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Marie Rose
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TMEDCE: Chapter 21 – The Most Awesome Party Ever
It was several days after the recent meeting, and shortly afterwards, Awesome began to inform others of his party being hosted days in advance. Early that morning, we see various short shots of Poison leaping out of bed, getting the mail, Ivy turning on the TV, grabbing the paper, and Poison lighting a cigarette. It then opened to a scene of Ivy and Poison sitting round a table. Ivy read the paper while Poison smoked, and then cough before speaking, “I think it’s time to blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together. Okay, 3, 2, 1, let’s jam!” Ivy and Poison took off, with Poison running down to the basement and spun right to see the lights of Ivy’s ship turn on.
Outside, Crystal was approaching the house, strolling like a pimp with her cane, soon passing P.A.L at a street corner and glanced at her as she walked past. As a hole outside Ivy’s house opened up, the ship hovered out of the hole, followed by three people biting their bottom lip as they looked in that direction as shades materialized onto their faces. Just then, Amber appeared and charged at the ship, flipped and landed inside. Ivy closed the roof, tilted up, went into hyperdrive and then took off. They soared into the sky, barrel rolling several times before leaving earth’s orbit.
Soon enough, they arrived at hell where the sky was currently dark red and lights shun from a large dark plaza up ahead, which was where the party was said to take place. The ground floor was pretty spacious, and with a dark blue background. The place was already packed with people, and upon entering, Ivy’s mother greeted them. “Oh, welcome, you three. I’m glad you could make it.”
“Hi mom.” Ivy replied while Poison and Amber waved. “Where’s dad?”
“Talking to some guests, I agreed to play a bodyguard for the next hour and ki-I mean, take care of people who aren’t on the list.”
“Who isn’t on the list?”
She shrugged. “Whoever I don’t like.”
As they walked on, Amber then asked, “So how are you two getting on?”
“What are you implying?” Poison asked.
“You know…”
“Green thunder does what I tell him to.” Ivy replied.
“I still wanna know why you occasionally call me that…” Poison responded.
As they got near Awesome, Amber waved to him and yelled, “Hi Awesome!” He looked in her direction and waved back as he said, “Hey Amber.”
As Poison watched from further away, he quietly said, “What’s this feeling of similarity…”
At that moment, Gary approached them as he said, “Hey guys, heard about the party and thought I’d drop by.”
Ivy immediately jumped back, “Not you again! Stay back!” After a few seconds, she then said, “Hey, why aren’t you doing your usual thing?”
“I’m not feeling it today. So how are you nowadays?”
“Okay, I guess.” Ivy replied, still somewhat confused. “I’m gonna go now.” Ivy said as she left.
“I think she misses the attention.” Poison remarked.
Gary nodded before turning to Poison. “How do you do it, man?”
“Do what?”
“Get chicks to like you. You can’t fool me, you practically have a harem if you think about it.”
“Now you’re just being ridiculous.”
“It’s true! My beloved Ivy, Ruby who won’t mention it, that other demon girl you hang around with, and there’s Ruby’s older sister. There’s also the black girl from the Loli Rangers.”
“Why do you notice these things?”
“So you got any advice?” Gary asked.
“Yes, sweets, and lots of them.”
“Thanks for the suggestion. Y’know, I used to dislike you, but you’re not so bad. I say we should start over and try to get along. Anyway, I’ll see you round.”
As Gary was about to leave, Poison placed a hand on his shoulder and the place suddenly became a shade of black and white as it zoomed in on Poison’s face. “Just remember, if you ever need some pictures, don’t hesitate to look me up.”
“I love you, man.” Gary replied before they hugged.
At one of the food tables, as Ivy picked up a cookie make from the flesh of tortured demons, she ran into Ruby. The two of them glared at each other until Ivy finally said, “Hello, foolish angel, we meet again.”
“Too soon in my opinion.” She said with a sigh.
“So what’re you doing here?”
“Heard there was a party in hell from my sister, then I asked, “The land down under?” and she said, “Nah, Hell’s a planet now.” So I said, “Since when?” and she replied, “Since Heaven became a planet.” So I simply said, “Oh right.”
“Uh-huh.” Ivy said, pouring herself a glass of blood, and then threw it away when she saw an eyeball in the glass. “So how’s life?”
“Worse because of you.” Ivy grinned at this. “I shouldn’t even be here, but I consider it my duty to stalk you and beat you at whatever game you’re playing.”
“I assure you I don’t play nice.”
“Oooooh.” Ruby said as she frowned upon her.
“Ooooooh?” Ivy replied, stroking her chin.
“Ooooooh?” Ruby responded, tilting her head.
“Oooooh!” Ivy nodded, fully understanding her.
