Message #936056

[Marie Rose]

I've been waiting quite a bit to finally do this one.
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TMEDCE: Chapter 8 – Dat Soylent

It was the middle of the night, and Ivy sat on the couch in the living room with a bag of Doritos, watching a show which featured footage of car crashes. Suddenly, the doorbell rang, at which point Poison ran to the door, getting a strange look from Ivy as he did so. He opened the door and in walked Ivy’s self-proclaimed ultimate nemesis, Amber. She greeted Poison as she entered. “Hey Poison, nice place.”

“Thanks. Ivy is right over there.” He replied, nodding in her direction.

“Hi Ivy-chan!” She exclaimed while waving. “So, how’s your world conquest coming along?”

“Why are you even here?” Ivy asked as she stood up. “It’s only been a week so far, so I’ve still got quite a bit of work to do.”

“It’s kinda weird how it’s already been summer and winter, yet only a week has gone by.” Poison pointed out.

“So have you made progress or not?” Amber asked, growing impatient.

“Well I’ve analyzed my targets, what measures will need to be taken, and drawing up the plans as-”

Amber ignored Ivy as she went on and instead turned to Poison and said, “She isn’t making any progress at all, is she?”

“Not in the slightest.” Poison said without hesitation.

“Hey! Don’t just take his word for it! He speaks lies!” Ivy yelled after realizing they weren’t paying attention to her. 

“Anyway, Amber, I’ll show you around.” Poison said as he began to walk off.

“Thanks.” Amber replied, following close by. “So you got any spare bedrooms, or are we gonna be sleeping together?”

“I’ll be praying for the latter.” Poison said as they left the room.

Ivy went back to watching her show. An hour later, Amber came back into the room, wearing Ivy’s pyjamas, which she wasn’t very happy about. “May I ask why the hell are you wearing my pyjamas?”

“Relax, you had a few pairs in your draws.”

“That’s not the point! And don’t look through my draws!” Ivy started waving her arms about.

“I had to stretch it out a bit though; still it’s kinda small for someone as mature as me.”

“Why you...” Ivy glared at her.

“Well it’s true, isn’t it? You’ve always been this small, and I don’t see that changing any time soon. Even though I give you helpful advice you don’t do anything about it, like a lost cause.”

“I can still kick you out, you know.”

“Just remember to get nutritious food in your diet, some milk, vitamin C, etc. Remember, you are what you eat.” Amber nodded as she finished. “Well, good night, little Ivy-chan.” She said before leaving.

Just then, two parts of Ivy’s subconscious appeared on both her shoulders, doing a good angel bad angel routine. The bad angel wore a dark red version of her dress while the good angel was in white. The bad angel then spoke, “Are you really gonna let that ignorant moron put you down? I say you should kill that **** in her sleep!”

“Is there really a need to go that far?” The good angel asked. “You could just observe her hobbies and weaknesses and attack those points.”

Ivy turned to the good angel in shock. “Hey wait, I actually have a good angel?!”

“I’m as shocked as you are.” She replied. “But maybe instead, you could eat her instead. After all, she said you are what you eat, right? You hate that woman, but you want some of what she has, so if you eat her, you’ll rid the universe of her existence and look more mature in the process!”

Ivy smiled and then started laughing as she stood up. “Haaaaaahahahaha! That’s genius! Your evilness impresses me, good angel!”

“I’m impressed as well.” The bad angel nodded. “Wanna get a drink?”

“Sure.” The good angel shrugged and the two Ivy angels left together, holding hands, which disturbed the hell out of the real Ivy. And so, Ivy entered the basement and built a large oven, and then made her way upstairs into one room where Amber was sleeping, picked her up and took her down to the basement.

The very next morning, as a ray of sunlight shun through the window, she looked down at herself and realized that she had actually grown and now looked just over 18, meaning that in the eyes of everyone else, she could be considered barely legal, which is awesome. She was so excited about finally maturing that she rushed down the stairs yelling, “It worked! It actually worked!” As she entered the living room, Poison sat on the couch watching a show where a ninja had just kicked a shark, and he was eating Doritos. He looked at her, and continued watching, just before immediately looking back at her at shock. “I’m pretty speechless, partly because I don’t know who you are, but mainly because you’re naked.”

“Huh?” Ivy finally realized this and promptly kicked Poison through a wall before running off to put clothes on.

