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The Something Something Demonic Something Ever

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Author Topic: The Something Something Demonic Something Ever  (Read 11389 times)
Marie Rose
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« Reply #315 on: 11 November, 2010, 06:36:19 am »

That's crazy talk, man.

Man, you crazy.
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« Reply #316 on: 11 November, 2010, 06:37:12 am »

Yeah, you probably right.
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« Reply #317 on: 15 November, 2010, 01:19:59 am »

So I randomly came up with ten on the fly. I just randomly came up with titles cause I like doing that.

41. The Sliding Scale of Love and Hate (Ivy and Poison help two demonic individuals)
42. World of the Savvy Tropers (Should be obvious what this is)
43. Mad Skillz (Actually has to do with the plot)
44. Sugar Rush (A new villain injects Ivy with something which speeds up her metabolism, and she must destroy 4 connected machines while stuffing her face with sugary foods)
45. The Harem Effect (A brother and sister team of generals under the same villian come after Poison: One to steal what he thinks is the harem gene, and the other injects an enchanced love potion formula into him which attracts most people in a 20 feet radius)
46. Extreme Paintballing (Exactly what it says on the tin)
47. The Life and Times of Lily Locket (What happened to her between the first and second set of chapters)
48. Masters of Badass Boxer (Doesn't really have to do with Martial Hearts, or the cast in general)
49. Stronghold of the Strongest, Part 1
50. Stronghold of the Strongest, Part 2
« Last Edit: 15 November, 2010, 08:57:11 am by Stocking » Report Spam   Logged

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« Reply #318 on: 19 November, 2010, 02:24:18 pm »

Time to kick this **** off, old school.

TMEDCE: Chapter 41 (Its still a stupid number) - The Sliding Scale of Love and Hate

It was two weeks after Halloween, and Ivy sat in her room early that morning writing in her diary. “Dear Diary, It’s been a while since we talked, huh? Life’s going pretty well, though not many people like me and are still jerks, they at least somewhat respect me…I think. Nookie’s oldest son has now started molesting human girls, yet again, I’m so proud. It feels like only yesterday when I beat Nookie to a pulp and took him home as a pet. I wish him the best of luck.

She then heard her mother yell, “Ivy, you received a letter from one of your fan club members!”

“Coming!” She ran out the room, down the hall and slid down the stairs, smashing into the door where she picked up the letter and read it out loud. “From a loyal and mysterious fan, I’ve got a small problem which someone of your talents could help me solve. I’ll explain more later, my address is…” She stopped reading. “Time for another good deed.”

“Well good for you.” Her mother replied before leaving.

“Is doing this one thing really so important?” Poison asked as he came down the stairs.

“Of course!” She took out a list. “I’ve done 8 evil things this week and only 1 good thing! I need another good deed to add to the list!”

He read the list. “I don’t think hiding the remote, taking the last cookie from the cookie jar, and not cleaning the bath qualify as evil, maybe petty and annoying, but not evil. Also, chopping off someone’s arm isn’t a good deed.”

“He was gonna have it amputated, so I saved him the trouble. Anyway, I haven’t got time to argue, I’ll see you later.” She grabbed the list and took off towards her fan’s location.

In a basic house with a red and brown visual style which most houses there tended to have, sat a young boy. He had unruly turquoise hair, and wore a zipped up red jacket, with matching pants and shoes which had three white stripes going across them. Ivy kicked down the door and leaped in as she yelled, “Dynamic entry!” She landed on her feet and turned to him. “So what’s the problem?”

“You better fix that door. Anyway, I’ve got these personal issues with this girl I just barely know.” The boy spoke. “My name is Jack, and I’ll be looking forward to working with you.”

“So what’s my reward?” She immediately asked.

“Huh? Reward?”

“Yeah, kid. I don’t do this **** for free, Y’know?”

“Well I don’t really…”

“Oh, well good luck with your-”

She turned to leave when Jack spoke up. “Wait! You can’t! I was told you were the best, and if you go I’ll have no-one to really turn to! The others are amateurs, not like your magnificent skills which are in a league of their own! Your grace, your beauty, your mediocre fashion sense…”

“Hey! Besides, sucking up isn‘t enough to get my help, so if you-”

“For the time being, my fridge is your fridge.” They immediately sealed the deal as they shook hands.

“So what’s the problem?” Ivy asked.

“Well, there’s this girl, she’s unfucking believable! She practically hates my guts, and I hate hers. She pulls some kind of prank on me, then I pull one on her, and so on. After the prank she pulled on me two weeks ago, I still haven’t retaliated, so I was wondering if you had any ideas.”

Ivy thought for a little bit, before moving on. A bit later, Ivy stood on a cliff with a video camera and a bulldozer, readying to hit her target with a wrecking ball. Eventually she showed up, appearing to be a young girl with violet hair sporting twin tails, wearing a red open jacket with a fluffy hood, a black t-shirt, and blue pants. As she looked around, Ivy managed to hit her hard with the wrecking ball while videotaping it and running off.

Shortly afterwards, the girl was walking down a path, saying random obscenities under her breath, clearly mad over the previous ordeal while Poison and Rosie were walking by just up ahead.

“So Damien is gonna troll a message board, and some other guys have agreed to participate, you in?” Poison asked.

“Sure, sounds like fun. By the way, does anyone actually swim in that lake of lava?” Rosie asked, staring far to her right.

“Nah, its just for decoration.” The girl bumped into Poison, but continued walking as he sarcastically said, “Guess that serves me right for paying attention.”

She stopped and turned to him, and then said, “Hey, aren’t you that one from the photos wearing th-”

Poison quickly covered her mouth. “Lets have a quick talk…” He said as they walked off. “So what’s the problem?” He asked as they stood at an empty street corner.

“Well, there’s this guy I hate so I pull pranks on him, and he does the same, and he just pulled this lameass prank so I’m really pissed and have to get back at him! And if you don’t help I’m going to use those photos I happened to see.”

“Yeah, I get how this works.” He replied, not surprised in the least. “So what’s your name?”

“Oh, my name is Jill. Now lets get to work!” She said, walking off.

Later that day, Jack informed Ivy about receiving an email about Jill threatening to send some embarrassing photos she had taken of him in the past to others, and had no choice but to beg Ivy to find the pictures somehow before she could do so. Ivy wanted to get down to the real deal, as she was certain Jack was hiding something important so she went to ask around about the two. She went around the demonic city asking around for the deal between the two, and getting nowhere from demons rudely denying knowledge of it, and she completely forgot to ask an elderly woman upon being given a large lollipop.

Meanwhile, Poison was currently talking with Gary online about some important details over the internet with a webcam. “So, what do you think?” Poison asked.

“Well, it doesn’t seem like pictures you’d normally use for humiliation purposes, I should know.”

“As I thought. Well thanks for your help, man.”

“Sure thing. By the way, can you lend me Kawaii Girl Uguu-chan?”

“I can’t man, I’m sorry.” Poison shook his head.

“And why not?”

“Your body is not ready.” Those words hit Gary hard, like a kick to the nuts. He had expected something like this, and though he tried to block it out, he knew the statement was true. Some witnesses have said only one person finished watching this show but died from cuteness overload, and Poison only got halfway through. Could it truly be watched all the way through without dying? He had to give it a shot. As Gary got up from his seat, Poison leaned in, a worried look in his eyes as he said, “Gary…”

Gary silenced him as he raised his hand and walked off into the shadows. He went through a montage, showing various scenes such as Gary clutching his chest in pain and expressing a faint, “HNNNNGGGGG” sound as watched various moe anime, got Crystal to show him their family album with Ruby’s baby pictures, and also looking through some of the Ivy pictures he’d bought until he was desensitized to being affected by any level of cuteness.

Back to the main story, Ivy visited her old school which had white and black large corridors, and demons didn’t really need to go to school since they were demons. A black haired demon in a suit called to Ivy as she walked by the classroom. “Oh, Ivy! I haven’t seen you in like 8 years now!”

“That’s because I hated you all and chose to stay at home.”

“Oh, you’re so tsun~”

She ignored him and walked around. She eventually found some girls who occasionally hang around with Jill and one explained the connection. “Well, one day those two accidentally bumped into each other, and while she’s my friend, she’s also quite a **** so she responded rather harshly, as did he. This started off a string of events where he pulled pranks on her, and she pulled pranks on him, and she was always going on half the time about how she needs to pull off an amazing prank, and recently saying the last prank he pulled seemed like a kid came up with it. I mean, we obviously know they like each other, but she’ll never just say it, even though we honestly don’t give a **** if she does. You like who you like, big deal what others think.” The other girls in the group agreed. Ivy thanked them and moved on.

Fortunately, Ivy discovered Jill in an empty classroom, looking through her bag. “Hey, you’re that girl Jack’s talking about, right?”

“What of it?”

“I’m here for the photos. I suggest you hand them over.”

“Sadly, they’re mine. I took them and I’ll do what I want with them.” Jill said, turning around with them in her hand.

“Lets play a fun exercise of mine.” Ivy cleared her throat. “Look at your hand, now look at me, look at your lame backpack, now look back at me. I’m not you, because I’m awesome and my tail is silky smooth. But that’s not important, because I just stole your pictures.” Jill raised an eyebrow as she looked at her empty hand, just as Ivy took off. 

Jill gave chase, yelling at her as they ran through the corridors. Jill grabbed a SMG one student was holding and opened fire, Ivy barely avoiding the shots before diving into a classroom for cover. She looked around the room and then grabbed the whiteboard to use as a shield. Just then, Jill leaped into the room, performing an unnecessary combat roll before firing. Ivy leaped over tables and blasted down a wall, turning right down the corridor with Jill in hot pursuit. Jill punched her locker open, where she took out a rocket launcher. As she fired, Ivy heard it and threw a locker in the way of the missile while exclaiming, “This **** is crazy!” She continued throwing lockers while running, eventually hitting Jill with one as she came round a corner.

Ivy took this opportunity to escape by leaping out a second story window and flying off, Jill seeing her as she did so and doing the same. Jill looked around the area but couldn’t seem to find her. “Get out here! When I find you, I’m gonna unload this all over your face! You hear me?!” Ivy happened to be hiding behind a bin further down and waited until she left before making her own way back.

Upon arriving back at Jack’s house, the first thing he said as she entered was, “You ate all my food!”

“Well your fridge is my fridge, right?”

“But I wasn’t trying to be that generous! Anyway, did you get them?”

“Yeah, I got it.” She said, throwing them on the table.

“Also, we need to do more, since this green haired guy came here and stole the photos I had of her.”

“Green haired guy?”

At that moment, In Jill’s house she was taking a shower when Poison arrived. Poison was waiting in the living room as she entered in a towel, and her immediate reaction was to punch him, which he dodged while saying, “I ironed your clothes just so you know, and got the photos.”

“Oh, t-thanks.” She replied, blushing slightly.

“Now don’t go developing any crushes of some sort.” He replied as he left.

