Ultimate Paradise
14 October, 2019, 10:41:40 am
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News:
 
  Home Help Arcade Gallery Links Staff List Login Register  

Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....

Pages: 1 ... 6 7 8 9 [10]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....  (Read 2500 times)
sasori1122
The Puppet Master
Administrator
Semi-epic Post Whore
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Username: sasori1122
Mood: Gay
Posts: 12,939


The Puppet Master...is now pulling the strings


WWW
« Reply #135 on: 09 January, 2008, 02:05:39 pm »

it doesn't pay well enough

and why would you want to work at a Wal Mart your entire life

wouldn't it get very dull

although

should you become a manager, it wouldn't be as bad
Report Spam   Logged

3DS Code: 1118-0310-8208
Jawooooooooooo
Guest
« Reply #136 on: 10 January, 2008, 08:10:02 am »

it doesn't pay well enough

and why would you want to work at a Wal Mart your entire life

wouldn't it get very dull

although

should you become a manager, it wouldn't be as bad

I never said I'd like a career out of it, but it's a job that pays money so I'm happy.
I'll worry about 'getting a better job' when I'm ready to buy a house or something....
Report Spam   Logged
GAY FOR BRIDGET(HousecallDoc)
Board Doctor
Internet Addict
**********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Mood: Happy
Posts: 3,530


The Doctor is in!


« Reply #137 on: 18 January, 2008, 04:55:58 pm »

*reads new addition*
 I can't wait for the next.
Report Spam   Logged


Wii Number - 1530-0833-2070-0563 Add meh, k?
Phantom Hourglass FC: Luis 4424-9803-9856
Mario Kart DS FC: Luis 5326-7268-6813
Spring-Loaded
Spring; the season your dreams take place in
Epic Post Whore
***********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Mood: Practical
Posts: 26,112


« Reply #138 on: 22 January, 2008, 09:41:45 pm »


I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....



"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*

'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.

Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'

**Whoever* lifts his foot*

Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'


*Whoever*:".........I just did."

If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.



I.....don't think that will work.... >_>


>:U
Report Spam   Logged

Youef
Semi-epic Post Whore
**********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
I'm: UF
Mood: Relaxed
Posts: 18,608


Upgraded-Form


« Reply #139 on: 23 May, 2008, 11:13:41 pm »

You used an underscore instead of a dash in my name! >8U

Not that it matters. >_>
Report Spam   Logged
Jawooooooooooo
Guest
« Reply #140 on: 29 May, 2008, 08:05:25 am »

.....sorry.....>_>
Report Spam   Logged
Youef
Semi-epic Post Whore
**********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
I'm: UF
Mood: Relaxed
Posts: 18,608


Upgraded-Form


« Reply #141 on: 29 May, 2008, 03:10:19 pm »

It's not really a big deal, so don't bother with apologizing. >_>
Report Spam   Logged
Spring-Loaded
Spring; the season your dreams take place in
Epic Post Whore
***********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Mood: Practical
Posts: 26,112


« Reply #142 on: 01 June, 2008, 09:43:46 pm »


I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....



"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*

'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.

Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'

**Whoever* lifts his foot*

Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'


*Whoever*:".........I just did."

If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.



I.....don't think that will work.... >_>


>:U
Report Spam   Logged

Jawooooooooooo
Guest
« Reply #143 on: 02 June, 2008, 09:41:48 am »

 Roll Eyes
Report Spam   Logged
5BASS
Semi-epic Post Whore
**********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Mood: Disappointed
Posts: 19,203


I'm5Bass


« Reply #144 on: 30 April, 2010, 05:16:26 pm »

I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....



"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*

'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.

Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'

**Whoever* lifts his foot*

Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'


*Whoever*:".........I just did."

If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.


THIS IS SPRING'S FIRST POST HE EVER MADE ON THIS SITE
Report Spam   Logged

Proud owner of the "First Person To Leave Dmax Speechless" Badge

Current mood is disappointed because I thought I saw the option to be "intoxicated"...
Jawooooooooooo
Guest
« Reply #145 on: 30 April, 2010, 09:00:15 pm »

<_<
Report Spam   Logged
Spring-Loaded
Spring; the season your dreams take place in
Epic Post Whore
***********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Mood: Practical
Posts: 26,112


« Reply #146 on: 01 May, 2010, 01:34:47 pm »

Not really, sis.
Report Spam   Logged

sasori1122
The Puppet Master
Administrator
Semi-epic Post Whore
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Username: sasori1122
Mood: Gay
Posts: 12,939


The Puppet Master...is now pulling the strings


WWW
« Reply #147 on: 23 June, 2010, 03:53:59 pm »

...hmm...
Report Spam   Logged

3DS Code: 1118-0310-8208
Jawooooooooooo
Guest
« Reply #148 on: 24 June, 2010, 07:00:06 am »

Don't tempt me. I'd be lying if I didn't have some thoughts about trying to squeeze out a little abstract creativity lately.
Report Spam   Logged
Pages: 1 ... 6 7 8 9 [10]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by EzPortal
Bookmark this site! | Upgrade This Forum
SMF For Free - Create your own Forum

Powered by SMF | SMF © 2016, Simple Machines
Privacy Policy