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Dissension

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Choronzon
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« on: 19 September, 2008, 08:59:02 pm »

Chapter 1: Introductions -------------------

[character is seen lying in a vast field]
   
    [character]: [stirs] ugh.... where am i? [lifts head up]

[character quickly scrambles up into a sitting position looking around franticly]

    [character]: WHAT THE HELL!? where am? i was just i bed! WHAT THE ****!?

[character cautiously gets up checking all around him. all he sees is a vast expanse of knee-high shrubbery trailing off forever in all directions]

    [character]: Did i miss something? [starts wandering off]

[character continues walking for a long time. eventually he hears something snap behind him. he turns around just in time to see a shape retreating into the bushes several feet behind him]

    [character]: O_O [starts to back up slowly] [hears another SNAP behind him] WHO'S THERE!?

[character is now turning in circles trying to get a glimpse of who/whatever is stalking him]

    [character]: Sh-show yourself! *makes threatening gesture*

[a man in a nicely pressed business suit stands up out of the brush several feet away]

    [man in business suit]: So sorry. Hope i didn't give you too much of a fright?

    [character]: the hell is your problem!? why are you following me?

    [man in business suit]: so sorry. my name is Roger, i'll be your guide.

    [character]: guide? guide for what? whats going on here?

    [Roger]: You really don't need to worry about it. i would highly recommend just forgetting the whole thing and enjoying your time here. there really is so much you can enjoy right here. Tea?

[both characters are now sitting at a table that has appeared in the field holding tea cups]

    [character]: uh, no thanks. [puts down tea cup] Look, i don't know how i got here, i just want out. You're supposed to be my guide. Get me outta here.

    [Roger]: Are you... quite sure? i mean you can do whatever you want here. Money? [piles of money appear] Fast cars? [corvette appears] Sex? [2 women show up hold each other] Its all right there at your fingertips. some more so than others... if you catch my drift. Wink So why don't we just sit back, relax and enjoy our tea, shall we? [takes sip of tea]

    [character]: Look, i don't know who you are, but i want out of here. [stands up] i don't want any more of this creepy, randomly appearing ****. Just tell me how to get out and i'll do it myself.

    [Roger]: ...I see. Well if you are intent on getting back home--

    [character]: I am.

    [Roger]: Then i guess i can't stop you. The exit is right over there [points behind character at no discernible point]

[character looks from Roger to where he is pointing and back again]

    [character]: [starts walking away from table] So where is it exactly? i don't see anything over here. [looks back to find Roger, the table, money, corvette, and women are gone] [turns back to find himself in dining room of a large mansion] Woah. where the hell....?

[*EDITED*]
« Last Edit: 19 September, 2008, 09:33:06 pm by Scarecrow » Report Spam   Logged

"The question isnít who is going to let me; itís who is going to stop me." ~ Ayn Rand

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Choronzon
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« Reply #1 on: 19 September, 2008, 09:24:27 pm »

feel free to criticize. i'll put up the next part when i finish it.
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« Reply #2 on: 19 September, 2008, 09:31:49 pm »

Roger is the Devil!!!!!

>_>

What?

I like this story, it has a lot of potential. Though this chapter's labeled a prologue. Does that mean that this character is unrelated to the story and serves merely as an introduction, or is it just another way of saying it's the beginning of the story?

Keep it up!
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« Reply #3 on: 19 September, 2008, 09:37:07 pm »

i changed the title from prologue to chapter 1.  Smiley
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« Reply #4 on: 19 September, 2008, 09:44:34 pm »

I'm liking it.I'm starting to wonder what will happen next.
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« Reply #5 on: 19 September, 2008, 10:21:38 pm »

Chapter 2: The Strange Gets Stranger -------------------

  [character]: What is this? This isn't 'our.' If anything i'm more 'in' than i was before. Well, at least i don't have to worry about that weirdo anymore.... [checks closest door to find it locked] there's gotta be some way out of here....

[character walks around the entire room trying each door he comes too. after passing the 12th door he stops]

    [character]: ok, now i know i've passed this door before. or...  hmm.... [character scratches a large 'X' into the door with his fingernail]  Ok, now lets see.

[character continues walking along the wall. every door now has the same 'X' he put on the first one]

    [character]: Alright, what the hell is going on here?

[character turns as a loud clanking sound is coming from one of the doors on the other side of the room. he moves to try and reach the other side but the table seems to stretch out till infinity. Suddenly, the door on the other side bursts open and an army of chefs comes flooding out putting food on the table and setting everything up for a big feast. In the hustle, character gets shoved by someone into a seat. As soon as the table is set perfectly, all fo the chefs retreat leaving character alone in the dining room]

    [character]: W-what the hell...? [turns as another door down from where he is sitting bursts open]

[a man in full French military garb briskly walks in and sits at the head of the table. quickly, he is surrounded by a large number of men carrying maps and talking quickly in French. the man in military garb waves them off]

    [millitary man]: [starts eating while the other men continue to talk to him and point at maps] [looks up to see character sitting at the table] And who, sir, are you?

    [character]: uh, i'm... uh--

    [military man]: Uh, what? don't you know your own name? Come on man, speak! What are you doing here?

    [character]: uh, my name is James. Sir. James, Sir! And i'm not exactly 100% on how i got here.

    [military man]: What do you mean,  'don't know how you got here,'? Everyone has to know how they got someplace. Otherwise, how would they have know how to get there in the first place?

    [French man]: maybe if the person were drugged and taken somewhere while they slept? [is quickly shooed away by the military man]

    [james]: i wasn't drugged. I just...showed up here.... wherever 'here' is....

