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The Something Something Demonic Something Ever

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Author Topic: The Something Something Demonic Something Ever  (Read 9440 times)
Marie Rose
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« Reply #60 on: 01 February, 2010, 03:06:24 am »

“I need not see you ever again.”

I almost died laughing.
Ninja style'd.
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« Reply #61 on: 01 February, 2010, 02:31:47 pm »

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Floyd is the devil.
I SERIOUSLY DREAMT OF FLOYD BEING A KILLER CYBORG WHO RAN 10 TIMES FASTER THAN ANY NORMAL HUMAN, AND THEN KILLED MM, TURNED FEMALE, WENT AFTER ME, AND I DROPPED FROM THE SKYSCRAPER! IT HURTED, BUT I AWAKE CALMLY, THINKING I WOULDN'T SEE YOU AGAIN.
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« Reply #62 on: 01 February, 2010, 03:23:26 pm »

Poison backed away from the door and phoned Spring and Floyd. “Guys! Ivy’s gone nuts and is trying to kill me! I feel as if this was all leading up to this point! What should I do?”

“Make it raaaaiiiin!” Floyd suggested.

Poison backed away from the door and phoned Spring and Floyd. “Guys! Ivy’s gone nuts and is trying to kill me! I feel as if this was all leading up to this point! What should I do?”

“Make it raaaaiiiin!” Floyd suggested.

I almost died laughing.
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« Reply #63 on: 11 February, 2010, 09:39:30 am »

TMEDCE: Chapter 12 – Omar’s Carnival of Doom

On a cold winter night, Ivy awoke right in the centre of a large carnival, and rubbed her eyes as she looked around in confusion. “Man, how the hell did I get here? The last thing I remember was stealing that foolish angel’s iPod.”

She suddenly heard a strange laugh over several speaker boxes nearby, “lololololololol!” Ivy put on her serious face and got to her feet before glancing around once again. “Who’s out there? Show yourself!”

The voice then replied, “I am-”

“Who! Who am I speaking with?” Ivy demanded.

“I am-”

“I command you to tell me who you are!”

“I am-”

Ivy put her foot down. “Enough stalling! I want answers, damnit!”

“Well you’ll get them if you just shut up for 2 seconds, geez!” The voice cleared his throat before speaking again. “Anyway, I am the brilliant and inspiring scientist, Omar! You’ve been granted a once in a lifetime opportunity to try out my specifically designed rides, for free! I had a little help designing these bundles of joy, and my co-worker seems to be an old friend of yours.”

“Hello again, Ivy.” PAL said in an eerily calm voice. “It’s been a long while.”

“Hey, I thought you were dead.”

“Nope, just sadly forgotten until recently, but we can skip that minor detail. I’m just here to provide you with a bit of amusement, in the form of rides designed specifically for a very special girl like you. I hope you appreciate the effort which went into creating them, and remember to have fun.”

Ivy slowly grinned as he finished, soon before she started chuckling which led to maniacal laughter. “Haaaaahahahaha! Fools! Never will anything you build be able to leave so much as a dent in my armor! Your half-assed rides are an insult to an omniscient and magnificent being such as I that the mere thought makes me sick to the pit of my stomach! I shall make a mockery of your silly toys, I will find you, and then I shall let you experience the depths of my true power in the form of 42 different worlds of pain!”

Omar cringed at her speech. “Geez, kid, I was told you were an egomaniac but damn! And they say I have a big ego…anyway, let’s begin.”

And so they did by actually starting up the rides while informing Ivy that she’ll never find them, but she spent the next 10 minutes looking around the bland and wide carnival instead of actually trying any of the rides, which Omar and PAL weren’t too pleased about. “I can’t remember how I got here but Poison had better be looking for me!”

Meanwhile, at the house Poison was laying on the couch watching Explosions: The Movie where one guy managed to blow up a tank just by staring at it. Poison looked around the empty house before saying, “I feel like I’m forgetting something…” A voice on the television suddenly cried out, “Aww, machete-tan, you can be such a spoiled brat sometimes!”

Poison sat up as he suddenly remembered. “Of course! My pizza! I hope it’s still edible!” He said as he quickly ran to the kitchen.

Back at the carnival, Ivy was knocked into a bumper cars area by a barrel thrown at her by a robot which resembled Donkey Kong, which started up as soon as she hit the ground. Instead of running, she attacked the bumper cars which came at her, dispatching them pretty easily even though they fired rockets. Next she entered a house close by and tried a shooting game, which had robots popping out of strange locations to fire missiles, but due to her improved finger speed from various shoot-em-up games, this was no problem at all. Next she entered a house of mirrors where poison darts were shot through several of the random mirrors but she was lucky enough to avoid them as she moved on.

Omar and PAL were surely not pleased. “You said this would work, Omar.” PAL turned to him. “I’m not seeing results.”

“Hey, you worked on these with me, so you can’t complain, and there’s still more to come.”

Meanwhile, back at the house again, Poison was still watching television when Amber suddenly kicked in the front door. “Hey guys!” She stopped and immediately noticed Ivy wasn’t there. “Ivy isn’t here? She must have passed out in some weird place, I reckon.”

