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LoZ: Wind Waker Story!

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Author Topic: LoZ: Wind Waker Story!  (Read 811 times)
The Guy of Shy Guys.
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« on: 21 July, 2007, 10:39:02 am »

Ok, this is my spoof of The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker.

It's not exactly finished, but here's part of it:

(Link is sleeping on the watch tower on Outset Island. Aryll has come to wake him up.)
Aryll: (softly) Link... Link wake up. (not-so-softly) WAKE UP LINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: AHH! Wha? Oh. What do you want Aryll?
Aryll: Do you know what day it is?
Link: (sarcasticly) My birthday?
Aryll: No it's- oh. Yea. It is.
Link: Woa! Really?
Aryll: Yea. Gramma has a present and-
Link: Present?!?!?!?
(Link runs for the ladder at blinding speed and knocks Aryll off the tower. She falls 70 feet into shallow water while Link rushes to his Gramma's house.)
Link: Gramma! Gramma!
Gramma: What do you want boy?
Link: Present present present present present present!
Gramma: Fine, here. (She hands him the Hero Clothes.)
Link: Whats this?
Gramma: Put it on or I'll slap you silly!
(Link hurridly puts it on.)
Link: ........ It makes me look like an elf.
Gramma: Shut up! It took old Gramma a whole 5 hours to pluck her back-hair to make those clothes!
(Link almost barfs.)

(Later, Link is climbing up the watch tower. When he gets to the top, he sees Aryll. Her arm is bent in a way that I would rather not describe.)
Link: Are you ok?
Aryll: Not really.
Link: Phew. Thats a relif.
Aryll: Hey! Neat outfit.
Link: Thanks.
Aryll: It makes you look like an elf.
(Link holds himself back from throwing her off the tower.)
Aryll: I got somethin for ya! Close your eyes and hold out your hand.
Link: Oh, no! Your not gettin me with that-
Aryll: JUST DO IT ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!
(Link does so. Aryll gives him her telescope.)
Aryll: You can have it, but just for today.
Link: Yea, yea, whatever.
Aryll: Try it out!
(Link looks through the telescope.)
Aryll: Look! It's the mailman! He loooks funny!
(Link looks at the mailbox and sees the mailman. He suddenly starts to freak out. Link looks up and sees a giant bird!)
Link: Woa! Look at that bird!
(He notices a girl in its talons.)
Link: Hey..... look at her! (He whistles) Wait a minute! That birds got her! If anyone has that girl in his talons, its gonna be me!
(Suddenly, a cannonball flies through the air and the bird narrowly avoids it. Link sees that it is none other than the pirates.)
Link: Great! Now I got that bird AND those pirates to contend with! (He face Aryll. She is bieng mauled by several seagulls.) I've got to save her! (The seagulls fly away. Aryll has cuts and bruises all over her.)
Seagull 1: I got some of her hair!
Seagull 2: I think I got part of her nose!
Aryll: Your right Link! But you probably need some protection. You should see Orca. Maybe he can give you a sword!
Link: Your right Malon!
Aryll: No, my name is not Malon!
Link: Saria?
Aryll: No!
Link: It's Ruto isn't it?
Aryll: Link! My name is ARYLL!
Link: Listen, I don't have time for this Impa! I've got to get a sword from Orca!
(Link rushes off to Orca's house.)

(Link is walking towards Orca's house. When he gets to the door, he knocks on it.)
Link: Wait, what am I doing? I'm a constant hero on a constant array of video games! I can just walk on in!
(Link just enters and sees.... Orca picking his nose!!!! Orca sees Link.)
Orca: (Takes his finger out of his nose) Oh! Uh... hi.. uh, Link.
Link: Hi........ canIhaveaswordpleaz?
Orca: You must go through vigourous training first-
Link: JUSTGIMMEASTUPIDSWORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Orca quickly hands him a sword)
Link: Yay!!!!!
Orca: Just don't slash at the pigs!!! Or the villagers for that matter... but mostly the pigs!
(Link exits. Outside, he runs into a pig!)
Link: Hello Mr.Piggy.
Mr. Piggy: Oink.
Mr. Piggy: Oink?
(Link starts hacking away at the pig. Now, of course, Mr. Piggy doesn't like to be hacked at. So.... he NAILS Link and knocks him back 20 feet!)
Link: Crap.
(Link starts running up the trail that leads to the forest. Mr. Piggy is chasing him all the way up there. When Link crosses the bridge, he jumps over the hole, but unfortunately, Mr. Piggy doesn't have as great as jumping skills as Link, and falls on the nice, soft, solid stone pillars, about 100 feet down to the ground)
Link: (Looking down at the the spot where Mr. Piggy fell) Jerk.
(Link enters the forest. Or woods. Or large area with trees. Or jungle, whatever you wanna call it. Anyways, Link sees the girl stuck in a tree, unconscious.)
Link: Don't worry! I'll save you! Unless I get distracted by something like a- Oooh! A fly!
(Link is looking at the Bokokoblin.) ( I think thats what they're called at least...)
Link: Your a pretty fly!
(The Bokokoblin attacks.)

