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The Something Something Demonic Something Ever

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Author Topic: The Something Something Demonic Something Ever  (Read 7907 times)
Marie Rose
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Semi-epic Post Whore
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I'm: 18
Power Level: 3,149,743.69
Username: SA2
Mood: Amazing
Posts: 19,199



« Reply #420 on: 20 November, 2012, 10:15:06 pm »

Lost track of time. It's...it's not done, yeah. Really. I'll get to it sometime in the week.
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TMEDCE: Omnipotent Victorious Alien, P2

Ivy, Rosie and Goldia were outside talking as they walked towards the Arena.

“So what am I gonna do during the first two days?” Ivy asked.

“Mission command stuff. From that base of operations over there.” Rosie pointed far to the right. Treat it like an RTS.”

“I’m not very good at those.”

“You wanna win?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then get better. Just watch people’s backs, inform them of traps and whatnot. It shouldn't be too hard. Not like you’ll be killing tons of people for a while.”

“How many people do you think you could take at once?”

“I dunno, depends. I can average like 7-10 skilled guys at once I guess.”

“7-10? Would you even have enough holes for all of them?”

“I…we’re not having the same conversation, are we?”

“Ivy regularly does things like this.” Goldia said, interrupting. “This is my first time participating in these games, will they be gentle?”

“No, Goldia, it’ll be rough and unpleasant.” Ivy replied. “It might hurt at first but after a while it’ll start to feel really good and your mind may go blank.”

“Are we still having the same con-”

“Yes, Goldia, we are. This may sound selfish but I need you to survive until the 3rd day. You’re an important asset to me and can make a difference. Can you do this for me?”

“I will do what I can to run like a coward when cornered.”

“That’s good enough. Oh, excuse me a second.” She ran up to a random bystander and punched him out as she yelled, “Dynamic entry!” As she walked back over to Rosie and Goldia she said, “Sorry, I'm obligated to do that now.”

“I understand.” Rosie nodded.

A little later, Damien was at his “mission command” base, which was spacious, contained different shades of blue for everything from terminals to furniture, and generally looked like a typical base out of a Megaman X game. Sakura approached Damien as he sat down in the somewhat empty room. “Hey, did you give him the ‘thing’?”

“Yes, and I didn't mention anything. I'm not sure why you couldn't just tell him how you feel.”

“I can’t! It’s too embarrassing!”

“Then how would me helping make it less embarrassing once he eventually knows?”

“I-I don’t know, it just does!”

“Clearly you haven’t thought this through. Your ‘relationship’ won’t move forward unless you actually say something. Some people are quite dense and need things spelled out for them. It’s not like you’re heavily lacking though, pretty adequate hips, some sturdy handlebars there, a modest bust. Sure, your proportions aren’t perfect but they’re satisfactory, so I’m not sure what the problem is.”

“Hey! Don’t ogle me, but thank you anyway.”

“Also, the black & red polka dot bra & panties really isn’t you.”

“Well I was just-hey wait, how did you even know that?”

“I didn’t. You might have seemed like the type so I took a guess. You know what I suggest you do? Get yourself some underboob. Have it only show around 20% of the lower half, make it so its noticeable, but not too exposed. Maybe wear one of those low cut tank tops if that’s a bit much for you.”

“I’m not talking to you anymore.”

“Just offering advice.”

“I’d consider it if you didn’t sound like a total perv right now…”

Back at Ivy’s command centre, they were getting ready to finally start and left one-by-one. As Poison was leaving, Ivy called out to him. “Hey, come back alive, okay?”

“You can count on it.”

“We still haven’t fucked yet after all.”

After a period of silence, Poison asked, “Why would you do that?”

“The moment was too cliché, I had to subvert it.”

“Fair enough, that’s understandable.”

As the demon participants took positions on the High School map, two commentators in green and white Power Rangers suits began talking from behind a desk at a location nearby.

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, we’re your war games hosts, Green.”

“And White.” The second added.

“How long has it been since the last, White?”

“About 5-6 months. Somewhat odd, it usually doesn’t take this long.”

“Well moving on, the first of this three day event takes place at a high school, you remember your high school days, White?”

“Sure do, Green, most satisfying days I can remember, if you know what I mean.”

“Well no…you haven’t really hinted at much, you could say that about anything.”

“Hey, shut up, okay? I don’t need that.” 

“Let’s get the details out of the way, shall we? There’s a special field around these arenas which basically weaken the participates because demons can normally undergo a ton of punishment before dropping, but this would take too long if that was the case.”

“Indeed, White, it makes even those who wouldn’t die by normal means, able to be killed by normal means. This doesn’t effect ‘named characters’ very much though, just pointing that out.”

And so, shit actually happened. Random shit like people running in circles, blind firing with machine guns but not hitting each other, one demon preparing to throw a grenade which then blows up as an enemy hits him with an RPG from behind, and certain individuals running around or camping with shotguns in places such as within lockers or under desks to pop out whenever someone got close. These situations would generally lead to times where one demon would kill another within a classroom, and a another demon hanging from a window ledge would kill the previous one with a shotgun, who would then be sniped by someone hiding in the bushes outside in the playground. Ivy was watching this on screens which looked like a battleship board.

“Man, this sucks, I can’t even do anything.” She whined.

“You also have a big part to play here, Ivy.” This one random white clothed chick wearing a black and white visor & monitoring their progress said.

“I doubt that. Just look at Rosie, running around like a headless chicken. Punching people out, using that AK to pump holes into that guy, just running up casually and snapping that guy’s neck as he prepared a grenade, then throwing it at his teammate…and now she’s tea-bagging him. She’s playing this like its Uncharted.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Well its working so I guess not.”

Green commented on this. “Believe it or not, this ‘headless chicken’ tactic of Rosie’s won her the battle royale twice in a row.”

“I’m assuming they didn’t protect their necks?” White asked.

“Yeah, people are silly like that.”

In the middle of a hallway, Leo was running from two demons with assault rifles who chased him into a classroom. He threw a desk at one, and as the demon went flying, Rosie leaped into the room and hit him with a flying dropkick, knocking him out the window. During this distraction, Leo punched the second in the stomach, Rosie flipped over him and they knocked him out with a double DDT.

Rosie ran around yet again into a gymnasium and continued to snap necks. An enemy blasted down a wall with a grenade launcher and was immediately sniped by Goldia who was hanging from a rope above. Damien, as well as Sakura and Brian were watching this too.

“Those two are being annoying.” Sakura said.

“Yes, they are becoming somewhat of a nuisance. Operator, please inform members of my team to protect their necks from the vampire.”

“The biting kind?”

“The snapping kind.”

“So what now?” Sakura asked.

“Well perhaps I should send out more capable units, like yourself.”

“M-me? B-but-”

“Of course, Toby will be accompanying you, I assume you’re fine with that? You two make a great couple after all.”

“Y-yeah, we do! And we’ll show you just how good we are!” She quickly ran off to find Toby.

Around the entrance of the school to the cafeteria, the Harem Candidate Squad was generally camping that area and using absurd tactics to beat quite a significant amount of the other team. Poison had just cut through several demons and was running down the hallway. The blonde pony tailed girl put a piece of bread in her mouth as she heard the footsteps and ran towards the corner it was coming from. As Poison turned the corner, he reacted in time to knock her out with a belly-to-belly suplex. The glasses girl carrying the books came at him as he turned another corner, but he quickly evaded her and hit her with a German suplex. The pigtailed girl drove right at him on a bicycle as he got up, so he hopped to the side, got her in a headlock and knocked her out with a DDT. He then cut all their heads off afterwards.

“So it seems Harry Johnson has beaten the Harem Candidate Squad.” White said.

“Not surprising, he is a harem protagonist after all, White.”

“What are you saying, Green?”

“That chicks automatically lose to harem protagonists unless they already have a lover, too evil for redemption, or have some broken cheap-ass power to combat it.”

“That’s pretty sexist, Green.”

“Can you prove me wrong, White? Can you go, “No, that’s BS and here’s why”, give me examples.”

“Give me a few minutes.”

Back in the school, Lolita, who was waiting by a locker further down, said, “You’re a jerk.”

“Why?”

“You killed that girl before I got to her.”

“Well sorry, they ran into me. Guess I’ll steer clear next time.” He said as he walked off.

“I’d appreciate that.”

In Ivy’s command centre, she was watching Goldia being chased by half a dozen people, who were quickly taken out one by one by snipers camping specific areas. When it was down to two people, Goldia ran into a classroom and hid behind the teacher’s desk. As they ran in and one ran over to the desk, Goldia immediately pulled out a shotgun and blasted him in the face. She went back behind cover as the second aimed his shot, then poked her head back out and sniped him within half a second of doing so.

“Seems things are going well.” Said a voice as they entered the room, it was Richard who I had mentioned before, so I won’t say anything more.

“What took you so long?”

“I’m not a morning person.”

“It’s 1pm. Anyway, I would feel better if I didn’t know Damien was deliberately not using some of his more ‘reliable’ units, aside from Lolita, who doesn’t really seem to be attacking anyone for some odd reason.”

Over on Damien’s side, his operator asked, “Sir, should I contact the succubi?”

“Very well, feel free to do so.”

And so about a dozen or so Succubi which looked oddly similar arrived on the battlefield and immediately began seducing people. Ivy responded by sending out numerous tentacled monsters which chased some of them away. Damien retaliated, sending out Brain who teleported around the arena, attaching green mind control helmets to the tentacled monsters, making them turn against Ivy by attacking others, and in a few cases, eating them.

Ivy talked to Rosie through a headset. “Hey, the Aterlilics have gotten a little out of control, so I’d appreciate it if you could take them down.”

“I could, but why are you asking me?”

“I consider you one of my more reliable team members.”

“Alright, just watch me work.” Rosie replied as she headed towards the playground by jumping out a classroom window.

“Oh, Amber and Alice, help out a little too if you would please. And Alice, if you kill them, please be quick about it.”

“Aww, but that’s no fun…”

“Have fun in your own time.”

Rosie ran around once again like a headless chicken slashing at the tentacled monsters she came across. A much larger creature appeared and tried to grab her, but she evaded its grasp numerous times by doing all kinds of backwards handstands, flips, somersaults & midair moves that gymnastics would have a hard time pulling off. She stopped for a few moments to do some hopscotch before going right back to it.

Amber was watching this and said, “Huh, just look at her go.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty flexible.” Leo replied as he dropped down from above.

“Well I guess you’d know.” She said, flying off.

“I don’t even know what that means…”

Goldia was running through the hallways of the school, looking out the windows at all the commotion outside when she eventually ran into Sakura who was carrying a grenade launcher and wore a black rucksack. She quickly spun round and took off as Sakura started firing at her. After a while Sakura pulled out a gatling gun and unloaded all over the walls as she continued to chase Goldia. Goldia ran through several booby trapped hallways full of spiked ceiling triggers, mines & machine guns which ejected from the walls, that Goldia avoided with little hassle. Sakura eventually lost her and ran by a trash can where Goldia was hiding. After a few moments, she came back around the corner and targeted the trash. As she prepared to fire, Poison ran up on her and hit her with a german suplex then immediately left. From within the trash Goldia slid up to Sakura while she was knocked out and shot her in the face.

“Sir, it seems Sakura has been killed.” Damien’s operator said to him.

“That’s excellent news.”

“But she was on your side, sir.”

“Yes, but I wasn’t very fond of her.”

Back outside the overgrown tentacled beast was still trying to grab Rosie who was jumping, backflipping and running along walls. It eventually grabbed her leg and pulled her towards it. Rosie then proceeded to dropkick the monster in the face and kick it across the playground. Poison, who was running around the playground again ran past Toby who waved at him.

“Hey Harry, what’s up?”

He quickly stopped and looked back. “Oh, hey Toby, didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Didn’t expect to be here. Wanna do a little sparring?”

“You sure? I’m assuming you only got out here a little while ago.”

“No need to go easy on me just because of that.”

“Alright.” Poison and Harry simply did hand-to-hand fighting for a while, evading most of each others hits and exchanging blows a few times.

As Toby knocked him back with a kick, Poison charged up a ball of wind and hit Toby with it. He flew back like a rag doll on landed on his feet, then flashed a peace sign as he exclaimed, “Memorized!”

“I wish you wouldn’t do that…”

Toby fired his own ball of wind which Poison dodged then threw several his way, and this is generally what the two did for quite a while. Moving on, by the end of that day, a lot of stuff was unclear, stuff generally happened and most went about the rest of their day as normal.

Ivy and Damien met at a typical restaurant, both dressed as typical posh Victorians with the monocle and the suit, and the big puffy dress and whatnot while they sipped tea and ate crumpets etc.

“Good evening, my dear sister.” Damien said as he sat down. “How was your first experience?”

“Pretty shitty, actually. Not like I even did much.”

“You’re breaking character already.”

“Ahh, excuse my rudeness, all is well.” She smiled. “Well Poison was thinking logically enough to join my side, so I guess that means you’re the hoe, ohohohohohoho!” She then sipped her tea.

Damien humored her by laughing along as well before saying, “Harry has never been the type to ignore a girl in need, regardless of how much she’s a badgering nuisance, a self-centred plague upon society, and a controlling psychological wreck in general.” Ivy spat out her tea right after his remark. “Do not believe that any proceedings earlier today have any effect on the eventually conclusion.”

“That sounds to me the excuses of a man who has been forced to run with his tail between his legs, though this isn’t what I choose to believe.”

“Oh?”

“I know you have yet to truly play your hand, but I’ll be ready when you do.”

“So it’s settled then.” He replied, getting up. “I must be going now, it was a pleasure speaking with you, madam.”

“Likewise, kind sir.”

Damien began to leave but stopped seconds later. “Oh, and Ivy? No giant robots, alright?” He then continued walking.

At the Demon Lord’s location, Blake, Tyson, Richard, Brain, Toby and Lolita were sitting round a table playing poker. Tyson began speaking, “Well if you like to gamble, I tell ya, I’m your man. You win some, lose some, but it’s all the same to me.”

As some of them exchanged their cards, Blake said, “The pleasure is to play, it makes no difference what you say. Alright, who‘s in? Toby?”

“Go fish.” He replied.

“…”

“Just kidding, I’m out.”

Richard also folded. Blake revealed he had a flush.

“Better luck next time, man.” Tyson said as he had a full house.

“Nope.avi.” Brain replied as he revealed his four of a kind with 6’s.

“I don’t share your greed for multiple similar cards.” As she picked up one. “The only card I needed was the ace of spades.” As she flipped it over, along with the others showing she had a royal flush. “The ace of spades.” she said again as she slammed it down. 

“Good thing we’re not betting anything…” Tyson said.

“I must say, Lolita, you’ve got the best poker face I’ve seen in over a century. That stone cold, stoic and unmoveable expression makes it impossible to tell what you have.” Richard commented.

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment.”

“While at first I was unnerved because of that, you’re cool with me. Don’t meet many of them like you these days.” Tyson said.

“You aren’t even looking.” Blake replied. “Whenever there’s some kind of interracial party, the first thing you say is normally, “Where all the angelic women at?”

“It’s like a drug, man. I can’t get off that shit.”

“You always seem to go for the dopey ones too.”

“That’s because they listen well. Get ‘em drunk, and they’ll do whatever you tell ‘em.”

“You always take a lot of the fried chicken too when you go, and it’s really annoying.” Toby replied.

“Alright, I’ll ease up.”

“So Toby, what kind of women do you like?” Richard asked.

“I’m not answering that, last time I did I got death threats from like 20 different girls.”

“You poor thing.” Blake said sarcastically.

“It’s not funny. I regularly have to put up with weird stuff. I go to the gym changing room and she a girl changing and she forces me to have sex so I don’t tell anyone, I once got locked in a freezer with a girl and we had sex to warm up because it was so cold, one time another girl ran into me and forced me to have sex with her because I saw her underwear. This one time at band camp, this girl forced herself on me because her flute somehow fell into my pants. This other time, I looked after a girl when she was sick and to thank me she forced herself on me, and then the mother did too! Also, this one time I went to the boys bathroom, a girl was in there and she had sex with me too!”

“Was that person in the bathroom secretly a guy?” Lolita asked.

“Yeah, yeah, no need to brag.” Tyson sighed.

“I’m not bragging! It’s a serious problem!”

“Having regular sex with different people can be a horrifying experience, it’s scientifically proven.” Brian replied.

“You guys are jerks! Harry would understand…”

“That’s because he’s also a harem protagonist.” Lolita replied.

“Eh?”

Just then, Sakura kicked open the door and walked by. Tyson turned around and asked, “What happened to you?”

“I was dead.”

“Killed by wrestling moves again, huh?”

“N-no, stop bringing that up!”

Damien walked in a few moments after him and Tyson asked, “Hey Damien, what kind of women do you like?”

The others wondered why Tyson would ask a question like that when Lolita was sitting across the table, and so Damien replied, “The beautiful and mysterious kind…” He then walked off.

“How many people would you all consider ‘beautiful and mysterious.’?” Lolita asked.

In a small hut, Ivy sat behind a desk talking with Goldia when Amber, Rosie and Alice burst into the room.
 
“Hey Ivy, what’s this about some bet?” Amber asked.

“It’s no big deal, I just bet that if I won, Damien would crossdress as a girl for a week.”

“And if you lost?”

“That he would…tickle me for 5 minutes in front of everyone.”

“That’s it?”

“How disappointing…” Alice exclaimed.

“That’s lame.” Rosie added.

“You guys don’t understand!” Ivy cried, “I hate being tickled and he knows it, doesn’t help that he’s really good with his fingers, and he wants to do it in front of everyone. I don’t want others seeing me like that!”

“Could it be that you wet yourself if tickled too much?” Goldia asked.

“T-that’s none of your business!” As she was distracted, Alice got Ivy into a full nelson while Rosie held her feet down. While they did this Amber got out a bottle of lube and covered her hands in it. “W-wait a minute! What the hell are you guys doing?! What’s with that bottle?!”

“I’m curious to see where you’re most ticklish.” Amber said with a smirk.

“I’m also quite interested in this matter.” Alice replied.

“I’m pretty curious too, actually.” Rosie added.

“You call yourself friends? If you touch me with those fingers I’m gonna rip them off.” Ivy exclaimed, getting nervous as Amber approached her.

“Your resistance only makes my fingers more ticklish.” Amber replied.

As this was going on, Poison walked in along with Leo & Richard, and everyone immediately turned to face them. “Is this a bad time?” Poison asked.

“Thank goodness you guys came!” Ivy exclaimed. “Save me quick! These monsters were trying to tickle me!”

“Is there some backstory I’m missing?” Poison asked as Richard took a seat.

“Not that much.” Rosie replied.

Amber sighed as she put away her bottle of lube. “Let’s just stop here, guys. I guess we’re being a little too forceful.”

“Aww…” Alice and Rosie said in unison, expressing their disappointment.

“Hey!” Ivy yelled in response to it.

“By the way, Alice, please stop trying to kill me, you did it 3 times today.” Poison said.

“Kill you? I only wish to hurt you like you hurt my feelings.”

“Alright, I’m sorry, I can be a bit rude on occasions but hurting me? Is that how you get your sick kicks? By hurting people?”

“Why yes, actually, and an apology isn’t enough.”

“Just give her a back massage, he’s really good at those.” Ivy said as she sat back behind her desk.

“It’s true.” Amber nodded.

“I’d be inclined to agree.” Rosie added.

“I too found it really enjoyable.” Goldia also nodded.

“It was pretty awesome.” Leo said, giving him a thumbs up.

“It was simply marvellous.” Richard also added.

“Well I don’t like to brag…” Poison shrugged.

“Very well then, I’ll be expecting great things from you, Harry.” Alice said as she sat next to him.

“Stop saying that, it’s creepy.” Ivy responded.

“Back on my planet, there was no restrictions in massages. If someone wanted one, and someone was willing, that’s all that mattered.” Leo said. Amber, Rosie & Goldia began to leave together moments later and Leo went along with them.

“So Poison,” Ivy began. “You hang out with my brother, do you know what he’s up to?”

“To be honest I have no idea, but I wouldn’t rat him out anyway because he’s like a brother to me too, he taught me a lot back then. I was pretty upset when he died for a while because he meant a lot to me and I’d have gladly joined his side if I’d have had even a small chance of saving him back then.”

“Gay.” Ivy replied.

“It’s not gay at all! It’s just guy love, there’s nothing gay about it in my eyes.”

“Richard, is that gay?”

“I’d say it was 63.88% gay.”

“You’re telling me you’ve never felt anything for someone who helped you in the past and basically made you the person you are today?” Poison asked as he continued to massage Alice.

“I’m talking to him.” Ivy said with a blank expression.

“…Well that was just uncalled for.”

“I don’t mean to interrupt,” Richard began, “But may I say, Ivy, that outfit looks simply ravaging on you. It would look just perfect on your mature future self from what I’ve been told.”

Ivy eyed him suspiciously. “Watch yourself, Richard, you keep saying things like that and I’m going to assume you’re not really gay.”

Richard chuckled a bit. “Well I wouldn’t want to mislead you over a simple compliment.” He then got up to leave. “I’d like to actually participate tomorrow so I’d better get a good night’s sleep, farewell.”

As he left, Poison stopped massaging Alice and asked, “Shouldn’t you get going too?”

“Ehh? Stopping in the middle when I haven’t been satisfied yet? You’re so cruel~”

“Alice, please just go…” Ivy said.

“Very well, since you asked nicely. I want to continue this later.”

“Sure, whatever.” Poison shrugged.

As Alice closed the door behind her on the way out, Ivy checked to make sure there was no-one else coming.

“Are you sure you want to do this here?” Poison asked.

“It’s not like it’s a sewer or anything.”

“Fair enough.” He said, taking off his jacket.

“Wait a second…” Ivy pulled out a remote control and pushed a button, closing off the side of the hut with titanium. There was a thud, followed by Goldia’s voice coming from the other side. Goldia then tried coming through the door which was also covered in titanium, and then she tried the roof before leaving. After a few moments Ivy then said, “Great, she shouldn’t bother-” before she could finish, Goldia dug into the hut from underground, angering Ivy greatly.

“My lady, thank goodness I found you.” Goldia said as she climbed out of the hole. “Mah lady, you seem unwell…”

“You’re trolling me, aren’t you?”

“But I don’t live under a bridge, his lady.”

“Tell me the important thing before I hit you.” Goldia handed her a notebook which she looked at. “Huh. It’s important after all. I thought it was gonna be one of those stupid nyan-cat videos.”

“Those can be important too.”

“No they can’t, Goldia, no they can’t. Also, thank you.” Goldia simply stood there. “Well? What are you waiting for?”

“I like to watch.”

“Get the fuck out already!” Ivy yelled as she picked her up, opened the door and threw her into the sky like a torpedo. “Alright, lets fucking do this shit.” She spun round and Poison took a step back as she walked forwards.

“I think you should take a minute to calm down a little.”

“I am fucking calm! So hurry the fuck up and whip it out before I eat you!”

“Alright, let me just take my pants off…”

The next morning, Damien and Sakura met in an alleyway while a few blocks down the street, Lolita was once again previewing where the match for the day would take place in the city while wearing a motorcycle helmet and a leather red and black outfit.

“Is it alright to meet down here? Your wife isn’t far off.” Sakura said.

“You’re right, she might even kill you if she saw us together.” Damien replied.

“You don’t seem concerned.”

“I’m not.”

“By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask, I heard about your bet and all and I was wondering…don’t take this the wrong way but are you a siscon?”

“What? Of course not, woman, how absurd, I merely wish to tickle my sister, nothing more.”

Sakura let out a sigh of relief. “Well that’s good…wait, no it’s not! It’s still a weird bet!”

“Enough about me, how are things with you currently?”

“Same as usual really.”

“I said before, nothing’s going to change if you don’t take action.”

“Easy for you to say.”

Just then, Damien noticed Willard walking by with a cup of coffee and called him over. “Ahh, Willard, my good man, please join us.”

“Good morning, Damien, whatever could be the problem?” Willard asked as he approached them.

“My ‘friend’ is having relationship problems with her ‘childhood friend’. In simple terms, she wants the dick.”

“D-don’t say it like that!” She exclaimed. “It’s complicated.”

“Don’t be embarrassed, it’s perfectly healthy to have sexual urges, my dear.” Willard reassured her. “Just like how with the opposite gender it’s all about the pussy.”

“Well yeah, you gotta get that pussy & all.” Damien shrugged.

“Do you happen to swing both ways?” Willard asked.

“I find it hard to talk to either of you…” Sakura replied.

Somewhere close by, Rosie was walking with Leo towards a fountain where Poison was giving Alice a massage again. “Morning.” Rosie said while Leo waved.

“Hey guys.” Poison replied while Alice wished them good morning.

“You look tired, man, what happened to you last night?” Leo asked.

“Nothing much, just didn’t get that much sleep.”

“Oh my~” Alice cried, putting her hand to her mouth.

“No, don’t go there. It was just Monopoly.”

“Is that what they call it these days?”

“I’ll have you know a good game of Monopoly can last anywhere from 3-9 hours.”

Rosie turned to Leo and quietly asked, “Is that normal for demons?”

Leo shrugged, then spoke up. “Back on my planet, when two people did things, they didn’t need to keep it a secret. Nobody really gave a shit who was doing who, they just went about their business. Not to mention, there was no such thing as ‘gay‘, if you found a guy pretty and wanted to do the nasty, that was it and it didn‘t turn any heads.” 

“Your people don’t sound very ‘normal’, Leo.” Rosie replied. 

Just then, Ivy arrived along with Amber and Goldia. “Good morning, everyone, lets keep up the good work.”

“You seem energetic today, so what did you do last night?” Alice asked.

“I played ‘Guess Who?’ with that foolish angel, Ruby, then I had a nice and pleasant sleep.”

“I thought you played Monopoly?”

“You’re so silly, Alice, trying to get a rise out of me.” Ivy replied, smiling.

“Can’t blame a girl for trying.”

Leo added his input once again. “Back on my planet, we called it Scuba Diving, in response to any kind of sexual act, and everyone was cool with that.”

“That’s still not ’normal’.” Rosie responded.

“Oh, well screw being normal then.”

“Yeah!” Ivy exclaimed. “Being normal is just silly. Those normal people can go suck a fat one.” Ivy and Leo high-fived. “Anyway, today’s event is gonna start in a little while, we’d best get going.” Ivy left along with Rosie and Leo.

“Well she’s certainly acting a little more co-operative.” Amber said.

“Yes, she never responded to any of my comments in a negative manner today.” Goldia added.

“So what, you’re intentionally doing it?” Amber asked.

“Seems all Ivy needed was a good f-” Poison hit Goldia with a ball of air before she finished her sentence.

“Perhaps Ivy should play Monopoly every day.” Alice said.

“I’m gonna stop if you keep that up.” Poison replied.

“Ehhh? But I’m not satisfied yet. You‘ve gotta be much rougher, dig your fingernails deep into my back.”

“Your pain fetish is creepy, just thought I’d mention that.”

A little later, Damien was sitting on a throne at his base as the 2nd day of the war games were about to start. “It’s time. I assume we’re all ready to get started?” He asked as he spun round to face the demon lords. Blake stood further away just looking out a window while Tyson cracked his knuckles, Brain sat on a bench meditating nearby, Toby simply nodded, and Sakura was leaning against a wall with her arms crossed. Willard smirked as he was partly obscured by the darkness further back while Lolita stood a few feet away with her back turned. “Lolita?”

She turned her head to the side and replied, “My body is ready.” Lolita then stared at the blonde haired girl with a ponytail wearing the school uniform who stood with her friends across the room.

“Guys, would you talk to her? I think she’s really gonna kill me!” She whispered to them.

“Well that’s what you get for opening your big mouth.” The girl with pigtails replied.

“She always did have quite a big mouth.” The girl with glasses added.

“You guys are so cruel!”

As things got started, people loaded their weapons, set up traps, learned their surrounding and so on. Rosie continued to run around snapping necks as White and Green commentated.

“We’re back folks, White here.”

“I’m Green.”

“And we’re kicking it in the city. We might see some new faces today, especially seeing as people can choose what days to participate in.”

“Makes you wonder what’s the point of having a 3 day death match when you don’t need to participate on the early days.”

“For fun, Green.”

“It’s only fun if you don’t die in the first few minutes.” 

Back at Ivy‘s base, she said, “I don’t know why that works so well.” communicating to Rosie through a headset as she continued snapping necks.

“Me either.”

“I’m a little annoyed that I apparently can’t use any giant robots in this…”

“Giant robots that fire lasers out of their crotches?”

“That’s what you remember about it? You gotta get your head out of the gutter, Rosie.”

“You’re the last person I’d wanna hear that from.”

Suddenly, the operator spun round and said, “Princess, a mysterious figure is taking out our members one-by-one in a flash with dark, evil energy.”

Ivy squinted her eyes as she muttered, “Willard.” Then she said, “Alice, take care of it.”

“My pleasure.” Alice replied.

On Damien’s side, he said to his operator, “Operator, tell the group to initiate phase A.”

“As you command, sir.”

A minute later, on Ivy’s side, her operator spun round and exclaimed, “Princess, terrible urgent news! Some of the units are killing members on our own side!”

“What? How many?”

“Exactly 27.”

Ivy immediately caught on. “That cheap bastard, of all the underhanded tricks…”

“Many of them are ambushing unsuspecting members from behind.”

“Quick! Tell them to clench their anuses!” As the operator laughed, she added, “This is no laughing matter!”

Crazy things were going on in the streets with people throwing cars at each other, kicking lorries down the street and blowing up roads overhead leading to highways. Tyson leaped down from out of the sky onto an unsuspecting demon, crushing them like a bug as he landed. “Alright, who here’s man enough to take me on?”

“I wouldn’t mind taking a shot.” Leo replied as he walked towards him from down the street.

“Better have some spare underwear, cause I’m gonna put the fear in you, boy.”

“Then come at me.”

And so the large red demon charged straight at Leo as he did the same. As they met their fists connected, creating a massive shockwave which knocked back any cars or other demons within 30 meters. From there they simply traded blows, not attempting to dodge or block each other’s hits. Another demon wearing a brown paper bag over his head, a white polo shirt and black pants rushed by with two daggers, stabbing people in inappropriate places.

“There goes Tom, once again kicking ass and taking names.” Green commented.

“Tom? Who’s that?” White asked.

“How could you forget Tom, White? The guy has saved the planet more times than I could count, always lends a helping hand when needed, and gets all the chicks with his Badassery.”

“This is the first time I’ve heard of this guy, Green.”

“You gotta stop living under a rock, man.”

Poison was leaping over abandoned cars in the middle of a road. The Harem Candidate Squad were waiting further ahead behind one of the cars. “Okay, here he comes.” The pony tailed girl said. “We’ll get him good this time.” The three hopped out from behind the car. “Stop right there! This time we’ll-” before she could finish, a katana suddenly pierced her skull and she dropped dead as tons of blood poured out of the wound in her head. The pigtailed girl screamed while the glasses girl just stared. Lolita approached them from across the street.

“Lolita, please refrain from killing team members.” Damien said.

“My hand slipped.”

“Yes, I’m sure it did. Feel free to take care of business, though be careful about it, I’d like it if you came back in one piece.”

“I love you too.” Lolita stared at the other two girls who ran off, then she turned her attention to Poison. “I warned you to stay away, seems I now have an excuse to kill you.” She pulled out two katana’s. Poison shrugged and drew his sword.

White and Green commented on nonsense while Lolita continued to push Poison back due to her being really experienced at dual wielding, and Poison not being used to that.

“So Lolita here seems to be handing herself rather well, Green.”

“And since she already has a lover, she’s unaffected by the harem protagonist rules.”

“You still going on about that, Green?”

“Hell, I’m still confused as to why this chick isn’t a little gothic girl even though she’s called Lolita, White.”

“Name’s don’t always make sense, and many people have bizarre names...”

Willard materialized into a dark room and began talking with Damien. “Well, I’ve thinned out the herd a little.”

“You’re too kind, Willard, you’ve done more than I could have asked.”

“Figured I’d make the most of it while I was here.”

Just then, Alice appeared behind him and forced her hand through his stomach as she said, “Tag, you’re it~.”

Willard chuckled at this. “Well aren’t you a sneaky one. I don’t mean to be rude but could you give me one moment?”

“By all means.”

“I’ll call you back, Damien, seems I’ve been targeted by a rather beautiful and deranged woman.”

“Have fun.”

As he hung up, Alice replied, “I bet you say that to all the deranged women.”

“You’d be right.” As they both laughed, Willard materialized a hand behind her which punched through her stomach. “I’m quite the handyman, y’know.”

“I’d be quite willing in seeing the tools of your trade.”

“Very well, I have some time free.”

Meanwhile, at Pitchfork Park, as Rosie was busy strangling someone, Damien commanded Sakura to drop the prepared nuke on her, killing a lot of people on both sides within the blast, and if that didn’t kill them, the radiation surely did. Damien then commanded the operator to reveal the turrets placed throughout the city he had installed earlier. Ivy countered this with tanks that quickly and swiftly dealt with them. Damien countered this with aircraft fighters using weapons specifically catered to tearing through tanks, which they did. Ivy then brought out her kill sat that wiped out the aircrafts, and a big chunk of the city with the laser beams it fired. Upon learning its location, Blake quickly took it out with a beam of light. 

After this Damien took it further and brought out some mechs which were controlled by members on his side. Ivy flipped out upon seeing this.

“The fuck? He said no giant robots!” Ivy exclaimed.

“They’re technically not giant, Princess.” Her operator replied.

“That’s BS and you know it.”

The mechs started stomping with their high powered beams, weaponry and durability over those unnamed demons. One mech tracked Goldia down where she was hiding behind a bus. “Come on out, Goldilocks, I got a present for ya.”

Goldia did so, hitting it with a grenade launcher, followed by multiple missiles, throwing down a mine that launched it into the air from the explosion, followed by 2 dozen rockets which came out of large rocket launcher slots which ejected from her sides, and then blasting the mech to pieces with an energy blast using her central core. “It’s Goldia.”

“I gotta wonder how she fits those big things inside her, White.”

“Me too, Green, I’m curious if she has a size limit.”

Ivy watched some of the unusual things happening on the screens, such as Leo and Tyson appearing to get along as they raided a fast food place, Willard and Alice appearing to have a candlelight dinner, Lolita showing Poison her photo album filled with pictures of Damien for whatever reason, as well as Amber running off on a flaming horse with an unconscious Toby and Sakura chasing them on a tricycle. Yes, these events are normally quite weird, even though it’s the norm.

Finally moving on, later that evening, Damien and Ivy met at the same restaurant again. Damien was adjusting his monocle when Ivy stormed into the room up to the table.

“How dare you, sir. To have such disregard for the consideration of the opposing party is just preposterous!”

“I’m amazed you’re still within character even though you’re mad.” Damien cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, did I do something to offend you, madam?”

“Do not mock me! You had your team members infiltrate my side and pick off some of my troops like savages. You unfairly dropped a nuke on the park just to kill certain commoners. You sent out those mechs even though you specifically said no giant robots.”

“Maybe it’s a perspective thing but I don’t recall those mechs being giant.”

“You can’t use loopholes to cheat, that’s disgraceful!”

“We’re demons, we find loopholes for things all the time. Perhaps you shouldn’t take what I say literally.”

“So playing dirty is just how you do things I see.”

“Though you’re talking, all I hear are the screeches of a sore loser.”

“Oh, well I never!”

“You could make things easier on yourself and forfeit now, why delay the inevitable?”

“I suggest you attach your vocal organ to a phallic canyon, you insignificant water jet in a bag.”

“And in English?”

“Go suck a fat one, you fucking douchebag.”

“Do you hate me, Ivy?”

“Why do you torment me? Is this not enough for you?”

“Oh heavens no, my dear sister. Your punishment must be more severe, and tomorrow shall it start. I’m going to break you, but it won’t be quick. I will make sure I eliminate any significant members you rely upon, utterly decimate your technological resistance, make it clear you never had any chance of beating me, and only then will you have my permission to die. Feel free to flip the table in anger.”

“Hmph.” She crossed her arms as she got up. “A refined lady such as myself would never stoop so low as to gather attention with such an outburst. She would simply fling the table out the window.” And she did so. “Good day, sir.” She then walked off.
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« Reply #421 on: 30 November, 2012, 05:36:09 pm »

Things are much shorter in my mind than they are on paper.
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TMEDCE: Overpowering Vanilla Alliance, P3

Ruby had recently come over to Ivy’s house for a sleepover in her normal flimsy clothing outfit. She and Ivy were playing a game on the console in Ivy’s room while Goldia stood in the corner and posed as a lamp.

“I still can’t believe you got a friend to make this co-op beat-em-up platformer with me and you as main characters.” Ivy said.

“Yeah, he did a really good job on it.”

“It’s not cut and paste either, we have different stats, attacks and everything. The levels are fun too, though I don’t like these mine cart levels.”

“That’s because you suck at platforming.”

“I do not!”

“Do too!”

Ivy sighed. “Geez, you’re so childish.”

“No, you’re childish!”

“No, you are!”

“No you!”

“Whatever, just be careful, we share lives and only have 7 left.”

“By the way, I see you’re wearing the stockings I gave you.”

“Well my legs would get cold if I didn’t wear them.”

“You’re a bad liar. Oh, there’s a life on that alternate path there…”

“Are you insane, that path is deathtrap city! You’ll die just getting to it! That’s just stupid!”

“I wouldn’t say stupid, just a little foolish.” Ivy stared at her. “That’s right, I said it. So how goes your ‘war games‘ silliness?”

“Not so good. Also, it’s not silly.”

“You started a war over some food.”

“It’s the principle of the matter! The principle!”

“Uh-huh. So why isn’t it good?”

“I’m being outplayed in many ways. Whatever I have up my sleeve normally isn’t enough.”

“Well I’m sure you’ll pull through. You may experience some negative emotions. Apathy. Greed. Corruption. you may feel the need for more Power. But then there’s Hope.”

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to reference but stop it.”

Ruby pouted. “Why are you always so tsun towards me? Why can’t you ever show me any dere?”

“Moving on, do you have any race specific traditions of your own?”

“Well there is this one day all about musicals where everyone spontaneously bursts into song and does on-the-spot choreographed dance numbers.”

“Oh, we have one like that too.”

“I think it’s dumb, honestly.”

“Really? I figured someone like you would love that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Like I said. So you still doing the whole “Justice.” thing?”

“Still getting better at it at least, have some more villains to add to my rogues gallery, good thing too, it was somewhat of a sausage fest for a while. There’s also a few that Gary knows but I haven’t really met them. There’s this one guy who does some of the most bizarre things to try and beat me that it’s made me quite crazy prepared. In relation to that point, coming here for this sleepover I decided to attach a small ‘electronic device’ which emits 777 bolts of electricity to a spot near my woo-woo to protect myself.”

Ivy laughed at this. “You seriously just said woo-woo. Hey, can you say vajayjay?”

“No, because now you’re making fun of me…”

“I’m just playing around because you’re so goody-goody even with words. You never say any swear words, even say a harsh or surprising complaint. It’s astounding.”

“Well what would you want me to complain about?” Ruby asked.

“Complain about something vulgar like Ivy would do.” Goldia suggested. Ivy and Ruby stared at the lamp across the room for a moment, and then ignored it.

“Don’t you just hate it when your panties ride up your butt?”

“Y’know, I think it’s best if you stick to the goody-goody act. Besides, why would you attach that thing to your, uhh…”woo-woo”?”

“Well your dad’s the devil…”

“Hey, fuck you! My dad’s not like that!”

“Just trying to protect myself, nothing personal.”

“He’s on vacation anyway.”

“I didn’t mean to seem like an insensitive racist just so you know.”

“It’s alright. So you wanna play Monopoly?” Ivy asked, pulling out the board game.

“Alright, sure.”

“I remember the first time I played this with Poison. It was approximately 9 years, 11 months, 17 days, 14 hours, and 36 minutes ago. I was wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt that day and my hair was really messy. I played as the dog.”

“I’d rather not hear your life story, k thx.”

Moving on ahead so as to not make this first part much, much longer than it needs to be, the next morning it was a little while before the final day of the event was to start. Ivy was with Goldia again by the fountain where she was walking in circles as Poison approached them.

“You don’t seem energized today.” He said.

“I’m kinda worried, I’m really nervous to be honest.”

“I understand, but don’t worry.” He placed a hand on her shoulder and clenched his other hand. “I’ll protect you!”

After a few moments of silence she laughed. “I’m sorry, that’s just like the most cliché phrase ever.”

“Well duh, just figured it would make someone like you laugh.”

“And so it did, but now you better take responsibility!”

Poison shrugged. “Guess it can’t be helped.”

“Don’t just decide that for yourself!”

Goldia simply watched as they tried to fit typical phrases into the conversation. Amber, Rosie, Leo and Alice arrived shortly after, and after greeting each other Ivy asked, “So where were you?”

“I was sleeping for a while, since that death put me in a bad mood.” Rosie replied.

“Suck it up.”

“I was nuked.”

“My mom eats nukes for breakfast.”

“Good to know.” she said sarcastically as the group started walking to the arena.

“Her lady,” Goldia began, “Should we go through with the plan at the start?”

“Not unless I feel it’s necessary.” Ivy replied. “For now, let’s fuck ‘em up, Goldia.”

“I don’t have a good response to that but I’ll be sure to think of one later.”

Meanwhile, close by Damien and Lolita were also walking there in silence. After a while, Lolita finally spoke up. “Damien, I think it’s time you told me the true purpose behind this whole ordeal. Winning seems to be somewhat of an afterthought for you so I wish to know.” Damien said nothing and kept walking. “Right now.” Lolita said as she stopped.

Damien stopped moments later and turned to her. “Very well, I suppose you have the right to know. Once upon a time, I actually used to spar a little with Ivy but this was decades ago. Some time has passed since I was dead and now I wish to see the full extent of what she can do now.”

“Then couldn’t you just ask her?”

“Ahh, that’s exactly the problem. My sister has what I refer to as ‘Hulk syndrome’, in that she may be strong, but she’s never at her strongest when the fight starts and she just grows stronger over time, and strength can naturally be fuelled by emotions, which is why I’ve gone through such measures to ensure this.”

“So you’re doing all this just to tickle her…”

“I believe you missed the point.”

“Why can’t you just tickle me instead?”

“You’re not going to drop this, are you?”

“It’s quite unlikely.”

“Oh, excuse me a moment.” Damien walked up to Toby and Sakura who happened to be nearby and handed them two tickets. “Go to Disney World at your own leisure. You’re on your own from here, woman.”

“I have a name, y’know.” Sakura replied.

“Yes, but I can’t be bothered to remember it.” Damien said, walking off.

At the commentators table, as everyone participating was busy gearing up, they just did their usual thing but this time had someone in a yellow power ranger suit join them.

“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, we’re your hosts, White.”

“Green, and special guest Yellow is with us today.”

“It’s a pleasure to be here today.” She replied.

“I’m sure it is, Yellow.” White said. “Now today will be the last time we do this for a while.”

“I’m already depressed.”

“Me too, Green, me too, though the arena picked out today is a typical but popular one.”

“Indeed.” Yellow carried on. “We’re at the wastelands here, this place is packed full of erupting volcanoes, lava lakes with underground passages and many, many generic mountains.”

“Well they just started so lets shut up and watch.” Green said.

Unlike on the previous days, a majority of the participates met around the centre of the open area, with people throwing **** all over the place, not really caring about who they hurt in the process. While this went on, Ivy and Poison were running along the outskirts of the area.

“Just so you know, I wanna face Damien alone.” Ivy said.

“Are you serious?”

“I know he’s much stronger than me, but winning isn’t impossible. If there’s a way to win, I’m going to find it. You believe in me, right?”

“No, actually.”

“Hey! You’re not supposed to say that!”

“Would you rather I lie?”

“It would make me feel better, so yes.”

They both stopped as a sword narrowly missed them and got lodged in a rocky cliff beside them. They looked to see Lolita standing high up on a ledge above.

“Guess you know where I’ll be.” Poison said with a smile.

“You sure about this?”

“Yeah, Lolita surprised me a little before. I figured a dual blades style wouldn’t have much defence seeing as she would have half as much grip, but she’s got pretty strong upper body strength. I’m interested in fighting her again, so good luck with Damien.” Poison leaped up to where Lolita was. “So, ready to get started?”

“You’re not going to use your sword?”

“I figured I’d try something new and make my own.” He said as he generated a wind aura around his arms to make two razor wind blades for arms. “Your move.” Lolita rushed forward, swiping at him with her katana’s which he dodged and blocked against. Eventually he blocked one swing then sliced off the blade of the second katana, jumped over the first and cut off the blade while in midair. Lolita dodged his next few swings, and kicked him back before taking out a pair of handguns. She triple tapped that shit multiple times but Poison deflected all of the bullets with his swings and sliced off the triggers of the guns and then cut her in half. 

“So it seems the easiest way to counter a dual blade user is to use your arms as weapons.” White commented.

“Seems legit.” Green shrugged.