Poison looked around and only now realized Ivy wasn’t there. “Ohh, so that’s what I was forgetting…”

“She’s probably in trouble right now, so we should go find her.”

Poison shrugged. “Well she’s gonna return sooner or later, and then nag at me for ages about how I didn’t come find her, I guess I’ll find her to avoid that. Just let me get ready.” There were suddenly various close ups of Poison, putting on a black suit, polishing the black shoes, fiddling with his wrist watch, adjusting his shades and finally wearing a black hat with a silver lining. “Let’s roll.” He said with a nod as he walked past her.

“I wonder if I should get a suit…” Amber said to no-one in particular as she followed.

On the way there they met up with Ruby, and she waved as they got close to her. “Hi Poison, and friend, where are you off to?”

“Hey Ruby, we’re gonna go find Ivy because she might be in trouble.”

“Then I’ll go with you!” She replied. “Mainly because Ivy stole my iPod and I want it back!”

“Sure thing, but are you gonna suit up or not?”

“Ahh, right.” There were suddenly various close ups of Ruby, suiting up the same way Poison had done. “There! All ready!”

Poison pointed at her feet. “Change the shoes.”

“Huh? Why?”

“You ain’t going with pink Hello Kitty shoes, those just aren’t cool.” He shook his head.

“Aww…”

“Gotta obey the rule of cool, man.”

“You guys go on ahead; I’ll meet you there in a little while.” Amber said before suddenly rushing off.

At the carnival, Ivy had recently gone on a boat ride that featured the song, “It’s a small world after all”, except that all the figures were well-endowed, which only managed to frustrate her, but for Omar and PAL, this was good enough. Upon leaving, she was greeted by several more robots similar to Donkey Kong that started chucking barrels at her. This would have been difficult to avoid all the barrels coming towards her, but Ivy was prepared as she hummed the Toxic Waste theme from Crash Bandicoot while evading the barrels and mowing down the robots as she passed by them.

Omar turned to PAL. “You never told me she had played that game.”

“Oh, come on! Who hasn’t played that game by now?”

Just then, Poison and Ruby were now arriving at the entrance of the carnival, wielding one R. 34 Magnum in each hand. As they entered, one clown carrying a knife ran at them and was immediately shot in the head without Poison even turning to face him. Ruby raised her gun and fired far into the distance, hitting an archer and knocking it off a ferris wheel. A dozen of the clowns then appeared from every corner around them, and they both started blasting them to pieces, straight up gangsta style.

“It’s time to pay the rent, and I’m here to collect!” Poison said as he blasted a clown juggling three axes, then sliced him in the half.

Ruby somersaulted under a seven foot man with two heads, flipped to the side and shot through both of his heads while doing so, taking it down. “I guess two heads aren’t much better than one.”

“That was lame, Ruby.” Poison retorted.

“Well yours was also lame!” Ruby replied as she kicked one clown across the area.

Just as they finished taking care of the rest, one last clown threw a sword at them, which they both ducked under. Poison quickly dashed towards him, knocked the clown into the air diagonally with a diagonal roundhouse kick, and upon stopping, aimed and fired two shots, causing the robot to explode in midair. Ruby gasped as she witnessed this, but before she could say anything, Poison covered her mouth. “It’s cooler if you acknowledge it’s awesome, but don’t say it.”

“Ahh, of course.” She nodded, just before firing at a bumper car. The bullet ricocheted towards a corner close by and hit a clown hiding nearby. The clown stumbled out from the corner, clutching his chest. “Hey! That was cheap! I didn’t even atta-” Ruby interrupted him by holding up a finger, leaving the clown confused. “Huh? What are we waiting f-” before he could finish, the clown immediately exploded.

In an area nearby, yet still somewhat far, Ivy was running along when she suddenly encountered a clone of herself, except she was a little taller and more mature. Omar started speaking as Ivy came across her. “You may be wondering how this is possible. Well, while you were knocked out, we took the opportunity to make a copy of you. We figured it would be fun.”

“I’ve only got one question for you.” Ivy pointed at her chest. “How! How did you do it?”

“I’ll happily explain it; you got a pen and paper?”

“I have now.” Ivy replied as they suddenly appeared in her hands.

Poison and Ruby were still running around, blasting robots clowns. “Man, can you believe this place?” Poison said.

“I know! The candy floss is horrible!” Ruby said in disgust.

The two of them ran into the two Ivy’s very shortly. Ivy was taking notes from the older looking clone. “You mean that massaging thing actually works?” She asked.

“Well it’s better if you have something else do it.”

Poison grabbed Ivy as they ran by. The clone was furious, and summoned more robot clowns as she gave chase. “Did you have to come at the worst time? I was getting important advice!” Ivy whined. “And why are you two morons wearing suits? And why is that foolish angel here?”

“Suits are cool.” Poison replied.

“I’m here for my stolen iPod!” Ruby exclaimed. “Now give it back!”

“I don’t know where it is, and if I did I wouldn’t tell you. I pretty much forgot everything which happened yesterday.”

The clowns were sadly slowly catching up during their talking, but they were saved as Spring and Floyd suddenly appeared and punched out the clowns which exploded when they hit the ground. Poison and Ruby stopped and spun round, and then Poison waved. “Hey guys.”

