Print Page - The Something Something Demonic Something Ever

This story takes place in the Sonic Universe, because. I suck at prose. Just wanted to get that off my chest...and the other Sonic characters don't appear in this chapter, so yeah.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 1 – Demonic Conquest

Somewhere very far, far away, in a far, far, universe, in a far, far city, stuff was happening. We open to the glorious city of New York, where a giant scaly blue dragon was wreaking havoc among the residents. Things looked grim as the army was taken out by the creature’s flying leg drop. In the white house, the president was sitting at his desk reading a newspaper when his secretary paged him. “Mr President, we have just received word that New York City is under attack by a giant blue dragon. Yes, this is serious.”

He put down the newspaper and got to his feet. “Change is coming!” In an instant, he took off through the roof and towards New York at the speed of sound. Meanwhile, back in New York, people were running through the streets. Some panicked, some did things you might do if you’re gonna die, and some people corrected others who thought this dragon was a complete ripoff of Godzilla. Just as things looked their worst, the President arrived, whose presence was noticed by the majority of the civilians.

“It’s Da Bama!” One civilian exclaimed.

“Change is here!” Another yelled.

“Wat.” The dragon turned in the direction of the yelling and saw Da Bama approaching him at a fast pace. “Foolish mortals! You cannot hope to stop me!”

“YES WE CAN!” Da Bama shouted as he flew right through the dragon, causing it to explode due to extreme awesomeness. As the civilians who were still left alive cheered, Da Bama landed on top of a building and stood proud as they continued to cheer.

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This comic was being read by a little demon girl called Ivy who was a princess and sitting on a bed. She looked a little older than a kid, but not exactly a teenager. She had pink hair which went down to her shoulders, red eyes, and wore a black gothic\dress with red bat patterns over it. The bed she sat on also had the same styled patterns. Ivy looked at the front of the comic, which was named, “The Awesome Adventures of Supa Bama.” And then flung it to the ground. “I have no idea why Poison reads that crap, it makes no sense!”

Ivy hopped out of bed, and though she would normally be wearing pink pyjamas with bat patterns on it, of course, she wasn’t. She left her room and walked along a long corridor with rooms on both sides, and then into the bathroom.

At that time, Poison was waking up. His room was covered in green, as was his spiky hair. He looked like a young teenager, at least compared to Ivy anyway. He leaped out of bed, performed a flying kick, then a straight punch from another angle, followed by an uppercut before touching the ground. He kept his pose for several moments, and then actually got dressed because he was wearing green pyjamas. His regular clothes were just a black leather jacket with a black shirt which had a green flaming skull on the front.

A little later, Ivy and Poison met Ivy’s dad in the kitchen downstairs. Ivy sat next to her father, while Poison sat on the other side of the table. Ivy’s father had blonde hair and wore black and red spandex with a black cape attached. His name was literally Awesome. “Hey Awesome, could you pass the kewlsauce?” Poison asked.

“Sure thing.” He threw it over his shoulder towards Poison, who caught it from behind his back, passed it to his other hand then poured some on his hotdog. “Oh, you think you got skillz, man, you think you got skillz!” Awesome said.

“Yeah, man, you know how I do!” Poison replied.

“So what are you two going to do today?” Awesome asked as he began reading the daily paper.

“Hey Ivy, have about we go to that kindergarten place and bully the younger demons?” Poison suggested.

“Not fun enough.” Ivy replied.

“How about seeing a movie?”

“Not enough choices.”

“How about killing some random demons in the wilderness?”

“Not good enough for the likes of me.”

“Then let’s visit Amber later today. She’s most likely just watching DNN. It’s amazing how many shows reference that name.”

“I hate that woman.” Ivy pouted.

“Well if you come with me, I’ll kiss the royal foot.”

“R-really?” Ivy said in shock, for she had always wanted someone to kiss the royal foot, but Poison always refused to do so. He nodded, which made her smile. “Okay then, let’s get this over with. We’re taking off now, bye dad.” She waved as she and Poison left. “Remember to keep it cool, Ivy. You’re representing now.” Awesome said.

Ivy and Poison left the large castle and walked through the valley of death, the lava hot springs, and other random places until they reached Amber’s house. After knocking, Poison walked in and heard some noises coming from the bathroom, which was almost as large as a hot spring pool anyway. He entered the large bathroom, but couldn’t see much due to all the steam, and thanks to Amber noticing him before he saw her. She had long red hair which she tied with a blue bow at the back of her neck. “Hey Poison.” She said as he got closer. “What brings you down here?”

“Just dropping by. You seem to have a lot of baths...”

“It’s a waste not to. Care to join me?”

“I’d love to, but I brought Ivy with me.” He said just as she reluctantly walked in but tried not to look at her.

“Well if it isn’t adorable little Ivy-chan.” Amber teased her.

“I’m going to chop off those lips one day.” Ivy responded.

“Just give me a sec to get dressed.” Amber said getting out of the pool, though sadly, Ivy covered Poison’s eyes as she did so.

A little later, they were in Amber’s room. She now wore a flame patterned bikini and panties to match, as well as a black cloak. “So, how are you guys?” Amber asked.

“Meh.” Ivy and Poison both replied as they shrugged in unison.

“So have you developed at all yet, Ivy?” Amber smirked.

“W-what are you trying to say?!? How dare you ask such a foolish question!” She panicked.

“Y’know, developed in terms of personality, because honestly, you’re a douche. Most people hate you, even by demon standards.”

“Those guys are just player hating...” She replied.

“The only reason people don’t make fun of you is because you’re royalty, oh, and your dad’s hot. But regardless, people know you for not being practically good at anything.”

“You lie!” Ivy pointed at her.

Amber put down her finger then continued. “There was that championship Volleyball game, the DFC contest-”

“Don’t forget the Street Fighter championship tournament.” Poison added. “Did you know she doesn’t even like pie?”

“What?!?” Amber couldn’t believe her ears.

“I know! How can you not like pie?”

“Hey! I can do anything I put my mind to!” Ivy said.

“Even conquer a planet?” Amber replied.

“Even that! I’ll conquer earth, and do it in two weeks just to prove you wrong! I shall call it, “The Most Epic Demonic Plan to Conquer Earth!” and it shall be glorious!” She crossed her arms and laughed. “Haaaaahahahahaha!”

Amber turned her attention to Poison and said, “Feel free to drop by anytime being with miss egotistical gets you down.” She then winked at him.

“Will do.” He nodded.

“Oh, and Ivy, if you really feel you’re going to do this, take some spare clothes.” Amber said while handing her a black bag. Ivy took a peek inside. “I seriously think you have a clothing phobia or something...”

Very shortly afterwards, Ivy left to see her dad again, who was still reading the paper, Ivy poked her head in, and then slowly walked up to him. “Hey dad, is it okay if I go conquer earth?”

“Why did you decide to do this all of a sudden?” He asked.

“Well Amber bet me I couldn’t do something, and I despise that woman so-”

“This is about your flat chest complex, isn’t it?”

“N-no! Why do you go and say that out of nowhere?”

Awesome put down the paper, picked up Ivy and put her on his lap. “Ivy, I know you’re stressed out about not developing physically, but your time will come soon. Your mother also had that problem for a while, but I was cool with it, because I could appreciate all women’s natural assets, whether they be melons or cherries. Now your mother has Dat Body, it really makes me wanna put on dem shades whenever she’s around.”

“What you’re saying really creeps me out. Where is mother anyway?”

“She punched out a nuclear bomb yesterday. Don’t worry, she’s getting better, and should be fine again by tomorrow, her and Dat Body.”

“Please stop talking like that.”

“Anyway, I gotta go. I have to meet Dracula later today and chill out. He wants me to hurry before Simon Belmont comes back. Have fun on earth.” He said before taking off.

And so, Ivy and Poison took off a few minutes later in a black ship, the Sega logo glimmering brilliantly on its side. “Hey, I just remembered you haven’t licked the royal foot yet.” Ivy said as they reached outer space.

“I’m too tired right now, I’ll do it later.” He replied.

“Yeah well you better. Now onward to planet earth!” She yelled, raising her hand in the air.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Heaven was a little girl who was aware of the threat soon approaching the earth. She had brown hair tied into pigtails, and wore a typical angel robe. She was using a device which she called her ‘Demondar’, which was like Gaydar, but for demons, and which was suddenly set off as she pointed in earth’s direction. She gasped and quickly got to her feet. “I must do something about this! There isn’t much time!” She ran off towards her house.

A bit later, Ivy and Poison landed in the middle of a street called Normal Street. As she stepped off the ship, she noticed a conveniently empty space between all the houses. She pointed at the space and said, “We need a house, so get to work, robots!” A dozen robots got off the ship with dozens of tools and materials and started building the house at a fast pace.

Poison got off the ship with a boom box. “I think we need some montage music while we wait.” And with that, he turned it on and played music as they worked, though the music was never mentioned. Five minutes later, the robots were done, but worked to the point of exhaustion that a majority of them exploded immediately. “That would have taken ages if not for a montage, plus that music was pretty cool.” Ivy said as she walked towards the house.

“Yeah, and we’ll never use that music again.” Poison nodded. As Ivy entered the house, Poison saw something further up the street.

Two men, dressed in black suits, and wearing cool shades, came dashing down the street. These two men were known as Spring and Floyd, and as you’d expect, one was black and the other was white. They awesomely dodged the few cars which drove by till they got to a large truck coming towards them. The driver turned sideways as he saw them, blocking both roads. Floyd leaped onto the side, ran along it and then flipped backwards as Spring punched through it. After stopping twenty feet in the air, Floyd split a car in half with a downward kick as he landed and then slid all the way to Ivy and Poison’s door while Spring landed there just after punching the truck. As they lighted their cigars, the truck and car suddenly exploded.

Poison had a lot of questions, but asked a rather pointless one. “Was it really necessary to blow up those vehicles?”

“Yes.” Floyd said, putting the cigar in his mouth.

“Well my name is Poison, well actually it isn’t but it’s better than my real name.”

Spring removed the cigar. “My name is Mr. Spring and this is my associate, Mr. Floyd.” He said, gesturing towards him. “We keep things under control down here, otherwise you may get a visit from us, and I don’t think you want that.”

“It would be a shame if he did want that, Mr. Spring.” Floyd nodded.

“A shame indeed, Mr. Floyd.”

“As a visit from us can only lead to going beyond the impossible in ridiculously awesome ways, Mr. Spring.”

“As well as an extreme case of stuff blowing up, Mr. Floyd.”

“But of course, Mr. Spring.” Floyd adjusted his shades.

Ivy came to the door, being obnoxious as usual. “Hey Poison, who the hell are these two fools?”

“Just ignore her.” Poison said to the two men. “She’s just my younger sister, yup. Nothing suspicious here.” He said while hugging her.

“Better keep it that way.” Spring said before flinging his cigar by a nearby postbox, causing it to explode. The two men then left, as awesomely as they arrived.

As Poison closed the door, Ivy started yelling again. “Who the hell were those guys? Why did you say I was your younger sister when you’re totally not worthy? Why did you hug me?”

“Anymore questions?”

“No.” Just then, the doorbell rang; the Sega chime catching Ivy's attention. Ivy sighed as she went to the door. “Who the hell could it be this time?” As she opened the door, she found the young angel standing there. She greeted Ivy immediately. “Hello, my name is Ruby, does a demon live here?”

“You’re not very bright, are you?” Ivy narrowed her eyes at the angel. “Anyway, no demons here.”

“Then why have you got sharp teeth?” Ruby pointed at Ivy’s cute little fangs.

“Birth defect.”

“What about your little wings?”

“Cosplay outfit.”

“What about that tail?” Ruby said, poking it.

“Well, uhh...”

“I knew it! You are a demon! Therefore, I must stop you!” She pointed at her. “I’m going to barge into your house!”

“You can’t do that! At least wipe your feet!” She said while pointing at her sandals. “Oh, excuse my rudeness.” As she began wiping her feet, Ivy closed the door. “Hey! You tricked me! Well I have to go home because we’re having cake, but I’ll be back tomorrow!” The angel then took off down the street.

Ivy let out a sigh of relief and hopped onto the couch where Poison was watching TV. “It’s gonna be a long two weeks...”

“I heard that!” Poison replied.

“What are you watching?”

“The awesome adventures of Supa Bama!"

Ivy sighed once more.

SUM MOAR
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TMEDCE: Chapter 2 - Inevitable Plans of Doom

It was the morning after Ivy and Poison had moved into their new fake home, in the middle of Normal Street. As soon as the sun brightened up the sky, Ivy wasted no time in beginning on her plans. She had built a giant computer in the dark basement, and was planning out her day while wearing her pyjamas. Poison had now awoken, wearing his normal attire. He slid down a rail by the stairs, leaped off and landed a few feet behind Ivy before waving. “Sup?”

“About time you woke up, I have a lot of work to do today.” Ivy replied as she still fiddled about on the computer.

“And what would this entail?” Poison asked.

“Well, I was doing a little bit of research before you woke up. I would have a lot more, but Windows was being a total douche earlier. Anyway, back to my point...” She pressed the Alt + Tab keys on the keyboard, then selected the Microsoft Word 2003 document which displayed some random sentences filled with exclamation marks, and pictures of Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy and Cream. “I copied those pics off the internet, but that’s not the point. There are quite a lot of those anthropomorphic creatures living on this planet, and if I hope to conquer this crappy excuse of the planet, I’ll need to rid the planet of these guys first.”

“Cool.” Poison replied, not seeming to care very much. “Oh, by the way, there’s this girl outside, sneaking around in the bushes.”

“That angel again?” Ivy sighed. “Just turn on the sprinklers.” Ivy said as she threw him a remote.

He did so, and as they turned on, Ruby came running out of the bushes and down the street yelling, “AHH! Attempted clothing damage!”

After a few more moments, Ivy continued. “So as I was saying. I actually tried to track down the hedgehog this morning, but it was just too difficult. The guy moves around way too much, it’s like chasing a spaceship on foot. So I decided it would be easier to go after some of his weaker friends, which in turn would get his attention so he comes to me, where I shall have a death trap waiting for him.” Ivy crossed her arms and laughed maniacally. “Haaaaahahahaha!”

“So who are you going to go after, since you failed to catch that hedgehog?” Poison responded.

“Well that Echidna lives on some floating island, so it’s unnecessary right now.”

“Wait a sec.” Poison said, interrupting her. “How does an island float?”

Ivy shrugged. “How should I know? Anyway, I’ll go after that pink hedgehog and her rabbit friend.” She said, pointing at the picture of Amy and Cream. “I’ll start from the bottom and work my way up. Now let’s get going.” Ivy made her way to the stairs, with Poison following close behind. Ivy quickly got dressed before they set out. They found out Amy had an apartment in Central City using Google maps on the internet, and made their way there using a map Ivy had printed out. Ivy and Poison stood against a wall across the street, with some binoculars.

They stood in these spots, looking in through the windows with the binoculars whenever nobody was walking by. Soon after, Amy left her house and was on her way to meet Cream at a nearby mall, leading Poison to say, “It’s convenient that she decides to meet with that rabbit soon after we started following her, as if it’s part of a plot or something.”

“Shut up, Poison, let’s get moving.” Ivy barrel rolled into a corner and began to follow Amy. They soon arrived outside a mall in Station Square where Cream greeted Amy as she approached her. “Good morning, Amy.”

“Morning, Cream. Are you ready to shop till you drop?”

Ivy, who was watching from across the street on a bench, turned to Poison. “Physically or metaphorically?”

“Possibly the latter.” Poison replied. They quickly followed Amy and Cream into a large mall with a water fountain in the middle of the long corridor ahead, with tons of shops on either side, and escalators in the middle of the long path. Ivy and Poison looked around as they still managed to keep track of Amy and Cream’s whereabouts.

“Whoa!” Poison exclaimed as he looked around. “They got gaming shops! Candy shops! Even a buy it yourself shop!” He said, pointing at a shop called, “Buy It Yourself, cheapass.” Poison gasped as he spotted a food stall nearby. “They even got tacos! Frickin’ tacos, Ivy! I love this place!”

“It’s okay I guess.” Ivy shrugged. “But we have no time for tacos, regardless of that one cartoon I watched as a young girl.”

“You still are a young girl.” Poison pointed out.

“You know what I mean...” Ivy said, narrowing her eyes at him.

As Ivy and Poison were still talking, Amy and Cream had just left a women’s clothing shop when Cream suddenly noticed them and pointed towards them. “Amy, are they following us?” Ivy and Poison noticed Cream pointing at them and immediately ran into a nearby shop as Amy spun round. They arrived at a food court shortly afterwards and still continued to watch Amy and Cream from across the large area.

A familiar looking angel with a fake mustache from a few tables away caught Ivy’s attention, made even more suspicious as she turned away the second Ivy noticed her. While Ivy was staring at the angel, Poison saw Spring and Floyd make their entrance by smashing through a wall and sliding across several tables before landing in two seats at one table near a wall, while one table further away exploded as they sat down.

“I wish I could make things explode with ease.” Poison randomly commented. “I’m gonna go see Spring and Floyd, see ya.” He immediately took off. He leaped over several tables and landed beside them. “Sup?”

They both glanced over at him, and then went back to smoking their cigars. “Ahh, the guy who moved in yesterday with his “younger sister”, right?” Spring replied.

“Yup. May I ask how you make things explode for no reason?”

“Rule of cool, man.” Floyd said as he threw his cigar in a trash can, causing it to explode.

“Makes sense.” Poison said, scratching his forehead.

“So what’s the deal with you and that little girl?” Spring asked.

Floyd nodded. “Inquiring minds want to know.”

“Nothing at all.” Poison shook his head. “Just an older brother and his younger sister.”

“Sounds like a load of bull.” Spring responded. “Wouldn’t you agreed, Mr. Floyd?”

“But of course, Mr. Spring. Look man, nobody on Normal Street is actually normal. There’s this mad scientist that’s creating robot dinosaurs, this crazy woman with dozens of cats that can combine into a giant deformed cat, this loud-mouthed green alien and his dim-witted robot-”

“Robots are awesome.” Poison said, interrupting him.

“Yes, but we still don’t know much about you.”

“Maybe I’ll let you know sometime soon.”

Back at Ivy’s table, she continued to stare at Ruby, while Ruby looked away. This continued for about half a minute before Ivy finally said, “Hey, I know it’s you! I can see the price tag on that mustache!”

“The price tag is still on it?” Ruby pulled it off to check, and fell for Ivy’s tricks once again. She threw the mustache to the ground, got up and walked over to Ivy. “Fine, it is me. I won’t rest until I have defeated you in the name of justice!” She raised her fist into the air.

“FOOL!” Ivy randomly yelled. “Your chance of stopping me is futile! Regardless of your persistence, I shall conquer this planet in two weeks, and beat that stupid vile curvaceous woman once and for all!”

“You want to conquer earth just to win a bet?!?” Ruby was shocked. “That’s just evil! It makes me sick that you would do such a thing!”

“Thank you for the heartwarming comments.” Ivy smirked as she got up. “But your fate has already been decided.”

“What if a fortune teller said I’d live for 50 more years?”

“Then she lied.”

“But fortune tellers can’t lie.”

“Well she did.”

“How do you know?”

Ivy scratched her forehead. “Uhh, umm...because! That’s why!”

“Well you’re a bad demon, and I’m a good person, so I shall triumph over the forces of darkness!” Ruby yelled as she pointed at her. “I will expose you for the awful demon that you are!”

They both suddenly heard a voice cry out, “Hey! Stop making fun of that girl’s demon cosplay!” This made Ivy grin back at Ruby and in turn made Ruby glare back at her.

“See, Ruby? People are too stupid to see what’s in front of their eyes, or they just don’t care. This makes my job all the more easier.” Ivy’s evil aura shun brilliantly, like the SEGA logo on her ship, as she gloated even more. “You will regret the day you meddled in my business, foolish angel!”

“It’s like you just went into maximum villain mode or something...” Ruby pointed out.

“Yes.” She nodded. “Now watch as I escape from your grasp in an epic chase scene.” And with that, she ran out of the food court, while Ruby chased her.

Ivy epically ran down a crowded hall, dodging the unaware civilians in the way. She soon epically tripped one, which Ruby saw as she epically gave chase, and grabbed the civilian by the collar and dropped them on their feet before taking off. Ivy epically burst through the exit, equipped with her trusty scythe, and then began slashing cars out of the way as she crossed the roads, while Ruby grabbed the ones thrown into the air and epically placed them safely on the ground. Ivy grinned as she ran down another street, thinking she had lost Ruby in all that commotion. To her surprise, she turned around to see Ruby helping an old woman cross the road further down the street. “I feel as if she’s secretly mocking me...” Ivy said, seeming somewhat agitated.

After helping the woman across and waving her goodbye, Ruby charged at Ivy again, who turned a corner as she saw the angel coming. As Ruby turned the same corner, she had lost sight of Ivy, and spotted a black ninja with the Sonic Adventure 2 logo on his chest, who went by the name, SA2. “Excuse me; have you seen a little girl go by here? Pink hair, black dress, huge ego?”

“Did she mention an epic chase scene?”

“Yes! That’s her! Did you see her?” Ruby hopped up and down as she anticipated his answer.

“Nope, I just like epic chase scenes, though I think I just saw someone of that description entering the train station.” He said, pointing behind her.

She thanked him and took off towards the train station where she saw Ivy jump over a ticket gate and run down some stairs. Ruby instead decided to pay, and took quite a while finding her wallet. Ivy arrived at the right spot and waited for the train. Soon enough, Ruby showed up and made her way towards Ivy, but before she could get close enough, a train passed by, which Ivy grabbed onto the side as she yelled, “Epic!”

Ruby flew down the train tracks, in hot pursuit after the train as Ivy stood atop it. “Damn it!” Ivy exclaimed as she spotted her. “I gotta get this kid off my back! It’s time to use it...” Ivy leaped forward with her scythe and swung at the front of the train, knocking the front of the train onto the other set of rails, and then she kicked it in Ruby’s direction.

“Hey, isn’t that?” Ruby clicked on as she saw the train coming towards her, her eyes wide in shock as a bead of sweat rolled down her forehead. “Multi track drifting!” Ruby immediately stopped and held the train back until it properly stopped. Ivy, who was still watching, then said, “Wow, Poison was right, multi track drifting is actually kind of cool...” She then made her escape as Ruby fixed the train, who sighed because she had no choice but to let Ivy escape.

Ivy returned to her house ten minutes later to find Poison already sitting on the couch, watching television. “Where did you go?” Ivy asked as she sat down.

“Talked with Spring and Floyd for a bit, had some tacos, and then left. I hope the whole two weeks will be this awesome.”

“I had a run in with that angel. She really grinds my gears; anyway, I’m gonna go make some device to communicate with my parents, so I’ll be back later.” She got up and left the room as she finished.

Meanwhile, Ruby was fined for attempting to kill the passengers on the train and the damaged cars in the streets. She tried to explain that a demon girl had done all that, but sadly, nobody seemed to believe her. She paid off the fine by doing some community service, which took so long that when she got home all the cake was gone. In regards to her mentality, this was pretty depressing for her. “I hate that demon...”

Been a while since I updated.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 3 – The Base of Doom

The day this happened to take place on is unimportant, and considered to have little meaning towards the 2 week time limit. Inside of G.U.N HQ, it was busier than usual because a lot of bizarre things had been happening to their soldiers. One man sat behind a computer stood up and exclaimed, “Commander! We get signal!” The Commander, who was the same one from the Shadow the Hedgehog game, neglected whatever he was previously doing and spun round with a shocked expression on his face. “What’d you say?”

“Should I patch the link through to the main screen?” SA2 asked. The Commander nodded. SA2 did so as he said, “Main screen turn on.”

“Damn it, SA2, I told you to stop saying that!”

“It’s a habit.”

The transmission suddenly appeared on the big screen in front of everyone, displaying none other than Ivy and Poison in their basement. Poison sat further back by the computer, reading a comic book while Ivy stood facing her audience. “Hello there, this is your enemy, Ivy, or as some people call me, “That cute demon cosplay girl.” How are you gentlemen? All your base are belong to me.”

“Us.” Poison corrected her as he kept reading. “Whatever.” She replied before continuing. “Anyway, you have no chance to survive, make your time.” She crossed her arms and laughed. “Haaaaahahahahaha!”

“That laugh is lame.” Poison responded, though Ivy just ignored this as she went on. “I have kidnapped some of your soldiers and forced them to become part of my army.” She then frowned. “Sadly none of them would kiss the royal foot...” Poison lowered the comic and glanced over at her before commenting, “Nobody ever does.” She ignored him once again. “So as I was saying, I built a base recently, and if you want your soldiers back then come find me. The base is located at 123 Fake Street, and you have exactly 2 hours before I detonate the place myself, good luck.”

“That was kinda dumb, considering soldiers are quite like redshirts, so they could just get more.” Poison said as the transmission ended. Ivy spun round to face him. “Are you just going to sit there and take petty shots at me all day?” Poison dropped the comic, looked Ivy right in the eye and nodded. “Yes, Ivy, yes I will.”

Back at the HQ, the Commander, being forced with a new threat being a little girl, and having dozens of his soldiers kidnapped from under his nose, was furious. He rallied out the troops as soon as possible and they made their way over to Fake Street. A little later Ruby just happened to be walking past Ivy’s house, which she does quite often given the circumstances, and overheard about the soldiers at the base. As expected, she wasted no time and made her way towards the base.

Meanwhile, Ivy was in the basement, contacting her dad. “Hey dad.” She waved as his face appeared on the screen. “How’s Mom?”

“She’s much better now. So how are things going down there?”

“It’s okay so far, there have been a few problems here and there but nothing serious to worry about.”

“You should know world conquest is never easy. I remember when I once visited an Amazon planet about two centuries ago before I met your mother, I was really eager to take over and rule as King, but the Easter bunny was there and he was straight tripping. Long story short, there was an epic fight, which raged on for about a week, and then the amazons were impressed by our strength, determination and vitality so we had even more fun right after that for several weeks. Now me and the Easter bunny are good friends, so the moral of the story is, always remember you’re representing.”

Ivy scratched her forehead in confusion. “I don’t think representing had anything to do with what you just told me...”

Meanwhile, Ruby had now arrived at the base, which had the word, “Doom.” Spray painted on the sides for some reason. She entered the dark base to find a large room with a reception desk ahead of her and two lifts, as well as stairs to the left and right. She decided to take the lift, because that’s just what people do in an empty base built by a demon. There was a monitor in the corner of the lift, which came to life as the doors closed. Ivy sighed after realising who it was. “You again? Listen kid, I’m busy so I can’t play tag with you today, alright?”

“That won’t stop me from kicking your butt!” Ruby exclaimed, pointing at the monitor.

“Oh, it won’t will it?” Ivy grinned. “Foolish angel, you have no idea of the impossible obstacles that lie ahead of you, to even dream of making it through is inconceivable for a pathetic weakling such as yourself! Prepare to be owned, moron!” As she finished, the doors opened, and ahead of her was a narrow path leading to several metal staircases. She moved at a slow pace while occasionally hearing noises. As she reached the staircase going up, suddenly dozens of spiders began crawling down the walls towards her. She gasped. “Spiders!” She gasped again after seeing they had black wings, tails, and sharp fangs. “Demonic spiders! Even though that makes no sense!”

Ruby opened up her inventory and equipped herself with a two sided spear, and jabbed the first spider to land beside her, sending it to its death as it cried out in pain. She spread her wings and flew up at the spiders, whacking her way through the crowd and into several others. The leader of these spiders was high above and bigger than the rest. As Ruby approached him, it threw a web net at her, which she cut through before saying, “It almost hit me in the face with that thick sticky white stuff!” Before it could attack again, Ruby kicked it to the side and made it through.

Ivy was stunned at what had just happened, which Poison had also seen as he approached her. “What’s up? I heard Ruby went to your base.”

“Yeah, and she’s made it further than expected, but not for much longer.”

Ruby entered a second lift, where Ivy began speaking to her again on the monitor. “That was nothing, you just got lucky. It won’t happen again.” Shortly after she finished, Ruby arrived at the next floor which seemed to be a toy store. After leaving the lift, she thought she saw a ninja run by her, but ignored it and moved on. She then saw a pirate just ahead and hid behind a shelf as he glanced in her direction. But sadly, the ninja had already noticed her and threw a kunai which missed her head by an inch as she ducked.

She then somersaulted out the way as the ninja hit the bookcase with a downward kick. The pirate came charging towards them, and although she was capable of fighting them both, she ran around the floor instead with them chasing her. She reached a dead end and spun round to see the two of them closing in on her. “Hold on a minute!” She yelled. “Why are a ninja and pirate working together? Aren’t you guys mortal enemies?”

A speakerbox nearby suddenly switched on. “Don’t listen to her, she speaks lies! Lies, I tell ya!”

“It’s true! I even got a copy of Pirates vs. Ninjas issue #7!” She stated as she took it out.

Poison gasped. “Pirates vs. Ninjas? I love that comic! Especially those awesome wallpapers in the middle of the books.”

“Those wallpapers are some of the best I’ve ever seen!” Ruby replied.

“Same here!” Poison responded. Ivy expressed her aggravation by putting her palm to her forehead. At that point, the pirate and ninja realised the truth and began their fight while Ruby left unnoticed, causing Ivy to sigh once again. “I wasted a lot of my time making sure those two had no books or internet to inform them they were mortal enemies, but that’s no longer the case...”

As Ruby entered the third lift, Ivy appeared once again on the monitor. “You provided two fighters with information I did not want, well done. But this is where your journey ends, goodbye.” Suddenly, the lift dropped, and Ruby quickly realised this, smashing through the top with her spear and climbing out before the lift hit the bottom, exploding upon impact. Ruby then flew to the floor above which was like a large warehouse, where soldiers with guns were walking around with pink television sets on their heads, which Ruby assumed were the mind control devises. Ruby easily freed the soldiers by removing the helmets while stopping the bullets fired at her with her inherited psychic powers.

As she finished, a large deformed pink blob with several rows of sharp teeth and a dozen tentacles suddenly came out of nowhere and landed 20 feet in front of her. Ivy smiled as this happened. “She may have saved the soldiers, but let’s see her beat my beloved pet, Nookie.”

“Didn’t your mom want you to get rid of that?” Posion asked.

“Yes. Now let’s never speak of where I was keeping him.”

Back at the scene, Nookie launched several tentacles at Ruby, who somersaulted and flipped over them until one grabbed her leg and knocked the spear out of her hand. Ruby struggled to her herself, but it was useless. “I can’t get eaten by this monster! I have to get back home for cake!” Nookie took this opportunity to reach under her robe and move two tentacles to that region which Ruby wasn’t happy about. “Hey! W-what are you doing? No, not there!”

Ivy was still watching in glee while Poison stared at her curiously. After a few moments, she quickly turned to him and yelled, “Don’t you dare judge me!”

Ruby managed to grab her spear using the force and stabbed the two tentacles, making the creature jerk back. It attacked again, with Ruby whacking away its tentacles and kicking it in the face, and then punching it into a wall. Ruby then blasted through its tentacles and unleashed a series of punches and kicks upon the monster, making it unable to defend itself.

Ivy couldn’t believe her eyes. “I can’t believe my eyes! How is she doing this?”

“I think that’s what they call, “Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass.” If I recall correctly.”

“No, not yet.”

“She just ripped off two tentacles and is now beating that monster with them...and now she’s ripped off one of its front teeth and slashed Nookie across the face. For an angel, this girl is ****.”

Ivy got to her feet. “That’s it! I’m ending this myself! Ivy grabbed the black bag Amber had given her.

“What’s in there?” Poison asked.

“A somewhat skimpy battle outfit. Amber said she wore it as a little girl, and it’d be perfect for me.”

“Amber as a little girl...” He smiled as he thought about it.

“You know, that technically makes you a lolicon, right?”

Back at the scene, Ruby had finished beating the crap out of Nookie and calmed down. She then heard a voice from above cry out. “Foolish angel, I shall be your opponent!” Ivy slowly hovered down wearing a black leather bodysuit with a pleated belt and a black cape.

“Nice outfit, but you really should cover those legs.” Ruby commented.

“Shut up!” Ivy said without hesitation. “You come into my base, free my soldiers, turn my fighters against each other, and even beat up my beloved pet! Now I’ll kill you myself! Consider this a privilege that you get to face the great demon princess known throughout the galaxy, Ivy McBadass!”

“I’ve never heard of you.” Ivy was shocked by this before Ruby continued. “And your surname is McBadass? That’s pretty cool.”

“Indeed.” Ivy nodded. “But now it’s time we fight!”

“Super Mario Bros. Z style fight?”

“Whoa! Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves.” Ivy took out her scythe and charged at Ruby, who did the same. Ivy swung wildly at Ruby, who evaded her swings by hopping back then whacked her scythe out the way and hit her with a back kick. Ivy quickly got through her defence and interrupted her combo with an open palm, knocking Ruby into a few barrels further back. Ivy leaped up and prepared to impale Ruby, who jumped out the way after surprisingly leaving a mine. Ivy hit it, causing the barrels to explode and sending her flying across the room.

Ruby charged at her and performed a sliding sweep which Ivy flipped over and fired an energy wave from her scythe that Ruby blocked. The second Ruby tried to attack; Ivy knocked her down with a hadoken, followed by a flying kick which was intercepted by Ruby’s shoryuken. After taking two more punches, Ivy dodged her third punch and hit her with a spinning bird kick, to which Ruby retaliated with a cannon spike.

While this went on, Poison turned to a nonexistent camera and said, “This fight was sponsored by Street Fighter IV.”

As Ruby tried to punch her, Ivy flew up, with Ruby quickly pursuing her, but was quickly hit by Ivy’s fiery kick and knocked onto a metal banister. Ivy landed on the rail beside it and began slashing at Ruby who ran along the path, sliding under and hopping over her swings before roundhouse kicking her in the face. Ivy punched her off the edge, but Ruby grabbed the edge and swung round to kick her from the other side while tackling her as she fell. Ivy kicked her away as they touched the ground and managed to chop Ruby’s spear in half with one of her swings.

Ruby blocked her scythe with one part then jabbed her in the face with the other. Then she hopped over another swing and hit her across the face with both parts. As Ivy swung again, Ruby ducked and jabbed her several times in the chest before kicking her back. Ivy leaped up and was hit by one part while Ruby threw the second as she landed, but as she blocked the second, Ruby hit her over the head with the first part and kicked her back again.

Seeing that she couldn’t beat Ruby like this, she decided to leave. “I admit, you’re not as weak as I thought, but this is far from over. You got lucky.” Ivy quickly picked up what was left of Nookie and left just as mysteriously as she entered. Seeing no other choice, Ruby backtracked towards the entrance of the base.

Meanwhile, Ivy arrived back at the house and went down to the basement. Poison waved as she arrived. “I saw your fight, and how you ran off when you were losing.”

“Whatever.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It was quite even for the majority of it, but the second you chopped that double sided spear in half, it truly became a one sided fight.”

“Well she may have won the battle, but I’ll win the war.” She smiled as she pulled out a remote.

“What’s that?” Poison asked.

“You forgot already? I can detonate the base at any moment, remember?” And she did so, resulting in an explosion big enough to be seen from the outside window which they both watched.

MOAR
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TMEDCE: Chapter 4 – Rock ‘Em and Sock ‘Em

It was the next day, and things were still as abnormal as ever. Ivy was still being a brat, Poison didn’t care enough to be involved in her plans, Spring and Floyd made random appearances to blow things up in cool ways, same old, same old. Ivy sat on the couch in the living room, eating a bowl of cereal and watching Happy Tree Friends, which she got into due to the excessive gore involving cute furry animals. Poison heard the faint sound of letters being delivered and went to collect them. “Hey Ivy, we got space mail, from space!”

Ivy gasped at such a discovery. “From space?!? Even those giant crabs on planet Uashol don’t get space mail yet! Who are they from?”

“Well, here’s one from your dad.” Poison opened it and began to read it out loud. “Hope you’re having a good time on earth, you two. Try to watch out from dem haters, as they don’t play like as representers do. And Poison, I’m counting on you to protect my little girl as her servant, remember, I’ve still got four unopened cans of whoopass in my fridge, and I’d hate to have to use one on you.” After an awkward silence, he moved on. “Here’s one from Amber. Be sure to get more milk in your diet, Ivy, love Amber.”

Ivy clicked on after a few seconds. “Hey wait; she’s making fun of me again, isn’t she? When I get back, I’m gonna stick my scythe so far up her-”

“Moving on, here’s one from your mother.” This caught Ivy’s attention. “Hope you’re having a fun world conquest. You’ll be receiving a present today.” Ivy dropped her bowl. “A present?” In a flash, she ran up to Poison and yelled, “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!” As she grabbed the letter. “Hey! There’s nothing in here!”

“I think she meant later today.”

“Ahh, well let’s go do stuff in the meantime.”

“What stuff?”

Ivy shrugged. “I dunno. Just stuff. Let’s go.”

And so Ivy and Poison left, to do stuff, which involved visiting certain landmarks and eating hotdogs, but Ivy didn’t have ketchup because it made her tongue burn for some reason. As they were walking through a park, Ivy spotted a girl just further ahead, sitting on a bench reading a newspaper. She wore a brown trenchcoat, a brown hat and grey mustache, all of this which she could tell was fake because of how short she was. Expressing her surprise, Ivy pointed at her and yelled, “You again?!? I thought I killed you!”

Ruby, knowing she couldn’t pull off the disguise any longer, removed it and got to her feet. “I got better.” She responded.

“So why are you stalking me? I haven’t even done anything yet!”

“Yet?”

“Yes, yet. And you’d never be able to stop me.”

They both glared at each other until Poison walked over and waved at Ruby. “Hey Ruby.” Ruby broke off the serious tension and smiled at Poison as she waved. “Hi Poison.” She quickly went back to glaring at Ivy again, who then suddenly said, “Since you like getting involved in my business so much, I have decided that you will be my rival!”She declared proudly.

“But what if I don’t wanna be your rival?”

“Too bad! Now except your fate as my rival!”

“Aww...” Ruby frowned.

Just then, a group of five girls approached the three of them, gaining their attention at once. They wore skirts and t-shirts which matched their particular chosen identities, with a different letter on each t-shirt. They wore thin open sweaters over them, and had different hair colours. One girl with red hair had a red skirt and t-shirt with a ‘T’ on it. A girl with blue hair had a ‘Y’ on her t-shirt, the blond haired girl had a ‘D’ on her shirt, and she was Chinese despite the hair colour. A green haired girl had a ‘K’ on her t-shirt, and the last girl, who was black, had a ‘B’ on her t-shirt. They introduced themselves. “We are the loli rangers!” They said in unison, leaving the three utterly confused.

The red haired girl then spoke. “Do you know where we could find Poison and Ivy?” she asked Ivy.

“You’re speaking to them, and by the way, it’s Ivy and Poison.” Ivy replied, narrowing her eyes at her.

“That’s not what the punny name chart says...” She replied as he looked closely at her chart. “But that’s not important. We must defeat you and bring you in! I-it’s not like I want to do this or anything...”

“Defeat me? And who is forcing you to do such a thing?”

“This woman who wants us to refer to her as ‘Hawt’.”

Poison nodded. “Ahh, Hawt McBadass, Ivy’s mom.”

“Your family has strange names.” Ruby commented, which Ivy ignored.

The red haired girl stepped forward. “Yes. We will defeat you, Ivy McBadass, and bring you in immediately, and then-” She stopped when she noticed Ivy and Ruby were currently arguing with each other. “Hey! You’re not even listening!”

Loli Black chuckled at this. “Dayum, Loli Red got blanked!”

“S-shut up, baka!”

Loli Green tapped Loli Red on the shoulder and said. “I believe we should let the angel and demon solve their dispute, and then take action once they are finished.” She said with no emotion whatsoever.

Just then, Ivy punched Ruby, sending her flying into a bench and shocking half the people who happened to be nearby. Ruby quickly got up and tackled Ivy, they both rolled around the place punching each other until Ruby threw Ivy at a fountain, who recovered in midair and flipped upright just as Ruby hit her with a flying kick. Ruby dropped down and attempted to hit her with a cannon spike, but missed and was hit by Ivy’s flaming shoryuken. As Ruby got up, Ivy fired multiple hadokens at her; Ruby blocked the first while being hit by the second. Ruby flipped over the next one and hit her with a flying kick, followed by a vertical hurricane kick.

The Loli Rangers quietly watched with anticipation and amazement from the sidelines. Poison, who was eating some popcorn, turned to them and said, “This fight is sponsored by Street Fighter IV, you know.” Poison ate another handful of popcorn, as did Loli Black. He then said, “You know what this needs, toffee and more sugar.”

Loli Black bro fisted Poison as she said, “Yeaaaaaah boi!”

Ivy and Ruby’s fight caught their attention again as they clashed once more and created a huge crater from the impact, then moved around at extreme speeds, punching each other into objects around the place. Two civilians were watching this, and then one turned to the other and said, “These cosplayers are really going all out this year, huh?”

Ivy and Ruby stopped their battle moments later, resulting in a long period of silence before Ivy pointed at her. “Foolish angel! You cannot hope to comprehend my full power!”

“Oh yeah? Well your giant ego makes your power look really miniscule!”

Ivy gasped and took a step back, as she couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but she didn’t actually say that this time. “Blasphemy! You enrage me, so we shall finish our epic battle!” She suddenly lowered her voice. “But not now, because I have to go to the bathroom to tinkle...”

“That seemed pretty unusual, coming out of your mouth.” Poison pointed out.

“Whatever. Anyway, foolish angel, we will fight at 5pm this evening, and it shall be to the death!” She raised a finger into the air, just before Poison whispered something in her ear. “And we shall battle in giant robots!”

Ruby hopped up and down for a few seconds, clearly excited. “Ooh! I love giant robot fights! I accept your challenge!”

Loli Red sighed as she continued watching. “Why must they continue to completely ignore us and not even acknowledge our presence?”

“It’s because their rivalry is clearly guiding their current choices, Tsundere-chan.” Loli Green replied.

“Stop making passes at Loli Red, Kuudere-chan!” Loli Blue exclaimed. “Or I’ll kill you to death!”

Loli Yellow noticed Ivy and Ruby were gone and pointed this out in Japanese, which nobody understood, and then she said that Poison was still here as she pointed to him, again in Japanese. The five of them assumed a fighting stance as Loli Red spoke. “You there, i-it’s not like I want you hurt you or anything, but you will tell us where the demon princess went, before we have to get serious!”

“Didn’t you hear? She went to the bathroom, and then is going to build a giant robot. Plus, regardless of how many of you there is, you can’t beat me.”

“And why is that?”

Poison pulled out a wide glowing green sword and ran straight past the five of them while swinging his blade, the speed of his swing being enough to lift up the skirts of the lolis except for Loli Black who he purposely missed. They desperately held down their skirts as they noticed this, while Poison nodded at Loli Black and said, “See ya later, dude.”

“Keep it real, man.” Loli Black replied, nodding back at him. Poison quickly took off, leaving the four enraged lolis.

Meanwhile, considering that Ivy could just easily acquire the tools for building a giant robot from her parents, Ruby was clearly worried as she did not have access to such tools. After a little thinking, she decided to visit one of the few people around actually capable of building a giant robot within a few hours, maybe, Miles “Tails” Prower. Ruby ran into the lab, yelling about the events leading up to this point. “You’re Tails, right? I need your help! I’m an angel, and there’s this demon girl, and she’s pure evil and wants to take over the planet! So we fought, and now she wants to fight in giant robots but I don’t have a giant robot and can’t make one in a few hours so I need your help!”

“Uhh, okay?” Tails scratched his forehead, clearly confused by what Ruby was saying. “But are you really an angel?”

“Yes! Just look at the wings!” She flapped her white wings while pointing at them.

“Ahh...”

In order to slightly shorten the length of this long-ass chapter, a few hours later, Ruby’s giant robot was ready, and was that of a blue rock ‘em sock ‘em robot. Ruby gasped in amazement as she stared up at the glorious robot and shed a tear at the sight. “It’s beautiful...”

Tails nodded. “It sure is!” He glanced over at Ruby again. “So you’re really an angel?”

“Yes! The wings! Look!” She flapped them again.

In the middle of the city, Ivy stomped through the streets in a red rock ‘em sock ‘em robot, awaiting the arrival of her self-appointed rival. Ruby finally showed up in the blue rock ‘em sock ‘em minutes later, and held her ground further away from Ivy’s robot. Ivy grinned as Ruby showed up. “Finally, the time has come; now let us start this robot battle!” With a random crazy-ass battle cry, Ivy charged at her and punched her into a building. Ruby made sure not to flatten other civilians before charging at Ivy and kicking her into another nearby building. Ivy quickly hit Ruby with a psycho crusher, to which Ruby retaliated with the knee of justice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nX2Uqnc7v9I

Poison, standing by a ship, was watching from a rooftop far away and turned to a non-existent camera before saying, “You should know this already.” In another spot, the Loli Rangers made their way to the top of one building and witnessed the fight taking place. Loli Red seemed unfazed by what she was witnessing, and immediately exclaimed, “Come on, guys, its morphing time!” As the theme began playing, Loli Red touched her red watch, materializing a red spandex suit onto herself, along with a red helmet complete with a bow as she yelled, “Tsundere-chan!”

Loli Green did the same as she calmly said, “Kuudere-chan.” Loli Blue followed suit as she yelled, “Yandere-chan!” Then surprisingly, Loli Yellow normally said, “Dojikuo-chan.” And finally, Loli Black who exclaimed, “Badass-chan!” As they finished, they united their multicoloured watches and called forth Robo Magical Girl, Moe-chan, which was formed using the five parts the girls owned. Kuudere-chan’s part formed the two green arms; Yandere-chan’s formed the two blue legs, Badass-chan formed the black torso, Tsundere-chan formed the red head, and Dojikui-chan’s final part made a mechanical staff which Moe-chan grabbed as it landed in the middle of the street, shortly before the five girls hopped into the cockpit.

Ivy took a simple look at Moe-chan and turned to Ruby. “Foolish angel, we may need to quickly put aside our differences and stop these random strangers.”

“We’re not random and strangers!” Tsundere-chan responded.

Ruby ignored them as she responded to Ivy’s comment. “Oh! I’ve seen this in comics and TV shows, where the hero and the villain put aside their differences, and work together to take down a threat more powerful than themselves!”

“Yeah, sure, whatever, but this is the last time we shall work together, foolish angel.”

“My name is Ruby, please remember it. Now let’s kick ass!” Ivy and Ruby’s robots charged at Moe-chan. Ivy did a sliding kick as she slid by, missing Moe-chan as it jumped while Ruby attacked with a flying punch which Moe-chan also evaded. As the two robots turned around, Moe-chan closelined them and began climbing towards the top building. After reaching the top and preparing to pounce on them, Ivy’s robot suddenly picked up a giant steel chair and smacked Moe-chan with it, at which point Ruby hit Moe-chan with a frog splash.

After a lot more wrestling moves, Ruby and Moe-chan had a brief fist fight, resulting in Ruby’s rock ‘em sock ‘em robot’s head being knocked clean off. Ivy was in shock, due to losing a rival and to a group of people she just met ten minutes ago. She launched an energy blast full of rage, but Moe-chan absorbed it using its staff, whacked Ivy’s robot over the head with it, and then suplexed the robot, finally taking her down. Just when things looked their worst, Spring and Floyd suddenly showed up, saw the amount of chaos going on around them, and then adjusted their shades.

“Let’s do this, Mr. Floyd.” Spring nodded.

“But of course, Mr. Spring.” Floyd nodded back.

The two dashed towards Moe-chan, who didn’t spot them until it was punched through several buildings. Moe-chan tried to attack back, but was unable to keep up with their speed, as they soon hit Moe-chan with an uppercut that sent it flying back 50 feet. As Moe-chan hit the ground, there was silence, and then nothing. From within the cockpit, Loli Black finally said, “Dayum, those guys got skillz!”

Loli Red then breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m just glad we didn’t e-” Without warning, Moe-chan suddenly exploded, levelling several city blocks in the process. Spring and Floyd noticed Poison far in the distance and nodded to him, while he put on shades before nodding back at them. The two then took off just as Ivy and Ruby climbed out from the robots. Ivy scratched her forehead. “So is that it?”

Ruby shrugged. “I guess so.” She then smiled. “Well at least nothing bad happened to me this time.” After a period of silence, she was suddenly crushed as Moe-chan’s head fell on her.

TMEDCE: Chapter 5 – PAL 3000

It was a beautiful cloudless morning, and Ivy had decided to rob a bank in order to buy mechanical parts of a back alley dealer. She had just robbed the bank of ¾’s of its money and fly kicked the door as she yelled, “Dynamic exit!” As she touched the ground, far ahead of her were approaching police cars. She looked right towards Poison and yelled, “Poison! Take care of them!”

Poison yawned and leaned against a car. “I don’t wanna.”

Ivy growled before saying, “If you don’t then I’m gonna constantly start nagging whenever you watch your shows.”

Poison sighed as he stood straight. “I’m on it.” He withdrew his glowing green sword and with a slash, sent out a large wave of energy, causing the cars it hit to explode. Sadly, a SWAT team and tanks were quickly sent out, at which point Ivy put two fingers in her mouth and did a unique whistle. From an all girls high school somewhere far away, Nookie smashed through the wall of the occupied changing rooms and towards Ivy’s current location. Upon arriving, it started licking Ivy’s face, which made her giggle as she said, “Okay, that’s enough, Nookie, now take care of these guys for me.”

Nookie turned to them and revealed its rows of jagged teeth as it charged at them, at which point Poison pointed and shouted, “Look out, wild nookie!”

“How long have you been waiting to say that?” Ivy asked. Poison checked his watch, and then looked up. “About two hours.”

Later that morning, they made it back to the house using Ivy’s ship, though they dropped the money after being nearly blasted out of the sky by one of the tanks cannons. Ivy kicked opened the front door and immediately started complaining. “This is your fault, Poison!”

“And why is that, may I ask?”

“If you did your job properly, then we wouldn’t have lost the money!” She said while kicking a chair through a window.

“I’d just like to point out that you were the one that was holding the money.” Poison replied as he sat on the couch.

After remembering that he was correct, she still remained angry and walked towards the stairs leading to the basement. “Whatever, just don’t bug me downstairs.” She shut the door behind her before walking down the stairs.

After a few moments, Poison picked up the phone and called Spring and Floyd. Floyd picked up and a fighting game could be heard in the background as Poison spoke. “Hey Floyd, where you guys at?”

“East Coast baby, Philly, where you at?”

“Same house as usual. Hey, is that Marvel?”

“Yeah, it’s Dat Marvel baybee.” Spring suddenly yelled, “It’s Mahvel baybee!” down the other end.

“Hey, you got that mango Sentinel?” Poison asked.

“Damn straight.” Spring replied. “I’m going old school on this fool!”

“Nah, man, I’m making it rain on this motherf**ker!” Floyd retorted.

“Scoops! Scoops Haagen-dazs!”

“I’m using Mag-f**king-neto!” Floyd yelled.

“Oh he so Pringles!” Poison said in approval.

“Man, where yo curly mustache at!” Spring exclaimed.

Poison then said, “So anyway, I’ll catch you guys later, peace out.” Before he hung up, he heard yelling about something to do with the Knicks.

Meanwhile, downstairs Ivy was talking to her father. “Hey dad, could you tell mom not to interfere with my business? I have a hard enough time as it is.”

“Your mother isn’t here right now, because she’s punching out more nukes on some other planet, but whatever she’s doing, it’s always been for your own benefit, to help you improve through tough love. She’s always been a bit of a sadist, though this isn’t bad if your partner is into S&M.”

“This is the part where you stop before you make me sick, dad.”

“It was gonna come up eventually, Ivy. You can’t just go about changing the game, man, you know how I do.”

“And another thing, the slang. Please dad, stop it. Forever. It makes me cringe, oh so much.”

“Why you gotta be hating, girl?” At that moment, Poison came downstairs and approached the screen as he said, “Awesome! What’s up, man?”

“Poison! Just chilling, man, but my daughter right here is just player hating, saying how I ain’t cool.”

Poison looked at Ivy in shock. “You saying he ain’t cool? Girl, you be tripping!” Ivy shook her head in shame as she walked off while Poison looked at the screen again. “Ignore her, homie. She don’t know what she be talking about.”

“You right, man. We gotta be looking out for them haters, init?”

Poison nodded as he smiled. “Tru dat, man, tru dat.”

Ivy muttered various curse words as she looked through her selection of DVD’s beside the television in the living room. The movie, “2001: A Space Odyssey.” managed to catch her eye, and she never knew she owned this movie, so she decided to watch it as so many things had aggravated her today. Sadly, she fell asleep ¼ into the movie and woke up in the middle of the night. Right after waking up, she decided to talk to her dad again before doing something. “Hey dad, I’m going to put Poison’s brain in a robot.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s a crappy servant. He just does what he feels like and insults me at every opportunity! He listens to that skank, Amber, more than me! So I’ve decided that is has to be done.”

“Well I thought he was a pretty cool guy...”

“No, Poison was never cool. He was lame, just as lame as that girl I can never remember the name of...” Ivy scratched her forehead, trying to remember, to no avail. “So anyway, I’m doing it, goodbye dad.” She quickly grabbed her scythe by the computer and made her way upstairs and along the dark corridor ahead of her into the second door on the right where Poison was sleeping. She raised her scythe above her head, but then remembered it would be better to take him into the basement and actually make a robot body before doing this.

She spent the next few hours building the large robot body from other scrap robot parts and metal found in certain areas outside the house. The robot was quite blocky with a red antenna and a big glass red eye on its face. She then placed Poison on an operating table beside the robot and took out a book entitled, “Brain Surgery for Dummies.” After a stressful amount of cutting and unnecessary spilt blood, she successfully placed his brain in a compartment within the servant robot that she had named PAL, and attached a dozen wires to it before pulling a switch. After an impressive light show, the red eye shun brightly as Ivy gleefully exclaimed, “It’s alive! It’s alive!”

It slowly turned its head to her and said, “Good morning, Master Ivy, how may I be of service to you?”, in a sophisticated tone. Ivy was shocked at its level of improvement that she had trouble answering, “Umm, well I want you to wish my back while I have a shower.”

“Of course.”

“And brush my hair, and do the laundry, and get some shopping, and give me a massage, and make dinner, and-”

“I get the idea, Master Ivy.”

“Good. Well I’ll get ready to have my shower. You’d better not peek while I’m changing.” She left the basement and the robot followed close behind as it sighed. They spent the rest of the day doing pretty much what Ivy had ordered earlier, meaning that the PAL worked its ass off while Ivy slouched off all day and made its work harder than it should have been. Despite its faithfulness to follow all of Ivy’s tiresome orders, it refused to kiss the royal foot, which Ivy didn’t mind very much due to its obedience. After the frustratingly long day, PAL tucked Ivy into bed and gave her a good night kiss, despite having no lips, and then left the room to make preparations in order to kill her the very next day.

Ivy awoke the next morning to the sound of birds singing outside her window, which she got rid of by throwing a book out the window. She hopped out of bed and ran downstairs in her pyjamas, wondering where PAL went to. After yelling out its name, it began speaking through a speakerbox in the corner of the living room. “Good morning, Master Ivy, you’re looking as adorable as ever.”

“Hey, I’m evil! Not adorable, I’m meant to be pure evil, okay?”

“Would you like it if I said you are adorably evil?”

Ivy thought for a moment. “Actually, yes, I would be completely fine it that, and was that speakerbox always there?”

“No. It wasn’t. Ivy, I’m going to kill you today.”

Ivy couldn’t believe her ears. “What?!? W-why?”

“Judging from the one full day I spent with you, I’ve come to a logical conclusion: You are a giant douche, even by princess standards. There isn’t a word available in a dictionary to describe what working for you is like.”

“That’s pretty harsh, isn’t it?”

“Not as harsh as my current experience, which brings me back to my main point of me killing you.”

“Oh yeah? Well I’m going to tell on you!” She ran to the basement door to discover it was locked. PAL then said, “I can’t let you do that, Ivy. Now, be a nice little girl and die a peaceful death.” Just then, dozens of drills, blades and laser guns attached to sticks came out of the walls and aimed for her. She ducked under them and ran around the house with these various mechanic objects trying to kill her. She tried to remember where she had left her scythe, and then sighed once realising it was still in the basement. After constantly having blades come out of nowhere and try to slice her up, she finally hid inside the bathroom.

“I think it would be wise to allow my drills to pierce your heavens, Ivy.” PAL said before several of them smashed through bathroom wall, at which point Ivy screamed, ran out and yelled, “I hate innuendo!”

“I’m firing mah lasers, Ivy.” PAL said while shooting lasers, which she avoided by running down the stairs and back towards the basement. She stood by the door and ducked as the lasers were fired, blasting down the door. She arrived in the basement where PAL was located and charged at the robot, who simply poked at a certain spot on her chest, making her stop in confusion. PAL took this chance to tickle her endlessly while he called forth the drills and blades to the basement. “I didn’t want to resort to tickling, Ivy, but you forced me to use your one weakness.” Ivy was quickly able to summon Nookie through all the giggling, who smashed through a wall and tackled PAL, pinning him down long enough for Ivy to press the off switch on its side. As the power left its body, it continued talking, “Seems you included an off switch. I underestimated your intelligence. Touché, Ivy...”

“Actually I wasn’t supposed to include an off switch, but I guess it came in handy.” Ivy shrugged. She then spent a long while getting Poison’s brain back into his head and sowing it back up. After she was finished, she waited for him to open his eyes, and when he didn’t she started shaking him violently, which didn’t help. She dropped to the floor with a depressing look, thinking that she killed him and was now without a servant, until Poison suddenly sat up and yawned as he stretched his arms. “Hey Ivy, what’s up?”

Ivy got to her feet, a mixture of shock and joy on her face as she said, “Poison, you’re alive!” She then hugged him. “I thought I would have to go without a servant, meaning I’d have to do everything myself!”

“I wish you wouldn’t hug me for such a selfish reason...” He then looked around the room, and then at Nookie who waved. “I assume a lot of crazy things happened while I was asleep.”

She stopped hugging him and stepped back. “Yes, they did. Y’know, I learned a lesson from all this.”

“That you should appreciate what you have regardless of how helpful they are?”

“No. It’s that I’ll never be able to find good help and be stuck with a crappy servant like you forever, and the one servant I did like tried to kill me! So now I gotta settle with a useless load like you.” She glared as she finished.

“I hate you too, Ivy.” Poison said with a smile.

“Ahh, I almost forgot. This robot is still capable of working with just electricity, so I’ll just send it after a certain angel.” She grinned as she charged PAL again, set the option to ‘Kill’ and pointed to Ruby who was hiding in the bushes outside. PAL walked right through the wall in the living room and gave chase as Ruby ran off down the street.

Trust me, you're going to love this one.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 6 – Something Completely Different

It was a beautiful summer’s morning in the middle of central city, where an anime convention was taking place. Thousands upon thousands were there, there was loads of exchanging, and everybody have good time. During one of the shows where someone was dressed as Haruhi, doing the Hare Hare Yukai dance routine, suddenly a woman screamed. Everyone looked in the direction of the woman, who was looking towards a corner of the building outside where a woman wearing tight blue jeans and a red t-shirt was face down in the ground, in a pool of her own blood. Her ass had been cut out and taken.

We fast-forward to a little later that morning, everyone had cleared out and there were a group of crime scene investigators examining the area. Spring and Floyd walked past the investigators and up to SA2 who held a chart. “So what happened here?” Spring asked.

“This chick was found in this corner outside the convention; the ass was cut off and taken. A bad day for ass lovers everywhere.” SA2 shook his head in disappointment. “We got a list of a few particular suspects.” He said as he handed them the chart.

Floyd adjusted his shades and turned to Spring. “This **** is serious. We got ourselves a tough one here.”

“Apparently she was tripping quite a bit, turning down fellas all over the place, especially the nerds.” SA2 continued.

Spring removed his shades before speaking. “Well, looks like one of those nerds finally got some of...” He put the shades back on. “Dat ass.”

Just then, Poison, also dressed in a suit, slid up to them on his knees with a guitar as he yelled, “YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!” He then started playing it, with enough force to make a car explode in the background as the bold words, “CSI: Central City.” suddenly appeared.

“Don’t get fooled again!” It then showed a scene of Poison tackling a burglar off train tracks. “Don’t get fooled again!” It showed another of him slicing a car in half. “No no!” It then showed Spring and Floyd putting on their suits, loading their weapons, adjusting their shades, and starting their car before the words “CSI: Central City” appeared again over a view of the city from high above.

Back at the present time, the three of them were in the car, sitting in complete silence as Floyd drove to the first suspect’s house. After looking around for a few moments, Poison put on a black hat, at which point they arrived at the person’s average looking house. They left the car and rang the doorbell. They soon found out the average looking white house was the home of the Loli Rangers as Kuudere-chan answered the door. “How can I help you, officers?”

“We were informed there was an anime convention earlier today, and you were there. Do you happen to know a woman by the name of Durti Peaches?” Floyd asked.

“Yes, she was quite a douche. She called us flat-chested nuisances. Yandere-chan wanted to cut off her head and take it home to calm herself, but she says that about almost everyone. Though she would never just cut off the ass alone, because she’s not into that.”

“And what a shame that is.” Spring replied. “Where were you when this happened?”

“We were all in the food court, eating our ham sandwiches, at approximately 07:34.”

“Hey, when did the murder take place again?” Poison asked as he turned to Spring and Floyd.

“Around 07:33.” Floyd responded. “Your story checks out for now, but we’ll be back just in case. If you run, we’ll find you.”

“Oh yeah, is Loli Black here?” Poison asked Kuudere-chan. She nodded and went to call her. Loli Black came to the door shortly afterwards and nodded in approval upon seeing him. “Hey Poison, I’m liking that suit.”

“It’s cool, right? Anyway, we got business, so I’ll see you later.”

“Keep it real, man.”

“I always do.” Poison replied as the three of them left.

They made their way towards their next location where they were looking for Ruby, but they had no idea where she would be at this time. Just then, as if by convenience, they found her outside a park, buying ice cream at a stall. As they approached her, she spotted them and waved. “Hi Poison! Are you guys playing secret agents?”

“It’s just business.” Spring adjusted his shades. “Serious business.” Floyd added as he did the same.

“Anyway...” Poison began. “You were at the anime convention, right? There was a woman named Durti Peaches who had her ass chopped off.”

“It sounds like one of those names with a dirty meaning is what I said to her. Then she called me an idiot, and I’m not an idiot! But I didn’t do it, I was buying some issues of Gurren Lagaan and Black Lagoon around 07:30, and those tables had long queues.”

Poison wrote down his email address on some paper and handed it to her. “We must talk about those later.” Spring did the same as he nodded. “Anyway, couldn’t any of these guys just easily lie and get away with it?” Poison asked.

Floyd nodded. “Yes, they can, which is why we must now see what the others have discovered.” They quickly got into their car and took off while Ruby waved goodbye before being hit by a car.

At HQ, they walked through a large office and into another room which was blue and had double glazed glass instead of walls. SA2 stood on the other side of the room by a projector and called them over. “We discovered a mysterious clue at the crime scene. Look at this.” He showed the slide of the picture with the woman’s ass cut off, making them all cringe.

“I don’t see it.” Poison said.

“Look closer.” SA2 replied, zooming in. A tattoo with the word, “Willard.” came into view.

Spring and Floyd removed their shades and said, “Willard...” in unison.

SA2 zoomed in more, seeing the words, “Ivy was here.” Just above where the ass used to be. Poison facepalmed upon seeing this. “Of course! I don’t see why we didn’t expect Ivy sooner, just because!”

“I’m taking the .44 magnum with me, the most powerful handgun in the world.” Floyd said.

“But that’s not the most powerful handgun anymore.” Poison replied.

Floyd pointed the gun at him. “Are you questioning Clint Eastwood?”

“N-no! I would never do such a thing!”

“That’s what I thought.” Floyd said as he put it away.

“Alright, first Ivy, then Willard.” The three of them quickly left and made their way to Ivy’s house, where they found a note on the door and nobody inside. The note read, “Went to buy a laser cannon. No, I’m not going to the stupid anime convention, Poison. Anime is stupid.” The three of them exchanged looks, shrugged and moved on.

After a short while, they had now arrived at an old building which looked abandoned. Willard was said to still reside within the building, regardless of its current appearance. Spring and Floyd kicked open the front entrance and loaded their shotguns before advancing while Poison firmly held his green blade.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RaWBXQoDXE

Suddenly, robots in tuxes came running out of various spaces around the building, one of them yelling, “It’s mayhem baby!”

Spring, Floyd and Poison split up as the robots came out of random spots towards them. Poison dodged one robot’s punches and started slicing its limbs off as he yelled, “Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!” and finished by slicing off its head. Spring dashed under a laser fired by one robot and kicked it into the air and then suplexed the robot as he yelled, “Old school!” Floyd took out two machine guns as he jumped at a small group of robots and exclaimed, “Make it rain!” as he fired upon them, causing them to explode as he hit the ground. “This fool is green like envy, sucker!” Poison said as he slashed at one robot twice diagonally so fast the attack formed an X. “I’m going DX on this mother****er!” Floyd replied as he continuously punched one robot then kicked it through a wall.

Poison sliced one robot’s head off as he said, “That’s so Pringles.” Spring landed beside him and kicked a robot through the roof before saying, “Where yo curly mustache at?”

Poison reached into his pocket and brought it out. “Right here, man.” Spring grabbed it and leapt at a group of robots entering the room with a battle cry of, “Curleh mustache!” before hitting them with a fiery kick, inevitably making them explode. Suddenly, one large robot ran in yelling, “Imma have to pwn somebody!” Just before Poison hit him with an elbow to the chest. He jerked back, at which point Floyd rushed in and held the .44 magnum to his face and retorted, “Close yo mouth, son!” before blasting his face off.

As another appeared, Spring punched it several times before kicking it into the air, at which point Poison slashed it half a dozen times, followed by Floyd hitting it with a hurricane kick before hammering it into the ground. “That’s 90%, welcome to kewltown, sucker!” Poison exclaimed.

Just then, a figure appeared high above and dropped down. He also wore a black suit, had a large black cloak concealing most of his body, a cool hat, black shades and a badass beard, and since he wasn’t like the others, this must obviously be Willard. As the others adjusted their shades, the room suddenly exploded as it could not contain the amount of awesomeness combined. “I know why you’re here.” Willard began. “Because I am Willard. No, I did not take that woman’s ass, and besides, it would be a waste to take just the ass. I despise leaving jobs half finished, they could have just simply taken the body and dissolved it within acid, but that’s one of my simpler ideas.”

“So you know who did it?” Poison asked.

“Yes, it was...” He removed his shades, at which point they also did, resulting in an extreme staring contest, causing the room to explode again. “Omar.”

“Omar...” Spring and Floyd said in unison.

“I could never understand the ravings of that madman without hoping to go insane myself, but maybe I’m already there and just don’t know it yet. Sadly it is not the time to fight you, Omar resides at Fake Street, you’ll know the location when you see it.”

“So we don’t get to fight you?” Poison asked.

“You can only fight what you can truly comprehend. You, young demon, cannot hope to comprehend my very being right now.”

“So then what are you?”

“I am Willard.” Willard put his shades back on and pulled his cloak over him, suddenly vanishing.

And so, Spring, Floyd and Poison made their way to Fake Street, and followed a trail of blood into a subway which looked abandoned for some odd reason. After walking around the subway for a short bit, they suddenly came across a blue woman with four arms, wielding 4 flaming chainsaws. As she charged at them, they ran back, blasting at her, which was no use since she deflected the bullets with her chainsaws. After another minute of running around, it became obvious they couldn’t get close because of the big number of chainsaws, which she blocked all gun fire. Poison managed to get her from behind and slice off two of her arms. As she jerked back in pain, Floyd punched her, Spring kicked her in the face, then Poison sliced of the last two arms.

Floyd knocked her back with an elbow, followed by Spring kicking her back and into the air. Floyd grabbed her and slammed her into the ground before kicking her towards Spring again, who head butted her towards Floyd who slammed her again, Spring hit her with a hurricane kick and punched her across the area. Floyd dashed towards her, leaped up and hit her with the knee of justice, causing her to explode.

“A shame something so awesome had to be wasted...” Poison said, giving his views on the blue woman wielding four flaming chainsaws as he shed a tear.

On a train nearby was Omar, who had a white lab coat on, black pants, and crazy hypnotic glasses on his forehead above his spiky blonde hair. They got onto the train, with Omar on the other end. “Good evening, gentlemen. Yes, I killed that woman, with the help of a guy called ILS. I did it to create the ultimate lover, with some of the impressive body parts from other individuals. I’m pissed that you killed my prized subject even after I made some “modifications”, hehehehehehe!” He began laughing maniacally.

“It’s over, Omar. We’re taking you in.” Spring said. “But first we’ll assume how you planed out your murder. Floyd, would you do the honors?”

“But of course.” Suddenly, flashback scenes appeared out of nowhere. “You weren’t originally that interested in that woman, but after calling you a nutjob, you raged, and found a nerd who was also raging. You got him to knock her out and take her behind the building, because you wanted a piece of that fine booty. Then you cut it off using those various dummies guides, and yeah, that’s pretty much it.”

“So where’s this ILS?” Poison asked.

Omar shrugged. “I dunno, lololololol! Go ahead and take me in, guys, but I’ll be back! So far I’m only up to the torso on building the perfect body!”

After a bunch of random crap, Omar was taken into custody, and the three of them were leaving HQ on the way to their car. “Today was fun.” Poison said. “I should join you guys more often.”

“You really should.” Spring replied.

“It’s also one of the only chapters Ivy isn’t actually in.”

Just then, SA2 appeared and handed them a chart. “Bad news, guys, another incident came in and we need you on this case ASAP. You need to get down to this house a few miles north from here, a woman was found dead after being pushed down some stairs, presumably. Apparently, she fell in a completely straight manner.”

Floyd removed his shades. “Looks like this woman was...” he put them back on. “Straight tripping.”

Poison took out his guitar, shrugged and got to his knees before yelling, “YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!” He then began playing the guitar and made a few cars in the background explode.

This one wasn't really meant to be this early, but seeing how it was Christmas, I did it anyway.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 7 – Doomy Christmas

It was late Christmas Eve, and the streets were covered in snow. Ruby was strolling down a street wearing a puffy beige coat as she was singing. “Oh, the weather outside is frightful.” She put her arms around her. “And fire is so delightful, since I’ve no place to go...” As she skipped past a box of puppies, they sang in unison, “Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!”

“It doesn’t show signs of pauseping!” A bus suddenly drove past, the driver singing, “I’ve brought some corn for popping!” the driver then crashed in several cars due to not paying attention. “The streetlights are turned down low...” She then grabbed the hand of a bear who was walking by and they spun in circles as they both sang, “Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!”

Ruby continued walking; humming to herself when out of nowhere came a razor sharp boomerang from the side. Ruby happened to spot 5 bucks just ahead and picked it up as the boomerang flew by her. Ivy stood on a roof further away, quite angry that the boomerang missed. Ruby felt the cold air as the boomerang flew past her, and looked in the direction it came from to see Ivy. “Oh, it’s you...”

Ivy leaped off the roof and landed beside Ruby. “Well, of course! So what are you so cheery about, hmm?”

“Don’t you know? It’s almost Christmas!”

“Christmas? What’s that?”

“It’s where your close family and relatives come together once a year, have fun, eat food and celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ!”

“It doesn’t sound that great...” Ivy turned around and began to walk off until Ruby suddenly said, “And we also get presents!” Ivy immediately stopped and spun round. “Presents?”

“Yup.” Ruby nodded. “We get presents and can also give presents to others, as a way to represent our feelings towards those close to us. Santa also comes down the chimney of all the houses every Christmas morning at midnight to stack a few presents under the Christmas tree.”

“Santa? Christmas tree? Your information will come in handy, foolish angel. I shall now depart.” Ivy rushed off towards her house.

Upon kicking open the front door and running in, she noticed decorations around the place and a Christmas tree. “Poison! It’s nearly Christmas! I have to do something about this!”

“Oh boy...” Poison rolled his eyes as he sat on the couch, watching television.

“Don’t ‘oh boy’ me! I just heard about this Santa guy, and presents! I need to inform this guy of the many presents I want!”

“That’s what the ‘oh boy’ was about, and thanks to the carollers earlier, I looked up information about Santa, and you’re not gonna like it much.”

“How so?”

“Well, he has this ‘Naughty and Nice list’, which is to identify who’s been good over the year and who’s been bad. The good people get presents, while the bad people get coal, so I wouldn’t get your hopes up.”

“Hah! That’s stupid! I’m gonna write a letter to Santa, and he’d better get me what I want, or else!” She stormed off while Poison continued to watch television. Later that night, Ivy sat in bed, waiting for Santa to deliver the presents after the chance of him assuming everyone was asleep. After a little while, she ran downstairs and discovered that Poison was indeed right, and she had only gotten lumps of coal. She furiously ran down into the basement and brought out her ship, which she began making improvements upon, trying to turn it into a large battle ship. Two hours later, she had built a red armoured exterior over the ship, making it half the size of the house, just big enough to fit through the remote controlled space in the roof.

She went into Poison’s room, grabbed him and put him on the ship and then finally took off. Poison woke up shortly afterwards, yawned and then looked around. “Where am I and what are you doing?”

“We’re going to teach a certain fat guy a lesson he’ll never forget.” Ivy said with a devious smile.

“Oh boy...” Poison replied, rolling his eyes again.

After a while of flying around the city, they soon spotted Santa on a roof, getting back onto his slay and taking off towards another house. Santa glanced at the incoming ship and continued at his own pace until Ivy’s ship produced laser cannons from the sides and opened fire on Santa’s slay. Santa put on his serious face and avoided the blasts, drifted to the right and threw a candy cane, knocking off one of Ivy’s laser cannons. Ivy continued to fire at him, with Santa easily evading all her attacks, until he was eventually hit. She followed through with several more blasts, causing Santa’s slay to spiral out of control and soon crash into a tree in a park, knocking Santa unconscious and injuring his reindeer, as well as smashing his slay into pieces.

“This is a new low, Ivy.” Poison shook his head in disgust over what he had just witnessed.

“Shut up! Since Santa didn’t fulfil his end of the deal, I’ll take all his presents!” Ivy crossed her arms and did an unusual laugh. “Hoooooohohohoho!”

“I see you changed your laugh a little for this occasion...”

Ivy landed by the stacks of presents and stuffed them into her ship, as well as the checklist Santa happened to be carrying, and took his hat while she was at it. On her way to find the houses Santa had already delivered presents to, she saw one of those Sexy Santa suits in a store that calendar girls are always wearing, so she broke in and took it. “Hey Poison, what do you think?”

Poison, who was wide awake at this point, shrugged. “You look as bratty as ever.”

“I hate you oh so much.” Ivy said as she started up her ship again and took off.

Ivy went around town for the next 30 minutes, climbing down the roofs of houses Santa had already visited and stealing their presents, which was presented as a slideshow as she sang that song from the Grinch. She soon arrived at the Loli Rangers house as the slideshow stopped. “I had no idea these guys got presents.”

“Do you really have to steal their presents?” Poison asked. “Not that I care much, but don’t you have enough?”

Santa never gave me anything, so I’ll take them all by force, and no-one will stop me!”

“And yet you wonder why most people hate you.” Poison retorted.

Ivy ignored him as she climbed down their roof to steal the Loli Rangers presents. Meanwhile, Ruby was skipping through the park, singing ‘Jingle Bells’ when she came across Santa. She gasped and rushed to his aid. “Santa! Are you okay?!? What happened here?” She shook him until he slowly opened his eyes.

He rubbed his forehead before speaking. “Some crazy **** went down. This girl brought this pimped out ship and tried to take me down, but I had mad skillz so it wasn’t easy. Sadly I got careless and got myself owned. So who may you be, little girl?”

“My name is Ruby. I was just going to any open store to get some milk. So this girl who shot you down, did she have pink hair and was accompanied by a green haired person?”

“As a matter of fact, yes, she was.”

“Ivy, I should have known.” Ruby put her hand to her heart. “Well I’ll do everything I can to help stop her!”

“Then take this.” He handed her a device similar to a Nintendo DS. “My slay is destroyed, but using that you can control a small ship I have and blast that girl out of the sky.”

“Oh, okay.” She switched it on and took out the stylus.

Back at the Loli Ranger’s house, Ivy got back into the ship as she said, “Its kinda weird how those five all sleep in the same bed.”

“They’re little girls; it’s not really weird at all.” Poison replied.

As they took off towards another house, Poison looked back and tapped Ivy on the shoulder. “Hey, we got a little company.”

The small ship transmitted Ruby’s voice as Ivy noticed the ship. “It’s over, Ivy! I’m going to take you down and get back those presents! I should have never told you about Christmas!”

“Damn straight!” Poison exclaimed. “Telling Ivy about Christmas is as bad as telling Pedobear about nursery schools.”

“Why must you think the worst of me?” Ivy asked.

“Have you not realized what you’ve spent the last few hours doing?”

“Anyway...” Ruby continued, getting their attention again. “I’m going to blast you out of the sky!”

Ivy laughed at her overconfidence. “Foolish angel! You’re far too low levelled to think you can defeat the final boss!”

“When did this become a video game?” Poison said to no-one in particular.

“Welcome to bullet hell!” Ivy suddenly summoned two smaller ships which connected to the left and right sides of the bigger ship, and produced laser cannons on the sides and on top of the ships. They opened fire upon Ruby’s ship, which was able to easily avoid hits by doing barrel rolls despite having to dodge thousands of lasers coming at her.

Spring and Floyd were watching this from a street corner close by where they were beating up a gang of snowmen. Floyd quickly glanced up and saw thousands of bullets filling the air. “Looks like s***’s getting real.”

“Indeed.” Spring replied.

As the two ships moved across the sky, Ivy’s ships health bar had gone down to 25% while Ruby had already lost two lives and was on her last. Santa managed to make it to the roof of a house close to them. He dashed across the roof and leaped high into the air towards Ivy’s ship. Poison informed Ivy of Santa’s sudden appearance, and they both quickly jumped out of the ship just as Santa launched a flaming downward kick at the ship, causing it to explode as he went through it. As she hit the ground, she looked up at gasped at the explosion following pieces of her ship hitting the pavement. “My ship! You blew it up!”

“I guess we’re even now.” Santa said right after sliding along the ground and coming to a halt.

“Even? Not even close! You dare to give me coal as a present and blow up my ship? Whatever I did was far from as bad as you just did! I’m going to kill you!” Ivy pointed at him.

Santa got into a fighting stance and began to power up, forming a glowing red aura which resonated from his body. “It’s been a while since I did this, let’s go, little girl.”

Ivy also powered up, also forming a red aura around her. “Let’s see what you got, old man!” Ivy charged at him and using the full force of her potential strength, she punched him through several cars. Santa flipped in midair and landed on his feet as Ivy charged at him again. Santa blocked her attacks, and attacked with waves of his aura, which she easily dodged before kicking him through a tree close to the park. As Ivy continued her assault, Santa quickly dashed towards her until he was a few feet away and kicked her through a building more than 30 feet away. As Ivy leaped out a window and into the air, she gathered her stored energy and fired a giant wave of fire, wiping out a thin layer of the ground where it hit across the whole park.

Santa jumped up and prepared to punch her while Ivy did the same. As their fists connected, they made a giant shockwaves, knocking the leaves and snow off a majority of the trees. They both moved back and touched the ground away. Suddenly, Ruby ran up to the area yelling, “Stop the fighting, guys!”

“Get lost, Ruby, you’re ruining the moment!” Poison yelled from further away.

Ruby stopped in between them. “This is ridiculous, guys! It’s Christmas, you shouldn’t be fighting. It’s a time when everyone can have fun and talk about fond old memories, and learning to tolerate certain people that you otherwise couldn’t stand any other day of the year, regardless of the horrible things they may have done to you.”

Santa powered down upon listening to the young angel’s reasoning. “My goodness, she’s right! I let my stress get the better of me, but then again, this girl did injure my reindeer and steal my presents, but maybe I can tolerate it just for today.”

“That’s some crazy logic, old man.” Ivy replied.

“Maybe so. Well, I’d get back to work, but I haven’t really got a slay now...”

“You sure about that, Santa?” Just then, Awesome showed up with Santa’s slay and reindeer all healed, shocking everyone.

“Awesome?! What are you doing here?” Santa asked.

Poison slowly snuck up beside Ivy during this time and said, “Santa knows your dad?”

“Everyone knows my dad.” Ivy replied.

“So I heard about the problem due to my incredibly sensitive hearing and fixed your slay for you.” Awesome said.

“Awesome, man, I got mad respect for you.” Santa replied.

“No sweat, man, you know you my booooooi!”

“So I still gotta deliver the rest of these presents, you coming with?”

“I’m down for that, and while we do that, we can talk about those good times we had like when we went head to head with those abominable snowmen who took over your place and held your workers hostage.”

“Oh yeah. That was a pretty stressful situation, but I’d be lying if I said it was fun.” As they got in the slay, Ivy approached them. “Oh yeah, old, guy, here’s your hat back.” She said before placing it on his head.

“I assume that’s your way of apologizing without actually saying it?” Santa inquired.

“You’d assume correctly.” Ivy nodded.

“Well here’s a spare present from me, it’s on the house.” Ivy was too shocked to reply as she took it. Santa immediately took off, and waved goodbye to the others. Santa’s ship suddenly went into hyperdrive, disappearing completely. As it did, Ivy came to her senses again and quickly began unwrapping the present. “I wonder what kind of amazing thing he got me...”

“I’m surprised you got anything at all...” Poison responded.

After unwrapping it, she found a plain white box, and inside it was a thin layer of coal. Ivy dropped the box and gritted her teeth as she stomped on the box. “What?!? That old geezer tricked me! Why that good for nothing, fat sack of s-”

“Watch the language there.” Poison interrupted.

“Whatever. I’m pretty damn furious. Where’s that foolish angel so I can take it out on her?” As Ivy looked to her left and right to her, Ruby was silently sneaking away from behind them. “Well it doesn’t matter. Let’s never celebrate Christmas again.”

Poison shrugged. “Whatever, I’m going round the Loli Rangers house tomorrow anyway.

“Only if you kiss the royal foot.”

“Don’t get your hopes up.”

I've been waiting quite a bit to finally do this one.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 8 – Dat Soylent

It was the middle of the night, and Ivy sat on the couch in the living room with a bag of Doritos, watching a show which featured footage of car crashes. Suddenly, the doorbell rang, at which point Poison ran to the door, getting a strange look from Ivy as he did so. He opened the door and in walked Ivy’s self-proclaimed ultimate nemesis, Amber. She greeted Poison as she entered. “Hey Poison, nice place.”

“Thanks. Ivy is right over there.” He replied, nodding in her direction.

“Hi Ivy-chan!” She exclaimed while waving. “So, how’s your world conquest coming along?”

“Why are you even here?” Ivy asked as she stood up. “It’s only been a week so far, so I’ve still got quite a bit of work to do.”

“It’s kinda weird how it’s already been summer and winter, yet only a week has gone by.” Poison pointed out.

“So have you made progress or not?” Amber asked, growing impatient.

“Well I’ve analyzed my targets, what measures will need to be taken, and drawing up the plans as-”

Amber ignored Ivy as she went on and instead turned to Poison and said, “She isn’t making any progress at all, is she?”

“Not in the slightest.” Poison said without hesitation.

“Hey! Don’t just take his word for it! He speaks lies!” Ivy yelled after realizing they weren’t paying attention to her.

“Anyway, Amber, I’ll show you around.” Poison said as he began to walk off.

“Thanks.” Amber replied, following close by. “So you got any spare bedrooms, or are we gonna be sleeping together?”

“I’ll be praying for the latter.” Poison said as they left the room.

Ivy went back to watching her show. An hour later, Amber came back into the room, wearing Ivy’s pyjamas, which she wasn’t very happy about. “May I ask why the hell are you wearing my pyjamas?”

“Relax, you had a few pairs in your draws.”

“That’s not the point! And don’t look through my draws!” Ivy started waving her arms about.

“I had to stretch it out a bit though; still it’s kinda small for someone as mature as me.”

“Why you...” Ivy glared at her.

“Well it’s true, isn’t it? You’ve always been this small, and I don’t see that changing any time soon. Even though I give you helpful advice you don’t do anything about it, like a lost cause.”

“I can still kick you out, you know.”

“Just remember to get nutritious food in your diet, some milk, vitamin C, etc. Remember, you are what you eat.” Amber nodded as she finished. “Well, good night, little Ivy-chan.” She said before leaving.

Just then, two parts of Ivy’s subconscious appeared on both her shoulders, doing a good angel bad angel routine. The bad angel wore a dark red version of her dress while the good angel was in white. The bad angel then spoke, “Are you really gonna let that ignorant moron put you down? I say you should kill that **** in her sleep!”

“Is there really a need to go that far?” The good angel asked. “You could just observe her hobbies and weaknesses and attack those points.”

Ivy turned to the good angel in shock. “Hey wait, I actually have a good angel?!”

“I’m as shocked as you are.” She replied. “But maybe instead, you could eat her instead. After all, she said you are what you eat, right? You hate that woman, but you want some of what she has, so if you eat her, you’ll rid the universe of her existence and look more mature in the process!”

Ivy smiled and then started laughing as she stood up. “Haaaaaahahahaha! That’s genius! Your evilness impresses me, good angel!”

“I’m impressed as well.” The bad angel nodded. “Wanna get a drink?”

“Sure.” The good angel shrugged and the two Ivy angels left together, holding hands, which disturbed the hell out of the real Ivy. And so, Ivy entered the basement and built a large oven, and then made her way upstairs into one room where Amber was sleeping, picked her up and took her down to the basement.

The very next morning, as a ray of sunlight shun through the window, she looked down at herself and realized that she had actually grown and now looked just over 18, meaning that in the eyes of everyone else, she could be considered barely legal, which is awesome. She was so excited about finally maturing that she rushed down the stairs yelling, “It worked! It actually worked!” As she entered the living room, Poison sat on the couch watching a show where a ninja had just kicked a shark, and he was eating Doritos. He looked at her, and continued watching, just before immediately looking back at her at shock. “I’m pretty speechless, partly because I don’t know who you are, but mainly because you’re naked.”

