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Don't credit me for this: This is Shryver's work on GameFAQS. (YOU CAN POST NOW)

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Author Topic: Don't credit me for this: This is Shryver's work on GameFAQS. (YOU CAN POST NOW)  (Read 1987 times)
SilverEspio
Amidoinitrite?
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Posts: 618


What's up? I'm back.


« Reply #15 on: 29 January, 2008, 10:15:26 pm »

G&W: Beep.

Snake: Game&Watch?

Geno: That's right. Time travels slower, here, than in the 3D world, but they're still connected. According to Game&Watch, it's been... how long?

G&W: Beep.

Geno: One hour in here, two hours, out there.

(Another moment of silence.....)

Peach: What about the others?

Snake: What about them?

Peach: We can stay here for a while, thinking, but everyone is going to be wondering where we disappeared to, so suddenly. Eventually, we're going to have to go back.

Link: Right... do you think... we should tell them?

Snake: Tell them? About The Deity?

Link: I would think we have to. We can't really have some epic battle, under their noses. I think they deserve to know the story.

Peach: I agree. If nothing else, well, I'm sure they'll be able to help us retrieve the Giga-Smash Emblems.

Snake: (sigh) I don't like it, but you're right. It's probably for the best.

BM: Ah, that's all well and good, but there are some things to think about. When, where and how. That is, when do we tell everyone, where should we do it, and how do we break it to them? I think a few of them aren't going to take it as well as we did.

Peach: There's a little more to it than that, I'm afraid. There's also how much we should tell.

Mewtwo: <Why not tell them everything?>

Ganondorf: It would take too long. I think The Deity would suspect something, if we all gathered everyone, all of a sudden, and started talking about him. We're going to have to keep it as brief as possible, and only tell them what they need to know. If we stress the importance of time, and promise to give them the rest of the story, later, they should do as we say.

Snake: I see.... Very well. We should take a little more time, and think about that it. You heard Bomberman, When, where, and the two how's.

(They sit in silence.)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Somewhere within the mansion ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(The Deity has only just now broken the lock, and takes out a Giga-Smash Emblem.)

TD: Magnificient... There's a tremendous amount of power, within this little coin. Enough to... Well, if they think it's going to be their savior, they're sorely mistaken, because I'm going to break all of them, right now.

(With that, The Deity holds the coin between thumbs and forefingers, and snaps-... snaps it-... tries to snap it.)

TD: Confounded thing! Break, damn you!

(He holds the coin different ways, strains in different ways, and eventually slams it against a table, and pounding on it. However, he pounds so hard, the table breaks in half... but the Giga-Smash Emblem remains.)

TD: Hmm... This good be a problem.

Ridley: hhWhy not try to use sssomething other than mhmusscle?

TD: Eh? Oh! I see what you mean. Alright.

(The Deity concentrates... the Giga-Smash Emblem rises from among the splintered pieces of the table, and hovers in front of him. With a series of twitches with his hands, the little coin twitches with him, but it does not even bend. Finally, The Deity raises his left hand - the hand of destruction - and bends all his will through it, at the coin.)

TD: If this doesn't do it... I will be so peeved.

(For a few seconds, nothing happens. A sweat breaks out across the cold, smooth forehead of The Deity. Then, the coin hovering in mid-air shudders... and slowly starts to bend... but does not break. Mentally exhausted, The Deity drops his left hand, defeated. The Giga-Smash Emblem immediately snaps back to shape, looking for all the world like new.)

TD: ...... (deep breath) F-!

(The expletive resounds through the room, singing Ridley's hide, and setting fire to the broken table.)

TD: Oh well. At least I have this lovely bargaining chip. Would you like to see her, Ridley?

(Without waiting, The Deity snaps his fingers. A wall behind them seems to fade away, and reveals a barred cell. Samus lays on the cold stone floor, unconscious.)

(It's dinnertime, in the mansion. Everyone has gathered, as usual, including those involved in the plans against The Deity. Everyone, that is, except Snake.)

Krystal: Does anyone know where he is?

(A general negative.)

Krystal: Of course. For that matter, where's Samus?

EXE: Do you think they're trying to patch things up?

Falco: I wouldn't be entirely surprised if they did. Around here, people don't stay mad, for too long.

Fox: Hmph.

