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College Man

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Author Topic: College Man  (Read 232 times)
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What's up? I'm back.

« on: 08 June, 2010, 09:52:59 pm »

Well this is a story made by me after being bored out the frame one day. It's in show format, so bear with me, since I wanted it to be a cartoon sitcom of sorts.Enjoy.

Title: Moviní In
Narrator Voice: Welcome to Gavey State University, a college located in the outskirts of Ortello, Mississippi. This place has a lot of interesting history, like the first alcoholic soda made primarily from peanuts created here, as well as being the first HBCU to make the students integrate modern rap with old-school lyrics and meaning as a class. Trust me, that could us a lot of good if they actually implement the damn material into that sappy excuse for rap today. I mean seriously, ďMoney Makes Me Cum?!Ē Who in the freezing hell made that up, a money-hungry lesbian?! ÖBack to the university, it also has a lot of uninteresting history as well, like the first student who crapped his pants in public so he could win a bet. What the- who the hell gave me this? People donít wanna know about some guy who crapped his pants to win some gay bet. What do you this is, producers, The Real World? Ah, whatever. This story is about a group of students and their misadventures during their stay here. That, or a series of awesome shows about hot ninja chicks having to fight robot pirate samurais and fire zombies in space to save the universe.
(Backstage boyís voice is heard whispering.)
NV: (whispering) What, this show isnít about that? What, some other company got the rights to that?  Damn. (Regular voice) Well letís get this train wreck over with. Hey backstage boy, gimme some alcohol. Itís gonna be a long day...
(The camera zooms in on a black SUV. At that moment, a black young man with a short afro wearing a black T-Shirt with the name Dave spray-painted on it and jeans steps out of the car. He grabs his bags from the back and walks in fronts of the campus.)
Dave: Thanks, guys, for helping me move in and everything. Iíll call you if I need something.
(The SUV then drives off the campus and gets back onto the main highway.)
Dave: So this is GSU. Huh, I was expecting to be more extravagant. With more academic surroundings. Well, time to go to orientation. (Looks around) Dammit, where is it being held at? Hey man, where is the Samuel Center Union located?
Guy: Up your ass, numnuts. (Walks off briskly.)
Dave: Hey I just asked where this place is.
Guy: And I hate fresh meat. Pfft,  damn freshman.
Dave: Jackass. This place is probably crawling with them.
Huh?: Hey dude, you lost?
(Dave turns around to see who just spoke to him. The individual was a white male with brown, unkempt hair while wearing a dark red T-Shirt with the slogan, ďNerds ruleĒ and a computer mouse necklace around his neck, with khakis.)
Dave: Thanks man, last guy I asked was an **** for no reason. Hey whatís your name, by the way?
Huh?: Daniel. Daniel Skahaley. And yours?
Dave: David Wilson. But people call me Dave, for obvious reasons. So where is orientation?
Daniel: Itís not that far from here. Follow me. Oh and a lot of these guys are douchebags
(Daniel then walks to the building. Dave follows him.)
Daniel: So Dave, whatís your major?
Dave: Computer Science. I wanna build the first major business OS for huge corporations. I have so many ideas for as to make the business more lucrative, yet humane, that I think it should be implemented!(Clears throat) Sorry about that. What about you?
Daniel: Computer Science.
Dave: Cool, a fellow techie. What do you plan to do with it?
Daniel: Hack into the National Security Bank as a counter-hacker and siphon all their money into several phony accounts that only I have access to.
(Dave stops walking abruptly.)
Dave: Wait, what? Are you serious?
Daniel: Um, yeah. I love money, and I want it all in my lap while Iím smoking a Benjamin Franklin joint. Is there something wrong with that?
Dave: UhhhÖ
Daniel: Ö Itís a joint rolled up in a 100 dollar bill. (Breathes in heavily.) Ah, I can taste the wealth in my mouth. It tastesÖ green.
Dave: You know that will probably never work, right?
Daniel: Why do you say that?
