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Don't credit me for this: This is Shryver's work on GameFAQS. (YOU CAN POST NOW)

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Author Topic: Don't credit me for this: This is Shryver's work on GameFAQS. (YOU CAN POST NOW)  (Read 1987 times)
SilverEspio
Amidoinitrite?
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Posts: 618


What's up? I'm back.


« Reply #15 on: 29 January, 2008, 10:13:54 pm »

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Two hours later ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Luigi: That.... BASHTURD!

Snake: You said it, greenie. Wait... who's a bastard?

Luigi: Rihhley! That big, scaly... bastard... he thinks he can juss go roun', scarin' peepul?

Snake: Oh, yeah, him. Hang on, he's makin' another pass.

(Just then, Wario comes rolling by, rolls on.... and out of sight.)

(Luigi and Snake both do a shot.)

Luigi: Whuzzat, eight?

Snake: Nine.

Luigi: I dohn-a rememmer him ever doin' that. How many hash'ee had?

Snake: Everything, I think. Anyway, back to what I was saying......

Luigi: Wuh-were-you saying?

Snake: Huh? Oh, yeah. Greenie, I gotta tell ya..... You know I, you know, love you, right? In the totally hetero way, I mean.
Luigi: Yeahyeahyeah, whatever, get on with it!

Snake: Shut up! I'm the one telling the sto- Oh, here he comes, again!

(Wario comes by, and is cheered on by Snake and Luigi. Suddenly, Wario stops, uncurls...)

Snake: Dammit, Wario! I apoluhgizze, barkeep. But hey, he's still a valuable patron, right? Right? Ahhh, you get it.

(Luigi and Snake take a shot.)

Luigi: Ten.

Snake: So anyway, I only tell you this, because I trust you, and I consider you a friend.

Luigi: An' cuz I'm-a noh gonna rememmer this, tomorrah.

Snake: Yeah, sure. Seriously, listen to me. I have to say this to someone -
Luigi: Then say it!
Snake: Shut up! Okay, here goes. So, about me an' Samus-
Luigi: High-five.

(High-five.)

Snake: Yeah, huh? But, she's, like... I dunno. I'm sure- No, I know I love her. She's just... Yeah, I love her, but us, you know? I just think there might be a problem with us.

Luigi: Wah? You an' Samus, havin' prob'ems? Ah, man, you gotta be kiddin.
Snake: Nope. I think there's something wrong.
Luigi: Well, damn. ..... What is it?

Snake: Huh? Oh, right. She's just so... she been gettin' real emotional-like, lately. Iss juss not somethin' I'm usse to. She always used to be solid as a rock, and-
Wario: LADY PROBLEMS!?

Snake: ‘K, ow, never do that again. Your breath stinks, too. Barkeep, something minty for my round friend, here.

Wario: I can help, if you want.

Luigi: Get the hell of the bar, Wario. Iss prolly ‘bout to break, with you on it.

Wario: You're no fun.

(Wario attempts to make his way to a stool, misses, crashes on the floor, and starts snoring.)

Snake: Oop, he's down. Duhn't that mean we should go?

Luigi: One for the road?

Snake: ‘Course.

(Snake and Luigi take one more shot, and slowly get to a standing position. Carefully, so as not to fall, Snake picks up Wario. They start staggering to the door.)

Luigi: Wait, wait, wait, wait.... weren't you telling me about... Oh! You were having problems with Samus.

Snake: .... Nah.

Luigi: ....... You sure?

Snake: Well, not really, but something tellz me I shouln't make deci- deci- .... choices, when I'm drunk.

Luigi: I guess. ..... Thanks, for.... that thing.

Snake: Yeah. No problem.

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The next morning, five days until Brawl ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(Samus is sitting in Snake's room. The blinds are closed, and the room is dark. Samus is sitting in a chair, and Snake is in his bed, with his pillow covering his face.)

Samus: Was it really necessary, to get Luigi drunk?

Snake: Was it really necessary, to wake me up at this hour?

Samus: Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Snake: Early to rise, and early to bed, makes anyone so boring, they might as well be dead.

(Samus barely stifles the giggle.)

Samus: Whatever, that's not the point.