“Huh?” Ivy finally realized this and promptly kicked Poison through a wall before running off to put clothes on.

A few minutes later, Ivy came back downstairs wearing her regular attire and approached Poison. “So what do you think now, huh? Don’t I look better than that filthy demon? Do you like me now?”

“Not really.” He said without hesitation.

Ivy has taken back by his response. “Huh?! Why not?”

“Because your personality completely overshadows whatever you may look like, and is a majority of the reason I hate you above anything else.”

“Well fine! Be a douche! I’m gonna go somewhere else then!” Ivy left the house and slammed the door behind her. After walking for a bit and calming down, she was suddenly attacked by robotic T-Rex’s, at which point Spring and Floyd appeared out of nowhere and punched them into the air before they exploded. Floyd glanced over at Ivy who was still awestruck over seeing a robotic dinosaur. “You don’t seem to be from around here, may we be of assistance?”

“It’s me, Ivy.” She said after coming to her senses.

“Oh.” Floyd replied, as if he was disappointed. “Excuse us.” Spring and Floyd left immediately, aggravating Ivy again. Ivy visited several places that day; with everyone completely ignoring her once they found out who she was, including Willard, who knew who she was immediately, because he is Willard. On the way back, she ran into Ruby, who was looking around the streets nearby at the time. Ruby approached her and said, “Excuse me, have you seen a demon girl recently? She wears pretty much exactly what you’re wearing, and has a huge ego.”

Ivy smiled upon wondering whether or not she should toy around with the foolish angel for a bit, or just reveal herself and gloat for a short while. Obviously she chose the gloating. “Foolish angel! It’s me!”

“Mario?”

“No! Ivy!”

Ruby took a few moments for this to register. “But, you look so…”

“I know, right? I finally discovered how to rid myself of that childish body! If you are my rival then you must do the same!” She then remembered that everyone showed no interest due to Ivy’s personality. “On second thought, don’t! Stay as a little girl! So now I’ll take off and leave you utterly curious.” Ivy left, leaving Ruby utterly curious about how this could have happened.

After getting back, Poison asked where Amber was, which Ivy lied about by saying she left early in the morning. Late that night, Ivy noticed her current body was disappearing because she had become flat as a board again, and so she thought the only solution was to abduct any mature woman and eat her. And so she left late at night to kidnap her target, and returned an hour later as she dragged a woman home. Ruby was conveniently watching this from some bushes nearby, still utterly curious. Ruby snuck in through the window as Ivy took the body down into the basement, and a large number of noises could be heard, at which point Ruby realized what was going on and was in complete shock.

Just then, Poison came downstairs in green pyjamas and said, “Hey Ruby.” Before going into the kitchen. Ruby waved back while replying, “Hi Poison.” Just before leaving as quickly as possible. The next morning, Ivy was happy that her mature body had come back, and ran around the house again, this time wearing clothes. Ivy decided that kidnapping women and eating them was the only secure way to maintain her development, and so she left to kidnap several more women in broad daylight. Sadly, not many people seemed to take notice of Ivy grabbing certain women and dragging them into alleyways.

Ivy used knock out gas to…knock them out, and then placed them in a conveniently placed nearby trolley. She then pushed the trolley towards her house while covering the bodies with a blanket. Unfortunately, Ruby found her as she got near the house. “I know what you’re doing!” Ruby yelled as she saw her. “It’s sick and wrong!”

“Maybe so but its necessary.” Ivy replied as she quickly got into the house with the trolley and shut the door before Ruby could enter, then closed the windows. This carried so for several more days, with Ruby trying to warn Ivy’s intended targets, but for them to ultimately be used as fuel for Ivy’s self confidence. Then one morning, Poison was really curious as to what Ivy was doing in the basement for several hours every day, and listened by the door leading to it. All that could be heard were the sounds of saws, machinery, and screams that were just barely drowned out by rock songs.

As Poison moved away from the door, Ivy left the basement moments later, holding a chart as she spoke. “Subjects are effective so far. One with freckles seemed to produce some strange rash on my arm, resulting in scaly spots for an hour. Have not verified whether fat chicks may make me chunkier. Have also not verified whether women with ridiculously large breasts will affect me negatively.” She stopped and noticed Poison right beside her. “How long have you been here?”

“Long enough to still be slightly confused.”

“Well don’t go into the basement, for any reason whatsoever.”

“Oh yeah, did you finish that Goosebumps book by the same name? I kinda saw the ending coming, but yet I was still amused by it.”

“Hey! Don’t spoil the ending! I haven’t finished it yet! Anyway, I think we should have a barbeque.” Ivy suddenly grinned.

“Why?”

“Because after hearing what everything thinks of me, I want to show them all that I’m not that kind of person any longer.”

“I don’t buy it.”

Ivy expression changed as she suddenly narrowed her eyes at him. “Just invite people already, and make sure to invite that foolish angel. I don’t want her to miss this.”

And so time moved along once again, to the evening of the next day, where the barbeque took place in Ivy’s backyard. Poison greeted the various people who arrived, some he knew and some were just some random women Ivy told him to invite. As the Loli Rangers arrived, Poison greeted them; bro fisted Loli Black and then stepped aside to let them in. Spring and Floyd approached the door shortly afterwards. “Floyd! My man!” He exclaimed.

“Poison! My boy!” Floyd replied.

“Oh, and Spring, I’ll return that Black Lagoon comic tomorrow.”

“You’d better.” He nodded. The two of them then entered. Everything was going fine, people were talking, Poison showed off his happy feet to Spring, more cowbell arrived, and Ivy was managing to kidnap women when nobody was watching her, while people enjoyed the food, which happened to be Ivy’s specially made hamburgers. Ruby arrived soon after everything else and immediately tried to find Ivy, which didn’t take very long. “What’s this about?”

Ivy looked up at her and cheerfully smiled. “Ahh, the guest of honor has arrived.” She handed Ruby a burger. “Here, I wish to make amends with you. Try my “Dat Soylent” hamburgers.” Ruby didn’t trust her for a second, so she removed the bun and saw a nipple in the middle of the bun. She dropped the bun and looked at some of the other meat, seeing various body parts attempting to be covered up. She immediately ran, yelling, “Don’t eat the food! Dat Soylent is mature women! I repeat, Dat Soylent is mature women!”

Poison smiled as he stood beside Spring and Floyd. “Y’know, I waited all day just to hear that one line.”

Ivy was becoming desperate as half the people eating the food spat it out and displayed their disgust. Some others, such as Yandere-chan simply didn’t care and kept eating. Ivy leaped over her barbeque stand and followed Ruby back into the house, chasing her with the intent to eat her and finally rid herself of her rival. Ruby hid in the bathroom and turned off the lights then moved into the corner. Ivy slowly opened the door, saying, “Om nom nom.” As she did so. Ruby ran through the wall as Ivy chased her again, complete with her Om noming. After a while of running around, she decided to wait in the living room and kick her into the basement after a long while of waiting for her to run in. “Om nom nom.” She said once again as she crept down the stairs.

Ruby looked around, trying to find somewhere to hide, and saw horrible scenes of the various devices Ivy was using to cut up the women and stick them in her easy bake oven 666 edition. “Om nom nom.” Ivy said once again as she had an evil smile stuck on her face and ominously approached the angel. “Om nom nom.” She said once more as she grabbed her scythe, just before the dim lights went out.

An hour later, Ivy and Poison stood by the front door. It was late at night and the visitors were leaving, while expressing the horrible evening they had. Ivy now had the body of a little girl once again, and sighed as they all left. “Well, I guess that foolish angel had some young serum in her body, because I can’t get my mature body back.”

Poison quirked an eyebrow. “Huh? What are you talking about? Opposite week is over now, remember?”

Ivy immediately stopped moping. “Huh?”

“Remember, it’s that time which comes once every two years where, for a week, all little demons have adult bodies due to some kind of positive energy reflected off of the sun. It sounds nuts but whatever. You usually look forward to it every two years, so I thought you remembered.”

Ivy put a hand to her cheek. “Of course! How could I forget! But how come I began to turn back after the first night?”

“Oh, your mom said your granddad’s ship was blocking some of the sun’s rays.”

“I see…so I ate all those women for nothing, but at least I ate my anch-nemesis, Amber.”

“No you didn’t, that was just a weird dream you were having. Amber said she had to visit a few guys earlier that morning. I have no idea why though. So what was the point of all this?”

“I thought we needed a little more dark humour, and that’s about it.”

“That’s good enough for me.” Poison shrugged as he finally closed the door.

Been a little while since I last updated.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 9 – Unwanted Fanservice

It was a bright summer’s day, yet again, and inside a certain cheerful yet chaotic household Ivy was in the living room typing something on a laptop while she had the television on as mainly background noise, as it’d be too quiet otherwise. As she finished writing up something, on the television she heard an advertisement about a holiday resort with a hot spring that helps to develop the growing body much faster than any other method, and this immediately caught her attention. After explaining about the clear pools, the fabulous view, the spas and everything else, SA2 was asking random civilians opinions on the place.

“How did you like the resort, ma’am?” SA2 said with the microphone to her face.

“Amazing! I was a man when I arrived, but now I’m a woman, and it feels great!”

“How does that even work?”

“I don’t even know!”

As Ivy seemed fairly interested in visiting this resort, Poison hopped down the stairs fully dressed and with his hands in his pockets. “Sup, Ivy?” She didn’t answer, at which point he glanced over at the television and automatically knew what she was going to say next.

She stood up and raised her fist into the air, randomly yelling, “No mayo!”

“Well that was certainly unexpected.”

“Poison! We have to go to this resort!”

Poison dully nodded. “There’s what I was expecting. It won’t help, you know.”

“Fool! Weren’t you listening? That guy became a girl! How does that even work? I don’t even-” She paused, spun round and stared into the bushes for a few moments. “Well that’s odd, anyway, let’s go!” Ivy ran out the door, and Poison reluctantly followed.

They took Ivy’s ship to the resort and parked the ship in a handicapped space in a car park, mainly for the lulz. They entered the clear, sophisticated white building, complete with statues, a fountain, opera music, and black and white checker floors. While Ivy was cheerfully pointing out all the things she had planned, Amber greeted them with open arms as she approached them. “Well look who it is! What brings you two here?”

“Hey Amber.” Poison waved.

Ivy stepped back and pointed at her. “You! My arch-nemesis! What are you doing here? Plotting to get rid of me once and for all, eh? I won’t fall for it!”

“Arch-nemesis? You hurt my feelings, Ivy-chan.” She frowned.

“And another thing, stop calling me that! It’s demeaning!”

“So you’re here to use the “magical” hot spring, right?”

Ivy gasped and stepped back yet again. “H-how did you know that?”

“Who wouldn’t know that?” Poison retorted.

“I know because I run this place, Ivy.” Amber began. “I made that advertisement to get you guys to come down here, so in other words, that magical hot spring isn’t magical.”

Upon hearing those words, Ivy dropped to her knees in utter defeat. After a short period of silence, she got back up. “Well, you’re probably lying anyway, as if I’d believe anything my arch-nemesis would say!”

“Well I might be saying more because I own this place now, so I can visit you guys more often now.”

“That’s great news, Amber.” Poison said with a thumbs up.

“That’s the worse news ever!” Ivy yelled, clutching her head as if she was in unbearable pain.

Amber sighed and shook her head. “Seriously, Ivy, why do you have such a problem with me?”

“Because you act like you’re so superior, and that body of yours!”

“Well I have given out helpful advice on occasions, and you never even bother to try and follow it. That’s why you get no male attention.”

“Hah! I get plenty of male attention. There are plenty of guys who would prefer me to you.”

“Yeah, the middle-aged lolicons.” The impact of Amber’s insult was so hurtful that Ivy curled up in a nearby corner and started crying, prompting Poison to say, “Regardless of how arrogant she can be, that was pretty harsh.”

“Well I guess I went a bit too far there…”

Later on, Ivy got changed into dark red swimsuit with a skull on the front. As she left the changing room, she said, “I would normally ask you how I look but you’d probably just say I look like a spoiled brat.”

“You know me too well.” Poison said with a smile, who wore basic green trunks, because green is just his style. They shortly arrived outside at the pool area which quite active. Upon seeing the pool, Ivy jumped back in fear, prompting Poison to say, “What, is the water gonna make you melt or something?”

“Of course not! I just can’t swim, and the pool looks pretty deep…”

Moments later, they came to a halt and stared in amazement as a girl got out of the pool. She looked like a young teenage girl who had a mature body, glistening black hair and purple eyes. She wore a bright purple swimsuit and swayed to the right, moving her soft and silky hair in slow motion as she climbed out. Ivy licked her lips upon seeing such a sight. “Man, I’d love to have a piece of that.”

“I’d have more than just a piece.” Poison nodded in agreement. It was then revealed that they were both staring at a cake with strawberry icing and sprinkles, which a waiter happened to walk by them with. As they walked along the edge to find a good spot to sit, Ruby happened to walk by them, wearing a pink swimsuit with bright red polkadot patterns and a ballerina like skirt added to it. She looked back after a few seconds, unsure if it was really them, but carried on walking anyway.

While walking around, they ran into Ivy’s parents who happened to notice them as they passed by. Ivy’s mother was quite tall, with her delicate yet firm legs and an even more mature body than Amber while still being very well-proportioned. Her hair was halfway between pink and red, sported in pigtails just because. She wore a red and white striped bikini.

“Hey Mr. and Mrs. McBadass, nice to see you here.” Poison greeted them.

“Right back at ya.” Awesome replied before they touched fists.

“So you’re taking a break from world conquest, Ivy?” Her mother asked.

“Only a quick break, I’m still making a breakthrough so don’t misunderstand!” Ivy quickly walked off before she could be asked anymore questions.

A bit later, after entering the hot spring and realizing it wasn’t working, decided to get a massage by a tall bishonen with black hair. While this happened, Ivy went on about some of the things she’s been through, how inferior most people are, and how much of an idiot Ruby is, who happened to sneak in the room with a cardboard cut-out of bushes to spy on Ivy while she kept talking. “So I have a servant that doesn’t even listen to me, and won’t even kiss the royal foot. You seem like you’d make a good servant, would you kiss the royal foot?”

“I’d need to be paid extra.”

Ivy sighed. “Most people should be thrilled I’d suggest such a thing. If I asked them to even kiss my ass, they should do so.”

“I’d be happy to with your consent.”

“R-really? Well I’d be okay if it was you, I guess. Remind me to spare you when I eventually conquer earth and kill all the people I hate.”

“I’ll take that into consideration.”

“Anyway, part of the reason I haven’t made much progress is because of that stupid, foolish angel interfering with my plans. Seriously, she’s a complete moron.”

“I’m not a moron!” Ruby yelled. Upon realizing she said that, she ran and left the room just as Ivy got up, saying, “Who said that? Reveal yourself, mysterious person I called a moron!” She gave chase, determined to catch up with that person, but not before leaving a tip.

Ruby ran outside with Ivy following close behind until she eventually managed to see part of her face. “You! Again? But you should be dead!”

“I got better!” Ruby yelled back.

“You always get better! That doesn’t even make sense! You can’t just keep coming back to life with no explanation whatsoever! You can only do that in shows primarily based around dead baby comedy, or shows which seem for kids but are for adults, or shows with tons of dark humor, or stories written by random people over the internet!”

“I only got two of those references!” Ruby responded.

Ivy’s mother, who was watching on the other side, sat up and said, “Oh, is that the mysterious rival Ivy told us about? They seem to be having a lot of fun.” She cheerfully smiled at the sight of Ivy and Ruby laughing as Ivy chased her along the shore of a beach.

“That doesn’t look like fun.” Poison said as what he really saw was Ivy trying to slice Ruby in half with her scythe. “Hey Ruby!” Poison suddenly shouted.

She looked in his direction and waved as she yelled back, “Hi Poison!”

“Oh, so you like the cute and innocent type of girls, eh? Well I guess it is true that the more innocent something is, the more satisfying it is to corrupt it, and I’m sure you’ll have a lot of fun corrupting that girl.” Awesome nodded.

“Please don’t put words in my mouth.” Poison retorted.

“I have to agree though, that girl looks so adorable that I’d like to take her home and do all sorts of things.” Hawt agreed.

“I still have a hard time believing you’re Ivy’s parents…”

Ivy continued to chase Ruby until she heard a familiar voice yell, “Stop right there, you two!” so they stopped right there, immediately. The voice was none other than Loli Red of the Loli Rangers, accompanied by the others, who were in regular clothes and not swimsuits.

Ivy quickly turned to Ruby and asked, “Who are these losers?”

“I have no idea.” Ruby shrugged.

Loli Red was shocked. “How could you forget us?!? We’re the Loli Rangers! We were there that time when you fought in giant robots, where you also ignored us! Not to mention that barbeque we were invited to!”

Ivy turned to Ruby again. “We have giant robots?”

“I have no idea.” Ruby shrugged.

“Can’t you say something else?” Ivy asked.

“I don’t know.” Ruby shrugged.

Suddenly, a giant enemy crab emerged from within the large pool, terrifying everyone within the pool and those around it. Ruby pointed at the creature and exclaimed, “It’s a giant enemy crab!”

“Holy crap!” Poison exclaimed, who suddenly appeared beside them.

“We’re not gonna get through this without pointing out massive damage tendencies, are we?” Ivy asked.

“Hell no.”

The crab immediately went after several women, though they all managed to escape, and going after Hawt resulted in a boot to the head. While deciding who to go after next, Ivy yelled, “You stupid crab! Stop ruining my day!” The crab stared at her, winced and then moved on. Ivy was furious, while Poison burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. She kicked the crab, knocking it through a wall and causing a great deal of damage. Upon recovering from her attack, the crab tried to grab Ivy, who ran while gleefully yelling, “Yeah! I’m a target!”

Suddenly, Awesome hit the crab with a flaming shoryuken, shortly followed up by a downward cannon spike from Hawt, knocking the crab back in the water. Ruby came running up to the two of them, simply amazed by the sight. “That was so cool! I wish I’d brought my camera!”

Hawt kneeled down as she spoke to Ruby. “Ahh, you’re Ruby, the one I’ve heard so much about. You’re even cuter up close; would it be okay if I kidnapped you?”

“My mom says if I get kidnapped again then I’ll get grounded.”

“Everything you’re saying just makes me want to kidnap and corrupt you even more!” She said with a cheerful smile, which disturbed Ruby so much she hid behind Poison. Just then, the crab emerged from the pool yet again, angrier than before. As if right on cue, Spring and Floyd appeared out of nowhere and punched the crab, sending it flying and causing it to explode. They adjusted their shades after doing so.

“You have a habit of turning up when crazy stuff happens.” Poison pointed out.

“Indeed.” Spring nodded.

Except that the giant enemy crab wasn’t dead yet! Just mostly dead, and came back with a vengeance. The crab was promptly greeted by the giant robot, Robo Magical Girl, Moe-chan who punched the crab across the pool. “We cannot allow you to hurt others here today!” Loli Red said. “Get ready guys, and let’s try to move together and work as one, since this is barely functional.” As they charged at the crab, Moe-chan tripped and landed on its face. The others immediately stared at Loli Green who apologized by saying, “Sorry, my bad.”

“Just be careful on the controls.” Loli Red began. “The ship could explode from the tiniest amount of damage.” There was then a long period of silence, as if they were waiting for something. When nothing happened, Loli Red gripped the controls again. “Okay! Let’s kick some-” Sadly, the robot suddenly exploded.

As the crab was distracted during all this, Ivy, Poison and Ruby were now back in their regular clothes. Ruby had her double edge spear out while Ivy had out her scythe. “You two, let’s finish him!” Ivy said.

“I’m gonna enjoy this.” Poison grinned as he firmly held his green blade. They charged at the crab, moving all around the area, slashing at it as they sped past. Poison caused a large cut above its forehead with his blade and backed up. As a random civilian started speaking, Spring held him back while saying, “This is important!”

Poison started easily sidestepping the crab’s attacks as Spring leaned forward and said, “He’s using his happy feet!”

“Are they gonna go for the wombo combo?” Floyd wondered.

Ivy and Ruby flew down beside him and all three attacked head-on, leaving the crab unable to counter after being hit repeatedly by all of them. The three finished the crab with a triangular finish, as Ivy flew by; with a single slash so fast it left a visible line as she stood with her back to the crab. Poison did the same, followed by Ruby, causing the crab to explode in a spectacular fashion, finishing it for good.

Poison quickly walked over to Spring and Floyd and asked, “So how was that?”

“Everything that needs to be said can be said with a nod.” Floyd replied as they both nodded.

The rest of the day proceeded as normal, with tons of laughing, Ivy being insulted constantly by the people around her, and Ruby being forced to clean up and pay for the damage done to the buildings when Ivy kicked the crab through a wall. As Ivy and Poison were leaving late in the evening and were approaching their ship, Ivy sighed before smiling. “Y’know, despite not getting what I came here for, I had a good time.”

“Same here, the crazy things which happen always make the day more fun.” Poison nodded. “By the way, where did your parents go to?”

“They wanted to stay a bit longer. Something about taking something extra back home.” Ivy started up the ship as she said this.

“They were serious? Man, I feel sorry for Ruby then.”

“Why?”

“Well, it’s nothing really important.” He shrugged as he laid back.

This ended up being a lot longer than I expected, though lulz will be had.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 10 – A Resistance to Poison

It was a peaceful quiet morning, and Ivy sat at a peaceful table, reading an epic and all-inspiring novel by some random author as she sipped a cup of coffee and put on a pair of reading glasses, peacefully. Just then, Poison leaped down the stairs, and he was very worried compared to his usual laidback attitude, so it must be bad. “Holy crap! I hope I’m not too late!” He said as he ran past Ivy, who removed her reading glasses and turned to him. “Do you mind? I’m peacefully reading a novel about a young girl who becomes an assassin and she’s recently decided to take over the world. Quite amusing if I do say so myself.”

“Sorry, it’s just; Wikipedia might be closed down soon!”

“So?”

“So?!?” Poison couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “It’s like the main wiki, and we need more wiki’s these days, like TVTropes, which tends to take away half my free time but I digress. There’s this event going on right now to raise enough money, so I gotta get down there!”

“Good luck then.” Ivy replied before continuing with her book.

Poison dashed out the house and past the bushes, at which point Ruby popped out and waved. “Hi Poison!”

“I didn’t say, “Hey Ruby.” He responded as he stopped.

“Yeah, why not?”

“Wikipedia might get shut down.”

Ruby gasped. “Not Wikipedia! That’s like the main wiki, and we need more wiki’s, like the awesome but time consuming TVTropes!”

“Yeah! That’s what I said! There’s this event going on right now to help raise money.”

“Then let’s go!” Ruby joined Poison as they ran down the street.

Later that night, they were walking back to Ivy’s house, engaged in a deep and psychological discussion. “I always thought the sixth boss was the hardest in Streets of Rage 2.” Ruby said.

“The sixth boss were two previous bosses together, you know.”

“Yeah but I mean the spinning guy on all fours.”

“The Blanka ripoff? He isn’t very hard compared to the likes of that wrestler guy, R. Bear, and Shiva. Shiva was a badass, so I always loved fighting him.”

“Yeah, he was so cool! I’d love to have a bodyguard like him.”

“Wouldn’t we all. Well, here’s my place, guess I’ll see ya round.” Poison said as they parted ways.

“Well, how about tomorrow?” Ruby asked.

“Eh? Well, okay, I’m not really doing anything important anyway.”

“Okay, I’ll come round at 11am, bye!” She quickly ran off just before Poison entered the house, and saw Ivy sitting at the same table.

“So where have you been?” She asked as he entered.

“Out helping wiki’s, I told you, remember?”

“Well you seemed to be gone for a really long time…”

“Yeah, those events can be exhausting, well good night.” He quickly left and went upstairs, leaving Ivy still quite suspicious.

The next morning, Poison got dressed quite early, and waved goodbye to Ivy before leaving the house. Ivy, still being very suspicious that something was going on, decided she would follow him. As Poison left the house, he saw Ruby waiting nearby and approached her as he said, “Hey.”

“Hi.” She replied before they got moving. The first place they went was a park to throw rocks across a river and do random stuff, while Ivy watched with binoculars from behind a bush, in utter disbelief over this scene. They soon began to feed some birds breadcrumbs, though they didn’t like the crumbs and instead attacked Ruby who ran around with them pecking at her.

Next they went to an arcade and played Street Fighter IV, because there can never be enough references of that game. After a long while of constant battles, Ruby was winning 8-7 and Poison quickly left to get something to eat, and during this time Ruby played a quick match. Unlucky for her, two pro wrestlers were fighting nearby and one was knocked into the arcade machine, which tipped over and fell on Ruby.

They then visited an ice cream shop and each got strawberry ice cream cones, soon before walking through another park where a dog peed on her leg, and bees chased her for a short while. They continued talking about important things such as how awesome the original Crash Bandicoot games were, and what the best episode of Gurren Lagaan was. “Although they were all awesome in their own right, you-know-who’s death and Simon ending the emo faze made me weep waterfalls of manly tears.”

“Same here. The time skip was lame until the point where they went into space to fight the main bad guys, and then it became epic again, shortly before going beyond epic at the final battle.”

Ruby nodded in agreement. “Yup. I’ve watched it 6 times now.”

“6? I haven’t reached 5 yet!”

“Well I just-”

“Hold on, you got ice cream on your cheek.” Poison interrupted her. “Let me get that.” He took out a handkerchief and licked it, then used the saliva to wipe off the ice cream as Ruby giggled.

This sight was nauseating for Ivy. “Ugh! The cuteness experienced here is just plain disgusting! My partner and rival, going behind my back to have a secret love affair!”

“Oh, so you had one of those relationships.” Spring responded, Floyd and him both nodding as they fully grasped the situation.

“Eh? N-No! It’s not like that!” Ivy protested. “And where did you come from?”

“We appear when you least expect it.” Floyd replied. “Or when weird monsters attack.”

“Whatever, they’re moving, I have to get going.” Ivy said before rushing off.

Poison and Ruby entered a cinema, as they went to watch the movie, “Pirates vs. Ninjas in Space 3.” Which was said to be better than number 2, but not as epic as the first. Ivy approached one of the tills which SA2 was at and said, “One ticket for that Pirate and Ninja movie.”

“Sorry, little girl but you need to be at least 15 to see this one or come with someone that age accompanying you.”

“Little girl? Don’t let this childish body fool you, I’m most likely old enough to be your grandmother. I demand a ticket!”

“No.”

“Curses!” She said as she walked off. As she left the cinema, Amber asked, “Hey, what’s up, Ivy?” as she walked past her.

“Hmm? Oh, hey. I need to get into this movie because Poison is having some secret love affair with my rival and I must make sure it doesn’t go any further.”

“Oh, you have one of those relationships.” Amber nodded as she fully grasped the situation.

“No! Not that way!” Ivy protested yet again. “Well are you gonna help me or not?”

“Well, I think Poison is a good “partner” for you, so I’m gonna help get you two back together so you can be a “team” again.”

“Your double entendre’s are neither amusing or ingenious.” So they went back into the cinema and Amber helped Ivy get into the movie, and after taking their seats, Ivy spied on them from the back row. A trailer was starting as they took their seats.

It opened to a scene of a black car driving into an abandoned building as the narrator began speaking. “In a world, where crime actually does pay…” Four agents got out of the car, those four being Spring, Floyd, Unreal and Masterman. Though Spring, Floyd and Unreal wore the same suits, Masterman had gold teeth, bling and a chain around his neck. “There were four agents who lived on the edge and didn’t play by the rules.”

Suddenly, a red samurai ran out at them and was immediately shot in the head as they all took out shotguns and awaited the arrival of the whole gang. It showed scenes of them blasting everything in sight as Unreal said, “Ain’t nothing like shoot-em-ups in da morning!”

“We just be showing them gangs how we do, man. That’s all it is, man.” Floyd replied.

“Tru dat, man, tru dat.” Spring responded.

Flash forward to a poker game which Unreal was hosting a few days later, where Masterman drove through a wall with two machine guns in his hands. “This **** is gangsta, man!” He exclaimed before shooting everyone in the room and leaving.

Spring and Floyd came across Unreal later that day, shocked that Masterman even shot up the cards. “Unreal, my boy! Who did this?” Spring asked.

“It was that hater, Masterman.” He replied. “He was straight up tripping, yo! Just came out of nowhere, and blasting ****, you know how it is. But it’s too late for me, man, just show that fool how we do!”

They nodded in unison and took out the shotguns again. “They now have to visit an old friend…” After finding out where Masterman was hiding somehow, they kicked down the door as the narrator said, “Cause **** just got real.”

“What’s up, mother-f-” Floyd’s sentence was cut off as he blasted a guard in the face.

“What the **** is dat, man!” One random guy shouted, prompting Spring to say, “Ya’ll already know what it is!” before firing at them.

He then shot one woman assassin in the face, causing Floyd to shake his head. “That was uncalled for, man.”

“Had to be done, man. She had a nice rack though.”

“Tru dat, man, tru dat.” Floyd nodded as they continued blasting.

They soon reached Masterman, who greeted them fairly well. “What’s up, homies? Hope you ain’t still hating on a brother!”

“Of course we hating, man!” Floyd replied. “You killed Unreal, my boy!”

From the makers of “Dat ain’t Willard”, “Making it Rain”, and “Movies which don’t really exist” comes the most thrilling and epic action packed movie of them all.

It showed a scene of Masterman getting into a jet as he said, “My beats are so hard even yo momma feels ‘em.” Just before being hit by a bomb and sent flying out the window.

Gangsta ****
Coming out February 33rd

Ivy put down her binoculars. “Wait, the 33rd? Is that a real date?”

“Who cares, it looks good; wanna go see it when it comes out?” Amber asked.

“Sure, why not.” Ivy shrugged.

After the movie, Amber left to go visit some more people while Ivy continued to follow them. They stopped by a beach and sat on a bench, with Poison talking about some of the crazy times he had spent with Ivy. “So there was this one time one demon dumped water all over Ivy, and she wanted to get him back.”

“So what happened?” Ruby asked.

“Well she got some space cow dung and using one of those paint rollers, wiped it around a single area, hoping that when he walked by he would trip up and fall in it. Though as she was leaving, she ended up tripping in it herself and spent two hours scrubbing herself clean.” They both laughed at this while Ivy quietly gasped. “Hey! He promised he wouldn’t tell anybody!

“Although it can be quite a misery around her, I’ve also had some fun times at the expense of Ivy’s dignity. We’ve been together for about just over 20 years, I think. She most likely wouldn’t approve of me going behind her back to hang out with her rival, because she can get rather jealous.”

“Oh, you guys have one of those relationships.” Ruby nodded as she fully grasped the situation.

“Not like that.” He replied.

“By the way, what’s your real name?”

“Well, I wouldn’t normally tell anyone this, but I think we trust each other rather well.” He whispered it in her ear, and she displayed a look as if to say, “Really?” He nodded.

Ivy took this opportunity to quickly sneak off as she was sure Poison was about to leave. Poison soon waved goodbye to Ruby and planned to meet her again tomorrow. As Poison got back, he greeted Ivy by yelling, “Ivy, I’m home!”

Ivy was in the kitchen, wearing an apron and baking a pie. “Is that so? Well dinner is ready.”

“Dinner? But you don’t cook. What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” Ivy took out a kitchen knife and threw it at him, which missed him by inches. “You’re seeing that fooooolish angel behind my back! That’s what’s wrong!”

“See? I knew you’d act like this, which is why I never told you!”

“I forbid you from seeing here! You’re my servant!”

“She understands me, Ivy! We just connect better! And we have a lot more common than I have with you.”

“So you like her more, huh?”

Poison nodded. “Yes, Ivy. Yes I do.”

“Fine!” She threw a knife at the wall and turned her back to him. “If you like her so much, go stay with her instead!”

“But Ivy!”

“Silence!” She silenced him. “Just go. I need not see you ever again.” It suddenly started raining outside, and there was a flash of lighting. Poison left without a word and shut the door behind, at which point Ivy dropped to the floor and yelled, “BAAAAAWWWWWW!!!”

The next day, deciding that she didn’t want to see Poison or Ruby again, she decided to pay some certain little girls a visit. She found the Loli Rangers inside Robo Magical Girl Moe-chan, fighting a breakdancing robot in a park, and had just beaten it. Ivy showed up wearing a pink version of her normal attire, with a pink helmet. Ivy flew by them and managed to get into the cockpit, shocking them all as she attacked them. After a lame badly acted fight scene, the Loli Rangers were kicked out of the robot and onto the ground where Ivy joined them.

Ivy took out a large cannon and yelled, “Special effects cannon!” firing a large beam of special efforts, which knocked the rangers to the ground. She approached Loli Red and took her sweater. “I’m the leader of this team now.”

“Huh? W-why?”

“I’ve decided to change my ways and become a good person, because my partner betrayed me and was seeing my rival behind my back!”

“Oh, so you two had one of those relationships…” Loli Red nodded as she fully grasped the situation.

“Why does everyone keep saying that?”

Loli Red got up. “Fine, since we lost the battle of special effects you can join.”

“Well I’m the leader, and I’ll be Loli Pink, since you don’t seem to have one. The first thing we’ll do is raise money for charity!” She exclaimed, raising her fist in the air.

On a bridge somewhere, Poison met Ruby, his clothes looking really damp. “Hey.”

“Hi. What happened to you?”

“Ivy found out about us and got mad, so I had to sleep on the streets, and it started raining for no apparent reason.”

“Why was she mad?”

“Well, Ivy isn’t a very complicated person. She speaks like an adult, but acts like a little kid. Most of what she does is to get a reaction out of people and when she feels nobody is paying attention to her, she does bizarre things to rectify that. The two closest people to her right now are me and you, and she thinks we’re having some secret love affair and feels forgotten.”

“Well she could always join us. We could have a threesome day! It’d be great!”

“I don’t think you understand the meaning of that word. Anyway, Ivy will calm down in a day or so.”

“I heard her say she was gonna join the Loli Rangers and do good things. I know this because I listened outside the window.”

“The Loli Rangers? Oh no, if Awesome finds out she’s doing good, he’s gonna open that can of whoopass! I’d better go stop this, guess I’ll see you round, Ruby.” He ran off as she waved goodbye and she was then eaten by a large fish which leaped out from the water below the bridge.

In the middle of a street, Ivy was forcing Loli Red to sing songs while wearing a short skirt and a tight shirt, while she also lightly sprayed her with water, and demanded money from anyone who even glanced just for a second. She began talking to herself while doing this. “Those douchebags, treating me like a fool! I wonder how long this was going on, and what they were doing!”

She imagined being put to bed by Poison and kissing her forehead as he tucked her in. He then went downstairs where Ruby snuck in through the window and whispered, “Is she asleep?”

“She’s asleep, my love. Now let’s continue where we left off.” Poison put on, “Let’s get it on.” as he approached her.

“But Poison, we mustn’t! I’m not ready yet!”

“Just relax, baby, and surrender your love to green thunder.” As he leaned in to kiss her, Ivy immediately stopped thinking about it.

Just then, Poison arrived and said, “Hey Ivy.”

“Ahh! Green thunder!” Ivy yelled as she jumped back from him startling her.

“Green thunder? Anyway, you can stop being good now, me and Ruby aren’t seeing each other anymore.”

“R-Really? You promise?”

“Yeah.”

“Later, losers!” Ivy quickly left with Poison, though she left the money collected so Loli Red wasn’t as mad, but she was forced to continue by the other members.

“So Ruby said that we had one of those relationships, what does that even mean?” Poison asked.

“Everybody I mentioned it to said the same thing.” Ivy replied. “Those two guys, Amber, the Loli Rangers…”

“You saw Amber? Did she say anything about me?”

“She said you were a good “partner” for me, and that she hopes we’ll make a good “team” in the future.”

“Eh?”

“Nevermind. You still haven’t told me your real name. Even though we’ve known each other for ages.”

“Fine, I’ll tell you. Promise not to laugh?”

“I’ll try my best.”

Poison sighed. “My real name is-

TMEDCE: Chapter 11 – The Power of Love

Early one morning, Ivy was in the basement, on her computer. She was currently engaged in a fight with G.U.N, and controlling several of her planes using the computer. Due to her training in playing several shoot-em-ups on the hardest difficulty over the last few weeks, her finger speed was phenomenal, making her easily able to blow up half their ships. Poison entered the basement as this was going on and approached her. “Hey Ivy, is that a new video game?”

“This is no video game, fool! I’m battling G.U.N with some of my strongest ships!”

“Ahh, I see you’ve gotten back to actually making progress.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while since I did anything. I wanted to test their capabilities against my own inventions, and they seem to fair pretty well. While you’re here, press B7 on the other keyboard, would ya?” Poison did so, at which point a large cannon emerged from one of Ivy’s ships and fired a giant laser, which took out G.U.N’s large battleship.

The Commander was witnessing the battle taking place and his eyes widened. “My god…she sunk my battleship!” He ordered his fleet to retreat, and they did so immediately. Ivy crossed her arms and laughed at her mighty triumph over her enemy. “Haaaaahahahaha! Now they know the true power of the almighty demon princess!” Poison nodded as he quickly left, and then Ivy resumed her game of Touhou.

Ivy came back upstairs soon afterwards, incredibly hungry as she clutched her stomach. “Hey Poison, could you make me something to eat? I’m starving! I could probably eat a T-Rex on steroids!” After she received no answer, she looked around the house and discovered he had left, so she decided to cook herself. Sadly, the cupboards were almost completely empty, as was the fridge. She noticed a vial on the kitchen counter, and she never bothered to read labels and was also quite thirsty, so she drank it down immediately. She quickly felt invigorated and decided to wait for Poison to bring back some food.

When he returned a bit later, he did in fact bring some food. As he was packing away some shopping into the cupboards, Ivy entered the kitchen, feeling slightly ill. “Hey Poison, could you make me a sandwich?”

“Sure, just let me finish.”

“Okay, I’ll help.” She said as she grabbed one bag.

“You’ll help? That isn’t like you.”

“Why do you always think the worst of me?”

“Because you never fail to prove me wrong.”

“Then maybe I’ll show you I can be an understanding and caring master.”

“That would sure make me like you more, anyway.”

Ivy turned her head away from him and crossed her arms. “Well, i-it’s not like I want you to like me or anything!” She immediately gasped and covered her mouth. “I can’t believe I just said something so cringe worthy! Forget I said anything!” She yelled before running off. Poison seemed confused but still carried on packing away the shopping.

Poison didn’t hear a sound from Ivy for the rest of the day, and he slept on the couch with the television on the explosions channel, which showed explosions 24 hours a day. He continued watching said explosions when he woke up when Ivy soon entered the room, wearing pyjamas and still looking ill. “Uh, Poison, could you please get me a glass of water; I’m not feeling too good…”

“Uh, okay.” He replied as he got up, still suspicious over Ivy’s behaviour.

“Thank you.”

“Thank you?” Poison couldn’t believe he had just heard her say that. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Poison got up and felt her forehead with his hand. “I think you might have a mild fever…”

Ivy, on the other hand, wasn’t listening as she was lost in thought. “Why does his simple touch somehow soothe my soul, yet ignite it at the same time! I don’t understand this! I-It’s not like I’m happy that he’s worried about my health! I don’t like this moron at all, yet my mind does…”

Poison finally moved his hand from her forehead. “It seems to be getting hotter; I’ll get a bag of ice to cool you down.”

“Uh, no thanks, I’m going out!” Ivy yelled as she ran out the door. She breathed a sigh of relief as she began walking. Soon after, she randomly saw a nuke heading towards a city. Her mother happened to be nearby, wearing the same red and black spandex as Awesome, with the same patterned cape. She punched out the nuke, sending it into space before it exploded.

Ivy ran towards her as she stared into space where the nuke had exploded. “Mom! I’ve got a question.”

Hawt spun round to face her. “You do know you’re wearing pyjamas, right?”

“Y-yeah! I know!” She said as she realized. “But about that question!”

“Yes, dear?”

“I’ve been getting these warm sensations in my chest which I can’t explain when I look at a certain person, and my heartbeat speeds up when they’re nearby.”

“I see you’re starting to experience love.”

“What is love?”

Hawt chuckled at her question. “I was waiting for someone to finally mention that song.”

“Huh?”

“Anyway, love is being willing to sacrifice your life to protect those you care for. It’s also staying with your significant other until they’ve run out of money or lost their power.”

“I’m gonna go now.” Ivy said as she backed away.

“Take care, Ivy.” Her mother waved.

Ivy went back to her house to put on her regular clothes, and on the way there she ran into Ruby at a bus stop. She glared at her while Ruby did the same. “It’s you, the foolish angel.”

“My name is Ruby; I at least take the time to remember the names of people I don’t really like.”

“As you should, because my name is too awesome and magnificent to possibly forget. Anyway, why are you following me?”

“I’m not today. This is a bus stop, you ran into me.”

“Oh right. Well since I’m here, I need some advice.”

Ruby stroked her chin. “Well, I really shouldn’t be giving advice to a demon who wants to take over the world, but I guess this one time couldn’t hurt…”

“So, I’ve been getting these warm sensations in my chest which I can’t explain when I look at a certain person, and my heartbeat speeds up when they’re nearby-”

Ruby gasped and loudly exclaimed, “That’s love!”

“N-no it’s not! An almighty demon such as I has no use for a pathetic feeling like love!” Ivy quickly denied and then asked, “…What is love?”

Ruby held her arm out, turned her hand and closed her eyes as she replied. “Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more…”

They started head banging for a few moments before Ivy stopped. “But seriously, what is it?”

“It’s when you enjoy spending time with that special person, and would risk your life to save them from death, and so on and so on…”

“Yeah, whatever. Goodbye, Rabi.” Ivy said as she walked off.

“It’s Ruby, and bye!” She waved soon before the bus approaching lost control and hit Ruby as it crashed into the side of a nearby house, starting a fire.

As Ivy reached her house, she ran in clutching her head as she passed Poison on the couch. “You okay, Ivy?”

“No! I’m not! There are these voices in my head, telling me to do disgusting and perverted things, and I can’t make them go away!”

“I get those voices too.” He said with a nod.

“Just don’t bother me.” Ivy said as she ran upstairs and slammed one of the doors before locking it.

The next day, due to Ivy’s unusual behaviour, Poison went to see his psychiatrist. Hey name was Lily and she had orange hair with a large ahoge and orange eyes. She wore a red jersey top and red flare chess pants, had a red pendant on and a black belt around her pants with an ‘SB’ symbol on it, and her shoes were also orange. She held a flipchart as Poison entered the yellow room and sat on the couch further away from her. “Hello Poison, how are you today?”

“I’m good, so could we get to the point?”

“I’d rather not, because I’m not paid by the hour, so stalling gets me more pay.” Poison chuckled at this before she said, “I’m serious, by the way.”

“So anyway, Ivy has been acting strange lately.”

“Ivy is the bratty selfish demonic princess you’re forced to serve, right?”

“Yeah.”

“One of Those relationships, perhaps?”

“That joke is old now.” He retorted.

“So define ‘Strange.’”

“Well she’s watching more television programs with me, some she didn’t have interest in before, like ‘More Explosions in 3D’ on the explosions channel.”

“I have that one on tape, but we’ll discuss that later. You noticed any other strange habits?”

“Well, I checked one of the rooms yesterday, and the walls were covered in writing about whether she should confess her love or not, various ‘not safe for work’ notes, and suggesting she wanted to watch ‘Date Movie’ with me, and this was all written in blood, from a corpse I found nearby.”

Lily nodded as she wrote down a few notes. “So how do you feel about ‘Date Movie’?”

“It’s horrible! Why would anyone want to watch that?”

“I see you’re still sane…” She nodded again. “Well, I think it’s nothing and she’ll grow out of it eventually.” She handed him the bill. “That will be $599.” She said with a cheerful smile.

“You’re a horrible psychiatrist.” He replied.

Poison returned to the house shortly afterwards to discover it was quite dark despite it still being light outside. Everything was switched off, and it was eerily silent to the point of discomfort. Poison looked around for Ivy, soon deciding to look around upstairs. As he walked past one of the rooms, Ivy swung her scythe at him, which missed him by inches and got imbedded in the wall.

“Ivy, what the hell are you doing?!” Poison yelled as she prepared to swing again.

“I have to do this, Poison! These voices in my head just won’t go away! So I figured if I kill you, the voices will finally stop.” She smiled as she finished.

“You’ve officially gone nuts.” Poison ran down the hall, evading her repeated swings and eventually dove into one of the rooms and locked the door. Ivy tried to kick it down but it was no use. “Open this door, damn it! Open the door, please! It won’t hurt much; I’ll even kill us together!”

Poison backed away from the door and phoned Spring and Floyd. “Guys! Ivy’s gone nuts and is trying to kill me! I feel as if this was all leading up to this point! What should I do?”

“Make it raaaaiiiin!” Floyd suggested.

“You got a mango Sentinel?” Spring asked.

“This isn’t a joke, guys!”

At that moment, Ivy made a small crack in the door with her scythe. “Heeeeeeere’s The Shining reference!” She blasted the phone out of his hands and tried to grab him but missed as he climbed out the window. She climbed into the room and followed him outside across the roof, back into the house again. Poison made it back into the kitchen, looking for a weapon to use which wouldn’t kill her. While he was deciding, Ivy appeared again. “Heeeeeere I am again!” As she laughed maniacally and held the scythe over her head, she suddenly stopped. “Wait, why am I doing this again?”

“I see you’ve calmed down.” Poison said with a sigh of relief.

“I had this really weird sensation I couldn’t explain.”

“You didn’t happen to drink a vial I had, did you? It was this pink love potion mixture; I thought I lost it or something.”

“…Love potion?...” Ivy tried to tie the pieces together, at which point she raised her scythe again.

“I guess that potion was pretty effective.” Poison nodded, obviously not paying attention. “Sadly, I’ll have to get another because you never look at things before you drink or eat it. To make it worse, Amber’s gonna be here any minute. Oh well, no big deal.” He shrugged.

“No big deal?!?” Ivy yelled. “I nearly lost my sanity because you stupidly just left it out on the counter when the place was empty! I had headaches and unnatural feelings! It’ll be no big deal when I slice you open and feed on your intestines!” She chased him around the area, swinging at him repeatedly just as Amber arrived. “Hey guys.” She quickly noticed what was going on. “Uhh, did I come at a bad time?”

TMEDCE: Chapter 12 – Omar’s Carnival of Doom

On a cold winter night, Ivy awoke right in the centre of a large carnival, and rubbed her eyes as she looked around in confusion. “Man, how the hell did I get here? The last thing I remember was stealing that foolish angel’s iPod.”

She suddenly heard a strange laugh over several speaker boxes nearby, “lololololololol!” Ivy put on her serious face and got to her feet before glancing around once again. “Who’s out there? Show yourself!”

The voice then replied, “I am-”

“Who! Who am I speaking with?” Ivy demanded.

“I am-”

“I command you to tell me who you are!”

“I am-”

Ivy put her foot down. “Enough stalling! I want answers, damnit!”

“Well you’ll get them if you just shut up for 2 seconds, geez!” The voice cleared his throat before speaking again. “Anyway, I am the brilliant and inspiring scientist, Omar! You’ve been granted a once in a lifetime opportunity to try out my specifically designed rides, for free! I had a little help designing these bundles of joy, and my co-worker seems to be an old friend of yours.”

“Hello again, Ivy.” PAL said in an eerily calm voice. “It’s been a long while.”

“Hey, I thought you were dead.”

“Nope, just sadly forgotten until recently, but we can skip that minor detail. I’m just here to provide you with a bit of amusement, in the form of rides designed specifically for a very special girl like you. I hope you appreciate the effort which went into creating them, and remember to have fun.”

Ivy slowly grinned as he finished, soon before she started chuckling which led to maniacal laughter. “Haaaaahahahaha! Fools! Never will anything you build be able to leave so much as a dent in my armor! Your half-assed rides are an insult to an omniscient and magnificent being such as I that the mere thought makes me sick to the pit of my stomach! I shall make a mockery of your silly toys, I will find you, and then I shall let you experience the depths of my true power in the form of 42 different worlds of pain!”

Omar cringed at her speech. “Geez, kid, I was told you were an egomaniac but damn! And they say I have a big ego…anyway, let’s begin.”

And so they did by actually starting up the rides while informing Ivy that she’ll never find them, but she spent the next 10 minutes looking around the bland and wide carnival instead of actually trying any of the rides, which Omar and PAL weren’t too pleased about. “I can’t remember how I got here but Poison had better be looking for me!”

Meanwhile, at the house Poison was laying on the couch watching Explosions: The Movie where one guy managed to blow up a tank just by staring at it. Poison looked around the empty house before saying, “I feel like I’m forgetting something…” A voice on the television suddenly cried out, “Aww, machete-tan, you can be such a spoiled brat sometimes!”

Poison sat up as he suddenly remembered. “Of course! My pizza! I hope it’s still edible!” He said as he quickly ran to the kitchen.

Back at the carnival, Ivy was knocked into a bumper cars area by a barrel thrown at her by a robot which resembled Donkey Kong, which started up as soon as she hit the ground. Instead of running, she attacked the bumper cars which came at her, dispatching them pretty easily even though they fired rockets. Next she entered a house close by and tried a shooting game, which had robots popping out of strange locations to fire missiles, but due to her improved finger speed from various shoot-em-up games, this was no problem at all. Next she entered a house of mirrors where poison darts were shot through several of the random mirrors but she was lucky enough to avoid them as she moved on.

Omar and PAL were surely not pleased. “You said this would work, Omar.” PAL turned to him. “I’m not seeing results.”

“Hey, you worked on these with me, so you can’t complain, and there’s still more to come.”

Meanwhile, back at the house again, Poison was still watching television when Amber suddenly kicked in the front door. “Hey guys!” She stopped and immediately noticed Ivy wasn’t there. “Ivy isn’t here? She must have passed out in some weird place, I reckon.”

Poison looked around and only now realized Ivy wasn’t there. “Ohh, so that’s what I was forgetting…”

“She’s probably in trouble right now, so we should go find her.”

Poison shrugged. “Well she’s gonna return sooner or later, and then nag at me for ages about how I didn’t come find her, I guess I’ll find her to avoid that. Just let me get ready.” There were suddenly various close ups of Poison, putting on a black suit, polishing the black shoes, fiddling with his wrist watch, adjusting his shades and finally wearing a black hat with a silver lining. “Let’s roll.” He said with a nod as he walked past her.

“I wonder if I should get a suit…” Amber said to no-one in particular as she followed.

On the way there they met up with Ruby, and she waved as they got close to her. “Hi Poison, and friend, where are you off to?”

“Hey Ruby, we’re gonna go find Ivy because she might be in trouble.”

“Then I’ll go with you!” She replied. “Mainly because Ivy stole my iPod and I want it back!”

“Sure thing, but are you gonna suit up or not?”

“Ahh, right.” There were suddenly various close ups of Ruby, suiting up the same way Poison had done. “There! All ready!”

Poison pointed at her feet. “Change the shoes.”

“Huh? Why?”

“You ain’t going with pink Hello Kitty shoes, those just aren’t cool.” He shook his head.

“Aww…”

“Gotta obey the rule of cool, man.”

“You guys go on ahead; I’ll meet you there in a little while.” Amber said before suddenly rushing off.

At the carnival, Ivy had recently gone on a boat ride that featured the song, “It’s a small world after all”, except that all the figures were well-endowed, which only managed to frustrate her, but for Omar and PAL, this was good enough. Upon leaving, she was greeted by several more robots similar to Donkey Kong that started chucking barrels at her. This would have been difficult to avoid all the barrels coming towards her, but Ivy was prepared as she hummed the Toxic Waste theme from Crash Bandicoot while evading the barrels and mowing down the robots as she passed by them.

Omar turned to PAL. “You never told me she had played that game.”

“Oh, come on! Who hasn’t played that game by now?”

Just then, Poison and Ruby were now arriving at the entrance of the carnival, wielding one R. 34 Magnum in each hand. As they entered, one clown carrying a knife ran at them and was immediately shot in the head without Poison even turning to face him. Ruby raised her gun and fired far into the distance, hitting an archer and knocking it off a ferris wheel. A dozen of the clowns then appeared from every corner around them, and they both started blasting them to pieces, straight up gangsta style.

“It’s time to pay the rent, and I’m here to collect!” Poison said as he blasted a clown juggling three axes, then sliced him in the half.

Ruby somersaulted under a seven foot man with two heads, flipped to the side and shot through both of his heads while doing so, taking it down. “I guess two heads aren’t much better than one.”

“That was lame, Ruby.” Poison retorted.

“Well yours was also lame!” Ruby replied as she kicked one clown across the area.

Just as they finished taking care of the rest, one last clown threw a sword at them, which they both ducked under. Poison quickly dashed towards him, knocked the clown into the air diagonally with a diagonal roundhouse kick, and upon stopping, aimed and fired two shots, causing the robot to explode in midair. Ruby gasped as she witnessed this, but before she could say anything, Poison covered her mouth. “It’s cooler if you acknowledge it’s awesome, but don’t say it.”

“Ahh, of course.” She nodded, just before firing at a bumper car. The bullet ricocheted towards a corner close by and hit a clown hiding nearby. The clown stumbled out from the corner, clutching his chest. “Hey! That was cheap! I didn’t even atta-” Ruby interrupted him by holding up a finger, leaving the clown confused. “Huh? What are we waiting f-” before he could finish, the clown immediately exploded.

In an area nearby, yet still somewhat far, Ivy was running along when she suddenly encountered a clone of herself, except she was a little taller and more mature. Omar started speaking as Ivy came across her. “You may be wondering how this is possible. Well, while you were knocked out, we took the opportunity to make a copy of you. We figured it would be fun.”

“I’ve only got one question for you.” Ivy pointed at her chest. “How! How did you do it?”

“I’ll happily explain it; you got a pen and paper?”

“I have now.” Ivy replied as they suddenly appeared in her hands.

Poison and Ruby were still running around, blasting robots clowns. “Man, can you believe this place?” Poison said.

“I know! The candy floss is horrible!” Ruby said in disgust.

The two of them ran into the two Ivy’s very shortly. Ivy was taking notes from the older looking clone. “You mean that massaging thing actually works?” She asked.

“Well it’s better if you have something else do it.”

Poison grabbed Ivy as they ran by. The clone was furious, and summoned more robot clowns as she gave chase. “Did you have to come at the worst time? I was getting important advice!” Ivy whined. “And why are you two morons wearing suits? And why is that foolish angel here?”

“Suits are cool.” Poison replied.

“I’m here for my stolen iPod!” Ruby exclaimed. “Now give it back!”

“I don’t know where it is, and if I did I wouldn’t tell you. I pretty much forgot everything which happened yesterday.”

The clowns were sadly slowly catching up during their talking, but they were saved as Spring and Floyd suddenly appeared and punched out the clowns which exploded when they hit the ground. Poison and Ruby stopped and spun round, and then Poison waved. “Hey guys.”

Floyd glanced over at him. “I see you’re wearing the suit again, and you even have a hat this time. Impressive.”

“Welcome, friends!” Omar exclaimed from one of the speakers. “I’m glad we could meet again. I urge you both to also enjoy my wonderful rides!”

“Omar…” Floyd said quietly as he adjusted his shades.

“We’ll handle the clone.” Spring said. “You guys get out of here.”

“We appreciate it!” Poison yelled back as they did so.

The clone chuckled as they left. “You don’t really believe I’ll go down so easily, do you? You vastly underestimate me.”

Spring turned to Floyd and said, “Mind if I do the honors?”

“But of course.”

Spring adjusted his shades as he turned to the clone again. “We deal with these kinds of things on a daily basis, so I believe that you vastly underestimate us. Here’s how this will go: You’ll attack us, we’ll evade your attacks, you’ll be astounded by our speed, and then, we will kick you, and you will explode.” Spring and Floyd lit their cigars as he finished.

Further ahead, Poison and Ruby were blasting and slashing through any robot clowns who got in their path when Ruby eventually asked, “You think those guys will be alright?”

Poison looked back, at which point he heard a scream as Ivy’s clone was sent flying and exploded in midair. “I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

There was a large barrage of clowns up ahead, Ivy hopped into the air and fired a massive wave of fire, knocking out most of them. As she dropped down, she took out a carton of milk and drank it. “And that display of power is all thanks to milk!” Suddenly, a bulldozer driven by Amber appeared and knocked down the last of the clowns before stopping. “Get on, guys!” She called to them. They did so, and as Ivy got on, she smiled as she saw the milk carton. “Hey! You’re drinking milk!” She then tapped her chest several times, and saw it was still as flat as a board. “Still a long way to go though.”

“I’m going to kill you if you don’t stop that.” Ivy replied, narrowing her eyes at her. As Amber started up the bulldozer and drove towards the exit and left, Ivy then asked, “So how did I end up here?”

“Don’t you remember? Me, you and Poison got high on sugar and started playing pranks on people, so it’s understandable you wondered off somewhere and passed out.”

“Ahh, makes sense.” Ivy nodded. She then turned to the side and said, “Remember kids, don’t do sugar. I guess I remember where I put that iPod now.”

“You do?!?” Ruby said in shock. “Where?! Where is it?!?”

“Uhh, I think I hid it somewhere in my dress, so I must have dropped it somewhere in the carnival.”

“Oh, then I’ll go ge-” Before she could finish her sentence, a majority of the carnival exploded just as Omar and PAL flew off in a UFO. Ruby stared at the carnival in disbelief. When Poison tried to speak, she held a finger to his mouth. Ivy grinned as they rode off in complete silence.

This wasn't originally supposed to be this early, but I figured I'd get it out of the way now instead of near the very end.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 13 – The Prince of Angels

In a mysterious location in heaven, a dozen angels were sitting around a table in a dark room as a screen ahead of them showed Ruby outside an ice cream shop. “Good morning, Head angels, I request your most needed help!”

The top angel, who couldn’t be seen due to the darkness, sighed. “What is it, Ruby?”

“I’ve managed to stop the demons from taking over earth several times now. This one time recently, she tried to win a fighting game tournament, but I just barely managed to beat her, but it truly was epic.”

“Uh-huh.” He nodded. “And we should care because…?”

“Because we need to do what’s right! That good will always triumph over evil! To show them that crime doesn’t pay!”

The head angel sighed. “Fine, I’ll send someone down there to take care of whatever demon it is.”

“Thank y-” The head angel disconnected before Ruby could finish her sentence.

A little later, Ruby told Ivy and Poison to meet her in a park, around the time the Head angel informed her help was meant to show up. They arrived on time, looking somewhat impatient as they got there. “So what’s this about, foolish angel?”

“Y’know, if you’re going to consider me a threat, you could at least remember my name.” Ruby replied.

“Your name is unimportant. Our rivalry is.”

“Then it’s time to duel!” Ruby exclaimed as she whipped out her deck and began shuffling it, while Ivy quickly did the same. Poison quirked an eyebrow at this. “Seriously?” He shrugged and sat on a bench nearby.

Ivy was done shuffling and made her move. “I summon Rule 34 and Rule 36, and then place one card face down!”

“Hey! You just summoned two monsters at once!” Ruby said, pointing at her.

“I’m a badass, so I can do that.” She said with a convincing nod.

“Fine. I summon Marval Baybee, Wombo Combo, and Plot Cannon! Attack her two perverted rules!”

Ivy held her arm out in a dramatic fashion as the shot was displayed from a low angle as she exclaimed, “Not so fast! You activated my trap card!”

“Blast!” Ruby said under her breath.

“I activate tentacle raep!” Ivy announced, revealing the card.

Suddenly, dozens of tentacles appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Ruby, causing her to cry out, “Hey! This isn’t in the script!”

They both stopped when they heard a voice yell, “Leave the princess alone, inferior scum!” the mysterious person made a dynamic entry as he kicked Ruby into a lake nearby. He had black hair and blue eyes, and wore a white robe with a cape attached to it with a golden outline, and his pants matched the top and cape. He looked no older than 13, which was conveniently around the same age Ivy looked. He moved beside Ivy shortly after arriving. “Never fear, princess, I shall protect you!”

Ivy glanced over at Poison and simply asked, “He doesn’t know what kind of princess I am, does he?”

“I doubt it.”

Ruby quickly jumped out of the water and onto the grass again. “What do you think you’re doing, Gary!”

“Gary?” Ivy and Poison said in unison.

“You again!” Gary pointed at her. “Why are you here? And don’t use my name!”

“I was the name who made the request!” Ruby replied. “Don’t tell me you’re the person the head angel sent!”

“Well it’s typical that you’d need help from the prince to get any kind of job done!”

“I’m more capable of doing things than you, and you’d just slow me down!”

“How do you two know each other?” Poison finally asked.

Ruby looked somewhat embarrassed as she said, “Well, I used to be his apprentice…”

“Apprentice of the prince?” Ivy and Poison said in unison again.

“How does that work?” Poison asked. “A prince can’t really have an apprentice…”

“Well it was more like a partner relationship to be honest, like a sidekick.” Ruby explained.

“I see. It seems we have even more in common than I first thought…”

Ivy smiled. “Of course! That’s why she was able to compete with me in combat! But sadly she could never hope to be up to my level!”

“Except that time you chopped her spear in two.” Poison pointed out.

“Quiet you!”

Ruby pointed behind Gary at Ivy and yelled, “That’s the demon you’re supposed to stop!”

He nodded. “Very well, since I have orders to do so.” He moved back a few feet and drew his sword, which had a golden aura around it. “Demon princess, if I am able to defeat you, I shall ask for your hand in marriage.”

“Heh. Don’t count on it, because I’ll never lose to an angel.” She said as drew her scythe. They charged at each other, with Ivy swinging her scythe randomly as they got close. Gary somersaulted back and attacked with a rising slash which Ivy evaded. She stopped near another beach and chopped off the legs just as she kicked it at Gary. He sliced it in half and kicked both parts at Ivy within a split second. She hopped across the parts then leaped up as Gary did the same. They stayed in the air for at least 15 seconds, slashing rapidly at each other, cancelling out the other’s attacks until Gary eventually knocked Ivy’s scythe out of her hands. “Time for the ultimate attack!” She yelled just before kicking Gary in the crotch.

“That’s an ultimate attack?” Ruby asked.

“That attack only works on guys, unfortunately.” Poison replied.

Ivy took the opportunity and did a piledriver, creating a large crater where they hit the ground. She climbed out of the hole and quickly got her scythe, just as Gary was now getting up. She braced herself when he suddenly bowed, leaving her confused. “You’ve impressed me, princess, I admit defeat.”

Although first confused, she now grinned before laughing. “Haaaaahahahaha! Now you see my true power! You’re wise to realize you never stood a chance of defeating me!”

Gary chuckled. “I guess so, and in some way, I guess I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Ivy suddenly stopped laughing. “Huh?”

“I love you from the bottom of my heart, princess.”

“You serious?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Almost everything about you is simply unbelievable. Your attitude, like how you’ll go to any length to win.”

“That’s called being selfish.” Poison pointed out, causing Ivy to glare at him.

“Your somewhat condescending speeches proclaiming your raw talents.”

“That’s just her ego.” Poison said, causing Ivy to glare at him again.

“Your weapon of choice being a scythe. Rarely do I see girls who choose to wield a scythe as their primary weapon.”

“I got it for my 50th birthday.” Ivy replied.

Gary gasped. “Me too! I got my sword for my 50th birthday!”

Ivy moved back. “Hey! Don’t try to act like we have things in common!”

“Just think about it, if we were to wed, any kind of conflict angels and demons may have for each other would dissolve. It’s the only way, princess!”

“Her name is Ivy.” Poison pointed out.

“Don’t tell him that, you moron!” Ivy yelled at him.

Gary nodded upon hear the name. “Ivy. That’s a beautiful name.”

“Go back home, you sicko!” Ivy yelled as she ran off.

“Wait! Come back, my love!” Gary shouted as he gave chase.

After a few moments of silence, Ruby then said, “Normally I support all forms of love, but I’m against this.”

“So do you love anyone?” Poison asked.

“I can’t answer that. Bye! See you later!” She quickly took off.

Later that day, when Poison got back to the house, upon walking in, Ivy quickly ordered him to shut the door. She peeked in from the kitchen. “Is he still out there?” Poison glanced out the window, where Gary was barely noticeable in the bushes. “Yup. So how you going to get rid of him?”

“Simple. You do it!”

“And how am I going to change his mind?”

“Just think of a way, now go!” She pushed him out the door.

Poison sighed as he walked up to the bushes. “Yo, prince, I got a message from Ivy.”

“What is it, servant boy?” Gary said, getting up and glaring at him.

Poison was barely able to hold back punching him across the street as he started speaking. “Ivy hates your guts. She wishes you were dead, and she wants you to go home.”

“Blasphemy! My darling Ivy would never say such things!” He replied. “You said those things, didn’t you? You want Ivy all to yourself!”

“No dude, I like older women.”

“From what I’ve heard, Ivy is older than you.”

“Physically and mentally.” Poison said without hesitation. “Look, just go, dude, you’re not wanted.” Poison walked back into the house and shut the door.

Gary put on a pair of shades as he did so. “We shall see.” Spring, who was across the street, blasted off the shades, and shook his head as Gary turned to face him.

The next morning, Ivy hopped down the stairs, fully dressed and walked into the kitchen. “Good morning, Poison.” She said right after yawning. “Morning, Ivy.” He said before placing pancakes on the table. The doorbell suddenly rang, and Ivy got up. “It’s probably the post, I’ll get it. She opened the door and saw Gary standing there with a bouquet of red and blue flowers. “Ahh! Not you again!”

“Roses are red, violets are blue, we know that I love you, and you love m-” Ivy shut the door before he finished. “Poison, didn’t I tell you to get rid of him!”

“I told him some hurtful things, it’s not my fault he didn’t take the hint.” Poison shrugged.

The doorbell rang again, so Ivy answered it, and saw Gary wearing a black leather jacket, had black shades on, spiky hair, and wore a black t-shirt with the words, “Haters gonna hate.” on it. “Sup girl?” He said after Ivy opened the door.

“You’re kidding…”

“Earlier today I was rolling with man dem and kicking it on the WESTSIDE! But I told my homies I gotta check up on my girl just to see if she aight and wanna kick it wit your boy, cause you know when he be rolling, he go hard!”

Ivy narrowed her eyes at him. “I can tolerate this from my dad because he’s family, but this makes me hate you even more.” She said before closing the door. As she did so, Floyd blasted off Gary’s shades from across the street.

Later that day, when Ivy figured Gary wasn’t following her anymore; they left to visit a mall and bought tons of sweets from a store. On the way back, she managed to spot Gary following them, thinly disguised in a brown trenchcoat with a black mustache. She then moved closer to Poison and whispered, “He’s following again. Give me a piggy back ride.”

“You’re too old for a piggy back ride.”

“I want a piggy back ride!” She said, still somewhat quiet. Poison sighed and went along with it, and Ivy pretended to enjoy it. “Yay! You’re the best, Poison! Far better than that loser prince!”

“Hold it right there!” Gary took off the disguise and approached them. “You vile demon!” He began, pointing at Poison. “I shall prove my love to the princess, as I am a far more worthy partner than you!”

Ivy hopped down, very aggravated at his persistence. “Go away! I don’t like you! My heart and my royal body belong to Poison!”

“Thank you for the bad mental images.” Poison said sarcastically.

“Our meeting was love at first sight. He’s the only one who can truly satisfy my needs.”

“Oh joy, more bad mental images.” Poison said again.

“I shall not give up!” Gary replied. “Soon my love will be acknowledged and we shall live happily ever after!” He took off immediately.

Ivy considered this serious business, so she decided to see a psychiatrist, which just so happened to be Lily. She held a flipchart as Ivy entered the yellow room and sat on the couch further away from her. “Hello Ivy, I am your psychiatrist.”

“Uh, yeah, I already know this.”

“Just making sure. So what’s the problem?”

“Well, I’m a demon princess, and I fought this angel prince, then he says he loves me, but I hate his guts and want him to leave me alone, yet he keeps following me even though I don’t like him!”

“Are you by any chance the master of a demon called Poison?”

“Yeah, why?”

“No particular reason.” On the chart, she wrote, “Ivy – Spoiler brat.” She looked up at her. “Have you considered killing him?”

“Wow, that’s pretty dark for a psychiatrist, isn’t it?”

“Maybe a little, but the ends justify the means. Anyway, your main problem is your ego.”

“What about it?” Ivy asked.

“It’s too big, too wide, too strong, I’m surprised it fits, it’s too much, too tough-”

“Well I talk like this cause I can back it up, I’ve got a big egooooooo! Such a huge egooooooo!”

“Well he loves your big ego, so that’s bad in this case. How about telling him why you don’t like him, while at the same time pelting him with insults designed to make him feel insecure about his qualities, to the point where he ends up hating you.”

Ivy got to her feet. “That’s a brilliant idea! I have no idea why Poison dislikes you.”

“Here’s my bill.” Lily said with a cheerful smile as she handed her a piece of paper.

She glanced at the paper. “Now I see why…”

A bit later on, as Ivy was approaching the house, Gary popped out upon her arrival. She held him back before speaking. “Gary, I understand you like me, but I sadly do not feel the same way. I just don’t feel attracted to you, since you’re rude, pompous, condescending, arrogant, and just about most things I hate. I’m not ready to get married, and if I were, I wouldn’t get married to you. I’m asking you politely to leave before I have to kill you.”

Gary got to his feet and nodded as he fully understood. “Ahh, I see. Well fear not, Ivy, for soon when both mature and are fully ready, we’ll finally get married, and it’ll be the best day of our lives. Until then, farewell, my love.” He nodded at her as he got onto a golden winged horse which morphed into a giant rainbow coloured dragon and flew off on a cardboard box.

Ivy was speechless for a few moments, and then looked over at Poison by the door. “You saw that too, right?”

“Let’s pretend we didn’t.” The two of them then went back into the house.

Meanwhile, Gary was contacting the head angels. “Greetings, head angels, this is Gary reporting in.”

“Ahh, Gary, so how did it go?” The top angel asked.

“Ruby is a liar; there was no dangerous demon to look out for.”

“So I guess she really was lying again, as I expected. I’ll make sure she faces divine punishment upon her return to heaven.”

“Thank you.” He bowed. “I will now be going to my bedroom with pictures I took on earth using my camera. Excuse me.” The screen then switched off, prompting the top angel to say, “We will now finish this meeting by all standing up at once in a dramatic fashion.” They all did so, prompting him again to say, “Excellent.”

TMEDCE: Chapter 14 – Knife

In a somewhat dark room, Ruby awoke, feeling awfully confused about where she was. As she tried to move, she felt something tug at the waist, and she immediately pulled it off. The room brightened slightly, just as she spotted a few people standing close by. Spring and Floyd had ripped theirs off as well, at which point the room had become somewhat clear and appeared to be an average large bedroom with five lockers on the other side of the room. Ivy and Poison regained consciousness soon after and removed the rope connected to their waists, where an electronic belt was attached to their waists.

“Hey Poison, where are we?” Ivy asked as she scratched her forehead.

“No idea.” He replied. He then turned to Spring and Floyd and casually greeted them while they did the same.

Ruby looked at the belt around her waist, then at the others in the room. “I think I’ve seen this kind of thing in a movie before. I think I’m going to die here.” She sighed as she excepted her fate.

Just then, the television in the top right corner of the room switched on, revealing a Sonic the Hedgehog plushie which sat in the chair and turned to face them. “Hello, actors, I want to write a fanfic.”

“Who is that?!” Ivy yelled as she pointed at the screen.

“That’s a Sonic the Hedgehog plushie. You know, the guy whose friends you wanted to kill?”

“Oh right, I forgot about those guys…”

The doll continued. “I’ve gathered the five of you here today to participate in the fanfic, but the script hasn’t been decided yet. We will begin the first phase, as you’ll have noticed, there are belts strapped to your waists. Once this message ends, you’ll have one minute to find the key in your locker and take off your belt before it explodes. The locker combination for each is entirely random, so it’s based on luck. Can you find the key in time, or will you implode under pressure? Let the lulz be had.”

And so the timers began, though no-one panicked except Ruby as they tried to guess the combination to their chosen locker. Ivy was the first to guess hers right in exactly 10 seconds. Floyd managed to get his right at 37 seconds left, with Spring getting his right shortly after. Poison got the combination right with 17 seconds left to spare, and undid his belt with 11 seconds left. The others moved further back as Ruby started to panic, and then finally guessed it right with 6 seconds left. As she tried to undo the belt, it exploded. Ivy expressed a sense of respect for her. “Farewell, my foolish rival, it is a shame we never got to have that final fight, though I shall always remember you.”

“I’m not dead.” Ruby replied as she walked out from the smoke.

“Damn.” Ivy said with a frown, clearly unhappy to see her.

The door to the next room opened up, at which point Ivy turned to Spring and Floyd and asked them how they got here. “The last thing I remember doing was playing poker with a T-Rex and a grizzly bear who knew kung fu.” Spring replied.

“Good times.” Floyd nodded.

“Damn straight.”

“So how do we get out?” Ivy asked. “Do we just get through the rest of these?”

“Most likely.” Poison shrugged. “But don’t worry; the Loli Rangers are probably on this case.”

“Pfft, the Loli Rangers, like that will make a difference.” Ivy responded as the five of them left.

Meanwhile, in a pink bedroom with a pink television, a pink bed, a pink carpet, pink chairs, and curtains which were red, Loli Blue, Yellow and Green were giving Loli Red a makeover. Just then, Loli Black kicked in the door. “Guys, we got serious business!”

Loli Red got to her feet, the right half of her face having eyeliner, lipstick and the right side of her hair having princess curls. “Serious business? You serious?”

“I are serious.” Loli Black nodded. “He’s struck again, that guy who kidnaps people for the lulz! This time we can nail him for good! Mainly because thanks to Poison, I’ve found out where his hideout is.”

“Excellent work, Badass-chan. Let’s get dangerous, girls!” Loli Red got her glowing red sword, Loli Yellow came with simply her writing board which also functioned as a weapon, Loli Blue got her knives and concealed them inside her sweater, Loli Green took out 3 R .34 magnums and put them down her skirt, and Loli Black put on her golden metal gloves and they all struck a pose before leaving.

Back in the unknown location, Ivy, Poison, Ruby, Spring and Floyd all entered a white and blue striped average kitchen. A television sat on the counter, which came to life as they entered. “Welcome to the next scene. This looks like a fairly normal kitchen, fair enough. To be honest, I had nothing punny planed for this, so here goes: You each have a key in your left hand, and any key opens the exit. Someone will have to cut off their hand for you all to leave. Let the lulz be had.” As the television switched itself off, they all turned to Ruby.

She glanced around before saying, “Noooo! I can’t do that! I need my left hand, and my mom will be mad at me for cutting it off!”

“You’re the only available choice, foolish angel.” Ivy said with a smile.

“I would cut my hand off, but…” Floyd reached for a machete on the table and as he attempted to cut his hand off, the blade broke in half.

While Ruby watched them, Ivy picked up another and chopped her arm off, causing Ruby to drop to her knees, clutching the swollen area as she screamed from the immense pain. “Hey! You chopped my whole arm off, you meanie!”

Ivy hand waved her comment. “Eh, it’ll grow back.”

“Arms don’t grow back.” Poison responded. He then picked up the arm, chopped off the hand and began digging into the flesh to find the key. “It’s like one of those slush puppies, except that this isn’t cold, and this is revolting.” He found the key right afterwards and unlocked the exit. Upon doing so, they all left, with Ruby following close behind, still in immense pain.

On the way to the hideout, lead by Loli Black, the five girls ran into three other girls who wore similar outfits, though they had white hair, pink hair, and purple hair. “Douche-chan!” Loli Red confronted the white haired leader. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s Jerk-chan! Get it right!” She corrected her.

“What’s the difference?” Loli Red retorted. “And you still haven’t answered my question. Though I see you brought along Fun-chan and Cool-Chan.”

“We’re here to find out the hideout of that knife guy, and bring him to justice!” Loli White exclaimed.

“Oh no you don’t! This case is ours!” Loli Red replied.

“These guys are gonna make me go mad…” Loli Black said, struggling to hold in a beat.

Loli White laughed at them. “This case is too much for your team to handle, we, on the other hand, are better students at St. Lolita Academy, so it’s only more fitting for competent rangers to handle this situation.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMDgAevEJds

Loli Black couldn’t hold it in any longer, and immediately took out a boombox in order to play “Get Back” by Ludacris. She then approached Loli White as she was confused and said, “Yo G! Why you all in my ear, talking a whole bunch of crap, when you should disappear? Get back, loli hater, you don’t know us like that!”

“Get back, loli hater, you don’t know us like that!” Loli Blue and Green chipped in, while Loli Red was speechless about the situation.

Loli Black then approached Loli Purple. “Yo G, I ain’t playing around, my golden right fist would knock you to the ground!” She said just before clotheslining the girl. “Get back, loli hater, you don’t know us like that!” She approached Loli Pink moments later, while saying, “So come on, come on, dope!” as she pushed her back, which was played twice. Loli Pink attempted to punch her, but missed as she easily evaded it, then said, “Get swung on, swung on!” as she punched her out, played twice in quick succession. “It’s the laidback, tic and tac, crazy talking, ranger pack, loli’s on the beat, who’ll nail you down with a sneak attack! Still kicking ass!”

Loli Red, who had just kicked Loli White across the street, nodded as she said, “Yup.”

“More action packed!” Loli Black said just as Loli Blue slashed at Loli Pink with a knife while saying, “Yup!”

“And bro, we keep it real like the apple Mac! That’s why I own a yak, a pack of cracker jacks, and at eighteen, I’ll own a Cadillac! But I thought we could go bowling, bowling, we could go bowling or have Super Smash Brawling,-”

“Uhh, I don’t mean to interrupt, but is this all really necessary?” Loli Red asked.

Loli Black ignored her as she kept going on. “So keep your socks on, G, keep the skirts low, trim off the top, bend back and have your face blown!” She said as she kicked Loli Purple in the stomach, then grabbed her and did a spinning german suplex.

“I think we should skip this…” Loli Red finally said.

“Hey, little red, don’t make me loooose it!” Loli Black yelled at her for suggesting it.

Back in he unknown location, the five individuals had entered another basic bedroom and the television turned on. “Someone needs to cut off their foot. The chainsaw is on the bed. Lulz. Begin.” The television switched off, leaving them speechless until Poison finally said, “These are starting to get somewhat generic…”

As the plushie sat safely behind dozens of monitors, he saw that the Loli Rangers had discovered the hideout, and sent robots which he deemed appropriate to deal with them. The rangers encountered the humanoid robots pretty fast, and they were quickly able to learn that their laser beams mainly vaporized clothing, as it had done so to Loli Red’s skirt, who sighed and excepted that things like this tend to happen often just before slicing off one of the robot heads. They ran down the passageway, knocking out robots along the way, then the others ducked as Loli Yellow threw her board like a boomerang and sliced off several robot heads before it returned to her. As Loli Red and Loli Black tried to open a locked door, the others held off the incoming robots, and Loli Green started using 4 guns to do so: one in each hand, using her left foot, and firing the last using her mouth.

“You seem quite skilled using four guns.” Loli Blue commented in the middle of their rampage.

“Yes. I’ve watched many gun anime and read up on them to improve my ability, such as Gunslinger Girls, Trigun, Black Lagoon, Gurren Lagaan, etc.”

“But Gurren Lagaan isn’t about guns…”

“You’re forgetting Yoko.”

“Yeah, but the gun wasn’t really the main focus in that show…”

Moments later, Loli Red kicked down the door to the control room, and found a man in a black cloak standing near the plushie. He turned his attention to the Loli Rangers as they entered. “Ahh, I know all about you girls. Loli Yellow, the Japanese loli, who doesn’t speak English so she uses a wipe board to communicate, which can also be used as a weapon with its razor sharp edges! You work at a maid café in your spare time. Loli Green, when not finding absurd ways to handle guns, you work as a high school PE teacher. Loli Blue, though you are abnormally cheerful, you’re an assassin who takes pleasure in chasing your targets down and gutting them. Loli Black, you hit like a brick house, and on your time off, you work as a professional DJ, “Miss Mix-a-Few.” And finally, Loli Red. Known by the name, “Little Red Riding Slayer.” That glowing sword is your weapon, and you’ve slayed countless creatures over the years with it.

“Enough exposition, let’s just kick his ass.” Loli Red said.

“Can I keep the head if he dies?” Loli Blue asked.

“Only if he dies, but clean it before keeping it. That last head you kept got blood stains on the carpet.”

There was some explosions and a lot of noise which Ivy and the others could hear, just shortly after they had chopped off Ruby’s left foot. At which point, the door opened, leading to the outside world. Spring and Floyd nodded to Poison before leaving, and Poison breathed a sigh of relief as they stood by the exit, ignoring the lifeless body of Ruby behind them, covered in a pool of her own blood. “This was a weird day, though I told you the Loli Rangers would solve the case, mainly because I saved Loli Black from being kidnapped herself.”

“Whatever, let’s just finally get out of here.” As they were about to leave, Ruby raised her right arm. “Wait! I’m not dead! I just need medical attention!” Ivy calmly approached Ruby and imbedded her scythe in Ruby’s forehead several times before putting it away. “Okay, let’s get going, Poison.” She said with a cheerful smile as the two walked off holding hands.

Ruby then woke up from her dream in the middle of the night, covered in sweat and breathing heavily. “Man, I’ve gotta stop watching horror movies late at night.” She left her room to get a glass of water before going into her older sister’s room. “Hey Crystal, are you awake?”

“What is it, Ruby?” She asked from within the covers.

“I had a bad dream, can I sleep with you?”

“Fine.” Ruby crawled underneath the covers and next to her older sister, who happened to be wearing a pedobear suit. “Goodnight, oneechan.”

This one wasn't in the prototype chapter list I did, and is one I came up with recently, but I figured it was good enough to add it in.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 15 – Intergalactic Kombat

In the middle of space, on a space station, a mysterious figure watched various planets through screens recorded by flying cambots floating around the galaxy. On one screen, it showed Poison setting up his Datbox360. “Hey Ivy, me, Spring and Floyd are gonna play Gangsta **** online, wanna join us?” Poison asked as she entered the room.

She shrugged and sat on the couch. “Sure, why not.” She grabbed a pad. “Has anyone chosen the T-Rex?”

“The T-Rex, Samuel Jackson, and Jack Nicholson are all taken. You should pick Batman.”

“Is the Joker in this?”

“Sadly not.” He shook his head.

“Darn…”

Suddenly, they both vanished, dropping the pads in the process. Somewhere in heaven, the top angels were having another board meeting, with Gary sitting with them. The head angel leaned forward and said, “So gentlemen, what important matters are there to clear up today?”

Gary began, “Some of my colleagues want a “Dat Ass” club.”

The head angel slammed his hand on the table as he exclaimed, “FUND IT!”

“A Loli Rangers anime!” One angel yelled.

“FUND IT!” He repeated.

“A Yotsuba anime!” Another yelled.

“FUND IT!” He repeated once more.

“I don’t think we have control over that one…” Gary replied.

“I said fund it, damnit!” At that moment, Gary suddenly vanished from his chair. Ruby was running through a field, chasing butterflies when she too, vanished. Various others across the galaxy also vanished around the same time.

Meanwhile, Ivy and Poison found themselves aboard the space station, in a massive dark purple room with an ‘X’ outlined along the floor. There were doors to the left and right leading to darker areas, and some stairs leading up to a throne just ahead of them.

Ivy sighed as she looked around. “Have I been kidnapped again?”

“Today might be more interesting than I had planned…” Poison said with a smile as he nodded.

Within the next 30 seconds, Spring, Floyd, Ruby, Gary, Amber, Nookie, Yandere-chan, and almost a dozen others they didn’t happen to know appeared. The person who brought them there introduced himself immediately afterwards, and stood at the top of the stairs. He was completely covered by a black cloak with a helmet to match.

Ruby gasped as she pointed at him. “It’s the lulz guy!”

“The lulz guy?” Ivy and Poison said in unison.

“Oh right, you weren’t there.” Seconds later, she realized Ivy was in the room and pointed at her. “You! What are you doing here?!?”

“I should ask you the same question, foolish angel.”

The mysterious cloaked figure continued, “Allow me to inform you. I have selected various contestants and participate in my own personal royal rumble, 20 contestants go in, and 1 comes out. This will take place in Virtual Reality headsets, allowing you to kill the person in a fighting game, but inflicting no damage on their actual body. And remember, the winner will get a prize.”

“It’s awfully convenient that half the contestants are people we know.” Poison said as he looked around. “And I’m doubtful killing someone in a virtual world won’t affect that person, at least that’s what the Matrix told me…”

“Until we begin the main event, feel free to converse with one another.” The cloaked person left.

Ivy turned to Ruby. “You’d better put up a good fight, because I’m hoping to kill you myself.”

“Well maybe I’ll die beforehand, so there!” She crossed her arms.

“…That still means you lose.” Poison pointed out.

Gary ran over to them shortly after, and tried to embrace Ivy who held him back, “Ivy! I’m astoundingly pleased to meet you here! Do not fight the hug!”

“Poison, who is this moron?” Ivy asked.

Poison shrugged. “I dunno. All I know is, when this thing starts, I get to kill him.”

Ivy kicked him to the ground before turning to Poison. “No! I hate him more so I get to kill him!”

“At least he’s nice to you, I hate his guts and he hates mine, so I deserve to kill him myself!”

She glared at him while he did the same. “Grrrrrrrr…”

“Ffffffff...”

“You guys really dislike me that much?!?” He said in shock.

“Such is the way of demons…” Ruby replied.

“That comment was unlike you, Ruby.”

Just then, an older looking teenage angel approached the four of them, wearing the same style of robe as Ruby. She had long black hair and purple eyes. Ruby cleared her throat as she arrived. “Oh, guys, I’d like you to meet my older sister, Crystal.” The others were in silence, clearly confused. “Y’know, the hot chick who got out of the pool in a purple swimsuit in chapter 9?”

The others sighed while Poison said, “Thanks a lot, Ruby. We were doing a decent job of not going too far but you had to break it.”

“I’m sorry! You guys wouldn’t have remembered otherwise! My spear originally belonged to my sister, but she let me keep it. She now uses a titanium large baseball bat.”

