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The Something Something Demonic Something Ever

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Author Topic: The Something Something Demonic Something Ever  (Read 9435 times)
Marie Rose
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I'm: 18
Power Level: 3,149,743.69
Username: SA2
Mood: Amazing
Posts: 19,199



« Reply #435 on: 08 August, 2014, 09:18:25 am »

Now it’s time for: Reipa Girl, tell ‘em!

Lolita leapt into the frame & flipped before landing in her chair. “Hello again, everyone, and joining me today is, you.” Cheep-Cheep strolled into the frame & stood beside her. “Now, let us begin. First caller, you’re on the air.”

“Hey, Lolita, that last one really rusted my jimmies. First of all that felt more like an action RPG than an MMO, it moved at a ridiculously fast pace, and no MMO should just let you change classes on the fly.”

“If it was virtual reality then it’s not surprisingly it would feel like an action RPG. The fast pace was due to limited time & budget costs. Anyway, what do you think, Che?”

“Shet!” The bird exclaimed.

“That seems a little harsh but fair enough, next caller.”

“How many more of these left?”

“This is the last one, stop asking. At least I think it’s the last one, don’t quote me on that. Anyway, moving on…”

“Uhh, yeah, I don’t think MMORPG’s allow you to just skip straight to the last boss. Hell, I don’t think MMOs have final bosses, you can’t truly finish an MMO, can you? It doesn’t make much sense.”

“After some of the stuff that’s happened in the past, you really wanna talk about making sense?”

“I’m just talking about purely in that particular narrative.”

“My point still stands, leave your brain at the door, sir.”

“I feel I shouldn’t have to ignore plot holes.”

“Hmm, what do you think, Che?”

“Shet!” The bird exclamed.

“I’m glad you agree. Next caller, please.”

“Y’know, I’ve kept my mouth shut for a long time but I gotta say this. There are too many chicks with big breasts on that show. They’re like everywhere.”

“I think you’re exaggerating, and I hope you’re not including me on that notion. I’ll have you know I’m quite modest.”

“Shet!” The bird excloned.

“Exaggeration, my foot!” The caller replied. “If a chick is past the puberty stage, it’s like melons suddenly spawn on their chest.”

“I’ve heard rumors about that happening. It’s a bizarre metamorphosis.”

“I’m serious here! It even happened to Ivy & Ruby eventually, they got infected too!”

“Well too bad, the damage is done, and you’re an awful person for mocking others based on what’s attached to their torso. Che, what do you think of this man?”

“Shet head!” The bird excalmed.

“I’m glad we see eye to eye. Next caller.”

“Will you answer one of my questions?”

“I’ve decided I will not. Everyone will have to excuse me briefly as I need to take care of something so we’ll have a quick break.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An ordinary high school boy was talking to a girl who had long black hair in a hallway when a boy who couldn’t possibly be their age walked past. He was over 7 feet tall & beyond ripped. The girl immediately ignored the ordinary boy & chased after him. The boy then sighed, “I wish I was that ripped.”

Suddenly a mysterious individual burst in through a wall. He wore a red bandana & pants, yellow armbands, black shades & was also ripped. “YOU!” the man yelled.

“M-me?” The boy asked.

“YES! YOU! THE FOOL CRYING IN THE CORNER!”

“Well I wasn’t cr-”

“NO EXCUSES! YOU NEED TO BECOME A REAL MAN! THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS I TOOK TIME OUT OF MY SCHEDULE OF BEING AWESOME TO GET YOU ON THE RIGHT TRACK!”

“So what do I do?”

“YOU GOTTA START TAKING MY NEWEST PRODUCT, PEX!” He exclaimed, shoving a vitamin bottle into the screen. “THIS SHIT WILL GET YOU LOOKING LIKE A BIG HUNK OF MAN MEAT WITHIN A MONTH! YOU’LL HAVE SO MANY MUSCLES THAT YOUR MUSCLES WILL HAVE MUSCLES, JUST LOOK AT MY GODDAMN PYTHONS, BOY! LOOK AT THEM!” He exclaimed, flexing.

“Alright! I’m looking, just please, put them away. How much does this ‘Pex’ cost, and how do I know that it works?”

“PRICES HAVEN’T BEEN DECIDED, BUT I CAN CERTAINLY SHOW YOU IT WORKS, JUST LOOK AT THESE.” He brought out two signs. One of a photoshopped white Machop on the left with a Machamp on the right, and one of a black Geodude on the left & a Graveler on the right. “JUST LOOK AT THAT SKINNY ASS SON OF A BITCH ON THE LEFT. THAT WAS BEFORE HE GOT PEX. NOW LOOK AT THAT FUCKER ON THE RIGHT, JUST OVER A MONTH AFTER HE STARTED TAKING THAT SHIT. HE BECAME SO GODDAMN MANLY THAT HE HAD TO GROW TWO EXTRA ARMS JUST TO HOLD IN ALL THAT TESTOSTERONE. THE EXACT SAME RESULTS ALSO CAME FROM THAT OTHER FUCKER TOO. HERE, LITTLE RUNT, HAVE A BOTTLE.” He exclaimed, throwing it to him.

He opened it & took out a pill the size of his hand. “What the-I can’t eat this, I’ll choke to death!”

“THIS SHIT IS HARD WORK. YOU’VE GOTTA PROVE YOURSELF AS A REAL MAN TO HANDLE THIS OR DIE TRYING.”

“But how is it possible to swallow one of these?”