Snake: (sigh) Samus, you just don't have the relationship with greenie, that I have. He's more than just a drinking buddy, I consider him to be a close friend. I know him, and I knew that getting him hopelessly hammered would bring him back.

Samus: Well.... Fine.

(Silence. Snake takes the pillow off his face, and squints at Samus.)

Snake: Fine?

(Samus raises both her eyebrows.)

Samus: Fine.

(Silence. Slowly, Snake gets to his feet, and clumps over to Samus. He claps his hands on her shoulders, and brings his face real close to her's. Snake levels his gaze with Samus.)

Snake: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for my being an ass, and I'm sorry for not saying I love you, enough.

Samus: You're still in trouble.

(Snake pulls away from Samus, and flings his arms out.)

Snake: For what!?

Samus: Well, if you don't know, then I won't tell you!

(Samus quickly stands up, and marches right out of Snake's room, slamming the door on the way out. Snake rubs his head.)

Snake: FINE! Don't be surprised with this *&^% happens again!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ A little later, at breakfast ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Serenade: Why am I here, again?

Geno: Because you need to get used to everyone, here, and this is the best place to do that.

Serenade: No, I mean, what am I doing here, again?

Geno: ... Now I don't know what you mean.

Serenade: Well, everyone's just staring at me, and- (conspiratorial whisper) I don't think Krystal really likes me.

Geno: Really? What makes you say that? +DUUUHHH!!!+

Serenade: Well, I've never had to think about it, really, but the way she's been talking to me... it's like she can't stand my very existence.

Geno: Hmm. I see your point. I thought her speech seemed a little strained, now that you mention it.

Serenade: I'm starting to regret wanting to come here.

Geno: Well, I'm not. I... enjoy your company.

Serenade: Is that all?

Geno: Of course not, but you know what happens to me, when I start getting sentimental.

Serenade: Mm, I suppose so. There's no need to make a scene, right now.

(Just then, they notice Donkey Kong hulking towards them, carrying baby Yoshi.)

DK: {Your name is Serenade?}

Serenade: It is. You are Donkey Kong?

DK: {I am. I understand you come from Star Road, like Geno.}

Serenade: It's a little more complicated than that, but yes, that's correct.

DK: {Do you know who this is?}

Serenade: Oh, um... Yoshi?

DK: {Yes, it's Yoshi. I understand it was my wish, granted by one of you, that brought him back.}

Serenade: Also correct.

(Donkey Kong's voice starts quivering, just a little.)

DK: {Could you perhaps do a favor, for me? I would like you to give my thanks to whoever did that.}

Serenade: Well, I- . . . Yes. I will do that.

DK: {Thank you. Thank you, so much.}

(With that, Donkey Kong heads back to his table.)

Serenade: .... Okay, I take it back. I'm glad I came here.

(Just then, Geno and Serenade notice that most of the brawlers are looking at them.)

Serenade: ..... THIS AIN'T THEATER, YOU KNOW!

(Everyone quietly goes back to their own lives.)

Geno: I am so proud of you.

(It's about an hour before lunch. Krystal is in her room, reading the book, "Improve Your Pool Game in 10 Easy Steps".)

Krystal: +What the hell? None of this is helping! Agh, what I wouldn't give for a distraction.....+

(Silence.)

Krystal: I said, what I wouldn't give for a distraction!

(Knocking at the door.)

Krystal: A little longer than I thought. Who is it?

Link: It's Link, Krystal.

Krystal: You can come in, but I'm naked, right now.

(Link enters anyway.)

Link: Yeah, I kinda had a feeling you were lying.

Krystal: Would you have disappointed if you were wrong?

Link: Probably not.

(Krystal and Link embrace, and kiss for a moment.)

Krystal: I thought you said-

Link: Shh. That was a remnant from my memory loss. Seriously, though, I came here to talk with you about something.

Krystal: Right, of course you did. Have a seat.

Link: Thank you.

(Link sits down in a chair, and Krystal sits at the edge of her bed, cross-legged, tail swishing behind her.

Link: It's about Serenade-
Krystal: Geno's girlfriend? You know she's with Geno, right?

Link: . . . .

Krystal: .... What?

Link: If you would let me finish, I was about to say that it's about Serenade, and you.

