The Precious Game

[Gaffit]

*Gaffit turns the corner and sees the bloody mass of pulp*

Gaffit: What the hell happened to my clone!?

*Gaffit takes out a scanner and scans the mess*

Gaffit: Hm... this is strange, apparently he died extremely happy...

*Gaffit spots the Purple ZeldaFan across the street and fires a flash grenade at her feet that detonates while he moves into the bright light, taking the Precious from the blinded ZF*

Precious Count: 13
# of times precious received without murder: 9
Precious received through retcon: 1
Precious received through point-blank annihilation: 2
# of times burned in a squid-fire: 1
Gods of Valhalla invoked: Quite a few
Precious received through reverse-digestion: 3
Members of the Sciuridae family mind-controlled: 1
Beaver's mind-controlled: 1
Animal rights violated: 3
Gaffit's rights violated: 1
Accidental Self Destruction: 1
Mountie's involved: All of Canada's finest
Pickpocketed Precious: 3
Potential **** scenes avoided: 1
Flash Grenades used: 1

[Z911]

*Erases the universe and destroys time*

Number of Realities Made Non-Existent: 1
Topics Ruined: 1

[Gaffit]

*Meanwhile, in an alternate reality*

*Gaffit walks down the street with Precious in his pocket*


Precious Count: 14
# of times precious received without murder: 9
Precious received through retcon: 2 (Never thought I'd raise that number)
Precious received through point-blank annihilation: 2
# of times burned in a squid-fire: 1
Gods of Valhalla invoked: Quite a few
Precious received through reverse-digestion: 3
Members of the Sciuridae family mind-controlled: 1
Beaver's mind-controlled: 1
Animal rights violated: 3
Gaffit's rights violated: 1
Accidental Self Destruction: 1
Mountie's involved: All of Canada's finest
Pickpocketed Precious: 3
Potential **** scenes avoided: 1
Flash Grenades used: 1

[zeldafan42]

The four ZeldaFans all are blown into the alternate universe. Shrugging their shoulders at what just happened, they throw a bunch of burritos at Gaffit. Only the burritos are on fire. And shooting lasers. Which makes them Flaming Death Laser Burritos.

But they all miss and hit the Starbucks that Gaffit was walking in front of. Which causes some hot coffee to fly out of the store and hit Gaffit in the face. While blinded by the coffee, Blue ZeldaFan runs up and steals the Precious.

Precious count: 13
Linebeck's Precious Count: 1
Number of ZeldaFans: 4
Long winded introductions count: 1
Warm nostalgic feeling count: 3
Legend of Zelda references: 2
Diablo II references: 1
FALCON PUNCH! count: 1
Spiral power count: 2
Gattai! count: 1
Destruction of a Starbucks count: 1
Failure count: 2
Does SomethingTM count: 1
Paco the Mexican Baseball Bat count: 1
Number of times I've caused Gaffit to get smacked in the head: 1
Using myself as an example count: 1
Eating brains count: 1
Flaming Death Laser Burritos count: 1
Creatures of the sea count: A whole pile of calamari
Squirrel count: 27
Turning people into food count: 1/2
Arson count: 1
Number of posts spent flat: 2
Zombie ZeldaFan count: 2
Giant ZeldaErmine count: 1
Freddie Mercury count: 2
Wallet looting count: 2
Loot: $6.94 (Canadian) 5 pesos, a stick of spearmint gum, a Pizza Hut coupon, Cads's left shoe.

[HyperOmar]

*divides by 0*

Now I'm two seasons long.

Precious count: 26
DAT ASS count: 1
SF cartoon reference count: 1
Batman reference count: 1
Gunstar Heroes count: 1
Casino count: 1
Maruyama count: 1
Awesome beating up count: 1
Dividing by 0 count: 1

[zeldafan42]

Awww....it was moved.

