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Marie Rose
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This is technically two chapters put together with some bits taken out, so it's pretty damn long
tiem to taek jabs at current airing animu. Fun fact: Did you know that pussy is censored but pussies isn't?
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TMEDCE: Ominous Vintage Aroma
It was a typical day on that one planet I keep talking about. Kate, who walked along a hill in a trenchcoat that was far too big for her & a fedora, was carrying a suitcase. She opened the case, throwing out a whole bunch of papers as she hopped down the hill. She then tiptoed as she approached some bushes & from three random angles quickly ran from within one bush to another. As she passed one house, a small Cerberus sitting on the porch barked at her five times. She did her ‘haters gonna hate’ walk with a golden 'G' chain hanging from her neck up to an apartment. As she forced the door open, she said, “Badaboom-badaboom-badaboom!” as it replayed it from 3 different angles. She tiptoed around the rooms and as she approached one room with lights on, she said, “Homies better beware, you’re in for a scare!” She made her presence known with a hard push as she exclaimed, “Badabum-badabum!” from two different angles. She then tiptoed in and sat beside Ivy. In this room was Ivy, Ruby, Rosie, Amber, Crystal, Lolita, Pandora, Dawn, Goldia & Daisy when Kate arrived, and there wasn’t much there besides a TV & game console further away, a table nearby with a bunch of food & drinks on it & a whole bunch of quilts & pillows.
“The hell are you doing?” Ivy asked Kate as she sat down.
“Nothing in particular.”
“So as I was about to say,” Pandora began. “I guess I’ll tell you about some of my early experiences as a Shinigami. I also won’t leave out important bits, even if they may be a little embarrassing.”
“I wanna hear this!” Kate exclaimed. “I wanna know as much as I can.”
“Well, maybe I’ll leave out some bits. So like I said, Death came to me and asked if I wanted to be a Shinigami, I had no idea what on earth that was but it was either that or hell so I took it. Next thing I know, I found myself outside some grimdark city in the middle of the night.”
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Pandora walked down one of the city paths and soon came across a Caucasian man with a black shirt & pants smoking by a wall. He turned to her and said, “So you’re the new kid, huh? Alright, let’s get going.” They walked along while Pandora looked around. Someone drove down the street and nearly splashed her as they hit a puddle then they passed someone who threw paper at a lamppost that bounced off and hit the bin. The Caucasian man also breathed out some smoke before throwing his cigarette in the trash. As they travelled through the city Pandora saw such sights as a woman hanging laundry out to dry from a fourth-story window, kids doing yo-yo tricks in a playground, several men in suits playing blackjack as one dealt out the cards, as well as a race going on outside of Ammu-Nation just before the “chorus”. At the shooting range there were 8 booths all full. The first threw a knife at the target; the second used a handgun, the third used an SMG, the fourth an assault rifle, the fifth a shotgun, the sixth a light machine gun, the seventh a minigun, and the eighth destroyed theirs with a rocket launcher.
They turned the corner & kept walking. As they passed an alley, Pandora saw two people dressed in rabbit suits, just standing in the middle of the alley and staring as she passed by. On another street, a man was sitting down & playing a ukulele as they passed by. They walked by the park where one person was throwing freebies into the air & another was shooting them. Nearby, they passed a large group of people standing in the middle of the street with Halloween costumes on and then descended some stairs & got onto a boat by the “chorus”. As they sailed across the river by the bridge, it cut between the large group of people doing the Thriller dance, an orchestra & a kid doing judo moves on other students in slow motion. They soon got off the boat and slowly made their way towards a large building a little further away. They walked up the long set of steps and entered the building.
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“So what then?” Crystal asked.
“Well I needed to apparently get a tattoo first, so I went to a parlor.”
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“So which one do ya want?” A man in the tattoo parlor wearing a typical bikers outfit & bandana said.
“Uh, which would hurt less?” Pandora asked.
“Well none if you know what you’re doing.”
“Huh?”
“Look I ain’t got all day, just pick a spot already.”
“Okay, my upper left thigh, I suppose.”
“The thigh?” He shook his head. “Girls these days.”
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“That’s kinda slutty.” Dawn replied.
“It is not.” Pandora responded, now wearing her modern attire for some reason with the words “Look at my shirt.” on it.
“I actually also think that’s an odd first spot for a tattoo.” Amber said.
“So what happened next?” Kate asked.
“Well, I still needed a mentor & all. Death wanted me to choose someone from the list, but I was still undecided, all this was still so new to me & a lot to take in so I needed time. I think about 4 days later I saw Lolita walking down a street with a group of people and that was when I decided who I wanted as a mentor. Soon after that, Death spoke to her privately about it.”
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“So, are you interested?” Death asked.
“I don’t think I’m the right choice for this kind of thing. It’s too soon for me.”
“Well she asked for you specifically. I mean, you weren’t even on the list and yet here we are, I assume there’s a good reason for it.”
“But…I’m not really a people person.”
“I suppose I could have Marie mentor her instead then.”
“Fine, I’ll do it. I’d feel worse if she had to deal with her.”
“Excellent, I think you’ll come to like this experience.”
“Uh-huh.”
Death opened his mobile & checked a text then sighed. “Gotta get going, some nonsense about Belmonts again, I’ll be back by morning.” He closed the door behind him.
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“Pandora,” Lolita began. “While I’m willing to remain quiet and let you say what you need to, how do you even know whether this conversation even happened, or what was said when I never mentioned this to you?”
There was a long period of silence.
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So about a week later, Lolita and Pandora were going to go on their first real mission together. Pandora wanted to-
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“You never answered my question.” Lolita said, interrupting Pandora.
There was more silence.
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Pandora wanted to make an impression so she met up with Lolita in the middle of the desert dressed as Black Rock Shooter.
“Hey, I’m ready to get started.” Pandora said as she arrived.
“You should zip up that jacket.” Lolita replied as they walked.
“In the desert?”
“Fine, do as you wish.” They came to a building soon enough in the middle of nowhere and climbed in through a window. “Alright, we’re just looking for one man.”
“I know, white suit, groomed moustache, bad toupee, can’t miss him.”
“We’re only here for him, we’re not going to kill anyone if necessary.”
“What?! That’s boring!”
