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The Something Something Demonic Something Ever

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Marie Rose
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« Reply #315 on: 24 December, 2010, 02:07:29 pm »

TMEDCE: Chapter 46 - Extreme Paintball

It was a bright winter’s day, but that would’ve been obvious already. We turn our attentions to a large cottage in the middle of nowhere, the place where the majority of today’s ludicrous themes were to be taking place. Lily was working at the front desk, seeing how she keeps changing jobs. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Ivy fly kicked the door open as she yelled, “Dynamic entry!”

Ruby walked in right afterwards, saying, “That wasn’t necessary, Y’know…”

“Hey guys, good to see you again.” Lily greeted them. “So what’s the problem?”

“That foolish demon ate my Klondike bar!” Ruby exclaimed.

“I didn’t see your name on it! And don’t steal my gag!”

“So are you guys gonna settle this with a paintball match? Because that would really help me out.” Lily interrupted.

“Yes! Consider it done!” Ruby replied. “Now to call my potential team!”

“And I’ll do the same!” Ivy responded. After an hour or so, over a dozen of the various people they knew had turned up to take part in the paintball activity. On Ivy’s side was Amber, Damien, Rosie, Omar, Adol, Masterman, P.A.L, and Willard. Over on Ruby’s side was Crystal, Gary, the Loli Rangers, Adam, an unknown bright red robot, as well as Lolita and Leo who chose to go to the other side for unknown reasons. After gathering their teams, they sat outside to their posts in the middle of the forest.

As they got ready to do battle, Rosie looked over her gun. “Uhh, Ivy, why are these paintballs all white?”

“What’s wrong with that? Aren’t they white?”

“Well yeah, but not only white. There’s a whole mix of colours. And using only white will make it look like…”

“Like what?”

“Uhh, never mind…”

“By the way…” she glanced over at Dawn who was wearing a sombrero and had a fake mustache on. “Who are you?”

“Oh, I’m just a friendly passerby, holmes. I just figured I’d help out, right muchachos?” She said, nudging Gold and Platinum who stood beside her, wearing the same.

“Uhh, that’s right, ese. My friend here is a great hombre.” Platinum said, while Gold nodded.

“Well alright, I guess any help is appreciated.” Ivy shrugged before walking off.

As she did so, Platinum said, “That Mexican accent is rather offensive.”

“Get a sense of humor, Platinum. Gold, you liked it, right?”

“Its aight.”

“Of course you liked it.” Dawn spotted a large ball of light in the middle of the forest up ahead. Knowing who it was, she made sure no-one was looking when she left to meet with the ball of light. “Hey, didn’t think you’d show up here.”

“Dawn, what are you doing? You suddenly have time to play games now?”

“Relax, this is still part of the plan.”

“If I’m not mistaken, you’ve made little progress and have regularly failed.”

“Well yeah but in the end, whatever I do will eventually benefit the plan, right?”

“…You make a valid point.”

“Seriously, dude, you’re so stressed. Get laid, you’ll feel much better. Lighten up more, remember that time we had that pillow fight? You actually weren’t so moody.”

“I really shouldn’t be doing things like that. Also, did you give-”

“Yeah, I gave her the present. I didn’t say who sent it either. Anyway, I should check on the others, I’ll report back later.”

“Very well.” The ball of light left in the opposite direction as Dawn walked back.

As Ivy was ordering people about, Masterman approached Adol, high fiving him as he said, “Hey man, how’s it going?”

“It’s alright, **** chicks a few times a week, same old ****.”

“Big pimpin, huh? I hear ya.”

“Oh, where did you go that other time at the brothel?”

“Sorry man, you’re my bro and all but I ain’t going to jail. I had to get the **** outta there when the cops showed up. Especially with your habit of raping chicks, like that one teenage girl you met at a carnival.”

“Well she never said she wasn’t 18.”

“She didn’t get a chance, you stuffed a sock in her mouth.”

“My hand slipped.”

“Then you grabbed her and took off.”

“…I’ve got no excuses.”

Ivy looked further ahead using binoculars when P.A.L approached her. “I appreciate the help, P.A.L, but have your feelings changed any?”

“I’ve been working with NASA. After at least half a year to think, and after dozens of slaughtering, I believe I was quite rash, though your spoiled behaviour in treating me almost like dirt was uncalled for.”

“Apology accepted.”

“I never apologized.”

