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Marie Rose
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I'm like a week late, but shit happens
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TMEDCE: Obtuse Vertical Angle
It was a blah blah blah day, as usual. Pandora was walking around blah blah, and approached a garage where Damien and Poison happened to be at that moment. As she entered, the two were standing around a table with Damien writing down something. As they noticed her, Poison waved while Damien greeted her, “Good evening, Pandora.”
“Hello, what’s going on? I went to visit Lolita but she’s just sitting in a dark room and refuses to move. What did you do?”
“You’ve already assumed the worst, I see. To be brief, there’s a tag-team racing event coming up shortly and I decided not to have her as my partner so you could fill that place. That would please you, would it not?”
“Yes, I suppose it would, but what’s this about a race?”
“It’s a long story, we naturally do things like this.”
“But I don’t get it, why would you do this for me?”
“Well we’re friends, right? You’re always so needy and such an attention seeker that I figured I’d help you out.”
“You won’t raise any extra flags with me.”
“I’m unsure what that means but it wasn’t my intention.”
Poison began to leave as he said, “Hey, I gotta get going, apparently it’s something urgent. We’ll get the list sorted by tomorrow, right?”
“Yes, I should have the choices narrowed down by then.” Damien nodded.
Poison took off and went straight to an empty area by the beach where Ivy was waiting. “About time you got here!” She exclaimed.
“So what’s so urgent?”
Her expression suddenly turned from anger into one befitting a cry for help as she ran in circles. “I don’t know what to do! First I-and then there was- Then this didn’t-and it’s all messed up!”
“Speaking in complete sentences would help a great deal.”
She stopped running and took a deep breath. “Okay. Well as you know I’m pretty concerned about my development recently.”
“Pretty sure everyone knows by now.”
“So I saw my future self and she told me when it was going to happen. According to her, my growth spurt should have happened exactly 2 days, 9 hours, 23 minutes and 47 seconds ago.”
“I see you’re keeping track of the seconds now.”
“But I haven’t changed! I figured it was because I stayed up late, wondering how it would happen, then I figured, maybe my body subconsciously develops. Like, I need to turn off most of the lights for my body to work its magic. But I waited and waited patiently like a good little girl, BUT IT HASN’T HAPPENED! WHY?!?”
“Maybe your future self got the date a little wrong?”
“Yeah, but she wouldn’t forget something so important like this!”
“The way you react, that’s probably true…”
“I know! I’ll build a time-travelling machine, go back there and demand that she relay those details again!”
“Maybe what happened in that time is different here, maybe it just won’t happen.”
“Don’t say that! It’s gotta be a fuck-up! I knew it, you’re a pedo, aren’t you? You don’t want me to change!”
“I’m not a pedo.”
“Laugh it up, ****.” She pointed at him. “Enjoy this young body while you can because soon enough I shall evolve and become a mature woman!”
“Are you even listening to yourself? That sentence was beyond creepy.”
“Whatever! I’ll solve this for sure, then you’ll see! Everyone will see!” She yelled as she stormed off.
“Nice talking with you.” Poison said sarcastically.
The next morning, showcasing a scene which would technically be a little out of context to place here, we join The two rangers who commentated during the Team Deathmatch event, White and Green as they sat behind a desk.
“Good morning, viewers. We’re back again, White.”
“And Green. It’s great to be back, White.”
“Sure is, Green. But lets get down to the meat of things. Coming up in just a few days is the annual marathon race, as I’m sure you’re all aware. Of course, anyone who wants to participate will need a partner and a working vehicle, not to mention toning down so you aren’t blatantly cheating.”
“It is okay to cheat as long as you’re subtle about it.” Green added. “No-one likes braggers.”
“While I say anyone can join, there’s a limit of around 500 people, so yeah, not much more than that. It’s honestly first come, first served in confirmation of who’s participating. The details of the course will be given on the day to avoid any shenanigans, nor will info concerning those participating and their vehicles be disclosed for safety reasons.”
“If you wanna sabotage other racers vehicles, do it in your own time and figure those details out yourself.” Green added.
“So good luck to all those who wish to participate, and we’ll see you there at the starting grid.”
And so, back to the story. Poison met Ivy again the next morning in the same location. As Ivy showed up, she now wore a backwards red cap, a bat-styled black hoodie, baggy blue jeans and had her hands in her pockets. “What up?” She said.
While stunned for a few moments, he then replied. “That’s cute.”
“It’s not cute!” She grabbed her hat and threw it to the ground then called Kate. “Dammit, Kate! You said this style was cool!”
“It is, girl! Not my fault you can’t pull it off. Anyway, peace out.” She then hung up.
Ivy sighed before Poison asked, “So what’s the occasion? Made that time-travelling machine?”
“Halfway done, actually. I still haven’t changed yet and I wanted to try something different is all. I thought I would look cool…”
“Wanting to look cool is cute.”
“No it’s not! Shut up!”
“That’s a really touchy subject, huh?”
“It’s not good. There was one time my mom and her two friends were talking about how planets get conquered and that they should go kill one of the weak-ass races out there. Anyway, I said how I could have easily taken over the Earth numerous times while I was there. They laughed at this, saying shit like how “little Ivy could never do such an evil thing” and when I tried to prove them wrong, they tickled me into submission till I couldn’t talk back anymore!”
“Is tickling just your weakness now or something?”
“Have you ever been tickled into submission?”
“Thankfully I haven’t, nor do I know someone who would want to do that…I think.”
“Then clearly you wouldn’t understand.”
“That phrase is beginning to annoy me…”
“Anyway, once my growth spurt happens, no-one will be able to justify their tickling with shit like, “It’s cute.”, “It warms my heart.” or other shit.”
“Yeah, then it’ll become more of a fetish and even more embarrassing when you wet yourself from repeated tickling.”
“We’ll see. Oh, we also gotta go prepare a vehicle for a race.”
“I’m already doing it with Damien.”
“…Huh?”
“I already agreed to be his partner a few days ago.”