“I doubt you’re even very efficient when it comes to killing.”
“I’ve killed people before. Anyway, what are we being paid for this mission?” Pandora asked as the two snuck around in a cardboard box.
“Around 5,000.”
“But that’s lame too! I just spent all my money on my high-class apartment, and a few vehicles so I’m broke right now.”
“Where did you get all this money?”
“Stimulus package.”
“But you just recently joined…”
“It still counted.”
After Lolita knocked out several guards, they made it to the room with their target. Presumably just sitting in his chair by a desk, Pandora ignored Lolita’s warning & shot the figure in the head, which turned out to be a fake & triggered alarms all over the place.
“Really?” Lolita asked as she looked at her.
“At the very least we can kill people now.” Pandora shrugged.
As a group of soldiers burst into the room, Lolita charged forward while Pandora did an unnecessary combat roll and hid behind the table. Lolita took out the soldiers with hand-to-hand while trying not to kill any if possible, meanwhile Pandora poked her head up a few times to hit several soldiers in varied chest areas. As they ran down a hallway, several more soldiers came at them as well as one with a minigun so they ducked behind cover. As Lolita was busy fighting off the soldiers nearby, two emerged from another staircase behind them & one grabbed Pandora who managed to fight him off long enough to fire half a clip into his chest and then used several more bullets on the other guy. Lolita took out a grenade after dealing with the soldiers and threw it down the hall beside the man with the minigun, who was then blown through a window from the explosion.
“Hey, how do I reload?” Pandora asked as they kept moving.
“Re…load?”
“Uhh, yeah. Y’know, the clips?”
“We produce our own ammo.”
“How do I do that?”
“It’s kinda hard to explain.”
“Feel free to take your time.” Pandora said sarcastically.
As they passed by some windows, Lolita stopped and pulled Pandora towards her. “I sense a sniper. On top of a roof across the street. 10’o clock.”
“I can take this guy.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, do you know how to efficiently shoot people yet?”
“What does that mean?”
“You’ve been rather clumsy with your shots. Haven’t you practiced at all?”
“I’m just bad at hitting moving targets, but I can hit a soup can from a mile away with time to focus.”
“Very well, have your time. If you focus you’ll feel him out.”
Pandora closed her eyes for a few moments, then pointed her gun out the window, immediately fired and hit the sniper in the head.
“Nicely done.” Lolita commented before walking off.
As they passed by a small room, a few soldiers jumped out & attacked them. During the attack, one of them managed to jam a knife deep in Pandora’s left leg just as Lolita kicked him through a wall. Pandora fell to the ground, crying out in pain as she exclaimed, “Oh shit! I feel like I’m gonna die!”
“You’re already dead.”
“I know! Oh god, it hurts so much, you gotta help me!” She began crying. Lolita watched for a few moments then pulled out a camera & took a picture. “Aren’t you gonna help me?!?”
“Do you…not know how to lower your pain receptors?”
“What do you think?!”
“You need to relax, the rest will come naturally.”
They got moving again shortly though Pandora was limping briefly. After taking out some more soldiers, they made it outside to be treated to even more as well as snipers but they dispatched them quickly. Suddenly a large grey mech which had 4 feet and two arms appeared and was steadily approaching the area. As it fired a laser beam, Pandora took cover while Lolita charged right at the machine with dual katanas. As she ran under it, she swung at three of the legs, making it hunch over from the wires cut. She threw a black chain which pulled her up upside down behind it & she cut off the part that fired energy beams in slow-motion with a few swings. She flipped right side up as the mech spun round & attempted to punch her. Lolita threw another black chain & propelled herself above the arm then cut it off with three swift slashes. She ran along the still attached part of the arm and leapt towards the other. Pandora watched in awe as Lolita sliced the other arm in half across the middle as her hair bellowed in the wind in slow-motion, then leapt across several missiles fired at her into the air. She curled into a ball and spun multiple times before doing a downward slash with both blades, through the cockpit & to the ground. As she put away her swords, the top half exploded.
“Whoa! That was fucking amazing!” Pandora exclaimed as she ran up to her.
“It was no big deal.”
“No big deal? That was totally badass! You gotta teach me to do that stuff!”
“More importantly, you need to learn patience & being aware of your surroundings. You messed up what was meant to be a stealth mission. Do you even realize how badly this would be scored?!”
“But-“
“I’ve seen quite a few rookies who ran head first into things they couldn’t handle. They tend to get the worst fates, like being strung up on an operating table & regularly sliced open and picked clean to learn more about us, since Shinigami don’t die so easily. Is that how you want everything to end?”
“No…”
“Then get better. A lot better. I’ll see you next week.” Lolita said as she walked off.
Pandora sighed. “Yeah, see you.”
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“I don’t recall being mean about it.” Lolita said.
“Well you were.” Pandora replied, with the words on her shirt now saying, “Look at it.”
“Nor was that kill so stylized & elaborate.”
“You’re just being modest.”
Goldia seemed to be floating around & scanning the room as Kate asked, “Why are we even here again?”
“Because I’m finally moving out of my parents place & moving in here.” Ivy replied.
“Well it’s about time.” Amber responded. “What took you so long?”
Ivy shrugged. “Convenience.”
“Hey, I don’t mean to be a bother,” Rosie began. “But could I get a little blood? I haven’t eaten in days and I’m kinda hungry at this point.”
“You could suck some of mine if you want.” Ivy said as Dawn opened a large spot in her hand and out came a large blood tentacle that grabbed some crisps and dragged them back into the hand.
“Yours always has me feeling hot and bothered when I’m done.”
“That’s the 11.2% of aphrodisiac particles in my bloodstream taking effect.”
“I still don’t get how that’s possible.”
“Experiments. For science.”
“For curiosity.” Rosie retorted.
“Um, you could take some of my blood, I guess.” Ruby said as she interrupted. “How much do you need? It doesn’t hurt, does it?”
“Not too much, you won’t pass out; I’ll make sure of that. Over the decades, I’ve learned how to make getting your blood sucked out actually feel good.” Rosie breathed on her neck just before sinking her teeth into her neck as Ruby let out a small moan.
“So what happened after that?” Daisy asked as she watched Rosie & Ruby.