“But you should. I made you, therefore I can treat you how I wish.” Moments later P.A.L began strangling her.

Over on Ruby’s side, she wasn’t exactly looking forward to paintball. She sighed as her group stood nearby, examining the guns. “I’m totally gonna lose this, I barely know half you guys, the Loli Rangers are total jobbers, some of you aren’t fond of me, and I only know two people here who are experts with guns.”

“Hey! We’re not jobbers!” Loli Red exclaimed.

“When was the last time you won an important fight?”

“I don’t know, but we do!”

“Yeah, yeah, most of you guys suck ass regardless. No offensive, Adam, I have no idea what you’re capable of so far.”

“Non taken.”

“What happened to you?” Gary asked. “You’re so serious today. Like the total opposite of how you normally are. Why?”

“This **** is serious business, that’s why!”

“She always gets serious nowadays when Ivy is involved.” Crystal commented.

After a while of looking over her gun, Loli Blue asked, “How do I shot gun?”

“I’ll show you, I know gun fu.” Loli Green said, taking the paintball gun.

“Kuudere-chan, you can’t just add fu to something and have it make sense! It doesn’t work like that!”

“You don’t even know, Tsundere-chan.”

“Yes, you just don’t understand.” Lolita added.

Ruby sighed again and turned to Gary. “So, working again, huh?”

“Yes, though I still don’t like you.”

“Your dislike of me causes me to dislike you.”

“Though I feel fine, there’s a dormant pain in my heart.”

“A sense of sorrow which has been hammered in time and time again.”

“Yes.” He nodded. “Lets do this for unrequited love!” He yelled, pumping his fist in the air.

“Yeah!” Ruby responded, doing the same.

“Extreeeeeeme!” The red robot in the background screeched.

And so, the games began. The two sides rushed into the heat of battle, randomly firing paintballs at each other. Dawn watched the action from a hill further away with a pair of binoculars. As she noticed Adam down there she said, “Him again. One of my greatest works. Shame I didn’t install a self destruct mechanism. He was the one that got away…”

“You made a robot lover?” Gold asked.

“No, he just escaped the lab. Damn cheap metal doors…”

Down below, **** was insane. Loli Yellow deflected shots with her boards, Omar created robotic reinforcements, Lolita and Loli Green were easily able to wipe out tons of them working together, Damien put up several barriers to protect others, Adam was able to change his right arm into a cannon and fire large paintballs, Willard simply watched and chose not to participate, Masterman was busy texting Dawn until he eventually got hit, Ivy and Ruby ran around dodging paintballs and only attacking each other, and the red robot randomly chased people while yelling, “Extreeeeeme!” not caring as people shot at it. One large paintball aimed right for Loli Red, but Leo intercepted it with a punch, followed by Lolita kicking it back at the opposing team. Amber pushed Rosie out of the way from behind and got hit, followed by several more shots incoming.

Ivy rushed in, yelling, “Whoa! Amber just got-”

“Those are paintballs.” Rosie said, completely monotone.

“But it looks like-”

“That’s why I said there should be multicoloured balls!”

After several more minutes, they decided they should take a break and continue it some other time. Inside at the lobby, the pointless rivalry wasn’t over.

Ruby slammed her hand on a table. “In the meantime, lets settle this here on different terms. Come face me, you worthless sack of ****! We’re playing Magic the Gathering!”

“You **** idiotic pansy! On my turf we play Dungeons and Dragons, ****!”

“Extreeeeeeme!” The red robot randomly yelled in the background.

“Who the hell’s robot is that?” Ivy demanded. “Omar, is that yours?”

“I don’t recall building that one. I may rage if Dawn happens to be around here.”

“Grrrrrr!” Ruby growled at Ivy.

“Ffffffffffff!” Ivy responded moving closer.

“Whoa! Calm down, guys!” Lily said, getting in-between them. “Lets not fight here, you can do that later.”

“Very well.” Ivy nodded as she crossed her arms. “Be prepared, foolish angel! When we next meet on the battlefield, I will pwn you!” Most of her group also crossed their arms as they joined in on Ivy’s signature laugh in unison. “Lets get ready.” Ivy said, walking off.

“Lets go do the same, I’m not gonna lose to that stupid demon!” Ruby said, storming off, the others following shortly after.

And so sometime later, the deadline was approaching. Both sides were on the battlefield, preparing for the inevitable. Ruby threw Gary a woman’s purse, expecting him to make a castle using random materials, which he did so.