Dave: Because itís outlandish as hell! Thatís something that only happens in the movies, man.
Daniel: No, it can happen! I mean, I would do it now, but my hacking skills are above average at best. I know how to do it, but that security is gonna be tighter than a money clip and I will seriously screw up if I go in there now. My education is for me mainly to learn hacking techniques, programming maneuvers, and hardware reconfiguration. That and a password hacking program. Oh, and if you donít tell, I promise to give a small share of what I get from all this.
Dave: Ö Whatever.
Daniel: And if that doesnít work, I guess I will use my degree to integrate computers and modern machinery to supplement the human body.
Dave: Now that sounds more reasonable.
(They resume walking, albeit awkwardly.)
Daniel: Or supply my own army of mind-controlled super soldiers. Whichever I feel like doing after a certain amount of time.
Dave:Ö You lost your damn mind, you know that?
Daniel: As if. I like to think itís at a supercomputer level.
(They reach the buildingís entrance.)
Daniel: Well here we are. I honestly donít really care what they are gonna say here, so I might be in the back sleeping my ass off if you need me.
Dave: Sure man.
(Upon entering the room, both boys walk into the room. As he said, Daniel found a seat in the back. He signals Dave a thumbs up and slumps down in his chair.)
Dave: Better find me a seat soonÖ Ah there we go.
Head Person: And that concludes our Freshman Orientation.
Dave/Daniel: What the hell?!
Daniel: Hey jackass, you owe me at least 35 minutes of boredom and/or sleep. Pay up!
(Dave and Daniel run up to the man in charge. He is an overweight old man with a balding haircut and has a one-piece jeans jumpsuit.)
Dave: Sir, we were told to come here by 1:00. Right now, itís 1:20. Weíre late, but technically, we should still be in orientation.
Huh?: First off, the nameís Mr.Caugen. Henry Caugen. Get it right, or Iíll kick your ass from Alabama to Louisiana and back!
Dave: Excuse me?
Mr.Caugen: Sorry boys, Iím in a rush to see my Cowboys beat the snot outta those damn Vikings. I got a lot of money ridiní on this event, and daddy needs a new TV! So I cut the program and tour from a boriní ass 80 minutes to a short and concise 20 minutes. A lot of stuff in that brochure is just plain common sense, anyway.
Daniel: But what about us? Because of your ďgeniusĒ plan, we donít know the academic buildings from the recreational ones!
Mr. Caugen: Shouldnít you be sleepiní?
Daniel: ÖShut up.
Mr. Caugen: Hey watch your mouth, punk. Whip your butt while Iím pettiní my dog, Betsie. Now what were you saying, boy?
Dave: How are we going to learn the campus now?
Mr. Caugen: Ask the upperclassmen. Theyíll help you out.
Daniel: Most of them are jackasses, sir.
Mr.Caugen: Didnít I tell you to shut yer trap?
Dave: I can agree with him on that, sir. I mean, they just flip the freshmen off because, wellÖ weíre fresh meat.
Mr.Caugen: Oh which reminds me! For the game, I gotta barbeque! Just you know, tell me your problem tomorrow and Iíll try to get to it as soon as possible. Now if you excuse me, cows are awaitiní to be fried!
(Mr.Caugen then walks hastily out of the building to go across the street.)
Daniel: Wait, ****! Dammit, heís gone. Well, what are you about to do, Dave?
Dave: I think I might go back to my room, you know, to rest up until later on tonight. For some reason, Iím just really tired now.
Daniel: Sounds good. Me, I got a tazer and a lot of unwilling upperclassmen. I think you know what Iím gonna do.
Dave: Ö Youíre not serious.
Daniel: Try me. Do you know your way back to the dorm?
Dave: Yeah, thanks. Um, donít get beat up, and Iíll see ya later, alright man?
Daniel: Cool. (Turns his tazer on.) Well if you excuse me, things are about to get shocking.
Dave: You have fun with that.