“W-wait a minute! What about me?”
“You’ve got tons of friends now, haven’t you?”
“Yeah but-”
“This really shouldn’t be such a big deal.”
“Fine! Go be with your boyfriend, Damien, see if I care!”
“Now you’re just being silly.”
“Clearly you hate me and I’m a nuisance, I get it.”
“I don’t think that. What, you want me to go over that here?”
“It might help…”
“Well, I like how determined you usually are to prove yourself. If someone says you can’t do something you’ll normally go to great lengths merely to prove them wrong…which normally doesn’t happen. Also, I like how blunt and honest you can be about what you like and dislike. If someone smelt bad, you’d be the first one or sometimes the only one to point it out while others would just avoid that person, though that bluntness can be annoying at times too. I like how nowadays you’re technically a good person but when making moral choices you’d rather wait for someone to give you a flimsy excuse to help a person just so your “evil reputation” isn’t compromised.”
“It would help if some of that didn’t seem like backhanded insults…”
“Just being totally honest.”
“Uh-huh. Anyway, go on.”
“What?”
“Keep going, praise me more.”
“It’s amusing these days how much you want to be spoiled or praised and is nowhere near as aggravating in the past when you try to demand it from others, because that’s cute.”
“That’s it, I’ve heard enough.”
“Still think it’s cute.”
“Okay, but, um, am I s-sexy?”
“Hell no.” Poison ducked under a sand boulder. “But that nervousness is cute.”
“No its not! Stop saying that word!”
“Your outbursts are cute too.”
“NO. ITS. NOT! I’m not cute, damnit! Stop mocking me!”
“I suppose an angry Ivy is cute too, maybe not as cute as nervous Ivy though.”
“I’m seriously going to kill you!”
“I guess a murderous Ivy is kinda cute as well…”
“Oh, I see what you’re doing now.” She smiled confidently and crossed her arms. “Well that won’t work on the likes of me anymore.”
“An Ivy that catches on is cuter than murderous Ivy, but below angry Ivy.” Ivy frowned and remained silent as she turned around and walked off, while Poison kept talking. “An Ivy who walks away is also quite cute.” Ivy began to walk faster. “It’s cuter when you do that.” Ivy then began running as Poison yelled, “That’s also cute!”
Meanwhile, Pandora visited Lolita again who still sat in a chair within a dark room. “Lolita, are you there?” There was no response. “I think we should take part in the race together, I would be glad to be your partner.”
As if the lights were connected to her mood, they suddenly switched on as Lolita turned to her. “You would?”
“Yes, I believe we can beat all the other competitors.”
“B-but…”
“Lolita, do you know why Damien didn’t have you as his partner?”
“I have displeased him…”
“Pretty sure that’s not it, he’s testing you, Lolita.”
“He is?”
“Yes, he wants to see what you’re made of. So we need to go out there and win, show him that you’re an awesome wife!”
Lolita got up. “Yes! That makes total sense! That must be it!”
“Yeah.” Pandora then quietly said, “Though I made that up and it makes very little sense.”
In the garage where Damien and Poison were the day before, Damien was now reading out his list to Poison. “So putting aside Lolita and Pandora, I’m pretty sure at least two of the demon lords will compete so we’ll get to that eventually, there’s a group of bikers called the ‘Heaven’s Demons.” who we’ll need to get a little rough with, there’s this punk rocker we’ll also have to pay a visit to. A woman I know will also be an issue, but she’s a deep sleeper and also really irritable when awake so that can wait till night.”
“So that’s all the people that we need to sabotage?”
“Just the primary ones.”
“What about Lolita and Pandora?”
Damien sat down as he talked. “We don’t want everyone handicapped for this event, we’re just thinning out the herd. But it’s not fun if there’s no challenge in this.”
“Fair enough. So who do we target first?”
“I’d suggest the punk rocker, I want that done early.”
Suddenly, Pandora entered the garage wearing different clothing from her usual attire. She wore blue jeans, and a black short sleeved shirt with the words “15 Years Old.” on the front. Poison waved again while Damien greeted her. “Good morning, Pandora, how kind of you to join us. How’s life?”
“Life is an endless descent of misery and despair.”
“Sounds to me like someone needs a hug.”
“I’m fine. You still haven’t explained what you were doing yesterday.”
“Feel free to read the list.”
As she approached the table, she sat in Damien’s lap as she started reading, and while surprised by her actions, he merely accepted it.
“So you’re going to sabotage competitors vehicles? How expected of demons.” She said, looking up.
“Just living up to expectations.” Poison shrugged.
“You’re free to join us if you wish.” Damien added.
“I’m not sure yet, this seems rather cruel.” Pandora replied, as she moved around.
“Believe it or not, this is normal. Hell, there’s probably a few other competitors targeting us right now. It’s pretty much why contestants keep the details of their vehicles under wraps and in private locations. It’s just common sense.” Poison responded.
“Well, alright then, guess that’s fair.” Pandora said, moving around some more.
“Pandora, aren‘t you a little too old to be doing childish things like this?” Damien asked.
“I’m younger than Lolita so its fine, or am I disturbing you? ”
“That’s no excuse, besides, we can’t proceed with today’s plans if I just sit here, and I’d prefer not to throw you across the garage, so if you’d please.”
“Very well.” She replied, getting up. “Hmm, I’m rather annoyed, and yet at the same time I’m a little impressed.”
Damien ignored her and pulled out a wooden box in the corner. At that point, Poison said, “We might wanna consider Kate as a compe-”
Suddenly, Kate popped out of a trash can right next to Poison and raised her hand as she said, “What up?”
“Oh, hey Kate.” Poison replied, acting like this was normal. “You…didn’t hear certain things in there, did you?”
“Nah, I was sleeping then I heard my name so I got sprung.”
“Uh-huh.”
Kate glanced over at Pandora. “Oh, who’s that?”
“We’ve met before.”
“Really?”
“You kept poking my cheek.”
