~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Somewhere within the mansion ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
TD: Hmm..... You're smart. Very smart. But... I wonder how much you truly know?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ In Doc's office ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Doc: Unh. All my cases are finally finished. I can-a get some rest.
(Pause)
Doc: +Why do I feel like I just-a completely destroyed all hope for relaxation?+
(The very next moment, the door bursts open, and there stands Pit, holding Zelda in her arms. She's bleeding badly.)
Pit: DOC! Please, help her!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 4 hours later ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
(Pit is sitting bed-side to Zelda. She has been hooked up to various machines, and there are multiple IV bags being fed into her arm.)
(Silence.)
........
..........
..........................
?: <It's a pity, isn't it?>
(Pit just sniffs. It seems he hasn't realized there is no person in the room to go with the voice.)
?: ..... <Do you know what happened? It looks awfully serious.>
(Pit sniffs again, and slowly shakes his head.)
?: <I see. ...... You know... I think I might be able to help you find the person who committed such a horrible act.>
(Pit sniffs again... and slowly lifts his head.)
Pit: ....... Thank you.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Elsewhere, 4 hours and 20 minutes earlier ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Zelda: Oh, hello, Meta-Knight.
MK: Zelda, you enjoy ancient literature as well?
Zelda: Oh, yes. It's as Pit was telling me, earlier, it's because the ancients were so in tune with the land that they could see their deities, and that's what gave them their inspiration for such masterful tales.
MK: Really? I've never heard that reason, before.
Zelda: Well, he serves directly to a Goddess, after all. And, I know that since we Hyrulian's know of our roots so well, we have written our own masterpieces.
MK: Fascinating. On my home-world, all of our inspiration comes from real-life battles.
Zelda: Oh, my! It sounds needlessly violent.
MK: Not really. We always stop before anyone gets seriously hurt, and it's always done in the spirit of competition, and builds comradery.
Zelda: Oh. I suppose that's okay, then.
MK: Hmm.....
Zelda: Something wrong?
MK: ....... On my home-world, I was well renowned for my story-telling. It's been a very long while... Princess Zelda, may I ask a favor of you?
Zelda: Certainly. What is it?
MK: Would you indulge this old warrior story-teller, and let me tell you one of my personal tales?
Zelda: Oh. ... I'm not sure. I must meet Pit for...
(Zelda's face flushes a bit.)
MK: Ah. I see. (Sigh) Perhaps... another kind soul will listen to me.
(Meta-Knight turns to go.)
Zelda: Wait, Meta-Knight. Please don't go. I'd be honored to listen to your tale.
MK: I'm so pleased to hear that. Then... Come with me...
(A couple minutes later, Meta-Knight exits the library, walks on, and turns a corner. Blaziken drops from the rafters, and stands outside the door.)
Blaziken: +Strange. I was sure he was going to try something, but I didn't hear anything out of the ordinary. Still, it would be good for me to look. At the very least, it'll make me look... social.+
(As soon as Blaziken opens the door, he stops. His eyes widen, and his heart quickens.)
Blaziken: +What is this scent? Is it... no. DAMMIT!+
(Blaziken bounds through the halls, looking for Pit.)
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Somewhere within the mansion, 10 minutes after Pit takes Zelda to Doc's ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
TD: Hmm... a little messy.
MK: I didn't want to do it. It's only because I know which parts to hit to not kill her, that I accepted the task in the first place.
TD: I suppose. It is good for her to be alive. If anyone dies, it could mess up all my plans.
MK: You say you're going to contact Pit?
TD: Later. I want to give him time to settle down, and let his mind go into a fog. That'll make it easier to... "persuade" him... to my side.
MK: ........
TD: Eh? What's with you?
MK: .......... I was just wondering about.... How many more, must I deceive? How many of my friends must I hurt?
TD: Meta-Knight... Are you having second thoughts? If you are, that's fine. It just means I have to brainwash you, so that you don't remember me. Of course, it's entirely possible that my irritation with you for betraying me might make me "miss" your memory, if you know what I mean.
MK: ..... (sigh) Yeah. I get it. I'm going to take a nap, now.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ A little later ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
(Luigi is standing outside Mario's office. His hand is on the knob, but that's it. Suddenly-)
Snake: LUIGI!
(Before he can react, Snake has lifted Luigi off the ground by his overalls, and is holding him close to his face.)
Snake: WHAT is your malFUNCTION!?
Luigi: Wha-wha-wha (shakes his head) What are you talking about?