(As Dave walks out the building towards his dormitory, he hears several screams and expletives due to Danielís torturing.)
Dave: Heh, sounds just like the guy who called me numnuts. Serves you right, jackass.
(After six minutes of walking, he appears in front of the freshman male dorm, Tollen Dormitory, with a lot of cars in the parking lot.)
Dave: Looks like a lot of people missed that assembly, too. Chances are my roommate is here as well.
(He walks inside and looks inside to see the signup sheet and sees he now has a roommate.)
Dave: Letís seeÖ Huh? Who the hell is this? Craig Smithee? In Room 221? Better go introduce myself.
(After two brief minutes of walking up the stairs and to his room, he sees a white person sitting in a chair with his back turned towards Dave with a shaggy hairstyle. He is wearing an orange and white striped collar shirt with some jeans. He has a box of matches by his side, with a lot of discarded matches to the side.)
Dave: Hey man, whatís up? My nameís Dave Wilson and it looks like Iíll be your new roommate. And you must be Craig Smithee, correct?
Craig: Exactly. And you gotta be Dave. Cool, I never had a black guy as a roommate before! I feel like Iím in the Cosbys or something right now.
Dave: UhhhÖ
Craig: Hey you wanna know what Iím doing?
Dave: ... Sure.
Craig: You know how people always say that if you burn yourself, it hurts, right?
Dave: Thatís because it does, (sees Craig strike a match) and youíre gonna do it, arenít you?
Craig: Yep. (Sets his left hand on fire.) So for no pain. I donít see what th- OM MY GOD, IT BURNS! AAAAHHHHHH!
Dave: You idiot! I told you it would hurt!
Craig: Dude, help me put it out!
Dave: You do it! You did it yourself, you finish it your- (Craig then proceeds to slap Dave across the face with his burning hand.) Ack, dude, what the hell is wrong with you?!
Craig: Hold (smack) still, dude. I feel the fire going away! (smack) Ah, much better.
Dave: Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?! (Rubs his tingling face, making sure no burn marks are on his face, which, to his surprise, arenít any.)
Craig: Nothing, I just like to test how things work out.(Checks his hand for burn marks. Again, no marks.) And thatís why my major is Chemistry.
Dave: You canít light your hand on fire for your own stupid curiousity! It that was the case, the people on Jackass would be full-fledged scientists!
Craig: WellÖ everybody has to experiment on something at one time. Like when you where seven or something, didnít you always try to catch your own shadow? To this day, I still try to catch my bastard of a shadow. Is that dream so wrong, Dave?
Dave: ÖYouíre an idiot, arenít you?
Craig: Of course not! I mean, when I got my IQ results back, they labeled me as mentally challenged, but I still deserve a damn education!
Dave: ÖThatís it.
Craig: Whatís it?
Dave: I am gonna request that I change roommates as soon as possible! I canít deal with a dumbass like you on a daily basis!
Craig: Dude, I-
Dave: Later, idiot!
(Dave then storms down to the first floor to the front desk.)
Dave: Hello, is anybody available?
Mr.Caugen: Yes? What is so daggum important you had to yank me away from this close game?
TV: And the Vikings score another touchdown! The Vikings win their fourth game against the Cowboys! Man Fred, the Vikings sure are looking to be undefeated this year, arenít they? Tim, I think they just lucked up because of how much the Cowboys are underdeveloped this year.
Mr.Caugen: Dammit, there goes my flat screen. Well, whaddya want?
Dave: Wait, youíre the dorm director?
Mr.Caugen: Yeah, and this is where I live. Betsieís right there in the corner. Me and her live here, since it costs a whole lot less here than actually renting out an apartment.
Dave: Oh no, this isnít gonna work with me. I got an idiot for a roommate, and youíre telling me I got to deal with a southern one to deal with the problem? God, when is this day gonna be over?
Mr.Caugen: Hey, Iím not an ijit! I mean, I have to take a few classes to get my Social Work degree, but I am very capable at this job.
Dave: A freakiní monkey could do your job!
