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Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
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Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
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Message #151535
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Topic: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story.... (Read 6573 times)
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Spring-Loaded
Spring; the season your dreams take place in
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Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
«
Reply #105
on:
05 September, 2007, 07:02:43 pm »
I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....
"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*
'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.
Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'
**Whoever* lifts his foot*
Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'
*Whoever*:".........I just did."
If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.
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