“You think too highly of yourself…”

As Poison logged back on using a laptop, Gary was waiting. He appeared to have several bruises and was covered in glitter for some odd reason. Though reluctant, he knew it was time, so Poison sent Kawaii Girl Uguu-chan over the internet and wished him luck, all of which was said with a simple nod. Gary closed his eyes, thinking to himself, “Alright, I’m ready. My body can take it…

Afterwards, Jill explained about a girl with pink hair stealing the photos, quickly clueing him in on who that might be. Ivy and Poison met shortly by Ivy’s house, at which point Poison said, “So, your diagnosis?”

“He’s totally a jerk.”

“She’s totally a tsundere. So, what do you suggest?”

“Well I think its rather simple. Did you look at the pictures?”

“Huh?” Ivy looked at them for a few moments. “Hmm, these look like the type you’d keep for personal use…”

“Exactly, that means-”

“I can see the ending.” Ivy said, wearing black shades. “I know what to do.” A few minutes later, she had gathered a bag of accessories. “Okay, I got everything. The candles, the chocolate, the bathing oils, some Marvin Gay songs such as ‘Lets Get It On’, and my mom’s BDSM kit.”

“You seem overly prepared for some reason…so how do we do this?”

“We need to get them in the same room, and then its done. This thing started when Jack pulled a prank on that girl.”

“Her name is Jill.”

“Seriously? Anyway, pulling pranks on each other was kinda a way of them communicating. Starting off light and getting more hurtful as they went along. Taking potentially embarrassing pictures of each other could be seen as a relationship upgrade, but then Jack hadn’t responded to her prank for several weeks, and she assumed he’d lost interest. Then I unknowingly made it worse with a basic prank which wasn’t at a high standard, so she’d assume he no longer liked her. The solution to this problem? Hatese-”

I don’t think that’s gonna do it.”

“Trust me, it is.”

Poison left to visit Amber who had just beaten another girl by hitting her with a meteor, followed by a piledriver, then saying, “You lose, Marissa, and for your punishment be sure to arrive at my house around 8PM, and come alone.”

“Yes, ma’am.” she replied.

After waving to her and explaining, Poison asked what the solution would be, and she happened to agreed with Ivy. Figuring he asked the wrong type of person, he asked half the other people he knew, them all responding the same way, so he decided to drop it. He helped get both sides to meet up and lock Jack and Jill in an partially lit apartment made of titanium with all the stuff Ivy brought already set up.

“This is your fault we’re locked in here!” Jill yelled.

“Me? If you didn’t whine about everything this wouldn’t have happened!”

“Arrgh, you’re such an ****!”

“And you’re such a ****!”

After another minute of arguing they finally calmed down. After a few moments, they considered it a success, and then the arguing continued, being far worse while all sorts of noises could be heard, so Ivy and Poison quietly unlocked the door, quickly left and never looked back.

A few hours later, Ivy and Poison were back at Ivy’s house, watching TV when the doorbell rang. Ivy answered the door, only to see Jack and Jill holding hands and smiling. Ivy called Poison over as Jack spoke. “Thanks so much for helping us, you guys.”

“Yeah, we just weren’t very good at conveying our feelings, and it feels like we wasted your time by having it get to that point.”

“No problem.” Poison replied. “You did delete the-”

“Yeah, I deleted them. Thanks again, you guys, and take care!”

“I hate you~” Jack playfully said.

“I hate you more~” Jill cheerfully replied. The two left, skipping along as they went up a hill (hey, you saw it coming) while Ivy and Poison watched.

“You think there’s some hidden meaning behind all this?” Ivy asked.

“Nah, that would just be stupid.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Ivy said before closing the door.

Later that day, some of the angelic council confirmed Gary to have died from cuteness overload, but figured he’d be back within the week. His body was not ready.
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« Reply #319 on: 19 November, 2010, 03:03:39 pm »

My body was not ready....
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Marie Rose
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« Reply #320 on: 19 November, 2010, 03:20:36 pm »

Bodies rarely are.
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Marie Rose
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« Reply #321 on: 26 November, 2010, 07:05:30 pm »

TMEDCE: Chapter 42 - World of the Savvy Tropers

Picking up immediately after the bizarre number of events during the first part of the zombie troper invasion, we flashback to the troper invested lab where Omar used to work. Ivy and Poison had been turned into insomniac tropers from the repeated biting, while Damien miraculously survived being shot in the head and got to his feet. He brushed the dirt off himself before nonchalantly pulling a gun and shooting his attempted killer without even looking. The others stared at him as he spoke. “Alright, I see the situation is hopeless, anyway, here’s how we go about this…”

Meanwhile, somewhere in the area of Adabat Central City, in an unknown location…

Inside a room was a single large rectangular table with four seats on each side and one seat ahead of them. Many torches lit the room and there was a water container in the corner. There were currently four figures sitting around the large table. Those figures happened to be Willard, Omar, Adol and Masterman. Adol looked around before saying, “Awfully empty, huh?”

“A side effect of the unfortunate commotion outside, I’d assume.” Willard replied.

“So this nonsense to do with tropes, how long can I expect this to last, Willard? I still need to get back to my next research project.” Omar said.

“I sadly have no idea, but I’ll still enjoy it while it lasts. Perhaps it’ll never end, just like the sort of zombie invasions you see in films, where the cast tend to be incompetent imbeciles who would likely survive their predicament if they thought clearly.” Willard smiled. 

Masterman looked out the window. “Aww, dude! Those guys are damaging my bike! One just stole it! What the hell, man!”

“Tough break, man.” Adol said, getting up. “Well there’s no point staying here anymore, I’m going home, later guys.” He left the room and soon arrived in the insomniac troper invested streets, quickly taking notice of a young boy and his sister as they walked past. “Hey, how old are you?” He asked the boy.

“Oh, I’m 15, sir. Older than they look.”

Adol placed his arm around his shoulder as he said, “Alright, lets go back to my place. Oh, and bring your sister.”

“But she’s only 13...”

“She’s old enough.” He replied, picking her up.

In another part of the city, the Loli Rangers were driving around on colour coded motorbikes, still shooting people in the head while trying to help people. Loli Red received a distress call in a middle school, hearing that there was a few classes trapped there and some teachers, so they drove on ahead towards that location.

A bit further away from Omar’s abandoned lab, Crystal and Gary managed to dispose of the tropers which attacked Ruby, but it was already too late for her, she was dead, but only mostly dead. Gary chose not to say anything as it would only make it worse. At that moment, one troper attempted to attack them from behind, only for Crystal to bitchslap them across the street as she said, “Back the **** up!” She quickly took out her bat. “Lets go.” She said as she left.

“Right.” Gary replied, following closely.

Shortly afterwards, the Loli Rangers arrived at the entrance to the rather large school building, appearing to be deserted of tropers. They looked around before entering, the hallways being quite dark and empty. As they reached an intersection, Loli Red turned to the others and said, “Alright, we should probably split up.”

“Are you nuts?!” Loli Black exclaimed. “Are you even thinking straight? Splitting up is the worst thing to do, as we’ll be picked off one by one! And the black dude always dies first that way!”

“But you’re not a dude.” Loli Blue said.

“That’s not the point!”

“Fine, I’ll investigate on my own, you guys explore however you want, but keep in touch.” Loli Red left before the others could say anything. Loli Green and Blue decided to go on their own while Yellow and Black did the same. Tsundere-chan simply proceeded down the following hallways, sliding tropers in half with waves of energy from her sword, until she cut through a door where some kids were trapped.

Down another path, Loli Blue was throwing knifes at half the people she came across, regardless if they were infected or not, so Loli Green had to deflect some of her throws with her bullets. Loli Green spotted a female teacher running from one troper and tripping, as women tend to do in these types of situations. As the troper closed in on her, Loli Green leaped into the fray, knocking him back with a kick, followed by several more, a low kick, two shots to the chest, two high kicks, a shot to the crotch, a roundhouse kick and finally blasting him in the head.

“H-how did you do that?” The teacher asked.

“I know gun fu.” Loli Green answered, reloading her gun. “Now go.”

As she ran off, Loli Blue asked, “Can I kill her? Can I? Can?!?” Loli Green simply stared at her.

Loli Black was punching people through walls while Loli Yellow sliced people open and decapitated a few tropers with her razor sharp boards. As they approached a toilet, Loli Black informed Loli Yellow she needed to go, then Loli Yellow held up a sign saying, “I’ll go clear the exit, the others should be done by now.”

At Omar’s lab, Damien was explaining his plans while scenes were shown describing them. “Now, lets increase the number of people infected, and to do that we need to enclose all exits out of here. When its clear that the majority of this city has been infected, then its time to make it spread to other parts of the world. It may take a few days, but it’ll be rather satisfying to see it. First, we secure all helicopters. Those sad people expecting some silly rescue will be easy targets, while doing so we find all the routes leading out of the city and guard them, no-one leaves. Oh, protect the gun shops too, in case survivors get any bright ideas. So lets get started, comrades.”

Ivy raised her hand. “Can I bite you?”

“No, I don’t need teeth marks in my shoulder.”

At the time, in the middle of the streets Spring and Floyd were driving around, running over tropers. Floyd had just finished talking to someone over the phone and hung up before turning to Spring. “I’ve just been informed that Willard seems to be planning something at the hospital near 123 Fake Street.”

“Lets roll.” Spring responded, seconds before the car sped up, driving through a lorry which promptly exploded.

Back in the school toilets, Loli Black was about to finish up, when suddenly a troper ripped open the locked stall door, exclaiming, “Insert trope here…” Loli Black quickly punched the troper in the jaw, then sidestepped as she lunged forward and stomped on her head as she fell on the toilet seat.

“Choke on it! CHOKE ON IT!” She yelled, drowning the troper in the toilet which she hadn’t flushed.

“Toilet humor…” the troper managed to mutter before finally dying.

Down one of the halls, Loli Red ran by Blue and Green, telling them that it was already too late, most of them were infected by the time the distress call was made, and by the time she arrived she had to kill the small number remaining. “Oh, and here…” She handed Loli Green a revolver, who blushed.

“Tsundere-chan, I had no idea you cared…”

“D-don’t misunderstand, I just happened to find it and figured you could use three guns, is all.” A luminous blush could clearly be seen as she crossed her arms and looked away.

“I love you guys just as much too~” Loli Blue said cheerfully, placing her arms around both their shoulders.

“There’s no time for this, we have to get going!” Loli Red said, pushing Yandere-chan’s arm off her. They ran on ahead down the hallways, Loli Red happening to see Loli Black exiting the toilets during this time. “What happened to you?” She asked.

“I had to choke a ****.” A laugh track played as Loli Black walked off, while Loli Red looked around in confusion.

At the hospital, everyone taking refuge there was panicking, with the hordes of tropers on the outside and the numerous victims presumed dead which came back to life and started infecting others within the place. A husband and wife with their baby were running down a dim hallway when a troper suddenly appeared as he said, “Offscreen teleportation…” and then hit the father with an axe, killing him. Another troper shot the mother in the leg, who tried to place her baby in a safe hiding spot while one troper moaned, “Infant immorality…” The mother looked up at a troper who had a gun to her forehead, and yelled, “Not!” before blasting her head off.