Mr.Caugen: Dammit, just because they got one at Ferley Tech doesnít mean you have to insult the intelligence I have! Now get the hell out before I make you Betsieís dinner!
Dave: This isnít getting us anywhere. Listen, sir, I have to file a complaint about my roommate. Heís, uh, how do I put thisÖ
Mr.Caugen: Stupid?
Dave: ÖFor lack of a better word, yeah. Wait, how do you about him?
Mr.Caugen: Nameís Craig Smithee, right? Dumbass seriously thought that the college was founded after wood gnomes. So let me guess, you want to change roommates, right?
Dave: Yes! I wanna change with someone who, at least, has some ounce of sense in his brain!
Mr.Caugen: Well thatís the problem. All of them are taken.
Dave: What?!
Mr.Caugen: Everyoneís satisfied with their roommates, from the smallest of thingsÖ
Student 1: Man, my roommate is awesome! I mean, he has the entire album collection to Foreigner!
Student 2: Thatís nothing, mine has connections to big corporations looking for the next big breakthrough in biology. Dude, Iím set after graduating from here because of him! Heís like a guardian angel for me or something!
Mr.Caugen: Ö To just a weird type of love.
Student 3: Man, I love my roommate so much! I mean, the way he grunts after doing his squats just drives me crazy! Oh, and those cute shorts he wears to sleep? Sexy!
(At that moment, awkward silence is spread throughout the lobby. Itís so quiet, you can hear breathing patterns.)
Student 1: Dude, what the hell!? Keep that to yourself, you homo!
(At that moment, the student in question quickly runs back upstairs, presumably to his room.)
Dave: UhhhÖ
Mr.Caugen: College accepts all kinds, boy. (A ting is heard in the background) Oh damn, my roast! Itís done!
Dave: Hey get back here! I wanna know the reason as to why I canít change roommates!
Mr.Caugen: Well if you gotta know, the rooms are filled up and honestly, I donít want to deal with all that paperwork. At least, not for one student.
Dave: Please, sir. I donít wanna wake up to seeing something that could possibly kill me on a because of stupidity on a regular basis. Iíll lose my mind!
Mr.Caugen: Sorry, wish I could help ya, (sniffs the roast) but my hands are honestly tied. The whole rooming system was made during the previous summer, and to change it would mean to change the whole thing, something that would take another two months to figure out. Besides, heís not that bad, is he?
Dave: Ö He lit his hand on fire to see what it would feel like.
Mr.Caugen: Damn, sorry to hear that. (mumbles) Sucks to be youÖ
Dave: What?
Mr.Caugen: Nothing! Um, now where was I? Oh yeah, if heís that much of a hassle, just talk to him. Maybe you can reason something together.
Dave: I donít think thatíll work, but Iíll try.
Mr.Caugen: Thatta boy! Now if you excuse me, itís dinner time for me, and Betsieís getting fussy.
(Mr.Caugen goes to attend to his roast, while Dave is left to go back up the stairs, grumbling. When he gets halfway to his door, he sees that Daniel and Craig are arguing.)
Dave: Daniel, whatís going on?
Daniel: This idiot ruined one of my external hard drives!
Dave: Craig, what the hell?! How did you do that?!
Daniel: Wait, you know this guy, and you didnít tell me?!
Dave: Yeah, heís my roommate, although not my preferred choice. More like a punishment.
Craig: Ok first off, you said your hard drive was getting way too hot, so I decided that if I took some cold water to it, itÖ wouldÖ cool down?
Dave: Wow, it must be painful to be that stupid.
Daniel: Ok, and if that didnít worked, then we could go to the bank and ask them for money, which they would give us, and everything would be a-ok, right?
Craig: Holy crap, they can do that?!
Daniel: NO! The fact you even thought that could work is just mind-boggling! Let me put this in a language you can easily understand. This is worth as much as five times as your IQ. Meaning, this thing is worth more than you.