“Well I was rather depressed and didn’t see Lolita for a long while after that.” Pandora said.
“You wouldn’t answer my calls for two months.” Lolita replied.
Rosie bit deep into Ruby’s neck, making her moan loudly. Crystal stared at her for a moment before she said, “Feel free to continue, Pandora.”
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About two months later, Lolita was crouched on a cliff, watching a massive building with binoculars when Pandora approached her from behind as she said, “Hey.”
“Nice of you to-” As Lolita turned around she noticed Pandora was dressed just like her.
“Is there a problem?”
“Uhh, no, it’s fine. Anyway, there are at least 57 tangos down there. Our target is a humanoid pig known as The Butcher but taking out his cronies awards bonus points here so feel free to kill people.” Lolita stroked her chin for a moment while Pandora did the same. “It’s likely he’ll be found in the basement or some secluded area.” She tilted her head while Pandora did the same and began to notice Pandora was imitating her.
“Well rest assured, you don’t need to babysit me.” Lolita twirled while Pandora did the same. “I’ve learned a lot over these two months.”
“Very well, I look forward to seeing your personal progress.” Lolita backflipped while Pandora did the same. “Why are you copying me?”
They started breakdancing as Pandora said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
In a large room beside the entrance, a dozen goons wearing pig masks were carrying around some large boxes. The doors suddenly burst open & Pandora leapt into the room and stabbed one guy threw the head while Lolita slashed two near her in half. Pandora hit another with a backflipping kick then jumped up and hit him with several gunshots then slammed him to the ground with a sledgehammer.
“Hey, you see-“ Pandora paused as she watched Lolita disarming over half a dozen guys and knocking them out with swift blows then trip the last one and hit him with several close RPG blasts then wall bounce him with a hammer, drag him close with a black chain & slice him in half.
They proceeded further, doing all kinds of acrobatics & killing quickly with sword & gunplay before going down some stairs and stopping by a door.
“There are 7 tangos in this room, 2 hostages. Two on the far left, one further right, one in the back, two in the middle, and one a little to the right. I’ll take the left, we’ll breach it. They’re heavily armed but shouldn’t see it coming.” Pandora nodded. “On my mark.” As they bust open the door, they opened fire on the mooks in the room in slow-motion, filling them full of lead and barely missing the civilians who ran out of the room when they were done.
In the very next room, 6 more men wearing pig masks appeared carrying melee weaponry. Lolita turned to Pandora and said, “You go on ahead, find The Butcher before he has a chance to run off.”
“Are you sure?”
“Certain.”
Pandora flipped over the six and ran on ahead while Lolita fly kicked one who tried to stop her. Two rushed forward and alternated between attacking as Lolita evaded while moving back. As one tried to fly kick her, she grabbed his foot and threw him at a wall, she then ducked under another attack & kicked the man through a wall. One man leapt at her and did a downward slash that missed as Lolita moved to the left then hopped over another strike and punched through the sword, breaking it and knocking the man across the room. Two men came at her from behind with machetes, she backflipped over one then slid under the other, bounced off the wall and knocked them both out with a hurricane kick. The last attempted to cut her in half from behind with a chainsaw, but she spun round a moment before and caught it with her right hand. While the blade cut deep into her hand and splattered blood, she didn’t flinch and while the man was shocked, Lolita fired a beam of dark energy through his chest. The deep cut healed quickly as Lolita moved on.
Pandora arrived at the lowest area where a large humanoid pig was chopping up a woman on a counter with a machete & the only thing lighting the room was a furnace in the background. As Pandora arrived and pulled out a sword, the Butcher ran for the exit. He then got in an elevator while Pandora just ran up the wall & cut through the bottom of the elevator after he had exited it. He threw bombs at her as she leapt from wall to wall. She jumped off the wall and followed him into a kitchen. She grabbed a pan and slid on it across a long table as she fired at the pig using pistols. He blocked the gun shots and threw swords from a shelf at her. As she dodged them he quickly turned right & ran through another door.
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Pandora was briefly interrupted by Ruby’s moans as Rosie continued sucking her blood. Crystal leaned over and whispered, “Are you alright, Ruby?”
Ruby slurred her words. “I felio wandafuuuuuul.”
“Might wanna slow down a little, Rosie.” Ivy said. “Looks like Ruby’s gonna pass out pretty soon.”
Rosie paused briefly to reply, “I’m almost done.” Before sinking her teeth into her neck again.
“I’ll… skip a bit and finish up quick.” Pandora said, while Dawn was now eating popcorn.
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Pandora used the elevator and met with Lolita. Knowing that she had taken care of the Butcher, they both proceeded to the exit.
“Was it difficult?” Lolita asked.
“No sweat.” She showed her his head. “We blew his house down.”
“Y’know, he was worth more alive.”
“Should’ve probably mentioned that sooner.”
“Yeah, I was at fault there.”
As they arrived outside, Pandora walked off in the opposite direction as she said, “I’ll see you in a month or so, I guess.”
“For wanting a mentor, you don’t seem to like being mentored very much…I’d like us to spend more time together.”
“We will, next month or something.”
“Why a month?”
“Training, improving, ex cetera.” Pandora then flew off.
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“And here I thought I was the anti-social one.” Lolita said.
“Well people change, I suppose.” Pandora replied.
Ruby moaned louder & more frequent as Rosie continued sucking her blood and eventually one long moan just before Rosie stopped. “Alright, I’m done. Thanks, Ruby.” Rosie said.
“Um, could you possibly keep going?” Ruby asked nervously.
“Okay, I guess.” Rosie shrugged.
“I’d like to have a turn next.” Daisy said.
A lot of people I’d care not to mention passed by the room a few times, carrying things in as Ivy spoke. “So is that it?”
“I suppose I could spare 1 more tale.” Pandora replied, while Dawn yawned but remained quiet.
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It was nearly 5 months since the mission with the Butcher. This man in dark blue ninja garb and black headband had recently taken a mission that required 2-6 people. So he went to see his old mentor, that black bald guy I mentioned, and Lolita was there too so she joined them. They went to their local Ammu-Nation in the meantime.
“Since we actually know people, I figure I might as well invite Ricky & Marie.” The ninja said.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Daniel.” Lolita replied.