“Oh! You’re the doll girl!”
“I’m not a d-” Kate started poking her cheek again, at which point Pandora slapped her. “That’s incredibly rude.”
“Sorry, I can’t help it sometimes. So, you’re one of those shinimabob’s like Lolita, huh? You guys are so unusual. You’re like, dead, but function like living people. Your cheek even feels warm, HOW DOES THAT WORK? Do you have to breathe? Eat? If you barely feel pain do you barely feel pleasure?”
“Why are you asking me all those creepy things?” Pandora asked, moving back.
“Because I wanna know! You fascinate me, I just wanna place you on an operating table and split you open so I can figure out how you function!”
“What is wrong with you?!?”
“I’m a gentle girl, let me touch you a little, share saliva, maybe smell you a bit.” She placed her hands on Pandora and pinned her against a wall, then whispered, “I want to know what your pee tastes like, can I drink it?”
Pandora kicked her through a wall. “Enough! Stay away from me! If you come within 5 feet of me I’ll kill you!”
“That’s how some people naturally react after meeting Kate.” Poison replied.
As Kate walked back in, she asked, “What’s your problem? I just wanna drink your pee!”
“Drink my fist!” Pandora yelled as she punched her.
“Eat is more appropriate.” Poison said.
Moving on, they were on their way to the first target when they encountered a girl as Kate was buying something in a convenience store. She patted Poison on the back and waved as he turned to her. She had short black messy hair, wore a reindeer patterned jumper and red skirt. “Hi! This may sound odd but I’ve got a race in a few days and I need help with some things.”
Poison glanced at Damien who shook his head. “I’m not sure if-”
“Pretty please?”
“I’d really like to but-”
“Oh, I remember now! You were that guy with the wrestling moves at the Deathmatch event!”
“You saw that?”
“Yeah, I figured I knew you from somewhere, I thought that was really cool.” She said with a smile.
Poison turned to Damien and said, “I really think we should help her, dude.”
Damien sighed. “Fine, we’ll help.”
“You will? Yay!” She threw her hands up. “Nice to meet you, I’m Daisy.”
As Kate was done and they accompanied her to her house, Damien, Poison and Pandora walked behind Kate and Daisy who got on surprisingly well.
“I’m still unclear as to why we’re ignoring the plan.” Damien said.
“This won’t take long, calm down.” Poison replied.
“Weren’t you guys meant to sabotage, not fix?” Pandora asked.
“Sadly this is one of Harry’s more annoying traits.” Damien began. “His insistence to help young women by any means necessary. If she were a boy, he wouldn’t care.”
“That’s not true! I’m not a discriminator, I help if I can.”
“So you say but I rarely see it. I’ve been studying you for a while and I came to a conclusion: You feel the need to help other girls, whether or not they feel they need it, to make yourself feel more at peace because you need a purpose in life to keep going. You hide behind several mental walls, by attempting to be cool, or aloof, or just friendly, but you can’t fool me. It’s said that your closest friends are more likely to know you better than you know yourself, especially if you remain in denial.”
“So he’s like an internet white knight. How sad.” Pandora commented.
“I’m not like that! Your conclusion is false and absurd.”
“Well you certainly do have a lot of female friends, and interact with a lot of girls in general.” Damien shrugged.
“Guys can’t have female friends?”
“I never said that.”
“Just for the record, I consider you a friend too.” Pandora added.
“That’s not helping.” Poison replied. “Anyway, you’re still wrong.”
“Believe what you want.” Damien shrugged again. “But once again you’ve become acquainted with another young woman.”
“She also looks pretty big.” Pandora added.
“If you mean fat, I disagree.” Poison replied. “She’s, uhh, what’s that word? Plump? Yeah, that’s it. Like above average but not what you’d consider pure fat. Like having firm areas to grab, y’know? Like-”
“Feel free to stop anytime.” Damien replied.
“Yeah, I probably should.”
As they arrived at her place, she explained everything by the time they got to her backyard.
“So let me get this straight,” Poison began. “You just recently signed up, you don’t have any kind of vehicle for the race, you don’t have a partner, and you don’t even know how to drive!”
“Ehehehehe~” Daisy laughed at her incompetence while rubbing the back of her neck.
“Don’t ’Ehehehehe~’ me! You’re not even trying! Why did you even ask for help when you haven’t even started? You’ve only got 2 days, that’s not enough time for all this.”
“I can get the other things, I just need a working vehicle, oh, and a partner. I swear I’ll get my act together.”
Poison turned to Damien who shrugged. “Fair enough, we’ve got business. Feel free to contact us when you learn how to drive.”
“I will! Thank you!” She waved as they left.
They proceeded to their original destination in silence, aside from Kate who would try to start conversations but eventually stopped trying. They approached the door of the punk rocker and rang the doorbell.
A man answered the door. He had a rainbow Mohawk, wore black shades, had many tattoos and piercings all over his body, and wore a black sleeveless shirt and pants. “Who are you guys?”
“Hey, I’m grump.” Damien replied.
“I’m not so grump.” Poison added.
“So what brings you here?” He asked.
“We came to sabotage your vehicle.” Damien responded.
“Alright, come on in.” And so they did, and he talked as they walked. “Name’s Mike btw, I know, that’s not a cool name for a rocker as awesome as myself but that’s life. Wait, aren’t you that guy who led one of the teams in the recent Deathmatch event. There was also that really serious chick in all black, doing all stylish shit and all.”
“That’s my wife.”
“Oh shit, you married her? That’s awesome, man. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.”
“So why come to me anyway?”
“Yeah, why him?” Poison asked.
“He has a lot of explosives.” Damien replied.
“That’s true. Got a lot of C4 in the basement right now.”
“Let’s have a little talk, Mike.” Damien said, placing his arm around him and leaving the others. They were done talking pretty shortly and apparently resolved any issue while the others were inspecting his vehicle.
Mike approached Pandora who was standing off to the side. “So are you one of my fans?”
