Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....

[sasori1122]

it doesn't pay well enough

and why would you want to work at a Wal Mart your entire life

wouldn't it get very dull

although

should you become a manager, it wouldn't be as bad

[Jawooooooooooo]

it doesn't pay well enough

and why would you want to work at a Wal Mart your entire life

wouldn't it get very dull

although

should you become a manager, it wouldn't be as bad

I never said I'd like a career out of it, but it's a job that pays money so I'm happy.
I'll worry about 'getting a better job' when I'm ready to buy a house or something....

[GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc)]

*reads new addition*
 I can't wait for the next.

[Spring-Loaded]

I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....



"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*

'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.

Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'

**Whoever* lifts his foot*

Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'


*Whoever*:".........I just did."

If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.

I.....don't think that will work.... >_>

>:U

[Youef]

You used an underscore instead of a dash in my name! >8U

Not that it matters. >_>

[Jawooooooooooo]

.....sorry.....>_>

[Youef]

It's not really a big deal, so don't bother with apologizing. >_>

[Spring-Loaded]

I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....



"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*

'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.

Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'

**Whoever* lifts his foot*

Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'


*Whoever*:".........I just did."

If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.

I.....don't think that will work.... >_>

>:U

[Jawooooooooooo]

 

[5BASS]

I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....



"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*

'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.

Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'

**Whoever* lifts his foot*

Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'


*Whoever*:".........I just did."

If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.

THIS IS SPRING'S FIRST POST HE EVER MADE ON THIS SITE

[Jawooooooooooo]

<_<

[Spring-Loaded]

Not really, sis.

[sasori1122]

...hmm...

[Jawooooooooooo]

Don't tempt me. I'd be lying if I didn't have some thoughts about trying to squeeze out a little abstract creativity lately.