“Why not? It’s been quite a while since we all got together.” The black man said.
“I guess you’re right, Dwayne.” Lolita responded.
“I don’t think it was necessary to say our names.” Daniel said.
“I disagree.”
Daniel was customizing his weapons as he talked. “Alright, so we’ll stop by Ricky’s place, then Marie, then we go.” They could very faintly hear the guy behind the till say, “Whaddya buyin?”
“Knowing Marie, it’s best to inform her early.” Dwayne said, while “Whaddya selling?” could be faintly heard as Daniel placed several colourful and bizarre looking guns on the counter.
“Yeah but dropping in on Marie randomly is usually an interesting experience.” Daniel said.
“In terms of what she’s wearing when she answers the door?” Lolita asked.
“That too.” The man behind the till then laughed before saying thank you.
At Ricky’s place, he was currently in bed with two other women when he received a text from Daniel. Oh, he had short blonde hair too. He got up as he said, “Sorry, ladies. Gonna have to take my leave rather shortly.” He put on a black shirt, pants, a leather red open trenchcoat, and black shades. “I’ll be back whenever.” He said before leaving. The others were just down the street and he met up with them. “Hey, thanks for the invite, could ya fill me in on the way there?”
“Sure, we’ll be stopping by Marie’s next anyway.” Daniel replied.
“She never returns my calls these days.”
“She barely returns anyone’s calls.”
So they proceeded to a small looking house, rang the doorbell and remained silent for the moment. Ricky began smoking a few feet away. As Marie opened the door she said, “If you fucking girl scouts ask me once more to buy your shitty cookies, I’m gonna jam them so far up your-” She paused as she noticed them. Marie happened to be the biker chick with spiked pigtails & red streaks in her hair & tattoos on every part of her body. She was also only wearing a black tank top & panties. “Oh, you guys. Bad shit going down?”
“We’re about to go on a mission.” Dwayne began. “Shoot some people, little need to ask questions, blow up anything not important. I assume that’s your thing?”
“I’ll get my stuff.” She yawned and walked off, scratching her ass as she left.
As they waited, Lolita heard someone call for her as Pandora ran over to her. Today she was wearing a short sleeved, leather black top & miniskirt with several black belts around her thighs. “Hey, I heard you’re doing a mission today. Some guys were also saying something about you stalking someone, what’s that about?”
“I’m not stalking anyone, they’re lying. While I appreciate your company, this isn’t really a good time.”
“And here I thought you weren’t that sociable.” Dwayne commented.
“Yeah.” Daniel added. “Who’s your friend?”
Lolita sighed. “Dwayne, Daniel, meet my student, Pandora. Pandora, meet my mentor & Daniel.”
“You couldn’t have added a bit more?” Daniel asked.
“Ahh, so you’re the one Lolita mentioned.” Dwayne said, shaking her hand.
“She mentioned me? What did she say?”
“Positive things.”
“That’s rather vague.”
“Lolita’s quite a vague person.”
“Good point.”
Ricky walked towards her moments later as he said, “So, did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”
“Just so you know, I’m 15.”
“…Oh.”
“Well technically I’d be 16 at this point though I was 15 when I died.”
“Where did you come from? There are actually a lot of places where the legal age is 16.”
“Of course you’d know that.” Daniel commented.
Just then, Marie had her normal biker stuff on and shut her door before saying, “Let’s go, bitches.”
“Great to see you again, Marie.” Ricky said.
“Eat a dick.” Marie replied.
Pandora was a little confused until Daniel leaned over and said, “They used to date.”
“Oh.”
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“And so that happened.” Pandora said, now with the words on her shirt saying, “Impossibu shirt.” Most of the other demon lords had entered the room a little earlier.
“Huh, how did Lolita know so many people then?” Ivy asked.
“I really don’t know.” Pandora replied while Dawn looked around as she yawned.
Meanwhile, Rosie stopped sucking on Ruby’s neck as she said, “I’m pretty full now, I don’t think I could-“
“More.”
“Huh?”
“MOAR.”
“I think you’ve had enough for one day.”
“I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough, now keep sucking!” Ruby shouted. In the background Dawn transformed and Daisy who noticed her in the middle of transforming quickly grabbed a bag and puked in it.
Crystal hit Ruby with a judo chop, knocking her out. “Sorry about that.”
“So how did that mission go?” Amber asked.
“Ah, yes.” Pandora began, while to her left Dawn had transformed into Pandora while wearing American McGee’s Alice’s outfit. “I guess I’ll skip ahead a small bit.”
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The six of them were slowly approaching their destination, which was a massive church in the middle of a field. They reached a cliff overlooking the area.
“So what’s the job, Dan?” Ricky asked.
“Well, corrupt nuns, priests, and all sorts of these guys are dealing illegal drugs. The Pope has a hand in this too, and we’re gonna take ‘em out.”
“I call dibs on the Pope.” Marie said.
“You can’t just call dibs.” Lolita replied.
“Pretty sure I just did.”
“Do you really need the points that badly?” Dwanye asked.
“My place is a shitheap. Gotta get it fixed up.” She then noticed Pandora. “Who the hell is that girl anyway?”
“That’s Pandora, supposedly Lolita is mentoring her.” Ricky replied.
“Well I’ll be damned.” She moved over beside her.
“Is there a problem?” Pandora asked.
Marie began playing with her hair for a few moments, looked her over before she began groping her from roughly 5 seconds, then reached up her miniskirt, at which point Pandora backed off and covered herself.
“What on earth are you doing?!?” Pandora exclaimed.
“Calm down, kid, just wanted to look around a little.” She turned to Lolita and said, “Congrats. Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”
“It wasn’t something you needed to know.” Lolita said as the six of them made their way down the cliff towards the church.
“You’re a real bitch, lo…and I love ya for it.”
“Looking forward to seeing what you can do, kid.” Ricky said.
“Same here.” Daniel said. “I’ve heard you’re pretty talented, Lolita had a much harder time starting out.”
“I wouldn’t want to put any pressure on you, but I’m also curious, seeing how I taught Lolita a lot.” Dwayne added.
“You’re setting my teaching skills surprisingly high, guys.” Lolita commented just before Marie kicked open the church doors and the group poured bullets into many of the people in the church as they split up.
