Want to read it? Okey dokey, here you go it's a Top Ten list of hardest games I've played.
Back in the 8-bit and 16-bit eras of gaming, difficulty was much more rampant, with Konami and SNK both making sure people popped in as many quarters as possible into their Gradius, Contra, Metal Slug, and King of Fighters machines. Of course now with arcades being much more smaller and now overrun by DDR and Time Crisis machines, we won't be finding many more of those difficult classics. However, this list is only about difficult games in general, I will warn you, these games are undeniably difficult and WILL give you migraines as well as hemorrhoids. Most of these games are at least ten years old, so it really shows how much more of pansies the general gaming public has become. While people are crying about legendary difficulty or whatever the hardest setting was in Halo and Gears of War, people like me were getting constantly killed in the first level on even the easiest difficulty in some of these games.
10. Metal Slug 6System: Arcade, Playstation 2
Release Date: 2007 as part of the Metal Slug Anthology
Genre: Shoot Em' Up
SNK is easily recognized as one of the biggest dickheads in gaming history, and are infamous in the industry for knocking up the difficulty in their games so people can dump their pockets in their machines. The Metal Slug series is no exception, and Metal Slug 6 is easily the hardest game in the series. The enemies are plentiful, the bosses are bastards, and the OHKO's are also plentiful. Hell, the second boss in the game made me die at least ten times trying to destroy it. To add on the game is probably the longest in the series. I have not played Metal Slug 7 yet, but if it's harder than this I'll crap my pants. To be honest though, the only reason MS6 is so low on this list is because it's possible for infinite continues, and you come back to where you died. The next games on this list aren't as easy on you.
9. Mega ManSystem: NES
Release Date: December 1987
Genre: Action-Platformer
The Mega Man Classic series is well-known and very popular due to it's easy to get into and addicting gameplay, but the original game in this series is a complete ***** to get through compared to it's sequels. There is no password system, effectively leaving you to complete the game in one sitting, and energy tanks are non-existent. To add on, Ice Man's level is a complete bastard to get through unless you use the magnet beam and even then it'll be hard to dodge those stupid penguin things. Wily's Castle of course is no joke as well, and the Yellow Devil is one of the most tedious bosses I have ever fought in my gaming experience.
8. Contra: Shattered SoldierSystem: Playstation 2
Release Date: October 22, 2002
Genre: Shoot Em' Up
Contra makes it's debut on the list at #8, Shattered Soldier is easily one of the most difficult Contras in existence due to the insane amount of enemies that show up and the massive bosses. Not only do you have to worry about the enemy forces, but in order to get the best ending you have to make sure your hits count. Now in a game like say Timesplitters or Call of Duty, you can be very careful with your shots and even be given breathing room. In Contra however, you get no ****ing breathing room, your enemies don't eff' around they'll constantly be on you, constantly trying **** you up the ass. Stressful? Of course, which is why trying to take time with your shots is so difficult. This is perhaps the hardest game on the PS2 in general, well....technically.....maybe not....hint hint...
7. Super R-TypeSystem: SNES
Release Date: September 1991
Genre: Shoot Em' Up
The R-Type series is one of my all-time favorite game series in general, pretty much every game is near flawless...except maybe this one. One of the games that plagued my childhood finally pops up on my list, Super R-Type is an ungodly difficult shoot'em up that requires patience, quick reflexes, AND good memory as a few levels in this game have dead-ends which kill you if you take a wrong path. To add on to the levels having hard enemies, there are no checkpoints. That's right, no checkpoints if you die at the boss of a stage, you go right back to the beginning of the level. Some of these bosses are very difficult as well, and the game also has a problem with slowdown that even gets to a stand-still when there are a million shots/enemies on screen, although this might make the game easier by having everything go slower, sometimes the game suddenly slips back to full-speed leaving you to collide by accident into bullets, enemies, or a part of the level. This game also suffers from a bullcrap ending if you're on the easy setting, I really do not like this practice, especially in games like this where the difficulty is guaranteed to be difficult no matter what setting you put it on.
