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The Something Something Demonic Something Ever

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Marie Rose
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Power Level: 3,149,743.69
Username: SA2
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Posts: 19,199



« Reply #30 on: 16 December, 2009, 08:24:39 am »

Trust me, you're going to love this one.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
TMEDCE: Chapter 6 – Something Completely Different

It was a beautiful summer’s morning in the middle of central city, where an anime convention was taking place. Thousands upon thousands were there, there was loads of exchanging, and everybody have good time. During one of the shows where someone was dressed as Haruhi, doing the Hare Hare Yukai dance routine, suddenly a woman screamed. Everyone looked in the direction of the woman, who was looking towards a corner of the building outside where a woman wearing tight blue jeans and a red t-shirt was face down in the ground, in a pool of her own blood. Her ass had been cut out and taken.

We fast-forward to a little later that morning, everyone had cleared out and there were a group of crime scene investigators examining the area. Spring and Floyd walked past the investigators and up to SA2 who held a chart. “So what happened here?” Spring asked.

“This chick was found in this corner outside the convention; the ass was cut off and taken. A bad day for ass lovers everywhere.” SA2 shook his head in disappointment. “We got a list of a few particular suspects.” He said as he handed them the chart.

Floyd adjusted his shades and turned to Spring. “This **** is serious. We got ourselves a tough one here.”

“Apparently she was tripping quite a bit, turning down fellas all over the place, especially the nerds.” SA2 continued.

Spring removed his shades before speaking. “Well, looks like one of those nerds finally got some of...” He put the shades back on. “Dat ass.”

Just then, Poison, also dressed in a suit, slid up to them on his knees with a guitar as he yelled, “YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!” He then started playing it, with enough force to make a car explode in the background as the bold words, “CSI: Central City.” suddenly appeared.

“Don’t get fooled again!” It then showed a scene of Poison tackling a burglar off train tracks. “Don’t get fooled again!” It showed another of him slicing a car in half. “No no!” It then showed Spring and Floyd putting on their suits, loading their weapons, adjusting their shades, and starting their car before the words “CSI: Central City” appeared again over a view of the city from high above.

Back at the present time, the three of them were in the car, sitting in complete silence as Floyd drove to the first suspect’s house. After looking around for a few moments, Poison put on a black hat, at which point they arrived at the person’s average looking house. They left the car and rang the doorbell. They soon found out the average looking white house was the home of the Loli Rangers as Kuudere-chan answered the door. “How can I help you, officers?”

“We were informed there was an anime convention earlier today, and you were there. Do you happen to know a woman by the name of Durti Peaches?” Floyd asked.

“Yes, she was quite a douche. She called us flat-chested nuisances. Yandere-chan wanted to cut off her head and take it home to calm herself, but she says that about almost everyone. Though she would never just cut off the ass alone, because she’s not into that.”

“And what a shame that is.” Spring replied. “Where were you when this happened?”

“We were all in the food court, eating our ham sandwiches, at approximately 07:34.”

“Hey, when did the murder take place again?” Poison asked as he turned to Spring and Floyd.

“Around 07:33.” Floyd responded. “Your story checks out for now, but we’ll be back just in case. If you run, we’ll find you.”

“Oh yeah, is Loli Black here?” Poison asked Kuudere-chan. She nodded and went to call her. Loli Black came to the door shortly afterwards and nodded in approval upon seeing him. “Hey Poison, I’m liking that suit.”

“It’s cool, right? Anyway, we got business, so I’ll see you later.” 

“Keep it real, man.”

“I always do.” Poison replied as the three of them left.

They made their way towards their next location where they were looking for Ruby, but they had no idea where she would be at this time. Just then, as if by convenience, they found her outside a park, buying ice cream at a stall. As they approached her, she spotted them and waved. “Hi Poison! Are you guys playing secret agents?”

“It’s just business.” Spring adjusted his shades. “Serious business.” Floyd added as he did the same.

“Anyway...” Poison began. “You were at the anime convention, right? There was a woman named Durti Peaches who had her ass chopped off.”