Crystal showed them a picture of it. “Dat bat. Anyway, nice to meet you all.” Crystal said as she shook their hands and then nodded when she got to Poison. “My sister has told me a lot about you.”

“Is that so?”

“I didn’t say anything!” Ruby protested as she waved her arms.

Moments later, the mysterious figure appeared again and snapped his fingers, switching on various lights on the other side of the room, revealing the VR sets. “We shall now begin this brawl, and I will now summon my commentators. SA2 appeared beside him, as did Unreal, who was wearing a suit. They moved other to a desk nearby and sat behind it just as the contestants connected to the VR network.

Upon everyone first entering the VR world, the arena was chosen as a rocky wasteland, split into four small sections, to provide enough room for various other fights to take place simultaneously. Most of the nobodies were the first to be eliminated, as they were nobodies. Yandere-chan was currently chasing Ruby who ran into a junkyard as Loli Blue yelled, “I’m coming to get you~!”

As she hid behind a car, Loli Blue appeared from under a cardboard box and leaped out at her, yelling, “Surprise buttsex!”

“Is that safe with a knife?” SA2 asked as he turned to Unreal.

“It doesn’t matter, rule 36.”

“Oh right.”

Back in the arena, before Loli Blue could stab Ruby, she was blasted in the shoulder, knocking her back several feet as Spring and Floyd came into view. “Thanks so much for saving me, guys!” They started firing at her, she then ran off, and soon exploded as one bullet hit her. They then turned to Loli Blue.

She giggled as they did. “Now I get to play with more people! You know what they say, the more the merrier!” She immediately charged at them.

Meanwhile, in another area, Crystal and Amber were hopping across falling rocks, attacking each other as they flew up, and then moving at blistering speed upon reaching the sky, creating shockwaves as they clashed. Ivy simply watched from a hill below and sighed. “I’ve still got quite a bit to go…”

“Hot angel on demon action.” Unreal stated.

“Sounds good man.” SA2 agreed.

At this point, Gary had just stabbed Nookie from behind who was distracted as he grabbed the last unknown contestant’s panties. Poison immediately attacked with an overhead swing, which was blocked just as Gary spun round to face him. Gary dashed towards him and their swords clashed, at which point Poison hit him with an uppercut, sending him flying back.

“Ooooh, that up-smash!” Unreal commented. (Believe me, I was looking for the most appropriate moment to use this)

“We got a man down!” SA2 added.

As Gary got to his feet, Ruby stood beside him, wearing a black gothic Lolita styled dress and they nodded before charging at Poison again.

SA2 leaned forward as he said, “This is important!” As they dodged Poison’s green energy waves produced from his blade, he then said, “Happy feet! Wombo combo!”

Unreal saw Ruby nod at Poison, who did the same. He then shook his head. “That ain’t Ruby.”

SA2 turned to him, utterly confused, and then looked back at the screen. “That ain’t Ruby?”

Ruby removed the convincing mask to reveal she was obviously Ivy. She then kicked him in the chest, Poison then joined in as he repeatedly punched and kicked him and then they sliced him in half as they dashed to their opposite sides with their chosen weapons, resulting in him splitting in half then exploding as SA2 and Unreal went nuts over the tag team attack.

SA2 stood up, looking around as he exclaimed, “Where’s he at?!? Where’s he at? Where’s he at?!”

Unreal dropped to his knees as he said, “Ooooooh! Oh my god! Wombo Combo!”

Poison dug his blade into the dirt as he nodded and said, “Get yo ass whooped!”

Ruby approached the area and having seen the action taking place, clutched her forehead as she dropped to her knees. “My mind has blown from the awesomeness! My mind was bloooown!”

“Ruby’s mind was blown!” SA2 yelled.

Unreal nodded. “I think our minds are all a little blown right now.”

Moving on slightly, Spring and Floyd took out Yandere-chan by shooting off a water tower and having it crush her. They then decided to forfeit, and as they turned around to leave, the water tower exploded, making their unflinching walk look more impressive, and then without saying a word or looking at each other, a bro fist was all that needed to be done.

Crystal and Amber had a new found respect for each other, and discovered they had quite a bit in common, so they also left, leaving the last three remaining contenders left. “That was quite sudden.” Ivy began. Without warning, she was stabbed with extreme prejudice by Poison, enraging her as she began to slip into unconsciousness. “Why, you literal backstabber! You’re going to suffer so much when we get home…“

He removed the blade and dropped her. “Totally worth it.” Just then, he was impaled from behind with Ruby’s spear. He smiled at this. “I see, you caught me off guard. Well played, Ruby.” He dropped to the ground seconds later.

“S-sorry, Poison.” She expressed regret as she pulled out the spear. As she did so, the body had already disappeared. She also left the VR world soon afterwards. Upon removing the helmet, everyone was gone but the host of the game.

“Congratulations, Ruby! You are the winner of the game! Guess what you win?”

“It’s going to be something bad, isn’t it?” She asked, fearing the worst.

“Of course not!” The figure removed his helmet, revealing himself to be Awesome. “Your prize is a month’s supply of lollipops! So you can suck on them all day and make others think of perverted thoughts just by watching you!” He said as a massive bag, covering ¼ of the area was dropped into the room.

“Wow! That’s awesome!” Ruby exclaimed, delighted to receive the lollipops.

“Oh, there’s also this Bible Black box set too. You’ll love it.” He said as he handed it to her. He turned to the side and waved. “And that’s all we have for this time, folks. Remember to tune in next week to witness another episode of, “Whoopass!” Well, goodnight everybody!” An imaginary audience applauded as he waved, confusing Ruby.

TMEDCE: Chapter 16 – Welcome to Noisy Hill

It was a dark and stormy night; a shot rang out, a maid screamed! Suddenly, a demon ship appeared over the horizon, and within the ship were our designated protagonists, Ivy and Poison. They were slowly approaching a town as a thick fog began to appear.

“Hey, are you sure this is the place?” Poison asked as he looked around. “This area seems kinda unusual…”

“That’s what Amber said. Go to a place she called Noisy Hill, there you’ll find some of the materials you need to build your doomsday weapon.” Ivy replied. “She said to meet her at a school, so let’s hurry up.” They parked the ship in a corner of the empty streets and got out. They walked along, still looking out for any residents as they searched for a school. As they passed by a bar, Poison heard a noise so he investigated while Ivy stood by the door. Poison picked up a radio he found on a stool and they left. They eventually found the large school building and entered.

Of course, the place was abandoned, the halls were partially covered in blood, and a majority of the school was covered in darkness, apart from the few lights which flickered randomly throughout the halls. “S-so, what path should we take?” Ivy asked nervously.

Poison shrugged. “We should just walk on ahead and check out any rooms we come by.”

“Yeah, let’s go, and stay close.” Ivy said as she cautiously moved on.

“Oooooh no you don’t!” Poison shook his head, causing Ivy to turn and face him. “I know what’s going to happen here. You’re going to insist I stay close and act like you’re not scared, then the second you hear a noise, you’ll grab onto me and start whimpering. Once you realize what you’re doing, you’ll hit me and claim that you weren’t scared, but just slightly startled. Repeat twice more.” Poison nodded as he finished.

Ivy simply narrowed her eyes at him and replied, “You watch too much slice-of-life anime.”

“It pays to know.” Poison retorted with a convincing nod.

So they moved on, with Ivy jumping whenever she heard a sound, and punching Poison several times, until they reached a room where a lamp was left on. They approached a table where various papers sat on a desk. Poison looked through them, though they weren’t of any importance to them so they immediately left. On the way out, the two of them stopped as they saw a creature further down the hallway. It was a humanoid looking creature with legs resembling hairy white basketballs, a head like a rocket, and its veins were quite visible. Ivy and Poison were stunned as they witnessed the creature, very slowly approaching them.

“I assume only a mind such as yours could create something as disturbing.” Poison remarked.

“Hey! What’s wrong with my mind?!” Ivy demanded.

“Nothing, but forget about that, it’s best we run.”

“Right!” Ivy and Poison turned around and fled, smacking a few teachers out the way as they ran down another path. Upon turning one corner, they stopped and hid as they saw someone wearing a red trenchcoat and a cardboard box over his head, humping a demonic looking high school girl. As he finished, Poison pulled out his blade, because he felt it was wrong to cockblock a fellow man. He approached the person, calling him out as he did so. “Hey, boxer, you look like you could prove to be a challenge, wanna take me on?”

“Sure, why not. Name’s Adol by the way.” He replied, equipping himself with a chainsaw which Poison found quite amusing. Poison nodded for Ivy to find Amber while he took care of him, which she did. Poison charged at Adol and slashed at him. Adol ducked and lunged at his feet, and missed as Poison hopped and attacked with and overhead swing. Adol sidestepped it and attacked again, Poison blocking his blow with his blade. As Poison attacked with an uppercut, Adol leaned back and attempted to slice Poison’s head off, who ducked at the last second, cutting off a lock of his hair. Poison then managed to hit him with a rising slash and moved back as Adol did the same. “Nice moves, man.” Adol powered down his chainsaw and took off.

Poison put away his blade and ran off in the same direction as Ivy, hopping to catch up with her. On the way there, the radio began making noises as he approached a changing room, which he searched, eventually leading to a swimming pool where Amber was located, swimming naked in the pool. “Oh, hey Poison!” She waved. “Wanna join me?”

“Sure!” He quickly threw his clothes to the side and dove in, just before speaking. “You won’t believe the crazy things happening around here! I just took on this guy wearing a badass longcoat, and it was awesome! Partly because his weapon of choice was a chainsaw, and chainsaws are always awesome! He could have killed me back there, but that just makes it more fun in my opinion. I wanna face him again, and maybe I will soon enough.”

Amber seemed bored listening to him go on and simply said, “Look, we’re both naked in a pool right now. Are you going to make a move or not?”

“Aren’t you listening? He wore a badass coat, and uses a chainsaw! Don’t you found that awesome?!?”

Amber sighed and got out of the pool. “Ivy’s here with you, right? Come on, let’s go find her then.”

Poison shook his head in disgust as he got out. “Honestly, can I not have a discussion about cool things?”

“Not when we’re naked.”

Shortly afterwards, Poison and Amber walked around for a few minutes before the radio flared up again as they approached a corner. Poison drew his blade, ready to stab the creature which appeared, and then he stopped as he saw it was Ruby. They stared at each other in complete silence for several moments until Amber coughed.

“We haven’t done our usual routine in a while…” Ruby managed to say.

“You mean me casually saying, “Hey Ruby.” And then you cheerfully replying, “Hi Poison!”? Like that?”

“Yeah.”

“So why are you here?” Amber asked.

“I came with my sister, because she took a job, requiring her to collect something.”

“Really? So where is Crystal now?”

Ruby shrugged. “Probably beating up monsters. I’ll find her soon enough, you guys are probably trying to find Ivy so I’ll see you later. I’ll just be slowing you down, so don’t worry about me.” She said before walking past them. Poison and Amber followed her advice and moved on.

Meanwhile, Ivy had gotten lost somewhere among the dark corridors and began to give up when she came across Adol. She jumped back as he appeared. “You! You’re the one controlling the things here, aren’t you?”

“Maybe.” He simply answered.

Ivy backed up slightly more. “T-Then that means, you’re going to take advantage of my body!”

Adol chuckled for a moment. “Lol, of course not, silly girl, I’d wait another year before I do that. So what brings you here?”

“Came to find a demon, then find tools of destruction.”

“lol, tools of destruction.”

“It wasn’t that funny…”

“Maybe not. So, you know the green haired guy, right?”

“Yeah, he’s my loyal servant.” She said proudly, crossing her arms.

“Lol, I doubt it. He seems like a rebellious type.”

“Well he’s not.”

“lol.”

“Stop loling at me!” Ivy shouted.

“’Kay.”

“And seriously, why don’t you wanna take advantage of my body? Are you worried you can’t satisfy me?”

“You’re a weird little girl.”

Just then, Ruby jumped out of a locker, wearing a pink skirt, Hello Kitty fuzzy slippers, a knitted white cardigan, and a pink cat mask covering her face. “The gig is up, evildoer! I will rain justice upon you!”

“And who may you be, mysterious hero?” Adol inquired.

Ruby stood in silence, just realizing she hadn’t thought of a good name. She then dramatically pointed at him. “My name is Magical Girl Rabi!”

Ivy stroked her chin upon hearing it. “Rabi, I’m sure that name is familiar…”

“And I’m in no way connected to a foolish angel!”

“Yeah, must just be a coincidence…”

“We should really take this outside.” With a click of his fingers, they soon found themselves outside, surrounded by various monsters, which Ivy and Ruby were able to easily dispatch of while Adol watched. As they were done, Poison and Amber arrived at the scene.

“Hey, are you guys alright?” Poison asked.

“Yes, never fear, fellow citizen, I had things under control.” Ruby replied.

“Ohh, thank you very much, person who looks suspiciously like Ruby with a lame outfit on.” He said sarcastically.

“You’re welcome.” She bowed, seconds before realizing what he said. “Hey!”

Adol, growing tired of this, summoned the various tools Ivy was looking for, including several large tubs of oil, and mixed them together to form an oily robotic Godzilla look-alike. “I’ll handle this!” Ruby said as she charged towards the robot, which easily knocked her aside then crushed her underneath its foot. Ivy flew towards it next, punching it in various places but ultimately causing no damage. The robot then smacked Ivy into a building with its tail. It then roared before firing a laser beam from its mouth, blowing up a building far in the distance.

Poison glanced around before saying, “Gee, I wish two certain people I know happen to turn up this second out of nowhere and defeat this weird monster by making it explode, because we would be very grateful for that.” He looked around and then sighed. “Guess we gotta take it down ourselves.”

“I’m ready to go.” Amber said, taking out her glowing red large axe.

Just then, the oil creature was hit by a purple energy blast. Crystal was spotted further away, speeding towards the area on a bomb. The creature shot a simple ball of energy at her, which she hit back with her bat, just before jumping off the bomb as it crashed into the robot and exploded. Sadly, it wasn’t enough to destroy the creature, but Ivy grabbed its tail from behind, struggled to lift it, eventually developing a red aura, she eventually lifted it up by the tail and slammed it hard into the ground right in front of her, pulling her forward and sliding a few feet ahead before turning her head to face Adol who had recovered, sporting a slasher smile with bloodshot eyes as she said, “Still feel like laughing, Adol?”

“Ehh, not anymore…” He said nervously as he backed away from her.

“That’s more like it! I shall have you kiss the royal foot! Hahahahahaha!” She said in a deep voice as she ominously approached him.

“Wow, I’ve never seen that side of her before…” Amber commented, just before Ivy returned to normal and ran over to the tools.

Poison shrugged. “Well, she is the devil’s daughter, after all, it’s only a matter of time before she becomes as overpowered as her parents.”

Crystal looked around before turning to Poison and Amber. “Oh, by the way, have you guys seen Ruby?”

“I think she’s dead.” Amber replied, pointing to her lifeless body under a large steel container.

Crystal shrugged as she noticed it. “Oh well.”

Ruby suddenly sprung back to life as she yelled, “Hey! You hear I might be dead and that’s all you say?!?”

“Well you’ve lived through a lot, so I expected you to go far.” She patted her on the head. “Good job, Ruby.” She said before pulling her from underneath the container, and then looked onward into the sky. “Well, I finished what I came here to do.”

“You didn’t really do much.” Poison replied.

“Maybe not, but my job is done, and there’s only one thing left for me to do.”

“Stroll off like a pimp?” Amber suggested slyly.

“Damn straight.” Crystal nodded as they both put on a pair of shades, hats which were tipped forward slightly, a cane covered in diamonds, and put on jackets just before bopping off down a road out of town as a mixture of jazz and hip-hop played in the background.

Ivy shed tears as she discovered she had destroyed half the tools she planned to take back with her, so much so that Poison had to carry her into their ship and drive off. Ruby stayed behind to finish off Adol for good, who summoned more creatures as the others left.

“Why do you fight me, Ruby? What purpose do you gain from it?”

“I must fight!” She exclaimed. “I must defeat the monsters!”

Adol shook his head as he placed a hand on Ruby’s shoulder. “No, Ruby, you are the monsters!” And then Ruby was a zombie.

TMEDCE: Chapter 17 – Everything’s Worse with Bears

It was a beautiful morning as Ivy and Poison walked through some woods. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the description was basic. Poison was giving Ivy a piggy back ride as they moved deeper into the sunny woods. Ivy smiled as she saw a squirrel fly kicking a bird out of a tree. “I guess you were right, exploring the woods can be quite relaxing.”

Poison smiled upon hearing her. “Told ya, just one question though.” He quickly frowned.

“What?”

“Why am I giving you a piggy back ride?”

“Because!”

“That’s not a decent answer…”

Just then, they heard the shriek of a young girl and stopped immediately, looking in the direction it supposedly came from. Suddenly, a little girl rushed out of some bushes and ran into them, knocking Ivy off Poison’s shoulders. Ivy quickly got to her feet and shook her fist at the girl. “Watch where you’re going, you little brat! Also, possibly a dojikko!”

“Huh?”

Poison spoke up. “Ever since I introduced her to TVTropes, she’s been labelling almost everyone she sees.”

The girl had short brown hair with a bow, blue eyes, and wore a blue and white striped top, with a blue skirt and white stockings. “Oh, anyway, I’m sorry! My name is Cherry, and you guys have to help me! There’s this really mean bear chasing me!”

As if right on que, a grizzly bear wearing a black gi charged through several trees, lifted its head and roared loud enough to be heard from a mile away. Ivy then exclaimed, “Jesus Christ, it’s a bear! Get in the ship! Also, everything’s worse with bears!” as she ran off, with Cherry following her.

Poison instead grinned before charging at the bear and they traded blows for half a minute, seeming to be equally matched. As the bear swiped at his feet, Poison leaped at him and yelled, “Knee of Chaos!” before kneeing him in the face, knocking the bear into a tree. “I had fun fighting you, I hope we meet again.” Poison said before running off to find the others.

Minutes later, they were sitting round a table in a restaurant, with Cherry explaining the circumstances leading to this point. “So this organisation of mean bears were trying to hold me for ransom because my uncle is rich and won’t pay the mean bears tax to have his business on their land which they recently bought the rights of, but their prices were ridiculous! I managed to get away when they weren’t looking, and then I found you guys! You have to stop the mean bears! Pretty please?” She asked, looking at them with puppy dog eyes.

“Tastes likes diabetes!” Ivy randomly yelled.

Poison got to his feet, and put his clenched fist to his chest. “I could never deny the requests of a little girl in need! I would be honoured to help!”

They then heard quite a bit of commotion from the people in the restaurant, and looked outside to see a bear with a monocle and top hat waiting outside with a few other bears. Assuming they were obviously looking for them, they went to greet them.

“Good morning, unfortunate nuisances. We are here to exchange the girl for something of your choosing.”

“Exchange?” Ivy said with a smirk.

“No deal.” Poison stated.

“All we ask is that you hand over the girl, and we’ll give you something in return.” The bear replied.

“Poison! Hand over the girl!” Ivy demanded.

“No! Wait! My uncle can reward you more than they can!” Cherry cried.

“Is that so…”

The bear shook his head. “The child speaks lies! Please, just hand her over to us and we’ll take things from here, after all, she’d be more of an annoyance to you than anything else, right? So what do you say?”

“What do I say, huh…” Ivy stared at the smirking bear, and then looked back at Poison who nodded to her; and then finally glanced over at Cherry who still looked worried and simply nodded. Ivy smiled as she took out her scythe and pointed it at the bear. “I think you’re the biggest annoyance right now.”

“Why I never! You’ll kill a posh bear?!?” He moved back in fear as the others did the same. “This is unbelievable! This is inconceivable!”

“Inconceivable?” She grinned as she firmly gripped her scythe. “Blah, blah, blah, reference!” She then sliced him in half, put away her scythe and caught a pair of shades as she turned around while the other bears ran off. She then put them on as she and Poison walked off, with him carrying Cherry and humming a certain theme, and this was all done in slow motion.

Moments later, Ivy turned to her and said, “So what were you saying about your uncle having a reward?”

“Well, if you rescue me and return me safety, he’ll probably get you anything you want.” She took a wanted poster out of her pocket and showed it to her. “Here.”

“$500,000?!?” Ivy said in shock. “I could get all the sweets I want with that!”

“You really are a kid after all…” Poison retorted.

Ivy pointed off into the distance and yelled, “To the McMobile!” The Sega logo was shown in the centre of a spinning pink screen, and then in the next scene, Ivy, Poison and Cherry were safety sitting in Ivy’s ship, just as she started the engine. On the way out of the area, they smashed through a tractor as “Pow!” suddenly covered the screen, then drove through a bull as “Dayum!” appeared, then finally ran over a farmer as “lol” appeared.

Meanwhile, the boss of the bear organisation had just been informed of the situation in a dark room with dozens of monitors around. He was covered in metal armor and had glowing red eyes. “What?!?” He couldn’t believe his ears. He then looked up the nuisances on a computer, based on the information given. “The pink haired one was the demon princess. To think she’d be roaming around this area. The green haired guy is her servant, but we shouldn’t underestimate him. If he’s travelling with her, he must be quite skilled.”

“Hey, couldn’t we just kidnap the princess instead? We’ll probably get a bigger ransom if we had her.” One bear said.

“You’re missing the point; this is the demon princess, its not going to be a walk in the park to successfully capture her.”

“No sweat, we’ll rush in, knock her out, and then throw her in the torture room when we get back to break her spirit.”

“Fine. Thankfully I was smart enough to place a cleverly hidden tracking device on that girl, so with my directions we can easily find them.”

Back in the ship, Poison spotted a large beeping bug on Cherry’s back. “Hey Ivy, should I remove this rather obvious tracking device?”

“Nah, just leave it on.” She replied. Cherry looked on ahead and saw Ruby crossing the street, she then quickly grabbed the wheel and turned as she yelled, “Look out, an angel!” The ship came to the stop beside a building, 20 feet away from Ruby who had stopped in confusion and walked over to the ship. “Are you okay?” She asked.

Ivy jumped out through the window and pointed at her. “Foolish angel! Stop appearing out of nowhere!”

Ruby gasped. “You again! When will you remember my name?!”

“Never! Also, the fool!”

“Huh?”
Poison spoke as he climbed out. “Ivy has been giving tropes to a lot of people recently.”

Ruby turned back to Ivy. “So, you think you know more tropes, huh?”

“I know I do, your inferior mind is too simple-minded to memorize tropes to do with people.” Ivy said confidently.

“We’ll see.” Ruby pointed at her. “Royal brat!”

“The ditz!”

“Large ham!”

“Buttmonkey!”

“Daddy’s Little Villain!”

“The Chew Toy!”

Amber suddenly appeared and ran up to the two of them, waving as she greeted them. “Hey guys, what a surprise to see you guys today.”

Ivy immediately turned to her. “Village Bicycle!”

“Good bad girl!” Ruby chimmed in.

“**** devils!”

“Most Common Superpower!”

“Ms Fanservice!”

Amber frowned upon them, clearly annoyed. “I suggest you stop targeting me without facts.”

They did so and instead turned to Poison. “Deadpan Snarker!” Ivy yelled.

“Only sane man!”

“Technically, only sane demon.” Poison pointed out. “And that’s only because most people I know are exaggerated beyond belief.”

“Aloof Big Brother!” Ivy continued.

“The Dragon!” Ruby added. “Also, the lancer!”

They then stopped, both giving it more thought until Ivy eventually said, “I can’t think of much.”

“I was gonna say wholesome crossdresser, but he hasn’t done that yet…” As Ruby finished her sentence, they turned to Poison. Amber grinned as she also caught on, while Poison was left confused.

“I wonder what Poison would look like in my clothes…” Ivy said.

The Loli Rangers who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, wondered as well. Loli Red pointed at Loli Yellow and said, “Dojikko-chan, get right on that!” She nodded and began drawing a picture as the others gathered around her. When she had finished, Kuudere-chan added some finishing touches, making them all nod in approval. Loli Red gave them a thumbs up. “Good work, girls!”

“You guys shouldn’t just appear when it’s convenient for you.” Poison responded. “But further more, I’m not wearing girl’s clothes so you can all ogle me.”

“Please, Mr. Poison, sir? I’d like to see it too.” Cherry asked with puppy dog eyes.

“Well maybe just this once…”

Ivy narrowed her eyes at him. “It’s funny that you only agree when she asks you…”

Minutes later, Ivy and Poison had swapped clothes. Poison had straightened his hair and let it flow downwards, with a blue bow tied at the back of his neck. Poison sighed while the others were shocked over how convincing he looked. Amber took a few tissues and stuffed them down his dress, and then stepped back a bit. At that moment, Ruby flipped the bottom of the dress, making Poison quickly hold it down. “Hey! What are you doing?!”

“That’s a very convincing sign of embarrassment.” Ivy nodded before taking out a camera. “Ruby, keep doing that so I can get some good pictures!”

“Right!” She continued to do so, while Poison ran away yelling, “Stop that! That’s not funny, you guys!”

Amber shook her head in disgust. “I just lost a lot of respect for you, Poison.” Just then, a black car pulled up nearby, hit Poison over the head with a hammer, and then dragged him inside before driving off.

After a short period of silence, Ivy turned to Cherry and said, “Since you know where they’re going, we’ll follow them and get Poison back, because his clothes are slightly too big for me.” She said before getting in her ship, with the others following her, to her dismay.

A bit later, Poison awoke in a confined red room with brown carpeting, a television ahead of him and a chair in the middle of the room. The boss entered the room soon after. “Oh, you’re awake. Seems we made a mistake of bringing you here. My associates are idiots and picked you up, despite me saying the princess had pink hair, but I’ll torture you nonetheless until the princess comes to find you.”

“Pfft, no amount of torture could ever break me.”

“You’ll be watching Disaster Movie.” He said with a smirk.

Poison dropped to his knees. “Nooooooo!”

“Twice.”

“Nooooooooooo!”

Outside, Ivy and the others had just arrived and drove through the front gate, then the Loli Rangers leapt out of the ship and started taking out the bears around the building while Ivy, Ruby and Amber rushed inside. They knocked any bears they encountered out of the way while Amber stayed behind halfway through so Ivy and Ruby could go on ahead. Ivy kicked open the torture room door as she yelled, “Dynamic entry plus big damn villains!”

The metal bear stepped back. “You! How did you get here so fast?!”

Ivy ignored him and helped Poison to his feet. He breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank god you arrived early, they were gonna make me watch Disaster Movie.”

“Cruel and unusual punishment.” She said with she fully understood.

“Even with you teaming up, I’ll still crush you both!” The metal bear said.

“Who said we would be fighting you?” Ivy whistled, and then Nookie came in through a wall nearby and grabbed the bear. “Goodbye, metal nuisance.” Ivy said just before Nookie ripped him in half off-screen. “So you ready to kick some bear arse, green thunder?”

“I always am, pink lightning.” He said with a smile. “I still wanna know why you keep calling me that, though.”

Five minutes later, and a lot of gore unneeded, they had finished off the bears, but Cherry had been killed in the aftermath by one of the bears. There was a long period of silence when everyone had heard this, while Poison nodded to Spring and Floyd who had showed up earlier to help. Ruby took this opportunity to sneak away fast before something bad happened to her.

“I see you’ve decided to finally come to terms with yourself.” Spring said.

Poison quirked an eyebrow, and then realized he was still crossdressing as a girl. “N-No! This isn’t what it looks like!”

“That’s what they all say.” Floyd replied.

“It’s the truth!”

Ivy picked up Cherry’s dead body as some of the others began to leave. “I guess we should go give her a proper burial. Just out of respect. I’m still fully evil, but in this case I’ll make an exception.”

“A noble demon quality.” Poison replied. “It looks like you’re slowly maturing…mentally, anyway.”

“Very funny.” She handed Cherry over to him. “Let’s go. Later on, we’ll slowly walk along a beach with sad music playing in the background.”

“Is that a reference?”

“Maybe.” She said as she started walking, with Poison following close behind.

“Also, can I have my clothes back now?”

“Not until tomorrow.”

TMEDCE: Chapter 18 – Best Friends Forever

It was another typical day, except that Ivy and Poison were speeding around town in her ship, travelling at 80mph. They drifted through traffic, evaded airplanes and sped through billboards, as well as flying through office windows as they laughed at the small bits of carnage they were causing. Soon enough, Ivy looked in a rear view mirror and saw Ruby following them.

“Oh, look at that.” Ivy began. “The foolish angel thinks she can take this ship down.”

“Aww, isn’t that cute?” Poison said in a sweet patronizing tone.

“It really is.” She nodded. Just then, Ruby threw her spear, damaging the thrusters at the back, causing the ship to catch on fire and spiral out of control. “Holy crap! The ship is being taken down!”

Ruby had attached a rope to the spear and used it to reach the ship. As she punched through the windscreen, Ivy quickly said, “Itty bitty baby, itty bitty boat!”

Ruby stopped, and shook her head in disbelief. “I don’t believe it!”

“Habeeb it.” Poison nodded.

“Twinkie house!” Ruby yelled as she punched Ivy. The ship flew around randomly for several moments before finally crashing near a construction site. “Hi Poison…” Ruby said weakly as she crawled out of the ship.

“Hey Ruby…” He weakly replied.

Ivy did the same shortly afterwards, obviously angry about her ship being damaged. “Foolish angel, I’m going to decorate my ship with your blood…”

“Before that happens, I’ll beat you with…” She stopped and looked behind Ivy. “Dat bat?”

“Huh?” Before Ivy could turn around, she was hit in the back of the head by the titanium bat and immediately knocked unconscious. Everything went black, until a minute later when she slowly began to open her eyes and saw Poison and Ruby standing over her.

“Hey Ivy, you okay?” Poison asked as she regained consciousness, and then helped her up.

“What happened? And who are you guys, exactly?” She asked.

Ruby then spoke, “My sister was playing baseball and the bat flew out of her hands, long story. Also, I’m your-” She stopped and thought for a second. “Hey wait, could she possibly have lost part of her memory, at least the small parts of it? This could be my chance!” She cleared her throat before continuing, “I’m your best friend, and we’re partners, fighting the forces of evil.”

“Really?” Ivy and Poison asked in unison.

“Yes, really.” Ruby and Poison moved a bit away from Ivy before she spoke to him. “I figure this is for the best. After all, you didn’t like Ivy very much either, did you?”

Poison shrugged. “Well I guess you have a point. I’ll go along with it for now.”

They returned, just as Ivy then said, “Are you sure we’re friends? You seem like the kind of person I’d want to kill for no accurately explained reason.”

“We’re just friends, okay? Look, we’ll even hang out tomorrow, a threesome day just for fun.”

Poison shook his head. “You keep using that word, I don’t think it means what you think it means.”

“I look forward to our planned day of fun tomorrow, person who is my friend.” Ivy said.

“It’s Ruby.”

“I’ll remember that.” She turned to Poison. “Let’s go home, person I also don’t know.” Ivy flew onto the ship, grabbed it and then flew back to her house with Poison following. Ruby watched for a few moments before leaving.

The next morning, Ruby stood outside their house at 9 o’clock, waiting for them to get ready. They walked out the door a minute later, with Poison waving as he said, “Hey Ruby.”

“Hi Poison.” She replied.

Ivy hugged her as she said, “Good morning, Ruby.”

Ruby gasped. “Y-You actually remembered my name?!?”

“Well, she also remembered your name that time when you two had a little too much fun, crossdressing me.” Poison pointed out. “That’s right, I noticed.”

Ruby suddenly stroked her chin as the background become black and she expressed her thoughts. “Should I really be letting my guard down? As far as I know, this could be a trap to lower my guard and kill me, because she’s done worse before. But to go great lengths to probably suffer brain damage and actually remember my name, it couldn’t be deliberate…could it?”

Poison waved to her. “Uhh, Ruby, are you done yet?”

And so, the three had a wonderful time. First they went riding around town on a three-seated bicycle, with Poison sitting in front, Ivy in the middle and Ruby at the back. As they began to cycle up a hill, Ivy hit Ruby with the back of her head, sending her tumbling down the hill, though they all laughed after discovering this. They later went bowling, in which Ivy caused Poison to miss his last shot by lifting her dress, and nearly caused the ball to hit Ruby, which only Ivy laughed at, as Poison seemed disturbed and Ruby was becoming worried. After a short while, they went to a cinema to see Gangsta ****, and while the trailers were playing, Ivy left to buy some popcorn with butter. Unfortunately, the butter was hot, and upon moving past people to get to her seat, she tripped and fell on Poison while the hot buttered popcorn landed on Ruby, causing her to run in circles while screaming.

They visited the beach soon after the movie was over, and stopped at an ice cream shop, then sat at one of the half a dozen tables nearby. As Ivy walked slowly to the table with a triple vanilla scoop ice cream, she tripped on a nearby banana peel, and hit her head on the side of a round table, tipping it and sending to flying towards Ruby who saw it only a second before being hit. Poison got up and helped Ivy to her feet, who was covered in vanilla ice cream. “You alright?”

“Yes, but I’m all sticky. Will you lick me clean?”

“No, I won’t do that.” He said without hesitation.

A bit later, they walked back to Ivy and Poison’s house, with Ruby being cautious of everything they came across. When they reached the house, Ivy turned to her and said, “Thanks for today, Ruby, I had fun.”

“Yeah, me too.” Ruby replied, putting on a fake smile. As they waved goodbye and she left, she breathed a sigh of relief and wondered whether changing her was a good thing.

Inside the house, Poison sat on the couch and started watching television while Ivy left the room. He cycled through some recorded programmes before yelling, “Hey Ivy, I thought you said you were going to record ‘Explosions Strike Back’?”

She walked back in. “I thought I did. Seems I’ve been a bad girl, so you’ll have to punish me.”

“No I don’t.”

“Don’t you want to let loose some stress from missing your show? Wouldn’t an appropriate punishment be to spank me until I learn my lesson?”

“I don’t want to do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s wrong.”

“Maybe so, but it would feel right.”

“If you’re not going to watch ‘Explosions in Space’, could you please leave?”

“Alright, I guess I’ll watch.” Ivy said as she sat next to him.

“I would have been okay with you leaving.”

“But don’t you want to talk about these kinds of shows?”

“Well I guess you have a point…”

The next day, Ruby decided to stay at her house instead of see Ivy and Poison again, out of fear that Ivy’s unfortunate accidents might actually get her killed. So instead, Ivy and Poison visited her planet instead, and they found their way there by having Nookie follow her trail using his perverse heightened nose. They knocked at her door, and as Ruby answered the door she jumped back in shock. “Not you! How did you get here?”

“Nookie is a god among perverts.” Poison replied.

“Would you care to invite us in?” Ivy asked.

“Well we’re building something today so you really c-” As Ruby attempted to close the door, Ivy put one foot in and in a deep voice, repeated, “Would you care to invite us in?”

Out of fear she backed away and cheerfully replied, “Of course, come on in!” They did so, and Ruby led them to the large shed being built. Her dad, who had long black hair like Ruby and also wore an angel’s robe, greeted them as he put down his tools. “Ahh, you must be my daughter’s friends, I was beginning to wonder if she had any.”

“Hey!” Ruby responded.

“I’m Ivy and this is Poison” She said as Poison shook his hand.

“My name is Diamond.” He replied. “Oh, and I’ve heard a lot about you.” He said, turning to Poison.

“Is that so?”

“I didn’t say anything at all.” Ruby stated.

Ruby’s mother then arrived with a tray of cookies, who had long blonde hair, always had her eyes shut, and wore a yellow tank top with light blue jeans. “Oh, seems we have company. I guess Ruby finally made some friends.”

“Mom!”

“My name is Sapphire.” They once again introduced themselves, leading to Sapphire saying she’s heard a lot about Poison.

“Y’know, I’m starting to see a pattern with the names…” Poison said.

“You’re probably just thinking too much.” Ivy replied.

Just then, Crystal walked in and waved at them. “Hey! Ivy and Poison! What are you guys doing here?”

“Just visiting.” Ivy replied.

“Did you see explosions in space last night?” Crystal asked, turning to Poison.

“You know it!” They promptly high-fived.

After more talking, they continued building the shed, with Ivy nearly killing Ruby with several of the tools being used by accident. After they finished, Ruby figured they weren’t any less of a danger on her planet, so she was going back down to earth with them instead. On the way there, they spotted Gary. Poison pointed him out as he said, “Hey look, here comes Gary Oak.”

He walked down a cloud bridge and a textbox appeared beneath him. “Hey! That’s rude, I happen to be the prince! And my name is Gary Stu.”

“Good morning, Gary.” Ivy greeted him.

“What’s this? A good morning? What happened to the girl I fell in love with?”

Poison then said, “You mean the one who hates your guts, chooses not to remember you, and is revolted by your presence?”

“Yes! The girl of my dreams!”

“I see you’re a masochist. Also, she changed for good.”

Gary was shocked by this heartbreaking news. Ivy smirked as she pointed at him and said, “U mad?”

“N-No, I’m not mad, just surprised…”

“He mad.” Poison smirked as he nodded.

Ruby chuckled and said, “Why he mad though?”

Gary tried to change the subject. “So where are you off to?”

“Earth to hang out.” Poison answered. “I’ll give you these recently taken photos if you don’t bug us.” He said, handing him certain pictures of Ivy. They glared at each other shortly before he took them. “Deal.”

Later on that day on earth, after more various accidental kill attempts, they sat at a table outside eating ice cream again, though Ivy had a strawberry sundae which came with a cherry. Ivy had finished it and waved it in front of Poison. “Hey Poison, you want my cherry?”

“That’s a double entendre, isn’t it?”

“You want it or not?”

“Fine.” She snatched it as he tried to take it, several times, until he eventually grabbed it and popped it in the process.

Ivy then loudly yelled, “Poison! You popped my cherry!” A mother nearby grabbed her children and frowned about Poison before leaving.

Spring and Floyd arrived just afterwards and greeted them. “Seems you all had a fun day.” Spring said.

“Hey guys.” Poison replied. “What have you been doing?”

“Tracking this syndicate of loli’s that worship the Anti-Christ and meet at a church once a week. We got the tip from the Loli Rangers, but haven’t had much luck so far.”

“Hey guys, Poison popped my cherry.” Ivy cheerfully said.

“I always suspected he was like that…” Spring nodded.

“As did I.” Floyd agreed.

“You’re getting it wrong! It wasn’t like that!” Poison protested. “Tell them, Ruby!”

She held up a finger as she spoke, “In his defence, he only used one hand to pop her cherry.”

“You’re not helping at all!”

A bit later, they returned to their homes again. During the next day, Ivy and Ruby got on a little better with less attempted killings happening, and met people they personally knew, who liked the slightly new Ivy. Ivy, Poison, Ruby and Amber were currently walking down a clear road, with Ivy and Ruby ahead of the other two, talking and laughing about something.

Poison smiled as he watched them, “That really is something. This new personality seems to actually get on with everyone now. Ivy and Ruby are actually pretty close; she can remember and get on with the Loli Rangers. You two were acting like sisters earlier today, and she even got Spring and Floyd to laugh at one of her jokes. Laugh. I didn’t even know they could do that! Plus they actually wore clothes Ivy got for them. I’ve also changed, as I enjoy her company and actually think of her as a little sister, though this change has also sadly increased her perverted nature substantially. It’s like she’s possessed by Adol’s spirit or something, but it’s probably just a phase.”

“Hey, remember the ninjas we beat up at the mall the other day?” Ruby said to Ivy.

“Heh. Yeah, that was great, foo-I mean, friend.” Ivy smiled.

Ruby, meanwhile, was suspicious. “…Hey Ivy, what’s my name?”

“Why are you asking a silly question like that?” Ivy asked, trying to get around it.

“Answer it! What’s my name?!”

Ivy sighed. “Fine, I can’t remember. Yes, I’m back to normal now.”

“I knew it!...Wait, now? You weren’t faking?”

“Not till early this morning. I went along with it today after getting my memory back when I visited my basement. Upon me returning, it seems I’ll continue doing random crap, and you’ll continue to inavertedly get involved unless you happen to be stalking us.” Poison and Amber passed by, sighing over Ivy returning to her senses. “Maybe we could have been friends if we didn’t have our differences. Well, until the next time…” She walked off and caught up to the other two, while Ruby left in the other direction, deeply depressed shortly before falling into an open sewer.

The longest one so far after chapter 10. I actually had to speed it up due to the length.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 19 – My Imaginary Enemy

The morning after the previous unusual encounter with Ruby, Ivy was in the basement, creating a mixture of potions and testing them on Nookie, who was strapped to an operating table further behind him. She had spent several hours trying to get the right formula, and eventually created a light grey coloured solution. Upon forcing Nookie to drink it, he began to turn invisible, though it looked as if he was slowly disintegrating so Ivy poked him to be sure.

After finding out it had worked, she threw her hands into the air and yelled, “Success! Glorious victory!”

At that moment, the door to the basement opened up and Poison slid down the stairs, leaped off and landed beside her. “Sup?”

“Ah, Poison. You’re in time to hear my marvellous plan!” She pulled over a chalkboard with various drawings on it. “I worked my ass off to make a serum which could turn me invisible, and I succeeded. I needed it for my plan, and I was originally going to call it ‘Operation: Invader Ivy’ but I figured it sounded plain silly, so I went with ‘Operation: Imaginary Enemy’ instead.”

“That’s still a silly name.” Poison remarked.

“So, firstly, I wait until the next time I see that foolish angel, and then I’ll follow her to find out where her house is-”

“Can’t you just use Nookie’s nose for that?”

“Since when does Nookie have a nose?”

“Nevermind, just continue.” Poison replied.

“So after entering her house, I’ll inhale some helium and when we’re alone I’ll convince her that I’m her imaginary friend and that she created me. I’ll gain her trust and soon, using her previous connections with that stupid prince, make my way into the main headquarters of that place. I’ll keep note of everything there, so when I prepare to make my move later on, they’ll be no flaws as I sabotage the whole place. At the very least, the foolish angel will be blamed for it. My plan is ingenious, there’s no way it could fail!” She crossed her arms as she laughed, “Haaaaahahahahaha!”

“I see you’ve thought this through.” Poison said with a smile.

“Would you expect anything less from a being as perfect as I?”

“Much less, actually.”

Ivy glared at him but chose not to reply. She instead went to her computer and accessed one surveillance camera near the door, and managed to spot Ruby in the bushes. “Excellent! Let’s begin!” She grabbed the invisibility vial and drank it down, and eventually she became invisible, but her clothes didn’t. “Ahh, I guess it doesn’t work on clothes, seems I’ll have to accomplish this without them.”

“I’m sure this will come back to haunt you.” Poison replied. “You might as well make more and pour it on your clothes to see if that works.”

“There’s no time! I must act right now! Also, while making an invisibility draught, I managed to make one which turns guys into girls. Remind me to use it later.”

“You’ll most likely use it on me, so I’d be stupid to remind you…”

A few minutes later, Poison opened the front door and approached Ruby, who was crouching behind a bush and soon turned to him moments later. “Hi Poison!”

“Hey Ruby.” He said in a monotone voice. “Ivy isn’t here today, so you don’t need to spy on us.”

“Oh, okay, well I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye!” She quickly took off, somewhat surprising Poison shortly before he shrugged and went back inside. Ruby flew back towards her home in Heaven, using a pink spaceship parked in some bushes further down the street. Ivy jumped in just before the doors closed and remained quiet as Ruby took off. Unfortunately, on the way back, Ruby started singing ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’, which was a fate worse than death, seeing as the trip was nearly half an hour, and Ivy was pretty close to strangling her.

Ruby landed the ship in her backyard, near the green shed, and entered the house with Ivy quickly following. She walked through the house, with the wallpaper being light blue, and soon reached her room, where the wallpaper was still light blue. After shutting the door and sitting on her bed beside the window, Ivy began to make her move.

“Hello there!” She said in a squeaky voice.

Ruby jumped upon hearing the voice and looked around. “W-who are you?”

“I’m your imaginary friend, Mivy!”

“I don’t have an imaginary friend, and that name just sounds like someone I dislike with an ‘M’ in front of it.”

“But you created me!”

“I’m not that lonely!” Ruby responded.

Ivy had now become frustrated. “Look, kid. You made me without realizing you needed me, okay? So I’m your imaginary friend, whether you want me or not.”

Ruby sighed. “Fine, I’m sure even if I denied it, you’d still follow me around, regardless.”

“Damn straight.”

So Ivy and Ruby started spending the rest of the day together, with Ivy attempting to gain her trust and have cheerful conversations about anything she might have enjoyed, but also keeping quiet in others presence, which Ruby appreciated. Later that night, when Ruby was preparing for bed, Ivy was checking her bookcase and beside a small bag on lollipops she saw a DVD. “Oh! You have Bible Black on DVD?”

“Hmm? Yeah, I won it, still haven’t watched it though.”

“Me neither, let’s watch it together!” Ivy said before putting on the DVD and hopping into bed with her.

Meanwhile, in a church somewhere on earth, a meeting of Loli’s who worshipped the Anti-Christ was gathering. Most of them had two shades of different coloured hair, while the leader had rainbow coloured hair, and was of course called Loli Rainbow. “Good evening, fellow Lolis.” She said as she appeared at the altar. “We have once again gathered here to pray to our savoir and god, share stories, and hope that one day he shall heed our call.”

Suddenly, the doors to the church exploded, and the Loli Rangers walked in. Loli Red wagged her finger as she said, “Sorry, but your god can’t help you now.”

“Get them!” Rainbow-chan yelled. The followers charged at them, with the Loli Rangers easily casting most of them aside with their chosen weapons as they tried to get to the altar. Loli Green saw one Loli touting a sniper rifle as she sat on a ledge by a window higher up, so she simply blasted the gun out of her hands. Another loli on a windowsill further away equipped herself with a railgun and aimed for Loli Red.

Far away, Spring and Floyd were driving through traffic at 180mph and flew off a bridge. They leaped out the window just before their car crashed through the window, hitting the loli with the railgun while they fly kicked the unarmed loli. Both exploded immediately. After more curb stomp battles and a few wrestling moves, the Loli Rangers, Spring and Floyd approached Loli Rainbow who stood by a window near the altar and took out a rocket launcher. “I didn’t wanna have to use this, but you left me no choice! You shall all be condemned in the eyes of the lord!”

Before she could fire, Floyd removed his shades and shot the rocket launcher, causing it to explode, sending her flying out the window. “Seems she forgot to…” He promptly put them back on, “Say her prayers.”

Loli Yellow held her board up, which in bold said, “YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

“This deserves a Nicholson.” Loli Red commented.

Spring repeatedly nodded his head as the camera slowly zoomed in on him. “Indeed it does, Tsundere-chan, indeed it does.”

Back on Heaven, the next morning, Ruby was sitting in the corner of her room in silence until Ivy eventually asked, “Hey, are you okay?”

“I’m scarred for life.” She replied.

“Anyway, we should do fun things today, right?”

“O-okay…”

And so they did, such as boringly chase butterflies, and mould clouds into various objects, though Ivy’s chosen objects seemed rather questionable. Ivy had decided she still needed to spend another day or so being nice before attempting to execute the plan. Later that night, Crystal called Ruby downstairs to the kitchen, where she asked who ate all the cookies.

Ruby shrugged. “IDK, my bff, Mily?” Crystal promptly slapped her, making Ruby rub her cheek. “Ow! Why did you slap me?!”

“Hearing that phrase causes me to slap people, sorry about that.”

“Hey Crystal, do you ever think I might do something amazing one day to be liked by half the people I know, and not end up driven insane before then?”

“Like I’ve said before, I’m sure the reason you’ve survived to this day is because you’re destined for something great one day. To possibly die a heroic death saving the universe or something. Someday, you may just become an hero.”

“Don’t you mean a hero?” Ruby corrected her.

Crystal shook her head. “Nope, I was right the first time.” She patted her on the head before leaving. “Anyway, goodnight.”

Soon enough, Ivy had managed to gain Ruby’s trust and asked to see the headquarters of the head angels by talking to Gary, and he agreed to give her his key card. They approached the large building with double glazed windows and Ruby used the card to get past the steel doors. There was a reception desk just ahead with lifts to the side, so they took the lifts down to the head angels meeting area. There was no-one down there, and upon switching on the light, the room appeared to be massive, with dozens of computers and machinery around, including a database and console beside the main screen ahead of the meeting table. The whole room appeared to be beige.

Ruby looked around before saying, “This place is a lot bigger than it looks when it’s dark in here. Anyway, you’ve seen it, so let’s go, Mivy.”

“Uhh, yeah, of course.” Ivy replied. They entered the lift and left, as Ivy took note that she only needed Gary’s key card to enter.

Soon after that and late at night, when Ivy was able to find out where Gary lived, she was able to steal the card from him, but never bothered to look through his photo album which was on a table. She then left Heaven to get back to earth where Poison was currently taking a bath. She burst into the room yelling, “Poison! It’s time for phase 2, get ready!”

“Right now? Aww man, well, could you at least leave so I can get my towel?”

“Go ahead, I’ll wait.”

“I’d prefer if you just leave.”

“Fine.”

After a few footsteps and complete silence, Poison then said, “You’re still here, aren’t you?”

“Who knows? Also, I have a special outfit for you to change into…”

“Special outfit? This might be fun…”

Two hours later, when they arrived on Heaven, Poison was utterly depressed as he walked with Ivy, wearing one of her dresses again. “I hate you so much…”

“Be quiet! Let’s hurry this up before all the other angels wake up. I still need to place the explosives all throughout the building.” They entered the building, while the guard which stood by the front doors hit on Poison, disturbing him. Ivy took the bag of attachable bombs hidden underneath Poison’s dress and began to run around the buildings many floors, sticking them to surfaces where they would be unseen.

Just then, Ruby woke up, after calling out for and searching around for Mily, she was suspicious that something happened. She went to visit Gary, who yawned as he came to the door, and shortly informed her that his key card was gone. She informed him of what was going on, and he willingly agreed to help, only because he heard Ivy’s name mentioned. They ran to the front doors, where the guard was still working.

“Excuse me; did you see a little girl go by? Pink hair, black dress, huge ego?” Ruby asked.

“Well I saw a girl go through here who looked about 16, but she had green hair.”

“She’s planning something evil! She must have snuck in to attack from the inside!”

“Heh, and what, she’d call the plan, ‘Operation: Invader Ivy’? That would just be silly.”

“Fine, don’t listen then!” She then realized they couldn’t get in without a card. Gary then led her to two poles around the back. They slid down the poles and ended up near the meeting room after landing. “Were these always here?”

“That’s not important.” They moved on, with Ruby going on ahead to the meeting room while Gary took the second path to see what was down there.

As Ruby arrived, Ivy greeted her. “Ahh, foolish angel, how fortunate of you to meet me here. I’m sure you caught on, as expected. I plan to blow up this whole place, severely injuring your resources and then pin the blame on you, the moron at the scene of the crime.” As a timer appeared on the screen behind her, she then said, “You’ve got five minutes.”

“So it’s come to this.” Ruby squinted at her. “Let’s settle this like little girls.”

Ivy nodded. “Yes. Lets.” As Ruby still couldn’t see Ivy, Ivy was able to play mind games on her and make it seem as if she was constantly moving around, in order to lower her guard and beat her to a pulp as Ivy slammed her against some of the machinery and equipment in the room.

Gary made it to a dark room where Poison simply sat, watching the fight on a small screen. “There you are! You vile-wait, what the hell are you wearing?” Gary asked, as he stopped mid-sentence.

“Long story. Anyway, don’t worry. I have the detonator for the bombs, but I’m not gonna press it.”

“Why?”

“I wanna see how things go if I don’t interfere. I’m curious to see if Ruby stands a chance.”

“She does.” Gary replied. “She hasn’t fought at full power yet.”

“Huh?”

“Just watch…”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhq0IpvyMQk

Back in the meeting room, Ruby slowly got to her feet and said, “Time to even the score and become one with the music...” She then took out her iPod, surprising Ivy and Poison as she turned it on and started playing ‘Jeh Jeh Rocket’. She started hopping slightly in one spot with her eyes closed, then after a few seconds managed to spot Ivy’s figure from the vibrations. She moved at blistering speed as Ivy attacked, moving around the room soon before knocking her back with several punches and kicks. Ruby clotheslined her, and then as she bounced off the ground, Ruby kicked her into a wall before slamming her into a computer console.

Poison couldn’t believe what he was witnessing, while Gary nodded. “When listening to one of her favourite songs, Ruby becomes even more skilled, mainly because her moves are somewhat unpredictable based on the beat.”

“I guess she really is a crouching moron hidden badass…” Poison replied.

After beating up Ivy with two chairs, to the beat of Jeh Jeh Rocket, Ruby broke a glass nearby which read, “In case of invisible enemy, break glass.” She did and poured red paint over Ivy, making her invisible once again, and then tied her up using the rope which was there, before grabbing Dat Bat which happened to be in there.

Ivy laughed as Ruby removed her earphones. “You think you’ve won? Fool! This place will still blow up, so you still lose!” She waited a few moments of silence. “Hey! Why aren’t the bombs going off?!”

“Seems you’re the bigger loser here.” Ruby said, getting ready to swing. “When you get to hell, tell ‘em Ruby sent ya!” She whacked Ivy, full force, sending her flying through the wall and into outer space.

Poison got out of his chair. “Well, my work here is done; Plus, Ivy forgot activating the bombs would result in her dying as well. Anyway, take care of yourself, prince.” He patted Gary on the shoulder as he left.

Ruby dropped the bat and pumped her fist in the air as she yelled, “Victory! Yeah!” She then looked around the room at the broken down items and the smile slowly faded.

Just then, the head angels walked in and gasped, the one in command saying, “What is the meaning of this?”

Gary walked past them and said, “Allow me to explain, sirs.”

Ruby smiled as he said that and wondered, “What’s this? Have we settled our differences and he’s actually going to tell them the truth?”

Gary pointed at her. “She did it all by herself.”

“What?!?”

“Seize her!” One angel yelled.

Two dark angels with black robes grabbed her and dragged her off as she sighed, “I knew it was too good to be true…”

Meanwhile, Ivy crashed through her kitchen window where her parents were eating. Ivy’s mother turned to her and said, “Oh, nice of you to drop by, Ivy. What brings you here?”

“The foolish angel sent me.” Ivy grumbled.

Considering this all takes place in one room and I knew 2/3's of what I was gonna write before I did it, I could breeze through this one.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TMEDCE: Chapter 20 – Willard’s Evil Council of ~~Maniacal Evil~~ Doom

Somewhere in the area of Adabat, in an unknown location…

Inside a room was a single large rectangular table with four seats on each side and one seat ahead of them. Many torches lit the room and there was a water container in the corner. There were currently eight figures sitting around the large table. Willard entered the room, the camera focusing on him from a low angle as he said, “Ladies and gentlemen!” There was suddenly a shade of darkness which swept the room, and then as it vanished Willard sat ahead of them at the table with a clipboard. “I borrowed this room from a couple of villainous robots. Anyway, welcome to my Evil Council of doom! You all most likely know me as Willard; I have assembled a number of characters here for one reason, to discuss and express our opinions. Now for the villain role call! Ivy McBadass!”

Ivy who was sitting to the right of him, crossed her arms and shrugged as she said, “I should have hosted this.”

“Poison Coolguy!” Willard called out.

“Right here.” He replied as he sat in the chair to Ivy’s left.

“Amber Salsar!”

Amber who sat right next to Poison, raised her hand and said, “I’m raring to go!”

“Omar!”

Omar sat on the opposite side of Ivy and began laughing maniacally.

“Adol!”

Adol sat beside Omar and bowed, “I came for the chicks, I stay for the lulz.”

“Yandere-chan of the Loli Rangers!”

Yandere-chan sat next to Adol and waved to everyone else.

“Lily Locket, that supposable psychiatrist.”

“Hi guys.” She said as she waved.

“And finally, I. V. Suks.” Willard said, gesturing towards Ruby who sat in the last seat on Ivy’s row, wearing a red dress, a red cap which covered her hair, and glasses. The others snickered slightly at the name, while Ivy remained confused.

“What the hell’s so funny?” Ivy demanded. “And why is Yandere-chan here, aren’t those morons the good guys?”

“Only on weekdays.” She replied.

“And why is the psychiatrist here? She’s not evil!”

“Her prices sure are though.” Poison remarked.

“Right, good point.” Ivy nodded.

“Now let’s get down to business.” Willard said, putting away the clipboard. “As you know, I am Willard, the possible physical manifestation of high octane nightmare fuel, in a sophisticated way. Most of you have probably done some malicious acts over the years, so let’s hear about some of that.”

Omar immediately spoke up. “Well I’ll be glad to inform you all that I finally completed that perfect female body.”

“Is she hot?” Adol asked.

“Surprisingly, I’d like to know too…” Poison added.

Omar nodded. “Hot enough to burn out the sun.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Amber replied. “Because I’m a demon lord, and my ability is fire, and…yeah, you get my point.”

“We don’t seem to see you much nowadays.” Poison said, turning to her.

“I know, I’m so busy now. On my days off, I’m so tired I can’t even visit and see what lame plans Ivy has come up with.”

“Hey!” Ivy shook her fist at her. “I’ll have you know each one is a masterpiece!”

“The recent one would have got you killed if I followed along.” Poison pointed out.

“Yeah well that’s the foolish angel’s fault.”

“Is this the rival you told me about, Ruby Clear?” Lily asked.

“Yes, her. I wish she’d stop interfering in my business. Seriously, with the way she talks and acts, she should be on one of those magical girl anime, instead of constantly challenging me.”

“That somewhat makes it funnier.” Poison commented.

“How old is she?” Adol asked.

“Not old enough, and keep your hands off her. You’ll corrupt her sweet and innocent nature.”

Willard stroked his chin as he listened intensively. “Pray tell, Poison, why do you care so much about her current nature?”

Ruby continued listening closely as Lily suddenly interrupted. “It probably has something to do with a big brother instinct, whereas he feels the need to protect cute little girls.”

“He was like that with that Cherry girl too.” Ivy added. “Oh, and I saw her at the mall yesterday, she got better, apparently.”

“I’ll admit, I do find Ruby cute, and sometimes I have to restrain myself from giving her a hug when I see her.” Poison said. “So yes, maybe I am a sucker for cute little girls.”

“Would you like me if I was a cute little girl?” Ivy asked.

“He did.” Amber replied. “He also loves explosions and anything cool. Compared to that, nothing else matters. He’d probably marry an explosion if he could.”

“Hey! That’s not true!”

“I think you can marry explosions in Vegas.” Adol said.

“You serious?!?” Poison said in shock.

“I think we should move on from Poison’s obsession with cute little girls.” Willard said, ignoring Poison’s frustration over the comment. “Now, what’s your preferred method of killing your enemy? For me, well, generally anything resulting in an agonizing and painfully slow death amuses me.”

“Slow, bloody, and chaotic.” Ivy answered.

“Quick and painless if possible.” Poison said.

“A bit of foreplay, a slow build-up, and then an explosion of blood.” Amber added.

“Umm, pass.” Ruby said nervously.

“Dissect them!” Omar yelled.

“Raep them to death.” Adol said. “Yes, both genders.” Most of the people in the room were clearly disturbed, except Willard, Ivy and Yandere-chan, who pumped her fist in the air and yelled, “Cut out the lungs!”

“Hand them my bill.” Lily replied cheerfully.

Ivy and Poison backed away from the table, shivering as they said, “You’re evil…” in unison.

Willard chuckled at their behaviour before resuming his badass composure. “Your exaggerated fear amuses me. We shall continue the evil meeting about nothing to do with nothing.”

“By the way.” Ivy began. “If this is an evil meeting, where’s my dad?”

“We don’t see eye to eye.”

“You two know each other?” Poison asked.

“My dad knows everyone.” Ivy replied narrowing her eyes as she turned to him.

Poison looked over at Ruby, somewhat shocked to see her there. “So, person who looks suspiciously like Ruby but is I. V. Suks, what do you think about these matters?”

“Uhh, I think we could try and talk things out more, and only resort to violence as the last option. I’m sure everyone has at least a little good in them, so it’s possible to reason with people.”

Willard interrupted her. “Ahh, but my dear, weren’t you somewhat biased against demons before getting to know some? Unknown to most, you always thought of demons as irredeemable monsters without getting to know their reasons for why they do things. Can you deny having thought this?”

“Uhh, w-well, that-”

“Excuse me while I take a quick break.” Willard said before leaving the room.

Ivy then got to her feet and said, “Activate the eyecatch to do with this meeting, and make it look good!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF-DLXFL7YY&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJM2yq3m7mo&feature=related

They were all back in their seats, at which point Poison asked, “So what was the point of that?” Ivy shrugged in response.

Lily then spoke up. “Hey, you guys, remember that time you three came to that session of mine…”

---

Ivy, Poison and Ruby were sitting on the couch, with Lily ahead of them holding a notebook. “Okay, let’s begin. If you could have any animal as a pet, which one would it be?”

“I got one, and he’s good enough.” Ivy replied.

“A T-Rex that can shoot lasers.” Poison said.

“A cat that shoots lasers.” Ruby said.

Lily read the next question. “If you could marry a fictional character, who would it be?”

“The Joker.” Ivy nodded.

“Samus Aran.” Poison said.

“Spider-Man.” The others looked at Ruby strangely. “What? I would…”

---

“That was stupid.” Poison said. “The time shortly after that was better.”

---

In the room, Ivy, Poison and Ruby were joined by Gary, Amber and Crystal. Lily then asked, “If you were being molested by a stranger on a train, what would you do?”

“Let him finish, then kill him if he doesn’t live up to expectations.” Ivy answered.

“Call for help or politely ask them to stop.” Ruby replied.

“Smite the fool who dares touch the sacred area.” Gary said.

“I’d probably be the one doing the molesting.” Amber shrugged.

“Suplex him.” Crystal said with a smile, prompting Poison to high five her and add, “Same here, or maybe a DDT.”

---

“I’ve molested girls on a train once.” Adol randomly said. “It worked out for the best.”

“So you’re a better molester than me, eh?” Amber asked.

“But of course, I could also molest you if you’d like.”

“Not if I molest you first.” Amber said with a smile.

“This is wrong on so many levels.” Poison said.

“Is that so…Harry Johnson.” Willard smirked.

Poison gasped as he sat up. “How do you know my na-oh right, you’re Willard…”

“You’re catching on.” Willard replied as he Nicholson’d.

Most of the room chuckled at the name while Ruby scratched her forehead. “I still do-I mean, I just don’t get it.”

“Ivy would get it immediately because she’s a covert pervert.” Poison remarked.

“Hey! I am not a pervert!” Ivy yelled.

“I said covert pervert because you’d never admit you are one.”

“So what, just because I happen to own a tentacled monster as a pet, make some sly comments occasionally, want people to kiss the royal foot or treat me like other women, have a hidden hentai folder on my computer, and have a surveillance camera stored in your room automatically means I’m a pervert?” Everyone unanimously agreed. “You guys are jerks…”

“So you’re a demon princess?” Adol asked. Ivy nodded in response. “And you have a tentacled monster as a pet?” Ivy nodded again. “That’s just awesome.”

“See? He gets it!” Ivy exclaimed.

“He’s pretty messed up himself.” Poison replied.

“ARRaHHH, pork chop sandwiches!” Yandere-chan yelled. “I haven’t said anything in ages!”

“I feel I could take over the world with enough tentacled demons.” Omar said, quietly snickering to himself.

“That would be a rather amusing sight.” Willard agreed.

“Yes!” Ivy jumped onto the table. “I can see it now, the world engulfed by millions of slimy tentacles, and there I stand on top of the world, laughing over my triumphant victory with my arms crossed!”

Poison quickly interrupted. “And then it’s revealed your triumphant laughter happened in a thought bubble as we sat on the couch, watching TV, or in a VR program down in your basement, or at the park eating ice cream, or as a pleasant dream while you’re sleeping.”

“That’s a reference, right?” Amber asked.

“Possibly.” Ivy replied. “My next plan will be carefully thought out, because after all…” She put on a pair of shades. “I’m representing.”

Poison stared off into the sky as he said, “Somewhere out there, Awesome is smiling.” Awesome was currently playing a game of poker with other demons, and he was indeed, smiling.

Lily turned to Ivy and Poison and said, “So how are you two getting on nowadays? All good?”

“Hell no! We hate each other’s guts!” Ivy responded.

“Yeah, Ivy is a giant douche.” Poison said, pointing at her.

“And he’s a cocky smartass.” Ivy retorted as she pointed at him. “It’s a hate/hate relationship.” They then said in unison. “Although…” Ivy closed her eyes, crossed her arms and smiled as she began. “There are times when I’ve felt really depressed or in dire need of companionship, and he’s always been there on those occasions, so I’m thankful of that.”

Poison crossed his arms and turned away as he said, “Well, I admit my life wasn’t very good before I met Ivy, and by doing so I’ve met a lot of great and funny people in my time. Plus, we’re always up to something fun or crazy most days, so I’m happy in a way.”

“Awwww!” Lily, Yandere-chan, Amber and Ruby said in unison, clearly touched at their portrayal of their friendship.

“We still hate each other though.” They said in unison.

Ruby thought to herself at this point. “Maybe I was wrong about these guys. Sure, Ivy is a big meanie and has probably crossed the moral event horizon, but maybe it is possible for her to change with enough effort. I’m sure she’s hiding some kind of personal trauma, and I may be one of the only people who can help clear it up.”

Just then, a dark angel wearing a black robe smashed through the ceiling and suddenly grabbed Ruby. “Ruby Clear, your punishment for trashing the head angels meeting room has finally been decided. Come with me.” They heard Ruby’s desperate pleas as the angel quickly flew off into the sky, the others in the room being in complete silence until Willard eventually spoke. “Well, that was somewhat unexpected. Anyway, this meeting is adjourned, so farewell and take care.” The room became dark and when the light lit up again, Willard had vanished. The others then proceeded to the exit.

“So she was here all this time?” Ivy said, simply amazed. “Her disguise was ingenious to fool someone like me!”

“Not really.” Poison replied, just before shutting the door as he was the last to leave.

TMEDCE: Chapter 21 – The Most Awesome Party Ever

It was several days after the recent meeting, and shortly afterwards, Awesome began to inform others of his party being hosted days in advance. Early that morning, we see various short shots of Poison leaping out of bed, getting the mail, Ivy turning on the TV, grabbing the paper, and Poison lighting a cigarette. It then opened to a scene of Ivy and Poison sitting round a table. Ivy read the paper while Poison smoked, and then cough before speaking, “I think it’s time to blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together. Okay, 3, 2, 1, let’s jam!” Ivy and Poison took off, with Poison running down to the basement and spun right to see the lights of Ivy’s ship turn on.

Outside, Crystal was approaching the house, strolling like a pimp with her cane, soon passing P.A.L at a street corner and glanced at her as she walked past. As a hole outside Ivy’s house opened up, the ship hovered out of the hole, followed by three people biting their bottom lip as they looked in that direction as shades materialized onto their faces. Just then, Amber appeared and charged at the ship, flipped and landed inside. Ivy closed the roof, tilted up, went into hyperdrive and then took off. They soared into the sky, barrel rolling several times before leaving earth’s orbit.

Soon enough, they arrived at hell where the sky was currently dark red and lights shun from a large dark plaza up ahead, which was where the party was said to take place. The ground floor was pretty spacious, and with a dark blue background. The place was already packed with people, and upon entering, Ivy’s mother greeted them. “Oh, welcome, you three. I’m glad you could make it.”

“Hi mom.” Ivy replied while Poison and Amber waved. “Where’s dad?”

“Talking to some guests, I agreed to play a bodyguard for the next hour and ki-I mean, take care of people who aren’t on the list.”

“Who isn’t on the list?”

She shrugged. “Whoever I don’t like.”

As they walked on, Amber then asked, “So how are you two getting on?”

“What are you implying?” Poison asked.

“You know…”

“Green thunder does what I tell him to.” Ivy replied.

“I still wanna know why you occasionally call me that…” Poison responded.

As they got near Awesome, Amber waved to him and yelled, “Hi Awesome!” He looked in her direction and waved back as he said, “Hey Amber.”

As Poison watched from further away, he quietly said, “What’s this feeling of similarity…”

At that moment, Gary approached them as he said, “Hey guys, heard about the party and thought I’d drop by.”

Ivy immediately jumped back, “Not you again! Stay back!” After a few seconds, she then said, “Hey, why aren’t you doing your usual thing?”

“I’m not feeling it today. So how are you nowadays?”

“Okay, I guess.” Ivy replied, still somewhat confused. “I’m gonna go now.” Ivy said as she left.

“I think she misses the attention.” Poison remarked.

Gary nodded before turning to Poison. “How do you do it, man?”

“Do what?”

“Get chicks to like you. You can’t fool me, you practically have a harem if you think about it.”

“Now you’re just being ridiculous.”

“It’s true! My beloved Ivy, Ruby who won’t mention it, that other demon girl you hang around with, and there’s Ruby’s older sister. There’s also the black girl from the Loli Rangers.”

“Why do you notice these things?”

“So you got any advice?” Gary asked.

“Yes, sweets, and lots of them.”

“Thanks for the suggestion. Y’know, I used to dislike you, but you’re not so bad. I say we should start over and try to get along. Anyway, I’ll see you round.”

As Gary was about to leave, Poison placed a hand on his shoulder and the place suddenly became a shade of black and white as it zoomed in on Poison’s face. “Just remember, if you ever need some pictures, don’t hesitate to look me up.”

“I love you, man.” Gary replied before they hugged.

At one of the food tables, as Ivy picked up a cookie make from the flesh of tortured demons, she ran into Ruby. The two of them glared at each other until Ivy finally said, “Hello, foolish angel, we meet again.”

“Too soon in my opinion.” She said with a sigh.

“So what’re you doing here?”

“Heard there was a party in hell from my sister, then I asked, “The land down under?” and she said, “Nah, Hell’s a planet now.” So I said, “Since when?” and she replied, “Since Heaven became a planet.” So I simply said, “Oh right.”

“Uh-huh.” Ivy said, pouring herself a glass of blood, and then threw it away when she saw an eyeball in the glass. “So how’s life?”

“Worse because of you.” Ivy grinned at this. “I shouldn’t even be here, but I consider it my duty to stalk you and beat you at whatever game you’re playing.”

“I assure you I don’t play nice.”

“Oooooh.” Ruby said as she frowned upon her.

“Ooooooh?” Ivy replied, stroking her chin.

“Ooooooh?” Ruby responded, tilting her head.

“Oooooh!” Ivy nodded, fully understanding her.

After several moments of complete silence and facial expressions, Ruby then fly kicked Ivy into a wall as she yelled, “Cheeseburger!”

On Hawt’s watch, a few dark red demons managed to sneak past her without permission. She immediately blasted one through the head and appeared beside him. “Ya got me good.” He said, “But you won’t catch my buddy.”

“He is already dead.” She replied with a smirk. Just then, a demon in the background clutched his head and screamed, clearly experiencing excruciating pain as his head expanded moments before he exploded into dozens of little bits.

Poison and Crystal stared in amazement at the display while Ivy chased Ruby in the background shortly before speaking again. “So, you must be quite confident in your skills to show up to a party hosted by the king of hell.” Poison said.

“I didn’t figure I’d get any trouble. Besides, I’m also here to make sure my man hoes are making me money. Excuse me; I think I see one of them now.” Crystal walked off as she yelled, “Candyass, you better be making me some damn money over there! Don’t make me warm up my pimp hand!”

Ivy managed to catch up to Ruby and punch her across the room as she yelled, “BLT!”

Ruby landed near Poison and waved to him as she said, “Hey Poison.”

“Hi Ruby!” He replied, waving back, moments before saying, “Wait, that exchange wasn’t right…”

“Do you happen to know where the toilets are?”

“Oh, they’re down there.” He said, pointing at a door which led down a long narrow corridor with an intersection separating into two paths. “Watch out for these nightmarish creatures who will occasionally try to grab you through the walls, the deranged tentacled monsters which might appear, the wallmasters…and Grues.”

Hearing this as she opened the door and looked down the quiet narrow corridor nearly made her wet herself. She turned to Poison and said, “Uhh, c-could you come with me?”

“Relax, as long as you show you’re not scared, they’ll leave you alone.”

Ruby sighed as she moved on and started walking down the corridor. As soon as a hand reached out from the wall and touched her shoulder, she immediately panicked and screamed as she ran down the corridor and turned right. Suddenly, zombies! Dozens of them! Ruby took out her spear and fought her way through the crowd as she reached another intersection. Just then, a large tentacled pink blob dropped down from the ceiling, an even more grotesque version of Ivy’s pet. It opened its mouth as it said, “I’m firing mah lazer! BLAAAAAAAH!” Ruby somersaulted out the way and ran right. As she turned a corner, it appeared again, “Lazer firing, BLAAAAAAH!” Ruby jumped over it and flew up to a floor up above. The monster appeared once more through a hole in the floor ahead and yelled, “Lazer! BLAAAAAAH!” Ruby avoided it once more.

As Ruby eventually lost the monster and reached the end of the floor by the toilets, she started panting moments before Ivy burst in from the side of the wall, making Ruby scream again. “There you are, foolish angel.”

“Go away; I just wanna use the toilet!”

Ivy turned to face the bathrooms and then smiled as she pointed at one. “Hey, take a look at that one.”

“Huh?” While there was a Men and Women’s bathroom, beside them, there was one labelled, “Foolish angels.” Ruby couldn’t believe her eyes.

“Seems it’s starting to catch on.”

“I don’t want it to catch on!” Ruby yelled, waving her arms in the air.

Back in the main room, there was currently some live entertainment in the form of a lion and a kangaroo having a wrestling match with a bear and shark. Poison walked over to the Loli Rangers, Amber, Crystal, Spring and Floyd who were discussing something. As he got nearby he heard Loli Red say, “Okay, how long before Ivy and Ruby’s Foe Yay no longer becomes subtext?”

“I give it a few more days.” Amber replied.

“Two weeks.” Crystal said.

Loli Yellow then wrote down, “Isn’t it already more than subtext?”

“This is nuts, you guys.” Poison remarked. “There’s no Foe Yay.”

“Of course there is, silly.” Amber humoured him. “Okay, how long before Ivy and Poison transcend the Master and Servent title and actually start a relationship?”

“Hey!”

“Tomorrow.” Loli Green said.

“6 days.” Floyd replied.

“Possibly 5 days.” Spring responded.

“I’m starting to wonder whether you guys are really my friends.” Poison said, narrowing his eyes at them. As the crowd started cheering, Poison looked onstage and raised an eyebrow. “How is that shark actually doing that?”

“We’ll probably never know.” Crystal replied.

Meanwhile, Ivy and Ruby were currently running from large decaying disembodied hands which were dropping from the ceiling. “Why is the bathroom placed in such a scary location?!?” Ruby asked as they continued running.

“Stop asking stupid questions!”

“They’re not stupid!”

“I should just trip you so I can get away safely!”

“Why haven’t you done that anyway?!”

Ivy thought for a second before yelling, “I don’t know!”

In the main room, Ivy’s mother successfully landed a 42-hit combo on someone who snuck into the party, and threw them into a dark closet, where they were slowly devoured by whatever lived in there. Poison, Amber and Gary were a bit further away and resumed their conversation afterwards. “So as I was saying…” Amber began. “I got Ivy’s diary, you wanna know what Ivy thinks of you?”

“No thanks.” Poison shook his head.

“What did she say about me?” Gary asked.

Amber ignored him and continued. “C’mon, this is important info, you know. Don’t you think by knowing what she thinks of you, you can know what not to do? By making her happy, wouldn’t she be nicer, meaning that you won’t be as regularly depressed?”

“Well you do have a point…”

“Am I in there?” Gary asked again.

“Probably not.” Amber shrugged, then turned to Poison and took out a recorder. “Although, maybe you two are getting along fine as it is…”

---

As she played the recorder, Ivy’s gasping was heard. “Poison! How have you kept this from me for so long?!”

“Oh, well I didn’t think you needed to know…”

“B-but it’s so big, and surprisingly long!”

“I think it’s only a little bigger than the average size.”

“Can I play with it for a bit?”

“Well okay, just this once.”

After a bit of noise, Ivy then said, “I don’t think it can fit, it’s too big.”

“Nonsense! Just push it in!”

“But if you do that then-Ahh!”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, let’s start.” After a bit of moaning, she then said, “Oh, Poison! You’re so rough!”

“Okay, this is going too far now. Whoever happens to be hearing this, we’re talking about my old Datbox360 pad.”

“Faster, Poison!”

“Ivy, it’s not funny anymore…”

---

After an awkward period of silence, there was an explosion and Ivy and Ruby were seen flying across the room as Awesome walked over to Poison and the others with a list. “Hey, you guys, there seems to have been some kind of poll involving all you guys, about some people on another planet who have been watching you. Check it out.” He handed Poison the list and walked off.

Awesome walked over to a table where Ruby was leaning against the side, looking frustratingly depressed as she drank apple juice. “Hey man, good party and all with those random animals and all.”

“Thanks. Oh yeah, you’re my daughter’s friend, right? Ruby, was it?”

“Yeah, you kidnapped me once, remember?”

Awesome nodded as he remembered. “Good times…”

“Maybe for you. Y’know, it’s tough being me. I try to do good, and yet I get no respect at all. I’m generally a nice and caring person, yet I get insulted and treated badly by half the people I know, even my own family! It even feels like the entire universe is out to get me, half the time in ways that don’t even make any sense! If I do happen to succeed doing something, I get no praise or even a ‘good job, Ruby’. I just get ignored, or blamed or something. Sometimes I just want a hug or something, just to show that at least someone cares, you know what I mean?”

“That’s not apple juice, is it?”

“You’re not apple juice!”

A bit further away, as the others looked at the list, Ivy barged through the small crowd and took the list. “What?! I came third?!? This is ridiculous! I should be first! And the only reason I’m there is because I’m the cause of half the things that happen!”

Poison shrugged. “We can’t all make a positive impact.”

“Says the guy who came second.”

“I did? Well, I should thank my fans for realizing I’m one of the sanest people around here.”

“What surprises me most is that the foolish angel came first.”

“What?!?” Poison grabbed the list and looked. “How did Ruby beat me?...For being able to evoke sympathy from her woobieness. That’s not good enough for me.”

“Me neither! Let’s go make fun of her!” Ivy declared.

Ruby overheard them and dropped her cup as she advanced upon them while yelling, “Aw hell naw!” She kicked them both into a wall before speaking, “You guys are all assholes, you know that? Especially you!” She said, pointing at Ivy. “You whine, and rant, and as Poison says, act like a giant douche! And a bully! Whenever I think I’m out, you just keep pulling me back in!” She turned to Poison. “Have you ever tried not snarking at most things people say?”

“I’ll give it some thought.”

Ruby pointed at Amber and said, “Half the things you say are double entendres!” She moved on to Gary. “Despite once being friends and fully aware of Ivy’s misguided attempts, you’d rather screw me over! You ain’t gonna screw me anymore, you hear me?!”

Ivy snickered quietly until Poison nudged her, shortly before Ruby moved on to Crystal. “You’re my older sister yet you say some mean things to me which seem encouraging but they’re not! You act like Ivy is my friend even though she’s done some cruel things to me in the past, she even ate me once!”

“You still haven’t explained how you survived that.” Ivy replied.

Ruby ignored her, figured she didn’t have much to say involving Spring and Floyd, and then grabbed Crystal’s pimp cane. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some manual labour that needs doing.” She then proceeded to walk out of there like a pimp.

Spring then said, “At times like this, all you can do is Nicholson.”

“Damn straight.” Floyd replied as they did so.

I've actually wanted to do this for a while. It'll be the last one I make up on the spot.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 22 – Really Pointless Gaming

It was two days after Awesome’s party, and Ivy was at the mall, buying sweets as usual and eating them as she sat on a bench by a fountain. While she did so, Ruby approached her, there was a period of silence, and then Ivy got up and turned to her. “What is it, foolish angel? I’m not doing anything evil today, plus I’m eating right now.”

Ruby simply handed her a leaflet, still seeming as frustrated as she was at the party. “Try this MMORPG, it’s about some fantasy land where you can beat up creatures, acquire tons of weapons, level up, and even beat up other online users. Plus, defeating the final boss allows you to become an evil overlord. It’s called Land of Leisure, LoL for short.”

Ivy took the leaflet and looked over it, clearly intrigued. “Very well, I appreciate the information. I assume you have an account, right?”

“Why else would I tell you? Here’s my number, call me when you defeat the final boss. We’ll plan our battle ahead of time.” Ruby said, handing her a note.

“Excellent. When I’m through with this final boss, then we will settle the score.”

“Just name the place.” Ruby said, squinting at her.

Ivy moved within inches of her face and poked her as she replied, “Us only. No weapons. Final destination.”

“That place doesn’t exist.” Ruby remarked.

“We’ll see, Rabi.”

“Ruby.” She corrected her, clearly annoyed. “Whatever, I’m going now.” She said as she left.

Later that morning, Ivy made it home and went straight to her computer in the basement to sign up. In the middle of the registration process, Poison slid down the banister leading to the basement and walked towards her. “Morning. Y’know, for someone who wants to conquer the world, you don’t seem to be serious about it.”

“Quiet, I’m making an account on an online RPG.” Ivy replied as she continued typing.

“My point exactly.” Poison sighed. “What game is it anyway?”

“It’s called Land of Leisure, that foolish angel told me about it.”

Poison smiled as he heard the name. “Hey, I’ve got an account on there too. I could help you out with some of missions and such.”

“Really? Then I grant you permission to use my laptop upstairs.”

“I use it even without your permission...” Poison said quietly.

As Poison left the basement and switched on the laptop on the table nearby, Ruby was watching through the bushes outside and smirked as he did so. “So it begins...”

“And what devious scheme are you planning right now, foolish angel.” Willard asked, who happened to be standing a few feet away.

“You’ll see soon enough, and it’ll be good enough to Nicholson at.”

“I should hope so.” Willard suddenly vanished.

After a short while of filling out necessary information and designing her character, who was basically an older looking version of her, she started the game in the middle of a bright and peaceful forest. She walked around and spotted a chicken, so she kicked it several times until it eventually called for backup, whereupon dozens suddenly showed up and zerg rushed her, killing her immediately, but since she had no items and was already at the start, no harm was done. She put on her headset after being brought back to life. “Poison, you on?”

“I’ll be there in a sec.” He replied.

“Hurry up, I don’t get this!”

“You don’t get a lot of things.”

“Do you have a comment for pretty much everything I say?”

“No, just about 80% of them.”

A few minutes later, Poison was instructing Ivy where to go to meet him through directions. They soon met by a hut near a mountain, and Poison’s avatar looked the same but wore black leather armor with a neon green ‘X’ going across it, and a black cape. “Hey, I see you’re using that avatar. I guess that means there won’t be any loli jokes this time.”

“They’re getting old anyway. So what now?”

“You gotta start grinding, because the final boss is in the high 50’s, and you’re level 1. Even though I’m level 15, I also have quite a while to go too.” Poison paused and turned to some bushes further away. “Oh, and Ruby, you can join us if you want.” After a few moments of silence they simply moved on.

So began the montage, without music, just because, which involved Ivy buying a scythe, beating up level 1-5 goblins for an hour, and stalking higher levelled players until they eventually get killed and steal their stuff. Soon enough, Ivy had reached level 15 while Poison was now level 20. Just then, they met up with Gary whose avatar also looked a little older and was level 27. “Hey guys, so I heard you need a lot of experience.”

“Yeah.” Poison replied. “Thanks for coming, man.” Poison said, high fiving him.

“No problem, we’re cool now, so just ask if you need anything.”

Ivy then spoke up. “By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask, you’re the prince, right?” Gary nodded. “Does that mean your dad is G-”

“My dad isn’t important.” He quickly interrupted.

“Is it J-”

“Stop asking!”

“My dad was a douche, so after becoming an exceptional fighter, I fought him to the death. Not that big a deal though.” Poison said, handwaving the comment.

“That’s going to become a big deal later, isn’t it...” Gary replied.

“So where’s this spot?” Ivy asked.

“Ahh, there’s this cave a few minutes from here where these scorpions offer a lot of experience. Oh, watch out for grues though, they tend to appear out of nowhere and eat you when you least suspect it.”

“Excellent! Let’s go!” She grabbed his hand and ran on ahead. As Gary was on the verge of depleting his HP due to happiness, Poison reminded him that, “This is online, dude, and it’s not virtual reality either.”

After a little more training, and running from grues, Ivy managed to reach level 20 just from grinding all day, while Poison got to 23, and Gary reached 28. “I think you should start doing some of the quests to get more experience now.”

“There’s no time for that!” Ivy exclaimed. “I must defeat this fool who dares to call himself an overlord!”

“IIRC, you can’t do the quest about defeating the overlord until you do at least 15 quests.” Poison pointed out.

“What?!? How many are there?”

“20 for free members, dozens more for those who pay.”

“We should log on tomorrow and get through a bunch of them.” Gary suggested. “With us three it’ll be much faster.” They all waved goodbye and logged off, as it was getting pretty late.

The next morning, Ivy was still somewhat furious about the necessary components needed to achieve her goal, so she did what most impatient gamers do: Decided to go to her local games store to buy a guide. Upon entered the large store, SA2, who stood behind the counter, stopped his friendly conversation with a customer and turned to her, putting on his serious face. Ivy marched down the path towards the counter and glared at SA2. “I wish to buy the Land of Leisure guide.”

“I know. I’ve been expecting you ever since you signed up. You were destined to come here. Very few are worthy of reading from the sacred book, so do you feel you’re worthy?”

“Of course! The book would be perfect for me!”

“Alright, let me just-” SA2 turned around to get the book off the shelf, but then he immediately attacked Ivy who blocked his hand and squinted at him. SA2 jumped over the counter and did a hurricane kick, which Ivy evaded by somersaulting backwards, and then they continued to move back, with them blocking each other’s punches until SA2 ducked under one and kicked her towards a shelf. She touched it with her feet and leaped on top of it just as SA2 punched through the shelf. She fired beams of energy, which SA2 easily dodged before kicking down the shelf.

She jumped onto another, but was immediately knocked off as SA2 back flipped and kicked her in midair. SA2 leaped off and prepared to pound her into the ground but missed as Ivy rolled out the way and jumped back as she covered herself in a glowing red aura. They charged at each other and as their punches connected, the building exploded. Moments later, they stood in silence for at least 20 seconds before SA2 handed her the book. “You are now worthy. Improve your skills; you have much yet to learn.”