Just then, Spring and Floyd drove their car through the front entrance doors, potentially killing nearly a dozen people as they got out.

As they noticed this, Floyd said, “We’ll say it was in self-defense.”

“That would be the best choice.” Spring replied. They ignored the secretarial woman nearby and instead walked around, shooting anyone who looked hostile as they searched for Willard.

Right afterwards, Ivy, Poison and Damien along with a large group of insomniac tropers entered, a little surprised that other visitors had arrived first.

“Uhh, excuse me, who are you people?” The secretary asked.

Damien walked right past her, shoving her aside as he said, “Move ****, get out the way. Alright, get to work, people, we haven’t got all day.”

Ivy stared at the secretary which set her on fire with her mind, followed by her spontaneously exploding. One troper wondered why they couldn’t do more things like that, and she replied that if they were to regularly use the full extent of such abilities most of them would be overpowered.

“Ivy…” She heard a familiar voice call. She turned to the right to see Ruby, who was now an insomniac troper, and clearly ready to do battle. She dramatically pointed at her. “I challenge you to extreme rock-paper-scissors!”

“You’re on!” As they began, upon displaying their chosen attack, the hallway exploded due to the extreme nature of the game.

Willard sat in a large brightly lit room with tons of beds holding two loaded handguns, waiting for something. As if right on cue, Spring and Floyd smashed through a wall, changing right at him with a handgun each, rapidly firing. Willard kicked his seat at them and managed to evade 4 bullets fired. Floyd leaped over the chair and attacked with a kick which Willard blocked with his arm. Floyd leaped over him as Willard fired two shots, Floyd deflecting them with two kicks while he and Spring exchanged punches just before ducking under one and vaporized the bullets with a swing of his cape. Spring slid under a shot Willard fired and struck back, the bullets deflecting off each other and popping back into their guns. Floyd attacked with a knee to the face, missing by inches just as Spring attacked with an elbow to the chest. Willard flipped over it, landing behind them. As he pointed each gun at them, Spring and Floyd did the same.

“It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it, old friends.” Willard said, a devilish smirk plastered on his face. 

“You’re the one behind this madness, aren’t you?” Spring said.

“Well it does seem like something I’d be likely to do, but sadly I cannot recall whether I would cause a crisis this large at the moment…”

“We’re not here to play your sick games.”

“I do not know this game of which you speak of. But its far too late, you should already know this, and yet here you are attempting to settle personal issues with an innocent gentleman such as I. Can‘t I enjoy the end of the world in peace?”

“He’s kinda got a point.” Damien said, entering the room. “Its pretty late to stop the infection. Just by guessing, I’d say around 70% of the population here in the city have been infected by now, you either join ‘em, or find out how long you have to realise its hopeless, so I’ve decided to speed up the process.”

“Once again we appear to be on the same side.” Willard responded.

“Only by coincidence, mind you.”

Floyd fully loaded his gun again. “Well if this truly is it, then killing you won’t be a hassle on us.”

Willard smiled. “Damien, will you be participating in our little game?”

“Sure, why not. I ju-” Suddenly he was stabbed through the heart from behind, not once, but three times, instantly killing him. Lolita suddenly appeared, picking him up and saying, “Excuse me.” as she left with his body.

The carnage and destruction throughout the city only got worse overtime, and escalated somewhat more when Poison met up with Gary on opposing sides. During all this, Lily journeyed back to her room, where after exploring the cause of the problem on TV Tropes, she discovered the solution: Sleep, or more importantly, certain drugs and accessories which will help people get to sleep faster. It turned out the cause was a certain page an unknown individual had created on TV Tropes, which flashed through dozens upon dozens of pages so fast that it felt as if a week had gone by within a minute.

She informed the Loli Rangers of this, as well as Crystal and Gary when she managed to find them and any people who weren’t affected. They broke into drug stores, picking up tons of pills, chloroform, and other products to cure the public. And so they spent around 6 hours giving from place to making the infected go to sleep, and doing the same to their helpers who managed to get infected. Spring and Floyd’s battle with Willard was unsettled as he left soon afterwards for unknown reasons.

Late the next morning, everyone was finally cured, apart from the people who actually died that night but whatever. They all thanked Lily as their savoir for figuring out the solution to the problem. And so Lily achieved world peace, they all held hands and sang songs…happy songs…peaceful songs…


Ivy, Poison, Ruby, Damien, Gary, Rosie, Leo, Amber and Crystal were all in Ivy’s living room, watching this on TV.

“If we paid for this I’d feel ripped off.” Ivy commented. The others all agreed, apart from Ruby, who was actually quite pleased with the surprise ending.
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« Reply #322 on: 30 November, 2010, 12:46:51 pm »

Don't misunderstand, it's not like I just like doing these stupid segments. I just feel the need to get some things out in the open, is all.

Now its time for: Reipa Girl, tell ‘em!

Lolita sat at an office desk with the camera facing her. She pointed as she said, “Yooooooou.” completely deadpan. “Welcome again to my Q&A, you know the drill, but this time we have a special guest.” She gestured to her right where Ivy sat.

“Hey.” Ivy waved, seeming rather bored.

“Now that’s covered, lets begin. First caller, you’re on the air.”

“I was gonna ask something different at first, but since things have changed, what’s your deal with Ivy? It seems like you’re personally bullying her or something.”

“Yeah!” Ivy exclaimed.

“Well she somewhat brings it on herself.” Lolita began. “She’s egotistical, arrogant, narcissistic, vulgar, moronic, and overall similar to an anti-role model.”

“You’re hurting my feelings…” Ivy whimpered. “And aren’t most of those the same thing? Besides, I’ve been through some hard **** in my life, Y’know…” 

“Oh, don’t give me that bull! I’m not gonna offer any sympathy, and you’re probably the only person I find amusement in trolling. I wouldn’t really think of doing it to anyone else, since I find your angry reactions rather…cute.”

“So it’s a form of foe yay?” The caller asked.

“I guess you could say that.”

“I still hate you.” Ivy said.

“That hate warms my heart. If I had one.” Lolita replied. “Next caller.”

“What happened to your show? You used to be more about using standard horror tropes and playing around with them, but now its degraded into the kind of vulgar **** you’d see on stuff like Two and a Half Men. What happened, man?”

“Actually we still kinda do that ****, man.” Ivy replied. “Just look at the list, from the chapter titles you can tell at least 2 have to do with parodying standard horror aspects, sort of. We’ve just expended to other realms while doing so. It’s just kinda downplayed now, whether that’s good or bad is just opinion.”

“You answered that rather formally.” Lolita commented.

“I can be serious when I want to be.” Ivy glared at her. “Next caller, please.”

“Are you guys ever going to get around to mentioning how old you are?”

“Nope.” Ivy shook her head. “It makes it more interesting that way, besides, who the **** cares? That still doesn’t stop hentai from going through.”

“Too true.” Lolita nodded. “Next.”

“Hey Lolita, do you happen to have a younger sister?”

“Well I consider Pandora to be like a younger sister, but she annoys me oh so much. You want me to introduce you?”

“N-no, I was just-”

“I’ll kill you myself and bring you there if you wish.”

“No! Its okay, I just wondered.”

“Alright, next caller.”

“Hey Ivy, where can I hide my **** on my computer so people I know don’t find it?”

“Well I figure its best to put it in a folder within several other ordinary folders like some work folder, and give it a name which would stop any normal person from looking into it, like “Seltzer and Friedberg movies.”

“Are you guys ever going to stop taking shots at them?”

Never.” Ivy and Lolita said in unison.

“Well thanks for the info, bye!”

The next caller phoned in. “Are you going to answer my question?”

“No.” Lolita said immediately. “Next caller.”

“Why are there no panty shots?”

“Because that would be stupid.” Lolita replied.

“Also, what’s the big deal about seeing some chick’s underwear?” Ivy began. “I mean, its just underwear. Sure, she has blue stripped ones, or frills or their black. I just don’t see the big deal.”

“You just…you wouldn’t understand. You don’t…you don’t even…” The caller paused.

During this moment, Lolita said, “Take your time.”

“…Well could you at least give me a list of the panties all the girls on the show wear?”

“No, you sick ****!” Ivy exclaimed. “Besides, you already know Lolita doesn’t wear any so that’s good enough, now **** off. Next caller.”

“Why do you swear so much?”

“Because I **** feel like it, you got a problem with that?”

“Motherfucker.” Lolita added.

“Uhh, I guess not…”

“Good! Now get the **** out!” Ivy replied.

“****.” Lolita added.

 “Hey there, Lolita, you keep going on about how you’re dead and stuff, but how did you actually die?”

“I’ve kinda wondered that too…” Ivy said, turning to her.

“Very well, I shall explain.” She cleared her throat. “Life sucked, but I was satisfied. I had certain times for work, certain times for leisure, and certain times for my shows. I couldn’t give up time to decrease the time I spent the latter two regardless of whatever it was, but one day I had to work overtime for several hours, but I couldn’t decrease the other sections of my enjoyment, so I just only slept 5 hours that night. I continued to do the same for the other time wasted. Soon enough the deprivation of sleep caught up with me, and here I am.”

“…That’s it?” The caller asked, seeming a bit disappointed.

“So very little sleep caused it, huh?” Ivy said.

“Yes.” Lolita nodded. “I guess you could say I was…” As if he were in the same room, Damien sensed something was about to happen. He removed the shades he happened to be wearing, leapt up into the air and threw them at the speed of sound. It travelled far, smashing through a glass office window and shredding the clothes of the workers as it zoomed by, past the bathroom stalls, breaking them in the process and passing right through people while others jumped out the way as they saw it coming. It finally flew through the office door towards Lolita’s desk just as Lolita was about to finish her sentence. They securely covered her eyes just as she spoke, “Dead tired.”


YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! The building then exploded spontaneously.
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« Reply #323 on: 03 December, 2010, 03:44:33 pm »

TMEDCE: Chapter 43 - Mad Skillz

It was an unknown amount to time since some unknown random event in the past. Gary was sitting in a dark room, looking up various unmentionable things. Suddenly, he received a call from a member within the council of angels that night, informing him of a resent mission on Earth, and to potentially take Ruby along as it would be pretty dangerous alone, which he still wasn’t too keen on.

Gary knocked at her door, stopping Ruby and Crystal’s game of DDR. They invited him in, where he discussed the issue in her room. “So there’s this new chick on earth causing trouble, an unknown source lists her as being highly dangerous. Says she works under someone by the name, “The Strongest.” 

“Sounds like something Ruby’s friend would say. Wonder what she’d think of this.” Crystal said.

“She‘s not my friend. But I can guess how she‘d react.” She cleared her throat and crossed her arms. “Fool! Is this moron unaware of my superior dominance? I shall meet with this person and then we’ll see who’s truly the strongest! Haaaaahahahaha!”