6. TMNTSystem: NES
Release Date: June 1989
Genre: Beat Em Up/Platformer
Konami makes a second appearance on the list, TMNT is another game that plagued my childhood alot back in the day, with it's horrendous use of constantly regenerating enemies off-screen and tedious platforming, it's hard to imagine this game was made for kids. Hell, a good gamer would have nightmares with that ****ing Dam level, there wasn't enough time for you to be able to navigate the level without getting bunghole-raped by man-eating kelp, electricity, and killer coral and you would no doubt have at least two of your turtles lose alot of health on this part of the level alone. Not to mention without Leonardo, you were pretty much treading on even harder difficulty as Raf and Mikey both have **** poor range, and Don was too damn slow. Another thing I never really got about this game is how the Turtle Van in the third level's health is linked with your current turtle....is it hooked up on life support or something? Are their spirits infused with this vehicle? What? I'm asking!
5. Double Dragon III: The Sacred StonesSystem: NES
Release Date: February 1991
Genre: Beat' Em Up
This is the third NES game on the list, and it's already showing how much we've come from being **** Bruce Willis' to Richard Simmons' in speedos. Double Dragon is one of my favorite series on the NES, the original lacked 2-player support but was still fun, and Double Dragon 2: The Revenge put in two-player with the expense of adding in an annoying turn-around kick that took time to get used to. Now the first two games in this series are both rather difficult, hell the forest area in the original Double Dragon gives me nightmares to this day just from listening to the god-awful music, but Technos decided for some reason or another "****'em, they don't deserve to beat the first level without dying five million times and a second player, we're that god damn stuck up." This game is as hard as a calloused up donkey's dong in the middle of mating season, the enemies are relentless and will sandwich and effectively make Bimmy or Jimmy(Yes, they misspelled Billy's name too) die of cancer, AIDs, and yeast infection at the same time. The controls also take a while to get used to, and that's hard enough since you have to deal with enemies all the time. Throughout this you also only get one life, just like real life it doesn't matter. You die, you die. There are additional characters which operate as extra lives, but you need to beat them as bosses, which is frickin' stupid, plus Chin AKA: The fatass Chinese guy is absolutely useless.
4. Gradius IIISystem: Arcade
Release Date: December 11, 1989
Genre: Shoot Em' Up
I have a confession, I am a fanboy of Gradius. This series is frickin' awesome, and for me to go off on any of it's games is hard, but in the name of family entertainment I must make sacrifices. Remember playing Gradius III on the SNES? It was an awesome experience, as well as offering difficult gameplay to keep you from beating it in one sitting, but we're not talking about the SNES version of Gradius III, we're talking about the Arcade version. You would think there aren't that many differences, but no quite untrue. The game is MUCH MUCH more difficult, and some aspects are different such as the bosses in the Boss Parade before Bacterion's Base. Also, remember when you could continue in the SNES port? Guess what? You can't in the Arcade version, smashing isn't it? And with levels like the Crystal Labyrinth which makes the levels in Super R-Type look like a children's 5-piece puzzle, and being right before the Boss Parade and near the end of the game, it is extremely difficult to get down the pattern of it without forgetting while going through the other eight levels full of ungodly hell in order to get back to it. Gawd....alright I'm finally done....that was hard....this is why Metal Slug 6 is so low, because of games like this that don't even bother to let you continue or just say "**** it" and throw you back at the beginning of the whole level ala Super R-Type.