Marth: (curious Japanese at Fox)

EXE: (Japanese at Marth)

Roy: (Japanese at EXE)

Krystal: What's going on?

Falco: I thought we agreed to never try to find out.

EXE: Sorry. Marth had a question, I was trying to make sure I had it clear, before I translated it.

Krystal: Well? What did he say?

EXE: Fox, Marth wanted to know why your mood always seems to darken, when we talk about Samus.

Fox: What? I don't do that.

(Sonic catches Krystal's eye, and winks.)

Sonic: I don't know why anyone would think badly of her. She's a nice person, and a great leader. I like her, personally.

Krystal: Uh, yeah, me too! I think she's doing a great job. Don't you think so, Fox?

Fox: You think she's doing a great job? You know how good a leader I am, Falco, Krystal. Do you think she's better than me?

(In the split-second when Fox is focused on Falco, Krystal winks at Falco.)

Falco: Well, er, Fox... I think you're a very good leader.

Krystal: It's just that Samus is doing so well, in Mario's place.

(Fox glances back and forth between the two, and quietly picks at his food. Even at first glance, it's obvious that he's sulking.)

EXE: {Do you think this could mean something?}

Roy: {Who can tell, around here?}

Marth: {One instant, there's something going on, and the next, it's resolved. Most conflicts don't last more than two or three days.}

Falco: Now what are you hiding from us?

EXE: This one you don't want to know about?

(Simon stuffs a large hunk of steak in his mouth, and speaks around it.)

Simon: Hey, how come you guys keep saying that we don't want to know what they're saying?

Fox/Falco: You don't wanna-
Krystal: No, you guys. We should tell them. It's not like we can shield them from it, forever.

EXE: Are you sure? It's not like there's any real need to, is there?

Sonic: I gotta agree with Simon. I'm feeling like you're leaving me out of some inside joke.

(EXE glances at Marth and Roy, then at Krystal, Fox and Falco. Finally, Krystal rolls her eyes.)

Krystal: Fine. On your own heads be it. But we wait until after dinner.

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Across the room ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(Geno, as usual, is sitting with Serenade. However, unusually, Mr. Game&Watch is also with them.)

Serenade: <Why is he with us?>

Geno: <Because he's my friend, and I feel like having him around.>

Serenade: <He can't even talk with you.>

Geno: <Of course I can. It's just a different kind of telepathy.>

G&W: <Is she uncomfortable with me, here?>

Geno: <A little. You're a new face, to her. She'll get used to you.>

G&W: <That's good to hear. I saw Link and Roy playing a game, with sticks and balls. Do you think we could do that?>

Geno: <I don't see why not.> Serenade.

Serenade: Hmm?

Geno: Game&Watch and I are playing pool, a little later. Just to let you know.

Serenade: What am I supposed to do?

Geno: Um, well... Why don't you try getting friendly with some of the other brawlers?

Serenade: Get friendly? What's that supposed to mean?

G&W: <Is that naivete, or is she getting testy?>

Geno: <I can't tell.> You know, get chummy. If you're going to be here, for a while, you should get to know the others. That's what Snake and Samus were doing earlier, remember?

Serenade: I thought they were have relationship issues. (eyes go wide) Geno, are you saying what I think you're saying?

G&W: <She's a real winner, isn't she?>

Geno: <Shut up!> Of course not! Serenade, do you honestly believe that I could ever stop loving you?

(Serenade's lips twitch. A smile slowly comes to her face, and she puts one arm around Geno, and holds him close.)

Serenade: No.... No, I suppose I don't.

G&W: <Nice one. That stopped her yapping... for now.>

Geno: <What's with you, Game&Watch?>

G&W: <I don't know much about women, but I do know that anyone who loves one is a sucker.>

Geno: <Shut up.>

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Across the room ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

DK: {Do you get the feeling that we're only here because someone is just wasting time?}

Diddy: ..... {Have you been eating special bananas, DK?}

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Across the room ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Luigi: How did you know alcohol would cure me, anyway?

Wario: Oh, we didn't really know, we just wanted to pour harmful chemicals down your throat, because it seemed like a good idea.

Peach: ..... Why are you here? I hate you. You're a horrid, round little slob of a man.

Wario (under breath): Your farts don't exactly smell like roses, you prissy-
Peach: What was that?