“That’s a surprisingly good impression.” Gary commented.

“Yeah, anyway, I needed a new female to add to my rogues gallery.” Ruby said.

“You haven’t got one, Ruby.” Crystal replied.

“So anyway, we have to go see this priest who knows more info, and we gotta work together on this, since its serious.” Gary said.

“So we’ll have to pose as a team, huh?” Ruby asked. Gary nodded, then as Ruby offered a handshake, he decided it was best not to shake her hand in case the house explodes like that other time they teamed up. “Alright, its time for my transformation sequence!”

As she did so, Gary stared, completely speechless as he said, “What is this?”

“I don’t even. Its her Magical Girl transformation sequence.” Crystal said.

“But she isn’t one…”

“We know. Just roll with it.”


Sometime later, they made it to earth and visited the church where they were told the priest would be. He sat by the altar, getting up as they made their way down the aisle. He had silky black hair, part of it curled over and covering his left eye, he wore glasses, a black vest and pants with a silver lining along the pockets, sleeves and collar, wore a golden crucifix necklace around his neck and always carried around a black book in his hand. “You must be the angels I was informed of.”

“That’s us.” Crystal nodded.

“Good evening, my name is Adam. You should be aware of this particular threat I contacted you about. This mad scientist by the name of Dawn has set up a base in a location a few miles from here, I’m not sure what she’s planning but its obviously bad if she finishes her preparations. I’ve heard she has some history with Omar on who could create the most insane inventions in the past.”

“And how do you know so much?” Gary asked.

“That’s because I was created by her, but I no longer work for her, and she has new minions for which she plays around with. Before you go, I figured I’d give you this.” Adam said, handing Ruby a black hammer with the sides being platinum.

“Thanks a lot!” Ruby replied, clearly pleased. “The hammer of Justice!” She yelled, raising it into the air.

“Lets get going, guys.” Crystal said. The others agreed and they took off, waving goodbye to Adam.

At Omar’s lab located in a large tower, he was operating  the controls for an electricity powered chamber ahead of him. “Soon my latest invention will be complete: Mancrab! Hahahahaheheheheeee!”

He then suddenly heard a voice yell, “Omar!” A moment later, Ruby and Gary smashed through a window and skidded along the ground before coming to a stop. Gary pushed him into the side of a wall and said, “What’s your deal with that girl called Dawn?”

“Who is this ‘Dawn’ you speak of?”

“Y’know, some other mad scientist.”

“Oh, her. I despise that woman, I shall one day have her destroyed! I met her one day on the planet Mianus as I was planning universal domination, but I realized its harder than it sounds so I settled for just earth. On that planet their species can shape shift, I think they were some kind of tentacled monster hybrid, it was bizarre. She was always trying to one-up me, and now she’s here to try and do the same. Not much else I can tell you.”

“Well thanks for the info anyway.” Gary said as he walked off, them ignoring the chamber being charged with electricity.

Meanwhile, in a mysterious location, Ivy awoke on  a platform within a purely white scientific spaceship, and beside her were Amber and Rosie. Half a dozen generic aliens surrounded the three just as Amber and Rosie were beginning to wake up. After looking around, Ivy said, “I’m not in a hentai, am I?”

“Not yet, we’ve captured you three by putting tons of sleeping pills on your ice cream.” One alien said.

“You said they were sprinkles…” Rosie said, glaring at Ivy.

“Anyway, we’re going to kidnap you guys and sell you to the highest bidders.”

The three didn’t seem to have much of a problem with this, to the aliens surprise. “Have you got anything to eat?” Ivy asked.

“Uhh, sure, I’ll show you to the fridge…” Ivy followed him while Amber and Rosie left to explore the ship.

Back on earth, Ruby, Gary and Crystal arrived at the designated location, hiding in some bushes. As Ruby was wearing pure black, she moved on ahead, taking out the guards around the entrance Sly Cooper style before Gary and Crystal joined her.

“Nice work, Ruby. We’ll have to be even more stealthy inside.” Gary said.

“Gotcha.” And with that, Ruby leaped through a glass window, alerting a guard robot who proceeded to inform the others. The others facepalmed at the level of stupidity witnessed.

The three moved down the long hallway knocking out robots with flashy moves and co-operative combos before reaching a large elevator with no roof. As it moved up, the elevator stopped every so often to open the doors for robots which the three dispatched quite fast before moving on. When they eventually reached the top, they arrived in a massive room which quickly became filled with hundreds of robots charging at them.

Gary turned to the others and said, “You guys, I know a move that can wipe out all of these guys at once, but I’ll need a bit of time. Can you guys cover me?”

“You got it.” Crystal flashed him a thumbs up before running ahead through the crowd of robots, wiping out some as they drew nearer.

Ruby took out her iPod and turned it on as she said, “Lets dance.” She started moving in bizarre angles, knocking out robots from all sides with delayed punches and kicks, backflips, and doing things such as using her psychokinetic powers to knock one robot back and forth like a ball before pulling out her black supposable magic staff and knocking out a dozen with an energy as she spun in a circle. At that moment, Gary was ready. He covered his sword in half a dozen layers of electricity, making it half the size of a house, and threw it ahead. The three jumped into the air as it hit the ground, electrocuting all robots as it slid 80 feet to the other end of the room, and causing an electrical explosion as it stopped, wiping out some which were only partially damaged.

“Couldn’t you have just electrocuted the floor with your hand?” Crystal asked.

“Well yeah, but wasn’t this way cooler?”

“You make a valid point…”

Just then, two walls by the end began to open themselves to reveal another room just ahead. Entering the room, Ruby noticed how similar it was to the same room which she arrived in to stop Omar’s attempt of messing with other similar universes. There was a woman there working on a dimensional gate and as they got closer she turned to face them. She had brunette unkempt hair, which in anime would translate to sexhair so whatever. She wore a cthulhu type hat and a black lab coat, also wearing a black tube top, jeans and a golden belt. Seeming unfazed by their appearance, she said, “Do you mind? I’m in the middle of important work.”

“Uhh, we’ll be taking you in for crimes of being a mad scientist.” Gary said. “We’d appreciate it if you’d come with us quietly so we can avoid violence.”

“Alright, let me just get my things.” She said cheerfully, walking off.

Ruby turned to Gary, saying, “Well that was nice of her.”

“Yeah, that was pretty easy.”

Crystal moved away from them a moment before Dawn activated a trap door, dropping Ruby and Gary down the hole. As it closed, Crystal asked, “So what’s down there?”

“A death trap. I figured I’d take up a part-time job as a Bond villain. It should be over in about a min-” before she could finish, Ruby and Gary smashed through a wall to her right. Only partially surprised, she asked, “How did you do that?”

“MacGyvering, I guess.” Gary shrugged.

“You!” Ruby pointed at her. “You’re attempting to repeat Omar’s insane idea to mess with alternate realities, aren’t you?!”

“Maybe a little.” She answered.

“Don’t you know what we went through the last time that happened?!? Well it was resolved but still!”

“Relax, I’m only going to cause some bad paradoxes across numerous dimensions, geez, calm down.”

“The more laid-back type of mad scientist, I see.” Crystal said, stroking her chin.

“I’m not fond of mad scientists in general.” Gary replied.

“So what’s your master plan?” Ruby asked.

“Well normally I might go along with this, but I don’t feel like spending several minutes explaining it to you morons, so I’ll kill you instead.” With a click of her fingers, four black stripped 5 foot humanoid robots with horns on the sides of their heads dropped down. One had bronze stripes, another had silver, the next had gold, and the last had platinum, who was like silver but shinier. “Generals, dispose of our guests.” Ruby, Gary and Crystal leaped out the way as they opened fire on them.

Gary tackled Platinum and they exchanged punches as they moved across the room while Crystal flipped over Bronze and hit Gold through a wall with her bat. Ruby managed to sneak up to the dimensional gate and grab a vital part to building it, as well as the instruction manual and took off. Dawn quickly took notice of this and yelled, “Silver! Take that idiot out immediately! She’s got the manual!” Silver stopped throwing energy balls at Gary and sped off after Ruby, throwing more energy as he kept yelling, “How about this!” and “Take this!”

Crystal and Gary quickly caught up and with a few combined hits they knocked out Silver. Dawn unleashed a large spider-like tentacled monster from the lower levels, which knocked down a wall and came after them as they ran through the hallways. While this happened, Gold and Platinum were also closing in, so Crystal told them she’d stall the two robots while they ran, tripping the tentacle monster to buy more time before they arrived.

Ruby and Gary leaped through a window, to a lower section within the tower and kept running with the tentacled monster close behind, firing webs which Gary slashed with his sword. It began using its tentacles to grab them, which they both stopped by cutting them with their signature weapons. Ruby took out her staff and fired a beam of energy, slowing down the monster and speeding her up. Then Ruby and Gary joined hands and both fired a beam each, speeding up their momentum enough to outrun the beast and fly right out a window. Dawn happened to speed by in a ship and grab the manual, but Ruby shot a grapping hook at it and was pulled along with Gary beside her.

On the mysterious spaceship, Ivy stood beside the driver as she ate a pie. The alien turned to her and asked, “By the way, where’s that angel friend of yours and her sister?”

“No idea.”

“Oh well, we could have sold you two as a set and got a lot more.”

“Uh-huh.” Ivy replied, not really giving a ****.

“By the way, I like your show.”


“Yeah, something about demonic and epicness. I dunno, the title keeps changing.”

“Umm, thanks?”

“Its pretty big on our planet. There’s like three seasons now, and an RPG adventure starring Ruby, and a fighting game, and lots of other stuff.”

“That’s a bit too excessive, isn’t it?”

“I guess.”

“If you like my show, why are you kidnapping us to sell to some guy on another planet?”

“We wanna get rich.”

“Oh right, that makes sense.”

“I know a guy who likes them tight.”

“I have no idea what that means.” Ivy shook her head. “So about this show…”

“Yeah, it varies from episode to episode. Heard they were planning to make some changes due to ratings at one point…”


The light-hearted ninja leaped into the production room where the serious ninja was waiting and exclaimed, “Dude! We’ve got a problem! Ratings aren’t as high now!”

“I know what must be done. Lampshade it all.”

“Lampshade everything?”

“Yes, lampshade the **** out of it. And increase the moe.”


“Damnit man! I know what I’m doing! Increase the moe by 200%, and lower Poison’s IQ by 35 points and make him constantly flustered! Otaku will eat this **** up, I am an genius!”


“Shame those changes never went through…”


Meanwhile, in the streets of wherever this was taking place, Dawn’s ship was speeding along with Ruby and Gary holding on as they flew through buildings, clotheslines, birds continuously took a **** on Ruby’s head, and Ruby was eventually hit by a ball of energy as Gary leaped across onto Ruby’s ship, which was driven by Crystal who had just arrived. Ruby hit the ground hard and kept rolling across the streets, soon covered in a pool of her own blood as she stopped. Dozens of civilians feared the worst, until Ruby raised her head to say, “I’m okay!” where upon they all saw the skin had been ripped off so her flesh and part of her brain was visible, which horrified them all.