Krystal: Serenade and I? I haven't done anything wrong.

(Link gives Krystal a flat stare. Eventually, Krystal's ears droop, her tail stops moving, and she looks at the floor.)

Krystal: Fine, I get it. I'm being...

Link: Unreasonable?

Krystal: ... Yes. I suppose that's as good a word as any.

Link: Would you care to explain, or should I guess?

Krystal: Come on, Link, you know I'm not good at this psychology stuff! How am I supposed to know exactly why I do everything I do?

Link: (sigh) You have a point. I apologize for pressuring you. But you have to do something about those feelings you're having, whatever they may be.

Krystal: Like what?

(Silence.)

Krystal: . . . . Link?

Link: Hm? Sorry, I was just thinking about something else. Look, if I were you, the next time you feel the urge to dislike Serenade, just concentrate on something else, and remember that she has done nothing to deserve your ire. I'm sure that, eventually, you'll find yourself not thinking like that, at all.

Krystal: Thank you, Link. I'll try.

Link: Always glad to help a friend.

(Link gets up to leave, but Krystal stands up as well, and steps close to Link.)

Krystal: But, before you go... do you think you could maybe do just one little thing, for me?

(Krystal's eyes start smoldering, and the tip of her tail is twitching, very quickly.)

Link: (gulp) What is it?

Krystal: . . . . Could you teach me to play pool, like you?

Link: +Damn.+

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Later, at lunchtime~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(Peach is sitting at her usual table, looking bored, picking at her food. Suddenly, Luigi plunks down a tray, and sits down across from her.)

Luigi: Hiya, princess!

Peach: LUIGI!!

(Peach jumps up, and hugs Luigi.... hard.)

Luigi (slightly strained): Princess-
Peach: It's such a relief to have you back!

Luigi (strained): Princess-
Peach: We were all so worried!

Luigi (very strained): Princess!!

Peach: Hmm?

Luigi (close to suffocation): air!

Peach: OH!

(Peach releases Luigi, who falls back in his chair, gasping.)

Peach: I'm so sorry, Luigi! I didn't know, you were just-
Luigi: Quite alright, princess. It's-a good to be back.

(Luigi looks around, and sees that everyone is looking at them. Peach goes absolutely red in the face, and quickly sits down. Luigi is just wearing his usual dopey grin. Everyone slowly goes back to their own lives.)

Peach: I really am happy to see you all better.

Luigi: Not entirely.

(Peach quickly shifts gears, and is worried again.)

Peach: What? Luigi, what's wrong? I-
Luigi: It's-a nothing new, princess. It's-a, er... side-effect, of-a my treatment.

Peach: I heard about it. Doc only said that it was very different. Can you tell me anything about it?

Luigi: Ah, let's just say it could only be done by Snake and Wario.

Peach: Snake and Wa- .... (whisper) You got drunk?

Luigi: Mm-hm! Snake's idea.

(Luigi sips his iced-tea, for a moment. Peach just smiles, and shakes her head, giggling a little.)

Luigi: Something funny?

Peach: I can't believe none of us thought of it, before! It's so obvious, it hurts! Let me guess, Industrial Strength Rot-Gut?

Luigi: That's-a the stuff! Hey, wait, how do you know about it?

Peach: Oh, that? It's nothing.

Luigi: .... Princess, do you remember why you lost that bet, with Wario, in the first place?

Peach: Oh, fine! Not here, though. I'll tell you tonight, I promise.

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Later, after lunch ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(It's about half-past one, and the children have once again gathered in a training room. Lucario stands before them.)

Lucario: ..... <Good, everyone is here. Today, we are going to- Uh, Ness, you have a question?>

Ness: Master Lucario, sir, we were thinking about it, and we wanted to know about that premonition you had.

Lucario: <Premonition? Which one?>

Ness: You said something treacherous would happen. Something worse than Yoshi.

Lucario: +Dammit. Why do they want to hear about this?+ <Yes, I must apologize, for that. It was little more than a vague feeling, and I should not have worried you all, by telling you. I assure you, it is nothing you need to know>

Bowser Jr.: Like heck! We're brawlers, too, and I think we need to hear things like this!

Pichu: Pichu, pi! Chu, pichu, pichu pi, chu, pichu!

