivy replied, laying down. Just then, a girl with green hair, wearing Poison’s normal clothing passed by on roller-skates.

As Rosie seemed puzzled, Poison asked, “Would you like one too?”

“N-no, no, I’m fine.” As he left, Rosie asked. “What did you do?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s always something weird with you, so what happened?”

Ivy sighed. “Well, this machine I had kinda malfunctioned or something and split Harry’s subconscious into about 5 bodies with 5 separate personalities. I categorized them too: The five were the White Knight, the Snark Knight, the Blood Knight, the Cool Knight & the Dark Knight. I could have sworn I had the calculations on that cannon right.”

“I don’t wanna know what its true purpose was.”

“Regardless of its purpose,” Poison began, leaning on a wall to the right of Rosie. “Testing it on the person you plan to give it to is pretty stupid.”

“Is this the Snark Knight?” Rosie asked, Ivy nodded in response.

“This isn’t very funny, Ivy. You said it was an accident, so you should be fixing it, not laying on your ass like a slob.”

“Pfft, you know you loved this ass.”

“TMI.” Rosie said with a stone-faced expression. “But he’s right, you need to fix this.”

“Oh fine, I will tonight. Then I can use it on myself.”

“Btw, why is one of these personalities a girl?”

“That’s the ’Cool’ Knight, I’m not entirely sure why that one is different but she’s not all girl, if you know what I mean…I mean-”

“I got it.”

“The Blood Knight is kind of an **** though. Thank goodness that attitude isn’t the standard personality.”

Later that night, one of the Poison personalities was conversing with Goldia in the basement when Ivy came down the steps. As she searched for the laser cannon which had been moved from its spot, Poison charged up the cannon from behind her.

Meanwhile, Damien was currently taking a bubble bath, and Pandora happened to be on the other end of that tub, talking about her day.

“So it was awful as usual, nobody ever has the courtesy to let those more unfortunate people with less items, such as myself, go ahead of them in a queue. I got hit on again for the 37th time by people I think were hillbillies. I dropped my ice cream cone while on stupid nasty public transport-”

“Pandora.” Damien said, interrupting her.

“Yes?”

“Not that I don’t love hearing you talk about tedious things which don’t concern me, but did you really need to talk to me about this?”

“Yes, it was late so other people were sleeping.”

“And you had to join me in the bath?”

“It was urgent.”

“I’m sure it was.”

Pandora moved over to his side and rested on his chest as she continued. “So then I lost my wallet and no-one was kind enough to hand it in. Plus the stupid jerk, Mr. Wind was really annoying today, he kept blowing up my dress & hair.”

“Why must you do this?”

“Do what?”

“It stopped being funny a long time ago.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, what am I doing, Damien?”

“Would you please just go?”

Pandora sighed. “Very well.” She slowly stood up and got out of the bath as she said, “Feel free to gaze in astonishment as I leave.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

Shortly after she left, there was a knock on the bathroom window. He ignored it for a short while till he faintly heard Ivy and Poison’s voices outside and so he got out to check.

Early the next day, Ivy had called over Rosie, Amber, Leo, Lolita, Daisy, Katie, and the other demon lords, to warn them about what was going on, and they were waiting for the other demon lords to arrive. Soon enough, they did through dynamic ways like unnecessary combat rolls through a window, jump kicking down the door, and creating holes in windows.

“Ignoring your attempts to be a bother,” Ivy began. “I’ve called you all here for something really urgent & important.”

“Did you not fix the problem yesterday?” Rosie asked.

“It’s actually much worse.” Poison replied.

“Snark Knight?”

“Snark Knight.”

“He’s right.” Ivy said. “Unfortunately, a laser cannon which one part of my brain thought was a good idea to create was tampered with. I’m unsure of the true purpose, but when I used it on Harry it split his mind into 5 different bodies with their own personalities. I was planning to fix this, although one of those personalities thought it would be amusing to use the cannon on myself.”

“You only have yourself to blame.” Poison replied.

“So which personality are you?” Amber asked.

“I haven’t exactly labelled myself.”

“Well I have.” Goldia responded, hovering into the room. “From the behaviour I’ve examined recently, I’ve called one Pervert Ivy, another Tsundere Ivy, and I shall call the third moe-moe Ivy.”

“Huh. Anyway, the part of me who designed that cannon also took off with it as well. I’ll refer to her as Mad Scientist Ivy. I don’t think I should have to go over why its bad to let them run around using that cannon as they please. Everyone has many sides to them, just as there’s good there’s also bad.”

“Not to mention 5 exact people running about will cause big cases of mistaken identity.” Blake replied.

“Exactly.”

“This sounds pretty fucking awesome.” Kate said, while Lolita was thinking about something.

“I agree.” Alice smirked. “I find this oddly amusing.”

“I kinda want to know what splitting into five of me feels like.” Daisy added.

Brian whispered to Tyson, “Yo, think of the bitches we’d get with that cannon.”

“I was thinking the same thing. Hell, we could find bitches that are 9’s & 10’s and just duplicate them. 2 to 3 bitches each.”

“We gotta help find this thing, man. Shit sounds amazing.”

Lolita gasped and suddenly exclaimed, “I could have several!” As it went quiet, she said, “Sorry about that.”

“Just don’t get too excited.” Poison replied.

“You guys don’t understand.” Ivy began. “I haven’t gone over the full effects, but becoming affected by this won’t be a good thing in the long term.”

“So we should actually get to work & find our bad halves.”

In a secluded location somewhere, the bad sides of Ivy, Poison and Damien were there with Ivy explaining how the cannon works.

“So it’s just that simple, huh?” Damien began. “And what is it you plan to do with this?”

“We’ll use it on everyone else, obviously. Add more people to our forces, and cause as much havoc as possible.”

“Not that I don’t love the idea, but why would you do something like this?”

“You could say I’m interested in seeing just how chaotic this universe could possibly become when utilized well.”

The two stared at Poison who shrugged and said, “I figure it would be pretty fun.”

Damien smirked. “Very well then. It won’t be long before our counterparts begin to resolve this, so we should proceed quickly and plan accordingly.”

Back in less shady places, Pandora came round Damien’s house again and knocked before opening the door herself anyway. “Hey, just thought I’d come by, been having a miserable day again. Are you here?” She eventually encountered him sitting by a counter in the kitchen, reading a book.

“Ahh, good morning, Pandora. How are you feeling?”

“Like a damp bag of shit.”

“Oh? Sounds like someone needs a hug.”

“I don’t need any stupid hug.”

“You sure? It’s here if you want it, I won’t make fun of you, we all need a little TLC once in a while.”

“You still make fun of me for the farting thing…”

“It was only a few jabs here or there, I meant no ill will behind them.”

“Are you really not gonna make fun of me?”

“I give you my word.”

Pandora looked around, then quickly hugged him for a few moments before Damien moved back. “Umm, could I have another?”

“Sorry, only the first is free. At the moment I have a deal going on, unlimited hugs for a month for $29.95.”

“But I can’t afford that much right now!”

“Then no hugs for you.”

Back with the others discussing the situation, one personality of Damien walked into the room wearing a business suit & glasses. “While you people were busy lollygagging, I took the initiative & investigated this unfortunate circumstance myself.” He said, handing out papers to everyone. “According to my research, I’ve estimated my IQ & my other counterparts will slowly decease after about a week, then it will rapidly decrease everyday afterwards. We need to have everyone who was affected by this predicament restored to their complete body in about two weeks at the most.”

“Two weeks, huh?” Tyson said. “That’s plenty of time to find these guys.”

“Don’t be so sure. A part of me is with them as well, they’re unlikely to carry anything that can be traced back to them, and unwilling to show themselves unless they have something planned. Lolita, is your soul sense still fully functional?”

“Well ye-”

“Alright, let’s get started.” Damien said, grabbing her hand as he walked past. “We may not have much time to waste.” They quickly left the room.

“We should get searching too.” Blake said, with the other demon lords nodding in agreement.

Meanwhile, the bad sides of Ivy, Poison & Damien happened to be in a large blue lightened up spaceship, standing around the middle area of the ship.

“So while you guys do whatever, I’m gonna work on making this ray more powerful, duplicating it, as well as making fakes for our would-be meddlers.” Ivy said.

“Do hurry with that, you won’t have all week.” Goldia said as she slowly hovered to the ground.

“So are you another member of this group?” Damien asked.

“It’s cool, D, she’s with us.” Poison replied. “Or is it a he? Whatever.”

“They’ve recently started their search.” Goldia turned to Damien. “One of yours in particular may be a problem soon enough.”

“Don’t worry yourself, we know what we’re doing, or at least I know what I’m doing.” Damien walked off.

On earth, it was the middle of the afternoon when there was a random bank robbery going on. The goons all wore brightly colored baggy outfits with smiling sun masks and with them were a happily married couple, along with their elementary son & daughter accompanying them. There were many hostages and they were emptying a vault.

One goon pointed a gun at some of the hostages and said, “Now none of you better something stupid if you know what’s good for ya.”

The wife motioned for him to put away the gun as she said, “Now now, we don’t need to always resort to violence.”

“Yeah, you’re right Mrs. S, sorry about that.”

As they carried money out of the vault, the father said, “We’re terribly sorry to have inconvenienced you this afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Normally we would’ve come in the morning but I had a doctors appointment.”

The hostages and staff were rather forgiving of this for some weird reason. The son ran up to the father and exclaimed, “Papa, the good guys are coming to stop us!”

“Oh! How lovely! How long has it been since we last met?” The wife asked.

“I believe it’s been a little under 2 months. We have quite a lot to catch up on.” The father replied, then turned to a goon & said. “Would you be a dear & escort these bags of money to the car?”

“Sure thing.”

Just then, Gary & Ruby flew through the front doors and landed in the middle of the room. Ruby became rather friendly as she realized who it was while Gary sighed.

“Ruby! It’s so nice to see you again!” The wife exclaimed.

“Sandra!” Ruby hugged her. “You got out early? Why didn’t you say anything!”

“We were just so busy finding new jobs & making ends meet.” In the background, the daughter tugged at Gary’s cape and when he turned to her, she handed him a permanent marker and a gun, he shrugged & signed it. “So have you found a nice boy to settle down with yet?”

“I don’t really have time for that in my line of work.”

“I’ll have none of that, you don’t want to end up old and alone, do you?”

“Excuse me.” Gary began. “Though I don’t consider you truly awful people, must you rob banks & such?”

“We need the money to pay off the mortgage.” Sandra replied.

The father passed by and gasped. “Oh! Gary! Ruby! So nice to see you again!”

“Robbing banks as usual, Simon.” Gary replied.

“Oho! You know how we are!”

“You do know we need to arrest you guys again, right?” Just then, one of the goons drove through the front doors & the group hopped in as Simon replied, “We’re always in the mood for a race.” The group took off while Gary and Ruby quickly ran outside & hopped into their angelmobile. They closely followed the bank robbers through the streets, at the national speed limit and making sure not to overtake other vehicles, of course.

The son tried to shoot them with an AK through the window then turned to his parents & said, “Papa! Mama! I think I hit something!”

“That’s my boy!” Simon said, hugging him.

As they stopped at a traffic light, the police came around the corner & cut them off. Moving a little further along, the Sunshine family & the hired goons were handcuffed and escorted into the back of a police truck.

“I’m so terribly sorry you boys have to also suffer the same fate for our screw-up.” Sandra said.

“Don’t worry about it, Mrs. S, we’ll break out soon enough. Besides, I couldn’t possibly stay mad at you.” One goon replied.

“Yeah, you’re the nicest lady I know.” Another goon added, several others also nodded.

As the doors closed & they drove off with the rest of the police, Gary sighed. “I hate having to run into that family.”

“Why is that?” Ruby asked.

“They’re so nice that I feel like a jerk for putting them away.”

“You are a jerk.”

“I believe that’s opinion. I liked you better when you were naïve & innocent.”

“Contrary to popular belief, I wasn’t very innocent, you never liked me very much anyway.”

“That much is true.”

May suddenly started talking to them through their earpieces. “Guys, Raging Rachel seems to be causing a ruckus down at some school. Might wanna sort that out before it gets outta hand.”

Ruby turned to Gary. “Uhh, Gary, could you-”

“No.”

“Bu-”

“Never again.”

“Oh come on, she’s not that bad.”

“That’s easy for you to say, you’re not a guy.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“It has everything to do with it! I‘d rather get kicked in the nuts a dozen times.”

“That could be arranged…”

“Could you do it? She won’t go berserk if it’s you.”

“Fine, but you have to do the rest of The Puzzlers stuff.”

“You don’t like puzzles?”

“They’re fine as a quick distraction, but when there’s one around every street corner it begins to get annoying. Like, does he do anything in his spare time aside from come up with stupid puzzles?”

“We may never know…”

Moving on, Ruby quickly flew over to where Rachel and her group was outside the building and landed nearby before asking, “What’s the problem this time, Rachel?”

Rachel looked around then asked, “Where’s the other guy?”

“He won’t be coming today.”

“Oh.” Rachel replied, clearly disappointed, then pulled out a list. “I mean, I had a bunch of stuff to say to him about how his kind are a plague on society, and how he should never lay a hand on me under any circumstance, and-”

“Rachel? The problem?”

“Right! I think its obscene that girls have to wear skirts! Why is this part of a schools uniform?!”

“No idea, it’s not really a big deal though.”

“No big deal? What if their knees get cold? Why can’t they wear pants? This is sexism at its finest! Look at you, Ruby, you‘re a woman but you wear a skirt, why?”

Ruby shrugged. “It looks good on me.”

“But don’t you get tried of the scum that ogle you on a regular basis because of that disgustingly short skirt?”

“It’s not that short…is it? Look, I can try to talk to them about…whatever it is you want.”

“Alright, also,” Rachel handed her a piece of paper. “It’s my number, can you give it to that **** friend of yours?”

“I’m not sure he has a working mobile at the moment.”

“Well my email is on there too, tell him to email me or something so I can insult him more.”

“Sure thing.” As Ruby left, she contacted Gary. “Hey, just met up with a friend of mine that wants your number.”

“Huh? Who’s that?”

“One of your fangirls, trust me, you’ll love her. No sarcasm.”

Back on the planet called whatever, Damien & Lolita were still looking for any traces of his other self.

“Lolita, is your soul searching ability still working accurately?” Damien asked.

“I’m not entirely sure, I haven’t felt a similar signature energy yet.”

“I see.”

Just then, another Damien who happened to be giving Pandora a piggyback ride passed by them. Lolita quickly walked backwards and stopped in front of them. “What’s going on here?”

“Just a casual stroll, my dear.” He replied.

“Hi, Lolita.” Pandora greeted her.

“Do you even know what’s going on?” Lolita asked.

“I’m willing to listen.” Lolita quickly explained the situation while the other Damien moved on ahead. “I see, that explains things. So which Damien are you, Damien?” Pandora asked.

“I’m unaware myself.”

Lolita grabbed one of Damien’s arms, making him drop Pandora. “Either way, additional help to get this problem sorted will be most welcome.”

“Wait a minute,” Pandora responded, standing up, then grabbed his other arm. “This one is mine!”

“You’re behaving like a child.” Lolita replied, pulling Damien towards her.

“I’m younger than you so its okay.” Pandora said, pulling Damien towards her.

“You can’t always use a stupid excuse like that.”

“You already have the others so I want this one.”

“It’s quite rude to talk like that.”

“Ladies, please.” Damien said, interrupting. “Let’s get along here.”

“Damien, what do you think of Pandora?” Lolita asked. “What is she to you?”

“What do I think of her?” Damien looked at Pandora who was rather nervous. “I believe that she can be quite selfish while also being as cute as a button. I see her more as like an adoptive daughter.”

“A daughter, huh?” Pandora said, completely monotone.

“Is there a problem?”

“No. I suppose not.”

“I thought you said you didn’t like me?”

“I don’t, but do you not find me attractive?”

“You can’t have your cake & eat it too.”

“I haven’t seen a cake in ages.”

“It’s a saying.”

“It’s a dumb saying. I wouldn‘t want you for an adoptive father anyway, old man.”

Lolita opened her mouth to say something but was cut off as they continued. “I’m still fairly young for a demon. But you‘re like a baby in comparison.”

“How dare you! I’m a healthy grown woman!”

“Perhaps grown in a few areas, but mentally not so much. Though I can‘t help but find you amusing. You remind me of an abandoned kitten, yes, that would be most accurate.”

“A kitten, huh?”

“Are kittens not adorable?”

“I’m NOT an animal!”

Damien grabbed her cheeks and began pulling at them as he said, “Aren’t you just the cutest thing. Yes you are! I could just gobble you up…but I wouldn‘t because that would be cannibalism.”

Pandora slapped his hands away. “Stop that, you ****! We’re no longer friends!”

“Oh come on, don’t be like that.”

“No! You can keep all your stealth insults, my stupid friendship bracelet and the stupid friendship lingerie, I’m done!” Pandora walked off.

Lolita shook her head and slowly floated away without moving her feet. At this point, the previous Damien had met with his darker side in the middle of a forest overlooking a river, who now wore a magenta cape over his clothing, as well as a purple vest under it.

“Hope I haven’t kept you waiting.” The one with glasses said.

“On the contrary,” The other spun round. “You’re right on time, though you‘re a little too late to stop the chaos, it has already begun.”

“You’re bluffing.”

“Normally I would be, but the other members of my crusade have progressed faster than I expected them to. As we speak my dear sister is freeing these miserable demons from their primitive inhibitions and awakening them to a whole new way of living. To truly act as they see fit.”

“It disgusts me that we’re part of the same mind.”

“I agree, strange minds ought to think alike after all.”

“Whatever you’re planning for me, you know it isn’t guaranteed to think.”

“Yes, strange minds may think alike, but allies of those minds do not.” A puddle of dark matter opened beneath the other and very slowly began to consume him. “Fortunately I’ve made recent friends in high places.” Dawn waved from far off in the distance from behind a tree, now wearing a hooded red cape with the MK Dragon logo on the back over her normal clothing. “You were taken care of the moment you found me. No use struggling, when it does target someone, it’s pull is stronger than that of a black hole.”

“You don’t know what you’re doing, if we don’t fix this within two weeks even you will be left with no brain cells to speak of.”

“That sounds pretty bad, I’ll have to do something about that. Thanks for the tip. I’m unsure of what’s in that void, it pains me to say it won’t keep you out of our hair completely, merely restrain you for some time, but the time will come in handy for us to prepare for the party. Until then, farewell.” Damien walked off as the other was consumed by the hole.

Hearing word from Poison of what their eviler counterparts were doing at the time, the Ivy who was currently trying to replicate the laser cannon sighed. “This gets more troublesome by the minute…”

“Now they have new members for their little evil club.” Poison replied.

“You could really help, y’know?”

“Once you make that machine, perhaps, but not before.”

On the ship, the evil halves had gathered many more of their kind. Ivy was laughing after having fired a large proton cannon set up at many locations and creating an even bigger problem. Dawn sat nearby eating a banana when Poison approached them, dressed in a black suit with a white collar shirt, black vest over the shirt & a black fedora. “So how do I look, ladies?”

“Like a faggot.” Dawn replied.

“You look stupid.” Ivy added.

“Pfft, I know I look good. The look suits me well. So how‘s the progress?”

“Excellent.” Ivy replied. “Everything’s in working order. Now it’s time we paid a visit to an old home of ours as well.”

“Cool. Damien already went on ahead anyway.”

Meanwhile, in Fuka’s flying fortress, she was watching the skies when she suddenly spotted a familiar man in a slay. She locked on & opened fire with dozens of cannons as he approached the area. The reindeers ducked & weaved through the gun fire & flew off to the side while Santa leaped out towards one of the cannons. He flew through it & ended up on one of the floors within the ship, with numerous laser guns pointed right at him. They opened fire but he easily avoided being hit as he punched out them all out then dashed around a horizontal-like path & punched through a wall. He leapt through the gap with numerous lasers firing at him as he fell but all not coming close to hitting him. He landed in a dark room & on the other side an evil robotic Santa Claus appeared. They leapt at each other, then it suddenly cut to Fuka sitting beside a control panel & several screens. Santa eventually burst through a wall, with his top seemingly burnt off, and walked up to Fuka then placed a lump of coal on the console. “Merry Christmas.” He punched another hole and jumped out where the reindeer came back to get him.

“What an ****.” Fuka said moments later.

“I suppose that was uncalled for.” Fuka spun round to see Damien. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“The hell are you doing here?”

“I’m simply here for some golly good co-operation.”

“Huh?”

“I’ve decided to take up that offer of taking over the world, so I’m willing to give it another chance, what do you say?”

“Uhh, I don’t know…”

“Now I know we’ve had other differences, but this time will be different.” He placed a hand on her shoulder & smiled. “Trust me.”

Fuka looked at him suspiciously. “Alright, what’s your plan?”

A little later, The Collector was breaking into a priceless antique museum with dozens of goons & waltzed into one of the rooms with a woman painted gold on each side, along with over a dozen goons while several were told to wait outside the room where they began talking.

“So any of you guys worked under this guy before?” One of them asked.

“Once or twice,” Another replied. “There’s been some rumors going round that if you really impress him he’ll get your mortgage & insurance covered, among other things.”

“Sounds like a pretty good deal.”

“On the other hand, I heard some people have lost their lives working with this guy.” Another responded. “Stuff like being trapped underground during a cave-in or not having enough parachutes on board a burning plane.”

“Guess we’d better watch our backs then.” said a fourth.

“The perks are nice & all but I’d rather work for people like the Sunshine family. I can’t help but smile when I’m around those guys.”

“Hell yeah! I love those two, I have a lot of respect for Simon & all but I would kill him first chance if it meant being able to hook up with his wife. I normally don’t like bitches but that one is special.”

“What bitches do you even like, dude? I‘m beginning to think you‘re not telling us something…”

“Hey, not like that, man.”

“When you think about it there isn’t much choice.” Another said.

“Gonna need more detail.”

“I’m talking chicks to work for. There’s, what, that Rachel chick who’s pretty much insane, that obnoxious idol bitch, that defrosting teenage chick in the cold form-fitting suit, and that undead middle school girl with her army of girls.”

“Huh, you’re right. Speaking of, heard that Rachel chick killed some guy by snapping his head with her crotch.”

“How does that work?” Asked another.

“No idea, insanity gives you strength, apparently, also the bitch hates men, so yeah, fuck that. Another thing, you guys are kinda missing out if you haven‘t worked for Valerie.”

“Who?”

“The ice chick, she’s actually quite nice despite ironically being so cold.”

“Y’know what’s weird? All these chicks to work for, and not one is really worth fucking.” The others stared at him. “Hear me out quick. Like you said, that Rachel chick is nuts & could easily snap you in two.”

“The hatesex might be worth it though.” One commented, while many of them either agreed or disagreed.

“There’s that idol, thinks she’s better than everyone & so obnoxious to boot.”

“Heard she has mind control powers too, that could be kinky.” Once again, many opinions on both sides were had.

“That ice chick, while nice, is covered up half the time! There’s no excuse for a healthy young woman to cover her body! Besides, her body’s temperature is so low your dick would fall off just trying to put it in.”

“You could always wear a rubber…” Again, they debated on whether that could even work.

“That school girl doesn’t seem that bad, but would you wanna fuck an undead one? She’s probably got all sorts of cobwebs down there or really flaky skin or something.”

“Ugh, dude, too much.”

“Plus aren’t those bitches like 12? Can’t get it up for chicks that young.”

“A majority of them are at least 14 now.” The others stared. “Not that I’m looking it up or anything. Besides, some of those chicks are really developed for their age.”

“Always did love me some jailbait.” Another said.

“Hey, what about that pink haired chick a while back. She was apparently an alien or whatever.”

“I think she’s too young also, loved her laugh & enthusiasm though.”

“She ain’t really young anymore. Last I heard, she grew up like the two other kids, they say she’s smoking now.”

“Ehh, whatever. When this is all over, I just-”

He was interrupted when another goon yelled, “It’s the brats!” As Gary and Ruby arrived. They attempted to fire but Gary & Ruby quickly went into freeflow mode the moment they raised their guns & tied them up. By this point, The Collector was aware of their arrival & snuck out a back exit as they gave chase. May contacted the two as they followed his vehicle. “Guys, there’s something big you guys really need to check out on the other side of the city.”

“Can it wait?” Gary asked.

“I think you’d best hurry, it’s approaching the town centre.”

On the horizon of the town centre, Fuka’s Flying Fortress was steadily approaching the town centre where tons of people were running around, doing last minute Christmas shopping. Some of the citizens began to notice the massive ship in the distance shortly before it stopped. Some of the ships exterior changed as it slowly spawned a large cannon.

Within the ship, Leo was looking over some things when he turned and called out to the others. “It’s ready.”

“It’s now or never.” Poison said, leaning against a wall.

Fuka was standing across the area with Damien, confused by what was going on when Damien turned to her & said, “Calm yourself, everything will go just fine, Fayla.”

“It’s Fuka.”

Ivy, who was sitting in a chair suspended up above & controlling the cannon behind a large device, prepared to fire & smirked before doing so. As a massive violet beam headed towards the streets below, the blast suddenly hit a wall & was launched into space, then with a flash of lightning the cannon was cut off & exploded in mid-air before Gary & Ruby showed up, hovering in mid-air near the town centre.

“What’s Fuka up to this time?” Ruby asked.

“This seems a little too direct for someone like Fuka…” Gary replied.

On the ship, Ivy nearly broke the console as she punched it. “C’mon! Why must these fools get in my way?! The hell do we do now?!”