“It sounds like one of those names with a dirty meaning is what I said to her. Then she called me an idiot, and I’m not an idiot! But I didn’t do it, I was buying some issues of Gurren Lagaan and Black Lagoon around 07:30, and those tables had long queues.”

Poison wrote down his email address on some paper and handed it to her. “We must talk about those later.” Spring did the same as he nodded. “Anyway, couldn’t any of these guys just easily lie and get away with it?” Poison asked.

Floyd nodded. “Yes, they can, which is why we must now see what the others have discovered.” They quickly got into their car and took off while Ruby waved goodbye before being hit by a car.

At HQ, they walked through a large office and into another room which was blue and had double glazed glass instead of walls. SA2 stood on the other side of the room by a projector and called them over. “We discovered a mysterious clue at the crime scene. Look at this.” He showed the slide of the picture with the woman’s ass cut off, making them all cringe.

“I don’t see it.” Poison said.

“Look closer.” SA2 replied, zooming in. A tattoo with the word, “Willard.” came into view.

Spring and Floyd removed their shades and said, “Willard...” in unison.

SA2 zoomed in more, seeing the words, “Ivy was here.” Just above where the ass used to be. Poison facepalmed upon seeing this. “Of course! I don’t see why we didn’t expect Ivy sooner, just because!”

“I’m taking the .44 magnum with me, the most powerful handgun in the world.” Floyd said.

“But that’s not the most powerful handgun anymore.” Poison replied.

Floyd pointed the gun at him. “Are you questioning Clint Eastwood?”

“N-no! I would never do such a thing!”

“That’s what I thought.” Floyd said as he put it away.

“Alright, first Ivy, then Willard.” The three of them quickly left and made their way to Ivy’s house, where they found a note on the door and nobody inside. The note read, “Went to buy a laser cannon. No, I’m not going to the stupid anime convention, Poison. Anime is stupid.” The three of them exchanged looks, shrugged and moved on.

After a short while, they had now arrived at an old building which looked abandoned. Willard was said to still reside within the building, regardless of its current appearance. Spring and Floyd kicked open the front entrance and loaded their shotguns before advancing while Poison firmly held his green blade.   
   


Suddenly, robots in tuxes came running out of various spaces around the building, one of them yelling, “It’s mayhem baby!”

Spring, Floyd and Poison split up as the robots came out of random spots towards them. Poison dodged one robot’s punches and started slicing its limbs off as he yelled, “Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!” and finished by slicing off its head. Spring dashed under a laser fired by one robot and kicked it into the air and then suplexed the robot as he yelled, “Old school!” Floyd took out two machine guns as he jumped at a small group of robots and exclaimed, “Make it rain!” as he fired upon them, causing them to explode as he hit the ground. “This fool is green like envy, sucker!” Poison said as he slashed at one robot twice diagonally so fast the attack formed an X. “I’m going DX on this mother****er!” Floyd replied as he continuously punched one robot then kicked it through a wall.

Poison sliced one robot’s head off as he said, “That’s so Pringles.” Spring landed beside him and kicked a robot through the roof before saying, “Where yo curly mustache at?”

Poison reached into his pocket and brought it out. “Right here, man.” Spring grabbed it and leapt at a group of robots entering the room with a battle cry of, “Curleh mustache!” before hitting them with a fiery kick, inevitably making them explode. Suddenly, one large robot ran in yelling, “Imma have to pwn somebody!” Just before Poison hit him with an elbow to the chest. He jerked back, at which point Floyd rushed in and held the .44 magnum to his face and retorted, “Close yo mouth, son!” before blasting his face off.

As another appeared, Spring punched it several times before kicking it into the air, at which point Poison slashed it half a dozen times, followed by Floyd hitting it with a hurricane kick before hammering it into the ground. “That’s 90%, welcome to kewltown, sucker!” Poison exclaimed.