“I’ve never hear-”
“It’s cool, a lot of them are too embarrassed to ask for autographs, I notice.”
“Gee, I wonder why.”
“A lot of girls like me, because I’m awesome.”
“I don’t. You also remind me of another person with a Mohawk I didn’t like. In fact, I don’t like Mohawks. I also don’t like sleazy people, utter slobs, moronic people, people seeking attention, people who wear clothing with words on them-”
“Nice shirt, btw.”
“Misogynistic people, people who take their feminist views too far, people who hit on me, and people who continue to hit on me after knowing how old I am.”
“You seem as high-strung as some of my fans, they’ll kick him or suplex me and such, but it’s still totally worth that sensation.”
“Why? Are you so pathetic that any female touch, even an abusive or ignorant touch is enough to designate yourself to a role lower than a living being with dignity?”
“What if I said yes?”
“I’d call you a waste of flesh with no self respect to be worth wasting my breath on.”
“Feel free to let it all out, let me have it.”
“Very well then.” Pandora punched him in the stomach, kicked him to the ground and started stomping on him. The others could see this but ignored it. “What a lowlife worm, masochists really are the worst. Your existence is more meaningless than the dirt beneath my shoe. Men are such stupid creatures, constantly controlled by their lower halves, unwilling to look at the bigger picture. Trying to control everything like insecure maggots. While on the subject, I feel I might just enslave you myself.”
“Yes!”
“I’ll treat you like my own personal furniture.”
“YES!”
“I’ll sit on you all day.”
“YES!"
“I’ll fart in your face.”
“If you want, I guess, that’s not really my thing but-”
“Oh second thought, I don’t feel like it.”
“What I really meant was, all of my YES.”
Just then, Damien picked her up as he said, “Come on, Pandora, we’re done here. Good doing business with you, Mike.” The four of them then left.
“No problem, come back anytime.” Mike replied.
As they left in silence, when they were down the street Kate then said, “I think he had like 6 tattoos.”
“I have a tattoo on my back as well.” Damien replied.
“I have one on my upper left thigh.” Pandora responded.
After more silence, Damien said, “So later, I show you mine, you show me yours?”
“Sure.”
Meanwhile, Ivy was in her room and had just called her father. “Daaaaaaad, people keep calling me cute and it’s really annoying me. Tell them to stop.”
“I can’t just force them to stop, Ivy.”
“I’m pretty sure you could.”
“Yeah, but this is your problem. Why do you think they keep calling you cute?”
“I dunno, I’ve done many evil things, but they forget that. They just keep winding me up.”
“There’s your problem. If people know it annoys you, then they’re going to keep doing it, so you have to either deal with it or make them take you seriously.”
“…I see. Thanks, dad.”
“Remember, keep representing.”
“Geez, dad, that was like two seasons ago!”
Damien, Poison, Pandora and Kate were on a rooftop close to a big house and Kate was looking at it through binoculars while Pandora was opening a suitcase. She brought out three rabbit suits, handing a blue one to Damien and a beige one to Poison. “Since I’ve been told this is somewhat of a stealth mission, I figured these suits were appropriate just in case.”
“Yeah, but why?” Poison asked.
“You once said I remind you of a bunny.”
“You still remember that?”
“I don’t forget.”
“Also, why couldn’t I have green?”
“Because it doesn’t begin with ‘B’.”
“It also stands out less.” Damien said.
“What about me?” Kate asked.
“Prepare a gateway vehicle in case our heavy sleeper wakes up too soon.” Pandora shot a wire down between the rooftop and the chimney, which they moved across instead of just flying, and climbed down the chimney. As they roamed around slowly, noticing how things were set up as well as a big loaf of cheese left on the kitchen counter, they quickly knew the owner was upstairs from the faint snoring. It didn’t take long to find the vehicle and get to work on messing with its parts & exhaust. They were done within a few minutes and were ready to make a clean escape.
Unfortunately, they hadn’t taken notice that the snoring had stopped. As they went through the kitchen, Damien stopped. “Wait a minute.” He pointed at the kitchen counter. “Someone cut the cheese.”
“Wasn’t me.” Poison shrugged.
“I didn’t do it.” Pandora said.
“There’s no need to lie out of embarrassment, Pandora.” Damien replied.
“I swear I didn’t cut the cheese.”
“Harry was beside me the whole way, you wondered off for a little while. Denial only makes it worse, and here I thought you‘d gotta over that habit. You‘re even more ashamed to admit it.”
“I DIDN’T CUT ANY CHEESE! SHUT UP ALREADY!”
A blonde haired woman just wearing a white tank top and panties walked in from the other room after hearing the noise, eating some cheese. “The fuck? Rabbit cosplayers? Not in my house!”
She compressed a small ball of air and threw it, knocking the counter across the room as Damien, Poison and Pandora ran, with the woman right on their tail.
“Wait, she has wind powers?” Poison asked. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“It wasn’t important.” Damien said.
“I’ll hold her off while you guys go.”
“Pretty sure there’s no need.”
“It’s alright, I got this.”
“Does fighting another wind user turn you on or something?” Pandora asked.
“A little.”
“…”
“I’m joking.”
“I doubt that.”
Kate drove through a wall in a jeep and honked. They quickly showed up and jumped in through the windows, then Kate quickly did a U-turn and drove off as the woman started throwing tornadoes but they were long gone.
Meanwhile, Ivy met Rosie at WcDonalds and they sat at a table where Rosie ate a Big Wac as Ivy talked. “So I had a scary dream last night. I dreamt we were at the beach, and you were rubbing suntan lotion on me, but you were doing it with your midriff, and then you rubbed your midriff all over my face, and I liked it.”
“That says more about you than it does about me, and what’s your problem with my midriff?”
“I can’t help but notice what’s regularly there. Anyway, I need you to be my partner in the race.”
“Sorry, I’m not planning on entering.”
“What?!? But you regularly enter the events!”
“Yeah, the physical ones, I enjoy those more. Not really interested this time.”