They were doing all sorts of crazy acrobatics & defying physics as they cut down the people while throwing things each other’s way to keep the flow going. Ricky wielded a double sided golden dragon styled blade that deflected tons of bullets as he twirled it around him then disarmed the two & sliced their heads off & kicked them away. Marie was busy slicing people apart with her chainsaw then tackled another & dug the chainsaw through his stomach as they slid along a bench, she then held up her chainsaw & cut the bodies thrown in half. Daniel grabbed a pair of legs and whacked one guy across the room, then dodged a punch & hit his balls with a flaming razorblade yo-yo, followed by walking the dog with two yo-yo’s on the next guy. One guy landed beside Dwayne & immediately attacked so he pulled out his sword and parried the blow, using Shinigami Overload within that split second and sliced him in half, followed by a dozen more swings from the extra four arms. He then grabbed the arm of another man & broke it, then kicked him into the air. As Pandora flew through the air, she hit him with a diving kick and used him like a skateboard. She blasted two guys with a shotgun & quickly grabbed a second lying on the floor as she passed it. She spun in circles, blasting numerous enemies. One with a sword attempted to stab her but she threw one shotgun into the air, pulled out a sword & flipped as she sliced his head off then caught the shotgun.
“That’s worth quite a bit of points.” Daniel commented.
“Shit, wish I’d done that.” Marie added.
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“Hold on a minute,” Lolita said. “It’s Shinigami Overdrive, not Overload.”
Pandora shrugged. “Whatever.” Dawn still looked like Pandora but in a straitjacket.
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In one of the rooms, the pope who wore white with gold colored outlines along his robes & hat, and an old woman dressed as a nun were at a table drinking tea when they heard all the commotion going on. The old woman got her dual golden desert eagles and left. The six of them were running through the weirdly massive church slaughtering everyone they encountered. As the old woman showed up, Pandora and Marie ducked behind a wall as she fired at them.
“Whoa, are those titanium gold, .357 magnum desert eagles?!?” Pandora asked in shock. “That’s awesome!”
“Don’t get your panties wet just yet, we’re still in the middle of something.” Marie said before leaping at her with her own guns.
They both did all kinds of ridiculous acrobatics as neither of them scored a hit with either bullets or weapons. In the middle of the others gunning down nuns, Daniel and Ricky briefly watched the other two then Ricky asked, “That chick is human, right?”
“That word tends not to mean anything nowadays.” Daniel replied.
Lolita was cutting down numerous people before Pandora swung in and blasted someone behind her. “Hey, I noticed your friends have some different weapons. Your mentor has this shiny red sword & that weird girl has that rainbow chainsaw, that ninja guy has crystalized yo-yo’s, and the perv guy has that dragon blade thing. When can I buy those?” Pandora asked.
“You can’t normally, you get weapons like that as rewards, and drops from boss-like enemies.”
“Also, are you and Dwayne a couple?”
“No.”
“Why? Is it because he’s black?”
“What on earth brought this up?”
“I’d heard black people are bigger than average. Is that true? Is it because it couldn’t fit?”
“Please stop talking.”
“How big is it anyway?”
“Pandora, please.”
Suddenly a Manticore burst through the walls and tackled Pandora, why it was here I have no idea. She kicked it off her and then dodged its swings as it tried to claw her. She flipped over it, throwing several knives in its back, and then hopped over its tail as it spun round. It attempted to stab her repeatedly till Pandora eventually sliced off its tail. As it howled in pain, Pandora quickly slid over & did a 180 degree slash which cut deep into its throat, then blasted off its head & half its neck with a one-handed shotgun.
“Nice moves there, Pandora.” Ricky commented.
“Thanks, thought it would be a better finish if I didn’t look when I blasted the head off.”
“I suppose I could show you a better finish later on.”
“I’m still 15, just for the record.”
“You said 16 earlier.”
“15 now.”
As Marie was fighting the nun, Dwayne passed by, saying, “As you’re already a little busy, I’m sure you won’t mind if I handle the Pope.”
“Sure, go nuts.” Marie replied, dodging several knives.
As the Pope continued to drink tea, Dwayne entered the room from behind him, sheathed his sword and placed it by a wall, along with his shades. The Pope got up and removed his robe, showing that he’d been working out quite a bit. Then the two charged at each other.
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“This is starting to get pretty silly.” Crystal commented.
“This really happened.” Pandora replied.
Dawn, who still looked like Pandora, now wore a black skirt, a white long sleeved shirt with the top button undone, and glasses. “I believe she’s nearly done, please wait just a little while longer.” She pushed up her glasses. Pandora looked at her while Dawn did the same.
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Dwayne hit him with a roundhouse followed by several punches. The Pope evaded one and hit him with numerous punches and kicks but was then grabbed and thrown across the room. Then all kinds of nonsense happened with running on walls, sliding on chairs while countering blows, tons of acrobatics while seeming glued to the ceiling and all types of nonsense that’s too ridiculous to mention. The Pope eventually died as Dwayne hit him with a palm thrust hard enough to stop his heart. As he died, the Pope said nothing. Dwayne also said nothing, put his shades back on, picked up his sword & left.
As the others were busy cleaning up, Marie walked up to Lolita and Pandora before asking, “Hey, where did you get your tattoo?”
“Huh?”
“What area?”
“Upper left thigh.” Pandora replied.
“The thigh…are you a slut?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!?”
“That’s not the first spot you’d expect to stick a tattoo on. Lo, tell her where you got yours.”
“My back I suppose.”
“So where’s yours?” Pandora asked.
“Got it on my arm first, then I eventually started getting one for every part of my body. I had to get 500 pistol kills for one on my stomach but it was worth it.”
“Uh-huh.”
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“So yeah, that’s it.” Pandora said, with her shirt now only saying, “Look.” on it.
“Really?” Kate asked as Goldia wondered into the room with Poison, Damien, Leo & Gary.
“There was a few small bits but it’s not important.”
“Why did you tell us these things again?” Dawn asked, who now looked like her normal self.
“I’ve received gotten word they’ll be a new Shinigami added to our forces soon. Male, Age 14, 168cm. I’ve decided I’m going to mentor him and slowly mould him into being my ideal boyfriend.”
