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Marie Rose
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real post this time
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On the planet known as Hell it was a typical mean-spirited and cruel year,
but fuck that shit, Christmas was nearly here.
In the midst of the Devil’s most extravagate, exceptional castle which he called a home,
A beautiful, magnificent, elegant and intelligent pink haired girl, sat in her room, all alone.
This wonderful girl had been reading up on the many important aspects of Christmas, like food and presents,
Remembering the one time in the past during that other Christmas chapter which really didn’t make much sense.
That old bastard who called himself Santa Claus denied such a wonderful demon her presents, he truly didn’t deserve to call himself by that name.
So she decided, screw that stingy old faggot, she will instead just beat him at his own game!
She would deliver a wide range of presents to her loved ones, people she once and still did consider enemies, and to others in general,
But getting that many presents would require tons of money, so where would she possibly acquire it all?
So she visited her dad during work to ask for a shitload of money,
Which he gave her, I have no extra rhyming joke which may be informative or funny.
“So what kinds of presents should I get for my friends and family?” The demon said, clearly musing.
She later stormed the streets, picking a ton of gifts at the stores of her choosing.
Now all she had to do was wrap them up and give everyone else a big surprise,
“When they see what presents I get them, they won’t believe their eyes!”
Having wrapped up the presents, Ivy contacted Poison and told him to hurry back, post-haste.
Surely the time to put this plan into action shouldn’t just go to waste.
He arrived at her room, and saw her wearing a Santa suit, she was ready to get started.
Poison sighed deeply and then he simply uttered, “This is retarded.”
“Fool!” She declared, giving him the pointy finger. “My current appearance does not matter!”
The green haired boy asked, “So is this an evil scheme or for a good cause?”, and she replied, “The latter.”
He decided not to ask further on the details concerning this event,
The night was still young, so off they went!
Ivy contacted her old pet Nookie, chatting crap about means justifying the ends,
So he did her a favour and called up some of his old friends.
They lined themselves up in front of her ship, the view similar to a slay,
Though Ivy would have to re-paint the ship, she shrugged and said, “Well what the hey.”
She re-painted over the black paint with a red and white color scheme, with the utmost care,
She glanced over at the Sega logo still on the side and nodded, “Yep, its still there.”
I shall take a moment to explain the point of that, so listen up, yo.
It’s a reference far back to the middle of chapter 1, the more you know.
Ivy asked Poison to put on an elf costume which she just happened to have,
At first he was reluctant, but he reconsidered an-
“No, I didn’t.” Poison replied to narrator, turning to face whatever direction the voice was coming from.
Poison, feeling guilty about refusing his master’s Christmas wish,
Decided to put on the outfit-
“I’m pretty sure I didn’t.” Poison replied once more.
A costume change, a jumpcut, and they were now in the slay, ready to go,
To be the most demonic Santa ever, ho ho ho!
Poison wasn’t pleased with this bullshit, he gave this compassionate narrator an evil stare,
But since I can’t be reasoned with or tortured, I really don’t care.
They arrived at a training site, high above where Rosie and Leo were at,
They threw some presents down and soared off within five seconds flat,
Ignoring the presents for the moment, Rosie began to look around,
She turned to Leo and asked, “Am I the only one hearing that sound?”
Ivy dumped a present or two outside Amber’s place, the bitch who regularly did smut,
Ever since maturing and rising in power she really has become a slut.
“Should I give presents to other demons?” Ivy wondered, thinking of those poor unfortunate souls,
Then she remembered, “Nah, most demons are fucking assholes.”
They soared throughout space, far and wide to old places she had once seen,
She could have just gone back home instead, but that would be mean.
They flew through the planet which called itself Heaven,
Dropping presents and receiving thanks for the good will which was given.
Proceeding to her once personal planet of operations and her secondary turf,
The next stop was the planet known as Earth.
On the list of people she would decide to deliver presents too-
“So you’re actually going down chimney’s?” Poison asked. Ivy replied, “Not me, you.”
The first stop were the young, odd and inexperienced Loli Rangers,
Providing gifts which they could use during their many future dangers.
Next on the list was the mad scientist, Omar, one guy they don’t actually like,
If he didn’t like the present, whatever, he could just go take a hike.
Adol was a sick, twisted son of a bitch who lived in a eerie abandoned town,
But maybe a thoughtful present or two could turn his (supposed) frown upside down.
Another bizarre individual was Masterman, who was pretty beast-masterful,
“He’s lucky to even receive any presents.” Ivy said. “Just any at all.”
Through some rather complicated means, Poison was able to locate Willard, Lord of the Shrubs,
Even the dark one himself could not escape Christmas presents, despite him being harder to reach outside those Evil Council clubs.
There were a few others which were brought to my attention,
But you probably already know, so it doesn’t really need a mention.