“Very well. I hope you choke on that burger.” Ivy said, getting up.
“That’s cute.”
Ivy chose not to respond, and just left quickly. She contacted Goldia and met her close by. As she arrived, Ivy pointed at her and said, “Goldia! Be my racing partner!”
“Unfortunately, I must decline, my lady.”
“Huh? Why?!?”
“I’ve already agreed to be my previous master’s partner. She wishes to make up for past times, I’m willing to listen.”
“But what about us?! You’re turning on me?!?”
“Nothing of the sort, it’s just this once. Now I must go, I wish you luck, my lady.” Goldia bowed and left as Ivy yelled insults at her.
Later on, Damien and Poison were getting ready to go to sleep in a random room that I won’t go into detail about, and were sharing the same bed. Pandora called Damien and he answered. “Want a bedtime story?”
“Sorry to disturb, but could I sleep with you guys?”
“What’s the problem?”
“While I have a place that I share with Dawn, she’s not here and I’ve heard noises. I think that crazy woman is in my closet. I don’t want to be alone right now.”
“Fine, come if it’s really so scary being alone.”
“Thank you, I also wear pajamas. I don’t sleep naked, sorry to disappoint you.”
“I never cared.”
“Well you’ve already seen me naked so I thought you were expecting that.”
“When will you stop bringing that up?”
“Never.”
The next morning, Lolita called Pandora while sitting in the same chair. “So how are things going?”
“Just fine, Damien and Harry are sabotaging vehicles and doing deals with other competitors. Do you have a vehicle prepared for us?”
“I do, it’s in good hands. Continue to accompany them for the time being.” Lolita started drinking a glass of water. “Are you still getting along?”
“Very much so, just this morning I joined Damien in the shower.” Lolita spat out the water. “Just kidding.” As she started drinking away, Pandora added, “Damien joined me in the shower.” As she spat out the water again, Pandora said, “Kidding again.”
Daisy had called Poison early that morning and so the four of them went to meet her at a clothing store. As Poison and Damien stood around, Poison said, “Actually, I do have a lot of male friends. There’s Leo, Gary, Toby, Tom and also Richard, they aren’t all female.”
“The fact that you need to bring up that subject again after so long clearly means you’re concerned over my conclusion.” Damien replied.
“I’m just proving I’m not biased towards women. I’m not that nice either.”
“Metaphorically speaking, true, but that’s beside the point.”
Daisy ran up to them with two bikini’s and asked, “Hey guys, which should I buy: Blue or yellow?”
“The blue would match your eyes.” Poison responded.
“That’s true! Thanks! You guys seem pretty close.”
“That’s because they’re a gay couple.” Pandora said, appearing from nowhere.
“Oh! I can totally see that!”
“Really?” Poison asked in disbelief.
“There’s not another man in my life who could ever take Harry’s place.” Damien said.
“Yeah, I feel the same way.” Poison said sarcastically. “Damien will always be my Fluffy Bear.”
“Harry will always be my Cuddle Bunny.”
“Can I see you guys kiss?” Daisy asked.
“No.” They said in unison.
Outside the shop, Ivy was talking with Kate. “Kate, I need you to be my partner.”
“No can do, girl. I ain’t racing, I’m gonna be a commentator instead.”
“Really? You as well?”
“I’m gonna be the hottest guest ever! Televisions gonna blow up when I’m on screen.”
“Okay, I didn’t wanna say this but you’re not that hot, Kate. First of all, fix your fucking hair and choose a style! Second, wear a normal shirt and not “I’m a slut and attention whore” shirts all the time. Third, wear some actual fucking pants instead of wearing slightly extended underwear. Your ass isn’t that great, hell, I could wear that shit and look good.”
“…I see you hating.”
“I ain’t even mad.” Ivy shrugged.
“Anyway, peace out, girl, I’ll catch you later.” Kate said as she entered the shop while Ivy flipped her off.
A bit later after helping Daisy with a working vehicle, Damien, Poison, Pandora and Kate moved on to arriving at the demon lords place, and opened up an underground hatch nearby before entering. They were all dressed in black suits for some reason.
“Back there, I have to say that was a little out of line, Pandora.” Damien said.
“Oh? Was I a bad girl?”
“You were a very bad girl, so I‘ll have to punish you.”
“What’s my punishment?”
“I’m going to put you over my knee and-”
“You guys can roleplay all you want once we’re done.” Poison responded.
“We might’ve been done earlier if not for your white-knighting.” Damien replied.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
“So will we get to kill anyone today?” Pandora asked.
The other three gave her a look of disgust as Kate said, “Damn girl, you cold.”
“What a barbaric girl…” Poison commented.
“She’s more demonic than we are…” Damien added.
“D-don’t misunderstand! You people can’t judge me! I didn’t even mean it like that!” She protested.
They followed the path down and arrived in a big dark cave with many chambers. As they wondered through the large place, Pandora said, “I sense a evil presence around this place…”
“Are there demons here?” Kate asked.
“No, they may not be demon’s souls, but they’re still dark souls.” The others gave her a look of pity and remained silent. “What’s with that reaction? Someone respond to my comment.” Complete silence. “Please? I have low self esteem.” More silence. “Sad face…”
They soon found the vehicle and Damien started messing with it. Pretty shortly, many shadowy figures with glowing eyes began to rise out of the ground around the caves. Poison, Pandora and Kate got ready to fight them off as Damien continued. They wasted no time cutting down the
figures while Poison asked, “So what are these things?”
“Probably a small form of protection using Alice’s power, but much weaker and in minion form.”
“Not that I’m having trouble-” Pandora said, cutting one figure in half. “But try not to take all day, old man.”
“Old man? You wound me. I assure you I’m middle aged at the most.”
Several shadowy figures combined and threw a large ball of dark energy at Poison as he could faintly hear them make out the words, “Eternal Darkness…” He dodged and it hit Kate, who ran around blind while hitting other figures and attempting to grab Pandora numerous times.
