Spoiler stuff for KH3:
Alright so I just have the final boss left, and I don't think my thoughts are gonna change after so I'll just post this now. Honestly, it feels pretty weird ranting about a game as juvenile as KH3, but I’m gonna do it anyways, because fu
ck it. I'd recommend giving it a read if you enjoy sh
itting on Kingdom Hearts.
- Sora’s portrayal in this game is abysmal. I mean obviously he was never the most compelling character, but I don’t understand where Nomura got the idea to turn him into an absolute dumbass. He was always naïve, but he was always at least a very capable and skilled dude. His stupidity becomes the butt of literally every single joke in this game, and it was never funny. His banter with Donald regarding his stupidity just became cringey after the second joke.
- The pacing is awful. The Disney worlds are shockingly even more filler-y than they’ve ever been. It’s 20-25 hours of Disney worlds, and then 5 hours of story. KH1 suffered from this issue too, but at least there’s some semblance of plot progression. Sora is actually trying to find his friends in these worlds in that game, and he actually makes progress when he finds Kairi on Captain Hook’s pirate ship. In this game, we’re led to believe that he explores these Disney worlds to “find the Power of Waking.” And even as you go through these worlds, Sora himself just tells everyone he should go to the Realm of Darkness instead of wasting time with these Disney worlds. But everyone says that he can’t until he gets the Power of Waking. Well, he never fu
cking finds that Power 18 hours of Disney worlds later, and eventually Donald suggests they go to the Realm of Darkness anyways, after which fu
cking Ven, the very person Sora is trying to wake up, tells Sora that he just has to believe in order to have the Power. Then Sora just gets it? Like okay? Thanks for wasting 20 hours of my life Nomura?
- The number of asspulls at the end of the game make Bleach look like a well-planned out series. I mean, so now Xion is back? And she’s evil, but not anymore? And everyone remembers her? And now Roxas is back? And Terra? What the fu
ck? If it was this easy to bring these motherfu
ckers back, then why bother having them disappear in the first place? Also Vexen wants to randomly “atone?” Oh okay, I guess Xehanort is good now too. K.
- “My friends are my power!” and the smiling scenes in KH1 were bad, but I could tolerate them. I thought it couldn’t get worse. I was wrong. They topped that line like 50 times in this game. The dialogue has gone from mildly tolerable to totally unbearable. It’s like I was listening to the dialogue from a horrible 90s sitcom. Someone needs to literally ban Nomura from writing.
- Kairi spends a “year” training and continues to be damsel in distress. Nomura literally does not know how to write this character. I have given up on her.
- Rehashed plotlines from KH2. Do we really need a “Real” Organization XIII?
- Nobody dies in this fu
cking series.
- Donald’s hard-on for “the order” is wack. These guys have literally interfered in dozens of worlds and he’s still being a bitchass about this? STFU you fu
cking dumb duck. It’s like they didn’t know what to write, so they filled in some lines about the “Order” to take up some script space.
- I literally do not understand the Gummi missions in this game, nor do I want to.
- I think I fought like 3 Disney villains, one of which that isn’t even a real Disney character. I loved the Disney fights in KH2, especially when “The Encounter” played. It was filler, but it was fun filler and I still felt like I was doing something worth a damn.
- No FF characters? It’s not that I’m that into FF, but these guys actually had story relevance in KH1 and 2. I’m baffled at their exclusion. Why remove them, but then keep motherfu
cking Maleficent and Pete? The two characters who have had practically zero plot relevance since 2001 and continue to waste our time with cutscenes talking about a black box that we all know they will never obtain?
- Twilight Town is a poor excuse of a hub world. I could forgive Radiant Garden’s exclusion if they made up for it with a good replacement, but they honestly just botched this one. I never returned to Twilight Town even once after the first visit, and it felt like such a tiny world when I visited the first time anyways.
- Gameplay is definitely pretty floaty. I mean, it wasn’t horrible aside from Sora targeting enemies I explicitly do not want him targeting. The whole game is kind of a joke too. I think I might have died like 6 or 7 times on Proud mode, 4 of which were from one of the ship boss battles in Pirates. Like I’m not usually good at games on my first playthrough, but this wasn’t exactly hard.
- Music was pretty good though. Yoko Shimomura’s work is like a diamond shining brightly within this turd of a game.
Honestly, I’m glad I can finally say I played KH3, because I really have been waiting for it since I was like 12. However, that being said, I won’t be playing KH4 or whatever fu
cking handheld spinoff Nomura decides to make. I just don’t have the time or energy to invest in this kind of sh
it anymore. This game sucked.