Snake: You know damn well what I'm talking about. (Drops his voice to little more than a whisper) I just came from watching Wario and Peach, and the Princess doesn't look all too well. Would you care to explain why?
Luigi: ...... Put-a me down.
(Snake hesitates, then slowly lowers Luigi to the floor. He adjusts his overalls, and glares at Snake.)
Luigi: I think that-a you know... It doesn't matter who you are, you have to earn respect. The Princess hasn't been-a respecting me, so I decided I wouldn't give her any sympathy.
Snake: You mean you haven't seen how broken she is? She's almost as bad as Meta-Knight was, not too long ago.
Luigi: I DON'T CARE! This is something that Mario must know!
(Suddenly, the door swings open. Mario is on the other side.)
Mario: What must I know?
(Silence.)
Mario: You two are-a way too loud, you know that?
(More silence. Luigi looks at his shoes.)
Mario: *sigh* Come on in. You might as well tell me.
(Mario goes back into his office. A moment later, Luigi walks in, with Snake close behind, who shuts the door behind him. Mario seats himself behind his desk.)
Mario: ...... Well?
(Silence.)
Snake: Come on, greeney. You were so set on telling him. So, tell him.
(Luigi fidgets a bit, and finally comes to a decision. He balls up his hands at his sides, and scrunches his eyes closed.)
Luigi: Peach... PEACH AND BOWSER ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR AND SHE REALLY IS BOWSER JR.'S-a MOTHER!
(Silence. Mario sits back in his chair, and sighs.)
Mario: Yes.... I know.
(Luigi's eyes fly open, and Snake's jaw drops. A few long moments later...)
Snake: REALLY?
Mario: That's-a right.
Luigi: And... and you didn't tell me? Why?
Mario: Luigi... do you really think you could have handled it?
Luigi: But... but you-
Mario: When I realized it, I was so shocked, my mind stopped working, and I went wandering off, and got lost. It's a good thing Yoshi found me when he did.
Luigi: ...Oh... And... AND YOU'RE OKAY WITH IT?
(Luigi's face suddenly turns red, and he has started shaking with anger.)
Luigi: IT'S-A ALL BEEN ONE BIG SECRET! And here I am, in the dark. I'll bet you had a good laugh at me! (suddenly whirls on Snake) And you! You knew, too, didn't you?
Snake: Well, come on, Luigi. I'm a being of stealth. Of course I knew.
Luigi: WHAT THE HELL!?
(Suddenly, Mario clubs Luigi on the back of the head with one gloved hand. Luigi is knocked out.)
Snake: ..... Umm...
Mario: This isn't the first time he's-a gone hysterical. *sigh* I was going to tell him, eventually. I see I was too late.
Snake: Mario... If you knew, all this time, why did you put up with the Princess, and her... Why did you keep saving her?
Mario: ..... Do you really want to know?
Snake: Of course! You've been through way too damn much to justify indulging Peach in her little games.
Mario: They aren't little-a games, Snake... It's-a love.
Snake: Love. Of course. That STILL doesn't excuse her!
Mario: Yes. Yes it does.
Snake: But... WHY!?
Mario: Because... I have never loved, like her.... And I'm not the sort of-a guy who gets in the way of love.
(Snake just stares at Mario.)
Snake: Well.... why didn't you just tell her that you know, and that you're okay with it?
(Mario looks away from Snake, and turns away.)
Mario: .... Because... (turns back, with a grin, and a glint in his eye) It's-a really fun to kick the crap out of Bowser!
(Snake blinks a few times... then bursts out laughing. A few moments later, Mario starts laughing as well. A minute later, they settle down.)
Snake: Oh, MAN! I never thought you had it in you, Mario. Well... Are you going to tell Peach you know, now?
Mario: You said she's-a really depressed, right?
Snake: That's right. And, erh, you might want to get to her, fast. She, um... she made a bet with Wario, and lost.
Mario: Oh. I think I see what you mean. *sigh* I suppose I should, if-a only to get her away from Wario. Oh! I almost forgot about-a Luigi.
Snake: Don't worry about him. I'll just take him down to a bar, then wake him up. I know him. A few jello shots is all it takes to calm him down.
(Snake slings Luigi over his shoulder, and turns to leave. He pauses, then turns back.)
Snake: Um, say, Mario... Did you know about Peach's... other secret?
Mario: Hm? Besides Bowser and Bowser Jr.? What is it?
Snake: ...... Nah. I don't think there's any need for you to know. You should go to Peach, now. I think she's in Wario's room.