Oddly, as they flew by a rooftop they noticed Lolita down below wearing a reindeer outfit,
Without a single word, she handed them 3 presents. 2 for them, 1 for another, that’s it.
Entrusting her to deliver this present was somewhat of a shock, even if she was on the ball,
But Ivy knew just how to deal with such an unusual request, by using a dimensional portal.
The present reached the abrasive and obsessive Shinigami, Pandora, before she knew it,
“What the hell could this be?” She wondered. “Some clothes? Some money? A weapons kit?”
What she had received was a photo album of her times with Lolita, treasured memories of the past,
The hate and psychotic tendencies she once had were somewhat diminished at last.
Ivy and Poison had now finished up, there couldn’t be anyone they possibly forgot,
But something ahead was charging straight at them, be careful you guys, it looks like a homing shot.
It was a certain familiar angel who stopped close by as the slay landed,
She wore a green fluffy suit, and a curly moustache, it wasn’t very clever handed.
Before Ruby could come up with some bullshit to extend the length of this chapter,
Ivy approached the foolish angel before she opened her mouth and nonchalantly slapped her,
“We’ve had a lot of history together, even though your presence I would regularly condescend,
But you still kept going, whatever the cost, so this one is for you, my foolish friend.”
Ruby was stunned, she called her a friend, she had no idea what to say,
What happened? It seems that Ivy’s heart grew three sizes today-
“No it didn’t.” Ivy replied, turning to the narrator. “it’s a one-off.”
Through a series of Hey’s, Hi’s and promises in-between,
They greeted each other on this holiday, the last one being Halloween,
Ruby chose not to answer the deal with the costume and then she was on her way,
Around that time the real Santa Claus arrived, in his signature slay.
“Well, well, look who it is.” He said, with a jolly smile.
It really had been quite a while,
Partially taking over his job, Ivy somewhat expected him to throw some kind of fit,
Though he really just looked like he was getting too old for this shit.
Santa got back in his slay, ready to go back to work.
Before he did he actually gave them both a present, because he didn’t want to seem like a jerk.
“Say hi to Lucifer for me.” He said as he left, didn’t matter what the details were,
She waved goodbye, turned to Poison and asked, “Who the hell is Lucifer?”
He ignored her stupidity and got back in the ship, but Ivy missed something he did not,
All this time she had not given her servant, Harry Johnson a present, she must have forgot-
“Uh, no I didn’t forget.” Ivy replied, turning to the narrator once more. “It would have had no meaning to do it earlier, a quiet peaceful time like this would make more sense, don’t you think?”
Yes, yes, very well. May I continue with my narration?
“Yes, you may.”
Ivy poked Poison in the back and handed him a present as he turned around
But he declined, “I don’t need a present, my happiness has already been found.”
The air was freezing cold and the wind was awfully breezy,
Ivy groaned, “What you just said was pretty damn cheesy.”
And so ended a rather odd transition from a very typical night,
Someone else could also win a odd transition, but only if the price is right.
Some time later after they had finally arrived home,
There were a ton of presents under a dying old tree, which they couldn’t have known.
The presents Rosie and Leo received were some outrageous S&M gear,
Whatever their personal fetishes were, in Hell, they had nothing to fear.
Amber got a stylish fire themed outfit which was befitting a demon lord and not skimpy,
She was thankful simply for the fact that it didn’t look wimpy.
The Loli Rangers awoke to have received 5 brand new suits,
Which came with a stylish matching helmet to boot.
What Omar received was a CD track of sinister themes,
He could possibly use it as inspiration during some evil schemes.
Adol got a new cardboard box, because his current one was pretty outdated,
He didn’t use it that much, but it wasn’t a gift he hated.
Masterman was given a pair of neon red shades, those haters don’t even know.
“Those shades are whack.” One henchwoman said. He promptly slapped her. “Shut yo mouth, hoe!”
Willard received two tickets to a horrific paradise, something which he might yearn
So he brought along his equally creepy eldritch girlfriend, I wonder how soon they will return.
What Ruby got was well received, and she could clearly tell,
And what she got was really too much for this foolish angel.
Ivy also had a present for Damien, which she gave him after coming back,
To make up for some negative traits she may currently lack.
Her friends and family sat down around the dead tree together,
While some sat on the furniture, made from hard leather.
But what’s this? There were still more presents to share!
No other Christmas could possibly compare.
Rosie looked around a little more. “Seriously, can anyone else hear that voice?”
“Just shut up and open your presents.” Ivy replied.
And so we end this unintentionally long and bare bones chapter, about a Christmas unracially white,
Were doing it, man, were making this HAPEN RIGHT
As this viewpoint zooms out far, and out of sight,
I wish you all happy holidays, a merry Christmas, and to all a good night.
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