As Gary got into the ship, Crystal said, “Good to see I got here on time.” She turned to Dawn’s ship and said, “We’re taking you down!”

“Come at me, bro!” Dawn replied, as she was ready to ramp this **** up to eleven. And so, low and behold, they flew through the skies bashing each other against buildings and whatnot, but there was sadly no multi-track drifting, since that can’t be done in the air. During this time, a book flew into Dawn’s path. As she wiped it off the windshield, she witnessed Adam flying right at her, his hands together formed into a large drill. She, along with her robots, quickly evacuated the ship as Adam flew right through it, tearing it in half which of course, then exploded. With his rocket powered feet, he quickly backtracked and grabbed his book before it hit the ground, pushing his glasses back up with a finger afterwards.

“Thanks for the help, Adam.” Gary said, as Crystal stopped beside him.

“My pleasure. Soon enough, my drill shall pierce the heavens, and also her.”

“Pierce her heavens?”

“Yes.” He responded, pushing up his glasses again.

“Well lets get going.” Crystal said, taking off as they waved goodbye.

“Shouldn’t we get Ruby first?” Gary asked.

“She’ll find her own way back.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right.”

On a street a few blocks away, Dawn called a taxi as she spoke. “Stupid angels! And that dumb guy I created! They spoiled my plans and the manual burnt in that explosion! Oh well, there’s more to be done.” She got in the taxi and said, “The usual.”

The driver happened to be Masterman, who tipped up his head and said, “You got it.” before taking off.

Back on the ship, there were warning lights flashing all over the place as one alien ran to the front of the ship with urgent news. “Sir, we’ve got major problems with the prisoners! That succubus has forcefully sucked the life force out of at least a dozen crew members by this point and the vampire has sucked the blood out of over half a dozen crew members!”

Rosie, who happened to be across the room, currently sucking more blood, said, “Its your own fault for tasting so nice.”

“And if that wasn’t bad enough, the princess is eating all our food!”

“Sorry about that.” Ivy said, standing in the corner as she stuffed a cake into her mouth.

“If you’re sorry than stop eating! You guys are gonna get raped so hard by your buyers.”

“Oh please, I could crush any stupid buyer with little effort, and since this isn’t a hentai, there’s nothing stopping me from doing so.”

At that moment, a massive rocket crashed through the wall of the ship, with Leo standing on it. “Come on, guys! Lets go, quick!”

“Leo? How did you get here?” Rosie asked.

“I threw a large rocket and through sheer willpower I generated a sheet of oxygen large enough to protect me through the vacuum of space till I reached this ship.”

“Well alright.” Rosie and Ivy jumped on, and Amber arrived moments later, yawning before getting on. Ivy lit the rocket and it took off, the sun saluting Leo as they crossed the universe on the rocket.
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« Reply #324 on: 10 December, 2010, 04:20:40 pm »

TMEDCE: Chapter 44 - Sugar Rush

It was two days after Dawn’s attempt to reconstruct a dimensional gate to similar universes was foiled. Ridiculous themes ensured, **** got real, stuff happened. Early one morning, Ivy and Rosie were in Ivy’s room playing a game when Poison walked in, greeting them and asking what they were playing.

“This is that fighting game about us that alien told me about.” Ivy replied. “There’s 25 characters in total. Well, 29, but the Loli Rangers have the same stats with different weapons so another spot wasn’t needed.”

“25? That’s more than I expected.”

“Yeah, this **** takes ages. There’s about 6 fights for every character in story mode, and the sixth fight is dependant on who you choose. My final fight was my AU counterpart, with all her powers so it was like an SNK boss. That **** was cheap, she’s not playable though.”

“So you gotta finish all 25 to unlock the true end, right? So who’s the true final boss?”

“We don’t know yet.” Rosie replied. “Ivy got bored after the 11th character and we’ve been playing verses matches. I’m so Pringles in this game, I’ve totally air juggled Ivy at least 5 times now.”

“You got lucky.” She responded. “I’ve also noticed I swear like half the times I get hit, what the **** is up with that?”

“Yeah, that totally gives people the wrong impression.” Poison said sarcastically.

“Also, certain special themes play when two characters face each other. For instance, when I fought that foolish angel in my story mode, this unknown theme played. It was like some soothing emotional anime OP mixed with **** rock. **** was awesome.”

“That’s good to know. Did you play that RPG then?”

“Its more like one of those 4-player beat-em-up adventure games with RPG aspects, haven’t done much on it though. Man, I feel drowsy, excuse me.” Ivy got up and went to the fridge, taking a lucozade bottle and then switched on her laptop. As she did so, she had the misfortune of seeing Dawn on a webcam somewhere in a dark lab.

“Hey there, you must be my prey for this evening.” She smirked.

“Who the hell are you?”

“Pardon my manners, how rude of me. My name is Dawn, a brilliant scientific genius, and cutting straight to the point, you may have noticed you might be feeling a little light-headed? Maybe dizzy, low on energy? I did that.”

Ivy got to her feet in a fit of rage. “Why you!”

“Calm down, don’t get your panties in a bunch. I’ve never truly understood that saying but whatever. You see, I injected you a while back with miniaturized robotic, umm, “pests” which will eat away at you from the inside, and the way to delay that is to eat like a motherfucker, which will slow it down. Lets play a game, I’ve created four factories, each for my four robotic helpers, and within them are machines which keep the death enzymes running. Only when all four are destroyed will you be free. Where to find them? You figure that out.”

“Wait! Why are you doing this?”

“Well, I want to say shits and giggles, but a certain someone is telling me to take out the Five Bad Band, so here we are. You should probably see your foolish friend about the issue. Let the games begin.” Dawn quickly cut the connection.

“Wait! What does that even mean?!” Ivy sighed as it was already too late, then she left the room. She packed a bag of snacks, readied the spaceship, and then said, "Poison, lets go." as she entered her room again. Poison shrugged before following her, not asking what was up until after they took off.

They soon arrived at Ruby’s house, with Ivy knocking furiously while eating a strawberry cake. Ruby eventually came to the door in Hello Kitty pyjamas, rubbing her eyes as she said, “Who is it? Oh hi, Poison.”

“Oh hey, Ruby. Do you know anything about some chick called Dawn?”

“Oh, her. Well she’s trying to do what Omar did and she’s apparently some shape shifting tentacled hybrid…something. There isn’t much to say about it. Oh yeah, she’s also working for some guy who goes by the name, “The Strongest.”

Ivy took a break from eating as she said, “The fool! Is this moron unaware of my superior dominance? I shall meet with this person and then we’ll see who’s truly the strongest! Haaaaahahahaha!” Ruby chuckled for a few moments. “What’s so funny?”

“N-nothing, I was just thinking of something.” Ruby replied. “Anyway, good luck, you guys.”

“Thanks for the info, Ruby.” Poison said before they left.

As they really had no idea how to find the factories, they visited Gary to see what he knew, who in turn contacted Adam and managed to get the necessary information on the locations. And so, Ivy and Poison set off to choke some bitches, with Ivy continuously eating sweets as they swerved throughout the sky. They approached a triangular-like building with stripes befitting of Bronze, so Ivy leaped out as Poison took the wheel.

On the inside, Bronze sat in a bland massive room, complaining. “Geez, I hate that **** so much. When I get the chance, I’m gonna stick my horns right up her-”

“Bronze!” Dawn yelled, interrupting him as she called in.

“Y-yes, Master!”

“That moron should be there soon, kill her for me, would ya? Try not to suck, okay? Otherwise I’m gonna have to make adjustments, and by make adjustments I mean rethink your current value, and by that I mean dismantle you.”

“I got it. I can be a little sadistic myself.”

“Just making sure.”

Ivy had blasted down a wall and was walking through a corridor talking to herself. “Those bastards! I’m going to kill all of them! I can take on any stupid gimmick they try!” She arrived in a massive room with dozens of rings in the air, hearing a recorded voice say, “If you want to save yourself, solve my maze!” Ivy shuddered, dropping to her knees as she quietly said, “Not the rings…”

Moving on, minutes later Ivy smashed through a steel door towards Bronze who quickly braced himself. Bronze rapidly fired energy beams which Ivy whacked out the way as she charged at him. Bronze tried to punch her, but had his arm torn off by Ivy’s punch and was then held against a wall. “Where’s the generator?!” Bronze pointed to the right, so Ivy threw him away like trash, blasted the console to pieces and then took off. Ivy run out eating a danish and leaped into the ship as Poison took off. “I’m feeling a little better, but still a little weak…”

“Alright, come over here.” Poison said, unzipping his pants. As Ivy got closer, he took out a small bag of sugar. She quickly gulped it down as she said thank you.

They quickly arrived at Silver’s factory so Ivy leaped out and ran in. Inside was an empty, long corridor with doors on both sides. “Well this seems easy.” As she moved, the doors opened and hundreds of bees began to fill the air as Ivy sarcastically said, “Wonderful.” Ivy charged through them, waving her arms and clearly in pain as she yelled, “Noooooo! Not the bees! They’re in my eyes! THEY’RE IN MY **** EYES! ARRaHH!!”

As she eventually arrived in the room Silver was waiting, partially covered in blisters, Silver lifted a large concrete rock and threw it as he yelled, “How about this?!” Ivy leaped over it and punched him through a wall, then took out her scythe and destroyed the second machine.

Poison waited in the ship, getting awfully bored. “What the hell’s taking her so long?” Just then, Ivy ran out yelling, “BEEEEEEEES!!” as they were chasing her. Poison, who saw the spectacle through binoculars, only had to say, “My god.” as he got ready to drive off. Ivy dived in through the window, yelling, “GOGOGO!” as they made a move.

As Ivy was beginning to get drowsy, she suggested they visit her local sweet shop for a refill, but she didn’t have the money, so she drove her ship through a bank, ripped open the safe and stole the money. Needless to say, the cops were soon on their tail as they flew through the skies towards the sweet shop.

Ivy kicked down the door to a shop, grabbed a majority of the food and placed a massive sack of money on the table as she left. Overjoyed to have randomly made so much money, he was simply stunned, and then the sirens were heard close by. The last two might as well be covered in a montage, but it wasn’t. Gold’s factory was covered in water, and since Ivy couldn’t swim, Poison went on ahead while Ivy figured she’d save time and go to Platinum. There was another long corridor, which seemed devoid of any traps for once. Upon arriving, Platinum sat in the middle of the floor meditating when he suddenly pulled out trading cards. Ivy did the same, knowing **** was about to get real.

Because the card game would’ve lasted at least an hour, a montage of ridiculous antics was essential, ending with Platinum being wiped out by the utter shock of a trap card, followed by Ivy throwing a card at the enzyme machine, which promptly exploded. Ivy met with Poison by the ship, as he had recently dealt with Gold and had enough time to rush there. “Alright, I feel like I’m returning to normal. Its time to see that **** face-to-face, but I don’t know if I’m ready. What should I do?!?” She pondered facing left.