A few minutes later, Ivy came back downstairs wearing her regular attire and approached Poison. “So what do you think now, huh? Don’t I look better than that filthy demon? Do you like me now?”

“Not really.” He said without hesitation.

Ivy has taken back by his response. “Huh?! Why not?”

“Because your personality completely overshadows whatever you may look like, and is a majority of the reason I hate you above anything else.”

“Well fine! Be a douche! I’m gonna go somewhere else then!” Ivy left the house and slammed the door behind her. After walking for a bit and calming down, she was suddenly attacked by robotic T-Rex’s, at which point Spring and Floyd appeared out of nowhere and punched them into the air before they exploded. Floyd glanced over at Ivy who was still awestruck over seeing a robotic dinosaur. “You don’t seem to be from around here, may we be of assistance?”

“It’s me, Ivy.” She said after coming to her senses.

“Oh.” Floyd replied, as if he was disappointed. “Excuse us.” Spring and Floyd left immediately, aggravating Ivy again. Ivy visited several places that day; with everyone completely ignoring her once they found out who she was, including Willard, who knew who she was immediately, because he is Willard. On the way back, she ran into Ruby, who was looking around the streets nearby at the time. Ruby approached her and said, “Excuse me, have you seen a demon girl recently? She wears pretty much exactly what you’re wearing, and has a huge ego.”

Ivy smiled upon wondering whether or not she should toy around with the foolish angel for a bit, or just reveal herself and gloat for a short while. Obviously she chose the gloating. “Foolish angel! It’s me!”

“Mario?”

“No! Ivy!”

Ruby took a few moments for this to register. “But, you look so…”

“I know, right? I finally discovered how to rid myself of that childish body! If you are my rival then you must do the same!” She then remembered that everyone showed no interest due to Ivy’s personality. “On second thought, don’t! Stay as a little girl! So now I’ll take off and leave you utterly curious.” Ivy left, leaving Ruby utterly curious about how this could have happened.

After getting back, Poison asked where Amber was, which Ivy lied about by saying she left early in the morning. Late that night, Ivy noticed her current body was disappearing because she had become flat as a board again, and so she thought the only solution was to abduct any mature woman and eat her. And so she left late at night to kidnap her target, and returned an hour later as she dragged a woman home. Ruby was conveniently watching this from some bushes nearby, still utterly curious. Ruby snuck in through the window as Ivy took the body down into the basement, and a large number of noises could be heard, at which point Ruby realized what was going on and was in complete shock.

Just then, Poison came downstairs in green pyjamas and said, “Hey Ruby.” Before going into the kitchen. Ruby waved back while replying, “Hi Poison.” Just before leaving as quickly as possible. The next morning, Ivy was happy that her mature body had come back, and ran around the house again, this time wearing clothes. Ivy decided that kidnapping women and eating them was the only secure way to maintain her development, and so she left to kidnap several more women in broad daylight. Sadly, not many people seemed to take notice of Ivy grabbing certain women and dragging them into alleyways.

Ivy used knock out gas to…knock them out, and then placed them in a conveniently placed nearby trolley. She then pushed the trolley towards her house while covering the bodies with a blanket. Unfortunately, Ruby found her as she got near the house. “I know what you’re doing!” Ruby yelled as she saw her. “It’s sick and wrong!”

“Maybe so but its necessary.” Ivy replied as she quickly got into the house with the trolley and shut the door before Ruby could enter, then closed the windows. This carried so for several more days, with Ruby trying to warn Ivy’s intended targets, but for them to ultimately be used as fuel for Ivy’s self confidence. Then one morning, Poison was really curious as to what Ivy was doing in the basement for several hours every day, and listened by the door leading to it. All that could be heard were the sounds of saws, machinery, and screams that were just barely drowned out by rock songs.

As Poison moved away from the door, Ivy left the basement moments later, holding a chart as she spoke. “Subjects are effective so far. One with freckles seemed to produce some strange rash on my arm, resulting in scaly spots for an hour. Have not verified whether fat chicks may make me chunkier. Have also not verified whether women with ridiculously large breasts will affect me negatively.” She stopped and noticed Poison right beside her. “How long have you been here?”

“Long enough to still be slightly confused.”

“Well don’t go into the basement, for any reason whatsoever.”