As Lolita lay there, Poison simply shrugged as he said, “Sorry, I just had to cut in there.” Lolita looked clearly annoyed as she began to regenerate her lower half, while he carried on. “I guess you just couldn’t cut it, but we all have bad days, I’ll cut you some slack. Seems I just-”

“Enough. Stop that.” Lolita replied as she got back up.

“No need to cut me off, geez. You really shouldn’t be allowed to do that though.”

“Well I can, now then.” Lolita opened up multiple portals around Poison and tried to stab him with them as he dodged them and kept running around. As he got near and swung at her, she flew back into a portal and came out behind Poison, spun around and slashed him from behind but he blocked it with one hand and aimed at her head with the second blade, which she dodged by backflipping over him. Poison sent out a wave of razor wind that stretched 30 feet and cut deep into the rocky mountain, and he continued to do so while Lolita dodged the waves.

As Ivy finally encountered Damien standing out in the open with his hands in his pockets, the 3 commentators started talking once again.

“Seems it’s come down to this,” White began. “Ivy here has chosen to face Damien alone like a true leader should.”

“This is an unusual case in that these two are related since Ivy is Damien’s younger sister.” Green replied.

“And what a cute younger sister she is!” Yellow added.

“Supposedly this conflict was started over some food, Krazy Katie’s goodie bags in particular.” White explained.

“I’ve seen a lot more silly reasons to start wars.” Green said.

“Damien has participated in these games many times before and has gone by many names such as,” Green took out a clipboard. “The Beast from the West Coast, the Big Bad Wolf, that guy who may be a sadistic bastard but he’s a good friend too, and leader of the N.T.R.”

“He always did remind me of those NTR guys, but not fat and smelly.” Yellow replied.

“And his opponent is his sister, Ivy, who happens to be participating for the first time.” White said. “She too goes by many names: That bratty bitch with the pink hair, environmental damager, extreme PMS girl, designated loli tsundere, and used goods.”

“What does that last one mean, White?” Green asked.

“I have no idea, Green.”

“There’s been word going around about a bet too.” Yellow began. “If Ivy wins then Damien will have to crossdress as a girl for a whole week.”

“That’s a pretty risky bet for Damien to accept.” White said.

“You said it, White.” Green nodded.

“And if Damien wins he gets to tickle her for 5 minutes in front of everyone. I really wish I could tickle her too…” Yellow continued.

“Guess it’s more of an embarrassment thing.” Green shrugged. “What about you, White?”

“No comment, Green.”

“Alright, back to the action!”

Ivy ripped off her cape and charged towards Damien who summoned a large stone sword to pop up right out of the ground in Ivy’s path. She moved back then flew around the area as Damien summoned more rocky objects. Ivy began to cut through them as she got closer to where Damien stood. As she finally reached him she threw a flurry of punches which he dodged without moving his feet, and then kicked her in the stomach, knocking her back.

“Do you want me to humiliate you?” He asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I want you to take this seriously.” As she thought about this, he charged up to her and began his assault with a mix of punches and kicks, knocking her back with each blow. Whenever she tried to throw a punch, Damien would dodge and hit her again. Damien then hit her with an overhead elbow but her hands stopped her from hitting the ground and she kicked him back before getting back on her feet and firing a large energy beam, which he easily dodged and fired back. Ivy ducked and fired another, Damien deflected it and fired another beam which Ivy leapt over and tried to punch him. He evaded so fast he seemed to have vanished.

A sudden blast from the side covered the area in dust and she saw numerous figures around the place. As she blasted the rocky figures placed around the area, Damien burst out of the ground from behind Ivy and got her in a choke hold. “You should be more careful of your surroundings, Ivy.” He then tightened his grip. “I wonder how long you can hold out, will you give up or die of suffocation?”

“There’s no way I’ll give up!” Ivy exclaimed as she struggled.

“Well I’m not letting go so I’m curious how you’re expecting to free yourself.” Ivy decided to make use of her tail and jam it straight into the back of Damien’s pants. The sudden shock made him release Ivy who began coughing while he dropped to his knees shivering as he said, “What really hurts is my pride…”

“And here I almost forgot demons hadtails.” Green said.

“Same here, Green.” White replied.

As Damien looked up, Ivy punched him in the face, followed by a dozen punches to the stomach, then several more punches and kicks to the face before Damien knocked her to the ground with a punch but she quickly got back on her feet. “Should I have yelled ‘Surprise!” first?”

Damien raised an eyebrow at first, and then they both laughed a moment later. “Alright, enough playing around. I should let you know that I’ve only been using 20% of my full power.”

“Well I’ve been using 14%.”

“I was actually using 11%.”

“Jokes on you, I was using 5%.”

“Well I was only using 1% of my full power.”

“You’re bluffing.”

“We’ll see…”

Back at the commentators table, White said, “I think Damien may have 2 transformations left to go.”

“He already had one?” Green asked.

“I smell some resolve approaching.” Yellow said.

“Seems Ivy may have to use ‘that.’” White said.

“You don’t mean ‘that.’, do you, White?” Green asked.

“Yes I do, Green.” White nodded.

“I’ll go ahead and broadcast this scene so all those within the arena can see this too.” Yellow added.

“Good idea, Yellow.” Green said.

Back down below, Damien hit Ivy with a knee to the face and as she retaliated, circled around her and kicked her forwards. As she regained her balance and spun round, Damien came sliding towards her on one leg preparing to grab her. Ivy leapt out of the way into the air and threw a large energy ball at him which he kicked into space. Damien then teleported behind her and hammered her towards the ground but she landed on her feet. Damien tried to use the raging demon on her again so she did the same and they trading hits with their fists. After some moments they began attacking at the same time with their feet.

Damien hit Ivy in the face with a punch that dizzied her slightly but she quickly recovered and hit him back, he then kicked her in the stomach which sent her flying. He caught up, grabbed her head and started dragging it along the ground as he ran. Ivy grabbed his collar and pulled him down so they rolled like a tumbleweed for a few moments before Ivy was thrown at a wall. As Ivy came charging at him again, Damien shot a rocky spear from his arm that went right through Ivy’s stomach. She stopped for a moment and then kept going, with Damien firing more spears into numerous parts of her body, including her head which seemed to just piss her off.

“Normally at the time like this a headshot would be an instant kill, wouldn’t it?” Green asked.

“It would, Green, but we’re not exactly what some people may call normal.”

Over at the centre where a majority of the participants were fighting, Richard froze one demon with his back turned and threw him at Brian up in the air who blasted the demon to pieces then fired an energy beam which Richard deflected with a shield of ice. Brain evaded by splitting in two and firing more beams. Though while Damien and Ivy’s fight went on, the others slowly stopped fighting and simply watched.

Where Poison and Lolita were fighting, they were also currently watching.

“Have you noticed what Ivy is doing?” Lolita asked.

“The whole ‘don’t land on your front or back’ thing, yeah, I noticed, and she‘s struggling to keep it up.”

“It’s-”

“Annoying?”

“Moe~” She said as she moved her hands in a rainbow motion.

“That’s cute and creepy at the same time.”

“Do you wish to know what Damien’s trying to accomplish?”

“It’s alright, he already told me.”

“When?” She asked as she stared at him.

Considering she was likely to take it personally if he truthfully answered, he instead said, “About a few minutes before today’s games.”

“I see, very well then. Also…” Lolita quickly chopped off Poison’s left arm.

He looked at it, then back at her. “Now that’s just plain rude.”

“That’s for calling me creepy.”

Back with Damien and Ivy, he was continuing to shoot projectiles. He got direct hits even when she tried to dodge and was bleeding all over with nearly two dozen spears sticking out of her. In the middle of this, Goldia landed next to Damien and gave him a microphone which he spoke into. “Why do you bother? You’re fighting a losing battle, why do you not just admit defeat?”

Goldia flew over to Ivy and handed her a mic as well. “Because I choose not to. Did the bogeyman ever give up scaring those kids? Did Tom ever give up even when he was trapped in that underground facility with poison gas set to blow in under a minute?”

“Still don’t know who this Tom guy is…” White responded.

“Did the Grinch ever stop trying to ruin Christmas?”

“He did, actually.” Damien replied.

“Whatever! The point is, I’m not just gonna bend over and take it up the ass when there’s something important on the line. Don’t tell me what is and isn’t possible! I’ll die before I give up to the likes of you so I hope you’ve prepared your anus, because I’m about to fuck you up!” She covered herself in flames as she flew at him and punched him in the face. She blocked his attacks as she pulled out the spears and jammed them into his torso. After a few hits, Damien began pulling them out and jamming them straight back into Ivy and this continued for a little while. Ivy punched a hole through his stomach, and he retaliated by doing the same to her.

“Ivy’s really putting on quite a show out there, wouldn‘t you said so, Green?” White asked while Yellow cheered in the background.

“Indeed, White. Adrenaline is a powerful thing. You know what I’d normally do when I got adrenaline, White?”

“What, Green?”

“I’d fade ‘em.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Then I’d run it.”

“I gotcha.” White nodded.

“I’d knock ‘em down.”

“And then you’d what?”

“I’d run it, homie.”

Back over to where Poison and Lolita were, she began to walk off as she said, “I believe it’s time. Feel free to follow.” And though Poison was confused, he did so.

Damien leapt back from one of Ivy’s attacks and waited for her next move when he saw Lolita coming towards the area. As she landed beside him, she nodded and they embraced, confusing Ivy. Suddenly, Lolita dropped unconscious and Damien now wore a black trench coat, had black hair and the same stoic cold stare.

As Poison landed beside Ivy with his arm back in place, she asked, “Did you know she could do that?”

“I had no idea she could do that.” He replied.

Damien wasted no time in punching Ivy out then easily dodged all of Poison’s attacks before hitting him with an uppercut. Ivy tried to hit him with her scythe and he dodged every swipe with ease. As Poison joined him, he was still easily dodging their swings and opened several dark portals, smacking them away with undead hands.

“Hey, could you hold him off for a while, I’ll be back.” Ivy said.

“Sure, just be quick about it.”

She nodded and took off to find Goldia. “Goldia, it’s time.”

“My body is ready, milady.”

They met behind a mountain close by. Goldia suddenly split apart, turned inside out and started forming an expanded suit of armor over Ivy’s body which was bright crimson in appearance and began flashing gold as she was done reconstructing himself and Ivy’s energy filled her systems.

“No. Fucking. Way. Did that shit just happen?” Green said in awe while Yellow let out a squee.

“It did indeed, Green, it did indeed.” White nodded.

The participants watching were also rather surprised by this. As Ivy flew back towards the battlefield, she said, “Alright, Goldia, let’s show everyone what we can do.”

“But first you must do the poses for me to reach substantial power.”

“…Huh?”

“I must feel very pleased to access my full power, so the poses are essential in front of the enemy.”

“…You’re not serious.”

“I’m afraid I am.”

“Fine, here goes nothing.” She landed on a cliff and started doing Ginyu Force poses as she spoke. “Cease your evil ways, evildoer, for I have come to put an end to your reign of terror for good. You cannot hope to match wits with this planet’s savior, the Goldinator!”

“That was magnificent, your lady. This feeling…ohh…it feels so good…”

“Just power up before I die of embarrassment…

And Goldia did so as Ivy leapt off the cliff towards Damien and in the blink of an eye, managed to headbutt him into a wall 50 feet away. Ivy powered up as she stood there while Damien did the same as came out from the hole in the wall and became covered in a dark aura.

“Let’s fuck him up.” Ivy said. 

“No lube.” Goldia responded sinisterly as her eyes glowed.

They both took off like speeding bullets, clashing and creating shockwaves all over the place which Poison moved out of the way from then soon they took their business into the sky.

“They’re moving so fast I can barely see them.” White said.

“Me too, White. This is some DBZ type shit.”

“It’s been DBZ type shit for a while now, Green.”

“Why do you guys say each others names so much?” Yellow asked.

“Why are you such an Ivy fangirl?” Green asked.

After a moment they went back to watching. After a while of creating shockwaves in the air, they stopped to charge and fire energy beams at each other and have a beam struggle in midair. In the middle of this, a horn suddenly sounded so Damien stopped and dodged the blast by inches before returning to normal. “It seems time is up.”

“Huh, but we basically just started!”

From out of nowhere, a Red Power Ranger flew up to them with a sheet of paper. “Alright, time out. During circumstances like this, we take into account the amount of players on both sides still alive and the one with the most wins. So, Damien has 172 people still alive and Ivy has 161, so Damien wins.”

“Yaaaay!” Yellow exclaimed.

“I thought you wanted Ivy to win?” Green asked.

“I did, but this also means I get to see Ivy get tickled, so that’s good as well.”

“W-wait a minute!” Ivy yelled. “This isn’t right! We’re not finished! You can’t just end it!”

“We can, actually.” Red replied. “It’s in the rulebook, rule #126, section 4.”

“I’m assuming you didn’t read it?” Damien asked.

“I did! But-”

“No buts.” Red interrupted. “Now be a graceful loser and accept your tickling.”

Noooooooooo!!!

“And so now ends this particular war games event, I hope you viewers out there enjoyed these last few days as much as we did.” White said.

“These parts always make me so sad.” Green added.

“Me too, Green, but sadly everything comes to an end eventually. So, signing off, I’m one of the hosts, White.”

“Green.”

“And special guest Yellow.” She added.

“Until next time.” White said as the three waved goodbye.

And so every participant met around the centre of the arena, though Ivy had to be dragged there by a dozen demons.

“No need to be so resentful, my dear sister, it’ll all be over soon.” Damien said.

“This isn’t right! This shouldn’t even be happening, I went through all that effort for nothing!”

“That’s not necessarily true, I’d say almost everyone was entertained, amazed or supportive of your performance here today.” A lot of them agreed truthfully while some did so just not to stand out. “See? I believe you’ve earned some respect today…now lets take that away as we get straight to the tickling.”

As Ivy was about to run, suddenly an Afterburner-like jet arrived, and Ivy’s parents leapt out of it and towards the crowd as the others made room.

“Well, I hope you all enjoyed this particular war games. A shame I wasn’t around to see all of it.” Awesome began. “Oh, and I saw the whole thing, Ivy, you’ve really made me proud.”

“T-thanks, dad.” She said, blushing profusely.

“But shame on you, Damien, you’re a grown man, you shouldn’t be bullying your sister.” Serenity said.

“I had my reasons.”

“Good evening, friends, where have you been?” Willard asked.

“Oh, hey Willard, good to see you.” Awesome began. “We went to that Lovecraft planet, pretty nice place.”

“The food was pretty extravagant, though quite unique.” Serenity added.

“Did you happen to talk with cthulhu recently?” Willard asked.

Awesome nodded. "Yeah, but you know how he is, always likes his peace and quiet. Doesn’t really like people disturbing him."

“Yes, I know the feeling all too well.”

“He’s really gotta learn to chill out.” Damien added.

Tom stepped forward as he said, “I believe we should all just start being more honest with each other. Everyday people are lying directly to each other’s faces when in the end you’ll just be hurting people by hiding secrets from them. Ivy, did you know Damien baked a cake yesterday to give to you?”

“You did?” She asked.

“It’s not like I felt bad or anything.” Damien replied.

“Moe~” Lolita exclaimed once again.

Some people in the background screamed, one yelled, “Oh god, my eyes, my fucking eyes!” another shot themselves and someone else yelled, “Jesus Christ, how horrifying!”

“And Damien,” Tom continued. “Did you know Ivy looks up to you a lot? She’s written a lot about the fun times together in the past in her diary.”

“N-no I didn’t! I don’t have a diary! You can’t prove it!” 

“And Sakura, why don’t you just tell Toby that you like him?” Tom asked.

As she gasped, he turned to her and said, “Oh, is that why you were acting weird?”

“Possibly…”

“And Brian, you know what happened that night wasn’t just because you were drunk, deep down you know you’re a bisexual.” Tom pointed at him.

“Oh, thanks dude, I really needed that brought up.” He said sarcastically.

Poison walked up to Damien and said, “I know we haven’t always been eye-to-eye on certain matters, but I’ve always considered you my closet friend, I love you, dude.”

“I love you too, man.” Then they hugged. Lolita looked worried while Ivy simply said, “Gay.”

Ignoring that, Ivy spoke up. “Though Tom is right about us being more honest, so I wanna say that Poison and I are in an intimate relationship.”

“I don’t think anyone needed to know.” Poison replied.

“I thought they should.”

“I’m supposed to be surprised by this?” Damien asked.

“I care ‘this’ much.” Lolita said.

“You didn’t raise your hands.” Ivy replied.

“That’s how much I care.”

One person in the crowd exclaimed, “This is like a decade old news.” and another replied, “Yeah, I knew this over 9 years ago.” Another said, “This is older than my grandmother, and she’s practically a rotting corpse.” and the last simply yelled, “Jesus Christ, how horrifying!”

“I’m not stupid, I knew this ages ago.” Awesome said. “Not sure why you waited so long to actually say anything though.”

“Are you using protection?” Serenity asked as she turned to Poison.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“…Huh?”

“Enough wasting time.” Damien said. “Now lets finally proceed with the tickling and-”

“She’s making a run for it!” Someone yelled as he pointed at Ivy riding away on Nookie’s back. A dozen demons quickly dog piled them and dragged Ivy back. Damien pulled out an operating table and strapped Ivy to it with titanium shackles.

“W-wait, you can’t do this!” She cried.

“Sorry, Ivy, but you did agree to the rules.” Awesome shrugged.

“Let me off just this once, please, don’t do this to me!” she whimpered.

“Are you seriously going to cry over this?” Damien asked.

“Will you let me go if I do?”

“No, not at all.”

“Oh, come on!”

In the crowd, Rosie looked at the others and said, “Doesn’t this seem somewhat cruel?”

Leo responded with, “Back on my planet-”

“I get it, your people are different or unusual.”

“Well there’s no need to be rude about it…”

Damien turned to the crowd as he said, “Now then, lets begin.”

“Stop right there!” Goldia called out.

“Goldia! You’re such a good friend!” Ivy said cheerfully, trying to hold back her tears.

Goldia pulled out a camcorder and set it up. “I must record this to use later.”

Ivy gasped. “You conniving, deceitful monster!”

“But I’m just an adorable helpful robot girl, my lady, and not the anime kind who look fully human and are basically robots in name only.”

“May I proceed?” Damien asked, Goldia nodded in response.

As Damien was about to touch her, Poison yelled, “Wait just one minute!”

Ivy was overjoyed. “Poison! I knew you’d save me!”

He walked over to Goldia and said, “The batteries are about to run out.” as he handed her some spares.

“My goodness, how foolish of me.”

“You traitor!” Ivy yelled. “I still love you, but I also hate you! I hate you all! You’re all so mean and not true friends at all! You can all go die in a fire for all I care!”

As Damien finally began, some of the demons took out cameras and phones to record the scene. Rosie sighed as she looked around. “I still feel guilty watching this.”

Poison shrugged. “It can’t be helped.”

On a totally different and small planet full of large green worms, two of these worms were in the playground swinging when they looked up and saw something unusual.

“Hey, isn’t the sun getting a little too close?” One said.

“Uhh, I don’t think that’s the sun…”

The next thing they knew, a large energy ball crashed into the planet and blew it up, and so that race of giant green worms now ceased to exist.
« Last Edit: 30 November, 2012, 05:39:34 pm by Peac0ck » Report Spam   Logged

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« Reply #422 on: 23 December, 2012, 06:39:29 pm »

yadda, yadda, Merry Christmas etc.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Oral Vajayjay Anal

It was the night before the night before Christmas eve, or the 22nd to be exact. Down some back alley streets was a purple van driving along when its tires were suddenly shot out & it drifted right into a wall. A girl who looked like she came from the same group as the Loli Rangers with white hair exited the van and checked the tires.

“How bad is it?” The other girl asked.

“It’s pretty bad.” She responded.

Just then, Pandora dropped down in front of her and held a gun to her head. “I want the purple triangular prism. Now.” Not even bothering to ask, the girl took it out from the back and gave it to her and Pandora flew off without saying a word.

“Who was that?” The driver asked.

“I don’t even wanna know.” The white haired girl replied.

As Pandora stuffed the prism down her dress as she flew through the city she suddenly felt something wrap around her leg. Looking back, she saw Ruby grabbing her leg with some kind of cable. “I suggest you leave now before I kill you.”

“I think we both know that’s not gonna happen, now if you’d be so kind to hand it over.”

Pandora turned away from her and sped up, eventually looking back and firing black pellets at her when she refused to let go. Pandora soon flew through a busy, bright and colourful market with dozens of signs across the buildings, which Ruby narrowly avoided. Pandora opened up dozens of portals and threw objects at her which made Ruby let go of the cable as she dodged her swings. Pandora sped up and flew through numerous roads to lose Ruby and as she figured she’d lost her, she was suddenly tackled from the side. They punched each other while flying along some train tracks before being hit by a train. They separated and landed on their feet atop the train.

Pandora came charging at her with a single katana and swung repeatedly as Ruby dodged them. Ruby leaped up and tried to hit her with a roundhouse kick but Pandora ducked and attempted to stab her with an upwards swing. Ruby caught the blade under her arm and knocked her back with a knee to the face. She then hit Pandora with a taser to the chest which had little effect, leaped over Pandora as she swung at her head, managed to wrap a cable around her neck and pulled Pandora towards her as she landed and kicked the katana out of her hand as she swung then leapt back.

“You seem different from what I remember…” Pandora commented.

“Well I’ve done a little level grinding recently.”

“I see, well I’ve got somewhere to be so I’ll be taking my leave.” Pandora said, quickly opening a portal behind her and fading into it before Ruby could react.

Pandora appeared nearby and went down an alleyway to make sure Ruby didn’t quickly spot her. Down that path, she discovered Damien who was waiting for her. “These back alley roads aren’t very safe, y’know?”

“You…” Pandora drew twin katanas.

“Didn’t think we’d be meeting again, but anything’s possible these days. Do you mind answering what you need that ‘thing’ for?”

“None of your business.”

“I figured. Well, lets get this over with.”

Damien fired a dozen stone arrows in rapid succession which Pandora broke apart with her swings till she got close. Damien formed one long broadsword and defended a majority of her strikes then cut her in half as she tried to jump. The top half pulled out an uzi and fired at his back while reforming her lower half as he blocked the bullets with the sword. While she did so, the lower half in front of Damien attacked with its feet shortly before regenerating a top half so there were now two Pandora’s which attacked from both sides. Due to her being cut in half, the triangular prism flew out of her dress and made a clicking sound before emitting a bright purple shield around the area that enveloped them. When the shield vanished, Pandora was back in one body and they were both left confused.

Meanwhile, Gary and Ruby were flying across the city in her ship as they talked.

“You sure those two are behind this one?” Ruby asked.

“You know as well as I do that these two are almost always caught up in this type of business.”

As she landed beside a large building, she said, “They’ll probably be waiting for us.”

“They always are.” Gary replied. He then kicked the building door open.

SWAT styled robots immediately showed up and opened fire on them. They both rolled in opposite directions and took them out one at a time with energy blasts, coming out to melee them when they were more focused on one over the other. When there were 3 left, Ruby kicked one from behind into a pillar, grabbed its machine gun and chucked it like a frisbee at another, then Gary knocked the gun out of the last robot’s hand and hit it with an electric blast, knocking it into a wall.

As they stood over the body, completely straight-faced, Ruby said, “Shocking.” As they walked into the elevator close by, Gary struggled not to laugh over the incredibly cheesy pun.

Back in that alleyway, Damien had called Lolita while Pandora was doing random things in the background. “Lolita, would you kindly explain what’s going on here?”

“Did you encounter her?”

“Yeah, and I researched this prism, which seems to be an energy converter of some kind, which drains “supernatural energy” from targets over time.”

“That is correct, and it will continue to do so until you find the master prism and reserve the process as you both need to be there.”

“So exactly how long has this brat been here?”

“Well I noticed she was stalking me about a week ago.”

“Go on.”

“So when one of my jobs involved that device, I figured she might show herself.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re both Shinigami.”

“…Fair enough. So what do you want me to do about it?”

“Last time we saw each other, things didn’t go so well. She’s not a friendly person to anyone besides me so I want you two to take this opportunity to get along.”

“Fine, you don’t ask for much so I’m going to assume this is important to you.”

“Thank you for understanding. Take care.” Damien hung up afterwards and he began walking with Pandora. “So did you get the gist of that?”

“I simply read your mind.”

“You can do that?”

“I cannot, actually. Feel free to lead the way though, once this matter is sorted we can continue our business.”

“I’m unsure of why you wish to continue, clearly you should realize you’re out of my league.”

“Perhaps, but there are some things I have which you don’t.”

“Those being?”

“I feel no pain and can fully regenerate even if I had my head cut off. Not to mention, regardless of how much stronger you are, eventually you’ll tire yourself out, every living thing must have limits, but I do not share this limitation. I can go decades without rest if need be. So when you finally tire yourself out, then I’ll be on top.”

Damien raised an eyebrow. “I know I should supposedly be worried and all, but are you coming onto me?” Pandora stared at him for a moment then kept walking. As they arrived at the building Gary and Ruby had broken into earlier, he commented, “There seems to have been some commotion here.”

“How do you know this is the right place?” Pandora asked.

“The manufacturer was on the side of the prism.”

As they took the elevator up a few floors, they arrived in a dark office with two figures ahead sitting down. They were obscured by the dark lighting of the place and it’s not because I’m just too lazy to say what they look like.

“Pardon our intrusion, gentlemen, but I was hoping you could point us in the right direction.” Damien said.

“It seems we have visitors, Mack.” One said.

“We’ve been getting quite a few recently, Cheaze.”

“I was wondering if you could tell me just who this thing was being distributed to?” Damien asked, showing them the prism.

“Ahh, a recent client, actually, ordered a whole bunch of them.” Mack said. “In fact they’ll be distributing quite a lot of them by train tomorrow morning at approximately 9 AM. You’ll be able to board it secretly at the intersection between tracks 573 & 575 at 9:08 AM.”

“Why would you tell us this?” Pandora asked.

“Our deal is done.” Cheaze replied. “It no longer concerns us, and you don’t seem like the type to elaborate on such details outside of this room.”

“Thanks for the advice.” Damien said as he left, Pandora quickly followed.

And so they flew far across the city and landed a few minutes away from the area near some bushes. As Pandora looked around, she asked, “Are we really going to sleep here?”

“We’re already here, plus I’ve got resources.” As he said this, he constructed a wooden bed in a matter of moments. “You want one?”

Pandora pulled out a sleeping bag. “I don’t want anything made by you.”

“Fair enough.” Damien saw Pandora holding a Lolita plushie as she got in the sleeping bag. They stared at each other for a few moments and then she rolled over. “Well goodnight, Pan-chan.”

Pandora rolled back over and replied, “Never call me that again…Beastie-san.”

The next morning, on the planet simply called Heaven, Gary and Ruby walked into an office where Crystal sat behind a desk typing on a computer.

“So what did you find out?” Gary asked.

“Well, your No. #1 preteen fan girl is back once again to be straight to the point.”

“Again?” Ruby asked.

“You guys had better get this case settled soon or Michael’s gonna be all over my ass on this one.”

“Well maybe if you went on a diet you wouldn’t have such a big fat butt.”

“My ass is not fat!”

“Is too!”

“Just go already!”

“You ready?” Gary asked.

Ruby nodded. “To the Angelmobile!” They leapt onto metal poles that appeared in the centre of the room, slid down them and landed in the ship then took off down a runway.

Back in the forest area near the train tracks, when Pandora woke up she saw Damien standing by a cliff holding binoculars. He spoke as she put away her sleeping bag. “You’re just on time, I was about to wake you. The train should be passing in a minute or so.”

“Hopefully we can be done with this nonsense shortly.”

“I think you should stop being moody.”

“I’m not moody.”

“You are being moody, actually.”

“No I’m not.”

“Lets not do this, besides, it’s almost here.”

As the train passed by the cliff they leapt onto it, and the loud thud got the girls attention inside the train. Pandora dug her swords deep into the top and cut out a square. Damien then ripped it off and landed right on one of the girls as he dropped in. Pandora shot 3 in the head as she dropped down while Damien beheaded one and sliced another in half. They moved along from the middle of the train, slaughtering more of them to get to the front. They walked into one section where one girl sitting in the middle hadn’t noticed them yet.

“Oh, shouldn’t we take the cargo from the back?” Pandora asked as she stopped.

“We aren’t really here for the cargo.” Damien replied.

As the girl noticed them, she got up and started opening fire on them while they ignored it.

“By the way, how much supernatural energy do we have left?” Pandora asked.

“I checked a little earlier using my APDA, should be about 62%.”

“So how long would we have?”

“About two days to sort this out.” Damien turned to the girl who was panicking when they ignored her repeated shots. “Would you stop that? It’s annoying.”

“And quite rude.” Pandora added.

The girl was stunned for a few moments, then threw her hands up and jumped out the window. A black-haired pony tailed girl with an eye patch was warned of them ahead of time and ordered one of her subordinates to blow up the train tracks ahead to stop them. She then put on a jet pack and flew out the roof as they got to the front.

The grey-haired girl driving the train prepared to jump out the window when Pandora grabbed her. “So where’s your boss?”

“Like I’d tell you! We‘ll all die together!”

“Can we survive a…‘however far the ground is’ fall at 60%?” Pandora asked.

“Sure, but I doubt she can.” Damien said, glancing over at the girl. “So lets move.” Damien grabbed the girl and leapt onto the roof as the front of the train drove off the edge. Pandora followed a moment later. Damien easily made it back by running with the girl under his left arm, and Pandora leaped and grabbed the edge of the cliff as the last cart tumbled off into the abyss.

Damien grabbed one of her hands and pulled her up before saying, “You’re welcome.”

“I could have easily pulled myself up. By the way,” Pandora began. “I’m not moody.” Damien kicked her right back off the edge.

In the middle of a city, Gary was essentially driving a white go-kart with Ruby beside him.

“So we’re ended about 3 of Rainbow’s production runs so far, yet still haven’t found her.” Ruby said.

“Yup.” Gary nodded.

“And these subordinates of hers, geez, you basically gotta torture these girls to get really good info out of them. I have no idea what she’s paying them, but it’s like you gotta threaten to chop their fingers before they consider talking.”

“That does get rather annoying after a while.” Gary turned on a walkie-talkie. “May, have you got anything for us?”

“Well you could always try following that weird girl around, she’ll probably lead you to her.”

“But that’s the lazy way out!” Ruby exclaimed.

“Well I’m on break, so I’ll get back to you later.”

“Oh! Woop woop!” Ruby exclaimed, getting up and hopping twice to the left as she twirled her hands towards a brunette riding a bicycle in a blue tank top and shorts.

Gary pulled over and stopped her as he said, “I’m afraid we’re going to have to confiscate that vehicle, ma’am.”

“What’s the problem?”

“It appears your posterior is simply too much for your method of transportation.”

“Very well, I understand, officer.”

Back with Damien and Pandora, they were approaching a block of flats with Damien looking at his APDA and seeing they had just under 50% supernatural energy left.

“So why did you fall in love with Lolita?” Damien asked.

“Love? You think I’m in love with her? In a sexual way?”

“That was the likely assumption, yes. What with you being a lesbian and all.”

“Maybe you should try not being an ****.”

“Touchy, I see.”

“I just don’t like smug pricks. When we‘re done with this, I won‘t hesitate to kill you. I don‘t have any qualms over taking demon’s souls.”

“I do not fear you, reaper.”

As they walked into the area of flats which were filled with loud, obnoxious people, Pandora asked, “So the girl with the eye patch lives around here?”

“So we were told, we really should have cut her fingers off just to make sure.”

“Hey jailbait.” One of the residents wearing black jeans, a sleeveless black shirt and a red Mohawk called out, which got their attention. “I bet I know what you’d like for Christmas. Come on up here and sit on my lap, I’ll give you a present you won’t forget.” He laughed along with a few of his friends.

“I want that one left alive last.” Pandora said. “I’m going to take my time with him.”

“Have fun, ready to get started?”

Pandora pulled out two revolvers and twirled them before pointing at a pair on the top floor. “Lets rock.” She then blew their heads off.

Knowing that shit was about to get real, they pulled out all sorts of firearms and engaged them. They quickly took out the people who attacked them around the bottom area and started making their way up the floors, entering the apartments on occasion and using accessories to kill them. The girl with the eye patch on the second floor heard all the commotion and after realizing it was them started packing her things. Damien burst into the apartment by the time she was done and simply knocked her out before stuffing her in the closet and taking note of the door number 113.

“She really should have been less careless.” He commented.

“You should really take your own advice.” A guy said as he placed a gun to his head.

“Likewise.” Pandora replied as she placed a gun to the man’s head and pulled the trigger. “You’re welcome.”

“That wouldn’t have killed me, even at less than 50%.” Damien said, grabbing the eye patch girl. “Let’s go find your lucky target.”

“Already did, he‘ll be sticking around for a while.” Pandora said, entering another apartment on the third floor where she had stuck him to the wall by jamming swords into his hands and legs. “So what do you know about a girl they call Undead Rainbow?”

“I swear, I don’t know shit!”

Pandora pulled out a gun and shot him in the leg, saying, “Wrong answer.” as he cried out in pain. “What do you know about her?”

“I’m not lying! I seriously don’t fucking know!”

Pandora jammed another sword into his right side as he screamed again. “Last chance, then I’ll slice your brain off.”

“I’m sorry, alright! I really don’t know anything!”

“I know you don’t, but I really don’t care.” Pandora then chopped off his left ear as she said, “Oops, seems I missed.”

Over the screams, Damien asked, “Not that I’m not enjoying this, but how long are you planning to take?”

“Another minute or so, I guess.”

“Alright, I found quite a lot of cash in some of these guys wallets so I feel like going shopping afterwards. Get some new threads.”

“I’ll be done shortly.” Pandora replied, drawing more swords.

And so they went shopping afterwards using the money stolen from all the people they had just killed. Whether or not they deserved it didn’t seem to matter. Damien bought a read leather jacket with a black “666” shirt and matching red leather jeans. Pandora just bought one of those skimpy Santa suits which she was planning to wear on Christmas. They later got a room at a hotel using the money, and Damien was still carrying the eye patch girl around when they booked the room.

Meanwhile, in a typical bright looking space station, Undead Rainbow was walking down a hallway when one girl with light blue hair ran up to her and said, “Boss! We’ve received word that Loli Eyepatch has been kidnapped.”

“What?!?”

“It was by the same two individuals who had disrupted the train too supposedly.”

“Wat?!?”

“Oh, we also recently got word that two other individuals have taken out several of your other bases.”

“Okay, seriously, the fuck is this? Where’s the good news?”

“Well Sandra lost 4 pounds last week…”

“Good news for me, Michelle, for me! It’s probably those two meddlesome angels again! Yet you guys are too incompetent to take care of it! What do I even pay you guys for?”

“But you don’t pay us, Boss…”

“I’m planning to, alright, but I’d like you guys to do things worth paying you for, like y’know, not standing around like idiots and gawking when those two stupid angels started wrecking my bases!”

“We’ll try harder, boss.”

“You’d better! And send out the Soul Sisters to get back Loli Eyepatch.”

“Yes, boss.”

In the hotel room, Damien and Pandora were sitting on the bed with the only source of light being the lamp nearby while Loli Eyepatch was clearly yelling death threats even though she was tied up in the corner with her mouth cellotaped shut.

“So you wanted to hear about Lolita and I earlier?” Pandora asked.

“I’d rather we go to sleep quick so we can sort this out tomorrow then I won’t have to see you again.”

“Why are you being an ****? I’m trying to get along here.”

“Because you were being a bitch earlier.”

“Do you want to know more about me or not?”

“I’d rather not hear it.”

“Well since you asked so nicely, I guess I’ll tell you…back when I was alive, my parents really did name me Pandora. They also abandoned me like one of those porch babies, so yeah, I was adopted. They weren‘t the abusive kind, just so you know. They were quite nice, but some kids considered me weird, creepy or tried to bully me for being adopted.”

“Kids are normally assholes at that age.” Damien shrugged.

“Skipping a bit, there was an older girl who bared a resemblance to Lolita who I grew attached to due to her kindness and genuine friendliness. She lived about ten minutes up the road and would always cheer me up when I felt down. Overtime, she become a little distant and cold, she never elaborated on what was wrong.”

“Was she raped?”

Pandora stared at him, and he stared back at her, and she stared at him before saying, “**** is not a joke.”

“I know.”

“As I was saying, even when I came round to her house, she would signal for me to leave if her husband happened to be around. I didn’t think much of it until one day I found that she had hung herself in the bathroom. Sights like that are pretty hard to forget.”

“I’d imagine.”

“Then I came to the conclusion that the husband had been physically abusing her, though fortunately I don’t think there was **** involved.” Pandora stared at him, and he stared at her, then she added, “That was a joke.”

“**** is not a joke.”

“I know. Anyway, I had to plan out my time based around both our daily schedules since I wanted to get the husband alone in my basement so I could torture him. I wanted at least 4 days time for that purpose. I had to research how fast the person would die from internal bleeding, depending on the body parts cut off and pain inflicted. My torture time lasted about 3 days before someone called the police about him being in the basement. I had “borrowed” my adoptive father’s gun which he kept in a hidden compartment in his drawer, so with it I shot several of the officers before they finally gunned me down, and before dying I managed to get a headshot with a knife throw. At least the husband died later that day too, as I found out when Death gave me a second chance to become a Shinigami due to my suicidal display, and there I met Lolita.”

“I see now, I guess looks really can be deceiving.” Damien commented. “You want a hug?”

“I do not.”

“Well since this is story time, I may as well talk about myself too. Back before I met Lolita, I wasn’t as pleasant as I am now.”

“You’re pleasant?”

“I was much worse before, a lot more arrogant and egotistical to most people aside from my mother, my little sister and my friend, Harry. My father also wasn’t as easygoing as now either, he was quite a hardass back then and basically influenced my negative behaviour. Then again, it doesn’t help when you can usually take whatever you want by force either. The women tended to like my rebellious behaviour though, and I dated quite a lot of bizarre and unusual ones back then, one of them was even a reality warper. Anyway, I challenged my father at one point to a fight to the death, but I was informed that to be considered worthy, I’d have to defeat the 8 demon lords, or the 8 circles of hell as they were called back then.”

“But aren’t there ni-”

“So I defeated them one by one, Harry helped out a little by taking care of two midway. I then challenged my father, I have no idea how long we fought but it was a pretty damn long time. He eventually killed me though, and my soul was sent to the other kind of Underworld where the reapers lived with the unusual and usually heavily tainted souls. After a few days of being forced to live there, I encountered Lolita early one morning sitting by the beach. I sat nearby and just started talking about events in my life. She wasn’t very talkative, but she was clearly listening so I kept going. She was always there around the same time like she was really interested in knowing more about me. One day when I didn’t come, she went to great lengths to find out where I was and see if I was alright. Didn’t think much of it at the time though. She was a little more talkative since then, we had more random conversations but they were enjoyable despite that.”

“A conversation can fade away over time but a scenery can last forever.” Pandora commented.

“That’s deep, Pandora. That’s so deep that I’m going to start calling you Deep Pan.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“But honestly, I’m glad we talked about this.”

“Agreed, I have trouble with relationships aside from Lolita. I’ve also never had sexual relations with a man before.”

“Why would you tell me this?”

“Because…” Pandora leaned in like she was going to kiss him, which the eyepatch girl still watching gasped at, but she instead switched off the lamp light. “I’m tired. Goodnight, Beastie-san.” She said, getting into the left side of the bed.

“Yeah, goodnight, Pan-chan.” He replied while the eyepatch girl seemed disappointed.

The next morning, Damien awoke to see Pandora wearing nothing but a towel as she was about to head into the bathroom. “Morning, I’m about to take a shower, you’d better not peek.”

“Don’t think too highly of yourself.”

A few minutes later, a bunch of cadilacs arrived outside the hotel and a bunch of preteen black Loli Rangers type girls with chains and sunglasses got out and talked as they walked.

“This is a fancy ass hotel, anyone wanna stay here when we’re done?” One of them asked.

“Nah, girl, gotta get my man’s Christmas present ready.” Another replied.

“I didn’t even bother seeing how I was told the world was gonna end, and then it didn’t.”

“You believed that shit, girl?”

“Well it could have, y’know.”

“I should have smacked the black off you back when you was thinking that.” Another replied.

“How long you guys been together?” Something else asked.

“About two years.”

“You lucky, girl.” Another responded. “I simply cannot find me a good man these days.”

“I hear that, sister!” One of them high-fived her.

“My last ex didn’t appreciate me at all, sleeping around my back, giving me a bunch of bullshit like how his hips were moving by themselves or that she fell on him.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Another nodded.

“So I told this fool, “Boy, you’d best get outta my house and take that hussy with you before I mistake my hand upside yo head.”

“That’s what I’m talking about, can’t be having yo man disrespecting you like a slab of meat.” They stopped talking as they got to the right door. “Alright, lets get to work, ladies.”

From the other side of the door, Pandora had finished previously taking her shower and drying herself off while Damien got up to have his, Loli Eyepatch still watching. They all suddenly heard a faint sound outside, Damien and Pandora immediately leaped over the bed as they started spraying bullets into the room and finally kicked the door down when they were done. Damien pulled out a gun as he poked his head up and shot one of them in the face.

One of the Soul Sisters looked back at her, yelled, “Oh hell naw!” and pulled out a grenade launcher. Pandora rolled out from behind the bed and shot her kneecaps before hitting her with a headshot. One of the sisters noticed Eyepatch girl and tried to untie her while two sisters with knifes attacked Pandora. She evaded their combined swings while moving back and disarmed one, then the second cut her towel in half. Damien snuck up on one and snapped her neck while Pandora sliced the second’s throat out. As Pandora’s towel dropped, she quickly picked it back up and glared at Damien who looked away.

“I assure you, I didn’t see a thing.”

“You’d better not have!”

Damien then remembered the last Soul Sister who had untied the eyepatch girl, spun round and shot her.

“Y-you monsters!” Loli Eyepatch exclaimed, horrified at the sight.

“Relax, we’re not gonna kill you.” Damien replied.

“…Why?”

“Can’t be bothered. We just wanna know where your boss is.”

“It’s not in your best interest to refuse us.” Pandora added after having gotten dressed.

On the planet simply called Hell, earlier that morning Lolita was explaining to Ivy and Poison what was going on.

“Huh, I figured it was odd that I hadn’t seen him at all lately.” Poison said.

“This is the perfect opportunity to get back at that ****.” Ivy added.

Suddenly, Goldia came running up to them, saying, “Guys! The Earth is in danger! We have to go save it!”

“No we don’t.” Ivy replied.

“But thou must!”

“I’m a demon, I’m not obligated to do shit! We’re primarily bad people, we kick puppies.”

“We feed zoo animals.” Poison added.

“We cross the streams.”

“We cut in line.”

“We leave the toilet seat up.”

“We don’t wash our hands on occasion.”

“We moon people.”

“No we don’t.”

“We don’t?” Ivy stared at him.

“We don’t.”

“Right, of course we don’t.”

“Though since Pandora is back, that would mean that crazy chick is back too. What was her name? Danielle? Dell?”

“Dawn.” She said as she stood behind him.

“That’s it, never really liked her.”

“That’s unfortunate, because I liked you.”

“The whole blood tentacles thing was creepy, y’know?”

“But that along doesn’t make her a bad person, right?”

“Yeah, I guess not.”

Still not realizing she was right there, Ivy and Poison left to make their way towards Earth.

Gary and Ruby were driving around in the go-kart once again when he contacted May through the walkie-talkie. “May, where are you now?”

“I’m on a boat.”

“And how long have you sat there just so you could say that when I called?”

“A little under two hours.”

“I would totally do the same.” Ruby added.

“Turns out Undead Rainbow is located on a space station.”

“She has one of those?” Ruby asked.

“Yup, I’ll keep you guys notified in the meantime.”

“Please do.” Gary replied.

A little later, Poison arrived at the hotel they were staying at. As he and Damien talked, Pandora was busying changing into her Santa suit in the background.

“So how much “supernatural energy” do you guys have left then?” Poison asked.

“Around 25% I’d say.” Damien replied.

“So it’s been nearly 3 days and you still haven’t sorted this out?”

“Yeah, we’ve been procrastinating a little, honestly, but it’ll work out. By the way, thanks for letting me borrow your motorcycle last week.”

“No problem, man. I wouldn’t let just anyone borrow it either, but I knew you’d treat it like your own.”

“Of course, you’re like a brother to me.”

“I feel the same way, dude. I just feel like I can tell you anything, but people just don’t think that way.”

“Yes, people just aren’t very comfortable with their sexual orientation to say much. I mean, we’ve even slept together a few times but it’s no big deal.”

“Oh, totally.”

“I believe you need to elaborate on that.” Pandora interrupted as she finished.

“It’s funnier if we don’t.” Poison replied.

“Did you guys actually notice that I was changing?”

“I didn’t want to ruin the pleasant mood we were having.” Damien said.