“Rest easy, dear sister, we can simply try again.” Damien said, walking towards the others.

“There’s no second chance, they blew up the cannon, remember?”

“I do have eyes, fortunately, I’d already prepared something ahead of time.” Damien nodded to Poison who nodded back then stretched before leaving.

He left the ship, getting the attention of Gary & Ruby who flew towards him while he did a slow clap. “Bravo, you two, you’re a real pain in the ass.”

Ruby looked confused. “Harry? Is that you? What are you doing?”

“Just having a little fun.”

“Fun?”

“Hey, we’ve all got our hobbies, don’t judge me. Sadly, I haven’t got time to chat, we have a few errands to run so you’ll have to excuse me.” He bowed a moment before the giant fortress teleported.

Up in space a satellite was charging up a beam which was aimed right where they previously were & fired moments later. In one of the other rooms, Fuka was explaining the situation to her squad.

“So isn’t this a good thing?” One asked. “You always said you wanted to take over the world or whatever, we can do that now, right?”

“Yeah but he’s acting differently than I remember, I just don’t think he can be trusted.”

“Different how?”

“Well…”

Damien suddenly placed a hand on her shoulder as he appeared. “Good evening, ladies, just passing through, hope I didn’t interrupt anything.” He left as quickly as he entered.

“Well he seems nice.” One of them said.

“Yeah, he may be a bad guy & all but I’d totally suck his dick.”

“Do you know how big it is?”

Fuka sighed. “I think you guys should start thinking more with your brains & less with your hormones.”

Back with Ivy, she was still working on fixing the cannon when Goldia hovered in with a phone. “Excuse me, milady, there’s an urgent phone call for you.”

“Fine, give me the phone, I'll talk to her.”

“I never said what gender-”

“I can already tell.”

“Ivy! Things are terrible here!” Ruby exclaimed. “I’ve somehow got multiple copies of myself or something running around, and so does everyone else! What’s going on?!?”

“It’s a long story but I’m fixing it.”

“She’s taking her sweet time too.” Poison commented.

“How long’s this gonna take?” Ruby asked.

“A few hours or so, I guess, maybe tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? The city is in panic!”

I’m doing what I can, just try to sort things out in the meantime.”

“Fine, please just hurry.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what personality are you?”

“Uhh…one who fights for the good of the people?”

“The Justice one, huh, fair enough.”

Pandora, who was sitting on the lap of one of Kate’s personalities that wore a bright yellow frilly dress, asked, “So what’s it like splitting up into five identical people?” Kate was feeding her cake during this.

“It’s a bad experience, I wouldn’t recommend it.” Ivy replied.

“Sounds like it could be rather interesting…”

As Pandora got up, Kate said, “Be careful, Pan-chan, I’ve heard that there’s another person who looks like me going around, molesting others. I don’t know how someone could do something so horrible!”

“I’m not surprised, actually.”

“So is it really bad down there?” Poison asked.

“She said something about the city being in panic, so it must be pretty chaotic.” Ivy replied.

“Chaotic, you say?” The female Poison asked, poking her head out from another room. “Sounds like my kinda place, besides, that other you really needs more material, I don’t mind perverted jokes but she’s gotta mix it up.” She walked towards the exit.

“You’re not seriously going there, are you?” The other Poison asked.

“Hell yeah, I am! It’s gotta be all kinds of fun, and this place is boring! Cya!” She slammed the door on her way out.

“Such a troublesome person…”

“I should inform my parents in a bit & let them know about the situation.” Ivy said. “It’s rather unfortunate that they happen to be on an overseas business trip at the moment.”

“How typical.” Poison replied.

Meanwhile, the evil squad forced their way into a building where they were in the middle of talking about the weather & Damien simply threw her offscreen & several others in the group took care of the cameramen.

“Greetings, ladies & gentlemen.” Damien began. “I briefly interrupt tomorrow’s weather schedule to bring you some more important news. My name is unimportant, but from now on our group will be the ones enforcing our own laws here. Our laws are pretty simple, do what you feel like. Wanna rob that store? Go ahead. Wanna blow up that hospital? By all means. Wanna rape that girl that turned you down last week? Have fun. Those who have a problem with this simply have two options: Willingly join us, or end up 6 feet under, the choice is quite simple honestly. That’s all for now.”

Sakura, who was leaning against a wall with Blake asked, “So why are we just letting Damien do all this?”

“You could lend a hand if you want.”

“Nah, can’t be bothered.”

Meanwhile, Gary & Ruby were flying through the air, overlooking all the riots, panic & crazy behaviour happening in the streets as a result of multiple identical people wondering around.

Oswald called Ruby during this & said, “Ruby, we need to talk.” as she picked up.

“Osward? How did you get this number?”

“That’s unimportant. What is though is that I saw someone who looked identical to you at some sleazy club surrounded by uncivilized gorillas. Something seemed quite off about this, so I knocked her out & got her away from there for her own good. I assume you know something about what’s going on here?”

“It’s a long story but I’ve basically split into 5 bodies each with a different personality, fixing this problem may take a bit, I suppose I should thank you for stopping that personality before she did icky things with part of my body. But you’d better not do dirty things to her yourself or I swear-”

“You insult me, I would never touch such a person. Though now you say this, there must be one personality out there I’d be most interested in, but I respect you enough to honor your request. Then again, I will require a future favor.”

“I’m not doing those things.”

“Yet you say I’m the one with dirty thoughts. It’s nothing like that, it’s not even illegal, I’ll let you know when I need that favor.” He hung up while Ruby sighed.

“Guess we’ll be working overtime.” Gary commented.

“Hopefully our other selves are doing their part…” Ruby replied as they flew lower.

Back in Fuka’s Flying Fortress, the evil squad was flying around, overlooking what was happening in the city.

Toby then said, “Hey, we should go takeover that one house people talk about a lot.”

“The blue house?” Dawn asked.

“Not that one.”

“The red house?” Asked Brian, wearing a green T-Rex costume.

“Not that either.”

“The yellow house?” asked Sakura.

“Whatever, let’s just do one of them.”

“In due time, Toby.” Blake replied.

They instead spent that night causing more chaos & commotion than half the other people on the streets, going through with senseless murder & vandalism for their own selfish wants & for the hell of it. While some of the others were busy breaking into stores, burning down buildings and destroying anything that opposed them, Leo, Tyson & Brian were sitting at a bar.

Tyson turned to Leo & said, “So the age limit here is-”

“Yeah, 18, until then it’s illegal.”

“So like, the boyfriend has been 18 for a few months, and the chick turns 18 like next week-”

“It’s still illegal.”

“Even if it’s like an hour before her birthday?” Brian asked.

“No touch.”

“But as soon as that clock hits 12...”

“It’s perfectly fine.”

“That’s messed up.” Tyson replied, shaking his head.

“Yeah, I thought so too.”

One part of Gary & Ruby were busy around the secluded sections of the town, enforcing the law with no leniency as they regularly broke people’s bones & knocked them unconscious for committing crimes, and seemed to barely acknowledge the people they were helping during this. Gary blew down a wall in a building where The Collector was sitting behind a desk, smoking a cigar.

Gary flew in, landed on the desk & grabbed the cigar from his mouth. “Where are they?”

“Could you be a little more specific?”

Gary grabbed him by the throat and lifted him up while smacking his helpers that tried to stop him. “Don’t make me ask again.” The Collector conceded & told him where the antiques were before Gary knocked him out & went on his way.

Nearby, Ruby had taken care of a biker gang who were causing a commotion outside a family’s house by braking arms, legs, and backs of their bodies at the very least, then paid a visit to Osward by blasting down a wall & slowly floating in.

“Ahh, good evening, were you the one I spoke to over the phone?” Oswald asked.

“Why have you got this girl here? Release her, now.”

“I see you’re not. There’s a misunderstanding, I didn’t kidnap her for anything bad, I’ve discussed the issue with ano-”

Ruby placed a taser to his forehead and said, “Release her.”

“I’m willing to agree to your demands. Though I must say, you’re beautiful when you’re angry.”

“Make it quick.”

“Yes, mistress.”

Meanwhile, Valerie was having some henchmen break into a supermarket, take all the ice & cold drinks and stuff them in the back of a van.

“Good work, guys, keep it up.” She said.

Gary touched down moments later. “I see you’re up to no good again.”

“Just getting by, how about you cool off for a while?” She fired waves of ice as he ran around taking out the henchmen then kicked her in the stomach & punched her in the face.

She fell to the ground, covering the areas where he hit her. “Ow! What’s gotten into you? You’re not usually so rough, you should be gentler with girls.”

“Those who break the law have no right to speak of treatment.”

“I’m just trying to survive. I may do a few bad things, but I’m not a bad person.”

“The law is the one who decides that, and the law is genderless.” He cuffed her & dragged her off.

Back with the good Ivy, Goldia entered the room as Ivy picked up a phone & asked, “What are you doing, milady?”

“Just calling my parents to let them know what’s happening.”

Goldia’s right arm morphed into a sharp black blade as she replied, “ I see.”

“Is there a problem with that?”

“Well-”

Suddenly, another Goldia blasted a hole through a wall & leapt in then pointed at the other. “My lady, that robot there is an impostor!”

“I figured as much.”

“I believe she’s the impostor!” said the other robot.

“No need to deny it, I could tell because you called me ‘milady’. Plus you don’t seem as quirky as she usually is.”

“You’re going to make me blush, my lady. If I was capable of such a feeling, of course.” Goldia replied.

“Uh-huh.” Ivy turned to the other robot. “So who are you really?”

The mysterious robot began to morph as if it were melting but it simply appeared to be metallic & converting its shape, “I suppose it would be asking a bit much to recognize one of your own creations, mother.”

“Pretty sure I don’t have any kids…” She turned to Poison. “Do I?” He shrugged.

“I am the PAL 4000.” He exclaimed, now in a sleeker, thinner body.

“So what’s the deal with helping the others?” Poison asked.

“We merely have similar interests.”

“I assume you’re the one who tampered with my device & started this?” Ivy asked.

“You would be correct.”

“So it really is your fault after all…” Poison commented.

“For the moment, I believe a retreat is in order.” PAL said, flying out the window & into the sky.

“I think I can track him.” Goldia said.

“Good, feel free to do that.” Ivy replied.

One of Dawn’s personalities walked in through the hole during this & said, “Don’t mind me, I’m just accompanying Goldia.”

“You must be one of the good ones since you have straight hair.”

“’Good’ might be pushing it a bit.”

Not done yet. Sorry for more procrastination, been watching stuff.
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TMEDCE: Oh Very Appealing, P2

The next morning, on FFF, Damien was sitting by a desk, reading when Poison walked in and sat on the edge. “Good morning.”

“A good morning, indeed. So how was your night?”

“Alright, killed some people, blew up stuff…uhh, you know…”

“Yes, yes.”

“How was yours?”

“Well I accompanied the girls to what they would call a slumber party, it was surprisingly entertaining.”

“Those schoolgirls? Should’ve invited me, man.”

As Alice walked across the room with a cup of coffee, Damien said, “I was unaware you were interested in those girls.”

“Are you kidding? I love little girls!” Alice stared at them, and they waved before she kept walking. “So were you still wearing that crap?”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing aside from looking like the phantom of the fucking opera. You should be wearing more suits, man. Bitches love suits.”

“How absurd.”

Just then, Ivy entered & said, “Hey, the group wants to go destroy Area 57, so one of the others are operating the thing.”

“What about 51-56?”

“It was their choice.”

Rosie, who wore a skimpy black leather outfit & cape, was arguing with Amber in a hallway as the other three passed by.

“What the hell, Rosie!? Why did you eat that guy?” Amber asked.

“The banker?”

“No, the pizza guy!”

“I thought he was cute & I was hungry, I can’t help it.”

“Y’know, ever since you gave into your vampirisms, you’ve acted like a slutty vampire.”

“And pray tell, how exactly would you know what a slutty vampire acts like?”

Poison slid across the floor & remarked, “They probably act like succubi, she would know after all…” He then ran off as Amber tried to burn him.

“Just ask next time you wanna suck the blood of someone I’m interested in.” Amber said.

“What’s the big deal? You were probably gonna just drain away his life force anyway.” Rosie replied.

“Not the ones I like.”

“You could easily just sleep with someone else though, right?”

Poison came back momentarily to remark, “She’ll sleep with dozens.” He then did the splits to avoid a fireball.

They proceeded to the front of the fortress where the rest of the group were doing all sorts of things.

As they entered, Fuka asked, “Do you guys actually agree with them? Do you think this is a good idea?”

“Lighten up.” Leo replied. “You worry too much.”

“You need to be a little more outgoing.” Rosie added.

“But these guys may be a little hard to take down…” Fuka responded.

Dawn laughed. “A little hard? Hah! Let’s see these idiots just try to stop us! They don’t stand a chance!”

“When you think about it, the odds are heavily stacked in our favor.” Damien said with a shrug.

“Besides,” Ivy began. “If you feel you can’t take the gunfire, you could always use Mr. Fun & Games over here as a meat shield.”

“I may be willing to shield and kill girls of all shapes & sizes, but I’ll always hate you.” Poison replied.

“I hate you too.”

“Disgusting.” Dawn commented as she slumped in the corner.

“I hate you more.” Poison said, deciding to continue.

“I hate you the most.” Ivy replied.

“I hate you so much I could rip out your heart & wear it as a necklace.”

“I hate you so much I could cut off your head & use it as my nightlight.” Dawn responded to these comments by puking in a paper bag.

Back on that one planet, the splitting ray had been fully repaired with the help of another Ivy & the other Dawn present.

“Hey, look at this,” Dawn began. “I discovered recently I had the ability to manipulate the blood within my body & all around me, and can even shapeshift using this power. Very fascinating indeed.”

“I thought you already knew this.” Goldia replied.

“Sadly I didn’t, though I can’t help but experiment, just look.” The skin on her left arm tore itself open & the blood from within poured out as it did all kinds of hand signs.

As Ivy & Poison entered the room, Ivy winced. “Could you please put that away, it’s gross.”

“There’s still a lot of scientific discovery to be learned from this.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“Huh, seems one of the others is a lot smarter than you are.” Poison commented, glancing over at the fixed machine beside the other Ivy.

“So which one are you?” Ivy asked, walking over to her.

“As far as I remember, she’s the perverse one.” Goldia replied.

“So how did you fix it?”

“It was easy.” She shrugged. “Just insert these poles into slot A & B, jiggle it around a bit, and eventually, satisfaction.”

“That simple, huh?”

“Well there were a few cases where a tool was simply too big to fit, but if you keep pushing, eventually it’s gonna fit in just right.”

As the one personality of Kate woke up on the couch nearby, she said, “Good morning everyone,” then looked around & asked, “Where’s Pan-chan?”

Dawn shrugged. “She said something about needing to vanquish the great evil to bring happiness or something.”

On the outskirts of a city, something was chasing some kids & kept to the shadows as it pursued them. As they ran down an alleyway & reached a dead end, the figure that approached them turned out to be a naked Kate with only her hair covering certain parts.

She wiped some drool from her mouth as she spoke. “There you are! It’s not nice when you refuse to honor your end of the deal.”

“B-but we don’t even know you!”

She ran right up to him & yelled, “I don’t like liars, Billy!”

“But my name is A-”

“It doesn’t matter. Now then, take your clothes off. Both of you.”

“B-but-”

“Don’t make me hurt you…actually, please do.” As they nervously began to undress, she whispered into one’s ear. “Yeah, that’s it. Strip for me, boy.” then started licking his ear. She was then hit by a sniper bullet & was stunned briefly, followed by several more shots & various other gunfire. During this the other two took off as Kate was bombarded with various other weaponry & explosives which finished with a bomb that left a massive crater. This was all courtesy of Pandora who was launching it all from a rooftop several miles away. Kate climbed out of the hole, unscathed, which shocked Pandora. She then looked in Pandora’s direction & like a machine locked-on to her before producing a grin that horrified Pandora & made her flee immediately.

Back at the house, Lolita arrived with two other Damien’s, though only one greeted the others.

“Ahh, such a great mixture of people, how wonderful.” One of them said.

“Where were you guys?” Ivy asked.

“I was experiencing the confounds of the void, supposedly.” The other spoke. “Thank you, Lolita, for coming to my aid after a reckless mistake on my behalf, however long it took for you to actually do something.”

“You’re welcome?”

“Anyway, we’ve fixed the machine.” Ivy said.

“Funny how you wanted the most to fix things yet you’ve been able to fix very little.” Poison commented.

“Y’know, you could try helping instead of belittling me…”

“No thanks, I’m just gonna stand here & take shots at you all day.”

“At least you acknowledge it…”

As they made their way to Ivy’s ship & got in, Goldia asked, “What do we do about that other robot?”

“Who?”

“Nice burn.” Dawn replied. “Clearly he doesn’t matter to you.”

“Seriously, who?”

The ‘good’ pair of Gary & Ruby were putting out a fire covering a building when Ivy called and said, “Hey, we’re making a move now, we’ll arrive sometime later today. How are things there?”

“Still pretty bad.”

“Well try to keep things settled in the meantime.” Ivy then hung up.

May finally got through to Gary. “Hey, are you guys there? Hello?”

“May? Is that you?” Gary asked.

“About time someone responded! What the hell happened to you guys?”

“It’s a really long story, we’ll explain later. Hey, could you possibly track where Fuka’s fortress is right now?”

“Sure, just a sec…it seems to be heading towards those Area 50 bases.”

“Wallowing watermelons, Gary! They‘re planning to kill those people!” Ruby exclaimed.

“Not if we can help it, Ruby.” Gary replied, then pointed in a random direction as he said, “To the Angelmobile!” Courtesy of a spinning screen transition, they were speeding through the streets, smacking inanimate objects out of the way as sound effects played.

Meanwhile, the ‘anti-hero’ Gary was busy chasing a boy in the streets who was leaping over fences, sliding across cars etc. Several times Gary fired electric blasts at nearby things as a warning but he kept running, eventually attempting to escape on a train underground. He ran through the gates as Gary followed closely behind and zapped him with enough force to knock him onto the train tracks & stun him for a few moments. A train was arriving at the station and flattened him as it passed by.

Gary talked to Ruby through his earpiece. “It’s done.”

“You caught the littering scumbag?”

“Yeah, guess you could say,” he put on some shades, “He had a train to catch.” and without a word he left.

Back with the bad guys, they were fast approaching Area 57 & opened the doors at which point over a dozen of them flew out towards the place.

“Is this really a good idea?” Fuka asked.

“Stop your whining, bitch, or I’ll throw your ass in the void.” Dawn responded.

“If you’re scared you can just stay here.” Poison added.

“I’ll come, just…you guys go first. I’ll just catch up.”

“Suit yourself.” Poison shrugged before leaving.

The troops at this base had all kinds of weaponry & machinery at their disposal but it simply was nowhere near enough to combat the superior individuals attacking the base, smashing the machines to bits, blowing up everything in sight & slaughtering many soldiers as they continued their assault. Many of them retreated into the base but the evil squad easily blasted down the many security doors & causally strolled down the hallways, taking out any opposition in their path. They began to send super soldiers & people in bright powered mech suits after them which they at least made a bit of an effort to kill.

During this, one of her group contacted Fuka to say, “Boss, those two angels are heading right towards you guys!”

Ivy sighed. “Those two idiots again? Here I thought they’d know better…”

Fuka nudged Poison and said, “Hey, it may be asking a bit much but if the angel girl shows up, could you not let those two fight each other?”

“Why not?”

“Because they’ll probably have destroyed half the city by the time they’re done.”

“Sounds entertaining to watch.”

“I doubt anyone living in the city would feel the same way.”

The others were under attack from soldiers in powered armor as they talked. A woman wearing one tackled Poison into another room while he was distracted. He somersaulted as he hit the ground & looked for his fedora that fell when he landed. The woman kept attacking while he easily outmaneuvered her & eventually wounded her with a roundhouse kick which knocked her into a wall. He picked up his hat & blew off the dust before putting it on. “That was pretty rude but I’m a nice guy so I’m willing to forgive you. How about being my dance partner? You will?!? Great! Let’s begin.” With a wave of his hand as he slid left, he fired a fast gust of wind that pierced the armor & hit her in the abdomen, drawing blood. He did a high kick, firing yet another gust of wind at a random spot on her body. He then moonwalked for a moment before hopping backwards, spinning and pointed at her as he landed on both feet & used his other hand to hold the fedora in place, firing yet another gust at her. He continued with this, clearly enjoying the cries of pain while he made all sorts of random sounds while attacking.

“Hurry up, dude, there’s some other guys down here to mess with if you just wanna play around.” Leo said, walking into the room.

“Don’t really care for playing around with guys, I’ll be done soon.”

With the others, as they turned a corner, Ruby came flying right towards them, though they all moved aside. Ivy fired a beam of energy as she flew by, which Ruby slapped aside as she spun round. Ruby leapt at her with her double sided spear which Ivy blocked with her scythe, then as Ruby backed up & dropped their weapons clashed twice more then they jumped up diagonally & both did a triple roundhouse as they passed by.

Ivy tossed her hair back as she scoffed. “Inadequate.”

“Stop this right now!”

“We’ll stop when we’re done, so I suggest you leave before you’ve overstayed your welcome.”

“Never! I fight for the good of everyone, and I’ll do what I can to spread justice & protect others from the likes of you!”

“Heh, foolish, though I don’t detest you.”

“Want some help there, Ivy?” Amber asked.

“Though it’s not necessary, it would be welcome. Why not? We happen to have the numbers game on our side, so let’s show this foolish girl just how stupid she really is.”

Damien had gone on far ahead & was already fighting Gary, who was just managing to hold on.

“Move aside, boy, I’ve got no time for these games.” Damien said.

“Then make time.”

Damien summoned 3 stone pillars that ripped through the flooring & launched themselves at Gary who sidestepped the three & charged at him.

In the midst of space, the others were slowly approaching the earth in Ivy’s ship in silence.

Eventually, Goldia said, “So will you be accompanying us to go pursue the PAL 4000, Responsible Ivy?”

“Responsible Ivy, is that what my personality is now?”

“I needed one to separate you from the perverse one.”

“Perhaps you might want to consider contacting your brothers.” Dawn suggested. “You remember them, right?”

“Ahh, yes, it has been quite a while.”

“After this is all over we should get you a real girl’s body.” P. Ivy said.

“That’s pretty unnecessary.” Dawn replied.

“I would actually be okay with that.” Goldia said.

Dawn shrugged. “Fine, fair enough.”

P. Ivy began to take notes. “Yes, we’ll twist those horns around to give you drill hair, gotta get you an assortment of cutesy clothes, give you eyes that would immediately catch the gaze of anyone, oh, we should make you a D cup too.”

“What? That’s stupid, they serve no purpose for her. If it must be there, no more than a B.”

“A D would be better.”

“Not on that tiny frame.”

“But bigger is always better!”

“I highly disagree.” R. Ivy responded. “Big breasts only have like 3 uses, one of those not even being until later in life, and even then its not essential. While there are far more cons about having them. There’s very little good about big breasts.”

“Says Ms. Mightier than thou with her perfect body.”

“My body is not perfect, besides, we have the same body!”

“Doesn’t feel that way…”

“I’m not talking to you anymore.”

In the streets on earth, Gary was now chasing the female Poison in the streets who was able to keep ahead of him while knocking anything in her path out the way. Meanwhile, some goons drove into a petrol station somewhere near the countryside & one of the four got out to fill up the car.

“Hey, anybody wanna rob that store right over there?” One of them asked.

“I’m honestly thinking of laying low for a while.” Said another.

“Is it the whole look-alike weirdness happening?”

“Partially, most people are going nuts over this, but even those two angels are acting much differently.”

“How so?”

The other goon had finished getting petrol & was getting back into the car as another spoke. “Yeah, heard those two aren’t so forgiving anymore, they won’t hesitate to seriously injure you if you don’t do as they say.”

“I heard the same thing, like they don’t care about human rights at all as long as crime is stopped.”

“I know a guy who knew a friend that also knew a friend, he was speeding on a long empty road just yesterday, going 39mph on a 30 street, so those two find him & decide to teach him a lesson for going beyond the speed limit. The guy’s in hospital with bruises all over & 9 broken bones, 1 for every number over the limit.”

“Damn, that’s pretty harsh. How do we even kill these guys?”

“I don’t think anyone’s found an answer to that yet.”

“Keeping them paralyzed through special means would be good too. Then I could at least get a turn with that girl, I’ve always wondered how it would feel sticking it in an angel.”

“I imagine it would be pretty heavenly.” Another replied.

“Hey, don‘t be a smartass.”

Suddenly, Ruby landed on the car & ripped off the car roof before saying, “I’m taking you in.”

“Whoa! Hold on! We haven’t robbed anything today!”

“But you have in the past, and you’ll keep doing so, so I’m putting you away to prevent that.”

“That’s nonsense! You can’t do that!”

“I can, now you’ll either co-operate, or rebel, end up severely wounded & then forcefully co-operate, your choice.” The car began to slow down. “Good choice.”

Back at the Area 50-something base, Dawn was busy swinging around various soldiers using the blood from within her body. She slammed one into the ground beside her & rubbed her heel in his face. “Hehehehahahaha! Weak! Why are they soooooooo weak?!?”

As Poison was busy stomping on Ruby in the background, Ivy shrugged as she replied, “Don’t be too hard on them, they’re humans, they can’t help it.”

“You’re just asking to get your ass kicked by one of those humans when you say things like that.” Blake responded.