(Link is freaking out. He has no idea what to do. He, totally out of the blue randomly, decides to sing....)
Link: IT'S PEANUT BUTTA JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTA JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTA JELLY TIME! Way-ya! Way-ya! Way-ya! Way-ya! Der-ya-go! Der-ya-go! Der-ya-go! Der-ya-go!
Bokoblin: NOOOOO! That song is so freaking annoying!!!!!! This isn't worth it!!!
( He runs out of the woods and jumps off of the cliff.)
Link: My signing isn't that bad? Is it? Ah well.
(Link continues on, and not that long later, in fact only 7 steps later, 2 more Bokoblins fall from the sky. Fortunatly, they fall on thier necks and die.)
Link: That was anti-climactic.
(Link kicks the tree that the girl is stuck in. She falls off. Link sees that she is still asleep.)
Link: Hey! Your supposed to wake up!
(Link pokes her with a stick. She wakes up.)
Link: Wow. That actually worked!
Girl: Wha? Where am I? (She looks at Link.) Woa! Dude! Didja lose a bet? Those clothes make you look like an elf.
Link: Grrr.... Your lucky that your hot, or else I'd be forced to poke you again.
(A pirate enters the cave/forest place thing. He is jumping up and down as if he had to go to the potty.)
Pirate: Oy'! Miss! Miss Tetra! (He runs up to her) Oh, I had to go to the bathroom, but I just went in my pants.
Tetra: Ah! I'm glad your here! C'mon! Let's go get that bird!
Pirate: But what about the kid?
Tetra: Nevermind him!
(Tetra and the pirate exit. Link follows)

(Outside, Link sees Aryll on the other side of the bridge.)
Aryll: Oy'! Big brother!
Link: What is up with everyone and "Oy"? What- what does that mean anyways? Why don't we just say "hi" or "hey"?
(Aryll starts walking over to greet Link, when the giant bird swoops in and grabs Aryll. The bird's talons peirce her leg.)
Aryll: LIIIINK!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Link runs, and jumps off the cliff to rescue her. He starts to fall, but Tetra saves him.)
Tetra: Ugh! Stupid...kid...
Link: But... but.... SHE OWES ME 10 RUPEES!!!!!

(Link, Tetra, and the pirate *I don't remember his name, I think it's Gonzo or something....* are out on the beach next to where their ship is docked)
Tetra: Yuo want to come with us on our ship?!?!?!?
Link: Huh? What are you taliking about? I didn't say anything!
Tetra: Well, uh, do you?
Link: Yea, sure, why not? I need those 10 rupees....
Tetra: Well....... no. You can't. Your just a kid.
Postman: Well, it is your fault Link's sister got kidnapped.
Tetra: Huh? Hey, what kind of person- (She looks at the postman) bird blurts into someones coversation?
Postman: Nevermind that. You see, as a postman, I-
Link: Listen, we don't wanna hear your life story. Just get to the point.
Postman: Well, that bird has been stealing girls with Long Ears like yours, and has been taking them to the Forsaken Forretres. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I belive Link's sister has Long Ears.If you hadn't come to this island, then Links sister wouldn'tve been kidnapped.
Tetra: Well, yea but, everyone has long ears!
Postman: Let me finish. Now, isn't it true that Link here saved you from the monsters in the woods?
Tetra: Is that true?
Link: (Sleeping. Wakes up) Huh? Wha? Oh, uh, sure.
Tetra: Well, I don't like it, but you can come.
Gonzo: But-but Miss Tetra!
Tetra: But you need some sort protectin. I mean, what kind of idiot would go to a dangerous place with just a dinky sword. Don't you have some kind of shield?
Link: Hmm.... oh yea! BRB!
(Link runs off.)
Gonzo: What does BRB mean?

(Link goes back to his house. He sees Gramma crying.)
Link: Gramma? Are you ok?
Gramma: How could they? How could they take her?
Link: Gramma, it's ok. I'm going to save her.
Gramma: You don't understand. You see..... She owes me 20 rupees!
Link: *gasp* Don't worry! I'll save our rupees- I mean the girl.
Gramma: Here. It's what you came for isn't it? (She gives him the shield)
Link: Thanks Gramma!
(He runs back to the pirates.)