“You’re letting out the crazy again, Pandora.”
Rosie turned to Ivy and asked, “How long have we got left?”
“About 3 more after this one in total.”
“Huh?”
“I mean, around 2 hours. Y’know, since Pandora told a story, I guess I’ll tell one too.”
“Pandora told one?” Goldia asked.
“Uhh, yeah, you were here for that?”
“I don’t recall it.”
“Very funny. Anyway, since there’s some time left, I’ll go over the early days when Harry and I first met, and I won’t leave out embarrassing things either.”
“I wanna hear it!” Toby exclaimed.
“The hell’s with him?” Dawn asked.
“He gets like that if you mention anything that may seem ‘Vanilla.’” Richard replied.
“I’m not sure that’s a good thing.” Poison said, turning to Ivy.
“I do, Damien, you leave the room.”
“I don’t believe you have the authority to be giving me orders, besides, I’m not going to react negatively in any way. You won’t even notice I’m here.”
“Well okay…”
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So this takes place a while after Damien was dead and in the Underworld or something. Poison came to Ivy’s place to ask if he was around and was greeted by his mother that told him he was dead. His hair was down and he wore a typical dark blue shirt & jeans. He was shocked as Damien was one of his closest friends and so he left, clearly depressed. He stopped as he heard an explosion at one side of the house, and saw Ivy fly out the window right towards him. He moved one step to the left and caught her before setting her down. Ivy had long hair between shoulder & waist length here.
Ivy dusted herself off as she said, “Good catch, would’ve been fine but still.”
“Oh, you’re Ivy, right?”
“Yeah, who the hell are you?”
“Well I-ahh, nevermind, just take care of yourself.” Poison said as he walked away.
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“What happened next?!” Toby exclaimed.
“Keep your shirt on.” Ivy replied.
“Wait, I thought Damien & Harry were a couple?” Daisy asked.
Ivy shrugged. “I guess you could call them that.”
“No you can’t.” Poison responded.
“But then Harry was cheating on Damien with you!” Daisy exclaimed.
After a long period of silence, Poison said, “You’re an idiot.”
“A total idiot.” Damien added.
“The biggest idiot to have ever lived.” Ivy added.
“Ehh?!? What did I do?!”
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About a few days after that, Ivy was in a store purchasing some sweets because they taste really good and brought a whole bunch to the counter, only to discover she didn’t have enough for them all. For some reason Poison happened to be walking by outside and kindly gave her the money she needed then simply left, which was just weird. About a week later he encountered her again with three boys who seemed to be disturbing her. He fly kicked one then took out the other two with a bunch of wrestling moved before turning to her.
“You alright?”
“I could have done that myself. Thanks anyway, I guess. Who the hell are you anyway?”
“I’m Harry, I used to be friends with your brother.”
“Oh, huh. Well see ya.” Ivy waved a quick goodbye & left.
There was a midget further away in a white large trenchcoat & hat which covered his face except for his glowing red eyes. He sat on a chair playing a guitar as he randomly said, “I wish a cute girl would talk to me.” Poison stared at him strangely.
Nearly two weeks later, Ivy was browsing sections in an electronics store and bumped into someone. As she apologized she quickly noticed it was Poison again. “…Are you stalking me?”
“What? No! I was here first, you ran into me.”
“I bet you wanted that to happen, stalker. Do you stalk everyone you have an interest in?”
“I don’t have any interest in little girls.”
“I’m not little! I’m probably older than you are. I’m XX8.”
Poison sighed. “XX2.”
Ivy laughed. “See, you’re the kid!”
“Whatever, you’re a surprisingly obnoxious person. Anyway, I came for some new headphones.” He picked up a pair and left.
As he walked towards the till he saw the midget who muttered, “I wish a cute girl would call me a stalker.” Poison eyed him suspiciously again.
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“I didn’t want to do this, but mind if I add some bits?” Poison asked.
“Be my guest.”
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Poison was at the arcade the next day playing some random fighting game with Toby as they talked.
“So do you know this girl called Ivy?” Poison asked.
“Batman villain?”
“No, Damien’s sister.”
“Oh, she seems pretty mean, and angry all the time.”
“I feel that too, maybe it’s just due to depression. I mean, her brother died a while ago so I’ll make her feel better.”
“How?”
“I’ll think about it…how did you block that super?”
“I memorized its properties.”
“But you were wide open, it’s a game, that’s not how to works.”
“Memorized it, dude.” Toby shrugged.
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“I’m in this?!?” Toby said in shock. “Woooooooooooaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh…” After a period of silence, Kate walked over, hugged him for a few moments & then moved back.
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A few days later, Poison was sitting by the beach, skipping stones across the water. Ivy walked towards him from the other side and smirked as she placed her hands on her hips.
Poison sighed as he muttered, “Guess I had to see her eventually.”
“Stalking me again, I see. I mean, I know I’m so amazingly cute and all but that’s pretty pathetic.”
“Get over yourself.” He replied, getting up. “I know you’re trying to cope and all, but it’s really agitating.”
“Well I think you’re a stalker, a pathetic loser, an idiot and a baka thingy.”
“Baka just means idiot in Japanese, idiot.”
“That’s what you are! Your haircut is lame, your fashion sense sucks, you’ve got the personality of cardboard and you’re totally beta! You're probably like 4 inches too!”
“Fair enough, you’ve said your piece, now I’ll say mine.”
“Lay it on me, pussy!”
“You behave like an obnoxious spoiled brat, it’s no wonder I really don’t see you with friends. You’re so ungrateful of everything, you insult me regularly while barely even knowing me, and the way you talk about yourself is hilarious.” Ivy looked worried as he spoke. “You talk about fashion sense while you wear that stupid thing you call a dress, and you may be cute from a distance but up close that goes out the window. Hell, you’ve got no sex appeal whatsoever for your age, you look like you just turned 12; you’re flat as an ironing board in all areas, how do I know you’re not a little boy instead?” Ivy got more angered as he went on. “You may just be the most lacking person I’ve ever seen, plus your personality is even worse. It’s stressful to come up with any decent traits you might have.”
“Enough!” Ivy yelled, as she became covered in flames and drew her scythe. “You dare make fun of me?! I’ll kill you, bastard!”