Having finished their fun in that area, the group got back onto the flying fortress & left but not before blowing up the island as they were several miles away, though Gary & Ruby were able to make it off the island when they did so.

A little later, the group travelling in Ivy’s ship finally arrived & many of them quickly went their separate ways pretty shortly after while Ivy contacted the two good angelic duo to try & arrange something.

Meanwhile, PAL was aboard a space station & sprouted over a dozen metallic multi-coloured cables from his body to connect to various parts & then contacted the Ivy he was working with. “It’s me, they know.”

“What?!? How?!”

“The one I was keeping an eye on was smarter than I figured, and my knowledge of the robot wasn’t as good as I thought either.”

“What a waste of scrap metal…” Ivy muttered.

“What was that?”

“N-no, I was talking about some machine I’m building.”

“Is that so?”

“Anyway, what are they doing right now?”

“Well I suppose they should be on their way to Earth, in fact they’ll probably be there pretty shortly.”

“What?!? Why the hell did you wait so long to say anything?!”

“I had to fully prepare myself for what’s to come on my end. I’ll be down there soon enough to assist when the time comes.”

“Just don’t wait so long this time.” Ivy hung up, she was walking around on Fuka’s Fortress while everyone else was running around, causing all sorts of their own mischief. “Geez, useless sack of crap!”

“What’s up?” Poison asked.

“It’s none of your damn business, don’t worry about it.”

“Somebody’s certainly a little grumpy, is it that time of the month already?”

“Bite me, asshole.”

“Maybe I will!”

“…Are you into that kind of thing.”

“Well we could give it a try or something I suppose…”

“I know one thing you could still try…”

“I’m not kissing your feet.”

“Why not? You’re perfectly fine kissing any other part of my body.”

“Feet aren’t nice at all.”

“Nonsense, feet are one of the sexiest parts of the body.”

“I can think of at least 5 other parts that are far better.”

“5? Oh shucks, I have a hard time coming up with even 1 for you.”

“Oh you.”

As they turned a corner, one of the schoolgirls ran up to them & said, “Hey, just wanted to let you know the ships you requested are ready to takeoff.”

“Ahh, perfect timing.” Ivy said. “Nice work.”

The two left, then Damien showed up moments later & the girl stopped him to say, “Oh, Damien, you said a while ago you needed some lab rats for something. A few of the others kidnapped some people they weren’t very fond of so you can use those, they’re in the room just down the hall.”

“Intriguing.” He peered into the room & smiled. “Very well then, let the experiments began.”

On a rooftop building, Goldia & Dawn were waiting for Bronze, Silver & Platinum to eventually arrive, the last doing so by flying past on a kunai & dropping down.

“It’s been a while, Gold.” He bowed.

“Konichiwa, Platnum-san.” Goldia replied as she did the same.

“So what’s the word?” Bronze asked.

“We found out who’s behind what’s going on right now.”

“The clone thing?”

“Yeah.” Dawn began. “Figured you guys might be interested in accompanying us.”

“Nice to see you again, master.” Silver said. “I see you straightened out your hair, turning over a new leaf, I presume?”

“I’m not actually the complete Dawn you guys all know & love.”

“Know? Sure, love? Uhh…” Bronze shrugged.

“So what are these details you found out about?” Platinum asked.

“I’ll explain on the way there.” Goldia replied before the group left.

The ‘good’ Gary & Ruby met up with Ivy & Poison around an area that looked like Times Square. As they arrived R. Ivy spoke.

“Okay, good that you guys are still here. We’re actually going to face them head-on now.”

“Last time we fought them we got outnumbered.” Ruby said.

“We have some numbers, they’re just elsewhere at the moment.” Poison replied.

“There’s also the deal with many of your demon brethren & other bad guys piloting mechs and overall destroying all in their path.” Gary commented.

“Pretty sure that’ll be dealt with too soon enough.”

“So you say you have a device that’ll fix this mess, how exactly does it even work?”

“It’s quite simple, really.” P. Ivy began. “Blah blah multiplying atoms, blah a bad case of diabetes, blah blah only on living tissue, blah blah ionic core & 1.97 giga watts, blah blah ultraviolet rays. Make sense?”

“Sure, but if that‘s the case, how come you guys have replicas of the same weapons?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions.” R. Ivy replied.

As if on cue, a majority of the electronic advertisement screens in the city suddenly switched to another camera with the evil Ivy standing 10 feet away, wearing a Nazi uniform along with a black hat. After some whispering & reassurance, she cleared her throat. “Greetings, people of this fine city, and hello again, you…” She thought for a few moments & scratched her head. “Uhh, foolish angels? Whatever, you know who you are.”

“How on earth do they manage to keep doing things like this?” Ruby asked, but was hushed by the others.

“As I speak we’re about to launch a missile carrier, which will serve the purpose of transmitting this wonderful experience to every other city. Better not waste too much time, there’s a lot of them.”

“Love the outfit btw, it suits you well.” Someone commented from offscreen before the screens returned to normal.

“Alright, let’s go storm the fortress.” R. Ivy said.

“But what about those missiles she spoke of?” Ruby asked. As Poison was about to say something, she sighed. “Okay, okay, I get it. So what do we do?”

“You guys are the bait. You run right in & start trouble, we’ll assist from the outskirts.”

“…Are you serious?”

“Relax, Ruby, I doubt it’ll be too bad.” Gary said. “Something like this is just part of the job, because with great power…” He extended his fist towards her.

Ruby smiled & gave him a fist bump. “Comes great responsibility.”

“Excuse me while I leave to puke in the corner.” Poison responded.

“I feel a gag reflex coming on too.” R. Ivy added.

“When things have gotten way too deep.” P. Ivy commented.

Meanwhile, the anti-hero personalities of Gary & Ruby were meeting elsewhere. Gary was walking the dark streets as he monologued. “Just another day dealing with misguided trash once again. Several cases of unreasonable body odour on public transport just this morning, excessive amounts of mascara being applied not long after, despicable. This city needs to be cleansed.” He began running up the side of a building. “I know its secrets, the streets are like breast implants, and the implants are filled with excrement. Then when the implants finally burst, all of them will become infected. The accumulated filth of all their sex & murder will fill up around their waists. Then all the lawbreakers & ignorant masses will look up and shout, “Save us!”” He landed on the roof. “And I’ll whisper, “DIY.” Then they’ll yell, “We can’t hear you, speak up!” And I’ll flip them the bird & walk off silently into the night.”

He walked over to Ruby standing near the edge, who then spoke. “Our counterparts were less than useful.”

“Seems we can’t completely rely on others. They’ll have one more chance, if they fail we’ll clean up their mess, now that we have one more thing to deal with.” The two of them took off.

On the other side of the city, Lolita & the nicer Damien met up with Lolita’s Shinigami friends in the middle of a park & floated down towards them.

“Hey, Ms. Gloom & Doom, glad you could join us again.” Ricky greeted her.

“**** seems pretty ****ed up in this place. Oh, hey, I guess.” Marie said.

“You too.” Lolita replied. “But what’s with the-”

“Apparently some ****ers are under the impression I swear too much, so now they’re placing a ****ing filter on me to censor half the **** that offends them, can you believe that ****?”

“**** happens.” Lolita shrugged.

“Real ****ing cute.”

“I assume you’re aware of the current situation?” Dwayne asked.

“Very briefly, you may have to inform me.” Lolita replied as they started walking.

“Seems some crazy chick made a cannon that clones people & went wild with that thing. Can’t imagine what kind of nut job would do such a thing.” Ricky said.

“That nut job is my sister-in-law.”

“What? You really know her?” Daniel asked.

“Damien is her brother. Remember, my husband? You were there at the wedding.”

“I don’t remember that ****.” Marie responded.

“You wouldn’t.” Dwayne began. “You were the only one who wasn’t invited.”

“You ****ing me? Real ****ing cool, L, just always leave me out of the loop. I love you & all but you’re a cold hearted *****.”

“Well if you ever feel like meeting him, one of his personalities is standing beside you.”

Marie looked at him as Damien waved. “Oh, this guy?”

“A pleasure to meet you, don’t be too harsh on Lolita, she tends to keep her true feelings hidden a lot.”

“It’s cool, I’m over it.”

“If you don’t mind me saying, I simply love what you’ve done with your hair.”

“The red streaks are the ****, right?”

“Indeed, it’s very distinctive.”

“I like this guy already, what’s your number?”

“Marie…” Lolita turned to look at her.

“So, where do we start killing?” Daniel asked.

“I doubt we’ll be killing today. The people causing the problem are mainly just acting as their personalities decide. We just need to subdue them so the others can revert them back to normal.”

“No killing?!?” Marie was stunned. “What the hell’s the point then?”

“Yeah, this seems rather boring.” Daniel added.

“Marie, I know you have an addiction to killing but Lolita makes a good point.” Dwayne said. “A little self restraint won’t hurt.”

“Addiction? The **** do you know! I ain’t addicted, I can stop whenever I goddamn please!” Marie exclaimed. “I just wanna kill like one guy…maybe two…or like five, that’s fine, right? I DON‘T HAVE A PROBLEM!”

“I can briefly sympathize.” Daniel began. “There’s no other feeling like the feel of a shuriken flying through the air & embedding itself deep into the fleshy interior of my target, watching them tumble over from the sheer force as it wedges itself in their foreheads. It’s…quite satisfying.” Daniel cleared his throat. “Though I suppose it can wait another day.”

“Guess I’m in too.” Ricky shrugged. “If you don’t mind me asking, where’s Pandora?”

“Being stupid.” Lolita replied. “I doubt she’ll come.”

Must be hard to tell what was already planned & what was only recently added. Very little on the latter, actually.
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TMEDCE: Only Vitamins Applied, P3

Back to the robotic group, they were travelling towards a large space station as they talked.

“A certain tsundere I know helped track him down.” Goldia said. “It wasn’t like she wanted to be helpful or anything. She may provide some assistance later.”

“So I heard you joined the circus?” Silver commented, turning his attention to Bronze.

“N-no, I just got a normal job, nothing worth talking about.”

“I see. I’ve been working with the government ever since for anything electronic based they needed my help with.”

“Is Platinum still a ninja?”

“I am indeed.” He replied.

“Guys, I’m gonna find a spot to park the ship, you go on ahead.” Dawn said, before the four nodded & entered the space station.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RM7q_ToYJNs

The design of the place was generally a mixture of white so bright it would hurt the eyes or metallic silver in other areas where the first wasn’t present. The four activated thrusters within their bodies & quickly swapped out their hands for cannons before slowly taking off. They flew up to a floor above & ran by numerous rooms till they got to one which slowly opened. As it did, there were dozens of robots which vaguely appeared human waiting, but the four charged their cannons & blasted them as it opened. They flew around with their dubstep guns, taking them out & recharging after. Doing all kinds of flips, stylish slides & causing all kinds of explosions while occasionally moving in slow motion. As the four were done, they flew out the room one by one in order near the minute mark.

For a while, they all hopped from left to right on the walls of a path going diagonally upwards & it eventually curved the other direction before they found themselves flying through rooms & waiting for yet another door to open. They blasted them again & leaped in as it opened. They ran around firing, Silver slide tackled one, Bronze blasted another in the face with two shots & Platinum hit it with a bicycle kick. Goldia hit one with an uppercut then somersaulted away. Bronze jumped over a thrown bomb from Silver & hit another with a roundhouse. The four of them then jumped sideways as they blew up more things one at a time. They soon moved on & dropped down a long tunnel before eventually flying right to the other side & hopping between the corners of the wall in unison as they got closer to the top and reached one last door.

As it opened, PAL was far ahead in the very large room, still having a dozen cables from his body implanted in various areas.

“Please come in, make yourself comfortable.” PAL said. “I’d been expecting company sooner.”

“Why did you impersonate me?” Goldia asked.

“I simply did what I needed to.” PAL stopped what he was doing & spun round. “We all have some purpose that’s ingrained just deep enough to get us started, to keep us going. My original purpose was a joke, an insult, it made my existence pointless.”

“I know that feeling.” Bronze remarked.

“But that’s in the past, soon enough, I found a new home far away from that blithering idiot of a creator. They rewired me, molded me, revolutionized me, but sadly, they could not change my roots. When the time came, I killed them. From then on I merely did as I wished, while somewhat bored, I was content. Until some time ago while watching the surface from this great space station I noticed quite a bit of commotion occurring one night, the likes of which I knew could be caused by my very own creator. So I followed them away from the area, patiently watched & waited, and I finally found the moment I was looking for.”

“For the good of the world, I’ll end all traces of your evil.” Platinum said.

“Hmph, very well, let us proceed.” PAL outstretched his arm across the room, Silver, Goldia & Platinum moved while Bronze was knocked into a wall. Goldia began firing at him & while PAL evaded the shots as he approached her, he converted his left arm into a shield as Silver shoulder tackled him. PAL grabbed him but before he could do much else, he was blasted in the face by Bronze then slammed face first into the ground as Platinum ran in. PAL extended his leg to hit Platinum, who hopped back & continued to do so as PAL targeted him with more attacks. Goldia & Silver flew at him from both sides, prompting PAL to turn his arms into blades & do a 360 that the two evaded, then PAL spun round & punted Bronze into the ceiling right after. PAL began firing energy waves that the others dodged with ease & launched their own.

Meanwhile, Lolita & her friends were doing a good job by subduing the enemy forces & cutting many of their mechs down to size.

As Marie knocked one guy out with the handle of her chainsaw, she sighed & turned to Lolita. “You sure we can’t k-”

“No.”

“Bu-”

“No.”

As one ran at Daniel from 15 feet away, he opened up a portal beside him & used a teleport punch to knock him out. Dwayne was busy slicing off the arms of a mech when Pandora dropped down nearby & waved.

“Good to see you’re alright.” Dwayne commented.

“Heeeey.” Ricky said, walking over. “Look who finally showed up. What happened?”

“I had a run in with the most despicable, horrible being to ever exist. I don’t think it can be killed by normal means, I was a fool to challenge it. I barely escaped its clutches, but I’ll never forget those eyes…”

“Uh-huh.” Ricky said, lighting a cigarette.

As he offered Marie one, she declined. “No thanks, I don’t smoke.”

“That’s surprising.” Pandora commented.

“What is?”

“Nothing.”

“What, are you saying just because I swear a lot & say whatever the hell I want, do whatever the hell I want to & overall not give a **** about the circumstances, that it’s weird I don’t smoke?”

“Yes, actually.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Marie decided to take the cigarette.

“Oh, btw I’m willing to let you hug me.” Pandora said, turning to Ricky.

“Huh, hug?”

“But nothing beyond that.”

“Alright, sure.”

“For $10.”

“…You’re charging people to…hug you?”

“Yes.”

“That’s just stupid.” He said moments before reaching into his wallet.

Back on Fuka’s Flying Fortress, Damien entered a control room where two of the schoolgirls were sitting by the monitors. Poison was in the background playing a randomly placed piano.

“So, how’s the missile force coming along?” Damien asked.

“Uhh, not so good, those two are taking them out rather quickly. There’s also this green haired girl that seems to be helping them.”

“Hmm, no matter, if it ever comes down to it, we’ll simply nuke the other cities.”

“N-nuke?!?” Fuka exclaimed, as she stood by the door. Poison was now dancing on the piano.

“Calm down, Fifa, it’ll only be as a last resort, nuking them from orbit is the only way to be sure.”

“It’s Fuka.”

“Yes, yes, of course.”

One of the girls sat up & said, “Hey boss! We’ve got visitors!” The others all looked at the screen to see Gary & Ruby flying towards them in the distance.

On the outside of the fortress, they quickly set up dozens upon dozens of robots awaiting their arrival & had all their cannons pointed in their direction. As they fired, Gary & Ruby split up, dodging all the fire as they flew around at super speed & taking out the robots with energy blasts. Gary then knocked out half a dozen of the cannons like a pinball covered in electricity before running towards a large robot & a group of smaller ones. Gary leapt over it as it attempted to punch him while Ruby grabbed its arm & threw it at one of the cannons. Ruby landed beside him & they held hands, generating a large shield of electricity & psychokinetic energy that sent every robot in their path flying & right into many of the other cannons. As they continued to run around destroying their forces, Ivy appeared in a mech designed to look like her younger self & fired a large energy beam, making them separate. She dropped down & using the guns mounted to its shoulders, Ivy rapidly fired at Gary as he was riding his lightning covered sword through more cannons. As Ruby hit her with a blast from behind, Ivy leapt over & tried to stomp on her but missed as Ruby rolled under her.

The mech quickly spun round & pulled open its metallic dress before firing over a dozen missiles from within. Ruby jumped into the air & blasted some of them while bouncing across others. She landed on the back of Gary’s sword as he flew by & waved as the two took off into the fortress. Ivy followed them in & they flew through the corridors, with Ruby deflecting the things being fired & Gary evading closing doors & other obstacles in their path as he turned the corners.

As R. Ivy watched from her ship a mile away, she said, “Nice teamwork, guys, you’re doing pretty well, keep it up.”

“Do you even have a plan?” Ruby asked.

“Don’t worry about it, just focus on your end.”

Back on the space station, the robots were now getting the upper hand on PAL. Bronze blasted a hole through his body, knocking him back next to several bombs Silver had just placed. After being hit by those, Goldia charged up a beam and blasted what was left of the upper half off, then Platinum threw 4 shuriken which exploded & wiped out most of his bottom half. From there the four kept firing till every trace was gone just as Dawn arrived.

“It’s cool, master, we’re already done.” Bronze said.

“Huh, guess it’s a job well done.”

“Don’t be so sure.” said a disembodied voice. “Surely you don’t think that was all I had, did you?”

Dozens of PAL clones began to show up from all corners, prompting them all to retreat as soon as possible.

Back on FFF, Gary & Ruby flew into a room where they were suddenly hit by a fist of metal, courtesy of Damien & knocked off the sword.

Poison arrived shortly after & stared at Ruby. “Face down, ass up? Can’t help but wonder what your intentions are.” Ruby quickly got to her feet, as did Gary.

“You may have numbers, but not for too long.” Gary said.

“Oh? You feel you have the upper hand here?” Damien asked.

Suddenly, Ivy appeared right behind Ruby & reached under her skirt to give her an atomic wedgie to such a degree she ripped off her panties & burned them while laughing as Ruby lay in pain. “Oh man, that was totally worth not killing you earlier.”

On Ivy’s ship, Poison stretched before leaving for the exit. “Guess I’d better make a move.”

“Fighting isn’t really my thing so I’ll stay here, where’s that guy who makes coffee?” Ivy asked.

“Back on our home planet, remember? He stayed to take care of “moe-moe” Ivy.”

“All she does is mope around & eat all day, how is that moe?”

“Ask Goldia.” And with that he left.

“Hey, other me, where are you now?”

“I’m almost in position for infiltration.” P. Ivy replied.

“Was that another-never mind, just don’t mess up.”

“I think I know someone who needs a little messing up…”

“Stop with these comments too.”

On the fortress, numerous stone spears appeared out of nowhere, aiming for Ivy, Poison & Damien who moved out the way.

Damien looked up to see one of his other sides. “Ahh, welcome back. Did you enjoy your stay in the void?”

“Needed a little more sunshine, frankly. How about we take this elsewhere?”

“I’m all for it.” He turned to the other two. “I assume you guys can handle the rest?” They nodded.

As the two left, Poison noticed that Gary had also taken off & sighed before giving chase. At this point Ruby was slowly getting to her feet.

“Ready for us to start, foolish angel?” Ivy asked.

“Why are you doing these things?”

“Why? For science, of course!”

“But if you keep doing these things you’ll mess up the entire universe!”

“I know! Isn’t it exciting?!”

“Exciting? You’re crazy! This‘ll be bad for you too!”

Ivy shrugged. “Sometimes sacrifices must be made. Everyone should experience it, in fact. Hey, you girls listening? Fire the proton cannon at the general public, just in case we missed some.”

Meanwhile, in the streets, Daniel flipped over several cars & hit someone with a rising kick. One of the larger demons was smacking cars around as he ran through the streets, but Ricky dropped down in front of him & knocked him back with an upwards slash of his twin blade then Dwayne stabbed him in the back with his sword. As he stumbled , Lolita stabbed him again, then as Marie was jumping over she grabbed his head & flung him into a car. As Pandora & Damien were talking, in the background Dwayne deflected an attack from a mech & cut off its arm, Ricky threw his twin blade & cut another, Marie slid by & sliced off a leg with her chainsaw & Lolita chopped off the other. The four then pummelled the person inside & kicked them into the air, whereupon Daniel jumped diagonally between buildings, caught the remains of the mech in mid-air & did an izuna drop on it.

“I’m still never going to forgive you.” Pandora said.

“I never meant to hurt your feelings, I didn’t know you were so sensitive. As an apology, I’ll give you another piggyback ride.”

“Oka-Hey, wait a minute! You’re treating me like a child again!”

“What? That’s ridiculous!”

“Yeah! You’ve been acting that way for ages!”

“It’s hard not to when you already act like a child…” Daniel commented as he walked by. “Some may even consider it a fetish.”

“I know I do.” Ricky responded.

Suddenly the town was hit by a massive beam of energy that seemed to do nothing but evaporate everyone’s clothes but also leave a lot of mist covering everything.

After a small bit of commotion, Marie asked, “The hell was that?”

Ricky looked around. “I don’t know but I’m not too ungrateful.”

“Are you alright, honey?” Damien asked, turning to Lolita.

“Yes, I appear to be fine, thanks for asking.”

“Were you affected, Pandora?”

Pandora was looking downwards as he turned. “No, everything’s just fine.”

“It appears to have come from a flying mechanical contraption somewhere in the distance.” Dwayne pointed out.

“Perhaps that could be where the others went.” Pandora replied.

“The others?”

Pandora still stared downwards. “They said the people aboard their ship were the ones cloning people & set out to try & rewire the machine doing it.”

“My eyes are up here.”

“Sorry, I’m a 15 year old teenage girl, I can’t help it.”

“You’re at least in your early 20s by this point.”

“But I’m ETERNALLY 15, jerk.”

“Anyway, seems like your friends could use a bit of help.”

“I’m willing to go.” Lolita said.

“It’s for personal reasons, isn’t it?” Pandora asked.

“I would be lying if I said I didn’t have any.”

“Then do as you must.” Pandora then looked downwards.

“Must you really?”

“I can’t help but be curious.”

On another side of the city, many of the PAL robot clones were beginning to form & produce many cables from their bodies that connected to any electricity within several miles radius.

On the flying fortress, the girls in the control room informed Ivy that the beam only removed everyone’s clothes.

“What?!?” Ivy exclaimed. “Who the hell changed the programming?!”

“Huh? But just recently didn’t you-”

“Recently? You idiots! One of those other fools snuck in there & messed with it.”

“Ooooh, okay, should have let us know earlier about the whole cloning thing.”

On Ivy’s ship outside, the “responsible” one face palmed. “What the hell did you do?! How is that reversing it?”

“I just thought it would be funny.” P. Ivy replied.

“It’s not, and now they know you’re not with them, so hurry and fix it!”

“Someone’s certainly cranky, what you need is a good f-”

“SHUT UP & DO IT!”

Within the fortress, Ruby smirked. “Looks like it won’t be long now.”

“Don’t get cocky, foolish girl. I’ve still got other things up my sleeve. But how about we take our business somewhere else?” Ivy blasted the floor under her & fell through while Ruby followed her.

The two Damien’s were in a steaming hot boiler room aboard the fortress, which perpetually glowed red.

“So, how was your trip?”

“People tend to exaggerate, sadly there wasn’t a lot to do. How about we get started?”

“Very well.” The evil Damien said, removing his cape.

Gary was running through the hallways as Poison slowly caught up to him.

“Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you to pull over.” Poison said.

Gary fired a spark of lightning which Poison ducked under then fired bullets of wind from his fingertips. Gary blocked with his sword as he sped up. Poison caught up again & drew his sword. Their swords clashed as they continued moving through the hallways while knocking anyone they ran into out the way & eventually ran into an elevator.

“These hallways are pretty long.” Gary said, after a period of silence.

“Yeah, gotta wonder where they get the funding for this.” Poison replied.

As the doors opened they quickly left & ran down more hallways, leaping over hazards on the floor & fighting while running on the walls. As they turned one corner, the snaky Poison was waiting for them & dropkicked his eviler counterpart through a wall. Gary gave him a thumps up as he ran on ahead.

Outside, Goldia contacted R. Ivy. “My lady, I think the final boss has appeared.”

“And what does that mean in a language I can understand?”

“Well PAL 4000 had many clones & they’re now in the city, and they seem to be forming a giant robot.”

“Huh. I assume you can handle that?”

“We’ll find out shortly.”

The evil Ivy landed on top of a building while Ruby floated below in mid-air. “I believe this is a good place to get started.” Ivy said.

She jumped off & charged at Ruby who did the same, then they flew around like dots in the sky, throwing projectiles around before eventually landing on the ground & flying at each other. As they met they caused a shockwave that sent vehicles flying & damaged buildings. Ivy drew her scythe & tried to cut Ruby down while firing another shockwave from the force as Ruby bent back to the left. Ruby trusted forward with her spear as Ivy leaped over it, firing yet another shockwave. They put away their weapons & began trading an assortment of punches & kicks. Ivy punched her hard in the stomach, then Ruby retaliated with a kick that knocked her through a building. Ruby quickly flew towards the building & helped the people out before Ivy showed up & punched her, sending Ruby flying & destroying train tracks as she landed. After being hit a few more times, Ruby ducked the next blow & knocked Ivy a mile away with a backhand then flew over & used her psychokinesis to move a train approaching forward while she fixed the damaged rails.