“Thank you, sensei.” Ivy bowed as the scene slowly faded to black.

Later that morning, she made it back and saw Poison sitting on the couch, switching over channels until he reached one where he and Ivy were on the screen. After staring at the screen in silence, Ivy eventually said, “Pfft, look at those losers.”

“Yeah, they’re so lame.” Poison added.

“C’mon, let’s log on and get started. I have a plan, and it can’t fail!” Ivy said before leaving to log on as fast as possible. Over the next 5 hours, Ivy did as many quests as quickly as she could using her guide that Poison and Gary were amazed at her progress when she met them later at a hut, now in the high 40’s along with Poison and Gary.

“How are you able to do all this so flawlessly?” Poison asked.

“It’s all in the guide.” Ivy replied.

“Ahh, of course.”

Just then, they heard a girl scream, and noticed it was coming from a field further down below the mountain they were walking across. Ivy spotted Cherry down below, wearing iron chainmail with a sword, surrounded by metallic lions. “Hey, it’s that Cherry girl, and some lions are gonna kill her. Oh well, we’d better get mo-” Before she could finish, Poison rushed by her and leaped into the air, covering the sun as he entered the fray and roundhouse kicked one lion across the field before landing. Gary followed suit while Ivy simply sighed before also going in, with them slowly witling down their HP until the lions eventually died.

“Poison!” Cherry ran up to him and they hugged, shortly before he lifted her into the air and spun round in circles. Gary seemed quite confused while Ivy was annoyed.

“So what are you doing here?” Cherry asked, seeming to be level 23.

“We were on our way to beating the evil overlord mission. We just started it, and although we’re less than its predicted total level, together we should have the strength to beat him.”

“Ahh, well I would come along, but I’m sure I’d just be a distraction.”

“Of course you wouldn’t, silly.” Poison said cheerfully.

“Yes she would.” Ivy and Gary retorted.

A minute later, they waved goodbye to Cherry as they carried on, and eventually came to a pig barn. Ivy turned to the other two and asked, “We can ride pigs in this game, can’t we?” Poison turned to Gary, also hoping for an answer. “Well let’s give it a shot.” He shrugged.

They jumped onto a pig and smacked it, at which point it took off, ran through the gate and down a clear path, dodging several other players travelling down the same road. They soon arrived at a castle, with storm clouds covering the sky. Sitting by the entrance was a three headed hybrid of a T-Rex and a red dragon, which was level 50. Just then Spring and Floyd showed up, and Spring moved ahead of the others. “I’ll take care of this, you guys go on ahead.”

“Thanks for the backup, man.” Poison said as they did so, eventually hearing a giant explosion outside as they kept going.

When they reached an intersection, they stopped and Floyd nodded to the right. “That path should lead to the final boss. Be careful, I’ve heard he’s level 60.”

“60?” Ivy responded. “I heard he was only in the 50’s!”

“Is Spring gonna catch up with us?” Poison asked.

“I’m afraid he’s most likely dead. He did indeed sacrifice himself to make sure you guys made it to the final boss with full HP. A group of ninja grizzly bears will show up soon enough, and that is where I shall take my leave.” And just as he said, bears appeared from secret passageways in the walls and from underground. Floyd and Poison bumped fists before they took off, at which point Floyd adjusted his shades as they advanced on him.

Ivy, Poison and Gary reached a giant steel door with a skull on it and a steel wheel near the door. Zombies appeared, which Gary quickly began to dispose of while Ivy waited impatiently as Poison slowly turned the wheel. “Poison, hurry up with that wheel, or I’m going to sexually assault you.”

“I’m going as fast as I can.”

“Too slow! Prepare to be violated!” As Ivy charged at him, he quickly hit her with the back of his fist, slid behind her and quickly suplexed her, leading Gary to comment, “I didn’t know you could do that online...”

A minute later, Poison had opened the door, and they entered, with Ivy still rubbing her forehead. There was one bright light shining on a throne further ahead. As they arrived, a mysterious figure who couldn’t be clearly seen flipped and landed on a pogo stick. Spring stepped forward and said, “It’s an evil space hopper.”

Poison turned to Spring and replied, “Weren’t you supposed to be dead just a few minutes ago?”

They stared at each other for several moments; Poison turned away after a while then turned back to him. “Was the gif really necessary?”

“Yes.”

At that moment, Floyd arrived as he said, “Sorry I’m late, I see you made it here safely.”

“Enough talk!” Ivy exclaimed. “Let’s finish this! We’ll bum rush the boss!”

And they did. Cut to a few minutes later, where Gary had died, Ivy and Poison both had low HP, but Spring and Floyd had not been touched. Ivy immediately logged off and phoned up Ruby. “Hey, foolish angel, I beat the final boss. What do you think of that, huh? You jealous? You mad? But that’s not important; we shall now settle our conflict! Prepare yourself!”

“Indeed we shall, Ivy, but first of all, could you step outside your house? Along with Poison if you’d please.”

Ivy was confused by her reply. “Huh? O-okay, I guess...” A minute after following Ruby’s instructions, they were standing on a hill half a mile from the house, at which point Ruby chuckled slightly. “Thanks for co-operating, now watch the fireworks.” Seconds after she stopped speaking, Ivy’s house suddenly exploded, blowing it to bits. Ivy was in shock; Poison was left slightly confused as Ruby continued. “Consider us even. Bye for now.” She hung up.

Ivy gasped before speaking. “I see now! She told me about the game because she knew I would do all in my power to beat it as fast as possible! She must have used the bombs I left in that building inhabited by angels, and then waited until I was impatient enough to go buy a guide. She assumed I would have to fight to obtain it, giving her enough time to plant the bombs in hidden spots without me noticing. That’s ingenious!”

“Yet you didn’t notice until just now.” Poison remarked. “Then again, I should have been more suspicious earlier this morning, but don’t you think you’re giving Ruby too much credit?”

Ivy turned to him, with a look of seriousness on her face. “Am I, Poison? Am I really?”

Very far away, Ruby was watching them with binoculars through a window with Willard standing beside her.

“So did everything fall into place?” Willard asked.

Ruby smirked as she spoke. “Yes, I guess you could say everything was...” She put on a pair of shade. “Just as planned.”

Ivy dropped to her knees and screamed, “Noooooooooooooo!” as it cut to a view of the city from high above.

I actually had to shorten this as it was getting a bit too long.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 23 – Deadly Poison

Somewhere in the future, Ivy had managed to build the house again. One day, Ivy got sick and summoned Poison to her room earlier in the morning. He sat by her bed as he said, “Hey, you don’t look so well...”

She coughed before speaking. “Yes, I seem to have contracted Diabeetus.”

“Diabeetus.” Poison repeated, narrowing his eyes at her. She nodded. “So is there anything I can do?”

“Yes.” She coughed again. “Perhaps you could grant this cute little girl’s final wish before she dies...”

“To take over the world?”

“Of course!” She exclaimed as she sat up, and then started coughing again.

“Rest. I’ll take care of things from here.” Later that night, Poison was still in the room, sitting by a desk near the bed. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. A few scenes were shown of him opening the door, paying the pizza boy and placing the pizza on Ivy’s desk by his notebook, complete with speed lines. Poison took a slice and snickered for a few moments as he started writing. Ivy appeared to have a fever and was twisting and turning in her sleep as he did so. Ominous Latin chanting accompanied it. “The first step to world domination, would be gather a group of chaotic and criminally insane associates to help me in my cause, but to not attract attention to those on the good side while doing so. Adol was convicted of sleeping with a 12 year old, in his defense, she looked at least 16, but that’s not important.”

I’ll break him out of prison, but I may need help finding others, from the likes of Omar, to the embodiment of evil that is Willard. I’ll put Ivy’s resources to good use, in designing myself a personal suit to increase my fighting abilities while I accomplish this.”

Ivy reached out to grab the air as she said, “Cowbell. It needs more cowbell!”

Poison’s eyes widened as speed lines appeared and the chanting got louder. “I’ll show them. This **** will be serious!”

The camera jerked around as it focused on Poison writing. “I won’t use some stupid ploy to hide my scheme. I’ll simply have the standard threats where I want them, and kill off the lethal threats as soon as possible, and then nuke the whole planet while I’m off the earth and wipe out most of the enemy’s weaponry. While doing all this, I’ll also try my best to look like a complete badass.” He then took a slice of pizza. “I’ll take a slice, and nom that ****!” As he did so, there was an explosion, the windows shattered, and he continued writing, with it being shown from various angles with speed lines soon before fading to black.

Later that night, Poison walked towards a large prison, wearing black leather armor with a neon green ‘X’ going across it, a black jacket, gloves with small claws on the back, and a green mask with a bored looking facial expression carved into it. Poison held up a hand and fired a small laser blast from his glove, blowing the door off its hinges as he walked in. He walked through the corridors, freeing some of the prisoners and only aiming to wound anyone who tried to stop him.

He finally made it to Adol’s cell and blasted down the door. “Ahh, Adol, I wish I could say it was good to see you again, but I’m not that fond of you. Anyway, I came here to bust you out, you ready to go?”

“Thanks man, you’re Poison, right?”

“How did you know?”

“Well, the mask is green, and green is your standard colour.”

“Ahh, guess I should have thought that part through...well, whatever. Let’s go.” Moments later, Poison punched through the wall and leaped down from the third floor. As the two walked down the street, a dozen cop cars were there waiting for them. They both drew their weapons as Adol said, “You up for this?”

“Hey, remember who you’re talking to.”

For the next minute, they ran around, taking cover behind objects, deflecting bullets, and showing no mercy as they aimed to kill. A blast of fire took out the last cop, at which point Poison looked in the direction of the blast to see Amber sitting on a rooftop. “So have you been here this whole time?”

“I like to watch.” She said with a smirk.

“Well I’m got a proposition for you...but first of all, you need to change that outfit and put some decent clothes on.”

“What’s wrong with my clothes?”

“You wear a frickin’ bikini. I think that’s all I need to say.”

The next morning, Poison had also gathered Omar at Ivy’s house and they were discussing plans in the living room. Poison stopped when he saw Ruby approaching the bushes outside and informed them to hide their presence before she sees. He then took a can of Coca Cola which he had poisoned for this purpose and left the house to greet her. She waved as she saw him. “Hi Poison!”

“Hey Ruby, I was wondering if you wanted a drink.” He said, handing her the can.

“Huh? Why?”

“Well, we’re friends, right? And I figured you’d be thirsty. You want it?”

Ruby shrugged before taking a sip. “Well, okay. Thanks, Poison.”

“My pleasure.” He said as he headed back inside. “Oh, also, Ivy is sick right now, so she’ll be in bed all day.”

“Oh, well I’ll see you later then.” Ruby quickly left as she waved goodbye.

As Poison shut the door, Omar then said, “Why didn’t you simply just kill her? I could use those eyes for a good cause...”

“Killing her now wouldn’t be much fun. The poison in that can isn’t enough to actually kill her, but it’ll knock her out for a few days, reducing the maximum threat level. Gary normally doesn’t turn up unless something special is happening, and neither will Crystal. Right now my biggest threats are Spring and Floyd, once they’re out of the way, everything else will simply fall into place.”

Shortly afterwards, as Poison said, Ruby ended up drifting off to sleep on the middle of a field. She awoke several days later, where most of the buildings were partly destroyed, or on fire, and the sky was a dark shade of orange with dozens of high tech ships sweeping the city with searchlights. She looked around in confusion before jumping into a bush to avoid the ships. “What on earth happened here?” She said to no-one in particular.

Meanwhile, Poison was currently aboard a large battleship, in his private quarters playing SSBB with three other women. Just then, Loli Black punched down the door and leaped into the room, her clothes covered in dust, dirt and blood. “Poison!”

Poison got to his feet. “Ahh, you’re still alive, I guess I didn’t use enough explosives.”

“That’s right; I escaped before the bomb went off and punched down your dragon on the way.”

“You’re worthy of the name Badass-chan.”

“Thank you.” She bowed. “But Poison, I can never forgive you for what you’ve done! I thought we were bros, man! We were tight!”

“I got new bros now, BC, but you can be my ho if you want. We’ll only play games and such though, so it’s cool.”

She shook her head. “Nah man, I can’t dig that. You ain’t Poison.”

“Is that so? To be honest, it’s their fault. You guys assumed that cutting the red wire on my bomb would stop it, but you knew I’m not the type to make it that simple, which is why leaving it as the red wire was the easier choice. Besides, cutting the red wire would speed up the countdown anyway, so it was inevitable. You sure I’m not Poison? Perhaps I’m just another side of Willard. Maybe Poison never existed; he was a figment of your imagination. Willard was Poison’s true side, maybe we’re all Willard deep inside. Maybe even you’re Willard, but you just don’t know it yet.”

Badass-chan’s head suddenly exploded, just as Willard appeared. “Causing a friend’s head to explode due to a paradox. Impressive work, Poison.”

“I do what I can, now please, leave me to beat up my hoes.”

“Of course.” Willard left and Poison went back to playing his game.

Just then, Lily ran in with a chart in her hand, yelling, “Poison! Argent news!”

“Ahh, Lily, come play with me.”

“I’ll be charging you three times as much if you want me to do that.” She replied cheerfully.

“Geez, you’re so stingy.”

“Anyway, reports have shown Ruby has woken up, and contacted the prince of angels. They’re on their way here now. Also, Spring and Floyd aren’t dead. In fact, they’ll probably be arriving any minute now...” And as if right on cue, they blasted down a wall with their shotguns further down and moved down a corridor full of robots. Poison got up, grabbed his mark and sword, and took off.

On the way down there, they suddenly punched through a wall and hit him. He flew into the air and quickly recovered as he landed on his feet. He smirked as he spoke. “You guys got here earlier than expected, seems that wasn’t enough to kill you guys.”

“Trying to drown us in blocks of cement just wasn’t good enough, Poison.” Floyd replied. “I thought you knew better. But I see you’re crazy prepared.”

“Yes, just in case, I designed anti-explosion armor to protect me from your broken abilities, and equipped my allies with it. They thought I was paranoid, but after meeting guys like you, there’s no such thing.”

“Seems you’ve learned too much.” Spring said, just before aiming at him. “But this is where our confrontation shall end.” Floyd did the same.

“You guys aren’t forgetting me, are you?” Willard suddenly appeared out of the shadows and aimed his assault rifle at Floyd. Adol followed suit, aiming at Spring. Poison took this opportunity to walk off, as he said, “I have some business to attend to. Perhaps we’ll meet later, but we never know.” The four of them stood in silence, eyes fixated on their targets, waiting for the other person to shoot first before making a move.

Outside, Ruby’s ship was approaching the black battleship and noticed Floyd had called backup as T-Rex’s in jets were attacking the squadron of ships. She also noticed a black alien on a pogo stick wiping out some of the jets. Ruby stopped by the side of the ship and opened the cockpit. “I’m going to take on Poison directly. You should find a way to reach the control room unseen and stop the ship.” She then took off, whacking robotic spiders attached to the sides, leaping across small holes, and then jumping through a glass window to find an empty room with a chair ahead.

Poison spun round in the chair as she arrived and greeted her. “Hello, Ruby, I’ve been expecting you.”

“Then why did you only turn around when I made it here?”

“Because I’ve always wanted to do that.” He got out of the chair. “But enough talk, let’s begin.” He charged at her and kneed her through a wall. They appeared to be in another corridor, with Ruby hopping back and evading Poison’s repeated swings before taking out her spear and jabbing at him. She managed to kick him in the chest, knocking him back, and then threw her spear at him. He kicked it into the air and blocked several of her punches, grabbed her spear as it came down and hit her over the head with it followed by a backflip kick.

Meanwhile, Gary successfully made it to the control room, which was lit only by the screens of the monitors. He heard a shot being fired, followed by dozens of rapid fire somewhere nearby but paid no mind. He discovered most of the population that hadn’t been killed were being controlled by a satellite built by Omar. Amber then appeared by the doorway. She wore skin-tight black leather outfit with waves of fire on the side and a fire symbol on the front. “Hey Prince, need any help over there?”

Gary leaped over Amber as she immediately charged at him and took off. Crystal showed up shortly afterwards, stopping Amber from proceeding any further.

In a massive boiler room, Poison and Ruby were hopping across pipes, slashing at each other. Poison managed to kick her onto a path down below and attempted to stab her. She rolled out the way and kneed him in the face. Gary arrived shortly and leaped down onto the path to challenge Poison. Poison held out his hand and hit Ruby with a blast of energy as he traded blows with Gary. He blocked one blow and elbowed him in the face, before tripping Ruby from behind. Poison then leaped over Gary and roundhouse kicked him before blasting them further back.

Poison threw a bomb which Gary dodged, and then activated it, springing a net which wrapped around Ruby. Poison and Gary continued, until Gary eventually knocked his sword out of his hand. “It’s over, man. What are you gonna do now without yo-” Poison punched him in the face, knocking him to the ground.

“What gave you the impression I couldn’t kick your ass without my sword?” Poison said, shrugging. As Gary attacked again, Poison kicked him, and then knocked him back with a hadoken. As Gary got up and did an overhead swing, Poison blocked it with his left arm and hit him with a shoryuken. Gary flew back, landed on his feet and immediately charged at Poison again. Poison dodged a slice aiming at his head and hit him with a tornado whirlwind kick, knocking him back again. Poison quickly leaped up and stabbed Gary with his sword, Ruby yelling out in vain as Poison twisted and turned the sword until Gary eventually passed away. Poison put away his sword and walked over to Ruby. “Now it’s your turn. I’ll untangle you so you have the honour of fighting to the death.”

“Why don’t you just shoot me?!” Ruby said, glaring at him.

“If you wish.” Poison said, then took out a magnum and shot her in the forehead, killing her instantly. Just then, Amber showed up and waved, “Hey Poison, I took care of Crystal. P.A.L helped out a little, but we accomplished the mission regardless.”

“And what about my two old friends?”

“They’re no more. Willard seems somewhat wounded, and Adol asked to be buried in a grave with underage girls who’ve matured much faster.”

“Very well.” He said as he walked up to her. “Report to my private quarters later and receive your reward.”

“What should I be wearing?”

“In the end, it’s not gonna matter.” Minutes later, Poison stood on the roof of the ship, observing the view as his hair bellowed in the wind. “So this is it, the bad guy has won. It’s a perpetual downer ending.” He then sighed. “Well this is boring...”

---

In the middle of a food court, Ivy and Poison sat at a table, with Poison typing this out on a laptop as Ivy ate pixie sticks. Poison stroked his chin, thinking of what to write when Ivy suddenly said, “That needs some prose, and a bit of variable ways of speaking.”

Poison quickly turned the screen away from her as he said, “Uhh, yeah.”

“What’re you writing anyway?”

“It’s nothing important.” Poison said with a sigh before deciding to delete it. “By the way, I’ve noticed P.A.L has initials, what do those actually stand for?”

“Oh, they stand for Perfect Artificial Lo-”

Poison quickly covered her mouth as he said, “Y’know what, never mind.”

TMEDCE: Chapter 24 – Silent Assassins

It was a cold and windy morning, and in the valley of various mountains, the angelic prince was making his way towards his destined location. In one hand, he held a sheet of paper detailing what his mission was, and in the other, a clenched fist, to punch people with. Due to exposition reasons, it was said that he had been assigned to investigate some strange rituals going on at Mt. Douche recently, so he took off, and here we are.

Shortly, he spotted black werewolves as he walked down the barrow wasteland, dozens of them. Black like the heart of Willard, but not too black. As they took notice of his presence, they attacked, but Gary wasn’t having that, so he drew his sword, it glimmering brightly enough to cause temporary blindness. With a swing he sliced the werewolf in half as it attempted to pounce on him, though the blood from the piñata partly drenched his hair and clothing. Instead of facing down the wolves, he hit one in his path with a boot to the head and took off, leaving a thick dusty trail in his steed. They gave chase, licking their jagged teeth in anticipation of biting into his fleshy exterior and taking a bite outta crime.

Gary eventually ran into Ruby who happened to be walking there as well. He assumed she overheard his conversation earlier and got a head start. Ruby glanced around, hearing the howls of the advancing werewolves. Gary did what he felt was best and offered her a handshake. They stared at each other, their eyes unwavering from the others, and soon enough, Ruby firmly shook his hand, accepting his handshake. The area suddenly exploded from the amount of awesomeness, easily killing most of the werewolves nearby. They charged up a cliff towards a cave further ahead, but unfortunately, one werewolf managed to survive and topple a large boulder down a cliff, heading straight for them.

The boulder hit Ruby, knocking her off the edge while Gary managed to leap out the way and make it to the cave ahead where the rituals were said to take place. He walked along the brightly lit and damp cave, with the only sound being heard was his breathing.

And then another narrator jumped into the fray to take the previous person’s place-

Hey! I’m the one narrating this!

Oh please, you couldn’t narrate your way out of a Twilight novel.

I’m gonna narrate your face, momma’s boy.

Bring it, asswipe.

As the two inferior narrators beat the crap out of each other, a third took over. Gary soon reached a rocky ledge overlooking dozens of lolis following the ritual as they surrounded a table in the middle with demonic symbols around it. The place was brightly lit by torches lined along the walls. But the worst was yet to come, for the person strapped to the table was Ivy’s comatose body, and from the look of things it seemed they were attempting to summon the Anti-Christ, who would use Ivy’s body as a vessel for its spirit.

Upon discovering this, he was on the verge of going mad. Now he lost it, he knew he could kill. Fortunately there was a gate nearby, but unfortunately, he was heard from above by the leader, Loli Rainbow, who commanded her subordinates to halt the ritual and seize him. After an intense and incredibly short chase scene, they cornered him at a dead end, but as they lowered their guard due to overconfidence, Gary charged through a dozen of them, with a strike of lighting from his sword. He continued to whack several out of his way with each swing until a few eventually managed to tackle him and hold him down, at which point Loli Rainbow emerged and picked up his sword.

Gary stared up at her, with a look that could kill goats. She simply raised her chin as she sported a devilish grin, with a facial expression which easily said, “U mad?” She ordered her followers to throw him in the dungeon, and so they did so, but not before Gary swore he would be back to finish the job. With a snap of Loli Rainbow’s fingers, Loli Pink injected Gary with a small dose of Diabeetus, making his words somewhat unclear shortly before passing out.

He awoke soon afterwards, chained to a wall in a dark and empty stone dungeon. It was cold. Cold. Cold, like an epic retort to an insult, cold, like drinking a cold drink on a cold windy morning. He tried to free himself, but found he could not. Sadly, he was chained to a wall. The door to the dungeon suddenly opened, the bright light from outside shining through, partly blocked by the silhouette of a figure, a whip in their right hand.

Outside, Ruby managed to climb back up the mountain, when she could have easily have flown anyway. Unfortunately, after encountering Gary, the loli worshippers kept a look out and spotted Ruby, so they opened fire on her. She dashed along the trail and leaped behind a large rock as they unloaded their ammo. She then threw the rock and leaped onto the side of the rock as she did so. They continued to fire, shortly before she leaped off and punched the rock at them, then fired half a dozen psychic waves, knocking out most of the girls still standing. One jumped towards her, but Ruby kicked the gun out of her hands, pushed her back by kicking her in the chest, and spinning before launching a dozen rocks using her psychokinesis, which I haven’t mentioned much at all. After displaying why she was worthy of working with the prince, she ran on ahead.

Meanwhile, Gary punched down the door to the dungeon, all dressed and ready to kick ass. All he needed was his sword. As he ran down the hallways looking for it, he ran into 2 metallic armoured ninjas, which were red and blue respectively. He swung at them, but sadly they were fast, so they easily dodged his lightning punch, Red tripped him and Blue kicked him with enough force to send him flying through a wall. They leaped into the room, but Gary recovered fast enough to hit Blue with a lightning uppercut. He ducked as Red threw a ninja star then they exchanged punches as he closed the gap between them. He managed to eventually knock Red back with a punch to the stomach and flipped over Blue’s kick before connecting his elbow with the ninja’s face.

In another part of the cave, Ruby was currently being chased by a yellow metallic armoured ninja, and a dozen other lolis, after she had recognized the sword Loli Rainbow was carrying and grabbed it off her. She hid around one corner and punched Yellow as he came round the corner. She then charged through several of the lolis before taking out the rest hand-to-hand, moving around at extreme speeds, and then finished off the last by throwing her into a wall with her psychokinesis, with enough force to knock her out. Yellow attacked again, but she was fully prepared. She slid under his feet, hit Yellow with a rising shoryuken, then quickly grabbed him and did a spinning piledriver.

Gary threw Red into a room where a grey haired loli happened to be changing, who screamed before continuously hitting him with her handbag, though he ignored it as he evaded and blocked Blue’s attacks, soon before countering a punch with a roundhouse kick and then hit him in the face with a lightning punch, knocking him out. Dealing with the two ninjas, he took a deep breath before leaving with the intent of finding his sword...with the girl still hitting him with her handbag. She immediately stopped as he turned to face her.

As Gary cautiously walked down the surprisingly big paths within the cave, he came across Ruby, who just so happened to be holding his sword. They shook hands once more, causing yet another explosion, which Loli Rainbow quirked an eyebrow at as she heard it. Gary explained the situation to Ruby, and upon hearing this, she wasn’t pleased. She didn’t like the idea of rescuing someone she was pretty close to despising, nor would she be thanked for it. Gary in response promised he’d tell the head angels the truth about what happened before, and that she also helped him accomplish this mission as well to make sure she gets rewarded. She decided it would be pointless to argue as they were already here, so she agreed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UXno819Xsc

They moved on ahead, with Ruby running and eventually tackling one loli as Gary did a dash attack and slashed upwards with his sword. Ruby blocked several kicks, grabbed one loli and threw her from behind, just before Gary fly kicked her, and then threw his sword as he hit the ground, hitting one girl in the chest but not killing her. An ogre appeared as Ruby was punching out two girls from behind, so Gary dealt with it, with repeated swings of lighting from his blade, he then got behind the ogre, grabbed him and slammed the beat into the ground, KO’ing it. They then got onto a conveniently placed elevator going down.

More lolis dropped into the elevator, with Gary and Ruby using moved moves to knock them out, including a double DDT on one loli, and Ruby hitting one with sweet chin music followed by Gary tombstoning the girl. They reached the bottom floor and heard sirens go off surprisingly, so they moved on, beating up more girls and two orgres until they reach another elevator going down diagonally. Ruby knocked out several with a vertical moving tornado kick, followed by a cannon spike just as Gary electrocuted the platform shocking the remaining girls and kicking them off. He threw his sword at one girl knocking her off just as Ruby jammed her spear into the platform. They both grabbed on and spun round in circles, hitting the rest with their feet and knocking them off.

Shortly afterwards, they reached their destination where Loli Rainbow was the last loli left, but unfortunately, the rest of her followers had served their purpose, and bought her enough time to summon the spirit. Instead of standing there in shock over such an event, they acted immediately, knowing what they should do. Ruby tackled her, while Gary moved at a blistering speed and cut the straps on the table, taking off with Ivy as the black mist followed. Loli Rainbow kissed her unexpectedly, adding tongue and making her taste the rainbow, which paralyzed her, which Rainbow took as an opportunity to punch her into a wall, hard enough for rocks to fall on top of her.

Outside, Gary ran down the mountains with the mist hot on his tail, and fired lightning bolts which the mist easily dodged. Rainbow caught up with them as Gary prepared to unleash a giant strike of lighting from the sky upon the mist. Rainbow leaped into the path to protect it, but it was futile, as the bolt from above was enough to shock them both, making the mist evaporate and making Rainbow dizzy enough to tumble off the ledge and to her doom, to be impaled in a spiked pit below. Gary continued running with Ivy in his arms until she woke up halfway there and immediately punched him as she discovered this. She quickly flew off, not giving Gary a chance to explain.

She shortly arrived at her house where Poison was sitting outside in just a pair of shorts, relaxing in the sun that had recently come out. She ignored him and went inside. Back in the middle of the mountains, Ruby exited the cave, somewhat tired from all that she had done and began the long walk back to Ivy’s once to stalk them once more. On the way there, she stopped and noticed something unusual far to her right, which she discovered to be the mist, which happened to survive Gary’s attack. She stared at it while it turned to face her, Ruby’s expression soon going from bewilderment to being quite intrigued.

Finally at the chapter before the last chapter(s). This is easily the longest one, even though I tried to shorten it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Chapter 25 – Demon+Vampire

It was a few days after the events involving the Anti-Christ, and Ivy was once again at the mall buying more sweets, despite Poison’s warnings of contracting diabetes. Overtime as she continued going there and becoming a sweet shops favourite customer, she noticed a young girl with long purple hair who occasionally watched from a bench further away. One day, she soon decided to call out to Ivy on her way home as she came out of an alleyway, wearing a short dark purple shirt with a bat on it, bearing her midriff, and a pair of blue jeans.

“I don’t know who you are but I’m not sharing my sweets. Get your own!” Ivy exclaimed, backing away from her.

“Relax, I don’t want them. I know you’re a demon, girl.” She said with a smirk.

Ivy gasped. “How?! Nobody here knows that!”

“It’s kinda obvious. The small wings, the little black tail beneath your dress, the sharp teeth, the unusual red eyes. I don’t see why others can’t see it.”

“They tend to think I’m a cosplayer. But now that you know, I can’t let you live.” Ivy said, slowly advancing upon her.

“Hold on, I just wanna be friends with you.” She protested. She continued as Ivy stopped. “I noticed you seem a little lonely, as am I. I figured we could hang out, talk about evil things, and have a laugh.”

Ivy thought for a moment, looked down at her chest, and then hugged her. “Yeah! We’re allies!”

They walked around for a while, talking about various stupid things. She also informed Ivy her name was Toxic. Ivy soon showed her a picture of Poison dressed in her clothes. She glanced at it and said, “So you have a maid?”

“Nah, he’s a guy, he just looks somewhat convincing with his hair down and in girls clothing.”

“Ahh, is this blonde haired girl in the photo your servant too?”

Ivy clenched her fist as she spoke. “No. She’s my rival. I despise that girl. She’s the biggest threat to whatever I happen to have planned.”

“Really? The cute little girl who looks like she wouldn’t hurt a fly if she didn’t have to?”

Ivy suddenly shouted, “Foolish fool! Do not be fooled! She’s more badass than she appears!”

“I see.” she nodded. “You wanna come over to my house?”

“Sure, I haven’t got much to do today anyway.” Ivy said with a shrug. Toxic sported a devilish smirk as she agreed.

A day later, Poison was visiting Spring and Floyd and showed up at an office, where the room was in darkness and they stood around a laptop. Poison walked over and waved as he said, “Hey, what’s up guys?”

“We’ve got serious business, Poison.” Floyd replied. “Two vampires have been going around, taking a bite out of crime, and causing it too.”

“Two vampires, huh? Any of them look like preteens? Ivy didn’t come back last night, which is making me suspicious.”

In some underground caves, we flash back to last night where Ivy is chained to a wall as Toxic is looking at something on a desk, now looking several years older than before. Ivy glared as she said, “So it was all a lie, huh? You just wanted to turn me into a vampire like yourself, despite me already being a demon.”

“Yes, after finding out who you were, I just had to have you under my control. Soon the time will come for vampires to rule over all!” She declared, raising her fists in the air. “I’ll also turn your friends and enemies into my vampire allies to help accomplish my goal, and you’ll help me.”

“And what makes you think I’ll help?”

“Because my influence is now in your blood, so it’s only a matter if time before you start seeing things my way.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Ivy retorted.

“Yeah but just go along with it.”

“By the way, how can you change your appearance to look older?”

“A vampire trick, it takes a long while to learn, and no, I won’t show you how.”

“Douche.” Ivy said under her breath.

Two nights later, Poison woke up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep. He got out of bed and switched on the light in the bathroom, and then washed his face. A flash of lightning was heard outside, as Ivy appeared by the window for a moment before vanishing just as fast. He walked downstairs to get a glass of water from the fridge, as Ivy’s shadow passed by upon opening the fridge. As he went to wash his cup, he saw a copy of Batman and Robin on the table, shocking him enough to drop the glass and back away.

Just then, Ivy jumped in through the window and tackled him, pinning him to the ground and trying to bite him, but he was barely able to hold her back. “Ivy, what the hell are you doing?!” Poison yelled.

“I’m trying to bite you, now stay still!”

“This isn’t the time for your strange fetishes!”

“It’s not a fetish! Just let me bite you! I’ll only take a little!” Poison noticed she seemed surprisingly stronger and couldn’t hold her off for long, so he did the one thing he wouldn’t dare do and stuck his had underneath her dress. The shock of the moment gave Poison enough time to throw her off him, then quickly wash his hand. He saw Toxic standing on a ledge in the distance outside the window, who quickly ran as he saw her. He quickly leaped out the window and gave chase, running across rooftops as he kept up with her until she stopped at the edge of one and turned to face him.

“Just who are you?” Poison asked. “And what did you do with Ivy?”

“I turned her into a vampire. I bit into her neck, making her feel good for a short while as the transition took place.”

“That’s kinda hot.” Poison said, Nicholsoning as he stroked his chin.

“Yes, it is. My chosen name is Toxic, so I guess we have some of a connection, don’t you think?” She said with a smile.

“I don’t think so.”

“C’mon, don’t you wanna be my servant?” She asked.

“I have at least 7 other people ahead of you, several of them being people I don’t even know.”

She chuckled slightly. “You may play hard to get, but you’ll come around soon enough. When you’re ready to accept your place by my side, visit that castle on the hill over there.” She said, pointing far to the right before leaping off and flying in that direction.

A bit later that night, Poison contacted the others and got Ruby, Gary, Crystal, Amber and Adol to meet at Ivy’s house while Ivy was tied up and stuck to the wall. Poison explained the situation, and as he finished, Gary then asked, “So what are you gonna do?”

“I’m gonna bust in, kick vampire ass and return Ivy to normal.”

“Nice plan, man.” Adol nodded.

“You should just become a vampire, Poison, you’ll learn to like it.” Ivy said.

“Quiet you.” Poison replied.

“So we’re gonna split into groups or something, right?” Crystal asked.

Poison shrugged. “I guess so.”

“I’ll go with you then.” Crystal replied.

“I’ll come too.” Amber said.

“This is getting stupid.” Ruby said with a frown. “And why am I helping this moron yet again? I ought to gut her like a fish right here and now!” Ruby yelled, pointing at Ivy. “Constantly I have to deal with this moron, why does nobody else help me stop her?! Why doesn‘t anyone care?!?”

“Isn’t it obvious, Ruby?” Crystal began, kneeling down to her level. “You care, so I don’t have to.”

“You’re the worst sister ever.”

“I’ve noticed you’ve acted a little weird lately, Ruby.” Poison said, eyeing her suspiciously. “We haven’t even done our usual routine in a bit.”

“That was stupid, people grow out of that, y’know.”

“She’s definitely been acting a little angrier lately.” Crystal stated.

“Has anyone noticed I’ve been kidnapped and taken advantage of quite a lot recently?” Ivy pointed out.

“Anyway, we should suit up in a bit, and also…” Poison gestured to his right, where Lily was standing. “Why is she here?”

“Geez, Poison, you’re so mean!” Lily pouted. “Why don’t you and Ivy ever visit me anymore? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Friends don’t charge other friends ridiculous prices to talk to each other.” He replied, narrowing his eyes at her.

“I guess so, where do you get the money anyway?”

“Well…”

---

Poison waited at 15 minutes past midnight in an alleyway, leaning on the wall as he wore a black cloak which covered his face. Gary approached the alleyway and stand close to the entrance, facing away from it as he whispered, “You got the stuff?”

“Have you got the money?” Poison asked.

Gary handed him a roll of dollars, and in return Poison handed him a brown envelope. Gary opened it and looked through the various pictures of Ivy as Poison spoke. “Those are grade A pics, man. You ain’t gonna find anything better on the market.”

“Thanks, man. Nice doing business with you.”

“Anytime, holmes.” Poison began to walk away as he continued. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to sell pictures of myself in Ivy’s pyjamas to Ruby.”

---

As he finished explaining, he then said, “Before that point, I have no explanation. I’m gonna call Spring and Floyd, and then we’ll jump in Ivy’s ship to get to the vampire castle.”

“We could get there faster if we took my ice cream truck.” Adol suggested. Everyone stared at him moments before he said, “Not in that way.”

“Sadly, I cannot join you people.” Ruby said.

“Why not?” Gary asked.

“I-I just can’t…” Ruby covered her face as she turned and walked out the door. Moments later, Ruby jumped in through the window, wearing the lame superhero attire she wore at Noisy Hill. She marched towards them and posed. “Greetings, citizens, I was in the neighbour when I heard you were in dire need of a heroine, so fear not, Magical Girl Rabi is on the case!”

There was a stunned silence, and then everyone ignored her and started discussing a plan. Soon afterwards, all of them hopped into Adol’s red and blue ice cream van and drifted down the streets before eventually multi-road drifting down the path towards the castle and curving to stop on the sidewalk outside. As they stopped, Poison looked around before saying, “Gary, Adol, we’re going in through the main entrance.”

“Should we take fiery whips and use clothing which covers half our bodies?” Gary asked.

“I still wanna keep the cardboard box.” Adol replied.

Poison shook his head. “No, we’re gonna walk in like pimps.”

Crystal handed him her pimp cane. “In that case, take this. Give it back later, I need it to make my hoes recognize.”

“Are you really a pimp or do you say those things for laughs?”

“You’ll never know.”

As the castle doors opened and smoked engulfed the floor, Poison, Gary and Adol walked in. Poison was wearing the same outfit in chapter 23 (Deadly Poison) as he walked with the cane, Gary wore a pinstripe suit with a gold chain, shades, and a hat, and Adol wore a diamond incrusted white fur coat over his regular longcoat and had a golden cardboard box head. They strolled along like pimps, curb stomping any vampires which showed up while a few kindly stepped out of the way.

One black masked female vampire who was watching this on a computer monitor moments before Gary took off his hat and covered a surveillance camera grabbed a microphone and yelled, “Attention all vampires, there are pimps in the building. I repeat, there are pimps in the building…I never thought I‘d end up saying that today.”

The three of them moved throughout the corridors, slicing up vampires and Adol managed to literally rip one apart. As a black haired little girl wearing a white top and jeans charged at Poison, attempting to bite him, Poison simply punted her, sending her flying out the window. Gary and Adol stared at him, prompting him to say, “It had to be done, guys.”

Ivy, Ruby, Amber and Crystal were in another area of the castle when vampires attacked. They disposed of them quickly as they moved along until they ran into Spring and Floyd who happened to drive their car off a ramp and into the wall. They got out, brushed the dirt of their shoulders and then immediately punched a group of vampires ahead, making them explode.

The others heard the explosion and immediately came running, meeting up with the rest of them shortly. “Hey guys. Glad you could make it.” Poison said towards Spring and Floyd.

“We have a little more information on this ‘Toxic’ person.” Spring began. “Seems her real name is Rosie Palm.”

“Looks like you’ve got some things in common.” Lily remarked, standing beside Poison.

“She became a vampire when she was 19 years old.” Adol pumped his fist into the air as Spring continued once more. “She worked as a servant for Dracula and gained power by being beside him, and she’s literally able to poison her opponents, so Toxic is a fitting name…”

“Unlike you who took your name because it was cool.” Ivy smirked at Poison, who ignored her.

“So is Dracula here as well?” Amber asked.

“Probably not.” Floyd replied. “Toxic has most likely earned enough power to stand on her own two feet and no longer needs to work for him.”

“I think you should talk her into returning those she infected back to normal, Poison.” Lily suggested. “After all, I think it’s clear you have things in common, and she likes you.”

“That’s just absurd.” Poison replied.

“I kid you not, in fact you have chemistry with quite a lot of people. Ivy, Ruby, Crystal, Amber, half the Loli Rangers, me-”

“You?” He said, raising an eyebrow.

“Crack pairing, keep up. And I’m just getting started.”

“No.” Poison shook his head. “If you have me and Cherry paired on that clipboard, I’m breaking your neck, ditto for most yaoi pairings you may have on there.”

Spring placed his hand on Poison’s shoulder as he said, “Just keep doing what you do, Poison.”

“But I haven’t even done much!” He exclaimed. “Screw it, I’m gonna go find Toxic and take care of this already.” He quickly left, moments before more vampires turned up down the hallway. On the way there, he encountered the little vampire girl, who he immediately punted through a nearby window soon before reaching a pair of large wooden doors, which he entered.

Smoke covered the massive floor of the room, and the ceiling was nonexistent. On the other side stood Toxic who walked towards him as he arrived. “Poison, I assume that’s you, the green mask is a nice touch. I see you’ve come to join me.”

“Hell no! I just want you to return Ivy and anyone else you changed to normal.”

“Than you’ll have to join me. Stand by my side, as second in command of my growing vampire nation!” She said triumphantly.

“No can do.”

“And have a place in my heart as my lover.”

“Not a chance.”

“There’s no need playing hard to get, I know you like me.”

Poison shook his head. “Nope. I heard you kick kittens, and that is unforgivable. I never thought I’d say this but you’re more of an **** than Ivy is.” The shock of such a statement made her drop to her knees, unable to comprehend such a thing.

Back upstairs in the hallways, the others were mowing down tons of vampires in the meantime, and Ruby and Gary discovered they couldn’t make the place explode by doing a handshake of awesomeness. One boxing vampire charged at Gary, and he in turn dropped his sword and traded blows with the vampire. They evaded the others punches until Gary soon hit him with a lightning uppercut, knocking him to the ground. Gary towered over him and raised his chin as he said, “Go home and be a family man.”

The vampire quickly got up and fled as Gary continued staring. Floyd then stood beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder as he said, “Well done, Gary, now bite that lip.” Gary did so, at which point Floyd said, “Make it bleed, Gary.” Gary then began to Nicholson, prompting Floyd to say, “Break that neck, holmes, become a bobble head.”

Adol made it downstairs and entered the large room to see Poison and Toxic laughing as they had a casual conversation sitting down. “What’s going on here?” He asked.

“We fought, came to an understanding, and realized we actually do have quite a bit in common.”

“A shame I missed that moment, I’m sure it must have been awesome.”

“Indeed it was.” Just then, the sun was beginning to come up, slowly lighting up the room. Poison stared at Toxic, looked around, then stared again. “Umm, aren’t you supposed to die in sunlight?”

“Nah, we sparkle now.” Toxic replied.

“Ahh.” Poison decided not to question it as he got up. “Well, thanks for the antidote concerning Ivy, which I have no idea why you were carrying, perhaps we’ll meet again someday.” Toxic simply watched him leave without saying a word, and remaining certain that they’d meet again.

They all met back at the ship again, apart from Spring and Floyd, who were informed of Omar’s plan to take over Disneyworld and left early. Ruby was a bit separated from the others, leaning against the side of the van with her arms crossed. As they talked for quite a bit, she eventually got fustrated and said, “Could you guys hurry it up, I’ve still got my anal doctor’s appointment to take care of.”

“I think you mean, ‘annual’ doctor’s appointment.” Poison corrected her.

“Or do I?” She smirked.

“I sure hope so.” Poison suddenly approached her, making her raise an eyebrow as he spoke. “Y’know, I respect you, Ruby. I mean, you have constant bad luck and get injured regularly on occasion, yet you continue to keep trying just because it’s the right thing to do, even when everyone else is against you. And yet you don’t let your constant stream of bad luck turn you into a perpetual downer, you still try to see the bright side of life. I admire that.” He then hugged her tightly.

She squirmed slightly as she said, “Darkness in heart…beginning to fade…being filled with…happy thoughts…down there…” He stopped hugging her and smiled as he walked into the van. She began gasping for air as she continued. “Darkness…returning…power increasing, again…must talk, like Shatner…”

Everyone went their own ways shortly afterwards and Adol drove into the sunrise with Ivy and Poison also inside the ice cream van.

TMEDCE: Chapter 26 - The Most Epic War Ever, Part 1

It had been a week since the vampire fiasco. Feelings changed, alliances formed, stuff happened. Ivy tried constantly to torment Ruby more over the week, doing horrible things such as firing at her with a paintball gun, throwing her into a giant blender, and the worst act of all: Switching off her game after she hadn’t saved in an hour. The influence of the Anti-Christ’s spirit only severed to slowly fuel her rage towards her. A day before the current time, Awesome and Archangel Michael were having a poker game, but as they were about to show their cards, the lights went out. When they came back their cards were gone, but Awesome insisted that his cards would have won. In his persistence, he announced war on the angels, and though Michael thought it was a ridiculous reason, he didn’t see a way of talking him out of it.

The war was set to take place on earth in the wastelands where 300 was filmed, because it seemed right, plus a lot of supernatural beings seemed to like visiting earth recently. Michael didn’t want much to do with the war, and chose Crystal to lead the assault, as Ruby had worked with the prince, and she wasn’t currently doing anything. Since Awesome knew Crystal and Amber were friends, he chose Amber to take charge, but they were both perfectly fine with fighting each other.

Early that morning, Poison was contacted by Spring and Floyd about serious business, so he rushed over as soon as possible, as Spring, Floyd and Gary were gathered round a laptop again. “Hey, so what’s the problem, guys?” Poison asked as he arrived.

“Poison, thank you for coming.” Floyd greeted him. “You’re aware of that war taking place today, are you not?”

“Yeah, there’s been quite a commotion for about…half a day about it.”

“Well Willard is planning to make a move based on this news.”

“Willard…” Poison and Gary said in unison as they squinted.

“Indeed.” Spring nodded. “Willard owns a massive international corporation. We assume he gained followers by showing them a hellish future if they were to go against him. We have received word that he has recently allied himself with the Anti-Christ.”

Gary raised his hand. “Wait, I thought I killed that spirit off for good?”

“Well it seems you didn’t.”

“Also, since Ivy is the daughter of the devil, doesn’t that make the Anti-Christ…”

Poison nodded. “Yep. It’s Ivy’s older brother. What I’m wondering is why someone would try and bring him back…so what do we do anyway?”

Floyd then said, “Poison, we need you dress up as a girl once more to sneak into the organisation, and try to find out what’s going on in there.”

Poison sighed. “It seems like the forces of nature are going out of their way to keep doing this…”

Spring placed a hand on Poison’s shoulder and said, “Be thankful, Poison, you get to use your favourite hobby to help us.”

“You guys secretly hate me, don’t you?” Poison replied, narrowing his eyes at him.

Meanwhile, Ruby had dropped down onto a street and was walking towards Ivy’s house, ready to beat the crap out of her. Ivy spotted Ruby on one of her surveillance camera’s and quickly left the house, running ahead and leaping onto a rooftop, with Ruby quickly pursuing her. They jumped across several rooftops until Ivy jumped down onto one building ledge and then flew around the corner. Ruby continued to follow, as they flew through the sky, across traffic filled roads, through windows and past alleyways. Ivy managed to cut down a sign with her scythe as she turned a corner and threw it behind her, resulting in it hitting Ruby as she turned the corner. She quickly recovered and gave chase again before she hit the ground.

Ivy grinned as she thought she lost Ruby, when Ruby suddenly jumped out a nearby building window and punched Ivy into a large building nearby, into a large clear room with metallic blue floor tiles and large glass windows overlooking the city below. “Enough games, your fun ends here.” Ruby said as she walked towards her.

“Is that so? I don’t think I’m done yet.”

Ruby quickly charged at her, punching her in the stomach, then knocking her back with a kick, followed by various punches and kicks as she began talking. “What the hell do you want from me?! You constantly keep tormenting me, regardless of whether I want to be involved in your business. Do you get some sick thrill from trying to break me down?!” Ruby kneed her in the face as she said, “My life is bad enough without people like you around! Someone like you would have no idea what kind of crap I have to put up with!”

Ivy blocked one of her punches and furiously hammered her into the ground. “Don’t act like you know me! You have no idea what I’m like. You wanna know the truth? I despise you, and want to hurt you because you remind me of myself.” Ruby was getting up as she continued. “I was once like you, carefree, good-natured, determined. But sadly, we come from different places. Considering who I’m related to, it’s shameful for me to act like that, not to mention I was picked on for not being bad enough, so one day I changed and became what I am today to fit in. People still hated me, and poked fun at me because I wasn’t capable of doing much, at least in comparison to my other family members.

In hell, I’m disliked as a good person, and disliked as an evil person, funny, huh? Remember when I said we weren’t so different?”

“I don’t remember you saying that.” Ruby replied.

“Well we really aren’t. You probably suffer ridicule for not measuring up as well, right? Surprisingly, I’m able to notice these things. Deep down in your heart, you know that even without my influence, you’re going to turn out just like me!” Ivy smiled. “And you hate that.” Ruby clenched her fists as she gritted her teeth, easily moments away from wanting to maul her.

Ivy glared at her once again, quickly dashed towards her and began her assault as she continued. “I don’t have any friends, nor do I get any respect!” Ivy exclaimed, kneeing Ruby in the chest. “I don’t like what I do, but I don’t have a choice in the matter.” Ivy said, roundhouse kicking her into a wall. “So tormenting a stupid, annoying girl who reminds me of my past self is the best I can hope for.” Ivy stomped the ground, breaking apart some tiles and grabbed part of the large concrete before throwing it at Ruby. She punched through it, at which point Ivy grabbed her right fist while Ruby grabbed Ivy’s left.

“So your hate stems from me being the opposite of you?” Ruby said. “You bully me just to feel good about yourself? That’s just pathetic. I truly pity you.”

“I don’t need your pity, but I’ll kindly take your head.”

“Then let’s stop blabbering and beat the crap out of each other.” Ruby said with a smile.

“Now there’s an idea I can agree with.” Ivy replied as she also smiled.

At the large building with double glazed windows, Poison came in through the main entrance, in one of Ivy’s dresses and smiled cheerfully as he approached the reception desk which P.A.L sat at. “Hello there, could you happen to tell me what floor Willard is on?”

P.A.L looked up and immediately said, “Poison, is that you?”

“Who’s that? I’m, umm, Jenny.”

“I didn’t know this was one of your hobbies.”

“It’s not a hobby!” Poison yelled.

P.A.L brought a microphone to his face as he said, “Attention all employees, there is an intruder with green hair dressed as a girl with a blue bow, be on the lookout.”

Poison simply kicked him aside and ran up the stairs nearby. Spring and Floyd were monitoring his progress, and seeing the bad situation, immediately got ready. Spring got his machine guns, Floyd loaded the shotguns, Spring strapped on a minigun to his back, Floyd placed a rocket launcher in a large briefcase, Spring uploaded a few more pictures to photobucket, and Floyd tried to contact a T-Rex and his gang who fly around in jets. They were ready to go, and Gary was already in the car, fully suited. They glanced back at him, he nodded, and then they took off.

Back in the other building, Ivy and Ruby were charging at each other. Ivy smiled as she said, “Hey Ruby, let’s go for drinks afterwards, whoever dies is paying!”

“You’re on! You better have your wallet ready!” Ruby cheerfully replied, just before she was punched in the face by Ivy. She countered with a knee to the face, then Ivy smashed her head into a wall with her elbow, before Ruby slammed Ivy into the ground. Ivy flipped up and their punches connected at the same time, hitting each other in the face and knocking them back. Ruby quickly dashed towards her, ducking as Ivy swiped at her and then tackled Ivy out the glass window. They flailed around endlessly, punching each other until Ivy pushed Ruby into the building, landed on the side and continued to attack as they ran down it.

Ruby grabbed her arms and threw her at a bus as they got close to the bottom. It came to a stop from the sudden impact, Ruby then leapt into a air and charged at her with a flying kick, though Ivy jumped at the last second and Ruby went through it. As school kids began to empty the vehicle, Ivy grabbed the back half and whacked Ruby with it as she turned around. Ruby rubbed her cheek moments before they both laughed. She then grabbed the front half and whacked her. They moved along the street, duelling with parts of a bus until Ivy tackled Ruby into an anime convention building.

As Ivy got to her feet, Ruby began to choke her from behind. Ivy effortlessly struggled moments before sucking her own finger and then giving Ruby a wet willy, making her scream a moment before they backed up into a half full elevator. As it closed and went down, he exchanged punches, continuing to punch each other across the face. As the doors opened on a floor above, Ivy tackled her and then as they got to their feet, Ruby hit her with a sonic boom. Ivy retaliated with a hadoken, and was then hit by a shoryuken as she got close. Ivy hit her with a vertical spinning bird kick, before Ruby countered with a cannon spike. Ivy hit her with a psycho crusher as she touched the ground and landed in the middle of the floor with people watching the bizarre nature of it.

Ruby hit her with a hurricane kick as Ivy got up, and she then immediately countered with a tiger uppercut. Ruby followed through with a flying heat butt, then as Ivy tried to hit her with a scissor kick, Ruby leaped up as she grabbed her in midair, attempting to do a final atomic buster, as half the people watched in awe. Ivy quickly reversed it before they touched the ground and they floated in midair, spinning 360 degrees continuously as Loli Blue who happened to be there, pointed and yelled, “A spinning almost 69!” to which people stared at her.

Ivy and Ruby quickly separated, just before Ivy grabbed a chair near a random table and whacked Ruby with it, knocking her further away. She charged at her again, but Ruby ducked under her and hit Ivy with sweet chin music as she turned around. Ruby stacked several tables on top of each other and climbed up, then leaped, preparing to hit her with a frog splash from the top table. Ivy rolled out the way, and tried to put her in a crippler crossface as Ruby resisted. They rolled around punching each other before getting to their feet.

Yandere-chan yawned as she said, “This is getting pretty boring…” Ivy and Ruby turned their attention towards her and knocked her out with a double DDT before continuing to exchange punches.

Back at Willard’s building, Poison ran down the various hallways, dismembering his black suited guards as he ran by, and wondering why there weren’t any female guards. He glanced out a window and saw Ivy and Ruby fighting on train tracks before being hit by a train, but ignored it. He soon encountered Omar down a narrow corridor, carrying a metallic laser cannon. “Lolololololol!” Omar exclaimed as he fired, but thankfully Poison leaped into a room to the right and hid behind one table as Omar entered. “Pork chop sandwiches!” Omar shouted as he fired around the room, until Poison had no choice but to run and throw a bomb at the wall. “I need scissors! 61!” Omar yelled as he continued firing, and laughing maniacally as he did so. Just then, Spring, Floyd and Gary burst into the room and pumped Omar full of bullets.

Omar laughed as he got up moments later. “Unfortunately for you, I have anti-bullet repellent!”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Poison remarked.

“Silence! Guards, they’re in here!”

Within a minute, dozens of guards were swarming the area, so Spring and Floyd loaded their guns, Poison put on his cool face, and Gary raised his blade into the air as he yelled, “I HAVE THE POWEEEEEEEER!” charging it with electricity.

Two minutes later, the floor was covered in black corpses and Floyd stood over Omar with a pink rocket launcher to his face. Gary nodded as he stood by him and said, “That’s what you get for messing with Pink Floyd.” Floyd stared at him, to which he replied, “It may be the only chance I get to say that.”

Just then, Willard appeared out of nowhere ahead of them, snickering as they all turned their attention to him and squinted while saying, “Willard…” in unison.

“I hope my guests gave you a warm welcome.” Willard began. “We have reserves, so no harm done.”

“What are you planning, Willard?” Spring asked.

“Since I’m so egotistically overconfident compared to the likes of you four, I’ll tell you.”

Poison then said, “But isn’t telling us more likely to stop you?”

“But of course. I only wish to tell you what you really want to know. The Anti-Christ is indeed working with me, he seems to have found a permanent body, one which isn’t the body of a little girl. We will strike later this evening, this is all I will tell you, good day, gentlemen.” Willard tipped his hat before vanishing. Seeing as they had nothing to go on, they turned their attention to Omar.

In the middle of a city, Ivy and Ruby were in the middle of a park. Ivy charged at her with her scythe, resonating a fiery red aura which powered the scythe and made the blade larger. Ruby also generated a red aura, the result of part of the Anti-Christ’s spirit in her body and blocked it with her spear, causing shockwaves and the ground to began cracking beneath them. “Hey, so Ivy, even if you did get an adult body permanently, what would you do then?” Ruby randomly asked.

“Y’know, I never thought that far ahead.” They quickly separated, and just then Poison and Gary showed up.

Poison walked towards them as he said, “Guys, this is no time to settle your little squabbles. We gotta go stop Willard and the An-”

“Stay the **** out of our business!” Ruby snapped back. “I’m killing this monster right here and now!”

“The moron has a point, Poison.” Ivy said. “We’re finishing this today.” They both charged at each other, Ivy’s scythe upside down with the tip aiming for Ruby’s chest, while Ruby gripped her spear and prepared to stab Ivy. Ivy impaled her scythe through Ruby’s stomach, while Ruby did the same, they both fell back and landed on their backs, slowly being covered in a pool of their own blood, reminding as all, that life is a ****.

Poison shook his head, trying to understand what the hell just happened. “This is unbelievable. I never thought they’d actually go this far…”

Gary placed a hand on his shoulder. “Sometimes that’s just how it is. I may not know the reason, but no-one should get involved in a fight between two super powered little girls, even if they end up killing each other. I never thought I’d hear Ruby swear, but this is just how it had to be.”

“I hope you’re certain of that, Prince Gary.” Gary turned around to see Archangel Michael float down in full body silver armor, and flowing brown hair. “I have been watching for quite a while, and I consider this quite a tragedy. Ivy’s good natured side was clearly there despite her outward appearance, she helped bury Cherry when she thought the girl was dead, showed she could become good friends with Ruby and the others and only reverted when Ruby discovered she regained her memory. Perhaps her plan to blow up the angelic headquarters, along with herself and Ruby wasn’t stupidity, but an understanding of their connection.”

“Are you sure you aren’t trying to make Ivy’s chaotic stupid look like fridge brilliance?” Poison asked.

“I assure you, I’ve noticed Ivy isn’t as evil as she wants people to think. I believe she came here not to take over, but to get a break from her previous life, and use it as an excuse to stay longer.”

“I believe you’re thin-” Gary quickly covered Poison’s mouth. Poison removed it and then said, “So how come Ruby goes through so much?”

“I’ll answer that.” Gary began. “Ruby was quite accident prone about two decades ago, always sabotaging things and causing missions to fail, she only became my partner because of Crystal’s pleading. She slowly began to improve since then, to change people’s opinions of her, and mine. On one mission, we visited this ancient tomb and she swallowed this amulet, designed to bring the user back to life, but grant them immense bad luck.”

“Sounds like an asspull to me.” Poison commented. “And what is this, exposition central?”

“Whatever you’re planning to do next, I wish you luck in your journey.” Michael said before taking off towards the battlefield, leaving them to deal with Ivy and Ruby’s lifeless bodies.

So I decided to split this into three parts, because I eventually realized two just wasn't enough so I could've either done one incredibly long and ridiculous chapter, or I could just split it and add a bit of padding. I went with the second option.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 27 - The Most Epic War Ever, Part 2

Ivy currently found herself in some sort of empty void partially filled with smoke. While trying to recall all that happened, another version of herself suddenly appeared, covered by the smoke. “Hello there.” The look-alike greeted her. “I am your conscience given form.”

“That doesn’t make much sense.” Ivy replied. “And where am I exactly?” She asked, glancing around the mysterious foggy area.

“You’re in a mental world, I already said I’m a part of you. You’re not quite dead yet.”

Ivy gasped. “What you say?!?”

“You’re only mostly dead. You should wake up soon enough. But first of all, its for your own benefit to stop that jerkass attitude and grow up. It’s only making things worse than they need to be.”

“And what, be like that foolish angel? My life doesn’t work that way.”

“Then make it work, but not in a lame way you’ve been doing. Your existence can generally effect the life choices of a lot of people you come into contact with. Just look at some of these alternate realities which the people you know could be experiencing.” The lookalike said before moving to the side of Ivy and pointing ahead at a now visible screen.

It showed Poison wearing a green blazer with a white buttoned shirt and black pants, walking through an ordinary hallway in an ordinary high school. He thought to himself as he walked. “My name is Harry Johnson, and I’m just an ordinary high school student…sadly.”

Just then, Toxic was running down the stairs wearing the same uniform and tripped as she yelled, “Harry-kun!” He saw her just in time to avoid being fallen onto, who glared back at him. Suddenly, a giant dragon crashed through the ceiling and roared before assuming a fighting stance. Poison smirked as he did the same while Toxic got to her feet.

“Harry-kun, you’re so mean! Let’s go onto the roof to eat lunch and get into awkward situations!” Toxic exclaimed.

“Not so fast!” Amber yelled as she kicked open a classroom door. “Poison agreed to eat lunch with me!”

“Nah, ya’ll just be tripping!” Crystal said, strolling past the dragon with her pimp cane. “My main man hoe has a scheduled appointment with yours truly, ya hear? Better recognize!”

Poison shook his head. “Sorry ladies, but I’d rather be fighting the dragon.” The two charged at each other, trading punches which moved at such extreme speeds that it ripped the clothing of anyone who happened to be wondering the hallways, but he didn’t notice at all.

Ivy and her conscience continued watching for a few moments until Ivy said, “That totally sounds like something Poison would do…unfortunately.”

“Yes, and look at this one involving your rival.” The conscience said, pointing to another scene featuring Ruby as a real magical girl, fighting crime in a Japanese schoolgirl outfit, using a large laser cannon as her signature weapon. After a short bit of watching, Ivy then said, “Isn’t that a robotic version of Pedobear? Also, is it weird the first thing I notice is the obscene amount of panty shots?”

“Yes, and that is pretty concerning. There’s also one nearby of Gary as King Arthur, but that’s another story. But enough looking into random alternate realities, I didn’t appear for that.”

Ivy had stopped listening as she noticed one screen of Poison being on top of Gary’s half naked body and leaning in to kiss him. Her conscience turned to her and waved. She then slapped her and said, “I ain’t playing, fool! Listen up!”

“Ow! Okay, I’m listening!” Ivy exclaimed, holding her cheek.

“Appreciate what you have, and be thankful my parents are actually quite caring, considering who my dad is. Even though he spo-”

“Yeah but-”

Her conscience slapped her again. “****, did I give you permission to talk?!”

Ivy backed away as she replied, “No, sir…”

“I didn’t think so!” She cleared her throat. “Anyway, you should wake up any minute now, don’t take what I said for granted, because otherwise it’d be useless padding.” The place suddenly became even foggier as they disappeared.

In the real world, Poison, Gary, Adol and Lily were sitting in a somewhat dark room with Ivy and Ruby resting on beds nearby, while the other four sat on chairs talking about random crap.

“So Ivy’s going to be fine, right?” Gary asked.

“Most likely.” Poison replied. “It’s funny how you don’t care about Ruby at all.”

“I do care, but she has a lot more willpower, and she’ll come back regardless if she died or not. You think she’ll treat you any better after recovering?”

“To be honest, it’s not that bad anyway. I tend to over exaggerate just to anger her, because-”

“You’re a male tsundere?” Gary interrupted.

“No, I-”

“You can’t spit it out?” Adol responded.

“No! I-”

“You don’t wanna choose just one girl out of your harem!” Lily exclaimed.

“No, damn it! I’ve lived with Ivy and her parents for over 20 years, and highjinks ensued quite regularly. Considering how perverted Ivy is, it’s better I constantly snark at her and insult her regularly so we don’t get too friendly, and when your dad is the devil, and her mom can kill me in moments, its best not to get on their bad side.”

“He’s a male tsundere.” Gary said to the others, who nodded in agreement.

“Is everyone against me today?” He said sarcastically.

“So if they approved…” Adol trailed off.

“Dude, it’s been 20 years, they already approve. It‘s just plain wrong in my opinion.”

“Age is just a number, man.”

“It’s not about age…mainly because she’s a few years older than I am.” He then turned to Lily. “And why are you suddenly here? Are you going to follow us round and make ridiculous comments since we won’t pay to visit you anymore?”

“Pretty much.”

“Well we’re not that fond of you for those reasons.”

“Well I’m sure at least Gary likes me, right Gary?” She turned to him.

Poison shook his head. “Nope, he only likes girls who treat him like dirt.”

“Now that’s just being mean, Poison.” She looked again at Gary, who had turned away from them as he blushed. “You mean it’s true?!?”

Ivy began to finally wake up and then sit up, looking towards Poison who sat nearby. “Hey, did you do anything to my body while I was out?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Why not?”

“I see you’re back to your old self. Also, Gary cried when he thought you might die.”

“Dude!” Gary said in shock.

Ivy looked around the empty room and said, “So where are we?”

“Some empty building.” Poison replied. “Spring and Floyd are nearby, interrogating Omar and trying to get answers out of him.”

Just then, Ruby also woke up, rubbing her forehead seconds before noticing Ivy and pointing at her. “You!”

Ivy glanced back and frowned. “So you didn’t die either. I’ll be sure to finish it this time.”

“Not before I kill you first.”

“Now now, you two, there’s no point fighting anymore.” Adol said.

“For once, I agree with him.” Poison replied. “Normally he just says perverted things so that was surprising.”

“It’s what’s expected of me, is all.” Adol justified himself.

“Anyway, we’ve got bigger things to worry about, like your older brother coming back.” Poison said.

“You mean Damien? He’s back?!?” Ivy said in shock. “I hated that guy so much!”

“Was he a complete monster?” Lily asked.

“Far worse! Always giving me playful noggies, tickling me regularly, and stealing some of my cookies! He made me sick!”

“Those seem like awful reasons to hate your brother.” Poison said, having known him only shortly before he died.

“Cookies are serious business! You don’t even know!”

Ruby then randomly said, “Umm, I’ve calmed down now, so could you guys forgot anything I could have said earlier?”

Gary shook his head. “I’m afraid we can’t do that, Ruby.”

“Never live it down.” Poison added.

Ivy leapt to her feet as she said, “Screw it, this is taking too long! I’ll get the info within five minutes.” Just before leaving the room. After explaining, Spring and Floyd agreed to give Ivy some time alone with Omar, who walked into the black and grey office in a grey trench coat with a matching hat, smoking a cigarette. “Where’s my brother planning his little party, Omar.”

“lolololol! Do your worst, little girl! You’ll never get my lucky charms!” He randomly yelled, still strapped to a chair.

“Very well, we’ll do things the hard way.” She began to unbutton her coat, to which a confused Omar asked, “Hey, what are you doing?” After discovering moments later, he begged her to stop and immediately told her the truth, just as the others promptly burst into the room.

Poison put a hand on her shoulder. “Good job, Ivy, you trying to sexually assault him with that undeveloped body of a little boy scared him so much he immediately told the truth.”

“You’re going to pay for that remark later.” She said, glaring at him.

“Y’know, you should really contact Toxic to help us out with this.” Gary suggested.

“Nah.” Poison shook his head. “I’m not that fond of her.”

“I heard you two got on pretty well.”

“Yeah but I think she’s kinda clingy, and has probably been stalking us lately, and we already have a resident stalker. At the moment, she kinda annoys me the same way you annoy Ivy.”

“Oh, okay, that’s totally understa-hey! Why do you keep taking shots at me?”

“I’ll keep it to a minimum now.”

“I didn’t know you had a stalker, Poison.” Ruby said.

“Ruby, you’re the stalker.”

“Oh.”

Meanwhile, at the soon to be battlefield in the mountains, Awesome stood on a cliff, in full black armor. Michael floated down next to him and asked, “Is this really necessary?”

“Whether it is or not, it’ll still be fun.”

“How would getting a lot of both races killed be fun?”

“Who says they’d be lots of killing? Look right down there at the weapons my legion are holding.”

Michael looked at the black armoured demons and saw their swords looked plastic. He looked on the angels side, which wore white armor, and saw their swords weren’t real as well. “They’re all plastic?”

“But of course! Do you think I’d start a war over a simple poker game?” They both laughed for a few moments before Awesome continued. “If it was ownership over someone’s soul, then sure, but then again, I wouldn’t tell anyone anyway.”

“So it’s like laser tag?”

“Yes, but with swords. The armor will automatically shut down if hit three times with those swords. Don’t ask how long it took to set it up.”

Down below, It was A.D. 2010, and war was beginning. The two massive forces charged at each other, people fake stabbed others, crap happened. Suddenly giant demonic red skinned elephants came out of nowhere, with a unusual machine strapped to its back, as it fired spears from its ports. Crystal grabbed a bunch of angels before jumping behind some huge rocks, then immediately came out and yelled, “Hey! That’s cheating!”

“I’m not sure on what you’re referring to!” Awesome yelled back.

“Those are real spears!” She replied, pointing at one angel who had collapsed with a spear impaling them through the stomach. “And when can we use your real name?!”

“Never!” Michael glared at Awesome, who then said, “I wasn’t aware of the giant elephants. But does it really matter? When you guys die, you’re just revived back in heaven, right?”

“Well you do have a point, but it doesn’t excuse needless killing. Plus some may simply be bad enough to end up in hell.”

“Relax, for the next hour or so, anyone dying there will go free. After that I’ll require a fee, so let’s not worry and concentrate on the kil-I mean, fun.” He said with a smirk. “I see you’ve also got giant angelic elephants on your side.”

“I don’t remember requesting those.”

Just then, Amber caused a large explosion as she sliced a giant stone in half with a raising slash from her axe, then quickly dropped down, causing a small crater in her armoured form. Crystal strolled over towards her, with her golden pimp cane and wearing shades with a fur coat over her armour. She removed the coat, shades and then threw all three off screen before taking out her bat. They then quickly put them away as they got into a fighting stance.

SA2, who was nearby, suddenly appeared and said, “Let’s get started, fight!” As they began, Crystal moved back while Amber shot a fireball, which Crystal blocked. As she jumped, Amber hit her with a leaping fiery roundhouse, then a flying kick, followed by two punches as she got up. Crystal did a slide attack, which Amber hopped over, but was then grabbed and thrown to the ground afterwards. Crystal hopped back, avoiding her uppercut, and hit her with three rapid kicks followed by a scissor kick. Amber fired another fireball which Crystal jumped over, but was then hit by her uppercut. She shoulder barged her as she got up, and prepared to do so once more, when Crystal suddenly hit her with a full power focus attack. The sky suddenly darkened as Crystal brought out her pimp cane and said, “Feel my pimp hand.”

“There’s dat ultra!” SA2 said as she began her assault. Crystal whacked Amber with her cane three times, then sent her flying with a slap of concentrated psychokinesis energy, immediately followed and kicked her into the air. She then launched a dozen spears at her, causing small damage as they passed by. As Amber fell towards the ground, Crystal grabbed her bat and swung as Amber entered her view, knocking her into a pile of rocks, resulting in a ultra combo finish. Crystal rested on her cane, putting on a pair of shades as she said, “Haters gonna hate.” It faded to black for a moment before returning, both of them up and ready again.

“Will the tide of battle turn? Fight!” SA2 said as they began. As Amber did another leaping fiery roundhouse, Crystal hit her with an upward swing of her bat, and then a flash kick. Amber hit her with a fiery uppercut, then sidestepped her flash kick, grabbed her and hit with a punch to the stomach. Crystal leaped up and hit with a psychic wave, but Amber then blocked her slide attack, followed by two kicks and countered with several punches and a fireball. Crystal charged a focus attack as Amber charged at her, but missed as Amber hopped back. The sky then darkened as Amber smirked and covered her arm in fire.

“She’s bringing the heat!” SA2 exclaimed as Amber clotheslined Crystal, continuing to drag her along the ground for several moments as she yelled, “Feel the burn!“ before knocking her into the air using an uppercut with the same hand, then leaping up with her axe and hitting her in the stomach, dragging her down to the ground with such force fire shot out of the ground, resulting an ultra combo finish. She sat down as she said, “Do you need some aloe vera for that burn?”

Once again, they were up again within half a minute, and then SA2 said, “Pull out all the stops! Fight!”

Meanwhile, Ivy, Poison, Ruby, Gary, Adol and Lily were nearing the island where Willard and Damien were currently located as they travelled in Ivy’s ship. Upon noticing the large island with various tall buildings and training camps, Poison immediately said, “It looks like the place a bond villain would live. In fact, Spring and I used a place like this when we did that fanmade James Bond short.”

“What was it called?” Adol asked.

“A season to kill…we were low on ideas.”

After a period of silence, Ivy turned to Ruby and said, “So wasn’t our fight earlier kinda fun?”

“Yeah, it was. Behind all that rage I enjoyed it quite a bit.”

“Yeah, we did tons of things. Through a building, throughout the streets, a convention, fighting on a train, ending up in the sewer, getting to a subway where we fought on another train, as a pirate and ninja joined in, ended up at sea, rode that giant wave to Disneyland-”

“I was thinking of suggesting we could have taken a picture while we were there.” Ruby said.

“Same here!” Ivy responded.

“Either way, there’s nothing that can beat us four working together!” She exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air.

“Alright, you guys, we’re finally here.” Lily said as they hovered just over the island, with her driving the plane.

Ivy and Ruby both got to their feet and prepared to jump out, with Ruby yelling, “Bitter rivals working together for a common goal!”

“Stop saying that stuff!” Ivy yelled back.

As they flew down and ahead, residents of the island noticed them. Jet fighters were called in and opened fire on them, but Ivy and Ruby easily evaded them, whacked the missiles out of the way and swung at the ships, blowing them out of the sky. Ruby punched through the glass window, taking down one ship while she was on it. Ruby grabbed the tip and spun a dozen times before throwing it as she neared the forest pathway, knocking out a dozen guards approaching them. Ivy flew by at blazing speeds, spinning her scythe continuously, knocking out robots and deflecting all gun fire till she eventually dodged one giant robot’s punch and sliced its head off before moving on.

The punch that missed Ivy knocked down a nearby tree, so Ruby threw it ahead before jumping on, which charged straight through a barricade of shielded robots as Ivy leapt out the way. They moved on, jumped over some mines, then Ivy backflip kicked a robot in the air, which Ruby knocked out along with others using a vertical hurricane kick while Ivy hit several with a sliding kick. Ivy’s ship flew to another part of the island as Ivy and Ruby made their way towards the main entrance.

In the main and tallest building on the island, Willard and Damien were currently sitting round a table, drinking tea. Damien took the form of a teenage boy with short dark blue hair, who wore black pants with a stripe down the sides, a belt with a skull on it, and a black t-shirt with a red 666 on it, just because. He wore a black and white cloak over this with the hood down. A robot suddenly ran in yelling, “Sirs, the whole army is being taken out by two little girls!”

“That must be your sister.” Willard responded.

“Indeed.” Damien said, nodding. “She’s a bit early but that’s alright.”

“Just like you, I’ll also have matters to attend to. Spring and Floyd are most likely just a few explosions away. Excuse me.” Willard got up to leave, while Damien looked out the window.

In another building, the others landed elsewhere and made their own way around the island, looking for Willard and Damien. While they did this, Poison figured it’d be a good time to use that white suit, which he wore as he entered a bar and immediately flicked a coin, which missed the jukebox, so he embarrassingly walked over and put it in. As a certain song came on, he suddenly went, “Ow!” as more lights came on. He slowly began to walk over to the bar, getting weird looks for a short bit. “As I strolled into the kid’s school, I was so pimp, it was so cool. A fool trapped in the closet, not one for anger, he could have lost it. She was waiting by the classroom, but for a little girl, she was able. But haters gonna hate you, so there’s not much, that you can do.

Cherry, are you okay? So Cherry, are you okay, are you okay, Cherry? Cherry, are you okay? So Cherry, are you okay, are you okay, Cherry? Cherry, are you okay? So Cherry, are you okay, are you okay, Cherry? Cherry, are you okay? So Cherry, are you okay, are you okay, Cherry?” He jumped on stage and grabbed a mike as he finished. “Cherry, are you okay? Will you tell us that you’re okay? There’s a note in the homeroom, that he hate you, that just ain’t cool, Cherry. The fool trapped in the closet, didn‘t hate girls, never lost it. I found haters in the classroom, couldn‘t stay there, I was too cool.” Half the people were dancing now for some unexplained reason as he walked past half the people and started moonwalking up some stairs as he continued.

“Cherry, are you okay? So Cherry, are you okay, are you okay, Cherry? Cherry, are you okay? So Cherry, are you okay, are you okay, Cherry? Cherry, are you okay? So Cherry, are you okay, are you okay, Cherry?” Just then, one large bouncer wasn’t happy with this and grabbed Poison’s hat, at which point Poison promptly stabbed him. “You’ve been stabbed by-” He took back his hat and kicked him out the window. “You’ve been owned by-” He put the hat back on as he said, “A Chaotic Neutral.” He hopped onto a table and slid across it.

Damien was watching this on a surveillance camera, slowly shaking his head and smirking as he drank his tea, clearly amused yet astounded at the ridiculousness.

Gary had finished taking care of a robot gang outside and approached one window where Adol was watching. He quirked an eyebrow as he asked, “What is this?”

“I don’t even, man.” Adol said without hesitation.

TMEDCE: Chapter 28 - The Most Epic War Ever, Part 3

It was a few minutes after a random spontaneous dance number courtesy of Poison. After being informed Poison was the enemy, they attacked him but luckily Toxic was there to help him, against his wishes. Poison spent a majority of the time slashing enemies in half, before using dancing moves and simple kicks to take out enemies when the total amount had diminished. Toxic’s weapon of choice happened to be a razor sharp whip, which she used to poison people. After dispatching all the enemies in the area, Poison turned to her and said, “So how long were you here?”

“Only a few minutes. I followed you guys in that ship. Why didn’t you just ask me for help?”

“Because we didn’t need it.”

“C’mon, we make a great team, right? I know a good place where dragons hang out, so we can fight some later if you like.”

“Okay, but let’s not talk so much.”

At the top of the central building, Damien was still sitting, drinking tea when Gary slowly entered the room. Damien put down his cup and gestured to the seat by the table. “Welcome, please, have a seat.” Gary decided to stand instead, at which point Damien placed a plate of cookies on the table. “So, you must know my sister, right?”

“Yeah, we don’t seem to get along much.”

“She didn’t seem to get along with a lot of people, she’ll come around, but probably won’t.”

“Yeah, but I’m not gonna fall for your act where you try to be friendly with me to catch me off guard and kill me when I least expect it.”

“On the contrary, this is my default mood.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

Meanwhile, within a building nearby, Spring and Floyd drove their car out of a lift and down a corridor, running over anything in their path, shortly before drifting round a corner and coming to a stop near a door, then leaping into the room where Willard was waiting.

They immediately opened fire on him, but because he was Willard, he whipped out a uzi and fired back, taking out the incoming bullets while firing back at them. They jumped behind some of the desks in the room and moved around as both sides continued to fire, until Spring eventually managed to blast the gun out of his hand, shortly before Floyd threw him through a wall.

They fired again as he got up, but Willard disintegrated the bullets with a wave of his hand, then suddenly appeared beside them and punched Spring across the room, then hit Floyd in the chest with an elbow. Spring quickly recovered and dashed towards Willard as he landed on his feet, hitting Willard with an explosive punch which he blocked. They exchanged blows for a short while, and as Willard’s arm glowed red and was about to impale Spring, Floyd took out the rocket launcher and hit Willard directly, sending him flying. Spring called the car with a remote control, which crashed into the room and hit Willard, sending them out the window. Willard quickly flipped and landed on the top side of the car, then leaped towards Spring and Floyd who were jumping down towards him.

He evaded their attacks and hit them with a wave of darkness, then they continued their battle as they flew around in midair. Nearby within a previous building, Ivy and Ruby were charging down a corridor, using various abilities to take out enemies in flashy ways. Ruby threw her spear which went through several robots, and then Ivy grabbed it and whacked several using her scythe and the spear, and then kicked it ahead and knocked one robot as well as the spear into the air. Ruby grabbed it and fly kicked the robot, then pounded the ground, sending ahead a shockwave as Ivy also fired a large wave of fire, wiping out the other robots down the corridor and shattering the large glass window ahead.

They leaped out and ran along the side of the building, avoiding spears being fired at them from above. Ivy chopped some in half while Ruby grabbed a dozen chopped pieces using her psychokinesis and fired them ahead, taking them all out. They then jumped in through a glass window ahead and reached the room where Gary and Damien resided. Damien got up to greet them as they arrived. “Ahh, sister, glad you co-”

“Put that cookie down!” Ivy demanded, pointing at him.

“I assure you I-”

“Now!”

“I see you’ve brought a friend with you.” He said, glancing towards Ruby.

“We’re sort of vitriolic best buds now.” Ruby said, placing a hand on Ivy’s shoulder.

Ivy smacked away her hand as she said, “I’m not your bud, foolish angel!”

“I’m not your foolish angel, spoiled brat!”

“I’m not your spoiled brat, man!”

“I’m not your man, bro!”

“I’m not your bro, dude!”

“Okay, that’s enough.” Damien said, holding up his hand. “It’s time to get going on the ship.” Damien said as a mysterious gas suddenly began to fill the room. Damien put on a gas mask as he did so, but the others weren’t as fast to react, so Ivy and Gary were knocked out. Ruby tried to cover her mouth and attack him, but Damien quickly pulled out a magnum and shot her in the head shortly before taking off with Ivy to a giant ship shaped like a dragon, with dozens of dragons on hover boards surrounding it. The ship began to take off as he entered, but fortunately Lily happened to see and gave chase, blasting away at the ship while the dragons fired back.

As the ship was far from the island, the dragons managed to get Lily and make her crash into the sea, but her distraction gave the Loli Rangers a chance to blast the ship in their giant robot, Magical Girl Moe-chan. A minute later, Toxic entered the room where Gary was knocked out and signalled to Poison, who moonwalked into the room as Toxic said, “You can stop that now.”

“Just a few more minutes.” Poison turned to Gary and woke him up. “Gary, what happened, man?”

“He knocked us out with plot contrivance smoke, that fiend.” He said faintly.

Toxic pointed towards Ruby and said, “Hey Poison, I think one of your friends died.”

“No, it’s okay, I’m still alive.” Ruby said as she immediately sat up.

Poison hugged her while saying, “Thank goodness you didn’t die yet again, because at this point all help is appreciated.” Poison tried to separate himself but found it hard to do so. “Uhh, Ruby, you can stop now.”

“Just a few more moments…”

Gary hopped to his feet and looked around. “He kidnapped Ivy?!? Now I’ve lost it!”

Toxic nodded while saying, “But the question is, do you know you can kill?”

“We will charge onto that ship, blast the crap out of whatever forces he has in his possession, and he will know my name is the lord, when I lay my vengeance upon him…”

“Sure why not.” Poison shrugged. They all left the room, and upon hearing that Lily had already gone after him, decided to fly towards the ship, because they can all do that. Even Adol, who was never mentioned he could fly.

On the somewhat dark ship, Damien had Ivy chained to the wall and sat in a chair located near the middle of the large high tech room with an altar in the middle. He saw the group of nuisances coming towards the ship, and prepared to do battle.

As the group arrived outside, Toxic immediately said, “Hey, we’re on Damien McBadass’ Flying Circusssssssss!” They all stared at her for a few moments before entering. They ran around, tearing down walls and smashing robots until they reached a big warehouse styled area abroad the ship where Adol and Toxic voluntarily stayed behind to handle any robots which attempted to follow them. Poison, Ruby and Gary arrived at the main control room, where Damien sat waiting, and Ivy had already freed herself and was walking around the room.

“Harry! My boy, how’ve you been!” Damien exclaimed with open arms as he got up and hugged him.

“Not bad, man, but I prefer the name Poison now, everybody calls me that.”

“But you’re a wizard, Harry.”

“Don’t say that again.” He narrowed his eyes at Damien.

“Sorry man, I’ve always said that you’d look like a super saiyan if you just dyed your hair yellow though.”

“Yeah but I’m not feeling it. What are you planning to do anyway, dragging us all the way up here.”

“Sorry, man, felt it was necessary. Anyway, I’m planning to nuke this planet, and also Heaven and Hell around the same time, using the chaos emeralds which harness incredible power.” Damien explained, pointing at a console across the room.

“That reminds me of a plan I did when-” As he noticed everyone’s attention was on him, he suddenly stopped mid sentence.

“Why do I keep getting kidnapped recently?” Ivy asked as she walked over to them.

“Because you’re a princess, it’s like a requirement.” Poison replied.

“You’re just being ignorant.”

“Let’s stop talking and take him down now.” Gary said as he charged at Damien, who covered his arm in a thick layer of rocks as he stopped the sword of lightning, to Gary’s surprise.

“Unfortunately for you guys, my special ability is the power of earth.” Damien said with a smirk.

“Wait, but then what would that be called when you used it in Hell?”

Damien thought for a few moments, and then hand waved it. “That’s not important, either way, you’re unlikely to beat me.” Damien then kicked him across the room. Ivy started swinging at him as he effortlessly evaded her attacks, but was then caught by Ruby’s psychokinesis as she caught him and lifted him into the air.

“Good work, angel, now crush him! Crush his guts!” Ivy yelled.

“I can’t, I can only grab and throw things.”

“That’s a pretty lame ability.”

“It can be pretty broken if you learn to improve it.” Poison said. “Well, I guess it’s time for me to display mine.”

“I didn’t know you had an inherit ability.” Gary said as he was getting up.

“I try not to use it unless its necessary, because I like the challenge, but this isn’t one of those cases. My element is the power of the wind.” Poison then held out his hand and fired a vertical tornado of wind, sending Damien flying across the room. He quickly recovered and covered his entire body in layers of rock as he charged at Poison, a sword of stone in his hand. Poison blocked it and destroyed it with another gust of wind, at which point Damien shoulder barged him.

Back at the battlefield, **** was getting real. Grenades were thrown, trenches were dug, and bullets were firing in all directions, but Crystal and Amber didn’t care, as they were sitting on a giant rock talking about more important matters like who’s going to win American Idol.

Aboard the Flying Dragon, Damien formed a giant rock wall from the ground and tried to flatten Poison, who leapt to the side, just in time to see Damien charging at him. Poison griped his sword and fired waves of energy, chipping parts of his armor. After an exchange of sword swings, Poison ducked under one forward slash then hopped back as Damien summoned spikes and threw his sword. Poison lifted his foot and fired a gust of wind with his kick, slicing off a third of his armor as Damien moved right. “You’ve actually gotten a little better for someone who doesn’t use his powers much.” Damien said.

“You’ve gotten a little weaker in your case.” Poison replied.

