I guess since I'm here again, I'll make my own Now Playing topic!

[Maniac]

D&D update: In which the fighter goes to a ball held for the biggest, baddest criminals in town and picks a fight with all of them. like when he gets nailed by a triple crit by a lady whose weapon we had already established has a +4 enchantment and almost gets pasted right then and there

[Ƨɒlƚy]

So how many diamonds are you down?

[Maniac]

he didn't actually die, thankfully! although that's because the player had to get the DM to promise that he won't kill him. also the DM knew that he was going to try to do that anyway (this player is adamant about roleplaying his character as being so stupid that he's practically suicidal, and then he complains whenever his HP gets too low lol) and specifically wrote a scene for it

keep in mind, if anyone dies, they're gone for good since we don't have the resources for a resurrection. the DM's plan at this level is to reincarnate any character who dies, round their EXP down, and give whoever dies the most awkward race he can possibly think of as punishment.

EDIT: also, somehow i didn't know the barbarian, who we've been calling "dankbro" for the entire game, is actually in fact named brothor dankhammer. i thought that was dumb OOC nickname, but nope, he is actually called that

[Random]

that's kind of fantastic

[Maniac]

stuff

• spent like, 2 and a half hours doing pointless shit, including a lot of time discussing mechanics and optimizing equipment
• we are now in the fighter's home town, where we've learned he's a mamma's boy. also his mom despises the sorceress, who she calls a "goblin prostitute". i tried to disguise the sorceress because she was hell-bent on coming into town, but the mom rolled a natural 20 on sense motive and found out.
• the fighter is so dumb that he ends up telling his mom about how he met a devil and was turned into a tomato, killed an entire royal family (who were possessed) and slaughtered a troupe of performers (who were evil) without context. his mom still blames the sorceress for that
• some stuff happened and then cultists attacked. of course, i was the only one to make my listen check and everyone else was elsewhere and asleep, so we were split up and that was awkward. i did wake them up, though. fighter ooc kept bitching about how i was really quick to murder what could be members of his townsfolk despite the fact they were running around with battleaxes and had murdered a few people, and despite the fact that i'm not good-aligned so i don't care.
• so the member of the party with the highest HP is our barbarian, at 41. we got into a fight with an enemy barbarian - with a single crit, he dealt 48 damage to him and almost one-shot him. if he dealt that damage to literally anyone else, that person would be dead
• fun fact: ever since the start of this adventure, my party has yet to ever see me because i've been doing stealthy stuff elsewhere. trolled the fighter ooc by revealing that if i take 10, it is literally impossible for him to see me. even got to fight my own set of enemies alone, but they were mooks. didn't get to kill all of them since there were 8 of the fuckers and the DM was in a rush to leave.

also after it was done i spent like, one and a half hours talking to the girl i have a crush on about her neuroses, so that was hella awkward

[ganonfloyd]

goblin prostitute is definitely a band somewhere in europe

[Maniac]

[4:00:07 PM] Me: so, i'm in a D&D campaign with 2 dudes and 2 girls
[4:00:27 PM] Me: both of the girls are out doing girly things, so we would normally do nothing this week
[4:01:12 PM] Me: only i just goaded my DM and the other two guys into having a no-stakes, reset upon success/failure boys only, no girls allowed run
[4:01:43 PM] Me: the girls are the magic users, so all that's left are ugly, burly men who swing swords and ****. it's gonna be great

cleric girl is gonna be so pissed, i can't wait

[ganonfloyd]

*chappelle show dude's night out sketch but with swords*

[Maniac]

so, that was a raging success. with only three dumb sword guys, we basically did the entire thing perfectly, ruined a bunch of people's shit and nobody went below half their max HP.

some notes:

• apparently the module didn't expect me to be awake or to pass my listen check for when the cultists started attacking, and it was built for us to be about an hour late. so I prevented us from fighting an encounter that the DM said may have been able to wipe us
• the final boss was, of all things, an insane halfling cleric riding a headless bugbear zombie. may have been the most retarded thing i've seen in this campaign to date. also, he heard us coming and put a bunch of buffs on himself, only I decided to take 20 for a sneak check to sneak into the far end of his chamber, which took so long that it almost elapsed his buffs, lol. still, he was dead within the first round
• an earlier cleric cultist dude summoned a wolf that our barbarian killed. we have a running joke about dogs dying, so the DM sent cleric girl a message saying that the barbarian killed a puppy. she thought the DM was referring to her new puppy, and after a bit of goading from me and the DM, this happened:

[anyone who cared to see it already has~]

[Ƨɒlƚy]

Mmm, tasty tasty dog tears.

[Random]

bringing out the old "this thread sucks and is now about trains" makes me misty-eyed for memes from 2008.

[Maniac]

and since the oldest party member was still born in 1996, none of them got it!

sometimes i feel kinda old in their presence, in a particularly bad kind of way lol. i mean, none of them remember 8bit theater! how can this be

[Ƨɒlƚy]

If you can't remember 8BT your life isn't worth living.

[Fuuka Yamagishi]

[Maniac]

actually, nonono wait, here's the best part: the youngest was still in the single digit ages when this site was made. only for like, a couple of days, but still, now she's in college

think about that