Poison shrugged. “I just didn’t wanna seem like a pervert for pointing it out.”

“Your friendship though,” Pandora began. “I want that kind of feeling.”

“I lot of people secretly do.”

As they left the room, Ivy was waiting for them. “Well well well, from what I’ve heard you’re running low on power, my foolish brother.” She said, smirking. “Which means I can pay you back tenfold for what you’ve done to me!”

“Are you still mad about the tickling?”

“You made me wet myself! In front of everyone! Three times!

“And you were just so adorable those times too. Especially the noises you made before wetting yourself the third time. I recorded it and put it on a loop to use as my alarm clock.”

“Is that what that sound was?” Pandora asked.

“I’m going to beat the shit out of you!” Ivy exclaimed.

“While you might possibly be able to do that now, what’s stopping me from forcefully tickling you even more once this matter is sorted?” Ivy thought about that for a second before Damien continued. “In fact, since we still have time, I actually feel like tickling you right now.”

“I shall assist in holding her down.” Pandora added.

“Guess I’ll help too.” Poison also added.

Ivy immediately ran as she yelled, “Stay away from me! You’re all assholes!”

Back with Gary and Ruby, May contacted them and simply said, “I’m on the space station now, sending the co-ordinates.”

“We’re on it.” Gary replied.

They drove towards the beach and the kart slowly transformed into a jet plane and flew off into space. At the same time, the demons and co. were approaching the space station and simply blasted open an entrance, so the goons attention was focused on them when Gary and Ruby arrived through a more discrete route. After sneaking in, Gary knocked out a short red-haired girl and Ruby knocked out a green haired girl with a side ponytail using a judo chop. They dragged them away to disguise themselves as them.

While the others charged right through the tons of preteen girls aboard the space station, Dawn was talking with Goldia. “So I see you’ve changed your personality…”

“Figured I needed a new start.”

“And you like how things are?”

“Ivy treats me much better than you ever did.”

“Good for you then.”

Damien ran on ahead to the central room where Undead Rainbow sat in her deck chair up above. A massive purple triangular prism stood behind her pumping energy into her which made tons of her veins stick out and make it seem like she had several different rashes. There were many other girls in the large room, doing all sorts of other things in the background. She spun round to greet him as he arrived. “Well isn’t this a surprise…”

“I’m assuming you waited a little while just so you could dramatically spin that chair around.”

“You can’t prove that I did!”

“Anyway, it’s in your best interest to just transfer Pandora’s & my energy back, and then we’ll move along.”

“Sadly I cannot, your energy is my energy now.”

The others arrived just then, as Damien spoke. “While I’m thankful for you bringing me back so long ago, you’ve gotta stop holding grudges.”

“I hold no grudges, I just want equality, but look around this place. Super powered assholes butting in on human affairs and trying to control us simply because you people have special powers which we don’t!”

“If it makes you feel any better, some of us died to get powers.” Lolita replied.

“I died too, and I didn’t get any better. So I decided I’d create a satellite to convert the supernatural energy of all you people all over the planet, and transfer it to me.”

“Your superiority complex knows no bounds, Rainbow.” Ruby said, as she ripped off her wig and pointed a hand cannon at her from behind.

Gary also ripped off his wig and put his sword up to her neck from the side. “Show’s over, Rainbow.”

One girl gasped as she looked at Gary and said, “You guys again? Oh god, and I told you about my period too!”

“Yes, that was a rather awkward conversation…”

“Enough.” Rainbow said, generating a energy wave that knocked back both of them. She then started firing energy waves at the others while they dodged and fired back as Rainbow kept deflecting them, psychokinetically threw things and even spawn multiple copies of herself who also had numerous abilities they had copied off others. Damien and Pandora snuck off while this happened to get their power back. Because of all the mayhem with the dozen Undead Rainbow clones, the environment got damaged pretty quickly, which activated a self destruct program.

“Why would you even have that?” Gary asked.

“It just made sense at the time, okay?”

Some of the Rainbow clones transferred their absorbed energy into another who grew over five times larger than normal and continued to keep growing. Pandora landed beside Lolita and said, “Now that my power is slowly returning, I can start making use of this.” She suddenly turned completely black with purple markings all over her body, and generated a black flaming aura of several afterimages that seemed to have a mind of their own. She flew at the powered clone and slashed at her repeatedly with her swords as well as the swords her afterimages spawned. She launched her into the air and repeatedly stabbed her while juggling her with handgun bullets before kicking her into a wall.

“Is this a special & unique transformation?” Damien asked.

“No, we can all do it. It’s called Shinigami Overdrive. It’s a powerup, in a nutshell. More strength, speed, combo ability etc.”

“Interesting, how long does it last?”

“As long as you can maintain it.”

The Rainbow continued to keep growing bigger and seemed unaffected by Pandora’s attacks as the overflowing amount of energy taken from others allowed her to regenerate almost instantly from any wound. As Rainbow attacked with energy beams and objects thrown through portals, Pandora easily dodged by teleporting all over the place like a puff of smoke.

Meanwhile, Ivy fly kicked one of the clones and landed beside Ruby who knocked one out with chloroform. They looked at each other, and then watched Pandora fight the bigger clone.

“So why did it take you so long to sort this out?” Ivy asked.

“We didn’t know she had a space station. By the way, we could totally take her out if we used that fusion technique.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Remember? We did fusion that one time and become super powerful and beat that mayonnaise monster in an instant.”

“Pretty sure that never happened.”

“Oh, almost forgot.” Ruby turned on her walkie-talkie. “May, do you see a satellite outside the space station?”

“Yeah, I see it.”

“We need you to take it down.”

“I’m on it.”

“Who’s that?” Ivy asked as Ruby turned it off.

“A friend who helps out, her name is May Baleen. Always works behind the scenes, she has a phobia of physically touching people.”

“How long has she had that?”

“No idea, honestly. She’s had it ever since I met her ages ago, maybe she was born with it.”

“By the way, who the hell is this chick?”

“Rainbow? She used to be with the Loli Rangers ages ago. Her real name is Fuka Yui, she’s a raving mess these days with her constant defeats yet she keeps coming back.”

Pandora’s battle with the constantly growing Rainbow was going nowhere as Rainbow continued to regenerate rapidly and Rainbow couldn’t lay a hand on Pandora at all. There was around 3 minutes left until the place self-destructed when Santa suddenly burst through a wall on his sleigh towards the big clone. He leaped towards her and stuffed a lump of coal down her throat that made her explode.

“Holy crap, it’s Santa!” Ruby exclaimed.   

“So what brings you here?” Gary asked.

“I heard rumors that this naughty girl was trying to ruin Christmas for everyone and I simply can’t allow that.” He then noticed Ivy. “Oh, hello there, didn’t expect to see you here. How’s Lucifer these days?”

“You keep saying that name but I have no idea who the hell that is, dude.”

“Oho ho ho ho ho ho ho!” As he finished laughing, he looked confused. “That’s a joke, right?”

One of Rainbow’s clones threw a monitor that Santa dodged. “Don’t think I’ll go easy on you just because you’re Santa.”

“You guys should get going before this place blows up.” Santa said, not noticing that most of them had already left earlier.

“But what about you, Santa?” Ruby asked.

“I have to stay and save Christmas.” He said, pulling out a large candy cane.

Everyone else managed to get out of there besides Undead Rainbow and Santa by the time the space station finally exploded, though as they flew away, Gary and Ruby saw Santa in the far distance flying off in his sleigh.

Later on, back on the planet Hell, Damien and Pandora were currently standing by a balcony near the beach with the wind blowing gently.

“So this was a…interesting experience for me.” Pandora began. “I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. While there were some annoyances, I also had some fun. I actually wouldn‘t mind if it happened again some day.”

“Are you coming on to me?” Damien asked.

“Don’t get your hopes up, catch ya later, Beastie-san.” Pandora said as she walked off.

“I’ll see you round, Pan-chan.”

As Pandora approached Lolita who was walking towards the area, she said, “Lolita, about today-”

“I’m not letting you have my husband, but I’ll be willing to share on occasion.”

“It’s not that, I just want us to hang out more like we used to.”

“Fair enough.”

“And thanks.” Pandora said as she hugged her, then immediately ran off.

As Damien walked up to her, Lolita asked, “So did you get along?”

“Just about, she wasn’t so bad to be around, surprisingly.”

“My sources tell me you had friendly nicknames for each other. Beastie-san and Pan-chan respectively. I shall never orchestrate something like this again.”

“You’ve gotta stop being so paranoid.”
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« Reply #423 on: 17 February, 2013, 08:27:09 am »

This story is a simple illustration of some demons and various other supernatural species in a rather strange universe. Do not expect too much out of it.
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TMEDCE: Overdone Verbal Assault

It was a normal afternoon on a planet called Hell, Poison and Toby were walking as Toby asked for advice.

“So what do you suggest I do?”

“Well first of all, you should probably start knocking before you enter rooms.”

Toby facepalmed. “Of course! How could I be so stupid?!”

“Don’t feel bad, took me a while to get it. Also, if some random chick happens to be naked and your tsundere childhood friend is close by, it’s probably best to jump out the window before she comes in, jumps to conclusions and punches you through the window herself.”

“Speaking from experience?”

“Just do it.”

“Oh yeah, it’s your birthday tomorrow.”

Poison sighed. “Ugh, don’t remind me.”

“Huh? You don’t like birthdays?”

“It’s not the day itself I dislike. Anyway, I’ll see you later.” Poison said as he left.

Later on that night, he was thinking about tomorrow as he lay in bed. “Whelp, better get to sleep so everyone can beat the tar out of me when I get my birthday beats. Man, I never look forward to this day. Maybe I’ve unintentionally done things to offend others to the point that they enjoy having that excuse to hit me. But y’know what? Fuck those guys, I’m not having that shit tomorrow, even if I have to travel across the universe.” And just like that Poison went to sleep.

The next morning, while half asleep he heard humming heading towards his room. As it stopped outside his door, Ivy burst into the room and leaped up as she yelled, “Dynamic Entry!” This awoke Poison and he rolled out of the bed as she punched through it.

“What the hell!? I just woke up!”

“Stay still and it’ll be over soon.”

“Sorry but I like my ribs just fine how they are.” Poison said before jumping out the window and took off down the street. Ivy leaped out after him but lost him pretty quickly due to him rushing into a crowded city centre.

Ivy called Rosie moments later. “Rosie, no time to explain, get your ass to my house and hurry!”

“Now? I normally wouldn’t use this kind of language, but I’m taking a s-”

“It’s important, just get down here!” Ivy called Leo too, who traveled all the way from his planet to get there. Ivy also woke up Goldia during this time. Ignoring that Rosie was annoyed at her, she informed them of the situation. “Okay, it’s Poison’s birthday and he’s run off somewhere in the city, so we need to split up and search for him.”

“I already knew about his birthday, though he seemed a little reluctant to tell me for some reason.” Rosie said.

“Same here.” Leo added.

“He has not told me this.” Goldia said. “This saddens me.”

“How do you even know he’s still in this area?” Rosie asked.

“I’ve been flying around the city for a while as I waited for you guys. If he left, I would have noticed.”



Rosie shrugged and the four of them split up to look around the place. After a few minutes of looking, Ivy noticed Poison wearing a grey winter coat with a hood further ahead. He looked at her as she noticed him, she squinted as his eyes widened, then took a step back and ran as Ivy gave chase. As Poison ran through the crowds of people, he threw an old lady at Ivy and tripped over another, which Ivy avoided by ducking and jumping. As they approached a big fountain, they ran 360 degrees around it before moving on. As Ivy fired energy blasts, Poison kept running down multiple roads to avoid them. He then hopped onto a bicycle he found and Ivy took another which was across the street.

They cycled down the street into a park and followed the curving path for a bit before getting back onto the roads and avoiding traffic like a game of Frogger. Poison soon stopped by an alleyway and climbed up a steel ladder and up many flights of stairs. Upon reaching the rooftops, Goldia happened to be close by on another rooftop and attempted to hit Poison with a rocket launcher but missed. She continued to fire as Poison ran across the rooftops and dodged the rockets. At the very end of the road of rooftops, he leaped off and fell into a sewer.

Having Goldia somehow track Poison’s movements through the sewer, they were led to believe that he exited the sewers near that high school.

“So this whole thing is just so you can beat him up?” Leo asked, as Ivy had previously explained the situation as they walked to the school.

“It’s tradition, you wouldn’t get it.”

“Being tradition doesn’t make it right. Screw this, I’m outta here. What about you?” He asked, looking at Rosie.

“Well I agree, but I’m gonna stay for now.”

“Suit yourself.” Leo shrugged before leaving them.

“At least you’re a good enough friend to help me track him down.” Ivy commented.

“I’m not going to help you.” Rosie replied.

“Then why did you stay?”

“You’ll need someone to reply to your absurdity.”

“…I don’t get it.”

Ivy informed Damien about the situation over the phone, who then called Blake about it. “Hey, we may need your help today with finding a certain someone. Oh, and sorry about…y’know…”

“Don’t worry about it.” Blake replied, sitting at a desk on a laptop in the Demon Lord hangout. “You couldn’t have known beforehand. Anyway, we’ll be there shortly.”

As Damien hung up, he spun round to face a building further away and said, “Lolita, you’re free to join me if you’d like. Oh, and if Pandora is over there, she’s welcome to come along as well.”

“Pandora, are you still over there?” Lolita asked as she stared at a building further away.

“Perhaps.” Pandora replied faintly.

In the Demon Lord hangout, upon hanging up the phone Blake took a deep breath. In a dramatic fashion, he slammed the phone down, closed his laptop, flipped out of the chair and did an assortment of acrobatics in the air before causing a shockwave as he landed. He then threw his right hand in the air and fired a beam of light through the ceiling as he yelled, “Demon Lords assemble!” As if the other seven had a sixth sense of hearing him, they all rushed to that location.

Brian was sleeping in a dirty apartment as he felt the call, so he quickly leaped out of bed, immediately put on a crocodile suit and leaped out the window, landing on a magic carpet that flew towards the location. Tyson was at the gym on a treadmill when he sensed the signal. He leaped over it look a hurdle and charged right through several other demons and equipment before smashing through a side wall and running down the street as the owner yelled obscenities at him. Richard was busying shopping at a supermarket when he sensed the signal. He created a path of ice which he and his trolley slid across, barging others out the way and threw money down onto the counter as he sped past the checkout.

Amber was in the shower when she sensed the call. She leaped out and grabbed a red bathrobe as well as her clothes on the way out and hopped onto her flaming horse outside before taking off down the street. Alice was busy with another demon dressed in bondage gear. She had tied him up and planned to use a soldering iron on him when she sensed the call. With a sigh, she sunk into the floor like a pile of sludge.

All five of them met shortly after at the location, with Toby and Sakura arriving together during this. As Blake glanced around the room, he spoke. “I’ve called you all here today because it is a certain individual‘s birthday today, and Harry “Poison” Johnson is attempting to avoid receiving his birthday beats.” Several of them gasped. “I’ve received word that’s he’s hiding within that high school a few miles away, we should get going.”

“Wait, that high school?” Amber asked.

“Yes, that one.”

As they were leaving, Sakura walked beside Blake as she said, “Y’know, I think you should lighten up a little.”

“Me? Lighten up? Aren’t you the one usually in a bad mood?”

“Hey! I’m generally a nice and pleasant person, thank you very much.”

“You can actually be quite unpleasant a lot.” Brian replied.

“Shut up, Brian.”

“Okay, I’ll lighten up.” Blake nodded. “For you.”

Meanwhile, Poison was currently walking down the busy high school hallways, crossdressing in one of the uniforms and wearing a black wig to stay hidden. As he walked, he came across Damien, Lolita and Pandora who were standing beside some lockers and calmly walked down another hallway nearby.

“If we’re supposed to find Harry, shouldn’t we split up?” Pandora asked.

“I suppose.” Damien shrugged.

“Btw, did you see Tea & Ai yesterday?”

“Yes, another miserable day for Ai as usual.”

“Poor Ai, she’ll hopefully find happiness someday…”

“I hope not, I personally enjoy her misery.”

Lolita was confused by this. “I’m unaware of what’s going on here. You two seem rather friendly.”

“Well we did go see that film a few days ago, what was it?”

“Druggy with a Rocket Launcher.” Pandora replied.

“We also went go-karting and extreme skydiving that day too.”

Pandora nodded. “It was rather fun.”

“And you didn’t invite me?” Lolita asked.

“You were busy with typical Shinigami work.” Damien replied.

“Are you two having an affair behind my back?”

“Now you’re jumping to conclusions again. I’ll have you know I don’t like Pandora very much. She’s rude, rather snobby, and too mouthy.”

“I don’t like Damien either. He’s ignorant, plain cruel, and a jerk.”

“There’s this thing called hatese-” Lolita began.

“I assure you I’m not trying to steal your husband, Lolita. In fact I have no personal feelings for Damien, period.”

“None at all?” Damien asked.

“None whatsoever.”

“Well now you’ve gone and made me a sad panda.”

“But you’re a demon, Damien.”

“And here I thought you understood sarcasm…”

“Are you okay now, Lolita?”

“Yes, I suppose.”

“Then is it okay if I ride Damien?”

“E-excuse me?!?”

“Piggyback ride. Is that okay?” She asked, looking at Damien.

“Fine by me.” He responded, glancing at Lolita who nodded.

As Damien carried her, Pandora said, “Aside from schedules conflicting, I don’t really like the three of us spending time in public because some people get the impression that I’m your daughter.”

“You’re not that young.” Damien replied. “In the past, if someone were to ask me, “Hey, how old’s that chick?” I’d shrug and say, “Old enough.” because it didn’t matter. Now if someone asked, I’d say, “17 in Earth years.”

“15, actually.”

“Right, right.”

“I suppose eternal youth isn’t so bad though, uncle Damien.”

“Uncle? Now you’re making me feel old.”

“Perhaps I should call you ‘dad’ instead.”

“No, that would be creepy.”

Some girls stared at Poison strangely as he kept walking, making sure not to alarm anyone he knew. “Sucks that I gotta do this, I’m also sure Ivy informed a lot of people about this. I think I’m gonna need to get off this planet, but first get away discreetly. Also never realized how short these skirts are…

The demon lords were walking around nearby, some just standing around socializing such as Tyson and Brian.

“So how did your date go, man?” Brian asked him.

“Alright. She invited me in and tried to act like she just wanted to talk.”

“You serious?”

“Yeah, I was like, “Nah, bitch, if you wanted to talk, we could’ve done that outside. We could’ve done that over the phone. You don’t invite a man in for hot coffee and just expect to talk. You’re gonna get the D, and you’re gonna like it.”

“So what happened?”

“She got the D, man, weren’t you listening?”

“Yeah, I just assumed there was a twist…”

Sakura was greeting some of the girls that walked past her in the hallways and as she noticed Poison, she ran up to him as she waved, unable to tell it was him. “Hey Vanessa, long time no see!”

“Oh hey, uh, girl. How’s life treating you?”

“It’s alright. Say, are you feeling okay? You sound a little weird.”

“Uh, I’ve just got a sore throat, it’s cool.”

“If you say so…”

“Well I got a few personal errands to run, catch you later, girl.” Poison said as he calmly walked off.

Sakura remained confused and then caught on moments later as she yelled, “Hold on a minute! I’m gonna need to you back that thing up a little. You see, we’re looking for someone, and he may be closer than I realize…” Poison, realizing she’s noticed, immediately took off down the hall and Sakura gave chase as she contacted the others. “Guys, I found him! He’s near the gymnasium!”

Poison ran into the gym and past the students doing all sorts of activities as he evaded balls, jumped over people and so on. Toby entered the gym from the other side and Poison kicked a tennis ball at his face as he opened the door and ran past as he yelled, “Sorry about that, dude!”

“It’s cool, I memorized it!” Toby exclaimed as Sakura also ran past.

Poison pulled off the school uniform before coming to an intersection. He chose the more crowded path and avoided Brian who was waiting to spring a trap in the empty hallway. A black puddle appeared up ahead and tried to grab Poison who hopped over it as he said, “Nope.” He ran into a cafeteria, leaped onto a table and landed in someone’s tray that contained spaghetti bolognese and slid across the table in said tray. He took it with him and as Sakura exited the cafeteria, he threw it back and hit her in the face.

“AHHHH! It burns!!” She screamed.

Amber came up from behind, flying above Poison as she said, “What’s the big deal? Just take your beats.”

“No thanks.” As he turned the corner, Tyson came charging at him to barge him with his shoulder covered in electricity. Poison slid between his legs and he hit Amber just as she came around the corner. As he was busy looking back, Richard froze Poison’s body up to his head and he came to a dead stop upon hitting the wall.

The other demon lords caught up fairly quickly and gathered round as Blake spoke. “Nice work, guys. Now to just inform the others.”

Richard handed Sakura a towel to dry her face as she thanked him.

Further away, Ivy met up with Damien and exclaimed, “So you made it.”

“I’m assuming you haven’t seen him at all. Shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Hey! I bet you haven’t seen him either.”

“It’s not my fault he got away in the first place. But I’ve got to be a good big brother and clean up your mess.”

“You’re not a good big brother! You’re a horrible brother who just wants to tease and torment me! I hate your guts! I want you to die! Eat shit and die! Choke on it!”

“Ahahahahaha.”

“Don’t laugh!”

Back with the demon lords, Blake had gotten off the phone and said, “Alright, they’re coming so we just chill for a while till they get here.” The others groaned at the pun.

“Richard, man.” Poison began. “How could you help these guys? Aren’t I your friend?”

“They’re my friends too. Nothing personal, just business.”

“That’s cold, dude.”

“Richard tends to have no qualms giving people the cold shoulder.” Blake replied, while the other demon lords groaned again.

“Blake, the puns are a little too much.” said Richard.

“What, are puns not cool?” Some of them groaned again while Tyson slammed his head through a wall and Sakura looked queasy like she was about to throw up.

“I would add more puns if Blake didn’t already use most of them.” Poison responded.

Suddenly, projectile slashes came out of nowhere and cut off most of the ice like salami while a black mist fly kicked Richard. Toby attacked the mist which picked him up and threw him on top of Sakura. It then started deflecting beams of energy as Poison broke out of the ice and took off. Poison eventually managed to get away and far from the school as Damien and Ivy’s group finally showed up.

Looking around, Damien asked, “So he got away?”

“Some misty thing showed up and made quite a commotion.” Toby replied.

As the others discussed things, Damien turned to Pandora who had her back to him. “Hey, Deep Pan.” She ignored him. “Deep Pan? Dead Pan? Pan-demonium? Panda? Beautiful and voluptuous queen, Miss Pandora?”

She immediately turned around as she said, “You called?”

“Know anything about this?”

“Are you asking because I dress in black?”

“Yes, actually.”

“Well I don’t know.”

Goldia ran towards the group calling out, “My lady! Important news!”

Ivy gasped. “Good work, Goldia. What did you find?” Goldia showed her a nyan-cat video, at which point Ivy punched her through a wall.

“Alright guys,” Sakura began. “I stuck a tracer on him a bit earlier. He seems to have realized this and disposed of it, but I know where he last was so we can track that and search from there. He can’t be too far.” 

Meanwhile, Poison was hiding in a bin around the back of a store. Leo showed up and asked, “Poison, you here?” He received no answer. “Don’t worry, I’m alone. I heard what’s going on.”

“How can I trust you?”

“You wouldn’t speak if didn’t. Also, I’m your friend, dude. That’s harsh.”

“Sorry about that.” He said, climbing out. “Guess I’ll take the time to see an old friend.”

“What friend is this?” Leo asked as they ran up a creepy road towards an eerie looking house.

“Kate Kataline. Or as some like to call her, Krazy Katie.”

“Oh, I’ve heard quite a bit about this girl.”

“Well now you’ll meet her.”

As they approached the house, Katie opened the door. The left side of her hair was done in a princess curls style while being blonde. The left side was a long blue pigtail and the middle was in a ponytail style with red hair. She wore a biker’s jacket with a ‘Mega Milk’ t-shirt, and short shorts with blue and purple striped thigh-highs. “What up?” 

“Yo.” Poison replied.

She then noticed them. “Oh, it’s my boy, Hairy Dick.”

“It’s my girl, Krazy Katie.” He said, sarcastically.



“DON’T CALL ME CRAZY. Nah, you know I’m playing. I see you brought a friend, come on in and let me show you my pad.” As they entered the rooms in the house were shown from detailed angles and panned from left to right while in every scene there were demons moving from side to side and clapping in the background. “This is the living room,” She said as it showed a large painted on twister mat and disco ball on the ceiling, a widescreen TV, surround sound speakers and whatnot. “I do all my shit here when not doing it in other rooms, if you know what I mean.”

“What does she mean?” Leo quietly asked Poison, who shrugged.

They then came to a games room which looked like a small square room with machines lined up along the sides and other games such as Pool and Air hockey in the centre. “This is my games room, you wanna show off your big balls, you show ‘em here. ACDC included.” She quickly moved on to the bathroom which had a literal golden shower and a toilet that was a 3-foot golden dinosaur with its mouth as the seat. “I love me some golden showers, fam. Also fucking love my toilet too, sure it’s hard when I gotta jump up there to actually use it but its worth it.” She moved on to her bedroom. “I got shit there, shit here, more shit over there.” She then opened some cupboard draws that contained her collection of different colored panties and bras and picked up one of the bras as she said, “DD, baby!”

“She stuffs those, by the way.” Poison commented.

“Never asked but thanks.” Leo replied.

“So what brings you here, man?” Kate asked as she approached them. Poison explained the situation and Kate nodded afterwards. “So you need me to upgrade your motorbike to fly outta here and hide for the rest of the day?”

“Pretty much.”

“I know the feeling, man, it’s why I’m out here.”

“Is that so.”

“Yeah man, I ball so hard that motherfuckers wanna find me.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Try to nickle and dime me.”

“Yeah?”

“Trying to nickelodeon slime me, but those motherfuckers still can’t find me. Anyway, that fix-up’s gonna cost ya.”

“So a massage?

“Nah son, money.”

“How about I…” He whispered something in her ear.

She pushed him back. “Nope, money, son. Mon-nay, mulah, cash.”

“You really want that money, huh?”

“A demon’s gotta eat.”

“Fine.” Poison sighed as he handed her the money. “Please don’t be too long.”

“Thank you.” She began talking to herself as she walked away. “Pfft, too long. I’ll be done so fast he’ll lovepraise me and then we’ll make sweet, sweet love the whole day. Until Ivy comes round and is all, “Get yo hands off my man!” and I’ll be all, “Bitch, you don’t love him.” and she’ll be all, “Oh no u didn’t!” and I’ll be like, “I did.”

She went on as she walked away and soon enough Poison and Leo could no longer hear her. Leo was the first to speak as he said, “She’s not as crazy as I was led to believe.”

“It tends to vary day-by-day.”

A little later, Leo was watching Kate work in her workshop with the help of robotic tentacle arms. Kate had noticed Leo standing at the entrance for a while but ignored him until her curiosity got the best of her. “I’ve been meaning to ask, but are you a werewolf?”

“Well, I am part wolf I guess.”

“Um, could I rub your stomach?”

“I suppose?”

As she did so, she let out a low-pitched, “Ooooooooooh~

Poison suddenly ran into the room as he said, “Kate, you gotta hurry, I just received a message that they’ll be coming soon. They’re on their way right now.”

“A message?” Leo asked, then noticed Kate was patting his head and moved her hand. “From who?”

“No idea, someone called PP. Anyway, I gotta go, is it ready?”

“Almost done, just give me a few minutes.” Kate replied, running back over to the bike. After two minutes she turned to him. “Okay, it’s done.”

“Thanks, Kate. I’ve gotta go ASAP.”

“Where will you go?” Leo asked.

I’ll probably go visit Ruby for a while. I’ll keep in touch.”

“Keep rolling, homie.” Kate replied. “Btw, why do you rarely visit these days? Are you ashamed of being seen with me? BECAUSE I WOULD BE.”

“I’m not, Kate. Chill.”

“Kay.”

Poison jumped on his green and black motorcycle and drove out the backdoor before taking off. The others arrived at the house a minute later and found Kate laying on her sofa watching TV as Leo had also left. They believed that Kate hadn’t seen Poison on account of her just being a weird person and so continued their search.

“So what now?” Amber asked.

“Don’t suppose you’d know where he’d run to?” Sakura asked Ivy.

“Well quite a few places, many of them would be on Earth though. Wait, don’t you hate me?”

“I did at one point, but after the whole tickling thing, I kinda feel sorry for you.”

“Oh, that hurts, it hurts quite a lot.”

“I suppose we should split up for the moment and get ready to travel, do what you need to before that.” Damien said.

As the big group separated, Ivy said, “Guess I’ll just drink my aging potion now…”

“Still focused on that?” Rosie asked.

“Yes, actually.”

A little while after they separated, Damien called Pandora and as she answered, said, “Hey, is it okay to get something off my chest?”

“Go ahead.”

“I once had a fetish for snapping bones with wrestling moves. As in, say, holding a sharpshooter till a girl’s bones start snapping and listening to the cries of pain. Quite the sense of euphoria.”

“…Why would you tell me this?”

“We’re friends, right? I figured I could tell you personal things.”

“Very well, I suppose I have one. A long while ago, I regularly farted in my sleep.”

“You continue to surprise me.”

“Life tends to be full of them. For instance, back when I was human I never thought I’d be on friendly terms with the son of the devil.”

“Funny how things work out, huh?”

“Indeed.”

“Rethinking a previous comment, I really do like you, Pandora. Not in a, “Get on your knees and put that mouth to work.” way but in a, “Hey, lets go rob a bank.” kinda way.”

“I’m touched.”

An hour or so later, Poison arrived on the angelic planet and placed the bike in some bushes near Ruby’s house before knocking on the door. Crystal answered the door and greeted him. “Oh, hey Poison. What brings you here?”

“Just thought I’d hang out. How are you these days?”

“Well I got promoted to an archangel.”

“Good to know.” Poison said, walking in. He saw Ruby sitting on a sofa watching TV as she drank apple juice. “Hey.” He waved.

“Hi.” She waved back. “Something happen?”

“Nah, just thought we’d hang out, we haven’t in quite a while.”

“True. Is Ivy busy?”

“Yeah, she’s working on some machine.”

“…I see. Just gonna get something to eat.” Ruby said before leaving the room.

As Poison sat down and watched the TV, from the reflection of the TV he saw Ruby walk in a minute later wearing boxing gloves. He immediately rolled off the sofa as she aimed at his head. “Are we playing a game?” Poison asked.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”

“How did you find out?”

“What does it matter, you consider me a friend yet you never told me? I would have gotten you a present too!” She leapt forward and pushed through a table as Poison dodged.

“I didn’t know if I could trust you.”

“Well now I’m mad so I’m gonna beat you up!”

“And you wonder why I didn’t say anything…”

Ruby punched through a bookshelf as Poison dodged again. “You can’t evade forever!”

“True, but I can try.”

Poison ran towards the exit as Ruby gave chase and was suddenly held up by a psychic force as Crystal stepped out of a room and closed the door. “Sorry, can’t have you wondering off.”

“You too?”

“Ruby, do it.”

Ruby nodded before hitting his shoulder with a judo chop, knocking him out. Poison woke up sometime later in a dark and damp basement strapped to a chair by titanium chains. Ruby was waiting there and waved as he woke up. “Hey, you’re awake, good news, we called Ivy and they’re coming to pick you up.”

“Hooray.”

“I knew you’d be pleased.”

“Seriously, Ruby, this isn’t like you. You know this is wrong, help me out.”

“And keeping info from me was right? Info which, as a “friend.”, you should have no reason to hide? You disgust me.” She flashed a glare was horrifying that the paint on the wall behind them evaporated. “Originally, in order to punish you I was going to sit on you, but Crystal said that’s not much of a punishment…”

“Maybe if you weighed 400 pounds…”

“So instead I’ll do this!” She pulled out some angel cake and jammed it into his mouth as she exclaimed, “Taste my angel cake! You like that? Savour the taste! Choke on it!”

She stopped long enough for Poison to reply, “I think your cake has reached its expiration date.”

“Shut up!” She stuffed his mouth again. “You’re not done eating my cake, so keep eating!” After he was done, she asked, “So? You had enough?”

“To be honest, it wasn’t that bad. I’d be okay with more.”

Ruby simply punched him in the stomach. “You want more?” She punched him again. “Sorry, I’m out, only got knuckle sandwiches now.” She continued to punch him as she said, “Punching you does actually make me feel better…”

Poison coughed as he said, “Couldn’t pass those good feels around, could ya?”

She slapped him. “No backtalk, beeatch!” Then continued to punch him as Crystal came down the stairs and grabbed her arms.

“That’s enough, Ruby, please leave us.”

“Oh fine.” She glared once more before leaving.

“So…” Crystal began, taking a seat. “Why are you running?”

“Because this situation is fucked up and it would greatly help to let me go.”

“Sorry, no can do.” She then heard a loud crash upstairs and sighed. “Excuse me a minute.”

Gary came into the basement through a wall. With the help of Gary he got the chains off and they left through the hole. When Crystal uncovered it, she searched the immediate area but never found them and left to search as they hid in some bushes nearby.

“Thanks, man.” Poison said.

“No problem, not just me though. So it’s your birthday, huh?”

“You know its nothing personal.”

“Yeah, I know. You should get going before Crystal wises up.”

“Yeah, thanks again.” Poison jumped on his bike and flew off.

Poison was asked to meet someone at an empty warehouse on earth. Due to it obviously being suspicious, he asked Leo and Kate to meet him there and were already waiting by the time he arrived. He went in alone while they waited by the entrance, as Poison only heard the sound of his own footsteps within the dark warehouse. After a while of walking, Pandora appeared behind him and said, “Hello, Harry.” Poison screamed like a girl while Dawn who stood beside her laughed.

“Feel better?” Pandora asked.

“A little. So, what‘s the deal?”

“Remember the black mist? That was me. The one who sent you that message? Also me.”

“We even had a hand in what happened on the angel planet.” Dawn added.

“So you’re PP?” Poison asked. “Guess that makes sense. What does it stand for?”

“Purple Panther.”

“Thought you’d go more with something like Black Bunny.”

“…I remind you of a bunny?”

“Just a suggestion, is all.”

“Black Teddy Bear would be more suitable.” Dawn said.

“So why are you helping me?” Poison asked.

“Because I believe this is morally wrong.”

“I’d believe that if you had some personal gain in that reasoning.”

“I know it sounds absurd. I know it’s questionable, but it’s true.”

“And the others aren’t suspicious of you?”

“Somewhat. For times when I need to be in two different places, I have Dawn help out.”

“By?”

“Shapeshifting, duh.” Dawn replied. “You forgot I could do that?”

“Well it wasn’t an obvious ability…”

“Whooooooa…” Kate said, stunned as she approached Pandora. “She’s like one of those Victorian porcelain dolls.” Kate whispered, poking her left cheek repeatedly.

“Who is this woman?” Pandora asked.

“Kate Kataline. Some call her Krazy Katie. So what do they assume you’re doing right now?”

“Getting ready to travel to earth in search of you. The rest are probably already here searching various different streets.”

“So can’t I just spend the rest of the day here?”

“I doubt it, they’ll be checking. We Shinigami also have that ability to find people within close proximity so it’s best to stay away from Lolita at all costs.”

“Yeah, I know from experience. So what’s the plan?”

Pandora pulled out a black notebook and opened it as the others gathered round. A little earlier before that point, Gary met with Ruby regarding what went on.

“Gary, how could you do that?” Ruby asked.

“Me? How could you do that? That’s not the Ruby I know.”

“Yeah but-”

“I don’t think even you will believe your excuses. You let your emotions affect your morals.”

Ruby sighed. “You’re right, I’ll let it slide for now.”

“That’s more like it. Let’s get going, I’m driving.”

“Fine, but how did we find him?”

“We’ll work that out soon enough…”

At the current moment on Earth, Damien and Ivy’s group, along with the demon lords, also brought an army of other demons along with them to search the streets and buildings around the city where Ivy was originally staying when she first came to Earth. Poison was walking around disguised as an old man with a hunchback and cane. He spotted two surprisingly big dogs near a park with one sniffing the other’s ass but ignored it. Poison was communicating with the others through an ear piece. “It’s worse than you described, Pandora. These guys are in the streets, on the public transport, in the sky, they just will not let up.”

“Dawn, are you in position?” Pandora asked.

“I’m Pretty Penguin.”

“Whatever, are you ready?”

“Yeah, raring to go.”

“Feel free to proceed.”

After shape shifting into Poison, she exited an alleyway and ran down the streets, getting the attention of numerous demons that came after her while informing the others. “I hope you appreciate this, Harry.”

“To be honest, exactly why are you doing this anyway?”

“Because I like you, Harry.”

“No you don’t.”

“I really do like you.”

“Correction, you like trolling me.”

“To-may-to, to-mah-to…Hmm, maybe I should just morph into Pandora instead and strip, that might work better.”

“That’s not funny, Dawn.” Pandora replied.

“I wasn’t laughing.”

“Don’t you dare…”

“I’m certainly considering it.”

“Dawn, if you do this, I will sit on you.”

“Sounds kinky.”

“I swear to god I will fart in your face.”

“You always know the right things to say, sweetheart…seriously though, calm down. Geez, can’t take a joke.”

“What up, homies?” Kate said. “Just looking out from above, some demon lords are after Dawn, and the rest are staying put. Btw, damn man, my girl Ivy is looking fine right now, and seems to be posing like she’s doing a photoshoot for Playboy. I don’t swing that way, but if I did I’d like to grab a slice of that pie.”

“That pie?” Pandora asked.

“I wanna fuck her.”
 
“Oh, I see. Okay, I‘m going to join Beauty and the Beast for a little bit since they‘ll be wondering where I am right now. See what I did th-”

“Yeah,” Poison interrupted. “Lolita is the beauty because you look up to her like a big sister and Damien is the beast because he’s the son of the devil, it wasn’t that great.”

“…Fair enough.”

“Alright, I’m sorry, you’re joke was funny.”

“How funny?”

“Very funny.”

“You’re lying but thank you.” Pandora said before leaving.

“Harry, man,” Kate began. “Gotta say, you looking awfully weak.”

“How?”

“Running like a bitch and getting manhandled like shit.”

“Hey, I’m not trying to hurt anyone, just getting the fuck out of bad areas.”

“That don’t mean shit. Doesn’t matter when you’re going out, but when you do go out, you gotta go hard. Gotta represent, you feel me?”

“Yeah, I feel ya.”

“Also, that big blonde demon lord guy you know, does he have a girlfriend. I kinda have a little crush on him and I wanna know.”

“You talking about Richard? He’s gay, y’know.”

“HE IS? HOLY SHIT I DID NOT KNOW THAT.”

“Not sure if that’s sarcasm…”

“You sure he’s gay and not just bisexual?”

“Pretty sure he told me he’s gay.”

“He’ll always be bisexual in my eyes…”

“Suit yourself.”

As Poison left, the dogs got up and removed their heads to reveal themselves as Gary and Ruby.

“Jumping jellybeans!” Ruby exclaimed. “You were right.”

“Of cou-did you just say ‘jumping jellybeans’?”

“No time, lets move.” Ruby replied, running off.

Ivy, Rosie and Goldia stood on the pavement of one street as many other demons ran past her. Goldia turned to Ivy and asked, “My lady, why are we not going?”

Ivy, who now looked like her alternate universe counterpart which I haven’t mentioned in ages, said, “I think something odd is going on, we’re gonna wait. I just wish they’d hurry and find him because if we don’t then…then…I won’t get to give him his birthday beats! And I’ve been looking forward to it too! Practiced on my punching bag for days!”

“If that’s what you’re worried about, I can see why he ran.” Rosie replied.

Meanwhile, Pandora floated down and landed beside Damien and Lolita in the middle of one street.

“Nice of you to finally join us.” Damien said. “You’re not hiding anything, are you?”

“Well you’ve already seen me naked so it’s not like I’ve got much left to hide.”

“Unintentionally, mind you.”

“Still counts.”

“Wait one minute, what is this? You really are having an affair, aren‘t you? Am I just too old? I can alter that a little if that‘s the problem.” Lolita said.

Damien sighed. “Lolita-”

“Are my breasts not big enough? I can change that too if you wish.”

“Would you calm down an-”

“I can take care of anything you need if you put your faith in me.”

“Um, Lolita-” Pandora began.

“Shut up!” Lolita yelled, drawing a katana. “Don’t patronize me, you bitch! You husband stealer! You stupidhead!”

“She’s regressing mentally…”

“Let me explain,” Damien began. “Well you see, It was during that thing you orchestrated which I still don’t get, but we kidnapped some girl, robbed some people, got a hotel room, had some girls show up and try to kill us after Pandora had a shower that morning, and shit happened.”

Lolita nodded. “I suppose that makes sense.”

“Lolita is surprisingly understanding.” Pandora commented. “I also still have no idea just what the hell a APDA is.”

“A Personal Digital Assistant, obviously.”

“No seriously, I’d like to know what it stands for.”



The real Poison took refuge in that supermarket and went up to the second floor, pretending to shop just to pass the time and lower suspicion. After a while, Poison informed Kate of the rising suspicions, so she rushed over in a 4x4 wearing two big red foam hands. She had a serious face on as she drove to the place, taking her time as she drove. As she got out and slowly walked in, she suddenly started opening fire on skeletons dressed like normal humans near the entrance with the foam hands while all the humans left immediately. Kate made her way around the floor, doing a mix of power walking and jogging and gunning down the skeletons she came across, even if some of them looked like they were actually shopping. Kate was regularly doing backflips and slides while pumping bullets into those that shot at her or had their backs turned.

She then power walked up the escalator and continued her rampage as she ran past Poison who was no longer disguised and had supposedly already killed a majority of them on that floor. Kate ran up to the final floor, continuing to gun down more enemies as she moved on. For some reason she jumped through the ceiling to get onto the roof where a helicopter was located and flew it out of the area.

Damien, Lolita and Pandora had arrived during this, at which point Damien nodded to Lolita who stopped Pandora from going on any further.

“What is the meaning of this?” Pandora asked.

“We’re well aware of what you’ve been up to.” Lolita replied.

“Don’t attempt to deny it either.” Damien added. “We can’t let you interfere any longer, Lolita has agreed to take care of you.” With that he walked off.

Lolita pushed her back with her swings until Pandora repelled one strike with a big sword that she threw at a wall right before they both jumped back into the air. Lolita pulled out handguns while Pandora pulled out 2 uzi’s and they opened fire. Lolita landed on a checkout desk and slid across behind it while Pandora landed on a shelf. Lolita got up and ran around picking up the cash registers and throwing them as Pandora cut them down while jumping across shelves. Lolita flew through a portal, appearing beside Pandora and swung at her feet which she blocked. She swung several more times and knocked the katana out of Pandora’s hand as they dropped down on separate isles and both pulled out handguns. They ran along, firing in sync with each other, destroying everything close by as the bullets bounced off each other. Lolita then appeared behind Pandora through another portal and kicked her through the shelf then jumped up and fired a rocket that Pandora dodged with a backflip. Pandora pulled out a shotgun and blasted the shelf as Lolita leaped back.

Upstairs, Poison, after hearing all the gunshots downstairs, tried to go out through the emergency exit, but found the doors to be locked. Some of the lights then switched off as he was about to cut it down. Two figures stood on top of the shelves behind him, their arms crossed over their chests and had glowing red eyes.

“Look brother, how the foolish boy attempts to outrun us.”

“Yes, his attempts are quite futile, shall we show him who he’s messing with, dear sister?”

“Yes, lets.” They leaped into the air in unison, flying around as they did stylish poses while destroying the environment as Poison rolled his eyes. They landed moments later, back to back and pointed at him before saying, “Prepare yourself!” in unison.

“You guys are having too much fun with this…” He then noticed Ivy. “Not sure what happened this afternoon, but now I remember why you’re so impatient for that growth spurt.”

“Thank you.” Ivy replied. “I think…”

Damien stepped forward. “Cutting to the chase, it’s best you simply surrender and come with us.”

“Gotta decline that offer, man.”

“You really don’t believe you can actually beat us both, do you?” Ivy asked.

“No, but it’s worth a shot. Strange things can happen sometimes.”

“Enough, this game of cat and mouse is over!” Damien exclaimed right before he and Ivy charged at Poison who drew his sword, ready to attack.

Due to time constraints and overly long and drawn out dialogue I’ve had to skip this entire part, as well as numerous other parts to get right to the end. I will not be mentioning those bits through a throwaway joke centered around lampshading.

Having defeated Poison and everything being sorted out, everyone came back to Ivy’s place where they threw a party for him in the living room after having received part of his birthday beats through his right arm which was quite sore.

“Happy birthday, dude.” Leo said, standing next to him. “Was it as bad as you expected?”

“It would be worse if they didn’t go easy on me and only give me 30% of my birthday beats.”

“…Just how old are you?”

“Old enough for it to matter.”

Lolita slid over to him as she drearily said, “Happy birthdaaaaaaaay.” And then punched his right arm and floated off.