Wario: Nothing! I was thanking you for the compliment.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Across the room ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ganondorf: +So, what are you going to do with Gardevoir?+

Mewtwo: <What do you mean?>

Ganondorf: +Well, there's something big coming up, and she's pregnant, so....+

Mewtwo: <Ah.> ...... <She's very strong, and her pregnancy has not affected that. I am not worried about her.>

Ganondorf: +That's all well and good, but what about the child? Gardevoir might not be hurt, but your child might be.+

Mewtwo: <That's... a good point. I must speak with her, about that.>

(Ganondorf sucks down some steaming hot soup.)

Mewtwo: ..... (cough) <Speaking of...>

Ganondorf: Hm?

Mewtwo: <I was thinking..... No, this probably isn't the time for it.>

Ganondorf: Again? Mewtwo, we both know how this ends. I say something, and you make something explode. As a matter of fact, I believe I already said this, before.

Mewtwo: <No, no, there will be none of that, this time. I'll tell you, just... a bit later.>

Ganondorf: When, later?

Mewtwo: <Well, um... Let's see what Snake comes up with.>

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ At the same time ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(Snake has just entered Mario's office.)

Mario: Snake, good to see you, again! I heard your-a treatment worked just-a fine, for-a Luigi. I'm-a so thankful that you helped my brother. Is-a there any way I can repay you?

Snake: Actually... +there is something.+

Mario: ..... Well? You sound like you had-a something.

Snake: +Nice try, Mario, but I know what's going on, and what you're capable of. I'm sure telepathy is just one ability, among many.+

Mario: ..... <What do you know, and what do you want to know?>

Snake: +That's better. Listen, I know about your creation. Rather, I should say that a few of us know. From what I've heard, speaking his true name means bad things. For now, we just call him The Deity.+

(Mario leans back in his chair, his face turning pale.)

Mario: <What do you know!?>

Snake: +Quite a bit, Mario. Can he hear our thoughts?+

Mario: <He- he can't. That's-a one of the things I built into him. Snake, what's-a going on? How do you know about him?>

Snake: +Mario, answer me this. Can The Deity hear anything in the 2D realm?+

Mario: <Dammit, Snake, tell me what I want to know!>

Snake: .... +Nice job, not shouting that. Alright, I'm going to give you the short, short version. I get the sense that we're a little pressed for time. For whatever reason, you created The Deity, and for whatever reason, he has a diabolical plan that culminates in some thing, the day Brawl begins. His powers are pretty much the same as your's, except for a few fail-safes, and a few other little differences. How close am I?+

Mario: .... <There are still a few things you don't-a know, but that's-a most of it. How long have you known?>

Snake: +Ohhhh.... about two-ish weeks. Why?+

Mario: <Why have you come to me, now?>

Snake: +Of course. Another short, short version, then.+

(Quickly, Snake tells Mario about the Giga-Smash Emblems, the original plan, and then the theft of the Emblems, and the abduction of Samus.)

Mario: ..... <Balls.>

Snake: +That's about the size of it. For all we know about The Deity, we still don't know everything. That's where you come in. First, tell me if he can hear or see anything in the 2D realm.+

Mario: <Are you talking about Mr. Game&Watch's 2D room?>

Snake: +That's right.+

Mario: ..... <Close it off, well enough, and no.>

Snake: +Good. Excellent. That's what I wanted to hear.+

Mario: <Are-a you going to tell me the rest?>

(Snake glances at a clock.)

Snake: +I was a little late, getting here. I don't think I have enough time. As soon as I can, I'm going to gather everyone who is united against The Deity in Game&Watch's room. I'll get you, and we'll keep talking.+

(Snake is sitting in Mario's office, but they're sitting in silence. Something is off.)

Snake: ........ Does something seem strange to you?

Mario: Now that you mention it, yes.

Snake: What do you think it is?

Mario: I'm-a not sure. Something just feels.... out of-a place.

(Samus enters from off-screen.)

Samus: Hey guys, what's up?

Snake: We were just thinking something seemed weird.

(Only then does Snake see Samus.)

Snake: You were-! I thought The Deity had kidnapped you!

Samus: Well, he did.

Snake: How did you escape?! Did you get hold of a Giga-Smash Emblem? What happened?

Samus: Ohhh, I see what's going on. You didn't get the memo, did you?