A dozen shadowy figures formed a circle, resonated through a white aura and faintly said, “Sanity’s Requiem…” They emitted an ear-piercing scream which slowly began to affect them mentally overtime within that area.
“I remember this.” Damien began. “This move attempts to vividly remind you of the worst and horrifying events that you can actually remember, and amplify that disgust by three times as much.”
“Yeah, I’m starting to feel pretty ill, It’d be great if you could hurry, fluffy bear.” Poison replied, struggling to stand.
“Almost done, cuddle bunny.”
Pandora had to activate Shinigami Overdrive to overcome such thoughts as she continued to cut down the shadowy figures while Kate seemed unaffected but was slowly regaining her version.
Damien suddenly got up. “I’m done, lets move.” As they prepared to leave, many shadowy figures conjured up a black hole which grew quickly as they ran for the exit.
As they were about to leave, Kate stopped and stood her ground against the large black hole approaching her. “Y’know what? Fuck that hole, I’m taking it out!”
“That’s insane, you crazy woman!” Pandora exclaimed. “You’ll be-”
“Nah, fuck that hole!”
“It’s physically impossible to fight a-”
“Nah, fuck that hole! Imma piledriver this bitch.” And so she ran ahead, grabbed the black hole, leapt into the air and did a spinning piledriver, causing it to explode. Kate walked on ahead of Poison and Pandora, tapping Pandora on the shoulder and saying, “Swag.” as she did.
“I don’t understand, how did she-”
“Don’t think about it, Pandora.” Poison replied. “Just except it, otherwise your head may explode trying to make sense of it.”
“But it’s just-it shouldn’t be-”
“Leave it be, Pandora.”
“A black hole isn’t a physical object! It naturally like, sucks up things! You shouldn’t-”
“Pandora, STOP.”
As they made a move for one last place, Damien asked, “So what were your horrific memories?”
“Ms. Viela.” Poison replied.
“That lingerie picture?”
“The very same. You too?”
“Indeed. Such a sight would drive most normal people insane.”
“What’s yours, Pandora?” Kate asked.
“It’s personal and embarrassing and I‘m never telling.”
“Aww…”
In the demon lord “Clubroom”, Blake, Tyson, Brian and Richard were watching a horror movie, Amber, Sakura and Toby were playing Mario Kart and Alice read a book nearby.
“You sure you don’t wanna join in, Alice?” Amber asked.
“I’m just fine.”
“Alice takes competitive games too seriously anyway.” Sakura said.
“What? That’s absurd!”
“It’s true! Remember when we all regularly played and you would always insult anyone who hit you.”
“You once tried to castrate me for hitting you with a blue shell…” Toby added.
“To be fair, blue shells are rather unfair.” Richard replied.
“Wait, does that apply to the fighting games too?” Alice asked, looking at Blake.
“A little. Not to say you’re bad, I just purposely lose some matches.”
“Oh my goodness, I never realized I was so uncivilized.”
“I wouldn’t say that, but you are quite nerdy too.” Amber said.
“That is quite untrue.”
“I recall you once telling me you wanted to have multiple “Special attacks” and you wanted to name two, “Eternal Darkness.” & “Sanity’s Requiem.”
“It was a different time for me back then…”
A little later, Damien, Poison, Pandora and Kate moved on to storm the Heaven’s Demons domain which was around the garages of an airport runway. They reached a building and were about to climb a ladder to get onto a rooftop, and Pandora was back to wearing her “modern” attire. “Okay, I’ll go first.” Pandora said. “Please don’t stare at my ass.”
“If you’re worried about that, can’t you just go last?” Poison asked.
“But then I’d be staring at someone else’s ass, and that’s sexual harassment.”
“Or you could not look up.”
“I don’t follow.”
“Forget it, just go.”
As she climbed, Kate raised her hand. “I’m next!”
“No, I’ll go since I won’t look. What’s your deal with Pandora anyway, are you-”
“Nah son, I like dick, lets get that straight. That doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the female body, you feel me?”
“I wish I didn’t.” Poison said as he started climbing, then noticed Damien simply fly up the building instead. “…Okay then.”
They soon reached the top, overlooking the dozens of bikers driving around.
“I feel this may be an occasion for it.” Pandora said, revealing a suitcase. She put it down and bent down to open it. “Feel free to gaze upon it.”
“I’m already doing so.” Kate replied, ignoring the suitcase.
Poison glanced over at them and said, “I don’t think that’s the point of focus, that’s…really something though.”
“So what’s in the box, Pandora?” Kate asked.
“What’s going on here?” Damien asked, approaching them.
“Pandora’s going to open her special suitcase box thing.”
“Kate…” Poison gave her a look of pity.
“I just wanna know what’s in Pandora’s Box.”
“Subtle.” He said, sarcastically.
“Really? Thought I was pretty clear…”
The suitcase opened, emitting a lot of smoke and stream from inside. Pandora pulled out a neon black sniper rifle that produced black flames. “I call it, “Fate.”.
“I’m not sure we’re going to be killing today.” Damien replied.
“But I already pulled it out! I have to kill at least one person, it yearns for more death!”
“Fine. Cuddle bunny, you ready?”
“Always, fluffy bear.” Damien and Poison flew towards the area.
The bikers wasted no time attacking Damien and Poison but they were easily taking them out while Pandora sniped several of them, which burst into flame and became decayed husks pretty quickly. Kate pulled out a large rocket launcher, locked on to a few bikers and fired. As the large missile hit the ground it produced a dozen small missiles with a surprisingly large blast range.
Pandora gasped. “That’s the D! Only 8 of those were ever made!”
“Yep, it’s the Destroyer. Some guy wanted to sell it ages ago, had no idea how valuable it was for a while.”
“Um, may I?”
“You want the D? Sorry, no freebies.”
“I’ll…let you touch me.”
“Nope, money, girl.”