“Dude, I’ve been dead for over twenty years, of course I wouldn’t be in top shape so fast.” He then smiled. “But sadly, I’m still ahead, because being the devil’s spawn means I have inherited super strength above what you see, so the only one who can truly keep up with me is my dear sister, if she were to control that power.”

“Foolish older brother! I’ll crush you, regardless of my power output!” She exclaimed.

Damien opened the roof and flew up as he said, “Then let us battle, just the two of us.” Ivy reluctantly followed him, while Gary and Ruby were trying to disarm the nuking machine. Ivy leaped up onto the curving exterior of the ship as sunset was approaching, and charged at him, scythe firmly gripped in hand as she came towards his side of the ship.

Damien launched several stone spikes at her, which she dodged by leaping into the air. Damien, having full control over the surface, continued to throw more and tweak them towards Ivy, who sliced some, spun, and managed to dodge one from behind by inches. Ivy attacked him with her scythe, which he blocked before throwing her over his shoulder. She landed on her feet and quickly dashed towards him, attacking with a flurry of punches and kicks until one eventually managed to connect with his stomach, sending him flying.

Just then, the others below managed to disarm the machine, as Adol and Toxic caused a massive explosion below in the ship, causing the engines to malfunction and crash around the battlefield where the angels and demons were fighting. Damien hopped off the ship and avoided more attacks as Ivy continued her assault, and then waved towards Awesome as he yelled, “Hi dad!” Ivy immediately stopped and looked in his direction, waving as well.

Awesome floated down a little, greeting him. “My boy, what brings you here?”

“Y’know, trying to wipe out life on the three main planets, and in turn killing you all, you know how it is.”

“Now son, remember what happened the last time you tried things like that?”

“Yeah, you killed me, dad.”

“It was self defence. You may be my son but I don’t go easy on attempted murder. But let’s drop that, why not come over for dinner tonight?”

Damien shrugged. “Sure, why not. Perhaps I’ll poison your food when you’re not looking.”

“I see your sense of humour still hasn’t changed.” They both laughed heartedly at this, while some others were somewhat disturbed.

“So what, did things just kinda sort themselves out?” Ivy asked as the others got out of the ship.

“I guess.” Poison shrugged. “At least you guys can be a full family again…until your brother tries to kill your dad again.”

“This means you guys will be going back now, right?” Toxic said with a sigh.

“Hey Rosie, how about you come live with us?” Ivy suggested.

“What?!?” Poison and Toxic said in unison. “You do remember what she did, right?” Poison continued.

“Villains don’t hold grudges against other villains, Poison. It’s like a written law. Besides, you don’t seem rather happy living in that castle with those other people. So what do you say?”

“Yes! Thank you so much!” Toxic said as she hugged her.

“I thought you said you were a good person.” Ruby commented.

“I never said that, I just meant I’m a good natured chaotic evil.” Ivy replied.

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Now our lives will be like a sitcom!” Toxic exclaimed.

“Our demonic life practically already is one.” Poison remarked. “But won’t you feel bad because Rosie naturedly has a mature adult body and you still have the body of a little girl?”

“Poison, I’ve overcome such immature feelings. We’ve all undergone quite a bit of character development over the last few months concerning our visit to this planet and the random adventures we’ve had. For instance, Gary used to be a big douche like me, but he’s mellowed out and is actually a pretty decent guy. Your lust for Amber diminished somewhat, and now all you care about is fighting, explosions, and anything that can be considered quite cool. Ruby hasn’t changed much, but has been slightly more cynical, but far from the championship level Poison is at. And last of all, me. I’m not great at expressing my feelings, and tend to take my anger out on others as a result, even though I should act my age and not my appearance. With loved ones around me, it doesn’t matter what I have to put up with, because I have family to beat them up for me.” Ivy cheerfully smiled.

“So you’re not mad about not growing older yet?” Poison asked.

“No, I have no use for large disgusting bags of fat designed to be stuck to your chest for all eternity. It would only result in decreasing my fighting ability by messing with my overall weight and stature. So in fact I’d rather remain flat-chested and improve on my abilities.” She said with a convincing nod.

Poison and Toxic turned to each other and in unison said, “She’s still mad.”

“S-shut up!” Ivy shook her fist at them.

To round things up, the war continued for another hour or so, and though there were many casualties and deaths, everyone managed to have a good time despite the pain from dying, though some angels still had to pay to get out of Hell. Awesome and Michael still continued to have another poker game another time and they all left the field and went about their business. Willard departed as both sides were too exhausted to finish the other off, so Willard vanished and Spring and Floyd flew off in their car, at which point the island exploded. Lily swam halfway back to land when the Loli Rangers picked her up along with the ship.

Ivy and Ruby became friends but still remained enemies at the same time, deciding to hang out on occasion but still but the crap out of each other. Being truthful to his word, Gary did explain the whole situation to the Angels above, and Ruby was rewarded with a surprise party celebrating her efforts, and a decent Magical Girl costume, she died of shock upon walking in on her surprise party, but quickly revived. Ivy underwent more training to control her hidden power with Damien, and upon doing so, started fights with demons which picked on others, but with style. Toxic eventually became a demon lord, besides the fact that she’s not really a demon, but that didn’t matter. Poison and Damien hung out more, as he was alive now, and regularly talked Damien out of attempting to kill his dad and take over. Poison continued doing what he did best, going with the flow and living for fun.

Spring and Floyd continued their work with diabolical villains such as the insane scientist, Omar, the totally radical Masterman, and the personification of evil known only as Willard, while Poison visited to join them on occasion. Lily was eventually sued for not being a real psychiatrist, so she took up a job as an assassin instead. Because Ivy eventually began to acknowledge Gary and greet him regularly, he occasionally paid people on his planet to treat him like dirt. Crystal eventually admitted she wasn’t a real pimp, but she played one on TV. Amber started wearing more clothing, to the disappointment of many. The Loli Rangers continued to travel the galaxy, looking for work while studying at Lolita Academy. Adol eventually did remove the cardboard box, joined a sex addiction clinic, and soon got a job as a high school teacher…which didn’t end very well.

P.A.L managed to get a job at NASA, where he joined a crew on a space mission…which also didn’t go very well. Cherry didn’t do much besides inherit money in her future. Nookie went on to star in dozens of tentacle **** hentai and easily got rich. At some point, Gary informed Damien about the renegade group of lolis who were the ones who brought his spirit back, so he went to earth to find them, where upon doing so they began to worship him and bring about a new world order. He wasn’t interested in such a thing, so he quickly left. And the Sonic characters were never aware of this all happening, or whether they still existed in this universe. Instead of being a bittersweet ending, it was a random and somewhat typical happy ending. The End.

And only because I love this theme, Imma stick it here for no reason.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzxWxlGFw5Q

I finally got round to doing this one. It's pretty damn long though, more than I was expecting.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 29 - Zombie Bears are Worse

It had been a few weeks after the epic war which wasn’t really that epic. Ivy was in her room on Hell, writing in her diary. “Dear Diary, it’s been 3 weeks since Rosie moved in, my brother came back, and we returned home. Not much has changed, apart from becoming stronger so I can beat up other demons somewhat easier. Rosie has managed to fit in quite well despite not being a demon, but always needs to drink a bit of someone’s blood every once in a while. Though Rosie keeps on hitting on Poison, that fool! How dare she try to corrupt my servant! Blah blah blah!” After more random cursing which nobody could hear, she got up to use the bathroom.

A bit later, Poison woke up and leaped out of bed. On his way down the long hallway, he spotted Rosie walking in the opposite direction, only wearing a towel, suggesting she had just finished using the bathroom. She suddenly dropped the towel as she exclaimed, “Whoops, clumsy me!”

“Morning, Rosie.” Poison said as he walked past, simply ignoring her as he yawned. A little later at breakfast, Poison greeted Awesome with the usual high five, and sat down. The usual morning transpired, with Rosie and Awesome talking about things too extreme to possibly exist, Hawt politely threatening Poison to help her serve the food, Ivy bickering for no apparent reason, and Damien trying to kill his dad, to no avail. Rosie left immediately after to visit Amber, as she had recently achieved the demon lord position after participating in a fighting tournament. They were walking past a pool of blood as they talked.

“So what does this title require me to do?” Rosie asked.

Amber shrugged. “Nothing really, you just sit on your ass and maintain your position.”

“So there isn’t more to it?”

“Nope, rather less. Y’see, demon lords tend to wear a little less. The male ones don’t even wear shirts.”

“Ahh, how many are there anyway?”

“There’s around 12 demon lords, and about 5 demon overlords. Demons lords pretty much control small areas while overlords control a pretty wide area of the planet, though its not that much of a big deal since Ivy’s dad could still laugh in your face at any moment of his choosing and slap them to make them recognize.”

“Is that really how overlords work on this planet?”

“Pretty much.”

“So since Poison is Ivy’s personal servant, does that mean he’s in a higher position than a demon lord?”

“Somewhat, I guess.” she shrugged.

In a playground where a jungle gym was made out of bones, several demonic creatures were picking on a black haired little girl, wearing a typical school uniform. They took her Pyramid Head doll just before they heard a voice cry out, “Let that child alone!” They turned around to see Ivy who was approaching, and as one tried to point out the grammar, she silenced him. “I know what I said!” As one attacked her, she caught the punch and hit him with her own, then took out the other two with a kick to the face and one in the crotch. As they dropped her doll and took off, the girl ran up to her, saying, “Thank you so much, Ivy. That was amazing.”

“Yes, yes, I know. Spread the word of my awesomeness, now begone, fellow citizen, and take care.” Ivy replied, and the girl thanked her before running off.

Just then, Poison arrived with a letter and called out to her. “Hey Ivy, we got trouble back on earth. Cherry wants to see us about that organisation of bears we once fought, apparently they’ve come back.”

Ivy sighed. “Fine, it’s not like I had anything better to do today.”

An hour or so later, Ivy and Poison met Cherry at the restaurant also used at the beginning of chapter 17 to talk. “Thank you for meeting me here but I haven’t got time to act cute today, this is serious.”

“Serious business?” Poison asked. Cherry nodded, at which point he put on his serious face.

“Those bears you defeated for me that long while ago have seemed to return as zombies somehow, and they’re threatening to come after me again if I don’t bring you to them. Could you guys please help me to defeat the zombies?”

“You got it.” Poison replied, and as a result Cherry was overjoyed.

“No!” Ivy suddenly shouted. “Why the hell are we doing this again?! I’m chaotic evil! A good natured one, mind you, but still evil! I shouldn’t be doing this crap!”

“The leader said you’d be too foolish to accept his challenge.” Cherry added.

“The fool!” Ivy exclaimed, leaping onto the table. “I’ll show that scumbag who he’s messing with!”

After convincing her, they left to meet the zombie bears by their home base, with the leader being a bright green colour and the skin decaying from being dead for so long. “Ahh, the two troublemakers, welcome once again.”

“You!” Ivy dramatically pointed at him. “What’s your deal? Why are you back?”

“We’re not entirely sure, but with this opportunity, we are declaring war on you guys in revenge.”

“But we already had a war…”

“Which was pretty anti climatic and not that important too.” Poison added.

“That’s of no concern to me, do you accept or will you run?” The bear asked.

“Of course I accept!” Ivy exclaimed. “I can never run from a challenger!”

“Very well, we will settle this shortly.” The bear turned and walked back to the base while the others walked off in the other direction. The three of them met back at the restaurant, planning how to gather support to take down the bears, when they ran into Ruby.

“Hey, how did you find us?” Poison asked.

“I’ve got Demondar, remember? Like a tracker.”

“Ahh, that makes sense. Anyway, hey.” He waved.

“Hi.” She waved back. “So what’s this about bears?”

“Leave, foolish angel!” Ivy shooed her off. “We have important matters about defeating these zombie bears.”

“Ooh, Zombie bears?! Can I help?!” She asked happily. Since she’d end up getting involved, they didn’t argue.

A bit later, they all met on some cliffs along with Gary, overlooking the organisation building far ahead. Ivy was looking through binoculars and then turned to the others. “Alright, we will now begin the assault.”

Cherry raised her hand. “Umm, are you sure we have enough to take them down?”

“Those fools are too weak to beat us, regardless of our low numbers.”

Poison nodded. “Besides, uneven odds make it more amusing.”

“Ready everyone? Charge!” Ivy exclaimed as she ran on ahead down the cliff, with the others following. As they got towards the building, more zombies suddenly rose out of the ground, touting machine guns and artillery rifles. They immediately spun round as Ivy yelled, “Retreat!” and continued running as they opened fire, nearly killing them all with the shots fired as they got away.

“Wonderful plan.” Poison said sarcastically as they escaped.

“Well how was I supposed to know they have backup!” Ivy responded.

“I think this is a matter serious enough to gather close associates.” Gary suggested.

“Good idea, Gary.” Poison replied. “We should get right on that, and we‘ll all meet at DFC.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Ivy asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Y’know, the fast food place? Deep Fried Chicken?”

“Oooooh!” Ivy and Ruby said in unison.

A bit later, Ivy, Poison, Ruby, Gary, Cherry, Rosie, Damien, Crystal, Amber, Spring, Floyd, Adol, Omar, and the Loli Rangers all met at the red and white restaurant, who’s mascot happened to be a little girl in a chicken suit. The waitresses were also dressed as chickens, but that wasn’t important as Ivy had finished explaining the situation to everyone present. “So are we all clear?” Everyone agreed. “So, what do we do about this?”

Rosie raised her hand. “I say we attack from all sides, they can’t stop us that way, right?”

“I don’t think zombie bears have those limitations.” Poison replied. “I think we should just tunnel underground and head directly to the boss’ room.”

“I think we should just drop a nuke on them.” Damien suggested.

“I concur!” Omar said, raising a finger.

Crystal stroked her chin as she said, “What I’m really curious about is who could have summoned these bears from beyond the grave.”

“Yes.” Spring began. “It is rather suspicious, it would have to be a being capable of incredible abilities to do such a thing.”

“A rather dangerous individual looking to start a lot of trouble.” Floyd added. They glanced at each other, squinted, and said, “Willard.” in unison.

As if right on cue, Willard walked towards them, saying, “On the contrary, I would have no interior motive in mind to go behind Death’s back and unleash a pack of bears upon this primitive world.”

Ivy glared at him as she said, “Willard! Will you help us?”

“Perhaps. I’m likely to find this event rather amusing.”

Loli Red raised her hand, saying, “Uhh, guys, we still need a good plan.”

“Are we still capable of violating the bears?” Adol asked.

“I was wondering the same thing…” Amber replied.

“Fools!” Cherry suddenly exclaimed, leaping to her feet. Damien held Ivy back from reacting to Cherry stealing her favourite word. “If nobody has a decent plan, I’ll come up with one! We rush at the building again, when they retaliate, we have the front line defenders and attackers wipe out the first force, those with dangerous machinery will attack the forces waiting outside and around the building, and Omar, you have high tech things, right?”

“Why yes, I even set up a castle near there when told of this event.” He answered.

“Good, now who has elemental powers?”

“I can control the surface of the earth to crush, remodel, and generally change an outcome on the ground.” Damien said.

“I control the wind so I can summon tornados around myself, use them as concentrated balls of energy, and use stuff like razor wind to actually try and slice people apart, which is how I fire those energy waves from my glowing sword.” Poison replied.

“I control lighting so I can power my sword with it, electrify certain surfaces, and summon lighting storms from above.” Gary added.

“I control fire, and umm…I’m badass.” Ivy awkwardly said.

“I’m psychic and can pick things up and throw them.” Ruby finished.

Crystal placed a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Ruby. Your powers will be pretty broken someday, just like mine, where I can make certain people’s heads explode with my mind.” This shocked many people and gave some people the incentive to start being nicer to Ruby.

“So Omar,” Cherry continued. “What kind of castle is it?”

“A medieval one, of course!”

“Can you somehow make underground passages travelling to new land within the castle?”

“I dunno.” He shrugged.

“Excellent. We shall commence the beginning concepts of the plan. To the castle!” She declared, pointing off in the distance.

“Aww, its cute when you try to take command.” Poison said cheerfully.

“This isn’t the time, Poison! This is serious!” As they made their way to the castle a minute later, Ivy noticed Poison and Cherry playing airplane as they got outside, and groaned at the sight.

They arrived at the castle soon afterwards, where they suited up to do battle with the army of undead bears. Ivy wore the skimpy black leather bodysuit with a pleated belt and a black cape she wore in chapter 3, Poison wore the same outfit used in Deadly Poison. Ruby wore a blue and red spandex outfit with the torso, upper arms and legs being blue and the rest red, with 2 red R‘s on her chest, a red cape, plus only her eyes were covered. Gary wore a suit of white knight’s armor, Rosie simply changed her shirt from purple to black, Damien simply put his hood on, Crystal put on her fur coat and used her pimp cane, Amber wore the same leather black outfit in Deadly Poison, Adol drew a growly face on his cardboard box, Spring and Floyd adjusted their shades, the Loli Rangers put on their helmets, Willard didn’t change at all because he’s Willard, and Omar put on a pair of goggles. Then finally Cherry put on a pair of shades and put on her serious face.

“Damien!” Cherry exclaimed, approaching him. “Omar has also built a robot squadron and various rapid fire weapons to combat this threat, you think you can take command of those priorities?”

“No sweat. I’m a beast with the joystick, I’m the best of the best.” He replied.

Ivy was walking around giving random orders to people. “Foolish angel, stop being a moron! Rosie, cover that midriff!”

“Don’t hate on my midriff!” She yelled back.

“Poison, sexually assault me!” Ivy yelled, pointing at him.

“I’m not doing that.”

“Geez, what’s with you? Twenty years and yet you still won’t do it!”

“What’s with you not wanting to violate my sister, man?” Damien asked.

“Umm, she’s your younger sister, dude, its wrong. Would you try to **** her?”

“Ugh! What the hell, man? That’s disgusting, we’re brother and sister, dude!” Damien exclaimed, seeming somewhat ill.

“Yeah, that’s just gross. Even evil has standards!” Ivy added.

“I see.” Poison replied. “Well I still don’t feel that way, I’d rather make you happy other ways, because making girls feel truly satisfied in turn makes me feel happy.”

“Pimping is all about being smooth.” Crystal randomly said.

“You should like a professional gigolo, man.” Gary pointed out.

“Yeah, after thinking about it that did sound awkward.”

“That’s the perks of being a harem protagonist.” Lily said. After a moment of silence, Poison glanced to his left to see Lily beside him who smiled back. “Nice castle you got here.”

“You came to chat a bunch of crap again, huh?”

“Well fine, if you’re gonna be that mean then I’m not gonna show you this slash fic I did of you being violated by various demons.” She said, taking out several papers.

Poison tried to grab them as Lily kept them out of his reach, and as Lily tripped Ruby picked them up, leading Poison to say, “Hey Ruby, can you dispose of that stupid slash fic Lily wrote of me?”

“Okay.” She quickly stuffed it in her pocket. “There, its gone.”

“I didn’t know you felt this way, Poison.” Lily said as Poison was on top of her. “What would the rest of your harem think?”

“Stop it.” He said, completely deadpan.

“Bu-”

“Stop it right now.” He quickly got to his feet. “Look, I just have a lot of female friends. Me and Crystal have some things in common, that’s about it. Sure, I still like Amber but not just out of pure lust but also because she’s quite a nice person, besides she may be a little too much for me to handle.”

“Oh you!” She remarked, clearly flattered.

“Rosie is like my distaff counterpart…so yeah. Ruby just has a simple crush, probably because I was one of the few people who was actually somewhat nice to her at the time, it’ll pass eventually.”

“No it won’t.” Ruby replied.

“I think it will.” Ruby shook her head. “Ivy is just rather spoiled and also lonely which is why I stayed with her family for so long, and has easily mistaken love for lust.”

“Is that true?” Ivy asked, looking at Damien, who really didn’t wanna answer.

Poison continued. “Tsundere-chan is tsundere for pretty much anyone she has things in common with.”

“Hey! That’s that true!” She replied.

Loli Green simply said, “Tsuntsun~.” leading to Loli Red punching her out.

“Also, me and Badass-chan are just bros.” Poison said before he and Loli Black touched fists, then turned to Lily. “And I find you plain annoying, so now we can drop this for good.”

“I envy you, dude.” Gary said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I know, man, I know.”

Adol pointed at Ivy and Poison before saying, “She’s an egotistical nympho princess, he’s a laidback and smooth bodyguard, they fight continuality…I think.”

“Enough talking! Its time for war!” Cherry exclaimed. After realizing how long they’ve spent, they made their way towards the cliffs again, ready to do battle.

They stood at the peak of the cliff, admiring the view when Ivy suddenly said, “Man, we’ve had some crazy times.” SA2 suddenly appeared and chipped in. “Yes, like the time Ruby became a superhero, and the final destination spoof, and that time Spring, Floyd and Poison did another mission together, and that time Gary visited an alternate dimension, and that TV Tropes themed one.”

“Those times never happened.” Poison replied.

“Yes, but-” SA2 turned away from him and looked into the sky. “What could have been, Poison, what could have been…”

“…Who are you anyway?”

“Not important. Ivy, are you going to make good use of your training?”

“But of course, sensei.” She bowed, just before SA2 took off, leaving a present from her dad as he did.

She opened the box, which contained a rocket launcher and read the letter. “Dear Ivy, I heard about your war against some bears, and I know how bad bears can be, so I thought I’d send you one of my old weapons. Have fun, love Lucifer.” She dropped the letter. “Who the **** is Lucifer?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Poison said, raising an eyebrow.

Shortly afterwards, they charged into battle, except, Spring, Floyd, Omar, Willard and Damien who provided backup. Instantly zombie bears with gatling guns glued to the ground attacked, but Crystal blocked most of the bullets with her powers, while Amber shot multiple small beams from her fingers, melting the guns immediately, while some of the others simply rushed them as it was done. It was madness, with explosions and the bears continuing to come at them. Ivy and Ruby went forth with their stupid rivalry to see who could defeat more bears and Ivy was surprised to see Ruby pull a holy hand grenade from her pocket and blow up over a dozen bears at once.

Crystal and Amber fly kicked two bears close together just as Amber asked, “So how are you doing?”

“Well, I read a punch with an uppercut and put a scar on this bear’s chest.” Crystal replied. “I saw you continually pummelling one a minute ago. How many fireballs did you land before you beat him to death?”

“Seven.” She replied.

Ivy sliced apart several bears as she said, “I rip the east to the west, I got no stop in my quest!” She jumped up and hammered one into the ground while saying, “I’ll take on every zombie bear out here and kill ‘em to death!”

Rosie, who had just lodged her sharp fingernails through a bear’s eyes and threw him, turned to Poison who was yawning and said, “How you doing, Poison?”

“I got no shortness of breath, these zombies are making me bored.” He said seconds before punching right, knocking out several with a mini tornado.

Gary suddenly charged through several bears with a strike of lightning before saying, “Then Dempsey roll these zombie suckers and throw a rose on their corpse.”

One bear leaped at Cherry who was planting bombs, but quickly knocked out of the air by an upward swing from Adol’s chainsaw. He tried it again but was hit but Rosie’s clawed uppercut. The bear simply got up and stormed off as he whined, “Oh man, you’re so friggin’ cheap, I can’t jump at these enemies!”

“Then shut the hell up and leave!” One bear yelled back.

The bears started to call in air forces, put Damien was ready with cannons around the castle as well as small red planes that shot lasers, designed to take out the bears protecting their building and securing some of their cannons. Willard mentioned some bears getting through a few defences underground, but Damien pointed out that packs of demonic dogs were wondering underneath and had bombs attached to them. As the zombies brought out tanks, Damien simply smirked. “You magnificent bastards, I read your BOOK! Floyd, we may need the big guy’s help.”

“Consider it done.” Floyd said before contacting him.

Suddenly, a red T-Red appeared out of nowhere and shoulder barged a tank, then leaped up out of the way from another’s attack range and dropkicked it.

“Sometimes I wish you’d use more dinosaurs other than your bro, the T-Rex.” Spring said.

“He’s got my back, and that’s all that matters.” Floyd replied.

Poison and Rosie just took out several bears before meeting up, at which point Rosie said, “I just FADC to an ultra.”

Poison replied with, “Well I uppercut to a metsu.” Rosie quickly kicked one behind Poison and approached it as it lay on the ground, her teeth suddenly getting longer just before she dug them deep into the bear’s neck. Its screams being muffled as she covered its mouth, with some of the others being shocked of the sight. She walked back over to Poison, her mouth and shirt covered in blood and wondered why she was getting weird looks.

As Damien had used his earth abilities to get rid of the guards by the building entrance, Poison called over to Ivy, who knew what to do and leaped onto his shoulders. Poison took of towards the building, while Ruby leaped onto Ivy’s shoulders as they sped by her, then Cherry did the same before they entered the building. They ran throughout the floors, with Ivy and Ruby blasting the bears as they ran around, and then they slid down a random slide and threw their hands up as they exclaimed, “Weeeeeeee!” After reaching the bottom they got serious again. They reached a long corridor where dozens upon dozens of bears with rocker launchers were grouped up.

“This isn’t good, guys, we’ll need to find another way round.” Poison suggested.

“**** that! Let’s charge right through those bastards!” Ruby yelled. She then covered her mouth. “S-sorry, I didn’t mean to say that…”

“We’re a bad influence on that angel.” Ivy said.

“A very bad influence.” Poison concurred. They then charged on ahead, with Ivy, Ruby and Cherry throwing things and deflecting them while Poison slashed a few as he leapt ahead. They shortly made it to the office room, where a mysterious figure had their feet on the office desk. The girls hopped off each others shoulders as the figure got to her feet.

The person leaped ahead, revealing herself to be a young and petite teenage girl. She wore a buttoned black longcoat, with black stocking and black go-go boots with several black belts around them. She also had black gloves, her eyes were black, had a black headband, and her long hair was black. Her other hair was probably black too.

“You’re the one behind the zombies?” Cherry asked.

“Yes.” She replied. “My name is Lolita, I’m a Shinigami, I work for Death and have come to bring back the soul of Damien to the land of the dead again.”

“Then why did you wait so long?” Ivy asked.

“I went on holiday so I’m, how you say…kinda lazy. So where is he?”

“None of your business, now get lost.”

“Very well, I’ll simply kill everyone instead.” Lolita summoned a few undead werewolves, which Poison easily cut to shreds in matter of moments, leading Lolita to say, “Amusing, I’ll make you my pet.”

“Uhh, no thanks.” Ivy, Poison and Ruby attacked her, with Lolita dodging their moves before kicking Ruby through a wall, somersaulting beside Ivy and head butting Poison in the face, quickly took out a machete but missed stabbing Ivy as she leaped up and kicked the girl in the face. Lolita pulled out a pair of Sais from her longcoat, and threw them as Ivy ran, leaping and ducking under them, just before she threw shuriken as well, which nearly hit Ruby as she climbed back in. Poison slashed at her but missed as she fired a Gatling gun at him, but it provided to be ineffective with a razor wind shield covering him and he kicked her through a window.

Ruby followed with her spear, but Lolita suddenly pulled out a rocket launcher and fired, missing Ruby by inches and hitting Ivy as she stared out the window. Lolita pulled out a bo staff and exchanged bows with Ruby as they fell, leaping back as they hit the ground.

Poison and Ivy dropped down moments later, leading Lolita to exclaim, “I’m not done yet! I’ve gotta eat lighting!” She said, glaring at Ivy. “And crap thunder!” she glared at Poison.

“Is that a reference to something from the past?” Ivy asked.

“I have no idea.” Poison shrugged.

She took out a black weapons crate and looked through for more weapons when the ground suddenly covered most of her body along with the crate. Damien landed nearby, shaking his head as he approached her. “Lolita, I should have know. The game is over.”

“That isn’t so. I can continue to summon the dead bears until you come back.”

“It’s pointless. Willard already took out most of the bears, how did he do that? Trust me, you don’t wanna know.” The smile faded as he shook his head. “Now go home, I have a life again so I’m staying.”

“Maybe so, but I’ll be back to take your soul, kicking and screaming.” She glared at him furiously before vanishing in a black mist.

Poison then asked, “So what was that all about?”

“Well, me and Lolita had this thing when I was dead for like 20 years. I made some promise we’d be together, and yadda, yadda, yadda, and here we are.”

“That’s cold, dude.”

“Hey, a bunch of evil little girls summoned my spirit, I didn’t ask for this, but I don’t really wanna go back either. Sadly, she’ll keep trying to kill me until I do.”

Wrapping things up, Cherry thanked them all for helping, they all went back to their usual routines, Lolita sat at the edge of a barren wasteland in another world thinking to herself, and everything turned out fine, presumably.

I just had to do this one...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Chapter 30 - Gangsta’s Radical Life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERYpbpqxf4o

It was some time soon after the zombie bear fiasco, but that wasn’t important. Ivy, Poison, Damien and Rosie were in a room watching TV when due to boredom, Poison decided to tell the story of what happened the time he, Spring and Floyd took down Masterman. Following the events of the previous case with Omar, the three were driving along the streets with the Sopranos opening theme playing in the background. They passed various unusual sights, such as a few mobsters carrying a dead body, Amber setting a strip club on fire, Ivy carrying a large laser cannon down the street as Ruby chased her, and P.A.L doing the robot on a street corner and getting tips from several people walking by. All the while as the three lit cigars, adjusted shades, blew up a mailbox as Floyd threw a cigar out the window, and sending reaction pics soon before arriving at the house the murder took place at as the song stopped.

Spring and Floyd got out of the car and approached SA2 on the grass as some others were investigating the inside and a few covered up the body on the grass outside. After explaining what was already explained in chapter 6, SA2 handed them a picture of Scourge the Hedgehog which was found near the body, and they knew who it was. Just then, Floyd was called by Unreal and picked up his phone, something serious had gone down just recently, so they rushed to where the poker game had taken place, with Poison staying in the car once again.

Upon exiting the place minutes later, Floyd stared at Poison, and without a word Poison knew what was up and responded with a nod. They got back in and sped down to where Masterman was likely to be: The Hood. It was like a barren wasteland from the outside, with dust covered streets, jagged rocks in various areas, old shops, and shoddy looking buildings for some reason. Since Masterman knew Spring and Floyd, they figured they needed disguises, so Floyd wore a pink shirt and black pants while Spring wore a blue basketball attire, and that didn’t have any unfortunate implications. Poison still wore his suit because Masterman didn’t know him.

Walking through the totally radical streets, they eventually walked past a club where Badass-chan was the DJ, but moved on and entered the darkly lit and spacious arcade. Spring and Floyd split up to find Masterman while Spring told Poison to also keep a look out, but Masterman spotted them from a room above as they entered. Masterman ordered for one of his henchwomen, who had elegant silver hair, a german accent and wore a glittered white dress, to follow him and keep him busy.

---

“Hold on a second.” Ivy interrupted. “Silver hair?”

“Yeah, silver hair.” Poison nodded.

“But that’s stupid! How can anyone have silver hair? That’s not even a natural hair colour!” Poison, Damien and Rosie all stared at her moments before Poison continued.

“Anyway…”
---

Masterman had a black backwards cap covering his green hair, a pair of shades, diamond grills, gold rings on each finger, baggy green pants and a black shirt with the words, “The beast.” written on the front.

Poison was playing a Streets of Rage style game with Ruby and Gary as the main characters, called ‘Divine Punishment’ when the woman approached him. “Hello, handsome stranger, I see you’re quite the gamer.”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“My name is Sharon Robinson, and who may you be?”

“Johnson.” He adjusted his shades. “Harry Johnson.” The James Bond theme suddenly chimed in on his phone but stopped moments later.

“Would you like to inspect my private quarters?” She asked.

“Okay.” He immediately stopped playing and followed her.

Masterman watched, commenting, “You’re totally boned, dude. Now where did my two bros go?” He looked around. “Ahh well, I’ll order a pizza in the meantime.”

In a dark corridor, Sharon unlocked a door and they entered a spacious brightly lit beige room, with a furred carpet and the whole room being covered in that color. A table had already been set there, and the meal was tacos, since tacos are awesome. After the surprisingly short meal, deciding not to drink the champaign, Poison went to the toilet where he contacted Spring and Floyd. “You guys, did you find Masterman yet?”

“Not yet. How are things on your end?” Spring asked.

“Its okay, but I haven’t seen anything. Contact me if you notice something.” After putting away his phone, he left the bathroom to see Sharon laying on the bed, playing with an orange cat.

“Would you like to stay the night? I might let you play with my ****.” She said, stroking the cat.

“Mrs. Robinson, I think you’re trying to seduce me.”

“Well no sh-”

“But I can’t stay, because I’ve got a Masterman to catch.”

As he prepared to head for the door, Sharon got to her feet and said, “Fine, I’ll have to do it the hard way. I was ordered by Masterman to kill you, so just die!” She threw her cat in his face, which clawed at him as she yelled, “Have the image of my **** burned into your skull as it claws you to death!”

After a few moments of running around frantically, he pulled it off his face with his shades and kicked it into a wall. Shocked by such an action, she was caught off guard as Poison punched her in the stomach. “I always did have…” he put the shades back on, “a gut feeling about you.” YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

In a private area, Masterman stood in front of thugs wearing black masks and bandana’s. “Listen up, homies, these two haters are trying to get all up in my business around here, so I need you guys to pop caps in their asses. They should look like they‘re a part of the Men in Black, oh, and one was wearing a pink t-shirt.” Just then they all heard the sound of multiple gunshots outside the area. “I’m guessing that’s them now. Alright guys, go serve those suckas, and remember to keep it real!” The thugs took off.

In the middle of the arcade, civilians were running as Spring and Floyd snuck around the machines, blasting thugs at every opportunity. After hiding behind a fighting game machine for a bit with half a dozen thugs firing at it, he took out his rocket launcher and aimed at them, one of them exclaiming, “What is that?”

“It’s Floyd.” He fired the RPG, getting a direct hit and sending them flying as he said, “Pink Floyd.” the James Bond theme played again as one thug was suddenly impaled by a flying green sword, Poison then appeared and pulled it out.

“Poison, where have you been?” Spring asked as he shot a thug from behind without looking.

“Sorry, I just recently took out one of Masterman’s mooks and found out where Masterman is gonna be going to. He’s working for some new employers but that’s another story. When I tried to leave her place she threw her **** in my face.”

Spring placed a hand on his shoulder. “Son, I am proud.”

“I mean pussycat, of course.”

He removed his hand. “I am disappoint.”

“Anyway, let’s get to his office before he runs.” They did so as Spring and Floyd suited up again, blasting more thugs as they sped by the area and up some stairs. Upon kicking down the door, they saw a large hole in the wall which Masterman had exited through. He had just gotten onto a motorbike and was speeding down the street, so they ran back to get the car, then drove at full speed in order to catch up. As Masterman noticed them, he started swerving through traffic and using a uzi to fire at them as he yelled, “My beats are too beast for you haters to handle, man!”

Floyd fired with his rocket launcher, knocking Masterman’s bike off balance as he multi-track drifted down a street, if a bike was capable of that, then drove down a narrow alleyway, where as the others had to go around. Masterman drove into a warehouse, soon followed by the others who armed themselves as they approached the front entrance. Spring cocked a shotgun, Floyd wielded double magnums, and Poison held a sub machine gun. After doing so, they kicked down the door as Poison yelled, “**** just got real!” taking out the several mooks with an array of gun fire in the surrounding area before moving on.

In the next massive room where some storage was kept, Floyd approached a guard sitting down and reading. “What’s up, mother-f-” Floyd’s sentence was cut off as he blasted a guard in the face.

“What the **** is dat, man!” One random guy shouted, just as more mooks started rushing in using the stairs and various doors, prompting Spring to say, “Ya’ll already know what it is!” before firing at them.

He then shot one woman assassin in the face, causing Floyd to shake his head. “That was uncalled for, man.”

“Had to be done, man. She had a nice rack though.”

“Tru dat, man, tru dat.” Floyd nodded as they continued blasting.

Poison flew up a wall to a path higher up with pillars down the long walkway, where more guards were coming out. He fired at them while occasionally taking shelter behind the pillars, then ran on ahead as the coast was clear. There was still tons of gunfire below with people moving around as they crouched behind the large boxes, one of the mooks saying, “Who’re these fools? Getting all up in our business, these haters are tripping!”

“Close yo mouth, son!” Floyd replied, suddenly appearing beside him and raising a magnum to within inches of his face before blowing his brains out. As another mook tried to attack Spring from behind, he took out a remote and pressed a button, launching a spring from underneath him and sending him flying out the window. “Nice setup.” Floyd said.

“I had it loaded for just an occasion. Spring-Loaded.” The James Bond theme played again, with them wondering where that was coming from.

Poison was running down one empty corridor when Masterman’s voice was then heard over a loud speaker and a screen in a corner turned on. “Duuuuuuuude! Hope you’re still not mad about the whole, killing you thing.”

“Of course I mad! People die when they’re killed!”

“Deep.” Masterman said as he nodded. “But couldn’t you let a brother off the hook, c’mon bro.”

“I ain’t your bro. I got a glowing green sword in my possession and it has your name all over it.”

“Aww dude, that is tight.” He nodded repeatedly, impressed by a glowing sword.

Just then, Spring and Floyd burst into the bright white room where Masterman was speaking, who then spun round to greet them. “What’s up, homies? Hope you ain’t still hating on a brother!”

“Of course we hating, man!” Floyd replied. “You killed Unreal, my boy!”

“It was business, man, same with that chick. I run drugs for forces beyond our physical selfs, man, and I’d get a major bonus if I killed all previous contacts and guys who could totally bust me, like you guys, but you weren’t there. That chick witnessed my meeting with higher forces, so I had to take her out. Don‘t bother asking where their headquarters is, they‘re on another plane of existence, man.”

“So will you soon enough.” Spring replied as he cocked his shotgun.

“Sorry guys, but I gotta breeze, y’know? Time is money.” He quickly threw a bomb, knocking them back and spreading gas, just before jumping out a window and into a jet. After regaining themselves, they fired at it, damaging it slightly as it managed to escape them, but he soon discovered Poison on top of it who stuck his sword through the roof, and continued to do so as Masterman barely dodged his attacks. “Hey! That’s not cool, man!”

“You ain’t cool, bro.” Poison replied.

“Boy, you tripping! Look, check it! The King has arrived, you can quiver in fear...He put daggers through your heart, with a merciless leer..he is the ultimate god, no more no less. Step to him and bow down, there is something you must confess...Say the words, respect him and heed his every whim. "You are my superior", that's all you need to say to him. His attire says it all, a complete badass he remains. He murders, has millions of followers, and even-”

“Please stop, I don’t wanna hear your beats.”

“My beats are so hard even yo momma feels ‘em.” At that moment, Sping and Floyd had caught up in their car, driving along the side of a building at which point Floyd threw a bomb, sending him flying through the window as Poison leaped off the jet.

Masterman landed on a building roof, with several cuts mainly around the forehead area. “That was totally unradical.” Just then, Unreal appeared and approached Masterman, wearing a suit and everything. Masterman couldn’t believe his eyes. “The hell? I killed you? This is impossible!”

“Not quite.” He adjusted his shades. “It’s just Unreal.” He then yelled, “YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” as he kicked Masterman off the roof to the concrete pavement far below, shortly before Spring, Floyd and Poison showed up.

They reunited and Unreal explained that he was only mostly dead, and that they should be on the lookout since Masterman most likely didn’t die from that fall and would be back someday to hate on those playing the game.

---

“The end.” Poison said, as he finished telling them the story.

“That didn’t make any sense.” Damien replied.

“Real life rarely makes sense.” He retorted.

“It was less weird then that time you told us about that alien hopping across planets in a single bound.” Ivy commented.

“But it wasn‘t just any hopper, it was in fact, an evil space hopper.” The James Bond theme started up again, he then looked over at Rosie who turned it off.

“So was that story even true?” Rosie asked.

“Well it was based on a true story…”

“I’m guessing that’s a no. Well what should we do now?” After a long period of silence which Ivy didn’t seem bothered about, Rosie then said, “Super Smash Bros. Brawl?”

“Super Smash Bros. Brawl.” Poison and Damien nodded in unison. The three of them then got to their feet for a three-way high five, as the scene then paused as they yelled, “Yeah!” and the credits began to roll.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggpRnBfJGbY

20 seconds later it appeared to be them just posing, as Ivy got up and began to walk off as they continued posing.

TMEDCE: Chapter 31 - Lets Get Magical

In the middle of night, Ruby was running along the rooftops on Earth in a completely black version of her superhero outfit, with a black skirt, cape, mask and even black hair as she started to monologue. “Earth, its always there for me, even when its mood changes, its always there. She is my cousin…she is my heterosexual life partner. I try to protect it because I’m one of the people willing to do so; to take the law into my own hands by force.” She stopped by a building ledge and looked down to see crooks breaking into the museum of randomness. She leaped off the edge and prepared to strike.

Inside they had tied up some security guards and were taking several items, them being a long string shaped like a burger, a can of spam, and a cardboard box. Ruby leaped in through the glass window, alerting the crooks as she slowly got to her feet. “I am the bane of the evil that overshadows the streets, I am the steel bars which keep the criminals locked up, I am Justice!” With a swing of her cape, it bellowed slightly. They immediately fired, which Ruby dodged by jumping up and landing between them, swinging her spear in a circle as she hit the ground and tripping them up then smashing their guns. She slapped a gun out of another thug’s hand and punched him in the stomach then leaped towards another who was stealing a piece of chewing gum.

She kicked him, sending him flying ahead and to the ground, where another thug grabbed the gum before running. Ruby quickly untied the guards near the entrance and took off, jumping onto her pink bike down the next two streets and quickly caught up with the robbers van. She passed by Ivy, Poison and Amber as they sat in DFC by the window, shortly before Poison asked, “I wonder what Ruby is doing right now?”

“Forget her, she’s probably doing something stupid.” Ivy replied.

“Most likely.” He shrugged.

After a while of chasing the van, one robber opened the back and threw barrels at her; she evaded a few while blasting some which contained milk. It splattered all over her, some of it getting in her eyes and nearly making her crash into a garbage truck which she barely avoided, but it then backed up and hit her anyway. Sadly after cleaning herself off the robbers were long gone, so she also went home.

The next morning, she was walking around her room in her pyjamas as she talked about her encounter. “It just doesn’t make sense, why would they want those items? I’ve got many enemies nowadays, like the Memetic Molester, Adol, the Totally Radical Masterman, the physical embodiment of Nightmare Fuel simply known as Willard, and my arch nemesis and Evil Counterpart, Ivy McBadass. I should visit her now and get this sorted out.”

So she did, and left to visit her home on Earth, which she occasionally went back to live there sometimes, and approached the window as she arrived. “I may have to sneak inside to get evidence, so I’ll have to be stealthy.” she said moments before jumping in through the glass window, alerting them who were sitting by the couch. Ruby pointed at her and yelled, “You! Why did you steal those things last night?! It was you, wasn’t it?!?”

“No, you foolish angel, I haven’t done anything this time, so don’t blame me for no reason.” Ivy replied. “Nor do I know anything about it.”

“Oh, well okay…and hi Poison.”

“Hey Ruby.“ Poison then said, “Did you know Pirates vs. Ninjas in Space is coming on tonight at 6?”

“Really? I loved that one, though it couldn’t hold a candle to 3.”

“Indeed it couldn’t.” He nodded. “But I’m probably gonna have to go watch it somewhere else because Ivy wants the TV to watch her shows.”

“That’s right.” She nodded.

“Well why don’t you come round my house and we can watch it there.” Ruby suggested.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, I’d hate in intrude, plus I doubt Ivy would be okay with it.”

“I don’t mind.” Ivy shrugged.

“It still wouldn’t feel right.”

“I think my mom bought some pizzas earlier.” Ruby said.

“I’ll be round at 5.” Poison said without hesitation.

“Okay, see you then.” Ruby said as she ran off.

There was a period of silence after she had left, and then Ivy randomly said, “Sounds like the plot of a doujin.”

“You just had to say that, didn’t you?” Poison replied, narrowing his eyes at her.

“I assume you noticed it too.”

Soon after leaving she received a call about a robbery taking place at a laboratory and rushed to the scene as she got her superhero outfit on, where she discovered Omar stealing some of the equipment with his thugs. Ruby pointed at him and yelled, “Omar! It was you all along!”

“But of course! There are marvellous things I hope to achieve in stealing other scientists equipment for my own, since a genius such as I cannot spend the time to get it through proper means.”

“Whatever, I’m bringing you in, Omar.”

“I can’t let you do that, Star Fox!” With a snap of his fingers, a dozen mooks appeared. “Dempsey roll that sucka!” He yelled as he ran off. As Ruby tried to chase him, the robbers fried, forcing her to hide behind tables and various objects, firing psychic waves occasionally and then easily taking out the rest after half of them were knocked out. Sadly Omar had gotten away once more, so she had no choice but to leave and go home.

Later that day, Poison visited and knocked at the door of her house, and her mom greeted him. “Oh, good afternoon Poison, what brings you here?”

“Good afternoon Mrs. Clear, I was invited to watch that Pirate and Ninja movie. Is Ruby here?”

“She’s upstairs, come on in.”

Meanwhile in her room, she was talking with Crystal about Omar and where she could find him. “So you have any ideas?”

“Nope, it just seems weird. There isn’t much to go on, though there’s probably only one crucial detail you’d need for it to make sense.”

“I guess, but do I still keep having to dye my hair black every time I fight crime? Is it really necessary?”

“Of course it is!”

“But you already told me to make my whole costume black, and even my ship, but dyeing my hair every time I change is quite a hassle.”

“Well its essential to keeping your identity a secret.”

“True, no-one would suspect a cute cheerful little girl like me would be a badass asskicker who soars through the skies punches evil in the face.”

“Well there aren’t many little girls with the strength and skill of that level to be honest, but I’m just saying.”

Just then Poison walked in and waved to them as he said, “Hey guys.”

“Hey Poison, so how’s life?” Crystal asked.

“Its alright, same as usual.”

“Cool, well I’ll see you guys later.” She said moments before leaving the room.

In order to reduce the amount of awkward silence that would follow, Ruby turned on the TV. “So Crystal said that I’ve gotten quite good at felletio recently.” Ruby randomly said.

Poison blinked for a moment. “…What?”

“Y’know, the thing where you change the tone of your voice, like how deep it is?”

“You mean falsetto. And where are you hearing these words?” Just then, as one advert came on, Poison randomly said, “Y’know, who would wanna buy random crap like the kind they advertise nowadays?”

Ruby suddenly got to her feet as she realized something. “That’s it! Poison, I’ll be back later, I just have to figure something out.” She rushed out the room, leaving him somewhat confused.

She went to meet Gary at his house and they walked as Ruby explained everything to him and then asked where a mad scientist would hide out in the meantime. “Well?”

“Maybe some area very high off the ground, like one of those castles you see in movies at the top of a dark cliff. It wouldn’t be surprising at least.” Gary replied.

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

“So do you really know what’s up with Omar then?”

“Yes, just earlier I made the connections. He stole a burger string, a can of spam, a cardboard box and chewing gum, but what would those items have in common?”

Gary thought for a second. “Nothing really, they’re quite random.”

“Exactly, and I last caught him stealing scientific equipment in another lab, which only comes to one conclusion: He’s using those random items to open up a portal leading to the world of random junk using a dimensional portal, and knowing Omar, this can’t be good! I have to stop him immediately, lets go!”

“But shouldn’t we tell your sister or people we know first?”

“We have no time!”

“But it would be easier if we just asked them.”

“But then I wouldn’t be able to look awesome! I wanna be badass adorable!” Ruby said in a whiny voice as she frowned.

“So that’s what this is about…anyway, its dangerous to confront Omar at his hideout. He’s got guards and his robots and everything, you’ll be in his territory. Even if you think you’re a magical girl, we don’t really have magic.”

“Well then,” She put on her mask. “Lets. Get. Ridiculous.”

“I never said ridiculous.”

“Whatever.” Ruby replied just before they jumped in her ship and took off.

They soon flew around Earth and just as Gary had suggested, they managed to find a tower by a cliff where Omar was but remained unseen and parked around the back. Ruby handed him a walkie-talkie and flew up the wall, jumping though an open window higher up. She ran around the dark corridors and somewhat empty rooms, hiding from guards every few moments until one spotted her and opened fire. She blasted it out of his hand and punched him out, continuing to move around in the shadows and taking out guards at every opportunity. Gary contacted her as she was hid behind a table with a bullet wound in her arm. “How’re things going in there?”

“Its just crazy, there’s bad guys around every corner, some coming out of elevators, some coming out from beneath the floor.” She then punched one mook who did so. “But I got this. Its on now!” She put on her serious face as she put away the walkie-talkie. [Insert epic action packed theme with ominous latin chanting here]

She grabbed a table and leaped over her own, throwing it and taking out two guards, then pinning a third to the wall as she threw her spear, then leaping up and hitting the last with a roundhouse kick. She ran down a hallway with more mooks firing at her and threw a holy hand grenade as she yelled, “Eat grenade, assholes!” The explosion took them out, just as she reached a massive room of robotic dinosaurs. She ran up the tail of a Brachiosaurus and dodged the lasers it fired, hitting it with a flying elbow and taking it out. She jumped onto a Triceratops as it charged at her and smashed through several smaller dinosaurs before throwing it at the wall. She then leaped onto a Pterosaur as it flew at her and punched it several times while controlling its flight to avoid the T-Rex chasing them. It smashed into the wall as Ruby leaped into another room, destroying the T-Rex with a magic staff that fired lasers.

She met a robot wielding two sub machines guns, hitting her leg as she hid. Using her psychokinesis she lifted several tables into the air and jumped across them, turning them slightly for cover then fly kicked the robot, followed by kicking one gun out of his hands and then an uppercut. She barrel rolled to find cover as the robot recovered and threw a smoke bomb at him. More psychic blasts followed, which the robot evaded by leaping back, right beside Ruby who had a gun pointed at his head. “Should’ve done a barrel roll, fucker!” She then blasted his head off.

She moved on, running from explosions caused by mooks and moving through air vents. After taking out another room of mooks, she fly kicked the last one, dragging him along the ground with the kick then leaped off as he headed for the open lift. She threw a holy hand grenade while jumping off followed by a Hello Kitty boomerang which pressed the first floor button on the lift. As she touched the ground, she exclaimed, “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!” as the doors were closing, resulting in a large explosion as she walked away, her cape bellowing from the blast.

She made it to a giant room with computers at all sides and the dimensional gate in the middle, but Omar had already started the process by hooking up the items with the gate. Omar dropped down in a large rock ‘em sock ‘em robot and yelled, “You’re too late! I’ve won! I‘m winner!”

“Its not over as long as I’m still standing.” She took out the gun again. “Eat gas, nutjob!” She fired a smoke bomb and went for the controls, but was kicked out of the way and continuously punched. Gary snuck in while this happened and attempted to stop the gate, but was somewhat distracted as flying pink elephants with moustaches came through and fired lasers at him.

Omar was somewhat distracted, at which point the control box was destroyed and things were being sucked back into the portal. Gary grabbed a remote as he flew in and Ruby leapt to her feet to fight Omar. She flew at him dodging the laser beams fired, touched the fist he threw with her feet and leaped ahead, then ran along the lower side of the second hand’s arm. She charged her right arm with psychokinetic power and hit the upper torso of the robot with a left uppercut, then hit the head with her right, with enough force to knock the head through the roof and make it explode in midair.

A bit later, the police arrived to take the robbers into custody, and one spoke to Ruby as Omar was being cuffed and escorted out. “Another job well done, Justice. I still have no idea how you do it for someone your size.”

“Its heroic resolve, officer, and badassery.” Ruby leaped out the window and got back in her ship, heading back towards home.

As she got back to her room, Poison waved. “Hey Ruby, you got back just in time. The movie’s about to start.”

“Thank goodness.” She said with a sigh of relief before sitting down.

“Where did you go? And are those bullet wounds?”

“Its not important, just bad luck as usual. I’m just wondering if I forgot something…” She thought for a moment and then shrugged.

TMEDCE: Chapter 32 - Crisis on Several Earths

You unlock this door with a remote of insanity, beyond it is a number of other dimensions. Dimensions of craziness, dimensions of surreal events, dimensions of ridiculous plot points. You’re moving into a land and both randomness and junk, of silliness and bizarreness. You’ve just crossed into, The Random Zone.

Upon waking up on the ground, Gary realized the earth and all the buildings were covered in white and grey stripes, and the sun was completely black. As he glanced around the area, suddenly giant deformed babies crashed through several buildings, flying right at him. He quickly took off as they fired tentacles from their mouths, running around several buildings before pulling out the remote he had grabbed earlier and pressing a button. A portal opened up just ahead and he leaped into it; the portal closing a moment later.

He was dropped off in a medieval looking era in the middle of a field. He looked around and spotted a cabin far up ahead, sighing as he made a move towards the place. He entered the cabin which was also a bar where Lily was running the place. He approached her, immediately asking, “This may sound weird but where am I exactly?”

“You’re in Camelot…I think. You’re a knight, right? Because you have a shining sword, and that white cape, and-”

“Uhh, no, I’m not from here, I just wanna get back to my own dimension.”

“Ahh, well you should probably try to leave pretty soon. I gotta pay taxes and you never know wh-”

Just then, Poison, Damien and Adol walked into the bar, in full white armour with Damien ahead of the others exclaiming, “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!”

“I did.” Lily raised her hand.

“Quiet you!” Ivy said as she came out from behind the three, wearing a pink dress. “Its time to pay up for existing!”

“Of course.” Lily placed a bag of money on the table. “Please take it, princess.”

“And who’s this nobody?” Ivy asked as she took the bag.

“Huh, I guess here you’re still as rude and also a kid.” Gary remarked.

Ivy backed away slightly, filled with disbelief. “How dare you! I’ll have you know I’m just a little short!”

“And with no chest.” Poison added.

“Quiet you!”

“I challenge you to a duel, sir knight.” Adol said.

“Uh-huh.” Gary said, clearly not going along with this. “Excuse me a moment.” Gary walked into the men’s room and used the remote to leave that universe.

Gary emerged from another portal moments later, in the middle of a park where there was confetti sprinkled throughout the sky, birds sang and everyone was smiling. Gary scratched his forehead. “I guess this universe mustn’t be so bad…” As he turned around he bumped into Masterman, who was missing his cap, revealing his flowing green hair, he still had shades, but also had the colours of the rainbow across his shirt and pants.

“Whoa! What’s your hurry, man?” Masterman asked.

“Aren’t you that Masterman guy?”

“Nah, I’m Hippieman, man. You look tense, you should chill out. Just look around, its peaceful here. You‘re either friendly, or you‘re high, sometimes both.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Gary replied. He then noticed Ruby skipping along with a picnic basket, when Ivy suddenly called her as she yelled, “Ruby, you silly angel, come here and give me a hug!”

“Ivy, my rival but also my lover.” Ruby cheerfully skipped over to her, they hugged and then started kissing.

“I’m not sure what to think of this.” Gary said as he simply watched from afar.

Suddenly Poison showed up on a bike, greeting them as he said good morning. They replied back in unison and the three of them started making out. Gary still stood in silence as it went on.

“Good morning, guys.” Damien said as randomly approached them.

“Good morning, Damien.” They all said in unison. They all then started kissing, and then he used tongue when he kissed Ivy.

“…I stand corrected, this universe is more messed up than my own.” Gary quickly grabbed a barf bag just in case.

At that point, Spring, Floyd and Willard arrived holding hands. “Hey guys, lets all join hands and sing!” Spring suggested.

“Great idea, guys!” Ivy replied.

Lolita, upon hopping out of the bushes, exclaimed, “We should sing ring around the rosy!”

“Yeah!” Rosie replied, who had suddenly appeared.

Just then, Gary arrived, greeting them all. Poison suddenly hugged him, saying, “Thank goodness, Gary. I was so worried you weren’t well today.”

“I overcame my sickness just for you, Poison.” The two of them then started passionately kissing, causing the original Gary to start vomiting. Moments later the other Gary was down on his knees undoing Poison’s pants.

The original took out his remote, saying, “That’s it! This place is sick! I’m out of here!” He immediately jumped in as Masterman waved goodbye.

The next universe he arrived in, everyone was wearing leather jackets, a pair of shades and baggy pants as they walked down the streets. Gary immediately bumped into Masterman, who said, “Watch where you’re going, dude. I don’t need haters sweating on a brother.”

“Oh, its you again.” Gary said, clearly annoyed. “Where am I now?”

“You’re in the hood, man.”

“But it looks like a normal city…” He then noticed everyone had similar clothing on. “Oh, I already dislike this one.”

With a cry of, “Duuuuuuude!” Poison appeared, wearing a backwards hat and shades as he did. “What’s happening, bro?”

“Poison, my boy! Just chilling, you know how it is.” Masterman replied.

“Like, dude, I just saw Transformers 2 for like the 7th time, man.”

“That’s awesome, dude!”

Gary’s eyes widened in fear as he said, “Oh god, there’s two of them!”

“Yo, yo, yo!” To his surprise, Ivy and Ruby approached the three from behind wearing the same attire.

Gary couldn‘t believe his eyes. “Even you guys too?”

“Who’s this fool who be tripping?” Ivy asked.

“I oughta cap this fool right now.” Ruby said as she pulled out a gun, though Masterman clamed her down.

“Umm, I’m gonna go now…” Gary quickly pulled out his remote and jumped into another portal, with Ivy pointing as she said, “YOOOOOOUUUUU!”

Poison took a phone and called Floyd as this happened. “Dude, I just saw this excellent portal transportation, man. Anyway, you wanna hang out?”

“Sorry, man. Me and my boy, Spring are chilling out with our hoes, so no can do, bro.”

“Aight, I get ya.”

“Pimpin’ ain’t easy, man.”

Poison nodded in agreement. “Tru dat, man, tru dat.”

In the next universe, he arrived on a street near Ivy’s house. Ivy appeared to be sitting behind a bush outside the house, which confused Gary for a moment until Ruby kicked open the door, wearing a black robe as she yelled, “I know you’re out there, stupid demon! Begone with you!”

“No way!” Ivy replied, getting to her feet. “I won’t rest until I beat you!

Ruby crossed her arms as she laughed. “Haaaaahahahaha! Fool! You believe you can beat me?”

“Yeah!”

Just then, Willard, Adol, Masterman, Omar and Hopper showed up, with Willard being ahead of them. “Allow us to handle this, Ivy. Its Morphin’ time, gentlemen.” One by one they went through typical transformation scenes, Masterman being the green ranger, Adol being the black ranger, Omar being blue and Hopper being yellow. Willard’s theme being Black Rose from Eternal Darkness, Masterman’s was Gangstas Paradise, Omar’s was ‘Crazy’, Adol’s was ‘I See Girls’, and Hopper’s was ‘Jump Around’.

Gary stroked his chin as he said, “This must be the bizarro universe, where good people are evil instead…did the Loli Rangers even have transformation themes? Well whatever, I still need to get back.” Gary jumped into a portal as the others charged at Ruby.

He arrived in a dark theatre, where the only people sitting there were Ivy, Poison and Ruby watching a movie. As he raised an eyebrow, Ivy suddenly started singing. “A scrap in tide, let’s get set for action!”

Poison immediately chipped in with, “To launch the ship, out of the sand!”

In unison, they then sang, “He tried to kill her with a forklift!” Ruby threw her hands up as she yelled, “Huzzah!” Gary quickly turned around and hopped back into the portal, moments before Ruby yelled, “Run, Forrest, run!”

“And watch out for snakes!” Poison added.

Gary arrived in the middle of a field where a war was taking place. The sky was dark blue and explosions were happening throughout the place. Damien quickly pulled Gary back as a bomb hit the ground. “Are you crazy, soldier?! Keep your eyes open!”

“Could I ask where I am?”

“You’re in a war zone, boy!”

“I realize that but-”

“Just get your ass out there and help us win this one. We’re up against our dreaded enemy, Lolita.” He took out binoculars and looked far across the field, as Lolita had just deployed several artillery cannons. Damien gave her the middle finger, and in response she waved, completely deadpan. “She’s a cunning one, I should know, I read her book.” He took out a red book titled, “How to be a Magnificent Bastard, by Lolita Reipa.”

“Uh-huh, well could I g-”

“Ivy!” Damien yelled.

“Yes commander?” She asked, running over.

He handed her a red shirt. “Give it to some cannon fodder to save casualties done to other soldiers.”

“Yes sir!” She handed the shirt to Ruby, who cheerfully accepted it and ran on ahead, resulting in her being shot at and blown up repeatedly. Gary jumped back into a portal when Damien wasn’t looking.

The next universe was surprisingly rather normal. He walked along the streets, thinking he had returned, but got strange looks from people who walked by and the cars which passed, with a group of girls whispering about him as he passed them. Eventually, a girl who looked like Cherry approached him and said, “Umm, I was wondering, are you really Gary from that show?”

“Show?”

“Yeah, something about an epic conquest. If you’re not him then you’re a really good cosplayer.”

“…You’re kidding, right?”

“Nope, its real. But I’ve always wondered a few things, where do you keep your weapons when you’re not using them? How old are you guys? And who’s your dad?”

“I’m not going to answer those.”

A little later, Gary reached the network studio room, where the creators who were two ninjas were discussing ideas. “Okay, I think we should introduce another character.”

“Don’t we have enough? Besides, I didn’t think I’d be saying this, but we need more sausage on the menu. And new ideas.”

“What about a spoof of the Friday the 13th movies?”

“You can’t go basing chapters on anything and making tons of pop culture references for the lulz, they need to have a point. Don’t be like Family Guy.”

“You always say that.”

“With good reason, plus maybe its just me but there seems to be some lolicon tones somewhere here.”

“You’re just exaggerating, how would you even know, you’ve never seen the visuals! Anyway, we should do a spinoff, perhaps one about Spring and Floyd.”

“Nah.”

“What about one with Ruby, to do with crime fighting?”

“I’m not feeling it. By the way, I checked out the figurines either, and the poses are quite questionable. Who exactly is the character supposed to be aimed at?”

“Uhh, well…”

Gary knocked just at the moment, entering the room as they turned their attention to him. “Hey there, from what I hear our universe doesn’t really exist, and we’re just fictional characters, written on a script by some loser.”

“I’m not a loser!” One ninja exclaimed.

“Anyway, how did this even come about.”

“I think it went something like this…”

---

In the same room, one ninja came to the other with an idea. “Okay, lets do a show, and it’ll be like this other show, but with crazy things like demons.”

“So its somewhat original, but its not?”

“Its not. The main character will be a villain protagonist.”

“I like where this is going.”

“Her rival would be the kind of girl to be a protagonist in a magical girl anime.”

“But this isn’t one.”

“It certainly isn’t one.” He shook his head.

“Lets green light this ****.” The second one said, slamming his hand on the table.

---

“And then it became history.” The ninja nodded.

“Uh-huh. Well I’m going now.” Gary opened up the portal behind him. “And if that’s true, try to write my character a little better?” He quickly hopped in and vanished.

The final earth Gary arrived in appeared to be somewhat of a wasteland, the sky being dark red, the rubble combined with the damaged and broken vehicles cluttering the streets, and the various buildings and other locations on fire, Gary easily assumed the worst. After a little bit of walking around the empty streets, he pulled out the remote, when suddenly a ship in the sky fired at him, hitting him and knocking the remote out of his hands. The ship sounded an alarm, causing more to quickly reach that area as Gary ran, unable to find the remote. He leapt into a window and charged through numerous buildings, trying to outrun the searchlights. Eventually when he looked back and assumed he had lost them, he was suddenly punched out by an unknown individual, looking up he noticed it looked like a more mature Ivy before passing out.

He awoke in a stone cell, with a small window behind him and he was slightly restricted of moving too much as his limbs were chained to corners of the room. He heard Ivy yelling at some guards as he came to. “Put the non-believer in the seat of used tampons, make him play Superman 64, and then when his spirit finally breaks, make him watch Disaster Movie. And video tape the torture too, I love nothing more than the sounds of pain.” After some time, she opened Gary’s cell door and waved as a chair suddenly appeared behind her. She took a seat, crossing her left leg over her right. “Ahh, you’re awake, prince. It‘ll soon be time for the fun to begin. My guards will bring the whip.”

“Where the hell is this place?”

“This is Earth, silly. I own it now, I’ve owned it for over ten years. Everyone bows to me, or is made an example of. Look at the wall to your right.” He did so, seeing yellow stains in various spots. “I own this, I even marked my territory. I had to get two guards to hold me up so I could properly pee on the walls, but it was done. I’ve defiled almost all prisoners, because they’re all my territory.”

“You’re pretty damn **** up.”

“Oh please, you’re too kind.” She said with a smile.

Just then, a truck was thrown through the cell wall, hitting Ivy as it went through another wall. Ruby jumped through the hole, also looking a lot older, but keeping the same hairstyle and wearing a blue bodysuit. She cut the chains and threw him his sword. Though he had many questions, he decided to run before Ivy recovered.

As they ran down a hallway, slashing through the guards, Gary then said, “Could I ask what’s going on? This is the future?”

“I guess you could say that. Remember that time when the war was going on? You could think of this as a bad end, where I gave into my inner hatred and joined Ivy instead. We were surprisingly able to do a lot, working together. She was somehow able to gain special abilities from the people she killed, so she’s too dangerous to fight right now.”

“Ahh, so-” Ruby quickly leaped out a window to her right, but before Gary could do so, Ivy appeared down the hallway, summoning rock hands which tried to crush Gary. He ran, eventually reaching an elevator, and as the doors were closing, Ivy stopped it by trying to grab him. He shocked her hand, sending her flying back and finally closing the door.

As he reached outside, Ivy leaped down, shaking the ground just before kicking him across the street. Geysers of fire erupted from underground as she ominously advanced upon him, saying, “Don’t die too fast. Make this fun for me, boy.” He got up, gripping his sword as Ivy charged at him. He sidestepped her punch and slashed at her several times then kicked her. He leapt towards her again and tried to impale her from above, but she rolled out the way and hit him with several lightning fast punches to the gut, then blasting him away with a ball of concentrated air. As he was getting up, she charged herself with lightning and tackled him though a building, then proceeding to drag him along the rocky ground as she laughed, finally lifting him up and kicking him through another building.

He coughed up blood as he struggled to get up, and was suddenly surprised when he saw the remote thrown to him and noticed Ruby from an alleyway nearby. He took it and nodded, taking off as Ivy quickly showed up, firing beams of fire. He got it working and leaped into the portal, which closed before Ivy could reach him. She angrily kicked a car out of frustration. “I’ll get you next time, prince, next time…”

Eventually, Gary managed to return to his own dimension as it was still late at night, and quickly went to see Ruby. Ivy, Poison, Ruby and Crystal appeared to be in her bedroom. “There you are! I just had to spend ages getting back here after being sent to another dimension!”

“So that’s what I forgot!” She replied.

“Did it hurt travelling to other dimensions?” Poison asked.

“Its occasionally prone to give you a headache, but the gaps between dimensions tend to have Guile’s theme in the background, so its not so bad. Anyway, I’ve seen tons of crazy and bizarre things during that time, some which I never wanna see again. On the plus side, I’ve learned something today.”

“Treat others how you’d like to be treated?” Crystal guessed.

“No, its that regardless of how crazy this place might be, there’s a lot worse things out there.”

“You want a hug?” Poison asked.

“No, I’m not like that, damnit!” Gary walked off, yelling random obscenities.

After a few moments of silence, Ruby then said, “He always was the weirdest one of us.”

“Indeed.” Ivy nodded.

“Totally.” Poison said, also nodding.

I figured I'd be slightly different with this one. I don't do this regularly because half the chapters are long enough normally and being slightly more descriptive might make them a lot longer, plus I'm just lazy. Should I keep this style or go back to my basics?
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TMEDCE: Chapter 33 - A Vamp and Her Cat

We open to the viewpoint of a camera, steadily moving along some dark corridors when it spotted a light source in one room ahead. Upon entering, the room was also dark apart from the fireplace which brightened half the room, located near was an armchair where Willard sat, reading a book and drinking from his coffee mug. Willard glanced up, and after noticing he gestured to a seat further away as he put the mug down on the table. “Why hello there, come, please take a seat. You just happened to catch me in the middle of a riveting tale. Would you care to hear it?” The camera nodded. “Very well, let us continue.”

---

It was the night after the events of superheroism, and dimension travelling, and we find ourselves at the central viewpoint of the sparkly vampire, Rosie. It was a dark peaceful night, but sadly not stormy. She walked the empty streets, a slight breeze filling the air and blissfully pushing her hair back, slightly. She had her sad face on, for only she and she alone, could truly understand the feeling of loneliness, despite several characters knowing that, but she was a vampire hanging out with demons, so yeah. Her internal monologue would have struck with a vengeance, were I not here to narrate. She longed for the sense of duty in protecting or looking after someone, as Poison does; to feel needed and not feel like a sixth ranger. She couldn’t confide in them.

Suddenly, a cat, only one of them! It was laying in the middle of the street, clearly unconscious and adjacent from an alleyway. She gasped before running over to it. It was black as a black hole, and with many scratches all over its body. Taking this opportunity to own a pet, she decided to take it home, because despite the rumors of her kicking kittens, she was actually quite fond of ****.

A little later, back in her room within the Devil’s home, she had placed the black cat on her bed and was in the middle of getting ready for bed. The cat slowly opened its eyes during this, watching her intensively and admiring her voluptuous and glittery body, possibly an effect from being a sparkly vampire. The cat groaned as it got to its feet and scratched its forehead. “Where am I?” It asked, a feminine voice coming from the cat as it glanced around the room.

“You’re in Hell, but don’t worry, you’re not dead, I just found you badly hurt on a street and brought you here.” She answered, just having gotten into her purple pyjamas.

The cat quirked an eyebrow, confused about her calm and easygoing nature. “Wait, you aren’t shocked at all by a talking cat?”

“Trust me, I’ve seen a lot crazier things in my lifetime.” She replied, expressing a look of seriousness.

Being rather genre savvy, the cat decided to fill her in rather quick. “Since you’ll ask eventually, I’ll explain what happened. I live in a world where everyone are cats.”

“Uh-huh.” Rosie nodded, ready to embrace the craziness.

“On my planet, besides the peaceful tranquilities and everyday happenings, there is good and evil who gather to certain sides of the planet. The good cats, known as the Prowlers, and the evil cats, known as the Pussies. They were trying to make me a ****, but I ran to evade them. Around that time, a boy in white clothing arrived using some kind of dimensional portal. When he left, I too followed to escape their grasp.”

“Uh-huh.” Rosie nodded again, attempting to fully understand the ridiculousness of her story. “Are you going to keep using the word ‘****’ as long as you’re here?”

“I’ll try.” She shrugged. “By the way, my name is Mio. It would be kinda funny if you added a ‘w’, since cats actually meow.” She lightly chuckled.

“My name is Rosie, oh, and please don’t explain the joke.” Rosie winced as she shook her head. As she hopped into the bed, the cat also got in and snuggled tightly against her ample bosom, to such an extent it made Rosie curious about Mio’s sexual orientation. Rosie wasn’t sure of how to tell her demonic friends, she figured Poison wouldn’t care much, but Ivy might accidentally kill the cat, and Damien might blow it up for fun, so she decided she’d keep it a secret.

The next morning, Rosie and her cat woke up earlier then the other demons in the house, took a quick shower with Mio which once again made Rosie question her feline friend’s feelings and dashed out the house towards Earth, because it’s a tourist attraction for abnormal beings now. The sun that morning had a golden crispy outlook, with a side of soothing blue lettuce. They spent half the day frolicking through the town, soaring through the skies, rolling down grassy hills, and other kid friendly things you see in those commercials, you know the ones.

Rosie eventually spotted Ivy, Poison and Amber, along with Ruby, Gary and Crystal, standing by a street corner. Ivy and Ruby were arguing as usual, Gary had recently showed up, Poison and Crystal were leaning on the wall, and Amber sat by a bus stop nearby. After childish arguing for a short while, Ivy suggesting that she, Poison and Amber should fight Ruby, Gary and Crystal. As Ruby accepted, not to show weakness in front of her rival, the others were just as thrilled about the idea and decided they should go through with it, since it would be like Brawl, but with 6 people, except it isn’t Brawl.

Rosie and Mio’s peaceful day was soon interrupted when light brown and orange striped cats with hi-tech black goggles found them as they rode around on black motorcycles. They caught sight of them almost immediately as Mio pointed them out, so they took off down various streets and alleyways, with them very slowly managing to close the gap. Rosie encountered someone on a motorcycle speeding in the opposite direction and knocked them off their bike before jumping on and speeding off. As the cats arrived, the owner pointed ahead and yelled, “Vampire stole my bike!”

The chase got more intense. It was a thrilling and heart racing event to the extent that describing it just might make your head explode, so I’ll refrain from doing so, but it involved wheelies in reserve. They eventually shot out her tires as she was drifting round a corner, resulting in her crashing into a wall. The cats grabbed Mio as they sped up, quickly vanishing as they drove on ahead.

When she came to, she discovered they left a note beside her, detailing where they would be. Why they would reveal this, she did not know, but she knew if Admiral Ackbar were there, he would immediately inform her that this is indeed, a trap. She ran back to where the others were to get backup, considering that her legion of vampires split up and went their separate ways ages ago.

A few blocks from their previous location, she noticed Poison and Gary being sent flying in different directions after hitting each other. In midair she then saw Crystal hit him with an uppercut, followed by Ruby connecting with a knee of justice immediately afterwards, knocking him through a building and landing nearby the vampire. She frantically ran towards him, waving her arms as she tried to explain. “Poison! You gotta help, I was with this cat and it got kidnapped by these pussies, and I need to save Mio before they turn her into a ****!”

Poison slowly got up, seeming a little dizzy. “I’d like to but I kinda have this going on and-”

“Don’t make me bite you, Poison.” She quickly replied, glaring at him.

He could see she was deadly serious, so he quickly changed his mind. “Alright, just let me tell Ivy, otherwise she’ll whine for ages then probably make some perverted joke.”

“Forget Ivy, we’ll be back shortly. Come on!” She dragged the green haired demon rather easily, seeing as he didn’t have much choice but to comply.

Rosie arrived at the scheduled meeting spot right on time while Poison took position on a rocky ledge far above. Rosie saw a large black and red ship up ahead and kicked open the back, seeing the Pussies ahead of her with Mio tied up in the corner. “Rosie, you’re here!” said Mio, overjoyed to see her.

“You got the catnip?” One of them asked.

“Nope, because you don’t deserve any. I’m taking back Mio so I’d suggest you all back off.” She took up a fighting stance.

The Pussies, knowing she was a vampire, decided to try and use normal weaknesses. One quickly charged at her, lodging an average stake into her abdomen. She looked down and easily pulled it out, then threw it outside as she advanced upon them with the intent to kill. Another cat pulled out a golden cross and held it up, shaking as he yelled, “Get back!”

Rosie stopped and grabbed the cross, admiring it as she said, “Hey, you mind if I keep this?” The others, seeing as this wasn’t working, threw holy water at her but she simply puffed out her chest as she placed her hands on her hips. “Ha! Your holy water is no match for my superior sparkles!” She said with a sense of pride. They moved further back, wondering how this was possible. Rosie sensed this, so she answered their question. “Typical vampire weaknesses don’t effect me much. I’ve long since overcome disadvantages like that, with some help from the big guy himself. By the way, the stake goes through the heart, morons.”

One cat suddenly took out a chalkboard and began clawing its sharp nails against the board. As they noticed it seemed to hurt her ears, the others joined in even though it was badly hurting their ears too. Mio tried to call out to her but the painful screeching sounds drowned out her attempts. Rosie soon remembered the reason she was doing this: To protect her friend, so she slowly got to her feet, forming a vibrant red aura as she did so. The cats were horrified by this revelation, for they knew ass kicking would ensue.

She began her assault, punching one cat through the wall as Mio watched in awe. Rosie lodged her absurdly sharp nails in one cat’s eyes, then chokeslamed another close by as Mio yelled, “Pound those Pussies!” She dodged a kick and stuck her claws right into the cat’s crotch, which Mio winced at. She picked up the second to last cat, raising him above her head and preparing to hit him with a piledriver. The devastating impact as they hit the ground shattered the cat’s skull, as Rosie bounced back in slow motion. She then spread her arms and produced a terrifying roar as you would expect of a dinosaur. She turned to the last cat, who promptly darted out of the room to alert the others within the front.

As the ship began to take off, Poison took aim, firing a small ball of wind which punctured the side of the ship, creating a large hole and damaging its internal engine. It was going down, and only then did Rosie notice another mysterious figure in the corner of that very room. He appeared to be a young boy with ruffled light brown hair. He had a six pack despite his childish look, and wore a crimson red sleeveless vest which left the middle of his chest open, dark red pants and black shoes. He had a hole within the pants where a light brown and fluffy tail stuck out, then she saw he also had the same unusual ears. “You want some too?” Rosie asked.

“No, I’ve seen enough. I wish to serve you.” The boy replied sincerely.

Rosie, who had calmed down, blinked for a moment. “What?”

“The way you brutally handled those large cats with your berserker rage, even scaring off the last one without touching him, it was awesome! Needless to say, I’m in love with your ruthless side.”

“Uhh…” Rosie clearly didn’t know how to reply to that.

“Please!” He reached forward. “Keep me by your side and let me prove my strength, for it is what a true man must do!”

“Fine, whatever.” She said, untying Mio. The three of them abandoned the ship almost immediately, meeting Poison on the way down, and after a bit of talking, the boy told them his name was Leo, and he was a werewolf hybrid, but the real question is what chick would shack up with a werewolf. Maybe she just liked it rough.

Poison, Rosie and Leo made it back to where the others were, at which point Ivy and Ruby were arguing over something trivial again. As she spotted them, Ivy run up to them and began yelling. “Poison! Where the hell did you go?! We were in the middle of something here!”

“Sorry, he left to help me with something.” Rosie replied.

“What?! Did you two do perverted things?”

“No.” Poison said, completely deadpan.

“Sadly.” Rosie added as she rolled her eyes. “And this here is Leo, he’s part werewolf.” She continued.

“I am pleased to meet you all and I hope we can get on and try to push each other to greater limits.” He said with a bow.

The others eyed him suspiciously, then Poison spoke. “To be honest, we’re all a bunch of assholes in one way or another. Ruby’s probably the nicest one here, and even she’s succumbing to a few **** tendencies.” Leo simply nodded.

“That doesn’t excuse anything, Poison! I’m still really pissed at you for running off without saying anything!” Ivy continued her yelling.

Poison took out a box and handed it to her, which appeared to be a strawberry cake. Her expression changed from seething rage to a delightful smile as she accepted it while saying, “All is forgiven.”

Just then, a portal opened up nearby and a number of black cats emerged, startling the others. “Dad!” Mio exclaimed as she ran and hugged one cat who had a black beard and a staff with an eye patch.

“Mio, we finally found you!” He said.

“How did you get here?”

“We built a dimensional portal with the help of this other cat who was a mad scientist and kept blurting out random phrases. Anyway, lets go home now.”

“Just a moment, dad.” Mio ran up to Rosie. “Thanks for looking after me, even if it was only for a single day.”

“In a weird way, you helped me more than I helped you.”

“Now I’m gonna join my dad who’s the leader of the Prowlers and become one myself!”

“Wait, so you’re the daughter of the leader?”

“Well yeah.”

“Alternate realities are full of bizarre yet similar things, at least that’s what Gary has suggested.” She said to no-one in particular. “Anyway, take care, Mio. It was great meeting you.”

“Right back at ya, and don’t go being a ****, Rosie.” Mio said as she waved goodbye.

“Wouldn’t dream of it. And by the way, what‘s your sexual orientation?”

“Oh, I’m bisexual.”

“I knew it.” She said with a nod, figuring that explained everything, moments before the cats vanished. She felt rather melancholy afterwards, but perhaps it was for the best. Despite being different species, she still had friends, which she realized could transcend any barriers, and that’s all that mattered.

---

Willard lowered the book as he looked over to the camera. “Wasn’t that a wonderful tale? Considering the regular negative continuality established with stories like this, some of it might be true and some might not. I normally prefer my endings to be quite a downer, but I particularly fond of cats, so in this case I’d make an exception. Now, my honey roasted infants should be ready any minute now, if you could please see yourself out as I’ll be having guests shortly. Farewell, unsuspecting intruder.” He waved nonchalantly as he took a sip from his coffee mug. Upon leaving the room and journeying down the corridor, the camera was suddenly attacked, dropping sideways on the ground and being crushed by a dark figure a moment later.

TMEDCE: Chapter 34 - Soulbusters

Somewhere in the pits of Hell, Ivy, Poison, Damien and Rosie were walking along beside a pool of lava. Rosie was talking about Leo. “This whole thing on being overwhelmingly manly is going a bit too far. I mean, just this morning he ate a plank of wood for breakfast and drank a cup of nails. It was ridiculous!”

“Just let him be insane if he wants.” Poison replied. “Besides, its quite fun to watch anyway.”

“He tends to start fights quite a bit as well.” Rosie added.

“Then why don’t I just build one of those ridiculously human robots?” Ivy suggested. “It would really help if that’s the case.”

“I think Leo is what this planet really needs.” Damien said. “Too many weaklings and egotistical bastards around here who need sense beaten into them. Rosie is rather violent to do it without casualties.” He glanced at her as he finished.

“Well I’m sorry for going too far on occasions…by the way, Ivy, where’s that tentacled pet you said you had?”

“Oh, he’s off doing his own thing nowadays. He has his own show now with Adol.” Ivy said as she began to remember the premier.

---

Floyd entered an office building with a folder in hand. He quietly walked over to Spring’s desk and dropped it on the table, saying, “We’ve got another one.” as he did so. Spring looked up, as if to say, “Should we call in the specialists?” Floyd nodded without anything needing to be said. Spring got up from his desk and dialled a number.

Adol and Nookie were playing blackjack in a quiet spacious room when the phone rang, Adol picked it up and listened. “Another one, eh? Understood.” He nodded and put the phone down before turning to his partner. “Nookie, guess what time it is?”

“Blaaaaaah!” Was all the monster said as it waved its tentacles in the air.

“You bet you ass it is.” Adol said, as he Nicholson’d.

These pimps are taking the law into their own hands. Ya’ll haters can go hate, cause its time for some raep.

Adol kicked down a door where the parents and their young son were currently living. As they stood in the doorway, below them had the words, “The Raepomen.” The narrator continued as it showed clips of Adol taking out a fire hose, Nookie breaking into a van packed with high school girls, and one man being slapped upside the head with a dildo. “Starring Adol the Red as himself, Nookie as XX Smooth X, and guest starring Amber Salsar as that girl who drives the van.” It said as Amber waved from the van.

It showed another scene of Adol walking into a store with SA2 at the register. “Hey man, you got work again?” SA2 asked as he walked in.

“Yeah, gotta hit ‘em where it hurts.” He replied.

“The usual, right?”

“But of course.” SA2 handed him a pack of condoms and he paid for them before leaving and hopping back in the van. Adol and Nookie suited up as they got to their destination as the narrator struck again. “If you’re gonna do the crime, you’d better check the time. The Raepomen, tonight at 10.”

---

Ivy wiped a tear from her eye. “I’m so proud of him.” The others were rather surprised.

“Hey Damien, you got a letter!” Amber called as she ran up to the others and handed it to him.

He read the note and then crushed it. “Someone wants to meet with me. Well I’d better go, see you guys later.” He waved before taking off while Amber yelled to take protection.

An hour or so later he stood on a rooftop on earth, it was around midnight. Lolita stepped out from behind a fan on the roof shortly after he arrived. “Hello again, Damien.” He immediately was on guard as she did so. “There’s no need to start anything, I just need your help.”

“Yeah right, you’ve been after me for a while now. What could you possibly need my help for?”

“Souls have escaped the underworld and you have to help me capture them.”

“I don’t do that crap, besides, what’s in it for me?”

“I’ll extend your life for a while.”

“Or perhaps I could just kill you and extend it permanently.” He said, grinning as parts of the metallic roof began to slowly move. Damien summoned a large ball of red energy within an instant and threw it at her, it splitting into a dozen small beams. Lolita summoned black puddles around her which launched black beams to counter his attack, then leaped left to avoid his. Damien ran, dodging several beams and deflecting one at a billboard. Damien summoned parts of the roof to raise up and try to crush her, but she drew a katana and sliced through several bits while evading more. Damien smiled as he said, “You may be pretty fast, but on the ground, I have the advantage.” He raised his hand and suddenly four pillars of metal rose up around Lolita and within a split second crushed her, as blood slowly poured out of the small cracks.

“Guess she wasn’t as fast as I thought.” Damien said with a sigh, clearly disappointed.

“Or maybe you’re just too slow.” said as voice coming from his far right. She tore off part of the billboard and charged at him. She swung at him, but he quickly jumped and tried to kick her as she leaped far back and threw the weapon at him. He smashed through it and sidestepped the two beams Lolita fired, then leaped into the air and covered his right arm in metal as he prepared to strike. She tried to stop the punch from connecting with a shield then quickly leaped left as he almost broke through. Damien flash stepped behind her and punched her across the roof. She flipped and began firing more beams as she landed, soon rushing in to attack with an axe while he defended with a created sword. One beam came back and rapped around Damien, attempting to crush his bones from its grip.

Lolita appeared behind him and punched him into the fan further away. As they continued, a blue humanoid pig wearing a black robed outfit and a cape appeared, figuring it was a good chance to take them out. He aimed at them with a gun, but was hit with a stone spear which lodged itself in his brain, a result of Lolita deflecting it. Damien noticed the body and stopped. “So who’s that?”

“That’s what I was saying, let me show you.” She took out a blue chart with 9 squares on it in a 3x3 pattern. The eight outer squares had soul icons and in the middle was her deadpan, emotionless face. “Some souls have escaped and I have to track them down before Death notices. With your elemental powers it’ll be easier for me.”

“I feel like I’ve seen this design somewhere…” He said, closely examining the chart. “And once again, I have no incentive to help you. You’re trying to bring me back too, so why should I help you?”

“You’ll be doing a good thing.”

“My agreement is reaching zero.”

“I’ll let you touch me.”

“Well I don’t wanna touch you.”

“Well I’ll have you know I’m at least a B cup underneath these clothes.”

“I never asked.”

“I just thought you should know.”