Floyd glanced over at him. “I see you’re wearing the suit again, and you even have a hat this time. Impressive.”

“Welcome, friends!” Omar exclaimed from one of the speakers. “I’m glad we could meet again. I urge you both to also enjoy my wonderful rides!”

“Omar…” Floyd said quietly as he adjusted his shades.

“We’ll handle the clone.” Spring said. “You guys get out of here.”

“We appreciate it!” Poison yelled back as they did so.

The clone chuckled as they left. “You don’t really believe I’ll go down so easily, do you? You vastly underestimate me.”

Spring turned to Floyd and said, “Mind if I do the honors?”

“But of course.”

Spring adjusted his shades as he turned to the clone again. “We deal with these kinds of things on a daily basis, so I believe that you vastly underestimate us. Here’s how this will go: You’ll attack us, we’ll evade your attacks, you’ll be astounded by our speed, and then, we will kick you, and you will explode.” Spring and Floyd lit their cigars as he finished.

Further ahead, Poison and Ruby were blasting and slashing through any robot clowns who got in their path when Ruby eventually asked, “You think those guys will be alright?”

Poison looked back, at which point he heard a scream as Ivy’s clone was sent flying and exploded in midair. “I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

There was a large barrage of clowns up ahead, Ivy hopped into the air and fired a massive wave of fire, knocking out most of them. As she dropped down, she took out a carton of milk and drank it. “And that display of power is all thanks to milk!” Suddenly, a bulldozer driven by Amber appeared and knocked down the last of the clowns before stopping. “Get on, guys!” She called to them. They did so, and as Ivy got on, she smiled as she saw the milk carton. “Hey! You’re drinking milk!” She then tapped her chest several times, and saw it was still as flat as a board. “Still a long way to go though.”

“I’m going to kill you if you don’t stop that.” Ivy replied, narrowing her eyes at her. As Amber started up the bulldozer and drove towards the exit and left, Ivy then asked, “So how did I end up here?”

“Don’t you remember? Me, you and Poison got high on sugar and started playing pranks on people, so it’s understandable you wondered off somewhere and passed out.”

“Ahh, makes sense.” Ivy nodded. She then turned to the side and said, “Remember kids, don’t do sugar. I guess I remember where I put that iPod now.”

“You do?!?” Ruby said in shock. “Where?! Where is it?!?”

“Uhh, I think I hid it somewhere in my dress, so I must have dropped it somewhere in the carnival.”

“Oh, then I’ll go ge-” Before she could finish her sentence, a majority of the carnival exploded just as Omar and PAL flew off in a UFO. Ruby stared at the carnival in disbelief. When Poison tried to speak, she held a finger to his mouth. Ivy grinned as they rode off in complete silence.
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« Reply #64 on: 11 February, 2010, 01:32:17 pm »

Poop Dawg Omar made me smile.
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Floyd is the devil.
I SERIOUSLY DREAMT OF FLOYD BEING A KILLER CYBORG WHO RAN 10 TIMES FASTER THAN ANY NORMAL HUMAN, AND THEN KILLED MM, TURNED FEMALE, WENT AFTER ME, AND I DROPPED FROM THE SKYSCRAPER! IT HURTED, BUT I AWAKE CALMLY, THINKING I WOULDN'T SEE YOU AGAIN.
*no gold, just us*
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« Reply #65 on: 11 February, 2010, 02:46:46 pm »

Quote
The clown stumbled out from the corner, clutching his chest. “Hey! That was cheap! I didn’t even atta-” Ruby interrupted him by holding up a finger, leaving the clown confused. “Huh? What are we waiting f-” before he could finish, the clown immediately exploded.

^this.
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Marie Rose
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« Reply #66 on: 12 February, 2010, 12:00:57 pm »

Quote
The clown stumbled out from the corner, clutching his chest. “Hey! That was cheap! I didn’t even atta-” Ruby interrupted him by holding up a finger, leaving the clown confused. “Huh? What are we waiting f-” before he could finish, the clown immediately exploded.

^this.
wut.
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« Reply #67 on: 12 February, 2010, 01:35:11 pm »

Quote
The clown stumbled out from the corner, clutching his chest. “Hey! That was cheap! I didn’t even atta-” Ruby interrupted him by holding up a finger, leaving the clown confused. “Huh? What are we waiting f-” before he could finish, the clown immediately exploded.

^this.
wut.

...is Jesusy.
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« Reply #68 on: 13 February, 2010, 09:15:57 am »

Quote
The clown stumbled out from the corner, clutching his chest. “Hey! That was cheap! I didn’t even atta-” Ruby interrupted him by holding up a finger, leaving the clown confused. “Huh? What are we waiting f-” before he could finish, the clown immediately exploded.

^this.
wut.

...is Jesusy.
o i c.
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Marie Rose
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« Reply #69 on: 17 February, 2010, 09:52:19 am »

This wasn't originally supposed to be this early, but I figured I'd get it out of the way now instead of near the very end.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TMEDCE: Chapter 13 – The Prince of Angels

In a mysterious location in heaven, a dozen angels were sitting around a table in a dark room as a screen ahead of them showed Ruby outside an ice cream shop. “Good morning, Head angels, I request your most needed help!”