“How unfortunate…”
Soon enough, a big tank was brought out onto the runway, blasting everything in sight, including the building that Pandora and Kate were at. Damien and Poison’s attacks for some reason couldn’t dent the tank regardless of their attack’s strength. Pandora and Kate arrived pretty quickly but also failed to do any lasting damage to it.
“This tank just doesn’t give a fuck.” Kate said.
“Anyone have any ideas?” Pandora asked.
“Why not use your Shinigami Overdrive?” Poison asked.
“It wouldn’t help, don’t ask why.”
“Why?” Kate asked.
“…”
“I’ll handle this one, I‘m ready.” Damien said, as he walked forward.
“What are you planning to do?” Pandora asked.
“Well…” He stroked his chin for a moment then removed his shades. “First I’ll whip it out,” He said, creating a large rocky spear. “Then I jam it in!” He yelled, throwing it into the cannon. “With immerse speed and force I overwhelm my target.” He said, flying around as he lodged more large spears into specific areas around the wheels of the tank. “Hit it from the front.” He summoned a large rocky foot that hit it with a roundhouse kick. “Surprise it from the back.” He then jammed another spear into it from behind. “Leave no hole unnoticed. Try every position possible.” He said, flying around once more, doing stylish poses as he flung more spears at it. “And if that’s not enough, target the weak point.” He said, forming one longer and thinner spear before landing beside the others. “Because it’s not just about size,” He threw the spear in between the cockpit and the armored skirt, then drew a gun. “It’s about precision.” He pushed the spear through with a bullet as he fired which caused the tank to explode.
“I bet that gets all the bitches.” Kate replied.
Pandora sarcastically clapped, while Poison said, “This would be a little more surprising if you weren’t related to Ivy…”
And so their business was wrapped up for that day and things could proceed as they wanted, hopefully. Moving on to the next day, it was time for the racing event and there was less than an hour to go. There were crowds hovering around the area, the participants being a part of those crowds. Ivy was together with Nookie and Daisy as she talked while Daisy pet Nookie.
“So it turns out that it was supposed to happen next week, so yeah, I dun goofed.”
“Hehehe~, you’re so silly, Ivy. That’s cute.” Daisy replied.
Ivy stopped smiling. “You’re not my partner any longer. Lets go, Nookie.”
“What did I do?” Daisy asked, running after them.
Damien and Poison who were further away just watched. “So Daisy’s partner is Ivy now?”
“I almost feel sorry for her.” Damien replied. “I feel sorry for you too, having to put up with my sister on a regular basis.”
“I’m not sure if you’re serious…”
Lolita and Pandora approached them during this, and Damien greeted them. “Good morning, Pandora, and of course my lovely wife, Lolita.”
Lolita merely stared at him and offered a handshake, which Damien accepted.
“So what’s your deal with Damien?” Poison asked Pandora.
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been trying to get his attention a lot recently.”
“Don’t misunderstand, my feelings for Damien will never go beyond 5 hearts.”
“Out of what?”
“8 hearts. 7 would qualify for me to really like someone.”
“I assume Lolita is at 7.”
“You’d be correct. You‘re at 3 hearts.”
“Why am I so low? Can’t you bump me up to 4?”
“You can’t ask someone to like you better.”
A little later on just before the race was supposed to start, White and Green were at the commentators table again along with Kate. “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, it’s your favorite commentators here, White.”
“Green, and special guest, Kate Katalin is joining us today.”
“What up?” Kate raised her hand. “Good to catch the breeze with you guys.”
“Likewise.” Green replied. “So today’s a long one as usual,” He said before showing off the track as he talked. “They’ll be many planned transitions, since all participants will be required or fly at some point. The flares will indicate where to go, and in certain cases, simply follow the floating cameras if need be. But enough talk, we should get to some of the participants that matter.”
“Right you are, Green.” White said. “Making another grand appearance is Ivy and her partner, Daisy, driving a red monster truck.” Daisy waved while Ivy kept throwing around middle fingers.
“That’s mah girl.” Kate said. “She affected by dat hate but I don’t blame her.” She then heard someone yelling that she sucks. “Oh, got them haters. Them haters trying to spot me.”
“Isn’t that the same Ivy who participated in the last Deathmatch games?” Green asked.
“The very same, Green.” White replied. “We’ll have to see what she’s capable of. Next is Amber and Alice, driving the top down black Lamborghini.”
“Very nice.” Green nodded.
“They my girls too, hope they do good.” Kate said.
“Next, we got Tom and Blake driving a blue taxi. Not gonna say much on that.”
“Things might get pretty crazy.” Green said.
“We got Dawn and Goldia in some sleek UFO looking thing.”
“Wasn’t Goldia an avid supporter of Ivy at one point, White?”
“That’s what I figured, Green. Not sure what the circumstances are. Anyway, next is Damien and Harry, driving that blue hot rod.”
Down below, Damien said, “Lets go all out, cuddle bunny.”
“Uh, Damien, we need to talk about those gay jokes…”
He turned around. “Are you breaking up with me?”
“It’s not you, it’s me, okay? I just can’t commit to it…”
“I had no idea you felt this way…”
Back to White, he said, “Lolita and Pandora are driving the green Quad.”
“Is that Pandora chick new? Never seen her before.” Green said.
“I would tenderly hug that girl.” Kate commented.
“Just wanna say she’s got a nice rack on her.”
“You say that a lot, Green. Besides, you shouldn’t be ogling the participants before the race…you do it during the race.”
“You’re right, sorry about that.”
Down below, Pandora said, “Lets do our best, Lolita.” with a smile.
“We’ll crush them.” Lolita replied.
“Huh?”
White went through some notes. “Toby and Sakura are in the F1 red go-kart, and finally, Tyson and Brian are in the black 4x4. Yeah, I’m done, start this shit.” He signaled to someone off camera.
“We gonna need a fucking beat for this shit!” Kate said, slamming a stereo on the table.