“Ow! Stop targeting my right arm already!”

Ivy walked over and handed Poison an average sized box. “Here, it’s not like I got this for you or anything.”

“Thanks, and here I thought you’d do something like pop out of a big birthday cake naked.”

“That was the original plan.”

“So is the present appropriate for a crowded place?”

“Define appropriate.”

“Nothing sexual.”

“Perhaps.”

“Is the…temporary growth thing related to the present?”

“What? No, this is for me because I can.”

“So how long do you have now till it happens?”

“1 month, 26 days, 19 hours and 44 minutes.”

“Seconds?”

“Keeping track of the seconds is asking too much of me. Oh yeah, what happened to Katie?”

“Oh, she got arrested a little earlier. Supposedly for ballin too hard.”

“Guess those motherfuckers finally found her…”

“They were throwing nickles and dimes at her too.”

“They’re such fucking dicks, targeting her like she’s a n-”

“New character?”

“Yeah, that. I’d like to fuck up those motherfuckers myself. Stick a fucking pole up their fucking asses and fuck them with it. Fuck.”

Ivy’s mother was speaking with Pandora a little further away as she had a plate of cake covered in strawberry icing. “It’s always nice to have new people show up from time to time, and such a cute one you are too. Why don’t you stay for dinner?”

“I appreciate the invitation, Mrs. McBadass, but I may have to decline. I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense, no need to feel shy, you’re always welcome here, and please, call me Serenity.”

“I simply could not-”

Serenity’s smile faded. “Stay for dinner.”
 
“But I-”

Serenity stepped forward and stood over her as if she was about to hit her. “Stay for dinner.”

“Yes, ma’am…”

Hearing all the swearing Ivy was making from across the room, she exclaimed, “Watch your fucking language, young lady!”

“Fuck you too, mom!”

“Bitch, don’t make me come over there, you’re not too old for a spanking.”

“Go suck a fat one.” Serenity dropped the cake and rushed over, at which point Ivy exclaimed, “Holy shit, she’s coming!”

Pandora ignored this, walked over to Lolita who was sitting on her own, and sat in her lap. There was complete silence for nearly half a minute before Lolita spoke.

“Pandora.”

“Yes, Lolita?”

“Why are you sitting in my lap?”

“Do I need a reason?”

“One would be good.”

“Perhaps I’ll just sit in Damien’s lap then.”

“On second thought, I suppose the reason doesn’t matter.”
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« Reply #424 on: 16 March, 2013, 08:50:21 am »

Now its time for: Reipa Girl, tell ‘em!

Lolita slide into the room as she activated Shinigami Overdrive and produced two black clones. She sat at an office desk with the camera facing her. She, along with the clones, pointed as she said, “Yooooooou.”, completely deadpan, and then they vanished. “Hello, and welcome once again back to Q&A, it’s been a long time since we did this. Joining me is Damien.” She said, drawing attention to him sitting to the right, who waved. “Very well then, lets get started. First caller, you’re on the air.”

“Hey guys, good to see these again. Anyway, I’ve been confused over something for a while. Damien and Pandora not knowing each other back then doesn’t really make sense if Damien was dead for so long.”

“Of all the things which don’t make sense, that’s the issue?” Damien asked.

“Well it’s a recent one…”

“I can lay your issues to rest.” Lolita replied. “You see, I mainly met Damien early in the mornings…and sometimes late at night. While I just generally saw Pandora during the afternoons since she worked early in the morning.”

“And that went on for that long?”

“Indeed it did.”

“Another thing, what is it that Shinigami actually do?”

“Aside from guiding souls, I suppose we function like hitmen. Dealing with supernatural or quite gifted targets who’s souls need to be taken for various reasons. Someone’s either picked for a particular case, or you pick them from a list. You get a ranking after completing it based off your performance, which depends on what kind of mission it is, like a stealth one, or just hacking and slashing.”

“A ranking? Like a score system?”

“Yes, basically. Big points get awarded for how stylish you are and doing things in a special way. Like snapping all necks with just your thighs, killing everyone with a headshot or ballshot, doing it with just melee, breaking the laws of physics for dynamic kills, not getting hit at all, and so on.”

“Sounds pretty awesome to be a Shinigami.”

“It’s not all its cracked up to be, though Pandora tends to choose the jobs that let her stylishly kill a lot of people, not sure why.”

“Frustration, I suppose.” Damien commented.

“Well you guys were a great help.” The caller said.

“Happy to be of service, take care.” Lolita replied. “Next caller, you’re up.”

“Damien, why are you so mean to Ivy? It’s not very nice to pick on your sister.”

“Be at ease, caller. Its not as if I’ve broken her arm or threw her down some stairs for my own enjoyment. I don’t wish to hurt her for the sake of hurting her. Ivy can take things better than you‘d figure, she‘s stronger than she realizes.”

“Tough love, basically.” Lolita replied.

“That also reminds me,” The caller went on. “You guys need to stop hoarding the screen time. Recently the vocal point has shifted far from where it should be: Focusing more on the main character. She’s been there from the start, its not like you were the main protagonist and she got added later simply as ‘Damien’s little sister’, so why should she be pushed to the sidelines?”

“I agree on most points, actually.” Damien nodded. “But variety tends to be a good thing for altering the formula in some way, depending on what’s being altered. But I assure you, you’ll get what you’re asking for soon enough.”

“Lets move things along faster.” Lolita said. “Next caller, please.”

“I’ve just kinda wondered, do you have any feelings for Ivy?”

“Only as an older brother. I went out of my way to train her somewhat many decades ago when she was younger. She was also cuter then, in a sense that she only sweared occasionally and wasn’t so obnoxious. When I came back, to see that my sister had chosen one of my closest friends to be what you would basically call, her boyfriend, I would have been more concerned if it were someone I had no memory of. If you mean incest, no. I have no idea why you’d even bring that up? I honestly don’t get the obsession with people regarding their younger siblings.”

“Neither do I.” Lolita added.

“Wanting to actually engage in sexual relations with a member of your own family is rather questionable and outright shameful and I believe Ivy feels the same. If I were to channel a direct response from her myself, I suppose it would be some form of,” He cleared his throat. “Why the hell would I wanna fuck my brother? That’s fucking nasty!”

“Lets drop this while we still can.” Lolita interrupted again. “Next caller.”

“Lolita, what would you do if Damien left you?”

“I think I might die.”

“But you’re already dead.”

Lolita played a laugh track for a few moments. “Okay, next caller, please.”

“What up, people? Anyway, why did you guys get married? Lolita, why did you think someone like Damien was right for you? And Damien, why did you choose Lolita, I’d figure you were the type to just keep around a harem of girls instead.”

“Should I go first?” Lolita asked.

“Well you clearly want to…”

“Alright. I married Damien because we got on really well together, I suppose. I was willing to look past some of the stuff he’d done, and he was quite open about not hiding things.”

“The sex wasn’t a factor?”

“Yes, it was a contributing factor, but putting that aside there aren’t many people I get along with quite so well.”

“Well Lolita has said a lot of what I would have,” Damien added, “Though about the harem of girls, people get the wrong idea because I’m not that kind of person. I’ve never thought purely with my lower half, nor am I devoid of any urges. Sure, during my lifespan I’ve participated in many orgies, ‘somes consisting of gender alterations, and so on, but unless paid to do so, I’ve never forced anyone to do things completely against their will. I like to make sure people have a good time and feel better when all is said and done…even the men who occasionally took part in the ’somes. Not to mention, it just produces good reputation through word-of-mouth. That doesn’t mean I don’t take priority over a certain type, I’ll even fully admit, during many orgies I would focus more on those types out of preference, doesn’t mean that much by the end though.”

“Well that was quite…insightful.”

“Yes, guess I did babble on a little.” Damien turned to Lolita. “Speaking of secrets, according to Pandora, there’s still many things you haven’t told me about over the years.”

“That’s simply because you never asked.”

“I have noticed that you tend to draw attention away from yourself if certain topics are brought up, or attempt to change the conversation completely.”

“If there’s anything you wish to ask, go right ahead.”

“Alright then, who did-”

Lolita suddenly got up. “Excuse me, I need to take this call.”

“I didn’t hear a thing.”

“It was on vibrate.” Lolita walked off screen as Damien sighed.

“Next caller, if you’d be so kind.” Damien said.

“You’ve been around the block and seen a lot of shit, I’m assuming.”

“Your point?”

“Well, those penis enlargement stuff tends to be pretty BS. Do you know one which works?”

“I’ve never understood people’s obsession with ‘big dicks’. Regardless of what you’ve heard, its not such a good thing. Some women can even become scared if they’re unprepared. Women aren’t spongy blow up dolls, one size doesn’t fit all in reality, so its not gonna be very easy fitting a large one in women without hurting them in the process. Depending on how tight it is, you might not even get beyond halfway in. It also makes it harder to come in through the back door, you can’t just slip it in and start moving, something’s gonna tear if you try and stick your wang in there without a lot of preparation and lube. Even with fellatio, there’s a chance it might not even fit in her mouth, or you could potentially break her jaw if you were rough with her.”

“So what are you saying, with a big dick comes big responsibility?”

“I’m just saying there are more negatives than there are positives.”

“Well now I’m curious, so how big are you then?”

“I happen to be-”

Lolita arrived and interrupted as she said, “Back. Sorry but we need to move on.” She then cut the connection. “Next caller, please.”

“Sup. I have to wonder, how does a relationship between a Demon and a Shinigami actually work? Like, how are two different species just fully compatible? See, I was dating this werewolf chick for a long while, but it didn’t really work out for us, our lives were just too different.”

“Did you not like the sex?” Damien asked.

“Oh, hell no, I loved it. She was a freak in the bed, but I’m talking like family issues, man. We just couldn’t work things out, so we broke up.”

“If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it.” Lolita replied, then played a laugh track followed by some applause. “Going back to your question, we just happen to work, and that’s that. Next caller.”

“Hi there, Sandra here. You don’t know me but I was part of Undead Rainbow’s group. Just wanna say I’m a big fan of yours, Damien.”

“Well hello, always nice to meet a fan, I suppose.”

“So I’ve been meaning to ask, but well, could you sign my panties?”

“Sure, just send them into the studio along with what you’d like me to write on them.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate it. Oh, also, could you possibly come down to my house and stab me in the abdomen while you whisper dirty things in my ear.”

“Uh, sorry, I don’t do those kinds of requests anymore.”

“Aww, could you at least snap me in half with a bear hug?”

“Not that either. If you don’t mind me asking, your leader, Rainbow? Is she still doing the same things?”

Sandra sounded like she was eating a hot dog as she talked. “She’s still dead. I’d hazard a guess she’ll be back in a month or so. How soon she actually comes back depends on how much sweetener she’s willing to give to her sugar daddy, if you know what I mean.” She had finished eating her hot dog and made some slurping sounds before burping. “I’m talking about sex.”

“Yes, I got that.” Damien replied.

“One more thing I’d like to ask.”

“Go ahead.”

“Can I have your babies?”

“I’m afraid you cannot.”

“Is it because I’m too young?”

“Calm yourself, Sandra, I do not discriminate simply based on age, maturity does play a part too but the appeals of a woman can’t be fully measured purely by appearance. Or in simply turns, don’t judge a book by its cover.”

“So its okay for me to have your babies? I can come down there right no-”

“No!” Lolita finally spoke. “I’m going to put in a notice to shoot you on site! Never call into my show again. I shall decapitate you myself if I even hear your voice, goodbye!”

“As you can see, my wife is the easily jealous type, sorry about that.”

Regaining her composure, Lolita said, “Next caller, please.”

“Hello, for a while Shinigami have been receiving a whole bunch of new stuff that wasn’t gone over until around the time Pandora came back, how much stuff can you guys do exactly?”

“A lot of things, for instance altering our bodies for stealth related missions or camouflage in general.”

“And I assume it can be used for personal use as well. How does the whole pain thing work?”

“Well, feeling no pain isn’t exactly true. Pain receptors in our bodies are kept down to around 10%, so we’re capable of feeling it, but not to an extreme rate as to slow us down for whatever reason. Its more so that you’d notice having an arm cut off or if someone hit you from behind, you see.”

“Alright, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” As they hung up, Lolita turned to Damien with a notepad. “Damien, I’m not sure if you noticed but almost everyone who called in are people we know personally, or is a friend of someone we know personally, would you like to guess who those anonymous individuals were?”

“There were 8 aside from Sandra, yes?”

“That is correct.”

“Hmm…Harry, Ivy, Leo, Rosie, that robot my sister keeps around, that one demon lord who works out, possibly Amber, Kate.”

“…5 of those were right.”

“Which ones.”

“Not saying.”

“Then let me ask this, was Pandora one of the eight?”

“…She was.”

“Really? She apparently didn’t stand out enough to recognize, I guess. Then again, if I looked back at the questions and responses, I‘d probably be able to pin down the odd ones.”

“Uh-huh. Well that’s all we have time for, thank you for tuning in.” Lolita waved, while Damien looked at her notepad.
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« Reply #425 on: 01 April, 2013, 04:59:05 pm »

Happy April Fool's Day (again), guys.
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« Reply #426 on: 01 April, 2013, 08:39:01 pm »

bah
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« Reply #427 on: 02 April, 2013, 05:48:21 am »

Might have actually had something if I remembered this day was actually coming >.>
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« Reply #428 on: 08 April, 2013, 02:09:15 pm »

I could've cut some out and lengthened other bits, but in the end it had to be this way.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Overly Vicious Approach

It was a blah blah blah day, but one thing somewhat unusual about this day was that Ivy had caught the Super Flu and therefore was currently in bed. Poison also happened to be in her room at the time.

“Y’know, you don’t have to take care of me.” Ivy said.

“It’s cool, you did the same once so it’s the least I can do. It would be rather boring on your own so I can at least keep you company.”

“Thanks.” Ivy sneezed in another direction. “But wouldn’t you being here mean you might catch what I’ve got?”

“No, not really.” Poison replied, wiping her nose.

“Why?”

“Because.”

“Well, you are right about there not being many people around. I think only my mom is in, downstairs, doing who knows what. So I guess we could-”

“Watch a movie? Sure, I’ll get my collection.”

“I was actually going to say we could-”

“Play some video games? I’ve got a few really good co-op ones in mind…”

“Lets have s-”

“Special conversations? Not sure how that works but okay.”

“…Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Are you trying to wind me up?”

“I feel insulted that you would suggest such a thing! I would never do such a thing in a million years, I would swear it on my ovaries.”

“And now you’re being sarcastic.”

“Okay, I’ll stop and remember that the only ones here right now are your mother, you, me and ceiling robot.”

“Ceiling robot?” Ivy looked up and saw Goldia looking down through a square shaped hole. “The hell are you doing up there?”

“I like to watch.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Goldia dropped down from the ceiling. “I wanted to see what would happen if I stayed away but Harry ruined it, shame on you.”

“I fully accept your shame.”

“Also, I choose to resign as one of your harem members. I’ve thought it over and its for the best.”

“I’m going to play along and ask why.”

“Because you didn’t inform me of your birthday, it hurt me deeply.”

“We haven’t known each other very long, so it never really came up.”

“We’ve known each other ages and it still took you a long time to mention it.” Ivy replied.

“You were also quite different back then.”

“I had my reasons…”

“That whole Ahsol Island mess was totally worth it though.”

Goldia raised her hand.” I would like to hear of this story.”

“Same here.” Ivy added. “At least your prospective of this.”

“Alright, some bits may be off since I can’t remember it all…”

----------

Poison was standing outside Ivy’s place, looking a little younger and had his hair down as he knocked on the front door. Ivy’s mother answered the door, drinking a beer. “Oh, you’re that guy who was stalking my daughter for a while, right?”

“I wouldn’t call it stalking…”

“I would, but I’ve heard you’re not that bad. Anyway, Ivy took off to some planet elsewhere and she’s been gone for about a week now. I got a letter in the space post about some bitch kidnapping her, and while I would go myself, I’d be pretty grateful if someone else could go take care of things.”

“In other words, go down there, beat them up and bring Ivy back.”

“Glad we’re on the same page. Btw, a girl by the name of Amber will assist you when you get there. Good luck.” She then closed the door.

Poison got his essentials and then drove a ship towards the particular planet because almost everyone knows how to drive a ship. He landed in a tropical area and waited for Amber who was supposed to arrive. She drove up to the spot on a motorbike and stopped next to him, removed her helmet and got off. “Hey there, I’m demon lord Amber, you must be Harry.”

“Demon lord?”

“Don’t focus much on it, its just a basic title. So you ready to get started?”

“Sure.”

“Alright, from what I’ve been informed of, this chick called Flora is who we’re after, and she’s trying to get at this “ultimate power” to become a god or something. I’ll point you in the right direction while I learn more about this.”

And so she did, and Poison soon ended up in a village where the residents were catgirls. The residents whispered to each other as he walked through the city, asking some of them for directions. As he arrived in the town centre, one particular catgirl stood atop a large pillar nearby. She was tanned and had short ginger hair, wore tiger styled paws as gloves, and a tiger themed leotard. “I don’t recall there being any green-haired individuals living around here.”

“Just passing through, you know where I can find Flora?”

“Perhaps, but I’m not simply going to tell you. The name’s Katrina, if you want my info you gotta beat me.” She leaped off the pillar with a downward kick that missed as Poison moved and attacked with a basic sword. Katrina blocked the swings with her claws and begin her attack of wild swings while Poison defended. Poison elbowed her across the face when she was done, hopped over her leg sweep and slashed her across the cheek. She called for reinforcements and stood back as Poison took them out without killing them. Katrina then ran off, urging Poison to follow.

She moved through the streets, throwing things in Poison’s path which he cut down. They arrived at a construction site and she jumped up onto some pipes high above, as did Poison. She swung around like a monkey, occasionally getting in some hits due to the flexibility of her movements around the environment. As he tried to kick her, she quickly grabbed a pipe below with her tail and hit him from below as she said, “Gotta be faster on your feet.”

As she came round again, Poison grabbed her foot and tossed her across to the other side. She landed on her feet and backflipped as Poison attempted to punch her. She then ran into a large museum close by while Poison followed. Poison ran around the dark museum, occasionally catching a glimpse of her and eventually followed her to an upper floor. As he chased her, a wrecking ball suddenly came through the wall which he barely dodged. Several more came through the walls as he sped up, and he then slowed down as another appeared in front of him before speeding up again. “Pretty sure one wrecking ball is enough for this building…”

Katrina stood by the edge of the roof awaiting Poison who arrived shortly. “Isn’t the view just purrrr-fect here?”

“Enough cat and mouse, lets go.”
 
Katrina threw out one of her retractable gloves which Poison caught and pulled her towards him. She knocked him down with her feet and slashed him across the face multiple times before leaping off as he tried to swing at her. Poison blocked several of her swipes and tripped her. As she did a rising kick, Poison stepped back and kicked her hard in the stomach. She flew back and landed on her feet, catching her breathe & then whistled. Half a dozen robot cats showed up to help her which Poison was quickly disposing of with single slashes while blocking a few attacks Katrina threw at him. As he was done, Katrina dashed towards him from behind, but he dodged and slightly slashed her across the stomach. As she tried to kick him, he dodged and tripped her again and aimed his sword at her head. “Looks like I’ve got your tongue, cat.”

“Still can’t believe you’d hit a woman.”

“Gender is pretty irrelevant to me, now lets hear that info.”

After hearing what she had to say, Poison took off towards the next objective when Amber contacted him through an earpiece. “Hey, you sure beat that pussy good.”

“Very funny, I’m sure that took you 10 minutes to come up with.”

“More like 10 seconds. Who you beat was one of Flora’s Femsome Five.”

“Is that a real thing?”

“No, I made it up. Did you get anything from the catgirl?”

“Just some gloves.”

“Good, hold on to those and steal the other weapons when you come across the others. They’ll probably challenge you like she did.”

“Like bosses in a video game?”

“Whatever gets you in the mood.”

-----

“I’m unlikely to believe some of this actually happened.” Ivy commented.

“I agree.” Goldia added.

“Well it certainly did.” Poison said.

“So what was the name of that person then?” Rosie asked, at which point the others noticed her.

“When did you get here?”

“Around the part about a wrecking ball.”

“Harry was telling a story about this one adventure shortly after he and Ivy became acquainted with each other. You didn’t miss too much.” Goldia replied.

“Alright, cool, guess I’m interested.”

Poison left quickly to answer his mobile as it was Damien calling him. “Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to do anything today?”

“Sorry, man, Ivy’s sick and I’m keeping her company.”

“Fair enough, another time then. Remember to use protection, y’know, that sickness and all.”

“Very funny.”

“I don’t recall telling a joke.”

“…”

“…”

“…Well I’m gonna go, later.”

As he returned, Rosie asked, “So why’s Ivy in bed?”

“I caught the Super Flu.” She replied.

“Oh, is that like the difference between AIDs and Super AIDs?”

“The hell is AIDs?”

“I don’t know what it is either.” Poison shrugged.

“How lucky you are…” Rosie replied.

“So as I was saying before…”

-----

As Poison got to a city, he followed some arrows which seemed to be made specifically for him. The streets seemed empty as if no-one had lived in that city for months. He came across a fox girl by a motorcycle who had blonde hair & features, wore knee-length jeans and a white tank top. She noticed him as he slowly approached her and turned around. “Oh, hey there, you’re a little early, hadn’t fully finished preparing but it should be good enough.”

“Uh-huh, name’s Harry btw.”

“Freya.”

“So obviously you know I was coming, did everyone evacuate for this?”

“Nah, we were supposed to demolish this place ages ago, I suppose it’s a good thing we were too lazy so I could do this. Finally found what I was looking for about a week ago.”

“We?”

“You consider yourself a fast individual?”

“Sure.”

“Well lets say a certain someone is gonna blow up this entire city with a certain device, and you had to get out quickly or you’ll go down with it. Think you could handle that?”

“I suppose so.”

Freya smiled. “Good answer.” She pressed a button, at which point a building far off in the distance exploded and the explosions got bigger as they traveled towards the area they were at. Freya hopped on her motorcycle and drove off as she said, “Better start running, Harry.”

And so he did, just managing to keep up with her on foot till he eventually found another motorcycle and used that instead. He followed her onto a highway which was surprisingly busy  despite the empty streets. Freya took out a sub-machine gun and opened fire on him as she evaded traffic ahead while Poison did the same as he blocked the bullets with his sword. He leaped over several cars using a small ramp to the side as they entered a tunnel. Freya attacked him with a fiery whip which had two ends and he swung at her in between her swings. They then dodged a truck ahead and Poison drove along the walls as she fired her SMG again. He caught up and cut it in half, then the front half of her bike as she leapt ahead. She hopped across several cars, ran along the side of a lorry and kicked a robot off another bike before saying, “You’re too slow, Harry!”

“Heh, show off.” He then noticed all the people driving vehicles were also robots. “Okay, this is pretty absurd.” As he slowly started to catch up, she threw a bomb onto a mini nearby which blew up moments later, also knocking several other cars into the air. Poison leapt from his bike, across all of them within moments and landed on the roof of another car. He jumped onto a lorry nearby and Freya landed on the other end. 

“This place is gonna be nuked in a minute. If you wanna beat me, you’d better hurry, I don’t like to wait.”

“Why are you doing all this?”

“Because its better to burn out than fade away!”

Freya attacked with her fiery whip, which Poison chose to block until he soon rolled behind her and hit her with a roundhouse, followed by several more kicks then knocked her down with the back end of the blade. She got up and started spinning with the whip, creating a fiery vortex that hit him but the rest of her swings missed. As she stepped back she said, “The nuke should be planned to arrive within a minute, so we’ll die together.”

“I don’t think so.” Poison picked her up, got a run up and leaped far off the lorry out of the city as the nuke was slowly coming down in the distance. As he landed he continued to run a far distance away as it went off. “Was I fast enough there?”

“I suppose so.” As Poison thought about what kind of things the others would have planned, Freya blushed as she said, “If you look at me like that I might get pregnant…”

“And the moment was ruined…”

And so Poison continued on as Amber contacted him yet again. “Nice one out there, you were simply too fast and too furious.”

“Your jokes physically wound me. What was her deal anyway? She have a death wish?”

“She’s all about living free and dying hard. Also, I found out the deal with Flora. She wants this godlike power to ‘eliminate’ the men who’ve cheated on her and deceived her in the past, and just bad people in general.”

“That’s quite some ambition.”

“For some reason, she needs Ivy to get this power, not sure why just yet.”

“Yeah, you look that up, I’ll keep randomly ending up fighting bizarre women…”

-----

“Y’know, you don’t have to make things up to look cool.” Ivy commented.

“I’m not! It really happened!”

“Uh-huh.”

“What are you guys talking about anyway?” Amber asked, sitting beside Rosie.

“That one thing ages ago that you, me & Ivy were involved in.”

“Oh that, sure was something.”

Suddenly, Kate kicked in the bedroom door and raised her hand. “What up?”

“Hey Katie, thanks for coming.” Ivy said.

“Girl, you know I wouldn’t bail. Listen, I was kicking it with my homies, right, then one of my boys says to me, “Yo, KK, your girl Ivy caught the flu.”, I was like, “Oh shit, son. Imma check up on her.” and here I am.”

“Thanks for that.”

“And back to what I was saying…” Poison began.

“Let me just add a little bit in while I wait.” Ivy said.

-----

In a random-ass room somewhere, Ivy and Flora were playing a game on her Zbox270. Ivy had short pink hair here. Flora was somewhat short, had short raven-black hair, wore glasses, an overly large cardigan and a knee-length grey skirt. Ivy sighed after a while. “That’s the ninth win in a row, no offence but you suck, Flora.”

“I just think you’re really good at fighting games, Ivy.”

“No, I suck, actually. You just suck a lot worse. Well, I should probably be going, been here nearly a week. Maybe someone at least noticed I wasn’t around.”

“H-hold on! Just stay like a few more days, I can get sugary snacks, you like those, right?”

“Yeah, fine.”

As Flora left, she answered a call. “What? Freya too? Tell Beatrice to take him out, I don’t want some punk ruining my plans, if she fails, you handle it. I just need Sadie to find me the very last gem.”

“I’ll be hoping for her failure.”

“You sound eager.”

“You could say that.”

Far away, Poison was currently making his way through a big fantasy-like castle, taking down mooks. As he cleared most of it, Amber contacted him. “Yo, just thought you should know, the one to look out for is some dragon chick called Beatrice, though some call her Big Mama.”

“That’s not literal, is it?”

“Probably not. Anyway, good luck.”

“Gee, thanks.”

As he entered a wide open room with pillars on the sides and a long stone table in the middle, a large metallic ball rolled out from the side, spraying bullets from the guns mounted along the side which Poison dodged by hiding behind the table. “Greetings, I assume you’re that Harry kid, right?”

“Sure, you’re Beatrice, correct?”

“Aww, you already know about me? Suppose it doesn’t matter, what does is that you’re sticking your nose where its not wanted. Getting your peanut butter in my jam, and so on. You‘re like the poison in a snake bite here.”

“That’s stretching a comparison a little far. But what’s Flora’s deal with this whole thing?”

“Her? Something about her being cruelly cheated on by various different boyfriends, so she’s gone down an extreme, “kill ’em all” route.”

“And you agree with this?”

“Me? I don’t give two shits what she does when this is over. Besides, I’m a raging lesbian.”

“Was that ‘raging’ part necessary?”

“Enough talk, I’d like to kill you now.” She operated the metallic ball with a bicycle within and rode around, firing at Poison as he ran around protecting himself with the pillars. He threw a blast of wind that dented the ball. She launched over half a dozen missiles as he continued to run, leapt up and sent a wave of wind towards her which cut off a third of the ball as she moved left. As he landed, the ball covered itself in flames and charged right through him, and then again moments later. As it came by again, he hopped to the left and sliced it in such a way that it wouldn’t wound her but still destroy the contraption. As it fell apart she jumped off it before it crashed into a wall. She had black dragon features while looking like a buxom human woman, of course. Mainly her hands, back also considering her tail, the ears and covering her front she just had dragon styled bra and panties.

After readying herself as she got up with her back turned, she took out a spiked hammer. “Guess playtime’s over. I normally just eat girls, but in your case I could make an exception.” She flashed an evil smirk for a moment before dashing right at him. She hit him hard in the stomach, then in the face, knocking him back twice. A raising swing with the hammer missed and he then dodged when she brought it down. He slashed her back, then her left side before kicking her from behind.

She quickly regained her balance and tried to flatten him with her hammer but missed, Poison then cut off the handle. Poison ducked as she attempted to claw him then hopped three times as she swiped her tail across the ground then he kicked her in the head, knocking her down. As she got up, Poison punched her in the face. He jammed his sword into the ground near her. “Stay down, I don’t like fights to drag-on too long.”

“Oh, you slay me.” She said sarcastically.

“I just need a few things answered if you’d please.”

After speaking with her, he was off towards Flora’s location, as he apparently wasn’t far off. He contacted Amber as he left. “I know where it is, I’m going there right now.”

“This is going pretty well so far.”

“Hey, I’m doing the hard work here.”

“And I’m not doing anything?”

“Well a little physical help would be wonderful. If my reflexes were shitty I’d be dead ten times over by now.”

“Then good thing they aren’t. I’ll be in touch.”

-----

“So I can finally start telling some of this now, right?” Ivy asked.

“Well there’s a little bit before that I guess but sure.”

“Did Ivy still have that body complex issue back then too?” Goldia asked.

“It was like over 5 years ago, of course she did.”

“Hey! I’ll have you know I have legitimate concerns.” Ivy replied. “It won’t be long till I physically mature anyway.”

“You’re always so hung up on exactly how long you have.”

“Well you were also concerned, because you usually ask about the seconds.”

“That’s me humouring you.”

“I see, you wanna mock me too. I’m tired of people looking down on me or thinking negatively because of my looks, I don’t like looking like this.”

“But you’re cute.” Rosie responded.

“I don’t wanna be cute, I wanna be sexy! Not like this.”

“Like Red Saber & Blue Saber.”

“Like Morrigan and Lilith.” Amber added.

“Like Patchouli Knowledge fanart which fluctuates anywhere between looking like a kid or mature adult depending on the artist.” Poison said.

Not sure who these people are but yeah!” Ivy began. “Just look at you.” Ivy said, pointing at Rosie as she got up. “Wearing those tight jeans and showing off that toned yet really grab-able midriff to the world.”

“H-hey, don’t talk about my midriff!” She said covering up.

“Then stop being up in my face about it, I don’t need to see that. Might as well rub that midriff all over my face while you’re at it!”

“You say that as if it’s a fetish of yours…” Poison commented.

“And you!” Ivy pointed at Amber. “Wearing those black bra and panties which just barely fit you, with the only other clothing being that cape or whatever, cover yourself, woman!”

“I’ll wear what I want.”

Ivy glanced at Kate, was about to say something and then shook her head. “Yo, that’s just cold, girl, real talk.” Kate responded.

Ivy sighed. “Y’know, I vividly remember this one time so long ago, Damien and I went to this mall. There was some bitch who apparently knew him but had never met me. She flips out, saying how cute I am and whatnot so I tell this bitch to fuck off for being a retarded condescending sack of shit, yet she still acted the same as if the words never reached her ears. That wouldn’t happen if I looked older. With my older appearance, I have a lot more going on in the front and in the back and I get more respect.”

“Not really.” Poison mumbled.

“I should probably get some backless dresses when the time comes. Maybe get a really nice looking tattoo across my back too.”

“Is it really that important?”

“Of course! Are you a pedo, Poison?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why aren’t you concerned?”

“I don’t wanna seem like I only care about your looks.”

Ivy looked away. “Hmph. L-lets get back on track before this gets cheesy…”

“Sure.”

-----

Poison and Amber stood under some trees in a forest talking.

“Okay, I’ve found out what Flora needs for her ritual. The seven gems of virtue, as well as the blood of a royal girl.”

“Royal girl, what, Ivy?”

“Yeah. Also, Katrina will be waiting for you on the inside.”

“She’s helping us now?”

“We talked some things over and she wants to lend a hand. A lot of the people here will be in uniform, so you’ll have to find her through the use of ass shakes.”

“Excuse me?”

“Katrina will shake her ass in a pattern, 3 times, then 5 times, then twice. Wait a few moments, and then she’ll do it again.”

“Isn’t there an easier way, like her doing something with her tail?”

“Nope, ass shakes.”

“Of course.”

“Also, you’ll have to crossdress and pretend to be one of Flora’s friends, since we don’t have a proper uniform available.”

“You’re not serious.”

“Quite serious, in fact.” She said, dropping a bag of clothing. “The gems will be making their way to Flora’s factory shortly by transport, I’ll be taking care of that.” She hopped onto her flaming horse further away and took off.

“This is the first and last time I’ll do something like this.”

-----

Ivy was struggling not to laugh while Poison rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know its funny looking back on it but I was serious back then. Go ahead and tell your part now.”

Finally.”

-----

Flora had been gone for quite a while, and having gotten bored of being there, Ivy left the room and tried to find an exit. As some of the mooks wearing blue & white engineer suits noticed her, they sounded the alarms. Ivy tore through the robots that came at her while she looked for an exit, and dealt with two giant robots at once which functioned like mini-bosses. Meanwhile, Poison walked through the hallways wearing a school uniform with a red bow in his hair. While some of the others working there were confused, they minded their business. Ivy made her way outside soon enough where it was raining slightly. A figure stood on top of the building high above.

She was a dark blue slime girl with long flowing hair. “Where do you think you’re going, Ivy?”
Ivy turned around and looked up as she continued. “It’s not nice to simply run off without a word.”

“I’ve been here long enough, I’m going home.”

“My role here is to keep you on this premises, devil spawn.” She leapt towards the ground and said, “My name is Sadie.”

“Don’t care. Where’s Flora?”

“She’s at her base of operations, exactly 20 miles north from here, not that I’ll let you just walk out of here. I’m ordered to bring you back to Flora, for it seems you’re vital for her plan, which is nearly ready.”

“Is that so?”

“While that’s the case, I’m quite interested in you.”

“Sorry, I don’t swing that way.”

“Very funny. I’m curious on how strong you are, as I’ve never fought a demon, nor one so closely related to the devil himself. Please enlighten me, little girl.” She said with a smirk.

As Ivy charged at her, she hopped around the place while throwing parts of her body that Ivy dodged. Ivy eventually caught her with a flurry of attacks which had little effect due to her slime body. Sadie smacked her into the air, morphed her hands into spikes and stabbed her repeatedly before knocking her to the ground. “Aww, you poor baby, did that hurt you?”

Ivy quickly got up, leapt towards her and tried to kick her in the face, but Sadie separated her top half and flew back while her bottom half hit Ivy with a roundhouse kick. She then separated into dozens of large watery bullets and flew around, hitting Ivy from all sides as she started laughing. As she reformed, Ivy attempted to cut her in half with her scythe, only for Sadie to say. “Are you stupid? That shit doesn’t work on me, little girl.” She turned her arm into a hammer and knocked her back. “Such a pathetic princess. Now get back in your room, weakling.” Ivy charged at her yet again and started attacking. “Open your ears, all that does is tickle.” Ivy’s hands then glowed red as she punched her in the stomach, sending her flying back with an explosion.

As she held her stomach, visibly in pain, Ivy said, “Need some aloe vera for that burn?” Clearly annoyed, Sadie began throwing large blobs of herself at Ivy that she punched through. Sadie moved around like water as Ivy tried to follow her movements, doing things such as tripping her up, leaping on top of Ivy and stabbing her multiple times in the chest. Ivy soon caught up, grabbed her by the hair and punched her across the area. They charged at each other, with Ivy countering Sadie’s wild solidified swings with her fiery swipes then blocking her rapid-fire spike attack. As Sadie did a leg swipe, Ivy hit her with a dropkick, then followed up with continuous fiery punches to her stomach and face, knocking her far back with a blast of fire.

“Come here, bitch!” Ivy exclaimed as she tried to grab her, but missed as Sadie leaped back and formed a brick wall from her body which she threw at Ivy, who smashed right through it as she yelled, “Fuck yo defences!” Sadie evaded her again by jumping up onto a ledge nearby.

“I’ve decided you’re not worth bringing in. Honestly, I never really gave a shit, I just wanted to kill you.”

“Glad we’re on the same page. Now get down here.”
 
“Not so fast, I wanna play a game.”

“Seems to me like you’re scared and running away.”

Sadie began violently shaking and slowly produced a solidified square the size of a house which was covered in spikes. “Don’t ask how I can do these things, just accept the warm embrace of death.” As she threw it at Ivy, she began laughing, but stopped as Ivy flew right through the object. Sadie threw several move blocks which Ivy cut through with her scythe, that was covered in fire. She cut the head off and threw her body to the ground. She landed beside the body, touched the ground with her hand and a beam of fire shot up underneath the body. She then turned around and blasted the head, vaporizing it.

Ivy breathed a sigh of relief as she walked off. “What a bitch.”

-----

“That’s what happened?” Poison asked.

“That’s what happened.” Ivy nodded. “I then went to where she was said to be. Not sure what her deal was, if it was now I might‘ve said something quirky, like me “Unleashing the beast.” or something but oh well. Didn‘t like her theme much either, too metaly, though I killed her before the second phase.”

“Her theme?” Rosie asked, Clearly confused.

“You wanna say what you did during this?” Poison asked, turning to Amber.

“Uhh, sorry, I know its story time and all, but I don’t remember that much of this.”

Suddenly the bedroom door opened, Gary and Ruby walked in and then Ruby leaped into the air with a flying kick as she said, “Marco!”

Ivy leaped out of bed towards her, responding, “Polo!” Their feet connected then they dropped down and hugged. “Thanks for coming.”

“It’s alright.”

“You never showed me that kind of love.” Kate replied.

“Don’t be like that, Kate.” Ivy said. “I’m not a hater.”

“I dunno, man. We don’t even do the homie no more.”

“Alright lets do it then.” And so Ivy and Kate bumped it to the left, then bumped it to the right.

“Sorry we took so long.” Ruby began. “I had to pull over on the way here.”

“Was your ass too fat?”

“Uh, no? We had to get gas, what’s wrong with my butt?”

“From what I understand, that’s a good thing.” Gary said, then turned to Poison and quietly said. “That is, right?” He shrugged.

“Hey Ruby.” Poison waved, while Ruby simply glared. “Still mad, huh?”

“Of course! I’ll never forgive you for not telling me!”

“How about a lollipop?” He said, handing her a large one.

“A-are you trying to bribe me?” She seemed insulted but took it anyway. “Are you trying to stereotype me?” She asked before licking it. “DO YOU THINK I’M A CUTE GIRL WHO DOES CUTE THINGS?”

“Why are you yelling?” Gary asked.

“I DON’T KNOW. But I’ll have you know I do cool things too!”

Poison sighed. “Fine, you’re not a cute girl.”

“Damn right I’m not.” Nobody decided to reply to that.

“Okay, I’m gonna continue then.” Poison said. “Not long now.”

-----

After walking around for a while, Poison discovered Ivy had already gone to find Flora and contacted Amber. “Hey, she’s already taken off, where’s this other base?”

“About 20 miles north. No, really, that’s it.”

“How’re things on your end?”

“Fought some giant robot on horseback while trying to blow up their reinforced steel transport, didn’t work out that well. Did you find Katrina?”

“No, I-”

“You’ve gotta focus heavily on the ass, Harry.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

And so he looked around for another five minutes or so and eventually found one guard who met the requirements. He tapped her on the shoulder. “You the cat?”

“I the cat, you the green?”

“I the green.”

“Cool. I’ll be brief. I messed with Flora’s gems, two of them look real but are total fakes.”

“Nice, I gotta get going to her other base so I’ll-”

“Hold on, I’ll take you, follow me.”

And so they got on her orange doom buggy and drove off in the rain. “So you’re turning against Flora now?”

“Was never really assisting her to begin with. I’m just not fond of outsiders.”

“So why are you helping?”

“I think Flora is worse.”

“Guess that’s good enough.” They soon came across a knight in glowing white armor standing by the side of a road wielding a glowing green sword. “I think this guy’s been waiting for me. Go on ahead, I’ll catch up.”

“Alright, look for me when you get there?”

“Uhh, ass shakes?”

She nodded. “Ass shakes.” Then drove off.

“A pleasure to finally meet you, Harry.” The knight took a bow.

“Yeah, Beatrice called me poison to your plans.”

“That’s of little concern here. There’s no sides, no beliefs, just us.”

“No gimmicks or ambushes?”

“Just good old fashioned one-on-one sword fighting.”

“I’m liking you already, you’re a dude, right? I don’t see a breastplate.”

“Gender is of little concern, now, lets begin.”

As their swords clashed they talked, because normal sword fights are boring. “So where did you get the sword?”

“From within the snake serpent tomb on Mt. Mubojubo. I went through many trails but none too straining in the eyes of resolve.”

“You lost me halfway.”

Poison launched several waves of wind at the knight who proceeded to do the same with the glowing sword. After more fast slashes, the knight knocked the sword out of Poison’s hand, then suddenly speed blitzed him continuously, slashing at him as the knight dashed past a dozen times before stopping. As Poison collapsed, the knight put away the sword and walked off only for Poison to slowly get up.

“Hold on, we’re not finished here just yet.” Poison said, picking his sword back up.

“Well this is new…”

They continued their sword fight until Poison managed to knock the knight’s helmet off, revealing a woman with long silver hair.

“This would be a little surprising if I wasn’t fighting women all the time here. Are there actually any men around?”

“Yes, but not in these parts. Honestly, this armor makes fighting a little sluggish, could I have a moment to remove it?”

“Take your time.”

And so she did, right down to her glittery bra and panties. “I hope this doesn’t distract you.”

“I’ve seen enough for one day.”

“Excellent, I’ve resolved any previous ties I had, have no concern about what Flora wants, and I’ve relieved myself prior to this battle. I have no regrets. I’ve lived by the sword my whole life, and if so I choose to die by it.”

“Nice speech, but a small part of that seemed a little out of place.”

The knight began doing dash attacks numerous times which Poison blocked. She then leaped up and spun horizontally as she swung her blade. As she landed, she continued to attack until Poison knocked it out of her hands. She hopped onto his sword with his next swing and backflipped to catch her sword. She quickly readied herself as Poison started attacking.

“Do you happen to consider yourself a white knight as well?” She asked.

“I’d prefer grey personally.”

As they went on, the knight began conversing. “I never seem to feel alive unless I’m going out with the intent to kill or be killed. Even earlier when I relieved myself, the feeling simply couldn’t compare. I suppose I’ve always been this way. I grew up in a jungle, rationalizing and killing to survive. I killed a lion at the age of 11 with my bare hands, I was also naked when I did it. Before that I choked a panther to death at age 9 with just a pair of panties I had been wearing for weeks. At age 4 I killed a crocodile by hitting its pressure points.”

“You sound more bizarre the more you talk, is this what was meant to distract me?”

“Flora was my college roommate, but that’s not important. Two men tried to rape me once, you know what I did?”

“Tell disturbing stories about yourself killing animals?”

“I ripped their dicks off.”

“Close enough.”

The knight threw her sword past Poison, ducked under his next swing and hit one of his pressure points with her fingertips, making him drop his sword. She hopped back as he tried to kick her, giving him time to pick it back up then blocked her next moves while moving back, allowing the knight to catch her sword right after. The knight eventually stabbed Poison in the chest, though he used this to get closer and stab her as well. “So it ends here…” She said, partially relieved.

“Don’t expect me to stay.” Poison said, slowly removing herself from her blade. “I have somewhere to be.”

“I wish you luck, and thank you.” Then she collapsed. After a few moments of silence, she got back up. “Oh, my name is Luna, btw. My sword is now yours, I won’t be needing it any longer.” Then she collapsed again for good.

-----

“So you got your signature sword from some chick you killed on another planet?” Rosie asked.

“Seems awfully convenient.” Leo said, having shown up some time ago and waved at Poison who waved back.

“Oh yeah,” Ruby began. “Does anyone wanna try some of my angel cake?”

“Ruby, that’s highly inappropriate.” Gary replied.

“I didn’t know you were so bold, Ruby.” Ivy said in shock.

“Huh?” Ruby said, clearly confused.

Poison got another call from Damien and left for a moment. “Hey, what’s up?”

“I found an old prescription for that Super Flu just recently, figured I might as well send, Ivy should feel better in no time.”

“Showing more of that caring side, I see.”

“Don’t say a word about this.”

“You’d be a little closer if you weren’t deliberately a dick to her.”

“We’re close enough. On occasion a little too close, like one time I cleaned her ears. I never realized how awkward that was till halfway through, then we stopped talking for months.”

“That seems silly and extreme.”

“Have you ever cleaned your younger sister’s ears?”

“I don’t have a younger sister.”

“Then clearly you wouldn’t understand.”

“I’m gonna go now.”

“Yes, I suppose I mustn’t keep you.”

When he came back, Ivy asked, “Who was that?” Then sneezed to her right.

“Damien, talking about how its not good to have a close sibling relationship.”