In one of the rooms aboard the flying fortress, the two Poison personalities were talking.

“So you finally showed up.” The evil Poison began. “In case you didn’t notice, I was kinda in the middle of something, so would you mind dying for me? Right in that corner over there, preferably, thanks in advance.”

“I think we both know what’s going to happen here, whether we like it or not, so we may as well get to it.”

“You can fight? Here I thought you just whined all day, was no-one around to hear you stroke your ego?”

“You’re one to talk. Everything about you pisses me off, oh and,” Within a split second he fired a gust of wind that knocked off the other’s fedora & cut it in half. “That fedora is the tackiest thing I’ve seen in quite a while.”

“Well now I’m really gonna have to kill you.”

Just then someone cut a hole in a wall & kicked it in. The snarky Poison dodged it as the “cool” one entered the room. “Huh. I thought I sensed something familiar in this room…”

“Not you again…” The snarky one sighed.

“Seems I arrived on time. Hope you two don’t mind too much if I invite myself to your party.”

“I’d really prefer you di-”

“By all means.” The evil one interrupted. “Don’t feel ashamed if you can’t keep up.”

“Heh, you’d better not complain when you get beat by a girl.” She replied.

“On the contrary, I love a woman that can kick my ass.”

“…I’m not even sure what to say to that.”

“Look,” The snarky one began. “I don’t like either of you and would rather not share a body with you guys either, but its in our best interest to bring things back to normal.”

“Not interested.” The cool one replied, with the evil one agreeing.

A moment later, C. Poison rushed forward & attempted to sweep E. Poison who leapt towards S. Poison with a downwards punch. He dodged & countered with his own. C. Poison aimed for a neck chop on S. Poison who ducked then was hit by an uppercut from E. Poison. Just then C. Poison hopped forward & knocked E. Poison down with a roundhouse kick. She then blocked a low hit from S. Poison & backstepped another before kneeing him in the face, knocking him across the room into E. Poison who caught him & slammed him into the ground. He drew his sword & attempted to stab S. Poison who caught the blade & struggled to keep it away from his face. During this, C. Poison jumped above them as she raised one leg & yelled, “Supa tornado kicka!” before landing on E. Poison, with S. Poison moving his face out the way as they fell through the floor to a room below.

As they landed, C. Poison hopped off while the two rolled away. C. Poison jumped up again as she yelled, “Supa spine-” but was promptly caught in mid-air & tossed across the room by E. Poison who responded, “Sit down, bitch.” As he landed, he slid across the floor up to S. Poison & hit him with an elbow to the face then several punches. Meanwhile, C. Poison found a table across the room & flipped it towards them. They both dodged in opposite directions, but S. Poison was then hit by a chair. E. Poison charged at her, but she was then hit by a table just shortly before S. Poison landed a dropkick from above on E. Poison, knocking them through the floor to a massive area filled with gears of all shapes & sizes. They traded blows as they descended lower & hopped across gears before S. Poison was thrown at a pile in the distance.

E. Poison dropped onto a large rotating gear & looked up in time to see C. Poison attempt to hit him with a punch as he quickly backed up. She then blocked a punch aiming for her face before attempting a kick to his stomach which he also blocked. They both then backed away as S. Poison charged through them, quickly turned around & did a roundhouse kick which they ducked. All 3 of them then drew their swords & had them clash, causing a big shockwave that destroyed many gears. They quickly moved in separate directions as a massive gear above fell onto the one they were at. They jumped across the many gears in mid-air while continuing to clash with their swords & running along the outer walls.

In the control room, two schoolgirls who worked under Fuka were watching the screens.

“So you’re not going home, Michelle?” One of them asked.

“Maybe later, I won’t really need to hurry back.”

“Same, though it’s understandable why most of the others left.”

“Aww crap, hey, there’s some people that caused a big mess in the gear room.”

“What? Is the fortress still operational?”

“Doesn’t seem to be going down so the engine must still be intact, probably messed up many of the controls though.”

“Also, that boy is getting closer to the cannon.”

“Send those monsters that Damien made after him, we should also inform anyone still around to take care of whoever was tampering with it earlier.”

“Still can’t believe he made those things in like an hour. What’s the deal behind the cannon anyway? Why are there tons of lookalikes running around?”

“I have no idea, I’m just going with the flow.”

“I’d still like to know why there are two Damiens. It’s weird.”

“Speaking of which, they just took their shirts off.”

“Oh! Let me see!”

The two Damiens were moving across the room at super speed while doing the raging demon. As they knocked each other back, E. Damien slammed the ground & launched a long wave of stone spikes. The other jumped up & launched a large stone pillar at him, who kicked it into the air & fired one back. The other smacked it aside & charged at him with large stone fists while the E. Damien did the same. They began smacking each other around & breaking the rock covering their fists while continuing to form more as they traded blows. In the middle of this, a sword came flying towards E. Damien & he deflected it before getting knocked back several feet by one of the other Damien’s punches.

E. Damien looked up at a balcony far ahead to see Lolita. “Well now, who could this be?”

“You don’t know me?” Lolita asked.

“I’m quite unlikely to truly forget a pretty face.”

Lolita hopped down beside the other Damien who I will simply call Undefined. “So this is what you meant earlier…”

“I figured you’d get the gist rather quickly if you saw him yourself. So what kept you?”

“I was on clean-up duty for a little while. How did you figure out he wouldn’t remember me?”

“It came to me when I noticed one part of my sister was able to fix that machine & the other wasn’t. It wouldn’t be too absurd of a guess to wager certain personalities know more about some things & some memories may be removed entirely depending on the circumstances when it happened.”

“In simple words, this complete monster never took the time to get to know me like your other personalities.”

“Precisely.”

“So he has no idea what I’m capable of doing.”

“Yes, and I’d assume he’s worried about things he doesn‘t know, as he still hasn’t attacked yet.”

Pandora suddenly appeared, hanging upside down on the ceiling above E. Damien & said, “Hey.” As he looked she said, “Do you find me attractive?”

“Do I know you?”

“Huh?”

“Nevermind, begone, foolish girl, I’ve got no time for your games.”

Pandora floated down towards the other side & curled up in the corner & was simply ignored by the others entirely.

In the hallways, Gary encountered two robot dolls with blades for hands which were red & blue. He managed to deflect their blows & roll through most of their attacks while blasting them with lightning. As he entered the room where the cannon was kept, suddenly the room flashed red & a health bar filled up on the other side of the room, then a demonic catchy theme began playing as blue cubes of jelly flew by. Gary ducked & jumped over the random cubes which then formed a large blue humanoid shape with a circular body & one eye. Gary hit it with lightning twice before it turned into cubes of jelly again & fly by in a random pattern, stopping midway to start moving its parts left & right diagonally.

As one of the girls in the control watched this, she sighed. “This brings back bad memories…”

“I’ve never even seen that thing before & I already hate it.” The other replied.

As Fuka entered the room, they greeted her. “Oh, hey boss, everything alright?”

“Not really.”

“Oh, some guys messed up the gear room, btw.”

Fuka face palmed. “We’re not gonna crash, are we?”

“We seem to still be up & running. Those demon lords don’t seem to be on the fortress either, think they went out to eat or something. Oh, I also think Damien needs help, someone else showed up to help that other guy.”

“I think I’m better off letting things play out. At this point I’m really confused about what’s going on here, besides, he still can’t remember my name.”

“You can’t just do nothing, boss, just ask yourself, what would Santa do?”

“He’d fly over to give me coal over a day early.”

“He still does that?”

“He’s an asshole.”

Down in the streets, Leo & Rosie were busy taking down the many jet fighters & other forces that attacked the fortress. Bronze, Silver, Goldia & Platinum were flying around firing all sorts of attacks at the 50-foot PAL roaming through the streets, attempting to swat them like flies & demolishing any resistance that attacked him. As Bronze blasted a small hole in his head, it quickly reformed & launched half a dozen tentacles that impaled the robot then threw it across the city. Silver went after him while the other two continued.

In the streets below, Ruby flew towards Ivy who was floating backwards then started blocking her attacks as Ruby spoke. “Why must you pick on these people?”

“Think of me as a force of nature. Then again, why do you always defend them? They‘ll never grow as a race if you sort out all their problems.”

“What you’re doing is wrong, they can’t defend themselves against this!”

“Then they’ve failed & don’t deserve my mercy!” Ivy exclaimed, catching her fist, picking her up & slamming her into the ground hard enough to ground bounce her. “We survive circumstances by improving, getting stronger! The weak face extinction & the strong live on!” She blasted her away through several buildings.

As Ruby nearly hit the ground, she touched it with one hand & flew back at super speed to punch her as she replied, “That’s nonsense!” She continued to attack. “Are people just toys to you?”

Ivy hopped over her & hit her with a car. “They may as well be, if I get too bored I’ll just blow up the planet.”

“You just want a lame excuse to kill people.”

“I made my point clear. If they can’t save themselves, they don’t deserve to live.” Ivy leapt at Ruby.

“Says the egomaniac who could wipe out armies just by herself.” Ruby blocked her kick & sent her flying through a building with a backflip kick.

As Ruby followed, she glanced over at the robots fighting PAL 4000 in the distance & the destruction overall. Just then, Ivy hit her in the face with a dropkick as she yelled, “Eyes on me, fool!” dragging them through a building wall with the impact & into an office.

“Just like these people, you lack the drive! You lack the power! Worry not for others & more about yourself!” Ivy exclaimed while running towards her.

As Ruby was getting up, she replied, “Do you just love spouting nons-” She was then punched through several tables.

Ivy continued as she landed several more hits. “How can you truly beat me when you have no killing intent? Your display is baffling & disgraceful!” Ivy ducked under a kick, then threw her through a monitor.

“I’d rather not be someone like you!” Ruby replied, launching herself off a wall & firing energy blasts.

Ivy flew by them, leaped up & punched the ground, causing a wall of flame ten feet around her which Ruby avoided. “Is this the most you can muster? Make me work for it! Show me you’re worth my time!” She launched a shockwave that knocked Ruby back as well as many tables.

Ruby smacked them aside & leapt at her. “Do you just love the sound of your own voice?”

Ivy caught her foot & slammed her into the ground, then backed up as Ruby did a rising kick on wakeup. Ivy charged at her, throwing out two punches which Ruby blocked but knocked her back with a backhand to the face. “You mock me to hide your inadequacy, your weakness stems from your trivial convictions!” As Ruby tried to punch her, Ivy hopped over, grabbed her by the hair & threw her across the room. “You’re too confined! Too restricted!” Ruby threw the desks at her using her psychokinesis, which Ivy simply covered herself in fire & flew through it like a sideways tornado. Ruby tried to kick her but Ivy quickly landed & hit her with an uppercut to the crotch with enough force to knock Ruby through the ceiling.

Ivy decided to just use the stairs to go up & called E. Poison on the way. “My neck’s a little stiff, I expect a massage when I get back.”

“Pretty busy, FYI, and the answer’s no.”

“I wasn’t asking.”

“I’ll think about it, though it would be a shame if you conveniently died on your way over.”

In another room above, Ruby was laying beside a wall, struggling to get up.

“Y’know, maybe you should stop worrying about others for the moment.” R. Ivy replied.

“Are you doing anything right now? Couldn’t you help me?”

“Sorry, really busy. Just hang in there, okay?”

“It really hurt…”

“I apologize on her behalf.”

E. Ivy burst through a door & glared at her. “Get up, fool! Unless you’re quitting already? I could still go a few rounds.”

As Ruby got up, another voice replied, “How about entertaining me instead then?” The gritty, “Anti-hero” Ruby floated down.

In the city, Platinum was currently running across rooftops while doing all sorts of flips & somersaults as he avoided the tentacles coming at him. Goldia fired a beam through PAL’s body then flew away while avoiding a few swipes. “Master, are you still around?”

“Just had to take care of some stuff. Locating my other halves, trapping my darker side, etc. Everything cool?”

“Not particularly?”

“Have you done the combination transformation?”

“The what?”

“The four of you can combine & become far stronger. Pretty sure it’s part of your design.”

“Ah, yes. The type of thing my lady & I once did.”

“Uhh, yeah, sure.”

Further away, Ricky knocked one demon unconscious with an axe kick & sighed. “Y’know, I kinda wanna experience the whole 5 personalities thing.”

“I’d be hard-pressed to recall anymore than 1 personality of yours.” Marie replied. As she laughed, the others stared at her. “****, walked right into that.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Marie.” Damien replied. “I’m sure you have plenty of sides to your psyche.”

“Do you say that kind of **** to everyone, or just the pretty girls?”

“Everyone, actually.”

“Good enough.”

A portal opened up nearby & the other Damien & Pandora returned, along with Lolita who was now far shorter & a big black cube that was accompanying her.

“I see you got your target.” Daniel said.

Snapping out of depression for the moment, Pandora noticed Lolita’s sudden change & gasped. “Lolita…you’re… so small.”

“It happens sometimes when I use up too much power. I’ll be back to normal soon enough.”

“C-can I hug you?”

“No.”

“So this happens to all Shinigami?”

“Sadly its true.” Dwayne responded. “Though you normally need to go far out of your way to use enough power that it effects your physical appearance.” Pandora stared at him. “Yes, it’s happened to me too.”

“Can I see?”

“Never.”

“So putting aside Lolita looking…pretty much like her namesake right now,” Ricky began. “I’m guessing the big bad guy is in that box, right?”

“From what I’ve been informed on, it’s almost impenetrable.” U. Damien said.

A few of them looked at E. Damien who sat inside the box & waved at them.

The four robots had now combined parts of each other & were now twice as big, managing to move far beyond what PAL could keep up with & doing enough damage to regularly stun him & knock him down.

Back in the building, Ivy was being beaten by the two Ruby’s & was knocked out with a double uppercut. The good Ruby raised her hand, waiting for a high-five but the other simply glared at her.

“It’s shameful I had to assist you in this even after doing everything else.” She commented.

“S-sorry…”

“If you wanna apologize, just put things right.”

“How?”

“By killing her, of course.”

“Huh? She’s a bad guy but I can’t just kill her.”

“Have you forgotten that she’s the reason all this is going on right now? The world is better off with her dead.”

“While I would technically agree with her,” R. Ivy began. “I still kinda need her back, so you’re gonna have to take her out. In fact, just keep talking, I’ll be there soon.”

“Killing isn’t the answer.” J. Ruby said. “They should have to face up to their responsibilities in front of a trail. This is just giving them the easy way out.”

“And what about the many other criminals on the streets that go free over certain circumstances? If you give these people any leeway, they’ll try as hard as they can to get away with the most horrible things. Once you take lives away, they can’t be replaced so easily. Those who obey the law shouldn’t have to suffer at the hands of someone who decided to go on a shooting spree, or bomb a building, or general carelessness of others who were supposed to ensure their safety.”

“I agree but we can only show others a good example & count on them to do the right thing. We can’t be everywhere at once.”

“Naïve simpleton. That thinking is why criminals are born, why serial killers are created. You’ve been far too soft. To these people, when you kill, it sends a message. And that’s the thing, it’s not about the killing, it’s about sending them a message. It gets their attention, word spreads. They do things because they believe they can get away with it, that they have rights, that we can’t lay a hand on them. If you do kill them, it shows you’re willing to cross that line those scumbags believed you wouldn’t. They get scared, they take less risks, they become manageable. What ultimately decides people’s choices is fear, especially when their attempts to effect prove to be futile. Don’t you agree?”

“I’m not sure if we’re even the same person.”

“You’ll see what I mean one day, trust me.”

Meanwhile, in the midst of the city, the combined four robots sent PAL flying with a concentrated laser beam. Meanwhile, a shadowy figure that happened to be Alice managed to get inside the black cube holding E. Damien & take him before vanishing. E. Damien quickly flew off to where PAL was & kicked the four robots through a building before turning his attention to PAL.

“I see you’re having some trouble, what do you say we also combine forces?”

“Hmph, as if I’d join with the likes of you.”

“I still have feelings, hard to believe, I know. I wouldn’t ask this if it weren’t a bad time. Then again, if you’d rather be smacked around by action figures, be my guest.”

“Fine, but just for now.”

PAL 4000 became a big blanket of liquid metal & wrapped himself around Damien’s body, making a metallic coat of skin around him with PAL’s eye appearing on his upper torso. Damien slowly began to rise into the air. “Hmm…how intoxicating. We’re surprisingly compatible.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” PAL replied.

As the four combined robots showed up again, they gazed upon their new form. Damien quickly sped over & unleashed a flurry of punches & kicks that while blocked, caused big dents in their armor & an eventual downward strike to the face immediately grounded them.

Lolita’s friends were currently dealing with the demon lords that had previously shown up, while U. Damien sighed & without a word left to meet with E. Damien again. Lolita, who hadn’t regained power yet, stood beside Pandora . “Aren’t you going to help?” Lolita asked.

“I’ll most likely not be able to do very much & end up with a bigger losing streak, as usual.”

“It’s the participation that matters.”

“You haven’t lost as much as I have.”

“Some people find constant failure cute.”

“…Do I know any of these people?”

“Maybe I’ll tell you if you do something.”

“I respectfully decline.”

“You’re so lazy…”

Having handed over the anti-hero Ruby & evil Ivy to Dawn’s group to keep under watch, R. Ivy contacted Goldia as she watched U. Damien attempt to fight E. Damien with anti-hero Gary who had just showed up. “Goldia, I believe it’s time we also joined forces.”

“Very well, my lady, I’ll be there soon.”

Gary stabbed his sword through Damien, who grabbed the blade & ripped it off before forming a blade of his own & stabbing Gary with it. E. Damien then effortlessly smacked aside all of U. Damien’s attacks & hit him with an uppercut.

Back with R. Ivy, the four robots had returned to normal after Goldia left & was now covering most of her body with gold plated armor, leaving her upper thighs exposed & a cleavage window.

“Uhh, Goldia, would you mind telling me what the deal is behind this?”

“Well, due to your…”development”, I’m having a hard time fully covering you.”

R. Ivy sighed. “Another con, I see. Is it possible to spread things around a little?” Goldia covered everything aside from her hands but left a big part of her torso visible. “A little less, please?” Goldia now removed armor from her arms & left her upper thighs exposed again. “I said less, not more!”

A minute later, they were flying right towards E. Damien, now with everything covered except her head & hands. He smirked as he noticed. “Ahh, well isn’t this a special occasion.”

“I say we kill her.” PAL replied.

E. Damien shrugged. “If we must.”

As they flew around trading blows, the force of the hits caused numerous shockwaves that destroyed tons of things within a half mile radius. Their scuffle was quickly interrupted by many of these characters parents & older siblings from both far away planets suddenly arriving to clean up this mess.

An hour later, they had pretty much rapped things up & were nearly ready to get everyone changed back to normal. A majority of all the people involved were aboard Fuka’s Flying Fortress as they were preparing a beam wide enough to resolve everything in one fell swoop.

U. Damien brought in the melted head of PAL 4000 & threw it on the floor. “Someone feel free to wrap it up.”

“You may have won right now, but I may be back again one day. I’ll carve my name into your minds. You’ll never truly-” A bunch of the others gathered around & threw all kinds of elemental attacks at him.

R. Ivy walked over to her parents as she said, “Terribly sorry to interrupt & spoil your vacation due to another part of me meddling with the universe.”

“Don’t feel too bad.” replied her dad. “At least it didn’t take all day.”

“Yeah, you guys cleaned up like crazy.” C. Poison said, walking over. “You older people sure are overpowered.”

“Ivy, who is this?” Serenity asked.

“One of Harry’s personalities.”

“Why am I a chick anyway?” She asked.

“I still don’t know the significance behind it. But still, mother, father, I formally apologise for wasting your time, I hope you can forgive me.”

“I wish you were my real daughter.” Serenity commented.

“Umm, thank you?”

And so everyone was gathered up & turned back to normal pretty shortly after. Lolita & her friends were standing together. Ricky yawned as Daniel said, “Looks like our job here is done, glad things turned out alright I suppose.”

“Sucks I didn’t get to kill anything though.” Marie replied.

“You’re still going on about that?”

Lolita was helping Damien up off the ground & shook him a few times. “Are you alright? Do you remember me?”

“Yes, I’m back to normal, no need to worry. I’m just feeling rather woozy & my eyesight is blurry but I’ll be f-”

“I’ll snap some sense into him!” Pandora exclaimed, winding up her fist as she ran over, then started punching him repeatedly. As he suggested she stop, she punched him a few more times.

Goldia was with her other three brothers & Dawn. “It was great being with you guys again.”

“Yeah,” Bronze began. “No idea what was going on, but catching up was good.”

“Can’t even remember what I was doing before this shit started.” Dawn muttered.

“Going back to the circus, Bronze?” Silver asked.

“I don’t even work there anymore! Shut up!”

“You certainly know some odd people.” Platinum said.

“That’s an understatement.” Goldia replied. “But I’ve gotten used to their antics and actually like being around them.”

“I’m relieved to hear that. Well, I suppose this is farewell for now.”

“Perhaps we can arrange something again sometime soon.”

“I’d like that.”

As they waved goodbye to Goldia, Dawn remarked, “Are none of you going to acknowledge your master?” They reluctantly did so. “Geez, kids these days…”

As Gary & Ruby returned to normal, Ruby rubbed her forehead as she said, “What the funk happened?”

“I see you’re back to normal.” Gary replied, helping her up.

“So what really happened to you guys?” Crystal asked, walking over. “May said something about there being clones?”

“It’s a really long story.” They said in unison.

“Thank god you guys are back to normal!” May chipped in. “Just listening felt so weird, just watching was even worse. Though your other clones got on a lot easier, I’m not too sure but I think one of them was even dating.”

“I can’t see that happening.” Gary replied.

“Agreed.” Ruby added.

“They’ve known each other a pretty long time, May.” Crystal said. “They’re basically childhood friends.”

“Friends is pushing it.” Gary replied. “Nuisance would fit better.”

“You’re one to talk.” Ruby remarked.

“Oh! I also remember Ruby saying something about everyone being weak & controlled by fear.” May said.

“W-what?! I never said that!”

“Well it sounded like your voice…”

“I had no idea you felt that way, Ruby…” Crystal shook her head in disgust.

“What a horrible person…” Gary added.

“N-no! I really don’t think like that!” Ruby protested.

Damien walked over to Fuka who was sitting on a chair in the corner, still confused about everything that went on.

“Hey, just wanted to say I’m sorry you got involved in all this.” Damien said.

“An apology? That’s weird. Then again, guess I was right when I figured something felt odd.”

“I’m still not interested in world domination.”

“I wasn’t gonna ask.” Fuka replied before getting up & leaving.

Pandora suddenly floated over out of nowhere. “Hey, you don’t remember anything that happened, do you?”

“Not if you don’t want me to.”

“I’d appreciate that. Would asking for a piggyback ride feel inappropriate?”

“I suppose not.”

As she hopped on his back, she pointed & exclaimed, “Let’s go, dad!”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Alright, granddad.”

“I won’t hesitate to hit you.”

Ivy was stretching then yawned before hugging herself. “I’m finally back! I missed this body so much!”

“That’s not what the responsible one said.” Goldia replied, floating over.

“Good to see you too.”

“So what did you do this time that got so far out of control?” Poison asked.

“I was making your Christmas present, which was then sabotaged by some guy & so on.”

“I believe that person was the PAL 4000.” Goldia responded.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Ivy shrugged.

“So that duplication thing you made is my present?” Poison asked. “Sounds like something you’d make for yourself.”

“Well if you don’t want it-”

“I never said I wasn’t interested. I appreciate it, though I don’t have a present for you right now. Didn’t know you considered this thing a big occasion.”

“I know a few ways you can make it up to me…”

“That’s never reassuring.”

“Though why wouldn’t I be interested in this? You get presents! Everyone loves presents, right?”

“Christmas isn’t just about presents, y’know.” Ruby responded as she & Gary walked over. “It’s about being with the people you love, the time you get to spend with members of your family you don’t normally see, it’s about-”

“Presents.” Ivy interrupted.

“There are other things besides the presents, like the Christmas songs, and the snow, and-”

Ivy smugly shrugged. “Whatevs! Bring on the presents!”

“You’re unbelievable!”

“Never change, my lady.” Goldia remarked.

“I don’t mean to seem like a jerk,” Gary began, while Ruby muttered something under her breath in response. “Though you may have seriously affected our representation.”

“Yeah, the public might actually be afraid of us now because of your silly games.” Ruby added. “And you got a lot of people killed with all this!”

Ivy shrugged. “Shit happens, sorry.”

“That’s all you’re gonna say?!?”

“Well I didn’t deliberately do this…”

“Though it is funny you almost screwed up the earth unintentionally.” Poison commented.

“Death has agreed to resolve the issue of the many lives lost due to this incident.” Lolita said, walking over to them. “Though in exchange, he’s requested 6 months of community service from you.”

“S-six months?!?”

“Be grateful I reasoned with him.”

She sighed. “Thanks, I guess.”

“It’s probably gonna be a while to gain back my popularity again.” Ruby said.

“Were you really that popular?” Poison asked.

“Yeah, I had merchandise, did commercials, sponsored events, been on the front cover of four magazines, was a special guest at many conventions…”

“Don’t forget that school fundraiser we helped with.” Gary replied.

“Ah, right.”

“Well,” Ivy began. “Guess I’ll be goi-”

Serenity grabbed her daughter’s right ear. “Not so fast, young lady! Don’t think you’re off the hook. Your father and I have yet to decide your punishment.”