Mario: ..... Okay, then.
(Mario and Snake exit Mario's office, and go off in separate directions. However, as Mario is heading towards Wario's room...)
Blaziken: BLAZIKEN!
(Mario whirls around to see Blaziken running towards him at top speed. For an instant Mario pulls back a fist, ready to retaliate. However, Blaziken skids to a halt, just before him.)
Blaziken: Blay- Blaziken!
Mario: ...... Lead the way.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ A short while later, in Doc's office ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Doc: Here's-a what I got, from the prognosis. She was-a clearly stabbed, just below her right shoulder. The knife didn't-a go very deep, thankfully. However, it-a was only a small knife, and not enough to make her pass out from anything. I knew something was-a wrong, so I put her blood through a tox-screen, to check for... well, we'll know in a few minutes.
Mario: ...... What the hell is-a going on here!?
Pit: That's what I want to know! Why would anyone want to hurt Zelda, of all people?
Mario: I don't know, but I assure you, Pit, that we WILL find the fiend, and pass down judgement. Blaziken, thank you for getting me.
Pit: That's right. Blaziken, you're the one who told me about this. Did you see anything? Did you see who did it?
(For a moment, Blaziken hesitates. Then, he nods once.)
Pit: Great. You'll have to point him out for me, later.
Doc: A-hem! I just got the tox screen. It's as I feared, she's been poisoned. It isn't anything that will kill her. However, she's in a coma... I'm-a not sure when she'll wake up.
(Absolute silence. Pit sinks into his chair, next to Zelda's bed.)
Pit: If- If you don't mind... May I please be alone?
Mario: Of course. Come on, Doc. We'll discuss this in-a my office.
(Mario, Doc and Blaziken exit, leaving Pit. Pit sinks his face into his heads, and sobs quietly.)
(Luigi and Snake are at their favorite bar. Luigi has already done 8 jello shots, while Snake is on his fourth whisky.)
Luigi: He- He- He (jello shot) ..... He knew! For years! WHY!?
Snake: Why what?
Luigi: Why he went along with-a the Princess's charade!
Snake: .... I asked him.
Luigi: You did? What'd he say?
Snake: (sips whisky) .... Love.
Luigi: Love?
Snake: Mm-hm. (sips whisky)
(Luigi stare at nothing, and takes another shot.)
Bartender: Slow down, friend, I'm running out of those, fast. Besides, how're you paying for all this?
(Snake pulls the credit card given to him by Mario, back when he became a brawler, and hands it to the bartender.)
Snake: They'll take care of it. One of the few good things about this gig. Anyway, Mario says he's not the kind to get in the way of love. That's why he never got angry over it.
Luigi: ..... That's-a it?
Snake: Oh, there was something else. Mario told me - you're going to love this - that he really enjoys kicking Bowser's ass.
(Luigi takes another shot.)
Luigi: Something strong, fast.
Snake: Eh? I thought it was pretty funny. Especially that grin on his face. He really looked like he gets some kind of perverse thrill from it.
(Luigi takes the drink, and downs it all, fast.)
Snake: Damn. I guess you're taking it pretty hard.
(Luigi says nothing... He doesn't even move.)
Snake: ..... Are you still conscious?
Luigi: Maybe.
Snake: Good enough. So, how come you're so upset, anyway?
Luigi: *sigh* It-a seems like everyone I know has a low opinion of me. Either that, or they don't think about me, at all.
Snake: Hm. I think I can see how that would hurt. I guess I can understand how it would make you snap, after a while. (sips whisky) Make no mistake, though. I still think what you did to Peach is reprehensible.
Luigi: Yeah. I kinda feel bad about it, now. But, come on, if Mario didn't-a know, don't-a you think he deserves to? That's-a the Princess's son that impersonated Mario to ruin his reputation, and then attacked him.
Snake: Well, sure, that's all well and good, but.... She had to wash all of Wario's clothes... by hand.
Luigi: ..... That's all?
Snake: Whadduya mean, "that's all?"
Luigi: ..... He told me he was-a going to do something bad.
Snake: Well, yeah, I thought that counted as bad. I mean, she has to wash his underwear, and he isn't exactly known for his hygiene, you know?
Luigi: No, no, I think there's-a more. I know what you mean, but I coulda swore I-
(Luigi suddenly hiccups loudly, and his head falls - bulbous nose -first - into his jello-shot.)
Snake: ....... Looks like all that alcohol finally caught up with him. Damn. I guess I have to take him back, then go talk with Wario and Peach.
