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Maniac's QUALITY anime log

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Author Topic: Maniac's QUALITY anime log  (Read 11652 times)
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« Reply #1380 on: 20 July, 2011, 08:10:19 pm »

I watched some of Fish in the Trap. I was surprised by how appealing it was to me.
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Ƨɒlƚy
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« Reply #1381 on: 20 July, 2011, 09:35:02 pm »

Oh gay fiction.

One day you'll have a quality entry. And not a QUALITY entry.
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Maniac234678
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« Reply #1382 on: 20 July, 2011, 09:44:20 pm »

This entire topic is QUALITY.
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« Reply #1383 on: 22 July, 2011, 03:31:57 pm »

Today is vampire day, and much like a girl's Twilight-themed slumber party, this absolutely lacks any semblance of testosterone or badassery. In other words, no Tsukihime or Hellsing for me, just the worst of the worst.

---

First anime of the day is Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned, #25. This anime was inspired by Marvel's Dracula comics, but by "inspired", I mean "ranges from very little relation to fuck all to do with it." Our eponymous "protagonist" originated as a mitigated and apologistic interpretation of the life and times of Vlad Tepes, who would be cursed with immortality by Satan. Hunted by anti-vampire vigilantees in his native Europe (everyone in Europe knows of vampires, apparently), Dracula moves to Boston in order to begin his reign of terror in safer regions. This anime is very contradictory towards our undead friend, with his characterization vacillating from celebrating his immortality to damning it, submitting to Satan to rebelling against him, and being worthy of sympathy to not at the blink of an eye. Regardless, at the beginning of the film, he performs an act of defiance towards Satan by stealing a woman intended to be sacrificed to Satan as his bride. However, Dracula immediately falls in love with her and eventually has a child with her, even though she's the same variety of derpy, brainless and useless twat as the women he'd murder five seconds later for... seemingly no reason.

However, Dracula's acts of murder and kidnapping do not go unnoticed. He is opposed by several parties, each with some silly motivation for killing him. The first one would be a crazy, handicapped old man and his team of meddling kids (and their dog, too!), who wants to kill Dracula for murdering his family. Eventually, Satan (or Satanlucifer) and his minions decide to oppose Dracula as well, but not because Dracula stole his wife. Instead, Satan and his goons hate Dracula because he fell in love and fucked her... alright, what were you gonna do with her, Satan? Eventually, Dracula's son also accosts him after being murdered and revived by God under terms that he can only be allowed to live if he hunts down his evil father. All of these forces do very little to jack shit (the son thing was only for angst) up until Dracula is stripped of his immortality by Satan, leading to a silly scene where Dracula robs some random people for money to spend on a hamburger. Eventually, Dracula leaves for Transylvania to find some way to recover his immortality, leading him to face off against his former servants in one of the dumbest encounters ever and culminating in him recovering that immortality... seconds before being unceremoniously killed off. Yeah, apparently that old man up there was keeping enough explosives in his wheelchair to level Dracula's old castle. Well, that sucks.

Of course, those entire two paragraphs could be summarized with "this is incredibly stupid and bad", but I wanted to detail this anime in depth because I actually like it for those reasons. The dialogue in this film is absolutely horrible from corny monologues and extreme inconsistency to a narrator that does not shy away from giving pretentious speeches and massive info dumps at a moment's notice. The acting is also absolutely fucking horrible; I think my favorite example is Lilith, who has the voice of an evil and possessed 8 year old. Even by the standards of 1980, this looks like ass, sporting a westernized style that actually doesn't look drastically different than DCAU works, except for the part where it looks incredibly rough and poorly drawn. However, with all of that said, this actually likeable in a way; as one could easily tell, this has enough camp to house an entire invasion force. Out of its 90-minute run time, only about 25 minutes, most of which were at this beginning, were uninteresting and fruitless. It takes a bit of time to start, but once it does, this devolves into a mess of failure that just cannot help but be entertaining. In the end, as terrible as this is, it's actually pretty entertaining, albeit for all of the wrong reasons. I have to say, this is probably the best entry in this entire list, except for maybe Mars of Destruction. --- 4/10

-----

Second entry is Kimera, #18. Kimera is... a thing. A very stupid thing. It's a fusion of brainless yaoi and extremely messy gore, which allowed it to get a very boring and crappy dub back in the 90's that insisted the obviously masculine Kimera was a woman. Kimera stars a Japanese man named Osamu, who runs into an armed caravan while on a road trip in the U.S. with a stereotypical American associate of no real importance. This caravan contains Kimera, a very feminine vampire who Osamu immediately and spontaneously goes gay for and spends plenty of scenes cuddling up with it whenever it isn't sealed in a cryogenic tube, which it is inside of during this scene. Anyway, the caravan is immediately attacked by two alien vampires, but the cargo is successfully moved to a laboratory and sealed in a vault, which Osamu breaks into anyway in order to go fuck Kimera or something. After releasing Kimera, stuff happens for 15 minutes and eventually Osamu is told that Kimera's reason for existing it to fuck humans and give birth to vampires, who will kill every human ever as planned and perpetrated by the villain in an act of revenge. After an "action-packed" ending, with one of the alien vampires telling Osamu that he should kill Kimera or the human race will become extinct, Osamu opts to spare Kimera so he can continue cuddling with his gay, world-ending vampire. Alright, then.

So, I think that says enough for this. This is so incredibly stupid that I couldn't even remember what happened for most of it, but I do remember that none of what I can't remember was of any importance. Honestly, it's all an excuse for horrible, messy deaths and two guys making out for no reason. Really, I can remember almost everything about every bad show that I watch, so the fact that I can't remember shit about this says something. --- 3/10.