Snake: Huh? What memo?

Samus: This is a non-canonical chapter in the story. It's a chapter that isn't part of the story-line.

Mario: Hmm, that would explain why everything felt out of-a place.

Snake: So.... what are we supposed to do?

Samus: Not sure. Come on, we're going to gather in the cafeteria, to figure something out.

(Samus, Snake and Mario troop down to the cafeteria. In there, it is filled like never before, with all the brawlers currently on the roster.)

Vaati: This is absurd. The only reason I'm here is to witness the sheer idiocy that will inevitably occur.

Dedede: Yay! I have a line!

Kirby: Puyo.

Pikachu: You tell ‘em, Kirby!

Ness: Pikachu?! Since when could you talk?

Jigglypuff: This whole chapter is supposed to not make sense. See? There's Zelda, and she's supposed to still be in that coma.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Across the room ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Geno: Hey, Game&Watch, there's something I've been wondering.

G&W: What's that?

Geno: I know that you can speak normally, out loud, in the 2D realm. How come you didn't do that, when everyone was gathered in there?

G&W: I didn't really feel like letting people know that, about myself. Besides, if I did speak, my incredibly sexy man-voice would have made all the ladies jump on my watch, if you know what I mean.

Geno: ..... No, actually, I don't know what you mean.

G&W: Oh, you know the saying. Once you go bla-

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Across the room ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Blaziken: Wasn't I going to be a semi-major character? I thought that was the intention.

Zelda: Who knows? Everyone knows the author makes it up as he goes. Hell, he practically brags about it! I suppose that's why the plot is simpler than your average skank.

Blaziken: Hey, watch it! Do you want to invoke his wrath?

Zelda: Pff, what's he gonna do, kill me off? He would never do that, right?

(Silence.)

Zelda: Right?

(Crickets chirping.)

Zelda: What the-? Oooh, author, you're such an ass!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Across the room ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Krystal: So, how long until someone else gets killed off?

Falco: What makes you think someone's going to die?

Krystal: Well, it's almost the end of the season, which means it's time for a swell in the angst. Remember when Yoshi died? The readers did not like that, much.

Baby Yoshi: Yeah, that did suck. A lot.

EXE: ....... Okay, talking aside, how could you possibly remember something from a past life?

Baby Yoshi: ........

(Baby Yoshi makes with the adorable bit, and all is forgotten. Forgotten, I say.)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Across the room ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ganondorf: Is it just me, or is this a lame attempt to appease the readers, for being away for a while?

Mewtwo: <That's probably not too far from the truth, but it would be wise to not anger the author. I hear he can be a huge ass.>

Ganondorf: I thought that was something else he was proud of. Hang on, how come you aren't talking out loud, like Game&Watch?

Mewtwo: <Meh. Why should I?>

Ganondorf: ..... Point. So, how come Gardevoir isn't here?

Mewtwo: <Well, normally, all Gardevoir are very, very slender. Too slender to properly birth a Poke-egg. So, when they get pregnant, their bodies go through certain... transformations. Both to help the birthing process, and to help rearing the child, when they are a baby.>

Ganondorf: Ah, I see. So, what does she look like, now?

Mewtwo: <Hang on, I'm going to try sending you a mental image in the form of a URL.>

http://gardevoir-sex.ytmnd.com/

Ganondorf: ...... Huh. So, her br-
Mewtwo: <Nursing.>

Ganondorf: Right, right, of course. And the other curves-
Mewtwo: <Birthing process.>

Ganondorf: Alright, I can understand that, I suppose. Ah, how long does she stay like that?

Mewtwo: <About nine months, depending on when the child is weaned.>

Ganonodrf: Has she started lac-
Mewtwo: <Yes, she has.>

Ganondorf: How do you know?

(Mewtwo just smiles.)

Ganondorf: ..... Nice. Do you think this is something that'll wear off, once we get back to the story?

Mewtwo: <I seriously hope not.>

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Across the room ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Serenade: So, what happened to you being massively jealous of all the attention I was getting?

Krystal: I decided there was no good reason for me to be jealous of you. It was just a remnant of my earlier, much freakier self.

Serenade: Uh-huh. And the real reason?

Krystal: The author got lazy, of course.