(Snake totals up all the drinks between the two of them, has the bartender charge it to his card, slings Luigi over his shoulder, and heads back to the mansion.)
Snake: Ugh. I can't believe I woke up feeling like this was going to be a good day. Foolish, foolish me.
(Snake suddenly stops, mid-stride, and massages his forehead with one hand.)
Snake: Hm. I guess those whiskeys are startin' to take effect. Oh well. I've always wanted to try dealing with a very awkward, sort of serious problem, while drunk.
(Snake continues on, until...)
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ A little later, in Wario's room ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Wario: That's it, Princess. Just like that. Ooh, you know just what to do, don't you? Yeah, that's right, you've had practice, haven't you?
Peach: Wario, please! It's disgusting enough, as it is! And, for your information, I've never washed feet, ever!
Wario: Sorry, sweetie, I didn't go suffer all those losses, just to go easy on you, now. In fact, just to make it that much worse...
Peach: .... What?
Wario: Relax, Princess. After this, you're free from your duties.
Peach: ..... Promise?
(Wario's grin grows so wide and wicked, it threatens to go off his face.)
Wario: I guarantee. Heh heh.
(Suddenly, a high-pitched whine cuts Wario short, before he could do anything else. A couple moments later, the door falls down. Snake steps on the door. In one hand, he holds a small circular saw, and in the other, a lighter. Snake lights up the cigarette in his mouth.)
Snake: Sorry. I'm sure Peach has done some bad stuff, but I gotta step in, now.
Wario: What the hell?! What the hell are-..... Are you drunk?
Snake: Only a little. But don't try anything, fatso. I can still punt your pudgy ass from here to Link's world.
Wario: You stay out of this! This woman and I had a bet, and she lost! Now, you get lost!
Snake: Aaaaaahhhhh....... Nah. Besides, if I know you half as well as I think I do, you're using her sad state to get more than what you bargained for.
(Peach's head, which had sunk low, snapped up. She looked at Snake with big, hopeful eyes.)
Wario: What the hell are you on about, now? I thought you said you're drunk!
Snake: True. But, then, I've always been really good at holding my liquor. Seriously, though, I know what the bet was, and the stakes. When Peach said that she would do anything you want, the official book on gambling terms states that it refers to a single action. She was done after she finished with your laundry.
(Snake steps over to Peach, and, holding her by her arm, and helps her up.)
Snake: Oh, and, we can't go drinking tonight. One, Luigi is probably going to be out for a while, and two, I don't really feel like drinking with you, ever again.
(Snake and Peach exit. Out of rage and frustration, Wario kicks the fallen door with his bare foot, then starts hopping about, holding said foot in pain.)
Peach: Um, thank you.
Snake: Hm.
Peach: And... about Luigi...
Snake: He's gonna be a little edgy, for a while. Don't worry about it.
Peach: I just-
Snake: He was right, though. About the respect thing, I mean. Be nicer to him. In fact, I'm going to have a talk with Mewtwo about messing with him when he's hung over.
Peach: ...... I sh-
Snake: He knows.
Peach: What? Who knows what?
(Snake stops, and looks Peach in the eye.)
Snake: ......... Come on. Something tells me we'll want to be somewhere a little less... open.
(Snake takes Peach to his room. Inside, Snake lies on his bed, and presses his hands against his face.)
Snake: Mario... He knew, the whole time.
(Peach gasps, and covers her mouth with a hand. She sinks into a chair.)
Peach: Really?
Snake: Mm-hm. That's about the same reaction I had. Believe me, it's better than Luigi's hysterics.
Peach: ..... Goodness.... Do you know how long he knew? Or how he found out?
(Silence. Snake takes his hands away from his face, and sits at the edge of the bed.)
Snake: You know.... I never thought to ask. Oh, he knew about Bowser Jr., as well.
(Another gasp from Peach. She looks as if she's about to cry.)
Snake: Settle down, Peach, it isn't a big deal. Actually, no, yeah, it's a big deal, but that's not the point. I mean, you and Bowser? What the hell?
(Snake looks at Peach, and sees tears standing in her eyes.)
Snake: Ah, hell. Listen, if it's any consolation, when I said that I'm slightly drunk, I was lying. I'm quite gone, and I don't really know what I'm saying. Seriously, go talk with Mario, you'll feel better. As for me, I'm not good at being dramatic while drunk, so I'll just take a nap.
(Without another word, Snake lies back down, and drapes his arm across his eyes. A couple moments later, Peach exits his room.)