The top angel, who couldn’t be seen due to the darkness, sighed. “What is it, Ruby?”

“I’ve managed to stop the demons from taking over earth several times now. This one time recently, she tried to win a fighting game tournament, but I just barely managed to beat her, but it truly was epic.”

“Uh-huh.” He nodded. “And we should care because…?”

“Because we need to do what’s right! That good will always triumph over evil! To show them that crime doesn’t pay!”

The head angel sighed. “Fine, I’ll send someone down there to take care of whatever demon it is.”

“Thank y-” The head angel disconnected before Ruby could finish her sentence.

A little later, Ruby told Ivy and Poison to meet her in a park, around the time the Head angel informed her help was meant to show up. They arrived on time, looking somewhat impatient as they got there. “So what’s this about, foolish angel?”

“Y’know, if you’re going to consider me a threat, you could at least remember my name.” Ruby replied.

“Your name is unimportant. Our rivalry is.”

“Then it’s time to duel!” Ruby exclaimed as she whipped out her deck and began shuffling it, while Ivy quickly did the same. Poison quirked an eyebrow at this. “Seriously?” He shrugged and sat on a bench nearby.

Ivy was done shuffling and made her move. “I summon Rule 34 and Rule 36, and then place one card face down!”

“Hey! You just summoned two monsters at once!” Ruby said, pointing at her.

“I’m a badass, so I can do that.” She said with a convincing nod.

“Fine. I summon Marval Baybee, Wombo Combo, and Plot Cannon! Attack her two perverted rules!”

Ivy held her arm out in a dramatic fashion as the shot was displayed from a low angle as she exclaimed, “Not so fast! You activated my trap card!”

“Blast!” Ruby said under her breath.

“I activate tentacle raep!” Ivy announced, revealing the card.

Suddenly, dozens of tentacles appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Ruby, causing her to cry out, “Hey! This isn’t in the script!”

They both stopped when they heard a voice yell, “Leave the princess alone, inferior scum!” the mysterious person made a dynamic entry as he kicked Ruby into a lake nearby. He had black hair and blue eyes, and wore a white robe with a cape attached to it with a golden outline, and his pants matched the top and cape. He looked no older than 13, which was conveniently around the same age Ivy looked. He moved beside Ivy shortly after arriving. “Never fear, princess, I shall protect you!”

Ivy glanced over at Poison and simply asked, “He doesn’t know what kind of princess I am, does he?”

“I doubt it.”

Ruby quickly jumped out of the water and onto the grass again. “What do you think you’re doing, Gary!”

“Gary?” Ivy and Poison said in unison.

“You again!” Gary pointed at her. “Why are you here? And don’t use my name!”

“I was the name who made the request!” Ruby replied. “Don’t tell me you’re the person the head angel sent!”

“Well it’s typical that you’d need help from the prince to get any kind of job done!”

“I’m more capable of doing things than you, and you’d just slow me down!”

“How do you two know each other?” Poison finally asked.

Ruby looked somewhat embarrassed as she said, “Well, I used to be his apprentice…”

“Apprentice of the prince?” Ivy and Poison said in unison again.

“How does that work?” Poison asked. “A prince can’t really have an apprentice…”

“Well it was more like a partner relationship to be honest, like a sidekick.” Ruby explained.

“I see. It seems we have even more in common than I first thought…”

Ivy smiled. “Of course! That’s why she was able to compete with me in combat! But sadly she could never hope to be up to my level!”

“Except that time you chopped her spear in two.” Poison pointed out.

“Quiet you!”

Ruby pointed behind Gary at Ivy and yelled, “That’s the demon you’re supposed to stop!”

He nodded. “Very well, since I have orders to do so.” He moved back a few feet and drew his sword, which had a golden aura around it. “Demon princess, if I am able to defeat you, I shall ask for your hand in marriage.”

“Heh. Don’t count on it, because I’ll never lose to an angel.” She said as drew her scythe. They charged at each other, with Ivy swinging her scythe randomly as they got close. Gary somersaulted back and attacked with a rising slash which Ivy evaded. She stopped near another beach and chopped off the legs just as she kicked it at Gary. He sliced it in half and kicked both parts at Ivy within a split second. She hopped across the parts then leaped up as Gary did the same. They stayed in the air for at least 15 seconds, slashing rapidly at each other, cancelling out the other’s attacks until Gary eventually knocked Ivy’s scythe out of her hands. “Time for the ultimate attack!” She yelled just before kicking Gary in the crotch.

“That’s an ultimate attack?” Ruby asked.

“That attack only works on guys, unfortunately.” Poison replied.

Ivy took the opportunity and did a piledriver, creating a large crater where they hit the ground. She climbed out of the hole and quickly got her scythe, just as Gary was now getting up. She braced herself when he suddenly bowed, leaving her confused. “You’ve impressed me, princess, I admit defeat.”

Although first confused, she now grinned before laughing. “Haaaaahahahaha! Now you see my true power! You’re wise to realize you never stood a chance of defeating me!”

Gary chuckled. “I guess so, and in some way, I guess I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Ivy suddenly stopped laughing. “Huh?”

“I love you from the bottom of my heart, princess.”