As the race started up on a normal street, many vehicles had trouble where it would blow up, have trouble gaining speed, having messed up controls and so on, but at least 2/3’s of them made a decent start. As they drifted around the corner towards item boxes, they started pulling out weapons like rocket launchers, grenades, laser cannons, dropping mines and so on. Damien and Poison were leading ahead of the others and blasted down the entrance leading to the airport runway with others following closely behind. As they all sped up towards the edge of land leading to the sea and got ready to transform their vehicles, Kate suddenly stood up.
“Yo, sit up, strap yourselves in, hope for good luck.” As the karts flew off at slow motion, Kate continued. “Yo yo yooooo, here we goooooo! You’re on your own, so you’d better go hard or your going home! Let’s goooooo! Do a fucking barrel rooooooolll!” She said as Tom and Blake evaded several projectiles fired backwards. Lolita and Pandora were slowing down due to evading a barrage Damien and Poison sent their way. “Lolita’s making that save, shit’s gonna go down, while it may look grave, yo son just check out that wave!” She said as Lolita flew down hard and lifted the vehicle just before plunging into the sea, causing a big wave. They flew across the sea like a skipping stone as Kate said, “They hanging low while D & H are on a roll, that F1 go-kart’s eating dust, clearly its quite slow, maybe not on the flooooooor!”
Kate spun then began sliding left and right. “Some of the other racers that are worth a shit are beginning to keeeeep up the pace! Lolita and Pandora are really taking names and currently wiiiiiining this race!” She said as Lolita activated nitrous, and Pandora knocked back projectiles by shooting at them as they passed Damien and Poison. “Better watch out, cause if they get a lead, then they gooooooone! Up in the air, they just don’t care, they in the zoooooone!” Their vehicle changed back into a Quad as they reached land by a forest.
Two people in white suits entered the studio and grabbed Kate. “Hey! What’re yo-” After looking at them, she sighed. “Alright, fair enough…” They then escorted her out of the area.
As Lolita sped up and kept that momentum going as they traveled down muddy paths, Pandora began eating bananas and dropping the peels pretty fast and consistently.
“Pandora seems to be pretty good at eating bananas.” Green said.
“I don’t think you can make eating bananas dirty, Green.”
“Sure I can.”
As the participants drove through a farm ranch very shortly, there were turtle shells fired at Toby and Sakura, but she pressed a button on a remote which put up a reflective shield, knocking it back. Ivy and Daisy literally crushed one of the contestants driving a mini and threw a large fireball ahead at Amber and Alice, who got rid of it with a concentrated but brief black hole. Coming past all the grass and onto a more stone covered path with ramps and bridges, Lolita was doing a whole bunch of spins and tricks in the air, and at one point spinning 360 degrees 3 times then going into a drift as she landed and maintained control by dodging pillars randomly placed on the path as she went round the corner.
“Lolita and Pandora going to work with all those tricks, but Damien and Harry are quickly gaining.” White then noticed Green eating baby back ribs. “Green, why are you eating that?”
“I’m hungry, no big deal.”
“Please don’t tell me you’re sponsoring something.”
“Of course not, I’m just enjoying my baby got back ribs, with succulent awesome sauce for the amazing price of $3.49 at your local Rib Cage.”
Meanwhile, as Pandora noticed Damien and Poison were approaching, she slowly reached for a gun, at which point Poison pressed a button on a remote and covered the wheels in metal. The bullets merely bounced off them and Damien easily dodged the banana peels that Pandora dropped. The race went from all sorts of locations like water filled caves, to busy beaches, to a normal city where traffic is still moving all while the participants were throwing out all sorts of weapons and tricks that I couldn’t be bothered to mention.
As the sky got darker overlooking a large forest, Tom and Blake blasted down a tree as they drove down a muddy path and it began to rain. Many other vehicles were on their tail as they began to catch up to Lolita and Damien’s vehicles that were further ahead. They went through a rocky canyon where other racers were firing rockets at the walls, closing off some of the paths, which made some vehicles crash but special ones like Dawn’s UFO merely flew over, some sped right under and others like Ivy’s monster truck barged through regardless. They slowly went up a mountain trail as it kept raining, full of twists and turns where D&H managed to overtake L&P as D&H swapped places like Double Dash since Poison handled the corners a little better.
“There’s Harry, handling that car like a pro.” White commented.
“It’s all about that control, White.”
Pandora started throwing more projectiles which they easily evaded while maintaining speed. As the track went downhill large rocks began falling out of the sky as L&P began to catch up and were approaching the next city. Driving down many roads, they got to a rising bridge and sped up, flying off it like a ramp. Most of the racers landed fine and then went full speed down the straightaway while cracks in the streets appeared and lava poured out of them like fountains but were easily avoidable. They all drifted hard around the corner and could see the finish line far in the distance. As they approached the finish line, Damien & Harry, Lolita & Pandora, Tom & Blake, and Dawn & Goldia’s vehicles were all within a few inches of each other. Suddenly, Ivy & Daisy in their monster truck flew by like a propelled rocket and finished a second before the others.
After the race was over and the results were announced, it was decided upon that Ivy and Daisy legitimately won the race, somehow. They stood on a stand, with Daisy waving to the crowd while Ivy talked. “All you assholes doubted me, but who’s laughing now? Fuck all you mocking people! I’m the main character, so suck it! Is this cute?” She threw a bag of shit into the crowd. “Is it? How about this?” She threw a bag of urine into the crowd. “Fuck all you moe freaks! I’m not cute about all! Kiss my ass!” She then started mooning the crowd which only caused people to think her tantrums were cute.
As Damien and Poison stood in the crowd, Damien said, “Just thought I’d remind you, Daisy is here thanks to your help.”
“You never know how things would have went normally.”
Lolita and Pandora approached them with Lolita looking rather upset. “I didn’t win…”
“But you put on a really good performance.” Damien replied. Lolita gasped and then hugged him. Poison and Pandora looked at each other, shrugged and joined in on their hug.
Kate suddenly appeared. “Oh! Group hug! I’m in!” As she attempted to join in, Pandora hit her with an uppercut.
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