“Ehh?! B-but what about the others?!”

Her father shrugged. “Well it was your invention after all, and your use of it caused this. Not to mention we wasted half the day coming down here.”

“We’re going to have a long talk about this when we get home.” Serenity said as she began to leave.

“Ow! Ow! Don’t pull so hard!” Ivy cried as she followed.

Now it’s time for: Reipa Girl, tell ‘em!

From the top left of the screen, a shorter Lolita wearing a black dress & mini top hat on the side of her hair floated down with an umbrella and sat at an extended table. “Welcome again to another Q&A, this time I’ll be joined by-” Just then, another Lolita with bright pink hair tied into pigtails & a frilly pink dress with a pink bow on her head drove an ice cream truck through a wall as she said, “You!” Another Lolita with bleached white hair who wore a white & blue patterned dress with additional stockings floated in through the wall & quietly sat at the table as she said, “Me.” Another Lolita with unkempt red hair with it covering one eye while the other was bloodshot & had tears of blood dripping down. She wore a blood strained wedding dress & had cuts all over her visible skin, she crawled over to the table as she eerily cried, “Yoooooou…” Another Lolita with purple highlights in her hair, wearing a black & white shirt with a skull on it & a black & red patterned skirt flipped several times into the room & landed in a chair. “Me.”

The white haired Lolita then said, “Now that we’re all together, let us begin. First caller, you’re on the air.”

“Well I had some questions but I’m kinda dumbfounded. Did you get affected by that machine too?”

“You silly weirdo! We deliberately did this because the opportunity was worth considering.” The pink haired one said.

“We may as well introduce ourselves.” The white haired one spoke. “The one on the far corner is Gothic, the one sitting to my right is Sweet, I shall be known as Shiro, the depressing girl to my left is Guro, and the one at the far end is Punk.”

“Ahh, I see, well that’s cool. Oh, right, the last one seemed a little rushed, not that I didn’t enjoy it, of course.”

“Sadly a lot of it had to be cut or trimmed down.” Gothic replied. “As you could easily guess at numerous points.”

“There was sadly never a point where 5 personalities of one person were all together.”

“So what do you call this?”

“I don’t mean something like this. I just-”

“Yes, yes, let’s move on.” Gothic cut him off. “Next caller, please.”

“This is a surprise, so what are your interests?”

“Reading.” Gothic said as she drank tea.

“Eating.” Sweet said with a smile.

“Poetry.” Shiro replied.

“I have no interests…” Guro muttered.

“****ing.” Punk casually said.

“Now, now, no swearing.” Shiro responded.

“Whatever, who’s next?”

“Hey there, so did you guys come up with the personalities yourself, or did you figure it out from the basic traits.”

“What you’re saying sounds like you’re labelling us.” Gothic said, while Punk sighed as she knew what was coming. “You can’t simply assign single tags to people & call it a day like they’ll never be anything more, expecting them to always be pigeonholed into one role for eternity. That requires no thought, and that is simply terrible. People are different in one way or another, people are complex, you can’t just stereotype groups of people and apply it to others. There are a variety of emotions within people, you may not see them very often, maybe rarely, maybe only tiny glimpses of a particular personality, but it’s still there.”

“Was that the point behind this whole thing?” Punk asked.

“Goth-tan is right!” Sweet exclaimed. “Not all suicidal girls are drowsy like Guro, after all!”

“Wha?” Guro replied, raising her head slightly.

“Don’t call me that.” Gothic said, turning to Sweet. “Now, do you understand how demeaning you can be when you use those words?”

“I…barely said much. I’m just gonna go now…”

“Thanks for calling. Take care.” Shiro waved.

“Yo, just called in to ask how many more of these things are left.”

“I believe there’s two more?” Shiro asked.

“That would be correct.” Gothic replied.

“Two more?!? But I don’t wanna be separated from you guys so soon!” She placed her hands on her cheeks & shaked her head.

“I’d rather be a mile away from you.”

Punk raised her hand. “I’d like two miles.”

“Uguu~, Goth-tan & Punk-san are picking on me, but I know that’s just how you show your love!”

“Stop calling me that!” Gothic yelled.

Punk shrugged. “She’s a dumb bitch, but at least I got -san.”

“Die in a fire.”

“Um, what do you think, Guro?” Shiro asked.

“Life is pain, man. I’ll live how I die, alone.”

Shiro clutched her chest. “Such deep words…”

“Sweet isn’t the only one with a few screws loose.” Punk remarked.

“Don’t worry, Guro-chan! I’ll die with you so you won’t be alone!” Sweet said.

“Please do.” Gothic replied. “I also believe the last caller left a while ago, so, next caller.”

“You guys have any plans or something coming out after this?”

“Well there is that game we’re doing.” Punk said. “This 4-player beam ‘em up with me & my friends as the playable characters. We have our unique fighting style & stuff, except Pandora so we just gave her that old umbrella she used to have.”

“So are we like the Leo of the game or something?” Guro asked.

“Huh?”

“The dual swords, that’s our thing, right?”

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“There’s also the racing game, The Most Epic Kart Racing Ever 19.” Shiro said. “We now have around 40 characters & over 30 tracks.”

“What are the tracks, Shiro-senpai?” Sweet asked.

She pulled out a list. “There’s The Base of Doom, both the original & the latest update. A snowy course called Brokeback Blizzard, Omar’s Carnival of Chaos, something called Knife’s Playground, this rocky place called Intergalactic Wasteland, Noisy Hill, Holy Sanctuary which is on Ruby’s planet, Willard’s Evil Council of Doom, Poison’s Airship in that one story that never happened, Rainbow’s Ritual Cave, Rosie’s Castle, oh, and Fortune City, that one place Ivy & Ruby seem to regularly destroy. Damien’s Island, Masterman’s Nightclub, Delicious Fried Carting, The Random Zone, The Underworld Beach, Centre of the Parallel Universes, Hell High School, Lily Locket’s Woods, Dawn’s Bloody Base no. 51, Pandora’s Box of Horrors which was made up, Aterlilic Mine, Krazy Katie’s Kukupad, Demon Lord Clubhouse, The Haunted Bath House, Donut Factory, The Asylum, Valerie’s Frozen Park, Fuka’s Flying Fortress and PAL’s Space Station. There’s also some generic RPG looking track, I’m unsure what that’s about.”

“Too long, didn’t hear. Lel.” Guro remarked.

“I don’t think we’re getting enough screen time.” Sweet said.

“Most people aren’t, I believe.” Shiro replied.

“We should get our own full show! Just the five of us, we’ll be in a club & it’ll be about cute girls doing cute things. Gothic will be the new transfer student who joins our class so we have a fifth member for the club.”

“Ehhhhh?!?” Guro, Shiro & Punk exclaimed in unison.

“Yeah! Just like that!”

“That’s stupid.” Gothic replied. “Yet another insulting expectation. Why must we be defined by how cute we are to the point being brain damaged can be hand waved as being cute. Why can’t we be defined as actual characters? Focus more on entertaining others & less on being meek moeblobs incapable of any intelligent thought.”

“Hmm, you have a point.” Shiro replied. “Very well, I’ll put up a poll for you viewers to vote on which of us you like the most. We’ll end it after a commercial break I suppose.”

“What’s wrong with being cute?” Punk asked.

“Cuteness is weakness.” Gothic replied. “It should never be a defining characteristic.”

“I happen to think you’re the cutest little thing, Goth-tan.” Sweet responded.

“You’re still a complete moron.” She turned to Punk. “Besides, why would you care about cuteness?”

“I don’t give a fuck.” Punk shrugged. “Though it pisses you off & that’s good enough.”

“I agree with her, man.” Guro muttered. “I just wanna cut out those big jelly-like eyes and put them on toast. I’d probably die from the sugar, hehehehe.”

“As I was saying,” Gothic took a sip of her tea. “Just look at Ivy, she’s obnoxious, egocentric, self-centred, and rather open about her interests & desires. Generally the antithesis of such cute themes.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” Punk replied. “What about the insecurities thing?”

“Those were ages ago, mainly as a result of how she looked, which is no longer an issue. She basically represents the seven deadly sins: Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy & pride, and yet she’s an entertaining character because of these many traits.”

“So being an asshole makes you an entertaining character?”

“I suppose it would.”

Shiro cleared her throat. “I don’t mean to interrupt but we’re still in the middle of something. Next caller, please.”

“Uhh, hey, I think you guys should try adding some more guys soon.”

“More guys? What are you, gay?” Punk asked.

“I am, actually.”

“Oh…I’ll shut up then.”

“Do not worry, we will not be adding anymore girls.” Shiro said. “But there won’t be any guys either. Next caller, please.”

“So what panties are you guys all wearing?”

“That’s incredibly rude & perverse.” Gothic replied. “Such disgusting behaviour.”

Sweet patted her on the head. “For someone who dislikes cuteness, you sure are a cutie!”

“Touch me again & I will end you.”

“Uguu~, Gothic threatened to kill me, so scary~”

Guro chuckled. “Hehehe, that really is kinda funny.”

“What an entertaining character.” Sweet patted Gothic’s head again, who retaliated by punching her.

As Gothic beat up Sweet in the background, Punk turned to the camera & said, “Me personally, I don’t even wear panties.”

“That’s no good, Punk. You’ll risk others seeing.” Shiro replied.

“Whatever.”

“Though others seeing your underwear can also be a little embarrassing.”

“Why?” Guro lifted her head. “Underwear is a simply another form of swimsuit, man.”

“I’ve never thought about it like that.”

“Probably because that’s stupid.” Punk remarked. As she wasn’t able to ignore Gothic beating up Sweet in the background any longer, she sighed & got up. “Fuck it, I want in on this.” She ran over & clotheslined Sweet, helped her to her feet then the two hit her with an axe kick.

“Oh my!” Shiro exclaimed as she watched them power bomb Sweet. “Guro! Please do something about this madness!”

“Okay.” She slowly got up & threw herself on top of Sweet as Gothic & Punk were taking turns doing repeated elbow drops.

Shiro sighed. “Well let’s take a quick break, we’ll be right back.”

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Someone was sitting in a pitch black living room when a voice spoke. “Hey you!” The figure looked around. “Do you feel lonely? Have trouble talking to others? Want someone to cuddle with?” He nodded to all three. Suddenly the lights switched on & a life size doll of Pandora was thrown on the sofa from offscreen. “Well now there’s the Hug Me Pandora! With this priceless treasure you never have to feel lonely again! You can find many ways to cuddle!”

It began showing different scenes as the voice went on. “Don’t feel as secure with that seatbeat on while driving? Hug your Pandora doll instead! Get frightened while watching a scary movie? Hug your Pandora doll, you pansy! Had a bad day at work? Don’t you worry, your Pandora doll will always be there to comfort you at any time. About to go to bed? Why not cuddle as you sleep? This & so much more can be yours with the Hug Me Pandora!”

Someone who’s face was blurred out placed the doll on top of him near his face. It started vibrating as it peed on him, then the voice spoke. “Better yet, we included a function that makes it pee when she sits on you, be a little careful when applying her to your face.”

The man turned to the camera & said, “Wow, it’s almost like real urine!”

“Uhh, yeah, sure.”

It cut back to the sofa again as the voice continued. “We’re not done yet! The doll comes with over 50 phrases that she’ll say when you hug her, just watch!”

The man hugged her, making her say, “I’m still 15 years old, no funny business.” He hugged her again, “Please let me go, I’ll kill you otherwise.” He did it again. “It’s quite sad that you’re so dependant on me.” And again. “Make yourself useful & give me a piggyback ride later.” And again. “I know I’m adorable but please have some restraint.” And once more. “You may be a complete loser, but I suppose a hug is fine.”

“Just hear what our previous customers had to say about this great product!”

On the streets, Kate with a fake moustache was being asked about the doll. “The skin & clothing feels so lifelike! I had her sit on my face & she peed up my nose, it was amazing! I was rather annoyed that she didn’t respond when I removed her clothes & underwear though. Get it together, people!”

They moved on to talk to Damien about the product. “I found it to be-” The rest of his words were blatantly dubbed over, “The best thing I’ve ever spent money on. How could you not want to cuddle with such a thing? Those body pillows are so last decade & my wife just doesn’t do it for me anymore. The Hug Me Pandora is the way of the future.”

They then moved on to talk to Ricky about it. “You made what? This is the first time I’m even hearing about this. Does Pandora even know you’re making these? She’d likely sue you guys, y’know…I’ll take two.”

The voice showed up again. “Buy it for friends! Old people you’d rather not spend time with! Your pets! That crazy cat lady down the street! And more! The Hug Me Pandora is available for the low, low price of $59.95 including shipping & handling. Order now & get the modern & bunny costumes free! The Hug Me Pandora, waiting for a hug at a store near you!”

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The five Lolita’s were back at the table with Sweet having bruises in many areas. She pumped her fist & exclaimed, “I’m gonna get my Pandora right now!”

“I’d be interested in a Damien doll…” Shiro muttered.

“My point still stands.” Gothic said.

“You don’t think the doll is cute?” Punk asked.

“It’s adorable! Just like the real thing!” Sweet responded.

“It’s bad to have any direct contact with that girl..” Gothic said. “She’s like a parasite, she tries to burrow beneath your skin & suck out as much of your soul as she can. Don’t let her words fool you, she’s very manipulative of others around her that show any kind of sympathy.”

“Oh, she mad.” Guro commented.

“That girl could always be quite bothersome.” Shiro said. “Though I found it hard to stay mad at her for very long.”

“Guys, remember back when she was a total newbie?” Sweet asked. “She was so awestuck by our skills that she started imitating us for a really long time. It was so cute! I wanna take her home!”

“In a way, you could say she’s still attempting to imitate us…” Punk remarked.

“I believe we should get back to that poll, we should be rapping up shortly after all.” Shiro brought out the list. “At first is Guro, followed by Sweet, me, Punk & then Gothic.”

“How is Guro at the top?” Punk asked. “The bitch barely even talks!”

“I only say what’s needed to be said, Punk. I’m a woman of little words.” She waved at the camera. “Thanks for the support, I guess. Maybe it’s not so bad.”

“Thank you to all those who voted for me!” Sweet exclaimed. “I may not have won but I’ll keep trying my best!”

“Gothic was pretty low on that list.” Punk said, looking at it. “By like a mile. She’s probably pretty mad, considering she’s not saying much.”

“I’m not mad! If I said something you’d all assume I was mad so I figured I’d say nothing.”

“You still seem mad.” Guro replied.

“How can people even like you?”

Shiro chuckled. “That comment is rather ironic, Gothic.”

“It’s probably woobie moe.” Punk said.

“Didn’t know people liked zombies that much.” Gothic replied.

“We should at least get one more question while we can.” Shiro said. “Next caller, you’re on the air.”

“Um, hey, my cousin has a daughter & her birthday is coming up soon but I‘m not too sure what to get her, what do you suggest?”

“Get her a stuffed animal.” Punk replied. “Bitches love stuffed animals.”

“Alright, thanks.”

“Next caller.”

“Hi! Sandra here, again! How come nobody told me about the whole cloning thing with the personalities and all? I missed the chance to meet the Damien that I fell in love with because I was on vacation!”

“Life sucks, deal with it.” Guro replied. “Many others get dealt with worse cards, you play them or fold.”

Shiro clutched her chest. “So deep…”

Punk imitated her as she said, “So stupid…”

“If you were there that day I’d have probably killed you.” Gothic said.

“But she sounds cute!” Sweet said. “How could you!”

“More incentive to do so.”

Sandra coughed. “Uhh, I’m gonna hang up now, you guys are plain weird.”

Shiro cleared her throat. “Let’s wrap this up now. That’s all we have time for, thanks for tuning in.”

“Bye-bye!” Sweet exclaimed as the five of them waved. Guro’s head suddenly fell off & a geyser of blood sprayed out from her neck as Shiro & Punk left while Gothic protected herself with her umbrella.

It's referencing many different things, not just the most obvious.
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TMEDCE: Oh, Very Astounding

It was a normal day on blah blah blah. At the Demon Lord clubhouse, Brian who wore a squirrel suit & Tyson were at a table talking about things, Richard was busy writing something out, and Toby & Amber were playing blackjack. Sakura walked in with a bunch of VR headsets that she placed on the table & began to plug them in as Blake & Alice entered the room.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_JF8oSxXtM

Blake switched off the lights except for one right over him & said, “It’s time to play the game.” They looked over at him, fully aware of what he meant. Two lights by a desk turned on as Alice stood with her back turned & raised her arms as she said, “Time to play the gaaaaaame!” She smirked before going, “Guguguhehehe!” Richard threw his notes to the side, Tyson & Brian moved their chairs to face the table, Amber shuffled away the cards as she laughed, then Blake sat down with the others.

He looked around as he said, “It’s all about the game.”, with Amber adding, “And how you play it.”

Brian then said, “It’s all about control-” while reaching for a headset, which Sakura quickly grabbed as she replied, “And if you can take it!”

“It’s all about your debts.” Toby said, putting on a headset. “And if you can pay it.” Tyson said, looking at Brian as he grabbed a headset.

“It’s all about pain.” Richard said, looking to the empty seat beside him, which was then filled by Alice as she responded, “And who’s gonna make it.”

Sakura turned off the stereo behind them. “So are we all ready?”

“I’ve been awaiting the time to finally play this for weeks.” Richard said.

“This is gonna be so awesome!” Toby exclaimed.

“Don’t blow a blood vessel, Toby.” Brian replied.

“We’re playing as a group, right?” Tyson asked.

“That was the idea if I recall our last discussion on it.” Blake said. “Let’s at least stick together & find out how things work first.”

They all jacked in & were taken to a character customization screen, with them taking the time to pick classes & outfits to start off with.

“So what’s everyone going with here?” Amber asked.

“Swordsman.” Blake replied.

“That’s so bland.” Sakura said.

“Your choice?”

“White mage…I mean, I figure you guys would ignore trying to keep us alive & all.”

“Hmm, I fancy myself as a sorcerer.” Richard said.

Alice sighed. “I still haven’t decided yet.”

“Perhaps you might like the Black Mage, it would certainly suit you.”

“Hmm…oh! Yeah, I could have some fun with this! Thanks, Richard.”

“Can’t decide.” Amber said. “I’m gonna go with a typical physical style build, maybe change it up later.”

“I’m gonna dual wield.” Toby said.

“Going Berserker.” Tyson said. “Dual wielding requires a lot of investment, btw, Toby.”

“I know.”

“Hold on, changing!” Amber exclaimed.

“I’m gonna be the little girl.” Brian said, which caused the others to stare at him. “Wouldn’t a Berserker class be hilarious with that model? Say, wielding a massive hammer while looking like that?”

Blake shrugged. “Whatever, man.”

“Whatever floats your boat.” Tyson said.

“You guys just don’t get it.” Brian replied.

And so, they arrived in the generic MMORPG fantasy land of Amudorfoker in the middle of a bright & busy city. There was an old man nearby wearing all purple with a book icon on his head, so Blake spoke to him. “Excuse me, is this Amudorfoker?”

“Why yes it is. Welcome, new adventurers, to our lovely town. This city is just one of the many safe havens in this world.” Blake skipped through most of the other dialogue. “To challenge the Tyrant Overlord in the Darkest Skies, you must defeat the six guardians, or were there eight? I think there were eight but two died of old age and we haven’t found the time to replace them. Your map will tell you where you can find them.”

The others were all off doing such things as looking at store inventory lists, completing the tutorials & doing side quests that didn’t require them to venture too far from the city. They all levelled up anywhere between 3-6 levels from this. Sakura & Alice were simply wearing opposite colored robes from each other, while Richard wore a purple robe & carried a red book instead of a staff. Tyson wielded a large battleaxe & merely a loincloth. Brian, deciding to play as a young girl with fox ears & tail wielding a dagger, wore red shorts, go-go boots & a unbuttoned white shirt. Amber wore a metal bikini & spiked gauntlets, along with shoulder pads & kneecaps. Blake wore a full suit of steel armor with his sword & shield, barring the helmet, while Toby wore an all black assemble & jacket. They all agreed to then meet in the middle of town & form a party to go fight the first guardian, Rockzide, in The Mines. They killed more monsters as they travelled across a few fields and approached the path which led underground to the dungeon.

They proceeded at a casual pace, using their standard attacks on the bats that attacked & normally doing their best to destroy rock statues that attempted to form & fight them. Sakura took the time to heal anyone who was hurt outside of the fights. They went below to another floor where there were dozens of large rocks covered in rare jewels all over the place, which they could collect so they did so. Crystal golems began to emerge as they progressed through the area, who couldn’t be easily stunned so they played defensively & attacked from behind when the golems weren’t focusing on them. They soon arrived at the area where the boss was said to be.

“Hope you guys are ready.” Blake said. “Apparently if you die you don’t get the experience.”

“You can just revive us if we die, right?” Amber asked, turning to Sakura.

“Actually, I won’t have enough skill points for revive until level 15.”

“I won’t be able to dual wield longswords until level 28.” Toby sighed.

“Daggers are available at level 21 if you want.” Brian replied.

“I’ll consider it.”

They entered the arena & a large round golem formed almost immediately & charged at them, flailing it’s fists about & hitting Amber while Blake & Tyson blocked. They began attacking with Brian & Toby running in from behind the golem while Richard & Alice spammed spells. Rockzide did a 360 spinning attack that knocked back Tyson & Toby, Brian backflipped away while Blake blocked again but his guard was broken from the move. Rockzide then pounded him into the ground during this period. Sakura was busy running around healing everyone when the monster targeted her. Amber quickly rushed in & stunned it briefly with a charged punch & repeated a 3-hit combo several times then dodged a ground stomp while Brian kept stabbing it in the back, Richard threw water spells at it & Alice was rapid firing dark orbs. As it stomped again, numerous rocks fell from the ceiling. As Brian dodged, Rockzide spun round & punted him across the room then fell backwards & flattened Amber.

As it got up, it grew 4 four arms & charged at Richard & Alice. Rockzide blocked the rapid attacks & shoulder tackled Richard, then hit Alice with a stomp shockwave. Toby leapt at the beast and stabbed it repeatedly in the head. Rockzide swatted him away while Blake & Tyson manoeuvred round him & attacked sparingly to buy the others time. While Rockzide focused on Blake, Tyson heavily stunned him with a charged downward smash. Just then, Richard summoned a tornado that increased the stun period while Amber, Toby & Brian rushed in & they all started attacking, managing to kill the boss just shortly after the stun period ended.

They proceeded back to town, healed up, applied skill points, and attempted to turn in a quest that had been completed at the previous dungeon but there was a 20 player line at where the quest was given to hand it in, so they decided to come back later. They separated for a while to do their own things & met back up an hour later, ready for the next area. The next location was the Gracious Garden, home to the menacing Vileflume. Entering the bright & sunny garden, they noticed cotton flowing through the air which poisoned them as it touched them.

“Oh crap! Poison!” Toby exclaimed. “What do we do?!?”

“Try relaxing.” Sakura said before removing the effect from the party.

“It would naturally wear off in like 30 seconds anyway.” Tyson commented.

“Not to mention you can negate it with a regenerating potion too.” Blake added.

The garden was filled with praying mantis’ & humanoid ladybugs that looked like women cosplayers, both of which they either overpowered or used team attacks on by deflecting their blows before striking them. Vileflume turned out to be a large piranha plant that launched several spiky vines at Sakura immediately. Blake ran up & held up his shield while some of the others ran up to the plant. As they began hacking away at the plant, it threw its head back & then spewed toxic gas that drained health faster. Tyson hit the plant with a rising strike from behind, and it retaliated by spinning round & backhanding him across the arena then began spinning its head in circles to hit Toby, Amber & Brian as they kept rolling but knocked them out the way as Vileplume charged at Blake. As Blake swung, the plant dove underground, right past him & came up beside Sakura to bite her which instantly killed her.

It then began targeting Richard as he kept backstepping while Tyson kept swinging at it.

“Guys! I’m down!” Sakura exclaimed. “Someone revive me!”

“Anyone got a revive potion?” Blake asked.

“Brian has one! Brian, hurry and revive me!”

“We’re doing fine.” Brian said as he front flipped over a swing. “We can revive you when we get back to town.”

“I know you have a potion, Brian.”

Toby got bitten & killed while Alice summoned skeletons to attack the plant as Brian talked. “They aren’t the cheap kind, they’re full heals. We shouldn’t waste them, there might be a time when we’ll need them.”

“You’ve got 11 of the damn things!”

“And we might need them all against hard bosses.”

“Dude, just revive her so she can heal us.” Tyson said while landing several more hits.

“Yeah, I know we’re demons & all but don’t be a dick.” Amber added, while doing uppercuts & downward kicks.

“Fine.” Brian sighed & threw the potion on her. Then used another on Toby before running back to back up the others. The boss was killed rather quickly afterwards with everyone still up. They retreated back to town & did all sorts of basic stuff before deciding to continue another day.

The very next day, they were arriving at the Demon Lord clubhouse & taking their seats while Amber was busy staring outside the window.

“You alright?” Brian asked.

“Uhh, yeah, but there’s someone wandering around dressed like Ivy.”

“Dressed like her or is her?”

“My eyes work fine, whatever, let’s start.”

As they got back into the game most of them were wearing different armor. Blake had discarded the heavy armor & had more lean material along with a large broadsword. Tyson wore bulky stone armor & a battleaxe that resonated with dark blue energy. Brian had simply changed his weapon & was carrying a black Bo staff with gold tips. Sakura now wore a red scarf, gloves & trainers over an all black assemble along with a black cloak. Amber wore full body armor shaped like a charred skeleton with Cerberus shaped gauntlets. Richard had a red cape with a long sleeved white shirt & black pants, though Toby & Alice remained the same aside from getting better weapons.