“Oh.” She blushed. “Like that time he cleaned my ears, that was a little awkward.”

“How was it awkward?”

“Have you ever had your ears cleaned by your older brother?”

“I don’t have an older brother.”

“Then clearly you wouldn’t understand.”

“I feel there’s some details I’m missing. Anyway, lets wrap this up, its been too long.”

“I wanna do this shit!” Kate yelled, getting up. “I’ve been sitting here patient for too long! I wanna tell this bit!”

“But you weren’t th-”

“Iggybiggyboo!”

“Bu-”

“Wackalackasmaka!”

“I-”

“PRETZELS!”

“Oh fine…”

-----

So my boy, Harry, looking like a true player, laying the smack down on them hoes that get out of line, and now has this badass Mo-fo sword. That shit glows green, son. Have no idea how the fuck this works but Ivy and Poison meet up right outside Flora’s HQ and shit goes like this.

“What are you doing down here?” My girl, Ivy asked.

“I’m here to bring you back, right after taking care of things.”

“What a coincidence, I’m here to do the same thing.”

“I’m gonna have a hard time keeping you safe if you’re here.”

“Hmph. I can look after myself, thank you very much.”

“You sure?” My boy, Harry asked as they walk through that entrance like MF-ing bosses.

“Worry about yourself.”

“Alright, guess that lightens my load.”

Suddenly, these red alarms go off and there’s some bitch on a loudspeaker like, “Attention all bitches, this green-haired dude is here. Take him down, but protect your backs, he’s an assman.”

While Ivy seemed confused, Harry sighed. “I suppose this was Katrina’s doing…”

So they charge through this shit like their eating fucking skittles, ya dig? Bitches, robots, mini-bosses, they’re all staying free. This one tough looking bitch comes out all like, “Face me, intruders!” And Ivy was all, “Smash you!” with an overhead, then leapt up high and crushed her with a meteor as she yelled “Meteor Crush!” Then threw her hands up and exclaimed, “Gao!”

-----

Some of them laughed while Ivy was clearly mad. “I totally wasn’t like that!”

“That’s totally you.” Rosie replied. Several others nodded.

-----

So as they ran to where this Flora chick was, Ivy gets grabbed by some mechanical plant thing that tries to eat her or something. She hanging upside down, focusing more on not exposing herself saying shit like, “Ahh! Don’t look! Just get me down but don’t look!”

“I can’t really help if I don’t know where it is.”

“You can hear the thing! And its right in front of you!”

“My hearing ain’t so good. Plus, my directional sense is bad.”

“Fine, I’ll do it.” She blasted this fool from above, burning his bitch-ass like fodder and straightened her dress.

“So you could do it after all…”

“No thanks to you!”

So they get to this boss room or something, its like 300 feet wide or something. Its wide open and what-not but indoors. “So you’ve arrived.” said dat girl, Flora.

“I’m here to shut you down.” Poison replied.

“Heh, you fools are misguided and foolish. Shut me down? Lets see you try and shut down my Mother-fucking-Rex, son!” She exclaimed, as she revealed the 50 foot mechanical beast which roared as flames sprouted from its mouth.

-----

“Did this really happen?” Gary asked.

Poison shook his head. “No, but I wanna see where this goes.”

-----

So they fight this Mother-fucking-Rex, dodging and blocking its big-ass swings and whatnot, and slicing its parts off when they get the chance. Ivy stomps this bitch with a fiery blast to the cockpit, but Flora bails early and runs like a bitch to some underground passage. They find her doing this incomplete ritual to gain godlike power. She’s got like long beautiful hair now, the looks of some chick in her prime while being like 6’5”, having big angelic wings, and having some glowy aura. I’d fuck this bitch, for real. This bitch fucking bloomed like a flower. She took shit outside, fucking threw Poison and Ivy like dolls then monologued.

“I’ve finally done it!” Flora laughed.

“What do you want? Revenge?” Ivy asked.

“No, not just revenge. I want revengeance!”

“What does that even mean?”

“A combination of revenge and vengeance, duh.”

“Is that even a real word?”

“Just because you had a few bad experiences gives you no right to do this.” Poison said.

“And why not? I don’t believe there should be any dishonesty among your significant other. No lies! No deceit! No malicious intent from others! Is it right to play with others feelings or crumble them up like sticky notes? Why should I put up with it? They deserve to be put in their place, six feet under!”

“She makes some good points.” Ivy commented.

“You were one of her planned ingredients, remember?” Poison replied.

“Oh, right.”

“I don’t trust your words for even a minute.” Poison said, turning to Flora. “You wouldn’t go to such trouble just for some ex-boyfriends.”

“You seem awfully concerned, are you a cheating and deceitful person too?”

“No way!”

“Are you?” Ivy asked.

“Of course not! She‘s the bad guy here!”

“Enough chit-chat.” Flora landed on the ground. “I have matters to attend to soon, I must dispose of you guys. Shouldn‘t be too hard with my new powers.”

“Don’t be so sure, if my info is correct you shouldn’t be too tough since two of your gems were replaced with fakes.”

“What?!? You lie!”

“Believe what you want.”

“Your death will please me greatly.”

So this bitch pretty much manhandles these two working together half the time, then gets caught off-guard like having her hands glued to the floor due to being stabbed by both of Poison’s swords then kicked in the face, or Ivy evading one of her explosive punches and knocking her out with her own. Flora started making use of her flight, moving around at extreme speeds and clotheslined the fuck out of them, while throwing out waves of energy that set any vehicles nearby on fire.

Ivy chased the bitch, jumped on her back and laid into her while Flora spun wildly. She flipped and suddenly hit the ground hard, causing Ivy to let go. She circled from above and formed this big-ass nightmare looking mouth from her abdomen, trying to eat her. Ivy got the fuck out of dodge just in time as Poison hit Flora with a ball of wind, sending her flying. This shit went on for ages, they’d cut this bitch down with the intent to kill but she’d keep reviving, sprouting shit about how false people’s feelings are and that love doesn’t exist, clearly a nutjob.

So just to be dicks to this bitch, Ivy and Poison charged up, held hands and unleashed a massive beam of fiery wind that they called, “Last Liberation of Love!”

“But that’s not lo-” Before she could finish, she was cut into hundreds of pieces which were then burnt to a crisp and the ashes flew away in the wind.

“Some god she was.” Ivy commented.

“Guess it was one of those things where missing just one required source of power brings it down to like 20% of its full effect.”

“Yeah, too bad for her.”

“Yep.”

“That was quite something though.”

“…You can let go of my hand now.”

Upon realizing, Ivy immediately did and backed up slightly. “I-its not like I did it on purpose or anything!”

“I-”

“I didn’t like it at all, shut up!”

-----

“And that’s that.” Kate nodded.

“How would you know parts you weren’t there for?” Amber asked.

“I read the script.”

“Alright, fair enough.”

“So why do you still call Harry ‘Poison’ even though a lot of other people call him by his name?” Goldia asked.

“I’m used to it, I guess.” Ivy shrugged. “Guess it is jarring now that I think about it.”

“I should get going, got some things to take care of.” Rosie said, getting up.

“I’ll be going myself.” Leo added.

One by one overtime everyone left till it was just Ivy and Poison. When it was clear, Ivy turned to him and said, “Alright, lets cuddle.”

“If I said that you’d call me gay, besides, I don’t want your flu.”

“You won’t catch it from cuddling.”

“Don’t wanna risk it.”

“Harry, like it or not, I’m going to hug the shit outta you!”

“Over my dead body!”

Ivy leapt towards him as he rolled out the way and she hit a bookshelf with her head. “Get back here and let me hug you, you fucking ****!” She yelled as he ran out the room.

“Keep your hands off, bitch!”

While Ivy was perfectly fine again the very next day, everyone who had been in her room the previous day had now caught the super flu from her.
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« Reply #429 on: 24 April, 2013, 07:06:32 pm »

Now it’s time for: Reipa Girl, tell ‘em!

Lolita slide into the room up to the office desk she usually sat at with the camera facing her. Kate was sitting beside her as she sat down. She pointed at Kate and said, “You.” completely deadpan.

Kate shook her head as she replied, “Reipa girl, I told ya.”

“So welcome to another Q&A, everyone. My guest today is Kate Katalin, also known as ‘Krazy Katie’.”

“What up?” Kate waved.

“So lets get started, first caller, proceed.”

“Hey, there was some things which weren’t really explained very well, or required some explanation but didn’t get one.”

“Yes, some things had to be rushed or omitted as there was a lot to get through. Sorry about that.”

“It’s cool, but one other thing. Kate, how dare you imply that girls with short hair and glasses are unattractive!”

“Whoa, cool off, homie.” Kate responded. “I didn’t mean it like that, and also, I technically never said that the chick took off her glasses. I would‘ve fucked that bitch either way, real talk.”

“Alright, fair enough.”

“Next caller, yo.”

“KK?”

“What up?”

“Y’know, I’m really feeling you and so I wanna know how you started, well, acting like that.”

“Acting like what?”

“Y’know, how you speak.”

“The fuck? You trying to start beef?”

“I think he means your tendency to be a ‘bro’ to your friends.” Lolita said.

“Oh, okay. So I grew up in a bad neighbourhood, well technically all of them were bad but there were all types of gangs and shit rolling round where I lived. These fuckers were always robbing people, putting people in hospital and whatnot. One of these guys killed my stuffed animal, Ringu-
chan, at which point I’d had enough of their shit. I strapped myself up, got my hair did-”

“Three different ways, apparently.” Lolita retorted.

“Got those size 11 Jordan’s, had to get me a gold chain and dat bling-”

“Did you put a ring on it?”

“You damn right I did. So yeah, I start confronting these fuckers, curbstomping ‘em and whatnot and they be running when they so much as see me coming down that street, couldn’t handle the shit I was dishing out.”

“So you gunned them down?” The caller asked.

“Guns? Nah, fam, wasn’t dealing with that. My beatdowns were purely physical, when I went in, I went hard. I was keeping it smooth like a criminal, doing it two-step.”

“Nice, man. So how did you and Ivy meet?”

“Believe or not, we met in a public toilet. Oh man, I had diarrhea coming out the ass from this taco I ate that day.”

“Uhh, TMI, Kate.”

“You wanted the low-down, right?”

“Yeah, but-”

“Then shut up and listen. Anyway, I see this bitch come in and thought to myself, “Hey, she seems like someone who wouldn’t mind having a conversation in the bathroom, Imma talk to her while I continue shitting.” She seemed cool with it, for a while at least. So as I finish and she’s washing her hands, I continue talking to her and touched her without washing my hands. Now she’s clearly annoyed by this but I wasn’t paying enough attention to know why. Now sometimes I say what just comes to mind and in my mind, this bitch understood me, and she was cute, and I like to hug cute things. Bare in mind, I still haven’t washed my hands. So as I hug her, she freaks out, yelling obscenities and throwing me about the place like a rag doll, smashing everything in sight and even ripped my head off.”

“So why didn’t you die?” Lolita asked.

“Well, it was just a brief inconvenience on my part but after that experience I learned the meaning of personal space, bad touch…and to wash my hands before hugging others.”

“Good for you.” The caller replied. “That was really…something.”

“Next caller, please.” Lolita said.

“Yo, so from what’s been known so far, almost every demon seems to have some kind of natural elemental power or something related to that, so what kind of special power do you have, Kate?”

“That’s a secret, man. Can’t go revealing that to just everyone, it’s so awesome that I’d overshadow everyone if it got out.”

“Yeah right, I bet you don’t have any power at all, and if you did it would be the lamest one ever.”

“That’s not true! Stop being all up in my grill!” She nudged Lolita. “Reipa Girl, tell ‘im!”

Lolita put on a pair of shades and looked the other way as she replied, “Girl, you tripping.”

“Oh, I see now. Fuck you, man.” She then yelled off-screen. “Yo, shut down this fool, next caller.”

“Hai, I absolutely <3 the last one, sickness is so moe. Ivy is so kawaii, and Harry is so sugoi. OTP for sure. So will there be more like that? Also, I <3 your show Lolita, you’re sugoi too.”

“First of all,” Lolita began. “If you talk like that again , I’ll personally find you and break your back in four different places, and two, I’m not saying shit.”

“Kay, I’ll just wait and see then. Bye bye!”

“Was that a dude?” Kate asked.

“I surely hope not. Next caller, please.”

“Hi, I just wanted to say that I’m impressed at the number of names which have some kind of hidden meaning, or a pun, or just something related to an event here. How do you like, do that on the regular?”

“Surprisingly easy, just look up a list of names and pull one out of a hat, or split a name of a product or questionable word in half and go with it. While it’s not given too much attention, there can be times when its just simply pointed out by someone else.”

“Like with the references?”

“Yes, some are deliberately vague, some could be unintentionally noticed, and some others are outright called upon. There may occasionally be a reference where you might go, “Haha, I didn‘t think something like that would actually be brought up.” or “Dude, just stop bringing that up now, the fuck.”, or you just might not get it, which means you haven‘t heard about or seen what‘s being mentioned.”. Did that help in any way?”

“I suppose so.”

“Excellent. Next caller, please.”

Kate appeared to be breathing heavily and wiped some sweat off her forehead as she said. “I can’t take this anymore.” She turned to Lolita.” I need the D.” After a moment of silence, she pulled out a big carton of Sunny Delight. “The Sunny D, that is!” Lolita played a laugh track to this.

“Hi there, I was wondering, what’s up with how you guys call each other across entirely different planets, or how the air is perfectly fine on any planet you go to. When will you explain things like this?”

“Never, next caller, please.”

“Hello, I-”

Lolita pressed a switch which triggered some alarms and the place flashed red for a few moments. “Hold that thought, you’re the 100,000th caller, so I’ve prepared something special.”

“Wow, really?”

“Really. I designed a quiz of 10 questions earlier. Depending on how many you get right, you’ll get a special prize. Get under 6 correct and you get nothing.”

“What if I got them all wrong?”

“I would kill you, now lets begin. Q1. Of all the species listed below, which one hasn’t been seen?

1. Vampire
2. Tsundere
3. Snake
4. Cat

“Well 3, obviously.” The caller replied.

“Correct. Q2. Do all demons have tails?

1. Well I would assume so.
2. Only the women. Because that’s some form of fetish.
3. Only Ivy, because it’s just another excuse to tease her. And fetish fuel.
4. It’s none of my concern.

“Uhh, 2?”

“Incorrect, the answer was 4. Q3. What’s Harry’s deal with fighting women so often?

1. He secretly hates all women and enjoys beating them up.
2. He just inconveniently finds himself in such situations.
3. He’s trying to add more girls to his harem by beating them up and making them join by force.
4. He has no qualms about dealing with such issues because it’s a normal thing on his planet.

“I’m gonna go with 4.”

“That is correct. Q4. Who wears short shorts?

1. I wear short shorts
2. You wear short shorts.
3. Kate
4. A lot of people, they just don’t talk about it.

“4 again?”

“Sorry, the answer was 3. Q5. How long left?

1. 1 month, 3 days, 17 hours & 40 minutes.
2. 5 days, 16 hours, & 26 minutes.
3. 11 days, 7 hours & 12 minutes.
4. When it’s done.

“Gonna go with 1.”

“Sorry, the answer was 2. Q6. Word has spread that Kate is stuffing her bra and isn’t as ‘gifted’ as she would suggest-”

Kate spit out her Sunny D. “That’s a lie! They’re hating & spreading lies!”

“As I was saying, guess Kate’s true cup size:

1. 38AA
2. 36C
3. 34B
4. This is quite rude and inappropriate.

“Hmm, I’m gonna go with 1.”

Kate spat out her Sunny D again. “The fuck, man?”

“I’m sorry, the answer was-”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Kate yelled over Lolita.

“Alright, we’ll move on. Q7. Put these four in order from oldest to youngest:

1. Gary > Ivy > Ruby > Harry
2. Ruby > Gary > Harry > Ivy
3. Harry > Gary > Ivy > Ruby
4. Ivy > Ruby > Harry > Gary

“But this was never mentioned…”

“Just pick one.”

“Uhh, 1?”

“That’s…correct. Q8. How old is Pandora?

1. 18 years old.
2. 15 years old.
3. 12 years old.
4. Old enough.

“I know this one, it’s 2.”

“That’s correct. Q9. How old am I? Bare in mind, I’ll be forced to kill you if you answer correctly:

1. 27 years old.
2. 23 years old.
3. 21 years old.
4. Young enough.

“…4?”

“I’ll let it slide and give you that one for not picking the others. Q10. Did you enjoy this quiz?

1. It was utterly stupid
2. It was funny, amusing and informative.
3. Meh.
4. I love your show.

“I’ll go with 4 again.”

“That is also correct, you got a total of 6.”

“So what do I win?”

“The right for me to not brutally kill you for a disgraceful performance, congratulations.”

“Yay?”

“It seems that’s all we have time for today, take care.” Lolita waved.

Kate flashed a peace sign as she said, “Peace out, people.”
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« Reply #430 on: 13 June, 2013, 12:00:10 pm »

I'm like a week late, but shit happens
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Obtuse Vertical Angle

It was a blah blah blah day, as usual. Pandora was walking around blah blah, and approached a garage where Damien and Poison happened to be at that moment. As she entered, the two were standing around a table with Damien writing down something. As they noticed her, Poison waved while Damien greeted her, “Good evening, Pandora.”

“Hello, what’s going on? I went to visit Lolita but she’s just sitting in a dark room and refuses to move. What did you do?”

“You’ve already assumed the worst, I see. To be brief, there’s a tag-team racing event coming up shortly and I decided not to have her as my partner so you could fill that place. That would please you, would it not?”

“Yes, I suppose it would, but what’s this about a race?”

“It’s a long story, we naturally do things like this.”

“But I don’t get it, why would you do this for me?”

“Well we’re friends, right? You’re always so needy and such an attention seeker that I figured I’d help you out.”

“You won’t raise any extra flags with me.”

“I’m unsure what that means but it wasn’t my intention.”

Poison began to leave as he said, “Hey, I gotta get going, apparently it’s something urgent. We’ll get the list sorted by tomorrow, right?”

“Yes, I should have the choices narrowed down by then.” Damien nodded.

Poison took off and went straight to an empty area by the beach where Ivy was waiting. “About time you got here!” She exclaimed.

“So what’s so urgent?”

Her expression suddenly turned from anger into one befitting a cry for help as she ran in circles. “I don’t know what to do! First I-and then there was- Then this didn’t-and it’s all messed up!” 

“Speaking in complete sentences would help a great deal.”

She stopped running and took a deep breath. “Okay. Well as you know I’m pretty concerned about my development recently.”

“Pretty sure everyone knows by now.”

“So I saw my future self and she told me when it was going to happen. According to her, my growth spurt should have happened exactly 2 days, 9 hours, 23 minutes and 47 seconds ago.”

“I see you’re keeping track of the seconds now.”

“But I haven’t changed! I figured it was because I stayed up late, wondering how it would happen, then I figured, maybe my body subconsciously develops. Like, I need to turn off most of the lights for my body to work its magic. But I waited and waited patiently like a good little girl, BUT IT HASN’T HAPPENED! WHY?!?”

“Maybe your future self got the date a little wrong?”

“Yeah, but she wouldn’t forget something so important like this!”

“The way you react, that’s probably true…”

“I know! I’ll build a time-travelling machine, go back there and demand that she relay those details again!”

“Maybe what happened in that time is different here, maybe it just won’t happen.”

“Don’t say that! It’s gotta be a fuck-up! I knew it, you’re a pedo, aren’t you? You don’t want me to change!”

“I’m not a pedo.”

“Laugh it up, ****.” She pointed at him. “Enjoy this young body while you can because soon enough I shall evolve and become a mature woman!”

“Are you even listening to yourself? That sentence was beyond creepy.”

“Whatever! I’ll solve this for sure, then you’ll see! Everyone will see!” She yelled as she stormed off.

“Nice talking with you.” Poison said sarcastically.

The next morning, showcasing a scene which would technically be a little out of context to place here, we join The two rangers who commentated during the Team Deathmatch event, White and Green as they sat behind a desk.

“Good morning, viewers. We’re back again, White.”

“And Green. It’s great to be back, White.”

“Sure is, Green. But lets get down to the meat of things. Coming up in just a few days is the annual marathon race, as I’m sure you’re all aware. Of course, anyone who wants to participate will need a partner and a working vehicle, not to mention toning down so you aren’t blatantly cheating.”

“It is okay to cheat as long as you’re subtle about it.” Green added. “No-one likes braggers.”

“While I say anyone can join, there’s a limit of around 500 people, so yeah, not much more than that. It’s honestly first come, first served in confirmation of who’s participating. The details of the course will be given on the day to avoid any shenanigans, nor will info concerning those participating and their vehicles be disclosed for safety reasons.”

“If you wanna sabotage other racers vehicles, do it in your own time and figure those details out yourself.” Green added.

“So good luck to all those who wish to participate, and we’ll see you there at the starting grid.”

And so, back to the story. Poison met Ivy again the next morning in the same location. As Ivy showed up, she now wore a backwards red cap, a bat-styled black hoodie, baggy blue jeans and had her hands in her pockets. “What up?” She said.

While stunned for a few moments, he then replied. “That’s cute.”

“It’s not cute!” She grabbed her hat and threw it to the ground then called Kate. “Dammit, Kate! You said this style was cool!”

“It is, girl! Not my fault you can’t pull it off. Anyway, peace out.” She then hung up.

Ivy sighed before Poison asked, “So what’s the occasion? Made that time-travelling machine?”

“Halfway done, actually. I still haven’t changed yet and I wanted to try something different is all. I thought I would look cool…”

“Wanting to look cool is cute.”

“No it’s not! Shut up!”

“That’s a really touchy subject, huh?”

“It’s not good. There was one time my mom and her two friends were talking about how planets get conquered and that they should go kill one of the weak-ass races out there. Anyway, I said how I could have easily taken over the Earth numerous times while I was there. They laughed at this, saying shit like how “little Ivy could never do such an evil thing” and when I tried to prove them wrong, they tickled me into submission till I couldn’t talk back anymore!”

“Is tickling just your weakness now or something?”

“Have you ever been tickled into submission?”

“Thankfully I haven’t, nor do I know someone who would want to do that…I think.”

“Then clearly you wouldn’t understand.”

“That phrase is beginning to annoy me…”

“Anyway, once my growth spurt happens, no-one will be able to justify their tickling with shit like, “It’s cute.”, “It warms my heart.” or other shit.”

“Yeah, then it’ll become more of a fetish and even more embarrassing when you wet yourself from repeated tickling.”

“We’ll see. Oh, we also gotta go prepare a vehicle for a race.”

“I’m already doing it with Damien.”

“…Huh?”

“I already agreed to be his partner a few days ago.”

“W-wait a minute! What about me?”

“You’ve got tons of friends now, haven’t you?”

“Yeah but-”

“This really shouldn’t be such a big deal.”

“Fine! Go be with your boyfriend, Damien, see if I care!”

“Now you’re just being silly.”

“Clearly you hate me and I’m a nuisance, I get it.”

“I don’t think that. What, you want me to go over that here?”

“It might help…”

“Well, I like how determined you usually are to prove yourself. If someone says you can’t do something you’ll normally go to great lengths merely to prove them wrong…which normally doesn’t happen. Also, I like how blunt and honest you can be about what you like and dislike. If someone smelt bad, you’d be the first one or sometimes the only one to point it out while others would just avoid that person, though that bluntness can be annoying at times too. I like how nowadays you’re technically a good person but when making moral choices you’d rather wait for someone to give you a flimsy excuse to help a person just so your “evil reputation” isn’t compromised.”

“It would help if some of that didn’t seem like backhanded insults…”

“Just being totally honest.”

“Uh-huh. Anyway, go on.”

“What?”

“Keep going, praise me more.”

“It’s amusing these days how much you want to be spoiled or praised and is nowhere near as aggravating in the past when you try to demand it from others, because that’s cute.”

“That’s it, I’ve heard enough.”

“Still think it’s cute.”

“Okay, but, um, am I s-sexy?”

“Hell no.” Poison ducked under a sand boulder. “But that nervousness is cute.”

“No its not! Stop saying that word!”

“Your outbursts are cute too.”

“NO. ITS. NOT! I’m not cute, damnit! Stop mocking me!”

“I suppose an angry Ivy is cute too, maybe not as cute as nervous Ivy though.”

“I’m seriously going to kill you!”

“I guess a murderous Ivy is kinda cute as well…”

“Oh, I see what you’re doing now.” She smiled confidently and crossed her arms. “Well that won’t work on the likes of me anymore.”

“An Ivy that catches on is cuter than murderous Ivy, but below angry Ivy.” Ivy frowned and remained silent as she turned around and walked off, while Poison kept talking. “An Ivy who walks away is also quite cute.” Ivy began to walk faster. “It’s cuter when you do that.” Ivy then began running as Poison yelled, “That’s also cute!”

Meanwhile, Pandora visited Lolita again who still sat in a chair within a dark room. “Lolita, are you there?” There was no response. “I think we should take part in the race together, I would be glad to be your partner.”

As if the lights were connected to her mood, they suddenly switched on as Lolita turned to her. “You would?”

“Yes, I believe we can beat all the other competitors.”

“B-but…”

“Lolita, do you know why Damien didn’t have you as his partner?”

“I have displeased him…”

“Pretty sure that’s not it, he’s testing you, Lolita.”

“He is?”

“Yes, he wants to see what you’re made of. So we need to go out there and win, show him that you’re an awesome wife!”

Lolita got up. “Yes! That makes total sense! That must be it!”

“Yeah.” Pandora then quietly said, “Though I made that up and it makes very little sense.”

In the garage where Damien and Poison were the day before, Damien was now reading out his list to Poison. “So putting aside Lolita and Pandora, I’m pretty sure at least two of the demon lords will compete so we’ll get to that eventually, there’s a group of bikers called the ‘Heaven’s Demons.” who we’ll need to get a little rough with, there’s this punk rocker we’ll also have to pay a visit to. A woman I know will also be an issue, but she’s a deep sleeper and also really irritable when awake so that can wait till night.”

“So that’s all the people that we need to sabotage?”

“Just the primary ones.”

“What about Lolita and Pandora?”

Damien sat down as he talked. “We don’t want everyone handicapped for this event, we’re just thinning out the herd. But it’s not fun if there’s no challenge in this.”

“Fair enough. So who do we target first?”

“I’d suggest the punk rocker, I want that done early.”

Suddenly, Pandora entered the garage wearing different clothing from her usual attire. She wore blue jeans, and a black short sleeved shirt with the words “15 Years Old.” on the front. Poison waved again while Damien greeted her. “Good morning, Pandora, how kind of you to join us. How’s life?”

“Life is an endless descent of misery and despair.”

“Sounds to me like someone needs a hug.”

“I’m fine. You still haven’t explained what you were doing yesterday.”

“Feel free to read the list.”

As she approached the table, she sat in Damien’s lap as she started reading, and while surprised by her actions, he merely accepted it.

“So you’re going to sabotage competitors vehicles? How expected of demons.” She said, looking up.

“Just living up to expectations.” Poison shrugged.

“You’re free to join us if you wish.” Damien added.

“I’m not sure yet, this seems rather cruel.” Pandora replied, as she moved around.

“Believe it or not, this is normal. Hell, there’s probably a few other competitors targeting us right now. It’s pretty much why contestants keep the details of their vehicles under wraps and in private locations. It’s just common sense.” Poison responded.

“Well, alright then, guess that’s fair.” Pandora said, moving around some more.

“Pandora, aren‘t you a little too old to be doing childish things like this?” Damien asked.

“I’m younger than Lolita so its fine, or am I disturbing you? ”

“That’s no excuse, besides, we can’t proceed with today’s plans if I just sit here, and I’d prefer not to throw you across the garage, so if you’d please.”

“Very well.” She replied, getting up. “Hmm, I’m rather annoyed, and yet at the same time I’m a little impressed.”

Damien ignored her and pulled out a wooden box in the corner. At that point, Poison said, “We might wanna consider Kate as a compe-”

Suddenly, Kate popped out of a trash can right next to Poison and raised her hand as she said, “What up?”

“Oh, hey Kate.” Poison replied, acting like this was normal. “You…didn’t hear certain things in there, did you?”

“Nah, I was sleeping then I heard my name so I got sprung.”

“Uh-huh.”

Kate glanced over at Pandora. “Oh, who’s that?”

“We’ve met before.”

“Really?”

“You kept poking my cheek.”

“Oh! You’re the doll girl!”

“I’m not a d-” Kate started poking her cheek again, at which point Pandora slapped her. “That’s incredibly rude.”

“Sorry, I can’t help it sometimes. So, you’re one of those shinimabob’s like Lolita, huh? You guys are so unusual. You’re like, dead, but function like living people. Your cheek even feels warm, HOW DOES THAT WORK? Do you have to breathe? Eat? If you barely feel pain do you barely feel pleasure?”

“Why are you asking me all those creepy things?” Pandora asked, moving back.

“Because I wanna know! You fascinate me, I just wanna place you on an operating table and split you open so I can figure out how you function!”

“What is wrong with you?!?”

“I’m a gentle girl, let me touch you a little, share saliva, maybe smell you a bit.” She placed her hands on Pandora and pinned her against a wall, then whispered, “I want to know what your pee tastes like, can I drink it?”

Pandora kicked her through a wall. “Enough! Stay away from me! If you come within 5 feet of me I’ll kill you!”

“That’s how some people naturally react after meeting Kate.” Poison replied.

As Kate walked back in, she asked, “What’s your problem? I just wanna drink your pee!”

“Drink my fist!” Pandora yelled as she punched her.

“Eat is more appropriate.” Poison said.

Moving on, they were on their way to the first target when they encountered a girl as Kate was buying something in a convenience store. She patted Poison on the back and waved as he turned to her. She had short black messy hair, wore a reindeer patterned jumper and red skirt. “Hi! This may sound odd but I’ve got a race in a few days and I need help with some things.”

Poison glanced at Damien who shook his head. “I’m not sure if-”

“Pretty please?”

“I’d really like to but-”

“Oh, I remember now! You were that guy with the wrestling moves at the Deathmatch event!”

“You saw that?”

“Yeah, I figured I knew you from somewhere, I thought that was really cool.” She said with a smile.

Poison turned to Damien and said, “I really think we should help her, dude.”

Damien sighed. “Fine, we’ll help.”

“You will? Yay!” She threw her hands up. “Nice to meet you, I’m Daisy.”

As Kate was done and they accompanied her to her house, Damien, Poison and Pandora walked behind Kate and Daisy who got on surprisingly well.

“I’m still unclear as to why we’re ignoring the plan.” Damien said.

“This won’t take long, calm down.” Poison replied.

“Weren’t you guys meant to sabotage, not fix?” Pandora asked.

“Sadly this is one of Harry’s more annoying traits.” Damien began. “His insistence to help young women by any means necessary. If she were a boy, he wouldn’t care.”

“That’s not true! I’m not a discriminator, I help if I can.”

“So you say but I rarely see it. I’ve been studying you for a while and I came to a conclusion: You feel the need to help other girls, whether or not they feel they need it, to make yourself feel more at peace because you need a purpose in life to keep going. You hide behind several mental walls, by attempting to be cool, or aloof, or just friendly, but you can’t fool me. It’s said that your closest friends are more likely to know you better than you know yourself, especially if you remain in denial.”

“So he’s like an internet white knight. How sad.” Pandora commented.

“I’m not like that! Your conclusion is false and absurd.”

“Well you certainly do have a lot of female friends, and interact with a lot of girls in general.” Damien shrugged.

“Guys can’t have female friends?”

“I never said that.”

“Just for the record, I consider you a friend too.” Pandora added.

“That’s not helping.” Poison replied. “Anyway, you’re still wrong.”

“Believe what you want.” Damien shrugged again. “But once again you’ve become acquainted with another young woman.”

“She also looks pretty big.” Pandora added.

“If you mean fat, I disagree.” Poison replied. “She’s, uhh, what’s that word? Plump? Yeah, that’s it. Like above average but not what you’d consider pure fat. Like having firm areas to grab, y’know? Like-”

“Feel free to stop anytime.” Damien replied.

“Yeah, I probably should.”

As they arrived at her place, she explained everything by the time they got to her backyard.

“So let me get this straight,” Poison began. “You just recently signed up, you don’t have any kind of vehicle for the race, you don’t have a partner, and you don’t even know how to drive!

“Ehehehehe~” Daisy laughed at her incompetence while rubbing the back of her neck.

“Don’t ’Ehehehehe~’ me! You’re not even trying! Why did you even ask for help when you haven’t even started? You’ve only got 2 days, that’s not enough time for all this.”

“I can get the other things, I just need a working vehicle, oh, and a partner. I swear I’ll get my act together.”

Poison turned to Damien who shrugged. “Fair enough, we’ve got business. Feel free to contact us when you learn how to drive.”

“I will! Thank you!” She waved as they left. 

They proceeded to their original destination in silence, aside from Kate who would try to start conversations but eventually stopped trying. They approached the door of the punk rocker and rang the doorbell. 

A man answered the door. He had a rainbow Mohawk, wore black shades, had many tattoos and piercings all over his body, and wore a black sleeveless shirt and pants. “Who are you guys?”

“Hey, I’m grump.” Damien replied.

“I’m not so grump.” Poison added.

“So what brings you here?” He asked.

“We came to sabotage your vehicle.” Damien responded.

“Alright, come on in.” And so they did, and he talked as they walked. “Name’s Mike btw, I know, that’s not a cool name for a rocker as awesome as myself but that’s life. Wait, aren’t you that guy who led one of the teams in the recent Deathmatch event. There was also that really serious chick in all black, doing all stylish shit and all.”

“That’s my wife.”

“Oh shit, you married her? That’s awesome, man. Congratulations.” 

“Thanks.”

“So why come to me anyway?”

“Yeah, why him?” Poison asked.

“He has a lot of explosives.” Damien replied.

“That’s true. Got a lot of C4 in the basement right now.”

“Let’s have a little talk, Mike.” Damien said, placing his arm around him and leaving the others. They were done talking pretty shortly and apparently resolved any issue while the others were inspecting his vehicle.

Mike approached Pandora who was standing off to the side. “So are you one of my fans?”

“I’ve never hear-”

“It’s cool, a lot of them are too embarrassed to ask for autographs, I notice.”

“Gee, I wonder why.”

“A lot of girls like me, because I’m awesome.”

“I don’t. You also remind me of another person with a Mohawk I didn’t like. In fact, I don’t like Mohawks. I also don’t like sleazy people, utter slobs, moronic people, people seeking attention, people who wear clothing with words on them-”

“Nice shirt, btw.”

“Misogynistic people, people who take their feminist views too far, people who hit on me, and people who continue to hit on me after knowing how old I am.”

“You seem as high-strung as some of my fans, they’ll kick him or suplex me and such, but it’s still totally worth that sensation.”

“Why? Are you so pathetic that any female touch, even an abusive or ignorant touch is enough to designate yourself to a role lower than a living being with dignity?”

“What if I said yes?”

“I’d call you a waste of flesh with no self respect to be worth wasting my breath on.”

“Feel free to let it all out, let me have it.”

“Very well then.” Pandora punched him in the stomach, kicked him to the ground and started stomping on him. The others could see this but ignored it. “What a lowlife worm, masochists really are the worst. Your existence is more meaningless than the dirt beneath my shoe. Men are such stupid creatures, constantly controlled by their lower halves, unwilling to look at the bigger picture. Trying to control everything like insecure maggots. While on the subject, I feel I might just enslave you myself.”

“Yes!”

“I’ll treat you like my own personal furniture.”

YES!

“I’ll sit on you all day.”

YES!"

“I’ll fart in your face.”

“If you want, I guess, that’s not really my thing but-”

“Oh second thought, I don’t feel like it.”

“What I really meant was, all of my YES.”

Just then, Damien picked her up as he said, “Come on, Pandora, we’re done here. Good doing business with you, Mike.” The four of them then left.

“No problem, come back anytime.” Mike replied.

As they left in silence, when they were down the street Kate then said, “I think he had like 6 tattoos.”

“I have a tattoo on my back as well.” Damien replied.

“I have one on my upper left thigh.” Pandora responded.

After more silence, Damien said, “So later, I show you mine, you show me yours?”

“Sure.”

Meanwhile, Ivy was in her room and had just called her father. “Daaaaaaad, people keep calling me cute and it’s really annoying me. Tell them to stop.”

“I can’t just force them to stop, Ivy.”

“I’m pretty sure you could.”

“Yeah, but this is your problem. Why do you think they keep calling you cute?”

“I dunno, I’ve done many evil things, but they forget that. They just keep winding me up.”

“There’s your problem. If people know it annoys you, then they’re going to keep doing it, so you have to either deal with it or make them take you seriously.”

“…I see. Thanks, dad.”

“Remember, keep representing.”

“Geez, dad, that was like two seasons ago!”

Damien, Poison, Pandora and Kate were on a rooftop close to a big house and Kate was looking at it through binoculars while Pandora was opening a suitcase. She brought out three rabbit suits, handing a blue one to Damien and a beige one to Poison. “Since I’ve been told this is somewhat of a stealth mission, I figured these suits were appropriate just in case.”

“Yeah, but why?” Poison asked.

“You once said I remind you of a bunny.”

“You still remember that?”

I don’t forget.

“Also, why couldn’t I have green?”

“Because it doesn’t begin with ‘B’.”

“It also stands out less.” Damien said.

“What about me?” Kate asked.

“Prepare a gateway vehicle in case our heavy sleeper wakes up too soon.” Pandora shot a wire down between the rooftop and the chimney, which they moved across instead of just flying, and climbed down the chimney. As they roamed around slowly, noticing how things were set up as well as a big loaf of cheese left on the kitchen counter, they quickly knew the owner was upstairs from the faint snoring. It didn’t take long to find the vehicle and get to work on messing with its parts & exhaust. They were done within a few minutes and were ready to make a clean escape.

Unfortunately, they hadn’t taken notice that the snoring had stopped. As they went through the kitchen, Damien stopped. “Wait a minute.” He pointed at the kitchen counter. “Someone cut the cheese.”

“Wasn’t me.” Poison shrugged.

“I didn’t do it.” Pandora said.

“There’s no need to lie out of embarrassment, Pandora.” Damien replied.

“I swear I didn’t cut the cheese.”

“Harry was beside me the whole way, you wondered off for a little while. Denial only makes it worse, and here I thought you‘d gotta over that habit. You‘re even more ashamed to admit it.”

“I DIDN’T CUT ANY CHEESE! SHUT UP ALREADY!”

A blonde haired woman just wearing a white tank top and panties walked in from the other room after hearing the noise, eating some cheese. “The fuck? Rabbit cosplayers? Not in my house!”

She compressed a small ball of air and threw it, knocking the counter across the room as Damien, Poison and Pandora ran, with the woman right on their tail.

“Wait, she has wind powers?” Poison asked. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“It wasn’t important.” Damien said.

“I’ll hold her off while you guys go.”

“Pretty sure there’s no need.”

“It’s alright, I got this.”

“Does fighting another wind user turn you on or something?” Pandora asked.

“A little.”

“…”

“I’m joking.”

“I doubt that.”

Kate drove through a wall in a jeep and honked. They quickly showed up and jumped in through the windows, then Kate quickly did a U-turn and drove off as the woman started throwing tornadoes but they were long gone.

Meanwhile, Ivy met Rosie at WcDonalds and they sat at a table where Rosie ate a Big Wac as Ivy talked. “So I had a scary dream last night. I dreamt we were at the beach, and you were rubbing suntan lotion on me, but you were doing it with your midriff, and then you rubbed your midriff all over my face, and I liked it.”

“That says more about you than it does about me, and what’s your problem with my midriff?”

“I can’t help but notice what’s regularly there. Anyway, I need you to be my partner in the race.”

“Sorry, I’m not planning on entering.”

“What?!? But you regularly enter the events!”

“Yeah, the physical ones, I enjoy those more. Not really interested this time.”

“Very well. I hope you choke on that burger.” Ivy said, getting up.

“That’s cute.”

Ivy chose not to respond, and just left quickly. She contacted Goldia and met her close by. As she arrived, Ivy pointed at her and said, “Goldia! Be my racing partner!”

“Unfortunately, I must decline, my lady.”

“Huh? Why?!?”

“I’ve already agreed to be my previous master’s partner. She wishes to make up for past times, I’m willing to listen.”

“But what about us?! You’re turning on me?!?”

“Nothing of the sort, it’s just this once. Now I must go, I wish you luck, my lady.” Goldia bowed and left as Ivy yelled insults at her.

Later on, Damien and Poison were getting ready to go to sleep in a random room that I won’t go into detail about, and were sharing the same bed. Pandora called Damien and he answered. “Want a bedtime story?”

“Sorry to disturb, but could I sleep with you guys?”

“What’s the problem?”

“While I have a place that I share with Dawn, she’s not here and I’ve heard noises. I think that crazy woman is in my closet. I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Fine, come if it’s really so scary being alone.”

“Thank you, I also wear pajamas. I don’t sleep naked, sorry to disappoint you.”

“I never cared.”

“Well you’ve already seen me naked so I thought you were expecting that.”

“When will you stop bringing that up?”

“Never.”

The next morning, Lolita called Pandora while sitting in the same chair. “So how are things going?”

“Just fine, Damien and Harry are sabotaging vehicles and doing deals with other competitors. Do you have a vehicle prepared for us?”

“I do, it’s in good hands. Continue to accompany them for the time being.” Lolita started drinking a glass of water. “Are you still getting along?”

“Very much so, just this morning I joined Damien in the shower.” Lolita spat out the water. “Just kidding.” As she started drinking away, Pandora added, “Damien joined me in the shower.” As she spat out the water again, Pandora said, “Kidding again.”

Daisy had called Poison early that morning and so the four of them went to meet her at a clothing store. As Poison and Damien stood around, Poison said, “Actually, I do have a lot of male friends. There’s Leo, Gary, Toby, Tom and also Richard, they aren’t all female.”

“The fact that you need to bring up that subject again after so long clearly means you’re concerned over my conclusion.” Damien replied.

“I’m just proving I’m not biased towards women. I’m not that nice either.”

“Metaphorically speaking, true, but that’s beside the point.”

Daisy ran up to them with two bikini’s and asked, “Hey guys, which should I buy: Blue or yellow?”

“The blue would match your eyes.” Poison responded.

“That’s true! Thanks! You guys seem pretty close.”

“That’s because they’re a gay couple.” Pandora said, appearing from nowhere.

“Oh! I can totally see that!”

“Really?” Poison asked in disbelief.

“There’s not another man in my life who could ever take Harry’s place.” Damien said.

“Yeah, I feel the same way.” Poison said sarcastically. “Damien will always be my Fluffy Bear.”

“Harry will always be my Cuddle Bunny.”   

“Can I see you guys kiss?” Daisy asked.

“No.” They said in unison.

Outside the shop, Ivy was talking with Kate. “Kate, I need you to be my partner.”

“No can do, girl. I ain’t racing, I’m gonna be a commentator instead.”

“Really? You as well?”

“I’m gonna be the hottest guest ever! Televisions gonna blow up when I’m on screen.”

“Okay, I didn’t wanna say this but you’re not that hot, Kate. First of all, fix your fucking hair and choose a style! Second, wear a normal shirt and not “I’m a slut and attention whore” shirts all the time. Third, wear some actual fucking pants instead of wearing slightly extended underwear. Your ass isn’t that great, hell, I could wear that shit and look good.”

“…I see you hating.”

“I ain’t even mad.” Ivy shrugged.

“Anyway, peace out, girl, I’ll catch you later.” Kate said as she entered the shop while Ivy flipped her off.

A bit later after helping Daisy with a working vehicle, Damien, Poison, Pandora and Kate moved on to arriving at the demon lords place, and opened up an underground hatch nearby before entering. They were all dressed in black suits for some reason.

“Back there, I have to say that was a little out of line, Pandora.” Damien said.

“Oh? Was I a bad girl?”

“You were a very bad girl, so I‘ll have to punish you.”

“What’s my punishment?”

“I’m going to put you over my knee and-”

“You guys can roleplay all you want once we’re done.” Poison responded.

“We might’ve been done earlier if not for your white-knighting.” Damien replied.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“So will we get to kill anyone today?” Pandora asked.

The other three gave her a look of disgust as Kate said, “Damn girl, you cold.”

“What a barbaric girl…” Poison commented.

“She’s more demonic than we are…” Damien added.

“D-don’t misunderstand! You people can’t judge me! I didn’t even mean it like that!” She protested.

They followed the path down and arrived in a big dark cave with many chambers. As they wondered through the large place, Pandora said, “I sense a evil presence around this place…”

“Are there demons here?” Kate asked.

“No, they may not be demon’s souls, but they’re still dark souls.” The others gave her a look of pity and remained silent. “What’s with that reaction? Someone respond to my comment.” Complete silence. “Please? I have low self esteem.” More silence. “Sad face…”

They soon found the vehicle and Damien started messing with it. Pretty shortly, many shadowy figures with glowing eyes began to rise out of the ground around the caves. Poison, Pandora and Kate got ready to fight them off as Damien continued. They wasted no time cutting down the
figures while Poison asked, “So what are these things?”