    [French man]: Fool! Do you not know who you are talking too? This is the great conquerer, Napoleon Bonaparte. How dare you break into his majesty's private summer home and ask where you are! Why he could have your head on a plater if he wished i-- [gets pushed back by Napoleon]

    [Napoleon]: Thats enough. i can talk for myself. You may leave us. all of you. [other Frenchmen leave] Why don't you eat? there is more than i can eat by myself.

    [James]: wow. thank you. [starts eating. looks up with mouth full of food] You know, you're not as bad as people make you out to be.

    [Napoleon]: Yes, well, i tend to strike an imposing figure. [stands up revealing he is actually shorter than James first thought]

    [James]: Uh, sure. Very impressive. [shoves turkey leg in his mouth]

    [Other voice]: Really? looks kinda short to me....

    [Napoleon]: [looks around angrily] Who said that!?

[james and napoleon look to the far corner of the table. Abraham Lincoln is leaning back in his chair drinking a can of beer]

    [James]: There are so many things wrong with this right now. I'm dreaming right? Because this can't be happening. Yep, just a really weird, really vivid dream. Should be waking up anytime now. yep, uh huh. [starts rocking chair back and forth]

    [Abe Lincoln]: [stands up and joins the other two sitting at the far end] I'm afraid not son.

   
 
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« Reply #6 on: 19 September, 2008, 10:27:11 pm »

XD Nice

Was not expecting Abe
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Choronzon
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« Reply #7 on: 19 September, 2008, 10:31:28 pm »

lol inoright?

alright, i'm done for tonight. if i can find time tomorrow i'll work on/post chapter 3.
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« Reply #8 on: 19 September, 2008, 11:01:22 pm »

Abe and Bonepart Knife-Fight.

Now!
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« Reply #9 on: 25 September, 2008, 08:34:15 pm »

Chapter 3: Say 'Hi' to Alice if you See Her... ------------

     [Abe]: [looking at James] Now, what can we do for you?

     [Napoleon]: What do you mean? I'm letting him eat my food out of the goodness of my heart. What have you done today? [turns to James] Just ignore him. Now, what can I do for you?

     [Abe]: I assume he wants to get back home. Its fairly clear he does not belong here.

     [james]: Uh, i may still be a little dazed, but i'm pretty sure you don't belong here either.

     [Abe]: [gives james a disappointed look] You must be confused. I'm here because of you. I'm here to help return home.

     [Napoleon]: You are nothing but a dimwitted giant. He is here because he has some important news from the front. [turns to James] Now tell me, how are the troops fairing? have we conquered the Egyptians yet? TELL ME!

[doors burst open around the room as hundreds of chefs rush in and take all of the dishes away. As they are all leaving small, plump man dressed in a field officer's uniform rushes in]

     [field officer]: SIR! REPORT FROM THE FRONT LINES!

     [Napoleon]: W-what? Oh yes, what do you have to report? [looks sideways at James]

     [field officer]: Sir, we have breached their lines. the city shall be ours soon. We request you presence for the final push. [gives a salute and stands at attention]

     [Napoleon]: [looks back from James to the field officer] Very good. we will leave at once.

[field officer gives a final salute and quickly leaves]

     [Abe]: [bursts out laughing] HA! Told you so.

     [Napoleon]: [considers Abe and James for a few minutes] Then he must be a spy sent to kill me. GUARDS!

     [Abe]: A spy? really? Look at him. the poor boy has no idea what is even going on. [guards enter room] How could he even think of killing you?

[guards draw sabers and advance on James]

     [James]: Woah! hey, wait! i don't even know what i'm doing here. Some guy just told me to start walking in a direction and next thing i know here i am. I'M NOT A SPY!

     [Napoleon]: Thats exactly the kind of thing a spy would say. GUARDS!

[guards move closer to James. James jumps out of chair and starts running. the room stretches again so he is being continuously chased]

     [Abe]: [finally gets up] Alright thats enough. [walks over and sits next to Napoleon. The engage in a whispered conversation] I told you: not a spy.

     [Napoleon]: [thinks for a minute] Hmm... ok, but i'm still not sure about you. Either of you. [looks at Abe] So you will accompany me to the front lines. I don't trust you to be left alone. You will remain under my (and my guards') constant supervision. GUARDS!

[room snaps back to initial form. James falls on his face to find he is lying next to his chair. Guards walk back and stand behind Napoleon's Chair as he stands up to leave]

     [James]: [rubs neck] Ugh... whats happening?

     [Abe]: looks like we're going to war. [replaces top hat with French Foreign legion hat. Puts one on James' head] gonna need this.

     [James]: but i don't want to go to war! people die in wars.

[Napoleon walks to the closest door to his chair and opens it. Everyone walks through it. They appear in the middle of a large battle taking place in and among ancient stone ruins in the desert. Shots are fired and everyone runs for cover]

     [Napoleon]: THIS SHALL BE OUR DAY, MEN! FOR FRANCE! CHARGE! [Napoleon, guards, and Abe run from cover leaving James alone]

     [James]: [crosses himself. proceeds to run out into the ensuing battle]
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« Reply #10 on: 02 October, 2008, 06:40:42 am »

MORE PLZ
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Choronzon
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« Reply #11 on: 08 October, 2008, 08:29:50 pm »

i'm sorry, but due to my exorbitant amount of work in my classes this story will be put on a temporary hiatus. i'll update it as soon as i can, though.
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"The question isnít who is going to let me; itís who is going to stop me." ~ Ayn Rand
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