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Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....

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Author Topic: Comments, Critizisms, and Suggestions for my story....  (Read 2978 times)
Spring; the season your dreams take place in
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« Reply #135 on: 01 June, 2008, 09:43:46 pm »

I have only one suggestion: Somehow put this in the story.....

"*And then *Whoever* made him bite the curb.*

'You murdered them.....YOU KILLED THEM ALL!!' said *Whoever*.

Bad Guy:'Heh....I just wanted some extra cash, that's all.'

**Whoever* lifts his foot*

Bad Guy: 'Wait, don't you want to hear my last words?!'

*Whoever*:".........I just did."

If you can fit that in somewhere, I'm sure it woud help.

I.....don't think that will work.... >_>

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