“Probably a small form of protection using Alice’s power, but much weaker and in minion form.”

“Not that I’m having trouble-” Pandora said, cutting one figure in half. “But try not to take all day, old man.”

“Old man? You wound me. I assure you I’m middle aged at the most.”

Several shadowy figures combined and threw a large ball of dark energy at Poison as he could faintly hear them make out the words, “Eternal Darkness…” He dodged and it hit Kate, who ran around blind while hitting other figures and attempting to grab Pandora numerous times.

A dozen shadowy figures formed a circle, resonated through a white aura and faintly said, “Sanity’s Requiem…” They emitted an ear-piercing scream which slowly began to affect them mentally overtime within that area.

“I remember this.” Damien began. “This move attempts to vividly remind you of the worst and horrifying events that you can actually remember, and amplify that disgust by three times as much.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to feel pretty ill, It’d be great if you could hurry, fluffy bear.” Poison replied, struggling to stand.

“Almost done, cuddle bunny.”

Pandora had to activate Shinigami Overdrive to overcome such thoughts as she continued to cut down the shadowy figures while Kate seemed unaffected but was slowly regaining her version.

Damien suddenly got up. “I’m done, lets move.” As they prepared to leave, many shadowy figures conjured up a black hole which grew quickly as they ran for the exit. 

As they were about to leave, Kate stopped and stood her ground against the large black hole approaching her. “Y’know what? Fuck that hole, I’m taking it out!”

“That’s insane, you crazy woman!” Pandora exclaimed. “You’ll be-”

“Nah, fuck that hole!”

“It’s physically impossible to fight a-”

“Nah, fuck that hole! Imma piledriver this bitch.” And so she ran ahead, grabbed the black hole, leapt into the air and did a spinning piledriver, causing it to explode. Kate walked on ahead of Poison and Pandora, tapping Pandora on the shoulder and saying, “Swag.” as she did.

“I don’t understand, how did she-”

“Don’t think about it, Pandora.” Poison replied. “Just except it, otherwise your head may explode trying to make sense of it.”

“But it’s just-it shouldn’t be-”

“Leave it be, Pandora.”

“A black hole isn’t a physical object! It naturally like, sucks up things! You shouldn’t-”

“Pandora, STOP.

As they made a move for one last place, Damien asked, “So what were your horrific memories?”

“Ms. Viela.” Poison replied.

“That lingerie picture?”

“The very same. You too?”

“Indeed. Such a sight would drive most normal people insane.”

“What’s yours, Pandora?” Kate asked.

“It’s personal and embarrassing and I‘m never telling.”

“Aww…”

In the demon lord “Clubroom”, Blake, Tyson, Brian and Richard were watching a horror movie, Amber, Sakura and Toby were playing Mario Kart and Alice read a book nearby.

“You sure you don’t wanna join in, Alice?” Amber asked.

“I’m just fine.”

“Alice takes competitive games too seriously anyway.” Sakura said.

“What? That’s absurd!”

“It’s true! Remember when we all regularly played and you would always insult anyone who hit you.”

“You once tried to castrate me for hitting you with a blue shell…” Toby added.

“To be fair, blue shells are rather unfair.” Richard replied.

“Wait, does that apply to the fighting games too?” Alice asked, looking at Blake.

“A little. Not to say you’re bad, I just purposely lose some matches.”

“Oh my goodness, I never realized I was so uncivilized.”

“I wouldn’t say that, but you are quite nerdy too.” Amber said.

“That is quite untrue.”

“I recall you once telling me you wanted to have multiple “Special attacks” and you wanted to name two, “Eternal Darkness.” & “Sanity’s Requiem.”

“It was a different time for me back then…”

A little later, Damien, Poison, Pandora and Kate moved on to storm the Heaven’s Demons domain which was around the garages of an airport runway. They reached a building and were about to climb a ladder to get onto a rooftop, and Pandora was back to wearing her “modern” attire. “Okay, I’ll go first.” Pandora said. “Please don’t stare at my ass.”

“If you’re worried about that, can’t you just go last?” Poison asked.

“But then I’d be staring at someone else’s ass, and that’s sexual harassment.”

“Or you could not look up.

“I don’t follow.”

“Forget it, just go.”

As she climbed, Kate raised her hand. “I’m next!”

“No, I’ll go since I won’t look. What’s your deal with Pandora anyway, are you-”

“Nah son, I like dick, lets get that straight. That doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the female body, you feel me?”

“I wish I didn’t.” Poison said as he started climbing, then noticed Damien simply fly up the building instead. “…Okay then.”

They soon reached the top, overlooking the dozens of bikers driving around.

“I feel this may be an occasion for it.” Pandora said, revealing a suitcase. She put it down and bent down to open it. “Feel free to gaze upon it.”

“I’m already doing so.” Kate replied, ignoring the suitcase.

Poison glanced over at them and said, “I don’t think that’s the point of focus, that’s…really something though.”

“So what’s in the box, Pandora?” Kate asked.

“What’s going on here?” Damien asked, approaching them.

Pandora’s going to open her special suitcase box thing.”

“Kate…” Poison gave her a look of pity.

“I just wanna know what’s in Pandora’s Box.”

“Subtle.” He said, sarcastically.

“Really? Thought I was pretty clear…”

The suitcase opened, emitting a lot of smoke and stream from inside. Pandora pulled out a neon black sniper rifle that produced black flames. “I call it, “Fate.”.

“I’m not sure we’re going to be killing today.” Damien replied.

“But I already pulled it out! I have to kill at least one person, it yearns for more death!”

“Fine. Cuddle bunny, you ready?”

“Always, fluffy bear.” Damien and Poison flew towards the area.

The bikers wasted no time attacking Damien and Poison but they were easily taking them out while Pandora sniped several of them, which burst into flame and became decayed husks pretty quickly. Kate pulled out a large rocket launcher, locked on to a few bikers and fired. As the large missile hit the ground it produced a dozen small missiles with a surprisingly large blast range.

Pandora gasped. “That’s the D! Only 8 of those were ever made!”

“Yep, it’s the Destroyer. Some guy wanted to sell it ages ago, had no idea how valuable it was for a while.”

“Um, may I?”

“You want the D? Sorry, no freebies.”

“I’ll…let you touch me.”

“Nope, money, girl.”

“How unfortunate…”

Soon enough, a big tank was brought out onto the runway, blasting everything in sight, including the building that Pandora and Kate were at. Damien and Poison’s attacks for some reason couldn’t dent the tank regardless of their attack’s strength. Pandora and Kate arrived pretty quickly but also failed to do any lasting damage to it.

“This tank just doesn’t give a fuck.” Kate said.

“Anyone have any ideas?” Pandora asked.

“Why not use your Shinigami Overdrive?” Poison asked.

“It wouldn’t help, don’t ask why.”

“Why?” Kate asked.

“…”

“I’ll handle this one, I‘m ready.” Damien said, as he walked forward.

“What are you planning to do?” Pandora asked.

“Well…” He stroked his chin for a moment then removed his shades. “First I’ll whip it out,” He said, creating a large rocky spear. “Then I jam it in!” He yelled, throwing it into the cannon. “With immerse speed and force I overwhelm my target.” He said, flying around as he lodged more large spears into specific areas around the wheels of the tank. “Hit it from the front.” He summoned a large rocky foot that hit it with a roundhouse kick. “Surprise it from the back.” He then jammed another spear into it from behind. “Leave no hole unnoticed. Try every position possible.” He said, flying around once more, doing stylish poses as he flung more spears at it. “And if that’s not enough, target the weak point.” He said, forming one longer and thinner spear before landing beside the others. “Because it’s not just about size,” He threw the spear in between the cockpit and the armored skirt, then drew a gun. “It’s about precision.” He pushed the spear through with a bullet as he fired which caused the tank to explode.

“I bet that gets all the bitches.” Kate replied.

Pandora sarcastically clapped, while Poison said, “This would be a little more surprising if you weren’t related to Ivy…”

And so their business was wrapped up for that day and things could proceed as they wanted, hopefully. Moving on to the next day, it was time for the racing event and there was less than an hour to go. There were crowds hovering around the area, the participants being a part of those crowds. Ivy was together with Nookie and Daisy as she talked while Daisy pet Nookie.

“So it turns out that it was supposed to happen next week, so yeah, I dun goofed.”

“Hehehe~, you’re so silly, Ivy. That’s cute.” Daisy replied.

Ivy stopped smiling. “You’re not my partner any longer. Lets go, Nookie.”

“What did I do?” Daisy asked, running after them.

Damien and Poison who were further away just watched. “So Daisy’s partner is Ivy now?”

“I almost feel sorry for her.” Damien replied. “I feel sorry for you too, having to put up with my sister on a regular basis.”

“I’m not sure if you’re serious…”

Lolita and Pandora approached them during this, and Damien greeted them. “Good morning, Pandora, and of course my lovely wife, Lolita.”

Lolita merely stared at him and offered a handshake, which Damien accepted.

“So what’s your deal with Damien?” Poison asked Pandora.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been trying to get his attention a lot recently.”

“Don’t misunderstand, my feelings for Damien will never go beyond 5 hearts.”

“Out of what?”

“8 hearts. 7 would qualify for me to really like someone.”

“I assume Lolita is at 7.”

“You’d be correct. You‘re at 3 hearts.”

“Why am I so low? Can’t you bump me up to 4?”

“You can’t ask someone to like you better.” 

A little later on just before the race was supposed to start, White and Green were at the commentators table again along with Kate. “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, it’s your favorite commentators here, White.”

“Green, and special guest, Kate Katalin is joining us today.”

“What up?” Kate raised her hand. “Good to catch the breeze with you guys.”

“Likewise.” Green replied. “So today’s a long one as usual,” He said before showing off the track as he talked. “They’ll be many planned transitions, since all participants will be required or fly at some point. The flares will indicate where to go, and in certain cases, simply follow the floating cameras if need be. But enough talk, we should get to some of the participants that matter.”

“Right you are, Green.” White said. “Making another grand appearance is Ivy and her partner, Daisy, driving a red monster truck.” Daisy waved while Ivy kept throwing around middle fingers.

“That’s mah girl.” Kate said. “She affected by dat hate but I don’t blame her.” She then heard someone yelling that she sucks. “Oh, got them haters. Them haters trying to spot me.”

“Isn’t that the same Ivy who participated in the last Deathmatch games?” Green asked.

“The very same, Green.” White replied. “We’ll have to see what she’s capable of. Next is Amber and Alice, driving the top down black Lamborghini.”

“Very nice.” Green nodded.

“They my girls too, hope they do good.” Kate said.

“Next, we got Tom and Blake driving a blue taxi. Not gonna say much on that.”

“Things might get pretty crazy.” Green said.

“We got Dawn and Goldia in some sleek UFO looking thing.”

“Wasn’t Goldia an avid supporter of Ivy at one point, White?”

“That’s what I figured, Green. Not sure what the circumstances are. Anyway, next is Damien and Harry, driving that blue hot rod.”

Down below, Damien said, “Lets go all out, cuddle bunny.”

“Uh, Damien, we need to talk about those gay jokes…”

He turned around. “Are you breaking up with me?”

“It’s not you, it’s me, okay? I just can’t commit to it…”

“I had no idea you felt this way…”

Back to White, he said, “Lolita and Pandora are driving the green Quad.”

“Is that Pandora chick new? Never seen her before.” Green said.

“I would tenderly hug that girl.” Kate commented.

“Just wanna say she’s got a nice rack on her.”

“You say that a lot, Green. Besides, you shouldn’t be ogling the participants before the race…you do it during the race.”

“You’re right, sorry about that.”

Down below, Pandora said, “Lets do our best, Lolita.” with a smile.

“We’ll crush them.” Lolita replied.

“Huh?”

White went through some notes. “Toby and Sakura are in the F1 red go-kart, and finally, Tyson and Brian are in the black 4x4. Yeah, I’m done, start this shit.” He signaled to someone off camera.

“We gonna need a fucking beat for this shit!” Kate said, slamming a stereo on the table.



As the race started up on a normal street, many vehicles had trouble where it would blow up, have trouble gaining speed, having messed up controls and so on, but at least 2/3’s of them made a decent start. As they drifted around the corner towards item boxes, they started pulling out weapons like rocket launchers, grenades, laser cannons, dropping mines and so on. Damien and Poison were leading ahead of the others and blasted down the entrance leading to the airport runway with others following closely behind. As they all sped up towards the edge of land leading to the sea and got ready to transform their vehicles, Kate suddenly stood up.

“Yo, sit up, strap yourselves in, hope for good luck.” As the karts flew off at slow motion, Kate continued. “Yo yo yooooo, here we goooooo! You’re on your own, so you’d better go hard or your going home! Let’s goooooo! Do a fucking barrel rooooooolll!” She said as Tom and Blake evaded several projectiles fired backwards. Lolita and Pandora were slowing down due to evading a barrage Damien and Poison sent their way. “Lolita’s making that save, shit’s gonna go down, while it may look grave, yo son just check out that wave!” She said as Lolita flew down hard and lifted the vehicle just before plunging into the sea, causing a big wave. They flew across the sea like a skipping stone as Kate said, “They hanging low while D & H are on a roll, that F1 go-kart’s eating dust, clearly its quite slow, maybe not on the flooooooor!”

Kate spun then began sliding left and right. “Some of the other racers that are worth a shit are beginning to keeeeep up the pace! Lolita and Pandora are really taking names and currently wiiiiiining this race!” She said as Lolita activated nitrous, and Pandora knocked back projectiles by shooting at them as they passed Damien and Poison. “Better watch out, cause if they get a lead, then they gooooooone! Up in the air, they just don’t care, they in the zoooooone!” Their vehicle changed back into a Quad as they reached land by a forest.

Two people in white suits entered the studio and grabbed Kate. “Hey! What’re yo-” After looking at them, she sighed. “Alright, fair enough…” They then escorted her out of the area.

As Lolita sped up and kept that momentum going as they traveled down muddy paths, Pandora began eating bananas and dropping the peels pretty fast and consistently.

“Pandora seems to be pretty good at eating bananas.” Green said.

“I don’t think you can make eating bananas dirty, Green.”

“Sure I can.”

As the participants drove through a farm ranch very shortly, there were turtle shells fired at Toby and Sakura, but she pressed a button on a remote which put up a reflective shield, knocking it back. Ivy and Daisy literally crushed one of the contestants driving a mini and threw a large fireball ahead at Amber and Alice, who got rid of it with a concentrated but brief black hole. Coming past all the grass and onto a more stone covered path with ramps and bridges, Lolita was doing a whole bunch of spins and tricks in the air, and at one point spinning 360 degrees 3 times then going into a drift as she landed and maintained control by dodging pillars randomly placed on the path as she went round the corner.

“Lolita and Pandora going to work with all those tricks, but Damien and Harry are quickly gaining.” White then noticed Green eating baby back ribs. “Green, why are you eating that?”

“I’m hungry, no big deal.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re sponsoring something.”

“Of course not, I’m just enjoying my baby got back ribs, with succulent awesome sauce for the amazing price of $3.49 at your local Rib Cage.”

Meanwhile, as Pandora noticed Damien and Poison were approaching, she slowly reached for a gun, at which point Poison pressed a button on a remote and covered the wheels in metal. The bullets merely bounced off them and Damien easily dodged the banana peels that Pandora dropped. The race went from all sorts of locations like water filled caves, to busy beaches, to a normal city where traffic is still moving all while the participants were throwing out all sorts of weapons and tricks that I couldn’t be bothered to mention.



As the sky got darker overlooking a large forest, Tom and Blake blasted down a tree as they drove down a muddy path and it began to rain. Many other vehicles were on their tail as they began to catch up to Lolita and Damien’s vehicles that were further ahead. They went through a rocky canyon where other racers were firing rockets at the walls, closing off some of the paths, which made some vehicles crash but special ones like Dawn’s UFO merely flew over, some sped right under and others like Ivy’s monster truck barged through regardless. They slowly went up a mountain trail as it kept raining, full of twists and turns where D&H managed to overtake L&P as D&H swapped places like Double Dash since Poison handled the corners a little better.

“There’s Harry, handling that car like a pro.” White commented.

“It’s all about that control, White.”

Pandora started throwing more projectiles which they easily evaded while maintaining speed. As the track went downhill large rocks began falling out of the sky as L&P began to catch up and were approaching the next city. Driving down many roads, they got to a rising bridge and sped up, flying off it like a ramp. Most of the racers landed fine and then went full speed down the straightaway while cracks in the streets appeared and lava poured out of them like fountains but were easily avoidable. They all drifted hard around the corner and could see the finish line far in the distance. As they approached the finish line, Damien & Harry, Lolita & Pandora, Tom & Blake, and Dawn & Goldia’s vehicles were all within a few inches of each other. Suddenly, Ivy & Daisy in their monster truck flew by like a propelled rocket and finished a second before the others.

After the race was over and the results were announced, it was decided upon that Ivy and Daisy legitimately won the race, somehow. They stood on a stand, with Daisy waving to the crowd while Ivy talked. “All you assholes doubted me, but who’s laughing now? Fuck all you mocking people! I’m the main character, so suck it! Is this cute?” She threw a bag of shit into the crowd. “Is it? How about this?” She threw a bag of urine into the crowd. “Fuck all you moe freaks! I’m not cute about all! Kiss my ass!” She then started mooning the crowd which only caused people to think her tantrums were cute.

As Damien and Poison stood in the crowd, Damien said, “Just thought I’d remind you, Daisy is here thanks to your help.”

“You never know how things would have went normally.”

Lolita and Pandora approached them with Lolita looking rather upset. “I didn’t win…”

“But you put on a really good performance.” Damien replied. Lolita gasped and then hugged him. Poison and Pandora looked at each other, shrugged and joined in on their hug.

Kate suddenly appeared. “Oh! Group hug! I’m in!” As she attempted to join in, Pandora hit her with an uppercut.
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« Reply #431 on: 29 June, 2013, 03:38:08 am »

Now it’s time for: Reipa Girl, tell ‘em!

Pandora sat down on one side of the desk and waved. “Hello everyone, and welcome to another Q&A, and here’s your host,”

“Meeeeeee!” Lolita exclaimed as she slid across the room on her chair up to the desk, pointing at her face with both hands while having a cheerful smile. She had dyed her hair pink, as well as all her clothing was pink too. “Good morning, everyone. Joining me today is Pandora.”

“NEW & IMPROVED!” Pandora exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

“Hehe~, Pandora, you so silly.”

“Lolita…what’s wrong with you? Why all the pink?”

“Pink is more feminine. There’s nothing wrong, it’s just little ‘ol me. Now, first caller, you’re on the air.”

“Hey, loved the last one, didn’t think you’d have a fat chick though.”

“Who is this?” Lolita asked.

“That new dumb chick, uhh, Daisy.”

“She’s not fat, you retard, she’s just rather thick. That’s anime fat, there’s rarely fat chicks comparable to grotesque fatties in reality, because nobody wants to see that. So if you thought she was fat you’re got absurd standards. Like skinny supermodel standards, and that’s bad.”
 
“Umm…okay?”

“It’s okay; people forget to mention some details sometimes or just can’t see clearly. I forgive you, but you’re a silly billy for making that assumption.”

Pandora turned to her and said, “What’s happened to you? You’re not the same Lolita I fell in love wi-I mean, admired, yeah.”

From out of nowhere, Goldia blasted down a wall to the side, leapt through the hole and did an unnecessary combat roll before pointing at Lolita.  “Be careful, Pandora, this Lolita may be a fake!”

“Don’t be silly, Goldy.” Lolita replied. “Also, your turn was planned for next time; there was no reason to show up.”

“I generally don’t like too much spotlight, so I’ll simply accompany you.” Goldia said, pulling up a seat. 

“Very well, next caller, please.”

“Yo, just wanna say, though I understand that circumstances are somewhat different, what’s with the big change in personality, Pandora? You used to be a really bitter and irritable person.” 

“Yes, well I was required to change if I wanted to increase my popularity since my agent said I needed to, in his words, “Turn down the bitchiness a little.”

“Okay, I just noticed you weren’t as mean-spirited as before, you also seemed a little flirtatious and playful.”

“Yeah, well…”

“And what happened to that umbrella you used to carry around?”

Pandora hung up on him. “Next caller, please.”

“Hello, got a question for Goldia. I was wondering if you would be willing to accept work as a maid. Seeing how resourceful you are, you’d make a great one. I can pay pretty well.”

“Sorry, I appreciate the offer but I prefer my current position.”

“Aww, but I just wanna take you home and play with you because you’re so stoically awkward & adorable. Be my maid & come over to my place for a while.”

“Thank you for the compliment, but I’m afraid I cannot.”

“I wasn’t asking.”

Lolita hung up on him. “Sorry, we can’t have creepy convos like that over the air, I hope you understand. Next caller, plz.”

“Hey, I got a bone to pick with you, Lolita. I’ve been watching for a while, and you’ve been setting a bad example as a role model. You act like an obedient dog around your husband, who may I say seems like a smug bastard and regularly has that “better than you” attitude to most people. Why are you displaying such offensive behaviour for women everywhere?”

“First of all, you don’t know shit.” Lolita said with a smile. “While you may not think highly of my husband, you don’t know him as I do. While he’s told me horrible acts he’s committed of his own free will far in the past, he’s not that kind of person nowadays. He treats me with respect and loves me as a person, sure, I may sometimes act in an inappropriate manner or overly submissive but he’s never taken advantage of that, and that’s one of the reasons I love him so much.”

“How sweet.” Pandora commented.

“I concur.” Goldia added.

Lolita continued. “Just the other day, after returning home from doing some soul collecting, Damien told me to get in the kitchen…because he had recently prepared us a romantic meal for just the two of us.”

“I wish I had a robotic male counterpart to do such things with.” Goldia replied.

“And so to conclude: Fuck your role model BS, because I’m happy. You’re likely one of those middle-aged women who’ll never experience being in an important relationship. The kind that will grow old and alone, with just a few cats to accompany her.”

“W-why you! I don’t even-You can’t just victimize callers!”

“I’m afraid I can because it’s my show, goodbye!” She hung up.

“Now that I think about it, Lolita is like the perfect waifu.” Goldia said.

“How so?” Pandora asked.

“She’s utterly loyal and devoted to her husband, so obsessed in fact that she’ll attack anyone considered a major threat but never the focus of her affections. She can arrive and leave fast using those teleportation portals. She can supposedly modify her body if she pleases. Plus, being a shinigami, if Damien were to truly die, she could technically revive him.”

“You’ve thought about that too much.”

“Enough talking about me now.” Lolita said. “Next caller, if you’d please.”

“Hey, girl, I got your back on your points, man. Fuck that bitch, just let them haters gone hate. Girl power! Peace out.”

Lolita clapped twice and threw her fist in the air. “Girl power, woooooooo!” She nudged Pandora & Goldia. “C’mon guys!” She clapped again. “Girl power!” The three said, “Wooooooo!” in unison, with Pandora and Goldia being as monotone as possible. “Kay, next!”

“Hey there, I’m kinda wondering, how many more are you guys planning to do?”

“Probably around 4-5 before stopping for good. Thank you for taking the time to talk, next caller.”

“Hey, Pandora, how many friends do you actually have?”

“Not very many.”

“Is that why you spend time with Damien? I’d like to be your friend too.”

“No you wouldn’t, you’d like to be something more, such as a boyfriend or someone with benefits. You’re simply settling for friendship since you know that’s rather unlikely.”

“Your harsh attitude warms the cockles of my heart.”

“I hate cockles.”

“Oh, while I’m here, I’ve noticed you hate quite a lot of things, what else do you hate?”

“Well…” Pandora pulled up a black notebook. “I hate personal questions, people trolling for the sake of trolling, people who swear excessively, those who have no common sense, chewing gum on the sidewalk, sexual humor, people who explain their own jokes, running gags, running gags that weren’t very funny in the first place, public transport, bullies, DLC, DRM, YMCA, YOLO, DIY, people who don’t bathe, getting sticky fluids in my hair, innuendo, double entendres, using old memes, people who say “first.”, those who reply to people who say “first.”, the people who complain about the people who reply to those who say “first.”, self-deprecation humor, people who use certain words or terms & forget what they mean yet don’t look them up ahead of time, people who make typos & spelling mistakes but don’t bother to fix them, people who make lists of things they hate, people who act in a “charismatic, sophisticated” manner, people who get in my way, people with blue hair, and so on.”

“Yay! Hate!” Lolita exclaimed, and then threw her fist in the air as she said, “Girl power!” Pandora and Goldia joined in and said, “Wooooo.” Completely monotone.

“Wow, that’s a lot, so what’s something that you actually like?”

“I like bunnies.” Pandora said with a smile.

“…I see. Thanks for the insight, I guess.”

“No problem. Next caller, please.”

“Lolita, you bitch, this here is one of the “rogue” souls you’re so adamant on killing. Just watch, you fucking slut. One of these days, me & my boys are gonna beat the shit out of you & then make you our personal cum dumpster. Oh, and we’ll get your little friend there too while we’re at it, that way they’ll be more to go around.”

“Hehe~, this isn’t an H-manga, you silly souls.” Lolita hung up on him. “Don’t worry, Pandora, I won’t let them harm you.”

“I’m not worried; besides, I could easily kill them myself.” 

“If this were an H-manga, “Goldia began, “Damien would most likely sell Lolita to those rogue souls because he was bored of her and Pandora would join her just so Lolita wouldn’t have to suffer alone. Then lots of tentacles, laughably misogynistic statements, and excessive fluids would ensue as well as orcs, minotaur & other kinds of monsters.” Lolita and Pandora stared at her. “Just saying.”

“Please don’t say such things.” Lolita replied. “Now, next caller.”

“Yo, just wanna say, you seem awfully cranky almost every time I see you, Pandora. Wanna know what’ll clear that right up?”

“What?”

“A good fucking. Clearly you’re just stressed so you’ll feel much better afterwards. Call me, age ain’t no thing.”

“Y’know, I’m really sick of responses like that, do you people have no decency? Why should people just have to accept sleazy comments when it’s clearly sexual harassment? Women are living beings too, you should show some respect!” Pandora got up. “I don’t believe I’m asking for too much, such comments are made simply because I’m a girl, and not because of something which I’ve actually done. As said earlier, the regular treatment of women in fiction is insulting and highly offensive. What with half these assholes coming up with stupid excuses like their bodily fluids pretty up being an aphrodisiac, or women in general being unable to think clearly or losing most of their brain cells and becoming a sex doll, and that’s not even considering the lack of common sense overall.”

Goldia looked off-screen. “Umm, Pandora, your agent-“

“Fuck my agent! He’s probably a misogynistic **** too!”

Lolita sighed as she slowly began to change her clothes back to her traditional black style & dyed her hair while Pandora continued.

“You got shit like harem anime where a bunch of dumb bitches are pretty much ready to spread their legs at a moment’s notice for stupid male protagonist, and then there’s-“ Pandora stopped as Lolita suddenly hugged her from behind.

“That’s all the time we have today, being cheerful for so long has exhausted me.” Lolita said.

“That didn’t seem very long.” Goldia commented.

“For me it was a century. So, take care, viewers.” Lolita and Goldia waved while Pandora was content being in Lolita’s embrace.
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« Reply #432 on: 30 July, 2013, 03:10:31 pm »

Unlike half the other times I say this, similarities to certain recent things is just coincidental. Already had this planned for a long while, I was supposed to have this done last week but I got really lazy. Now its done I can be a useless piece of shit all day and watch all the animu I missed from over a week ago.
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TMEDCE: Overloaded Various Activities

Blah blah blah, it was a day. On a previous day prior to the events of this day, Ivy called Poison as he read a comic. “Hey, be ready tomorrow, we’re going to this bath-house-like place with a hot spring and all & there’s a lot of people coming.”

“I don’t know, this seems rather cliché.”

“Well get this, it’s a co-ed bath house.”

“…Alright, you got me, that’s a little unusual. So what brought this on?”

“Well I was talking with Kate over the phone the other day…”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“What up? This yo main girl here, Kate. I was thinking, let’s do something original and go to the beach.”

“Nah, that’s too cliché, let’s go to a hot spring instead.”

“I know this bath-house that’s right next to a beach.”

“That’s awesome! Let’s go as soon as possible!”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And there you go.”

“And everyone’s free on such short notice?”

“Well it is the summer, I mean, most of us have jobs and whatnot but we do that off-screen.”

“Fair enough, I’ll be ready tomorrow.”

Back to the day after that, Poison was making his way there when Toby, Sakura & Richard caught up to him as Toby waved and called out to him. Sakura continuously glared at him while Toby talked. “Hi Harry! Good morning!”

“Hey guys, are you all coming on that trip too?”

“Yup!”

“Eh.” Sakura shrugged.

“I couldn’t afford to decline precious moments such as this to bond with my fellow demons and others.” Richard replied.

“Oh!” Toby began. “Thanks so much for that advice before, I remembered to knock before I entered this changing room & I didn’t have to participate in a foursome with these triplet college girls.”

“You say the funniest things, Toby.”

They approached the others, with most of them already waiting by Ivy’s van shaped ship. Speaking of which, Ivy now looked like her older alternate universe counterpart, which I’ll not mention again. “About time.” Ivy said. “Now where’s that foolish angel? She should have been here already.”

“She’ll show up, I doubt she’d miss this.” Poison replied.

“She’d better not. I can’t wait to rub this in her face since I’m older now and she’s still a silly child.” Ivy smirked, and then noticed 3 figures coming towards the area in the distance. “Oh, I think I see her, I can’t wa-“ As they got close she saw the three figures were Gary, Ruby & Crystal, but that didn’t matter. What did was that Ruby had also aged to look like her alternate universe counterpart, which I’ll really not mention again.

“Good to see you again, Ivy.” Said Ruby, hugging her as Ivy was still shocked. “I really appreciate you inviting me.”

“Why you! Why do you look like that!”

“Huh? Like that?”

“More mature! When did you get that older body?”

“Umm, I don’t know, like two weeks ago?”

“Two weeks?!?” She dropped to the ground in defeat. “You were ahead of me by over a week…”

“So are we going now?” Gary asked.

“Seems everyone is present and accounted for now.” Damien responded.

Just then, Daisy walked over towards them as she said, “Hey guys, it seems like you’re all going on a trip, so I’ll join you!”

Poison began to push her away as he said, “Sorry, I think we have enough girls on this trip, besides, you were supposed to be a one-time character, Daisy. Kate was too but she wouldn’t leave. Anyway, you’ve gotta leave.”

“Ehhhh?! But I wanna join you because it might be fun, and fun things are fun!”

“Thanks for the info, but seriously-“

“Just let her join, Harry.” Rosie replied.

“I doubt we’ll have the extra space needed for her.” Richard responded.

“I’m sure we can make some space. Don’t be a dick, Richard.” Blake said.

Toby laughed. “Hehe, that’s funny because dick is short for Richard.”

“I’m pretty sure if we take more people, someone will have to sit on someone else’s lap to make space.” Brian said, while Pandora raised her hand. “Okay, that’s settled then.”

Nookie suddenly arrived, snapping Ivy out of her depression as she waved and said, “Blah!”

Nookie looked around, noticed Ivy and felt rather confused. “Blah, blah blu-blah, ble?”

“Blah, blah bah blalala bahaha blah, blu-blu bleh blah blah, bee blah.”

“…Blah.” Nookie shrugged.

“What on earth is that grotesque thing?” Pandora asked.

“How dare you!” Ivy exclaimed, while Nookie was also offended. “Nookie isn’t a ‘thing’, he still has feelings.” Nookie nodded.

“How do you know that creature?”

“How? He’s my beloved pet.” Ivy replied, petting him.

“That’s your pet? You demons amaze me…”

As everyone was here, they started to get into the ship, then Rosie said, “Wait a minute, what about Tom?”

“Tom? Who’s that?” Ivy asked.

“Y’know, the generic looking guy with the paper bag over his head? Remember? Tom?”

“…I don’t know anyone called Tom…”

“Very funny, Harry, is Tom coming today?”

“I really have no idea who Tom is, Rosie.” He replied.

“This isn’t funny, guys…”

They gave her weird looks as they got in the ship, then she shrugged and got on as well. They travelled to Earth but on the way to the beach they were suddenly bashed by another ship that appeared to be driven by Undead Rainbow. “I hope you stupid angels didn’t think you could get rid of me that easily! I’ll destroy you if it’s the last thing I do!”

Ruby had half her body hanging out the window and waved as she said, “Good morning, Fuka! You wanna come to the beach with us?”

“Huh? The beach? And when the hell did you get taller? And have those things stuck to your chest? How long have I been gone?”

After clearing up some things she decided to join them anyway. They travelled along a motorway looking road which wasn’t a motorway at high speeds when Kate decided to put on the Daytona USA theme.



They came to a corner and drifted through it without slowing down as Kate yelled, “Daytonaaaaaaaaaaaa!”. Kate soon poked her head out a window and pointed as she said, “Let’s go away!” Ruby & Daisy did the same right after her. Ivy came across a broken down car in the road and drove right through it, making it explode from several different angles as they sped by. Goldia placed her hand on Ivy’s shoulder and nodded as she said, “Let’s go away.” Ivy nodded back as she replied, “Let’s go away.” Ivy drove through a barricade onto a muddy uphill track ahead. Then it became a series of twists and turns before driving off the track onto the large assortment of rocks below and continuing to drive along the rocks till they eventually arrived at the beach and stopped with the ship’s side facing the sea as the sun shined brightly in the background.

Most of them got out fairly quickly, stretched, looked around etc.

Amber yawned as she stretched and then said, “Alright, time for some fun.” She pulled off her cape, revealing her red bikini with bright orange outlines. Alice did the same, tearing off her dress and revealing her Cthulhu styled bikini which is totally a thing. Since Crystal wore rather thin flimsy clothing already, she revealed her glittery silver bikini as she pulled her clothes off and ran off to catch Amber and Alice. Sakura got changed in the ship and came out wearing a pink bikini and skirt with yellow polka dots.

Dawn walked by completely naked with Nookie following closely behind as Blake stood outside the ship where Fuka was looking through some luggage when he asked, “It’s probably none of my business, but do you need a swimsuit?”

“There’s no concern, I always have my swimsuit on me just in case of occasions where I visit the beach.” She said as she was getting changed. Afterwards she jumped off the ship, wearing a rainbow styled school swimsuit. “How do I look?”

“Presentable.” Blake shrugged as he walked off.

Kate suddenly appeared beside her, wearing a primary color striped full bodysuit with a dog suit head. “Well aren’t you the cutest little undead thing!” She picked her up. “C’mon, let’s go play!”

“H-hey, wait a minute! Put me down!” Fuka yelled as Kate carried her off. 

Rosie wore a purple bikini with black bats all over it. Lolita wore a plain black bikini while Pandora beside her was mostly covered with a large beige hat, black sunglasses and a black swimsuit dress. Ruby ran towards the ocean wearing a striped blue swimsuit with a rubber duck floatie around her waist. Ivy, who was standing beside Poison and Goldia around the other side of the ship, began chuckling to herself. “Foolish women, you know nothing of true beauty. Behold!” She pulled off her dress, revealing her golden glittery string bikini. “Am I not the brightest light in the darkness? The needle in the haystack? The rose among the daffodils?”

“Nobody cares, Ivy.” Poison replied.

“Huh?” She looked around and noticed not a single person looking her way. “Oh c’mon! Not even a single glance? After making an effort to feel good and prolong that feeling, awaiting that sweet climax, only to find that it never came, leaving me unsatisfied and having to gratify myself to feel a little better…”

“Must you turn everything into some kind of sexual innuendo?”

“Only occasionally, I could choose not to if I felt like it.”

“I bet you couldn’t last the rest of the trip without doing it.”

“Alright, I’ll take that bet. But you can’t snark at all during this trip either.”

“Fair enough. If either of us breaks the rule then we’ll have to do any 1 request for the other.”

Any request?”

“Almost any.”

“Deal, now tell me,” Ivy began posing. “Aren’t I one of the most beautiful demons ever conceived?”

“I suppose so…”

“How sexy am I, from 1-10?”

“9.”

“Why am I not a 10?”

“Your ego would devour that 10 and transform into an even more hideous monster.”

“Isn’t that snark?”

“Not to me, I’m being quite serious.”

“Should I wear a swimsuit?” Goldia asked.

“I don’t think you have the bits required for you to need one.” Ivy said.

“What would those bits be?”

“Uhh…”

“Hey guys.” Daisy said as she walked over to them, wearing a blue bikini. “Thanks for letting me accompany you.”

“Nice swimsuit.” Ivy replied.

“Thanks, Harry chose it for me.”

“Huh?”

“It’s not what you think,” Poison responded. “Damien was there too, she just asked for opinions.”

“I really don’t mind.” Ivy shrugged. Ivy stared at Daisy for a while which creeped her out, then she tapped her stomach and watched it giggle slightly in amazement.

“Kyaaaa!” Daisy cried, covering up. “What are you doing?!?”

“Sorry, I just felt compelled to do that…”

“Might as well follow suit, the sun’s pretty damn hot today.” He began to take off his clothing.

“Whoa, what are you doing?” Ivy asked. “People don’t wanna see that.”

“It’s hot and it’s the beach. I’m not sure what you’re talking about but I really don’t care.” Poison pulled took off his t-shirt and pants, stripping down to dark green shorts with a yellow diagonal line across it. Damien did the same in slow-motion, revealing his black and blue speedo that went down to his knees. Gary wore white shorts that had a white aura for some reason. Since Leo didn’t actually bring much, he wore plain white briefs. Richard wore a full black bodysuit with red outlines like he was just about to go swimming, because he totally wasn’t. Blake wore basic black and white trunks, Tyson also wore a red speedo, Brian was wearing a dolphin costume, and Toby was currently wearing a yellow banana hammock.

As Toby approached Poison, he laughed. “What are you wearing, dude?”

“Eh? Is it on wrong? Richard said it would look good.”

“Pretty sure he’s trolling you, that’s really not your style.”

In one area of the beach, Blake, Brian & Tyson were laying in chairs under 2 umbrellas that provided shade from the sun.  Brian was looking around with binoculars. “The story here is really something. I’m seeing a lot of amazing plot and excellent backstory. The season is already off to a good start.”

“That’s the first time I’ve heard it called that.” Blake replied.

“Is there any drama?” Tyson asked.

“Only seeing a little drama, it’s hard to notice though.”

“What exactly is drama referring to?” Blake asked.

“It’s not funny to explain it…ignoring the fact that I have no idea, hey Tyson, what the hell is drama?”

“Hell if I know, I’m just saying random shit.”

Damien approached Poison and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Harry, let us swim.”

“Sure, freestyle?”

Damien nodded. “Freestyle.” They then ran and jumped in the ocean, Toby dove in right after, then Gary, followed by Richard and Blake moments later.

Further away, Lolita was laying on her front on a towel as Pandora was rubbing sunscreen all over her body. “I didn’t wanna say this in front of everyone, but I was really entertained by what I saw the other day. I suppose you two really are compatible.”

“When did-“

“It was like watching two wild animals, so intense. Plus, I liked how anything that had to be said was conveyed through single words rather than full sentences. It was slightly unusual but rather effective and didn’t ruin the mood, and here I thought married people were boring.”

“Pandora, please stop…”

“It’s quite amusing to learn that those tails can have some interesting uses. You guys weren’t too loud either, just loud enough. I also have to wonder, have you guys ever broken that bed? I’m curious how it seemed to be that sturdy, or maybe it did break once and was repaired. Either way, I look forward to seeing more.”

“From now on you knock when you come round, and call in advance.”
 
“Aww, you’re no fun.”

“Why don’t you go swim?”

“Hmm…” Pandora pulled out a suitcase and within was a blow-up doll of herself. She threw it far into the ocean only to see someone in a shark costume immediately grab it and drag it underwater. “I don’t think it’s safe.”

Ruby jumped into the water as she yelled, “Marco!”

Ivy did the same while yelling, “Polo!” Ivy splashed her with water as she exclaimed, “Foolish angel, take this!”

“Oh yeah? Take that!” She said as she retaliated while Crystal, Amber, Alice & Rosie passed by in the background driving jet skis. Leo passed by and hit them with a large tidal wave which he was in control of.

Back over with Lolita and Pandora, Pandora looked around as she said, “I tend to forget that these guys aren’t normal people, what with all the wings, tails and so on.”

“Are you not going to join some of them?”

“No thank you, besides, I don’t fit in that well.”

“Of course you do, sweetheart.” Dawn said, walking up to her. “Why don’t we hang out anymore, Pandora? Didn’t we have something special?”

“I don’t like you very much.”

“So that night meant nothing to you? So mean~”

Pandora turned around. “Why are you naked?”

Dawn shrugged. “Couldn’t be bothered with a swimsuit. Anyway, let’s go swim.”

“No thanks.”

“Blah!” Nookie exclaimed, appearing from nowhere and shocking Pandora.

Dawn turned to Nookie and said, “Blah, baal bahla blah.”

Nookie nodded then yelled, “Blaaaaaaaah!” as it chased Pandora who ran in fear towards the sea.

It picked her up as she yelled, “Let me go, you damn monster! I’m going to slice you up in a minute!” As Nookie ran into the ocean, they were hit by the tidal wave Leo was riding. Pandora ended up far out ahead and struggling to remain afloat as she yelled, “Help! I can’t swim!”

“Really?” Dawn asked in disbelief. “Never would have figured.”

Kate ran up to the coast and gasped. “Oh my gosh! Hold on, Pandora! Your big sister, Kate, is coming to save you!” She then quietly said, “And while I do that I have the perfect chance to get a little touchy-feely and have an excuse for it.” Kate chuckled.

“I heard that!” Pandora yelled. “And even if I didn’t, I can tell you have bad intentions because you’re already creepy! And you’re probably drooling too under that dog head!”

“Here I come!” Kate exclaimed, diving into the water.

“N-no! Stay away from me!” Pandora yelled as she slowly drifted away from her.

“I’ll be gentle, just relax and-“

She was suddenly hit in the head with a surfboard and knocked unconscious. She looked over in the direction it was thrown to see Poison wave from far away. “Thank you!” She yelled. “Still struggling though!”

Just then, Lolita ran up and dived into the ocean as Brian said, “Nice technique.” She quickly reached Pandora and embraced her. “Are you all right?”

“Yes, I am now…”

Toby and Sakura were making a large sand castle of a dragon fighting with another dragon sand castle that was being made by Goldia and Daisy. In the middle of making the dragon, Ivy came up behind her and slapped her ass, which jiggled somewhat and amazed the others while Goldia took notes.

“Kyaa! S-stop that!” Daisy exclaimed.

“Was just curious…” Ivy replied.

“Stop being curious!”

As Brian watched with his binoculars, he said, “I see waves just beyond the horizon.”

“Are they furious waves?” Tyson asked.

“No, more like a calm storm.”

Kate called over to Ivy who ran across the beach to where she stood beside Amber and Alice while Lolita, Pandora, Rosie & Ruby were on the other side of a large volleyball net. “So what’s this?”

“We playing volleyball, son!” Kate exclaimed.

And so they played beach volleyball which usually only has two members per team but fuck that shit. Amber served the ball and as Rosie knocked it into the air she said, “Bite of the vampire!” This started a trend as Ruby who smacked the ball over the net yelled, “Heaven’s Judgment!” which scored them a point. “Rising Phoenix!” Ivy yelled as she served the ball, then Pandora yelled, “Death’s grip!” As she just barely caught it. Lolita jumped up and said, “Darkness Falls.” as she hit it. Alice knocked it towards Kate as she yelled, “Event Horizon!” Kate ran up and then said, “Watch this shit.” Jumped up and yelled, “Everything but net! UHHHHHH!!” She exclaimed, smacking the ball so hard that Rosie had to pull it out of the ground. They continued, spending more time coming up with names and adding elemental and supernatural effects to the ball in the process with such names as, “Disco Inferno!”, “Eclipsing Soul.”, “Endless Despair!”, “Bloodlust!”, “The Seventh Sin!” and “The Holy Spirit!”

Brian watched with his binoculars while this went on. “Such well-told story development…”

“You’ve made your point.” Blake said. “The dolphin costume doesn’t make it any less creepy.”

Soon after, they all walked towards the large building on the other side of the beach which was where the bath-house was. They walked around the large building with some of them talking quietly amongst themselves when Ivy asked Kate, “So how did you know about this place? And where is everyone?”

“They all gone, girl. Nobody uses this place. I hear some people say it’s haunted, but they just chatting shit. The place still looks perfectly fine.”

“Kate, every time you try and do something special, it’s never that simple.”

“Like that tentacle land place.” Amber added.

“You doubting me? That’s cold, girl, this’ll be smooth sailing.”

It got a little darker by the time everyone got into the warm pool when they soon found the large room. Of course, almost everyone got in naked. Ivy and Ruby were by one side talking about nothing important in particular.