“You serious?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Almost everything about you is simply unbelievable. Your attitude, like how you’ll go to any length to win.”

“That’s called being selfish.” Poison pointed out, causing Ivy to glare at him.

“Your somewhat condescending speeches proclaiming your raw talents.”

“That’s just her ego.” Poison said, causing Ivy to glare at him again.

“Your weapon of choice being a scythe. Rarely do I see girls who choose to wield a scythe as their primary weapon.”

“I got it for my 50th birthday.” Ivy replied.

Gary gasped. “Me too! I got my sword for my 50th birthday!”

Ivy moved back. “Hey! Don’t try to act like we have things in common!”

“Just think about it, if we were to wed, any kind of conflict angels and demons may have for each other would dissolve. It’s the only way, princess!”

“Her name is Ivy.” Poison pointed out.

“Don’t tell him that, you moron!” Ivy yelled at him.

Gary nodded upon hear the name. “Ivy. That’s a beautiful name.”

“Go back home, you sicko!” Ivy yelled as she ran off.

“Wait! Come back, my love!” Gary shouted as he gave chase.

After a few moments of silence, Ruby then said, “Normally I support all forms of love, but I’m against this.”

“So do you love anyone?” Poison asked.

“I can’t answer that. Bye! See you later!” She quickly took off.

Later that day, when Poison got back to the house, upon walking in, Ivy quickly ordered him to shut the door. She peeked in from the kitchen. “Is he still out there?” Poison glanced out the window, where Gary was barely noticeable in the bushes. “Yup. So how you going to get rid of him?”

“Simple. You do it!”

“And how am I going to change his mind?”

“Just think of a way, now go!” She pushed him out the door.

Poison sighed as he walked up to the bushes. “Yo, prince, I got a message from Ivy.”

“What is it, servant boy?” Gary said, getting up and glaring at him.

Poison was barely able to hold back punching him across the street as he started speaking. “Ivy hates your guts. She wishes you were dead, and she wants you to go home.”

“Blasphemy! My darling Ivy would never say such things!” He replied. “You said those things, didn’t you? You want Ivy all to yourself!”

“No dude, I like older women.”

“From what I’ve heard, Ivy is older than you.”

“Physically and mentally.” Poison said without hesitation. “Look, just go, dude, you’re not wanted.” Poison walked back into the house and shut the door.

Gary put on a pair of shades as he did so. “We shall see.” Spring, who was across the street, blasted off the shades, and shook his head as Gary turned to face him.

The next morning, Ivy hopped down the stairs, fully dressed and walked into the kitchen. “Good morning, Poison.” She said right after yawning. “Morning, Ivy.” He said before placing pancakes on the table. The doorbell suddenly rang, and Ivy got up. “It’s probably the post, I’ll get it. She opened the door and saw Gary standing there with a bouquet of red and blue flowers. “Ahh! Not you again!”

“Roses are red, violets are blue, we know that I love you, and you love m-” Ivy shut the door before he finished. “Poison, didn’t I tell you to get rid of him!”

“I told him some hurtful things, it’s not my fault he didn’t take the hint.” Poison shrugged.

The doorbell rang again, so Ivy answered it, and saw Gary wearing a black leather jacket, had black shades on, spiky hair, and wore a black t-shirt with the words, “Haters gonna hate.” on it. “Sup girl?” He said after Ivy opened the door.

“You’re kidding…”

“Earlier today I was rolling with man dem and kicking it on the WESTSIDE! But I told my homies I gotta check up on my girl just to see if she aight and wanna kick it wit your boy, cause you know when he be rolling, he go hard!”

Ivy narrowed her eyes at him. “I can tolerate this from my dad because he’s family, but this makes me hate you even more.” She said before closing the door. As she did so, Floyd blasted off Gary’s shades from across the street.

Later that day, when Ivy figured Gary wasn’t following her anymore; they left to visit a mall and bought tons of sweets from a store. On the way back, she managed to spot Gary following them, thinly disguised in a brown trenchcoat with a black mustache. She then moved closer to Poison and whispered, “He’s following again. Give me a piggy back ride.”

“You’re too old for a piggy back ride.”

“I want a piggy back ride!” She said, still somewhat quiet. Poison sighed and went along with it, and Ivy pretended to enjoy it. “Yay! You’re the best, Poison! Far better than that loser prince!”

“Hold it right there!” Gary took off the disguise and approached them. “You vile demon!” He began, pointing at Poison. “I shall prove my love to the princess, as I am a far more worthy partner than you!”

Ivy hopped down, very aggravated at his persistence. “Go away! I don’t like you! My heart and my royal body belong to Poison!”

“Thank you for the bad mental images.” Poison said sarcastically.

“Our meeting was love at first sight. He’s the only one who can truly satisfy my needs.”

“Oh joy, more bad mental images.” Poison said again.

“I shall not give up!” Gary replied. “Soon my love will be acknowledged and we shall live happily ever after!” He took off immediately.

Ivy considered this serious business, so she decided to see a psychiatrist, which just so happened to be Lily. She held a flipchart as Ivy entered the yellow room and sat on the couch further away from her. “Hello Ivy, I am your psychiatrist.”