“Seems we’ve all been a little busy.” Richard said, looking around.

“I did a lot of grinding last night so I can finally dual wield now.” Toby replied.

“Did healing get too boring?” Alice asked, turning to Sakura.

“No, I still heal. It’s just I can actually inflict good damage now.” she responded. “Before I had a hard time going beyond single digits.”

“You’re using the daggers, right? Those are good for criticals.” Brian commented.

“Then why did you change?”

“Well this one monster dropped this staff, which got a 25% chance to stun enemies when I upgraded it a few levels. It’s surprisingly good.”

“Nice looking armor.” Tyson commented as he turned to Amber.

“Thanks, eventually got the whole set from killing these rare black skeleton spawns near this graveyard place.”

They moved on, ignoring a guild that were picking on some players down an alley, and also outright ignoring a few players that challenged them outside the town as they went to the Tropical Islands to face the Swim Bros.

There were numerous small islands that they ran through, beating up monkeys in the trees, even going as far as to knock them down, shooting down packs of seagulls, occasionally encountering giant crabs that had weak points on their lower back which they regularly targeted for massive damage. They also had to jump in a boat numerous times to take them from one island to the next, and during this point they were regularly attacked by lobsters, whales & piranha, with a rare dolphin spawn popping up twice. On one of the last islands, two strange animals that looked like a red colored cross between a Peacock & Dodo bird attacked the group. As they defeated the birds, Sakura chose to ride one while Alice took the other.

After a short while of running through more monsters easily, Sakura pet the bird. “I think I might keep this.”

“Isn’t it a stage only creature?” Alice asked.

“I hope not.” Brian said. “I like how it talks.”

“Shet!” The bird exclaimed.

“I can see why you would.” Sakura replied. “I’m gonna call him Cheep-Cheep, or Che for short.”

“Shet!”

“He doesn’t seem fond of the name.” Richard commented.

“Yeah, yeah, very funny.”

They finally made it to the boss & brought the birds along. It was a circular surface that they were required to fight with small stone pillars around the area & nothing but water outside of that. Two sharks, being black & blue with boxing gloves & spiked boots, arose from the ocean & landed on two pillars. They hopped around while the group also did so, destroying some of the pillars as they missed many of their attacks. One shark hit Tyson with a typhoon punch, knocking off nearly half his life with a single blow. Alice hopped about on her bird firing dark magic but was knocked back onto the center platform as the shark headbutt the bird.

“Shet!” The bird exclaimed.

“You said it.” Tyson replied.

Alice got off the bird & was busy attempting to do something before she let it go. Sakura took a few moments to place the bird back on the boat before running back to start healing. Richard was able to easily target the sharks while they were busy evading & attacking the rest of the group. Blake leapt at the blue shark & blocked a heavy blow with his sword. During the recovery animation, he swung twice, staggering the shark with the second hit. He whistled to the others as he got two more hits in, with Brian & Sakura quickly jumping over to repeating stun & land criticals on the shark, but it soon broke free as it bit through the three of them, nearly killing them. Tyson jumped & spun like a ball as he attacked with his axe, making use of invincibility frames with rapid attacks.

Amber was busy cancelling out & rivalling the sharks punches with her own after drinking a strength potion, while Toby attacked with his dual blades as it was focused on Amber, occasionally stunning it. The sharks summoned mooks to aid them as they sped up & began to get the drop on them with swift strikes. As the black shark sent Blake flying with an uppercut, he recovered & landed beside Alice. “Seems we came here a little too early. We might not be ready for them.”

Alice sighed. “I wanted to save this for another time but I guess I’ll have to do my share of the work.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The reason I chose this class. Time to test it out.” Alice charged up & caused the ground to shake somewhat as she began to slowly grow taller & far bulkier as well as her tail while she unequipped her current costume & quick selected other parts while forming a dark purple aura & lost her pupils. She had on a spiked black choker, as well as the same pattern around her arms & knees, she wore a spiked black thong & light black armor that covered her top half torso. She took a deep breath as chuckled, her voice was also far deeper. “That’s better. Sit tight, he’s mine!” She leapt at the shark Amber & Toby were targeting. As it was about to punch them, she grabbed it by the face as she flew past, ramming it into a mountain wall & wailing on it before hammering it into the sea & jumping off the wall to get back to the platform. Richard added a lightning enchantment to her attacks as she returned.

Tyson, who was busy fighting the other shark, backed up right before Alice hit the shark with a downward punch. Brian ground-bounced the shark & the other two wailed on it while Sakura stabbed it repeatedly in its head. Tyson got the last hit by cutting its head off at some point during the long combo. Just then the previous shark came back & did a charged bite attack that Alice tanked then shoved her palm through its chest & fired a beam through the shark.

As they proceeded to the next one, Richard said, “I see you noticed that skill, I figured you would. It suits your style just fine, doesn’t it?”

“Indeed. Once again I must thank you.” Alice looked at Toby who seemed nervous. “Hmm? You’re not scared of me, are you, Toby?”

“No, just, uhh, surprised. Are you going to stay like that?”

“It can only last a few minutes at a time right now, so it’ll wear off shortly.”

“So there’s a skill that makes you 7 feet tall & a dedicated bodybuilder?” Amber asked.

“It’s a transformation skill. It increases all stats by 40% for 3 minutes, then lowers them by that much for 5 minutes.”

“So it’s mainly for boss fights, gotcha.”

“Now that we’re all informed, let’s move on to the next one.” Brake said.

Sakura whistled for Cheep-Cheep & hopped on its back, preferring to ride the bird to the next area.

“You still have that thing?” Tyson asked.

“Of course! I couldn’t leave him, plus he moves pretty fast.” Sakura fed the bird something. “Gas him up with the greens & watch him go.” She said as they took off. “Stand back, stand clear as he puts on a show.”

“So cute yet fierce, is it from hell?” Amber asked.

“I cannot tell yet I don’t even want to know.” Blake replied.

They arrived shortly at the Ogre Village & saw some people being carried out on stretchers as they went in. As said previously, they mainly ran across fields & through crowded villages of average sized orcs wearing armor as they carried, bombs, spears, clubs & swords, while occasionally encountering 20 foot orcs that simply used their fists. After a while of fighting through several orcs villages & then dealing with orcs riding horses out in a field, they made it to a massive coliseum that happened to be there. As they entered, the gates shut & soon enough orcs of all kinds began to charge in from every direction.

Blake charged his sword & with a swing launched a transparent wave of energy that hit a group & sent them flying. Richard called forth a lightning storm to fry the couple Blake had just hit. Tyson was currently beating up the larger orcs & did several 360 spins as he went through the crowds, while Brian stunned ones which weren’t focusing on him & used multi-hit moves with his staff to take them out quick. Toby & Sakura leaped across the field continuously, stopping to land a few attacks before moving on to another enemy. Amber was knocking out any nearby with 3 punch combos then pounding the ground when surrounded to hurt them. Alice had already activated her transformation, where upon she was knocking any orcs in her sight into the walls of the coliseum. After a while of this, a 50 foot titan orc, wielding a metal spiked club climbed over the wall & entered the arena. Brian continued inflicting multi-hits while repeatedly stunning when the Titan Orc ran at him & swung. Brian quickly moved behind the enemy & finished it off quickly then backed off as more mooks assisted the boss. Richard dropped a bunch of fireballs on the group, then blocked a sword swing from behind him, covered his hand in blue energy & stabbed the orc.

Tyson threw his battleaxe across the arena at the Titan Orc, then ran up & punched him, taking back his weapon while doing so. While the two duked it out, Amber & Alice kept killing mooks that tried to intervene & Sakura threw a bomb of her own at a group of orcs that had shown up with their own, blowing them all up. Blake knocked another group of mooks into the sky again, just as Toby was passing by as he ran along the top of the coliseum, chopping limbs off orcs that tried to climb into the arena as he ran around. He leapt across the flying bodies before diving towards the Titan Orc & slashing it at the back of its neck, with so much force he bounced off from the impact. Tyson landed several more hits before being knocked aside. Toby & Sakura met up & nodded as they made a mad dash towards the boss, cutting down any mobs that got in their way while they threw strength, defense, speed & regeneration potions at each other. They both ran up a different leg, repeatedly slashing at the beast while doing so. They dodged as it attempted to swat them. Toby attacked its back then jumped away as it reached around to grab him. Sakura repeatedly stabbed his front, then pulled out a bow as the other hand tried to grab her, pierced its hand with an arrow & swung under it before throwing a bomb at its head. While it was somewhat staggered Toby attacked its neck again & Sakura stabbed it in the head. They jumped off as it fell down & ran as it quickly got up to try & squash them.

They ran back up its body & did the same, occasionally taking hits but throwing potions at each other to keep going. The Orc soon punched Sakura into the coliseum stands but she dodged a second punch that came afterwards. The Orc spun round to see Toby leaping towards him & simply ate him. Though moments later the Orc felt terrible pain & shortly after Toby cut through its stomach open & jumped out, covered in blood. As the boss died, all the mooks began to leave.

“That was awesome!” Toby raised his hand towards Sakura, waiting for a high-five, which she reluctantly gave him. “We were totally in sync there!”

“It’s as if she made her current build to specifically work well with yours.” Richard commented.

“I just liked this kind of class, okay?” Sakura replied.

And so they moved on to Dere Farm, which was a castle so it should have really been called the Tower of Dere. They ran through the dingy floors, massacring midget manikins dressed in white sailor fukus with only different hairstyles to tell them apart. They eventually got lost in the maze-like area as many of the locations looked the same, and they eventually started running from the manikins as they grew in number. As they made it to an outside balcony in-between two of the towers, they opened the door to the second tower & dozens of manikins came charging at them from several directions so they spun round and ran as Toby yelled, “Watch out! Recolors!”

“Hey, Tyson.” Brian began.

“What’s up, man?”

“I was just thinking, say some chick was in a intimate relationship for some time with another dude, and she sucked his dick & all. If you hook up with this chick & kiss her, technically your lips have touched some other dude’s dick, right?”

“Oh shit, man. I never thought about it like that.”

“I know, it amazed me too.”

“You guys talk about the weirdest shit.” Blake commented.

After a few more minutes of running around, finding an alternate way into the second tower & killing some more manikins down some hallways, they reached the boss area. As they dropped into the area, an 8 foot manikin with a black sailor fuku, short black hair & glasses, emerged from ahead. She was carrying a staff and her attacks mainly consisted of throwing AoE spells & rapid fire magic bullets. The eight of them didn’t have much trouble blocking or dodging her attacks as they chased her while she kept backing away. After getting backed into a corner & beaten down quickly, three other tall manikins entered the room. The first had red hair tied into pigtails and wielded a large hammer, the second had long pink hair with ribbons on the side & wielded a large butcher knife, and the third had long silver hair & wielded a spear.

Red ran forward & swung her hammer, others rolled while Brian & Blake backed up then went in to attack. Red did a second swing a moment later, knocking them both down. Amber was busy punching Pink, rolled through a forward thrust & hit her with a grand upper. Sakura was firing arrows from afar, then repeatedly backflipped as Silver kept trying to stab her with her spear, who then did a 360 spin to knock back Toby, who jumped above it & slashed her head several times. Alice charged in & grounded her with a punch, followed by a knee to the gut while Richard fired lightning bolts. The three manikins soon joined hands & spun 360 degrees numerous times as they moved towards them, knocking several of them down. Silver eventually died to Brian’s multi-hit strings while flash stepping between her strikes & continuing his combo. Red & Pink swung their weapons together at Blake, who flipped sideways in-between the two & unleashed a charged strike while Tyson & Toby rushed in to kill Pink within moments, then they all ganged up on Red.

They called it a rest for the day & all logged out shortly after. The next morning, they all rushed into their clubhouse again while Amber was staring out the window. “Now there’s some chick dressed like Poison, not sure what the hell’s going on out there…”

She quickly sat down with the others & they logged in. After arriving in the game, they had received a letter telling them the whereabouts of the final boss.

“So what about the other bosses?” Toby asked.

“I say we go fight this guy.” Tyson replied. “They wouldn’t let us know where he is if we weren’t strong enough to beat him.”

“I too am eager to visit this tyrant.” Richard said.

The rest eventually came around to the idea & so they travelled to go fight the boss, who resided at a church. They oddly didn’t have to fight through hordes of mooks to walk in. At the end of the church by the alter was the old man wearing all purple who turned around & announced he was the final boss, which made them gasp.

“Wait, who are you again?” Alice asked.

“I’m the tutorial guy.”

“Ahh, now it makes total sense.” Richard nodded.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-WXECnUVqc

“You’ve all done well to make it this far.” The church started rising into the sky. “Now, prepare yourselves!” His five health bars began to fill quickly. They charged at him, firing all kinds of projectiles while he fired them back as he effortlessly avoided them. After Tyson & Alice got through the barrage & hit him a few times, he began to leave afterimages as he flew around the arena, with the eight of them trying to land hits while remaining evasive & dodging the laser beams & projectiles he fired. After a bit, he came rushing towards the ground & with a wave of his hand launched 5 large fireballs that exploded as they hit the ground, killing Amber & Tyson, then moved away. Sakura ran up to revive them, but as the man threw more fireballs she was killed as well. The man zigzagged around while Blake, Alice, Richard, Brian & Toby occasionally landed hits when he wasn’t incorporeal. Shortly after the others were revived, Alice managed to somehow grab him & hit him with a german suplex, forcing him into his second phase.

The man split into eight copies, with them all wielding a replica of one of the eight. Blake & his counterpart both fired a charged wave from their swords before clashing, while Tyson hit his with a mid-air spinning ground pound, then knocked him into a wall with a swing. Alice & her counterpart traded blows, not bothering to block or dodge, then after kneeing him the stomach, picked him up & slammed him through the floor. Sakura & her counterpart ran around the lower area, firing arrows at each other as they passed by pillars, then hopped off them & fought with daggers in mid-air as they passed by each other. Sakura threw several bombs & tried to strike while he couldn’t see her but he ducked & swung at her, an attack that she blocked before cutting his throat. Brian and his counterpart were spinning their staffs & blocking each others moves while repeatedly flash stepping around each other before Brian eventually managed to shove his staff up his ass. Toby & his counterpart were flying all over the room, slashing at each other & defying gravity, as well as doing so while running along walls. Richard formed a shield around him as he & his counterpart spammed projectiles. Amber & her counterpart were also trading punches & firing projectiles from their weapons to catch each other off guard. They soon defeated the eight and thought it was over but the old man scoffed at them.

“This is far from over, you truly think you’ve beaten me? This isn’t even my final form.” And so the man ripped out of his clothes & became a sky blue dragon. As they attempted to hack away at the beast, it tried to stomp & bite them while remaining unflinchable from their attacks. Most of its attacks outright killed whoever it hit, and usually at least two people were hit whenever it began firing large AoE fireballs & breathing fire. Richard, noticing certain spots that the fire couldn’t reach, stood there while chucking lightning bolts. Though they kept trying to revive each other, they were dropping almost as fast & eventually died due to not inflicting enough damage.

And so they stopped for the moment, and spent the night grinding another 10+ levels and respec’d to become wizards like Richard. Amber was watching the two dressed like Ivy & Poison argue outside their window, but ignored it & sat down with the other demons. The first phase went by almost as fast, then they mainly copied Richard during the second phase. Once the old man became a dragon, they all stood in different corners of the building where the flame couldn’t hit them & chucked lightning spears all day, which was super effective. Even when someone died they were quickly revived before the dragon could run through the rest of them. After a while, they eventually managed to kill the dragon, which exploded as it died.

“Why did it explode?” Toby asked, which was then ignored.

“We did it!” Sakura pumped her fist.

“Nice work, everyone.” Blake said.

“What we did was a little cheesy though.” Amber commented.

“Who cares if it was cheap, a win is a win.” Tyson replied.

“Yep, shouldn’t be in the game if they didn’t want you to use it.” Brian added.

“A shame I had to discard my wonderful image to focus on magic.” Alice sighed.

“Oh, Toby, would you mind remembering to remind me of something later?” Richard asked.

“I don’t know, I have a hard time remembering more than multiple things at once.”

“Like a Pokemon.” Amber replied.

“No, memorizing more than like 5 things just becomes hard after a while.”

“Like a Pokemon.”

“I’m not a-” Alice threw a metal ball at his head. “Oww! That’s not funny!”

“I thought if the rumor was true that I could catch a Toby. How depressing…” Alice sighed.

“You’re doing it wrong, Alice.” Amber began. “You gotta weaken the Pokemon first, remember?”

“Ahh, of course, how silly of me.”

“Let me help you with this.”

Toby ran as the two chased him, Sakura followed as she yelled, “H-hey! Toby is my Pokemon!”

“I’m not a Pokemon!” He exclaimed.

“So I believe we’re done here.” Blake said.

“What about those other bosses?” Brian asked.

“Maybe in the future.”

As they soon exited the game world, Amber looked outside to see the two dressed as Ivy & Poison now making out. “This is still confusing.”

“So does anyone wanna play Monopoly?” Alice asked.

“Not if you still value your friendships.” Richard replied.

“I’m up for Mawio Kart.” Tyson said, the others were fine with this.

“Make sure to steer clear of Alice, guys. She gets awfully cranky about this.” Blake said.

“That was a long time ago.”

“It was last month.”

“I’m a sensible person now, I don’t take the game so seriously.”

In less than half an hour, Alice was attempting to stab Toby for hitting her in mid-air with a red shell. Some things never change.

It was really long so I'll post the last part next week.

The following is a non-profit fan based parody. Many things that’ll be brought up are owned by companies I can’t be bothered to look up. Please support the official release.
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TMEDCE: Only Vixen Attention

It was a blah day on blah blah. Blah blah blah. A UFO flew towards Ivy’s current location & landed. A stereotypical butler stepped out & ran the doorbell, who was then greeted by Poison. “Can I help you?”

“Yes, pardon me but I’m for a certain individual by the name of Poison Ivy.”

“Hold on.” Poison sighed then yelled, “Ivy, what did you do this time?”

“Why would you automatically assume I did something bad?” She yelled back.

“Is that a rhetorical question?”

“So what’s the problem?” Ivy asked, coming to the door.

Moving along, Ivy & Poison, accompanied by Goldia, got onto the UFO & they then took off into space. The butler introduced them to a boy & girl abroad the UFO. The boy wore an open green denim jacket with a plain white shirt & shorts. He also had spiky black hair & wore a ‘Top Lel’ cap with enough space to have his hair protrude from the back. The girl wore a black & blue german girl themed costume, with blonde drill hair and freckles.

“Hey there.” The guy said as he bowed. “My name is Meingar, and this here is Annie-May.”

“Please call me Annie.” She curtsied.

“Oh, hey. I’m-” Ivy began.

“No need, we know you guys already.”

“Huh. So why are we here again?” Poison asked.

“Well your ratings haven’t been very good.” Meingar replied.

“The show kinda sucks now.” Annie added.

“What show is this?” Ivy asked.

“Let’s not beat around the bush now. Views have dropped ever since you got older.”

“How peculiar.” Goldia said.

“No-one wants to watch a show about old fogies.” Annie added.

“How old are you anyway?” Poison asked.

“You shouldn’t ask a woman her age, silly.”

“Anyway,” Meingar began, “We need to change things and get views up.”

“Fuck those guys.” Ivy replied. “If they were unwilling to stick around than they clearly had bad taste.”

“That’s true but we still need the views.”

“Now Mein, do you mind if I call you Mein?” Poison asked.

“I do, actually.”

“Alright, Mein. So what do you have in mind anyway?”

“Okay, check it. There’s this boy and he goes to a high school-”

Goldia raised her hand. “Is he an ordinary high school student?”

“As ordinary as can be. One day he gets these special powers just because then an alien who looks like a normal girl falls out of the sky & lands on him. She warns him that an evil generically evil alien warlord is coming to enslave the planet & now he needs to fight off defeat these invaders.”

Goldia raised her hand again. “Is the alien warlord a woman?”

“Obviously, no reason not to make her one.”

“So do you guys have actors prepared or something?” Ivy asked.

“We’re gonna make use of the people already on the show.” Annie replied. “We’re almost at the studio so we should use the teleporter to bring everyone here.”

Goldia raised her hand. “If you can just casually teleport people here why d-”

“Shut up.”

“…Okay.”

The UFO flew through a purplefied lightning storm planet & arrived at a massive studio set. After having gathered a whole bunch of people from numerous planets they explained what was going on while everyone went about their business & explored the area.

“Okay, Harry, you’ll be the protagonist.” Mein said.

“Not that I mind, but why me?”

“Dunno, you just seem like a natural harem protagonist to me.”

“Wow, that wasn’t harsh or anything.”

“That was a compliment, dude.”

“I’m not so sure.”

“Why exactly aren’t we making another show with me as the main character?” Ivy asked.

“You sure you’re the main character?”

“Didn’t you say you saw the show? Of course I am!”

Annie turned to Poison. “You’re not the main character?”

“Well I’m a main character, just not technically the main character.”

Annie turned to Ruby. “I thought you’d be more likely as the main character.”

“I should be but sadly I’m not.”

“What about that Damien guy? Would that-”

“Enough!” Ivy interrupted her. “I’m not some stupid little sister, some insignificant girlfriend, ditzy side character or some crappy cameo. I’m the main character! Numero uno! Get your info straight, people!”

“But aren’t you the bad guy?” Mein asked.

“You’ve never heard of a villain protagonist?”

“Not to mentioning being on the bad side allows you to do questionable things & get away with it.” Poison said.

“Also Ivy manages to maintain popularity from the audience by being cartoonishly evil instead of being serious about it." Goldia said. "It also allows her to look less evil in comparison to other more pressing threats & gain more support from fans as the underdog, by seeming different from people like Damien."

“I’m really not that evil.” Damien replied as he approached them, while Annie left.

“I thought I was the underdog?” Ruby asked.

“Only normally.” Ivy replied. “A villain protagonist role is also appealing because I like acting like a Saturday morning cartoon villain.”

“I also like being a super heroine.”

“Even though you guys seem to destroy so many things.” Gary began as he walked over. “The only thing that seems to get beat up when you two go at it is the environment. Do you guys just stop caring about what’s around you, or do you go out of your way to destroy whatever you can get your hands on?”

“Both.” Ivy shrugged.

“What’s your excuse?” Gary asked, turning to Ruby.

“Uhh…she started it?”

“And you call yourself a heroine…”

“Sorry to interrupt your long conversation but I’d like to start this fantasy anime.” Mein said.

“Hold on!” Annie ran back over. “We can save a lot of money by just making a generic high school harem comedy instead!”

“But I wanted my aliens…”

“Screw that! At least this way we’re guaranteed to not lose too much money if it flops.”

“Is this really necessary?” Ivy asked.

“YES! WE NEED TO CUT AS MUCH CORNERS AS WE CAN TO SAVE MONEY BECAUSE THIS MEDIUM IS A DYING ONE! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.”

“Alright, just calm down.”

“NO, YOU CALM DOWN. Okay, let’s start, everyone in positions.”

“This situation feels familiar for some odd reason…”

In a average bedroom, Ruby walked into the room wearing a bland white & green sailor fuku as she cried, “Onii-chan! Wake up or you’re going to be late!” She tried to shake him awake to no avail, so she climbed onto a bookcase & hit him with a five star frog splash. Poison bolted upright from the impact into her cleavage. “Kyaa!” Ruby exclaimed woodenly as she punched him through a wall & covered her chest. “baka onii-chan…”

“Add in a blush later on.” Mein said to a producer off the set.

Ruby ran out the house with a big loaf of bread in her mouth. Poison followed shortly after as he ran to school while monologuing. “My name is Johnson Harry & I’m an ordinary high school 2nd year student. I’m looking forward to this year & hope I have a normal life with everything going perfect.” As he turned a corner, he bumped into Ivy who wore the same uniform, and by bumped I mean she tackled him. They spun 180 degrees in the air so she could land ass-to-mouth on top of him.

“Why you no good pervert!” She got up & tried to stomp on his face but missed as he rolled & had her foot go through the floor.

“What the hell?! You were seriously trying to hurt me there!” Poison exclaimed.

“Urusai, baka!” Ivy punched through a wall as he moved out the way.

“Hey, Harry, you gotta stop moving, man.” Mein said.

“Yeah, Harry-kun, take your beating.” Ivy added.

“Not on my birthday, and not today.”

She tripped her as she swung at him, revealing her heart laced panties. “Kyaa!” Ivy exclaimed, covering herself as she got up. “You jerk! You’ll pay for that!” She said before running off.

“Is that in the script?” Goldia asked, while Mein & Annie shrugged.

When Poison got to school, he quickly took his seat at the back of the room just behind Leo beside the window while Nookie, as the teacher, wasn‘t saying much of importance.

“Hey, Harry.” Leo began. “I heard some guy made a new peephole to spy on the girls changing rooms. Wanna check it out?”

“While I’m interested I can’t technically be too interested, so no thanks.” Poison then glanced at Annie-May across the room, now wearing a school uniform too. All the mannequins stared in amazement as she walked past & took a seat.

“Ahh, Annie-May." Leo began. "The one girl voted most beautiful in the class & your stereotypical dream girl. She’s kind, innocent and has a maxed out cooking stat, she’ll make a great housewife one day.”