“So, still doing the crime fighting nonsense?” Ivy asked.

“Yeah, it’s been rather different since you left. Gary and I have a whole bunch of new villains now.”

“Oh?”

“There’s this speed racer dude who’s constantly speeding called Samuel Presley Dawson or S.P.D for short. This fat, short otaku called Oswald Trevor who tries to look cool with his all-black trenchcoats, jumpers, fedoras, fingerless black gloves etc. who equips himself with robotic devices and seems to have somewhat of a fascination with me. There’s this seemingly normal athletic woman that we call Ranting Rachel who suddenly becomes superpowered and very volatile if she so much as detects there might be a bit of misogynism in a guy’s comment or actions and will trash anything in sight related to that, she’s actually rather funny. That Collector guy is one, just some big guy in a white suit who smokes cigars, keeps all kinds of things in bottles and has all sorts of mutated monsters and such. Coldfinger, who likes her peace & quiet, and half the time fights for good reasons if something she likes is affected. We just fight her for things like stealing air conditioning, trying to blow up the sun and such. There’s this weird unkempt guy who calls himself ‘Gamestar’ who just wants to play games, though it’s annoying when he chooses a genre which you might not be good at. He has a tendency to use hostages to force you to play him; he acts kinda like a stoner with little sleep, which is somewhat cute in a creepy kind of way. There’s a blonde teenage idol called Rin Jobs that can hypnotise others with her voice, mainly guys. She usually has silly reasons for crimes like needing money for a vacation, needing money for her college tuition fee etc.”

“…Huh. That’s some life you got there.”

“Oh, I also recently found out I got this butterfly looking birthmark on my butt, wanna see it?”
 
“Uh, no thanks.”

“No really, it’s cool, just look.” Ruby said as she began to get up.

In one spot, Gary was speaking with Blake when Kate yelled, “Hey, angel boy!” Gary ignored this. “Yo, generic pretty boy!”

He turned to her as she swam over and said, “I’m not generic.”

“So you did hear me. Anyway, what interests does that angel have?”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

“I don’t wanna come on too strong. You guys seem to know each other rather well, what’s your relationship?”

“We’re partners.”

“Ooooooooooh.”

“Partners who fight crime in the name of Justice.”

“Oh.”

“But you don’t really need many interests in common to talk to her. She’s rather friendly regardless of who it is, sometimes a little too much.”

At that point, they heard Ruby yell, “Can you see it? Look Ivy, look at my butt!”

“Alright! I see it! Now sit down before I punch you where the sun don’t shine!” Ivy shouted back.

“My point exactly.” Gary sighed.

A little further away, Brian sighed as he said, “Holy shit, dude, it’s so fucking hot.”

“Maybe you should take off the suit.” Tyson replied.

“I can’t, man, this is my thing. I stand out a little like this. This other day I wore a Tiger suit and I see this chick who was also wearing one so I talk to her.”

“Did you fuck?”

“Hell yeah we did, we fucked like Tigers.”

“How would you know? Have you ever seen Tigers fuck?”

“No, but I’d assume they fucked the same, whatever, I’ll watch the discovery channel to see that.”

“You two have a knack for talking about the most ludicrous things.” Richard commented.

Damien and Lolita were together near one corner. Pandora, who was moving underwater passed by Lolita & popped her head up as she reached Damien’s other side. “Hey.” She said, nodding while Damien did the same. As Nookie approached her with his signature cry, she backed up.

Goldia suddenly floated out of the water and said, “I can partially understand the creature, he means you no harm. I think he may be apologizing.”

Nookie pulled Ivy from off-screen and began communicating with her who then turned to Pandora. “He says he’s really sorry and wants to make it up to you by washing you.”

“I accept his apology, but I’m fully capable of washing myself.”

“I want Nookie to wash me.” Daisy said as she floated over to them, and so Nookie gripped her with several tentacles and started doing so.

A little later, most of them had gotten out of the water and was either walking around the place doing things in normal clothing or wearing bathing robes. Leo and Gary were playing table tennis in one room with not much to note worth mentioning. Ivy and Ruby were in a rather large room with several beds around and were playing a video game on one side of the room. Others were in the room such as Damien and Fuka who were talking on a bed on the other side of the room, many of the demon lords and others who were watching a movie, as well as Lolita, Pandora, Crystal and Sakura who were playing a board game.

“Keep it up, Ruby.” Ivy said. “Don’t lose that train.”

“I don’t know if I can…”

“You’ve got to! The platforming parts are your thing, if you die now we have to go back to the level with the cheap-ass frogs.”

“Ugh, I hate those frogs.”

“I do too, so ride that rocket like your life depends on it!”

“But it’s so hard.”

“No excuses! Straddle that large rocket like it owes you money! Don’t stop riding it until you reach the climax!”

“You’re breaking it!” Poison yelled across the room.

“Ruby started it first!” Ivy yelled back.

Kate walked rather fast into the room from out of the dark hallway while seeming scared. “Hey Ivy, did you happen to see someone walking around in the dark? It feels like we aren’t really alone.”

“You’re probably just imagining it.”

“I don’t know. I could occasionally feel a mysterious presence, like it was following me just slightly out-of-view. Just watching, waiting, anticipating…”

“It was probably Goldia, she has a habit of doing that.”

Poison walked over as he said, “Hey Ruby.” She ignored him. “You’re still mad?”

“I’ll always be. I’ll never forgive you.”

“I’ve got cake.” He said, placing it beside her.

“You can’t expect to just bri-wait, what kind of cake?”

“Strawberry.”

“Oh! I love strawberry! All is forgiven.” Without using her hands, she slowly devoured the cake like a wild animal, along with the plate before loudly burping.

Damien passed by the others over to a water cooler and then walked back. As he passed Pandora, she turned around and asked, “What are you doing with that girl?”

“Though it’s none of your business, I’m mainly listening to her go on about horrible events in her life and how little recognition and respect she gets. I’ve just been trying to comfort her, somewhat.”

“Please don’t force yourself on that girl.”

“Your concern is misplaced; besides, it wouldn’t be very fun, since human girls tend to be very fragile creatures. That’s a joke, mind you.” He said, walking off.

“It’s not a very funny one.”

As Damien handed her a cup of water, she thanked him before taking a sip and said, “So will you finally help me conquer the earth?”

“The answer is still no.”

“I’ll cry if you don’t help.”

“Your tears won’t change my mind. I’m simply not interested in world conquest.”

“You’re not interested in a lot of things. Y’know, I really don’t see why half my lackeys like you so much, you’re kind of an ****, and you’re really not that hot. Sandra in particular would freak out if she knew I was here and didn’t tell her.”

“To be honest, I don’t know what most women find attractive in me either. Then again, I’ve noticed that many of the women I interact with tend to have some kind of odd quirk or habit.”

As some of the others watched the movie where from the screams and noises, someone had just been killed, Sakura said, “I don’t think there are enough beds in this place for all of us. Some of us will have to share a bed.”

“I don’t mind doing so.” Pandora replied. “At this point I’ve slept with Damien twice.” Pandora glanced over at Lolita who was staring at her suspiciously. “The second time I was sleeping with both Damien and Harry.”

“What?” Ivy asked as she turned her head.

“She’s leaving out important details.” Poison said.

“It’s true.” Lolita added. “Pandora has a tendency to leave out certain points in her sentences and deliberately cause misunderstandings to observe people’s reactions.”

“Aww, you figured it out already?” Pandora said, slightly surprised. “Guess I don’t give you enough credit.”

“I don’t know whether to feel pleased or insulted.”

“While it may have come off as an insult, that wasn’t my intention.”

A little later after that, they had most of the lights off and half of them were sitting around the middle of the room with flashlights, deciding that they’d tell scary stories. Ivy was the first to speak.

“Alright, so there was this girl called Azuki. She was like any other normal girl her age, she hung out with her group of close friends, went to parties and got hangovers, took the time to relieve herself 3 times a day-“

“Is that what normal people do?” Leo asked, turning to Rosie.

“I’m not that normal…”

Ivy continued. “One day, she went along with her friends to Taco Bell. She got a burrito; I forget the name of it but whatever. It tasted fine, she was having a great time but sometime shortly after, she felt this dark disturbance in the depths of her stomach. A horrifying monster lurking in the shadows, waiting to punch its way out like a chestburster. That’s when she realized it, that burrito had given her explosive diarrhea.”

Several of the girls screamed while Poison said, “C’mon, sure it’s bad but it’s not that horrifying.”

“Have you ever experienced explosive diarrhea?”

Poison thought for a second. He knew what Ivy would say if he said no, so he instead said yes. In response she said, “Well I haven’t, I can only imagine how horrible it is, but it’s probably more horrifying imagining it, so clearly you wouldn’t understand.”

Poison, having no idea how to respond to that, simply slammed his head through a table.

“You okay, dude?” Leo asked.

“Yeah, this is less painful.”

“So as I was saying,” Ivy began. “She breezed off in a hurry, moving faster than a speeding bullet to find the ladies room. She kicked that shit right open and flew across the area with her pants down towards one open stall. She landed ass first right on that toilet seat.” Daisy held up a sign with a ‘10’ on it. “That was when it began. She began to let loose, massive amounts of chocolate syrup started pouring out of her as she struggled not to fly off the seat. The force of her blasts were random, coming out in bursts. The toilet was overflowing so much that the chocolate oozed out from beneath the cracks of the toilet. Her ass was hurting so badly but she just couldn’t stop. Numerous times she almost passed out; she clearly hadn’t prepared her anus. It was unknown just how long this lasted, but before she knew it, she’d woken up on the ground with her ass in the air. She quickly got up and felt much better. As she assumed the nightmare was over, she reached for the toilet roll holder only to discover, there was no toilet roll left.” There were even more screams this time.

“Really?” Poison said in disbelief.

“Hey, having nothing nearby to wipe yourself can be a terrifying experience.” Amber responded.

Alice nodded. “It can lead to you having skid marks in your underwear.”

“Ugh, that’s the worst kind of feeling.” Sakura added.

“Can I go next?” Goldia asked, raising her hand. The others nodded. “There was a super fighting robot from the year 2010, he was sent on a quest from a doctor of light to make his city safe again, you see there were these 6 other robots that were created to make the planet safe, but this wily old doctor double crossed the good doctor and stirred up chaos in this place. The evil scientist had alternative plans, to take over the place, he reprogrammed his brother and planned to rule over his own race, this hero’s name was-“

Toby raised his hand. “This doesn’t sound like its leading anywhere scary.”

“It’s not.”

“Well I’m fully convinced you could make it very scary if you put your mind to it.” Dawn said.

“I-I think you could make it the scariest thing ever!” Ivy replied, glaring at Dawn.

“You’re just saying that to get on her good side.”

“You’re one to talk! Stop butting in on our relationship!”

“Your relationship? I made her, I may not have been as open in the past but I’m making up for that.”

“Well I give her tons of upgrades, ones you never cared to give her. I treat Goldia as if she were a robot I created myself out of love.”

“Unlike that other robot who found you so unbearable it tried to kill you within a few days.” Poison retorted.

“I’ve given her a lot of upgrades myself, and I know more about her than you ever will!” Dawn said.

“Why you!”

“Please don’t fight.” Goldia interrupted. “I have enough love for the both of you.”

“While we’re doing this, I’ve got one.” Dawn said. “Now, there was this little girl once. She was a childhood friend of this boy and they went to a pool. She couldn’t swim but chose not to say anything. These kids that she didn’t like from their school were there too, they saw that she had barely moved from her spot and likely assumed she couldn’t swim, so they mocked her for it. In order to make them stop, she finally caved in and they dared her to swim in the very deep end of the pool. So she did, but was dragged underneath but a mysterious force. Her friend rushed over to save her from drowning but she was gone. She’d completely vanished. They searched the place, contacted her parents, etc. They never came across her. A little over a week later, odd things began to happen in that building. Noises could be heard in rooms that no-one was in; things would move from one spot to another randomly, dirty puddles would sometimes be found in the hallway.

But above all, people of all ages would suddenly go missing within that building. They say the ghost of that girl who drowned haunted that place and aside from killing those kids she didn’t like, she would also take other people’s lives, more so the ones who couldn’t swim just like her.” Dawn noticed Pandora was shaking somewhat. “Do you want me to stop, Pandora?”

“Hmph, I don’t care. Your story is stupid and ridi-“ Thunder outside sounded out of nowhere and made her scream before quickly regaining her composure.

“You’re not usually that expressive…”

They then heard the sound of a door closing somewhere outside the room. “W-what was that?” Pandora asked.

“Calm down, you big baby. It’s probably just one of the others.”

“Who isn’t here right now?” Toby asked as he looked around. To their surprise, everyone was already there.

Crystal noticed Ruby was worried. “Even if it’s out there, you’ll be safe, Ruby, since you’re pure.”

“What does that mean?”

“Never mind that, just calm down.”

“Is ‘pure’ an angel thing?” Goldia asked.

“No, it’s a body thing.” Dawn replied.

“I’m pure too.” Pandora raised her hand.

“I doubt that.” Damien replied.

“How dare you, I really am, thank you very much.”

“The noise was probably just the wind.” Gary shrugged. Half of them agreed to some extent if only to assure themselves. They then faintly heard the sound of a plate smash, which made some of them jump.

“It’s probably the ghost girl!” Daisy exclaimed. “She wants to drown us for trespassing on her property!” Half of them were panicking and whimpering over this.

Blake sighed and then punched through a wall, which got their attention pretty quickly. “Enough! Are you guys even thinking clearly? Even if there is a ghost out there and I’m not saying there is, but if it’s there then it has more reason to fear us then we have to fear it.”

“Yeah, none of us are normal people after all. Most of us are usually the unknown force coming to kill random dudes in a horror movie.” Ivy added. “Just think about it, half of us here are demons, there’s several angels, a vampire, a guy from this werewolf species-“

“I’m not a werewolf-“ Leo quickly said as Ivy continued.

“A hi-tech robot, 2 shinigami, an Aterlilic, whatever the hell Dawn is since she’s some undead human scientist with tentacle monster shapeshifter DNA or something, oh and an undead ex-Loli Ranger.”

“Thanks for noticing.” Fuka waved from across the room. “Not that you guys really look much like demons and angels anyway, since they really don’t have value gender much, not to mention real angels look like grotesque monsters but I digress.”

“For once my sister is right.” Damien said, walking over to her.

“Thank y-hey!”

“Let’s put this childish game to rest by simply going out there and finding this ghost, if it even exists.” Most of the others agreed to join.

Lolita turned to Pandora and asked, “Will you be alright?”

“O-of course, I ain’t afraid of no ghost! Something silly like this won’t sca-“

Suddenly, Ruby jumped out at her from the side as she yelled, “Jump scare!” Which made Pandora scream and cover her eyes. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t think it would be that effective.”

“It wasn’t effective at all, now leave me alone.” And so Ruby moved away from her. Everyone aside from Brian and Tyson left the room as they were still watching the movie in the dark.

“Hey, just in case I forget, I want my copy of Big Booty Bitches 12 back tomorrow.” Tyson said.

“Sure. Oh, that reminds me, I brought something special, now would be a good time to watch it.” Brian said, digging into a backpack.

“What, is it Big Booty Bitches 13?”

“Nope, Big Booty Bitches 14.”

“What?! That’s out?!?”

“Just this Tuesday, now’s a good time to watch it.”

“Hell yeah, jam that shit in, man. I’ll get the tissues.” Tyson said, getting up.

“Don’t be too long.”

The big group were walking down the hallways of the very large building with flashlights, hearing all kinds of strange noises but not seeing a thing. Pandora was wearing her “modern” outfit again with the words “Technically Legal” on the front.

“This is more boring than I thought it would be…” Amber said, trying to break the silence.

“I suppose I too got my hopes up.” Richard replied.

“I just wish the hallways weren’t so dark, where’s the switches?” Ivy asked.

“Don’t think there are any.” Rosie responded.

“What? That’s just stupid.”

“Why don’t you and Amber provide a bit more light with your fire?” Poison suggested.

“Oh, good idea.” And so she did, brightening up the area a little as she held a ball of fire in her hands.

As Pandora breathed a small sigh of relief, Ruby and Kate suddenly appeared beside her, threw their hands up and yelled, “Jump scare!” making Pandora scream again.

“Knock it off, Ruby.” Crystal scolded her.

“Sorry…”

As they shortly came to a big intersection with 2 paths, Kate said, “I think we’ll cover ground quick if we split up.”

Ivy slapped her. “Are you stupid? Splitting up is the worst idea!”

“It’s easier to get picked off that way if no-one’s close by.” Gary added.

“Maybe just somewhat smaller groups then, how’s that?” Kate asked.

“Alright, fine.”

As they were deciding how to split the group, Pandora noticed Lolita had suddenly vanished and looked around. “Lolita? Where did you go?” Lolita suddenly jumped out from around the corner right in Pandora’s face and threw her hands in the air as she said, “Jump scare.” As monotone as possible, and Pandora screamed as she did this.

“Really?” Damien said with a look of pity.

“I hate jump scares, okay? I want people to stop that…”

Lolita gasped and grasped her chest. “So cute…”

And so, Damien, Poison, Lolita, Pandora, Dawn, Kate, Blake, Goldia, Nookie and Fuka went one way. Ivy, Ruby, Gary, Crystal, Amber, Alice, Toby, Sakura and Daisy went down the other route. With Ivy’s group, it wasn’t long before they heard a crash coming from an opposite direction so Gary, Ruby & Crystal quickly took off.

As Damien’s group walked in silence, Pandora took out a briefcase, placed it on the ground and bent down to open it. As Lolita walked up beside her, she said, “Pandora, wear longer jeans.”

“I’ll consider it.”

"If the ghost really is a girl, I'll leave the work to you, Harry. It's your forte after all." Damien said.

"You just implied something highly offensive, and I'm deeply insulted."

They searched all kinds of changing rooms and staff rooms, with Goldia carrying a keyboard and pressing a single chord anytime there was a sudden movement. As the paths and areas became more open-ended, they soon began to separate from the group one-by-one. They occasionally saw things move in the shadows and took off without mentioning anything. Soon it was just Poison, Pandora and Dawn walking together.

“How the hell is this place so big?” Dawn asked.

“Let’s just wait somewhere safe for the others to meet us.” Pandora suggested.

“Suck it up, you baby. Geez, didn’t think a stupid story would scare you so much.”

“Maybe you should think carefully next time.” Poison replied.

“Okay, darling.”

“Please don’t.”

After a while, a door opened by itself on the left. As Dawn chose to go into the room, the door closed behind her. It wasn’t until several moments later Pandora noticed and began to freak out. “W-where did she go?!”

“She’s probably playing a prank on you.” Poison said. As he began to walk, Pandora pulled on his jacket, as he turned around she held out her hand.

“Hold my hand.”

“…Seriously?” Poison sighed. “Fine.”

“Just so you know I wouldn’t fart in your face.”

Poison, completely stunned by this, said, “Wow…I just, I don’t know how to respond. I’ve gotta give you credit.”

“That was a compliment.”

“That makes it even more confusing.”

On the other end, Ivy’s group were casually walking down a corridor as Richard was talking with Toby. “Oh, Toby, I just remembered. I have a few new story recommendations for you.”

“Really? Thanks! Wait, do these have any NTR? Because you know I hate NTR. I would kill you if these had NTR.” Toby glared at him.

Richard laughed. “I assure you, the stories are so sugar-coated you’ll overdose on the atmosphere.”

They then heard the sound of something sliding down the corridor nearby. The others looked at each other before continuing. The sliding got louder over time, making a disturbing, “DRR…DRR…DRR…” sound.

“What is that?” Sakura asked.

“I don’t know but it’s very slowly coming this way!” Alice exclaimed, dramatically turning around and pointing behind them in slow-motion.

The figure, struggling to even stay upright, began to walk into their area of vision. Ivy turned to Daisy and said, “Daisy, do your stomach jiggle thing!”

“Ehh?!”

“It’ll distract it!”

“B-but-“

“Fine, if not your stomach, then make your a-“

“Alright, I’ll do it!” Daisy said, lifting her jumper. As she did so, the figure stopped in its tracks and tilted its head, as if it were confused. Daisy noticed the others had run and so she did too.

Back with Poison and Pandora, as they passed by a toilet, Pandora asked, “Can you come in with me?”

“I think we both know I can’t.”

“Can you at least stay by the door?”

“Yes, just go, please.”

She kept asking whether he was still out there which got annoying rather fast. There were a few ghosts wondering around as he waited, which he saw but ignored. As Pandora was washing her hands and looked in the mirror, she saw a little girl covered in dirt with hair covering most of her face suddenly appear a few feet behind her. She quickly turned around with a gun, shaking uncontrollably, but the girl was gone. She quickly ran out, grabbed Poison’s hand and said, “Let’s go.” as she dragged him with her.

“Did something happen?”

“No, no, it’s fine.”

The ghosts finally stopped playing around and actually attacked some of the others, as Daisy noticed when she saw Gary, Ruby and Crystal fighting a horde of them down one corridor.

Poison stopped to go to the bathroom as he said, “Hey, I’ve just gotta go quickly-“

“No! You can’t!”

“I’ll be quick; I’ll just take a short while.”

“A short while is all they need! I’m coming with you!”

“No you aren’t.” Pandora clung to him as he tried to walk. “You’re being annoying now.”

“Don’t leave me alone! I’m a delicate, young, beautiful girl who needs your help, Mr. White Knight!”

“I’m not afraid to hit you.” He futilely tried to push her off him. “Just think about things you hate, what about your list?”

She let go and reached down her top to pull out a black notebook. “I hate jump scares, running taps, supernatural mysteries, spam-” as she went on, Poison went to the bathroom. Pandora could feel an eerie breeze after a while and someone whispering in the silent hallway. Just then, Nookie came around the corner, waving to her, surprising her so suddenly she ran off.

After catching her breath in an area she thought was safe, a phone nearby started ringing, so she found it in an empty room and picked it up. The person on the other end was wheezing and sounded like they had a cold. “yeah gurl, stomp on my face, rub your toes all over it, love that shit. Elbow drop my body, oh god, slap me in the face with your marshmellows, that really gets me going. oh yeah sit on me, treat me like a rusty chair, ignore that Twinkie beside your thigh. wait don’t just sit on my body, while I love your warm ass print on my clothes and smelling your hair, your ass belongs rightfully on my face, plop it up there, yeah, that gets me going. grind on my nose like a cheese grater. suffocate me with your plump ass that smells like roses, I can’t control it, my Twinkie rises again. I’ll suck the farts right out of that glorious hole like bubble-gum, let out your bodily fluids on me, I love it when girls do that, their pee-“ Hearing far more than enough, she finally put the phone down. 

As she walked around another corner, Kate jumped out yelling, "Jump scare!” Pandora screamed then punched her in the stomach as Kate let out a cry of pleasure. “Ahn<3 So rough~”

“Stop that.” Pandora said.

“Sorry, anyone else with you right now?”

“Not at the moment, it’s…just me…and you…” Realizing what she just said, she jumped out the way as Kate attempted to grab her.

“Damn, should’ve moved faster. Oh well, since we finally have some time alone, I can’t let this opportunity pass me by.” She charged at Pandora, swinging wildly at her which made it easy for Pandora to predict her movements and eventually hit her with a palm to the face. Kate bent backwards from the force of the blow but quickly stood upright again. She began attempting to use kung fu, combining it with breakdancing moves which confused Pandora but she was still able to defend against it. As Pandora tried to hit her with a roundhouse kick, Kate flipped into the air and did a really long bicycle kick that Pandora defended against by moving back while quickly drawing two katanas. After a few moments, Pandora swung at her twice during an opening but Kate effortlessly dodged and ended up behind her as she did a spinning bird kick in mid-air.

Pandora hopped back just before Kate landed and activated her Shinigami Overdrive, sprouting 4 more arms as she said, “I’ve had enough of your nonsense!” With a katana formed of dark energy in the other 4 arms, Pandora rapidly jabbed the blades at her while Kate moonwalked while waving her arms wildly, avoiding every attack. “Time I ended this…” Pandora thought to herself as the four dark arms threw the swords and drew knives, attempting to aim the four knives at her forehead, throat, heart and crotch. Kate deflected all four one at a time within half a second effortlessly and knocked Pandora back with a palm to the stomach. Kate leapt forward and attacked with a roundhouse kick that Pandora ducked under. As Pandora tried to stab her, Kate deflected both blades and knocked them out of her hands, followed by a sweep kick. Just as Pandora was knocked off her feet, Kate yelled, “Opening!” as she tackled Pandora to the ground, knocking the wind out of her and reverting her back to her normal form.

“Man, you sure are a feisty one, but I don’t mind that.” Kate started to unbutton her jeans. “Now, time to see what’s really in Pandora’s Box…” She was suddenly hit by Poison who kicked her in the face, knocking her unconscious and off Pandora, who he then helped up.

“Please don’t run off like that.” He said.

“I’m willing to raise you to 4 ½ hearts.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“I don’t understand it. She defeated me as if I were nothing, until this point I assumed she was a weak buffoon, yet she countered half my moves so easily that it seemed like she wasn’t even trying. Ever since I came back, I’ve been on a big losing streak, like everyone level grinded in my absence.”

“You could say that. Kate’s an odd one, when she wants something, you just can’t stop her. If she seriously wants to hug you, any attempts to resist are futile for almost everyone.”

“Almost everyone?”

“So far just the certain people at the top of the food chain can put her down for good.”

“Interesting…”

In the other large areas, most of the others weren’t very far from each other now that the ghosts started to make their presence known. While they were knocking about the ghosts like rag dolls, more and more began to show up over time and slowly began to overwhelm some of them. As Ivy prepared to shoot a large beam of fire at dozens of ghosts approaching her, Goldia suddenly stepped ahead of her and said, “I’ll handle this, my lady.” Ivy stopped and watched, anticipating what powerful ability Goldia had in mind. She stared at the horde of ghosts while they did the same; this went on for nearly half a minute before Goldia started doing the Macarena. Ivy was dumbfounded, as were the ghosts who joined in shortly after.

“…What is this?” Ivy asked, clearly confused.

“Oh, I put that in her programming.” Dawn replied.

“You felt that was important?”

“Of course, oh, that too.” She pointed at Goldia as she was now doing the Crash Dance.

“Niiiiiiice.”

“Hey, Macarena.” Alice said, noticing the crowd far behind her just before running over and joining in.

Meanwhile, Damien and Lolita tracked the ghost girl to a changing room. Damien knocked her across the room by ripping a bench out of the ground and smacking her with it. She slid along the ground but quickly got to her feet through jump-cut movements and launched most of her hair at him like projectiles. He trapped some of it underneath a locker, and began slashing the rest in half when Lolita dropped down beside the girl. She called back some of the hair to defend but Lolita easily cut through it, hitting her multiple times across the chest and kicking her into a locker. She retaliated by hitting Lolita with a hair typhoon just as Damien threw several large stone spears at her. She quickly moved and began firing back. A dark portal appeared in the ground nearby and Lolita flew up, hitting the girl with an uppercut and knocking her back with a downward kick. The ghost quickly ran, knocking the door off its hinges as she fled. 

Just then, Damien’s phone started ringing. As he answered it, a quiet and raspy voice on the other end said, “7 days…”

“I beg your pardon?”

Pandora, who was on the other end, cleared her throat. “Let’s go to the carnival in 7 days. Lolita’s coming too.”

“I’m not a carnival type of person.”

“You’d better come, or I’ll sit on you.”

“Normally I wouldn’t say anything, but that’s really not much of a threat.”

“I’m rather heavy.”

“I appreciate the honesty, even if I don’t see it that way, but that’s beside the point. I’ll think about it.”

Back with the others, realizing that as ghosts, they should be killing people, they took the best course of action. The majority of them fused together to create a large eldritch abomination so horrible that for sanity reasons it can only be described as a large tentacle monster. Ruby, finally meeting up with Ivy again, stood beside her and nodded. She stuck out her fist as she said, “From the skies of Heaven.” Ivy fist bumped her as she responded, “To the depths of Hell.” They both powered up before yelling, “Let’s rock!” and charged at the beast. The monster opened its mouth and instantly fired a large beam that hit them and sent them flying. They quickly charged the beast again, this time avoiding the beams and tentacles as they began pummelling it with no mercy. The two flew out of the way as Leo blasted it away with a concentrated blast of water, followed by Gary calling down lightning on the beast. Meanwhile, Poison threw several tornados that cut the beast all over and kept it in place while Gary repeatedly struck it with lightning. Everyone else joined in on ganging up on the monster with their own abilities when suddenly Tom appeared.

“Oh, hey Tom.” Ivy said, everyone else also greeted him.

“What? Earlier today you guys all acted like he didn’t exist!” Rosie exclaimed.

“Don’t be silly, who the hell could forget Tom?”

“Yeah, now’s not the time for jokes, Rosie.” Poison added.

Rosie sighed. “Whatever, I don’t even care.”

“I’ll handle this.” Tom said, running up and uppercuting the beast so hard it flew into space. While in mid-air, he spun around and said. “I’m happy I could be of assistance, but now I must go, my planet needs me.” He stiffly flew off and vanished into a green screen halfway in the air. 

Meanwhile, Kate woke up in one of the empty hallways. She walked around randomly and as she opened a closet door, the ghost girl was standing right there. They stared at each other for a few seconds, and then Kate hugged her, catching the ghost by surprise. She struggled to free herself and claw her face off but Kate maintained her grip as she walked. “Aren’t you the cutest little thing, but you’re really dirty. Let’s go take a bath together!” And so they did as one of the rooms had a bath for some reason, so Kate got in after forcing in the ghost and forcefully cleaned every area as the ghost begged her to stop. She cleaned the undead right off her and now her hair was silky smooth, her clothes were clean and her first instincts were no longer to kill. She hugged Kate and the two slept in the bathtub, with not a single person caring where Kate was that night.

That morning, everyone was getting their things and preparing to leave etc. As Brian was packing his bag, he said, “So what did you think?”

“It was easily one of the better ones. Right behind 9, 7 and 2 I think.”

“I always preferred 8 to 9, but I agree.”

Pandora wore her normal Victorian style dress and as she looked in a mirror, she saw the ghost of the girl, who no longer looked creepy and waved at her. Kate walked over and said, “Hey, just wanna apologise for last night. I didn’t mean to come off as some sick molester.”

“Well you did, which just reinforces my dislike of you.”

“Sorry, I have a hard time expressing my feelings. I just really like you and wanna know so much about any new friends I make, especially special young girls such as yourself.”

“Friends?”

“Yeah, I consider you one.”

“My friendship rating starts at 3 hearts.”

“So what am I?”

“-6.”

“I’m that low?!?” Kate thought for a second, took out her special rocket launcher, “The Destroyer” and gave it to Pandora.

Pandora looked at it then said, “-2.”

“I’m still a minus?!?”

As Ivy was almost done packing, Poison walked over. She sighed. “Yesterday was weird.”

“More like normal for us.”

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“Back when we were more about using horror tropes for cheap laughs and less about having vulgar humor at every opportunity.”

“I guess I do like it a little more sombre overall.”

“And here I thought you liked it as rough as possible.” They both laughed for a moment then stopped. “I’m going to leave those kinds of jokes to you…”

“Yeah, that felt a little unusual.”

Everyone was getting onto the ship as Poison went on. “Oh, I won the bet by the way.”

“Are you honestly saying you didn’t snark once?”

“I did, but you made more sexual comments than I snarked and you made them first.”

“Fine, I don’t mind a little role-play either way. You be the master for a day and I’ll be the servant.”

“Master and servant was never actually a thing.” Poison said as they got on. “And why is that always the first thought on your mind?” He shut the door just before the ship took off and flew into the distance while the ghost girl waved from the beach as Kate waved back.
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« Reply #433 on: 21 August, 2013, 03:03:48 pm »

Now it’s time for: Reipa Girl, tell ‘em!

Pandora walked onscreen and sat in Lolita’s chair; Dawn appeared from the other side and sat beside her. Pandora cleared her throat before talking. “Unfortunately, Lolita won’t be here today. She recently discovered that Damien was a better cook and cleaner than she was and he denied this but she just found the modesty more insulting and she’s in a bit of a slump, it’s dumb, I know. Anyway, Dawn’s gonna join me I guess.” Dawn waved. “Yadda, yadda, first caller, you’re up.”

“Hey, sucks that Lolita couldn’t be here today but I guess it can’t be helped. I think the last one needed a little more plot and backstory, it wasn’t enough. I also think it would be best to go back to the horror tropes style, and I enjoyed it more when Ivy and Ruby weren’t friends.”

“Well it’s already too late for that at this rate, but thanks for calling. Next caller.”

“Do you have a tramp stamp?”

“I have no idea what that is.”

“Surprisingly, she doesn’t have one, I’ve checked myself. Also, why do you need to swim when you can fly?” Dawn asked.

“Doesn’t work in water. Wait, surprisingly?” Pandora glared at her.

Dawn nodded. “Surprisingly. Onto the next.”

“What up, people? I was wondering if you knew how to twerk.” 

“I don’t know what that is either.”

“You’re better off not knowing, since you’d go all feminazi if you knew.” Dawn replied.

“I guess I’ll take your word for it, next caller, please.”

“Y’know, we really ought to have some kind of card saying who’s calling in, where they come from and so on…” Dawn commented.

“I didn’t make the rules.”

The next caller began talking. “Hi there, I was wondering, are you and Damien really friends?”

“Are you saying we can’t be?”

“It just doesn’t seem normal.”

“I’ll have you know we’ve done a lot of friendish things together, such as bowling, skydiving, paintball, going out to eat, going to the cinema, going to the carnival, had matching friendship bracelets at one point, he’s given me a piggyback ride numerous times, we’ve watched TV shows together and so on.”

“So you’re doing everything except fucking.” Dawn replied. “You’re not actually fucking, right?”

“No, we are not.”

“Is it because of Lolita? I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you asked.”

“It’s not like that.”

“So do you wear those skimpy outfits when you hang out too?” The caller asked.

“No, just my usual attire…and what’s so skimpy about them?”

“Your modern outfit is a little slutty.” Dawn nodded.

“How? It’s normal wear!”

“If you say so. I don’t why you’re not fucking him though.”

“I’d fuck him, just wanted to say that.” The caller replied.

“If we’ve cleared this up, I’d like to move on.” Pandora said.

“I agree on fucking him.” Dawn added rather late.

“Shut up. Next caller.”

“I like your butt. Show me your butt.”

With no hint of shock or disbelief, she immediately replied, “No.”

Dawn leaned back as she said, “I could morph into her and take my clothes off…”

“I’d settle for that.” The caller replied.

“Don’t you dare!” Pandora responded.

“What are you gonna do about it? Sit on me?”

“I had several burritos for lunch; don’t make me do it, Dawn.”

“Fine, whatever.”

“Next caller.”

“yeah gurl, ridicule my way of living, that gets me so hard, smack me across the face, your hand smells like foam, mmm. Kick me down those stairs while flashing your panties, good lord. wait black panties? wat dis, mah pan-chan can’t be a slut, I blacked out, yeah that’s it. yeah gurl, torture me for sexual harassment, rip out my fucking heart, UHHHH, so sugoi. Bite the shit out of it, tastes like chicken, gurl. Bitchslap me with your ass, I don’t know how this works but I love it. B-b-back that ass up. Increase those proportions, I love giantesseseseses. Flatten me with those boobies, totally worth it. I’m experiencing very severe pain and don’t wanna die but I praise the gods to die by your boobies. Get out that strap-on-“

Pandora sighed as she facepalmed while Dawn was in a fit of laughter. “Not this guy again, it’s like the kind of utter stupidity you’d see in Youtube comments.”

Dawn stopped briefly to say, “That’s the joke, ladies and gentlemen.”

“I have to ask, what the hell’s with the callers today? Why are all these questions for me? And why are a majority of them overloaded with sexual harassment? Lolita doesn’t get this, why me?”

“Shit happens.” Dawn shrugged. “You just have to accept that no matter how ugly, fat, vindictive, anti-social, young or disinterested you may be, if you’re a chick you’re gonna get some kind of attention anyway.”

“That’s debatable, but whatever.”

“Apparently it is, since I try my hardest to please you, to keep us financially stable, ex cetera, but you don’t care about me as a person. Some of my best memories are some of the ones we’ve spent together. I considered our first time to be something special, but it was just like work for you.”

“We never did anything like that.” Pandora said, turning to the camera.

“There you go again. Whenever we were done, you kick me out and tell me to make you a sandwich, and demand that I’m gone by the time you wake up in the morning; you never even wanna just cuddle and talk. It’s always what you want: Face your ass this way, put your hand in this hole, tug on my hair, put this in your mouth.”

“I assure you, none of this happened.” Pandora said again.

“I worked hard to get us back here, and do you show any gratitude? No. You go run off with your ex-girlfriend again.”

“But I did show gratitude…”

“Not the kind I wanted.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Forget it, it doesn’t matter.”

Well okay, next caller, please.”

“Hey girl, get on my dick.”

“And here we go again…” Pandora rolled her eyes.

“You skillful with guns, but what else are you skilled at?”

“I’d answer that if you didn’t already make your real purpose known.”

“She’s skillful at eating bananas.” Another caller added, surprising both Pandora and Dawn.

“How did-“

“Yeah, bet she eats a lot of bananas.” The first caller responded.

“Now listen he-“

A third caller made his presence known. “She couldn’t handle my banana. It’d be too ripe for her.”

“Man, I wouldn’t be able to put mine in her, she’d wet herself in fear. My dick would go right through that bitch.” The second caller said.

“Hey, I saw her first; ya’ll better back the fuck off.” The first caller replied.

“Didn’t call dibs, dude.” The third caller said. “Besides, there’s enough for all three of us.”

“If her taco is clean then I call dibs on that.” The second caller said.

“Man, you fools be crazy. My dick's like 16 inches, it would destroy that bitch.” The first caller replied.

“Same here, man.” The third caller responded. “But she can take it. I believe she can handle the D.”

“My dick would punch holes through that bitch like she’s made of paper mache. I’d mind break that bitch, make her worship it.”

Having heard enough for one day, Pandora calmly got up and walked off without a word as this went on. Dawn, only just noticing, said, “Well this came about a bit early. Might as well stop now, I’m gonna shift the attention to those two guys: White and Green. While they do that, I’m gonna try and find a quick ahegao picture to put up for a split second so you’d only notice it if you’re paying attention, then it’ll be the only thing anybody will talk about today.”

It panned over to White and Green standing by a large widescreen TV that showed clips as they talked.

“Hello viewers,” White began. “We’re here to inform you on all the great merchandise available.”

“What merchandise would that be, White?”

“Well I’m going to tell you, Green.” He cleared his throat. “We’ve got t-shirts,” He said, showing various recent ones such as Kate hitting a black hole with a piledriver with the word, “Swag.” underneath, Nookie grabbing over a dozen different girls with his tentacles, and Poison punching a women through a wall with the words, “Fuck society.” beneath. “We got caps.” It then showed hats like ones modelled after Goldia’s head. “We got rucksacks, mugs, etc., and of course one of the more important ones, tons and tons of figurines.” It then began showing a whole bunch of different ones. “There are tons, some for almost every character and include special ones like the Christmas themed outfits and of course the beach ones.”

“Can’t forget that now.” Green replied.

“Certainly not. We’ve also got dakimakuras that have just as much variation as the figurines. You wanna order one of your favourite character wearing specific clothes which are somewhat torn off with the character giving some kind of sultry or embarrassed look, we got that. And don’t worry, ladies, we’ve got male ones to satisfy your needs too, we don’t discriminate, though a few sold out so we gotta get that sorted out first. We got every character. EVERY CHARACTER. Even Ivy’s giant robot and Poison’s green sword, yeah, we got that shit. Some are purely comedic but still.”

“Chicks watch this shit?” Green asked.

“Of course they do, Green, chicks watch a lot of shit you wouldn’t expect. Trust me, I have kids.”

“I’m sorry.”

“We also have limited offers on hand. For instance, if you buy a Lolita dakimakura, you can get a Pandora one for half price. The same goes for many other sets of characters.”

“Won’t we lose quite a bit of money that way?”

“Probably.”

“So how does this work, White?”

“I have no idea, Green. I’m just reading what they tell me, I honestly don’t know how this shit works.”

“I don’t think we can say that on the air, dude.” Green said quietly. “We gotta convince the viewers that we care.”

“Fuc-“

It quickly cut back to Dawn. “And there you have it. I think Pandora seriously left, so I believe we should end this here. You may be wondering, “What about that picture?” Well clearly you missed it, you weren’t paying enough attention. So, stay frosty, my friends.” The screen faded to black.
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« Reply #434 on: 07 October, 2013, 02:39:38 pm »

It’s quite a bit longer than I expected. It didn’t take me very long to come up with it, what am I referring to? A lot of things.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TMEDCE: Overwhelming Volatile Apocalypse

Unlike the usual opening, this one opens up really early in the night outside of a building on Earth. A limo pulls up to the curb and a butler opened the passenger seat. A man who called himself The Collector looked like the KFC Colonel with a white top hat; monocle & cigar exited the vehicle & entered the building. He arrived in a big, somewhat dark room with a water cooler on one side and a large table in the middle with 4 of the 7 people in the room sitting around it. Osward Trevor, the fat boy in the black trenchcoat, wore black shades, a black jumper, fedora & black fingerless gloves sat at the edge. Gamestar, who had long unkempt black hair that covered one eye, bags under his eyes, a Venom shirt and beige shorts sat next to him. Opposite him was a woman, Coldfinger, who was playing Connect 4 with him & had pale skin with short dark blue hair, who wore a form fitting light blue tech suit with neon blue lights going across black spaces in the suit. She had a canister on her back which was connected to a ventilation mask she had around her mouth that made her speak like Darth Vader. Beside her, doing exercises was Rachel Haydude, better known as ‘Ranting Rachel’ wearing a Tiger costume you’d see at an amusement park.

A redheaded man calling himself Speed Limit was running round the room wearing a zipped red & yellow jacket with matching pants & shoes. Rin Jobs, who had long blonde hair, and wore a yellow dress with visible midriff sat near the end of the table. Loli Rainbow was also here, standing opposite her by the wall. A figure in a hooded cloak appeared ahead of them. “Greetings, fellow villains, I appreciate you all taking the time to meet me here.”

“Would you be interested in stepping out of the shadows anytime soon?” The Collector asked.

“Not until the last third of this chapter. You guys wouldn’t happen to know a sociopathic clown by any chance?” There was a resounding no. “Very well. I’ve been monitoring you guys for a while, and you disappoint me. You’re weak examples of villains. Where’s the evil laugh? The entertaining & horrible schemes? What happened to you people?”

“I technically don’t consider myself a villain.” Coldfinger said, while the others made all kinds of comments calling BS on her.

“Good one, Valerie.” Gamestar replied. “I just personally wanna play games with people.”

“While I may have been out of line a few times, resulting in the girl busting me, that other **** comes up with some of the flimsiest excuses to take me in. The monster!” Rachel exclaimed.

“I find that quite hard to believe.” Osward retorted. “While I care not for the boy, I cherish every moment that brings the girl to my doorstep.”

“These guys be crazy!” Speed Limit began. “Always busting me for speeding! It happened once 3 times in one week, while doing 70 on a 30mph street, you believe this shit?! When I gotta get my ass to the supermarket before closing time, I gotta move my ass! But these guys trying to keep an honest man down, the hell is this?!”

“Those meddlesome angels always get involved in my hobbies.” Collector said.

“Refurbishment?” Coldfinger asked.

“No, collecting! I try to collect every kind of currency around the world, and they bust me. I try to own every store over several blocks with ‘legal’ paperwork, I get busted. I try to own every type of animal there is, I get busted.”

“Some of those animals are endangered, and half of them are female! You think you can own female animals?! You’re scum, you vile old man!” Rachel yelled.

“Just the other day he bleeted that he caught all 386 Pocket Monsters legitimately.” Osward added.

Coldfinger turned to him & said, “Dude, you need new hobbies.”

“I don’t judge yours, I’d appreciate you do the same. So is this everyone who turned up today?” Collector asked.

“There were a few other dudes, but they couldn’t make it.” Gamestar began. “Mack & Cheaze didn’t wanna participate either.”

“Those guys keeping it smooth!” Speed Limit exclaimed. “Keeping things on lockdown! Don’t wanna get involved in villain activities so they look clean!”

“Quite frankly, the fact of the matter is, it’s just what’s best for business.” Collector adjusted his monocle.

“Pfft, I should’ve already achieved world domination, and would’ve done so if it weren’t for those two stupid angels! Humanity can’t grow and evolve when those fools are running around here! They should go back to their own planet! That girl who dresses up in a Halloween costume like some flying rodent thing & that guy who looks like he walked right out of medieval times.” Loli Rainbow said.

“I’m sure you spent all this time coming up with that, huh?” Rin responded.

“Bite me, bitch. Also, I heard word that apparently Mack & Cheaze ratted me out, and if so I oughtta give ‘em a piece of my mind!”