“Uh, yeah, I already know this.”

“Just making sure. So what’s the problem?”

“Well, I’m a demon princess, and I fought this angel prince, then he says he loves me, but I hate his guts and want him to leave me alone, yet he keeps following me even though I don’t like him!”

“Are you by any chance the master of a demon called Poison?”

“Yeah, why?”

“No particular reason.” On the chart, she wrote, “Ivy – Spoiler brat.” She looked up at her. “Have you considered killing him?”

“Wow, that’s pretty dark for a psychiatrist, isn’t it?”

“Maybe a little, but the ends justify the means. Anyway, your main problem is your ego.”

“What about it?” Ivy asked.

“It’s too big, too wide, too strong, I’m surprised it fits, it’s too much, too tough-”

“Well I talk like this cause I can back it up, I’ve got a big egooooooo! Such a huge egooooooo!”

“Well he loves your big ego, so that’s bad in this case. How about telling him why you don’t like him, while at the same time pelting him with insults designed to make him feel insecure about his qualities, to the point where he ends up hating you.”

Ivy got to her feet. “That’s a brilliant idea! I have no idea why Poison dislikes you.”

“Here’s my bill.” Lily said with a cheerful smile as she handed her a piece of paper.

She glanced at the paper. “Now I see why…”

A bit later on, as Ivy was approaching the house, Gary popped out upon her arrival. She held him back before speaking. “Gary, I understand you like me, but I sadly do not feel the same way. I just don’t feel attracted to you, since you’re rude, pompous, condescending, arrogant, and just about most things I hate. I’m not ready to get married, and if I were, I wouldn’t get married to you. I’m asking you politely to leave before I have to kill you.”

Gary got to his feet and nodded as he fully understood. “Ahh, I see. Well fear not, Ivy, for soon when both mature and are fully ready, we’ll finally get married, and it’ll be the best day of our lives. Until then, farewell, my love.” He nodded at her as he got onto a golden winged horse which morphed into a giant rainbow coloured dragon and flew off on a cardboard box.

Ivy was speechless for a few moments, and then looked over at Poison by the door. “You saw that too, right?”

“Let’s pretend we didn’t.” The two of them then went back into the house.

Meanwhile, Gary was contacting the head angels. “Greetings, head angels, this is Gary reporting in.”

“Ahh, Gary, so how did it go?” The top angel asked.

“Ruby is a liar; there was no dangerous demon to look out for.”

“So I guess she really was lying again, as I expected. I’ll make sure she faces divine punishment upon her return to heaven.”

“Thank you.” He bowed. “I will now be going to my bedroom with pictures I took on earth using my camera. Excuse me.” The screen then switched off, prompting the top angel to say, “We will now finish this meeting by all standing up at once in a dramatic fashion.” They all did so, prompting him again to say, “Excellent.”
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« Reply #70 on: 23 February, 2010, 03:34:34 am »

TMEDCE: Chapter 14 – Knife

In a somewhat dark room, Ruby awoke, feeling awfully confused about where she was. As she tried to move, she felt something tug at the waist, and she immediately pulled it off. The room brightened slightly, just as she spotted a few people standing close by. Spring and Floyd had ripped theirs off as well, at which point the room had become somewhat clear and appeared to be an average large bedroom with five lockers on the other side of the room. Ivy and Poison regained consciousness soon after and removed the rope connected to their waists, where an electronic belt was attached to their waists.

“Hey Poison, where are we?” Ivy asked as she scratched her forehead.

“No idea.” He replied. He then turned to Spring and Floyd and casually greeted them while they did the same.

Ruby looked at the belt around her waist, then at the others in the room. “I think I’ve seen this kind of thing in a movie before. I think I’m going to die here.” She sighed as she excepted her fate.

Just then, the television in the top right corner of the room switched on, revealing a Sonic the Hedgehog plushie which sat in the chair and turned to face them. “Hello, actors, I want to write a fanfic.”

“Who is that?!” Ivy yelled as she pointed at the screen.

“That’s a Sonic the Hedgehog plushie. You know, the guy whose friends you wanted to kill?”

“Oh right, I forgot about those guys…”

The doll continued. “I’ve gathered the five of you here today to participate in the fanfic, but the script hasn’t been decided yet. We will begin the first phase, as you’ll have noticed, there are belts strapped to your waists. Once this message ends, you’ll have one minute to find the key in your locker and take off your belt before it explodes. The locker combination for each is entirely random, so it’s based on luck. Can you find the key in time, or will you implode under pressure? Let the lulz be had.”

And so the timers began, though no-one panicked except Ruby as they tried to guess the combination to their chosen locker. Ivy was the first to guess hers right in exactly 10 seconds. Floyd managed to get his right at 37 seconds left, with Spring getting his right shortly after. Poison got the combination right with 17 seconds left to spare, and undid his belt with 11 seconds left. The others moved further back as Ruby started to panic, and then finally guessed it right with 6 seconds left. As she tried to undo the belt, it exploded. Ivy expressed a sense of respect for her. “Farewell, my foolish rival, it is a shame we never got to have that final fight, though I shall always remember you.”

“I’m not dead.” Ruby replied as she walked out from the smoke.