Poison smirked as he drew his sword. “Didn’t think it’d come to this, but sure, I’m game. Your move, little girl.”
A disembodied voice out of nowhere then said, Rebel 1, action!
Poison backdashed while Ivy airdashed at him as she yelled, “I’ll tear you apart!” She then tripped him and slammed her scythe into the ground then kicked him back. As she charged at him again, he blocked two swings then slashed her several times, kicked her into the air and leaped up, hitting her with more rapid slashes then knocking her to the ground. She threw her scythe which he jumped over and threw his sword which she deflected; as he landed they traded punches and kicks before they began grappling each other’s hands.
“I’d rather not have to hurt you.” Poison said.
“That’s unfortunate, since I really want to kill you, baaaaaaaaka.” She smirked then kneed him in the crotch before punching him through a mountain nearly a mile away. As Poison got to his feet, Ivy came charging right at him but missed trying to punch him in the face as he ducked. “Gotcha!” Ivy exclaimed as she quickly wrapped her tail around his neck and dragged him along as she flew around, smacking him into objects. She laughed while saying all kinds of puns that hurt more than being strangled. It eventually got so unbearable he managed to remove her grip enough to bite her tail, making her let go completely. As they landed, Poison tried to slide tackle her, but she activated her super and tried to hit him with a fiery punch, but Poison move cancelled the slide into a beam of wind energy that sent her flying.
Poison walked over and helped her up as he said, “Just so you know, I was deliberately making you angry, figured it would make it easier to let it all out. Have you calmed down now?”
Ivy slapped away his hand. “You’re still an ****! I won’t forget this, I’ll be back to kill you for sure!” Ivy ran off in the other direction.
The midget was in the background and suddenly muttered, “I wish a cute girl would beat me up.” Poison opened his mouth to say something, but merely sighed and walked off.
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“So what, you had no friends at all?” Daisy asked. “That’s so sad.”
“N-no, I had Amber I guess, but she was more like people I sometimes talked to.” Ivy replied.
Amber shrugged. “Sure felt that way.”
“I somewhat remember that.” Poison began. “I was gonna attack her from behind at one point but I felt that might be a bad idea.”
“I wish I had that sense earlier…” Ruby responded.
“You know what helps me get through bad days?” Pandora began. “Thinking about all the horrible ways a day could go wrong, like getting cut up into little bits, or having your body violently gangraped in a dingy alleyway, or having some expensive food you recently bought fall all over the floor because gravity hates you. If these things don’t happen, I consider it an alright day.”
“Damnit, Pandora, you’re making it really hard not to hug you right now.” Kate replied.
“I apologize if I upset you in some way.”
“No need for that, come get your hug.”
“No.” Pandora replied, moving further away without actual movement.
“Needs more cuteness.” Ruby commented.
“No it doesn’t.” Ivy glared at her.
“Yup, because Ivy is cute.”
“No, no I’m not.”
“Yup, very cute.”
“Stop it. Right now, just stop.”
“I’m just being honest; I can’t help it if you’re cute.”
Ivy took deep breaths. “I know you’re trying to piss me off, and yet its working, but I want to drop this immediately.”
“Anger is cute.”
Ivy tackled her & they rolled around punching each other.
Dawn sighed. “I’m still kinda bored, anyone wanna go do something fun?”
“Oh! We could go skydiving!” Pandora exclaimed. “Seriously, here me out, it’s like, the best! Feeling the wind hit you full force while having that great view, the slow peaceful decent after you pull the shoot, it’s so good.”
Lolita turned to Dawn and quietly asked, “Is she okay?”
“No idea, she rarely speaks so enthusiastically about things.” Dawn replied.
“Very funny, you guys.” Pandora said, getting up and walking over to Damien who sat in a chair. “Don’t knock skydiving till you’ve tried it.” She tried to sit on Damien’s lap but he quickly moved to the right, making her fall on her ass.
“Can’t you fly?” Dawn asked. “What fun would it be then?”
“Duh, don’t fly, just find a steep cliff and only use a parachute.” As she tried to sit on his lap again, he moved to the left.
“I suppose I could give it a try.” Lolita said.
“You really should, I insist.” Damien continued to keep moving his chair as Pandora ran after him.
“Is it skydiving you like or the people you’re doing it with?” Dawn asked.
“That’s a dumb question.”
"You know what I think you'd also find fun? Twerking."
"I've heard you mention that before, what is that?"
"Well in a nutshell, it's the rhythmic gyrating of the lower fleshy extremities in a lascivious manner, with the intent to elicit sexual arousal or laughter in ones intended audience."
"Intriguing, I'll have to try it at some point."
"I can tell you clearly have no idea what I just said."
“What are you doing?” Lolita asked as Damien was currently pushing Pandora’s ass away from him as she was trying to sit on his lap.
“Pandora is being a nuisance.” Damien replied.
“Damien is being a jerk.” Pandora responded.
Lolita got up and walked over to them, making them both pause for a moment. Lolita then sat on Damien’s lap. After a moment of silence, Pandora sat on Lolita’s lap. Ivy and Ruby rolled back into their original spots, Ivy sat up and continued.
“So…”
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Ivy began to spend more of her time doing what she said, trying to kill Poison. She attempted to do this with odd plans like taking some bees & pouring growth potions on them, trying to bomb numerous stores, and trying to flatten him with several traps placed on one particular street, but they were all foiled in one way or another. One day, as he was walking past a hill, he noticed a large boulder up the hill with Ivy waiting behind it. He decided to stop and sit down, waiting to see just how long she would wait for him. After an hour of waiting, Poison ran off while Ivy was busy checking the time but she quickly chased him. As he turned into an alleyway, Ivy followed him in but lost him. He then dropped down from above and hit her with a german suplex before speeding off.
Due to being caught off-guard, Ivy bought some wrestling tapes and decided she’d watch through them all that entire night and learn the moves. “That foolish boy, he got lucky but soon I’ll show him by beating him the same way. Haaaaaahahahaha!” As she laughed, someone yelled at her for disturbing them in their sleep from across the street, so she remained silent.
The next day, by asking a whole bunch of people, she found out where he lived and rang the doorbell. As his mother answered the door wearing a modest orange top & pants Ivy spoke. “Good morning, is your son home by chance?”