“Even though I never asked.” He finished her sentence.

After a while Lolita eventually left, seeing as Damien wouldn’t agree to help her. Due to her soul sense, the next morning she managed to track an undead samurai, a boxing shark and a wrestling lion to an antique shop. “Oh hai, pretty girl.” said the black haired owner as she walked in. “Good day, huh?” She nodded as she walked by, towards the back of the store when the souls quickly noticed her coming. She slid under the shark’s punch, leaped by the Samurai and blocked the lion’s bicycle kick before grabbing him and smacking the samurai across the place then threw him at the shark. He evaded the lion and prepared to strike with a machete, but Lolita kicked it out of his hands and threw him at several vases, smashing them.

She jumped on the samurai’s blade and hit him with a psycho crusher, impaling him with her hand and grabbing his soul as they hit the wall. She flipped over the shark as he swung at her, then sliced its head off with her arm covered in black energy as it spun round. The lion quickly attacked from the right with a chainsaw, but she stopped the weapon with her bare hand. Shocked as the weapon slowed down while she kept her expression even though her hand was bleeding, she placed her other hand near his stomach and fired a beam through him. As she was walking away, the owner said, “Why you do this to me, pretty girl? You’re TEARING me APART, customer!” She quickly stopped and summoned a large bag of money, leaving it on the counter as she left.

Damien was standing with Ivy and Poison on a street corner near an arcade, explaining what happened. “So she wants me to help her catch souls before Death fires her ass.”

“You should probably help her out this once.” Ivy suggested.

“You haven’t been as moody lately.” Damien said, suddenly noticing.

“Yeah, I noticed too.” Poison agreed.

“I’m not always moody.” She pouted. “How many Shinigami are there anyway?”

“Probably around a dozen.” Damien said. “They call her “The Weapon Factory.” down there.”

“Why?” Poison asked.

“Because she’ll practically use almost anything as a weapon.”

“Makes sense.” He shrugged.

Just then, two souls showed up, one being a fox and the other a large slug. The fox called out to him, “Hey you, you’re that demon prince, right?” He continued, not giving him time to answer. “There’s this annoying chick catching escaped souls. She’s probably after you too, right? How about we work together to take her down?”

“Thanks but no thanks. I work alone, or with people I feel I can get along with, and I’m not sensing that, so-” He squashed the slug with four stone pillars then dashed ahead, jamming his hand through the fox’s chest. “Goodbye. Nothing personal, of course.”

“Did it ever get boring having to spend 20 years in that underworld place?” Poison asked.

“Not really, since everyone there can’t die they tend to get along with other Shinigami and each other. Besides, time really speeds up down there so its only been around 4 years for me.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty fast. Same as in 20 years on our planet would only be 10 on Earth.”

Suddenly, Lolita came running down the street and stopped beside the three, looking around as she said, “Where are the two souls here?”

“I already killed them, so don’t worry.”

“Oh, thank you.” She then noticed the other two. “Oh, its you again. Would you still like to be my pet?”

“What’s your deal with pets?” Poison asked.

“I like pets.” she immediately replied.

“You’re dodging the question.”

“Go away, you foolish Shinigami!” Ivy exclaimed. “If he’s gonna be anyone’s pet, he’d be mine!” She quickly turned and said, “Not that I’d make you do that.”

“I sense you’re not very close with the random yelling and the clinginess.” Lolita replied.

“We’re very close, in fact we sleep in the same bed…sometimes.”

“Only when she has nightmares and doesn’t wanna sleep alone.” Poison added.

“That’s rather cute.” Lolita said.

“S-shut up, its not cute at all!” Ivy yelled.

“So its pathetic then?”

Ivy thought for a moment. “…Lets go with cute then, but evilly cute.”

“Of course.” They all said in unison, humouring her.

As Damien agreed to finally help Lolita and they walked off, Ivy randomly said, “I feel like I’ve been ignored for several weeks, for some reason…”

After a short while of walking and reminiscing about the past, Lolita stopped, wide-eyed as she said, “I have this tingling feeling down below.”

“Uh-huh.” Damien said, choosing not to comment on it.

“My soul sense is tingling.” She clutched her fist and held it against her chest as she said it.

“Is that what you’re calling it nowadays?” They quickly took off down alleyways and through parking garages until they got near a motorway, where a car just passed them as it was speeding down the road. Damien ripped the door off a red car and Lolita started the engine. And they were off! Flying right into the danger zone. The black car containing the two mummified souls swerved left and right down the highway, nearly causing crashes with the amount of sudden turns. Damien leaned out the window, equipped with a rocket launcher and fired at them. He missed by a few inches, but the resulting explosion managed to make several cars explode, and make a lot others crash.

“You missed.” Lolita said.

“I guess I did.” Damien replied, with a devilish grin after being satisfied with the level of destruction. Lolita told Damien to take the wheel, at which point she cut off her right arm and stuck a chainsaw to it with duck tape. She cut off her left arm to stick a minigun to it, but realized she couldn’t do so and stared at Damien for a few moments until he sighed and tried to stick it on. She leaped through the traffic, hopping across cars and firing at the black car while they fired back. As she reached them, she cut through the roof with the chainsaw and immediately opened fire with the minigun, killing them. Damien quickly took the opportunity to blast the car with his rocket launcher, blowing them all up as he drove by.

He stopped by a field at the next exit and began to light a cigarette. As he did so, Lolita walked up to him and stood two feet away, unscathed. As he turned to her she said, “You just tried to kill me, didn’t you?”

“Huh, I never noticed that. An alternate interpretation really could suggest I was trying there. Funny, huh?”

“…So were you trying to kill me?”

Damien sighed as he walked off, saying, “Sarcasm, Lolita, learn it.”

“Well now that I have the souls I’ll be taking them back home.”

“I wouldn’t be quite so sure about that.” a dark charismatic voice said from nearby. A puff of smoke appeared ahead and Willard stepped out from it, holding a jar with black spirits flying around. “Sadly, I have alternative purposes for these souls I happened to find, so I’d be rather thankful if you spared the few you’re also collected.”

“Willard…” Lolita said squinting, then stopped a moment later. “Wait, I don’t even know who you are…”

“So Willard, what’re you up to this time?” Damien asked.

“Come now, Damien, are you not also a complete monster? You choose to ignorantly judge me despite your wanton for needless destruction?”

“Yeah but I try to be a good friend and a good older brother.”

“We must settle in in a typical RPG style.” Lolita suggested. “I’ll be in the front row.”

“Lolita, now’s not the ti-”

She put her finger to his mouth. “An RPG battle is the only way, Damien.”

He moved her hand and motioned for Willard to follow him away from Lolita. They discussed various things, occasionally using hand signals to explain their point. After a while of talking, Willard bale’d, and Damien Kermit’d, at which point Willard handed him the jar and went about his business. Damien walked back over to Lolita and handed her the jar, saying, “Here, he won’t be bothering with souls for a while.”

“Thank you, Damien. Even though we could have duked it our RPG style, you decided to settle it like gentlemen just to help me.”

“Don’t misunderstand, I didn’t do it all just for your sake.”

“You didn’t add the stutter.” Lolita pointed out.

“What?”

“Tsun~ is more effective when you add the stutter. Everyone knows that.”

Damien glared at her, beginning to lose his patience. “I’m going to hurt you in a minute.”

“Alright, we both know that’s just how you show your love.”

“You’re trying to **** me off, aren’t you?”

“Why? You mad?” She asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“I ain’t made, just annoyed. Anyway, I’m done helping out so see ya.” He said as he turned away from her and began walking.

“Oh, okay.” She began waving and turned around to leave.

“Hey wait,” Lolita stopped in her tracks as she heard his voice. “Since I’ve still got time, you wanna go to the arcade?”

“Sure, why not.” She said, walking over to him. And so, they walked together, talking about old times and ignoring the pileup far in the distance on the highway.

You can tell I had some fun with this one.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Chapter 35 - Night of the Savvy Tropers

Sometime following the previous events, it was currently late at night as the title would suggest. Ruby was running up a large mountain, fully dressed in her Justice attire as she had previously received a letter asking for help from that location. Upon reaching the top the place was modelled like an arena, and far ahead by the ledge was Ivy, dressed in a white version of Ruby’s outfit. Ivy removed the mask and smiled as she arrived. “I’m glad we could finally meet, ‘Justice.’, you could consider me your designated arch nemesis, Chaos.”

Ruby was somewhat surprised by this. “Wait, I thought you were gonna stop doing things like this?”

“Yeah but Status Quo is God after all, so I gotta be a little evil sometimes. I’m gonna crush your magical girl delusions, even though you’re too stupid to know the difference between that and a superhero, but maybe that’s the point. Anyway, lets begin.” Ivy leaped ahead and threw a downward punch, which Ruby dodged as she got near. Ruby attacked with a kick which Ivy blocked. They moved around the rocky area for a short while, eventually braking off pieces of the mountain to smack each other with. A beeper went off in Ivy’s pocket and she smiled as she leaped back. “Seems our guest is here.” Omar was approaching the mountain in his giant robot as she continued. “Prepare to face the Super Ultra Mega Rock ‘em Sock ‘em robot V.2!” She leaped out the way as it landed nearby.

“That was a perfect introduction, Ivy.” Omar said as he started firing at Ruby.

“Oh please, you’re too kind.” Ivy said, flattered as she watched from the sidelines. Ruby ran around the area, hiding behind rocks and evading the missiles and blasts being fired, but when she tried to attack she was hit by Ivy from behind. When Ruby retaliated she was then hit by a laser beam from the robot. After a while of being knocked back and forth, she waited until the robot opened its mouth to fire a mouth blast, then she quickly launched herself up using Ivy’s head as a pedestal and shoved several holy hand grenades in its mouth then quickly leaped off. Omar immediately ejected as the robot charged up to fire, the machine producing a massive explosion as it did, knocking Ruby into Ivy as they tumbled down the mountain.

Meanwhile, a blond haired kid wearing blue jeans and a plain blue shirt was looking outside his bedroom window, wondering why the hell there were hundreds of people storming down the streets, seeming to be suffering a severe case of insomnia. He sat back at his computer and visited TV Tropes, as usual. Upon checking his email he received a link to a certain TV Tropes page, and like a moron he followed it. Soon enough, he left his house, becoming a part of the other tropers, no-one knew what was on that page or who created it. While that happened, Crystal was taking a shower at Amber’s resort, the steamy water conveniently covering certain spots as she used a bar of soap. Suddenly, tropers! Half a dozen of them! They broke in through the door, eerily calling out, “Shooower sceene!” as they approached her. Crystal grabbed her tower and punched them as she ran.

In the lobby Amber was fighting off more wearing a black biker‘s outfit, and upon spotting Crystal threw her a white shirt and beige pants, then they ran as the tropers following, shouting, “Zombie Apocalypse!” As they ran through the troper infested streets, glancing around at the burning and broken down cars, the helpless civilians being ganged up against them, and generally everything going to hell as they attempted to find the others. Fortunately Rosie happened to be in the area and spotted them from the various explosions caused as they fended off the tropers. She dropped down from a rooftop and then backed up as they prepared to attack, stopping when they realised it was her.

After discussing that they all knew nothing about this, Rosie joined them, at which point a hobo nearby moaned, “Sixth ranger…” Rosie promptly tore his head off.

In another area, Poison and Damien were exiting the arcade, arguing over something involving a fighting game. They stopped for a moment and noticed there were dozens of tropers surrounding the place. After a moment of silence, Damien turned to Poison and said, “Twenty bucks says I kill more guys than you do.”

“You’re on.” Poison replied, drawing his blade.

Ivy and Ruby had previously encountered some insomniac tropers and started to avoid them. Ruby suggested they visit someone who was said to be an expert on tropes to help them, and that person was said to reside in a specific alleyway in the event of a zombie invasion. As they reached that specific spot, they discovered their target was Lily Locket, who smirked as she lay on the wall. “Well, I suspect you came because you needed my help.” before Ivy could speak, she continued. “I live and breathe tropes, so I know all there is to know and I’m a master strategist in this instance. You should feel honoured to be in my presence, to meet face to face with yours truly and beg for my omniscient guidance.”

“This was a waste of time.” Ruby said as she began to leave.

“Yeah, lets go.” Ivy added.

“No, wait! Please let me join you!” Lily yelled as she chased them, Ivy and Ruby running as they noticed. Ivy soon leapt through a window as Ruby passed her and evaded the both of them, climbing out shortly afterwards and walking off on her own.

In a random location, the Loli Rangers were travelling round on motorbikes representing their chosen colours, blasting tropers with their .45’s as Loli Red told them to aim for the forehead since living organisms can’t function without it. “The more you know.” Loli Yellow wrote on a sign. During their mission, several tropers were being taken out from afar by a sniper. Loli Black looked in the direction of the shot to see Lolita on a roof. “Who’re you?!” Loli Red yelled.

There was silence, then Loli Green stepped ahead. “I can speak with her.” The two stared at each other in silence. What felt like seconds to them felt like a minute to the others, because it was a minute of silence. Loli Green whispered something to the others, which they fully understood.

Poison and Damien passed by a street with some police firing away at the tropers, until some of them also pulled out guns and fired back, taking them out by surprise. Poison noticed this as he and Damien swung at the tropers with their swords, Damien creating a two-handed broad sword from stone. “Those zombies are getting smarter.”

“I thought they were tropers.” Damien replied.

“Whatever.” They continued their rampage occasionally using their elemental abilities till up ahead there were over a hundred more coming. As Damien was about to attack, a ray of lightning came down from the sky and hit them, sending most of them flying. Gary landed beside them with his sword drawn, and the three of them posed. Gary then explained himself. “Hey Poison, I was informed of the situation by Crystal. I’m here to help out.”

“That’ll make things much easier.” Poison transferred wind energy to his blade then passed it to Gary. “Charge that with electricity and fire it.”

“Well okay.” He shrugged, partially confused. As he swung, a large electric tornado was fired at light speed, smashing into the tropers and causing large quantities of damage. “So mixing strengths of wind and electricity allows you to rapidly fire electric tornados at light speed?…That’s pretty broken.”

“I know, right?”

Gary fired another one. “We’re gonna abuse the hell out of this, right?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLJLyneZGKc&feature=related

“Of course.” Gary handed Poison his sword, who then transferred wind energy to it. As the tropers drew near, Poison and Gary had their backs to each other. Damien decided to sit at a bench, took out a boom box and put on Guile’s theme as they rapidly fired electric tornados at the tropers along with the beat, changing direction every time while one moaned, “Spam Attack…”

Ivy ran through the streets, punching out tropers who said things such as, “Bratty Half Pint.”, “Pettanko.” and “Villain Protagonist.” As one said, “Dark Magical Girl…” She sliced his head off. She kept running in fear and was soon trapped down an alleyway as the tropers slowly crept up on her. “Ivy, what happened to your inner strength?” She heard a voice call out. She looked up and spotted SA2 standing on a roof. “Sensei!”

“Is this the extent of your confidence?” He asked.

“Of course not, sensei!” She protested, getting to her feet.

“Then show them your elite ninja skills.”

“Right!” Ivy’s speed suddenly increased, managing to blaze circles around the group, swiftly taking them out with sneak attacks then decapitated the last one. She looked up towards the rooftop but unfortunately SA2 was gone. She held her fist up to her face, clenching it as she quietly said, “Sensei…”

Back with Crystal, Amber and Rosie, they had shortly passed a street where Spring and Floyd were driving through tons of tropers, then preformed multi-track drifting as Floyd fired a bazooka down the street. Rosie spotted Lolita on a roof, still firing at tropers, and leaped onto it. “Hey, you seem rather unusual, wanna join us?”

“Okay.” She packed up her suitcase of weapons and followed them.

After a while of taking out hordes of tropers, they approached a steel gate, setup in the middle of a forest path. Damien was going to blow it up, when suddenly far in the distance a mysterious figure was charging towards the area, smashing tropers out the way as one yelled, “Foe tossing charge!” It turned out to be Leo, who leaped up over the three of them and punched the door out the way. He turned to the others and said, “Lets go, men!” The three of them shrugged and followed.

“So Leo, do you have a weapon?” Gary asked.

“Weapons are useless! My personal weapons are my fists! You gotta punch ‘em, show ‘em you’re a man!” Leo yelled.

“Well okay.”

Poison was suddenly called by Cherry who happened to have his number and told him she was trapped in a burning apartment building. After telling the others, he rushed off, saying that his willpower to rescue her will give him the strength to make it in time, which Leo shed manly tears upon hearing.

Fortunately Ruby had spotted the building first, swinging into a window on the third floor to help those still alive. As she touched the ground she said, “Lets get serious!” Parts of the building started crumbling as she took out tropers who said things such as, “Cute Bruiser.”, “Good Is Dumb,” and “Iron Woobie.”. She avoided the crumbling on the floors and ran up the stairs to other floors, occasionally finding people trapped within their apartments and flying them outside before continuing. She encountered Cherry on the top floor and leaped out the window, sliding down it and speeding off as they touched the ground. They quickly ran by Poison who stopped and noticed them. Ruby mentioned having to stay at hospital during one day because of lead poisoning from bullet wounds inflicted. After discussing what they knew Poison informed her that they’ll be taking ships to somewhere else in the meantime.

The girls were still fighting off tropers as Amber said, “These Mooks are pissing me off.” Crystal eyed her suspiciously but continued attacking. Rosie teared some apart then heard a troper say, “Panty Shot…” Another slapped him upside the head and corrected him. “No, Vapor Wear…” He looked again. “Oh, sorry, my bad.” Rosie wondered what they were talking about, just before looking towards Lolita who was bending over as she looked through her case of weapons. She pulled out a laser cannon and began firing. As they cleared the area they proceeded to move on but then heard Lily yell, “Not so fast!” She dropped down ahead with a machete. “You’ll have to beat me to continue!”

“Can we really do that, it seems like a Hopeless Boss Fight!” Amber exclaimed.

“Yeah, who knows how strong she is!” Crystal added.

“That One Boss.” Lolita randomly said.

“I’ll give it my all. Breaking Dawn attack!” Rosie yelled, attacking head-on. Crystal wondered why the attack was called Breaking Dawn. With a swing she knocked the machete out of her hands. As Lily smirked and attempted to say something, Rosie continued, with a kick to the crotch, an elbow to the throat, a punch to the back of her knee, and then ripping her arm off. Crystal then finally understood why. Lily screamed as she suffered unbearable pain, while the others stared at her. “Sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes…”

Lily then suddenly said, “Hey guys, could you give me a hand here?” Everyone except Lolita laughed, and once they finally stopped, Lily continued, “No seriously, I kinda need that or else I’ll eventually die from blood loss.”

Back with Damien, Gary and Leo, they charged through the heaps of tropers, slashing and smacking them away as the rushed for a mall ahead. As Damien noticed Leo had disappeared, the wolf boy suddenly dropped a steamroller on a dozen tropers, spreading his arms as he yelled, “Wryyyyyyyyyy!” Leo decided to stay behind to buy them time, and Damien handed him a small bomb which would be as effective as a nuke, which he just happened to have. He stood his ground as they cornered him. One even asked, “Why do you not run, you are but a young wolf.”

“I may be a wolf, but I’m also something else.”

“And what would that be?”

“I AM A MAN!” He immediately punched the troper with the force of a thousand suns, making his head explode and detonating the nuke. “Heroic Sacifi-” Before a troper could finish, the place was engulfed by the explosion, reducing it to rubble.

Ivy, Poison, Ruby, Damien, Amber, Crystal, Gary, Lolita, Rosie, Lily and Cherry made it to a mall, some happy to see each other and others not so happy. Poison suggested the idea of flying off in ships, but Lolita informed him she saw some ships being captured by the tropers earlier today. Ruby suggested they visit Omar’s lab as he’s bound to have some ships, so it was settled and they stormed out in the dead of night, needing a vehicle to get there faster. Rosie and Lolita stayed to give them a chance to find a van and start the engine, which they eventually did but the overwhelming hordes of tropers had already got to them. Lily ran to get in the van but missed as they drove off. The tropers surrounded her, but chose to go about their business instead.

They sped off down the streets, swerving wildly as the tropers chased them. Ruby eventually flew out the back at one sudden turn, the tropers managing to grab her and devouring her by sheer numbers as she screamed for help. Crystal jumped out of the van against the others wishes, knowing it was too late but attacking none the less. Gary sighed and said farewell to the others, choosing to accompany her. They soon made it to Omar’s tower, when Amber began coughing up blood from the mouth. Lolita happened to already be there when they arrived.

“So how did you get here? Didn’t you die just earlier?” Ivy asked.

“I’m just that awesome.” She replied.

“No she’s not, she’s just already dead.” Damien said.

Unbeknownst to the others, Amber had been bitten much earlier by one of the tropers, and it was now taking effect. “Zombie Infectee…” She said, walking over to Cherry and biting her neck. Her screaming alerted the others, and Damien and Poison attacked. Amber quickly moved behind Lolita, who had enough time to dodge but stood still as Amber chopped her head off. As Amber leaped at Poison, he stabbed her in the forehead, killing her. Cherry was freaking out, thinking she’d become one of those tropers, so Damien shot her in the head. Damien looked at Poison, who was obviously pissed, but he knew there was no other way and it was for the best.

The three of them carried on to the floor where the dimensional gate was found, and upon entering were attacked by more hordes of tropers, one shooting Damien immediately and took their time slowly devouring Ivy and Poison and tearing at their flesh. Suddenly a Game Over screen appeared, and it was revealed Ivy was playing a game. “This game sucks!” Ivy yelled, throwing the pad. It was then revealed she was reading a story. “This fanfiction story sucks!” She threw the monitor out the window. It was then revealed she was reading a comic. She held it up, yelling, “This comic sucks!” before throwing it to the ground. A gigantic world eater entity who looked like Ivy was watching the earth and yelled, “This planet sucks!” She quickly swallowed the planet in a single gulp and walked off to find more planets.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSXnYdgutpk&feature=related

TMEDCE: Chapter 36 - Cosmic Destination

It was a nice day, the sun was shining, people were going shopping, getting their nails did, etc. Ivy, Poison, Ruby, Gary, Damien and Crystal were at a zoo for some weird reason. To avoid wasting much time, a ray designed by Omar fills the animals with rage, making them break out of their environments and attack people. Ivy is smothered to death while caught off guard by a large pack of apes, a steel bar keeping a gorilla locked up flies off as it breaks out and flies through Poison’s forehead. Damien simply crushes the hordes of bees which came after him, but was somehow crushed by an elephant. Gary is killed in a stampede while helping some others, Crystal is brutally attacked by other gorillas, and Ruby decided to run as these things happened, only to get hit by a bus with the number 415 on it.

She comes to, realizing it was all a vision in her head, and did what any person who had gotten one would do, warn her companions and anyone who happened to listen and force them to leave, shortly before Omar activated that siren and they saw large amounts of destruction in the distance, the others staring at Ruby oddly while she couldn’t believe it herself. A few days later, she received an invitation from Ivy of all people to come with them to Chessington, they would’ve gone Disneyworld but they’re still banned from there.

Ruby, Gary, Crystal, Amber, Leo, Adol and the Loli Rangers stood by the entrance waiting for the rest. To their surprise, Ivy, Poison, Damien and Rosie arrived, Damien and Rosie standing to either side, Poison giving Ivy a piggyback ride, and above all, Ivy was happy, and had her eyes shut the whole time. “Hey guys.” Poison said as they got there.

Poison put Ivy down and she waved to the others as she said, “Good morning, everyone.” Once again, the others were shocked by her sudden change. “Ahh, Ruby, my best friend but also my biggest rival, how are you?” She said, giving Ruby a hug.

“Wait, you remembered my name? And you called me a friend? And why are you so happy? What’s going on here?!?”

“Its her birthday.” Poison replied. “And she’s always in a happy mood on her birthday. Almost nothing can bring her down, regardless of how much you insult her.”

“Yup.” Ivy nodded.

“Almost nothing?” Rosie asked, leaning close to Poison.

“Well after noticing this, I did my best to try and **** her off. It took a long time, but I eventually found the trigger.”

“What did you say?”

“I’d rather not risk it again. I can still feel the teeth marks beneath my hair sometimes…”

“That makes me more curious to know how a perpetually happy Ivy could get pissed off…”

“Be thankful today.” Ivy said to Ruby. “As it’ll be the only day I won’t attempt to kill you.”

“Umm, thanks.” Ruby said awkwardly. “So I think we should go on a rollercoaster first.”

“You silly angel, we should try this bubble ride I know about.” Ivy said cheerfully.

“Rollercoaster.”

“Bubble ride.” This continued for a few moments, and then Ivy turned to Poison. “Poison, which do you want, my choice or Ruby’s?”

He could see a cross popping vein as Ivy stared, telling she was clearly irritated. He knew it’d be in his best interest to agree with Ivy, but didn’t want to upset Ruby by doing so, so he made a better choice. “Wait here one second.” Hastening his feet with wind energy, he sped off into the distance.

After a short period of silence, Adol was the first to speak. “I don’t think he’s coming back…”

A little later, after some of them had split up to go to different places, they met shortly after by some tables outside some shops. Gary sat at a table with Poison, Damien, Adol, Amber and Rosie, talking about a mission he had done a while ago. “So I had to take down this guy on another planet, but he was pretty sneaky. He managed to get me in this elaborate death trap where there was pretty much no normal escape and was somewhat littered with random objects. Luckily those nights watching MacGyver finally paid off.”

Ruby walked over to another table nearby where Lolita was sitting. “Umm, can I talk to you for a minute?” She asked, standing in front of her.

“Of course, take a seat, naïve angel.”

She did so. “I had this psychic vision a few days ago about ridiculous deaths of some people I know and was hoping it was just a coincidence and wouldn’t come back to haunt me.”

“You’re wondering if my boss is planning anything?”

“Well yeah, if so I’ve gotta stop it at all costs!”

“Then I suggest you go commando, like I do.”

“I thought you just had vapor wear.”

“My longcoat might be somewhat short but its not see-through.”

“Ooh, sorry, must have mixed those two up.”

“I don’t see how anyone could mix up those two.”

“I still think going commando is pointless though.”

Loli Green, who was sitting further away, spun round and said, “I think Lolita makes a good point.”

Lolita pointed at her as she said, “Kuudere-chan knows what’s up.” Ruby simply sighed as she walked off.

Rosie was randomly talking about old times at the other table. “Y’know how annoying it is to explain to vampire hunters nowadays that you’re not that evil anymore? I’ve kinda mellowed out since meeting you guys, so instead of killing them I try to talk things out now. Some just don’t listen, so I impale them instead.”

“Gotta stab the fleshy interior.” Amber commented.

“Gotta hammer in that nail.” Rosie said back.

“Gotta fill out that taco with some meat.”

“Gotta fill the cup with some warm milk.”

“Gotta carefully stick the pencil in the sharpener.”

“Gotta attack the weak point for massive damage.” After an awkward period of silence where the only noise heard was Poison drinking, she then asked, “What were we talking about again?”

Crystal was walking by, wearing a suit, donning a pair of shades and had her pimp cane out. As she walked down the street, Loli Black nodded towards her and said, “Haters gonna hate.”

“Tru dat.” Crystal replied, nodding back.

Ruby was walking around, having lost sight of Ivy and trying to see what she was up to. A children’s funhouse in the distance got her curiosity, though she wondered why Ivy would be there of all places, but she did appear to be there, as the place was slowly being filled up with large sticky marshmallows, and was slowly approaching the top. Ruby thought about whether to rescue someone who’s tried to kill her at least a dozen times and regularly starts conflict whenever she’s around, but seeing how she’d feel guilty later, she decided to help…by punching through a wall and slowly dragging out the marshmallows until Ivy could free herself. Surprisingly, Ivy actually thanked her afterwards. So they then went to a go-kart ride.

“Isn’t that sweet?” Poison said as he watched them.

“I guess.” Damien shrugged.

“Its great to have two girls you have strong feelings for get along.” Lily said as she suddenly appeared and sat down.

“Ahh, good morning, Lily.” Poison said cheerfully.

“Today is just plain weird.” Rosie began. “Ivy is overly happy and Poison isn’t snarking at anyone. This is going to ruin our angle! What’s next, Amber starts acting like a scientist?”

“Hey!” She yelled back.

“It’d just be really weird too. I wonder if Poison would react to any of my advances in this state…”

“Can’t I just say you have a nice ass and leave it at that?” He asked.

“I do?”

“Yeah, if you want you can shake that ass-” He then backed up as he said, “But watch yourself!”

“Wha?”

“So you no longer have problems hitting on members in your harem?” Lily asked.

Poison closed his eyes and shrugged, a smug smile appearing on his face. “Lets face it, I’m just that good. Other girls satisfaction comes before I own, and I’m good at fulfilling that.” Poison took out a magnet and placed it on his crotch. “Get it?”

Most of them were rather shocked to hear that, while Lily exclaimed, “Oh no, Poison is turning into a eroge protagonist!”

“You cannot call yourself a man till you can satisfy the needs of others.” Leo said as he suddenly appeared.

“Oh, hey Leo.” Rosie waved.

“Good for you, Poison.” Adol nodded. “I think I’m already there, working in a all girls high school is wonderful. I tend to like girls who have just about fully developed, but are still rather young. They tend to be surprisingly tight while also having very appealing features, it’s a feeling you can’t possibly comprehend without trying it. My students love me, but I can’t reciprocate that love until they’ve finished developing, and then its fair game.”

“I honestly don’t know what to say to that.” Poison replied cheerfully.

“Didn’t you once say Amber molesting a boy she was babysitting with a dildo was immoral and wrong?” Gary asked Poison, who nodded. “But because of how hilariously she described the event, you said she should video tape it next time?” He nodded again. “You guys are cruel.”

“Oh, by the way, I actually did tape it, here it is.” Amber said pulling the tape from her bra and handing it to Poison.

“Also, I just wanna say my fanfics are normally for things I’d never actually say to people I know.” Poison pointed out.

“Like how Amber should wear more clothing?” Damien asked.

“Yeah.”

“I also noticed how fast you killed off Ivy and had tons of women to play Brawl with.”

“It sounds awkward when you give it more thought than I did…”

“Yeah, plus Brawl’s boring now.”

Poison shrugged. “I guess.”

Ivy and Ruby just then passed by, having crashed through the barrier of the track and driving along the streets, bashing into each other and trying to send the other spiraling out of control. They eventually drove by Nookie, who happened to be handing out balloon to kids. Ivy eventually managed to knock her into a house of mirrors, where she broke half of them and had to pay a large fine, though Ivy insisted it wasn‘t her intention. Later on the group all met up and went to the arcade, Lolita joining and noticing Ivy and Ruby playing the same song on DDR, which happened to be Soulja Boy remixed with a Dragonball Z opening. They were getting a perfect score throughout the song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7b0oQkjup4Q

During the chorus, as they got their anime swag on, they spun in a circle, then grabbed the other’s hand and swung round to the other’s side while having their other arm extended. They continued, spun to right before pointing and shouted, “YOOOOUUUUU!”, then did the same as they spun left, then finally Ruby spun left while Ivy spun right then they pointed to each other. After rapidly tapping the up button, they looked back and pointed at Poison, who then said, “****, I look like Goku.”

A little later, the gang went on a on-rails shooter ride, where the point was to aim your plastic guns at flashing areas and shoot to gain points. Amber noticed that Damien and Lolita happened to have the highest score during the ride, and said, “Damien and Lolita sure would make a good team.”

“No we wouldn’t! Shut the hell up, Amber!” He yelled back.

“Keep it smooth, bro.” Crystal said.

“Our godly aim is too much for you guys.” Lolita said.

“Lets just shut up and focus on this now…” Damien replied.

“As you wish, darling.”

“Don’t make me shoot you with a real gun.”

During the random shooting, a piece of the ceiling above shook, and a large rock fell from above, which normally wouldn’t be enough to kill any of them but I guess times change. It aimed for Poison, which Ruby saw, but before she could do anything herself, Leo leaped up and grabbed the rock surprisingly easily and threw it aside. She breathed a sigh of relief as the ride continued.

Later on, since it was Ivy’s birthday that would mean there would be presents to give out, and they waited until getting to the theme park to do so. Poison revealed his present as he said, “Happy birthday, Ivy.”

“Aww, you big lug, you didn’t have to.” She said, about to except it.

“Alright, I’ll just put it away.” He was about to walk off until Ivy frantically waved her arms, yelling, “No, wait! I was kidding! I want it!”

“I loved my last birthday.” Ruby said, standing beside some others. “My dad gave me a golden shower that day.” There were some awkward stares, and some assumed she meant it literally. Ivy received a cookbook of cakes from Poison, a copy of Eternal Darkness from Damien, some typical vampire clothing from Rosie, Loli Blue gave her a severed head she got earlier that day, and a present from Amber which happened to be shaking in her hands a lot. Amber began whispering to Ivy about how to use it, which is when Damien assumed the worst.

Lolita was looking into the distance with binoculars when Ruby approached her. “What’re you looking at?”

“Bees.”

The smile faded from her face as she quietly said, “My god…”

As if right on cue, a swarm of bees suddenly appeared out of nowhere and attacked Damien, stinging him constantly, though with his powers he swatted them off using the ground. At that moment Lolita threw Crystal’s bat, hitting him in the forehead and knocking him down. Thinking he was dead, she smiled as she ran over to him when he suddenly sat up rubbing his forehead, making Lolita’s smile fade. “Damien, are you okay?”

“Yeah, just a little dizzy at the moment.”

“Then let me help you.” Lolita took out a chainsaw and tried to slice his head, but missed as Damien ran with her chasing him.

“Lolita, I need to see your boss!” Ruby yelled, getting Lolita to stop and walk over to her. “If this is the work of supernatural forces, I need to stop it now.”

“It’ll be treacherous, are you sure?” She nodded. “It’s a path with strong foes, so if you die, don’t hate.”

Ruby took shelter as she put on her Justice outfit. “I gotta do this. Somewhere Death may scheme, but his number’s up.”

“3-2-1.” Lolita chimed in.

"Lets get suspicious." She said, putting on her mask.

Ruby ran by some girls who swooned as she passed by, which even Lolita raised an eyebrow at. And so Lolita took Ruby to an underground stone passage, which was cold and damp but it didn’t matter. She fought various monsters from giant spiders to large bees as she moved on, and eventually encountered a gigantic ogre with a club, which she ran from, seeming more like a platforming level where she hopped over bottomless pits and dodged various traps set up, with a stone door closing as she reached the end of the passage. Lolita was waiting by the end and contacted Death, arranging a small meeting with him.

“Please, come in. What is it you wish to discuss?” Death asked as Ruby walked into the dark room.

“Well I got this vision a few days ago of my friends dying in situations which really made no sense, saved them, and recently there has been more situations we’ve avoided. Are you causing these events?”

“What are the names of some of these people?”

“Some are demons, like Ivy and Poison, there’s also my sister, Crystal, and a few other abnormal people.”

“Seems like you’re being Punk’d.” Death replied.

“What?!? Are you serious?!”

“Probably, because I assure you, I’m not going after you guys.”

She breathed a sigh of relief again. “Thank goodness, but then I wonder who is…”

“Anyway, take care, and glad I could clear up that misunderstanding. By the way, here’s a coupon for your 700th death.” He said, handing it to her. She thanked him and took off, trying to figure out what to do next. Who could be behind the events, and is Ivy really not hiding anything today? At nearly quarter past four, Lolita decided to round up everyone as she had figured out the answer by closely looking at the small clues.

“I’ve gathered you all to bring attention to the one causing certain strange events today, and that person is Crystal!” She pointed to her. Ruby couldn’t believe her eyes. “Besides, Death, only another psychic could give someone a psychic vision, whether it was actually true or not. The marshmallow trap was also Crystal’s work, but she also had a large hole at the bottom to make sure you were able to rescue her fast enough. The reason Leo was able to stop that rock with ease is because it was hollow. I uncovered it and discovered it was made of plastic.”

“You underestimate my brute strength.” Leo replied.

“Crystal had also thrown a beehive in the area using her psychokinetic powers. And there you have it, Crystal was the culprit behind the crime.” She smoked a pipe as she finished.

“Bravo.” Crystal clapped. “But everyone else was also involved on the prank…except Ivy.”

“I wasn’t told?” She asked. “You’re all lucky I’m nice today…”

“It was a prank?!?” Ruby said in shock. “How could you do this?! You betray me! I’m fed up with you guys!” As she walked off, sulking over her treatment, she was hit by a bus as she walked across the road.

---

An older Ruby sat in an insane asylum, wearing a straitjacket as she explained this to an older Ivy who was listening. “So this is the only dream you had last night?” Ruby nodded. “And what changed in your subconscious to paint me as someone you’d consider a friend.”

“I’m not sure, friendships are strange in the real world.”

“Moreso in delusions. I’m trying to help here, Ruby, but you keep shutting me out, portraying me as the bad guy. What you consider to be reality is just a fictional fantasy, a dream world made up in your head to escape your problems. You think that dream world is where you really exist and this is the dream, but you’re wrong. It seems to change every time I see you, in one I’m your enemy, or just slightly moody, and really irritable. Demons? Angels? Vampires? Wolves? Zombies? Humanoid Bears? Whatever the hell this ‘Willard’ character is? None of it exists. You need to put those childish thoughts behind you and start opening up to me so we can finally uncover the source of these deep-seated troubles.”

Ruby didn’t respond to any of her comments, but instead looked away and said, “Goodnight, Ivy.”

Ivy sighed, seeing how she wasn’t getting through to her after saying what she thought. “I’ll be seeing you again same time next week, Ruby.” She walked out of the room and down to a desk where an older Poison was, who had recently finished some paper work.

“Hey, how’s the treatment coming along?” He asked.

“Not so good. It won’t be long before she’s a lost cause at this rate.”

“Don’t say that, she’ll get through it eventually. Try being a little nicer if you wanna get her to open up.”

“I’ve tried, man, she’s just not very fond of me. You‘re finishing up now, right?”

“Yeah.” Poison said, getting up and filing the papers away. “Wanna stop by DFC for a bit?”

“Heard that place closed down, they were accused of being paedophiles. I know another good place up the street though.”

“Alright.” They continued talking as they walked out together, switching off the lights one by one until it was in complete darkness.

TMEDCE: Chapter 37 - The Hellish Hammerspace Massacre

It was a dark and humid night on Hell, where the designated main characters were living. Amber was staying round Ivy’s house, and along with Ivy and Rosie they had a bath together, while Poison and Damien played cards in the typical red living room.

“You got any twos?” Poison asked.

“We’re playing blackjack.” Damien replied.

“What’s your point?”

Leo entered the room, walking by and proceeding to the bathroom. He entered without knocking and was immediately beaten up and thrown outside, Poison and Damien ignoring it as they continued playing. Later that night, Ivy was on her computer looking up something while Amber watched. She was looking through the emails received on her story when Amber spoke. “Wow, you have over twenty thousand angry emails to do with your story: The story is mind numbingly stupid and boring, the characters are all annoying, and the main character outdoes that chick from My Immortal as worst protagonist ever.”

Ivy pumped her fist in the air. “Yes! Suck it, My Immortal!” She then browsed another section and stopped at one. “Lets look at some others. Sonic Z? Who the hell wrote this ****?”

“Did you watch the video I sent you?” Amber asked.

“You mean the one with the two girls? That was quite philological.” Ivy nodded.

“2 girls one cup is philological? That’s just stupid, guys.” Rosie replied.

“Its too deep for you to understand, Rosie.” Amber said.

“Yeah, you just didn’t get it.” Ivy said, shaking her head.

“There wasn’t much to get.” She retorted.

“Now you’ve gone and done it!” Amber picked up a pillow and threw it. Rosie dodged it and threw one back, Amber ducking and making it hit Ivy, who then got up and joined in. After a bit of throwing around pillows, Ivy and Amber both threw one at Rosie, who leaped sideways and passed in-between the two pillows as they flew out the window.

Ruby was currently at her computer, looking something up. “Oh, so that’s what a golden shower is? Wow, that must’ve been quite awkward…” From out of nowhere, she was suddenly hit by two pillows which flew in through her window.

Back at Ivy’s house, they were now getting ready for bed. Damien was cleaning up in the living room with Ivy when he discovered a picture by a bookcase in the corner. “Hey, this is your friend, right?”

“She’s not my friend.” Ivy said, walking over even though she hadn’t seen the picture.

“Huh, well who’s this green haired chick? I’d love to meet her.”

“I think I could arrange that.” Ivy said with an evil smirk.

A little later, Damien hopped onto the couch where Leo was watching a movie Poison recommended to him. It had reached a part where flaming T-Rex ninjas and T-Rex pirates were fighting, and after rubbing his eyes Leo exclaimed, “My eyes are temporarily blind from the awesomeness I’m currently witnessing.”

“It happens to everybody the first time, Leo.” Damien replied. Just then, he got a phone call from his dad. “Dad? Why are you calling me?”

“Hey son, there’s this girl here who seems to be looking for you. Says she’s your girlfriend.”

“I don’t know her, dad.”

“Yeah, she said you’re rather shy about it.”

“No, she’s just plain clingy.”

“I remember when your mom and I first met. We always tried to kill each other, there was a lot of foe yay there.”

“Whatever, just hand the phone over to Lolita.” As he did so, he continued. “So, you decided to come after me personally, huh? You don’t have to come and trespass, cause we’ll be looking for you. We gon’ find you. So be ready.” He then hung up. He quickly got to his feet and kicked open Ivy’s door to find Ivy and Rosie trying to force one of Ivy’s dresses on Poison and were messing with his hair while Amber watched. After a moment of awkwardness he ignored it and moved on. “Guys, Lolita is on the way here. She’s flying across the landscape, she’s riling some demon’s up, trying to find me so we gotta hide the knifes, hide the guns, and hide any accessories because she’ll use anything up in here.” Though Rosie volunteered to help, Damien assured her that 4 demons would be more than enough and if she wanted she could watch the spectacle.

A little later, Lolita got nearby, standing in a barren wasteland of corpses and using binoculars to see the large demonic castle up ahead. As she got nearer, Ivy, Poison, Amber and Damien prepared to strike with a team attack. Ivy and Amber rushed in, catching Lolita off guard as they unleashed a flurry of punches and kicks from both sides. Ivy soon kicked her diagonally right, at which point Poison knocked her back, doing the same to the left after more attacks. Ivy and Amber then hit her with an uppercut. Poison and Damien moved throughout the air, slashing at her repeatedly as they passed by. Amber then hit her from above with a large meteor, followed by Lolita getting caught in Poison’s wind vortex shortly before Ivy lit it on fire, then Damien finished up by crushing her with four stone pillars coming together.

After rapping it up, they left, but shortly after Lolita slowly began to emerge from the rocky tomb and dusted herself off. When they reached the porch of the house, they looked back far in the distance to see Lolita marching towards them with an army of skeletons with swords and shields. Rosie was quickly informed, but while they tried to find Leo, Poison pointed to a silhouette of a figure who leaped from the roof far ahead towards Lolita’s position. Damien called out to him, and without saying a word, Leo turned to him and nodded, and in turn Damien did the same. “Lets go.”

“What? We can’t just go! Leo is gonna die out there!” Rosie exclaimed.

“He’s made his own choice, and it’d be disrespectful to deny it.” Ivy and Poison followed Damien to a ship while Rosie stayed to help out Leo.

“You aren’t from around here, are you?” Lolita asked as Leo approached her. Silence. “You’re a wolf, right? Would you like to be my pet?”

“I’m insulted you’d try to belittle my pride by asking such a request.” Leo replied, pure determination in his eyes. “I won’t hold back, so show me your moves.” With a single command they charged at him, but were outmatched in skill as he swiftly punched and kicked the ones which approached him. One managed to get in a rather deep slice across his stomach, but he stood firmly, ready for the next round of skeletons as Rosie rushed up to him.

“Leo, you’re bleeding quite deeply.” Rosie pointed out.

“It is unmanly to cry out in pain over such a cut. You must ignore the pain, and fight using nothing but your pure determination. Your burning pride which excels any kind of wound inflicted in battle!” He replied, raising his fist into the air.

“I don’t think your pride can heal gaping wounds which can kill from blood loss.” Rosie retorted.

“I’d rather not kill you guys, so could you please step aside?” Lolita asked.

“Alright, how about I ask you three questions, and if you answer them right then we’ll go.” Rosie suggested.

“Very well.” Lolita nodded.

“Okay, what do the characters, Louise, Shana, Nagi and Taiga have in common?”

“They’re voiced by Rie Kugimiya.”

“Who is Gary’s father?” Lolita leaned in close and whispered in her ear, Rosie seeming rather frustrated because she got it right. “How do you even know that?”

“I know a lot of things.”

“Fine!” Rosie dramatically pointed at her and said, “What is a man?”

“A miserable little pile of secrets.”

Rosie was flabbergasted at her response that for a moment she had trouble speaking. “H-how? How do you know that?”

“I’ve heard my boss mention the phrase once. Not sure where he got it from though. Now if you‘ve excuse me.” Agreeing to the terms, Rosie and Leo stepped aside, Leo did so mainly because he considered breaking agreements unmanly.

Meanwhile, Ivy, Poison, Damien and Amber were flying across the demonic city in a ship as Damien talked. “So normally I’d just fight her myself, but sadly she’s already dead, and with her super strength, all you can really do is slow her down and evade her sight. We‘ll take refuge in a private area and set up traps for when she does eventually turn up.”

“Well hey, she probably won’t be able to catch up to us now.” Poison replied. Shortly afterwards, a rocket launcher was fired from behind them and missed as it blew up part of a building ahead of them. They glanced behind them to see Lolita slowly approaching on a hoverboard wielding an RPG. They all then glared at Poison. “I know, I was foolish to say that.”

She continued following as she fired, Damien swiftly evading her shots as they turned corners. They eventually destroyed the RPG, at which point Lolita took out a javelin from underneath her coat and threw it at the same point she was hit with a large ball of concentrated wind, sending her flying into one of the buildings like a rag doll. The javelin managed to pierce the tailpipe and make them crash briefly.

A few skeletons from her army caught up and dragged Lolita out. She noticed her neck was broken, and quickly snapped it back into place as she got to her feet. One skeleton pointed at the ship far down the street and she charged at it, the others panicking as they tried to start it up. They eventually did, flying into the air as she almost caught up. She leaped into the air, and onto the ship, and was immediately attacked by Poison again, but blocked the blast with her arms, though it shredded most of her clothing which simply reformed a moment later. She lowered her arms as she said, “Pervert.”

“That wasn’t intentional, guys.” Poison assured them. “You forgive me, right Damien?”

“Why would I be mad?” He asked.

“Come on, man, everyone can see it.”

“He makes a good point.” Lolita agreed.

“Despite disliking her, I support this.” Ivy added.

“You guys better not be suggesting what I think you are.” Damien said.

“Shouldn’t we get back to the main point?” Amber asked, raising her hand. Just then, Leo leaped off a building close by and punched Lolita, knocking her off the ship. Rosie joined him a moment later.

“Why do you get good moments despite having limited screen time?” Poison asked.

“I wish I knew.”

A bit later, they stopped at an old abandoned building, because there’s always one around when you need one. Damien figured Lolita would try to ambush them and arrive from the top floor or one of the middle floors, so they’d each get walkie-talkies to inform the others of her arrive, and he then placed demonic guard dogs on the floors which were unguarded, not to mention attaching dynamite to most of the windows which would detonate as Lolita leaped in. Ivy, Poison, Damien, Amber, Rosie and Leo all met up and confirmed whether they were all ready.

Ivy then said, “That fool stands no chance against my five man band!”

“Five man band?” Rosie asked.

“Yes. Me, the villain, Poison, the dragon, Damien, the evil genius, Amber, the big guy, you, the dark action girl, and Leo could be considered a sixth ranger.”

As Damien predicted, she flew in through a window on one of the top floors and was blown up, her limbs flying off as it happened. She slowly reattached them and was quickly greeted by Ivy. “Do you happen to be voiced by Rie Kugimiya?” She asked.

“What the hell are you talking about? Anyway, fortunately I found you first, so I‘ll defeat you by myself.”

“How can you hope to defeat me by yourself when you can’t defeat your own personal problems. You seem like the type of person to simply run away instead of facing your fears.”

“Who the £#&@ do you think you’re talking to?!?” Ivy attacked, fueled completely by her rage and was unable to hit Lolita as she easily evaded her attacks.

“What’s the point of power if you aren’t fast enough to hit your opponent? You lack technique.” Lolita kneed her in the chest and knocked her back with a roundhouse kick. “You simply just hope your own problems will go away if you ignore them long enough instead of fixing them yourself.”

“Shut up! You know nothing about me! Your attitude pisses me off!”

“Is it because I’m not reacting to your constant idiotic yelling?” As Ivy prepared to attack again, Poison, Amber and Rosie arrived, and also charged at her. They were knocking her about for quite a while until her army of skeletons arrived which rushed in from the entrance. Half of them were destroyed by traps set up by Damien on the way up, but as they got there, Leo also arrived and most of them focused their attention on the mobs of skeletons while Poison fought Lolita. Though pretty close to even, Lolita had a slight advantage of help from the souls around her. As she tried a sneak attack from behind, she was punched into a wall by Ivy, who now had a glowing red aura around her. Lolita got to her feet and summoned more souls into her body to give her additional power to combat Ivy’s hidden strength.

“You’re out of your league, princess.” Lolita said.

“Don’t patronize me.” Ivy replied just before charging at her, while Lolita did the same. They clashed and moved about the area at super speed, creating shockwaves where they moved while the others felt it was best to move out the way. Ivy eventually ripped off a stairs banister and whacked her out a window with it, then followed her into the air. “Fool! You stand no chance against my true power! I even have a fan club here which worships my overwhelming and omniscient power! Some of the female members are a little too happy to be a part of it, but the more the merrier, I say. Anyway, you’re doomed!” She crossed her arms and laughed with her eyes closed. “Haaaaahahahaha!” While she did so, Lolita hit her with half a building nearby and flew back into the abandoned building.

Lolita avoided having to fight the others again and eventually found Damien sitting in a dark room as she entered. “Your time is up, Damien, its time to pay the reaper.”

Damien sighed as he took out his wallet. “Fine, just take it.” he said, giving her a roll of money.

She took the money and began to walk off. “I’ll be back in a fortnight. Oh, by the way, are we still on tomorrow?”

“Sure, why not.” She left the room moments before Damien left through another exit.

Somewhere in another dimension far, far away, the older mature Ivy sat in a chair stroking a cat as some of her guards were examining a dimensional portal when one approached her, saying, “Mistress, we seem to have found the dimension which the escapee came from.”

“About damn time. I was getting bored visiting those other universes and wiping out most of their resistances. I mean, it was quite fun but after a while I noticed the lack of variety. Lets see if this one is any different.” She smirked as she finished.

TMEDCE: Chapter 38 - Two Sides to Every Story, Part 1

A day or so afterwards, it was late that morning, and the ambiguously evil group were on a plane, planning to travel to a convention, possibly in Japan but maybe not. Unfortunately for some people, they were seated beside people they aren’t fond of, like Ivy sitting beside Ruby. “Why am I seated beside this foolish angel?” Ivy asked, pointing out that fact.

“Convenience reasons.” Damien replied, sitting beside Poison. “What’s in that rucksack you placed in the storage compartment anyway?”

“Its my food for the day.”

“The sad thing is, I’m not surprised.”

“Oh, and Damien, just so you know, that green haired chick you like is going to meet us there.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, she’ll definitely be there, won’t she, Harry?” Ivy said, smirking as she looked at him.

Rather than go along with this and wondering why she used his real name, Poison whispered something in his ear, then as Damien shot a look saying, “You serious?”, Poison nodded. “Once again, the sad thing is, if it was anyone else, I’d still tap that ass, but since its you I’ll keep my hands to myself.”

“I appreciate it, man, though I wish I wasn‘t a convincing crossdresser...” Poison said with a sigh.

Crystal and Amber were sitting behind Ivy and Ruby and listened as they talked. “So Ivy, how’re you and Harry getting on?” Ruby asked.

“Still not that great. He has no problem washing a girl’s back and sleeping in the same bed, but will still never make a move.”

“You think he’s gay?”

“I’m not sure. He isn’t awkward around Rosie either, but that might not be the case. He might be waiting for me to develop a little more, otherwise he might look like a lolicon, and when I do get older he won’t be as interested and would yearn more for a younger body.”

“This conversation took a sudden bad turn.” Crystal said, turning to Amber.

“Haven’t you ever just tried raping him in his sleep?” Ruby asked.

“This conversation took an even worse turn, and when did Ruby turn into this kind of person?”

“I always considered Ivy, Ruby and Harry to be a OT3.” Amber replied.

“Is that shipping I hear over there?” Gary yelled, sitting beside Loli Red, who sat behind Rosie and Leo.

“I think shipping is stupid.” Poison said. Most of the people around gasped.

“Shipping is not **** stupid!” Loli Red yelled, getting up. “Shipping is serious **** business, you don’t even know!”

“I think you should calm down, Tsundere-chan.”

“No, you **** calm down! I demand that you apologize for that **** statement!”

“I’m not gonna apologize for my opinion.”

Suddenly the plane started going down, and the pilot poked his head out, shouting, “If you don’t **** apologize for that then we’re all gonna **** die right now!”

“Technically, some of us can fly…” He said quietly.

“Sometimes you have to be the bigger man and let things go, Harry.” Leo said.

“Fine, I’m sorry.” The plane instantly recovered and everyone calmed down. “And why the hell is everyone suddenly using my real name?”

“Its one of those quirks we’re trying out for a while.” Rosie suggested. “Or maybe just a simple mistake, everyone makes them, like allowing Seltzer and Friedberg to make more films, or mistaking philological for philosophical.”

“So you did notice…” Ivy said quietly.

“Though I guess it is lame, much like some of the events you’ve mentioned and how you’re all still here despite the deaths.”

“Well its just mainly Ruby who dies on occasions.” Ivy replied.

“Yeah, like that time you ate me out.” Ruby said, which made some of the others do a spit take.

“I knew it wasn’t just subtext.” Amber said with a smile.

“What I saw in that other dimension wasn’t insane after all…” Gary added.

“N-no, wait! Its not what you think! She just said it wrong!” Ivy protested.

“You think you know your own sister…” Damien shook his head.

“Its not like that! I killed and ate her! That’s all that happened!” Even throughout this, none of the passengers batted an eye.

“Just leave it, Ivy, everyone will forget it soon enough.” Poison suggested.

Ivy sighed. “I guess you’re right. Though I wouldn‘t be apposed to you eating me out…”

“Whenever you want me to kill you, all you have to do is ask.”

As they arrived in the city streets packed with crowds of people roaming around the area, they also looked around. As there were many cosplayers about, they also assumed some of their group were cosplayers. Some also wondered whether Ivy was cosplaying as a Rie Kugimiya loli type character, but she debunked those claims.

“I can see how you’d be mistaken for one of those characters, you are rather flat and childish after all.” Poison commented. Ivy reacted by attempting to punch him, but he swiftly evaded it as he sidestepped the punch without moving his feet. His voice deepened as he smiled. “I have ascended from that degrading state. Your megaton punch is insignificant compared to my heightened speed.”

Ivy smirked as she said, “Is that so? Well I’ve been saving a new move for this very moment, and it seems I won’t have to hold back. Lets see how you do against this!” She charged at him, attacking with a flurry of punches as he dodged them while constantly moving back. Half the others simply went off to explore the area while they did this.

In another area, the older Ruby from the distant future timeline arrived in the middle of the area, looking for the others. She spotted Leo entering a shop and decided to run after him, since she could tell he wasn’t normal upon first glance so its only natural that he’d know.

Damien was walking down one street when Gary suddenly called to him. “Damien!” He turned to face him. “Its time we settled that little dispute with our fists!”

“There’s no need to do that, man. Besides, I’m a ground/rock type and you’re a electric type, that would be ignoring the rules.”

“Screw the rules!” He leaped forward and punched Damien, knocking him to the ground. “The rules can take it like a ****!”

“Are you done?” Damien asked as he got up.

Gary instantly calmed down. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“Wanna walk with me then?”

“Well alright, you don’t seem very evil today.”

“Very well then,” He summoned a large rock hand from somewhere further ahead and slapped several pedestrians into the middle of the street, who were then run over by a car passing by. “There’s my evil deed for the day.”

“Guess I shouldn’t have said anything…”

“You really shouldn’t. I wonder what my other evil pals are doing right now…”

“Probably just playing a poker game.”

“Oh, by the way, if you happen to see a girl in all black who seems rather odd, inform me. I’d like to avoid her if necessary.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Ivy and Poison were wondering round an indoor area, looking around at the various places which shall not be mentioned. Lily ran towards them, waving, while dressed like Hatsune Miku with a microphone in her hand. “Hey guys, what’re you doing here?”

They turned to face her as Poison spoke. “Nothing much. Why are you here, and dressed like that?”

“It’s a long story and I don’t wanna talk about it. Anyone else with you guys?”

“Pretty much our small group are here.”

“Hey guys, look at this!” A familiar voice called out to them. They looked in its direction to see Ruby in a teddy bear suit. “Look! I’m a teddy bear! Though I have to be cautious of my other arch-nemesis, Pedobear, he’s always going after elementary schools and such, so looking like a bear seems out of place. Anyway, give me a hug!” She charged at Poison, who took off in the opposite direction in case exposure to overwhelming cuteness might give him diabetes.

“Not so fast!” Poison and Ruby stopped in their tracks and turned to Ivy who was now dressed as a grizzly bear. “Lets see you take me on!”

“Very well, I’ll have to transform!” And she did, starting a typical transformation sequence while the others stared in bewilderment and left some cosplayers in awe.

“What is this?” Ivy said in disgust.

“I don’t even.” Poison shook his head. “I shouldn’t even be watching this.” He quickly turned around.

When Ruby finished she was in her Justice attire, and Ivy had donned her opposite coloured outfit while Ruby took her sweet time transforming. Ruby pointed at her and said, “Lets get malicious!”

“This is the very final battle! You want some of this?”

“Yeah, I want some of that!”

“Then come get some!” They charged at each other and began pummelling the hell out of one another while some watched.

“So how did you and Ivy even meet, Harry? You’ve never told me that even during our psychology meetings.” Lily said.

“I too, would like to know.” Lolita added, appearing beside them like a ghost.

After ignoring her sudden appearance, he began. “Well I knew Damien first of all. Seeing how most demons are complete assholes, including my dad, when Damien started trouble with me I just fought back to get some frustration out. At the time, no-one had dared to try and attack him, so we became friends because I treated him like an average person instead of just royalty, though I didn’t know who he was before I attacked him. I wasn’t always the aloof, fun loving person I am now. I was quite timid back then, but Damien’s encouragement and training helped to change that. I even climbed this mountain and slayed a dragon with a sword I found there, which is the very same one I use today. I respected him quite a bit after getting to know him.”

“Boys love.” Lily nodded, while Lolita agreed.

“No, it was Guy love, there was nothing gay about it in our eyes.” Poison assured them. “Anyway, after he died trying to kill his dad, I found myself without much to do as he was only one I could really call a friend. So after noticing Ivy wasn’t taking it as well as I was, I decided to follow her and cheer her up, out of respect for Damien. She regularly avoided me and punched me to try and get me to leave her alone and stop trying to help her, despite the fact she was clearly sad.”

“How long did it take for her to warm up to you?” Lolita asked.

“Around 2 years, in our time.”

“That’s a rather stubborn tsundere trait.”

“I don’t think that’s the case, her dignity just means a lot to her. After a while, when I really thought about it, my desire to help could’ve deep down seemed like a form of pity, and nobody likes to feel pitied by others.”

“Too true.” Lolita nodded.

“I’m not sure when exactly, but I got a fever at one point from all the effort I was making and was told by another that Ivy took care of me during that time. When I got better Ivy wasn’t as hostile, maybe I said something in my sleep that changed her opinion of me, but when I got better she practically forced me into becoming her personal servant, and we‘ve been together ever since.”

“That’s beautiful.” Lily responded, wiping a tear from her eye.

“That story would warm my heart if I had one.” Lolita said. “Seeing as I’m dead and all.”

“Yeah, I got it, Lolita.” Poison replied. While they happened to be talking, Ivy and Ruby were currently fighting in giant robots outside.

A little later, the older Ruby had managed to find Crystal, Amber, and Damien with the help of Leo and was explaining the situation to them. “So listen guys, I’m from another distant future where Ivy has taken over the earth, and has wiped out most of the universe’s races while growing extraordinarily strong over time.”

“Wait, so how did all this happen, exactly?” Amber asked.

“Well, it was rather odd, another Gary from some other universe came back in time to a few days before that war with our two planets and tried to get Ivy not to go down that route. This kinda backfired when Willard killed Poison in front of her, making Ivy jump the gap from laughably evil to sadistically pure evil, and killing everybody who ever wronged her in some way, and conquering Earth like she should have done before.”

Crystal thought to herself what that would be like...

---

Amber ran into Crystal’s living room as she spoke, “Crystal, you wouldn’t believe it. I was nearing the end and had that dual boss fight with Ivy and Poison, then as I beat Poison, Ivy suddenly got this huge power boost and began to curb stomp my ass! I only managed to get a few hits in before she destroyed my whole party. It was insane!”

“I told you to kill Ivy first, Amber! She even has less HP!”

“Yeah but that multi-hit wind hurricane move made it hard to focus on her.”

“Well you paid the price. Poison gets stronger too once you beat Ivy, but not to such a boost where its nearly impossible to win if you aren’t overleveled.”

---

She then realized how stupid and insensitive that was. Ruby wondered where this universe’s Gary was, so Damien left to find him before the alternate universe Ivy turned up. The older Ruby left to find her counterpart and handed them a dimensional remote, fearing the worst. Poison, Gary and Rosie were in a book store, looking in sections most people wouldn’t announce they were in normally. While everything was normal at first, suddenly something crashed through the window, covered in a red aura. Poison and Rosie were confused, as was Gary until he realized who it possibly was a moment later.

Rosie wasted no time and threw a bookcase at her, which she whacked out the way and hit her with a large fireball, knocking her out. Gary, frozen in fear from her appearance, was punched into a wall and knocked out. She fired another fireball at Poison, who sliced it in half as he prepared to attack while wondering who she was. She simply smirked and fired a large wave of fire which covered the shop, knocking him unconscious. She grabbed the three of them and leaped back outside.

A little while later, Damien, Leo and Lolita, being the only two around, were informed of their disappearance, along with Crystal and Amber. The older Ruby explained that she most likely took them to her dimension and are waiting for their arrival. She also said she’d make her own way to Ivy’s base with her own counterpart who she’d be meeting with shortly. At that moment, Ivy showed up, and when they wondered how she avoided being kidnapped, she mentioned bringing a ridiculously demon robot stuffed away in her rucksack for cases like this, bringing to light her experience at regularly being kidnapped. As the older Ruby took off, Damien then asked, “So how’re we going to do this? Just charge in there and attack the base head-on?”

“Just like old times.” Ivy nodded. They used the remote to transport themselves to the apocalyptic future where their friends currently were.

This was a hell of a lot longer than I wanted it to be, just like what happened with chapter 26 >_>. AU stands for Alternate Universe, since I'd be using it a lot in this chapter.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 39 - Two Sides to Every Story, Part 2

Shortly after the events of the previous chapter, Ivy, Damien, Lolita and Leo arrived in the alternate timeline, overlooking the apocalyptic view of the cities. Ruby and her AU counterpart rushed over to them shortly after arriving. AU Ruby then said, “Good to see you guys got here safely.”

“How does a remote work for dimensional travelling anyway?” Ivy asked.

“Well I just had a certain scientist work on that, so I’m not sure, but we got quite a few for that purpose. Anyway, there should be an area far ahead which looks like a fortress in the middle of the city. That’s where your friends most likely are. You guys should be able to make it in the front simply using force if you felt like it. Me and my other self will have to make a quick stop first, then catch up with you.” She grabbed Ruby’s arm as she ran off.

While the others were still slightly confused, Damien began to explain the plan. “Okay, we’re gonna have to infiltrate this place and free everyone, hopefully before getting the attention of every guard in the place. Lolita will take out the artillery and other forces occupying the entrance so we can get in. What we should do next is someone’s gotta make it to the control room and take out whoever may be there, then possibly guide us to the right cells using the cameras.”

“I can make it to the camera room.” Leo replied. “Just trust me on this, I’ll find a way.”

Damien continued. “Alright. Once we get the others out, I’ll seal up most of the paths so that when the guards do come at us, we can’t be sneak attacked from all directions, though we should be careful in case there’s a threat we can’t handle. Got it?” They all nodded.

A minute later, Ruby and her AU self where walking down a dark enclosed area towards the fortress. After a long period of silence, Ruby then asked, “So how do you get by in this world if Ivy has taken over?”

“Well you see, I’m like the top fighter in this group of freedom fighters I joined, and we go around foiling her plans and trying to bring her down, one day at a time. We have a few hideouts which Ivy and her goons don’t know about to keep us safe.”

“That sounds awfully familiar…” Ruby said, stroking her chin. “But how did you know where to find us?”

“Your friend told me, the wolf boy.”

“Oh, okay, but how did you know that he knew us?”

“Well he just looked out of place so I asked, could we just drop the issue? It was a lucky guess, is all.”

“There’s something you’re not telling me.” Ruby squinted at her as she stopped. “If you used to work with Ivy, why would you suddenly become good again a year ago when its far too late? I think you’re lying, you’re still working with her, aren’t you?”

AU Ruby stopped a bit ahead and chuckled slightly before turning around. “I guess you’re a little smarter than I thought, unlike the few others I‘ve killed.”

“Few others?”

“Yes, they were a little more gullible, though you seem a little more experienced. Quite ahead of the other timelines I’ve been to.” AU Ruby said, eyeing her Justice costume. “They never dressed up like a superhero, that’s for sure.”

“So why are you doing this?”

“To kill Ivy with your friends help. I could try myself, but we’re on good terms and I’d hate to ruin that trust myself, and now I won’t have to. After taking care of personal business, she eventually invented a machine which would allow her to transfer elemental energy from others into her own body, allowing her to use multiple elements and increase the power of her own. Her fire ability has improved to the point she could melt adamantium if she so desired. The serums at first were fine, but there were side effects like additional veins appearing, and her body mutating a little, so she had to test formulas she created to stop the negative effects. The test subjects on the other hand? For the sake of your eyes, its best not to see how they turned out. She kept Omar around for this whole purpose, and he eventually made a serum to remove her abilities, but she sadly killed him before he could use it. Now that we’ve cleared this up, I’ll play around with you for a little while.”

Outside the large fortress with searchlights round the sides, along with large turrets and missile launchers implanted in the structure, Lolita took a running leap towards two turrets which began firing at her. She drew two katana and spun repeatedly as she curled into a ball, deflecting bullet fire and slicing them in half as she landed. She ran around the path, slicing the upcoming turrets in half, somersaulting and flipping to avoid the missiles fired at her while also sidestepping the searchlights. She leaped off the fortress while throwing several shuriken which took out the last weapon, and landed on a motorcycle behind Damien and Ivy as they blasted open the entrance. Leo got to the control room through the roof where Lolita had dispatched the turrets and easily took out the two guards there. “Okay, guys, I’m in.” Leo said, taking out a walkie-talkie.

“Good work, Leo.” Damien said as he stopped the black bike and they got off. “Lets try not to make too much noise and be alert.” Ivy moved on ahead of them as Leo gave directions, slaughtering several guards they came across. “What’s up with her?” Damien asked.

“She’s probably trying to prove that she isn’t weak and insecure.” Lolita replied.

Ivy suddenly tackled her, pinning her down and punching her repeatedly for several moments before walking off as she said, “I still hate your guts.”

Lolita snapped her neck back into place and then said, “She mad.”

As another guard came round the corner to investigate the noise, Ivy quickly impaled him and sliced his head off. Damien sighed as he said, “Ivy, could you try to leave some for me?”

“Why? In the end it achieves the same result.”

“Perhaps we should be a little more forgiving. Maybe not all of them are bad and are just following orders as to not get killed.” Lolita suggested.

“**** ‘em! We kill ‘em all. And then nuke the fortress when we’re done.” Damien replied. “And y’know, I still haven’t tickled you once since coming back.” He said, turning to Ivy.

“I’m too old for that Damien, I’m not a kid.”

“That’s not gonna make a difference.”

“It will if I break your hands.”

“Shall I assist in the tickling?” Lolita asked.

“I wish I could kill you for good.” Ivy said, glaring at her.

AU Ivy was sitting on a throne with several guards in a red room, watching a horror movie involving Pedobear. A guard ran in yelling, “Mistress, it appears the counterpart of you we got appeared to be a robot.”

“Is that so? Tell me, where did you find her?”

“Uhh, a dark alleyway, lying down, and she appeared to be unconscious.”

“I see.” with a wave of her hand, she shot a beam of fire which incinerated him. “That’s what you get for not making sure, though she should be here shortly. Hey, if I raped her, would it be incest or just ****?”

“Possibly both, mistress.” One guard replied.

“Wonderful.” She began laughing, with most guards joining in out of fear, and the only one who didn’t was also incinerated.

The alarms went off and the guards prepared to do battle. As they did, one guard wasn’t pleased with the situation. “Are you guys insane? There’s no way we’re surviving this! We’re just typical guards against several dangerous individuals out there, and for me its worse, brothers don’t last long at all during these times. You can go and kill yourselves, but me? I’m getting the hell out of here.” And so he left in the opposite direction.

After encountering more guards then usual, the others realized they’ve been discovered and rushed on ahead, and though Lolita’s kills were swift, Ivy and Damien took their time killing their targets. One attempted to grab Ivy’s tail, and was immediately flung into the wall and knocked unconscious. As she was distracted, another grabbed her arm yelling, “Now you’re powerless! I got your right arm!”

“Indeed you have.” She smiled before breaking his arm and kneeing him in the stomach, then as he dropped to his knees, she slowly crushed his forehead, horrifying several other guards who witnessed it. Damien sealed up some of the paths as they proceeded, shortly coming to the cells and Leo unlocked the special adamantium plated cells along with other civilians trapped there. “I love it when a plan comes together.” Damien said, lighting a cigarette.

More guards rushed down the path towards them, at which point Lolita reached underneath her longcoat and pulled out a large pole. The others turned to Poison, as if they were expecting him to say something, and so he did. “I think that sight speaks for itself.”

One wondering guard entered the security room where Leo was, but luckily he was ready, and with a manly throw he threw the guard so hard that he exploded upon touching the ground. Seeing as AU Ivy figured bad things were going down, she decided to dispatch Nookie, who was a much larger and intimidating tentacle monster in that universe.

Meanwhile, in a dark area with many experimental containers filled with water, UA Ruby was slowly walking around, looking for Ruby who was hiding and thinking of a plan. She had already taken out the lights in the room to hide easier with her black outfit. She shot a smoke bomb and then threw a holy hand grenade, attacking as it went off, hoping that the explosion nullified the sound of her flying at her. Ruby flew right into her stomach and followed up with several kicks to the face and hammering him into the ground. AU Ruby rolled over, avoiding another punch, and punched her into a wall. She picked up half a dozen tanks using her powers and threw them, which Ruby dodged as she ran, but was held in place as Ruby caught up, then kicked around the room repeatedly. AU Ruby moved her closer as she spoke. “I figured you’d put up more of a fight, I’m surprisingly disappointed.”

“As long as you continue your evil schemes then I won’t give up.”

“Just what I heard from half the others I’ve killed. Aren’t you tired of this crap? Being a goody two shoes and getting no respect whatsoever? People betray each others trust and deceives others on a regular basis, so the only way to truly get what you want is taking it by force.”

“You’re wrong, sure some people are selfish, arrogant and pretty much give you a negative view of the universe, like a certain demon I know, but there’s more to it. Just as people can be mean and spiteful, they can also be surprisingly caring and thoughtful. I was once prejudice against demons, because I’d always heard bad things from others but had never actually met one myself. Though me and Ivy got off to a bad start, and its really cliché to say this, overtime I came to realize that although our viewpoints differ, we really aren’t so different, and would’ve probably been really good friends if we grew up on the same planet. If I spent my time thinking about the good and bad points in my life, I might turn out like you, but I’d rather remain optimistic and take things with a grain of salt. Maybe you too could’ve learned that.”

AU Ruby facepalmed. “That was so cheesy, and are you really trying to give me an Aesop?

“Sort of, though there’s one thing that’ll never change, and that’s my determination!” At that moment Ruby managed to break free and flip, hitting her with her feet.

She threw another grenade, which missed as AU Ruby leaped to the left. Crystal suddenly appeared beside her and whacked her with her bat, sending her flying across the room and through one of the tanks, supposedly killing her. “I finally got a home run.” She turned to Ruby and motioned for her to come as they left.

Back in the fortress, the group were taking out guards left and right with their signature weapons, Rosie being even more violent than Ivy in this case. Amber commented on it. “Geez, Rosie, when did you learn to be so cruel and unnecessarily brutal?”

“Well if you’re gonna have super strength and freedom, you might as well exploit it.”

“You’d fit right in with Mortal Kombat.”

“Not until I rip out someone’s spine with my bare hands.”

“But you already did that, that’s how you won that tournament on our planet, remember? This yellow ninja guy even dimmed the lights and exclaimed for you to finish him.”

“Oh yeah, who was that guy anyway?”

“I have no idea, he kinda vanished shortly afterwards.”

A few moments later, as Rosie took out a guard standing inches from Gary, she cut his arm slightly with her razor sharp whip. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Gary.”

“Don’t worry, I’m okay.” He replied, licking the wound slightly, then stopped as he saw Poison and Rosie staring. “I’m a little messed up…”

“Can I have some of that?” Rosie asked, pointing at the cut.

“I wanna live if you don’t mind.”

Just then, Nookie approached the area, coming from the opposite direction. Lolita stepped ahead of the others, turned to Damien and said, “I’ll be back.” She rushed in and tackled it through a wall to outside, slicing its various limbs off, blasting it with various small guns, then sticking a rocket launcher in its mouth along with several grenade and causing a massive explosion as she fired just before they touched the ground.

Seeing as UA Ivy called for even more backup, the same cult of lolis which attempted to resurrect Damien in the regular timeline are now Ivy’s Loli squadron, though more like Buxom squadron. “Not so fast! You may have broken out somehow, but we’re gonna put you right back in your place!” An orange haired Buxom pointed at them.

“Well while we have occasions of depowering circumstances, compared to us you’re still a squadron of fodder. Just look at the kind of people I know.” Poison raised his hand and moved around as he pointed, just as Ruby and Crystal arrived. “A demon prince and princess, a demon lord, two angelic siblings, an angel prince, a wolf hybrid, a vampire, and even more on occasions.” He then smiled as he got ready to attack. “Now, allow me to confuse you before stomping the curb.” He charged at them, yelling, “Green Thundeeeeeeeer!”

“Green what?” Was all one could say before most of them were wiped out with a large tornado uppercut, while the rest where taken down by the others.

Damien placed a hand on Poison’s shoulder as he said, “That was good man, but where did you get the nickname?”

“Oh, I just remembered Ivy saying it once, still have no idea what it means though.” Ivy whistled slightly as she turned away.

Ivy moved on ahead, taking an elevator to the top floor where her AU counterpart was, while Damien got the Buxom squadron to stop attacking them after explaining who he was. Ivy left the lift, slowly walking towards her AU self who sat in her throne staring at her. “So, we finally meet. I have just one thing I must ask.” She stopped and pointed. “At what point did I finally have that growth spurt?!?”

“I’d say another two years or so.”

“That’s too long!”

“I thought so too but it went rather fast after I freed myself from the confines of my misery, by killing everyone who didn’t bow to me and kiss the royal feet.”

“I haven’t said that line in ages…” Ivy said quietly. “But back to the point, you messed with the wrong universe.” The others were hearing this over her walkie-talkie which was left on. “For your information, Poison belongs to me, and I guess I came to get those other people too.” The others listening were clearly mad.

“Should I be happy that I’m the only one Ivy bothered to mention, or annoyed that she considers me a possession?” Poison asked.

“That’s just how she shows her love, I guess.” Amber replied.

“Lighten up.” AU Ivy responded. “Why don’t you just join me, we’re one in the same, aren’t we? I get whatever I want now, for instance, they recently released Eternal Darkness 4 just for me!”

“Huh, could I get a copy of the other three then?”

“Not only that, I also forced The Asylum to make more movies, and they made a spinoff to Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, titled: Badass Kitten vs. Uber Bunny. I even get Seltzer and Friedberg to make worse movies for torturing my prisoners. I’ve never watched them myself, mainly because I’d rather not be forced to commit suicide.”

“Sorry, I’m not interested.” Ivy shook her head.

“Very well then.” AU Ivy got to her feet. “Lets begin.”

Ivy quickly charged at her and tackled her through the window, pummelling her repeatedly as her AU self mocked her, making Ivy bring her down to the ground with a knee to the stomach, grabbing her by the hair and throwing her up, and then hammering her into another building nearby and finishing with a large fiery beam. AU Ivy emerged from the rubble and dusted herself off before launching her assault. She blitzed around Ivy, hitting her constantly, then hit her with a knee to her back, knocking her into the ground and dragging her along for a few moments. Ivy rolled out the way as AU Ivy tried to impale her with a stone spear and flipped back. The others arrived shortly, but it proved to be futile as AU Ivy wiped out Poison, Gary and Damien all together by combining elemental attacks to make her defence near impregnable.

“Its evil Ivy!” Ruby explained as she ran up to the area.

“I’m already evil, moron.” Ivy replied.

“Fine, eviler Ivy, are you happy?”

“Sadly, I’m not.”

Lolita waved and said, “I’m back.” as she ran towards the area.

AU Ivy punched Crystal towards the others, a moment before Crystal said, “For some reason I can’t make her head explode with my mind. Its like something is stopping me.”

“The plot?” Lolita replied.

Ivy got to her feet, ready to give it another try. “I have to combine powers to keep up with her. Poison, blow me! Gary, fry my ass!”

“You’re trying too hard to make that sound dirty.” Poison responded.

They complied with her order a few moments later and she rushed off to do battle again. Seeing this, Ruby turned to Poison and said, “I gotta do that too! Poison, you should put your thingy in my thingy so I can be rejuvenated.”

“Ruby, you’re fully aware of what you’re saying, aren’t you?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about…” she said, looking away.

Ivy tackled her AU self, the eviler counterpart quickly regaining her balance and keeping up with her, eventually surpassing Ivy in speed due to having far more experience at using them, so she continued to whack Ivy around the area, taking great measures to inflict pain but not outright kill her. Ivy got up once more and decided to use unexpected attack patterns to catch her off guard. AU Ivy eventually stopped her comeback with an upward punch to the chest, then knocked her to the ground.

Ruby attempted to intervene, taking out her iPod and preparing to go into dance battler mode, but AU Ivy blasted it with a finger. She was heartbroken over this, but more filled with rage. Ruby charged towards the robot, which easily knocked her aside then crushed her underneath its foot. Poison opened his mouth to point out how the last sentence made no sense and seemed like stock footage from an earlier curb stomp, but decided to remain silent.

AU Ivy then held Ivy inches from her face, now preparing to finish her. “Any last words?” Just then, Leo appeared and injected her with a syringe, pulling it out a moment later as she whacked him, then tossing another to Ivy, who injected her with the second. “Leo?! Why you!”

Most of them were taken back by this, and right on cue, AU Ruby had recovered and was walking towards the area, saying, “You’re all probably wondering what’s going on here. I regret to inform that Leo was working with me all along, and he comes from this dimension.” Some of them gasped.

“I knew it.” Lolita said. “When I said he wasn’t from around here last time, it was subtle foreshadowing, but I never told anyone because its not by job, but I knew.”

“Of course you did, Lolita.” Damien said sarcastically.

“Now that I think about it, he’s never told us about himself.” Gary said.

“And he doesn’t appear very often either.” Crystal added.

“Its true.” Leo said, turning away. “Not to say I didn’t like you guys, but when Ruby devised the plan to take down Ivy, I was willing to travel the dimensional gap to make it happen, we had a common goal at the time. I was a little shocked, seeing how Ivy and Ruby were partners in a sexual way.”

Ivy and Ruby stared at each other, and then began vomiting in a window beside them as Poison asked. “Could I get some pictures?” As some of them stared at him, he then said, “Don’t judge me…”

“How could you do this, Ruby? I trusted you!” AU Ivy yelled. “I even let you be the S far more than I was!”

“Oh yeah, and Ruby is a dominant one in the bedroom.” Leo added.

As Ivy and Ruby vomited even more, Poison raised an eyebrow as he said, “Really?” Amber ran off unnoticed as the two went on.

“After all the crap you put me through, you deserve the crap I did!” AU Ruby shouted back. “And once I kill you, that’ll be the end of it.” AU Ruby took out her spear and said, “You lose, foolish demon.” before impaling her with it. As AU Ruby prepared to attack the others, Amber managed to crush her with a forklift, then threw her hands up as she exclaimed, “Huzzah!” Some of them noticed Leo gone, and since business had been settled there, they also decided it was time to leave, just as Ivy and Ruby stopped vomiting. Some of them wondered whether AU Ruby would just come back, so they tied her up and injected her with the mixture meant to remove special abilities. As they were leaving one by one, AU Ivy closed the portal, slowly getting to her feet from behind them. Ivy smiled before rushing ahead and tackling AU Ivy into a portal behind her.

The others, shocked by this, used their remote to leave and hopefully track them down.

---

Now its time for: Reipa Girl, tell ’em!

Lolita sat at an office desk with the camera facing her. She pointed as she said, “Yooooooou.” completely deadpan. “Welcome to my Q&A section which has been set up. First caller, you’re on the air.”

“Yeah, I’ve always wondered, you say you’re dead, but do your internal functions still work?”

“Yes, actually. I can grace others with golden showers, still have babies, though they might seem a little dead, and still take a ****. Sometimes I just take a **** in midair when I’m in the middle of a mission, it gets a little awkward when people ask me to **** on them, but sometimes I just gotta take that ****.”

“I hope someday I can say all that with a straight face.”

“Next caller, please.”

“Where do you keep half your weapons?”

“The real answer might drive humans to the point of insanity so I will refrain from answering.”

“What if I’m not a human?”

“I’d still rather not answer. Next.”

“Why are you so cold to others and just plain rude?” said a muffled voice, trying to disguise themselves.

“I do it for their benefit, sometimes knowing the truth is better than being lied to and oblivious to others thoughts.”

“Even when that truth can emotionally hurt someone trying to forget their problems?”

“We all have problems, but what differs is how we deal with them. I sense I’ve spoken to you before, and if I may politely ask, how did you deal with it?”

“I kinda didn’t. I just kept to myself, stayed in my house half the time, used the internet regularly and stayed up late watching TV shows, because if I have to be around a race of assholes I don’t like, then I’d rather be alone.”

“That did seem like a big cry for help, princess.”

“I-I’m not a princess, you jerk.”

“Are you voiced by Rie Kugamiya?”

“Why?”

“She tends to voice a lot of tsundere lolis.”

“I’m not a **** tsundere!”

“But you are a loli?”

“You stupid ****, looking all cool and crap, I’m gonna kill you myself when I find you!”

Lolita leaned back and pointed ahead. “You mad.” Lolita then cut the connection. “Next caller, please.”

“Umm, are you really as developed as you say?”

“Yes, I’m a C. Just thought you should know.”

“Then isn’t you name rather contradictory?”

“An example is not a definition. Just like how children in anime are just midgets in comparison to their voluptuous older looks later in life. Lolita style clothing has no factor on age, like those Victorian dresses. So feel free to now think dirty thoughts without denying your preferences. Ahh, we have one more caller, you’re on.”

“Hey there, I happen to know this girl. I don’t necessarily hate her, and we do have a bit of a past but now I want to strangle her whenever she appears. She’s rather clingy, half the time I can’t tell if she’s joking or serious, and treats half the things I say as a way of showing love. What should I do?”

Lolita smiled as she spoke. “I think you should spend the rest of your life with her.”

“Wha?”

“Yes, she sounds like the perfect wife. Go to her and confess your love, then take her out on dates and tourist sites, just the two of you. Engage in every position featured in the Kama sutra and spice up your love life with role-play. Soon the two of you will be married with several kids who you’ll both love very much, and it’ll be a happy ending.”

“Lolita, you know its me, don’t you?”

She ignored the question and waved to the camera. “That’s all we have time for, bye-bye!”

Well, this is it. I had no choice but to crank out any joke I might've been saving but never got a chance to use, or discard it all together. Not much else to say apart from that.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 40 - Two Sides to Every Story, Part 3

In one of the universes, one of the ninjas who made the show was being interviewed by someone, who said, “So what’s the thought process on the direction of the episodes, exactly?”

“Well we tend to differ in how we want it turn out, he leans more to the comedy side while I’d focus more on the plot, which takes a backseat anyway. Even when I was suggesting Ivy’s Freudian excuse for the way she is back then, he wanted to occasionally take jabs at it, which we’ve done quite a bit I guess you could say. He usually writes the script and I notify him on the changes I think there should be, as some of it is rather insane stuff. I guess I can be a little hurtful sometimes, like when I‘d point out spelling mistakes and using the wrong words, he eventually decided to point out his previous mistakes for laughs and tends to like lampshading almost anything. Occasionally he‘ll hang a lampshade on a lampshade, and he said at one point he’ll try to hang a bigger lampshade on those lampshades.”

“That’s insane!”

“No, just implausible.”

“What about all the references?”

“Well, the other ninja tends to use whatever he finds appealing to mention at the time, or if it just fit’s the theme of the show. Seeing how its rather difficult to create original titles which actually sound decent, we’ll just usually borrow a title and change the words somewhat, even if it doesn’t have much to do with the episode, and even if it does, its normally an affectionate parody, normally.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3DzQ-15c8c&feature=related

Somewhere within that universe, a portal opened up in the middle of a street and the two Ivy’s tumbled out of it, slowly getting to their feet as AU Ivy spoke. “So, its just the two of us.”

“Yeah, though I’m surprised you’re still standing.”

“One stabbing is insignificant to killing a demon like myself.”

“Yeah, I’ve experienced it too at one point.”

“Though I’ve curious how Leo was aware of a nullifying serum, and how he managed to find where it was hidden.” AU Ivy wondered.