“Damn.” Ivy said with a frown, clearly unhappy to see her.

The door to the next room opened up, at which point Ivy turned to Spring and Floyd and asked them how they got here. “The last thing I remember doing was playing poker with a T-Rex and a grizzly bear who knew kung fu.” Spring replied.

“Good times.” Floyd nodded.

“Damn straight.”

“So how do we get out?” Ivy asked. “Do we just get through the rest of these?”

“Most likely.” Poison shrugged. “But don’t worry; the Loli Rangers are probably on this case.”

“Pfft, the Loli Rangers, like that will make a difference.” Ivy responded as the five of them left.

Meanwhile, in a pink bedroom with a pink television, a pink bed, a pink carpet, pink chairs, and curtains which were red, Loli Blue, Yellow and Green were giving Loli Red a makeover. Just then, Loli Black kicked in the door. “Guys, we got serious business!”

Loli Red got to her feet, the right half of her face having eyeliner, lipstick and the right side of her hair having princess curls. “Serious business? You serious?”

“I are serious.” Loli Black nodded. “He’s struck again, that guy who kidnaps people for the lulz! This time we can nail him for good! Mainly because thanks to Poison, I’ve found out where his hideout is.”

“Excellent work, Badass-chan. Let’s get dangerous, girls!” Loli Red got her glowing red sword, Loli Yellow came with simply her writing board which also functioned as a weapon, Loli Blue got her knives and concealed them inside her sweater, Loli Green took out 3 R .34 magnums and put them down her skirt, and Loli Black put on her golden metal gloves and they all struck a pose before leaving.

Back in the unknown location, Ivy, Poison, Ruby, Spring and Floyd all entered a white and blue striped average kitchen. A television sat on the counter, which came to life as they entered. “Welcome to the next scene. This looks like a fairly normal kitchen, fair enough. To be honest, I had nothing punny planed for this, so here goes: You each have a key in your left hand, and any key opens the exit. Someone will have to cut off their hand for you all to leave. Let the lulz be had.” As the television switched itself off, they all turned to Ruby.

She glanced around before saying, “Noooo! I can’t do that! I need my left hand, and my mom will be mad at me for cutting it off!”

“You’re the only available choice, foolish angel.” Ivy said with a smile.

“I would cut my hand off, but…” Floyd reached for a machete on the table and as he attempted to cut his hand off, the blade broke in half.

While Ruby watched them, Ivy picked up another and chopped her arm off, causing Ruby to drop to her knees, clutching the swollen area as she screamed from the immense pain. “Hey! You chopped my whole arm off, you meanie!”

Ivy hand waved her comment. “Eh, it’ll grow back.”

“Arms don’t grow back.” Poison responded. He then picked up the arm, chopped off the hand and began digging into the flesh to find the key. “It’s like one of those slush puppies, except that this isn’t cold, and this is revolting.” He found the key right afterwards and unlocked the exit. Upon doing so, they all left, with Ruby following close behind, still in immense pain.

On the way to the hideout, lead by Loli Black, the five girls ran into three other girls who wore similar outfits, though they had white hair, pink hair, and purple hair. “Douche-chan!” Loli Red confronted the white haired leader. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s Jerk-chan! Get it right!” She corrected her.

“What’s the difference?” Loli Red retorted. “And you still haven’t answered my question. Though I see you brought along Fun-chan and Cool-Chan.”
 
“We’re here to find out the hideout of that knife guy, and bring him to justice!” Loli White exclaimed.

“Oh no you don’t! This case is ours!” Loli Red replied.

“These guys are gonna make me go mad…” Loli Black said, struggling to hold in a beat.

Loli White laughed at them. “This case is too much for your team to handle, we, on the other hand, are better students at St. Lolita Academy, so it’s only more fitting for competent rangers to handle this situation.”



Loli Black couldn’t hold it in any longer, and immediately took out a boombox in order to play “Get Back” by Ludacris. She then approached Loli White as she was confused and said, “Yo G! Why you all in my ear, talking a whole bunch of crap, when you should disappear? Get back, loli hater, you don’t know us like that!”

“Get back, loli hater, you don’t know us like that!” Loli Blue and Green chipped in, while Loli Red was speechless about the situation.

Loli Black then approached Loli Purple. “Yo G, I ain’t playing around, my golden right fist would knock you to the ground!” She said just before clotheslining the girl. “Get back, loli hater, you don’t know us like that!” She approached Loli Pink moments later, while saying, “So come on, come on, dope!” as she pushed her back, which was played twice. Loli Pink attempted to punch her, but missed as she easily evaded it, then said, “Get swung on, swung on!” as she punched her out, played twice in quick succession. “It’s the laidback, tic and tac, crazy talking, ranger pack, loli’s on the beat, who’ll nail you down with a sneak attack! Still kicking ass!”

Loli Red, who had just kicked Loli White across the street, nodded as she said, “Yup.”

“More action packed!” Loli Black said just as Loli Blue slashed at Loli Pink with a knife while saying, “Yup!”

“And bro, we keep it real like the apple Mac! That’s why I own a yak, a pack of cracker jacks, and at eighteen, I’ll own a Cadillac! But I thought we could go bowling, bowling, we could go bowling or have Super Smash Brawling,-”

“Uhh, I don’t mean to interrupt, but is this all really necessary?” Loli Red asked.