“I don’t think we can do this.” Loli Red said. “The pressure is too much.”

Adam placed a hand on her shoulder. “Tsundere-chan, don’t believe in yourself. Believe in me, who believes in you.”

“Y-yeah, you’re right! I feel better now.”

“I’m sure I’ve heard that somewhere…” Ruby said under her breath. “Anyway, you guys, watch out for Mancrab.”

“Who the hell is Mancrab?” Loli Black asked.

“Mancrab is Mancrab.”

Ivy’s side had already built a castle with Omar’s resources. Ivy stood on a balcony with binoculars once again when Damien approached her. She then asked, “So Damien, what’s the plan?”

“There is no plan, we charge ahead and hope for the best.”

“Fair enough. We do battle, but I shall be the one to defeat that foolish angel. No-one else touch her. It shall be by my hand she tastes the bitter sense of defeat, and she will kiss my superior, omniscient ass.“

Omar, standing further away next to Adol and Masterman, was holding a device as he exclaimed, “Great Scott! These Foe Yay levels are off the charts!”

“Now we settle this, in Paintball Kombat!”

“Marcoooooo!” Ruby yelled as they charged forward out of the castle gates.

“Poloooooooo!” Ivy yelled back while doing the same.

As usual, shots were randomly fired, even more chaotic than before as people hid behind trees and large rocks while paintballs the size of bombs and paintball lazers were thrown back and forth, but Ivy and Ruby both ignored the madness going on around them. They grappled in the middle of the destruction going on.

“Its finally come to this.” Ruby said.

“Yes, another pointless battle!”

“Then lets do this! I’m gonna **** you up!”

“You don’t know true pain. I should warn you, I like it rough.”

“Lets go! Angel on Demon action! Right here!” They then both turned to Adam who stood nearby and in unison said, “No homo.”

“I do not judge, whatever your preferences may be are none of my concern.”

The red robot ran around chasing people once again and was eventually shot in the face, at which point it ran in the wrong direction and tumbled down a hill as it shouted, “Extreeeeeme!”

“You stupid robot!” Ruby yelled back, turning her attention away long enough for Ivy to tackle her. They rolled around while being hit by a large number of paintballs and eventually rolled down the same hill. They bashed into trees several times and eventually stopped by a small lake, them still punching each other. In the background the red robot’s helmet had fallen off, and it turned out to be Poison under the helmet. As they turned around to notice this, Poison quickly grabbed it and shoved it back on, yelling, “Extreeeeeme!” to ease the awkwardness, at which point Ivy and Ruby went back to fighting.

Following a montage of the ridiculous battle featuring such highlights as Adam drilling through a meteor thrown by Amber, Mancrab arriving to aid Omar and wiping out the Loli Rangers immediately which effectively reduced them to jobbers, Willard and Damien discussing Global Warming, as well as Spring and Floyd arriving via driving a car into the battlefield and unloading 10 shots into Ruby. Dawn left to go plan something else at this point.

“This is just a paintball game, Y’know.” Crystal said.

“You can never be too sure.” Floyd replied, firing one more bullet.

As Rosie leaped behind a stone wall, she heard Ivy yell, “Look out, it’s a rogue enemy. An evil hopper!”

“Is it from space?”

“No, just an evil hopper.”

“It would’ve been cooler, had it been from space.”

“Yes, that would have been cool.”

After Ruby coming back to life, ten minutes later the Paintballing stopped and looking around them they noticed a majority of the area was covered in multicoloured paint.

“Today sure was fun, huh?” Ivy said.

“Yeah, this was actually pretty awesome.” Ruby replied.

“A shame Poison couldn’t be here though, this seems like the kind of thing he really wouldn’t wanna miss out on.” The red robot further back began whistling as she finished.

“By the way, I found the Klondike rapper.” She pulled it out of her nonexistent pocket. “See, my name is actually on it.” She pointed to a small bit on the side which said “Property of Ruby Clear.”

“Oh ****, it really did have your name on it. Sorry then, my bad.”

“Its okay, because I learned something today.”

“Its not a spoof aesop, is it?” The red robot asked. Half the people nearby quirked an eyebrow at the robot, as it was the only basic sentence it had said all day.

“Nope.” Ruby shook her head. “it’s a thought provoking and surprisingly essential lesson.”

“So what did you learn?” Ivy asked.

“I learned that
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