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Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
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Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
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Message #503983
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Topic: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story.... (Read 6892 times)
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Spring-Loaded
Spring; the season your dreams take place in
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Re: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....
«
Reply #135
on:
01 June, 2008, 09:43:46 pm »
Quote from: Mark Gor on 22 January, 2008, 09:41:45 pm
Quote from: Jawo' on 12 September, 2007, 10:10:46 am
Quote from: Spring on 05 September, 2007, 07:02:43 pm
I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....
"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*
'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.
Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'
**Whoever* lifts his foot*
Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'
*Whoever*:".........I just did."
If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.
I.....don't think that will work.... >_>
>:U
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