Loli Black ignored her as she kept going on. “So keep your socks on, G, keep the skirts low, trim off the top, bend back and have your face blown!” She said as she kicked Loli Purple in the stomach, then grabbed her and did a spinning german suplex.

“I think we should skip this…” Loli Red finally said.

“Hey, little red, don’t make me loooose it!” Loli Black yelled at her for suggesting it.

Back in he unknown location, the five individuals had entered another basic bedroom and the television turned on. “Someone needs to cut off their foot. The chainsaw is on the bed. Lulz. Begin.” The television switched off, leaving them speechless until Poison finally said, “These are starting to get somewhat generic…”

As the plushie sat safely behind dozens of monitors, he saw that the Loli Rangers had discovered the hideout, and sent robots which he deemed appropriate to deal with them. The rangers encountered the humanoid robots pretty fast, and they were quickly able to learn that their laser beams mainly vaporized clothing, as it had done so to Loli Red’s skirt, who sighed and excepted that things like this tend to happen often just before slicing off one of the robot heads. They ran down the passageway, knocking out robots along the way, then the others ducked as Loli Yellow threw her board like a boomerang and sliced off several robot heads before it returned to her. As Loli Red and Loli Black tried to open a locked door, the others held off the incoming robots, and Loli Green started using 4 guns to do so: one in each hand, using her left foot, and firing the last using her mouth.

“You seem quite skilled using four guns.” Loli Blue commented in the middle of their rampage.

“Yes. I’ve watched many gun anime and read up on them to improve my ability, such as Gunslinger Girls, Trigun, Black Lagoon, Gurren Lagaan, etc.”

“But Gurren Lagaan isn’t about guns…”

“You’re forgetting Yoko.”

“Yeah, but the gun wasn’t really the main focus in that show…”

Moments later, Loli Red kicked down the door to the control room, and found a man in a black cloak standing near the plushie. He turned his attention to the Loli Rangers as they entered. “Ahh, I know all about you girls. Loli Yellow, the Japanese loli, who doesn’t speak English so she uses a wipe board to communicate, which can also be used as a weapon with its razor sharp edges! You work at a maid café in your spare time. Loli Green, when not finding absurd ways to handle guns, you work as a high school PE teacher. Loli Blue, though you are abnormally cheerful, you’re an assassin who takes pleasure in chasing your targets down and gutting them. Loli Black, you hit like a brick house, and on your time off, you work as a professional DJ, “Miss Mix-a-Few.” And finally, Loli Red. Known by the name, “Little Red Riding Slayer.” That glowing sword is your weapon, and you’ve slayed countless creatures over the years with it.

“Enough exposition, let’s just kick his ass.” Loli Red said.

“Can I keep the head if he dies?” Loli Blue asked.

“Only if he dies, but clean it before keeping it. That last head you kept got blood stains on the carpet.”

There was some explosions and a lot of noise which Ivy and the others could hear, just shortly after they had chopped off Ruby’s left foot. At which point, the door opened, leading to the outside world. Spring and Floyd nodded to Poison before leaving, and Poison breathed a sigh of relief as they stood by the exit, ignoring the lifeless body of Ruby behind them, covered in a pool of her own blood. “This was a weird day, though I told you the Loli Rangers would solve the case, mainly because I saved Loli Black from being kidnapped herself.”

“Whatever, let’s just finally get out of here.” As they were about to leave, Ruby raised her right arm. “Wait! I’m not dead! I just need medical attention!” Ivy calmly approached Ruby and imbedded her scythe in Ruby’s forehead several times before putting it away. “Okay, let’s get going, Poison.” She said with a cheerful smile as the two walked off holding hands.

Ruby then woke up from her dream in the middle of the night, covered in sweat and breathing heavily. “Man, I’ve gotta stop watching horror movies late at night.” She left her room to get a glass of water before going into her older sister’s room. “Hey Crystal, are you awake?”

“What is it, Ruby?” She asked from within the covers.

“I had a bad dream, can I sleep with you?”

“Fine.” Ruby crawled underneath the covers and next to her older sister, who happened to be wearing a pedobear suit. “Goodnight, oneechan.”
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« Reply #71 on: 23 February, 2010, 12:17:05 pm »

*dies from the awesome*
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Floyd is the devil.
I SERIOUSLY DREAMT OF FLOYD BEING A KILLER CYBORG WHO RAN 10 TIMES FASTER THAN ANY NORMAL HUMAN, AND THEN KILLED MM, TURNED FEMALE, WENT AFTER ME, AND I DROPPED FROM THE SKYSCRAPER! IT HURTED, BUT I AWAKE CALMLY, THINKING I WOULDN'T SEE YOU AGAIN.
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« Reply #72 on: 23 February, 2010, 10:47:01 pm »

*is birthed from the awesome*


There's too much to point out, so I'll do it one at a time:

Miss Mix-a-Few
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« Reply #73 on: 24 February, 2010, 06:07:24 am »

I even amaze myself sometimes.
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« Reply #74 on: 24 February, 2010, 10:12:24 am »

Reference to Ego song (I think)
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