3. F-Zero GXSystem: Gamecube, Arcade as F-Zero AX
Release Date: August 25, 2003
Genre: Racing
Holy ****! A game that isn't from the 8 or 16-bit era of gaming!? To add-on this game is published by Nintendo, a company known for it's family friendly image and getting **** on by Halo and Madden fanboys for being too cutesy. The game itself was made by *surprise* SEGA, well actually Amusement Vision a smaller department owned by SEGA and known for making the Super Monkey Ball games(Which are hard as well, despite the cute monkeys). If you thought beating an F1 Racer in a race with a Garbage Truck is hard, this game is actually harder. The game is incredibly fast, which makes sense as you're going as fast as Sonic the Hedgehog or at times even faster especially with snake-sliding(Which first appeared in this game, not Mario Kart DS). The A.I. on master difficulty is pretty much near-impossible to beat, their cars are jacked up on turbo steroids with infinite energy for boosting, complete with rubber band physics that make Mario Kart Wii look like a fair and competitive game. The Story Mode is already a headache inducing trip of cheapness on the normal difficulty, and if you suck at this game, well you're screwed unless you get an Action Replay. This is why crap like Game Genie and AR exist, so we don't have to deal with the A.I.'s bullcrap or having to deal with any other extremely difficult task that requires over a million tries. A great game on the GCN, but geez...could it get any worse?
2. Contra: Hard CorpsSystem: Genesis/Megadrive
Release Date: September 14, 1994
Genre: Shoot Em' Up
Jesus tap-dancing Christ, I had to open my ****ing mouth. Contra: Hard Corps is THE game that made my life miserable when I met this thing on the Sega Channel(Yes, my family somehow afforded that). I couldn't even get past the first swarm of enemies without getting sodomized by the enemy's touch of doom. The bosses are no laughing matter, if you think the robot boss at the end of the first level was a ****, don't worry! There are only at least fifty more bosses waiting for you in different paths, each being more and more harder. To add-on, there is NO Konami Code at all in this game, leaving with you with your pitiful three lives to deal with Colonel Bahamut's massive army of pure evil that makes the demons in Doom **** themselves. Oddly, in the Japanese version of Hard Corps there ARE codes one for SEVENTY lives, rather than the traditional thirty PLUS a health bar. It's as if Konami realized that they made an unstoppable monster capable of crushing the most dedicated gamer's self-esteem, and tried to fix their mistake for the Japanese release, and if KONAMI thinks they made their game too hard, you KNOW it's too ****ing hard!
1. Silver SurferSystem: NES
Release Date: 1990
Genre: Shoot Em' Up
I know you've probably heard of Silver Surfer being a hard game, but I'm here to tell you....it really IS that ****ing hard. This game is so hard, it make Arnold Schwarzenegger give up his life upon witnessing his first death which is pretty much guaranteed to be within five seconds. This game defines how OHKO's can be the end of a person's sanity, and anything you touch kills you, even a frickin' pot. If that wasn't hard enough, the enemies move in erratic patterns alot, and there are plenty of surprises waiting to smother you in your own weakness. With the reputation this game gets already over the internet from websites, as well as the Angry Video Game Nerd I shouldn't really even have to tell you how hard this game is. The name itself probably makes Bruce Lee kill himself, I actually wouldn't be surprised if this game really was the end of Bruce Lee. I'm sure the man was powerful enough to go through time, but of course not powerful enough to beat Silver Surfer.
So what have we learned? Video games becoming much more mainstream these days may have taken a toll on developers making their games a challenge, as I've also mentioned arcades are now pretty much near non-existent which is where most hard games are born. Contra, Gradius, Metal Slug, Double Dragon, and even F-Zero GX was in arcades, but nowadays people are too up the ass on pretending to dance in DDR and making fools of themselves to be able to give these games a chance. Of course, not all hope is lost, Konami and SNK are both very much alive and Japanese arcades believe it or not are still booming. Gradius V, the latest game in the series is rather difficult and an awesome shoot'em up experience, it's nowhere near Gradius III difficulty, though that could easily be said to be a good thing, Metal Gear Solid's Extreme and European Extreme difficulties are all a big challenge as well, and Boktai from what I heard is also difficult, and don't forget the marvelous Contra 4 on the DS. I was contemplating putting King of Fighters 2002 on here, but it was only difficult because of the boss, so I'll save that for a hardest boss article if I decide to do one....maybe...