The Four ZeldaFans make a desperate plea to Fox to cancel the third season of Omar. Which somehow, Fox has the authority to do....by having Hugh Laurie beat Omar to death with the cane he uses in House.

Red ZeldaFan manages to silently sneak into the middle of the fight and make off with the Precious. Then afterward, Blue ZeldaFan manages to get Hugh Laurie's autograph.

Precious count: 14
Linebeck's Precious Count: 1
Number of ZeldaFans: 4
Long winded introductions count: 1
Warm nostalgic feeling count: 3
Legend of Zelda references: 2
Diablo II references: 1
FALCON PUNCH! count: 1
Spiral power count: 2
Gattai! count: 1
Destruction of a Starbucks count: 1
Failure count: 2
Does SomethingTM count: 1
Paco the Mexican Baseball Bat count: 1
Number of times I've caused Gaffit to get smacked in the head: 1
Using myself as an example count: 1
Eating brains count: 1
Flaming Death Laser Burritos count: 1
Creatures of the sea count: A whole pile of calamari
Squirrel count: 27
Turning people into food count: 1/2
Arson count: 1
Number of posts spent flat: 2
Zombie ZeldaFan count: 2
Giant ZeldaErmine count: 1
Freddie Mercury count: 2
Hugh Laurie count: 1
Wallet looting count: 2
Loot: $6.94 (Canadian) 5 pesos, a stick of spearmint gum, a Pizza Hut coupon, Cads's left shoe, Hugh Laurie's Autograph.

[Gaffit]

*Gaffit watches as Red ZF sneaks off with the precious and captures her with a massive vacuum cleaner when they're out of sight while snatching the precious*

Precious Count: 15
# of times precious received without murder: 10
Precious received through retcon: 2
Precious received through point-blank annihilation: 2
# of times burned in a squid-fire: 1
Gods of Valhalla invoked: Quite a few
Precious received through reverse-digestion: 3
Members of the Sciuridae family mind-controlled: 1
Beaver's mind-controlled: 1
Animal rights violated: 3
Gaffit's rights violated: 1
Accidental Self Destruction: 1
Mountie's involved: All of Canada's finest
Pickpocketed Precious: 3
Potential **** scenes avoided: 1
Flash Grenades used: 1
Vacuum Cleaners used: 1

[HyperOmar]

Awww....it was moved.

WELCOME TO MY KINGDOM!

Precious count: 50
DAT ASS count: 1
SF cartoon reference count: 1
Batman reference count: 1
Gunstar Heroes count: 1
Casino count: 1
Maruyama count: 1
Awesome beating up count: 1
Dividing by 0 count: 1
Getting topic moved count: 1

[zeldafan42]

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Freddie Mercury shows up wearing a sombrero.



This is so distracting that Green ZeldaFan manages to steal the Precious from whoever has it.


Precious count: 15
Linebeck's Precious Count: 1
Number of ZeldaFans: 4
Number of ZeldaFans in a vacuum cleaner: 1
Long winded introductions count: 1
Warm nostalgic feeling count: 3
Legend of Zelda references: 2
Diablo II references: 1
FALCON PUNCH! count: 1
Spiral power count: 2
Gattai! count: 1
Destruction of a Starbucks count: 1
Failure count: 2
Does SomethingTM count: 1
Paco the Mexican Baseball Bat count: 1
Number of times I've caused Gaffit to get smacked in the head: 1
Using myself as an example count: 1
Eating brains count: 1
Flaming Death Laser Burritos count: 1
Creatures of the sea count: A whole pile of calamari
Squirrel count: 27
Turning people into food count: 1/2
Arson count: 1
Number of posts spent flat: 2
Zombie ZeldaFan count: 2
Giant ZeldaErmine count: 1
Freddie Mercury count: 3
Hugh Laurie count: 1
Wallet looting count: 2
Loot: $6.94 (Canadian) 5 pesos, a stick of spearmint gum, a Pizza Hut coupon, Cads's left shoe, Hugh Laurie's Autograph.