After several moments of complete silence and facial expressions, Ruby then fly kicked Ivy into a wall as she yelled, “Cheeseburger!”
On Hawt’s watch, a few dark red demons managed to sneak past her without permission. She immediately blasted one through the head and appeared beside him. “Ya got me good.” He said, “But you won’t catch my buddy.”
“He is already dead.” She replied with a smirk. Just then, a demon in the background clutched his head and screamed, clearly experiencing excruciating pain as his head expanded moments before he exploded into dozens of little bits.
Poison and Crystal stared in amazement at the display while Ivy chased Ruby in the background shortly before speaking again. “So, you must be quite confident in your skills to show up to a party hosted by the king of hell.” Poison said.
“I didn’t figure I’d get any trouble. Besides, I’m also here to make sure my man hoes are making me money. Excuse me; I think I see one of them now.” Crystal walked off as she yelled, “Candyass, you better be making me some damn money over there! Don’t make me warm up my pimp hand!”
Ivy managed to catch up to Ruby and punch her across the room as she yelled, “BLT!”
Ruby landed near Poison and waved to him as she said, “Hey Poison.”
“Hi Ruby!” He replied, waving back, moments before saying, “Wait, that exchange wasn’t right…”
“Do you happen to know where the toilets are?”
“Oh, they’re down there.” He said, pointing at a door which led down a long narrow corridor with an intersection separating into two paths. “Watch out for these nightmarish creatures who will occasionally try to grab you through the walls, the deranged tentacled monsters which might appear, the wallmasters…and Grues.”
Hearing this as she opened the door and looked down the quiet narrow corridor nearly made her wet herself. She turned to Poison and said, “Uhh, c-could you come with me?”
“Relax, as long as you show you’re not scared, they’ll leave you alone.”
Ruby sighed as she moved on and started walking down the corridor. As soon as a hand reached out from the wall and touched her shoulder, she immediately panicked and screamed as she ran down the corridor and turned right. Suddenly, zombies! Dozens of them! Ruby took out her spear and fought her way through the crowd as she reached another intersection. Just then, a large tentacled pink blob dropped down from the ceiling, an even more grotesque version of Ivy’s pet. It opened its mouth as it said, “I’m firing mah lazer! BLAAAAAAAH!” Ruby somersaulted out the way and ran right. As she turned a corner, it appeared again, “Lazer firing, BLAAAAAAH!” Ruby jumped over it and flew up to a floor up above. The monster appeared once more through a hole in the floor ahead and yelled, “Lazer! BLAAAAAAH!” Ruby avoided it once more.
As Ruby eventually lost the monster and reached the end of the floor by the toilets, she started panting moments before Ivy burst in from the side of the wall, making Ruby scream again. “There you are, foolish angel.”
“Go away; I just wanna use the toilet!”
Ivy turned to face the bathrooms and then smiled as she pointed at one. “Hey, take a look at that one.”
“Huh?” While there was a Men and Women’s bathroom, beside them, there was one labelled, “Foolish angels.” Ruby couldn’t believe her eyes.
“Seems it’s starting to catch on.”
“I don’t want it to catch on!” Ruby yelled, waving her arms in the air.
Back in the main room, there was currently some live entertainment in the form of a lion and a kangaroo having a wrestling match with a bear and shark. Poison walked over to the Loli Rangers, Amber, Crystal, Spring and Floyd who were discussing something. As he got nearby he heard Loli Red say, “Okay, how long before Ivy and Ruby’s Foe Yay no longer becomes subtext?”
“I give it a few more days.” Amber replied.
“Two weeks.” Crystal said.
Loli Yellow then wrote down, “Isn’t it already more than subtext?”
“This is nuts, you guys.” Poison remarked. “There’s no Foe Yay.”
“Of course there is, silly.” Amber humoured him. “Okay, how long before Ivy and Poison transcend the Master and Servent title and actually start a relationship?”
“Hey!”
“Tomorrow.” Loli Green said.
“6 days.” Floyd replied.
“Possibly 5 days.” Spring responded.
“I’m starting to wonder whether you guys are really my friends.” Poison said, narrowing his eyes at them. As the crowd started cheering, Poison looked onstage and raised an eyebrow. “How is that shark actually doing that?”
“We’ll probably never know.” Crystal replied.
Meanwhile, Ivy and Ruby were currently running from large decaying disembodied hands which were dropping from the ceiling. “Why is the bathroom placed in such a scary location?!?” Ruby asked as they continued running.
“Stop asking stupid questions!”
“They’re not stupid!”
“I should just trip you so I can get away safely!”
“Why haven’t you done that anyway?!”
Ivy thought for a second before yelling, “I don’t know!”