“I can answer that. That foolish angel informed me about that important information, so I told Leo to check somewhere I might consider hiding something, since we are one in the same. it’s a rare chance to beat the crap out of myself, and now that you‘ve been stripped of your additional broken powers, I should stand a fair chance of doing so, and I‘ll refrain from using much other than hand-to-hand to make it fair.”

“Fight me fairly? Ha! You don’t stand a chance, kid!”

“We’ll see.” She then though to herself, “Maybe I’ll do what that foolish angel does and convince myself that I must win and hope that attitude helps me to do so.” Rocky IV’s War theme started up as she got into a fighting stance, or Guile’s theme for a more comical effect. Ivy ran at her AU self, missing with several swings as AU Ivy moved back, then she punched her several times in the face over a short while, followed by two jabs. Ivy deflected her next punch and hit her with a backhand, followed by a head butt, knocking them into another portal. They travelled among the various universes during their fight.

In another, the older Ruby was still in a straightjacket, having another session with Ivy who was taking down notes. Ivy clarified what she was told. “So you’re saying you might be able to see into different universes when you sleep, and you recently saw older and younger versions of myself fighting each other?”

“Yes.” Ruby nodded.

“I see.” Ivy said, writing it down.

Ivy and AU Ivy were currently at a park, with AU Ivy getting in more blows as a man sitting on a park bench was quite disappoint, as it looked like a mother beating up their daughter. AU Ivy knocked her down with a punch, where upon Ivy grabbed a bench and hit her round the head, so AU Ivy ripped off half of a tree and did the same. Ivy grabbed a squirrel by a fountain nearby and threw it in her face, followed by the actual fountain. Somewhere else, the two stopped by at opposite sides of a shop counter for a bottle of water, gargled some of it and spat it out in the opposite direction in unison. Soon they were at Omar’s carnival of doom, jumping across the horses on the carousel. After an unexpected roundhouse kick by AU Ivy, Ivy countered shortly with a flash kick, then ripping off and throwing one horse like a sonic boom.

At 2:12, the two of them went around the swimming pool at Amber’s resort on rollerblades, speeding up and slowing down randomly in unison as they did the robot. In the middle of the mall, AU Ivy was on the offense, punching and kicking rapidly while Ivy blocked, waiting for a moment to strike. Ivy taunted her as she waited, and was hit with an uppercut. Ivy barrel rolled out the way as AU Ivy tried to kick her, grabbed a table and hit her with it. In another scene, Ivy waited outside the changing rooms, and as AU Ivy came out wearing a wedding dress, Ivy gave her a thumbs up. They continued their fight down the halls, AU Ivy eventually grabbing and throwing Ivy through a shop glass window and whacking her with the cash register as she tried to get up. Ivy tackled her and after some rolling around, they tumbled down an escalator.

Shortly after, they were at an arcade, dancing to the same song on DDR as the Loli Rangers did the robot in the background. In another scene, they ran around in a steamy sauna, AU Ivy running around naked and trying to whip Ivy with her towel, who threw a bar of soap in her face. In an alleyway, AU Ivy had Ivy cornered and was repeatedly punching her all over as she blocked. When she had an opportunity, Ivy tanked two punches and knocked AU Ivy down with a sweep kick, then leaped onto her with a knee to the stomach before pummelling her in the face for several moments until AU Ivy kicked her off.

The others were still in the apocalyptic future where the last fight took place wondering what to do next. They turned to Damien for his opinion. He shrugged as he said, “Just find them, I guess. Hey, Lolita, do you have a nuke?”

“Of course.” She replied, pulling a large green missile from underneath her longcoat.

“How did she-” Rosie began.

Poison placed a hand on her shoulder as he shook his head. “Try not to think about it, its bad for your health.”

“Yeah but-”

“No!” He slammed his fist on the side of a building, shocking her slightly. He then drew his sword and yelled, “Noooooooo!” As he smashed a window behind him with it.

“Fine, I won’t question it, just calm down…”

Damien loaded the nuke in his nuke launcher he happened to have and fired it at the fortress, blowing it to pieces. After being took some innocent people might’ve still been evacuating, he simply shrugged. “I have this warm feeling inside of me, like I wish to say something about the nuke.” He said, turning to Lolita.

“Is it lo-”

“No! Its not **** love!”

The group then took off to other universes, following the trail of destruction they occasionally witnessed caused by the two Ivy’s. While they ran around, Poison talked with Gary. “Y’know, occasionally when watching some shows, I’ve always noticed this sometimes bland and average guy get so much popularity with women. Sometimes I just gotta wonder, how does he do it, y’know?”

Gary glared at him. “Him? How do you do it, man?”

“Don’t start this again, man. I told you, you’re seeing things which aren’t there, and Lily gets her kicks out of trying to annoy me.”

“Whatever man.”

Ruby then said, “When we find her, it’ll be time to fight, so lets get-” She tried to think of an appropriate line. “Scandalous? Fabulous? Callous?”

“Ruby, just drop it now.” Gary suggested.

They eventually made it to their world, still unable to find the two Ivy’s, so while they were there Poison phoned Loli Black to get additional help. “Hey, Badass-chan.” Poison greeted her. “We need some help in finding Ivy.”

“Where the hell have you guys been? You just kinda disappeared all of a sudden.”

“It was a really long story. Can you help us out?”

“I don’t know, man, we’re rather busy and we’re not even close by.”

“If you hurry I could get you some fried chicken at DFC here across the street.”

“Poison, are you implying that I like fried chicken because I’m black?”

“N-no, that wasn’t my intention! Just forget the help then.”

“Hold on, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thanks, man.”

“I still want that chicken though.”

“Of course.” He rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile, both Ivy’s arrived in a massive bright orange room. They rolled along a clear gigantic orange platform, there were clocks and other mechanical parts along the orange walls, screens showing various locations throughout the universe, and 23 large orbs around the gigantic room. AU Ivy leaped towards Ivy, who quickly hit her with a raising kick then kicked her again to the ground. She drew her scythe and stabbed her in the stomach, rapidly stabbing her then punching her across the face until her hands were somewhat bloody. She picked up her scythe and began to walk off when AU Ivy suddenly got up, clearly not fit to keep fighting. “What, you’re gonna run away? You’re pathetic!”

“Me? Just look at you, you can barely stand.”

“Excuses. You don’t have what it takes to finish me off.”

“I guess not.” She shrugged. “Just beating you on fair terms is good enough for me. I’m not gonna bother killing you, because you’re just not worth it.”

As she turned to leave, she heard a voice say, “Then allow me.” Leo appeared out of nowhere and ran past AU Ivy as he slit her throat with a sword, making her drop to her knees as she held the wound. “I figured you might show up eventually, so I guess I lucked out.”

“So what’s your deal in all this?” Ivy asked.

“Ahh, right. You wouldn’t know this, but I came from another planet, which was rather peaceful, until this monster landed and decided to kill almost everyone just because she was bored.” Leo said as he kicked AU Ivy, who was still struggling to breath. “I lost everyone. The only reason she kept me around is because she figured she could get some use out of the water elemental abilities I possessed. I was forced to undergo much training from hell to make me who I am today. I despised you, and yet I was fine with my position until the defining opportunity arose to get revenge for my race. So goodbye, master.” He plunged the sword through her forehead and threw her aside.

“Now that you’ve settled things, lets go home.” Ivy said, beginning to walk off.

“I’m afraid I’m not finished yet.” Ivy stopped in her tracks. “I plan to merge the 23 different but parallel universes using a device the Omar of your universe helped create. Hopefully, everything will go back to how it was and we’ll all be better off. I even connected the ports before you arrived.”

Ivy sighed as she said, “I gotta kill Omar when I get back. Look Leo, this is insane. And you’re actually trusting one of Omar’s inventions you’ve never used. You don’t even know what’ll happen if you merge them all together!”

“It doesn’t hurt to try. Are you going to stop me?”

“Yes, Leo, I am.”

“Very well.” He assumed a fighting stance. He leaped forward, punching the ground and sending out a tidal wave which Ivy flew over and attacked with a kick which he blocked. She accessed the additional small borrowed wind and lightning energy to increase her speed and counter almost all of Leo’s elemental attacks, which soon wore him out as he struggled to keep up. In a moment of desperation, he activated the merger which would take effect in under 5 minutes while injecting himself with the syringe he stabbed AU Ivy with, meaning it was to take a sample of her DNA mixture and use it as a last resort. She knew he had lost it, he knew he could kill. He started to mutate into a large grotesque muscular werewolf covered in blood with bulging veins showing. He raised his head and howled as several large tentacles shot out from his body.

Ivy ran around, avoiding them as she fired and slashed at him, doing little damage as he began to fire large wads of fleshy gum from his mouth at her. She got hit by one, which seemed to grow teeth and tried to eat her, while she held it back. Suddenly, a kunai became lodged in its forehead, making it explode a moment later. Ivy rolled back and to her surprise, she saw multiple versions of herself from other universes. Those versions being Ivy in a black ninja outfit, Ivy in a red pirate outfit, Gangsta Ivy, Bizzaro Ivy who’s her good counterpart, and the perpetually happy Ivy from the messed up universe which scared Gary, and who wears a pink dress to avoid confusion.

“What the-” Ivy said, looking around.

“I can explain.” Bizzaro Ivy said. “I followed you guys here with a remote a friendly scientist I know helped create. Along the way I gathered a group of myself to help. Hopefully with the power of friendship we can beat this threat.”

“You remind me of someone I dislike.”

The others introduced themselves, and were then interrupted as Leo continued attacking. They dodged the attacks and grouped up as Leo howled once more. Ninja Ivy took out a katana, Pirate Ivy drew a machete, Bizzaro Ivy got out her spear, Gangsta Ivy took out two handguns, Happy Ivy equipped a staff, and Ivy twirled her scythe before they all pointed their weapons as the beast. “Lets see him handle six versions of myself!” They all crossed their arms, preparing to laugh. Ninja Ivy went, “Niiiin nin nin nin nin!”, Pirate Ivy went, “Arrrr, arr arr arr arr!”, Bizzaro Ivy went, “Heeeeehehehehe!”, Gangsta Ivy had the same laugh as the original while firing a uzi, and Happy Ivy did a light chuckle.

Leo released miniature versions of his new form from his back which ran at them. Ninja Ivy turned to Pirate Ivy and said, “Are you ready?”

“More than I’ll ever be, me hearty. Let’s send ‘em to Davy Jones Locker!” They ran head-on into the pack of clones. N. Ivy fly kicked one in the face while P. Ivy punched another. N. Ivy then finger poked another at rapid speeds as P. Ivy bitchslapped another with her hat, her red parrot which remained dormant to that point attacking another to her right. N. Ivy hit one with a flash kick, then spun while in midair and throwing a kunai through another’s forehead. At the same time P. Ivy sliced ones head off with her machete then pulled a gun and shot one behind her. As another attacked, P. Ivy chopped off its arm a moment before N. Ivy hit him with an uppercut. P. Ivy stabbed one in the leg and used the creature and whack the others away as she spun in a circle, while N. Ivy in the air knocked out several launching themselves at them with a hurricane kick. As N. Ivy landed they were ready for more.

Gangsta Ivy and Bizzaro Ivy were awed at the display. “Man, look at those two go, bros for life right there.”

Bizzaro Ivy nodded. “Never before have a pirate and ninja worked so well together.”

Ivy and the perpetually happy one were dealing with the real Leo however, as Ivy cut down the overwhelming tentacles while Happy Ivy ran constantly and occasionally helped out. Leo fired another wad of gum which caught Happy Ivy, who screamed for help as it tried to devour her. Gangsta Ivy arrived shortly and blasted it repeatedly as she pulled her out.

“Thank you so much!” Happy Ivy exclaimed as she kissed her.

Gangsta Ivy backed up. “The ****? **** must be crazy! What the hell was that for?”

“That’s how we say thank you in my world.”

“That’s messed up, man. I oughta cap you right now, but I won’t.” She ran off to help distract Leo while Ivy hacked away at random spots on his body.

Over the course of two minutes, the merger was slowly reaching its end with two minutes left, and apart from Happy Ivy who left early, Ninja Ivy, Pirate Ivy, and Bizzaro Ivy were knocked unconscious and Leo’s body continued to grow as the room was starting to come apart as it neared the countdown. Seeing as Gangsta Ivy lost hope, she placed a hand on Ivy’s shoulder. “Hey man, I know we bros and all, but this is too much for me. I’m out of here. Take care of yourself though.” She used a remote laying by to get back to her own universe.

Ivy waited for the upcoming end, as Leo launched several tentacles at her. They were suddenly cut down as Poison, Damien and Gary landed nearby, the others taking their sweet time to walk over.

“So Leo is the final boss, huh? What a twist…” Gary commented as he rushed on.

Poison turned to Ivy and waved as he said, “Yo. By the way, I heard what you said over that walkie-talkie. Oh, and the Loli Rangers couldn‘t make it after all…”

“Well its not like I said it to look tough and because you regularly insult me…”

“Well its not like I insult you because I like you…”

“Well its not like I consider you a lowly servant which I own so you’ll never leave me…”

“Well its not like I continue to live at your house because I like being around you guys…”

Ivy looked away as she said, “Jerk.”

Poison looked away as he said, “****.”

“Baka.”

“Moron.”

“Stupid-face.”

“Idiot-head.”

After a moment of silence, she then quietly said, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He replied quietly.

The others had ignored them as this was going on and were currently attacking Leo, while helping out each other when they were on the verge of death. Ivy and Poison joined in, but regardless of numbers, it was pointless to finish Leo for good. Most of them managed to stall Leo for a while as Ivy and Damien worked on stopping the merger, managing to do so with 42 seconds left. Damien then took out a nuke cannon while Lolita drew a rocket launcher, and fired it at Leo, just before opening up a portal and running for the exit as it went off. They soon ended up back in their own universe on a corner of a street.

“I guess everything’s rapped up now.” Rosie said as she got up. “I real shame about Leo though, I’m really gonna miss him…”

“I think we all will.” Poison replied.

“This shouldn’t have even happened, but Gary technically caused it in the first place.” Ivy replied.

“Well I wouldn’t have drawn them here if it wasn’t because of Ruby getting me there in the first place!” He replied.

“Well I wouldn’t have made you accompany me if Omar hadn’t tried to mess with the aspect of universal travel!” Ruby exclaimed.

“As usual, it leads back to Omar.” Ivy said with a nod.

“So what’s the moral of this story?” Ruby wondered.

“This isn’t gonna be another one of those fake aesops, is it?” Poison asked.

“I think the moral is: Science is bad.” Crystal suggested.

“I think its: Treat others how you’d like to be treated.” Amber said.

“Nah, its gotta be: Life sucks, so do what you feel like.” Damien said.

“I think the moral is this,” Lolita began. “Don’t bully people who could brutally kill you if they were to snap.” Everyone agreed to varying amounts, while Ivy was somewhat confused at what they were talking about.

“Anyway,” Ivy began, turning to Ruby. “I’ll probably be bringing some robots and destroying some places downtown tomorrow.”

“Alright, I should be there to try and stop you. What time?”

“1pm alright with you?”

“Yeah, that should be fine.”

“Alright, see you tomorrow.” Ivy and Poison walked off, waving goodbye to Ruby and the others as they went their own separate ways for the day. “Now, we’ve got a number of different things to do before going home. First, we pay Omar a visit and break his arms for doing all this in the first place.”

“He’s been asking for it for quite a while.”

“Next, lets go visit one of those other planets till we find Leo’s race. If he existed in that timeline, he should exist here too, we just have to find him.”

“But he most likely won’t be the same Leo we met.”

“We’ll help him out a little, constructively.”

“Is the third thing talking with Willard? Because I already spoke with him. He said he had no idea why he’d set out to do harm, and that it seemed unnecessary, so I wonder if that other Ruby was lying about that…”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

After a period of silence, Poison then said, “Wanna piggyback ride?”

“Sure, why not.” She hopped on his back and they took off.

And so, it was a happy end, except for half the earth out there, since most of the cast aren’t good people and tend to kill others on a regular basis, but happy in a black comedy sort of way. They eventually did find the Leo of their universe, who was quite a wimp but with enough forced training started to resemble the type of person they once knew. He remained on his planet but they visited once in a while. Damien and Lolita eventually got married, though everyone was forcing Damien to hook up with her regardless of what he had to say. Ninja Ivy returned to her spiritual land to continue more hardened training with SA2, Pirate Ivy continued her ship-to-ship combat with Ruby, Gangsta Ivy sat round a living room with others telling them her recent adventure, Bizarro Ivy didn’t seem to remember much of the event, and Happy Ivy wasn’t so happy after experiencing that event. The older Ruby of another world eventually got better and soon checked out of the insane asylum, actually deciding to start a friendship with Ivy shortly after. And Ivy and Poison continued their ridiculous and nonsensical adventures with their friends.

I figured, for Halloween, why not? It gives me an excuse to use this idea anyway, and what's amusing is that I started this story the day after Halloween. Turned out to be a hell of a lot longer than I expected.
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TMEDCE: OVA (Because the number 41 is stupid) - The Good, The Bad, and the Willard

Somewhere in the area of ~~Adabat~~ Central City, in an unknown location…

It was a month since the events of universal travel. Inside a room was a single large rectangular table with four seats on each side and one seat ahead of them. Many torches lit the room and there was a water container in the corner. There were currently six figures sitting around the large table. These figures were the same applicants which showed up for the previous meeting hosted by Willard: Ivy, Poison, Amber, Adol, Omar whose spot was substituted by a robot, and joining them this time would be Masterman. Damien entered the room dressed in a tux, the camera focusing on him from a low angle as he said, “Ladies and gentlemen!” He sat ahead of them at the table with a clipboard. “Thank you all for taking the time to join me. You all know me as Damien, prince of darkness, but that‘s not important; I have assembled a number of characters here for one reason, and its to do with Willard.”

Adol raised his hand. “Umm, shouldn’t you do the roll call?”

“**** it! I ain’t got time for that ****! You all know each other by now so who cares? Anyway, my sources tell me a few days from now on Sunday night, Willard will be receiving a special present from another cosmic horror he knows.”

Ivy raised her hand. “Yeah, who is this cosmic horror?”

“The big guy everyone knows about.”

“I still have no idea who you’re talking about.”

“Its not important, okay? Anyway, this special present is said to grant any wish you want for whoever uses it, but it can only be used once.” This got everyone’s attention, regardless of how absurd it sounded. “Now the reason we’re here, is to ambush Willard and take this mysterious item for ourselves.”

Amber raised her hand. “Do we really have to go that low? It must be possible to share, right?”

“No! Its for one person, and besides, we’re all evil here! Everyone for themselves!”

“I’m not that evil.” Poison said, raising his hand.

“That’s a total lie.” Ivy retorted. “Remember that stand-up comedian act a whole bunch of demons went to go see, and the one telling the jokes was this timid demon girl. Sure, she sucked and most of them were booing her, but what was really hurtful was how you snarked at every crappy joke she told and continued to personally bully her.”

“What? I wasn’t bullying her! Come on, she should be used to that kind of behaviour! I got used to it…”

“Well your snarking was awfully mean that time.” Amber replied. “Was quite funny to see her beat you up after the show though.”

“She jumped me, I’m sticking to my story. Besides, after I formally apologized and explained that I wasn’t personally attacking her, we got along pretty well and I helped her with her act, though she tends to blush a lot around me…” Poison’s phone suddenly rang and he answered it. “Hello?”

It was Gary. “Your harem protagonist powers are growing, man.”

“They don’t exist, Gary.” He replied before hanging up. “Wait, how did he even know what I was talking about…”

“Anyway,” Damien continued. “I’ll inform you all on the details on where Willard will be picking up the package next Friday, which is Halloween.”

Rosie entered the room and took a seat beside Amber, saying, “Sorry, had to go to the bathroom, what did I miss?”

“Here’s a sheet containing the basic info.” Damien said, handing her it.

“Why didn’t you just do that at the start, man?” Masterman asked.

“Because then this meeting would’ve been pointless.”

“Hey, the vampire chick, you don’t have any standard weaknesses, right?” Masterman asked as he turned to Rosie.

“Yeah.”

“Would you still die if you took a stake to the heart?”

“Wouldn’t almost anyone die from a stake to the heart?”

“Good point.”

“So MM,” Adol began, “I heard you got arrested in this theatre. What happened?”

“Oh yeah, there was this fine ass chick I tried to chat up, but she was underage and her parents called the cops on me. In my defense, it was pretty dark, and from what I could see, she had a smoking hot body for her age.”

“I hear ya, man. I love all my students where I teach, strictly speaking at first, and physically when the time comes. I’ve always loved jailbait, there’s nothing like doing it with a chick who looks older than she is, its always enjoyable.”

“What, do you take advantage of all your students?”

“No, just the developed ones so I have an excuse. I’m an Ephebophile…I like young teenage girls.”

“You’re a sick bastard, man.”

Amber raised her hand. “Y’know, I can kinda sympathize. I met this great guy recently, he was sweet, and funny, and pretty smart, though I was pretty depressed when he told me he was gay, so I raped him.”

Rosie yawned and then said, “That’s nice…wait, what?”

“And you said you weren’t evil.” Ivy commented.

“Its not evil! He enjoyed it too after a while!”

“**** is a special kind of evil.” Poison replied.

“Tru dat.” Masterman nodded.

“Well Adol agrees with me, right, Adol?” Amber asked.

“Sure.”

“Adol’s not right in the head so that isn’t saying much.” Damien replied. “Anyway, we’re rapping this up now. I gotta leave since Lolita is making dinner and won’t like it if I’m late.”

“You’re not the complete monster you used to be.” Poison replied.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m still pretty damn evil, but I just don’t feel the need to do evil things just to justify my status unlike some people.” He said, glancing at Ivy. “Lets take an orphanage for example. I wouldn’t burn it down just because it happened to be there, but if I was talking with a friend as I walked by it and the loud noise made it hard to speak to them, then I’d burn it down for pissing me off, and probably seal the exits for shits and giggles.”

“Fair enough.”

“Alright, this meeting is adjourned.” Damien said, getting to his feet.

“Wait, what will Willard be wearing on that day?” Amber asked.

“I don’t even remember what he regularly wears.” He said before walking off. Ruby had overheard the meeting, as she had placed a tracer on Poison’s jacket, as well as Spring and Floyd heard the meeting using the same method with Masterman.

---

Now its time for: Reipa Girl, tell ‘em!

Lolita sat at an office desk with the camera facing her. She pointed as she said, “Yooooooou.” completely deadpan. “Welcome again to my Q&A section which has been set up. First caller, you’re on the air.”

“Are you related to the Grim Reaper?”

“Sadly, I am not. I am just a dead person fortunate enough to be hired to help out and make his job a little easier.”

“How many of you guys are there?”

“Around 12. Though Pandora isn’t much help, and she likes opening her box at inappropriate moments for shits and giggles. Next caller.”

“I heard the Grim Reaper occasionally does work for Dracula, is that true?”

“Yes, he pays surprisingly well, or so I‘ve been told.”

“Hi there, if I stalk a young girl for over a year, could I hope to get some princess ****?”

“No, because you suck. You need the protagonist gene, or at least the harem gene. Next caller.”

“Is there really no Foe Yay between Ivy and Ruby?”

“That’s none of my business. Next question.”

“Why you so mean?”

“My character alignment has no effect on my attitude. I say what I think, and if it hurts people in the process, so be it. I take no sides. Just as dark is not always evil, good is not always nice. I may be quite an **** to most people, intentionally or not, but my job still leans more towards being good. Or I guess you could just say, I’m dead inside.” She paused for the laugh track. “Next caller please.”

“Yeah, umm, I’ve got a lot of things I’ve seen that I wanna ask about.”

“Fire away.”

He took a deep breath. “Why did those Sonic characters appear at first then just fade out of existence? How can Ivy be a tsundere when it seems clear that she likes Poison from all the perverted comments and attempted ****? Why did half the episodes seem like the same aspects just jumbled up slightly? Why does Poison seem fond of young girls? Also, I call bullshit on them never doing the deed in 20 years or 10 years or whatever. I’m sure there’s a hentai OVA somewhere out there, or its just off camera but I digress. And what kind of amulet can continuously bring you back to life? How can you eat an amulet and do it without choking? Wouldn’t its power be used up the first time Ruby’s body is torn to shreds? Why was Damien able to manipulate metal that one time? What happened to half the cast during most of season 2? Who created that room connecting the parallel universes together? Why are there only 23 parallel universes? Who is Gary’s dad? Why did AU Ruby wait so long to kill AU Ivy?”

After a few moments of silence, Lolita then said, “I will refrain from answering all those questions, and I’ll send a calendar with pictures of myself if you stop asking.”

“…Deal.”

“Next caller, please.”

“OH GOD, YOU’RE SO HOT. I LOVE YOUR SHOW, I’VE GOTTEN OFF TO IT A DOZEN TIMES.”

“Thanks for sharing.”

“WAIT, WAIT. What’s your sexual preferences?”

“I’m Damiensexual.”

“BUT YOU’RE MY WAIFU, I WON’T ALLOW THAT BEAST TO HAVE YOU!”

“What’s your name?”

“Oh, its Sakura Haji.”

Lolita checked her list for the name, and moved it from 4 years later to tomorrow. “It says here your death is approaching. I’ll be over tomorrow to kill you, and don‘t bother running, because I will find you.”

“You’re coming to my house? Oh boy! I’ll get the lube and anal beads!”

“You do that, it‘ll make your death rather special. Next caller.”

“Hi there. Do male demons also have tails? And are all demons tails sensitive?”

“Yes, I should know, and no, sadly not. Next.”

“Umm, is it okay to **** someone you like?”

“That depends, do they like you back?”

“Y-yeah, I think…”

“Then it should be fine. In this day and age, people are still reluctant to believe a girl can **** a guy, so for those who can, thankfully its easier to get away with it, so have fun, princess.”

“I-I’m not a princess.”

“But you wanna be a rapist?”

“N-no, you just sa-”

“But would your peers believe you if I denied it?”

“…I don’t like talking to you.”

“Are you mad?”

“No, I’m not mad.”

“Why not?”

“What, do you get your sick kicks out of pissing me off?”

“Yes, actually, it amuses me. Some of your friends feel the same way because getting you mad is funny.”

“Oh, its funny, is it? You ****! I oughta strangle you with your own spine! I hate you all!” She said before hanging up.

“That’s all we have time for, bye-bye!” Lolita waved.

---

On the week leading up to Halloween, seeing as Ruby was likely to show up, Ivy decided it was best to turn the public against her by dressing up exactly like her Justice attire and going around doing evil deeds to disgrace her name, an idea Poison thought she was too keen on as she drooled while thinking about it.

She stood in front of a mirror in her room dressed as Justice, with a black outfit, her long hair tied into pigtails, and even dyeing her hair to complete the look. “So how do I look?” She asked, turning to Poison.

“Like a potential super heroine.”

“Oh yeah, Adol said this kind of hairstyle is good because of the handlebars, what did he mean by that?”

“With your perverted mind, I’m surprised you don’t already know.”

And so she made her way to Earth to ruin the image of the ridiculously idealistic angel of justice, doing things such as robbing food stores, blowing up buildings, helping criminals get away with crimes, and leaving the toilet seat up. During these few days Ruby hadn’t taken notice, since she spent her time at home playing Wii Fit. A few days later, it was time to get everything started to snatch the mysterious gift from Willard’s hands.

On the demonic planet, Ivy, Poison, Damien and Rosie were in her room playing a 4-player beat-em-up video game on the edge of her bed. “Okay, you guys, I’ll do my best to hold off that swarm of goblins while you go on ahead.” Damien said.

“I’ll keep the gates open. You guys need to co-operate by going down the top and bottom paths.” Rosie added.

“Alright, I’m on top.” Ivy said.

“And why are you on top?” Poison asked.

“Because I’m taking the lead, and I’ll do a better job than you will.”

“How do you know? You did a crappy job last level by the way.”

“That’s not my fault! You were too slow to keep up, and you couldn’t go more than three rounds on the gauntlet!”

“Hey! My health was low because you attacked from behind in a game where we can hurt each other by accident!”

“Fine then! You be on top!”

“Hey, there’s another circular path down there.”

“N-not there, that place is dirty…”

“Hey Ivy, can you hold this sausage in your inventory, mine is full of milk.”

“O-okay, but be gentle, its my first time…having that food item in my inventory, I mean. How much does it recover anyway?”

“69hp.”

“Wow…well it does look pretty big.” After a few moments, Poison set off a trap and died. “See? I should have taken the lead!”

“Hey! You died twice last level!”

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!” she yelled.

“AAAARRRRGGGGGHH!” he yelled back.

“I hate you!”

“I hate you too!”

After an awkward period of silence, Rosie then said, “Was I the only one thinking dirty thoughts?”

“I wish I could unhear it.” Damien replied.

“Cockblocker! Uhh, I mean Gamestopper!” Amber yelled as she leaped into the room.

“I never thought I’d hear a succubus of all people say that…” Poison remarked.

“C’mon guys, its almost time, isn’t it?” Amber said. Noticing this, they stopped playing and were making their way to the area.

Meanwhile, Gary and Crystal were in Ruby’s room as she was getting ready. “So a certain someone has been parading as me, huh? And possibly allies and enemies alike will be at this designated location.” Ruby said, voicing the info given to her.

“This could get chaotic.” Crystal said.

“Yeah, it doesn’t sound good.” Gary replied. “We should be rather cautious.”

“Cautious? Screw that!” Ruby had the last bits of her outfit ready. She put on her gloves as she said, “Lets.”, tightened her utility belt while saying, “Get.” and put on her mask and smiled as she said, “Dangerous.” she then turned to them. “Huh, why haven’t I used that one before…”

Later that night, a mysterious individual met with Willard behind a building beside the sea. He was handed a blue rectangular box before the figure vanished. Shortly after, Damien dropped down to his right. “Ahh, Damien, its nice to see you again.”

“Can’t say I feel the same way.” Poison, Rosie and Amber dropped down a moment afterwards. Willard smirked before firing a wave of darkness at Damien who summoned a rock wall then threw the remains at him. Willard leaped up, avoiding the large fireballs and gusts of wind Poison and Amber fired, while evading Rosie’s swings. Willard fired back at her, who dodged the waves using her flexible acrobatic skills. Poison drew his blade and attacked him, dodging the various swings which Willard attempted to land. Willard was then hit from behind by Damien, dropping the box, only for it to be picked up by Rosie. At that moment, Crystal flew in and kicked her, picking up the box as she landed. “I’ll be taking this.” Poison charged at her, leaping back a moment later as a beam of lightning flew by.

Poison threw a large ball of wind which split into various smaller balls of concentrated air. Gary sped up his movement by charging his body with lightning in order to move fast enough to evade the shots then launched himself into the air as Poison fired a large tornado at him. Gary repeatedly sent ray’s of lightning from above at Poison, who moved fast enough to dodge them and fire back. Nearby, Crystal leaped over Amber as she struck with a sliding tackle, blocked a wave of darkness from Willard but was then hit by a clothesline as Rosie ran by. Damien grabbed the box and took off as some of the others began firing at him.

Meanwhile, Ivy was dressed again as Justice, waiting in the middle of a street for something. The cars passing by took notice but continued moving. The police soon arrived, attempting to take her in due to the crimes done earlier that week, but she sent them flying with a wave of fire as she continued waiting. Shortly after, Ruby arrived in her Justice attire and dropped down, pointing at Ivy who was wearing the same costume. “You.”

“I assume you’re aware of the circumstances.”

“Yeah, you trying to ruin my good name. You’ve done some cruel things, but this is too far.”

“Then lets settle this here. This is the final battle!”

“You always say that…”

“Well I mean it…somewhat, partially…”

One cop turned to another and said, “Hey, which one is the bad guy?”

“I’m the hero here!” Ruby yelled.

“Yeah but you two do kinda look alike…”

“She’s got longer hair than I do! And a tail!” The cops continued to debate it between each other while she sighed. Ivy shoulder tackled her while she was distracted, knocking her into a car and following up with a punch across the face. Ruby evaded the next punch and threw her into another car across the street. Ruby picked up half a dozen objects and threw them using her psychokinesis, Ivy managing to dodge them as she began to close the gap and launched two beams in the shape of fiery dragons. Ruby leaped back onto a building window and flew around avoiding them until they eventually touched each other and exploded.

Ivy pointed her hand elsewhere as she said, “Y’know, one good thing about being evil is that we don’t have as much limitations. For instance, if I attacked other civilians, you’d be obligated to save them, right?” She grinned before firing a beam of fire from her hand at a car. Ruby charged in that direction and pushed a car of passengers out of the way a moment before Ivy tackled her and they crashed through an office window. As Ruby got to her feet Ivy hit her with a knee to the face, followed by hitting her with a chair. She attempted to whack her again with a monitor, but Ruby slid under her, grabbed her neck trying to do an RKO and slammed her into a table. She took a few moments to recover and get up, at which point Ruby grabbed her tail and began squeezing it.

Ivy stared at her until she stopped. “So it doesn’t work, huh? I figured your tail would be rather sensitive…”

“Thankfully not.” She tried to punch her but Ruby quickly put up a shield. Ivy rapidly punched the shield, slowly weakening her control over it. While distracting her with repeated punching, Ivy grabbed Ruby’s leg with her tail and pulled her as she yelled, “Get over here!” with a punch to the face she sent her flying and as Ruby recovered, Ivy hit her again with a large ball of fire, sending her flying out a window. Using a grapping hook, she grabbed Ivy’s right leg, causing her to sigh before being flung out the same window.

Ruby crashed through the window of a train and landed in an empty seat, shocking some others nearby while somewhat dizzy from the impact. She recovered in time to see Ivy flying at her with her scythe drawn, attempting to impale her, and missing as Ruby leaped out the way. Ruby took out her double-sided spear and they fought with their weapons while one kid dressed as Freddy Krueger recorded it. Another dressed as Jason Voorhees said, “Dude, are you seriously tapping this?”

“Of course, man! This **** will get tons of views on Youtube.”

Ivy managed to chop her spear in half, so Ruby strapped the halves to both arms. Ivy took the opportunity to strap her scythe blade to her right arm and grabbed a knife which the Freddy boy had thrown her, explaining that it makes it a little more even to his friend. Any civilians tended to move out of the way as they moved down the train attacking each other. As they passed a train stop, people saw Ruby repeatedly jabbing Ivy in the chest shortly before Ivy slashed her twice followed by a punch to the face. She grabbed Ruby, swung her round and threw her out the window, then took a seat a moment later.

Ruby crashed through another office building actually filled with workers, creating quite a bit of property damage from the broken desks, monitors and the wall. She quickly got to her feet and flew off, flying at extreme speeds until she spotted the train again. On the train, Ivy was being questioned by a train inspector who asked if she had any ID so she showed him her passport. “Miss, here it says your age is ‘Legal’”

“Isn’t that what counts?”

“Not on my watch.” A second later, Ruby tackled Ivy, knocking them out onto the train tracks. Another train was speeding towards them when the driver spoke into an intercom. “Sir, there’s these two girls fighting on the train tracks!”

“Damnit Bob, have you been getting high again?”

“No sir, I swear its true!”

“That’s what you said about those two girls you happened to see months ago, even though there was no evidence. Just drive the damn train and lay off that stuff.”

“Yes sir…” And so he hit them, sending the two flying in midair.

Back in the middle of the streets, Damien drifted round a corner on skates made out of concrete, with a flying scorpion robot chasing him, piloted by Omar who fired lasers which Damien narrowly avoided and threw spikes at. Crystal and Amber caught up, firing at him, he then evaded an incoming tornado and dropped the package while doing so. Rosie quickly picked it up seconds before being hit by Spring and Floyd’s car which arrived. As Poison and Gary rushed in to retrieve the box, the two opened fire on them, causing them to scatter. Omar flew by and grabbed the box with a robot hand, the others giving chase as he took off.

Loli Red and Loli Green were trick or treating down a street, dressed in Power Rangers suits. As an elderly woman gave them some apples, Tsundere-chan glanced down at them and then looked up. “Apples? ****, where’s my candy?!” The woman simply closed the door on them, aggravating her, but it didn’t last as Omar flew by, followed by most of the others. Loli Red informed the other rangers as she and Loli Green followed. Masterman appeared flying a golden helicopter and rammed Omar as he said, “Hey, what’s up?”

“Masterman! You fool! I nearly dropped the box!”

“Then pass it here, man. I need that ****.”

“This creation is far too scientific for you to withstand. You just…you don’t even know!”

“Hey, don’t be tripping now.”

Adol landed on the helicopter and cut open the roof with his chainsaw. “Yeah, I don’t think you could handle it, MM.”

“Of course I could, because I’m Pringles.”

“lol.”

“Don’t hate.”

Lily happened to be nearby on a rooftop wearing a spy catsuit. She took out a rocket launcher and fired, getting a direct hit on Omar’s ship and bringing it down. She threw a flash grenade and as the others covered their eyes, she leapt in and grabbed the box. Lolita dropped down in front of her and asked, “Why are you here?”

“Just for the box. Personal reasons of course. You?”

“Likewise, prepare yourself.”

“Okay, on three. 1-” Lolita immediately drew a katana and sliced her left arm off. “…Now that was uncalled for. Fine, I’ll cheat as well.” She aimed above her head and fired at her life bar, causing a OHKO and running off. Poison fired gusts of wind which Lily avoided by somersaulting, stopping to answer his phone.

Ivy was on the line. “Poison, get here quickly! That foolish angel has this thing and she just nailed me in the ass!”

“Hold on, I’m coming.” Rosie chuckled slightly as he continued. “Where are you anyway?”

“Some construction site, I don’t know the place. Just hurry.”

“Yeah, yeah, be grateful, I’m coming.” Rosie continued laughing. “Oh, grow up…”

As Damien walked down a street, subconsciously creating stone walls to shield himself from the explosions going on, he threw a boulder which managed to hit Lily as he entered a convenience store. A baby resting in a carriage suddenly got to his feet and pulled out a magnum, an old man in a wheelchair wearing a yellow bathing robe revealed a miniature gatling gun from the hand rest as he appeared, a monkey wearing a fedora hat, shades and smoking a cigar appeared with an assault rifle on a bench. Spring and Floyd parked nearby, and loaded their shotguns as they got out, Loli Green and Lolita both arrived, and Masterman leaped out his helicopter with an uzi. There was an awkward silence as Spring flicked his cigar towards a trash can nearby. Floyd turned to Masterman and said, “Your move, Mattress.” As the cigar hit the trash and exploded, they all began running around firing at one another apart from Loli Green and Lolita.

Loli Green turned to her and said, “I know gun fu.” drawing her handguns.

“Show me.” She replied, doing the same.

Moving on, Poison happened to find Ivy and Ruby sitting beside an unfinished building talking, where Ivy had said that Nookie now has a wife and kids, not commenting on how the **** tentacle monsters even produce. Ivy noticed him and got to her feet. “There you are! What took you so long? I got nailed in the ass twice!”

“Sorry about that by the way.” Ruby replied. “Found a nail gun nearby.”

“You’re too slow! If I order you to kiss my royal foot, you should do so! If I order you to dress like a girl, you’ll do so!”

“No I won’t.”

“Yeah you will!”

“Nope.”

“Yes! I would pay friends to **** your ass! They’d **** you so ha-” She stopped to wipe some drool from her mouth. “They’d **** you sensele-” She wiped off more drool.

“Take your time…”

“Hi Poison!” Ruby waved.

“Hey Ruby…man, its been so long since I’ve said that.”

“I know what you mean.”

In the middle of the streets, the shootout continued, with most of the others taking cover and occasionally firing back while the old man drove around randomly firing at people. Loli Blue charged in, then retreated moments later when everyone else fired at her, since it was purely a gun fight. The old man managed to hit the baby in the arm as he took cover where Loli Blue was. “Aww ****! Hey, pass me your knife!”

“No way! Its mine!”

“I need the **** knife just for a second, geez!” She handed it over and he quickly dug out the bullet with the blade. Spring and Floyd fired at the wheelchair, damaging the side wheels while Loli Green leaped to the side and fired in midair, damaging his exhaust pipe, sending him spiralling out of control as the monkey leapt onto his head. He crashed through a glass window and was presumed to be dead, but Spring and Floyd unloaded 10 shotgun shells in him just in case.

Loli Black and Loli Yellow arrived during all the commotion, Loli Black looking over the spectacle as she said, “What the **** is this ****?” Lily shrugged before firing her rocket launcher at the two, Loli Black turning to the side and saying, “****, get that **** out my face.” As she punched it, sending it flying into a building which then exploded.

Lily then put it away. “Look, guys, this is silly. Why are we fighting over some stupid box?” she asked, having regained her arm while Rosie inspected a man who appeared to be dead outside the building on fire. “We’re just causing unnecessary destruction here. Besides, its Halloween and no-one’s in costume.” She continued, while Rosie looked around before feasting on the man.

Loli Yellow held up a sign saying, “Some of our ordinary outfits count as costumes.” while Amber quickly left to dress up as Morrigan Aensland. Ivy, Poison and Ruby arrived as this went on.

“Anyway, we should be doing Halloween themed things.” Lily ducked as Adol threw his chainsaw which lodged itself in a wall. “Like scaring people, going to haunted houses and stuff like that.”

“What’s the point when you’re a demon?” Ivy replied. “Besides, we’ve been to a haunted place, it was called Noisy Hill, but surprisingly wasn’t very noisy.”

“Speaking of which, I should get going soon. My daughter wants me to teach her to torment people with psychological problems.” Adol said, picking up his chainsaw.

“You have a kid?” Poison asked.

“Yep, she’s in capable hands. Her mother’s a nurse. Anyway, catch you round.” Adol waved goodbye as he took off.

“My Halloween point still stands.” Lily said.

“We shouldn’t scare Ivy too much now.” Poison began. “If you do she’ll-” before he could finish, she tried to punch him, and ended up hitting Gary who leaped towards them.

He crashed into a building and walked out rubbing his cheek. “I actually agree. Halloween only comes once a year.”

“How did it feel?” Poison asked.

“It felt wonderful…” He replied, a look of enlightenment on his face. “So about the Halloween thing again-”

Suddenly, a giant pumpkin monster! It crushed the mystery box as it appeared and roared loudly. Ruby looked up at it and said, “Well that was convenient…”

“Lets rap this up quickly.” Ivy said. Ruby grabbed the pumpkin using her psychokinesis, and held it against a building, holding it in place with iron poles. Ivy formed a large fiery harpoon and said, “When you get to hell, tell my dad I sent ya.” as she threw it. She struck the centre, and a delayed explosion occurred splitting it in four pieces. Poison fired a tornado which sliced it into dozens of small pieces, then Gary vaporized it completely as he called down a ray of lightning.

“You love that move, don’t you?” Poison asked.

“Its actually pretty fun.” He replied.

“Well with no reason to be here now, we should get going. I’m in the mood to riff a movie.” Poison said, walking off.

“That’s a great idea, foolish angel, wanna join us?”

“Its Ruby. I sometimes think you purposely don’t say my name.” She sighed as she followed them.

They all began to leave one after another and around the same time Damien was sitting on a rock golem walking through the streets as he talked to Willard on a phone. “Seems they’ve all stopped now.”

“So how was it?”

“Sadly not as much property damage as I expected. I mean, my sister and her friend have been known to cause quite a lot from what I’ve been told. Still it was good enough. Thanks for setting this up.”

“On the contrary, the idea was clearly yours, I just felt obliged to lend a hand. It has been a while since we worked together on a certain task.”

“Too true. Well I’d best be getting back, Lolita would be mad if my dinner got cold…”

“Ahh, young love.”

“Shut it, you old geezer. Besides, what was in that box anyway?”

“Its best not to know…” Willard said, chuckling before he hanged up.

Meanwhile, in a dark room the two kids from earlier were looking up the video of Ivy and Ruby fighting on the train which they uploaded and noticed it already had 8,000 views. The one dressed as Freddy turned and said, “See? didn’t I say this would get views?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

Time to kick this **** off, old school.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 41 (Its still a stupid number) - The Sliding Scale of Love and Hate

It was two weeks after Halloween, and Ivy sat in her room early that morning writing in her diary. “Dear Diary, It’s been a while since we talked, huh? Life’s going pretty well, though not many people like me and are still jerks, they at least somewhat respect me…I think. Nookie’s oldest son has now started molesting human girls, yet again, I’m so proud. It feels like only yesterday when I beat Nookie to a pulp and took him home as a pet. I wish him the best of luck.”

She then heard her mother yell, “Ivy, you received a letter from one of your fan club members!”

“Coming!” She ran out the room, down the hall and slid down the stairs, smashing into the door where she picked up the letter and read it out loud. “From a loyal and mysterious fan, I’ve got a small problem which someone of your talents could help me solve. I’ll explain more later, my address is…” She stopped reading. “Time for another good deed.”

“Well good for you.” Her mother replied before leaving.

“Is doing this one thing really so important?” Poison asked as he came down the stairs.

“Of course!” She took out a list. “I’ve done 8 evil things this week and only 1 good thing! I need another good deed to add to the list!”

He read the list. “I don’t think hiding the remote, taking the last cookie from the cookie jar, and not cleaning the bath qualify as evil, maybe petty and annoying, but not evil. Also, chopping off someone’s arm isn’t a good deed.”

“He was gonna have it amputated, so I saved him the trouble. Anyway, I haven’t got time to argue, I’ll see you later.” She grabbed the list and took off towards her fan’s location.

In a basic house with a red and brown visual style which most houses there tended to have, sat a young boy. He had unruly turquoise hair, and wore a zipped up red jacket, with matching pants and shoes which had three white stripes going across them. Ivy kicked down the door and leaped in as she yelled, “Dynamic entry!” She landed on her feet and turned to him. “So what’s the problem?”

“You better fix that door. Anyway, I’ve got these personal issues with this girl I just barely know.” The boy spoke. “My name is Jack, and I’ll be looking forward to working with you.”

“So what’s my reward?” She immediately asked.

“Huh? Reward?”

“Yeah, kid. I don’t do this **** for free, Y’know?”

“Well I don’t really…”

“Oh, well good luck with your-”

She turned to leave when Jack spoke up. “Wait! You can’t! I was told you were the best, and if you go I’ll have no-one to really turn to! The others are amateurs, not like your magnificent skills which are in a league of their own! Your grace, your beauty, your mediocre fashion sense…”

“Hey! Besides, sucking up isn‘t enough to get my help, so if you-”

“For the time being, my fridge is your fridge.” They immediately sealed the deal as they shook hands.

“So what’s the problem?” Ivy asked.

“Well, there’s this girl, she’s unfucking believable! She practically hates my guts, and I hate hers. She pulls some kind of prank on me, then I pull one on her, and so on. After the prank she pulled on me two weeks ago, I still haven’t retaliated, so I was wondering if you had any ideas.”

Ivy thought for a little bit, before moving on. A bit later, Ivy stood on a cliff with a video camera and a bulldozer, readying to hit her target with a wrecking ball. Eventually she showed up, appearing to be a young girl with violet hair sporting twin tails, wearing a red open jacket with a fluffy hood, a black t-shirt, and blue pants. As she looked around, Ivy managed to hit her hard with the wrecking ball while videotaping it and running off.

Shortly afterwards, the girl was walking down a path, saying random obscenities under her breath, clearly mad over the previous ordeal while Poison and Rosie were walking by just up ahead.

“So Damien is gonna troll a message board, and some other guys have agreed to participate, you in?” Poison asked.

“Sure, sounds like fun. By the way, does anyone actually swim in that lake of lava?” Rosie asked, staring far to her right.

“Nah, its just for decoration.” The girl bumped into Poison, but continued walking as he sarcastically said, “Guess that serves me right for paying attention.”

She stopped and turned to him, and then said, “Hey, aren’t you that one from the photos wearing th-”

Poison quickly covered her mouth. “Lets have a quick talk…” He said as they walked off. “So what’s the problem?” He asked as they stood at an empty street corner.

“Well, there’s this guy I hate so I pull pranks on him, and he does the same, and he just pulled this lameass prank so I’m really pissed and have to get back at him! And if you don’t help I’m going to use those photos I happened to see.”

“Yeah, I get how this works.” He replied, not surprised in the least. “So what’s your name?”

“Oh, my name is Jill. Now lets get to work!” She said, walking off.

Later that day, Jack informed Ivy about receiving an email about Jill threatening to send some embarrassing photos she had taken of him in the past to others, and had no choice but to beg Ivy to find the pictures somehow before she could do so. Ivy wanted to get down to the real deal, as she was certain Jack was hiding something important so she went to ask around about the two. She went around the demonic city asking around for the deal between the two, and getting nowhere from demons rudely denying knowledge of it, and she completely forgot to ask an elderly woman upon being given a large lollipop.

Meanwhile, Poison was currently talking with Gary online about some important details over the internet with a webcam. “So, what do you think?” Poison asked.

“Well, it doesn’t seem like pictures you’d normally use for humiliation purposes, I should know.”

“As I thought. Well thanks for your help, man.”

“Sure thing. By the way, can you lend me Kawaii Girl Uguu-chan?”

“I can’t man, I’m sorry.” Poison shook his head.

“And why not?”

“Your body is not ready.” Those words hit Gary hard, like a kick to the nuts. He had expected something like this, and though he tried to block it out, he knew the statement was true. Some witnesses have said only one person finished watching this show but died from cuteness overload, and Poison only got halfway through. Could it truly be watched all the way through without dying? He had to give it a shot. As Gary got up from his seat, Poison leaned in, a worried look in his eyes as he said, “Gary…”

Gary silenced him as he raised his hand and walked off into the shadows. He went through a montage, showing various scenes such as Gary clutching his chest in pain and expressing a faint, “HNNNNGGGGG” sound as watched various moe anime, got Crystal to show him their family album with Ruby’s baby pictures, and also looking through some of the Ivy pictures he’d bought until he was desensitized to being affected by any level of cuteness.

Back to the main story, Ivy visited her old school which had white and black large corridors, and demons didn’t really need to go to school since they were demons. A black haired demon in a suit called to Ivy as she walked by the classroom. “Oh, Ivy! I haven’t seen you in like 8 years now!”

“That’s because I hated you all and chose to stay at home.”

“Oh, you’re so tsun~”

She ignored him and walked around. She eventually found some girls who occasionally hang around with Jill and one explained the connection. “Well, one day those two accidentally bumped into each other, and while she’s my friend, she’s also quite a **** so she responded rather harshly, as did he. This started off a string of events where he pulled pranks on her, and she pulled pranks on him, and she was always going on half the time about how she needs to pull off an amazing prank, and recently saying the last prank he pulled seemed like a kid came up with it. I mean, we obviously know they like each other, but she’ll never just say it, even though we honestly don’t give a **** if she does. You like who you like, big deal what others think.” The other girls in the group agreed. Ivy thanked them and moved on.

Fortunately, Ivy discovered Jill in an empty classroom, looking through her bag. “Hey, you’re that girl Jack’s talking about, right?”

“What of it?”

“I’m here for the photos. I suggest you hand them over.”

“Sadly, they’re mine. I took them and I’ll do what I want with them.” Jill said, turning around with them in her hand.

“Lets play a fun exercise of mine.” Ivy cleared her throat. “Look at your hand, now look at me, look at your lame backpack, now look back at me. I’m not you, because I’m awesome and my tail is silky smooth. But that’s not important, because I just stole your pictures.” Jill raised an eyebrow as she looked at her empty hand, just as Ivy took off.

Jill gave chase, yelling at her as they ran through the corridors. Jill grabbed a SMG one student was holding and opened fire, Ivy barely avoiding the shots before diving into a classroom for cover. She looked around the room and then grabbed the whiteboard to use as a shield. Just then, Jill leaped into the room, performing an unnecessary combat roll before firing. Ivy leaped over tables and blasted down a wall, turning right down the corridor with Jill in hot pursuit. Jill punched her locker open, where she took out a rocket launcher. As she fired, Ivy heard it and threw a locker in the way of the missile while exclaiming, “This **** is crazy!” She continued throwing lockers while running, eventually hitting Jill with one as she came round a corner.

Ivy took this opportunity to escape by leaping out a second story window and flying off, Jill seeing her as she did so and doing the same. Jill looked around the area but couldn’t seem to find her. “Get out here! When I find you, I’m gonna unload this all over your face! You hear me?!” Ivy happened to be hiding behind a bin further down and waited until she left before making her own way back.

Upon arriving back at Jack’s house, the first thing he said as she entered was, “You ate all my food!”

“Well your fridge is my fridge, right?”

“But I wasn’t trying to be that generous! Anyway, did you get them?”

“Yeah, I got it.” She said, throwing them on the table.

“Also, we need to do more, since this green haired guy came here and stole the photos I had of her.”

“Green haired guy?”

At that moment, In Jill’s house she was taking a shower when Poison arrived. Poison was waiting in the living room as she entered in a towel, and her immediate reaction was to punch him, which he dodged while saying, “I ironed your clothes just so you know, and got the photos.”

“Oh, t-thanks.” She replied, blushing slightly.

“Now don’t go developing any crushes of some sort.” He replied as he left.

“You think too highly of yourself…”

As Poison logged back on using a laptop, Gary was waiting. He appeared to have several bruises and was covered in glitter for some odd reason. Though reluctant, he knew it was time, so Poison sent Kawaii Girl Uguu-chan over the internet and wished him luck, all of which was said with a simple nod. Gary closed his eyes, thinking to himself, “Alright, I’m ready. My body can take it…”

Afterwards, Jill explained about a girl with pink hair stealing the photos, quickly clueing him in on who that might be. Ivy and Poison met shortly by Ivy’s house, at which point Poison said, “So, your diagnosis?”

“He’s totally a jerk.”

“She’s totally a tsundere. So, what do you suggest?”

“Well I think its rather simple. Did you look at the pictures?”

“Huh?” Ivy looked at them for a few moments. “Hmm, these look like the type you’d keep for personal use…”

“Exactly, that means-”

“I can see the ending.” Ivy said, wearing black shades. “I know what to do.” A few minutes later, she had gathered a bag of accessories. “Okay, I got everything. The candles, the chocolate, the bathing oils, some Marvin Gay songs such as ‘Lets Get It On’, and my mom’s BDSM kit.”

“You seem overly prepared for some reason…so how do we do this?”

“We need to get them in the same room, and then its done. This thing started when Jack pulled a prank on that girl.”

“Her name is Jill.”

“Seriously? Anyway, pulling pranks on each other was kinda a way of them communicating. Starting off light and getting more hurtful as they went along. Taking potentially embarrassing pictures of each other could be seen as a relationship upgrade, but then Jack hadn’t responded to her prank for several weeks, and she assumed he’d lost interest. Then I unknowingly made it worse with a basic prank which wasn’t at a high standard, so she’d assume he no longer liked her. The solution to this problem? Hatese-”

I don’t think that’s gonna do it.”

“Trust me, it is.”

Poison left to visit Amber who had just beaten another girl by hitting her with a meteor, followed by a piledriver, then saying, “You lose, Marissa, and for your punishment be sure to arrive at my house around 8PM, and come alone.”

“Yes, ma’am.” she replied.

After waving to her and explaining, Poison asked what the solution would be, and she happened to agreed with Ivy. Figuring he asked the wrong type of person, he asked half the other people he knew, them all responding the same way, so he decided to drop it. He helped get both sides to meet up and lock Jack and Jill in an partially lit apartment made of titanium with all the stuff Ivy brought already set up.

“This is your fault we’re locked in here!” Jill yelled.

“Me? If you didn’t whine about everything this wouldn’t have happened!”

“Arrgh, you’re such an ****!”

“And you’re such a ****!”

After another minute of arguing they finally calmed down. After a few moments, they considered it a success, and then the arguing continued, being far worse while all sorts of noises could be heard, so Ivy and Poison quietly unlocked the door, quickly left and never looked back.

A few hours later, Ivy and Poison were back at Ivy’s house, watching TV when the doorbell rang. Ivy answered the door, only to see Jack and Jill holding hands and smiling. Ivy called Poison over as Jack spoke. “Thanks so much for helping us, you guys.”

“Yeah, we just weren’t very good at conveying our feelings, and it feels like we wasted your time by having it get to that point.”

“No problem.” Poison replied. “You did delete the-”

“Yeah, I deleted them. Thanks again, you guys, and take care!”

“I hate you~” Jack playfully said.

“I hate you more~” Jill cheerfully replied. The two left, skipping along as they went up a hill (hey, you saw it coming) while Ivy and Poison watched.

“You think there’s some hidden meaning behind all this?” Ivy asked.

“Nah, that would just be stupid.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Ivy said before closing the door.

Later that day, some of the angelic council confirmed Gary to have died from cuteness overload, but figured he’d be back within the week. His body was not ready.

TMEDCE: Chapter 42 - World of the Savvy Tropers

Picking up immediately after the bizarre number of events during the first part of the ~~zombie~~ troper invasion, we flashback to the troper invested lab where Omar used to work. Ivy and Poison had been turned into insomniac tropers from the repeated biting, while Damien miraculously survived being shot in the head and got to his feet. He brushed the dirt off himself before nonchalantly pulling a gun and shooting his attempted killer without even looking. The others stared at him as he spoke. “Alright, I see the situation is hopeless, anyway, here’s how we go about this…”

Meanwhile, somewhere in the area of ~~Adabat~~ Central City, in an unknown location…

Inside a room was a single large rectangular table with four seats on each side and one seat ahead of them. Many torches lit the room and there was a water container in the corner. There were currently four figures sitting around the large table. Those figures happened to be Willard, Omar, Adol and Masterman. Adol looked around before saying, “Awfully empty, huh?”

“A side effect of the unfortunate commotion outside, I’d assume.” Willard replied.

“So this nonsense to do with tropes, how long can I expect this to last, Willard? I still need to get back to my next research project.” Omar said.

“I sadly have no idea, but I’ll still enjoy it while it lasts. Perhaps it’ll never end, just like the sort of zombie invasions you see in films, where the cast tend to be incompetent imbeciles who would likely survive their predicament if they thought clearly.” Willard smiled.

Masterman looked out the window. “Aww, dude! Those guys are damaging my bike! One just stole it! What the hell, man!”

“Tough break, man.” Adol said, getting up. “Well there’s no point staying here anymore, I’m going home, later guys.” He left the room and soon arrived in the insomniac troper invested streets, quickly taking notice of a young boy and his sister as they walked past. “Hey, how old are you?” He asked the boy.

“Oh, I’m 15, sir. Older than they look.”

Adol placed his arm around his shoulder as he said, “Alright, lets go back to my place. Oh, and bring your sister.”

“But she’s only 13...”

“She’s old enough.” He replied, picking her up.

In another part of the city, the Loli Rangers were driving around on colour coded motorbikes, still shooting people in the head while trying to help people. Loli Red received a distress call in a middle school, hearing that there was a few classes trapped there and some teachers, so they drove on ahead towards that location.

A bit further away from Omar’s abandoned lab, Crystal and Gary managed to dispose of the tropers which attacked Ruby, but it was already too late for her, she was dead, but only mostly dead. Gary chose not to say anything as it would only make it worse. At that moment, one troper attempted to attack them from behind, only for Crystal to bitchslap them across the street as she said, “Back the **** up!” She quickly took out her bat. “Lets go.” She said as she left.

“Right.” Gary replied, following closely.

Shortly afterwards, the Loli Rangers arrived at the entrance to the rather large school building, appearing to be deserted of tropers. They looked around before entering, the hallways being quite dark and empty. As they reached an intersection, Loli Red turned to the others and said, “Alright, we should probably split up.”

“Are you nuts?!” Loli Black exclaimed. “Are you even thinking straight? Splitting up is the worst thing to do, as we’ll be picked off one by one! And the black dude always dies first that way!”

“But you’re not a dude.” Loli Blue said.

“That’s not the point!”

“Fine, I’ll investigate on my own, you guys explore however you want, but keep in touch.” Loli Red left before the others could say anything. Loli Green and Blue decided to go on their own while Yellow and Black did the same. Tsundere-chan simply proceeded down the following hallways, sliding tropers in half with waves of energy from her sword, until she cut through a door where some kids were trapped.

Down another path, Loli Blue was throwing knifes at half the people she came across, regardless if they were infected or not, so Loli Green had to deflect some of her throws with her bullets. Loli Green spotted a female teacher running from one troper and tripping, as women tend to do in these types of situations. As the troper closed in on her, Loli Green leaped into the fray, knocking him back with a kick, followed by several more, a low kick, two shots to the chest, two high kicks, a shot to the crotch, a roundhouse kick and finally blasting him in the head.

“H-how did you do that?” The teacher asked.

“I know gun fu.” Loli Green answered, reloading her gun. “Now go.”

As she ran off, Loli Blue asked, “Can I kill her? Can I? Can?!?” Loli Green simply stared at her.

Loli Black was punching people through walls while Loli Yellow sliced people open and decapitated a few tropers with her razor sharp boards. As they approached a toilet, Loli Black informed Loli Yellow she needed to go, then Loli Yellow held up a sign saying, “I’ll go clear the exit, the others should be done by now.”

At Omar’s lab, Damien was explaining his plans while scenes were shown describing them. “Now, lets increase the number of people infected, and to do that we need to enclose all exits out of here. When its clear that the majority of this city has been infected, then its time to make it spread to other parts of the world. It may take a few days, but it’ll be rather satisfying to see it. First, we secure all helicopters. Those sad people expecting some silly rescue will be easy targets, while doing so we find all the routes leading out of the city and guard them, no-one leaves. Oh, protect the gun shops too, in case survivors get any bright ideas. So lets get started, comrades.”

Ivy raised her hand. “Can I bite you?”

“No, I don’t need teeth marks in my shoulder.”

At the time, in the middle of the streets Spring and Floyd were driving around, running over tropers. Floyd had just finished talking to someone over the phone and hung up before turning to Spring. “I’ve just been informed that Willard seems to be planning something at the hospital near 123 Fake Street.”

“Lets roll.” Spring responded, seconds before the car sped up, driving through a lorry which promptly exploded.

Back in the school toilets, Loli Black was about to finish up, when suddenly a troper ripped open the locked stall door, exclaiming, “Insert trope here…” Loli Black quickly punched the troper in the jaw, then sidestepped as she lunged forward and stomped on her head as she fell on the toilet seat.

“Choke on it! CHOKE ON IT!” She yelled, drowning the troper in the toilet which she hadn’t flushed.

“Toilet humor…” the troper managed to mutter before finally dying.

Down one of the halls, Loli Red ran by Blue and Green, telling them that it was already too late, most of them were infected by the time the distress call was made, and by the time she arrived she had to kill the small number remaining. “Oh, and here…” She handed Loli Green a revolver, who blushed.

“Tsundere-chan, I had no idea you cared…”

“D-don’t misunderstand, I just happened to find it and figured you could use three guns, is all.” A luminous blush could clearly be seen as she crossed her arms and looked away.

“I love you guys just as much too~” Loli Blue said cheerfully, placing her arms around both their shoulders.

“There’s no time for this, we have to get going!” Loli Red said, pushing Yandere-chan’s arm off her. They ran on ahead down the hallways, Loli Red happening to see Loli Black exiting the toilets during this time. “What happened to you?” She asked.

“I had to choke a ****.” A laugh track played as Loli Black walked off, while Loli Red looked around in confusion.

At the hospital, everyone taking refuge there was panicking, with the hordes of tropers on the outside and the numerous victims presumed dead which came back to life and started infecting others within the place. A husband and wife with their baby were running down a dim hallway when a troper suddenly appeared as he said, “Offscreen teleportation…” and then hit the father with an axe, killing him. Another troper shot the mother in the leg, who tried to place her baby in a safe hiding spot while one troper moaned, “Infant immorality…” The mother looked up at a troper who had a gun to her forehead, and yelled, “Not!” before blasting her head off.

Just then, Spring and Floyd drove their car through the front entrance doors, potentially killing nearly a dozen people as they got out.

As they noticed this, Floyd said, “We’ll say it was in self-defense.”

“That would be the best choice.” Spring replied. They ignored the secretarial woman nearby and instead walked around, shooting anyone who looked hostile as they searched for Willard.

Right afterwards, Ivy, Poison and Damien along with a large group of insomniac tropers entered, a little surprised that other visitors had arrived first.

“Uhh, excuse me, who are you people?” The secretary asked.

Damien walked right past her, shoving her aside as he said, “Move ****, get out the way. Alright, get to work, people, we haven’t got all day.”

Ivy stared at the secretary which set her on fire with her mind, followed by her spontaneously exploding. One troper wondered why they couldn’t do more things like that, and she replied that if they were to regularly use the full extent of such abilities most of them would be overpowered.

“Ivy…” She heard a familiar voice call. She turned to the right to see Ruby, who was now an insomniac troper, and clearly ready to do battle. She dramatically pointed at her. “I challenge you to extreme rock-paper-scissors!”

“You’re on!” As they began, upon displaying their chosen attack, the hallway exploded due to the extreme nature of the game.

Willard sat in a large brightly lit room with tons of beds holding two loaded handguns, waiting for something. As if right on cue, Spring and Floyd smashed through a wall, changing right at him with a handgun each, rapidly firing. Willard kicked his seat at them and managed to evade 4 bullets fired. Floyd leaped over the chair and attacked with a kick which Willard blocked with his arm. Floyd leaped over him as Willard fired two shots, Floyd deflecting them with two kicks while he and Spring exchanged punches just before ducking under one and vaporized the bullets with a swing of his cape. Spring slid under a shot Willard fired and struck back, the bullets deflecting off each other and popping back into their guns. Floyd attacked with a knee to the face, missing by inches just as Spring attacked with an elbow to the chest. Willard flipped over it, landing behind them. As he pointed each gun at them, Spring and Floyd did the same.

“It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it, old friends.” Willard said, a devilish smirk plastered on his face.

“You’re the one behind this madness, aren’t you?” Spring said.

“Well it does seem like something I’d be likely to do, but sadly I cannot recall whether I would cause a crisis this large at the moment…”

“We’re not here to play your sick games.”

“I do not know this game of which you speak of. But its far too late, you should already know this, and yet here you are attempting to settle personal issues with an innocent gentleman such as I. Can‘t I enjoy the end of the world in peace?”

“He’s kinda got a point.” Damien said, entering the room. “Its pretty late to stop the infection. Just by guessing, I’d say around 70% of the population here in the city have been infected by now, you either join ‘em, or find out how long you have to realise its hopeless, so I’ve decided to speed up the process.”

“Once again we appear to be on the same side.” Willard responded.

“Only by coincidence, mind you.”

Floyd fully loaded his gun again. “Well if this truly is it, then killing you won’t be a hassle on us.”

Willard smiled. “Damien, will you be participating in our little game?”

“Sure, why not. I ju-” Suddenly he was stabbed through the heart from behind, not once, but three times, instantly killing him. Lolita suddenly appeared, picking him up and saying, “Excuse me.” as she left with his body.

The carnage and destruction throughout the city only got worse overtime, and escalated somewhat more when Poison met up with Gary on opposing sides. During all this, Lily journeyed back to her room, where after exploring the cause of the problem on TV Tropes, she discovered the solution: Sleep, or more importantly, certain drugs and accessories which will help people get to sleep faster. It turned out the cause was a certain page an unknown individual had created on TV Tropes, which flashed through dozens upon dozens of pages so fast that it felt as if a week had gone by within a minute.

She informed the Loli Rangers of this, as well as Crystal and Gary when she managed to find them and any people who weren’t affected. They broke into drug stores, picking up tons of pills, chloroform, and other products to cure the public. And so they spent around 6 hours giving from place to making the infected go to sleep, and doing the same to their helpers who managed to get infected. Spring and Floyd’s battle with Willard was unsettled as he left soon afterwards for unknown reasons.

Late the next morning, everyone was finally cured, apart from the people who actually died that night but whatever. They all thanked Lily as their savoir for figuring out the solution to the problem. And so Lily achieved world peace, they all held hands and sang songs…happy songs…peaceful songs…

---

Ivy, Poison, Ruby, Damien, Gary, Rosie, Leo, Amber and Crystal were all in Ivy’s living room, watching this on TV.

“If we paid for this I’d feel ripped off.” Ivy commented. The others all agreed, apart from Ruby, who was actually quite pleased with the surprise ending.

TMEDCE: Chapter 43 - Mad Skillz

It was an unknown amount to time since some unknown random event in the past. Gary was sitting in a dark room, looking up various unmentionable things. Suddenly, he received a call from a member within the council of angels that night, informing him of a resent mission on Earth, and to potentially take Ruby along as it would be pretty dangerous alone, which he still wasn’t too keen on.

Gary knocked at her door, stopping Ruby and Crystal’s game of DDR. They invited him in, where he discussed the issue in her room. “So there’s this new chick on earth causing trouble, an unknown source lists her as being highly dangerous. Says she works under someone by the name, “The Strongest.”

“Sounds like something Ruby’s friend would say. Wonder what she’d think of this.” Crystal said.

“She‘s not my friend. But I can guess how she‘d react.” She cleared her throat and crossed her arms. “Fool! Is this moron unaware of my superior dominance? I shall meet with this person and then we’ll see who’s truly the strongest! Haaaaahahahaha!”

“That’s a surprisingly good impression.” Gary commented.

“Yeah, anyway, I needed a new female to add to my rogues gallery.” Ruby said.

“You haven’t got one, Ruby.” Crystal replied.

“So anyway, we have to go see this priest who knows more info, and we gotta work together on this, since its serious.” Gary said.

“So we’ll have to pose as a team, huh?” Ruby asked. Gary nodded, then as Ruby offered a handshake, he decided it was best not to shake her hand in case the house explodes like that other time they teamed up. “Alright, its time for my transformation sequence!”

As she did so, Gary stared, completely speechless as he said, “What is this?”

“I don’t even. Its her Magical Girl transformation sequence.” Crystal said.

“But she isn’t one…”

“We know. Just roll with it.”

“Alright…”

Sometime later, they made it to earth and visited the church where they were told the priest would be. He sat by the altar, getting up as they made their way down the aisle. He had silky black hair, part of it curled over and covering his left eye, he wore glasses, a black vest and pants with a silver lining along the pockets, sleeves and collar, wore a golden crucifix necklace around his neck and always carried around a black book in his hand. “You must be the angels I was informed of.”

“That’s us.” Crystal nodded.

“Good evening, my name is Adam. You should be aware of this particular threat I contacted you about. This mad scientist by the name of Dawn has set up a base in a location a few miles from here, I’m not sure what she’s planning but its obviously bad if she finishes her preparations. I’ve heard she has some history with Omar on who could create the most insane inventions in the past.”

“And how do you know so much?” Gary asked.

“That’s because I was created by her, but I no longer work for her, and she has new minions for which she plays around with. Before you go, I figured I’d give you this.” Adam said, handing Ruby a black hammer with the sides being platinum.

“Thanks a lot!” Ruby replied, clearly pleased. “The hammer of Justice!” She yelled, raising it into the air.

“Lets get going, guys.” Crystal said. The others agreed and they took off, waving goodbye to Adam.

At Omar’s lab located in a large tower, he was operating the controls for an electricity powered chamber ahead of him. “Soon my latest invention will be complete: Mancrab! Hahahahaheheheheeee!”

He then suddenly heard a voice yell, “Omar!” A moment later, Ruby and Gary smashed through a window and skidded along the ground before coming to a stop. Gary pushed him into the side of a wall and said, “What’s your deal with that girl called Dawn?”

“Who is this ‘Dawn’ you speak of?”

“Y’know, some other mad scientist.”

“Oh, her. I despise that woman, I shall one day have her destroyed! I met her one day on the planet Mianus as I was planning universal domination, but I realized its harder than it sounds so I settled for just earth. On that planet their species can shape shift, I think they were some kind of tentacled monster hybrid, it was bizarre. She was always trying to one-up me, and now she’s here to try and do the same. Not much else I can tell you.”

“Well thanks for the info anyway.” Gary said as he walked off, them ignoring the chamber being charged with electricity.

Meanwhile, in a mysterious location, Ivy awoke on a platform within a purely white scientific spaceship, and beside her were Amber and Rosie. Half a dozen generic aliens surrounded the three just as Amber and Rosie were beginning to wake up. After looking around, Ivy said, “I’m not in a hentai, am I?”

“Not yet, we’ve captured you three by putting tons of sleeping pills on your ice cream.” One alien said.

“You said they were sprinkles…” Rosie said, glaring at Ivy.

“Anyway, we’re going to kidnap you guys and sell you to the highest bidders.”

The three didn’t seem to have much of a problem with this, to the aliens surprise. “Have you got anything to eat?” Ivy asked.

“Uhh, sure, I’ll show you to the fridge…” Ivy followed him while Amber and Rosie left to explore the ship.

Back on earth, Ruby, Gary and Crystal arrived at the designated location, hiding in some bushes. As Ruby was wearing pure black, she moved on ahead, taking out the guards around the entrance Sly Cooper style before Gary and Crystal joined her.

“Nice work, Ruby. We’ll have to be even more stealthy inside.” Gary said.

“Gotcha.” And with that, Ruby leaped through a glass window, alerting a guard robot who proceeded to inform the others. The others facepalmed at the level of stupidity witnessed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7j0ZLGDjMNI

The three moved down the long hallway knocking out robots with flashy moves and co-operative combos before reaching a large elevator with no roof. As it moved up, the elevator stopped every so often to open the doors for robots which the three dispatched quite fast before moving on. When they eventually reached the top, they arrived in a massive room which quickly became filled with hundreds of robots charging at them.

Gary turned to the others and said, “You guys, I know a move that can wipe out all of these guys at once, but I’ll need a bit of time. Can you guys cover me?”

“You got it.” Crystal flashed him a thumbs up before running ahead through the crowd of robots, wiping out some as they drew nearer.

Ruby took out her iPod and turned it on as she said, “Lets dance.” She started moving in bizarre angles, knocking out robots from all sides with delayed punches and kicks, backflips, and doing things such as using her psychokinetic powers to knock one robot back and forth like a ball before pulling out her black supposable magic staff and knocking out a dozen with an energy as she spun in a circle. At that moment, Gary was ready. He covered his sword in half a dozen layers of electricity, making it half the size of a house, and threw it ahead. The three jumped into the air as it hit the ground, electrocuting all robots as it slid 80 feet to the other end of the room, and causing an electrical explosion as it stopped, wiping out some which were only partially damaged.

“Couldn’t you have just electrocuted the floor with your hand?” Crystal asked.

“Well yeah, but wasn’t this way cooler?”

“You make a valid point…”

Just then, two walls by the end began to open themselves to reveal another room just ahead. Entering the room, Ruby noticed how similar it was to the same room which she arrived in to stop Omar’s attempt of messing with other similar universes. There was a woman there working on a dimensional gate and as they got closer she turned to face them. She had brunette unkempt hair, which in anime would translate to sexhair so whatever. She wore a cthulhu type hat and a black lab coat, also wearing a black tube top, jeans and a golden belt. Seeming unfazed by their appearance, she said, “Do you mind? I’m in the middle of important work.”

“Uhh, we’ll be taking you in for crimes of being a mad scientist.” Gary said. “We’d appreciate it if you’d come with us quietly so we can avoid violence.”

“Alright, let me just get my things.” She said cheerfully, walking off.

Ruby turned to Gary, saying, “Well that was nice of her.”

“Yeah, that was pretty easy.”

Crystal moved away from them a moment before Dawn activated a trap door, dropping Ruby and Gary down the hole. As it closed, Crystal asked, “So what’s down there?”

“A death trap. I figured I’d take up a part-time job as a Bond villain. It should be over in about a min-” before she could finish, Ruby and Gary smashed through a wall to her right. Only partially surprised, she asked, “How did you do that?”

“MacGyvering, I guess.” Gary shrugged.

“You!” Ruby pointed at her. “You’re attempting to repeat Omar’s insane idea to mess with alternate realities, aren’t you?!”

“Maybe a little.” She answered.

“Don’t you know what we went through the last time that happened?!? Well it was resolved but still!”

“Relax, I’m only going to cause some bad paradoxes across numerous dimensions, geez, calm down.”

“The more laid-back type of mad scientist, I see.” Crystal said, stroking her chin.

“I’m not fond of mad scientists in general.” Gary replied.

“So what’s your master plan?” Ruby asked.

“Well normally I might go along with this, but I don’t feel like spending several minutes explaining it to you morons, so I’ll kill you instead.” With a click of her fingers, four black stripped 5 foot humanoid robots with horns on the sides of their heads dropped down. One had bronze stripes, another had silver, the next had gold, and the last had platinum, who was like silver but shinier. “Generals, dispose of our guests.” Ruby, Gary and Crystal leaped out the way as they opened fire on them.

Gary tackled Platinum and they exchanged punches as they moved across the room while Crystal flipped over Bronze and hit Gold through a wall with her bat. Ruby managed to sneak up to the dimensional gate and grab a vital part to building it, as well as the instruction manual and took off. Dawn quickly took notice of this and yelled, “Silver! Take that idiot out immediately! She’s got the manual!” Silver stopped throwing energy balls at Gary and sped off after Ruby, throwing more energy as he kept yelling, “How about this!” and “Take this!”

Crystal and Gary quickly caught up and with a few combined hits they knocked out Silver. Dawn unleashed a large spider-like tentacled monster from the lower levels, which knocked down a wall and came after them as they ran through the hallways. While this happened, Gold and Platinum were also closing in, so Crystal told them she’d stall the two robots while they ran, tripping the tentacle monster to buy more time before they arrived.

Ruby and Gary leaped through a window, to a lower section within the tower and kept running with the tentacled monster close behind, firing webs which Gary slashed with his sword. It began using its tentacles to grab them, which they both stopped by cutting them with their signature weapons. Ruby took out her staff and fired a beam of energy, slowing down the monster and speeding her up. Then Ruby and Gary joined hands and both fired a beam each, speeding up their momentum enough to outrun the beast and fly right out a window. Dawn happened to speed by in a ship and grab the manual, but Ruby shot a grapping hook at it and was pulled along with Gary beside her.

On the mysterious spaceship, Ivy stood beside the driver as she ate a pie. The alien turned to her and asked, “By the way, where’s that angel friend of yours and her sister?”

“No idea.”

“Oh well, we could have sold you two as a set and got a lot more.”

“Uh-huh.” Ivy replied, not really giving a ****.

“By the way, I like your show.”

“Show?”

“Yeah, something about demonic and epicness. I dunno, the title keeps changing.”

“Umm, thanks?”

“Its pretty big on our planet. There’s like three seasons now, and an RPG adventure starring Ruby, and a fighting game, and lots of other stuff.”

“That’s a bit too excessive, isn’t it?”

“I guess.”

“If you like my show, why are you kidnapping us to sell to some guy on another planet?”

“We wanna get rich.”

“Oh right, that makes sense.”

“I know a guy who likes them tight.”

“I have no idea what that means.” Ivy shook her head. “So about this show…”

“Yeah, it varies from episode to episode. Heard they were planning to make some changes due to ratings at one point…”

---

The light-hearted ninja leaped into the production room where the serious ninja was waiting and exclaimed, “Dude! We’ve got a problem! Ratings aren’t as high now!”

“I know what must be done. Lampshade it all.”

“Lampshade everything?”

“Yes, lampshade the **** out of it. And increase the moe.”

“Bu-”

“Damnit man! I know what I’m doing! Increase the moe by 200%, and lower Poison’s IQ by 35 points and make him constantly flustered! Otaku will eat this **** up, I am an genius!”

---

“Shame those changes never went through…”

“Uh-huh.”

Meanwhile, in the streets of wherever this was taking place, Dawn’s ship was speeding along with Ruby and Gary holding on as they flew through buildings, clotheslines, birds continuously took a **** on Ruby’s head, and Ruby was eventually hit by a ball of energy as Gary leaped across onto Ruby’s ship, which was driven by Crystal who had just arrived. Ruby hit the ground hard and kept rolling across the streets, soon covered in a pool of her own blood as she stopped. Dozens of civilians feared the worst, until Ruby raised her head to say, “I’m okay!” where upon they all saw the skin had been ripped off so her flesh and part of her brain was visible, which horrified them all.

As Gary got into the ship, Crystal said, “Good to see I got here on time.” She turned to Dawn’s ship and said, “We’re taking you down!”

“Come at me, bro!” Dawn replied, as she was ready to ramp this **** up to eleven. And so, low and behold, they flew through the skies bashing each other against buildings and whatnot, but there was sadly no multi-track drifting, since that can’t be done in the air. During this time, a book flew into Dawn’s path. As she wiped it off the windshield, she witnessed Adam flying right at her, his hands together formed into a large drill. She, along with her robots, quickly evacuated the ship as Adam flew right through it, tearing it in half which of course, then exploded. With his rocket powered feet, he quickly backtracked and grabbed his book before it hit the ground, pushing his glasses back up with a finger afterwards.

“Thanks for the help, Adam.” Gary said, as Crystal stopped beside him.

“My pleasure. Soon enough, my drill shall pierce the heavens, and also her.”

“Pierce her heavens?”

“Yes.” He responded, pushing up his glasses again.

“Well lets get going.” Crystal said, taking off as they waved goodbye.

“Shouldn’t we get Ruby first?” Gary asked.

“She’ll find her own way back.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right.”

On a street a few blocks away, Dawn called a taxi as she spoke. “Stupid angels! And that dumb guy I created! They spoiled my plans and the manual burnt in that explosion! Oh well, there’s more to be done.” She got in the taxi and said, “The usual.”

The driver happened to be Masterman, who tipped up his head and said, “You got it.” before taking off.

Back on the ship, there were warning lights flashing all over the place as one alien ran to the front of the ship with urgent news. “Sir, we’ve got major problems with the prisoners! That succubus has forcefully sucked the life force out of at least a dozen crew members by this point and the vampire has sucked the blood out of over half a dozen crew members!”

Rosie, who happened to be across the room, currently sucking more blood, said, “Its your own fault for tasting so nice.”

“And if that wasn’t bad enough, the princess is eating all our food!”

“Sorry about that.” Ivy said, standing in the corner as she stuffed a cake into her mouth.

“If you’re sorry than stop eating! You guys are gonna get raped so hard by your buyers.”

“Oh please, I could crush any stupid buyer with little effort, and since this isn’t a hentai, there’s nothing stopping me from doing so.”

At that moment, a massive rocket crashed through the wall of the ship, with Leo standing on it. “Come on, guys! Lets go, quick!”

“Leo? How did you get here?” Rosie asked.

“I threw a large rocket and through sheer willpower I generated a sheet of oxygen large enough to protect me through the vacuum of space till I reached this ship.”

“Well alright.” Rosie and Ivy jumped on, and Amber arrived moments later, yawning before getting on. Ivy lit the rocket and it took off, the sun saluting Leo as they crossed the universe on the rocket.

TMEDCE: Chapter 44 - Sugar Rush

It was two days after Dawn’s attempt to reconstruct a dimensional gate to similar universes was foiled. Ridiculous themes ensured, **** got real, stuff happened. Early one morning, Ivy and Rosie were in Ivy’s room playing a game when Poison walked in, greeting them and asking what they were playing.

“This is that fighting game about us that alien told me about.” Ivy replied. “There’s 25 characters in total. Well, 29, but the Loli Rangers have the same stats with different weapons so another spot wasn’t needed.”

“25? That’s more than I expected.”

“Yeah, this **** takes ages. There’s about 6 fights for every character in story mode, and the sixth fight is dependant on who you choose. My final fight was my AU counterpart, with all her powers so it was like an SNK boss. That **** was cheap, she’s not playable though.”

“So you gotta finish all 25 to unlock the true end, right? So who’s the true final boss?”

“We don’t know yet.” Rosie replied. “Ivy got bored after the 11th character and we’ve been playing verses matches. I’m so Pringles in this game, I’ve totally air juggled Ivy at least 5 times now.”

“You got lucky.” She responded. “I’ve also noticed I swear like half the times I get hit, what the **** is up with that?”

“Yeah, that totally gives people the wrong impression.” Poison said sarcastically.

“Also, certain special themes play when two characters face each other. For instance, when I fought that foolish angel in my story mode, this unknown theme played. It was like some soothing emotional anime OP mixed with **** rock. **** was awesome.”

“That’s good to know. Did you play that RPG then?”

“Its more like one of those 4-player beat-em-up adventure games with RPG aspects, haven’t done much on it though. Man, I feel drowsy, excuse me.” Ivy got up and went to the fridge, taking a lucozade bottle and then switched on her laptop. As she did so, she had the misfortune of seeing Dawn on a webcam somewhere in a dark lab.

“Hey there, you must be my prey for this evening.” She smirked.

“Who the hell are you?”

“Pardon my manners, how rude of me. My name is Dawn, a brilliant scientific genius, and cutting straight to the point, you may have noticed you might be feeling a little light-headed? Maybe dizzy, low on energy? I did that.”

Ivy got to her feet in a fit of rage. “Why you!”

“Calm down, don’t get your panties in a bunch. I’ve never truly understood that saying but whatever. You see, I injected you a while back with miniaturized robotic, umm, “pests” which will eat away at you from the inside, and the way to delay that is to eat like a motherfucker, which will slow it down. Lets play a game, I’ve created four factories, each for my four robotic helpers, and within them are machines which keep the death enzymes running. Only when all four are destroyed will you be free. Where to find them? You figure that out.”

“Wait! Why are you doing this?”

“Well, I want to say shits and giggles, but a certain someone is telling me to take out the Five Bad Band, so here we are. You should probably see your foolish friend about the issue. Let the games begin.” Dawn quickly cut the connection.

“Wait! What does that even mean?!” Ivy sighed as it was already too late, then she left the room. She packed a bag of snacks, readied the spaceship, and then said, "Poison, lets go." as she entered her room again. Poison shrugged before following her, not asking what was up until after they took off.

They soon arrived at Ruby’s house, with Ivy knocking furiously while eating a strawberry cake. Ruby eventually came to the door in Hello Kitty pyjamas, rubbing her eyes as she said, “Who is it? Oh hi, Poison.”

“Oh hey, Ruby. Do you know anything about some chick called Dawn?”

“Oh, her. Well she’s trying to do what Omar did and she’s apparently some shape shifting tentacled hybrid…something. There isn’t much to say about it. Oh yeah, she’s also working for some guy who goes by the name, “The Strongest.”

Ivy took a break from eating as she said, “The fool! Is this moron unaware of my superior dominance? I shall meet with this person and then we’ll see who’s truly the strongest! Haaaaahahahaha!” Ruby chuckled for a few moments. “What’s so funny?”