(Lucario, Pikachu and Kirby all look at Pichu with very shocked looks.)

Pichu: .... Pichu?

Y. Link: Kirby, what'd he-
Lucario: <No! Ah, that doesn't need to be repeated. You are right, however. I have no right to tell you about something terrible, then ask you to forget about it.>

(Lucario crosses his paws behind his back, and slowly paces in front of the children.)

Lucario: ...... <Unfortunately, there is not much more that I can tell you, beyond what you already know. I was telling the truth, when I said it was vague. However.... I will start from the beginning. There were no faces, at all, except one. A face I have not seen, around here, since I began.>

Bowser Jr.: Was it a really dark, greyish face, with shiny all-blue eyes?

Lucario: <No, it wasn't, it- Why do you ask?>

Bowser Jr.: No reason. Go on.

Lucario: ..... <As I said, only one face, but I did hear a few different voices. Unfortunately, before then, I had not bothered to learn the individual voices of our fellow brawlers, so I am unable to identify these voices.>

Nana: We might know. Tell us what the voices sound like.

Lucario: <Alas, I cannot. Not long after my vision, I forgot what they sounded like. What I can tell you, however, is that there were five voices, and I believe one of them was female. No, wait.... I think one of the voices was also the female voice. Separate, but as one.>

(Lucario looks at the children, and notices their confusion.)

Lucario: <Yes, it is just as confusing for me, as well. I have been thoroughly confounded by this, and eventually decided to not think about that part. I suggest you do the same. ....... These voices... they spoke of betrayal... for the sake of a plan. One that will unfold, soon enough.>

(Lucario stops, crosses his arms over his chest, and closes his eyes in concentration.)

Lucario: <One of them... it was the one that also was the female voice... it spoke of heartache, and much emotional pain. Another one, some kind of beast, spoke of bloodshed, and pure, physical pain. The third spoke of both bloodshed and heartache, but I could almost swear there was regret in his voice. The fourth voice... it only spoke three words.>

(Lucario opens his eyes, and looks at the children with intensity in his eyes.)

Lucario: <It all ends.>

(It is approximately two hours before dinner time. Peach is sitting in Luigi's room. She seems remarkably jovial.)

Luigi: You seem awfully happy, princess. Did something happen, while I was out?

Peach: It's nothing, Luigi, I'm just glad to see you're alright.

Luigi: Yeah, I can see that, for maybe the first couple hours. How do you explain now?

Peach: (sigh) I don't know... maybe I feel like I've been given a second chance, or something.

Luigi: Hunh? Care to explain?

Peach: I realized, a little too late, that I really have been a-... I've been rude to you, for the past few days. You don't deserve to be treated like that. Then, when you were traumatized, like that, I felt awful, because I feared I might not be able to make it up to you.

Luigi: Aw, you don't have-a to do that, princess! You realized your faults, and you're-a trying to correct them, and that's all that-a matters.

(Peach closes her eyes for a few seconds, before standing up. She smooths the front of her dress, and steps close to Luigi. She bends down.... and gives Luigi a kiss on the cheek. Just like Mario, Luigi's face flushes, right around the mark left by her lips.)

Luigi: What was that for?

Peach: It was a promise. A promise to be kind to you, in the future.

(Peach takes her seat, again.)

Luigi: (cough) Erm, thank you, princess. But, I think you were about to tell me about...?

Peach: Yes, the Industrial Strength Rot-Gut.

(The smile fades from her face. Unconsciously, she smooths her gloves, and straightens her crown.)

Peach: Let me start by saying that... There was a time, before I became princess of the Mushroom Kingdom. In that time... You know how the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom is selected, right?

Luigi: Ehhh... I think it has something to do with a series of tests.

Peach: That's right. The first of them involves finding the right face, since the job is actually mostly diplomatic. To be honest, having a princess is mostly for show.

Luigi: Whah?! That can't-a be right, princess! You do plenty of important things, like... Well, there's-... What about-?

Peach: Luigi, it's alright. I know what my duty is, and I have accepted it. That's actually part of the reason why I chose to be part of Super Smash Brothers, to get away from all the boredom of what I do, as a princess.

Luigi: And to stop Bowser from- Oh, right, Bowser.