“GET HYPED!” A fluffy white dog said, looking in her direction.

“Thank you, talking dog!” And so hype ensued. They went to her tower, which was the same place the others first encountered her. Instead of using the entrance, Ivy simply flew through the wall and attempted to stab her with her claws as Dawn was busy working on something.

As she got near, a tentacle sprung from Dawn’s side and took the hit, Dawn turning to face her as she said, “That’s awfully rude, Y’know?” seeming to not feel the pain. With another tentacle she hit Ivy in the face and knocked her back, then began clapping. “Seems you survived my game, bravo. My robots must suck ass, though expecting success may be asking too much from them.”

“I’ve had enough of your bullshit!” She swung multiple times with Dawn evading or deflecting her moves before leaping onto a large crate. “Get the **** down here!” Ivy yelled.

“Wow, what a mouth on this one. Shame I don’t have any soap. Normally I’d fight you, but unfortunately I’m a terrible fighter, so I’ll be taking my leave. I look forward to trolling you next week.” She waved goodbye and suddenly teleported out the room. Ivy felt a mix of many emotions, the main one being anger, and she just wanted to get as far away from that shithole as possible. She leaped back into the ship, saying, “**** got away, lets get going.”

Suddenly, they heard sirens far in the distance. Looking back, they saw the Police slowly coming their way. Ivy put on a pair of shades as she said, “Y’know, scratch that, lets get hyped.”

Poison did the same, replying, “Consider it done.” He sped off with the police far behind.
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« Reply #325 on: 17 December, 2010, 06:36:49 pm »

TMEDCE: Chapter 45 - The Harem Effect

It was the day after yesterday, where the pimps choke hoes and the prostitutes lay, continuing with the morality of black and grey…aww, **** it. I’m too lazy to do Christmas rhymes not having to do with Christmas. Anyway, that morning Poison and Crystal were at Amber’s resort while a mysterious person in a cloak snuck around outside the building so fine, checking their watch before saying, “Its nearly time…”

Inside, Poison and Crystal sat on a couch in an average room watching a movie on the explosion channel as they ate popcorn.

“Somehow I knew that cart was gonna blow up.” Crystal said.

“Carts always blow up, its like a rule now. Right after cars blowing up.” Poison replied.

“Right.” As they sat in silence watching, moments later Crystal began to feel strange. As if a force was beginning to alter her actions. An aroma toying with her senses. She leaned in to kiss Poison, at which point the moved back slightly.

“Uhh, what are you doing?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow.

She quickly came back to her senses. “S-sorry, I just had this urge…”

“But you’re gonna miss the best pa-” Crystal attempted to kiss him again, with Poison ducking and rolling out the way. “What’s up with you today? Didn’t you wanna watch this?”

“I do but, I can’t stop myself!” Crystal tackled him but was immediately thrown off. She clutched her head in pain as she sat behind the couch. “You have to go…”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“I just feel odd around you. Man, I almost did something terrible…”

“Umm, ouch?”

“N-not in that way. Please, just leave, I’ll be okay for now.”

“Alright, see ya round, I guess…” Poison closed the door on his way out, confused about what the hell just happened.

The mysterious cloaked individual followed Poison as he left. He occasionally got suspicious of someone following him and looked around, but the stranger hid rather well. After getting some enjoyment out of seeing Poison run from infatuated people at an ice cream shop and a restaurant, a watch on the cloaked stranger started flashing, so she answered it. “Yes, Master?”

“Hey Gold, I’m about to go through with the next plan, find Platinum and get your asses back here.”

“But I can’t! I’m doing one right now!”

“And what plan is this?”

“Well, I read up on your report of that green haired boy, and I found him despicable. Toying with the hearts of many girls while acting nice and aloof and uninterested, I hate it! So I filled my chosen factory with water because I knew that girl couldn’t swim so he would come. I purposely lost, but injected him with a delayed love potion serum!”

“I don’t remember making one of those…” Dawn said, interrupting her.

“Now he’ll know what its like, that enemy of women. I’ll make him suffer with this serum which will steadily increase over time, all for you, Master!”

Dawn look frustrated, clearly unimpressed. “Gold, come back to the lab, please.”

“B-but why?”

“Seems you’ve been infected by some harem aspects, I’m gonna have to delete those from your memory bank.”

“But I haven’t finished yet!”

“Look, Gold, I’ll say it clearly. You’ve messed up my plans. I didn’t wanna do this ****, but you went ahead and did this. I had a far better game in mind, but this? Ugh. I’d rather not beat a dead horse, y’know? But now if he sees me, I have to pretend I set this up, and I’m sure you-know-who won’t be happy…”

“I-I’m sorry…” Gold started crying tears of oil.

“Calm down, its okay. Just don’t do this again. Its just dumb, and you’re nearing a turn to the good side, so if it happens, you’re gonna self-destruct. Just figured I should let you know.”

“Right!” Dawn let Gold continue, though the only problem was finding Poison after the lengthy talk.

Poison was currently catching his breath as he hid behind a mailbox on a street when conveniently Ruby approached him from behind. “Hi Poison!” She waved.

Poison spun round and immediately said, “You gotta get out of here, pretty much everyone is reacting odd towards me today. Like, both genders, its really bizarre…”

“I’m not hearing a ‘Hey Ruby.’” Ruby said, somewhat annoyed.

Poison sighed. “Hey Ruby.”

“That’s better.” She smiled. “So what’s this about odd reactions?”

“Anyone who gets close acts like they’re in love with me and just chase me around, so you should keep away from me for the moment.”

“Okay, but before that can you do something?”

“What’s that?”

Ruby began twiddling her thumbs as she blushed. “That thing you do with Ivy…can you do that with me too?”

“…You’re gonna have to elaborate.”

“Y-you know, pointless bickering…”

“Oh, well we have done that on occasion, but I can’t just randomly do it. You have to provoke it. But I’ll get back to you on that after I sort this out.” Poison said before running off.

Seeing as Gary had informed him of a robot priest called Adam who helped out last time, Poison went to go see him, and instead of flying through the window, he used the door due to common courtesy. “Hey, you’re that robot who Dawn made, right?”

“Why, yes, I am.” Adam replied, getting to his feet. “What business do you have here?”

“Well, I’m not sure but she probably has something to do with this. Pretty much anyone within 20 feet becomes attracted to me lately. How do I solve this?”

“Unfortunately, my mighty drill cannot solve your problem, but if anything needs to be pierced than let me know.”

“Uhh, yeah, I’ll do that.” Poison left, rather annoyed by the lack of help, just before he was hit over the head with a titanium bat and knocked out. He woke up sometime later in a dark room, though various machinery could vaguely be seen around the area. He was strapped to a wall, and while attempting to free himself, Platinum entered the room.

“I see you’re awake, that was rather fast.” He said, walking past.

“What’s the meaning of this?”

He switched on the lights, showing a board with diagrams on it behind him as he began speaking. “I want the thing which people rarely have nowadays, the gift that is only passed on every once in a while: The harem gene.”

“Wat.” Poison responded, a look of utter confusion on his face.

“The gene which causes women of varying ages to unknowingly or eventually become attracted to you. So rare nowadays that some conventions debate whether it actually exists.”

“What’s this about conventions?”

Platinum ignored him as he went on. “I want the gene, so I will simply operate on you and remove it from your body.”

“What?!? Why?!”

“Girls think I’m cute due to my cutesy appearance, I want to make that change.”

“But you’re a robot!”

“Robots have feelings too.”

“But wait, it wouldn’t work anyway.”

“And why is that?”

“For it to take affect there normally has to be someone of the opposite sex you already like, or at least spend a lot of time with. Only then would you attract unwanted female attention.”

“My god, you’re right!” Platinum dropped to his knees and sunk his head, stunned by the use of logic. “It seems…I was foolish…if you could forgi-” as he raised his head, he noticed Poison had already broken the chains and flew out the door.

Poison went to see Amber, as he figured she’d have some form of resistance to the effect, and she did, because she was a succubus, though Poison didn’t see how that made any sense. She suggested he see someone like her who had more of an immunity to it, and at that point Poison knew just the person to see. He thanked her and rushed off to find Lolita, who should be in her current location doing her Q&A segments. Along the way as he hopped across rooftops, he barely managed to avoid a thrown sword and land on his feet, looking in the direction it was thrown to see Tsundere-chan arrive to retrieve it. “I really haven’t got time for this today…”

“Not even a hello? That’s just rude! You lowly dog!” She exclaimed.

“I should get going before things get weird…”

As he tried to run off, Loli Red yelled, “Girls, all-out attack!”

A board was thrown which Poison leaped over, the board managing to slice a dumpster in half, shocking Poison. “How the hell does that even work?!?” Loli Yellow continued throwing the two boards which bounced around the area. As he ran around the corner, Loli Green appeared, firing rapidly at him with two handguns, which he deflected with his sword as he ran backwards. He hid in an alley by a window, when suddenly nearby the tips of knifes were thrown into the wall in the shape of a heart just before Loli Black punched it down.

Poison kept running as Loli Blue threw knifes and Loli Black attempted to punch him, yelling, “Where you going, bro? Come at meeeeeeeee!”

“I’d rather not, mang.” He replied before leaping back and firing a large tornado which sent them flying. He immediately took off while they were recovering.

Meanwhile, Lolita was in the middle of answering questions. “Next caller, you’re on the air.”

“Hey, this is a little embarrassing but I really like this guy but he hasn’t noticed me much. What should I do about this?”

“There are a number of things you can do, be subtle on your approach, take the initiative at the right moment, and other things. Just say how you feel and things might work out, but then they might not. Though if you’re certain he’s the one, you should follow him regularly, find out his likes and dislikes, what his mannerisms are, and threaten to castrate him if he turns you down. He’ll have no choice but to give in…or call the police, whichever works.”

“…That’s not very helpful.”

Suddenly, Poison burst into the office room. “Lolita! I need your help!”

“Very well, lets go.” She replied, getting up.

“Really? You finished?”

“Pretty much.” She waved to the camera as they took off, while Poison explained everything that went on, and when he finished all she said was, “That’s rather laughable.”

“Its not very funny. Can you find Dawn or not?”

“I should be able to down there, with my soul sense.”

“Is that what you’re calling it nowadays?”

“That’s what he said.”


“Damien, he said that once.”

“I should call him to help out, but still keep a safe distance…”

At the time, Ivy and Damien were sitting in a coffee shop. Ivy wore a longer Victorian dress while Damien wore a suit with a top hat and monocle. They were drinking tea as Ivy spoke. “So I managed to destroy those machines. Thankfully I stopped them from tearing up my insides…and not in a dirty way either.”

“That wasn’t necessary.”

“Anyway, I still don’t know who’s providing this nutjob with the means to track us anywhere. It must be someone of supernatural origin who has some hatred of us.”

“Perhaps an angel who’s quite prejudice against other demons still.”