(Just then, The Deity heads toward them, holding a rum&coke, despite the fact that he has no mouth.)

TD: You know, with my powers, I can modify myself to fit your desires. I mean, I don't know if you wanted to do anything, I just thought I would throw that out there.

(The Deity holds the glass up to where his mouth would be, and somehow makes a sipping noise, and drinks his drink.)

Krystal: ...... You want this one?

Serenade: Do you?

Krystal: Yeah, I do.

TD: +Oh, yeah, gonna get lucky!+ I don't see why it can't be both of you lovely ladies.

Serenade: He has a point. On three?

Krystal: One... two... THREE!

(Serenade and Krystal simultaneously kick The Deity in the crotch. The Deity goes down.)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Across the room ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mario: Okie-dokie, this is all well and-a fun, but this needs to stop.

Snake: How can we do that?

Samus: Why not ask the author to get on with the story?

Snake: What, just like that?

Samus: Do you have a better idea?

Snake: ...... How do we summon him?

Samus: Umm..... Hey, author!

Shryver: You called?

(Samus, Snake and Mario look behind them, very surprised, and see Shryver standing at the entrance to the cafeteria. Every head turns to look upon the entity who decides their fates.)

Samus: ...... What's going on? Why haven't you written anything for three days, and what the hell is this that we're doing, right now? While I'm at it, don't you normally have something to let the reader know what new characters look like? How come you don't have one for yourself?

Shryver: Why should I give any kind of description? Surely, as long as I come up with good material, that's all that matters. There's no need for the readers to know anything about what I look like.

Mario: Fine, fine. What about the rest of it?

Shryver: Well, the short version is this. I wanted to take a break from the All My Brawlers, because I could feel my creativity slipping. I just couldn't half-ass it like I used to. I'm feeling better, now, and I think I'll be able to continue the story, tomorrow.

Snake: And what of this chapter? Why did you do this?

Shryver: This is something that a lot of writers do. They'll have a bunch of angst, drama and general suckiness, then suddenly, bust out something that significantly lightens the mood. Complete non-sensical goodness. I think it's a good idea.

Snake: What if the readers don't like it?

Shryver: Ah, see, that's the beauty of making it all up! You get to care later!

Wario: Hey! Are any of the rest of us going to get any lines?

Marth: Yeah, Roy and I haven't even done our Japanese innuendo bit, yet!

MK: And where the hell am I, in the story? Did I secretly stay, or leave?

Luigi: Nobody knows what happened between me and The Deity! You have to do something about that!

Link: What's going on with the special bosses?! Did you just introduce them and forget about them, like you always do?!

(A rabble is roused. Shryver looks at everyone for a few moments, then snaps his fingers. Even while their mouths still move, no sound comes out. It only takes a few seconds before they stop trying to say anything.)

Shryver: My story, my will, my way. Everyone get back in place, I'm going to be starting up the story again, tomorrow. Get going.

(Shryver snaps his fingers again, returning everyone's voices, but no-one says anything. A moment later, they start heading towards their designated places, for the next chapter. Mewtwo hangs back, though.)

Mewtwo: <Listen... Just between you and me... is Gardevoir going to go back to normal, at the start of the next chapter?>

(Shryver gazes at Mewtwo, for a moment. Suddenly, he smiles, and claps a hand on Mewtwo's shoulder.)

Shryver: <Enjoy.>

(Mewtwo's face lights up, and he heads out of the cafeteria, quickly. Shryver looks around the now-empty cafeteria. Suddenly, Shrver looks at you, gives a salute, and disappears.)

(Everyone has gathered in Mr. Game&Watch's 2D realm, but this time, Mario has taken a seat among them.)

Snake: Is everything set, Game&Watch?

(Game&Watch nods.)

Snake: Good. Alright, Mario, we don't have too much time. If we want to get a decent amount of sleep, tonight, we're going to have to be out of here in about two hours. First, we should- Wait, Mewtwo, where's Gardevoir?

Mewtwo: <She's undergone a transformation, as part of her pregnancy. We have agreed that we must keep her away from anything too strenuous, for the time being.>

(Without looking at Mewtwo, Ganondorf raises a hand at him. Without looking at Ganondorf, Mewtwo high-five's him.)

Snake: Very well. Mario, we have a few questions for you. Why did you create The Deity, in the first place?
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