Peach: (sigh) I suppose that will have to be a topic for some other night, Luigi. For now, can we stick to the alcohol?

Luigi: Alcohol? Hang on, princess, are you saying-
Peach: I had a problem, once. A long time ago, but it's still a permanent part of my history.

Luigi: Princess.... You?

(Peach hesitates. After a long moment, she does something surprising. She takes off her crown, then her gloves, and carefully lays them on the floor, beside her.)

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Somewhere within the mansion ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

TD: I promise, too. Not that it matters.

MK: This is how you pass your time? Spying on the others?

TD: Boredom can make a person do strange things, Meta-Knight.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Back in Luigi's room ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Peach: Alright. (deep breath) When I was a young adult, in my later teenage years, I was decidedly un-princess-like. I hadn't given a thought to any part of my life, beyond partying. I would spend my time, going to the shady parts of Mushroom Kingdom, and I would get... I would get drunk. Very, very drunk. There were times when I...

(Peach suddenly goes quite red in the face. Luigi just sits, absolutely transfixed.)

Peach: ... when I would wake up, after a long, hard night of partying, next to... someone. Sometimes a man, sometimes a woman... sometimes not human.

(Luigi's eye starts twitching.)

Peach: There was even a time when I learned, intimately, the shape of a mushroom person's-

(Peach's face turns so red, it threatens to spontaneously combust.)

Peach: It wasn't until years later, when something happened, that made me finally dry up.

(The twitch in Luigi's eye slows.)

Peach: It was the Industrial Strength Rot-Gut, Luigi. I drank... I'm a lightweight, you see, and that stuff... I thought it was a normal amount, but I got so incredibly drunk, it was a wonder I didn't die, that night. Sometimes, when I look back, I wish I had. When I woke up, the next night- Yes, I had slept through the entire day. When I woke up, I was in a bed, in a territory I was unfamiliar with. What was worse, I was in bed... with a Yozard...

(The twitch speeds up.)

Peach: ... and a Goomba next to my mouth...

(Luigi's other eye starts twitching, alternating with his other eye.)

Peach: ... and a Dry Bones...

(Luigi's mustache seems to be curling.)

Peach: ... was still inside me.

Luigi: Excuse me, one moment.

(Luigi gets off his bed, where he had been sitting, heads into the attached bathroom, and shuts and locks the door. A moment later, retching sounds can be heard. It goes on for a minute, then silence, then a faucet, then sounds of gargling. A few moments later, Luigi opens the door, wiping his mouth. He sits on his bed, again.)

Peach: Better?

Luigi: Was that the worst part?

Peach: Yes.

Luigi: Please, go on.

Peach: After I pulled it out...

(Luigi swallows, hard.)

Peach: ... I took a look around me, and realized that what I was doing - the drinking, the partying, the- You get the idea. I realized it wasn't working. I eventually found my way back to Mushroom Kingdom, to find that they were about to start the selection process for the next princess. I cleaned myself up, as best as I could, and a week later, presented myself, along with all the other hopefuls. The rest, I suppose, is history.

 (Peach looks at Luigi, to signify she has finished her story. Luigi, however, only continues to stare at the floor.)

Peach: .... Luigi?

Luigi: . . . . . I... ask for-a why you know a certain type of-a liquor... and I hear all-a that...

Peach: Luigi, I felt that it wouldn't be good enough to tell you part of the story. It would leave too many unanswered questions. Questions that you would want answered, anyway.

Luigi: . . . Maybe.

Peach: (sigh) I told you, before I started, that I was going to tell the whole disgusting story, and I meant it.

(Luigi shakes his head once, takes a breath, and looks at Peach.)

Peach: So... what do you think?

Luigi: .... What do I think? What do I THINK!? I'm-a thinking WHAT THE HELL!!?

Peach: (sigh) I suppose I should have expected that. Luigi, I want to take some time.

(Peach reaches for her gloves and crown, and stands up.)

Peach: Take some time, and think. Whenever you're ready, come to my room, and tell me your opinion of me. I was straight with you, and I expect the same from you.

(Peach places her crown on her head, and slides her gloves back on her hands. She flexes her fingers a few times, to get them back in place, and leaves Luigi's room.)
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