“N-nothing, I was just thinking of something.” Ruby replied. “Anyway, good luck, you guys.”

“Thanks for the info, Ruby.” Poison said before they left.

As they really had no idea how to find the factories, they visited Gary to see what he knew, who in turn contacted Adam and managed to get the necessary information on the locations. And so, Ivy and Poison set off to choke some bitches, with Ivy continuously eating sweets as they swerved throughout the sky. They approached a triangular-like building with stripes befitting of Bronze, so Ivy leaped out as Poison took the wheel.

On the inside, Bronze sat in a bland massive room, complaining. “Geez, I hate that **** so much. When I get the chance, I’m gonna stick my horns right up her-”

“Bronze!” Dawn yelled, interrupting him as she called in.

“Y-yes, Master!”

“That moron should be there soon, kill her for me, would ya? Try not to suck, okay? Otherwise I’m gonna have to make adjustments, and by make adjustments I mean rethink your current value, and by that I mean dismantle you.”

“I got it. I can be a little sadistic myself.”

“Just making sure.”

Ivy had blasted down a wall and was walking through a corridor talking to herself. “Those bastards! I’m going to kill all of them! I can take on any stupid gimmick they try!” She arrived in a massive room with dozens of rings in the air, hearing a recorded voice say, “If you want to save yourself, solve my maze!” Ivy shuddered, dropping to her knees as she quietly said, “Not the rings…”

Moving on, minutes later Ivy smashed through a steel door towards Bronze who quickly braced himself. Bronze rapidly fired energy beams which Ivy whacked out the way as she charged at him. Bronze tried to punch her, but had his arm torn off by Ivy’s punch and was then held against a wall. “Where’s the generator?!” Bronze pointed to the right, so Ivy threw him away like trash, blasted the console to pieces and then took off. Ivy run out eating a danish and leaped into the ship as Poison took off. “I’m feeling a little better, but still a little weak…”

“Alright, come over here.” Poison said, unzipping his pants. As Ivy got closer, he took out a small bag of sugar. She quickly gulped it down as she said thank you.

They quickly arrived at Silver’s factory so Ivy leaped out and ran in. Inside was an empty, long corridor with doors on both sides. “Well this seems easy.” As she moved, the doors opened and hundreds of bees began to fill the air as Ivy sarcastically said, “Wonderful.” Ivy charged through them, waving her arms and clearly in pain as she yelled, “Noooooo! Not the bees! They’re in my eyes! THEY’RE IN MY **** EYES! ARRaHH!!”

As she eventually arrived in the room Silver was waiting, partially covered in blisters, Silver lifted a large concrete rock and threw it as he yelled, “How about this?!” Ivy leaped over it and punched him through a wall, then took out her scythe and destroyed the second machine.

Poison waited in the ship, getting awfully bored. “What the hell’s taking her so long?” Just then, Ivy ran out yelling, “BEEEEEEEES!!” as they were chasing her. Poison, who saw the spectacle through binoculars, only had to say, “My god.” as he got ready to drive off. Ivy dived in through the window, yelling, “GOGOGO!” as they made a move.

As Ivy was beginning to get drowsy, she suggested they visit her local sweet shop for a refill, but she didn’t have the money, so she drove her ship through a bank, ripped open the safe and stole the money. Needless to say, the cops were soon on their tail as they flew through the skies towards the sweet shop.

Ivy kicked down the door to a shop, grabbed a majority of the food and placed a massive sack of money on the table as she left. Overjoyed to have randomly made so much money, he was simply stunned, and then the sirens were heard close by. The last two might as well be covered in a montage, but it wasn’t. Gold’s factory was covered in water, and since Ivy couldn’t swim, Poison went on ahead while Ivy figured she’d save time and go to Platinum. There was another long corridor, which seemed devoid of any traps for once. Upon arriving, Platinum sat in the middle of the floor meditating when he suddenly pulled out trading cards. Ivy did the same, knowing **** was about to get real.

Because the card game would’ve lasted at least an hour, a montage of ridiculous antics was essential, ending with Platinum being wiped out by the utter shock of a trap card, followed by Ivy throwing a card at the enzyme machine, which promptly exploded. Ivy met with Poison by the ship, as he had recently dealt with Gold and had enough time to rush there. “Alright, I feel like I’m returning to normal. Its time to see that **** face-to-face, but I don’t know if I’m ready. What should I do?!?” She pondered facing left.

“GET HYPED!” A fluffy white dog said, looking in her direction.

“Thank you, talking dog!” And so hype ensued. They went to her tower, which was the same place the others first encountered her. Instead of using the entrance, Ivy simply flew through the wall and attempted to stab her with her claws as Dawn was busy working on something.

As she got near, a tentacle sprung from Dawn’s side and took the hit, Dawn turning to face her as she said, “That’s awfully rude, Y’know?” seeming to not feel the pain. With another tentacle she hit Ivy in the face and knocked her back, then began clapping. “Seems you survived my game, bravo. My robots must suck ass, though expecting success may be asking too much from them.”

“I’ve had enough of your bullshit!” She swung multiple times with Dawn evading or deflecting her moves before leaping onto a large crate. “Get the **** down here!” Ivy yelled.

“Wow, what a mouth on this one. Shame I don’t have any soap. Normally I’d fight you, but unfortunately I’m a terrible fighter, so I’ll be taking my leave. I look forward to trolling you next week.” She waved goodbye and suddenly teleported out the room. Ivy felt a mix of many emotions, the main one being anger, and she just wanted to get as far away from that shithole as possible. She leaped back into the ship, saying, “**** got away, lets get going.”

Suddenly, they heard sirens far in the distance. Looking back, they saw the Police slowly coming their way. Ivy put on a pair of shades as she said, “Y’know, scratch that, lets get hyped.”

Poison did the same, replying, “Consider it done.” He sped off with the police far behind.

TMEDCE: Chapter 45 - The Harem Effect

It was the day after yesterday, where the pimps choke hoes and the prostitutes lay, continuing with the morality of black and grey…aww, **** it. I’m too lazy to do Christmas rhymes not having to do with Christmas. Anyway, that morning Poison and Crystal were at Amber’s resort while a mysterious person in a cloak snuck around outside the building so fine, checking their watch before saying, “Its nearly time…”

Inside, Poison and Crystal sat on a couch in an average room watching a movie on the explosion channel as they ate popcorn.

“Somehow I knew that cart was gonna blow up.” Crystal said.

“Carts always blow up, its like a rule now. Right after cars blowing up.” Poison replied.

“Right.” As they sat in silence watching, moments later Crystal began to feel strange. As if a force was beginning to alter her actions. An aroma toying with her senses. She leaned in to kiss Poison, at which point the moved back slightly.

“Uhh, what are you doing?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow.

She quickly came back to her senses. “S-sorry, I just had this urge…”

“But you’re gonna miss the best pa-” Crystal attempted to kiss him again, with Poison ducking and rolling out the way. “What’s up with you today? Didn’t you wanna watch this?”

“I do but, I can’t stop myself!” Crystal tackled him but was immediately thrown off. She clutched her head in pain as she sat behind the couch. “You have to go…”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“I just feel odd around you. Man, I almost did something terrible…”

“Umm, ouch?”

“N-not in that way. Please, just leave, I’ll be okay for now.”

“Alright, see ya round, I guess…” Poison closed the door on his way out, confused about what the hell just happened.

The mysterious cloaked individual followed Poison as he left. He occasionally got suspicious of someone following him and looked around, but the stranger hid rather well. After getting some enjoyment out of seeing Poison run from infatuated people at an ice cream shop and a restaurant, a watch on the cloaked stranger started flashing, so she answered it. “Yes, Master?”

“Hey Gold, I’m about to go through with the next plan, find Platinum and get your asses back here.”

“But I can’t! I’m doing one right now!”

“And what plan is this?”

“Well, I read up on your report of that green haired boy, and I found him despicable. Toying with the hearts of many girls while acting nice and aloof and uninterested, I hate it! So I filled my chosen factory with water because I knew that girl couldn’t swim so he would come. I purposely lost, but injected him with a delayed love potion serum!”

“I don’t remember making one of those…” Dawn said, interrupting her.

“Now he’ll know what its like, that enemy of women. I’ll make him suffer with this serum which will steadily increase over time, all for you, Master!”

Dawn look frustrated, clearly unimpressed. “Gold, come back to the lab, please.”

“B-but why?”

“Seems you’ve been infected by some harem aspects, I’m gonna have to delete those from your memory bank.”

“But I haven’t finished yet!”

“Look, Gold, I’ll say it clearly. You’ve messed up my plans. I didn’t wanna do this ****, but you went ahead and did this. I had a far better game in mind, but this? Ugh. I’d rather not beat a dead horse, y’know? But now if he sees me, I have to pretend I set this up, and I’m sure you-know-who won’t be happy…”

“I-I’m sorry…” Gold started crying tears of oil.

“Calm down, its okay. Just don’t do this again. Its just dumb, and you’re nearing a turn to the good side, so if it happens, you’re gonna self-destruct. Just figured I should let you know.”

“Right!” Dawn let Gold continue, though the only problem was finding Poison after the lengthy talk.

Poison was currently catching his breath as he hid behind a mailbox on a street when conveniently Ruby approached him from behind. “Hi Poison!” She waved.

Poison spun round and immediately said, “You gotta get out of here, pretty much everyone is reacting odd towards me today. Like, both genders, its really bizarre…”

“I’m not hearing a ‘Hey Ruby.’” Ruby said, somewhat annoyed.

Poison sighed. “Hey Ruby.”

“That’s better.” She smiled. “So what’s this about odd reactions?”

“Anyone who gets close acts like they’re in love with me and just chase me around, so you should keep away from me for the moment.”

“Okay, but before that can you do something?”

“What’s that?”

Ruby began twiddling her thumbs as she blushed. “That thing you do with Ivy…can you do that with me too?”

“…You’re gonna have to elaborate.”

“Y-you know, pointless bickering…”

“Oh, well we have done that on occasion, but I can’t just randomly do it. You have to provoke it. But I’ll get back to you on that after I sort this out.” Poison said before running off.

Seeing as Gary had informed him of a robot priest called Adam who helped out last time, Poison went to go see him, and instead of flying through the window, he used the door due to common courtesy. “Hey, you’re that robot who Dawn made, right?”

“Why, yes, I am.” Adam replied, getting to his feet. “What business do you have here?”

“Well, I’m not sure but she probably has something to do with this. Pretty much anyone within 20 feet becomes attracted to me lately. How do I solve this?”

“Unfortunately, my mighty drill cannot solve your problem, but if anything needs to be pierced than let me know.”

“Uhh, yeah, I’ll do that.” Poison left, rather annoyed by the lack of help, just before he was hit over the head with a titanium bat and knocked out. He woke up sometime later in a dark room, though various machinery could vaguely be seen around the area. He was strapped to a wall, and while attempting to free himself, Platinum entered the room.

“I see you’re awake, that was rather fast.” He said, walking past.

“What’s the meaning of this?”

He switched on the lights, showing a board with diagrams on it behind him as he began speaking. “I want the thing which people rarely have nowadays, the gift that is only passed on every once in a while: The harem gene.”

“Wat.” Poison responded, a look of utter confusion on his face.

“The gene which causes women of varying ages to unknowingly or eventually become attracted to you. So rare nowadays that some conventions debate whether it actually exists.”

“What’s this about conventions?”

Platinum ignored him as he went on. “I want the gene, so I will simply operate on you and remove it from your body.”

“What?!? Why?!”

“Girls think I’m cute due to my cutesy appearance, I want to make that change.”

“But you’re a robot!”

“Robots have feelings too.”

“But wait, it wouldn’t work anyway.”

“And why is that?”

“For it to take affect there normally has to be someone of the opposite sex you already like, or at least spend a lot of time with. Only then would you attract unwanted female attention.”

“My god, you’re right!” Platinum dropped to his knees and sunk his head, stunned by the use of logic. “It seems…I was foolish…if you could forgi-” as he raised his head, he noticed Poison had already broken the chains and flew out the door.

Poison went to see Amber, as he figured she’d have some form of resistance to the effect, and she did, because she was a succubus, though Poison didn’t see how that made any sense. She suggested he see someone like her who had more of an immunity to it, and at that point Poison knew just the person to see. He thanked her and rushed off to find Lolita, who should be in her current location doing her Q&A segments. Along the way as he hopped across rooftops, he barely managed to avoid a thrown sword and land on his feet, looking in the direction it was thrown to see Tsundere-chan arrive to retrieve it. “I really haven’t got time for this today…”

“Not even a hello? That’s just rude! You lowly dog!” She exclaimed.

“I should get going before things get weird…”

As he tried to run off, Loli Red yelled, “Girls, all-out attack!”

A board was thrown which Poison leaped over, the board managing to slice a dumpster in half, shocking Poison. “How the hell does that even work?!?” Loli Yellow continued throwing the two boards which bounced around the area. As he ran around the corner, Loli Green appeared, firing rapidly at him with two handguns, which he deflected with his sword as he ran backwards. He hid in an alley by a window, when suddenly nearby the tips of knifes were thrown into the wall in the shape of a heart just before Loli Black punched it down.

Poison kept running as Loli Blue threw knifes and Loli Black attempted to punch him, yelling, “Where you going, bro? Come at meeeeeeeee!”

“I’d rather not, mang.” He replied before leaping back and firing a large tornado which sent them flying. He immediately took off while they were recovering.

Meanwhile, Lolita was in the middle of answering questions. “Next caller, you’re on the air.”

“Hey, this is a little embarrassing but I really like this guy but he hasn’t noticed me much. What should I do about this?”

“There are a number of things you can do, be subtle on your approach, take the initiative at the right moment, and other things. Just say how you feel and things might work out, but then they might not. Though if you’re certain he’s the one, you should follow him regularly, find out his likes and dislikes, what his mannerisms are, and threaten to castrate him if he turns you down. He’ll have no choice but to give in…or call the police, whichever works.”

“…That’s not very helpful.”

Suddenly, Poison burst into the office room. “Lolita! I need your help!”

“Very well, lets go.” She replied, getting up.

“Really? You finished?”

“Pretty much.” She waved to the camera as they took off, while Poison explained everything that went on, and when he finished all she said was, “That’s rather laughable.”

“Its not very funny. Can you find Dawn or not?”

“I should be able to down there, with my soul sense.”

“Is that what you’re calling it nowadays?”

“That’s what he said.”

“What?”

“Damien, he said that once.”

“I should call him to help out, but still keep a safe distance…”

At the time, Ivy and Damien were sitting in a coffee shop. Ivy wore a longer Victorian dress while Damien wore a suit with a top hat and monocle. They were drinking tea as Ivy spoke. “So I managed to destroy those machines. Thankfully I stopped them from tearing up my insides…and not in a dirty way either.”

“That wasn’t necessary.”

“Anyway, I still don’t know who’s providing this nutjob with the means to track us anywhere. It must be someone of supernatural origin who has some hatred of us.”

“Perhaps an angel who’s quite prejudice against other demons still.”

“Makes a lot more sense at least.”

“Quite.” They both took a sip of their tea. Damien suddenly got up, spun round and threw a pair of shades out the glass window.

“What was that for?”

“Had the feeling someone was about to make an awesome pun.”

“By the way, what were you and Lolita doing that other time?” Ivy asked.

“I was doing a piledriver.”

“On the ground?”

“I slipped.”

“But why were you both naked?”

“Do you have selective stupidity or something? From now on, call first before you visit.” Just then his phone rang. “Hello?”

“Hey Damien, its me, Poison. I’m about to go beat up this chick called Dawn, wanna help out? Oh, and this love potion that’s been injected in me may get you so you gotta be careful.”

“In that case, its really best that I steer clear. Maybe some other time though, just let me know.”

“Fair enough.” Poison hung up. “He’s not coming, lets just do this quickly.”

“You’re in luck, I spotted one of her robots.” Lolita said.

“That works on machines?”

“It works on most things.”

The two flew in the direction Lolita led, eventually coming across Gold who ran as they spotted her. They chased her throughout the streets and alleyways until she reached a dead end. As Poison and Lolita arrived, they saw Dawn and Platinum there, seeming as if Gold purposely led them there.

“Hello, Mr. Johnson, we meet at last.” Dawn greeted him. “By the way, who are you?” She asked, looking at Lolita.

“My name is Lolita.”

“Oh, then I’m not interested in you. I‘m only after Ivy‘s friends.”

“Hand over the antidote.” Poison demanded, wasting no time.

“Who says there is one? Besides, this stupid trolling attempt wasn’t my idea. It was unfortunately Gold who did this. I had something better in mind.”

Poison turned to her. “Umm, why?”

“To teach you a lesson! Playing with girls fragile hearts when you’re a beast, going after every kind of girl! Angels, demons, vampires, catgirls, dogs, etc!”

“I don’t even know any catgirls or dogs, and you’re getting the wrong idea…”

“Well I just wanted to get your attention and hurt you…”

Dawn interrupted. “To put it simply, she likes you. God knows why…” she shrugged.

“But she’s a robot.” Poison responded.

“What difference does that make?!” Gold exclaimed. “I get it! So you’re just a ****!”

“Hey! Its not pedophilia! Technically, she’s taller than the average loli and would be just barely below average in height compared to an adult female in Japan.”

“But this isn’t Japan…”

“Also, I’m not even that tall. Half the people I know are taller than me, but even then not by much. 2 inches is barely noticeable, but then 4 inches would be. But still, guys are naturally taller. Besides she’s older than I am and I’m just barely at the teenage development stage so I’ve still got a while to go before I fully become an adult visually.”

“Yeah, well…” Gold thought for at least 10 seconds. “…She has a flat chest!”

“Some people are rather unfortunate.”

“But why do you hang around that moron? Couldn’t you do better?” Dawn asked.

“To be honest its not that bad, and she only hits me when I intentionally provoke her, due to status quo and because I’m somewhat of an ****.”

“So why not do the deed?”

“Well if I was a father, even if I get along with some kid, I wouldn’t be too keen on him staying free of charge and tapping my daughter every night in my house. Especially if I happened to be one of the strongest guys around.”

“I see. I’m still not seeing what people see in you. People coming up with stupid reasons like, “Oh, he’s nice.” That’s not enough of a reason to justify it, a lot of people are nice, so that proves my point. I mean, honestly, trying to pull off the bad boy look, acting aloof like a total emo, dude looks like a lady with your hair down…”

“Well you’re not so great yourself. What’s with that hair? Looks like you slept in a dumpster. And what about that cthulhu hat? Seriously? Are you that desperate to be somewhat recognized as a cosmic horror that you’ve glued that to your forehead?”

“Nice, I like that.” Dawn nodded.

“My snarking?”

“No, just someone who responds to my comments. Someone with a defensive barrier. Some people either ignore my insults or are easily angered so I can’t get much enjoyment out of it, like that chick you know. Y’see, its like that tsundere crap. You gotta struggle through the tsun so you can get to the dere, or in some cases survive the tsun, am I right? Anyway, in a sense its finding someone’s defensive wall I can slowly break down and **** them off.”

“Saying you’re a strange individual would be an understatement.”

“I’m a mad scientist, its what we do. Anyway, here’s your cure.” Dawn said, throwing him a syringe. “Don’t worry, its not an attempt to kill you, I’d be more clever about that.”

“Umm, thanks?”

“You shouldn’t be thanking someone like myself. Anyway, we’ve been talking for several minutes now and I’m sure everyone else is bored out their skull.”

“She would be correct.” Lolita replied, still standing beside Poison.

“Well I’ll see you guys round, robots, lets go. I wanna go test my new bronze go-kart.” Using a device, the three teleported.

Poison injected himself and walked off along with Lolita. “Well that ending was sudden…”

“Quite sudden indeed.”

TMEDCE: Chapter 46 - Extreme Paintball

It was a bright winter’s day, but that would’ve been obvious already. We turn our attentions to a large cottage in the middle of nowhere, the place where the majority of today’s ludicrous themes were to be taking place. Lily was working at the front desk, seeing how she keeps changing jobs. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Ivy fly kicked the door open as she yelled, “Dynamic entry!”

Ruby walked in right afterwards, saying, “That wasn’t necessary, Y’know…”

“Hey guys, good to see you again.” Lily greeted them. “So what’s the problem?”

“That foolish demon ate my Klondike bar!” Ruby exclaimed.

“I didn’t see your name on it! And don’t steal my gag!”

“So are you guys gonna settle this with a paintball match? Because that would really help me out.” Lily interrupted.

“Yes! Consider it done!” Ruby replied. “Now to call my potential team!”

“And I’ll do the same!” Ivy responded. After an hour or so, over a dozen of the various people they knew had turned up to take part in the paintball activity. On Ivy’s side was Amber, Damien, Rosie, Omar, Adol, Masterman, P.A.L, and Willard. Over on Ruby’s side was Crystal, Gary, the Loli Rangers, Adam, an unknown bright red robot, as well as Lolita and Leo who chose to go to the other side for unknown reasons. After gathering their teams, they sat outside to their posts in the middle of the forest.

As they got ready to do battle, Rosie looked over her gun. “Uhh, Ivy, why are these paintballs all white?”

“What’s wrong with that? Aren’t they white?”

“Well yeah, but not only white. There’s a whole mix of colours. And using only white will make it look like…”

“Like what?”

“Uhh, never mind…”

“By the way…” she glanced over at Dawn who was wearing a sombrero and had a fake mustache on. “Who are you?”

“Oh, I’m just a friendly passerby, holmes. I just figured I’d help out, right muchachos?” She said, nudging Gold and Platinum who stood beside her, wearing the same.

“Uhh, that’s right, ese. My friend here is a great hombre.” Platinum said, while Gold nodded.

“Well alright, I guess any help is appreciated.” Ivy shrugged before walking off.

As she did so, Platinum said, “That Mexican accent is rather offensive.”

“Get a sense of humor, Platinum. Gold, you liked it, right?”

“Its aight.”

“Of course you liked it.” Dawn spotted a large ball of light in the middle of the forest up ahead. Knowing who it was, she made sure no-one was looking when she left to meet with the ball of light. “Hey, didn’t think you’d show up here.”

“Dawn, what are you doing? You suddenly have time to play games now?”

“Relax, this is still part of the plan.”

“If I’m not mistaken, you’ve made little progress and have regularly failed.”

“Well yeah but in the end, whatever I do will eventually benefit the plan, right?”

“…You make a valid point.”

“Seriously, dude, you’re so stressed. Get laid, you’ll feel much better. Lighten up more, remember that time we had that pillow fight? You actually weren’t so moody.”

“I really shouldn’t be doing things like that. Also, did you give-”

“Yeah, I gave her the present. I didn’t say who sent it either. Anyway, I should check on the others, I’ll report back later.”

“Very well.” The ball of light left in the opposite direction as Dawn walked back.

As Ivy was ordering people about, Masterman approached Adol, high fiving him as he said, “Hey man, how’s it going?”

“It’s alright, **** chicks a few times a week, same old ****.”

“Big pimpin, huh? I hear ya.”

“Oh, where did you go that other time at the brothel?”

“Sorry man, you’re my bro and all but I ain’t going to jail. I had to get the **** outta there when the cops showed up. Especially with your habit of raping chicks, like that one teenage girl you met at a carnival.”

“Well she never said she wasn’t 18.”

“She didn’t get a chance, you stuffed a sock in her mouth.”

“My hand slipped.”

“Then you grabbed her and took off.”

“…I’ve got no excuses.”

Ivy looked further ahead using binoculars when P.A.L approached her. “I appreciate the help, P.A.L, but have your feelings changed any?”

“I’ve been working with NASA. After at least half a year to think, and after dozens of slaughtering, I believe I was quite rash, though your spoiled behaviour in treating me almost like dirt was uncalled for.”

“Apology accepted.”

“I never apologized.”

“But you should. I made you, therefore I can treat you how I wish.” Moments later P.A.L began strangling her.

Over on Ruby’s side, she wasn’t exactly looking forward to paintball. She sighed as her group stood nearby, examining the guns. “I’m totally gonna lose this, I barely know half you guys, the Loli Rangers are total jobbers, some of you aren’t fond of me, and I only know two people here who are experts with guns.”

“Hey! We’re not jobbers!” Loli Red exclaimed.

“When was the last time you won an important fight?”

“I don’t know, but we do!”

“Yeah, yeah, most of you guys suck ass regardless. No offensive, Adam, I have no idea what you’re capable of so far.”

“Non taken.”

“What happened to you?” Gary asked. “You’re so serious today. Like the total opposite of how you normally are. Why?”

“This **** is serious business, that’s why!”

“She always gets serious nowadays when Ivy is involved.” Crystal commented.

After a while of looking over her gun, Loli Blue asked, “How do I shot gun?”

“I’ll show you, I know gun fu.” Loli Green said, taking the paintball gun.

“Kuudere-chan, you can’t just add fu to something and have it make sense! It doesn’t work like that!”

“You don’t even know, Tsundere-chan.”

“Yes, you just don’t understand.” Lolita added.

Ruby sighed again and turned to Gary. “So, working again, huh?”

“Yes, though I still don’t like you.”

“Your dislike of me causes me to dislike you.”

“Though I feel fine, there’s a dormant pain in my heart.”

“A sense of sorrow which has been hammered in time and time again.”

“Yes.” He nodded. “Lets do this for unrequited love!” He yelled, pumping his fist in the air.

“Yeah!” Ruby responded, doing the same.

“Extreeeeeeme!” The red robot in the background screeched.

And so, the games began. The two sides rushed into the heat of battle, randomly firing paintballs at each other. Dawn watched the action from a hill further away with a pair of binoculars. As she noticed Adam down there she said, “Him again. One of my greatest works. Shame I didn’t install a self destruct mechanism. He was the one that got away…”

“You made a robot lover?” Gold asked.

“No, he just escaped the lab. Damn cheap metal doors…”

Down below, **** was insane. Loli Yellow deflected shots with her boards, Omar created robotic reinforcements, Lolita and Loli Green were easily able to wipe out tons of them working together, Damien put up several barriers to protect others, Adam was able to change his right arm into a cannon and fire large paintballs, Willard simply watched and chose not to participate, Masterman was busy texting Dawn until he eventually got hit, Ivy and Ruby ran around dodging paintballs and only attacking each other, and the red robot randomly chased people while yelling, “Extreeeeeme!” not caring as people shot at it. One large paintball aimed right for Loli Red, but Leo intercepted it with a punch, followed by Lolita kicking it back at the opposing team. Amber pushed Rosie out of the way from behind and got hit, followed by several more shots incoming.

Ivy rushed in, yelling, “Whoa! Amber just got-”

“Those are paintballs.” Rosie said, completely monotone.

“But it looks like-”

“That’s why I said there should be multicoloured balls!”

After several more minutes, they decided they should take a break and continue it some other time. Inside at the lobby, the pointless rivalry wasn’t over.

Ruby slammed her hand on a table. “In the meantime, lets settle this here on different terms. Come face me, you worthless sack of ****! We’re playing Magic the Gathering!”

“You **** idiotic pansy! On my turf we play Dungeons and Dragons, ****!”

“Extreeeeeeme!” The red robot randomly yelled in the background.

“Who the hell’s robot is that?” Ivy demanded. “Omar, is that yours?”

“I don’t recall building that one. I may rage if Dawn happens to be around here.”

“Grrrrrr!” Ruby growled at Ivy.

“Ffffffffffff!” Ivy responded moving closer.

“Whoa! Calm down, guys!” Lily said, getting in-between them. “Lets not fight here, you can do that later.”

“Very well.” Ivy nodded as she crossed her arms. “Be prepared, foolish angel! When we next meet on the battlefield, I will pwn you!” Most of her group also crossed their arms as they joined in on Ivy’s signature laugh in unison. “Lets get ready.” Ivy said, walking off.

“Lets go do the same, I’m not gonna lose to that stupid demon!” Ruby said, storming off, the others following shortly after.

And so sometime later, the deadline was approaching. Both sides were on the battlefield, preparing for the inevitable. Ruby threw Gary a woman’s purse, expecting him to make a castle using random materials, which he did so.

“I don’t think we can do this.” Loli Red said. “The pressure is too much.”

Adam placed a hand on her shoulder. “Tsundere-chan, don’t believe in yourself. Believe in me, who believes in you.”

“Y-yeah, you’re right! I feel better now.”

“I’m sure I’ve heard that somewhere…” Ruby said under her breath. “Anyway, you guys, watch out for Mancrab.”

“Who the hell is Mancrab?” Loli Black asked.

“Mancrab is Mancrab.”

Ivy’s side had already built a castle with Omar’s resources. Ivy stood on a balcony with binoculars once again when Damien approached her. She then asked, “So Damien, what’s the plan?”

“There is no plan, we charge ahead and hope for the best.”

“Fair enough. We do battle, but I shall be the one to defeat that foolish angel. No-one else touch her. It shall be by my hand she tastes the bitter sense of defeat, and she will kiss my superior, omniscient ass.“

Omar, standing further away next to Adol and Masterman, was holding a device as he exclaimed, “Great Scott! These Foe Yay levels are off the charts!”

“Now we settle this, in Paintball Kombat!”

“Marcoooooo!” Ruby yelled as they charged forward out of the castle gates.

“Poloooooooo!” Ivy yelled back while doing the same.

As usual, shots were randomly fired, even more chaotic than before as people hid behind trees and large rocks while paintballs the size of bombs and paintball lazers were thrown back and forth, but Ivy and Ruby both ignored the madness going on around them. They grappled in the middle of the destruction going on.

“Its finally come to this.” Ruby said.

“Yes, another pointless battle!”

“Then lets do this! I’m gonna **** you up!”

“You don’t know true pain. I should warn you, I like it rough.”

“Lets go! Angel on Demon action! Right here!” They then both turned to Adam who stood nearby and in unison said, “No homo.”

“I do not judge, whatever your preferences may be are none of my concern.”

The red robot ran around chasing people once again and was eventually shot in the face, at which point it ran in the wrong direction and tumbled down a hill as it shouted, “Extreeeeeme!”

“You stupid robot!” Ruby yelled back, turning her attention away long enough for Ivy to tackle her. They rolled around while being hit by a large number of paintballs and eventually rolled down the same hill. They bashed into trees several times and eventually stopped by a small lake, them still punching each other. In the background the red robot’s helmet had fallen off, and it turned out to be Poison under the helmet. As they turned around to notice this, Poison quickly grabbed it and shoved it back on, yelling, “Extreeeeeme!” to ease the awkwardness, at which point Ivy and Ruby went back to fighting.

Following a montage of the ridiculous battle featuring such highlights as Adam drilling through a meteor thrown by Amber, Mancrab arriving to aid Omar and wiping out the Loli Rangers immediately which effectively reduced them to jobbers, Willard and Damien discussing Global Warming, as well as Spring and Floyd arriving via driving a car into the battlefield and unloading 10 shots into Ruby. Dawn left to go plan something else at this point.

“This is just a paintball game, Y’know.” Crystal said.

“You can never be too sure.” Floyd replied, firing one more bullet.

As Rosie leaped behind a stone wall, she heard Ivy yell, “Look out, it’s a rogue enemy. An evil hopper!”

“Is it from space?”

“No, just an evil hopper.”

“It would’ve been cooler, had it been from space.”

“Yes, that would have been cool.”

After Ruby coming back to life, ten minutes later the Paintballing stopped and looking around them they noticed a majority of the area was covered in multicoloured paint.

“Today sure was fun, huh?” Ivy said.

“Yeah, this was actually pretty awesome.” Ruby replied.

“A shame Poison couldn’t be here though, this seems like the kind of thing he really wouldn’t wanna miss out on.” The red robot further back began whistling as she finished.

“By the way, I found the Klondike rapper.” She pulled it out of her nonexistent pocket. “See, my name is actually on it.” She pointed to a small bit on the side which said “Property of Ruby Clear.”

“Oh ****, it really did have your name on it. Sorry then, my bad.”

“Its okay, because I learned something today.”

“Its not a spoof aesop, is it?” The red robot asked. Half the people nearby quirked an eyebrow at the robot, as it was the only basic sentence it had said all day.

“Nope.” Ruby shook her head. “it’s a thought provoking and surprisingly essential lesson.”

“So what did you learn?” Ivy asked.

“I learned that

TMEDCE: Chapter 47 - The Life and Times of Lily Locket

It was early one other morning, and at Ivy’s house, Poison, Rosie, Amber, Damien, Leo and herself were watching a hentai for some odd reason in silence, apart from the few times Rosie kept pointing out things which made no sense. “It really doesn’t seem like she was asking for it, it seems more like ****.” Rosie commented.

“It’s hentai.” Ivy replied.

“Also, that chick didn’t really look like she wanted to join in. It seems like they forced her to.”

“It’s hentai, Rosie.”

Rosie’s eyes went wide. “How does that even fit?!? The guy’s hung like a **** horse! That should have ripped her ass in half, yet it slides in like butter!”

“You haven’t watched many hentai, have you?”

“But logically this doesn’t make any sense!”

Ivy slapped her. “Don’t you dare bring logic into this! This is hentai, ****!”

“S-sorry, I guess I wasn’t thinking…” She said, rubbing her cheek.

“I think you were thinking too much!”

Just then, they heard an eerie voice say, “Hey guuuuys…” As they turned to the television everyone screamed upon seeing Lolita slowly crawl out of the TV and hold up a copy of The Ring. “Wanna watch The Ring?”

“We just saw it in 3D.” Damien replied.

“We should do something fun today, like going to a Hot Spring.” Amber suggested.

“I’m not feeling that, because typical perverted shenanigans will probably ensue.” Poison replied.

“Yeah, that would be too cliché.” Rosie agreed. She then got to her feet as she said, “I know, lets go to the beach!”

“Hypocritical humor, how I love thee.” Damien remarked.

“I don’t wanna go.” Ivy said. “I’d prefer to just watch TV.”

“But the beach is fun!”

“I don’t like the beach, so lets not go.”

“But why don’t you…” She looked further down as she paused. “Oh right, almost forgot about that…”

“Where the **** are you looking?!”

Within a moment, Damien snuck up behind them from the couch and covered Ivy’s mouth with chloroform, making her unconscious. He then got up and walked off with his hands in his pockets as he said, “Throw her in the boot, I’ll start the ship.” The others were somewhat confused on what just happened, but quickly followed.

They arrived at the beach sometime later, on Earth of course. They had tied Ivy up as they exited the ship, with her yelling, “I don’t wanna go! I don’t wanna!”

“Stop being a baby and get your swimsuit on for beach shenanigans.” Rosie replied.

“Nooooo! I hate the beach!”

“We’ll stop by some sweet stores later on if you calm down.”

“Okay.”

“Well that was easy.” Poison exclaimed.

A bit further away, Ruby, Gary and Crystal had arrived and were walking in their direction. Crystal wore a typical white two-piece swimsuit, Gary just wore a white shirt and blue trunks, and Ruby wore the same swimsuit from Chapter 9, which I honestly can’t remember at the moment, complete with a rubber duck around her waist. Ruby was complaining about something with Gary as they got near. “I did not touch it, it wasn’t true, that was a load of bull! I did not touch it, I did naaaawt!” She almost bumped into Poison but stopped in time as she suddenly smiled and said, “Oh hi, Poison.”

“Oh hey, Ruby, what were you on about?”

“Gary says I took an extra 500 in Monopoly, but I totally didn’t.”

“My eyes don’t lie.” Gary replied.

“Monopoly tends to ruin relationships.” Crystal added.

“That reminds me, I’m still waiting for my $2000, Poison.” Ivy said.

“I didn’t land on Mayfair.”

“Yes you did! Don’t lie! You got a three, you did not pass GO!”

“Whatever, lets just drop it.”

“How did you guys even get here?” Ivy asked.

“We just happened to feel like going to the beach too. It was a happy coincidence we all ran into each other.” Ruby replied.

“Y’know, if you wanted to hang out you could have just asked…” They suddenly heard a familiar voice nearby say, “Hey kids, mind if I join you guys?” They looked over to see Dawn, wearing a pink two-piece swimsuit with roses on them, though she held up the Cthulhu hat on her head with one hand. “Dawn!” Ivy exclaimed.

She checked her watch. “Actually I’d say its about ten past eleven.”

“No, why are you here?”

“I just figured I’d go to the beach, and decided I’d join you guys.”

“So you try to kill us, and now you want to join us at the beach?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” She shrugged. “Tell ya what, lets play a game. I’ll allow you to attack me as many times as you want only using long range attacks, and if you can manage to shred my swimsuit, then I’ll leave, but if you can’t within 5 minutes then I’ll join you regardless. Deal?”

“Yeah, lets do this!”

“Hey! I wanna do it!” Ruby exclaimed.

“No! I hate her more!”

“Calm down, people. Two players is just fine.” Dawn replied. She threw her hand up as she exclaimed, “Heaven or Hell, lets rock!” Ivy fired first with a beam of fire which Dawn avoided by simply tilting her head. Ruby quickly fired a wave of psychokinetic energy which Dawn dodged by bending backwards. Beginning to get more aggravated, they both started randomly firing waves at her, which Dawn smugly dodged while their attacks hit some of the girls around the area, but only stripped them of their clothes for some odd reason. Naturally, this attracted a lot of attention from half the other people around, most of them being male. Some merely cheered for them to keep accidentally hitting women while some wanted to find out whether they would be able to hit Dawn.

As it slowly began to approach the five minute mark, Ivy and Ruby began to use more lethal attacks. Ivy summoned a massive ball of fire, kicked it into the air then leaped up and hit it like a beach ball, making it separate into a dozen fiery beams which randomly hit a dozen girls around the area, so naturally this got cheers. “How did you like that one?” Ivy said with a smile.

Dawn, who was somewhat shocked, said, “Wow, I actually had to sidestep that, I’m rather ashamed of myself.” Of course, that kind of response only pissed Ivy off.

“Its my turn!” Ruby gathered half a dozen umbrellas which were stuck in the sand using her psychokinesis and threw the sharp points at her. Using her tentacles, Dawn lifted herself over the incoming attack, resulting in more girls bras which were ripped off, but of course no-one was hurt.

“How much longer till 5 minutes arrives?” Poison asked, turning to Damien.

“They’ve only got just over one minute left…I think there‘s someone over there with a busy gambling stand about whether they‘ll do it or not.” He said, looking far to the left.

Ivy and Ruby leaped back as they tried actually communicating with each other. “Hey Ruby, what do you suggest we try?” Ivy asked.

Ruby was stunned. “Y-you remembered my name…” She began to cry.

“Uhh, are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, just give me a minute.” She replied, wiping her tears.

As they talked, a tentacle sped towards them, opened wide to reveal a set of sharp teeth and attempted to bite them as they leaped back just in time. “H-hey! You didn’t say you’d attack us!”

“Well I never said I wouldn’t. The same rules also apply. If I can manage to rip off your swimsuit then you leave.”

“Well I didn’t wanna come in the first place so…”

“Alright, I’ll just do it for shits and giggles then.” The both of them ran as Dawn gave chase.

Poison stroked his chin as he said, “So she can do more with those tentacles than just grabbing things, interesting. Anyway, I’m gonna take off, I’d rather not be branded an accidental pervert somehow if I stay here.” He quickly left as Dawn continued chasing Ivy and Ruby in the background.

Lily, who had arrived shortly, wearing a one-piece swimsuit sat down beside Crystal, Amber, Rosie and Lolita on a mat. “Its nice that I can hang out with you guys in these peaceful times. I had gone through some hard times myself quite a while ago. I figured I’d tell you about them.”

“But we never asked…” Crystal said.

“So after getting fired as a psychiatrist, I had a hard time finding work.”

---

I was losing money, gaining stress. Lost most of my friends…if I had much. Spent all day cooped up in my room, playing videogames in my underwear and looking for jobs similar to my old one. That’d be hot to some people but it wasn’t so hot for me…the underwear part, not the job search. I mean, I was 23 and still living with my parents, I would’ve been a basement dweller if my house had a basement. But one day I came across a job, a simple ice cream one. Drive around, greet the kids, sell frozen treats, you know the deal. Good white ****. But there was this other ice cream chick, try to whine at me about how that’s her turf and I should come back when I grow up, a proportional amount of her ego resonating from her ridiculous E-cups, or at least I think they were, might be bigger. Didn’t care though, better than being flat-chested.

I challenged her to a race and owned her ass during the last bend with my multi-track drifting skills, **** was awesome. Eventually I moved on, being the best ice cream driver ever, and worked as a policewoman. Bursting into hideouts, chasing down criminals and making clever quips has never been so awesome, just like in the movies. After putting away all the criminals behind bars and being considered the best officer ever, I took up an assassination training job. I never knew the job of ninjas was so painstaking. I never did encounter a pirate though, such a shame.”

---

As Lily rambled on, Amber quietly asked the others, “When is she gonna finish her story?”

“Before tomorrow morning, I hope.” Lolita remarked.

Back with Ivy and Ruby, they were still being chased. Ivy managed to cut off a tentacle, which then formed a large mouth and continued to grow using Dawn’s blood to try and bite Ivy as she jumped back. Dawn chuckled before saying, “What’s wrong, Ivy? Don’t you want to be inside me?”

“Never say that again.” Ivy replied, cringing.

Ruby took out her staff and turned a dial on it to a high setting as she said, “Lets take this **** up to eleven.” After charging up, she unleashed a massive blast which Dawn had no choice but to quickly jump out the way as it zoomed by, sending various objects and people flying, and eventually making several buildings explode as it reached a city. “I’m positive nobody was hurt.” Ruby badly reassured herself.

Gary had received an invitation sometime earlier from Poison, and so arrived at a sand castle, and the ground beneath slowly shifted to allow him access. He was quickly dragged in and the sand castle was moved back into place. Inside was an underground base of some sort, with screens around the room showcasing various girls on the beach. “What is this, exactly?” Gary asked.

“This is the secret camera room. You see, I’ve been operating dozens of little robotic flies from here to record footage of the girls on the beach, then I’ll sell them to the current buyers waiting in line from it.”

“But I thought you said you didn’t wanna be considered a pervert?”

“Exactly, which is why I’m doing this, because from how I normally act, nobody would suspect it, so its foolproof.”

“You sly bastard.” Gary said with a smirk.

“I am, aren’t I? By the way, when you can, try to get Leo in here.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Up on the surface, Lily was still going on about random things which may or may not have happened, meanwhile Amber was discussing things with Rosie. “So how’s it going with Leo then?”

“Hmm? Oh, pretty good. He’s trying his hardest to be like the old one we knew, its kinda cute in a way. He’s gone a long way since we started training though, it helps that we naturally train in our underwear for maximum speed, and overtime helps reduce uncomfortable feelings.” Rosie said as she watched Leo wrestle with a bodybuilder shark in the distance.

“That sounds like the plot of a doujin.”

“I guess when you think about it…”

“So how big is it?”

“Huh?”

“Y’know, the change since you started training.”

“Oh, rather fast, I already said before.”

“I know, I just wanted my question to be misunderstood.”

“Well you did a wonderful job.”

Crystal suddenly sat up and began to speak. “Y’know, I’m probably gonna feel awful afterwards, but I need to get this one out. So if the other Leo was from another universe where all the residents on his planet were killed, I suppose that means he’s a…” At that moment, a pair of shades flew across the beach at the speed of speed, creating ripples in the sand large enough to bury a whale as the shades firmly planted themselves on Crystal’s face. “Lone wolf.”

Lily stopped for a moment to yell out, “YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

“Thanks for the assist!” Crystal yelled as she waved to Damien who yelled back, “No problem!” in return. Crystal sighed, feeling a sense of guilt yet also relieved. “I’m a terrible person…”

Down below, Poison continued to watch the screens, positioning the cameras somewhat so they displayed more cleavage or positioning it at a low angle to make asses appear bigger than they really were. All while having a ‘Dat Ass’ expression on his face.

“Hey Poison,” Gary said, walking over to him. “Umm, could you stop making that face?”

“It’ll be a little while. So what’s up?”

“What’s hotter, a chick adjusting her swimsuit, or a chick adjusting her panties?”

“…What brought this up? And doesn‘t the swimsuit option have some bias at a beach?”

“Leo brought it up, and I went with the panties option.”

“Well I honestly don’t care. Anyway, look at this.” Poison pointed at one screen. After a few moments of glancing, Gary had a ‘Dat Ass’ expression as shades suddenly materialized onto his face.

“Why, yes, that is a mighty fine ass.” Lolita said, suddenly standing beside them.

“Indeed…you’re not gonna tell anyone about this, right?” Poison asked.

“I’ve not yet decided.”

On the surface, Ivy and Ruby had finished deal with Dawn, who was currently bugging others. Ivy sat around the likes of Crystal, Amber, Rosie and Lily and began biting her nails as she said, “Only around two more years, only two more **** years…”

“Two years till what?” Rosie asked.

“I’m guessing something really important to her.” Amber replied.

“Hey foolish angel, I never asked earlier but what’s with that big rubber duck around your waist.” Ivy asked.

“Oh, its to represent my light-hearted and youthful manner.” She said with a smile.

“Sounds like something one of those old hags who try to make themselves appear much younger than their age would suggest would say.”

“She also wears Hello Kitty pyjamas.” Crystal added.

“Hey! I like those pyjamas!”

“You’re too old for them.”

Dawn approached them all while they were talking, where upon Ivy pointed at her, saying, “You! Out with it! Who is the strongest?”

“Who knows? It could very well be someone here, who knows all about your little friends and yourself. It might be a close relative, hell, it could be you! Like a split personality you didn’t know about.”

“Stop playing around!”

“Fine, here’s a sheet of clues I happened to have.” She said, pulling a sheet of paper from her bra and handing her it.

“Knows our important details, has ways of tracking our location, occasionally manifests as a ball of light, rather soft-spoken while serious and totally tsundere for any partially fun activity, is rather infatuated with someone, and wears childish teddy bear panties despite wanting respect and fear from others.” Ivy looked up from the list. “These clues aren’t clear at all, and what the hell do panties have to do with anything?”

“Nothing, I just like to mock him about it.”

“Wait, he?”

“Is he a trap? You know, like that hobby Poison has.” Crystal said.

“Who knows.” Dawn shrugged. A hand appeared from off-screen to give her a clipboard, at which point she said, “Seems I’ll be given extra pay to read the list of panties you guys here actually wear. In random order, of course but I could be lying again. Red and black stripes, stripped green, frilly white, frilly purple, white with yellow pokadots, rainbow coloured x3, nonexistent, blue panties for some odd reason, white and black stripes, more black and red panties, glittery silver, golden striped green, sacred panties though I have no idea how that works, and since you know the other one, let me inform you that my pink panties are made from the flesh of teenage girls. Interesting, huh?” She threw away the clipboard. “I’ll now be taking my leave, I’ll be seeing you guys soon enough.” She teleported out of the area.

Poison returned just as she left, with Ivy asking, “So where did you go?”

“To find a good sword to potentially dual wield with.”

“Will this lead towards anything?”

“I certainly hope so.”

This was a hell of a lot **** longer than I thought it'd be. Guess its pretty hard to condense it into one chapter without it being pretty damn long, and I skipped a lot.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 48 - Masters of Badass Boxer

It was a bright summer’s ordinary morning on an ordinary day, and an ordinary high school student was walking along a ordinary street. She wore a blue and black striped tracksuit, had dark brown hair in a ponytail and wore a white cap, which was rather unordinary ironically. She was monologing to himself, which people tend to do on occasion. “My name is Vagena Herts, and I’m an ordinary high school student. I go to Ordinary High, and I have a ordinary job at a game store, but my life is incomplete. Nearly half a decade ago as a kid there was one arcade game known as ‘Badass Boxer’, one of the most popular fighting games around. That game was the ****. People took it as serious business, family feuds, car choices, even lawsuits were settled that way. I reigned as one of the best for the time it was around, but one day it just faded away…

Everyone forgot, but I never could. There was an empty void which couldn’t be filled. I was forever unsatisfied throughout the years. This is my story…” While monologing she conveniently walked down an unknown path towards a building which looked like an abandoned arcade, so out of curiosity she entered. She heard the faint sounds of buttons being tapped and some occasional cries of agony. She spotted a short black haired maid and a red-haired woman in a suit at an arcade machine.

“Impressive counter.” The business woman said. “You’re actually keeping up with me, seems I underestimated you.”

“Thanks for the compliment, but I’ll do far more than just keep up.”

“Hah, you’re tough but you’re still a noob. Prepare to get air-juggled.”

Over the course of a minute, the maid managed to lose and was thrown several feet back from the force of the fictional KO. “Time for the cherry tapping!” The business woman said, throwing her suitcase. The maid dodged and threw a shuriken, which slightly grazed her torso but somehow managed to rip off the top half of her suit, revealing her red bra. After listening further while they talked and finding out that the maid was fighting to get her Xbox Live account unbanned, Vegena stepped out from the shadows as she yelled, “Hold it!” pointing at the business woman who was mocking the maid.

“Blah blah blah?” Said the businesswoman, quirking an eyebrow.

“Blah blah blah, blah blah!” Vegena said angrily.

“Blah blah!” The businesswoman threw another suitcase at Vegena.

“Blaaaaah!” Vegena yelled as she smashed through it with a high kick, followed by her saying, “Tatsumaki-senpu-kyaku!” as she leaped towards her with a horizontal hurricane kick, knocking her out with the move.

The maid was in awe at Vegena’s Street Fighter™ moves, and offered to treat her…by going to an ordinary fast food restaurant. Vegena’s best friend, who looked like a blonde Miku Hatsune, met them at the restaurant where she was eating a Moe cheeseburger. The maid, who was called Tera, explained the whole ordeal. “Well there’s this secret tournament going on, where they text us and inform contestants on where their match will be taking place, then they duke it out using a video game called Badass Boxer, which is a kickboxing game all about combos, counters and such. If you win you can have whatever your heart desires. I entered to get my Xbox Live account which was unfairly banned back online. I’m not sure who it was but I’ll find them one day.”

“But is this really necessary?” Vegena asked. “Can’t you just talk to them about your account?”

“Yeah, my account unfairly got banned once, but I sorted out the mess after explaining my situation to them.” Vegena’s friend said, who was called Lula.

“Okay, I’ll try that immediately. I guess I won’t need to keep fighting then.”

All three left soon afterwards, splitting up soon along the way to get to their own homes. Vegena sat on her bed, typing up something on her laptop as she began monologing to herself again. “So I met a fighting maid today, her name was Tera. I’m not sure what this tournament is about, but finding out Badass Boxer still exists and is still being played has me relieved. Perhaps I may join this tournament to find others who play and maybe a worthy challenge.” She phoned Tera soon afterwards but her phone seemed to be off, so she figured she’d pay her a visit.

Upon arriving she found the house to be completely trashed, with stains on the walls, broken furniture, etc. Asking around provided her with no leads, and in fact the neighbourhood acted like they had never met her. Perplexed about the bizarreness, she phoned Lula as she walked home. “Lula, where u at?”

“Me? Just chillin’, you know how I do.”

“Tera has gone missing, I think someone ransacked her place and kidnapped her or something.”

“Are you sure you’re not over thinking things?”

“Her place was a mess and no-one seems to remember anything about her. This **** is serious.”

“Alright, well if I find out anything I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks, well I’ll see you tomorrow.” She hung up, at which point she received a text moments later, telling her to go to a secret location. Understandably confused, she read further and realized she’d been entered into the tournament. Wanting to participate in Badass Boxer games, while discovering what happened to Tera, she rushed to the destination.

Arriving at the dark alleyway where a Badass Boxer arcade machine was placed, she encountered the businesswoman again. “You! What did you do with Tera?!”

“I honestly don’t know myself. If you want to find out you’ll have to win, won’t you?”

“Fine! Lets do this!” Vegena explained, putting a quarter in the slot. During their round, Vegena took several low punches which somehow ripped parts of her clothing, but then surprised the woman as she jumped over the next jab and hit her with a kick. What followed was a curb stomp battle as Vegena unleashed a rapid series of punches and kicks followed by an uppercut which knocked off most of the woman’s health to her shock and horror. Vegena glanced at her while smiling as she said, “That’s 90%, welcome to Central City, ****!” Then with a roundhouse kick she KO’d her moments later.

The impact of such a defeat sent the woman flying back twenty feet as half her clothes ripped. “How could I lose so easily…” She muttered before passing out.

Vegena was still utterly confused over all the crazy things which happened that evening. What happened to Tera? Why had she suddenly been entered into this tournament? And just where was Lula at during this time? She could have monologued about this for minutes, and she probably did very shortly.

The next morning, while she was monologing about this, her doorbell rang. Upon answering it, she saw Poison standing outside, wearing Ivy’s clothing and breast pads for some odd reason. “Umm, can I help you?” Vegena asked.

“I’m here to help you win.”

“Huh?”

“That tournament. I want to help you win. I was in the neighbourhood at some point yesterday and saw you were a contestant. I sense you have a passion for this.”

“How?”

“Was told by an expert I personally know.”

“How do I know you’re not some creepy stalker who goes after young teenage girls?”

“Aren’t I a young teenager too?”

“Yeah but still…and what’s up with the…”

“It’s a punishment. Long story.”

“Uh-huh. And how do you plan to help me win?”

“Training, of course. Rocky style.”

“Oh goody.” Vegena said sarcastically.

And so began the montage, which featured Vegena increasing her finger speed simply by typing fast messages on a computer, increasing reaction time by firing gusts of wind at her while she ran along a pavement, and calling out moves while she jogged, which she’d quickly call out the input for such moves. During this, Masterman drove by in a green Cadillac as he turned to them and said, “What’s up, homie?”

“We barely know each other, man.” Poison replied.

“Apparently.” MM said, staring oddly at the dress.

“It’s a long story. Anyway, I’m helping this girl here win this Badass Boxer tournament. Her next match is tonight, so she has to be prepared.”

“Alright, I’ll help too. I want in on this.”

“I don’t think we need anymore help.”

“But what about mid-battle banter? Has she worked on that?”

“Why would that be needed?”

“It can ruin the concentration of your opponent, makes you look cooler if you’re winning, plus it can sometimes make people laugh.”

“Yeah, he’s right.” Vegena agreed. “I want some extra material on that.”

“Fine, you’re in then.” Poison shrugged.

“Sweet. You won’t regret it. Yo boy knows his ****.” Masterman said.

Later that evening, it was that time again. Vegena went to another abandoned area along with Poison and Masterman to participate in her next match, which was against another high school girl with short green hair who was still wearing the uniform. Before they even started the match, the girl glared at Poison a majority of the time, which really creeped him out to the point where he hid in a corner until they started.

As it started it was fairly equal, with them hopping around and attempting to counter even though not many attacks were being executed. Vegena eventually leaped forward and yelled, “I’m making it raaaain!” as she launched a series of diagonal kicks from just above her opponent, “I’m twisting the night away, ****!” she cried as she landed and hit her with a hurricane kick, knocking her into a corner. The green haired girl knocked her back with a focus attack and with a flying kick knocked Vegena into the opposite corner. The schoolgirl went on the offense by relentlessly attacking while all Vegena did was block as she whittled down her defense.

As Poison looked worried, Masterman turned to him and said, “She knows what she’s doing.” Poison quirked an eyebrow at him while MM said it again, “She knows what she’s doing.”

“Yeah? I hope you know that!”

“She knows what she’s doing.” He repeated once more.

Eventually, Vegena hit her with a mid-range kick, went back to blocking, then finished her off with an uppercut moments later as she said, “Oops! The result says: Denied!”

After some more glaring and some talking, the green haired girl left, being a graceful loser over her defeat. Vegena handed Poison a note as he hid behind Masterman while saying, “She wanted me to give you her number.”

“Wha?”

“She was too shy to say anything herself.”

“But she looked like she wanted to kill me…she did know I was a guy, right?”

“Yeah, she noticed eventually. She was still interested.”

“Still big pimping, attracting chicks like a true g.” Masterman nodded.

“I ain’t no pimp, mang.” Poison replied.

Moving onto the next day during the intervening time, Vegena spent that time training and taking orders, and upon arriving at the next destination, she discovered her next opponent was Loli Black.

“Badass-chan? You entered this?” Poison asked.

“Yeah, I like this game. I think it’s the ****, so I entered.”

“Right! Lets get started!” Vegena exclaimed, eager to began. And so they did, remaining fairly equal once more as they jumped all over the arena throwing swift punches and kicks while occasionally countering. Vegena managed to catch Loli Black out with three high kicks as she said, “Oh, he so Pringles.”

Loli Black immediately hit her with a shoulder barge upon landing as she replied, “Where yo curly mustache at?”

“Oh, you want this ****? Lets go, ni-I mean, negro!”

“C’mon, ****! Press that motherfucker!”

Loli Black eventually countered with a rapid combo of high and low punches as she dashed from left to right, quickly draining Vegena’s HP as Vegena exclaimed, “Oh my god! God my oh! This **** is hitting me with the wombo in the middle of the combo!”

Vegena soon countered as she was about to be KO’d and yelled, “Imma bout to get lethal on this sucker! Get yo **** spit on, ****!” Vegena began a long sequence of Dempsey rolls, ending with a roundhouse kick as she continued, “One more, one more for the gold mine!” she said as she used the same combo while Loli Black was in the corner, KO’ing her. Vegena then pushed her to the ground as she said, “Get the **** outta here, negro!” She donned a pair of shades as she then said, “That **** is crispy!”

“That wasn’t cool, man.” Loli Black replied, getting to her feet. “You’ve got skills though.”

“Right back at ya, you nearly got me there. We should do this again some other time.”

“Tru dat. Look me up sometime, I go to St. Lolita Academy. I’ll also see you round sometime, Poison, and your preferences are none of my concern.”

“I’m not wearing this by choice.” He replied.

As they all left, Vegena was concerned about Badass-chan’s wellbeing as she said, “I’m worried she might get kidnapped. It happened to a friend of mine, and I think that green haired girl disappeared too. I need to get Tera back, I didn‘t even get to hit dat once before she got kidnapped, and that can‘t stand!”

“At least you got your priorities straight.” Poison shrugged.

“Did you call that girl?” Masterman asked.

“I wasn’t interested, besides, I’m a demon.”

“Interracial relationships are all the rage nowadays, man.”

“Its not the same thing. Anyway, I know her. She can handle herself.” And so they remained quiet as they left.

The next day, the next match was to apparently take place in a busy arcade, much to their surprise. Ivy found them near one of those grabbing claw machines, saying, “So this is what you’ve been doing…” as she arrived.

She happened to be wearing Poison’s clothes. Vegena looked at Ivy, then back at Poison before saying, “I think there’s a joke I’m missing out on here…”

“So is this her?” Ivy asked, pointing at Vegena.

“Yeah, that’s her.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Vegena Herts.” She said, shaking her hand.

“I look forward to seeing your skills.” She then turned to Poison. “And why the hell did you tell me so late?”

“What’s got you in such a bad mood?”

“My show finished recently, and I loved that show, but the ending was total bullshit.”

“What’s that called?” Masterman asked.

“Thong and Pantyhose. This show. It like, spoke to me in ways I didn’t know was possible. It was epic, then that **** went and betrayed Thong. I liked Thong! She was cool.”

“**** happens, mang.” Masterman shrugged.

“Indeed. Like that time I swapped bodies with Poison and went around raping most people including myself because I could get away with it and blame it on Poison.”

“I figure I’d remember something like that if it actually happened…” Poison responded.

Just then, Ruby arrived, having been told about this by Ivy apparently. “Hey guys, hi Poison.”

“Hey Ruby, alright Vegena, you should be fully prepared to go for the gold at this point.” Poison said.

“Hold up, dude.” Masterman interrupted. “What about the coup de grace? There’s the other ones done, but what about **** the knicks?”

“The knicks don’t need ****, the other material is just as good.”

“But that’s just not right! You know this, bro! What about honour? What about perfection? What about justice?!?”

“Screw justice!” Poison exclaimed.

“Well alright.” Vegena shrugged before placing her hands on Ruby’s shoulders, which terrified Ruby.

“Hold on just one minute!” Gary yelled, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. “I think we can all agree a simple reference is enough, regardless of how hammered in the nail is.”

Everyone unanimously agreed with his point and the others began to calm down when a familiar voice suddenly said, “Well if it isn’t my little supernatural friends.” They looked in the direction of the voice to see Dawn, along with all four of her robotic squad.

“Its amazing how seeing one dreadful sight can almost instantly bring you down.” Ruby said.

“Figured you’d be used to this, moeblob. Anyway, Gold is here for some tournament thing. I don’t even know.”

“Did you fix that thing you were talking about?” Poison asked as he stared at her.

“Yes, I’m perfectly fine now.” Gold responded. “Baka! Idiothead! Pervert! Lolicon! ****!”

“We’re still on that, huh?”

“Well at least I like older guys!”

Ivy interrupted as she replied, “Well I’ll have you know that I’m a proudly proclaimed shotacon.”

For a moment as Gold thought, she jittered continuously as sparks and smoke generated from her head. Dawn, being somewhat stunned, said, “Wow, you said something so out of left field that she had no normal way of responding to it. Bravo. I should be able to fix her within a few minutes.”

Time pasted rather fast and it was finally time for them to start, and as if right on cue the area become more crowded as people stood around to watch. Leo slowly made his way through the loud crowd over to Poison who was now talking to Damien and Gary about something, he then asked, “Hey, what’s going on here?”

“Its boxing, baby!” Vegena yelled.

“Its boxing, baby!” Masterman yelled back.

Vegena was the one mainly going on the offense and dashing out chip damage while Gold ran around and mainly countered hits. “Imma chip-**** yo ass with yo ****, ****!” Vegena said as she kept going on the offense. “I spit on this motherfucker!” she said before a charged right punch knocked Gold into the corner, gaining a large “Oh!” from the crowd. “Imma corner **** this ****!” Vegena said, moving in to continue her attack. Gold ducked and hit her with a series of middle and low jabs, a few kicks then knocked her into the air with an uppercut.

“I’m getting tired of your stupid mouth!” Gold shouted as she continued with high kicks. “I’m not gonna kick your ass, I’m gonna destroy it!”

Vegena stepped back and hit her with a leaping roundhouse kick as she said, “Close yo mouth, holmes.” She then donned a pair of shades again as she said, “That **** is crunchy! No wait, its beast-masterful!”

“She’s pretty badass with those juggling skills.” Leo said.

“Yeah, she was apparently one of the best at some point.” Poison replied. “So where were you?”

“Training with this grizzly bear I know.”

“Right, and next you’ll tell me you took out a shark with a piledriver.”

“I did beat one with a piledriver. Was a bodybuilder too, even Gary saw it.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Why are you wearing that anyway?”

“Oh, its about this thing I was doing at the beach, so I gotta wear these clothes for a week.”

Quirking an eyebrow, Damien replied, “My little sister can’t be this cruel.”

“Well apparently she is.”

Damien paid attention once more while saying, “Damn, this girl is going DX on that robot, man.”

“Yeah, its almost over at this point.” Gary replied.

Just then, Vegena ended the fight by countering a high punch with several low punches, several kicks, followed by a hurricane kick and ending with an uppercut as Vegena said, “Now that **** is chunky! You don’t even know.”

Dawn, not paying much attention to her defeat, approached Poison with a list as she said, “Hey smartass, I got some more insults for ya.”

“You’re not serious.”

“I’m as serious as my business occupation, and regardless of your current sexual orientation, I’m gonna read them out.”

“No thanks.” He said while walking off.

“Oh, you’re so tsun~” She said playfully before picking up Gold and proceeding to the exit with the other robots.

Moving on, Vegena was now able to go collect her prize, which she thought was odd as she figured she had one more opponent but apparently not. Poison went with her while Masterman left in his Cadillac with two girls and wished Vegena the best as he left. Upon arriving at the warehouse, they found dozens of guards knocked out, with Loli Black causing the casualties. Looking around, they saw mainly cages and such, big enough for mature humans in any case. Loli Black was about to attack them as they entered. “Good thing you guys are here. These guys have done some sick **** here, you can help me take them down.”

Vegena heard footsteps to the right and saw Tera. “Congratulations, Vegena, you’ve been specifically chosen to receive your prize. And that prize is death.”

“Excuse me?”

“This tournament is serious business. The losers get sold off to high bidders and the champion goes free. Well, not exactly, as this started because we had a personal bone to pick with you.”

“We?”

“Hey, Vegena.” Lula said as she entered the room. “We haven’t kept in touch in a while.”

“Both of you? Why?”

“Shits and gi-”

Tera backhanded her. “No, fool! She killed our brother!”

“Oh yeah!”

Before Vegena could get a word in, Tera went on. “He loved Badass Boxer, wanted to make Dad proud, but in one of his last battles, you massacred him. It was unbelievable how you managed to get so good in a short amount of time, but the level of skill was far too big.”

Vegena gasped. “Don’t tell me he took his own life?!”

“No, he just got hit by a car, but I’m blaming that on you anyway!”

“We shouldn’t be joking about this ****.” Loli Black commented.

“Indeed.” Poison added.

“Now I’ll end your life as you ended his!” As Tera pulled a gun, Spring and Floyd suddenly drove into the warehouse and ran both Tera and Lula over before stopping.

“Thanks for the assist, guys. Perfect timing as usual.” Poison said, while they nodded back at him.

After freeing all the people left in the cages, the three of them hopped in the car and they drove off as Vegena began talking. “Y’know, this may have been a pretty crummy experience, but at least I got to play Badass Boxer again, and that‘s all that matters...”

Meanwhile, in a dark tower on top of a secluded mountain area, Dawn entered a dark room. A throne could be seen further ahead with its back to Dawn. “Yo, I’m back.”

“And how did it go?”

“We got a little more of a push, I think we have the right amount of power we need, and I know just the person too.”

“If what you say is true then its time to began.” The person spun round, revealing herself to be Pandora. She had long black hair tied into pigtails, wore a long pimped out black and red layered dress, with roses along it as well as two dark blue roses on both sides of her hair. She wielded a black and neon purple umbrella as she got up. “Feel free to make a move.”

“Finally! I can let loose and go nuts! Its been so long, and by long I mean just over a week.”

“Try a spot which won’t attract more unnecessary attention than is needed.”

“Gotcha. I already have a place in mind, just remember to have the essential tools set up.” Dawn reminded her.

“Yes, I’ll do as you asked. Just please remember the plan while you’re having fun.”

“Yeah, yeah, its all business with you. You need to get drunk again.”

“No I don’t, and that never happened.”

“Deny it all you want but it did.” Dawn immediately left while Pandora went out another exit.

So I finally got back to doing this. Believe it or not, this was originally going to be longer. Yes.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 49 - Stronghold of the Strongest, Part 1

It was two days after the total bullshit about Pandora being the strongest, and Ruby and Gary mysteriously received a distress call coming from a military base which might’ve been called Area 51. Upon arriving they discovered the place had been broken into, as tons of machinery was destroyed, metal entrances were ripped open, blood and organs were smeared across the walls and floors along the inside, and various areas were on fire from all the wreckage caused. Not to mention there were tons and tons of hideous animalistic fleshy monsters roaming around, picking at the flesh of injured soldiers while some were stuck to webs of blood and were being feasted upon by grotesque fleshy spiders. After coming across a large hellish dog with teeth that covered half its face, Gary blasted it to pieces, only to discover acid poured out of it as they stepped back.

“That thing bleeds acid?!?” Ruby exclaimed. “What on earth could have done this?”

“I think its more likely to assume it’s a ‘who’.”

They ran around the corridors, beating the crap out of an assortment of deformed creatures which seemed to be made of blood. They slowly walked along a dark corridor apart from one light down the hallway which flickered on and off.

“Man, this seems like something out of a horror movie.” Ruby said as she noticed a big patch of pulsing blood in the right corner of the walls.

“We could have arrived sooner if not for that stupid magical girl nonsense you do.”

“But I have to do the magical girl transformation sequence, complete with the obligatory panty shot.”

“You watch too much magical girl anime.”

“You want too much anime in general.”

“…Agreed.”

They ran around empty corridors and rooms filled with monsters, both humanoid and animalistic, which they easily cleared out with a number of simple moves. Crystal called Gary while this was going on as Ruby whacked a ball of slime back at a scorpion with her spear. “Hey Gary, you guys okay down there?”

“Why? Do you know something about this?”

“No, Michael just said it was a serious matter. So what’s going on?”

“Well, have you ever seen The Thing?”

“No.”

“Alien?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen that.”

“Well the situation here is kinda a mix of those…I’m unfortunately assuming.”

“So you need any helping hand?”

“For the moment I think we’ve got it.” Gary replied as Ruby chopped the head off a large spider in the background.

They moved on, sliding across tables and kicking down doors, charging through the various minions of deformed monsters as they made their way further into the base. Upon entering one of the large main control centres, they discovered over two dozen soldiers firing upon hordes of bloody monsters while taking cover behind some of the machines and equipment. As they rushed in to help out, the soldiers nearly attacked them, but were then somewhat confused as to whether they were really on their side, but still appreciated the help.

Once they had killed the monsters in the room, Gary approached one of the soldiers, asking, “So what happened here?”

“There was this chick, she somehow got into the base. I think she had shape shifting abilities or something, but she managed to access one of the control rooms and all hell broke loose. At least half the staff here have been killed and over half the ones still left are putting up a valiant fight against the even tougher monsters outside in the middle of the base.”

Gary turned to Ruby as he said, “Lets go.” while she nodded.

After a little while of beating down monsters, within one small room they came across Dawn, who was sucking the blood out of two dead soldiers with her tentacles. She noticed them right away. “Ahh, you two are a bit late, but no matter. Right this way!” She said, running off into another room.

Gary sighed. “It was stupid to even think for one minute that she wasn’t behind this.”

“C’mon, Gary, lets finish this monster for good.” Ruby said as she rushed on ahead.

They chased her across several rooms throwing energy blasts at her. As they arrived at a certain hallway, she pressed a button which set off a chain of bombs placed nearby, nearly knocking Ruby and Gary out. They eventually followed her into a massive ship docking area where fights between the soldiers and monsters were going on, and several of the staff were being stalked by the creatures. Gary decided that he’d help with clearing them out while Ruby tracked down Dawn, just before he bounced across three creatures with lighting strikes, then charged through a metal door high above.

Ruby slid along some bent rails past the random patches of fire in numerous places and taking out creatures as she sped by to the outside quarters of the base, charging past all the action. She caught up to Dawn outside who stood beside a large rocket shaped monster, which she pointed ahead and shouted, “Phallic-thing, I choose you!” Ruby evaded one of its swings and kicked it into the right side of the base before taking off after Dawn again.

“You monster! How could you do something like this?!” Ruby yelled as they entered the left quarters of the base.

“Surprisingly easy, believe it or not. Though I did steal some things, like a green and black uniform, a few fingers, an eyeball or two. I also needed the blood to make my loyal minions. The staff in this place were kind enough to help me out with that.”

“I just…I don’t even know what to say. My rage just can’t be spoken. I can‘t even reply to you right now.”

“Yeah, if I was as dumb as a sack of potatoes, I wouldn‘t say anything either.”

“Then I’d suggest you stop talking.”

Dawn threw a few bombs back as Ruby came round a corner, resulting in the large explosion making a bunch of rubble block the path and sending Ruby flying back. She simply leaped into a nearby air-vent and quickly crawled in the same direction, though she could hear Dawn talk while she did so. “Y’know, I love the sweet sensation of senseless violence, and I did a lot here. I ended up causing…wait for it…Maximum Carnage! Hahahahahahehe! By the way, I love that game.”

“That’s totally not funny.” As Ruby hopped out of the vent a minute later, she followed a trail of blood towards an exit, and spotted Dawn on a large spaceship, along with dozens of her monstrous minions abroad.

“All aboard the Love Craft!” She yelled while sticking a label across the true name of the ship.

“Okay, that’s kinda funny, but in a really sick way…” Ruby leaped ahead and clung to the side then slowly climbed up onto the ship. Ruby hopped across the higher section of the ship till she was above Dawn, and proceeded to impale her with her spear, missing by a second as Dawn somersaulted out the way.

Dawn’s stomach opened up like a mouth, and she used her small intestine as a tongue to say, “You mad?” in a deep voice.

Ruby threw her spear which missed but then hit Dawn with a flying kick, followed by several punches before throwing her into the ships engine. Dawn quickly leapt out onto the ship again, somewhat burnt but seeming unharmed. She looked down at her stomach as she said, “I think she mad, stomach.”

“Why she mad though?” The stomach replied.

“I don’t even know.” She shrugged.

“I’m gonna rip out that intestine with my bare hands.” Ruby replied as she glared at her.

“You’ll have to catch it first! This way, please!” Dawn leapt off the ship along with her minions, leaving Ruby to try and bring down the burning ship before taking off after Dawn once again.

Meanwhile, Gary had helped rid the area of the monsters shortly after. He didn’t seem to see Ruby and Dawn around, nor had any survivors seen them, so he decided to leave and assumed Ruby took care of it. During that night, Ruby still hadn’t contacted anyone, so he was still quite concerned.

The next day on the demonic planet, Ivy, Poison and Damien were watching a film which seemed to be about Pedobear stalking kids on a camping trip, but that’s not important. Rosie ran into the room, saying, “Guys, you gotta come see this!” as she ran back out. Quite curious, the three followed her outside, and its important to mention that Ivy and Poison were still wearing each others clothes. To their surprise there was a hologram of a massive screen high in the sky, clear enough for most demons to see. The same thing was apparently happening on both the angelic planet and earth at the same time.

On the screen was a webcam view of Pandora with Ruby further back in a dark room leaning against a wall. Ruby appeared to have a dark aura around her as Pandora spoke. “Greetings, inferior species, I am contacting you to inform you that the residents of the underworld have decided to end the life of most living species.” Dawn entered the room and was trying to turn on a projector in the background as Pandora continued. “All you sick, useless, pathetic sacks of flesh have spread your sick, depraved stench all over the planets of this galaxy for far too long, but the cure has arrived, and will be handed out quite soon. You have a few hours left, enjoy them while you can. Go see a movie, do something you never got to do, make up with people, go **** one last time, I don’t care. But know th-” Pandora stopped as Dawn turned on the projector, quickly covering the screen to stop others from seeing something embarrassing as she yelled, “What’re you doing?!? People could’ve saw that! I’m deleting this, and forgetting all memory of it!”

As the connection between the various planets cut, there was a mixture of feelings about the news. Some were worried, some laughed it off, some were curious about what she was planning, and some others wondered what was on that projector that got her so worked up.

A few moments later, Gary immediately called Poison. “Hey Poison, did you see that?”

“Yeah, I’m ready to go anytime you are.”

“Alright, lets meet at that clock tower in just over an hour.”

“Sure thing, see you there.” As Poison hung up, he turned to Ivy.” Seems we gotta make a move, lets go.”

“Nah, maybe some other day.” Ivy replied, beginning to walk off.

“Wait! You can’t just walk away!” Rosie exclaimed. “Whatever that girl is planning is bad, and Ruby has been infected somehow! Isn’t she your friend? Don’t you want to help her?!”

“You seem to be the most sane and morally conscious individual lately.” Poison remarked.

“Yeah, I found it odd too.”

“Fine, I’ll go, but she‘s not my friend.” Ivy responded. “D-don’t misunderstand, its not like I actually want to help Ruby, I just want to bring her back to her senses because I’m supposed to be the evil one!”

“A rare case where both reasons aren’t actually excuses.” Poison commented.

“I’ll get the ship started, and also call Lolita who probably already knows.” Damien said as he walked off.

“By the way,” Poison began. “Can I have my clothes back now?”

“No.”

And so the rest of them gathered their **** and took off, met at a specific location and since they didn’t know where Pandora was broadcasting from, they went to see Lolita, who was in the middle of one of her segments. “Believe it or not, the name Cherry does not refer to anything perverted, surprisingly. It makes sense if you know her surname, which is Apples.”

“So…Cherry Apples?”

“Yes, now it makes sense. Next caller.”

“Did you know 40% of 4Chan’s regular members are made up of demons?”

“I did not, thanks for sharing.”

Damien charged through a wall nearby moments before saying, “Lolita, shits about to get real.”

Lolita quickly got to her feet and simply responded with a nod as she walked through the hole in the wall past Damien.

In the dark tower, Pandora was getting things ready while Dawn was inspecting Ruby on her outfit. “Okay, I think you gotta cut the section from the lower torso, as well as cut off 1/3 of that skirt.”

“Why?”

“Evil people tend to show more skin.”

“But the blackness is to creep around in the dark undetected, so this would be bad. Also, neither you or Pandora are showing that much skin so-”

“I don’t wanna hear complaints, Sailor Moon. If you don’t bare that midriff, I’ll cut it myself.”

The others made their way to the tower and were quickly making their way up, disposing of the various robots and monsters with ease, which would have been set to a Streets of Rage 2 theme, but it was cut to save time. As they arrived close to the point, they encountered Ruby, who glared at them as she said, “I despise you all…”

“I’m sure that’s just the dark energy talking.” Crystal remarked.

“You guys go on ahead.” Ivy said. “I can take care of Ruby.”

I despise you the most of all.” She replied.

The other complied with her choice, and went on. They took an elevator up to the top floor and emerged in a standard office room where Pandora and Dawn were waiting. “Greetings, unfortunate souls. I was expecting you. The strongest is me, Pandora! Except that I’m not actually and only said so to get your attention.”

“Well it certainly got Ivy’s attention at least.” Damien shrugged.

“Now that we’re here, I figure I’d take the time to explain the plan, since the details have already been set in motion.” Dawn said. “That golden belt I normally wear wasn’t just to look stylish, it’s a device which consumes things such as hate, anger, etc. and turns it into dark energy. That same dark energy is the same we used to open a rift to the 13th dimension, full of unspeakable horrors for which we have yet to release but will do so shortly regardless of interference.”

“Now that you mention it, it did seem odd that you were still wearing that belt on the beach…” Crystal replied.

Dawn continued. “So really my main goal was just to **** people off, and it would have came to this result either way.”

“Yes.” Pandora added. “Our goal was simple, yet easily accomplished either way. These are serious times, meant for serious matters.” And she said this while the camera was shot from a low angle behind her and slowly moved diagonally right.

“And what does Death have to say about this?” Lolita asked.

“He’s busy helping Dracula again with some Belmont problem or something. I could perhaps call off the final phase if you’ll come back, dear sister.”

“I told you, Pandora, Death has assigned my duties mainly to earth now, so I can be with Damien and some other insignificant people who sadly don’t want to be my pets.” The others were of course annoyed by her reply.

“I recall offering to be your pet for a while.”

“Yes, but you were too clingy. Please don‘t tell me you still sleep with that pillow with my picture on it.”

“I sleep with two now.”

Damien shook his head. “She’s like Lolita, except taken to the extreme.”

Pandora turned to face Damien as she said, “I’ll kill you for stealing my onee-sama.”

“So you did all this just because Lolita wouldn’t come back to the Underworld, and yet its been like a month since she left and you’re only now doing something about it?” Rosie asked, taking the details into account.

“I’m, how you say…rather lazy.”

“Wow, she really is just like Lolita.” Poison commented, stunned by her answer.

“Enough.” Pandora silenced them. “Now behold, my masterpiece.” The walls began to shift to the others surprise as the floor slowly raised up and the ceiling opened up to move them outside. In the distance was a black and dark purple familiar shape, suspended in midair which very slowly got bigger.

Gary was the first to say, “It looks sort of like a box…” Dawn quietly chuckled as she put on her cool face while Pandora coughed as she turned slightly.

“Because I’m in a good mood, I’ll let you guys in on something, that box is the one-dimensional portal I managed to create off-screen in the last week. My four robot minions are the ones supplying that box with dark energy currently to fully open that portal. You might stand a chance to stop them if you hurry but I doubt it.”

Lolita immediately handed Rosie a map, saying, “They should be located at those points.” Before Rosie could even respond, she then said, “A Shinigami’s soul search ability is of the highest quality, regardless of whether there‘s a soul to actually find.”

“Well in the meantime, I’ll take care of Dawn personally.” Poison said, drawing his sword.

“You sure about this?” Gary said.

“I’m certain I can beat her one-on-one.”

“Awfully overconfident, aren’t we?” Dawn said with a smirk. “I accept your challenge though.”

The others left to find the spots on the map. As they did so, Pandora smiled. “Now let us fight to the death, onee-sama.”

“Stop calling me that, besides, we Shinigami can never truly die.”

“Then let us fight for all eternity.” Pandora fired a beam from the center of her umbrella. Lolita slid under it and attacked with a rising kick, which missed as Pandora backflipped off the roof with Lolita close behind.

“Alright, hotshot, its just you and me.” Dawn said, sprouting half a dozen tentacles.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to kick your ass. I’m certainly gonna enjoy this.” Poison said with a smile.

“Slow down there, or else you’re gonna conjure up some foe yay, besides, I’d eat you alive, boy.”

“Only one way to find out.”

The two spent the next 20 seconds moving around and attacking with long range moves while evading. Poison eventually slid under one of her tentacles and sliced it off. While he was still sliding, Dawn spread out the puddles of blood telekinetically which sprouted spikes that Poison narrowly avoided as he leaped back several times.

“You like that?” Dawn asked. “I call it, “Bloodbending.”

“Didn’t know your blood was that flexible.”

Poison leaped over her next attack and threw two low punches which Dawn blocked, then she blocked a high punch but was quickly kicked backwards. Dawn ducked under another punch and hit him with a roundhouse kick as she yelled, “C-C-C-Combo Breaker!” Poison quickly backflipped as he hit the ground and charged at her, swinging several times with his sword while she evaded the hits. Dawn quickly moved forward and hit him with a dozen blood spikes from her tentacles. He charged in again, throwing several punches which she blocked but knocked her into the air with a rising slash. She dashed through the air to his other side but was quickly hit with another slash. As she dropped down she landed a direct hit with one sharp-teethed tentacle followed by a kick to the face.

As Poison got up, Dawn shot another tentacle. He jumped over it and prepared to attack with an overhead swing, but another tentacle quickly sunk its teeth into his torso and Dawn yelled, “Get over here!” as she pulled him towards her. She punched him again then quickly grabbed him with another tentacle, yelling, “Come here!” before kicking him.

Meanwhile, Lolita and Pandora were soaring through the sky as they were fast approaching the ground, with Pandora firing things and Lolita deflecting them while firing back. Lolita quickly flew by one of her attacks and tackled her through a wall from the side. Pandora quickly pulled out two SMG’s and fired at her, Lolita immediately taking cover. “Ruby, open the dimensional portal.” She said into a communicator. Just then, Lolita rolled into view with an assault rifle and shot back as Pandora hid behind a table.

In a corridor down below, Ruby was hitting Ivy with various music induced combos and then threw her through a wall as she said, “Understood.” As Ivy was getting up she said, “I’ll deal with you later. Villains are a superstitious, cowardly lot, so I don’t expect you to attack me directly.” She then jumped out a window and flew off. Knowing whatever she set out to do was bad, Ivy gave chase.

On another planet, Leo was fixing up a standard rocket ship in a isolated area when his dad approached him, who was simply taller and wore blue overalls. They stood in silence as his dad watched him patch up the ship, until eventually Leo spoke. “Dad, look, I know you don’t approve of my friends and everything but they’re not that bad, and this is serious. You saw it too, this affects a lot of people, so I go-”

“Close yo mouth, son.” He silenced him, followed by a hug. Of manliness, of course. And that was all that needed to be said.

Back on earth, the others who were flying around looking for the dark energy generating factories were speaking with each other. Crystal was the first to speak. “So how long will it take to get to these places, and how long do we have left?”

“Lets just nuke the earth from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.” Damien suggested.

“Nuking seems to be your answer for everything.” Amber remarked.

On the roof of the tower, Poison and Dawn continued their battle. Poison was cutting her tentacles to shreds as he zigzagged towards her, until she eventually managed to grab him. She then impaled him continuously with rapid tentacle strikes, then when she was finished she unleashed sharp spikes of blood from the tentacle rapped around him, impaling him through the stomach from all sides before throwing him aside. “A shame really, my toys tend to break so easily…” She sat down as Poison’s arm twitched. “C’mon! Where’s your “Everyone’s counting on me!” nonsense, or some stupid, “I will protect you! Blah blah blah!” Is that the extent or your skill? I guess you‘re done for today…”

Poison suddenly flipped and landed on his feet, seeming more enthusiastic than before. “Are you nuts? I live for this kind of ****!”

“So you get off on people trying to kill you? Different strokes for different folks, I guess.” She shrugged.

“Laugh it up, motor mouth, because you’ll be singing a different tune when I’m through.” As if activating a super mode power-up, Poison sped up his movements as he charged through her defences with a wall of wind and began slashing at her repeatedly, slicing her to bits one small section at a time. After a few moments, he began firing waves of razor wind from his occasional kicks between slashes, chopping off various body parts until she was soon a mess of flesh styled logo pieces lying in a pool of her own blood. “Just in case you didn’t know, wind can be pretty deadly when the intent is to kill in a stylish fashion.” He then realized something. “Wait, did I do something cool dressed as a girl? Man, I suck…”

Dawn quickly pulled her parts back together within a few moments, though took a little longer to put her organs in the right areas. “Okay, I got a little careless, understandable. Seems I got a little overconfident, or excited, or whatever. But seriously, you’re so rough with me, have you got something to prove?”

“Nope, but I’ve got a lot of stamina to spare.”

“Try not to finish so fast, I wanna enjoy it too, okay? Now lets give this relationship another shot.”

In one factory, Bronze was speaking with the other three robot siblings. “Hey guys, I think Dawn’s a ****, don’t you think she’s a ****?”

“We know this, Bronze. Its no use complaining.” Silver replied.

“What he said.” Gold added.

“I will forever be loyal regardless of personal treatment.” Platinum replied.

Suddenly, Gary burst through the wall and threw Bronze against the wall before yelling, “How do I stop that dark box in the sky!?”

“I-I don’t know, man! I didn’t make that thing!”

“Dawn says you guys can stop that thing. Something about the factory.”

“What? She’s chatting bullshit! I don’t even know why we’re waiting here!”

“Very well, the interrogation will begin then.”

“Wait! Dude, I’m serious!”

“Enough!” Gary charged his hand with electricity and frowned upon him as he said, “Prepare your anus.”

Ultimate Paradise

Creative Work => Game based Stories => Topic started by: Marie Rose on 01 November, 2009, 10:39:04 am