Gaffit
|
|
« on: 25 July, 2009, 02:20:36 am » |
|
Jack Bauer vs. Deadpool
Day 11 Round 1:
Jack Bauer was working late at the CTU office, finishing up some paperwork from the last mission when he heard a strange “poof” sound. Grabbing his gun from his holster, Jack hid behind a cubicle to investigate the noise, knowing that he was the only man working late that night.
From the far end of the office he heard someone yell, “Where the Hell am I? Stupid Weasel can’t even trust him to fix my stupid teleporter. I’ll have to remember to “fix” his leg benders next time I see him…”
Jack Bauer maneuvered his way around the office, knowing it’s layout like the back of his hand, until he managed to get behind the source of disruption. The man was, to Jack’s surprise, dressed like some sort of ninja, wielding more weapons than most Central American countries. Jack silently snuck up on the man until he was close enough to put his pistol to the back of the man’s head and **** it. The didn’t even stiffen.
“If you were hoping to catch the American Government off guard tonight, I’m afraid you’ve only succeeded in pissing me off. Now take off your weapons or lose your head.” Jack Bauer warned.
Deadpool cocked his head to the side and said, “Do you smell something burning? I think you left your easy-bake oven on. Better go save those muffins!”
Jack Bauer fired as his opponent disappeared from right in front of him, teleporting away.
Suddenly Deadpool’s katana was at his throat, as the mercenary said from behind, “Great! You burnt the muffins. Why didn’t you save the muffins? Why?”
Jack elbowed Deadpool in the crotch, ducking his sword and taking cover behind a cubicle.
Deadpool drew an Uzi from apparently nowhere and opened fire on the cubicle Bauer hid behind, missing him by centimeters. Bauer got out from his cover and took aim, hitting Deadpool right in the heart, dropping him to the floor.
Jack walked up to his fallen opponent to see if the body had any links as to who hired him when the corpse suddenly jumped to its feet. Deadpool coughed up the bullet, pulling the bullet out from under his mask and dropping it to the floor.
“Bullets taste awful. Could you load your gun with candy next time? That’d be way more appreciated.”
Without thinking, Jack raised his gun emptied the clip into his opponent, who withstood the attack without even flinching.
“So you’re going to load it with candy now right?” Deadpool asked as he drew his katana and swung at Bauer.
Bauer rolled to the side as he reloaded his gun, filling Deadpool with bullets as he made for his weapons stash.
Bauer turned the corner of another block of cubicles and ran straight into his mercenary adversary, who’d teleported in front of him.
Bauer aimed his empty gun at his opponent before shouting, “Who are you working for?”
Deadpool looked around him to make sure Bauer was talking to him before replying, “Me? I don’t work for anyone. I’m just the man who thinks in yellow boxes.” He replied with his head cocked at an impossible angle.
Deadpool took a swipe at Bauer who grabbed his arm kneed his elbow in one swift motion, breaking Deadpool’s arm as he ran past him and retrieved a shotgun from his stash.
Bauer turned around to take aim at mercenary whose face was centimeters away from his own. Jack fired his shotgun into the Merc at point blank range, who withstood the attack without phasing.
Deadpool pulled out a pistol and pointed it at Jack’s head, “Game over Muffin Man.”
Jack looked at his opponent’s belt and spied a rack of the Merc’s grenades.
Jack pulled a single pin from a grenade in Deadpool’s collection and threw it behind him, looking Deadpool in the eyes and replying, “Meet you hell.”
Deadpool narrowed his eyes and said, “Oh you’re good Muffin Man, real good,” as his grenade belt went off, blowing the CTU headquarters to rubble in a massive explosion.
Deadpool dragged the upper half of his body through the debris, his lower half completely missing.
“When I find my legs, I’m gonna kick your corpses ass!”
|