“Are you a friend of his?”
“No, I’m just here to kill him.”
“Ah, just one moment.” She spun round and shouted, “Harry, there’s a girl down here that wants to kill you!” As he came down she asked, “Have you got protection?”
“It’s nothing li-”
“Do you have it? Yes or no.”
“Yeah.”
“Then you two have fun.” She said with a smile before leaving.
“So why are you here?” Poison asked.
“We have unfinished business, and I’m here to kill you.”
“Still? Geez, they were just a few insults.”
“They were really hurtful insults!”
“I apologized didn’t I? If I didn’t I do now.”
“Well aren’t you gonna invite me in?”
“I’d rather not.”
“That’s rude! I come all this way and yet you leave me standing out here?”
“Fine, geez, come in already.”
The midget was standing further back in the hallway and muttered, “I wish a cute girl would come visit me.”
Poison calmly asked, “Why are you in my house?”
They went up to his room, which aside from some comics & junk food wrappers being on the floor & table, the place wasn’t very dirty. Very shortly after entering his room, Ivy put him in a full nelson.
“Is it not clean enough? I wasn’t actually expecting guests.” Poison said.
“Fool! I’m going to beat you the way you beat me last time!”
“Huh?”
Ivy let him go and crossed her arms as she smirked. “I spent most of the night watching wrestling reruns so I can beat you. Foolish boy! I shall crush your spirit with my array of moves and make you cry!”
“Well aren’t you just adorable…”
“Do not mock me! Prepare yourself, foolish boy!” Ivy said as she charged at him.
Within a minute, Poison had her in a boston crab and asked, “Do you give up?”
“Foolish boy! This is nothing I can’t muster; I shall repay this ten times ov-Ahh!” She paused as he bent her back further.
“I can keep this up all day.”
“I’ll never give-AHH-alright! Stop! Stop!”
“Still can’t hear you…”
“I give up! You win! Please, just stop, it’s gonna come out!”
Poison immediately stopped. “Whoa, don’t get anything on the carpet, geez.”
Ivy tackled him to the ground as she yelled, “Sucker!” and started punching him repeatedly as he shielded himself. She stopped moments later and began panting in between words. “Fine…I admit you win…this round, but…it’s far from over…”
“I still don’t get you.” Poison replied.
The midget sat in a chair nearby and muttered, “I wish a cute girl would straddle me & pant a lot as if we just did it.”
“Why the hell are you in my room?!?”
His mother knocked on the door and quickly entered the room with a tray of food. There was an awkward silence as she placed the tray on the bed & said, “I’m not raising any more kids, just letting you know right now.” before leaving.
Ivy quietly got off Poison and then said, “Well I’ll be going shortly.”
“I’d prefer you didn’t come around without calling.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Ivy grabbed most of the food on the tray and left as she said, “Later, loser.”
“You too, little brat.”
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“What happened next?!?” Toby exclaimed.
“My lady, I feel that my operating system may accidently install diabetes.exe if I intake too much sugar. I may be forced to leave.” Goldia said.
“My lady? You seriously make her call you that?” Dawn asked.
“No, she started doing it on her own; I’d rather she used my name like everyone else. Also, fair warning, but this is where it starts to get really vanilla.” Ivy replied.
“YES!” Toby exclaimed as he threw his hands up.
“Ugh. I feel ill already.” Dawn continued to eat more food.
“I’d still prefer you leave, Damien.” Ivy said.
“I can understand your embarrassment but I don’t believe I’ll be moving for quite a while.” Damien replied, as both Lolita & Pandora were still sitting on his lap.
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A few days later, Poison went to Ivy’s house. Her dad answered the door and there was an awkward silence before he finally said, “Ahh, you’re the boy that’s fucking my daughter.”
“I’m not fucking anyone, sir.”
“Why not? You don’t like her?”
“Never said that, sir, just not in that way.”
“Calm down, you don’t need to suck up to me.”
“I’ll try not to, sir.”
“Well I’ve got work, Ivy is upstairs.” He said before leaving.
Poison went up the stairs and knocked on her door before entering. She was lying on her bed, using a laptop. She had messy hair and was wearing a long white dress shirt.
“Hey.” She greeted him.
“Is there a reason you’re half naked?”
“It’s my room, moron. Am I turning you on?” She asked with a smirk.
“You wish. Just thought I’d drop by so you don’t see me unexpectedly instead & ruin my day.”
“Kay, I’ll let you see yourself out.” As he began to leave, she continued. “Oh, um, this weekend I may be doing some casual stuff and there’s a cinema nearby, just thought you’d know.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Won’t really be doing anything important that day.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I mean, I’ll have most of it free, and I guess I wouldn’t mind any company or something.”
Poison rolled his eyes. “You wanna go see a movie that day?”
“I’ll think about it.”
Poison shrugged and left. On the way out he saw the midget who muttered, “I wish I was in a cute girl’s room.”
“Not sure what’s stopping you…”
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“It’s getting pretty late, Ivy.” Amber said.
“Alright, I’ll speed it up a little.”
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And so a few days later, Poison waited outside by a fountain with his hair now spiked up, and wearing his normal black jacket, shirt & jeans. The midget was standing further away and muttered, “I wish I had a date with a cute girl.”
“Dude, who are you?”
Ivy showed up pretty shortly wearing a pure white dress along with a white sun hat & matching high heels.
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“I don’t remember it that well, but I don’t think you were wearing that dress.” Poison said.
“Well it’s my story so I’ll make any changes I feel like.”
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“You look…amazing.” Poison said in awe.
“Is if I’d be anything less.” She placed her hands on her hips & smiled, then quickly frowned. “You look like a dork that’s trying too hard.”
“Your obnoxious attitude has no boundaries. Just so we’re clear, is this technically a date?”
“N-no! It’s just two people hanging out is all!”
“Alright, let’s go see that movie.”
And so they went they went to see Saw 14. Ivy kept stealing Poison’s popcorn while doing her best to keep hers out of reach so he instead grabbed a bag of sweets she had and ate some, so she punched him in retaliation.
As they left the cinema, Poison said, “It was okay, I guess.”
Ivy shrugged. “I personally thought they started running out of ideas around Saw 11.”
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