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The Something Something Demonic Something Ever

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Author Topic: The Something Something Demonic Something Ever  (Read 11358 times)
Marie Rose
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« Reply #435 on: 26 October, 2013, 02:43:24 pm »

Shouldn't had this done over a week ago, lost track of time playing GTA V so long.

Now it’s time for: Reipa Girl, tell ‘em!

Lolita rose up from beneath her desk and cleared her throat before speaking. “Due to complications, no guest will be joining me today. So let’s get started, first caller, you’re on the air.”

“Hey, Lolita, loved the last one. I just noticed something, that some scene or sentence that seemed irrelevant or unnecessary usually hints at something later to come.”

“I believe you’re thinking too much about it, but thanks for the kind words. Next caller, please.”

“Hey man, that shit was awesome! Like how all those villains were in one room like that movie about some knight guy, and how the real opening was like that one cartoon show everyone likes. I also found it interesting how most of these cookie cutter villains were based upon one particular trait which was exaggerated to great effect, and that Gary & Ruby’s scuffle with Rachel & Fuka’s mooks respectively were a little like a dumbed down beat-em-up in those Arkham games. I also found it funny that an obnoxious idol like Rin can hypnotize others with her voice, implying that they’re just being forced into liking her music. Also liked how Ivy’s location was like an upgraded, modernized Base of Doom which made sense since those two are older now, and several locations during their fight were spots where they’d been in the past. They also messed up half the city like in Man of Steel where Superman and Zod were tackling each other through so many skyscrapers like crazy, and that little bit involving space & the moon felt like those supers from that fighting game. You even threw in tidbits like mud wrestling & having them in big cat suit costumes like theme park mascots because boys tend to associate two girls fighting as being a catfight. There’s so much more there I could mention, truly genius writing.”

“I think you’re reading too much into it, and all that info seemed really unnecessary.”

“Well I just wanted to make sure you knew.”

“Well I did, next time don’t explain it. Just so everyone knows, the BD version will be completely uncensored…so buy it. Next caller, please.”

“Good morning, Lolita, I feel I need some advice.”

“Ask away.”

“How do I create strong female characters?”

“Simple, you don’t.”


“Make up a character that’s entertaining, or supposed to be taken seriously, or has some distinctive role but isn’t idealized, and just make them female. Problem solved.”

“I’m not sure if you’re serious.”

“You shall never know. Next caller.”

“Hi Lolita, over the course of the show, you’ve mentioned little bits about Shinigami and whatnot, but I want to know more, how the whole system works and so on. Is it possible to go over that, please?”

“Very well, there’s quite a bit of time, and you did ask nicely so enjoy this feature length film that will answer all your questions.”

It then cut to a black & white animation short that looked like something out of the 1940’s and it opened up with a young boy standing in the middle of a street when the narrator who had a voice similar to Damien spoke. “Hello there, child, do you want to become a shinigami?”

“Umm, okay.” He shrugged.

“Well we have to kill you first, of course.” And right on cue he was run over by a lorry and woke up in the middle of nowhere, clearly scared. “Congratulations, Jimmy, you’re now a fully-fledged shinigami, but you still have much yet to learn. Let’s get to the basics before you lose your mind.”

A big screen with just the word, “Basics.” appeared. It then opened up with Jimmy’s clothes in black, standing on the left of the screen as the narrator talked. “Now you’ll notice something about being a shinigami. Sure, there’s the odd whispers from time-to-time, seeing mystical spirits and whatnot but that’s unimportant. What you will notice is that in combat your reaction time is sped up, or to put it simply, it’ll feel like time is slowed down by approximately 33%. Try it.” After a jump cut, a stick figure stood to Jimmy’s right and began to attack him, with Jimmy managing to evade most of the hits. “You’re getting the hang of it already. You’ll quickly notice your abilities have been enhanced dramatically, giving you super strength, super speed & so on. You can gain additional power through the use of souls, but that’s merely temporary and only from the souls you’ve actually collected. I’d also like to add that when you sign up with us, you need to have a black skull tattoo somewhere on your body. On your thigh, arm, back, chest, doesn’t matter where you want it placed, but you need it somewhere for initiation.”

A big screen with just the word, “Weapons.” appeared. It then opened up with the Stranger from RE4 standing behind the till of a GTA Ammu-nation. “While you’re here you’re going to need your range of weaponry, from the standard pistols & assault rifles all the way to the rocket launchers & the miniguns. Sadly, you won’t be allowed to use the big guns until you level up, for balance issues, of course. There’s also a shooting range in the back where you can hone your skills and improve your aim.

Jimmy interrupted momentarily to ask, “How do I buy ammo?”

The narrator laughed for a few moments before saying, “Ammo is for pussies, real shinigami create their own. Now let’s move on to bigger things.”