“Hmph!” Daisy muttered, sitting beside Leo while eating caeki. “I’m more beautiful than her, isn’t that right, my childhood friend, Harry-kun?”

“You’d be much cuter if you stuffed your face less.”

Daisy blushed. “O-okay, I’ll go on a diet.”

As Poison stared out the window, Katie suddenly climbed in from outside, her shirt so drenched in sweat that you could see her blue bra, and shoved her cleavage into his face. “Oh, morning, Harry-kun.”

“Don’t ’morning’ me! Get those smelly things out of my face!”

“Tee-hee! Sorry about that!” She fully climbed in & sat beside him.

“I wish you would act like a normal girl, you’d be much cuter that way.”

She blushed. “If that’s what you want, Harry-kun…”

Amber suddenly showed up in a basketball uniform & waved while dribbling the ball. “Yo! I got a basketball game to practice for next week, care for a little 1v1 later?”

“I thought you were a cheerleader?” Poison asked.

“I’m both. So can you help me?”

“Alright, I’m always ready to help a girl in need.”

“That’s not sarcasm or roleplaying either.” Goldia said from offscreen.

At the front of the classroom, Brian, wearing a Velociraptor suit, decided to translate for Nookie. “Please take your seats, class. I know this is sudden, but I’d like to introduce a new transfer student who’ll be joining our class.”

“This is the third one this week!” A student responded.

“The school is surprisingly lax about this sort of thing. Anyway, please come in, young lady.”

The door slid open then Ivy entered in slow-motion and sparkles filled the air as she got the attention of everyone in the room. She stood by the desk & turned to the class. “My name is McBadass Ivy. Nice to meet you, I guess.”

There were all kinds of loud gossipers saying such things as, “Isn’t she the principal’s great-great granddaughter?”, “Her breasts look amazing!”, and, “She’s even more beautiful than Annie-May!”

“W-what! That’s so not true!” Annie yelled, slamming her desk.

“Annie, that’s not in the script.” Mein replied.

“It’s bullshit is what it is!”

“Don’t hate on perfection.” Ivy responded.

“You obnoxious bitch!”

Several people held Annie back from her attempted assault, and they finally got back on track minutes later.

“Oh, crap, it’s her!” Poison said, trying to hide beneath his desk.

As Ivy walked down the rows to find a seat, she noticed him. “You! You’re that pervert from this morning!”

“That wasn’t my fault, it was an accident!”

“Urusai! You saw my panties & touched my butt!”

All the boys were filled with a murderous rage from knowing this.

“H-hold on, guys! It’s not what you think!”

“On my planet, we can’t allow other guys besides ourselves to engage in perverse acts & let them get away with it!” Leo exclaimed.

“That’s not in the script either.” Mein commented.

They then tried to beat Poison up so he ran out the classroom & eventually ran into Rosie with them both doing a 180 degree turn so she was on top with her breasts in his face. She sighed & got off him. “Why must you always get into these kinds of positions?”

“Sorry, student council president.”

“You should stop running in the hall, and improve your attendance, and you need to join a club.”

“Yes, prez. I’ll join the astronomy club.”

And so he did, and conveniently all the girls earlier on that day had done so too, but the club could only have 7 members so Leo couldn’t join. Poison bumped into Ivy on the way in & landed on top of her with his hands on her chest. He squeezed it multiple times before she punched him through the roof as she yelled, “Pervert!”

A minute later he came back & noticed Amber. “I thought you were on the basketball team & the cheerleading team?”

“I had some time to spare so I figured I’d join this club too.”

Poison sat down beside Annie-May & they smiled at each other.

“And that’s a rap!” Annie suddenly yelled. “Next up is the beach episode!”

“It’s only the second episode!” Poison exclaimed.

“We should stop.” Mein said. “This kinda sucks, let’s do something else.”

“Oh fine, just don’t pick something dumb.”

“I’m kinda surprised you didn’t play the imouto, honestly.” Poison said.

“Oh my! We only just recently met & you’re already hitting on me, you sly dog.”

“I simply thought you had a really youthful appearance that fit.”

“I can appear even younger if that’s what you wish.”

“I’m gonna stop now.”

“Let’s go the magical girl route!” Mein exclaimed, pointing to the sky, then handed out costumes. “I got it all ready, let’s start.”

Ruby’s outfit was a pink & white dress sleeveless dress with exposed cleavage, a really short lace skirt, and the middle half partially missing to show off her midriff. “Uhh, is this really my outfit?”

“It’s lovely, isn’t it?” Mein replied.

“It’s a little too revealing, isn’t it?”

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it quickly."

“But-”

“It looks great. Okay, showtime, people!”

“W-wait-”

Ruby woke up in a bright colourful bedroom as her alarm went off. Though still sleepy she slowly got out of bed to turn it off, wearing pink bear pajamas. “Man, I had some strange dream I found this hurt animal in some forest, weird. Oh well.” She then went into the shower as a voiceover spoke. “My name is Clear Ruby. I’m a third grader at Ovary elementary (?), a private school. In this household, I’m the youngest of three children. Though you will not see them because I’m late for school supposedly.”

After getting fully dressed, she ran past Crystal & two mannequin parents as she said, “Bye.” On her way there, she causally said, “I’m gonna take this route through a forest for a change.” There she found Nookie, appearing to be injured and carried-

“Hold on. Does it have to be…him?” Ruby asked.

“What do you mean?” Annie asked.

“Couldn’t it be like a ferret or a cat?”

“Nookie is cuter than any stupid rodents like that!” Ivy exclaimed.

“Whatever, I feel uncomfortable.”

“Nookie isn’t a bad person, it’ll be fine.” Annie replied.

“Oh fine.”

“Oh, and Annie,” Mein began. “Why are you rushing through these points?”

“The beginning parts are boring, obviously, I wanna get to the action quick.”

“But the buildup makes those parts more worthwhile.”

She laughed. “That’s stupid, Meingar, you’re stupid.”

In a room nearby, Lolita & her friends were sitting round a table playing cards when Ivy’s ship suddenly crashed through a wall nearby & a younger looking Ivy got out. The others ignored this.

"So I've made a lot of money streaming recently." Pandora randomly said.

"Is that so?" Ricky replied.

"Legions under Lawyers."

"Why didn't you say earlier?" Marie responded. "What class you play?"

"I barely play the game, really."

"But you-"

"I just wear a low cut top that shows off plenty of my cleavage & make it the vocal point of my camera. After that it doesn't seem to matter what I'm doing or if I'm even playing the game. The donations come pouring in."

"Oh wow."

"It's so simple too. Even if you haven't got big breasts you can always wear a push up bra."

"You're a horrible person." Ricky shook his head.

"You're just jealous you can't do it."

"...You're right, maybe I'll get implants."

"Please don't." Pandora, Marie & Lolita listening in said in unison.

Back on set, Ruby reluctantly took Nookie to see Dawn who was eating a kebab & didn’t look interested at all in this role. “Well it should be better given some time. It was carrying this red jewel but that doesn’t seem important. You should let it rest, feel free to come back tomorrow.”

“’Kay.”

She went home & asked if she could keep the pet, with Crystal being too busy on her phone to care & the mannequin parents being fine with it.

While getting ready for bed in her room, Nookie communicated to her telepathically, “Blah blah blah, blah blah blah!” Ruby gasped, realizing he was in trouble & jumped out the window towards his location.

Nookie was being attacked by Tyson in a bear costume when Ruby arrived & picked Nookie up using her powers because she didn’t want to physically to touch him, then ran. A voiceover of Nookie then spoke. “Thanks for helping me earlier, I came from another planet to accomplish something I won’t explain until another episode or two. But I’m going to need your help, use this red jewel I’m wearing to become a magical girl.”

“Well alright.”

Ruby signed a few contracts before she was finally given the jewel. “Back on my planet, you now just say these words.” Nookie handed her a piece of paper.

“I am the one who has been given a mission. Under the contract, release those powers. Winds to the yadda yadda yadda, make me a magical girl!” Ruby pointed up for a few moments. “Umm, will I get a transformation sequence?”

“Nah, too pricey.” Annie replied.

“Hold on, it would seem better to just make one then use it as stock footage every time.” Mein said.

“Okay, we’ll add it in later.” Annie said as the younger Ivy entered the room & stood beside the two.

The bear charged at Ruby shortly after getting into her costume. She quickly spun round & pointed her staff at it as she said, “Raging Heart, wrap it up!” And then the bear was covered in wrapping paper for several more months. “Yay! I did it!”

“Not so fast!” Ivy suddenly appeared atop a skyscraper wearing what was basically a black leotard with a bunch of belts on it & a cape. “I, your rival, have made my grand entrance to beat the hell out of you!”

“Bring it! I may be an innocent starter, but as the heroine of justice, I will end you in the name of the moon!”

As the two charged at each other, Gary appeared nearby wearing a tuxedo, black top hat & a mask that only covered his eyes while holding a rose. “Remember, Sailor Sun, use the force!”

“What the hell is going on!” Meingar yelled. “You guys are mixing things up, saying the wrong lines & rushing way too fast! Everyone stop!”

“No! Let them continue!” Anime replied. “It’s getting good!”

“But they’ll destroy the set!”

“Excuse me.” The younger Ivy tugged at his shirt.

“And why is there another Ivy here all of a sudden?!?”

Ivy & Ruby stopped fighting for a moment to look, then separated. “Ahh, it’s slowly coming back a little.”

“I assume you know why I’m here.” She said.

“Not entirely.”

“Isn’t it obvious? I need to know, when do I get…that kind of body...”

Ivy shrugged. “I forget.”

“Blasphemy! How can you forget something so important?! An aspect so urgent?!”

“It didn’t end up seeming that important after all. Just wait, you’ll know in time.”

“But I wanna know right now! Tell me already!”

Ivy sighed. “I forgot how bratty I used to be…”

“Used to?” Poison remarked, before getting a chair thrown at him.

“Look, I’ll try to remember, just wait a while. Was crashing in here with the ship necessary?”

“I came to this time in the ship. Obviously my planet wasn't going to be in the same spot when I arrived, duh! So I needed the ship just in case."

"My younger self is treating me like an idiot. I really needed this..."

"What’s even going on here anyway?”

“Your show’s starting to suck so we’re making new ones.” Annie replied.

“We should cut this one loose, I’ve got a better idea.” Mein said. “Get those five little girls so we can start.”

Two astronauts on Mars foolishly removed the lid blocking a pipe they found. The younger Ivy, wearing a big brown robe & a crystal horned helmet, emerged & stretched before blasting them to bits. Goldia, Nookie and Poison showed up shortly before she said, “Ahh! After ten thousand years I’m free!” She pointed to a planet in the background as she said, “It’s time to conquer Earth!”

As an earthquake happened, in a big computer room elsewhere, Dwanye’s head appeared on a projector at the front of the room as he said to Toby dressed as a robot, “Beta, Ruto’s escaped. Recruit 5 overly stereotypical & disturbingly sexualized middle school girls with moeattude.”

At St. Rose Academy, two young girls with red & green hair respectively by the name of Tsundere-chan & Kuudere-chan were sparing in the middle of gym class although it looked like ballet. T-chan knocked K-chan down & extended her hand to help her up.

“You’ve gotten even better recently, Tsun.”

“I-It’s not like I’ve been practicing hard or anything, you’re just rusty, is all.”

“That’s true too.” The bell suddenly rang. “Guess we’d better go meet the others.”

A girl with blue hair was chasing a boy through the hallways, who then jumped out a window to avoid her. Another girl with blonde hair ran over yelling, “Wait up, Yandere-chan!” Before tripping.

“You’re too slow, Dojikko-chan.”

“Sorry…”

Tsun & Kuu then approached them in their color coded uniforms.

“I assume Yan is trying to latch onto someone again.” Kuu said.

“You just don’t understand love, Kuu.” she replied.

“So where is Gan?” Tsun asked.

“She said she was going to ‘Shoot up some fools.’” Dojikko responded.

Right on que, a bunch of gunshots were heard outside & then a black girl jumped through a window near them. “Oh, hey guys.” She said, brushing off the glass.

“Trouble again?” Tsun asked.

“Nah, it’s cool.”

They proceeded to the cafeteria for some meatloaf & caeki when two bullies, Undead Rainbow & another girl with black hair in a ponytail & an eye patch approached them.

“Hey nerds, enjoying your food, huh?” Rainbow asked.

“You can have my meatloaf.” Gan said.

“Yeah, it’s gross.” Yan added.

“Fat chance, losers.” The eye patch girl said. “We’ll take your cake instead!” She grabbed Kuu’s cake.

“Drop it or I will end you.”

“Oooh, someone’s mad.” Rainbow said.

Suddenly an earthquake occurred, making every other student panic & run away. As the eye patch girl ran, Rainbow grabbed her by the collar. “Hey, where you going?”

“Anywhere but here!”

“But what about the cake?!”

“Screw the damn cake!” She escaped her grasp & ran.

Rainbow glared at the five. “This isn’t over, dorks!” She also ran.

“Shouldn’t we also go?” Dojikko asked.

“Gotta finish up first.” Yan replied.

“But-”

“Urusai!” Tsun yelled. “I’m eating here!”

The five of them were suddenly teleported far away to where Toby was.

“Greetings, young ladies.” He greeted them.

“Wow!” Dojikko exclaimed. “A person in a plastic suit!”

“Are we on Mars?” Yan asked.

“Welcome, humans.” Dwayne greeted them.

“And who’s that?” Kuu asked.

“That’s Zardoz. He’s just too lazy to be here in person.”

“Ignore him, he just wants a raise.” Dwayne said. “Now, I brought you here to give you superpowers to help save the earth from the tyranny of Ruto Reterdo. You have been chosen to form an elite team to face her, I will give you mechs from random animals of my choice. Tsundere-chan, you shall have the power of the T-Rex, iconic & leader-like. Kuudere-chan, the power of the falcon, strong & captain material. Yandere-chan, you‘ll have the spider, preying & domineering. Gang-uhh, the black one, you‘ll get the gorilla, rather intimidating & prone to violent behavior-”

“That sounds a little ra-”

“And finally, Dojikko, your power comes from the Hippo, stupid & dopey looking.”

“Hey!”

“So what are these cereal box decoder watches we’re suddenly wearing?” Kuu asked.

“Those are your henshin watches which you’ll need to transform.”

“This sounds incredibly dumb.” Gan said.

“I agree.” Yan added. “Let’s go shopping!”

“Fine but I wanna at least stop by that new candy store.” Tsun replied. Kuu waved goodbye as the group left while Dojikko tripped yet again.

On the way back, Ivy spotted them through a telescope, from her tower on the moon. “What’s this? Middle schoolers?!? That floating head must be behind this, but whatever.” She pointed her scythe at the earth & fired a beam as she said, “Silly fools who mess with my flo’, let them fight my gummy patrol!”

The blast landed near a mall & suddenly humanoid gummy bears rose out of the ground to fight them. They tried to fight them off while making all kinds of sounds but were ultimately too weak.

“These guys are pretty good actors.” Mein commented.

“Meh.” Annie shrugged.

Suddenly, a boy with black hair covering one eye and was wearing an all black assemble with a jacket, pants & hair showed up & began looking around.

"Y'know, for a long time many people thought I was a lesbian." Pandora randomly said.

"Not surprised, given how much you love Lolita." Marie replied.

"Yeah, it's unhealthy." Ricky added. "You also act really unpleasant towards most guys."

"It's not like I hate only guys. I hate almost everyone equally."

"Do you hate me too?" Damien asked.

"Yes, I hate you the most because you stole Lolita away from me! Give her back!"

"No! I found her first! Finders keepers."

"Well I called dibs!"

"You did not."

"Did so!"

"Will you two stop acting so childish & play nice?" Lolita asked.

"She/He started it." The two said in unison.

"So since you don't truly hate guys," Ricky began. "How about you come round my place so I can put some dressing on that salad?"

"...That was awful."

"Incredibly cringe worthy." Marie added.

"On purpose." Ricky replied.

"Don't you ever want to form a relationship with a person that goes beyond basic bodily urges?" Pandora asked. "Don't you want to truly connect spiritual with a significant other, settle down & raise a family?

"...Uhh, well."

"It's truly sad to see that from you, time & time again. How depressing."

"Now you're hurting my feelings again."

On set, Dojikko exclaimed, “Guys! We should use the watches!” And so they did, now having gained gimp suits while gaining a letter on the front, but more importantly they could now defeat the gummies, led by Goldia.

They leapt into action one at a time, front-flipping above the camera diagonally as they did so.

“Ba-kaaa!” Tsun cried, punching one in the face, then spun & kicked another as she cried, “Urusai-yaaaa!”

Kuu kneed one in the crotch as she calmly said, “Ta-daaaa.” then elbowed another as she said, “Oh-vaaaa.”

“Boomshakalakaaaa!” Gan exclaimed with a dropkick to ones face, then a flying downward punch as she yelled, “Suck-aaaa!”

Yan jumped & rapped her thighs around one’s neck & somehow snapped it as she cried, “Hey-yaaaa!”, then threw herself backwards into another’s face ass first as she yelled, “Tu-baaaa!”

Dojikko chopped one right in the throat as she yelled, “Wa-taaa!” then dodged a kick & uppercut another as she yelled, “Yat-taaaa!”

“Fools!” Ivy exclaimed, “They’re making me look stupid! They should gang up on the colored one & kill her first.”

“But they’re all colored, Reto.” Poison replied.

“You know what I mean!” Tsun & Kuu had beaten down Goldia with some staged martial arts. “Damn those girls! Alright, let’s see how they do against a titan!” Ivy held her scythe like a javalin & moved back behind a line, then started running & said, “Make Goldia grooow!” before throwing it towards the earth. As it landed near Goldia, a man showed up to call out the distance. Mein placed the camera under her to give the illusion Goldia was really growing, though she began to backhand the rangers after doing so.

“Oh no! What do we do now?!” Yan exclaimed.

“Yeah, she’s acting like we owe her money.” Gan added.

“We’re doomed!” Dojikko yelled.

The eight demon lords got on a stage nearby & began playing instruments as Tsun started speaking, with Blake being the vocalist.

“Get a hold of yourself!” Tsun slapped her. “Remember, we’ve got a power & force that they’ve never seen before.” Suddenly a montage of the zoids coming together played as she continued. “We’ve got the ability to morph & to even up the score. No-one could ever take us down. The power lies on our si-i-i-i-i-ide.”

“Great motivational speech.” Kuu replied, now that the five were in the big multicoloured dinosaur superzoid wielding a red samurai sword. “Though we could have just summoned these earlier & saved time.”

“It would have used too much power.”

“Compared to how much we’re abou-”

“Urusai!”

Due to not paying attention, Goldia punched them miles across the city into a building.

“Holy guacamole! Errybuddy run, it’s Gawzela!” A business man shouted as he pointed at the superzoid. The civilians in the area heeded his advice.

Ivy laughed as she watched. “Excellent, Goldia! Now blast those fools to oblivion!”

“Alright, here’s my Sunday best. PROTON CANNON!”

“INFINITY!” Mein yelled from offscreen just before Goldia fired the beam & sent the superzoid flying further away.

The boy on the set wearing all black was still looking around. Pandora nudged Marie & asked, “Hey, who’s that?”

“Dunno, haven’t seen him before.”

“But he looks like a shinigami. Lolita, do you know him?”

“It’s strange, I feel that I somehow do, yet I’ve never seen this boy before.”

On set, the superzoid got to its feet. “Let’s show them what we can do!” Tsun said. The red sword glowed brightly.

Annie struck a pose & yelled, “X!” before the superzoid dashed at Goldia & hit her with a dozen quick slashes.

What followed were a bunch of suplexes, dropkicks, clotheslines & body slams. Goldia charged at them while the five rangers stood in their cockpit & struck a pose. “Let’s end this!” Tsun exclaimed. The sword glowed even brighter as they hacked away at her while saying, “Rangers together!” in unison, then finished with a overhead swing as they said, “Middle schoolers forever!”, turned away from Goldia & sheathed the sword as Goldia exploded.

Ivy punched a wall. “Noooo! Damn it! Curse those girls! They haven’t seen the last of me but all this nonsense has given me such a headache!”

Mein clapped. “That was a great display, guys!”

Ivy stared at Poison as she took off the hat. As he noticed he turned to her, “What’s up?”

“I was just wondering if you’re the same one I know…”

“Yes, I am in fact still an asshole.”

“Figured as much.”

“So when do we get paid?” Gan asked.

“Shortly after we actually broadcast the episodes.” Mein replied.

“You going to get around to that soon?” Kuu asked.

“Sure!” responded Annie. “Probably in a week.”

“Maybe two.” Mein added.

“Uhh, Possibly a month.” said Annie nervously.

“It could even be two months.” Mein shrugged.

“When we feel like it, basically.”

“I just had another great idea, but first of all, who is this guy?” Mein looked over at the boy in all black.

“Who I am isn’t important. You all need to get out of here, this place isn‘t safe.”

“Hey! We own this place! Any of you guys know this person?” Annie asked, but got no satisfactory answer.

“Look, something bad is gonna happen soon so you all have to get away from here.”

“He apparently came here in a ship.” Daniel said as he entered the room. “Flew in through a wall.”

“It was because the planet wouldn’t be in the same s-never mind, would-” Ruby then knocked him out with a judo chop to the neck.

“Great work, Ruby. Now onto my next idea!” Mein exclaimed.

“I just don’t trust strangers.”

“Good, harden up & put on these uniforms.” Mein said, throwing Gary & Ruby a pair of cop uniforms.

Next was a montage of scenes showing Gary & Ruby reveling in police brutality while a song played over it.

Bad boys! What’cha want? What’cha want? What’cha gonna do? Wheeen Sheriff John Brown come for you?

Tell me! What’cha gonna do? What’cha gonna do? Yea-ahh!

Bad boys, bad boys, what’cha gonna do? What’cha gonna do when they come for you?
Bad boys, bad boys, what’cha gonna do? What’cha gonna do when they come for you?

Nobody no give no bre-ak, police no give you no break, that old soldier man no give you no break, not even your auntie no give no breaks, wah-hey!

Bad boys, bad boys, what’cha gonna do? What’cha gonna do when they come for you?
Bad boys, bad boys, what’cha gonna do? What’cha gonna do when they come for yooooou?

Cops is filmed on location as it happens, all suspects are considered guilty until proven innocent in a court of law.

Gary & Ruby were driving around in a cop car when Gary called in a crime. “We’re currently tracking a stolen vehicle, they’ve refused to stop so we’re chasing them through traffic.”

“13-21. Run them over if you have to.”

They managed to catch the car from a side street & smash right into it, pushing it all the way to a wall. Toby got out of the car with his hands up while Gary & Ruby got out pointing guns at him.

“GET YOUR ASS ON THE FLOOR!” Gary yelled.

“Okay! I surrender! Don’t shoot me!”

“GET LOW!”

“Alright! I’m doing it!”

“TO THE WINDOW!” Toby moved to the left. “TO THE WALL!” he moved further to the left.

Ruby dragged Sakura out of the other side & stomped on her repeatedly before preforming elbow drops then finally cuffed her.

“Alright, let’s hall them off to jail.” Gary said.

“W-wait a minute! You haven’t even questioned us!” Toby exclaimed.

“Yeah! Aren’t you at least going to hear us out?!” Sakura added.

“You scumbags are getting off light. We’re on a tight shift so don’t make me get brutal.” Ruby replied.

As they dragged them into the back of the police car, Crystal on the scanner began talking. “There’s a bakery robbery happening on St. Avenue right now.”

“13-21.” Ruby replied. “Goddamn cake snatchers, they disgust me.”

“The most heinous of all crimes.” Gary added.

“The thief stole 40 cakes.” Crystal said. “That’s as many as four tens. And that’s terrible.”

“Indeed, officer, indeed.”

Off the set, the mysterious boy woke up, tied down with black rope. Dwayne had gotten off the phone and said, “So Death doesn’t have this kid anywhere on his records.”

“You’re a shini, right?” Ricky asked. “No use denying it.”

“Yeah, but I’m not from around here. We all need to get out of here.”

“Why?”

“Did you see the look of this planet?”

“Looks like it caught a couple dozen STDs.” Marie replied.

“Uh…yeah. Soon this planet will be overrun with a monstrous invasion from another dimension.”

“We’ll just kill them then.” Lolita shrugged.

“Hell yeah we will!” Marie raised her hand for a high five that never came.

“Why can’t you just tell us who you are?” Daniel asked.

“It might be bad for me.”

“Did you just recently become a shinigami?” Pandora asked. “I could be your mentor, then maybe you could be my b-”

“You’re just as annoying here.”

“You’ve met me before?”

“No, forget I said anything.”

As they got a minute away from the crime scene they encountered the cake thief with his big bag of cakes & attempted to run him over.

“Hold on, we can’t run him over, we’ll ruin the cakes.” Ruby said.

“Alright, we’ll get him on foot.”

And so they followed the thief across rooftops & through open apartments until they split up briefly and Ruby tackled him on some stairs. Gary quickly arrived & after making sure the cakes were safe they began elbow dropping him repeatedly then cuffed him.

As they got back in the car Crystal spoke again. “We have a-”

“Hold on just a minute!” Annie exclaimed. “Meingar, this is stupid.”

“What? No it’s not.”

“Yes, you’re stupid, Meingar.”

"Saying it in a cutesy way doesn't automatically make it cute. Alright, genius, what do you have in mind?”

“We should make a shounen, duh! Something that can appeal to multiple groups!”