“Makes a lot more sense at least.”

“Quite.” They both took a sip of their tea. Damien suddenly got up, spun round and threw a pair of shades out the glass window.

“What was that for?”

“Had the feeling someone was about to make an awesome pun.”

“By the way, what were you and Lolita doing that other time?” Ivy asked.

“I was doing a piledriver.”

“On the ground?”

“I slipped.”

“But why were you both naked?”

“Do you have selective stupidity or something? From now on, call first before you visit.” Just then his phone rang. “Hello?”

“Hey Damien, its me, Poison. I’m about to go beat up this chick called Dawn, wanna help out? Oh, and this love potion that’s been injected in me may get you so you gotta be careful.”

“In that case, its really best that I steer clear. Maybe some other time though, just let me know.”

“Fair enough.” Poison hung up. “He’s not coming, lets just do this quickly.”

“You’re in luck, I spotted one of her robots.” Lolita said.

“That works on machines?”

“It works on most things.”

The two flew in the direction Lolita led, eventually coming across Gold who ran as they spotted her. They chased her throughout the streets and alleyways until she reached a dead end. As Poison and Lolita arrived, they saw Dawn and Platinum there, seeming as if Gold purposely led them there.

“Hello, Mr. Johnson, we meet at last.” Dawn greeted him. “By the way, who are you?” She asked, looking at Lolita.

“My name is Lolita.”

“Oh, then I’m not interested in you. I‘m only after Ivy‘s friends.”

“Hand over the antidote.” Poison demanded, wasting no time.

“Who says there is one? Besides, this stupid trolling attempt wasn’t my idea. It was unfortunately Gold who did this. I had something better in mind.”

Poison turned to her. “Umm, why?”

“To teach you a lesson! Playing with girls fragile hearts when you’re a beast, going after every kind of girl! Angels, demons, vampires, catgirls, dogs, etc!”

“I don’t even know any catgirls or dogs, and you’re getting the wrong idea…”

“Well I just wanted to get your attention and hurt you…”

Dawn interrupted. “To put it simply, she likes you. God knows why…” she shrugged.

“But she’s a robot.” Poison responded.

“What difference does that make?!” Gold exclaimed. “I get it! So you’re just a ****!”

“Hey! Its not pedophilia! Technically, she’s taller than the average loli and would be just barely below average in height compared to an adult female in Japan.”

“But this isn’t Japan…”

“Also, I’m not even that tall. Half the people I know are taller than me, but even then not by much. 2 inches is barely noticeable, but then 4 inches would be. But still, guys are naturally taller. Besides she’s older than I am and I’m just barely at the teenage development stage so I’ve still got a while to go before I fully become an adult visually.”

“Yeah, well…” Gold thought for at least 10 seconds. “…She has a flat chest!” 

“Some people are rather unfortunate.”

“But why do you hang around that moron? Couldn’t you do better?” Dawn asked.

“To be honest its not that bad, and she only hits me when I intentionally provoke her, due to status quo and because I’m somewhat of an ****.”

“So why not do the deed?”

“Well if I was a father, even if I get along with some kid, I wouldn’t be too keen on him staying free of charge and tapping my daughter every night in my house. Especially if I happened to be one of the strongest guys around.”

“I see. I’m still not seeing what people see in you. People coming up with stupid reasons like, “Oh, he’s nice.” That’s not enough of a reason to justify it, a lot of people are nice, so that proves my point. I mean, honestly, trying to pull off the bad boy look, acting aloof like a total emo, dude looks like a lady with your hair down…”

“Well you’re not so great yourself. What’s with that hair? Looks like you slept in a dumpster. And what about that cthulhu hat? Seriously? Are you that desperate to be somewhat recognized as a cosmic horror that you’ve glued that to your forehead?”

“Nice, I like that.” Dawn nodded.

“My snarking?”

“No, just someone who responds to my comments. Someone with a defensive barrier. Some people either ignore my insults or are easily angered so I can’t get much enjoyment out of it, like that chick you know. Y’see, its like that tsundere crap. You gotta struggle through the tsun so you can get to the dere, or in some cases survive the tsun, am I right? Anyway, in a sense its finding someone’s defensive wall I can slowly break down and **** them off.”

“Saying you’re a strange individual would be an understatement.”

“I’m a mad scientist, its what we do. Anyway, here’s your cure.” Dawn said, throwing him a syringe. “Don’t worry, its not an attempt to kill you, I’d be more clever about that.”

“Umm, thanks?”

“You shouldn’t be thanking someone like myself. Anyway, we’ve been talking for several minutes now and I’m sure everyone else is bored out their skull.”

“She would be correct.” Lolita replied, still standing beside Poison.

“Well I’ll see you guys round, robots, lets go. I wanna go test my new bronze go-kart.” Using a device, the three teleported.

Poison injected himself and walked off along with Lolita. “Well that ending was sudden…”

“Quite sudden indeed.”
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« Reply #326 on: 24 December, 2010, 02:07:29 pm »

TMEDCE: Chapter 46 - Extreme Paintball

It was a bright winter’s day, but that would’ve been obvious already. We turn our attentions to a large cottage in the middle of nowhere, the place where the majority of today’s ludicrous themes were to be taking place. Lily was working at the front desk, seeing how she keeps changing jobs. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Ivy fly kicked the door open as she yelled, “Dynamic entry!”

Ruby walked in right afterwards, saying, “That wasn’t necessary, Y’know…”

“Hey guys, good to see you again.” Lily greeted them. “So what’s the problem?”

“That foolish demon ate my Klondike bar!” Ruby exclaimed.

“I didn’t see your name on it! And don’t steal my gag!”

“So are you guys gonna settle this with a paintball match? Because that would really help me out.” Lily interrupted.

“Yes! Consider it done!” Ruby replied. “Now to call my potential team!”

“And I’ll do the same!” Ivy responded. After an hour or so, over a dozen of the various people they knew had turned up to take part in the paintball activity. On Ivy’s side was Amber, Damien, Rosie, Omar, Adol, Masterman, P.A.L, and Willard. Over on Ruby’s side was Crystal, Gary, the Loli Rangers, Adam, an unknown bright red robot, as well as Lolita and Leo who chose to go to the other side for unknown reasons. After gathering their teams, they sat outside to their posts in the middle of the forest.

As they got ready to do battle, Rosie looked over her gun. “Uhh, Ivy, why are these paintballs all white?”

“What’s wrong with that? Aren’t they white?”

“Well yeah, but not only white. There’s a whole mix of colours. And using only white will make it look like…”

“Like what?”

“Uhh, never mind…”

“By the way…” she glanced over at Dawn who was wearing a sombrero and had a fake mustache on. “Who are you?”

“Oh, I’m just a friendly passerby, holmes. I just figured I’d help out, right muchachos?” She said, nudging Gold and Platinum who stood beside her, wearing the same.

“Uhh, that’s right, ese. My friend here is a great hombre.” Platinum said, while Gold nodded.

“Well alright, I guess any help is appreciated.” Ivy shrugged before walking off.

As she did so, Platinum said, “That Mexican accent is rather offensive.”

“Get a sense of humor, Platinum. Gold, you liked it, right?”

“Its aight.”

“Of course you liked it.” Dawn spotted a large ball of light in the middle of the forest up ahead. Knowing who it was, she made sure no-one was looking when she left to meet with the ball of light. “Hey, didn’t think you’d show up here.”

“Dawn, what are you doing? You suddenly have time to play games now?”

“Relax, this is still part of the plan.”

“If I’m not mistaken, you’ve made little progress and have regularly failed.”

“Well yeah but in the end, whatever I do will eventually benefit the plan, right?”

“…You make a valid point.”

“Seriously, dude, you’re so stressed. Get laid, you’ll feel much better. Lighten up more, remember that time we had that pillow fight? You actually weren’t so moody.”

“I really shouldn’t be doing things like that. Also, did you give-”

“Yeah, I gave her the present. I didn’t say who sent it either. Anyway, I should check on the others, I’ll report back later.”

“Very well.” The ball of light left in the opposite direction as Dawn walked back.

As Ivy was ordering people about, Masterman approached Adol, high fiving him as he said, “Hey man, how’s it going?”

“It’s alright, **** chicks a few times a week, same old ****.”

“Big pimpin, huh? I hear ya.”

“Oh, where did you go that other time at the brothel?”

“Sorry man, you’re my bro and all but I ain’t going to jail. I had to get the **** outta there when the cops showed up. Especially with your habit of raping chicks, like that one teenage girl you met at a carnival.”

“Well she never said she wasn’t 18.”

“She didn’t get a chance, you stuffed a sock in her mouth.”

“My hand slipped.”

“Then you grabbed her and took off.”

“…I’ve got no excuses.”

Ivy looked further ahead using binoculars when P.A.L approached her. “I appreciate the help, P.A.L, but have your feelings changed any?”

“I’ve been working with NASA. After at least half a year to think, and after dozens of slaughtering, I believe I was quite rash, though your spoiled behaviour in treating me almost like dirt was uncalled for.”

“Apology accepted.”

“I never apologized.”

“But you should. I made you, therefore I can treat you how I wish.” Moments later P.A.L began strangling her.

Over on Ruby’s side, she wasn’t exactly looking forward to paintball. She sighed as her group stood nearby, examining the guns. “I’m totally gonna lose this, I barely know half you guys, the Loli Rangers are total jobbers, some of you aren’t fond of me, and I only know two people here who are experts with guns.”

“Hey! We’re not jobbers!” Loli Red exclaimed.

“When was the last time you won an important fight?”

“I don’t know, but we do!”

“Yeah, yeah, most of you guys suck ass regardless. No offensive, Adam, I have no idea what you’re capable of so far.”

“Non taken.”

“What happened to you?” Gary asked. “You’re so serious today. Like the total opposite of how you normally are. Why?”

“This **** is serious business, that’s why!”

“She always gets serious nowadays when Ivy is involved.” Crystal commented.

After a while of looking over her gun, Loli Blue asked, “How do I shot gun?”

“I’ll show you, I know gun fu.” Loli Green said, taking the paintball gun.

“Kuudere-chan, you can’t just add fu to something and have it make sense! It doesn’t work like that!”

“You don’t even know, Tsundere-chan.”

“Yes, you just don’t understand.” Lolita added.

Ruby sighed again and turned to Gary. “So, working again, huh?”

“Yes, though I still don’t like you.”

“Your dislike of me causes me to dislike you.”

“Though I feel fine, there’s a dormant pain in my heart.”

“A sense of sorrow which has been hammered in time and time again.”

“Yes.” He nodded. “Lets do this for unrequited love!” He yelled, pumping his fist in the air.

“Yeah!” Ruby responded, doing the same.

“Extreeeeeeme!” The red robot in the background screeched.

And so, the games began. The two sides rushed into the heat of battle, randomly firing paintballs at each other. Dawn watched the action from a hill further away with a pair of binoculars. As she noticed Adam down there she said, “Him again. One of my greatest works. Shame I didn’t install a self destruct mechanism. He was the one that got away…”

“You made a robot lover?” Gold asked.