A big screen with just the word, “Jobs.” appeared. It cut to an area that looked like a bar, with a whole bunch of bounties & other assignments pinned up on a wall beside the counter. “This will be one of your main sources of income, new jobs will be placed here nearly every day, and they can range from simply dispatching one specific target, silencing an entire workforce, to simply retrieving something without casualties or tailing targets to specific locations. There’s optional objectives that can be completed during this to maximize the amount of money you acquire at the end, or as you young people say these days, “Get dat money.” How do we keep track of these things? It’s a secret to everyone.

A big screen with just the word, “Abilities.” appeared. “Now, let’s get to the meat of things.” The narrator said as Jimmy stood in the middle of nowhere. “We shinigami have various special things about us, for instance,” Suddenly a dark blue ninja with a black bandana jumped in from off-screen and cut him in half with a flaming razorblade yo-yo. “We can regenerate from almost any injury.” Jimmy was too busy screaming to pay attention. “Ahh, right, that would be rather painful if you don’t make use of the proper precautions. Honey, would you be a dear and rewind this?”

“Of course, darling.”

In a jump cut, Jimmy was back to normal. “Sorry about that, my dear boy, I sometimes think through things only half-and-half.” He began laughing while Jimmy glared at him. “Anyway, back to my point. We shinigami can change our pain resistance on the fly subconsciously, to prevent serious inconveniences in battle, though I’d suggest you set your limit somewhere around the 10% range. Just enough to notice some of your fingers have been cut off so your weapons don’t slip out of your hands. Of course such attacks will still hurt but they’ll feel more like bee stings. While regenerating, you could also split into two different bodies and control them both simultaneously, though your overall strength will be reduced. Shinigami can also alter their proportions or increase their size using the souls they collect, observe.” Lolita slid onscreen and produced dozens of souls that consumed her and created a 50 foot shadowy version of herself that crushed Jimmy underneath her foot. “And there you have it. While these kinds of abilities have their own personal uses, please refrain from abusing that. Size alteration & changing your appearance consumes quite a lot of souls so use it sparely.”

After another jump cut, Jimmy was the only one on screen again. “There is one more thing worth mentioning but we’ll get to that in the next section.”

A big screen with just the word, “Combat.” appeared. Jimmy stood surrounded by a group of skeletons as the narrator spoke. “There’s one last ability you need to be aware of: Shinigami Overload. It’s simply bringing your inner power to the surface by turning your whole body black as coal & placing weird purple markings & outlines all over you. You’ll grow 4 more arms for combo purposes, and gain buffs like increased speed, strength, and heightened senses. It also has the benefits of knocking back mooks as you activate it.” And so Jimmy did, knocking back the skeletons several feet. “Don’t rely too much on it to save you in every situation though. Now for the last bit, we Shinigami prefer to aim more for style above other things, now observe.”

It cut to a woman with spiky-haired pigtails & a nose piercing, who wore an open black biker jacket & black jeans. As mobsters came at her, she cut off one’s head with a chainsaw, then quickly spun round and spent a few seconds cutting another vertically in half starting from his balls. Several began firing from across the room but it barely affected her as she sliced one’s arm off then ran up behind another and jammed it up his ass. She sliced off the hand of another man then grabbed the gun and repeatedly fired it down his mouth. She then threw her chainsaw at another man across the room as he tried to get away, hitting him in the head and pinning him to the wall. Needless to say, half the room was covered in blood as the narrator spoke. “While she dispatched these people with ease and showed some degree of style, the level of violence is excessive. We’re supposed to aim more for style, not brutality. Here’s an example.”

It cut to a large bald black man in a trenchcoat with black shades & gloves, who had a samurai sword on his back. As mobsters came at him, he punched one repeatedly in the chest then knocked him across the room with a palm thrust. He sent another spinning as he hit one with a roundhouse kick behind him then uppercut him through the roof. He dashed across the room to another man, kicked him into the air and held him in suspended animation with dual pistols before blasting him with a one-handed shotgun. He leapt up as another attacked and did repeated dive kicks while jump cancelling, then held him off the ground by whipping out a scythe and twirling it vertically, hitting him with it repeatedly, then a rising slash with his sword followed by several more slashes. He landed and whipped out nunchucks, beating up one guy for nearly 20 seconds with them. The last guy was across the room, so he drew his sword as he dashed over there in half a second, taking him out with one clean swing. The mobster exploded just as the man put his sword away, the narrator spoke. “It’s not perfect, but that’s more what we look for.”

It cut back to Jimmy as the narrator continued. “So Jimmy, what did we learn today?”

“That being a shinigami is stupid.”

The narrator laughed. “Shut the fuck up, stupid kid.”

“Umm, can you take me back?”

“Nope, you’re stuck there now unless Death allows you to leave, sorry kid, I don’t make the rules. Well there you have it; I hope you all enjoyed this little detour and take note of these basic tips in the future.”  It then faded to black.
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