In the main room, Ivy’s mother successfully landed a 42-hit combo on someone who snuck into the party, and threw them into a dark closet, where they were slowly devoured by whatever lived in there. Poison, Amber and Gary were a bit further away and resumed their conversation afterwards. “So as I was saying…” Amber began. “I got Ivy’s diary, you wanna know what Ivy thinks of you?”
“No thanks.” Poison shook his head.
“What did she say about me?” Gary asked.
Amber ignored him and continued. “C’mon, this is important info, you know. Don’t you think by knowing what she thinks of you, you can know what not to do? By making her happy, wouldn’t she be nicer, meaning that you won’t be as regularly depressed?”
“Well you do have a point…”
“Am I in there?” Gary asked again.
“Probably not.” Amber shrugged, then turned to Poison and took out a recorder. “Although, maybe you two are getting along fine as it is…”
---
As she played the recorder, Ivy’s gasping was heard. “Poison! How have you kept this from me for so long?!”
“Oh, well I didn’t think you needed to know…”
“B-but it’s so big, and surprisingly long!”
“I think it’s only a little bigger than the average size.”
“Can I play with it for a bit?”
“Well okay, just this once.”
After a bit of noise, Ivy then said, “I don’t think it can fit, it’s too big.”
“Nonsense! Just push it in!”
“But if you do that then-Ahh!”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, let’s start.” After a bit of moaning, she then said, “Oh, Poison! You’re so rough!”
“Okay, this is going too far now. Whoever happens to be hearing this, we’re talking about my old Datbox360 pad.”
“Faster, Poison!”
“Ivy, it’s not funny anymore…”
---
After an awkward period of silence, there was an explosion and Ivy and Ruby were seen flying across the room as Awesome walked over to Poison and the others with a list. “Hey, you guys, there seems to have been some kind of poll involving all you guys, about some people on another planet who have been watching you. Check it out.” He handed Poison the list and walked off.
Awesome walked over to a table where Ruby was leaning against the side, looking frustratingly depressed as she drank apple juice. “Hey man, good party and all with those random animals and all.”
“Thanks. Oh yeah, you’re my daughter’s friend, right? Ruby, was it?”
“Yeah, you kidnapped me once, remember?”
Awesome nodded as he remembered. “Good times…”
“Maybe for you. Y’know, it’s tough being me. I try to do good, and yet I get no respect at all. I’m generally a nice and caring person, yet I get insulted and treated badly by half the people I know, even my own family! It even feels like the entire universe is out to get me, half the time in ways that don’t even make any sense! If I do happen to succeed doing something, I get no praise or even a ‘good job, Ruby’. I just get ignored, or blamed or something. Sometimes I just want a hug or something, just to show that at least someone cares, you know what I mean?”
“That’s not apple juice, is it?”
“You’re not apple juice!”
A bit further away, as the others looked at the list, Ivy barged through the small crowd and took the list. “What?! I came third?!? This is ridiculous! I should be first! And the only reason I’m there is because I’m the cause of half the things that happen!”
Poison shrugged. “We can’t all make a positive impact.”
“Says the guy who came second.”
“I did? Well, I should thank my fans for realizing I’m one of the sanest people around here.”
“What surprises me most is that the foolish angel came first.”
“What?!?” Poison grabbed the list and looked. “How did Ruby beat me?...For being able to evoke sympathy from her woobieness. That’s not good enough for me.”
“Me neither! Let’s go make fun of her!” Ivy declared.
Ruby overheard them and dropped her cup as she advanced upon them while yelling, “Aw hell naw!” She kicked them both into a wall before speaking, “You guys are all assholes, you know that? Especially you!” She said, pointing at Ivy. “You whine, and rant, and as Poison says, act like a giant douche! And a bully! Whenever I think I’m out, you just keep pulling me back in!” She turned to Poison. “Have you ever tried not snarking at most things people say?”
“I’ll give it some thought.”
Ruby pointed at Amber and said, “Half the things you say are double entendres!” She moved on to Gary. “Despite once being friends and fully aware of Ivy’s misguided attempts, you’d rather screw me over! You ain’t gonna screw me anymore, you hear me?!”
Ivy snickered quietly until Poison nudged her, shortly before Ruby moved on to Crystal. “You’re my older sister yet you say some mean things to me which seem encouraging but they’re not! You act like Ivy is my friend even though she’s done some cruel things to me in the past, she even ate me once!”
“You still haven’t explained how you survived that.” Ivy replied.
Ruby ignored her, figured she didn’t have much to say involving Spring and Floyd, and then grabbed Crystal’s pimp cane. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some manual labour that needs doing.” She then proceeded to walk out of there like a pimp.
Spring then said, “At times like this, all you can do is Nicholson.”
“Damn straight.” Floyd replied as they did so.
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