“Ratting isn’t what’s best for business.” Collector shook his head. “Then again, leaving your mark on products you offload onto other villains makes it easy to get tracked down regardless.”

“I really don’t have much to do with this.” Rin said. “I’m a popular idol who values her education, is all. I do some bad things on occasion but I’m just using the powers I was blessed with, and I have a concert later today, if you don’t mind. I’m living life unlike you losers. Nor do I care about that stupid boy & his unattractive friend.”

“Bite your tongue, woman.” Oswald replied. “My heavenly angel looks far more attractive than you could ever be. Never figured cheap whores could become idols but anything’s possible these days.”

“How dare you! I should hypnotize you into serving me right now, fat boy!”

“You waste your time, whore.” He pushed up his glasses. “I only have eyes for one maiden.”

“I believe I’ve let you people talk enough.” The cloaked figure said. “Now that a majority have expressed your dislike of these two foiling your plans, I suggest we do something about that.”

“So what do you think we should do?” Coldfinger asked.

“It’s simple. We kill the angels.” The others had reactions ranging from laughter to bewilderment. “I just want you to do your normal things tonight, and we can wear them down. I’ll contact you if I need something changed.” The figure walked towards the exit.

“How do we call you?” Coldfinger asked.

“Don’t worry, I’ll call you.” The figure said before leaving.

“If any of you kill her first, I at least want Ruby’s dead body. It’ll be great research for me.” Oswald said. Though the others didn’t care, most of them muttered their disgust.

It cut to a full moon high in the sky later on that evening. It slowly panned down towards the misty streets and stopped outside a bank where two figures were. One nodded to the other who pressed a button, triggering a big explosion from within as they took off. Meanwhile, Gary & Ruby who were on their planet watching a movie were notified of this through Gary’s vibrating mobile, nodded to each other & got up. Gary got his sword, Ruby grabbed her utility belt, Gary put on his cape & Ruby adjusted the top half of her costume before they hopped in the Angelmobile & took off down the runway.

Back on earth, the two figures ran down several alleys & over a fence before running into a building and up onto the roof. As they arrived, they came to a halt as Ruby dropped down from above and squinted at them. They both pulled out guns in unison, while with a flick of her wrist Ruby fired two psychokinetic blasts that knocked the guns away. She leapt forward and knocked out one criminal with a dropkick. The second swung multiple times and missed as she moved back, and soon hit him with a left hook, knocking him out. She left them tied up for the police as they arrived and stood beside the edge of a building half a mile away as lightning struck in the distance.

Far away, Gary was in a white go-kart, chasing Speed Limit who was driving a red & yellow formula 1 car. Speed Limit was knocking police off the road as they chased him & doing all kinds of stunts as they drove through an area with construction work going on. Speed Limit looked out the window & flipped off Gary. “Suck it, boy! Can’t catch my shit!” He stuck his ass out the window and began mooning him. “Come get some, fool! I’ll run circles around your ass! Speed up, son, feel that need for speed! Do it, faggot!” Speed Limit swerved about as he drove through traffic & lights over the next couple of streets then drove through a tunnel and was met by Gary on the other side as he dropped down onto the front and punched a hole in it. The impact sent Speed Limit flying out but he landed on his feet. He charged at Gary, swinging wildly at supersonic speed. Gary blocked the hits and hit him with a judo throw before standing on his right arm. “License and registration, please.”

“Laugh it up, boy! You cheated to catch me! Using gameshark like a cheater!”

Suddenly, May called Gary and he picked up. “Not sure what you’re doing right now, but some odd things are going on. There’s a lot of villain-like activity today.”

“I noticed.”

“No, like half your bad guys are up to something. About 7 of them, I think.”

“Well I already took down Speed Limit.”

“Oh, good. That leaves Oswald, Rachel, Valerie, Tony, The Collector, Rin & Fuka. You can pick from the list which ones you wanna do first, I’ve already spoken with Ruby about this. Just remember you can switch between each other between levels, so you don’t have to go through them all with just one character.”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“Nothing. Get a move on, I’ll send you the co-ordinates of their locations.”

“Alright, I’ll wrap things up here then I’ll be on my way.”

Back with Ruby, she arrived at a donut factory and dropped down by the entrance. “Is this really the place?” She asked.

“Yep, definitely says he’s there. This was the guy who made you start taking this seriously, right?”

“You could say that.”

Suddenly, Oswald began speaking over a loudspeaker as Ruby walked through a production line area of the factory. “Ahh, thank heavens you’re alright, my angel. I didn’t think you’d come to me first, I see you just couldn’t wait for us to spend some time together again.”

“Whatever lets you sleep at night. So why this place?”

“Well if I recall correctly, you do like donuts, correct? So this place would be the most suitable area to have our little date. I had to make a few arrangements and some small changes but you deserve only the best.”

“I’m touched.” She said sarcastically.

As Ruby entered a wide room and turned on a light switch, a panel suddenly opened up on the other side and shot a laser at her. She jumped to the side and threw an angel shaped throwing weapon, damaging it.

“Fortunately I’ve got more where that came from.” Oswald said as over a dozen panels opened up within that room & began firing lasers all over the place. Ruby evaded them as she flipped & manoeuvred herself around the room, disabling all the weapons. She moved on, doing her best not to push a big red button in the middle of a hallway with the words “No push.” on it, coming back to it moments after passing it but ultimately moving on. Down another hallway, as she stepped on a certain tile, lasers shot up from below, one-by-one, leaving a small gap in the laser walls along the way. Ruby quickly leapt & somersaulted across the lasers before she was trapped behind them.

“I see your reflexes are still strong. It’s always good for a girl to be a little flexible.”

“We’ll see how flexible yours is when I find you.”

Meanwhile, outside WcDonalds were several cop cars, as Ranting Rachel & a bunch of her mooks that also dressed in costumes were holding up the place. Gary somehow managed to get in through the back and blew up their guns with electricity before dropping down in front of them.

“So the boy was the one who decided to show up, just my luck. You decided to come after me because I’m a woman.”

“Uhh, no, it’s because you’re disrupting the piece for some reason.”

One girl in a big rabbit suit said, “She got mad that a man held the door open for her, and here we are.”

“Shut up. He was demeaning me, as if I couldn’t open the door myself, men are all the same! I wear these suits so I’m not objectified by you disgusting parasites & I make sure all my girls do the same!”

“She gets surprisingly strong when pissed off.” Another girl in a cat suit said.

“I heard she once killed a man with her vagina.” One woman in a dolphin suit whispered to another in a shark suit, who then replied. “I heard she once snapped a man’s neck with her chest, I don’t know how that works but it happened.”

“Why do you girls work for someone who’s clearly out of her mind?” Gary asked.

“She pays well and I needed the money because I lost my last job.” A woman in a gorilla suit said as she shrugged.

“I’m a feminist myself so I can identify with her.” A woman in a lion cub suit added.

“That’s not a feminist, that’s a feminazi.”

“How dare you!” Rachel exclaimed. “Don’t let him talk to me like that, beat him up! No longer will we be oppressed in this unfair world of men!”

“But I wanna go home with all my bones in place…” One of them replied.

“Just beat him up!”

May then asked, “You alright with this, Gary?”

“I see no names, no faces, just criminals.”

As two charged at him, he ducked under one punch and hit the second with an uppercut. He knocked one girl back to his left with a palm thrust and caught the fist of one person behind him, throwing them at another near him. Another tried to clothesline him but he moved to the side, grabbed her by the face and slammed her into the ground, then tripped another close by. One tried to grab the straw container but Gary easily punched through it and knocked her out. The last one came up behind him with a chair, but he backflipped over her and sent her halfway across the restaurant with a small electrical blast to the stomach. Rachel simply nodded to the many other girls who then stepped up.

As one ran at him and tried to kick him, he grabbed her leg & elbowed her in the crouch. He somersaulted over to another woman, punched her twice then hit her with a backhand before countering an attack from behind with a belly-to-belly suplex. One girl began throwing soft drinks from behind the counter as Gary evaded them then hit one woman with a roundhouse kick as she picked up a chair. He dodged another soft drink and shot a bolt of electricity at another drink in her hand, knocking her out from the shock. Gary parried attacks from two girls near him as he got up and clotheslined them both. The last girl threw a burger at him from across the restaurant, and he spun round at the last second, caught it and threw it back, hitting her in the face & knocking her out. Rachel, clearly frustrated at this point, exclaimed, “Don’t go easy on him, murder this ****!”

Several large women in grizzly bear suits made an appearance. As usual, one woman ran at him again but with a knife. He evaded two swings then caught her hand & hit her with an uppercut. He leapt across the area and fly kicked another. As two girls in an elephant suit charged at him, he rolled out the way and tripped the back legs, knocking down the girl in front as well from the sudden force. He rolled out the way as one woman in a bear suit tried to crush him with a table. A girl in a frog suit tackled him and after struggling slightly, he threw her behind him into a table. He grabbed a burger off the table and hit one woman in the face with it, slid under another woman’s kick, grabbed a drink and hit her over the head with it. Three women surrounded him so he ducked and sweeped the three of them then elbow dropped one before rolling away as another woman threw a chair. He quickly jumped up and hit one woman in front of him with a downward roundhouse, then stopped by a woman who was protecting herself with a chair. Gary knocked it aside and kneed her in the face, then he suddenly sped up and he moved around the room, taking them out with quick punches & kicks then elbowed the last grizzly bear in the stomach, making them drop the table they had. He rapidly punched her & knocked her out with a backhand.

One last woman grabbed a gun and opened fire, but Gary caught all the bullets to her surprise. As she was shocked, Gary zapped the gun out of her hands & quickly did an electric slide towards her before flipping forward and smacking her into the ground with an axe kick. “Nice work, Gary.” May congratulated him. “You had a few hiccups & didn’t use every tool, but it was a job well done.”

“Faster than speeding bullets.” Rachel said, somewhat impressed. “But you should be ashamed of yourself! Attacking young women and yet you call yourself a man?”

“Technically I call myself a teenage boy.”

“Shut up! I’ll just have to kill you myself!”

Back to Ruby, after attempting to eat a donut with sprinkles on a tray, it opened up a wall and a giant donut started chasing her down a narrow hallway. As she arrived at an intersection, another giant donut was coming straight at her. She eventually noticed an air vent, blasted it open and jumped up there. As she crawled through it, May said, “It would be harder to blend in with your hair, fortunately you dyed it.”

“You do know I’m not naturally blonde, right?”

“Huh?”

Ruby hopped out into another room eventually, at which point Oswald said, “Help yourself to some more donuts, I’ve got plenty.” As a gun sprouted from the floor and fired sprinkled donuts that glowed in the dark. Ruby blasted them, which made the donuts explode & knock her through a wall into a very wide part of the factory. Suddenly the two giant donuts appeared again but were on wheels this time. “Careful around these wheels, they’re awfully hot.” Ruby jumped through the middle of the donuts repeatedly as she blasted them & eventually blew them up with a sticky bomb. Just then, a robot Octopus which shot lasers from its 8 arms descended.

“Ruby, meet the Cyber-Pus!”

“Lame, you just cut out ‘Octo’, that’s so bland!”

“Well it’s not an inventive creation so I have an excuse!”

“You also need an actual villain name.”

“I haven’t thought of one that’s both memorable & not stupid. Believe me, I know people who have neither.”

As Ruby avoided getting grabbed by the robot, Gary called her through an earpiece she had. “Hey, you’ve fought this Rachel chick, right?”

“Rachel? I think she’s pretty funny, I’d rather be fighting her right now.”

“Ditto, anyway, what’s her deal?”

“Her deal? Oh, she rants a lot about almost everything and she gets stronger the more she rants, eventually even exceeding superhuman levels.”

“…Oh.”

“She’s been ranting for quite some time, hasn’t she?”

“Is 3 minutes of ranting a long time?”

“I believe it is.” Ruby said before pulling out a black cable and flying circles around the octopus at superspeed, making it trip.

Back with Gary, he was currently evading Rachel’s moves as she punched through a table. “What now, hotshot? Where’s the trash talk? Not such a big man when you’re picking on an actual feminist who stands up for her rights!” She charged at him and flailed her arms wildly as he blocked. “There are so many stupid rules in place to keep us down! Like wearing stupid bras, men have breasts too! They call them man boobs but they still count! Stupid things like make-up & eyeliner! Nonsense! A person should be liked for who they are and shouldn’t attempt to artificially boost their image!”

“That’s the first reasonable thing you’re said all this time…”

“Shut up!” Rachel grabbed him and threw him through several tables. “The blatant misogyny is disgusting! Like stupid ads about hot women & beer, hot women & cars, hot women & anything man oriented, we’re not objects, we’re living independent people!” She leapt up and landed on him then stomped on him several times as she said, “We need more strong female characters! Females in starring roles! Good female role models! The next generation deserves it!”

“You’ll just talk all day without me saying anything, won’t you?”

“You little punk!” She threw him against a wall. “Are you saying I talk too much because I’m a woman?! I take offense to that!” Gary rolled out the way as Rachel punched a hole through where he stood before. He spun round and punched her in the stomach but she didn’t budge. Rachel quickly grabbed him by the throat and began choking him. “I shall bring liberation to all women one day! No longer will women be forced to wear or act certain ways to feel good about themselves!”

As he struggled he said, “That Tiger costume you have looks kinda cute.”

“LIAR! It looks ugly as hell! Men are all liars, and I’m not wearing it to please you at all!” In the middle of her next rant, he drew his sword and attempted to slash at her chest. She immediately let go and stepped back, at which point Gary hit her with a judo chop to the neck that knocked off the helmet, revealing her face & long brunette hair. She gasped and covered her face, going into a fetal position as she yelled, “Don’t look at me! DON’T LOOK AT ME!” She then began crying. As Gary put his sword away, he noticed she was gone. Rachel appeared behind him and slammed a table over him, then pulled out the deep fryer and walked over to him. “You’ve seen my face, now I can never forgive you.” As she was preparing to hit him with it, Gary noticed a soft drink trail along the floor that Rachel was standing in. He electrified the water which shocked Rachel enough to drop the fryer on herself and pass out.

Gary walked out & towards the police outside as he dusted himself off, then said, “She’s all yours, gentlemen. I doubt she’ll be eating here for a while.”

“Why’s that?”

“I overcharged her.” And then he left.

Meanwhile, Ruby slammed through a wall and found Oswald. “Any last words?”

He sighed. “Y’know, it simply broke my heart when I heard that you had gotten older, but I was willing to accept it because things change. But now I don’t think it’s so bad, your new proportions actually compliment your past self, not destroy it. I may even start to take interest in grown women one day…”

“You sicken me.”

Oswald threw off his trenchcoat, revealing a metallic belt & jetpack that had octopus arms attached to it and blasted Ruby through a wall outside & flew past her. Ruby quickly recovered and followed him as he shot lasers at her. Gary called her as she evaded the laser spam. “Hey, I’ve taken care of Rachel. I’ll be dealing with Tony, May said that it’s urgent & I need to go see him immediately.”

“Alright, I’ll be going to Rin’s concert once I’m done here.”

“I could’ve dealt with her myself if this wasn’t apparently important.”

“But doesn’t she have that hypnotizing voice thing?”

“That only works on people who are already attracted to her; fortunately I don’t fall into that category.”

“If I recall correctly, you really liked Ivy at one point, didn’t you?”

“You must be gravely mistaken.”

“Yeah, you were acting really silly about it too.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He then cut the connection.

Ruby continued chasing Oswald and flew slightly ahead of him & above as she said, “Ready to call it quits?” Oswald took a picture and it took Ruby a few moments to notice as she covered her skirt. “You pervert! What are you doing?!?”

“I at least want to know what color panties you’re wearing this evening.” Oswald said, trying to get a clear view as they flew through the air.

“Huh, so does he run the website?” May commented.

“Website?” Ruby asked.

“There’s this one dedicated to panty shots of you in your getup. It’s updated once a week, huh, just noticed you’ve never worn black panties in that outfit, that’s so odd. Oh, that Creeper guy made the website, though I gotta give him credit, some of these shots are pretty impressive, how did he even get such an angle?”

“I’ll need the name of the website when I get back so I can shut it down.”

“I’ll never tell you.”

“I have other ways.”

“I’ll delete it from my favorites, delete my search history, delete the search keywords & the internet browser before smashing the laptop.”

“That’s a little excessive.” Ruby quickly caught Oswald right after and beat the crap out of him before tying him up.

Over with Gary, he was in the Angelmobile and drifted round a corner and stopped at a flat. He walked up to a higher floor & knocked on one of the doors of the building. Gamestar, who was known as Tony opened up for him.

“H-hey, man.” He said nervously as he stepped back. “Come on in, I got some nachos & dip, and some drinks too. I also got pizza if you want.”

“Uh-huh. So what are you up to today?”

“Well,” Toby hopped onto his couch. “Today we’re playing Dance Dance Revolution.” He said, showing him the cover.

“Seriously?”

“I’ve also got a family hostage and if you lose more than 2 out of 5 songs, bad things will happen.”

Gary sighed as he sat down. “Fine, let’s do this already.”

Ruby arrived outside a stadium where Rin’s concert was already going on. They tried to make her pay to get in, but she simply beat up all the guards & tied them up before proceeding ahead & moving through the crowd where Rin was on stage, already singing. Rin eventually noticed she was there watching but still carried on like normal. After she was done with that song which I won’t go into, the audience cheered & as they quieted down, she said, “I’d like to say thanks to all you loyal fans & supporters out there, you guys are the reason I’m still sharing one of my many talents with you. Tonight I’ve got a special someone which I’m dedicating this next song to, an old friend you could say. Don’t worry; it’s not a guy so relax. Hopefully this friend may be willing to join me halfway through.”



The bright blue lights all shun on her as the area darkened a little before the song started up. “Hey, all ya’ll out there, it’s been all cool & stuff being your favourite idol, guys. I love each & every one of you, regardless of how creepy you are. So just stay awhile & listen…” She said smoothly before the beat started.

“Just sit back & take it all in, forget all about tomorrow,
Embrace the surrounding atmosphere, be sure to enjoy the whole show.

It’s the magnificent voice of Rin Jobs; spreading far & wide,
Let it stimulate your ears, make you feel good inside,
You may believe that silly girl playing hero is doing good, but you’re wrong
With people like her around your human rights are goooooooooone

She gets panty shots, that’s indecent exposure,
I’ve seen her dump garbage, in my driveway,
She’s got a boyfriend, so you know she ain’t pure,
She blows things up daily, it’s really not hardcore

I tell ya, she’s always on my case, says she’ll put me in my place, it really ain’t fair, but she don’t care,
Says my idol work’s not okay, finds excuses to try & take me away, it’s just for fun, she thinks she’s No.1.

You know who’s to blame
More crime than ever, this city ain’t the same,
Causalities keep rising up while criminals get some fame
That girl’s just insane
She gets off lightly, mainly from her looks,
Just ignore environment damage she helps regularly cause.”

Ruby jumped up and flipped several times before landing a few feet away on stage as some lights focused on her. Rin tossed her a microphone moments before she spoke. “So you’ve some gripes with me? You spread lies so freely;
you’re in the wrong about a lot of things, that’s so clear for everyone to see.”

Rin raised her microphone afterwards. “So I’m a liar?”

“That’s just what I said.”

“What else do you think I am?”

“A little messed up in the head.”

“I’m tired of your ignorance.”

“I’m tired of your games.”

“You ready to throw down?”

“The result will be the same.”

They circled around each other as they sang in unison. “Doesn’t matter who is right, doesn’t matter who is wrong, but when you invade my space, well then it’s on,
I tell ya, the world ain’t black or white, look up & see the light, I know this song, so I’ll sing along.”

Rin shoved Ruby aside as she walked towards the audience. “Baby I’m a staaaaaaaar, I’ve made it up here on my own, I’ll continue to go faaaaaaaar, but with my fans I’ll never be alone.”

Back with Gary, he’d just recently won 4 games of DDR. “Now what’s the deal? Why am I here?”

“You know why, now let’s switch games. We’ll play Cluedo, better take this seriously otherwise that family will be in trouble."

“Tony, you don’t really have a family hostage, do you?”

“Y-yeah, I do!”

“No, I’m sure you didn’t have the time to kidnap some people and set things up. I know where you work, Tony. You didn’t orchestrate any evil deeds this evening; did you really just want to play games?”

“Possibly…” He replied, looking away.

“I don’t see what’s so important about that, I was told to come to you immediately since you had something urgent.”

“Oh, you mean the bomb? This cloaked guy said not to mention it till around 7:10. It’s a few minutes early but still good, it’s apparently hidden somewhere in the city & will go off at 7:30.”

Gary grabbed him by the collar. “Tell me where the bomb is!”

“Okay, here dude.” He gave him a note. “I don’t know where exactly it is, I didn’t make this bomb, I was just told to give you the details.” Gary immediately left & hopped into the Angelmobile.

Ruby was standing back in a crowd at Rin’s concert as she called Gary. “Hey, I guess I’m done here. The only evil thing being done here was badmouthing me, it seems. Though I think some of these guys are being hypnotized into liking her music but that’s a pretty common thing nowadays.”

“Seems you got an easy one, I’m busy looking for some bomb now.”

“Tony did that?”

“No, he was just told to inform me of it by some cloaked person. You know anything about that?”

“Not yet. I still wish you’d wear that suit I made for you.”

“I appreciate the effort but it’s not my style. I don’t even know what the ‘R’ stands for.”

“But it looks good!”

“I’ve never been a fan of very bright colors, I’d prefer black & blue.”

“Fine, be a jerk. I’m gonna go pay Fuka a visit; she’s been waiting long enough.”

“Have fun with that.”

And so Ruby flew off and arrived at an old asylum eventually, as May assured her she was here. She quietly entered and walked past many of the empty cells as she explored. She went through the place, creeping down hallways, swinging from gargoyle statue to gargoyle statue, sneaking through vents as well as hiding a few times in cardboard boxes placed in hallways when any of Rainbow’s group was approaching. In one open room, she was perching on a gargoyle as two schoolgirls below were talking.

“Y’know, I wish I could get superpowers like some of those other guys.” One girl said.

“They’re not superpowers, numbnuts, we just call it that because we’re human. I’m pretty sure most of what those angels do is just part of their race.”

“You know what I mean, no need to be a jerk.”

One girl across the room walked over as she said, “Would you two stop yapping like muppets and look for that girl, Rainbow says she should already be here.” The three of them went back to patrolling the area.

Somewhere in the middle of the city, Gary managed to find the bomb and disable it with a bit of help from May, using the vehicle he had recently transformed into a ship. He then noticed Tony piloting a large chrome hawk spaceship with all sorts of cannons & weaponry all over it a little further away and flew over to him. He waved. “Hey dude, thought we could play a little longer.”

“Did this cloaked person also make that for you?”

“That doesn’t matter. Just get ready, since I’m turning up the difficulty.”

“What are you gonna do?” May asked.

Gary squinted as he replied, “I’m gonna 1cc this scumbag.” Before rapidly firing at the hawk as Tony began launching everything in the ship he had at random intervals as Gary manoeuvred around it all while he attempted to blast off all his cannons.

Back to Ruby, she arrived in a large room where she suddenly heard Loli Rainbow over the speakers. “About time you got here, welcome to my asylum, the crazies were let out early for good behaviour. That old has-been wants a piece of you too, but I’d rather take the credit for myself.” Suddenly the many schoolgirls following Rainbow entered the room. “Alright, girls, kill that stupid angel & make it hurt!”

Ruby roundhouse kicked the first girl who ran up to her then backflip kicked a girl to her left before parrying a punch behind her & elbowing her in the stomach. She leapt over one girl and threw her over her shoulder. She suddenly got faster, somersaulting halfway across the room and knocking out a girl with a flying kick, then moving north-west and knocking out another with an uppercut, then a knee to the face for the last girl. Over the speaker Fuka said, “Would you girls stop messing around and kill her? You can do better than this!”

As more girls rushed at her, she knocked one out with several punches, rolled past one girl and started punching another. As two from both sides attacked, she backflipped over the girl on her left and kicked her at the other, knocking them over. From across the room she blasted one girl who was picking up a box, then rolled by one girl and tackled another. They rolled around for a moment then she threw her at a wall. A girl with a riot shield tried to hit her with a shoulder barge but Ruby took it off her and smacked her across the face with it. One girl ran at her with a rainbow colored dildo bat and missed as Ruby ducked. She then kicked her in the crotch, knocking her out. The last girl tried to sweep her legs but Ruby did a forward flip and wrapped her thighs around her head then pulled her backwards and slammed her into the ground. Fuka sighed, “Could you guys just try to maim her? At least bruise her? Am I asking for too much from you guys?” Several large adult men in the same schoolgirl outfits along with wigs & sledgehammers accompanied the girls.

One girl rushed at her and swung multiple times with a dildo bat. Ruby evaded the swings then immediately booted her in the face so hard she backflipped. She then clotheslined another girl before pulling another towards her with a grapple hook and rolling away, making another girl tackle her by mistake. She dodged a punch thrown from behind her and hit the girl’s neck with a judo chop, knocking her out, then rolled away as one large man tried to crush her with the sledgehammer. One kindergarten looking girl then ran up and hit her, knocking her slightly off-balance. Ruby jumped up and pounded the ground, sending out a psychic barrier that knocked everyone nearby back & dazed them somewhat, she then kicked a girl to her right across the room. She dodged a swing from another large man and hit him with rapid punches followed by a shoryuken. One girl ran up behind Ruby then suddenly lay down & pretended Ruby hit her in the stomach. Another man tried to whack her but she rolled between his legs then hit him with a superkick as he turned around. She then sped up as she ran behind one girl holding a shield and hit her with a German Suplex, then flew across the room and hit another with a flying headbutt, then leapt back & hit another girl in the face with her ass. The last man ran up and swung, missing repeatedly. Ruby then threw three different types of dust in his face as she flung her cape all around. As he tripped and fell, she jumped on him and punched his lights out.

As Ruby got up, she said, “This may be your asylum, but this is my city.” She proceeded ahead just in time to see Fuka leaving in a small ship and jumped onto it. She soon ejected herself as they left the asylum and it exploded, sending Ruby flying.

She then saw Fuka circle around on a tiny rainbow colored glider and start shooting her as she ran. “So what do you think, Ruby?”

“I think you’re gonna get sued.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She replied shortly before laughing and throwing tons of pumpkin bombs at her.

“I know the rainbow thing is your whole gimmick, but did you need to make that glider like that too?” Ruby asked.

“Shut up!”

“I bet her pubes are rainbow colored too.” May commented.

“That’s very inappropriate, May.” Ruby replied.

“I’m sure you were thinking it too.”

Just then, Gary called. “Hey, I’m done with Tony; just 1cc’d him, no bombs, highest difficulty, the works.”

“Okay?”

“You still with Fuka?”

“Almost done.”

“Alright, I’ll deal with The Collector next.”

“Actually,” May began. “These two guys in suits took care of him a little while ago. He also had this giant boxing velociraptor with four arms roaming the city about but these five middle school girls in some giant robot took it out, so only Valerie is left.”

“Valerie it is then.” Gary left.

Ruby flew through a construction area and eventually knocked her off the glider where she hit half a dozen girders before hitting the ground. As Ruby floated down, Fuka gave her a note. “You got lucky, but I’ll get you someday if you make it through today. That’s the place you need to go.”

Back with Gary, he was flying over a large park that was completely frozen over with ice and snow & went deeper beneath the ground. “So she’s here?” He asked.

“Yup.” May replied. “She froze an entire park, apparently. Better get started.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He transformed the ship into a motorcycle as he descended into the area and drove along the pathways.

“I’m gonna play my jam if you don’t mind.”



As the beat played Gary noticed many ice figures riding motorcycles along the path which he’d shoot soon enough, then May cleared her throat as she sang. “All eyes on me, I feel finally free, this right here’s my final fantasy,
Just going with the flow, it’s a miracle, I’m driving right through the snow.” Just then, a deep voiced man said, “Motherfucker, let’s go.” as Gary drove downhill, avoiding large icicles in the road.

“Speed through an icy meadow, I’m feeling the breeze.” The man then added, “What?”
“I’ve got my jacket, I’m not gonna freeze.” He then added, “Okay!” As Gary got on a straight path again.
“I’d tell my parents but they don’t understand,” The man added, “You gotta tell ‘em.”
“I’m travelling through a winter wonderland.” She said as the man said twice, “Got to tell those fuckers.” while Gary boosted through two ice walls.

“It’s not a sure sign, but I suppose I’m feeling just fine, this is just an experience of miiiiiiiiine.” After going lower and circling the area for a long while, May started singing again. “It ain’t about looking cool, we’re doing it old school, just make sure to not look like a fool,
it’s not a race, but you gotta make haste, speed off into outer space.

Got my skates on, I’m not sliding on ice,
Doing 360 flips here, very nice,
Can’t get no sunburn, can’t get a tan,
While you’re driving through a winter wonderland

Better put your calls on hold, just keep your eyes on the road, you’ve gotta make sure your vision is clear,
Put it into high gear, look that there’s nothing coming up on the rear, after a smooth drive now you’re heeeeeeeere!”

Gary smashed through thin ice into a large area with tons of mirrors & large icicles about as Coldfinger was wearing shades & laying on a sunbed far ahead. “Hey.” She greeted him as he approached her.

“What is this?” He said, looking around.

“My vacation. You have no idea how unbearable Summer was.”

“Valerie, put it back how it was, the air is cold enough as it is.”

“Is that a request or a threat, because I do neither, but it’s not good to get worked up, boy. You should cool off a little.” Valerie tinkered with her gas canister and began firing beams of ice from the fingertips of her suit as Gary ran around the area. He blasted her with electricity, though she recovered quickly and raised her right hand, creating a vortex of icicles that rained down on him.

Meanwhile, Ruby dropped down near a massive building with the word “Doom 2.0” on it in neon red lights and observed it. “Huh, The Base of Doom. I feel an odd sense of nostalgia.” She said as she walked inside.



The place looked rather futuristic like Tron as Ruby arrived in a large room with a reception desk ahead of her & two lifts, as well as stairs to the left & right. She ran ahead then flipped onto the left staircase & followed it up. She ran along a narrow hallway with rooms on both sides, taking out a few robots that walked out from the rooms. She leapt over a hole in the floor where spikes hid underneath & evaded sudden laser cannons & poison darts that shot out from the walls as she reached a long ascending staircase at the “chorus”. Demonic spiders were all around the place and she kicked them away as she quickly made her way up, then jumped out the only exit at the top & grabbed the cable which the lift far below was connected to. While sliding down, she blasted two more spiders then jumped off and grappled to another floor just ahead. The area looked like a normal toy store with many bookcases.

She ran through and saw a robot ninja in HD on the bookcases wielding a katana and throwing kunai at her which she dodged with somersaults. A robot pirate appeared at the end of one bookcase and tried to slice her in half but Ruby slid under the blade & kept going as they chased her through the many corridors. Ruby eventually reached the centre where there were neon lights & bright colors all over the place & open tubes that carried water all over the place. Ruby hopped in one which took her down as it twisted and turned, she then jumped out towards several robots on a platform just before the “chorus”. She bounced off three robots heads like Mario then punched down a barrier, then ran through a chemical room as the pirate & ninja kept chasing her. She wall jumped up to another floor, then flew above robots with televisions on their heads & finally ran into a lift. On the way up, the pirate & ninja clung on to the bottom. Moments after realizing, she blasted the top off and grapple beamed her way up while cutting the lift cable, then dodged many rotating blades before reaching a control room at the top.

“So who’s behind all this?” Ruby asked as she approached the front where someone sat with their chair facing away from her.

The figure spun round to reveal herself as Ivy, of course. “I’m the one behind it, foolish angel.”

“As I suspected, but why? What’s with all this nonsense tonight?”

“It’s about time I took back my spot as the BEST villain, and it’s time we got acquainted again, since we don’t have all night. Let’s take this outside, shall we?” Ivy ran at her and tackled her through several walls out into the city and threw her through a building.

Ruby quickly flew back out and hammered her into the ground in the middle of the street. Ivy produced an explosion of fire as she recovered and stomped the ground, knocking a car nearby into the air and landing in her hands. She then threw the car at civilians further away as she yelled, “Marco!” Ruby dropped down and punched it into pieces as she replied, “Polo.” Ruby charged at her and they exchanged punches for a while till Ivy cut a parked coach in half and used it like a weapon by trying to crush her. After dodging and rolling away, Ruby grabbed the other half & they used the halves like swords. Ivy eventually knocked hers away but at the same time Ivy dropped hers from Ruby kneeing her in the stomach. As Ruby tried to punch her, she leapt away and landed on a building behind Ruby.

With her back still turned, she said, “Standing here,” She stood up and spun around as she continued, “I realize, you are just like me, trying to make history.”

Ruby leaped onto another building nearby and they ran across a lot of them, throwing energy blasts at each other as Ruby said, “But who’s to judge the right from wrong? When your guard is down I think we’ll both agree,” They both jumped at each other and created shockwaves while exchanging punches as they both said in unison, “Violence breeds violence, but in the end it has to be this way!”

They flew through the sky like glowing lights, causing more shockwaves as they clashed till Ivy eventually caught her by the throat and chokeslammed her into the ground. As Ruby got up, her eyes flared up as she grabbed Ivy and punched her into space, then quickly flew up and smacked her straight down to the ground again. As Ivy got back up, she hit Ruby with an uppercut followed by punching her in the stomach & dragging her into space and through the moon before blasting her back down to Earth. As Ivy walked up towards her, she was removing her hairbands while getting up, “So you wanna play rough? That’s fine, I like it rough too.”

“Shouldn’t I be saying a line li-“ Before Ivy could finish, Ruby tackled her through several buildings & then they finally landed in the middle of a mall. They exchanged punches and kicks as they moved through the mall and continued up an escalator, making several people move out the way as they passed by. Ruby grabbed a bin on the upper floor and stuffed it over Ivy’s head. Ivy quickly broke out and grabbed a bench a bit further away, tearing it from its hinges and knocking Ruby into a wall. Ivy covered herself in an aura of flames as she charged at Ruby, attempting to punch her as she got up. Ruby noticed in time to put up a psychic barrier, but Ivy eventually broke through it, knocking Ruby off balance. As Ivy then was about to punch her, Ruby recovered in time to catch her fist as she glared at her, which shocked Ivy. Ruby then punched her in the stomach repeatedly and knocked her back with a kick. They both tried to roundhouse kick the other and there was an explosion as their legs connected them, sending them flying & to the ground. 

Ivy laughed as she got up. “Now that’s more like it!” Ivy pounded the ground and sent out a shockwave of fire along the ground, which Ruby blocked but flew through a shop window.

“Uhh, I don’t mean to interrupt your little play date, but do you have a way of neutralizing her?” May asked.

“I’m not sure, I’ve never tried it and she’s just as dangerous as I am, maybe more so. But I’ll at least try things which others have gossiped about.” As she got to her feet and Ivy charged at her, Ruby pointed at her & said, “Ivy! I think you’re very cute!”

Ivy stopped in her tracks and blushed. “W-what?!”

“You heard me, you’re cute!”

“N-no I’m not!”

“Denial is related to cuteness.”

“I’m not cute, foolish angel! Shut up!”

“Your behaviour is tsun, I think that’s cute so just accept it, you’re cute!”

“Shut up!” Ivy punched her through a wall, and then grabbed her leg. “I’m done being cute! No more!” She slammed her onto the floor behind her. “People say I’m just adorable when I kick others in the ribs.” Ivy said as she punted Ruby halfway across the area.

Ruby coughed as she slowly got to her feet. “Alright, I’m sorry, you’re not cute. You’re a mean person.”

“Glad we could agree on something.” Ivy replied as she dropped down. As Ivy tried to kick her in the face, Ruby quickly positioned herself behind her and grabbed her tail, which confused Ivy. “What are you-“ Ruby began slowly stroking it, which didn’t seem to affect Ivy, so she sped up but it was still ineffective. Ivy punched her in the stomach hard enough to make Ruby drop to her knees.

“Is that not an erogenous zone for you?” Ruby asked in a raspy voice.

“Don’t get me wrong, it feels good, but I’m already used to the feeling so it’s not gonna cripple me. Are you done playing around?”

Ruby got to her feet. “Not just yet.” At this point, civilians were crowding around the area, quietly whispering to each other, pointing and taking pictures. “Even if it kills me, I’m gon-“

Just then, one girl walked up to her and said, “Excuse me, can I get your autograph?”

“Huh? Oh, sure.”

Ivy laughed. “A foolish angel like you would never-“

Another girl tapped her and said, “Sorry, is it alright if I get yours?”

Ivy sighed. “Oh fine.”

As they tried to continue, more and more people kept interrupting them. Two guys who were walking by stopped and noticed them in the middle of the crowd. One said, “Oh, hey, isn’t that the evil chick Ruby used to know? What’s her name again?”

“Ivy.” The other replied. “She’s had changes too.”

“Damn right. What I wouldn’t give to have just one night with either of those two.”

“You’d die, dude, or at least be heavily injured.”

“What? How?”

“They’re like freakishly strong and move far faster than we do. Sure, they can control their strength at times like this, but if they lost control during a certain moment your dick would break off, or you’d have a broken pelvis. Why would you risk that?”

“Oh c’mon, they can’t do those things.”

“I bet you they could after seeing some of the shit these guys regularly do. I’m being realistic here. Do you want a crushed pelvis? Do you want a painful death by snu-snu?”

He shrugged. “There are much worse ways to die.”

“Yeah but still.”
 
Ivy & Ruby eventually moved to a more secluded area to avoid being interrupted. They continued causing some environmental damage as they flew about the place, till Ruby soon cut off some of the top of Ivy’s dress. Ruby covered her eyes slightly as she said, “Oh, sorry.”

“Hmph, you think this affects me?” Ivy ripped off the dress completely, and now stood naked with mosaic censoring everything. “Behold! Embarrassment is a meaningless emotion here, and I won’t let myself be beaten by such a foolish angel!”

“Oh yeah?!” Ruby ripped off her outfit too. “Well I won’t lose to the likes of you either!” Ruby tackled her and then they rolled around.

With Gary, he was jumping around, avoiding the ice beams Valerie kept shooting. “It’s not too late, y’know, you can still be cured of that condition.”

“Not without them heavily experimenting on me first, right?”

May contacted him as he avoided more beams. “Hey, Ruby’s fighting this pink-haired girl she happens to know, and they’re causing some damage to the things around them.”

“Yeah, that tends to happen.”

“Could you help her possibly?”

“Well, first of all I’m a little busy, and second, that’s Ruby’s business at the moment.”

Back to Ivy and Ruby, they were out in the city leaping across buildings side by side. As they ran along one long building, Ruby said, “Alright, Ivy. It’s time for us to finish this.”

“Very well, foolish angel. Before this is over, I’ll show you my true power.” Ivy replied. They flew into the sky and hit each other like Ping-Pong balls.

Two boys were looking up into the sky, one pointed and said, “Hey look, it’s two birds!”

“Don’t be stupid,” His friend replied. “It’s two planes.”

“It’s neither, morons.” Another boy said who walked over. “It’s just two chicks fighting.”

“Oh, guess that makes sense.” One boy said while the other nodded.

Ruby soon tackled Ivy into a thick pile of mud in the middle of a park and they became completely covered in it. Ivy threw mud in her face and punched her to the ground. As she went for a flying elbow drop, Ruby flipped up with her feet and hit her in the stomach, knocking her back. Ruby leapt over Ivy’s follow-up kick and hit her with a german suplex. Ivy got up and quickly kneed her in the face, followed by a roundhouse kick. They soon moved over to a fountain where Ivy tried to drown her but Ruby grabbed her as she fell into the fountain. They flew around like Ping-Pong balls again as they flew throughout the city after washing off the mud and ended up at a construction site as they began using some of the equipment to hurt each other until one worker with a Brooklyn accent walked over to them.

“Hey!” He exclaimed, getting their attention. “I normally wouldn’t get involved in others personal business, especially not one involving two beautiful young ladies such as yourselves, but I’d really appreciate it if you could take your fight to another location. We’ve been working on this site for weeks now and the boss wouldn’t like any damage being done here.”

Ivy shrugged. “Okay, sure.”

“Sorry to disturb you.”

And so they continued at a strip club, with Ruby kicking Ivy through the doors. Ivy kicked a chair across the room at her, knocking her into a wall. Ruby retaliated by immediately throwing a table at her. Ivy got up, leapt onto a stage nearby with a woman dancing and ripped out a stripper pole and whacked Ruby over the head with it. Ruby super-tackled Ivy through the wall outside & into a clothing store where they came out dressed in pink & yellow cat costumes like you’d see at a theme park.

They ran in an office building and ran up the stairs while shooting energy blasts at each other. Ruby tossed Ivy into a large area with many computers and tried to hit her with a 5-star frog splash. Ivy rolled out the way, grabbed a computer and smashed it over her head then hit her with an RKO as she got up. Ruby quickly recovered and ducked under her clothesline then hit her with a DDT. As Ivy got up, Ruby jumped on her back & tried to strangle her. After struggling for a bit, Ivy jammed her tail up the back of Ruby’s costume which startled her. Ivy quickly spun round as Ruby let go and grabbed her throat, preparing to chokeslam her. Ruby pulled out a taser and shocked her, and as Ivy let go Ruby backed up slightly before superkicking her in the face. As Ruby tried to pick her up, Ivy slapped her hand away and kicked her back several feet.

“I’m the villain this planet needs.” She said.

“But not the one it deserves at the moment.” Ruby replied.

They ran at each other, creating a massive explosion that knocked them both back as they collided. Ivy got on her feet rather quickly, piled several tables on top of each other & climbed up them. She then jumped off and hit Ruby with a flying elbow drop, with enough force to knock them through the floor into the women’s restroom below. Ivy picked her up and threw her through several toilet stalls. Ruby retaliated by ripping off one of the toilets and smashing it over Ivy’s head, who then did the same to her. Ruby smacked her around the face after ripping off a sink, and then Ivy grabbed her head and shoved it into a mirror nearby.

Meanwhile, Gary had taken out Valerie off-screen and was flying across the city at that moment when May called again, “Hey, those two are getting really out of control, and they’ve caused a lot of environmental damage. Ruby’s not exactly proving Rin & Fuka wrong tonight.”

“Alright, I’m nearly done, I’ll be there in a bit, just send me the co-ordinates.”

“Will do, just-OH MY GAWD! A superb hurricanrana by Ruby. Oh-oh hold on, a Powerbomb! Right from the chair too, hope Ruby’s okay from that.”

“Y’know, you could be helping instead of just commenting.”

“Yeah but-There it is! Ruby landed the Stunner! BY GAWD! She’s been busted open! Oh-wait a minute…SPEAR! SPEAR! THAT GIRL JUST SPEARED RUBY THROUGH A WALL AND HAS BROKEN HER IN HALF! GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY!”

“You’re having a bit too much fun with this.”

Back at the building, Ruby tackled Ivy through a wall to outside where they flew about for a while before landing on a hill with most of their costumes in rags from all the damage. As Ivy missed a punch, Ruby pushed her down, jumped on top and began tickling her, which actually worked. Ivy soon did the same and began tickling her too, and they eventually wore each other out just like that.

“If you wanted to hang out you could have just asked.” Ruby said.

“But that’s just not as fun.”

“Maybe for you, but you caused you whole bunch of mess today.”

“You’re partially to blame for that too. Just be honest, you had fun, right?”

“Fine, I guess I did. I should still hall your butt to jail though.”

Just then, Ivy’s ship dropped down nearby and Poison who was driving it opened the doors. “C’mon, Ivy, let’s get going.” He looked over at Ruby and waved. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Ruby waved back.

“Whelp, this is my ride, I’ll catch you later.” Ivy said as she walked away.

“The next time you plan something like this, please don’t involve the city in it.”

“The next time we do this, we’re going to need a whole planet instead of small sections within a city.” She turned to Poison. “You’re here a little early.”

“Broken Bold starts in less than an hour; I wanted to make sure I had enough time.” He closed the doors and the ship quickly took off into space.

As they left, Gary arrived moments later. “So she just left?”

“Yep, were you just waiting here?”

“Sort of. Why do you smell so awful, and why are you nearly naked?”

“Long story.”

“Right, well I found out that bomb I disarmed was programmed to disable itself before going off anyway. That woman continues to puzzle me.”

“Do you still like her?”

“I used to, I suppose.”

“Do you like me?”

“I tolerate you, you’re my partner and some level of co-operation is needed for success. You used to be such a liability that your recent behaviour is much more of a welcome change.”

“Aww, you really do like me.” 

“As a significant associate.”

“Tsun tsun~”

“Hey guys.” May said, standing in the shadows a bit further away. “Great work tonight, all the bad guys are taken care of, and the park is being fixed as I speak.”

“Awesome! Let’s go eat!” Ruby exclaimed throwing her hands in the air.

“We just gotta get some property related things fixed at some point , y’know, damage control and all. So where are we ea-“ She then noticed the two had vanished. “Oh c’mon! You can’t just do that, I was looking right at you guys! It has to at least make sense!”
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