“No, he just escaped the lab. Damn cheap metal doors…”

Down below, **** was insane. Loli Yellow deflected shots with her boards, Omar created robotic reinforcements, Lolita and Loli Green were easily able to wipe out tons of them working together, Damien put up several barriers to protect others, Adam was able to change his right arm into a cannon and fire large paintballs, Willard simply watched and chose not to participate, Masterman was busy texting Dawn until he eventually got hit, Ivy and Ruby ran around dodging paintballs and only attacking each other, and the red robot randomly chased people while yelling, “Extreeeeeme!” not caring as people shot at it. One large paintball aimed right for Loli Red, but Leo intercepted it with a punch, followed by Lolita kicking it back at the opposing team. Amber pushed Rosie out of the way from behind and got hit, followed by several more shots incoming.

Ivy rushed in, yelling, “Whoa! Amber just got-”

“Those are paintballs.” Rosie said, completely monotone.

“But it looks like-”

“That’s why I said there should be multicoloured balls!”

After several more minutes, they decided they should take a break and continue it some other time. Inside at the lobby, the pointless rivalry wasn’t over.

Ruby slammed her hand on a table. “In the meantime, lets settle this here on different terms. Come face me, you worthless sack of ****! We’re playing Magic the Gathering!”

“You **** idiotic pansy! On my turf we play Dungeons and Dragons, ****!”

“Extreeeeeeme!” The red robot randomly yelled in the background.

“Who the hell’s robot is that?” Ivy demanded. “Omar, is that yours?”

“I don’t recall building that one. I may rage if Dawn happens to be around here.”

“Grrrrrr!” Ruby growled at Ivy.

“Ffffffffffff!” Ivy responded moving closer.

“Whoa! Calm down, guys!” Lily said, getting in-between them. “Lets not fight here, you can do that later.”

“Very well.” Ivy nodded as she crossed her arms. “Be prepared, foolish angel! When we next meet on the battlefield, I will pwn you!” Most of her group also crossed their arms as they joined in on Ivy’s signature laugh in unison. “Lets get ready.” Ivy said, walking off.

“Lets go do the same, I’m not gonna lose to that stupid demon!” Ruby said, storming off, the others following shortly after.

And so sometime later, the deadline was approaching. Both sides were on the battlefield, preparing for the inevitable. Ruby threw Gary a woman’s purse, expecting him to make a castle using random materials, which he did so.

“I don’t think we can do this.” Loli Red said. “The pressure is too much.”

Adam placed a hand on her shoulder. “Tsundere-chan, don’t believe in yourself. Believe in me, who believes in you.”

“Y-yeah, you’re right! I feel better now.”

“I’m sure I’ve heard that somewhere…” Ruby said under her breath. “Anyway, you guys, watch out for Mancrab.”

“Who the hell is Mancrab?” Loli Black asked.

“Mancrab is Mancrab.”

Ivy’s side had already built a castle with Omar’s resources. Ivy stood on a balcony with binoculars once again when Damien approached her. She then asked, “So Damien, what’s the plan?”

“There is no plan, we charge ahead and hope for the best.”

“Fair enough. We do battle, but I shall be the one to defeat that foolish angel. No-one else touch her. It shall be by my hand she tastes the bitter sense of defeat, and she will kiss my superior, omniscient ass.“

Omar, standing further away next to Adol and Masterman, was holding a device as he exclaimed, “Great Scott! These Foe Yay levels are off the charts!”

“Now we settle this, in Paintball Kombat!”

“Marcoooooo!” Ruby yelled as they charged forward out of the castle gates.

“Poloooooooo!” Ivy yelled back while doing the same.

As usual, shots were randomly fired, even more chaotic than before as people hid behind trees and large rocks while paintballs the size of bombs and paintball lazers were thrown back and forth, but Ivy and Ruby both ignored the madness going on around them. They grappled in the middle of the destruction going on.

“Its finally come to this.” Ruby said.

“Yes, another pointless battle!”

“Then lets do this! I’m gonna **** you up!”

“You don’t know true pain. I should warn you, I like it rough.”

“Lets go! Angel on Demon action! Right here!” They then both turned to Adam who stood nearby and in unison said, “No homo.”

“I do not judge, whatever your preferences may be are none of my concern.”

The red robot ran around chasing people once again and was eventually shot in the face, at which point it ran in the wrong direction and tumbled down a hill as it shouted, “Extreeeeeme!”

“You stupid robot!” Ruby yelled back, turning her attention away long enough for Ivy to tackle her. They rolled around while being hit by a large number of paintballs and eventually rolled down the same hill. They bashed into trees several times and eventually stopped by a small lake, them still punching each other. In the background the red robot’s helmet had fallen off, and it turned out to be Poison under the helmet. As they turned around to notice this, Poison quickly grabbed it and shoved it back on, yelling, “Extreeeeeme!” to ease the awkwardness, at which point Ivy and Ruby went back to fighting.

Following a montage of the ridiculous battle featuring such highlights as Adam drilling through a meteor thrown by Amber, Mancrab arriving to aid Omar and wiping out the Loli Rangers immediately which effectively reduced them to jobbers, Willard and Damien discussing Global Warming, as well as Spring and Floyd arriving via driving a car into the battlefield and unloading 10 shots into Ruby. Dawn left to go plan something else at this point.

“This is just a paintball game, Y’know.” Crystal said.

“You can never be too sure.” Floyd replied, firing one more bullet.

As Rosie leaped behind a stone wall, she heard Ivy yell, “Look out, it’s a rogue enemy. An evil hopper!”

“Is it from space?”

“No, just an evil hopper.”

“It would’ve been cooler, had it been from space.”

“Yes, that would have been cool.”

After Ruby coming back to life, ten minutes later the Paintballing stopped and looking around them they noticed a majority of the area was covered in multicoloured paint.

“Today sure was fun, huh?” Ivy said.

“Yeah, this was actually pretty awesome.” Ruby replied.

“A shame Poison couldn’t be here though, this seems like the kind of thing he really wouldn’t wanna miss out on.” The red robot further back began whistling as she finished.

“By the way, I found the Klondike rapper.” She pulled it out of her nonexistent pocket. “See, my name is actually on it.” She pointed to a small bit on the side which said “Property of Ruby Clear.”

“Oh ****, it really did have your name on it. Sorry then, my bad.”

“Its okay, because I learned something today.”

“Its not a spoof aesop, is it?” The red robot asked. Half the people nearby quirked an eyebrow at the robot, as it was the only basic sentence it had said all day.

“Nope.” Ruby shook her head. “it’s a thought provoking and surprisingly essential lesson.”

“So what did you learn?” Ivy asked.

“I learned that
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« Reply #327 on: 28 December, 2010, 11:06:27 am »

And another one.

Now its time for: Reipa Girl, tell ‘em!

Lolita sat at an office desk with the camera facing her. She pointed as she said, “Yooooooou.” completely deadpan. “Welcome again to my Q&A, once again, now lets get started. First caller, you’re on the air.”

“Hey, you say that you’re dead or something, so if that’s the case, is doing it with you like necrophilia?”

“…I guess you could say that. Umm, next caller.”

“If Ivy and Poison had a kid, what colour would its hair be?”

“I honestly don’t care, next.”

“If I slept with some alien chick and got some STD from space, would I get super powers?”

“…What compelled you to think of such things?”

“Just curious.”

“There are some things you shouldn’t ask. Next caller.”

“How would two tentacle creatures get it on?”

Lolita facepalmed. “What is with these questions today? This segment isn’t the time for such things. If this continues, I’ll-”

Just then, Dawn entered the room and sat beside her as she said, “Well, you look somewhat troubled. Need a helping hand?”

“You’re not gonna go away even if I say I don’t, right?”

“Bingo. Okay, lets continue.”

“Hey there, what happened to that thing in the second season where the older alternate Ivy said she was gonna **** the original. I mean, it never came, and I was looking forward to that.”

“Well fortunately it was cut and we had to rush the ending.” Lolita replied. “Next caller.”

“Yo, can you give me a list of the coloured panties everyone is wearing?”

“Aren’t you that same guy from last time?”

“Most certainly not.”

Dawn then spoke up as she pulled a clipboard from her pants. “Y’know, because I’m such a nice person, I’m gonna give you that info. I have the list of all the different types of panties everyone here is wearing. Everyone. Everyone. In random order, because I’m not actually nice.”

“Thank you so much! I think…”

“Okay, here we go: Classic white, black and white stripes, orange and purple stripes, glittery silver, beige and grey horizontal stripes, frilly brown panties, pokadot blue with red and blue stripes, nonexistent, nonexistent, nonexistent-” She paused to turn over to the next sheet. “Nonexistent yet still existent, see-through, techno panties, imprinted sharp teeth panties, frilly glittery black with green pokadots, striped golden green, and my boss may forbid me from saying what the last one is, so I’ll do it to spite him. Black teddy bear imprinted panties.”

“W-wait! Most of those choices don’t make any sense from what I had in mind!”

“Yeah, those are some rather odd choices. Its as if I was lying but that would just be silly.”

“Quite so.” Lolita agreed. “Next caller.”

“You’re so mean, Dawn! I hate you!…You’re still rather funny though.”

“Yes, yes, I know.”

The next person called in. “Uhh, like others have asked before, what exactly are you?”

“I’m a hybrid of a tentacle monster and a shape shifting species on Mianus, meaning that I have access to at least half a dozen tentacle like limbs as well as shifting any part of my body to look how I want to look, this includes even my own blood, so inflicting nightmare fuel on various partners in the past was rather easy. So yeah, it doesn’t matter whether I was naturally and maturely beautiful, because I can shape my body how I want so age and appearance is no barrier.”

“So the trolling thing, did that come naturally or…”

“Somewhat. I once studied under this guy in some other random universe. Can’t remember his name but he had this crazy green hair and looked like one of the backup dancers from that Michael Jackson video. At least I think that happened.”

“I think you’ve talked long enough.” Lolita replied.

“What’s wrong, am I stealing your thunder?”

“No, this is my segment, so keep your talk at a limit.”

“Tough talk coming from some dreary eyed chick who stalks people.”

“I’m above insulting an obnoxious mean-spirited evil mastermind wannabe such as yourself.”

“But you’re not above stalking?”

“Well I figured it’d be preferred over constant chatter which would shatter your eardrum from overuse.”

“Uh-huh. Hey, can I get your number?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I wanna insult you over the phone.”

“Well alright.” Lolita turned to the camera. “That’s all we have time for, bye-bye!” She waved, then began writing her number on a piece of paper as it faded to black.
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« Reply #328 on: 28 December, 2010, 02:25:54 pm »

Ugh.... Why do I hear the Lucky Channel theme playing when I read that?

I kinda wanna know more about the panties now.... But that would be weird....
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« Reply #329 on: 28 December, 2010, 02:28:50 pm »

There are some things man was never meant to know.
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