-----

The final entry is Vampire Wars, #10, and the final entry for the bottom 10 completed anime on MAL (even though it's now the 11th because I downrated Born by Myself that hard). Did I mention that this was a **** to acquire? Because it was; I intended to actually watch all of this yesterday, but getting this ready extended it into today. Basically, another anime with alien vampires; some vampires attack a CIA base, which coincides with a project at the same base that... I don't think was elaborated on at all. So, our protagonist, a former terrorist who tried to commit mass murder at some point (and is treated sympathetically and has a sense of justice to boot!) is abducted in France by the police in order to coerce him into investigating it. Now this project requires a girl named Lamia, who has alien blood, but it turns out she is also sought out by these alien vampires for less evil reasons, believe it or not. After a ton of double-crossing, the protagonist spends his time protecting her and, once she is captured and traded off to the CIA, teams up with the aforementioned vampires (their leader looks like a blonde Sephiroth in a lime-green jumpsuit. I just feel like noting that) to rescue her.

After a while, I had no clue what was going on (I'm really good at parsing together even the most nonsensical plots; MD Geist actually made sense to me), but whatever happened seemed like an excuse for violence. As sad as it is, that actually sort of made the movie a bit better; essentially, the plot is nonsensical dribble that is impossible to keep up with, but the final product is not slow enough to be absolutely awful. However, it's like the difference of "unwatchable" to "very bad;" there is really nothing to get out of this show. --- 3/10.

25. Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned
24. Sword for Truth
23. MD Geist II: Death Force
22. Fish in the Trap
21. Canary
20. Tekken: The Motion Picture
19. Eiken
18. Kimera
17. Battle Spirits: Ryoko no Ken
16. 6 Angels
15. Kämpfer Picture Drama
14. Isshoni Training
13. Panzer Dragoon
12. Hanoka
11. Born By Myself
10. Vampire Wars
9. Aos
8. Isshoni Sleeping
7. Human Zoo
6. Apocalypse Zero
5. Armageddon
4. Garzey's Wing
3. Psychic Wars
2. Tenkuu Danzato Skelter Heaven
1. Mars of Destruction

5 entries left, oh boy. Actually, this list sorted itself out nicely; one day for vampires, another day for bad action OVAs and the last day is ronery ****. Unfortunately, I am going to end this with a Kämpfer marathon, which will be... uh... a thing.
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« Reply #1384 on: 22 July, 2011, 07:28:20 pm »

A thing consisting of shit
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« Reply #1385 on: 23 July, 2011, 04:21:00 am »

dat blue chick is hawt though
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Maniac234678
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« Reply #1386 on: 27 July, 2011, 02:45:04 am »

All of my mini-reviews on MAL are becoming the same thing for all of these. It's funny how suckiness can be boiled down to a simple formula, and nobody seems to understand this.

25. Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned
24. Sword for Truth
23. MD Geist II: Death Force
22. Fish in the Trap
21. Canary
20. Tekken: The Motion Picture
19. Eiken
18. Kimera
17. Battle Spirits: Ryoko no Ken
16. 6 Angels
15. Kämpfer Picture Drama
14. Isshoni Training
13. Panzer Dragoon
12. Hanoka
11. Born By Myself
10. Vampire Wars
9. Aos
8. Isshoni Sleeping
7. Human Zoo
6. Apocalypse Zero
5. Armageddon
4. Garzey's Wing
3. Psychic Wars
2. Tenkuu Danzato Skelter Heaven
1. Mars of Destruction

I am down to two, but this ushers in the worst aspect of hell month: watching Kämpfer. The next day shall be ronery day, when I shall watch 6 Angels and start Kämpfer.
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« Reply #1387 on: 30 July, 2011, 06:35:06 am »

Watched 6 Angels. I cannot believe that something this stupid could even exist. Seriously, this is as bad as it gets; this stands toe-to-toe with Cosprayers as one of the worst anime in the history of ever. Out of every single entry on this list, this is by far and away the worst. Even Psychic Wars is in such a position that it would be able to take a long, steaming piss all over this thing. I came to this conclusion as early as the first episode, and nothing throughout the remainder of the OVA changed this opinion. Really, I must repeat this: I cannot fucking believe that anyone actually allowed this to exist.

I'm not watching Kämpfer right now. Bringing myself to finish 6 Angels was a harrowing trial; I don't need to make my morning even worse.
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« Reply #1388 on: 30 July, 2011, 11:42:09 am »

What was the worst part?
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Maniac234678
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« Reply #1389 on: 30 July, 2011, 06:46:48 pm »

watching it
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« Reply #1390 on: 30 July, 2011, 06:48:58 pm »

Fair 'nuff.

I've been watching Gad Guard on a whim.

You probably wouldn't hate it too much.
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Maniac234678
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« Reply #1391 on: 30 July, 2011, 06:59:31 pm »

Now watching Kämpfer.

Oh, **** me...
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Ahriman
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« Reply #1392 on: 30 July, 2011, 07:13:06 pm »

It's pretty silly to whine about things that you're forcing yourself to watch
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« Reply #1393 on: 30 July, 2011, 07:15:54 pm »

Now watching Kämpfer.

Oh, **** me...
Just imagine the main character's named Ranma.
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Maniac234678
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« Reply #1394 on: 31 July, 2011, 02:52:38 am »

whining =/= absolute dread
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