Just then, a figure appeared high above and dropped down. He also wore a black suit, had a large black cloak concealing most of his body, a cool hat, black shades and a badass beard, and since he wasn’t like the others, this must obviously be Willard. As the others adjusted their shades, the room suddenly exploded as it could not contain the amount of awesomeness combined. “I know why you’re here.” Willard began. “Because I am Willard. No, I did not take that woman’s ass, and besides, it would be a waste to take just the ass. I despise leaving jobs half finished, they could have just simply taken the body and dissolved it within acid, but that’s one of my simpler ideas.”

“So you know who did it?” Poison asked.

“Yes, it was...” He removed his shades, at which point they also did, resulting in an extreme staring contest, causing the room to explode again. “Omar.”

“Omar...” Spring and Floyd said in unison.

“I could never understand the ravings of that madman without hoping to go insane myself, but maybe I’m already there and just don’t know it yet. Sadly it is not the time to fight you, Omar resides at Fake Street, you’ll know the location when you see it.”

“So we don’t get to fight you?” Poison asked.

“You can only fight what you can truly comprehend. You, young demon, cannot hope to comprehend my very being right now.”

“So then what are you?”

“I am Willard.” Willard put his shades back on and pulled his cloak over him, suddenly vanishing.

And so, Spring, Floyd and Poison made their way to Fake Street, and followed a trail of blood into a subway which looked abandoned for some odd reason. After walking around the subway for a short bit, they suddenly came across a blue woman with four arms, wielding 4 flaming chainsaws. As she charged at them, they ran back, blasting at her, which was no use since she deflected the bullets with her chainsaws. After another minute of running around, it became obvious they couldn’t get close because of the big number of chainsaws, which she blocked all gun fire. Poison managed to get her from behind and slice off two of her arms. As she jerked back in pain, Floyd punched her, Spring kicked her in the face, then Poison sliced of the last two arms.

Floyd knocked her back with an elbow, followed by Spring kicking her back and into the air. Floyd grabbed her and slammed her into the ground before kicking her towards Spring again, who head butted her towards Floyd who slammed her again, Spring hit her with a hurricane kick and punched her across the area. Floyd dashed towards her, leaped up and hit her with the knee of justice, causing her to explode.

“A shame something so awesome had to be wasted...” Poison said, giving his views on the blue woman wielding four flaming chainsaws as he shed a tear.

On a train nearby was Omar, who had a white lab coat on, black pants, and crazy hypnotic glasses on his forehead above his spiky blonde hair. They got onto the train, with Omar on the other end. “Good evening, gentlemen. Yes, I killed that woman, with the help of a guy called ILS. I did it to create the ultimate lover, with some of the impressive body parts from other individuals. I’m pissed that you killed my prized subject even after I made some “modifications”, hehehehehehe!” He began laughing maniacally.

“It’s over, Omar. We’re taking you in.” Spring said. “But first we’ll assume how you planed out your murder. Floyd, would you do the honors?”

“But of course.” Suddenly, flashback scenes appeared out of nowhere. “You weren’t originally that interested in that woman, but after calling you a nutjob, you raged, and found a nerd who was also raging. You got him to knock her out and take her behind the building, because you wanted a piece of that fine booty. Then you cut it off using those various dummies guides, and yeah, that’s pretty much it.”

“So where’s this ILS?” Poison asked.

Omar shrugged. “I dunno, lololololol! Go ahead and take me in, guys, but I’ll be back! So far I’m only up to the torso on building the perfect body!”

After a bunch of random crap, Omar was taken into custody, and the three of them were leaving HQ on the way to their car. “Today was fun.” Poison said. “I should join you guys more often.”

“You really should.” Spring replied.

“It’s also one of the only chapters Ivy isn’t actually in.”

Just then, SA2 appeared and handed them a chart. “Bad news, guys, another incident came in and we need you on this case ASAP. You need to get down to this house a few miles north from here, a woman was found dead after being pushed down some stairs, presumably. Apparently, she fell in a completely straight manner.”

Floyd removed his shades. “Looks like this woman was...” he put them back on. “Straight tripping.”

Poison took out his guitar, shrugged and got to his knees before yelling, “YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!” He then began playing the guitar and made a few cars in the background explode.
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~SA2
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