“REAL MEN DON’T SWALLOW, WE DEVOUR. YOU WANNA GET BUFF OR NOT?!?”

He sighed. “Fine, here goes nothing…”

The man turned to a girl walking past while the boy was choking in the background. “YOU THERE! YOU SHOULD TRY PEX & BECOME A REAL MAN!”

“But I’m a girl…”

“PEX DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT GENDER YOU ARE. YOU’LL BECOME RIPPED & GET BITCHES WITHIN A MONTH.”

“…Will I really? This isn‘t some scheme to steal money?”

“LOOK, I KNOW IT’S HARD TO TRUST SOME HALF NAKED RIPPED MAN YELLING DOWN THE HALLWAYS ABOUT PRODUCTS. YOU’D THINK I’M JUST HERE TO SELL FAULTY SHIT WHICH DOESN’T WORK BY RAVING ABOUT IT, AND YOU’D BE RIGHT, BUT THIS SHIT REALLY WORKS.”

“Well there’s this girl I like, will I…” she whispered the rest.

“NOT ONLY WILL YOU GROW THINGS YOU SHOULDN’T, THOSE WILL GROW MUSCLES TOO.”

“Great, I’ll take 4 bottles.”

The man moved on to the school changing rooms & found a gym teacher who was an active buyer of Pex. The man got his camera crew & went to speak with him. “I KNOW THIS DUDE.” He began. “HE’S BEEN TAKING MY SHIT FOR OVER A YEAR. LEMME SHOW YOU WEAKLINGS JUST HOW AMAZING THIS SHIT IS.” He walked up to the ripped, bald man. “HEY ASSWIPE, TELL THESE FUCKERS HOW AWESOME MY PORDUCT IS.”

“SURE THING, FAGGOT.” He replied. “HERE I WAS, WORKING 9 TO 5 IN SOME DEAD END JOB-”

“LOOKING LIKE A GRADE E SON OF A BITCH.”

“SO THIS BASTARD KNOCKS DOWN THE FUCKING WALL & HANDS ME A BOTTLE OF PEX. I DEVOUR THAT SHIT LIKE A REAL MAN, NO WATER REQUIRED. NEXT DAY I BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF MY BOSS & QUIT LIKE I DON’T GIVE A FUCK THEN GOT MYSELF A JOB AS A GYM TEACHER. NOW I GET RESPECT FROM EVERY GUY, I GET MY DICK SUCKED REGULARLY BY FEMALE STUDENTS, AND MY PHONE HAS SO MANY FEMALE TEACHERS NUMBERS THAT IT TOO GREW MUSCLES JUST TO HOLD ALL THAT INFO. EVEN THE GUYS AT THE GYM AREN‘T AS MUSCULAR AS MY PHONE.”

“THE GYM? THE FUCK IS THIS, IS PEX NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?”

“CALM DOWN, MITCH, I MERELY GO THERE FOR SOCIAL REASONS.”

“LEMME TELL YA SOMETHING, STEVE, WHEN YOU’RE RIPPED LIKE US YOU SHOULDN’T EVEN NEED TO TALK.” As he said this a female student walked by, got on her knees & unzipped Steve’s pants. “I WOULD SUCK YOUR DICK IN A TOTALLY STRAIGHT WAY, AND I WOULDN’T DO THAT FOR JUST ANYONE.”

“I WOULDN’T BETRAY YOUR TRUST LIKE THAT, MITCH. I LOVE YOU, MAN, YOU’RE THE ONLY GUY’S DICK I WOULD SUCK.”

“AS LONG AS WE’RE CLEAR.” Mitch turned to the camera. “ALRIGHT, WE’RE DONE HERE, BUY MY SHIT. YOU CAN FIND IT ON PLACES LIKE THE AMAZONS OR WHATEVER.”

The female student briefly stopped to ask, “You mean the website, Amazon?”

“SURE. IT’S GOING FOR WHATEVER THE HELL THEY PRICED IT AT, SO STOP GETTING REKT & GET RIPPED.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Sorry for the long break.” Lolita began. “The problem took a while to sort out. How about we continue, Che?”

“Shet!” The bird exclued.

“Just take your time, no need to rush. So, next caller.”

“Why is that bird even there?”

“Honestly, he’s just here for only one joke.”

“Avoiding censorship by slightly changing pronunciation?”

“Okay, two jokes, but this is nearly over so I wouldn’t worry about it. Anything else?”

“No, that’s it.”

“Okay, next caller.”

“Favorite position?”

“First. Next caller.”

“You’re not funny.”

“That’s not a question, next.”

“Me again. When I said ‘position’ I meant s-”

“I know what you meant, that was the joke. Next caller.”

“Why are women so glorified in all walks of life?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Y’know, stuff like all these princesses, and rewards being some chicks hand in marriage, and getting the girl and whatnot.”

“Those stories are really simple, I suppose. Though it also leans more towards the girl being some form of royalty so some generic guy can marry her & be set for life-”

“Like what you did.” The bird replied.

“What was that?”

“Shet?”

“As I was saying, clichés still sell & aren’t risky so they use them anyway. Next caller.”

“Since you’re not planning to be around much longer, can you tell us how old you are?”
 
“Very well, I’m over a hundred years old...maybe. So, that’s all we have time for, take care, everyone.” Lolita waved while the bird walked off.
« Last Edit: 08 August, 2014, 09:21:37 am by Satsuki Kiryuin » Report Spam   Logged

~SA2
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