“Oh yeah, did you finish that Goosebumps book by the same name? I kinda saw the ending coming, but yet I was still amused by it.”

“Hey! Don’t spoil the ending! I haven’t finished it yet! Anyway, I think we should have a barbeque.” Ivy suddenly grinned.

“Why?”

“Because after hearing what everything thinks of me, I want to show them all that I’m not that kind of person any longer.”

“I don’t buy it.”

Ivy expression changed as she suddenly narrowed her eyes at him. “Just invite people already, and make sure to invite that foolish angel. I don’t want her to miss this.”

And so time moved along once again, to the evening of the next day, where the barbeque took place in Ivy’s backyard. Poison greeted the various people who arrived, some he knew and some were just some random women Ivy told him to invite. As the Loli Rangers arrived, Poison greeted them; bro fisted Loli Black and then stepped aside to let them in. Spring and Floyd approached the door shortly afterwards. “Floyd! My man!” He exclaimed.

“Poison! My boy!” Floyd replied.

“Oh, and Spring, I’ll return that Black Lagoon comic tomorrow.”

“You’d better.” He nodded. The two of them then entered. Everything was going fine, people were talking, Poison showed off his happy feet to Spring, more cowbell arrived, and Ivy was managing to kidnap women when nobody was watching her, while people enjoyed the food, which happened to be Ivy’s specially made hamburgers. Ruby arrived soon after everything else and immediately tried to find Ivy, which didn’t take very long. “What’s this about?”

Ivy looked up at her and cheerfully smiled. “Ahh, the guest of honor has arrived.” She handed Ruby a burger. “Here, I wish to make amends with you. Try my “Dat Soylent” hamburgers.” Ruby didn’t trust her for a second, so she removed the bun and saw a nipple in the middle of the bun. She dropped the bun and looked at some of the other meat, seeing various body parts attempting to be covered up. She immediately ran, yelling, “Don’t eat the food! Dat Soylent is mature women! I repeat, Dat Soylent is mature women!”

Poison smiled as he stood beside Spring and Floyd. “Y’know, I waited all day just to hear that one line.”

Ivy was becoming desperate as half the people eating the food spat it out and displayed their disgust. Some others, such as Yandere-chan simply didn’t care and kept eating. Ivy leaped over her barbeque stand and followed Ruby back into the house, chasing her with the intent to eat her and finally rid herself of her rival. Ruby hid in the bathroom and turned off the lights then moved into the corner. Ivy slowly opened the door, saying, “Om nom nom.” As she did so. Ruby ran through the wall as Ivy chased her again, complete with her Om noming. After a while of running around, she decided to wait in the living room and kick her into the basement after a long while of waiting for her to run in. “Om nom nom.” She said once again as she crept down the stairs.

Ruby looked around, trying to find somewhere to hide, and saw horrible scenes of the various devices Ivy was using to cut up the women and stick them in her easy bake oven 666 edition. “Om nom nom.” Ivy said once again as she had an evil smile stuck on her face and ominously approached the angel. “Om nom nom.” She said once more as she grabbed her scythe, just before the dim lights went out.

An hour later, Ivy and Poison stood by the front door. It was late at night and the visitors were leaving, while expressing the horrible evening they had. Ivy now had the body of a little girl once again, and sighed as they all left. “Well, I guess that foolish angel had some young serum in her body, because I can’t get my mature body back.”

Poison quirked an eyebrow. “Huh? What are you talking about? Opposite week is over now, remember?”

Ivy immediately stopped moping. “Huh?”

“Remember, it’s that time which comes once every two years where, for a week, all little demons have adult bodies due to some kind of positive energy reflected off of the sun. It sounds nuts but whatever. You usually look forward to it every two years, so I thought you remembered.”

Ivy put a hand to her cheek. “Of course! How could I forget! But how come I began to turn back after the first night?”

“Oh, your mom said your granddad’s ship was blocking some of the sun’s rays.”

“I see…so I ate all those women for nothing, but at least I ate my anch-nemesis, Amber.”

“No you didn’t, that was just a weird dream you were having. Amber said she had to visit a few guys earlier that morning. I have no idea why though. So what was the point of all this?”

“I thought we needed a little more dark humour, and that’s about it.”

“That’s good enough for me.” Poison shrugged as he finally closed the door.