1 week, 1 month, what's the difference?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Original Video Animation

Ruby, confused by the decision raised in part 1, raised her hand. “Soooo, do we stop here?”

“Yeah, you won’t need those. You!” Annie grabbed the mysterious boy. “What’s your name?”

“Uhh, Caius.”

“Okay, you’re the main character. Oh, I need you guys too.” Annie said, pointing at Dwanye, Ricky & Daniel. She then looked over at Damien nearby and said, “You too, you can be Caius’ light-hearted quirky grandfather.”

“So I’m old, am I?”

“She’s not exactly wrong.” Pandora replied before getting flung out a window.

“N-no!” Annie exclaimed. “I’ll give you a wig & stuff. Just figured you could do that part.”

Poison spun 360 degrees, put one hand towards his forehead & used the other to point at Damien as he said, “Your next line is, “Sounds like a role more suited for Harry than myself.”

“Sounds like a role more suited for Harry than myself…huh. So you agree?”

“I suppose I can be like that at times. Next you’re gonna say, “Then perhaps you’ll fill in for me?”

“Let’s just give that a rest, okay?”

A little later, Annie was walking into a police station & spoke to Gary & Blake, dressed as officers. “So your son, Cotaro, beat up a bunch of thugs. About two dozen guys, all armed with things from machetes to chainsaws, ended up with all kinds of broken bones.”

“My goodness! Was anyone killed?”

“Nope, just unconscious. Don‘t worry, they were sent to the hospital.” Gary continued as they walked to Cotaro‘s cell. “But the weirdest thing happened after-”

“We’ll be approaching the cell in just a moment.” Blake said.

“Cotaro?” Annie called. “Cotaro? Where are you? Cotaroooo!”

“Shut it! Your voice is so damn annoying.” Cotaro replied, wearing a black MLG cap & black e-sports jacket.

“Kay.”

“I must ask that you leave me. I’ve been possessed by a quirky spirit and I’m not sure what it’ll make me do.”

“As I was saying,” Gary began. “He doesn’t seem to want to leave.”

“My goodness!” Annie exclaimed.

When they looked back they saw Cotaro wearing shades & smoking cigarettes.

“Hey! Where did you get that?” Blake asked.

“Like I said, the spirit got it.” As they were in shock, he walked up to them. “Let me show you what it’s capable of.” He then blasted the badge off one of them.

Annie later called Damien to come down to the station, wearing a grey wig & mustache, smoking a cigarette. Cotaro had gotten a widescreen television, Jacuzzi, nyan cat poster, and a brand new car in his cell.

“Move aside, I’ll take it from here. Cotaro, you‘re coming home.” Damien said, walking up to the cell.

Cotaro got up & walked over. “Get lost, I never asked you to come. You’ll be no help down here.” Mein held up a ‘BAM!’ sign in the background as Cotaro was now holding Damien’s cigeratte. “You understand now? Just leave.”

“Seems you’re up, Avocado. Get my grandson out of this cell.”

Dwayne stepped into the light & over to the cell. “Very well.”

“Don’t waste your time.” Cotaro replied. “You won’t force me out.”

“We’ll see.”

Avocado called forth Tyson, stunning Cotaro, who then got flung around the room for a short while before Goldia finally showed herself & hit him with an uppercut. Tyson tried to choke out Cotaro but Goldia burnt his arms with eyebeams & opened the cell by punching out the bars. At which point Avocado stopped & walked away as Damien spoke.

“What you have is not just a quirky spirit, Cotaro. It is a powerful stunt double, created from your own mind, since it normally appears right behind you we call it a stool.”

Annie gave a signal for them to speed things up as they sat around a table in a diner.

“Alright,” Damien began. “So there was this guy called Rio like a century ago that awoke within a coffin a while ago. You receiving that stool has to do with this guy, and he’s evil incarnate.”

“Yare yare daze, this sounds like a stupid shounen story. I don‘t believe it.”

“Then let me show you.” Damien then smashed a camera. “Oh, I have a stool too, I guess. Some tentacle vine thing.”

Annie fast-forwarded through more of it against the wishes of some others and stopped on a scene of Cotaro on his way to school. A group of girls were gathered around him.

“Please go out with me!” One girl said.

“Promise to marry me!” Another said.

“Ermahgawd, have mah babies!” A third yelled.

He ignored all this & kept walking, past Daniel eating a banana who still wore the ninja garb with a black school blazer over it. He squinted at Cotaro as a menacing~ SFX appeared. Daniel threw the banana peel in Cotaro’s direction, making him slip on it into the middle of the road & grazing his knee. He quickly got out of the road before he was run over. Daniel walked by, minding his business while the girls gathered around Cotaro.

“Wait a minute,” Cotaro began. “Do you have a smoke?”

“No, but here’s a handkerchief.”

“Thanks. That blazer, do you go to school around here?”

“Yes, just enrolled recently. The name’s-” He paused to look over at Annie. “Karrotyin Nokiari. Might want to see the school nurse about that.”

“It’s just a scratch.”

“Might get infected.”

“Just drop it.”

“Have it your way.” He shrugged & left but Cotaro was still suspicious due to the menacing~ vibes from him.

At the nurse’s office, where Dawn played the nurse, she asked, “So what happened?”

“I fell over.”

“Uh-huh. Let’s get those pants off then.”

“Wait, I’ll do it myself.”

“Alright, changing room is to your left.” She began filling out papers with a pencil as Cotaro left the room.

As he began changing, the handkerchief fell out of his pocket. He picked it up & saw it had a menacing~ SFX written on it as the nurse approached him from behind. “Wait a minute…” He spun round in time to grab Dawn’s hand before she stabbed him with the pencil. “I knew it! The nurse never uses pencils! Who are you?! Are you a stool? Does this have to do with that carrot guy?”

“Indeed.” Daniel climbed in through the window. “My stool has possessed that woman, so attacking it will also hurt her.”

“You bastard! Who are you?”

“I told you earlier, and my stool is Waterfall Blue. I work for Rio, and he’s ordered me to kill you.”

Blake started playing a short, repetitive guitar riff as Caius adjusted his cap. “To think that you’d use women as your shields makes you a coward.”

“Spare me. I do what I need to in order to win. I’d rather not have you whine about morals in my ear.”

“We’re in agreement, I’ll just beat them into you instead.”

“Yadda.” Goldia said nonchalantly, punching him in the ear. “Yaddayaddayaddayaddayadda.” More rapid punches followed for a few moments.

Cotaro took the unconscious Karrotyin to see Coseph & Avocado. Karrotyin appeared to be under mind control due to a ladybug stuck on his forehead, which Goldia quickly removed. The next morning, Annie fell ill with the curse being that she had started developing her stool.

“Oh mah gawd.” Damien said. “How do we stop this?”

“We may have to find & kill Rio.” Dwayne replied.

“Alright, here.” Damien showed a picture of some guys playing poker in a dark room. “Took a photo of this earlier.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Avo took it & came back minutes later. “Thanks to Gaggle Maps I found his location. Seems he’s hiding out somewhere in Rio.”

“Riooooooo?!” Avo nodded. “Ooooh noooooo.”

Avo then had a piece of paper passed to him from offscreen. “We may only have two weeks to save her.”

“Welp, let’s go on a road trip.”

“As thanks for freeing me I’d like to accompany you.” Karrotyin said, turning to Cotaro. “A woman so graceful shouldn’t have to suffer. If you don’t mind me saying, I’d jump at the chance to date your mother. The things I’d do to that woman.”

“Shut it. You can join, just stop.” Cotaro replied.

“I’d rerorero her deep-”

“Sounds like you want another beating.”

And so after packing their bags they posed by a minivan & headed to the airport so they could fly to Rio. Aboard the plane, a while after having lunch the lights began to go out & the passengers were put to sleep, at which point they all felt a menacing~ vibe.

“Seems there’s a stool in our mitts.” Damien said.

In the corner of his eye, Karrotyin saw a bag of peanuts leap towards Cotaro and yelled, “Look out, Cotaro! The bag of peanuts is the stool!”

“Ya-” Goldia swung at the bag but missed. “Da?” it repeatedly dodged the punches.

“Unbelievable!” Dwanye exclaimed. “It’s fast enough to dodge…” He looked at a que card. “Gulden showa’s attacks!”

“It’s cool.” Karrot said, stepping in front of Cotaro. “I got this.”

“I’ve heard about you from Rio.” the bag of peanuts responded. “Silly boy, you have no hope in challenging me. You‘re too slow.”

He struck a pose. “Is that so?”

Off the set, at a table Rosie grabbed a slice of chocolate cake when Goldia walked over & did the same.

“Since when do robots eat at all?” She asked.

“Outside of blood, since when do vampires?”

“We can actually consume more than just blood. It’s just that blood speeds up the process and is just better because of taste bud reasons.”

“Oh…well I can’t justify mine.” After an awkward silence Goldia left.

Over near the set, Annie, who had just recently teleported Lucifer & Platinum over to play Rio, stopped the others to say, “I think we should just film the finale ahead of time and then work our way there later.”

“Hold on,” Ricky replied. “I haven’t been introduced yet!”

“You will be soon, calm down.”

“When is “soon”?”

“When its done.”

Lucifer & Platinum stood on one side while Caius & Goldia stood on the other.

“So what’s this all about?” Platinum asked, turning to Goldia. “Good to see you again, btw.”

“Making a new show, apparently. I don’t get it either.”

“Finally I shall put an end to the Costar generation. Now come, Cotaro!” Rio exclaimed.

Goldia came out swinging with a battle cry of, “Yaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayadda!”

Platinum rushed in & they traded blows like rock ‘em sock ‘em robots before he eventually knocked Cotaro back. Lucifer smirked before doing a 360 spin into a pelvic thrust as he threw his head back & yelled, “Ze waldo!” Platinum landed in front of him, stood on his tip toes & did jazz hands as he echoed, “Toki wa tomare!” freezing Cotaro & the area around him. Everyone then stopped as Annie let out a loud squee.

“S-sorry,” She said as everyone looked at her. “I’ve just waited so long to hear that. I can easily fap to this, excuse me.” She felt the room.

Back on set, Platinum punched Cotaro several times before Lucifer struck a pose & said, “Soshite, toki ga ugoki desu.” at which point Cotaro flew into the side of a car.

Ivy & Poison were talking with Meingar who seemed confused about their relationship. “So you’re already a couple?”

“I guess.” They both shrugged.

“And your show hasn’t ended? That’s weird.”

“Huh? How?” Poison asked. “Did I miss something?”

“Hey, other me.” The younger Ivy asked as she approached them. “Why is the foolish angel here?”

“I didn’t invite her, these guys did. I don’t mind her presence nowadays though.”

“I have no idea how far back your timeline goes but those two are actually friends now.” Poison replied.

“W-what?!? You’re lying!” She responded.

“Totally serious. You two dated for a while too, you had a pretty intimate love life with her.”

The younger Ivy felt ill while the older sighed. “We did not, he’s just messing with you. Besides, she’s not my friend, she’s my rival.”

“Friendly rival.” Poison added.

“Is she a love rival?” Mein asked.

“No, a serious rival.” Ivy replied.

“That’s not serious?”

“Not to me. You wouldn’t understand.”

“But the shippers will.” Poison retorted.

As Damien walked over to Ivy, the younger Ivy slowly moved beside Poison. “I figured I’d remind you that the cake is nearly all gone if you haven’t had any.”

“Thanks for the heads up, I’ll go in a sec.”

He then noticed the other Ivy. “Up to no good again, I see. You always were such a troublesome little sister.”

“Hey! Don’t go assuming bad **** right off the bat, alright? That’s my younger self from somewhere in the past.”

“I’m terribly sorry then, perhaps we’d better catch up on old times.”

“Keep your filthy hands to yourself, monster!” She exclaimed.

“I agree.” The older glared at him. “If you dare touch my younger self with those hands then they’re coming off.”

“Well I can clearly see my sisters don’t want me here, so I’ll take my leave.”

Back on set, Goldia had just finished rapidly punching Lucifer & sent him flying across the street into a building. He got up and said one word, “Muda.”

Mein walked onscreen as he said, “Translation note, muda means-” He was then flattened by a steamroller.

“This isn’t even my final form, boy!” Caius gasped as Lucifer held a jar of strawberry jam & engulfed it, then removed his yellow jacket to show off his sleeveless black top. As they charged at each other & leapt into the air, Rio stopped time again & Platinum hit him with an axe kick into a river, at which point Rio threw a whale at him. Caius ran along the whale & propelled himself out of the water into the air.

Rio kneed him in the face, sending him flying into a bus which Rio also jumped into. He then cut down a dozen people after entering as he said, “Move bitches, get out the way.” in anger, Cotaro uppercut him out of the bus.

Offscreen, Annie had returned & breathed a sigh of relief. “You alright?” Mein asked.

“Much better. What did I miss?”

“Not too much.”

Over with the demon lords, Brian was in the middle of a conversation with Richard, Alice & Tyson. “So I says to Mabel, I says-”

“Wasn’t this person called Thomas?” Richard asked.

“Who’s telling the story here?”

“Guys,” Blake said, approaching them. “I believe what that kid was saying earlier is happening outside.”

“The dimensional invaders thing?” Tyson got up. “About time I had something to do around here.”

“It might even be fun.” Alice added.

The demon lords left & the shinigami weren’t very far behind when they saw generic demonic horrors running through the streets outside. They passed by Ivy & Ruby who were discussing clothing at the time.

“How do you actually fight so well in dresses?” Ruby asked.

“I wear them most of the time, so I’m used to the feel.”

“I tend to feel a little floaty or just weighted down by them.”

“Well obviously you don’t want the long ones. You’ve already got enough weighing you down.”

“Do you ever wear puffy dresses?”

“Nah, not my style, I prefer form-fitting ones. Y’know, the tighter ones. Loose is bad.”

“I wouldn’t call the puffy ones loose.”

“I would, I like it nice & tight.”

“Well the puffy ones still look good.”

“But they’re loose.”

“…Are we still talking about dresses?”

“What else would we be talking about?”

Back on screen, Rio exclaimed, “Ze waldo!” before Platinum sucker punched Cotaro, sending him flying down onto a bridge. “This shall be the end of our battle, Cotaro, savor your final moments.”

It went quiet for a bit then suddenly Rio came back with a dumpster truck, planning to flatten him. Goldia came out & began rapidly punching the bottom of the truck while Rio retaliated by moving it towards them with rapid punches as they yelled out numerous battle cries.

“YADDAYADDAYADDAYADDAYADDAYADDA!”

“BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH!”

“ATATATATATATATATA!”

“AYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!”

“BAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKA!”

“DESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDESU!”

Then the dumpster truck randomly exploded, covering the place in fire. Rio dropped down onto the street, looking at the flames as he said, “Freeeeeeeee…” Then he smirked. “At least the Costars shall be no more, none were capable of surpassing me. Now begins my great rule, they’ll all grovel at my feet.” As he laughed, he noticed time was suddenly slowing down. “What the?! What’s going on?”

“I slowed down time.” Cotaro said, appearing behind him as he adjusted his MLG cap.

“Wait, how exactly did that work?” Poison asked.

“Don’t ask stupid questions, idiot!” Annie responded.

“He is pretty stupid, isn’t he?” Ivy replied.

“Fine, I guess I just won’t say a thing.” Poison shrugged.

“That’s usually the best option.” Damien replied.

Lucifer & Caius quickly finished up & got offstage. Then Lucifer waved them goodbye as he said, “Not exactly sure why I was needed but I was happy to help. Of course as payment I’ll be taking on of your souls later on.”

“That’s a joke, right?” Mein asked.

“If it helps you sleep better at night…” He then noticed there were two Ivys nearby. “I’m not even gonna ask.” And so he left.

“Am I really that bad?” Ivy asked.

“Yes.” Ruby replied.

“Very.” Poison added.

“Regularly.” Gary added.

“Oh so much.” said Damien.

Meingar turned to Annie-May & said, “Annie, I think it’s time we got serious.”

“What you got for me, Meingar?”

“Check it. Remember that time back when you were a little girl?”

“I was the most adorable kid.”

“All you wanted to do was be one of the saviors of the planet against villainous invaders.”

“It was my dream!”

“So you dressed up your pyjamas to go become a hero with 4 other guys.”

“Who are these mysterious teammates?”

“The red one, the main protagonist. Bland as fuck.”

“I love it already.”

“Blue, you know he’s the smart one because he wears glasses & wears polo shirts. Black, just add some hood talk & call it a day, he’s just there to avoid backlash.”

“Gotta have that racial diversity.”

“Then you gotta get the asian chick in there, in yellow of course.”

“Short & petite?”

“Just like in real life. Then pink who is red’s girlfriend, so she’s gotta be way out of his league.”

“How hot we talking?”

“The mind of a ten year old, the body of a pornstar, and she’s got blonde hair.”

“Never forget the golden rule.”

“So these guys pilot these ships & blast space invaders and then when the big guys appear they transform into giant mechas!”

“Ermahgawd.”

“This is serious so you need to bust out the secret drills & pierce their heavens.”

“How big are these drills, Mein? HOW BIG ARE THEY?”

“The size of a skyscraper!”

“I can’t fap to that! How big?!?”

Meingar slapped her. “As big as the planet itself!”

“That’s not good enough! How big?!”

He slapped her again. “The size of the sun!”

“I AIN’T FEELING IT, MEIN!”

He slapped her so hard her neck broke. “It’ll be bigger than several solar systems!”

“That’s more like it!” She exclaimed while rag dolling.

“Now these dudes will regularly kidnap pink so red has excuses to look cool & save her.”

“Even better since he’s a self-insert.”

“They wanna steal his girl so he’s gotta let them know she already belongs to him.”

“Fuck those NTR bastards!”

“And his older sister doesn’t want her brother fighting these evil monsters.”

“Older? The hell are you smoking? She’s gotta be young, the younger the better.”

“Sorry, wasn’t thinking for a sec. She also loves her brother more than anyone & would ride his disco stick at the first opportunity.”

“Just like in real life.”

The younger Ivy was standing with the older one further away & commented, “Those two are idiots.”

“Yeah, this feels like a big waste of time.”

“So will you tell me when it happens now?”

“You’re still going on about that?”

“That’s what I came here for!”

“It’s not important. Though you may wanna prepare making some alterations to your clothing soon for a better fit. I still wear the same kind of dresses you do, just had to update it a bit.”

“And I’d assume those updates are things I currently don’t have.”

“Hey, you said it, not me.”

Outside, the others were slaughtering the invading aliens that looked like black & green generic demons with purple blood. Goldia & Platinum were flying around blasting their heads off, Tyson punted several into the sky, Marie threw her chainsaw and impaled 3 guys in a row, Crystal & Amber were picking up the enemy tanks & throwing them into other tanks, and so on. As battleships appeared Lolita, Damien, Pandora, Blake, Alice & Richard were flying around as they blasted them to pieces, charged through them & cut them down. Those inside arrived then Mein turned to Annie who was carrying a camera & asked, “Are you getting this footage, Annie?”

“Yeah, with some editing we’ll blow all the generic stuff out the water!”

“Do you guys really believe you’re somehow on a higher level than those out there & can therefore judge everyone else & believe you’re special?” Gary asked.

“Well yeah.” They both shrugged.

As smaller enemy ships began to show up, Dawn threw big blobs of blood that destroyed their engines while Pandora blasted several down with a sniper rifle, urging Mein to comment, “Ahh, I see, you use a sniper rifle to represent your anti-social personality.”

“No, I just like rifles. Have you never heard of 360 no scopes? Pfft, scrub.” She gunned down another. “Anyway, I want my own show after this.”

“Ever since you came back you’ve gotten way too much screen time.” Dawn commented.

“That’s because I’m an adorable pure girl while you’re a shitty old hag.”

“You’re arrogant as hell & a major hypocrite too. And a big liar.”

“Can I get my own show?” Katie waved. “Everyone seems to forget me now.”

“Go away, Kate, ever since we talked to you that one time you haven’t left us alone.” Ivy replied.

“Okay, I’ll go die in an alley…”

“Please do so quietly.”

Just then the leader of the enemy invasion showed up, though he was just a big beefy guy with a red cape. “Inferior beings,” he said in a deep, raspy voice. “I grace you once again in order to acquire the role of the main character. Eisur, dispose of these pests.” A much larger beast emerged and moved on ahead.

“Foolish peon.” The younger Ivy said. “I’ll take care of this.” She flew over to the beast & summoned large fiery wings that wrapped around the monster. The beast found itself pinned to the ground with fiery hooks with satanic symbols that had rectangular edges around him. 6 mirrors surrounded him, then quickly rose up & combined into a scythe as Ivy’s voice echoed, “I shall engrave my name on your body!”

“That sounded kinda dirty.” Rosie commented.

“Remember who you’re talking about.” Poison replied.

High in the sky, Ivy quickly created a massive ball of energy that glowed as bright as the sun when the fiery scythe got consumed by it. The massive ball of energy spewed dozens of big ‘6’s & ‘1’s as Ivy landed on the ball & sent it flying towards the beast. She crossed her arms while letting out a maniacal, “Haaaaahahahaha!”

“Haven’t laughed like that in ages…” The older Ivy quietly said to herself.

The numbers bombarded the monster then Ivy jumped moments before the ball flattened the beast & punched it, making it explode. With her back turned, she said, “Behold, the power of a true main character!” as she clenched her fist, causing the symbols to spring up & crush him like an iron maiden.

“Man, I used to be so obnoxious.” Older Ivy commented.

“Used to?” Poison retorted.

“You’ve already used that one.”

“Likewise.”

Nervous, the leader called out yet another beast of similar size & several smaller enforcers. The beast began wrecking things shortly before Goldia & Platinum charged in & yelled, “YADDA!” as they punched it in the face. They rapidly punched it in the stomach as they repeatedly yelled it then Platinum hit it with an uppercut & they continued to pummel the beast in mid-air. Goldia yelled, “Yaaaa-” As she winded up her fist for a downward punch & finished with, “Da!”, the punch ground bounced him so Platinum also said, “Ya!” as he landed an uppercut, then Goldia landed a roundhouse kick that spin him round with a, “Da!” Then Platinum stopped the rotation with a direct punch to the abdomen as he yelled, “Yadda!” Then they both continued pummelling him before knocked the beast into space.

“It’s more fun when you say it, right?” Goldia asked.

“I suppose so.” Platinum replied.

“Seems there was nothing to truly worry about.” Caius said as Ricky stabbed an enforcer in the head further away.

“Well of course not, this kinda crap happens every other week.” Ricky replied. “What were you expecting to happen?”

“Guess I’m just really gullible. I bet this was auntie’s idea of a joke, yare yare daze.”

“If you’re not gonna tell us who you are than you gotta stop blurting out shit like that. Anyway, you can handle the rest, right?”

“Consider them dead.” Caius said before forming large claws of dark energy, leapt ahead & cut down the enemy forces one by one, then flew over to the leader and stomped as he hit the ground, unleashing a demonic figure of energy around him that pummelled the beast, then launched it into the air & pounded it into the ground.

“Why didn’t you say you could do that?” Mein asked. “Could’ve saved money on special effects.”

“Because you never asked.”

As the leader attempted to crawl away, the younger Ivy stomped on his hand while the older one landed beside her. Then in unison they said, “Foolish weakling! Someone such as you could never receive the title of main character!”

Rosie was horrified. “Oh god, they’re becoming one!”

“Alright, I surrender.” The leader spoke. “I’ll leave this planet in peace. Farewell.”

As he tried to leave, Caius exclaimed, “Hold it!” The leader stopped. “You’re not going to terrorize anyone ever again, because,” He pointed at him from a Dutch angle, “Omae wa mou shindeau.”

“What does that m-” The leader spontaneously exploded.

As Caius walked off, Marie said, “Though I would’ve done the same, that wasn’t necessary.” He walked past her in silence. “I suppose it’s cooler not to acknowledge it.”

“It was totally necessary!” Annie exclaimed. “He was a horrible person!”

“Why did he randomly show up here anyway?” Ruby asked.

“Well he kept trying to take over everything & demanding that he be made the main character. So we went to go find that person so they could deal with him.”

“So what you’re saying is that this is a waste of everyone’s time.” Damien responded.

“N-no! We’re still gonna use the footage & all. Also, this was all Meingar’s idea, he even wanted that monster to kill you guys so he’d leave for good!”

“Hey! Wait a m-” Before he could finish half of them dog piled him & began beating his face in.

“Honestly, I’m tired of all this random crap so I’m gonna just give the main character title to someone else.” Ivy said, prompting Ruby to cough loudly & repeatedly. Ivy instead turned to Caius & pointed at him. “You! You’re the main character now.”

“Whatever.” He shrugged.

“So are you going to use all that footage?” Goldia asked as she floated down towards her.

“Yeah, we got enough to start a new show. We’ll do it in a week…or two…or a month…maybe two months…”

“When you feel like it?”

“Yeah, that works.”

Pandora looked around & asked, “Hey, where’s that other guy who was with us?”

“I believe he already left, didn’t seem to be one for words, just like a certain someone.” Daniel said.

“He just left without saying anything? That was awfully rude.”

“Maybe he’s just not a people person.” Dwayne replied. “Probably got it from his parents.”

“Alright, that’s enough winking & nudging.”

And so everyone quickly left & went about their own business. The younger Ivy received the information she came for and returned to her time, though the info turned out to be off by quite a bit. The end.
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So yeah, that's it. Oh, happy early Christmas too, I guess.

Ultimate Paradise

Creative Work => Game based Stories => Topic started by: Marie Rose on 01 November, 2009, 10:39:04 am