Tetra: Is that your shield? Well, whatever. Are you ready to go?
Link: Well, uh, I have to get some extra money so....
Tetra: Your gonna steal from your Gramma's crawlspace. Everyone does that from time to time.
(Link is already crawling under the porch of his house. He squeezes through the little hole. He then emerged in a cave place. He stood up.)
Link: Now where is that chest?
(He sees it in the middle of the room.)
Link: Duh! It's always right there in the middle of the room.
(Link reaches for the chest. Link's Gramma starts pounding on the floor.)
Gramma: You stealin Gramma's loot boy?
Link: N-no Gramma!
(Link hurries away with an armful of rupees.)

(He returns to the pirates.)
Tetra: Ya ready to go now?
Link: Yep!
Tetra: Ok! Lets set sail!
(They all get on the boat. As they are sailing away, all of the islanders are waving goodbye. Link waves back. His Gramma emerges from her house.)
Gramma: Get back here boy! I'm gonna slap you silly! Give me my rupees back!!!!
Link: (To Tetra) Step on it!
Tetra: This is a sailboat, not a car!
Link: Whats a car?
Tetra: Listen up. As long as you are on this ship, you are a pirate! Got it?
Link: Sure!
Tetra: Now go down below the decks. Niko, (I think that is his name) should have a chore for you to do while we head for the Forsaken Forretress.
Link: The what?
Tetra: JUST GO!!!!

(Link runs below deck. He sees a pirate about the size of him)
Niko: I am the great Niko! You are my swabbie!
Link: Can swab the poop deck?
Niko: Wha?
Link: Poop deck. Heh. I just looooooove to say poop deck!
Niko: Well, whatever. First you must take a test!
Link: Ok, if I have to.....
Niko: See that button?
Link: What button?
Niko: THAT button.
Link: Where?
(Niko shows him the exact spot where the button is)
Link: Thats not a button! Thats a...... switch!
Niko: Switch, button, same thing!
Link: No it's not-
Niko: GRRAAGH!!!!!!!!! Just step on the switch, and swing on the ropes!
(Niko demonstrates. He swings to the other side of the room.)
Niko: Ok! Now you try! But theres really no point in it! It'll take you one YEAR to do this! Yep. ONE YEAR. Because your slow. Theres no way-
Link: (Standing right next to him) Done.
Niko: Woa. Heh. WOW! Yeeps.... um..... just take the stupid Spoils Bag.
(He hands him a weird lookin bag thing.)
Link: Thats it? This is a stupid gift!
Tetra: Link! We're here!
Niko: Aww, man! Well, when you come back I'll have more for ya.
(Link goes upstairs.)

(Link looks around up on the deck. He can't find Tetra.)
Tetra: Up here!
(Link looks up.)
Link: Santa?
Tetra: No you idiot! Up here!
Link: Where?
Tetra: I'm on the freakin Crow's Nest!
Link: Theres no birds here.
Tetra: AGGHHH!!!!!!! Just climb the stupid ladder!!!!!
Link: Oh. Hi lady.
(He climbs up.)
Tetra: What were you doing with Niko? You weren't playing games..... for treasure were you?
Link: (Under his breath) I wouldn't call it a treasure.....
Tetra: What was that?
Link: Nope.
Tetra: Nevermind, were at the Forsaken Forretress.
Link: Where?
Tetra: ....... Hey Link, you like doghnuts?
Link: Do I!
Tetra: Well, theres some doghnuts in that barrel on the catepult over there.
Link: Yay!
(He jumps in the barrel.)
Link: Hey.... theres no doghnuts here.....
Tetra: 3!
Link: Hmm?
Tetra: 2!
Link: Wait a minute... I can't get out-
Tetra: 1!!!!!
Link: Crap.
(He gets launched towards the Forsaken Forretress.)
Link: AAAAAAUUGHHH!!!!!!!!!
(He crashes into a wall next to a window. His sword falls onto the platform below. He falls into the water. He swims up to the stairs. He feels rumbling in his pocket.)
Link: Woa!
(He takes a strange rock from his pocket. It is glowing.)
Huh?: Hey, Link!
Link: Hello magical rock.
Tetra: It's me, Tetra!
Link: Tetra?!?!? I'll save you!
(Link tries to tear the rock in half. It's not doing anything.)
Tetra: Link!!!! I'm not in the rock, I'm communicating through it.
Link: Huh?

