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Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....

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Author Topic: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....  (Read 2615 times)
5BASS
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« Reply #135 on: 30 April, 2010, 05:16:26 pm »

I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....



"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*

'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.

Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'

**Whoever* lifts his foot*

Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'


*Whoever*:".........I just did."

If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.


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Current mood is disappointed because I thought I saw the option to be "intoxicated"...
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