Craig: Dude, Iím sorry. I just wanted to try out an idea I thought would work.
Dave: Ok dude, if that was the case, then I would be stinking rich because of some of my ideas. Doesnít make sense in actual theory, does it?!
Dave: Craig, I have to agree with Daniel on this one. That was an expensive piece of equipment.
Daniel: Well, it wasnít a total loss. The data I lost on it I have on my other two. And this one is still in warranty, so I can send it back to get a new one within a week.
Craig: See, everything works out! No need to be at each otherís necks about the whole thing.
Daniel: Shut up. As far as Iím convinced, you are an idiot to society, and everyone around you. Honestly, I think you should be taking the GED instead of going here, because itís obvious you didnít go to high school.
Craig: Why do you say that?
Daniel: Because this was elementary. And you FAILED HORRIBLY!
Craig: Dude, you canít prove that.
Daniel: How about the results of now?! (Stops to catch his breath) Man, you are slowly killing me because of your antics.
Dave: Calm down, Daniel. What room are you in?
Daniel: Room 223. And since my roommate called in saying he wonít be here until later, so Iím here by myself for awhile.
Dave: Cool. Weíre in 221, so if you wanna hang out, come on over.
Daniel: If youíre in, sure. If heís in, HELL no. Well, it looks like Iím about to go to sleep. We donít have anything to do until the MeetíníGreet tomorrow.
Dave: I think I might just situate myself in my room. (Looks at Craig) That and idiot-proof my room.
Craig: Dude, I swear I wonít do anything to your room.
Dave: Coming from you, that doesnít sound so reassuring.
Craig: Fine, Iíll go off campus until later on tonight. I got family in this town, so Iíll be fine.
Daniel: (mumbles) Stay your ass there, while youíre at it.
Craig: What?
Daniel: Nothing! Have a good time there.
(Craig then walks down the stairs.)
Daniel: Well that idiotís now out of the picture. Iím about to go to sleep for a few hours, and youíre about to get your room together. See ya later?
Dave: Sure, man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NV: (Heard snoring) ZzzzÖ. Huh Whazzat? Oh, itís over? Well, how was it? Did it suck? I think I fell asleep at the part when orientation was about to happen. That or when the stuff I drank started to affect me. Ow, my damn head hurts like crazy. What the hell did I dri- Damn, really? 95% proof whiskey? Well, it was worth it. It looked like it was slowly going downhill like crazy. Whoa, the studio looks like a mess. It looks like a tornado or something had its way with this room.
(Whispering is heard.)
NV: Oh crap, we did this while we were drunk? You canít prove tha-Ö youíre saying itís on camera. And the director is coming with security to beat us down for wrecking the place. Crap, I donít want the Spanish Twackiní againÖTimmy, away! See you next time, people, if the police donít catch us!
(During the credits, pictures of Dave, Daniel, Craig, and Mr.Caugen are shown, along with their antics.
Pic 1: Dave, Daniel, and Mr.Caugen are posing for a picture.
Pic 2: Daniel is show pouring drinks all over various girlsí shirts to make them visible.
Pic 3: Dave is seen talking to various girls, with the girls showing interest in what heís talking about. In the background.
Pic 4: Craig is shown playing rock, paper scissors with Betsie to win a doggie treat.
Pic 5: Mr.Caugen is barbequing pieces of steak with his special recipe, ďMeat StuffĒ.
Pic 6: Dave and Daniel are shown to be pissed off at Craig for various reasons.
Pic 7: The picture ends with nearly everyone chasing Craig around the campus with Craig running for his dear life.
Takes about 85 seconds to end.)
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« Reply #1 on: 08 June, 2010, 10:04:24 pm »

Nice. lol
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Marie Rose
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« Reply #2 on: 09 June, 2010, 06:23:00 am »

*puts on to read later list*
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« Reply #3 on: 10 June, 2010, 09:32:40 am »

Well, after a few writer's block, I'm stumped. Guys, if you have ideas on where this can go, can you PM me the details?
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