(Tetra explains the properties of the rock. 5 hours later....)
Link: Fasinating! But, I just wanted to know why I'm here.
Tetra: To save your sister. We tried to get you in through the window, but we missed. Your sword is all the way up by the window. You must sneak your way through the hazerdus and guard-filled Forsaken Forretress un-armed.
Link: Well that kinda sucks.
(Link walkd up the stairs. He sees big lights shining on the grounds. Tetra starts to comunicate through the shiny rock again.)
Tetra: Link, make sure that the lights don't see you.
Link: Sure thing Mr. Talking Rock.
(Link puts the rock back in his pocket. He avoids the lights and enters)
Link: Geez, it sure is dark and gloomy in here. I know! I'll hum a merry tune.
(Link hums Saria's Song)
Link: Doo doo doooo, doo doo doooo, doo doo doo do doooo, do do dododooooo, dododoooo, Doo doo doooo-
(Link runs into a Moblin.)
Link: Oh hey Mr. Fat Piggy Man!
Moblin: Guh.
(He grabs Link. Next thing Link knows, he is on the floor of a jail cell.)
Link: What the? How'd I get here?
(He feels a rumble in his pocket. He takes out the rock.)
Link: (Like he's on a cellphone) Talk to me.
Tetra: Link! You can't just prance about here! You have to sneak PAST the guards.
Link: I know you are but what am I?
Tetra: What? What in the world?
Link: Listen babe, I'll just sneak past the guards and get me sister so we can live happily ever after.
Tetra: Fine! Do that! But first you must escape the cell!
Link: No problem.
(He puts the rock in his pocket. He approaches the bars.)
Link: *ahem* HELP!!! AGH! LET ME OUT! I DIDN'T DO IT! I WAS FRAMED! Oh wait a minute..... are those the keys in the door?
(Link just opens the door.)
Link: Freedom!
(Link stays on the 2nd floor where there are no guards. When he gets out side, he sees the window with a lot of seagulls. The rock starts rumbling again.)
Tetra: Link! I'll bet thats where your sister is!
Link: Whatever.
Tetra: You should be able to get there through that door waaaaay up there.
Link: M'kay.
Tetra: But.... there are spotlights everywhere!
Link: Figures....
Tetra: You need to turn off the spotlights. They seem to be coming up to-
(Just then, the writer, me, presses the fast-forward button.)
Me: This is the boring part. Just Link shutting the spotlights off. Ah! Here we are!

(Link enters a room. He sees a door that leads to the path that leads to where his sister is. He sees several guards and a barrel big enough for him to fit inside of.)
Link: I've got to sneak past them.
Link: Hey! Giant ugly pig dudes!
(The Moblins look at him)
Link: I think your mother is calling!!!
(They just look at him. Suddenly, one of the Moblins bursts into tears)
Moblin 1: I DON'T HAVE A MOM!!!!!! Your so mean! WHAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Moblin 2: Great! You made Moblin 1 cry!
Link: How was I supposed to know he didn't have a mom?
Moblin 2: Just get out of here!
Moblin 1: MOOOOOMMY!!!!!!!! I MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moblin 3: Now, now, there, there. Everythings ok!
(Link, who was feeling very akward, walked away. He goes out the door that leads to his sister's room. He continued onwards, until he saw a big gap)
Link: I can't get across that!
(He sees a small sliver of walkway, no bigger than an inch wide. Link backs into the wall, and slowly continues on. Luckily, during the time that I fast-forwarded the story, Link got rid of the spotlights. He inched his way across. When he got to the other side, he saw his sword. He ran up to it.)
Link: Yay!
(Suddenly, a spike wall springs up, blocking his path back. The bokoblin guarding the door wakes up.)
Link: Crap.
(He picks up his sword. The bokoblin pulls out a machette. Link lunged at him and it was a direct hit. The bokoblin swung his machette at Link, but he was too slow. Link slashed him a couple of times, and then delivered the final blow. The bokoblin dissapeared in a flash of smoke. Link enters the room.)

(When Link enters, he sees Aryll all bandeged up.)
Link: Girl!
Aryll: Link! I knew you'd save me! I've been stuck in here with Ms. Preppy Rich Girl, and Ms. I Love that Moblin guard over there!
(Link sees two other girls. One is dressed in a fancy dress, while the other one is dressed in rags.)
Link: Nevermind about that! Hand over the ruppees!
(Before Aryll can react, the giant bird flies down and grabs Link in it's beak.)
(Link is brought up to the top of the forretress. He sees a dark, evil looking figure standing on the balcony of the top floor. He nods his head, indicating to the bird to throw Link away. The dark figure smirks. Link is flung over the bird's shoulder, and he is knocked out as he fell to the ocean.)
That's the first part...
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Semi-epic Post Whore
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« Reply #1 on: 21 July, 2007, 02:14:09 pm »

way too long >.>
I'll read later
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« Reply #2 on: 21 July, 2007, 02:15:29 pm »

i think is ok =D
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The Guy of Shy Guys.
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« Reply #3 on: 21 July, 2007, 02:54:47 pm »

Yeah. I wrote it a long time ago.

There's a lot of spelling errors I that wouldn't be there if I had just wrote it now.
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